That is most likely too late. She could poison her Parents against OP. I mean, who do the Parents more believe? Their own Daughter having Cancer and the Husband walks out, or the Husband? Sadly OP did not copy any Evidence he found, because that Evidence is now all gone. He made some Mistakes, but dumping her is not one of them.
Yup she will make herself the victim and him the villain, look how the sisterhood took her side and called him the ahole in the comments. Op was simping hard for so long, at least his eyes are now open and he's dropping the cancerous dead weight.
Story 1- BYE BYE! She cheated, lied by omission, attempted to manipulate, and gaslight. Send her to her family tell them the truth and be free from her BS.
I especially love how everyone immediately jumped to, "Oh, she's just really suffering emotionally from her diagnosis and assumes you'll bail. You're an a-hole for not being more understanding. Just give her all the love and support you can." Like, I get that it's not uncommon for a spouse to leave/cheat when the other spouse gets diagnosed with a very serious illness. It's often a valid concern, but it's mind-boggling that everyone assumed that's what's going on with the wife right off the bat. But then again, it's Reddit, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.
I agree cancer or not she is a POS! The statistics are half right one man (The one SHE chose over her husband) in her life ran for the hills the moment he found out! Cheating is all fun and games till something real breaks that illusion! Worst part is she loved and trusted AP more then her husband in this situation. I wouldn't leave because of the cancer but I would leave for the gaslighting, cheating, and manipulation she has been pulling! She made OP think HE is the one with the problem when the truth is she is an awful cheating partner who doesn't deserve OP after all the things she has done... She didn't want OP there for her so why should he stay and support her with this!? She is only remorseful now because if she doesn't fix it she has to go though this alone... I bet she steps out again the moment she is in remission!
@@whitneybennett4857 Even before the update I was side-eyeing the wife, and the dumb comments. Cancer diagnosis doesn't give her free reign to act like a jerk. She can freeze him out, but he reverses the script and it's tantrums and false cheating accusations? Hell no! NGL, I hope the cancer wins out. Saves OP the trouble and cost of divorce.
When asked why she got divorced OP’s ex will probably say her husband left her when she got cancer, conveniently omitting her affair and being caught using dating apps.
@@triplemoyagames4195 It's not odd. Men do the same. It's like a mid-life crisis. You recognize your own mortality and realize that time is limited to do what you want to do. For some it means spending more time with friends and family and for others it means getting new friends and family.
The cancer really is a non-issue. She's a cheater, end of story. You take on heavy weights for people who love you, not people who are there to use you
Exactly. At this point for the OP, his cheating wife's cancer diagnosis is second place to his marriage and her constant cheating. I hate to say this but I bet the 18-month affair wasn't her first, second, or even third affair. I bet she has been doing it since early in the marriage. She is too comfortable on Tinder getting that attention and validation from men. The important part for him is to get all of the evidence out there to his family, her family, individual friends, and mutual friends as well as any co-workers, clubs, church, etc. that they belong to as a couple or individually. As much as I hate social media, that seems to be the best way to get the story out that she cheated for 18 months with a guy who she was going to leave the OP for and she even told him about the cancer before OP and then when OP and her tried to work things out, she was, at the same time, looking for new AP's on Tinder. There is no reason the OP needs to be the "Bad Guy" in this scenario for walking away from what appears to be a serial cheating wife.
If it was a 1 time thing maybe even an affair with 1 person maybe, maybe(probably not) a spouse could stay. At least until they get through treatment, probably not but at least under consideration. She was on tender and other sites? She gets to deal with lawyers as well as medical personnel. Hope that's her insurance covering her treatments.
@@MrJpaynebbThis has been ongoing for many of the 20 years they were married. She is much too comfortable chasing that attention and validation from strangers. That 18-month affair was too involved between the wife and her AP for it to have been her only time. For the OP to miss that level of an affair for 18 months also tells us he is not the doting husband he thought or claimed to be. You simply don't miss an affair that long and involved. It doesn't validate her cheating because no matter what, in the end, she is a cheater and liar. Period.
@@robinkholmes7127That's why there is no way the OP was the attentive and caring husband he claims or thought he was. Same with her getting away with a deep emotional and physical love affair for 18 months and the OP supposedly not having a clue about it. This still doesn't justify her cheating but I highly doubt their marriage was any good and they each were doing their own thing without any care for the other spouse. I also doubt this was her first affair during their marriage.
As horrible as it sounds, it appears Karma came to visit the cheating wife in the form of Cancer. Some people breeze thru treatments, some have mild issues, and some have horrible issues. I think it is easy to tell which option most people are going to hope for the cheating wife and her Cancer. He does need to get the WHOLE STORY out there about his cheating wife and why he is leaving her at this time. This includes both families, individual and mutual friends, co-workers, church, clubs, etc. He needs to drop the Social Media Nuke on her. There is NO REASON the OP needs to end up being the "Bad Guy" for any of this. Her cheating and taking the boyfriend to her Cancer appointment is bad enough but then trying to "reconcile" with the OP while simultaneously looking for new AP prospects on Tinder is for sure the straw that broke the OP's back.
It's amazing how people in the comments were able to twist this on him, as if he wasn't 100% in the right to feel the way he did. I didn't even need to know she cheated to say nta, it doesn't change the fact that it's absurd not to tell your partner about cancer. Also, it says how she saw him that she thought her affair partner was the first person she wanted to come with her.
I mean just the sheer audacity, there no way there wasn't some form of red flags earlier in the relationship, for me It would be the length of wasted years with this piece of work that would enrage me, the gaslighting and disrespect, its disgusting.
S1: It's not selfish to want your partner to talk to you about something. It's not selfish to be upset your partner didn't tell you. Also, tell everyone why you're leaving.
Yeah, there's NO WAY she won't tell everyone he left her because of her diagnosis. In fact, if I were OP, I'd make a post on social media before I'd officially filed for divorce. That way I wouldn't keep having to explain/defend myself over and over to people (And I'm definitely not saying there won't still be people who believe her or take her side.). She's already proven herself to be a deceitful witch.
@@Ullabulladulla No, it's not reddit. It's everywhere. You can find the same sexism on this page and on markee's comments. It's purely because men exist that women hate them.
It's selfish to expect your affair partner to stay when you have a serious medical issue when affair partners are just meant to be pretty little fantasies to keep the nastiness of the real world at bay.
@@Ullabulladulla that's called damage control. It's easier to lie to people than to convince people that they've been lied. She lied straight to his face for 18 months and was also in tinder cheating. Do you think that she won't lie to damage his reputation as a last ditch effort?
prequel update: WOWWWW. EIGHTEEN MONTHS!?!?!?! IT GETS WORSE!!!!!. She was having miscarriages that were likely the AP's baby the whole time!! and then to still be on tinder while she's going through cancer?!?!? the wife is nowhere like most of the women whose husbands left them while they were battling cancer. Most of those men got left by cheaters. She WAS THE CHEATER!!!!!!! So she deserves to get left
He needs to spill ALL of the details to individual and mutual friends, both families, co-workers, church, clubs, etc. He needs to drop the Social Media Nuke on her. If possible, get the passwords for her social media, write a big post posing as her and admitting to everything he knows (there is much much more he doesn't know), and then change the passwords and lock her out of her own social media accounts. There is also no way the 18-month guy was her first AP. She is much too comfortable on Tinder getting that attention and validation. She has probably been cheating on him for years. Their marriage was not nearly as good as the OP thinks it was. While some of the cheating can be laid at the feet of the OP because you don't miss an affair of 18 months with the degree of closeness she had with her AP by being the great and attentive husband he thinks and claims he was, there is still NEVER a reason for cheating. If you don't spend the time and effort on your spouse, someone else will. No matter what, the OP is not and should not be considered the "bad guy" for leaving his cheating wife regardless if she has Cancer or not.
