Let's count the red flags: 14 yrs older than her, she's primary caretaker, didn't tell her he had a vasectomy, doesn't take care of her s3x needs, lied about the break up, and the title credit "kids come on the honeymoon". Unbelievable...
That was my reaction as well, that when OP described her life with her fiancé is sounded like a live in nanny (at 6:00 minutes into the story). And there it is at 12 minutes, that truthful guy she fell in love with was not truthful.
LG, don’t apologize for telling the truth. This dude re-traumatized his kids to get back at his ex. He is garbage. I do feel terrible for those children but OP was right to leave.
"... and you will have your stupid baby." This, all by itself, is all the reason she needs to leave him. It's a clear instance of showing contempt for her, and contempt is probably the biggest and most damaging of relationship-destroyers.
I’m surprised OP didn’t immediately fall into his arms after hearing that./s But seriously, this just showed how he was stringing her along and only looking for a bang maid.
@@daphnereal3129 I doubt he even loves his current children, they're just accessories that make him look good, "The single dad being a real-life hero as a police officer" but of course him actually being an involved parent is " too traumatising" for him.
He loves his kids soooo much, but he forgets their schedules and doesn't care if he opens old wounds, as long as OP bleeds out, too. This police officer needs to take himself to jail for robbing OP of her time and potential freedom.
WE ARE PACKAGE DEAL AND MY KIDS COME FIRST... except i don't inow anything how to care for my kids because my wife did all that and now i shoved it to you, how dare you.
He loves the image of being a local hero (cop) and an involved widower dad but not the effort of parenting. He uses "My kids and I are a package deal" as an excuse to do the minimum in a relationship.
OP wasn't a slave. She was the bang maid/nanny and that's all he saw her as. He never intended to give OP her own child. If she didn't ask he would have let her continue to think they would make a baby together. Then when she wasn't getting pregnant let her stress over thinking she had infertility issues knowing he had a vasectomy and never tell her.
He wanted a housemaid/nanny for free. Every time he talked about "His trauma" and "The kids' trauma" I rolled my eyes. Therapy can help with that stuff, rather than doing everything you can to avoid dealing with it, if it's even real.
Yeah there was no way he was going to go to a fertility clinic with her. He was just going to pretend to try to get her pregnant. And he's being a huge D to his kids too, imagine how they feel just because he wanted to hurt OP. sadly this is very much in line with U.S cops and they personalities.
He didnt consider her as an equal partner. She was a substitute for his dead wife. If he was that concerned about traumatizing his kids, he shouldn't have had a live in girlfriend exclusively looking after them 24/7.
He’s obviously a terrible father. She did all the parenting, he didn’t even know basics like what sports they play and where. Also not letting the kids go for sleep overs, play dates, or time with the grandma they love. And telling them it’s their fault OP left, what a piece of 💩. Super controlling and they will resent him one day.
When I heard that she takes care of the kids 100% of the time and CANT DISEPLINE THEM!!!?!?? Even nannies can discipline the kids they are looking after. She is even less then a nanny in his eyes.
The most upsetting part for me is he literally weaponized his own kids to hurt his ex. He could’ve just said sometimes things just don’t work out in relationships, but no he had to say that she didn’t love them anymore further traumatizing his kids, and then turning around saying it’s her fault that he had to lie to them. No decent father would ever tell their young kids. “Hey your stepmom just doesn’t love you anymore”. He knew that would traumatize them he just doesn’t care. The man is SCUM.
That's not even the worst part. He's a police officer. Is that really the kind of person you want as a police officer? Irresponsible, manipulative, and willing to lie to get what he wants.
She mentioned that he is a police officer, so I am genuinely worried for her. I’ve only heard horrible things about how abusive and manipulative police officers can be and the hell that they put their partners or ex partners through. Obviously, I know not all of them are like that, but with this guy’s behavior, it seems incredibly likely.
They dont tag along for him or themself, its so the not-anymore new-wed Wife is occupied and he can screw around. He is not just selfish, he is cruel, lying to OP and his Children. He only cares about himself.
Because he doesn’t see her as a partner/wife just a replacement for his kids to have a mom. Op was basically a live in babysitter he could fuck oh wait she blew him then had to finger blast herself in the shower
If my husband had taken your advice we'd both be miserable & alone. And he might have unalived himself (he later told me he'd been planning it, but decided to make one last ditch, Real effort to date first) His friend said when she met me she realised there Really is 'someone for everyone.' Me having a kid does not negate how right we are for each other. Op's ex would be an asshole whether he had kids or not, but maybe she would have found out too damn late. @@ElleD308
She moved in 2.5 MONTHS after meeting him? And he never allowed her to discipline his children? Yeah, he was totally in love with her :/ not just using her to play nanny with his kids
And for the BJs. Also, don't forget the quickies and how she had to take care of herself in the shower. Whats a lovely, caring guy. 🤢 This was the most blatant case of using a naive girl I think I've ever heard, even from Reddit.
RN here, vasectomies are not generally reversible. And the longer it’s been since the procedure, the less likely the structures that carry sperm still exist in open and working order. It’s a snipped tube.
@@DameNickum Why is it though so generally believed that it can be reversed? Apparently, I found that there's a procedure in other countries that essentially give you an on/off switch???
@@BrokensoulRider A family member's husband got snipped, and they actually did reverse it and have another planned baby several years later. Then re-snipped.
OP’s parents definitely failed her. She internalized their traditional ways and was willing to accept any kind of treatment if it meant she could have her little dream family. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting marriage and children, but you have to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page about it.
@@momo382844 After she spoke about her parents reaction, I now understood how she was so blind to what was in front of her. The man moved her in only 2 1/2 months after first dating, and IMMEDIATELY made her not only be responsible for 100% of his children's care and all housekeeping, but he also MADE HER PAY HALF OF HIS BILLS. On top of that he doesn't even want to reciprocate the sexual intimacy he asks of her? The guy had more red flags than the Beijing Olympics. I don't know how much more obvious it could have been to her that she was a maid that was paying HIM for the pleasure of doing ALL of his responsibilities. Her young age at the time of meeting and lack of experience is one reason, but the biggest is that her parents like the thought of her husband more than they like their daughter. She would have ended up 35 years old, childless and divorced because the kids are finally adults and he can now marry another 25 year old that he actually likes. After which her mother would have told her it was her fault for not satisfying her husband.
