that's the kind of relationship that always remind me of the milhouse quote from the simpsons "You don't want me to be with you, you don't want me to be with someone else, how miserable do I have to be before you're happy ?"
@@yozarahirvi4750 100% this quote! I had a "friend" like this... She couldn't handle one of her exes moving on from being obsessed with trying to "win her back" even if she was in another relationship. She knew she would NEVER be with them again but the idea of them with someone else was the worst in her eyes! I tried dating one of her exes, asked her if it was okay to ask him out in the morning, said she was "fine" with this but by the time I asked him out during lunch she had been shamelessly flirting with him since I asked her so he rejected me to "hopefully get back together" and they did for the weekend! LOL Bullet dodged because one of my friends who did get into a serious relationship with one of "friends" exes was a few months in before "friend" started systematically destroying their relationship! And that is why I dropped "friend" after High School with everyone else! (She was shocked I was still friends years later with someone I had a falling out with in HS but dropped her like a ton of bricks! LOL Girl really!?)
Nah, he's doing it for his Dad! Dad already threatened to disinherit him because he doesn't like his friends & way of life! BUT he does like & respect OP! Tim's New Plan: #1 keep Mimi #2 make OP date & marry me #3 marry OP while keeping Mimi #4 Dad dies / get inheritance #5 divorce OP #6 marry Mimi OP should probably sit down with Dad & tell him Everything he's been doing & that she loves & respects Dad but no way is she marring Tim but she doesn't want, to be or look like she is, the reason Tim's not getting his money! Tell dad that he needs to talk to Tim about the reasons he's not happy with him "But Leave Me Out Of It!!!" Stay within dad's circle or don't but drop Tim!!! Because Tim is bad news & a manipulator for his own benefit!!!
You know it especially when she realized that all of his friends were there but not a single one of hers especially because mimi didn't want them there
When the OP mentioned that the boyfriend didn't think her social anxiety issues were that serious and wanted to help her by shoving her into a lot of public and social situations against her will, I saw red.
Not only did he steamroll over the wishes of OP by having a public proposal, but this was in front of HIS people, not ONE of OP's friends or family you know the people she gave a damn about were there and to add a cherry on top of the sh--- Sunday, the woman she hated the most was invited. Huge nope for me!
I saw another story like this recently, guy even went to GF's best friend for advice and then totally ignored it, not even inviting her, telling her he didn't want her there and just inviting his friends and relatives. In effect it was a first step towards isolating her from her friends and family, all of her possible support systems. Later friend gets a call from the guy asking why isn't she there and if she could contact GF's parents so they could attend, but it was too late, GF already turned him down, dumped him after all the red flags he showed. It says a lot when a guy wants to do a public proposal but only wants his flying monkey's there.
I caught that, too. I was like "Whoa, hold up. When did she even mention that he might have cheated?" I'm betting he did cheat, and my guess is it was with Mimi. I mean, he missed at least one important thing of OP's because Mimi's dog was throwing up! Come on, now. (gives side eye)
Apparently Tim's dad also realizes that Tim's friend group (Mimi included) is not a good influence on Tim. They just seem to support Tim's selfish mindset.
When Mimi came over and blamed the OP for Tim's Dad's decision, I rolled my eyes at how dumb that entitled b**ch was, she'll never blame herself for anything
It sounds like Tim wanted to marry OP so he could have his cake and eat it too. He wanted his friends and wanted daddy’s money. Op was his way to facilitate it. I doubt he ever loved her, or even particularly liked her, not really. She was just a means to an end. Now that she’s gone and he doesn’t have the money any more I don’t think the friends will stick around much longer either.
Bit weird, how Dad/Boss threw them together. Not surprised Tim isn't enthused, but there are kinder ways (less public) to end a relationship that isn't working; because if it isn't working for one person, it's definitively not working for either. Both are better off in the long run, and OP isn't responsible for other people's decisions.
Loving someone means knowing and accepting them as they are. He tried to rapidly erase the OP's social anxiety through the most aggravating form of treatment.
@@robinkholmes7127 He was being influenced by his female friend, whose intentions were not benign. Boyo needs to develop greater discernment regarding what real friends are.
@@johnbradbury8610Yeah these people are nuts. Apparently since they are too poor to either own a house or more than one no one else can afford it either. My nephew-in-law's parents run some kind of non-profit and while no mansion own a big house 3 story house with a theater room here in Texas and a second house in Colorado
@@robinkholmes7127and Indian parents rigorous about academics too. Many Indian kids get into really good schools because of that. OP probably went to a T14 law school and may even work in big law.