@@gfg758 honestly, I was live reacting. This whole story was just jaw dropping. And that’s after hearing so many of these that I know there’s worse, but DAMMN
@@gfg758I don't know whether to be astounded she had that many miscarriages or the fact the OP didn't even know about any of them. Often after a miscarriage, the woman is required to be on bed rest and take medications. In some cases, they are hospitalized for a period of time. How did the OP not realize she was having a serious medical condition? Most medical facilities (hospitals and clinics) are part of an online records system. For the hospital I work at we are part of "Epic" and you can access ALL of the billing, medications, appointments (future and past) as well as Doctor notes and recommendations (Doctor Orders), Test Results, and much more. This system is as easy to "hack" as is any social media or other computer/phone apps for others, such as a spouse, to gain information from. If my spouse was having medical issues and either wouldn't tell me what was happening or gave me silly explanations, I would be all over investigating the truth.
Stories like this make me happy to be single. This man was called an asshole because his cheating wife contracted cancer and he felt someway about her going to an appointment WITHOUT HIM and Lost Genre if I were him I'd RUN FAR AWAY FROM THAT TRIFLING WOMAN. Yoooo! 3 miscarriages with the other man WOW!
It's not even me.. I'm not going to give my 2 cents because my FIL did this. He didn't tell ANYONE. He knew he had the diagnosis, went 3yrs with this knowledge, ZERO treatment and then one day he was rushed to the hospital and that is how we all found out... He said he didn't want to be treated as different and wanted great memories of him for us... 43 years married.. My husband and his 2 siblings were so devastated and I don't even have to go into my MIL... He passed 2wks after being admitted... It's been 3yrs, 4 in November, yes, 6 days, before Thanksgiving and it still hurts... AFTER UPDATE: She was unfaithful for 2 YEARS almost so I would absolutely NOT stay because she was cheating BEFORE this... Tell EVERYONE why!
Yea she may have cheated on OP before then we just know about the 18 months because she told OP about it I will say your FIL did it the right way nobody knew but OP knew about the test so that changes things & the ExWife took her AP with her to learn that she had Cancer
Sadly, I had a friend who nursed his wife through breast cancer until she was healthy again. Then he got MS and she couldn't wait to put him in a nursing home and marry her AP.
I was like, wtf on the 1st story. Cancer or not, that doesn't excuse the wife cheating. How funny that she accused Op of leaving her because she had cancer, and her affair partner did just that. After the cancer treatment is over, Op should leave. This was too much of a betrayal. Edit: after the update, screw the wife. She never intended to even stay with Op. She's unbelievable and can screw off.
My first wife was diagnosed with cancer on our youngest child’s third birthday. I went through everything with her. If she had kept her diagnosis from me, had a “friend” (later determined to be an affair partner) I would have been devastated even before learning of the affair. This OP would be entirely within his rights to divorce her for her adultery. She cheated, plain and simple, and it wasn’t an ONS. And you can bet if the roles were reversed she’d have zero hesitation in dumping him.
When a person in a toxic relationship gets cancer, their toxic partner leaves. When a person in a good relationship gets cancer, their good partner supports them. If you get cancer and don't tell your partner, _you're_ the toxic partner. OP didn't "react badly" to the cancer diagnosis but he did react - reasonably - to the lie by omission. Oh... and now the _real_ reason comes out - she's a cheater who was projecting... Not surprised. Her having cancer doesn't change my opinion on what to do with cheaters, which is to cut them out of your life. If you want, make sure she has a support system in place for her, but also make it clear to everyone _why_ you won't be that support. (Seriously, y'all, stop protecting cheaters by not outing them - you only risk ruining your own reputation.) She moved on 18 months ago, now it's time OP moves on too.
S1: I did a massive eye roll when the commenters brought up the "statistics" about partners leaving because cancer and was whisked back to Statistics 1 class where 1st day the instructor mentioned "87% of statistics are made up". They totally did that to guilt him to stay (which if she wasnt a cheater, he should). My point though is anyone will fill that checkbox to not make themselves look bad in that situation.
A cheater with cancer doesn't deserve anymore loyalty than a healthy cheater. Same as a good spouse with cancer deserves the same loyalty as a healthy good spouse. Once she recovers she will find someone new.
I don't think their marriage was as great as the OP thinks it was. He also wasn't the doting husband he thought or claimed he was. You simply don't miss an 18-month affair that was at the degree the wife's affair was. The OP was a workaholic and/or was into doing his own thing at the cost of spending time and effort with his wife. If you are spending the time and effort on your spouse, they don't have the time and effort to spend it on someone else. Granted, she is really into attention and validation which is obvious by her Tinder account, but that is a characteristic most husbands don't miss. If you don't spend the time and effort on your spouse, someone else will. This in no way justifies her cheating but it should be a wake-up call to him for future relationships/marriage. The OP should also never be thought of as the "bad guy" when he leaves as she is the cheater. He needs to get the real story about her cheating and what went on during it with her AP as well as her STILL on Tinder while supposedly trying to "reconcile" with the OP. The OP needs to drop a Social Media Nuke on her and walk away knowing he as some "work" to do on himself before dating.
I wouldn’t stay, cancer or not. She only wants him to stay because her AP bailed. OP should go. Personally, cheaters deserve to be left, no matter the circumstances.
Speaking as someone whose mother died of cancer I'd say no she is no diffrent from any other cheater. As others have said do not keep quiet about why you are leaving her . She will blacken your name all over the place. Pity you didn't photograph her tinder page and send it to her affair partner
"My wife was scared of telling me thinking I would react badly and I did exactly that." She created a self fulfilling prophecy that he would have a bad reaction, however the bad reaction isn't due to her diagnosis, but her keeping him in the dark about it for so long while telling others about it. I wonder how much of the statistics of divorce due to cancer diagnosis are this sort of thing versus the divorce being simply cause of the diagnosis.
I think it's mostly that men have more of a tendency to stick with marriages that have gone stale, to go through the motions until something on top of that comes along. Such as serious illness that turns the marriage from a convenience to burden. Women, who initiate most divorces, have already dumped their husbands by that point.
You know I’ve seen two stories where the wife got cancer and decided she needed to cheat because of it, and you know those women told the story like they got divorced because of the cancer and not the cheating. Some people are just disgusting, don’t even know why people bother with relationships anymore.
95% the latter. Its mostly the financial, mental and physical burden of caring for a sick person. No one gets divorced just because someone is secretive about their medical diagnoses.
So that study was actually retracted in 2015 when an error was pointed out by another group trying to replicate it. They counted couples who left the study as divorces this inflating the results. Also it was 6 PERCENT more likely which, if the other way around was 1% more likely sounds much more dramatic as “6 times more likely.” After correction, the results only stood when it came to the wife having heart problems. There were about 2700 participants ALL over 51. So with the correction, the regular divorce rate stayed the same with the only exception being when the wife develops heart problems. So we learn that 1. a couple with an ill wife leaving the study was being counted as divorces, 2. That the divorce possibility was jut a 6% increase rather than the implied “6 times higher than normal” that’s been touted from this study that was retracted 8 years ago when the error was discovered bd clearly ignored. It’s like the study that “men who ask for custody get it 70% of the time” being quoted when it counted ALL custody arrangements as the same. As in they are weighing sole custody as the same as being allowed 5 hours visitation once a month. So doesn’t sound like it’s determining custody asked for/fought for vs the custody granted/denied.
Also, neither the 2015 nor the previous, 2009, study establish who starts divorce proceedings. They only say that the women having X diagnosis increases the chance of divorce, period.