It really sounds like to him, she’s just a mom, not a partner. The fact that they never have date nights, only family nights, makes me feel really bad for her
Ah, the guilt tripping begins. The endless promises to change, how much he and the kids are missing OP, how cruel OP is being to them by leaving. He's going to do everything he can, say whatever he thinks will work, to bully OP into going back. Leaving was the right thing to do, but staying away is going to be much, much harder. OP should tell her parents and friends exactly why she left and don't want to go back, so they can support OP in staying away from him. She shouldn’t be silent about this or feel ashamed. OP deserves much better than this and I hope she gets it.
Are we not going to talk about the 14yr age difference. Op is 28 now which means she was only 24 playing the role of "mommy" to his kids while he was 38 at the time. She doesn't even know who she is as a woman. The fact that he's a cop 👮♂️ is cause for concern. She's in for a more miserable life than she is now if she actually goes through with this.
The age gap combined with the gaps in lifestyle and responsibilities were major red flags to me. He also thought that lying by omission is appropriate, she dodged a major bullet there.
Him being a cop was the only red flag I needed. Everything clicked when she said that, police officers have higher abuse rates than any other occupation.
Right, like I get there are good cops out there but they're the exception not the rule. Good cops try to hold the bad ones accountable & get fired for their trouble. The union doesn't go to bat for good cops cuz they didn't preserve the blue wall of silence.
What a waste of space. He doesn't deserve to be a dad. I hope that when those children grow up, they see how horrendous their dad is as a person and what a user and coward he is a person.
This is the exact same shit that stepdads have to go through except that they're expected to provide for the single mom's kids while not having any authority over them. Glad OP got out!
How come they're always so sweet, loving and honest before discovering that they're sociopaths? It's incredibly creepy how much rose tinted glasses can blind a person, and how good some people are at putting up masks. It's because of people like him that some prefer to suffer solitude than to risk such heartbreaks. He's the kind of person that ruins good things. And for this, he's scum, and I won't say sorry for saying this.
Sociopaths can often be master manipulators able to mimic the behaviors and emotions they see in others, but that mean nothing to them personally. That's one of the reasons they can be so dangerous: they can make themselves look convincingly like something they absolutely are not.
Because if they show their thrue self, they would not catch their victim.. i mean spouse. They are very good at pretending and can do it for years and only reveal their true nature until they have SO on the hook. Even this OP admitted she was treat like garbage, still she pushed forward and kept lying to herself she's in loving and caring relationship. One trigger (honeymoon) cracked the mask on husband.
@@crichtonbruce4329 So, basically they're like predators that mimic their preys language until It's time to pounce. And once they got them, they don't bother trying to fool them anymore? Still, a prey would be more fortunate. At least your suffering ends when you're gobbled down.
He just wanted to get whatever he wanted out of her, a bang maid, a lot of older men with kids will do this so they don't have to take care of their kids.
Girl needs to find a man her own age and no kids. He's 42, alot of guys that age with young kids want their kids around as often as possible because they're closer to the grave then their much younger wife. She's just there to be a stand-in mother so he can continue on in his career.
@KlaudiaShaefferr He'll be on the other side of 50 by the time his youngest graduates high school- most people are welcoming grandchildren by that age. His kids are going to go from graduating college right into juggling their own careers/lives and starting to care for OP.
As I was leaving the house I probably would have woken up the kids and be like I'm sorry but your father has broken his promises and vows to me and the consequences of those actions is that I can no longer be your mother and I can no longer be in a relationship with him. I truly loved being there for you guys but unfortunately due to his actions I can no longer be here. And I just what is left and if he continues to lie to the children and everyone around him, I probably would have sent him a cease and desist saying if he doesn't stop it I might sue him for defamation. But it is what it is. Anytime someone would have brought it up I would have been like so sorry he's lying to save his ass this is what happened. And if there was social media involved I would have gone on social media detailing his failure as a father, his cheating, his excuses of using trauma, and his abuse upon me. Then it's up to everyone else to make up their own opinion. But this is why I am cautious to date nowadays.I know there's a lot of good people out there but I think they're like me and see what kind of cesspool is the dating scene currently and be like yeah I don't feel like dealing with that I'm just going to stay single.
She was a bang-nanny, that’s all. That’s why he doesn’t want a big wedding. He didn’t want to waste money on the help and didn’t see why his domestic servant couldn’t do her job instead of inconveniencing his family. She dodged a massive bullet.
LG calling OP’s husband a POS so seriously was 😳 Swears kind of loose their punch when used often and we all know that LG is pretty patient and calm but when it comes to hurting kids he’s got a righteous fury! He’s got to be an awesome dad to his own kids, there’s no doubt!
Story 1: This is so extremely sad. OP was more than a nanny with benefits; she paid to be in the relationship, both with her money and with her time! To be turned on in such a selfish, cruel (both to his kids and to her) and manipulative way shows that no matter how nice he seemed, those qualities are superficial. He's really a callous user who doesn't even care how much he hurts his own children! He could have had OP committed for years while he stalled on having 'HER STUPID BABY". All he had to do was go on a one week trip with just her and she would have been in his clutches for many more years. And anyone who calls their own future child with someone who they supposedly love "your stupid baby" just ended the relationship. What contempt for her and for their own future child (if any)! He's so ugly and will probably try to repeat the 'WIFE WHO PAYS AND GETS NOTHING IN RETURN" with someone else, or a series of someones until his kids are grown. Only seven more years until his daughter is 18. He can find a couple of replacements easily enough with his pathetic sob story.
dang, hearing lost genre curse really put into perspective how he felt about op’s ex. for good reason too! lost sounds like such a wonderful father and so i’m not surprised how disgusted he was, dang.