@@sheetala2423 gender is not important, don't genderized anything dude. Any decisions in a relationship is only going through with two yes. One no and is *NO*.
@tijgeke87 got it...I belong to a country where arranged marriages are still the norm.. so I do have a lot of questions about western cultural practices
Pretty sure that was Mimi's plan to get OP out of the way so she could have Tim to herself. Wonder is she's as enamored of him now that he is losing the precious inheritance that seem to matter so much to the group.
@@noydb-1Nah he was never anything but her plan B in case she's looking down the barrel of 40 with no prospects. However now that he's been disinherited I'm betting Mimi drops him as backup, & his "friends" all start distancing themselves. Tim played himself with all the f**king around so now he's finding out.
Someone did this in my neighborhood. The young guy lives in a house his grandparents own. His gf never put him 1st . Not even his birthday. She actually planned a proposal in the house. Had to be at least 50 people inside. He only knew his gf. He left. Called his parents and grandparents. All 4 got the group out of the house except her and a random girl she said was her best friend. The grandparents ended up suing because a lot of their items in the home were damaged, destroyed, and after checking the cameras in every room, grandparents decided to sue. They sued everyone they saw on camera damage something, broke something, ruined something. Apparently now ex gf claimed it was her house and to “ make themselves at home “. Every person she invited now hates her. Most had to pay for the damages. I know for sure 10 people didn’t break anything…. She hasn’t learned. She still contacts him thinking she’s got a shot.
S1: NTA, he invited all HIS friends. That right there says everything to me. When you propose to someone, you can invite a few people for you, but then you invite people for who you are proposing to.
I recall some cases close mutual friends who were there but to record away from the couple or something. It's one thing if it's something small like that, but holy frick a whole ass group? What a selfish, stupid git.
I like a private proposal, it's about the two of you not you and your whole friend group holding you hand through your relationship. Imagine the wedding night, Mimi holding Tim's hand while he consummates his marriage the OP.
@@robinkholmes7127 oh gods, no no. It's like in ye olden times where it had to be witnessed to make sure the girl was deflowered and seal the marriage. Except it's Mimi making sure she still owns Tim's balls.
Story 2: I totally understand why OP wants to be there for his sister. She’s going through a terrible time, and I’ve been there with leaving home for a bit to help with a family member in similar crisis. HOWEVER! That was all discussed up front with my husband, who supported the trip. OP seems to be going through life acting as if his wife and child are accessories, rather than his top priority.
Exactly! It just irks me that op clearly doesn't care about these celebrations and doesn't even think of how his wife and kid think of those days. Sure, he might not think they're important, but come on man! Does it take too much energy to think of the other people you're affecting with your choices? Just a little tact and common sense would be nice.
i would understand if the ex was agressive and a jerk and OP was afraid something happen to the sister if he appear on there. But OP never said anything about it and make a unilateral decision without even think about it at all. I will tell a little story i had recently with my gf about communication: I chastize my gf recently because of her missing my b-day as her excuse was work again. YET she has another job who deals with online and i was there. She told that she talk about it was my b-day but nobody said anything about it afterward when i came back from my little party. She told me that recently she has to see a fight because of the situation of taking to much job and finally understood why i was mad at her for never speak about it. She even understood why i was mad when we speak about it, and said she would compensate a lot for it as well as her work load is getting lower now (she in a director position on her main job). Also she apologize for what happen the same day as her memory tend to switch between remember important things and remember work, and when she remember the important thing, it pass days or weeks already, and that also cost her a relationship in the past (she got cheated on by a guy ... despite her been a bombshell. I'm still surprise to know HOW, but her been focus more on work gives me an idea of why). But at the end of the day, talking was better to clear things out since she understood i was also under a lot of stress from my work and helping her with my work was the reason why her side job flourished amazing, while believing in her potential was what push her to go back to it again.
I am glad that I am not the only one who caught that. From his own post (and his wife’s words), it is safe to assume that there are other support systems in place that the sister can fall back on. YET, he still believes that he should unilaterally decide to drop his family for however long to be with his sister. He fails to realize that his own words show how much his own wife and child mean to him, and sadly they are well below his sister. Honestly, his update (to me) seemed like he was trying to justify his actions and gaslight Reddit to be on his side. Like he couldn’t believe that Reddit wasn’t on his side, and only acknowledged the “possibility” that he could be the jerk. He needs to reevaluate his life and priorities.