That mood booster: Always catch me out here preaching the good word of admin and the management to understand and speak directly to the people producing what you’re selling. Ask them questions, ask the whys and hows. This allows us to explain in simper terms to the people asking us questions that also don’t do the work. An accountant can explain in a way another accountant will understand while the people who directly produce might go too detailed. If you can discuss their needs, you can convey your own needs for the office. Like we want to cut costs. We get a quote from our sister company for a part we usually get from another company. There is a $2 (like $12 vs $14) difference on each unit but we also always buy the part at a minimum quantity of 200. Literally we have spent nearly $10k on the item in one order. So we order from the sister company. Lead tech/my boss comes in to tell me to place an order with the old company. So being the person who knows the numbers I ask why. He says he doesn’t like that our sister company have a section of this part joined by plastic rather than metal. I ask about if that makes a big difference in function, he explains that it’s a personal preference but that there is enough of a difference in performance for the personal preference. So we discuss and find that the $2 price difference isn’t bad enough that we’ll keep ordering from the old company. The bonus to that though is he also can talk directly to the owner of our sister company about the issue with this specific part he might want to consider. He sells much higher volumes of that part than we’d ever buy so while the owner of the other company is aware, the trade off wouldn’t be as good on his end (and he’s also a shop guy so he very much understands the parts he’s selling). I always tell my boss too, if anyone is going to have a problem with cost or comparison to previous bills that I’ll handle it because I can and have explained to people in accounting the what’s and whys. I actually took photos of one of the tools we cleaned and repaired and circled in red the areas where work was done to explain why the quantity on a quote had to be changed. He didn’t understand from one of his shop guys explaining it but I was able to just step into our shop, ask the guys which tool was theirs, and take my pictures. I asked questions that were obvious and I do say “Yeah I know this should be obvious but I want to be able to tell the person hounding me that I asked you and made extra sure” and that usually gets a laugh and they understand. Also I ALWAYS thank them. Besides, I know enough by now that when I assume, it’ll be that one time “oh actually there’s something different” lol. But yeah, as a newcomer to a work environment, especially as the management of the people actually producing the product or service, I will always say, you need to spend some time talking, asking questions, and understanding what’s going on before you go making changes. Have some dang respect and it’ll become mutual.
I really hope OP gets help for his low self esteem because why wasnt the fact that the Ex was actively trying to get pregnant with her AP's baby enough for him to leave? Why after all that is he still considering being friends with her after the divorce?? I got a feeling that he'll come back after she says a few good words....
8:15 OP doesn't want to be the second man to "turn his back on her" in 2 weeks...? Excuse me, WHAT? Like SHE hadn't already turned her back on him when she chose another man...? OP leaving would just be the consequences of her own actions, not him "abandoning her" or whatever 🙄
Any boss should be worried when their employee asks for their policy in an email, lol! They should start thinking that maybe they're doing something wrong!
Great mood booster! Stories 1 not exactly a happy ending, but glad OP now knows the truth and is working to extricate himself from the toxicity in his life.
Sorry I had to take a moment out of watching the video to express this. Why the hell is everyone calling him an a****** she lied to him about something major. What is the point of having a partner if you do not go to them with your most difficult struggles and rely on them. F that he's not the a hole at all and what the hell is wrong with Reddit. Seriously, yes it sucks that she has cancer, but you don't iced out your partner that way.
It’s Reddit and OP is a guy that ended up in a conflict with his wife they hate that with a passion they don’t care that she lied to him they need to just throw around statistics to justify her crappy behavior
I think it's because he became cold and made the situation about himself instead of talking to her about the situation. She is contemplating her mortality, so irrational behaviour is to be expected. Was it right? No. I would have had more sympathy had she not turned out to be a lying cheater.
Story 1: I would leave her and emphasize to her it's not the illness, it's her unfaithfulness. Update: Good that OP dumped her. I would advise cut contact though.
OP wants to be a good guy and is afraid leaving her will make him the bad guy. But there is no shame in leaving someone who has betrayed you the way she did. This is a case where she made her bed to include someone else than OP. She excluded him from it. The consequences are all on her.
Story one: my boss was undergoing a divorce when she was diagnosed with breast cancer Her husband stopped the divorce & took care of her for the next 2 years while she underwent treatment Once she was in the clear, they finished the divorce They remained friends & years later when the cancer returned he moved back in & took care of her alongside her sister until she died But neither one betrayed each other So I can’t blame OP for leaving
In my country you can only get divorced after a year of legal separation. I could see the OP legally separating, staying in the same house & supporting his ex after her AP left her, but only if it was the one AP. Then finalising a divorce afterwards. But I wouldn't expect it of him or blame him if he didn't . However after seeing her phone, nah. No way, her stuff is out on the kerb asap.
@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist I never understood why they got divorced either They remained good friends & while they both had other partners over the years neither one of them remarried
God I feel so sorry for this guy. He tried to support her so much, and for AT LEAST 18 months (you think this is the only time she's cheated?) she's not only been cheating, but leeching, and actually had 3 losses. she's not sorry.........she wants the paycheck
Story 1: OP shouldn’t even entertain the idea of remaining friends with his stbx after 20 freaking years. She had better keep OP’s good name out of her thin mouth on social media. Glad the shock wore off and OP wielded that shiny spine like Thor’s hammer.
Story 1: OP deserves the right to leave with his head held high. The wife is an ahole regardless of having cancer. She can have his sympathy, but she doesn't deserve his time and effort in the relationship.
St1: I love the fact that no matter how ridiculous or absurd something sounds, people will try and find a narrative. Her behavior was trash. Talking to everyone else, but her husband is pure luck of respect. Not to mention the projection
Story1: i really hope OP took screen shots of everything and prepares the proof of cheating when she inevitably lies and says he left her cause of the cancer. We all know she will do this, its expected from a liar like her so hopefully OP sees it coming too and prepared.
I'm gonna risk AH status, and say that the cancer was her Karma for betraying a good man; a year-and-1/2 long affair isn't a MISTAKE. That was her not caring about him as a person or a human being, much less a life partner, and being a worthless liar and adulteress. She brought her AP to the doctor with her, FFS! She's for the streets.
🤳🏾 I would’ve been sending a screenshot of everything in her phone as evidence to my email, then forward the emails to a lawyer. To be in another whole relationship, that involved multiple miscarriages would’ve really pissed me off even more. That means you were willing to risk my life with whatever disease 🦠 you would’ve caught as well. Sick‼️
1st story NTA. OP did absolutely nothing wrong. OP sang wife's praises and called her his best friend. Wifey doesn't communicate or act like she feels the same for OP. Wifey is a jerk and needs therapy. And Wifey CAN go through treatment alone. What u CAN'T do alone, is have a happy, healthy relationship with a liar and a cheat. OP needs to leave her.
I admit I was absolutely not expecting the dramatic turn the story took. Cheating, miscarriage's with the AP's baby, Tinder... That woman is not a good person at all. I think OP aught to at least let the In-laws know the truth though, and I hope he screenshotted the phone proof, he might need them during the divorce.
Oh this comes close..in April I got a double mastectomy and this week my chemotherapy starts.i couldn't do this without my husband..he is my rock! If this woman isn't leaning on her husband she is not considering him as her NR 1
Op: I was told men leave their partner when they found out when their woman have cancer. And that’s what happened to my wife, her boyfriend left her and she was afraid I’ll do the same. …… soooo cheating don’t trump over cancer?????
I have a polyp (Benign) but told my husband every step of the way. Can't imagine not saying something. If he was going to leave, he would have done it way before now.
Let this be a message to every single guy. One somebody shows you who they are believe them. The level with which someone will just keep lying to keep you around and to keep you paying their meal ticket is unreal
Story 1: (before update) Hell No! NAH! WTF!!!.......... I would have snapped at my wife if she did that to me. Withholding information like that and getting mad at OP for CARING about her health + going with her friend and not OP to hide it. This behavior raises more questions the just withholding info and going with a friend. (after update) Not a Friend but her 18 months Affair Partner....... I would have divorced her right away, told her family to come pick her and her stuff up the same day. It sucks that she got cancer, Nobody Deserves that. But there would have been nothing more to say after that.
That "soft YTA" commenter says "I couldn't shoulder my partner's emotions", well, OP stopped "making his wife shoulder his emotions" by restricting his sharing. That's what he's asking. And he's still in the wrong?
Story 1: OP is not a fallback. Wife picked her affair partner. Not on OP that affair partner dipped. Wife planned a whole life with affair partner! Run, man.
Well he is not an ah... But that women cheated him, sooo leave her... run for the hills run for your life!! She doesn't deserve a sht. Hope He get a better women is not fair for him to suffer like that. Never fear to do all from ashes.