Isn't the whole purpose of a honeymoon to consumate the relationship? Why would you want kids there? My partner and I have been together for 15 years and have a child together. Our son is *NOT* joining us for the honeymoon. Instead, we'll have a little family vaca for us 3 and a honeymoon for his dad and I where it will not be appropriate for our son to attend.
The real problem her is OP herself for not seeing the red flag first hand. The guy is 14 years older than her with 2 kids, that alone is a read flag. OP the next time around, dont go for an older guy with kids, you deserve better.
@@SakariWolf13 two different mindset and expectations. OP wants love, the guy wants a nanny and a house keeper. The problem is that both opposing mindset dont mix well 😂
She moved in with him after not even 3 months? And with kids in the middle? At 24 years old. 😬 Poor children, that was soulcrushing. That father is awful.
"We never have a date night" It's not like OP was blindsighted. This guy made it clear how he felt about Op from the beginning. OP made the right decision. Now she needs to go NC with her parents. Thats probably the major cause of her low self-esteem.
Reminder everyone: do not marry someone you’ve never traveled with just the two of you. You’ll never know someone more than seeing them in new, sometimes frustrating situations.
The first story, and my own upbringing, is just reenforcing my choice to avoid dating cops completely. Also grinning at your curse word drop thinking of my grandma LG 😂 Much appriciated. ❤
The amount of red flags is astounding! He’s lied to her about the vasectomy, his age, constantly gaslights her, treats her like a servant and nanny, uses his kids to guilt trip her, the list goes on. The one that bothered me the most was the ‘I’m afraid to turn him down’. That is extremely alarming!!! And her parent, holy cow are they awful! ‘You’re not getting any younger’ she’s freaking 28!!! They are more worried about having grandbabies than the wellbeing of their daughter. No wonder she ignore the whole red flag factory. She needs to go LC with her parent and NC with her ex fiancé. I think moving somewhere far away from these toxic people would be the best thing for her. Wow! He cares more about hurting OP for leaving than the feelings and mental health of his children. He’s absolute garbage and I hope his children will one day learn the truth and see their dad as the toxic piece of crap that he is. He should never be in a relationship with anyone, let alone have kids. 🤬
Story 1: It's clear that OP's SO doesn't know the history of the honeymoon. It is a relic of "bride capture". Basically, a man would kidnap the woman of his choice (sometimes if there was some objection of the marriage by one or both families), and kept her away from her family for a month or a "moon". He would also feed her a drink made from honey because in some cultures, honey was seen as magical and lead to increased fertility. In other words, he took the bride to a secluded place and stayed there in the hopes she'd be pregnant by the time they returned so there was no chance of the marriage being annulled. I don't think most fathers would be interested in conceiving their kids' new sibling in front of them. NTA. ETA: After the additional info: Girl, RUN! He's USING you! Your not a fiancee and you won't be a wife and mother, you're just a bangmaid.
Sounds like the type of shit my dad used to do. It's so confusing as a child to hear that. Obviously I look back on it now as an adult and I can see the truth, but I had to carry a lot of grown up problems because neither of my parents could keep their war between themselves.
That cop in the 1st story sounds like one of the cops you eventually see in subpoenaed bodycam footage for being crooked and/or excessively violent. In the 2nd story, Harry got of easy... Wanna bet he's gonna try micromanaging his colleagues because "I used to manage this group!"
Ooooh, I wish I could talk to OP. When my very close friend married, her new husband told her that his 15 year old son could not be displaced for A night, even though they shared custody. Then after the wedding, they could NOT consummate the marriage because his son was IN THE HOUSE! I wish she had realized what it meant for the future! I wish someone had told HER, don’t just run, SPRINT AWAY!!! It sounds like he ISOLATES the kids. Maybe for control? Get out now! Ok she did. 🎉 That hurt HIS CHILDREN. I wonder how his wife died.
s1: By the title alone I'mma say nta because like.. I had two friends that got married. The husband had a wonderful little girl from his previous relationship, and his new wife loooooves her. Worked hard to communicate with biomom from the moment their relationship was solid. While the daughter sobbed a little she couldn't see them for two weeks (wedding and honeymoon was on 'his' week, and bio mom wasn't budging on the schedule. She's a whole other matter), she understood she couldn't go with them for child appropriate reasons. And neither of them really wanted her there because they had a lot of child-free specific activities planned, other than the obvious. But they had talked about it among themselves, then with the bio mom and her that they would have their first Family Trip either during the holidays or summer. Which ever worked out better. And they're all so happy now with two more kids and full custody of the oldest if I'm right. Aaaaand as this story goes on JESUS TAP DANCING CHIRST. First red flag was he was a cop. Sorry not sorry. But holy crap she dodged so many bullets. I feel sorry for the kids, but it is what it is.
Mood Booster: Let's ask a lawyer what happens when you get too reliant on Chat GPT... You get fined by a Federal judge for citing case law that doesn't exist, that's what.
The first story, the last advice was spot on. Family bonding should be on an individual level. My parents would hang out with my brothers and I individually one a month and since I was 8 (I am the youngest) my parents would have date night twice a month and we would spend a month a summer at our Aunt's and our parents would have a month together. Families need time together and bond.
The age gap was already questionable in that first story. If I was OP's mom I would be glad that my daughter, with all her life ahead of her, had left that creep
OP nurse with cop Fiancée. Cops and Nurses usually end in divorce. You guys are definitely not ready for marriage You both have different goals completely
This is sad. It seems like OP's biggest draw is that she checks all the right boxes for a stand-in mother. Except not really, since she's allowed to 100% care for them, but not discipline them or make any major decisions. So he's got a live-in nanny with benefits. Lying by omission about the vasectomy was just... Ugh. The final post was enraging. So much for wanting to save his kids from trauma!
Wow. Not surprised after the update. Good on you girl. This guy is NOT it. He was just looking for a mom to his kids. Not a partner to love and live life with. He wasn't prioritizing date nights and alone time and that is a HUGE red flag. And not telling you he got a procedure was cruel.
Jesus Christ… I was seriously about to log in and find OP to message her directly (I see a lot of my own mistakes in the things she said in the “more info” section), UNTIL the update. Whew. Even her mom reminds me a lot of my mom and gma… my ex hubs beat me and they were upset that I left 🤦🏻♀️ Thank god she left. She will find someone infinitely better, someone selfless who loves her and makes babies with her. I’m older and broken and still ended up with a man a thousand times better… I know she will.
I knew he didn't love her . He hated that he needed her to take care of HIS kids . That's why he wanted to use HER honeymoon for HIS kids 😢. # season of FAFO 😅# Vote 💙💙
This man is extremely selfish. She’s the one making all the sacrifices in this relationship. She wants a baby and he keeps making excuses about why now isn’t the time. The man is 42 yrs old. If he waits much longer, he’ll be too old to do things with the child…if he will even make the time. Sounds like he’s more of a weekend dad (movie nights on the weekends, but no mention of whether he helps in the evenings). She wanted an actual wedding, but since he has already been married, he just wants a courthouse ceremony. Dude, just because you’ve “been there, done that” doesn’t mean your soon to be wife doesn’t have wishes and dreams of her big day! Sounds like he should just find someone else who has “been there, done that” too cause I get the impression he just wants a maid and child tender. She needs to find someone who will love her like she deserves. She’s only 28 and something tells me he will leave her hanging on the baby until it’s too late for her to have one. Why waste your time on somebody who doesn’t take your wants and needs into consideration? Oh, now he admits he had a vasectomy after being confronted. 🤦🏼♀️ What a piece of sh*t!
After the update, I can conclude that jerk just wanted a mother-figure for his kids. Not a partner in life.
I am only 4 minutes in & I thought "That Old Man just wants a nanny, cook & housekeeper for free, Oh Ya & let's not forget the FWB😢!!!
@@marshawargo7238 lol yep
I figured that the honeymoon was a red flag. I hope she dumps him
Nope. A maid. A mother-figure could have a say in discipline, but the jerk was clear in how she has no voice in there
Let's count the red flags: 14 yrs older than her, she's primary caretaker, didn't tell her he had a vasectomy, doesn't take care of her s3x needs, lied about the break up, and the title credit "kids come on the honeymoon". Unbelievable...
OP's mom is wrong! The kids don't need OP. She is not allowed to "parent" these kids. She was a nanny with benefits.
when all benefits were only for him
OP in the end was just a bang maid/nanny for this man.
He wanted to marry the free maid.
She was nothing to him but a free nanny, and a bangmaid. I wonder if he treated his wife just as badly while she was alive?
That was my reaction as well, that when OP described her life with her fiancé is sounded like a live in nanny (at 6:00 minutes into the story).
And there it is at 12 minutes, that truthful guy she fell in love with was not truthful.
The husband wasn't traumatized by the first wife's death. He was traumatized by having to take care of his children.
"Traumatised," I think he means, inconvenienced.
Oooph this! If he was such a good dad, he wouldn’t have to ask OP all these details about his kids daily lives.
"Leaving my children for a week for my honeymoon is abandonment" is a WILD take for a father who does ZERO childcare.
She's not even a full mother figure. She said that she can't discipline them. She's just a caretaker for them.
💯
Which is ridiculous. Even a babysitter should be allowed to make a kid sit in the corner or go to their room if they misbehave.
LG, don’t apologize for telling the truth. This dude re-traumatized his kids to get back at his ex. He is garbage. I do feel terrible for those children but OP was right to leave.
Yep. Anyone that would do that to his own kids is a piece of crap that deserves to be alone.
One day the kids will probably see that their dad is a laying manipulative a**hole who only loves himself.
"... and you will have your stupid baby." This, all by itself, is all the reason she needs to leave him. It's a clear instance of showing contempt for her, and contempt is probably the biggest and most damaging of relationship-destroyers.
Not to mention contempt /for his own future child/. I doubt he would ever love that child. That child would be a second class citizen in that house.
I’m surprised OP didn’t immediately fall into his arms after hearing that./s But seriously, this just showed how he was stringing her along and only looking for a bang maid.
Sounds like the way guys act when giving the shut up ring
@@daphnereal3129 I doubt he even loves his current children, they're just accessories that make him look good, "The single dad being a real-life hero as a police officer" but of course him actually being an involved parent is " too traumatising" for him.
He didn't want more kids and would never have given her one. Good thing she woke up.
He loves his kids soooo much, but he forgets their schedules and doesn't care if he opens old wounds, as long as OP bleeds out, too. This police officer needs to take himself to jail for robbing OP of her time and potential freedom.
WE ARE PACKAGE DEAL AND MY KIDS COME FIRST... except i don't inow anything how to care for my kids because my wife did all that and now i shoved it to you, how dare you.
He loves the image of being a local hero (cop) and an involved widower dad but not the effort of parenting. He uses "My kids and I are a package deal" as an excuse to do the minimum in a relationship.
Right, how is he a great dad? I dont see any of that!?
Not to add, he sounds like he views them as things...(Might be a misunderstanding though, so take it with a grain of salt)
OP is fortunate to have learned about how awful her ex was before marrying him. She wasn't going to be a partner, she was going to be his slave.
I wonder who took care of the kids before he got a nanny...er, fiancee. Update: Nanny, cook, maid, social secretary, organizer, etc.
From the age gap I knew something was wrong.
OP wasn't a slave. She was the bang maid/nanny and that's all he saw her as. He never intended to give OP her own child. If she didn't ask he would have let her continue to think they would make a baby together. Then when she wasn't getting pregnant let her stress over thinking she had infertility issues knowing he had a vasectomy and never tell her.
He wanted a housemaid/nanny for free. Every time he talked about "His trauma" and "The kids' trauma" I rolled my eyes. Therapy can help with that stuff, rather than doing everything you can to avoid dealing with it, if it's even real.
@@MrJpaynebb I bet the vasectomy was so he doesn't get saddled with more kids he doesn't care about and child support from cheating.
OP was only a bangmaid nanny to fiancé, unfortunately
Yeah there was no way he was going to go to a fertility clinic with her. He was just going to pretend to try to get her pregnant. And he's being a huge D to his kids too, imagine how they feel just because he wanted to hurt OP. sadly this is very much in line with U.S cops and they personalities.