I don't know how single people go through medical treatment. I guess they have friends and family. OP owes his wife nothing, and if boyfriend had stayed around, she'd be with him. After the update, he'd be ridiculous to stay, assuming she'd even let him.
Aren't the stats of men leaving around 1 in 6? Who in their right mind is going to say "Less than 20% of guys leave their wife when they get sick. So you're obviously going to abandon me."?
No, they aren't. All the studies point to a roughly 6% increase in divorce when the woman gets a terminal diagnosis. But, here is the kicker, no study makes reference to who starts the divorce. 3rd wave feminists just grabbed this info and twisted it into "men leave sick women in droves".
3:16 no. The numbers doesn't say that. The number say that there is a 6% increased chance of divorce when the woman gets a terminal diagnosis. Not 1 single study makes reference to who starts the divorce.
He has to leave her before treatments. She’s gaslighting him & guilting him & abusing his feelings for her. This is gonna breed resentment on both ends when or if she beats it.
If that’s how she treats her husband, her lover and her best friend. I hate to see how she treats her enemies. OP has much bigger problems. I think then his wife’s cancer diagnosis.Oh yeah NTA! I did not see that coming, but I guess no one did. But he’s going to stay with her. This woman cheated on him for a year and a half and the only reason she is with him now is because her fair partner dump her. What a weak, pathetic guy.
3:14 the numbers also say that women initiate divorce 75% of times…so just don’t get married??? NO!! You tell your partner and not keep them in the dark. Understand NOTHING!!
The wife was looking to bail with her affair partner while she dealt with her cancer. So when faced with her mortality, she wanted another guy. I'd say, let her pursue him. Start separating from her. OP is in love with who he thought he'd married. That woman's gone. You have the one that was ready to leave and have another man's babies but needs you as a caregiver now. Cut the cord. Be done.
OP should make sure to change his beneficiaries to anyone except the wife. However, if he has an existing life insurance policy on her, he should keep it. That woman is boss level horrible.
Yes! I would leave at light speed. EIGHTEEN MONTHS of cheating. The fact that you're the SECOND MAN to leave her - THE FIRST BEING THE AFFAIR PARTNER - makes it so much more insulting.
Story 1: I'm yelling at the screen to leave her, she deserves nothing! She is a horrible person! I'm so happy OP finally got angry enough to see his worth. Story 2: Document. document and document some more. Yes, this has saved me more than once. It's wild how often I hear stories about jerk managers.
Story 1, when the OP's wife spoke about him cheating, watched enough Reddit stories to say "she's cheating" and she was, dump her ass! Wait story 2 is an update on story 1 why not call it an update?
It sounds like a fairly treatable cancer. Plus there isn't a guarantee that she wouldn't have a will and insurance naming someone else as the beneficiary.
What everyone said about the partner leaving if their spouse had cancer, or is dying was….well, they were right. But for a very wrong reason. OP is way too nice to stay with his wife after she admitted to having a selfish affair even tho that loser ran for the hills once he found out. So now he’ll be stuck with helping her deal with the cancer treatments. OP doesn’t have to deal with that anymore. She doesn’t love him. If she did, she wouldnt be exchanging saliva with another behind his back, then later call him an asshole and cheat when he wouldnt talk to her. She can suffer alone.
Honestly it would break my heart for op because just because assholes get cancer doesn't mean their bullshit actions don't hurt or has consequences. Like bullshit statistics you know what type of partner you have....she's just actions like a fuxkn disgusting asshole like he wasn't worried?
They’ve been married for 20 years, haven’t had children, but are worried about egg banking, etc. at the beginning of the story? I mean after 20 years I would sort of assume if you were going to have kids you would already have had them. I mean, what are they waiting for?
That's messed up. I've been through cancer and beat it and this struck me 😮. How awful! Marriage isn't perfect but you have to communicate with your partner. Ugh so gross. That woman is gross! 😢 Good luck OP. I hope your life gets better 🙏
Story 1: The first post was already bad enough. Lying to OP, making him feel like an outsider after telling everyone but him what was going on. And then blaming him, making out to be the bad guy. And of course accusing him of thing (which turned out to just be projection). Then finding out she was cheating, jeez. And unless I misheard, she was also trying to have a baby with her affair partner!? Along with her plans to leave and her still talking with a bunch of other dudes on tinder. Yucks. But OP shouldn't let her control the narrative. Expose and leave her ass (figuratively, since she's already taken care of the literal version). She didn't deserve the kindness OP was giving to her. If anyone deserves to be left alone with a cancer diagnosis, it's her. Also, using the statistics of this stuff to justify her behaviour is crappy. Like, "oh, I'm worried my husband will leave me if he finds out about my cancer (like my boyfriend did). So I'll instead lie, manipulate, and make him out to be the bad guy."
Make sure you let everyone know why you left, and that it wasn't the cancer. Tell everyone. Don't let her control the narrative.
That is most likely too late. She could poison her Parents against OP.
I mean, who do the Parents more believe? Their own Daughter having Cancer and the Husband walks out, or the Husband?
Sadly OP did not copy any Evidence he found, because that Evidence is now all gone. He made some Mistakes, but dumping her is not one of them.
Yep never let the cheater tell the story first most will spin the story to make you look bad
Yup she will make herself the victim and him the villain, look how the sisterhood took her side and called him the ahole in the comments. Op was simping hard for so long, at least his eyes are now open and he's dropping the cancerous dead weight.
Wery wise.
Copy texts, show the Tinder app on her phone, the whole thing. Gads, that woman is unbelievably horrible.
Story 1- BYE BYE! She cheated, lied by omission, attempted to manipulate, and gaslight. Send her to her family tell them the truth and be free from her BS.
I especially love how everyone immediately jumped to, "Oh, she's just really suffering emotionally from her diagnosis and assumes you'll bail. You're an a-hole for not being more understanding. Just give her all the love and support you can." Like, I get that it's not uncommon for a spouse to leave/cheat when the other spouse gets diagnosed with a very serious illness. It's often a valid concern, but it's mind-boggling that everyone assumed that's what's going on with the wife right off the bat. But then again, it's Reddit, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.
I agree cancer or not she is a POS! The statistics are half right one man (The one SHE chose over her husband) in her life ran for the hills the moment he found out! Cheating is all fun and games till something real breaks that illusion! Worst part is she loved and trusted AP more then her husband in this situation. I wouldn't leave because of the cancer but I would leave for the gaslighting, cheating, and manipulation she has been pulling! She made OP think HE is the one with the problem when the truth is she is an awful cheating partner who doesn't deserve OP after all the things she has done... She didn't want OP there for her so why should he stay and support her with this!? She is only remorseful now because if she doesn't fix it she has to go though this alone... I bet she steps out again the moment she is in remission!
@@whitneybennett4857
It was the most likely explanation with the information we had.
And Reddit is just like F U for having human emotions, and F U if she cheats. This really proves how bad Reddit is at giving advice.
@@whitneybennett4857 Even before the update I was side-eyeing the wife, and the dumb comments. Cancer diagnosis doesn't give her free reign to act like a jerk. She can freeze him out, but he reverses the script and it's tantrums and false cheating accusations? Hell no! NGL, I hope the cancer wins out. Saves OP the trouble and cost of divorce.
When asked why she got divorced OP’s ex will probably say her husband left her when she got cancer, conveniently omitting her affair and being caught using dating apps.
Oh, 100% that she'll say "when" but omit "why". That way if she gets called out, she wasn't technically lying.
What's crazy is that there have been multiple stories reddit of Women getting Cancer then cheating on their Husband. It's very odd
Don't give her time to twist the story.
@@triplemoyagames4195 It's not odd. Men do the same. It's like a mid-life crisis. You recognize your own mortality and realize that time is limited to do what you want to do. For some it means spending more time with friends and family and for others it means getting new friends and family.
OP needs to set the record straight.
The cancer really is a non-issue. She's a cheater, end of story. You take on heavy weights for people who love you, not people who are there to use you
Exactly. At this point for the OP, his cheating wife's cancer diagnosis is second place to his marriage and her constant cheating.
I hate to say this but I bet the 18-month affair wasn't her first, second, or even third affair. I bet she has been doing it since early in the marriage. She is too comfortable on Tinder getting that attention and validation from men.
The important part for him is to get all of the evidence out there to his family, her family, individual friends, and mutual friends as well as any co-workers, clubs, church, etc. that they belong to as a couple or individually. As much as I hate social media, that seems to be the best way to get the story out that she cheated for 18 months with a guy who she was going to leave the OP for and she even told him about the cancer before OP and then when OP and her tried to work things out, she was, at the same time, looking for new AP's on Tinder.
There is no reason the OP needs to be the "Bad Guy" in this scenario for walking away from what appears to be a serial cheating wife.
If it was a 1 time thing maybe even an affair with 1 person maybe, maybe(probably not) a spouse could stay. At least until they get through treatment, probably not but at least under consideration. She was on tender and other sites? She gets to deal with lawyers as well as medical personnel. Hope that's her insurance covering her treatments.
@@MrJpaynebbThis has been ongoing for many of the 20 years they were married.
She is much too comfortable chasing that attention and validation from strangers.
That 18-month affair was too involved between the wife and her AP for it to have been her only time.
For the OP to miss that level of an affair for 18 months also tells us he is not the doting husband he thought or claimed to be. You simply don't miss an affair that long and involved. It doesn't validate her cheating because no matter what, in the end, she is a cheater and liar. Period.
I have to wonder how she had so many appointments that the OP didn't know about.
@@robinkholmes7127That's why there is no way the OP was the attentive and caring husband he claims or thought he was.
Same with her getting away with a deep emotional and physical love affair for 18 months and the OP supposedly not having a clue about it.
This still doesn't justify her cheating but I highly doubt their marriage was any good and they each were doing their own thing without any care for the other spouse.
I also doubt this was her first affair during their marriage.
Story 1: Glad OP finally did grow a spine in the end. He should have left the moment he found out about her affair, no second chances.
As horrible as it sounds, it appears Karma came to visit the cheating wife in the form of Cancer.
Some people breeze thru treatments, some have mild issues, and some have horrible issues.
I think it is easy to tell which option most people are going to hope for the cheating wife and her Cancer.
He does need to get the WHOLE STORY out there about his cheating wife and why he is leaving her at this time. This includes both families, individual and mutual friends, co-workers, church, clubs, etc. He needs to drop the Social Media Nuke on her.
There is NO REASON the OP needs to end up being the "Bad Guy" for any of this.
Her cheating and taking the boyfriend to her Cancer appointment is bad enough but then trying to "reconcile" with the OP while simultaneously looking for new AP prospects on Tinder is for sure the straw that broke the OP's back.
Soon as OP said he'd never leave her for any reason, my simp-alarm was going off. Glad he came to his senses in the end. Let the cancer have her.
@@DrownedInExile sounds like it's more "any reason that isn't her fault" which is entirely fair.
@@RedLithic She cheated.
That is entirely her fault.
Yeah, I was worried.
It's amazing how people in the comments were able to twist this on him, as if he wasn't 100% in the right to feel the way he did. I didn't even need to know she cheated to say nta, it doesn't change the fact that it's absurd not to tell your partner about cancer. Also, it says how she saw him that she thought her affair partner was the first person she wanted to come with her.
Yeah, but he’s a man 🥴 so it’s okay.
I mean just the sheer audacity, there no way there wasn't some form of red flags earlier in the relationship, for me It would be the length of wasted years with this piece of work that would enrage me, the gaslighting and disrespect, its disgusting.
This! I thought I was insane when I heard this wtf. If my partner of TWO decades didn't tell me, I would be effing hurt!
S1: It's not selfish to want your partner to talk to you about something. It's not selfish to be upset your partner didn't tell you. Also, tell everyone why you're leaving.
Yeah, there's NO WAY she won't tell everyone he left her because of her diagnosis. In fact, if I were OP, I'd make a post on social media before I'd officially filed for divorce. That way I wouldn't keep having to explain/defend myself over and over to people (And I'm definitely not saying there won't still be people who believe her or take her side.). She's already proven herself to be a deceitful witch.
Reddit is full of a holes with no empathy. They just want drama. Of course he deserves to know, they just wanted him to have no human emotions
@@Ullabulladulla No, it's not reddit.
It's everywhere.
You can find the same sexism on this page and on markee's comments.
It's purely because men exist that women hate them.
It's selfish to expect your affair partner to stay when you have a serious medical issue when affair partners are just meant to be pretty little fantasies to keep the nastiness of the real world at bay.
@@Ullabulladulla that's called damage control. It's easier to lie to people than to convince people that they've been lied.
She lied straight to his face for 18 months and was also in tinder cheating. Do you think that she won't lie to damage his reputation as a last ditch effort?
Story 1- NTA. The wife was ready to blindside and leave him. She deserves 0 mercy from him
🔥🌍 scorched earth
prequel update: WOWWWW. EIGHTEEN MONTHS!?!?!?!
IT GETS WORSE!!!!!. She was having miscarriages that were likely the AP's baby the whole time!! and then to still be on tinder while she's going through cancer?!?!?
the wife is nowhere like most of the women whose husbands left them while they were battling cancer. Most of those men got left by cheaters. She WAS THE CHEATER!!!!!!! So she deserves to get left
He needs to spill ALL of the details to individual and mutual friends, both families, co-workers, church, clubs, etc.
He needs to drop the Social Media Nuke on her. If possible, get the passwords for her social media, write a big post posing as her and admitting to everything he knows (there is much much more he doesn't know), and then change the passwords and lock her out of her own social media accounts.
There is also no way the 18-month guy was her first AP. She is much too comfortable on Tinder getting that attention and validation.
She has probably been cheating on him for years. Their marriage was not nearly as good as the OP thinks it was.
While some of the cheating can be laid at the feet of the OP because you don't miss an affair of 18 months with the degree of closeness she had with her AP by being the great and attentive husband he thinks and claims he was, there is still NEVER a reason for cheating.
If you don't spend the time and effort on your spouse, someone else will.
No matter what, the OP is not and should not be considered the "bad guy" for leaving his cheating wife regardless if she has Cancer or not.
Holy! I had the same reaction!
Out of a good amount of comments I only see you bringing up the Miscarriages & OP didn't know about the Miscarriages which is beyond F ucked up
@@gfg758 honestly, I was live reacting. This whole story was just jaw dropping. And that’s after hearing so many of these that I know there’s worse, but DAMMN
@@gfg758I don't know whether to be astounded she had that many miscarriages or the fact the OP didn't even know about any of them.
Often after a miscarriage, the woman is required to be on bed rest and take medications. In some cases, they are hospitalized for a period of time. How did the OP not realize she was having a serious medical condition?
Most medical facilities (hospitals and clinics) are part of an online records system. For the hospital I work at we are part of "Epic" and you can access ALL of the billing, medications, appointments (future and past) as well as Doctor notes and recommendations (Doctor Orders), Test Results, and much more. This system is as easy to "hack" as is any social media or other computer/phone apps for others, such as a spouse, to gain information from.
If my spouse was having medical issues and either wouldn't tell me what was happening or gave me silly explanations, I would be all over investigating the truth.
I loved how the cheating subreddit talk some sense into OP, unlike AITA. ETA: ONCE might be a mistake. Eighteen months? Bye, Felicia.
Yeah that YTA comment was insane
Leave her. She already left, he doesn't owe her anything
Stories like this make me happy to be single. This man was called an asshole because his cheating wife contracted cancer and he felt someway about her going to an appointment WITHOUT HIM and Lost Genre if I were him I'd RUN FAR AWAY FROM THAT TRIFLING WOMAN. Yoooo! 3 miscarriages with the other man WOW!
Don't adopt this mindset.
@@arnab982 But I want to. I like being single 🤦🏾♂️
@@UchuKejiMovan Me, too. I long ago decided that I'd rather be happily single than with the wrong person.