And ATM.
He didnt consider her as an equal partner. She was a substitute for his dead wife. If he was that concerned about traumatizing his kids, he shouldn't have had a live in girlfriend exclusively looking after them 24/7.
He’s obviously a terrible father. She did all the parenting, he didn’t even know basics like what sports they play and where. Also not letting the kids go for sleep overs, play dates, or time with the grandma they love. And telling them it’s their fault OP left, what a piece of 💩. Super controlling and they will resent him one day.
that’s a nanny with benefits not a partner
That guy throws around the word trauma so much and treats it like something that can't be managed or overcome through therapy to get what he wants.
@@robinkholmes7127aye, that’s cus he wants to weaponise his trauma, he doesn’t want to fix anything but rather wants to use it to batter everyone with
Preach it!
When I heard that she takes care of the kids 100% of the time and CANT DISEPLINE THEM!!!?!?? Even nannies can discipline the kids they are looking after. She is even less then a nanny in his eyes.
Happens to men who date single moms, where they're expected to pay for everything for their kids while not being able to discipline them.
Nannies get paid either by the hour or a salary. Op was always less than a nanny, she was a slave
The parents reaction shows why op didn't recognize unhealthy behaviors in her relationship. She grew up thinking that was normal.
The most upsetting part for me is he literally weaponized his own kids to hurt his ex. He could’ve just said sometimes things just don’t work out in relationships, but no he had to say that she didn’t love them anymore further traumatizing his kids, and then turning around saying it’s her fault that he had to lie to them. No decent father would ever tell their young kids. “Hey your stepmom just doesn’t love you anymore”. He knew that would traumatize them he just doesn’t care. The man is SCUM.
That's not even the worst part. He's a police officer. Is that really the kind of person you want as a police officer? Irresponsible, manipulative, and willing to lie to get what he wants.
Story 1: I guarantee that that man treated his dead wife like garbage too.
Who knows if he had something to do with her decease.
While I feel sorry for his ex wife and kids, I think this man deserves to be alone.
No doubt
@@lmbm8598Yeah, I can see her wanting to go to the doctor, and him saying not to because they don't have the time or money.
She mentioned that he is a police officer, so I am genuinely worried for her. I’ve only heard horrible things about how abusive and manipulative police officers can be and the hell that they put their partners or ex partners through. Obviously, I know not all of them are like that, but with this guy’s behavior, it seems incredibly likely.
You are 100 % right. Scum in the costume of a caring father and loving partner.
Why would you take your kids on a honeymoon though? Its meant to be special alone time for a new married couple.
They dont tag along for him or themself, its so the not-anymore new-wed Wife is occupied and he can screw around.
He is not just selfish, he is cruel, lying to OP and his Children. He only cares about himself.
Because he doesn’t see her as a partner/wife just a replacement for his kids to have a mom. Op was basically a live in babysitter he could fuck oh wait she blew him then had to finger blast herself in the shower
That's why childless people shouldn't marry or date single parents.
@@ElleD308That doesn't make sense! You cannot tarnish everyone with the same brush!😢
If my husband had taken your advice we'd both be miserable & alone. And he might have unalived himself (he later told me he'd been planning it, but decided to make one last ditch, Real effort to date first) His friend said when she met me she realised there Really is 'someone for everyone.'
Me having a kid does not negate how right we are for each other.
Op's ex would be an asshole whether he had kids or not, but maybe she would have found out too damn late. @@ElleD308
She moved in 2.5 MONTHS after meeting him? And he never allowed her to discipline his children? Yeah, he was totally in love with her :/ not just using her to play nanny with his kids
And for the BJs. Also, don't forget the quickies and how she had to take care of herself in the shower. Whats a lovely, caring guy. 🤢
This was the most blatant case of using a naive girl I think I've ever heard, even from Reddit.
Doing wifey duties with no ring on her finger is crazy work.
Never do wife stuff on a gf budget 💅
@@rubymeaddle Hallelujah!
Doing all motherly responsibilities without having authority over the kids such as discipline is crazy work.
@@duckeh1952 That part.
@@rubymeaddleHallelujah! 🙌🏾
Never ever be primary caregiver to your stepkids. It's like putting hours of hardwork in drain the moment other partner ditches you.
Op needs to run this relationship because Tyler is not looking for a wife he is looking for a built in nanny and maid
Story 1: A new lesson learned today; ask if the man has vasectomy or not before trying to pursue a relationship.
Vasectomies are usually irreversible after a certain time. I'd ask if he has kids.
RN here, vasectomies are not generally reversible. And the longer it’s been since the procedure, the less likely the structures that carry sperm still exist in open and working order. It’s a snipped tube.
@@DameNickum Why is it though so generally believed that it can be reversed? Apparently, I found that there's a procedure in other countries that essentially give you an on/off switch???
@@BrokensoulRider A family member's husband got snipped, and they actually did reverse it and have another planned baby several years later. Then re-snipped.
@@BrokensoulRider Maybe it’s because, relative to a woman tying her tubes, a vasectomy is reversible. The key word there being “relative.”
So, OP 's fiancé got himself a nanny with a nice holiday home. Hmm
Who also pays half the expenses.
And seems to give him head on a daily basis.
...Yeah. He wasn't looking for a wife or a mother, he was looking for a FWB and a nanny.
Fuck what the hell is wrong with first OP's parents?!
Baby fever.
@@ellorasg4525What baby 😂 she would never be able to have babies if she stays with him.
OP’s parents definitely failed her. She internalized their traditional ways and was willing to accept any kind of treatment if it meant she could have her little dream family. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting marriage and children, but you have to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page about it.
@@momo382844 After she spoke about her parents reaction, I now understood how she was so blind to what was in front of her. The man moved her in only 2 1/2 months after first dating, and IMMEDIATELY made her not only be responsible for 100% of his children's care and all housekeeping, but he also MADE HER PAY HALF OF HIS BILLS. On top of that he doesn't even want to reciprocate the sexual intimacy he asks of her? The guy had more red flags than the Beijing Olympics.