Nobody called him an AH
How do we know she had miscarriages and not abortions?
I was in the middle of finishing my workout when that update shook me.
Wow that wife belongs to the streets, cancer diagnosis or not!
It's not even me.. I'm not going to give my 2 cents because my FIL did this. He didn't tell ANYONE. He knew he had the diagnosis, went 3yrs with this knowledge, ZERO treatment and then one day he was rushed to the hospital and that is how we all found out... He said he didn't want to be treated as different and wanted great memories of him for us... 43 years married.. My husband and his 2 siblings were so devastated and I don't even have to go into my MIL... He passed 2wks after being admitted... It's been 3yrs, 4 in November, yes, 6 days, before Thanksgiving and it still hurts...
AFTER UPDATE: She was unfaithful for 2 YEARS almost so I would absolutely NOT stay because she was cheating BEFORE this... Tell EVERYONE why!
Yea she may have cheated on OP before then we just know about the 18 months because she told OP about it I will say your FIL did it the right way nobody knew but OP knew about the test so that changes things & the ExWife took her AP with her to learn that she had Cancer
story 1: talk about trying to girlboss, gatekeep and gaslight your way out of a situation.
story 2: previous comment, somehow, applies to this one too
Sadly, I had a friend who nursed his wife through breast cancer until she was healthy again. Then he got MS and she couldn't wait to put him in a nursing home and marry her AP.
Wow! Unbelievable smdh
People act like it’s only men who leave their sick partners.
I was like, wtf on the 1st story. Cancer or not, that doesn't excuse the wife cheating. How funny that she accused Op of leaving her because she had cancer, and her affair partner did just that. After the cancer treatment is over, Op should leave. This was too much of a betrayal.
Edit: after the update, screw the wife. She never intended to even stay with Op. She's unbelievable and can screw off.
Make sure to grab everything as evidence or she's going to spin "see I got cancer and he left"
My first wife was diagnosed with cancer on our youngest child’s third birthday. I went through everything with her. If she had kept her diagnosis from me, had a “friend” (later determined to be an affair partner) I would have been devastated even before learning of the affair.
This OP would be entirely within his rights to divorce her for her adultery. She cheated, plain and simple, and it wasn’t an ONS. And you can bet if the roles were reversed she’d have zero hesitation in dumping him.
When a person in a toxic relationship gets cancer, their toxic partner leaves. When a person in a good relationship gets cancer, their good partner supports them. If you get cancer and don't tell your partner, _you're_ the toxic partner. OP didn't "react badly" to the cancer diagnosis but he did react - reasonably - to the lie by omission.
Oh... and now the _real_ reason comes out - she's a cheater who was projecting... Not surprised. Her having cancer doesn't change my opinion on what to do with cheaters, which is to cut them out of your life. If you want, make sure she has a support system in place for her, but also make it clear to everyone _why_ you won't be that support. (Seriously, y'all, stop protecting cheaters by not outing them - you only risk ruining your own reputation.) She moved on 18 months ago, now it's time OP moves on too.
That we only 18 months ago should could have had cheated on OP with someone else
S1: I did a massive eye roll when the commenters brought up the "statistics" about partners leaving because cancer and was whisked back to Statistics 1 class where 1st day the instructor mentioned "87% of statistics are made up".
They totally did that to guilt him to stay (which if she wasnt a cheater, he should). My point though is anyone will fill that checkbox to not make themselves look bad in that situation.
A cheater with cancer doesn't deserve anymore loyalty than a healthy cheater. Same as a good spouse with cancer deserves the same loyalty as a healthy good spouse.
Once she recovers she will find someone new.
if someone loves you they wouldn't cheat its really that simple
I don't think their marriage was as great as the OP thinks it was. He also wasn't the doting husband he thought or claimed he was.
You simply don't miss an 18-month affair that was at the degree the wife's affair was.
The OP was a workaholic and/or was into doing his own thing at the cost of spending time and effort with his wife.
If you are spending the time and effort on your spouse, they don't have the time and effort to spend it on someone else. Granted, she is really into attention and validation which is obvious by her Tinder account, but that is a characteristic most husbands don't miss.
If you don't spend the time and effort on your spouse, someone else will.
This in no way justifies her cheating but it should be a wake-up call to him for future relationships/marriage.
The OP should also never be thought of as the "bad guy" when he leaves as she is the cheater. He needs to get the real story about her cheating and what went on during it with her AP as well as her STILL on Tinder while supposedly trying to "reconcile" with the OP.
The OP needs to drop a Social Media Nuke on her and walk away knowing he as some "work" to do on himself before dating.
Story 1: I think he needs to tell her parents about why he's leaving. 100% she's spinning this as him abandoning her.
I wouldn’t stay, cancer or not. She only wants him to stay because her AP bailed. OP should go. Personally, cheaters deserve to be left, no matter the circumstances.
Speaking as someone whose mother died of cancer I'd say no she is no diffrent from any other cheater. As others have said do not keep quiet about why you are leaving her . She will blacken your name all over the place. Pity you didn't photograph her tinder page and send it to her affair partner
Story 1: She took her affair partner? Really? Yeah, she'd be on the streets.
"My wife was scared of telling me thinking I would react badly and I did exactly that." She created a self fulfilling prophecy that he would have a bad reaction, however the bad reaction isn't due to her diagnosis, but her keeping him in the dark about it for so long while telling others about it. I wonder how much of the statistics of divorce due to cancer diagnosis are this sort of thing versus the divorce being simply cause of the diagnosis.
I think it's mostly that men have more of a tendency to stick with marriages that have gone stale, to go through the motions until something on top of that comes along. Such as serious illness that turns the marriage from a convenience to burden. Women, who initiate most divorces, have already dumped their husbands by that point.
You know I’ve seen two stories where the wife got cancer and decided she needed to cheat because of it, and you know those women told the story like they got divorced because of the cancer and not the cheating.
Some people are just disgusting, don’t even know why people bother with relationships anymore.
Dude I was wondering the exact same thing
95% the latter. Its mostly the financial, mental and physical burden of caring for a sick person. No one gets divorced just because someone is secretive about their medical diagnoses.
That’s what I’m wondering.
So that study was actually retracted in 2015 when an error was pointed out by another group trying to replicate it. They counted couples who left the study as divorces this inflating the results. Also it was 6 PERCENT more likely which, if the other way around was 1% more likely sounds much more dramatic as “6 times more likely.”
After correction, the results only stood when it came to the wife having heart problems. There were about 2700 participants ALL over 51. So with the correction, the regular divorce rate stayed the same with the only exception being when the wife develops heart problems.
So we learn that 1. a couple with an ill wife leaving the study was being counted as divorces, 2. That the divorce possibility was jut a 6% increase rather than the implied “6 times higher than normal” that’s been touted from this study that was retracted 8 years ago when the error was discovered bd clearly ignored.
It’s like the study that “men who ask for custody get it 70% of the time” being quoted when it counted ALL custody arrangements as the same. As in they are weighing sole custody as the same as being allowed 5 hours visitation once a month. So doesn’t sound like it’s determining custody asked for/fought for vs the custody granted/denied.
Also, neither the 2015 nor the previous, 2009, study establish who starts divorce proceedings. They only say that the women having X diagnosis increases the chance of divorce, period.
That mood booster: Always catch me out here preaching the good word of admin and the management to understand and speak directly to the people producing what you’re selling. Ask them questions, ask the whys and hows. This allows us to explain in simper terms to the people asking us questions that also don’t do the work. An accountant can explain in a way another accountant will understand while the people who directly produce might go too detailed. If you can discuss their needs, you can convey your own needs for the office.
Like we want to cut costs. We get a quote from our sister company for a part we usually get from another company. There is a $2 (like $12 vs $14) difference on each unit but we also always buy the part at a minimum quantity of 200. Literally we have spent nearly $10k on the item in one order. So we order from the sister company.
Lead tech/my boss comes in to tell me to place an order with the old company. So being the person who knows the numbers I ask why. He says he doesn’t like that our sister company have a section of this part joined by plastic rather than metal. I ask about if that makes a big difference in function, he explains that it’s a personal preference but that there is enough of a difference in performance for the personal preference. So we discuss and find that the $2 price difference isn’t bad enough that we’ll keep ordering from the old company.
The bonus to that though is he also can talk directly to the owner of our sister company about the issue with this specific part he might want to consider. He sells much higher volumes of that part than we’d ever buy so while the owner of the other company is aware, the trade off wouldn’t be as good on his end (and he’s also a shop guy so he very much understands the parts he’s selling).
I always tell my boss too, if anyone is going to have a problem with cost or comparison to previous bills that I’ll handle it because I can and have explained to people in accounting the what’s and whys. I actually took photos of one of the tools we cleaned and repaired and circled in red the areas where work was done to explain why the quantity on a quote had to be changed. He didn’t understand from one of his shop guys explaining it but I was able to just step into our shop, ask the guys which tool was theirs, and take my pictures. I asked questions that were obvious and I do say “Yeah I know this should be obvious but I want to be able to tell the person hounding me that I asked you and made extra sure” and that usually gets a laugh and they understand. Also I ALWAYS thank them. Besides, I know enough by now that when I assume, it’ll be that one time “oh actually there’s something different” lol.
But yeah, as a newcomer to a work environment, especially as the management of the people actually producing the product or service, I will always say, you need to spend some time talking, asking questions, and understanding what’s going on before you go making changes. Have some dang respect and it’ll become mutual.
@@VRDejaVu And thus, people's biases fill in the blanks.
Damn even cancer can't humble her
Man... This gets worse and worse. The wife is a vile person.
I really hope OP gets help for his low self esteem because why wasnt the fact that the Ex was actively trying to get pregnant with her AP's baby enough for him to leave? Why after all that is he still considering being friends with her after the divorce?? I got a feeling that he'll come back after she says a few good words....
8:15 OP doesn't want to be the second man to "turn his back on her" in 2 weeks...? Excuse me, WHAT? Like SHE hadn't already turned her back on him when she chose another man...? OP leaving would just be the consequences of her own actions, not him "abandoning her" or whatever 🙄
I really hate when someone does something that shows they have no trust in their partner whatsoever and prople are like don't take it personally
Any boss should be worried when their employee asks for their policy in an email, lol! They should start thinking that maybe they're doing something wrong!
Great mood booster! Stories 1 not exactly a happy ending, but glad OP now knows the truth and is working to extricate himself from the toxicity in his life.
Sorry I had to take a moment out of watching the video to express this. Why the hell is everyone calling him an a****** she lied to him about something major. What is the point of having a partner if you do not go to them with your most difficult struggles and rely on them. F that he's not the a hole at all and what the hell is wrong with Reddit. Seriously, yes it sucks that she has cancer, but you don't iced out your partner that way.
It's reddit, it's always the guys fault
But...but...some men leave when their wives get sick! She was scared! (Nevermind that women also leave and cancer changes both spouses world)
It’s Reddit and OP is a guy that ended up in a conflict with his wife they hate that with a passion they don’t care that she lied to him they need to just throw around statistics to justify her crappy behavior
I think it's because he became cold and made the situation about himself instead of talking to her about the situation. She is contemplating her mortality, so irrational behaviour is to be expected. Was it right? No. I would have had more sympathy had she not turned out to be a lying cheater.
@@GLoLChibsmen are 70% more likely to leave and/or cheat according to latest studies.
Don’t leave her for the cancer, but for the cheating….
Story 1: I would leave her and emphasize to her it's not the illness, it's her unfaithfulness. Update: Good that OP dumped her. I would advise cut contact though.
OP wants to be a good guy and is afraid leaving her will make him the bad guy. But there is no shame in leaving someone who has betrayed you the way she did. This is a case where she made her bed to include someone else than OP. She excluded him from it. The consequences are all on her.
Story #1: Bye, Felicia! OP is her stand by, and the proof of that is the wife taking her side dude to the appointment instead of OP. F her.
Story one: my boss was undergoing a divorce when she was diagnosed with breast cancer
Her husband stopped the divorce & took care of her for the next 2 years while she underwent treatment
Once she was in the clear, they finished the divorce
They remained friends & years later when the cancer returned he moved back in & took care of her alongside her sister until she died
But neither one betrayed each other
So I can’t blame OP for leaving
Damn… almost wonder why they got divorced if they were such power team! Thats some real friendship there.
@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist Because she didn't love him as much as he loved her.
In my country you can only get divorced after a year of legal separation. I could see the OP legally separating, staying in the same house & supporting his ex after her AP left her, but only if it was the one AP. Then finalising a divorce afterwards. But I wouldn't expect it of him or blame him if he didn't . However after seeing her phone, nah. No way, her stuff is out on the kerb asap.
@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist I never understood why they got divorced either
They remained good friends & while they both had other partners over the years neither one of them remarried
I’m glad OP finally took his blinders off.
This guy needs to tell the world what she did, the cheating, and LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!
God I feel so sorry for this guy.
He tried to support her so much, and for AT LEAST 18 months (you think this is the only time she's cheated?) she's not only been cheating, but leeching, and actually had 3 losses.
she's not sorry.........she wants the paycheck
She's been cheating for 18 months and on top of that, she took him to get the results. WHAT!!
Don't be a plan B, ditch that woman immediately and try as hard as possible to leave her destitute.
Story 1: OP shouldn’t even entertain the idea of remaining friends with his stbx after 20 freaking years. She had better keep OP’s good name out of her thin mouth on social media. Glad the shock wore off and OP wielded that shiny spine like Thor’s hammer.
She is the 180 of a friend to OP. if he stays friends he is an idiot
If he’s lucky the cancer will take care of the divorce for him.
*Story 1* The simp force is strong in this op, he says he still wants to be friends with her.
I’m not saying anyone deserves cancer.
But OP’s ex is close to it.
And now she can face the cancer alone
She deserves to face it alone
Story 1: OP deserves the right to leave with his head held high. The wife is an ahole regardless of having cancer. She can have his sympathy, but she doesn't deserve his time and effort in the relationship.
St1: I love the fact that no matter how ridiculous or absurd something sounds, people will try and find a narrative. Her behavior was trash. Talking to everyone else, but her husband is pure luck of respect. Not to mention the projection
This situation just kept getting worse
Story1: i really hope OP took screen shots of everything and prepares the proof of cheating when she inevitably lies and says he left her cause of the cancer. We all know she will do this, its expected from a liar like her so hopefully OP sees it coming too and prepared.
Why would an AP stay, it was just fun right?
This is why the good men are staying single.
I'm gonna risk AH status, and say that the cancer was her Karma for betraying a good man; a year-and-1/2 long affair isn't a MISTAKE. That was her not caring about him as a person or a human being, much less a life partner, and being a worthless liar and adulteress. She brought her AP to the doctor with her, FFS! She's for the streets.
🤳🏾 I would’ve been sending a screenshot of everything in her phone as evidence to my email, then forward the emails to a lawyer. To be in another whole relationship, that involved multiple miscarriages would’ve really pissed me off even more. That means you were willing to risk my life with whatever disease 🦠 you would’ve caught as well. Sick‼️
Leave her for the cheating, not the cancer. It's different and simple
1st story NTA. OP did absolutely nothing wrong. OP sang wife's praises and called her his best friend. Wifey doesn't communicate or act like she feels the same for OP. Wifey is a jerk and needs therapy. And Wifey CAN go through treatment alone. What u CAN'T do alone, is have a happy, healthy relationship with a liar and a cheat. OP needs to leave her.
She would've been battling that cancer by her damn self. I'm out!!
I admit I was absolutely not expecting the dramatic turn the story took. Cheating, miscarriage's with the AP's baby, Tinder... That woman is not a good person at all. I think OP aught to at least let the In-laws know the truth though, and I hope he screenshotted the phone proof, he might need them during the divorce.
LOL, talk about Projecting and Self-Fulfilling Prophecy...