I don't know how much more obvious it could have been to her that she was a maid that was paying HIM for the pleasure of doing ALL of his responsibilities.
Her young age at the time of meeting and lack of experience is one reason, but the biggest is that her parents like the thought of her husband more than they like their daughter.
She would have ended up 35 years old, childless and divorced because the kids are finally adults and he can now marry another 25 year old that he actually likes. After which her mother would have told her it was her fault for not satisfying her husband.
Sounds like folks who think women have no other value that being someone's wife and mother.
It really sounds like to him, she’s just a mom, not a partner. The fact that they never have date nights, only family nights, makes me feel really bad for her
Not a mom. A nanny. He didn't let her discipline the kids.
It’s also scary that he won’t ever let the kids sleep over at grandma’s or anywhere else. He sounds like a possessive control freak.
Ah, the guilt tripping begins. The endless promises to change, how much he and the kids are missing OP, how cruel OP is being to them by leaving. He's going to do everything he can, say whatever he thinks will work, to bully OP into going back. Leaving was the right thing to do, but staying away is going to be much, much harder. OP should tell her parents and friends exactly why she left and don't want to go back, so they can support OP in staying away from him. She shouldn’t be silent about this or feel ashamed. OP deserves much better than this and I hope she gets it.
Are we not going to talk about the 14yr age difference. Op is 28 now which means she was only 24 playing the role of "mommy" to his kids while he was 38 at the time. She doesn't even know who she is as a woman. The fact that he's a cop 👮♂️ is cause for concern. She's in for a more miserable life than she is now if she actually goes through with this.
This! That was the first red flag I saw. It's so stupid that older man/younger woman has been normalized like this.
The age gap combined with the gaps in lifestyle and responsibilities were major red flags to me. He also thought that lying by omission is appropriate, she dodged a major bullet there.
Him being a cop was the only red flag I needed. Everything clicked when she said that, police officers have higher abuse rates than any other occupation.
Sad story 1 - glad OP is away from that toxic situation. But great mood booster!
“He’s a cop.” Well no further explanation needed, it all clicked in that moment.
I hadn't even seen the whole thing when I read this. Unreasonable demands all the sudden make sense when their color is blue.
Wow the more I listen the more I see she is signing up for indentured servitude. Dates ended when she moves in? Red flags abound.
Right?
HA it wasn't just me 😂 that 40% self reported DV rate is soooo sexy
Right, like I get there are good cops out there but they're the exception not the rule. Good cops try to hold the bad ones accountable & get fired for their trouble. The union doesn't go to bat for good cops cuz they didn't preserve the blue wall of silence.
What a waste of space. He doesn't deserve to be a dad. I hope that when those children grow up, they see how horrendous their dad is as a person and what a user and coward he is a person.
14:41
He: "Before I met you it was a nightmare!"
She: "After I met you it was a nightmare!"
I feel terrible for OP, but i'm so glad she got out of there before she was legally attached to him.
Honeymoon is for "making" kids, not "taking" kids! 😒
He’s not interested in making kids, or even marrying for that sake… it was a shut up proposal
I was in a similar situation. We never even thought of bringing kids in our honeymoon. That’s ridiculous!
This is the exact same shit that stepdads have to go through except that they're expected to provide for the single mom's kids while not having any authority over them. Glad OP got out!
How come they're always so sweet, loving and honest before discovering that they're sociopaths? It's incredibly creepy how much rose tinted glasses can blind a person, and how good some people are at putting up masks. It's because of people like him that some prefer to suffer solitude than to risk such heartbreaks. He's the kind of person that ruins good things. And for this, he's scum, and I won't say sorry for saying this.
Sociopaths can often be master manipulators able to mimic the behaviors and emotions they see in others, but that mean nothing to them personally. That's one of the reasons they can be so dangerous: they can make themselves look convincingly like something they absolutely are not.
Because if they show their thrue self, they would not catch their victim.. i mean spouse. They are very good at pretending and can do it for years and only reveal their true nature until they have SO on the hook.
Even this OP admitted she was treat like garbage, still she pushed forward and kept lying to herself she's in loving and caring relationship. One trigger (honeymoon) cracked the mask on husband.
@@crichtonbruce4329definition of a cop.🥶
@@crichtonbruce4329 So, basically they're like predators that mimic their preys language until It's time to pounce. And once they got them, they don't bother trying to fool them anymore? Still, a prey would be more fortunate. At least your suffering ends when you're gobbled down.
He just wanted to get whatever he wanted out of her, a bang maid, a lot of older men with kids will do this so they don't have to take care of their kids.
That monster just retraumatized his kids
Girl needs to find a man her own age and no kids. He's 42, alot of guys that age with young kids want their kids around as often as possible because they're closer to the grave then their much younger wife. She's just there to be a stand-in mother so he can continue on in his career.
Closer to the grave? What are you, 12?
@KlaudiaShaefferr He'll be on the other side of 50 by the time his youngest graduates high school- most people are welcoming grandchildren by that age. His kids are going to go from graduating college right into juggling their own careers/lives and starting to care for OP.
As I was leaving the house I probably would have woken up the kids and be like I'm sorry but your father has broken his promises and vows to me and the consequences of those actions is that I can no longer be your mother and I can no longer be in a relationship with him. I truly loved being there for you guys but unfortunately due to his actions I can no longer be here. And I just what is left and if he continues to lie to the children and everyone around him, I probably would have sent him a cease and desist saying if he doesn't stop it I might sue him for defamation. But it is what it is. Anytime someone would have brought it up I would have been like so sorry he's lying to save his ass this is what happened. And if there was social media involved I would have gone on social media detailing his failure as a father, his cheating, his excuses of using trauma, and his abuse upon me. Then it's up to everyone else to make up their own opinion. But this is why I am cautious to date nowadays.I know there's a lot of good people out there but I think they're like me and see what kind of cesspool is the dating scene currently and be like yeah I don't feel like dealing with that I'm just going to stay single.