Oh this comes close..in April I got a double mastectomy and this week my chemotherapy starts.i couldn't do this without my husband..he is my rock! If this woman isn't leaning on her husband she is not considering him as her NR 1
She had been trying for a baby with her affair partner?! Without leaving OP first? Wow, cancer or not, he should leave.
Good job, Reddit. You guilted a man into staying with a 304. 🙄
I have cancer. I hate how ppl think that being sick magically makes someone a saint. If you were a pos before the cancer,you were a pos after.
The ONLY reason she didn't run off is that AP ran off
That fact speaks for itself
Op: I was told men leave their partner when they found out when their woman have cancer. And that’s what happened to my wife, her boyfriend left her and she was afraid I’ll do the same.
…… soooo cheating don’t trump over cancer?????
People love to put studies to validate their reasons yet don’t wanna talk about other statistics
I have a polyp (Benign) but told my husband every step of the way. Can't imagine not saying something. If he was going to leave, he would have done it way before now.
Yep. I'd sure as hell leave. she can endure cancer on her own!
Let this be a message to every single guy. One somebody shows you who they are believe them. The level with which someone will just keep lying to keep you around and to keep you paying their meal ticket is unreal
So she's a cheater with cancer. I would have dipped. Not for the cancer, but because of the cheating.
Story 1: (before update) Hell No! NAH! WTF!!!.......... I would have snapped at my wife if she did that to me. Withholding information like that and getting mad at OP for CARING about her health + going with her friend and not OP to hide it. This behavior raises more questions the just withholding info and going with a friend.
(after update) Not a Friend but her 18 months Affair Partner....... I would have divorced her right away, told her family to come pick her and her stuff up the same day. It sucks that she got cancer, Nobody Deserves that. But there would have been nothing more to say after that.
That "soft YTA" commenter says "I couldn't shoulder my partner's emotions", well, OP stopped "making his wife shoulder his emotions" by restricting his sharing. That's what he's asking. And he's still in the wrong?
Story 1: OP is not a fallback. Wife picked her affair partner. Not on OP that affair partner dipped. Wife planned a whole life with affair partner! Run, man.
Well he is not an ah... But that women cheated him, sooo leave her... run for the hills run for your life!! She doesn't deserve a sht. Hope He get a better women is not fair for him to suffer like that. Never fear to do all from ashes.
Wow the amount of gaslighting in story 1 is ridiculous!
I don't know how single people go through medical treatment. I guess they have friends and family. OP owes his wife nothing, and if boyfriend had stayed around, she'd be with him. After the update, he'd be ridiculous to stay, assuming she'd even let him.
Aren't the stats of men leaving around 1 in 6? Who in their right mind is going to say "Less than 20% of guys leave their wife when they get sick. So you're obviously going to abandon me."?
No, they aren't. All the studies point to a roughly 6% increase in divorce when the woman gets a terminal diagnosis. But, here is the kicker, no study makes reference to who starts the divorce.
3rd wave feminists just grabbed this info and twisted it into "men leave sick women in droves".
Aren't the stats for women who cheat 1 in 6
@@bilqeesnagdee7466 Between 18 and 29 yo it is actually close to 1/3.
The study was retracted after another team found an error trying to replicate it.
@@VRDejaVu And do you know why it stops?
Not because they grow up.
Because they lose their attractiveness.
Hope he screenshot everything to show to people. Cause theyre gonna come for him hard.
3:16 no. The numbers doesn't say that. The number say that there is a 6% increased chance of divorce when the woman gets a terminal diagnosis. Not 1 single study makes reference to who starts the divorce.
He has to leave her before treatments. She’s gaslighting him & guilting him & abusing his feelings for her. This is gonna breed resentment on both ends when or if she beats it.
If that’s how she treats her husband, her lover and her best friend. I hate to see how she treats her enemies. OP has much bigger problems. I think then his wife’s cancer diagnosis.Oh yeah NTA!
I did not see that coming, but I guess no one did. But he’s going to stay with her. This woman cheated on him for a year and a half and the only reason she is with him now is because her fair partner dump her. What a weak, pathetic guy.
3:14 the numbers also say that women initiate divorce 75% of times…so just don’t get married??? NO!! You tell your partner and not keep them in the dark. Understand NOTHING!!
That last story, anytime someone asks for something in writing you should know something is about to happen
The wife was looking to bail with her affair partner while she dealt with her cancer. So when faced with her mortality, she wanted another guy. I'd say, let her pursue him. Start separating from her. OP is in love with who he thought he'd married. That woman's gone. You have the one that was ready to leave and have another man's babies but needs you as a caregiver now. Cut the cord. Be done.
OP should make sure to change his beneficiaries to anyone except the wife. However, if he has an existing life insurance policy on her, he should keep it. That woman is boss level horrible.
Yes! I would leave at light speed. EIGHTEEN MONTHS of cheating. The fact that you're the SECOND MAN to leave her - THE FIRST BEING THE AFFAIR PARTNER - makes it so much more insulting.
Story 1: I'm yelling at the screen to leave her, she deserves nothing! She is a horrible person! I'm so happy OP finally got angry enough to see his worth.
Story 2: Document. document and document some more. Yes, this has saved me more than once. It's wild how often I hear stories about jerk managers.
Story 1, when the OP's wife spoke about him cheating, watched enough Reddit stories to say "she's cheating" and she was, dump her ass! Wait story 2 is an update on story 1 why not call it an update?
You cheat on me its over I don't care about our circumstances.
OP NEEDS TO LEAVE SHE MADE HER BED LET HER LIE IN IT LET HER AP COME BACK AND COMFORT HER
I’d hang out and see if I can collect the life insurance if she doesn’t make it, if she survives then divorce her.
It sounds like a fairly treatable cancer. Plus there isn't a guarantee that she wouldn't have a will and insurance naming someone else as the beneficiary.
What everyone said about the partner leaving if their spouse had cancer, or is dying was….well, they were right. But for a very wrong reason. OP is way too nice to stay with his wife after she admitted to having a selfish affair even tho that loser ran for the hills once he found out. So now he’ll be stuck with helping her deal with the cancer treatments. OP doesn’t have to deal with that anymore. She doesn’t love him. If she did, she wouldnt be exchanging saliva with another behind his back, then later call him an asshole and cheat when he wouldnt talk to her. She can suffer alone.
Honestly it would break my heart for op because just because assholes get cancer doesn't mean their bullshit actions don't hurt or has consequences. Like bullshit statistics you know what type of partner you have....she's just actions like a fuxkn disgusting asshole like he wasn't worried?
They’ve been married for 20 years, haven’t had children, but are worried about egg banking, etc. at the beginning of the story? I mean after 20 years I would sort of assume if you were going to have kids you would already have had them. I mean, what are they waiting for?
the wife is having fertility issue so they might be waiting to have enougth money for ivf for example.
There can be a lot of issues as to why they didn’t have kids yet
I was thinking the same thing. Unless they didn't want kids, 20 years without kids doesn't make sense.
That's messed up. I've been through cancer and beat it and this struck me 😮. How awful! Marriage isn't perfect but you have to communicate with your partner. Ugh so gross.
That woman is gross! 😢 Good luck OP. I hope your life gets better 🙏
Story 1: The first post was already bad enough. Lying to OP, making him feel like an outsider after telling everyone but him what was going on. And then blaming him, making out to be the bad guy. And of course accusing him of thing (which turned out to just be projection).
Then finding out she was cheating, jeez. And unless I misheard, she was also trying to have a baby with her affair partner!? Along with her plans to leave and her still talking with a bunch of other dudes on tinder. Yucks. But OP shouldn't let her control the narrative. Expose and leave her ass (figuratively, since she's already taken care of the literal version). She didn't deserve the kindness OP was giving to her. If anyone deserves to be left alone with a cancer diagnosis, it's her.
Also, using the statistics of this stuff to justify her behaviour is crappy. Like, "oh, I'm worried my husband will leave me if he finds out about my cancer (like my boyfriend did). So I'll instead lie, manipulate, and make him out to be the bad guy."
Cheating is a deal breaker! I'm out!