She was a bang-nanny, that’s all. That’s why he doesn’t want a big wedding. He didn’t want to waste money on the help and didn’t see why his domestic servant couldn’t do her job instead of inconveniencing his family. She dodged a massive bullet.
He investigated himself and found no wrongdoing
OP’s husband married the kids babysitter, huge power and age dynamic .
LG calling OP’s husband a POS so seriously was 😳
Swears kind of loose their punch when used often and we all know that LG is pretty patient and calm but when it comes to hurting kids he’s got a righteous fury! He’s got to be an awesome dad to his own kids, there’s no doubt!
Yeah, so awesome that he lied to them after causing their second mother to leave. Go dad! 🙄
Story 1: This is so extremely sad. OP was more than a nanny with benefits; she paid to be in the relationship, both with her money and with her time! To be turned on in such a selfish, cruel (both to his kids and to her) and manipulative way shows that no matter how nice he seemed, those qualities are superficial.
He's really a callous user who doesn't even care how much he hurts his own children! He could have had OP committed for years while he stalled on having 'HER STUPID BABY". All he had to do was go on a one week trip with just her and she would have been in his clutches for many more years.
And anyone who calls their own future child with someone who they supposedly love "your stupid baby" just ended the relationship.
What contempt for her and for their own future child (if any)! He's so ugly and will probably try to repeat the 'WIFE WHO PAYS AND GETS NOTHING IN RETURN" with someone else, or a series of someones until his kids are grown. Only seven more years until his daughter is 18. He can find a couple of replacements easily enough with his pathetic sob story.
dang, hearing lost genre curse really put into perspective how he felt about op’s ex. for good reason too! lost sounds like such a wonderful father and so i’m not surprised how disgusted he was, dang.
Isn't the whole purpose of a honeymoon to consumate the relationship? Why would you want kids there?
My partner and I have been together for 15 years and have a child together. Our son is *NOT* joining us for the honeymoon. Instead, we'll have a little family vaca for us 3 and a honeymoon for his dad and I where it will not be appropriate for our son to attend.
The real problem her is OP herself for not seeing the red flag first hand. The guy is 14 years older than her with 2 kids, that alone is a read flag. OP the next time around, dont go for an older guy with kids, you deserve better.
People ignore 9 bad if there's 1 good. They keep lying to themselves that if i just do xyz, he or she will change. Months become years.
Not to mention she moved in after 2.5 months of knowing him and met the kids in that same short space of time. So many problems.
@@SakariWolf13 two different mindset and expectations. OP wants love, the guy wants a nanny and a house keeper. The problem is that both opposing mindset dont mix well 😂
She moved in with him after not even 3 months? And with kids in the middle? At 24 years old. 😬 Poor children, that was soulcrushing. That father is awful.
"We never have a date night" It's not like OP was blindsighted. This guy made it clear how he felt about Op from the beginning. OP made the right decision. Now she needs to go NC with her parents. Thats probably the major cause of her low self-esteem.
Reminder everyone: do not marry someone you’ve never traveled with just the two of you. You’ll never know someone more than seeing them in new, sometimes frustrating situations.
6:33 Not allowed to discipline?! All that responsibility without authority.
The first story, and my own upbringing, is just reenforcing my choice to avoid dating cops completely.
Also grinning at your curse word drop thinking of my grandma LG 😂 Much appriciated. ❤
The amount of red flags is astounding! He’s lied to her about the vasectomy, his age, constantly gaslights her, treats her like a servant and nanny, uses his kids to guilt trip her, the list goes on. The one that bothered me the most was the ‘I’m afraid to turn him down’. That is extremely alarming!!!
And her parent, holy cow are they awful! ‘You’re not getting any younger’ she’s freaking 28!!! They are more worried about having grandbabies than the wellbeing of their daughter. No wonder she ignore the whole red flag factory.
She needs to go LC with her parent and NC with her ex fiancé. I think moving somewhere far away from these toxic people would be the best thing for her.
Wow! He cares more about hurting OP for leaving than the feelings and mental health of his children. He’s absolute garbage and I hope his children will one day learn the truth and see their dad as the toxic piece of crap that he is. He should never be in a relationship with anyone, let alone have kids. 🤬
OP’s sarcasm and petty remarks have me DYING. home girl is a comedian
Edit: NOT LG DROPPING THE S BOMB😭😊
I literally screamed run after she explained her role in these kids lives he just wants a replacement mom
Guy traumatized his own kids.
He lost a babysitter. Good for you OP
If I were OP I would respond to one of his texts with "If your kids are your priority, you should know their schedules already".
I wouldn't want *ANY* kids on a honeymoon trip, including my own.
Story 1: It's clear that OP's SO doesn't know the history of the honeymoon. It is a relic of "bride capture". Basically, a man would kidnap the woman of his choice (sometimes if there was some objection of the marriage by one or both families), and kept her away from her family for a month or a "moon". He would also feed her a drink made from honey because in some cultures, honey was seen as magical and lead to increased fertility. In other words, he took the bride to a secluded place and stayed there in the hopes she'd be pregnant by the time they returned so there was no chance of the marriage being annulled. I don't think most fathers would be interested in conceiving their kids' new sibling in front of them.
NTA.
ETA: After the additional info: Girl, RUN! He's USING you! Your not a fiancee and you won't be a wife and mother, you're just a bangmaid.
Unfortunately, she's going to have a lot of "tail light out" when his cop buddies harass her
She needs to move out of town, not only because of that but to get away from her awful parents.
"...and my bf is a police officer..."
And there's your problem.
Sounds like the type of shit my dad used to do. It's so confusing as a child to hear that. Obviously I look back on it now as an adult and I can see the truth, but I had to carry a lot of grown up problems because neither of my parents could keep their war between themselves.
"He is a police officer"
RUN!!
That cop in the 1st story sounds like one of the cops you eventually see in subpoenaed bodycam footage for being crooked and/or excessively violent. In the 2nd story, Harry got of easy... Wanna bet he's gonna try micromanaging his colleagues because "I used to manage this group!"
Misogynistic AH.
Narcissist
Red flag after red flag with this dude glad he showed his hand early enough for OP to see it and break things off with him. I feel bad for his kids.
You know it’s bad when Lost Genre curses wow
His vulgarity is refreshing, I just dislike the prompting behind it.
"how fare you make me act like their father!"
Ooooh, I wish I could talk to OP. When my very close friend married, her new husband told her that his 15 year old son could not be displaced for A night, even though they shared custody. Then after the wedding, they could NOT consummate the marriage because his son was IN THE HOUSE! I wish she had realized what it meant for the future!
I wish someone had told HER, don’t just run, SPRINT AWAY!!!
It sounds like he ISOLATES the kids. Maybe for control? Get out now! Ok she did. 🎉
That hurt HIS CHILDREN. I wonder how his wife died.
He's a cop, that's a red flag by itself. OP will never be an equal partner there, that cop will always be the boss.
s1: By the title alone I'mma say nta because like.. I had two friends that got married. The husband had a wonderful little girl from his previous relationship, and his new wife loooooves her. Worked hard to communicate with biomom from the moment their relationship was solid. While the daughter sobbed a little she couldn't see them for two weeks (wedding and honeymoon was on 'his' week, and bio mom wasn't budging on the schedule. She's a whole other matter), she understood she couldn't go with them for child appropriate reasons. And neither of them really wanted her there because they had a lot of child-free specific activities planned, other than the obvious. But they had talked about it among themselves, then with the bio mom and her that they would have their first Family Trip either during the holidays or summer. Which ever worked out better. And they're all so happy now with two more kids and full custody of the oldest if I'm right.
Aaaaand as this story goes on JESUS TAP DANCING CHIRST. First red flag was he was a cop. Sorry not sorry. But holy crap she dodged so many bullets. I feel sorry for the kids, but it is what it is.
He doesn't want a wife - he wants a nanny
Mood Booster: Let's ask a lawyer what happens when you get too reliant on Chat GPT... You get fined by a Federal judge for citing case law that doesn't exist, that's what.
I remember that!
The first story, the last advice was spot on. Family bonding should be on an individual level. My parents would hang out with my brothers and I individually one a month and since I was 8 (I am the youngest) my parents would have date night twice a month and we would spend a month a summer at our Aunt's and our parents would have a month together. Families need time together and bond.
This is the same way officers act when they do something wrong at work. Why would it be any different at home?
OMG! The dude is a NARC! Don't know what sort, but he's there!
Those poor kids!
The age gap was already questionable in that first story. If I was OP's mom I would be glad that my daughter, with all her life ahead of her, had left that creep
Well ! It’s been a crazy morning! My cat brought me a bird 🦜, still alive , flying all around my room at 6am !!!! 🎉 happy Monday everyone 🎉
🐅
Cat cared about you more than the boyfriend cared about OP.
OP nurse with cop Fiancée. Cops and Nurses usually end in divorce. You guys are definitely not ready for marriage You both have different goals completely
The amount of mistreatment in story 1 makes my stomach turn.
Who takes kids to a honeymoon? Yikes.
This is sad. It seems like OP's biggest draw is that she checks all the right boxes for a stand-in mother. Except not really, since she's allowed to 100% care for them, but not discipline them or make any major decisions. So he's got a live-in nanny with benefits. Lying by omission about the vasectomy was just... Ugh. The final post was enraging. So much for wanting to save his kids from trauma!
Wow. Not surprised after the update. Good on you girl. This guy is NOT it. He was just looking for a mom to his kids. Not a partner to love and live life with. He wasn't prioritizing date nights and alone time and that is a HUGE red flag. And not telling you he got a procedure was cruel.
She became a free nanny who gives him at night
and who pays him for it
Jesus Christ… I was seriously about to log in and find OP to message her directly (I see a lot of my own mistakes in the things she said in the “more info” section), UNTIL the update. Whew. Even her mom reminds me a lot of my mom and gma… my ex hubs beat me and they were upset that I left 🤦🏻♀️
Thank god she left. She will find someone infinitely better, someone selfless who loves her and makes babies with her. I’m older and broken and still ended up with a man a thousand times better… I know she will.
Oh man, OP was basically a babysitting bang-maid ! Yikes
story 1: They don't do enough to screen narcissists out of the police.
They wouldn't have any recruits
I knew he didn't love her . He hated that he needed her to take care of HIS kids . That's why he wanted to use HER honeymoon for HIS kids 😢. # season of FAFO 😅# Vote 💙💙
This man is extremely selfish. She’s the one making all the sacrifices in this relationship. She wants a baby and he keeps making excuses about why now isn’t the time. The man is 42 yrs old. If he waits much longer, he’ll be too old to do things with the child…if he will even make the time. Sounds like he’s more of a weekend dad (movie nights on the weekends, but no mention of whether he helps in the evenings). She wanted an actual wedding, but since he has already been married, he just wants a courthouse ceremony. Dude, just because you’ve “been there, done that” doesn’t mean your soon to be wife doesn’t have wishes and dreams of her big day! Sounds like he should just find someone else who has “been there, done that” too cause I get the impression he just wants a maid and child tender. She needs to find someone who will love her like she deserves. She’s only 28 and something tells me he will leave her hanging on the baby until it’s too late for her to have one. Why waste your time on somebody who doesn’t take your wants and needs into consideration?
Oh, now he admits he had a vasectomy after being confronted. 🤦🏼♀️ What a piece of sh*t!
"He's a police officer-"
Immediate red flag 😅 That was all I needed to hear, knew exactly where this story was going
Story 1: OP dodged a nuke. Also if anyone is tramautising the kids it's HIM.
For story 1…. Girl run! He’s just looking for a nanny for his kids and a mom/bangmaid for himself
Those kids will learn the truth someday
Never marry a cop
Or a nurse, for that matter.
@@diarradunlap9337 don’t be dramatic
@@diarradunlap9337Cops have a 4x higher DV rate than the general population, nurses don't have that little quirk
I almost did
@@diarradunlap9337by all means, marry a cop
when the ages are 20-something wife and 40something husband it never works. may men who pray on young girls never get a happy life