Story 2: That was interesting for me, because I do not disagree that a birth trumps celebrations that come every year and are routinely deferred to weekends and so (also, wedding anniversaries are not a thing where I'm from). The part where I come down to him being the AH is how he talks about it. Major force can make you skip an occasion, but you are supposed to be aware that the occasion is a thing that you are missing and if you care about the people involved, you try to make up. Instead he is all "It's no big deal if I'm not for my kid birthday, and we can go to dinner with my wife later"
He won’t. Remember, she has a successful bf. She just doesn’t want someone else taking priority over her. She is one of THOSE girls that give us decent women a bad name. He’s her emergency back up and nothing more. But she can’t allowed him to marry anyone else until she marries herself and no longer needs the option.
It would be nice to hear the update after Tim's friends all dump him now that access to daddy's money will be lost to them. He might try to crawl back into your life when his precious Mimi is less interested in his life now that daddy's money is gone. OP, you did write something positive. You wrote that you dumped that loser and his leech friends. You were never something he wanted, he just hung around you so daddy would keep funding his lifestyle. He would have married you so you could take over the funding, while he played around (or at least tried to) with his Mimi. Remember, the whole proposal in front of his friends, complete with the snide remarks were all part of Mimi's plan to get you out of the way and increase her access to daddy's money. So, I'm sure she's far less interested in little Timmy now that daddy is pulling the plug on his funding.
@robinkholmes7127 That was the point, she asked him a question she already knew the answer to. There was never going to be a "yes", because Tim is a loser.
There is a common theme in both videos and that is the man ignoring the women in their life and their feelings. In the first I agree with everyone who said the boyfriend ignored what his girlfriend had told him and her social anxiety. He only thought about himself and how it would be an advantage to him - his friends were there, hers was not; he knew how Mimi was, still had her there, not not rein her in (and that was not a joke. Bullies always say that afterwards); and he knew girlfriend was his father's favorite. Now he can deal with the fallout. Second video. Understanding it only seemed to be husband and his sister, his wife and daughter was very much treated second class. No mention of him planning ahead to have flowers or gifts delivered on the anniversary or birthday. No mention of zoom calls, "I'm thinking of you even though I can't be there" actions. It was like "out of sight, out of mind". Even the way he wrote the post was where he dismissed them and their events. I am glad Lost Genre wished the wife and daughter well and not the husband.
💯 talk it through, work as a team, maybe bring the wife and daughter over and have a small birthday celebration with cake where they'd be staying. Not plan without consulting his wife first and say "Don't be so defensive" when she asks "Can't my SIL find anyone else to hold her hand while she gives birth?". Plus I saw red when the Op said "I can face-time my daughter on her birthday, I don't need to be there in person". He's on his way to parental alienation.
She doesn't have ANY friends she can trust? None? Yes childbirth is hard, but it shouldn't wreck someone else's life. She also knew what he'd be missing, but neither of them cared. Seems like it's the siblings against the world as far as they're concerned, but OP really doesn't realise he could loose what he has if he's not respectful, and it would be his fault. Even after the it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission approach and all those comments telling him he was an AH, he still doesn't really care.
@robinkholmes7127 you honestly think daughter would be happier cancelling her birthday PARTY with all her friends & instead spending it in a hotel or crowded house with just her dad, mom & aunt?
@@LadyJoolreeif my partner made a fuss about me missing an anniversary dinner over being there to support my sister give birth, there would definitely be some issues in our marriage. Their parents are dead. The sister just lost her partner. But taking the wife out for a steak dinner on a particular day is waaaay more important than giving birth!!! 🙄
The sexism she received from reddit still amazes me for some reason. How are men just that lacking that they think it's acceptable to tell women what to do?
With the second story in my family it wouldn’t be a big deal but we are pretty different because we have a family history of complicated dangerous births on both sides of the family that were very unexpected. My husband and I got married twice(once right after I graduated for health insurance and once for the family)and we forget both each year for 23 yrs. We have always been flexible with birthdays. Every family is different but due to our family traumas we prioritize being there for everything medical and are flexible with celebrations. The real problem as stated is the lack of communication on not being around for the birthday and anniversary and also as a married couple it is important to be on the same page in general when it comes to these things.
The 2nd post. I searched around on other Reddit UA-cam channels. It sounds similar to a post a woman made about her husband ignoring the anniversary and forgetting their daughters birthday. I honestly think this is the husband posting after his wife did.
I think it was something similar. Also it sounds similar to the story about the woman who abandon her husband on the reception and going to the honeymoon because the sister was giving birth. And even the sister was annoyed she was there the entire time and never understood why she was at fault.
@@Denverbroncos87 yap. OP in this story did the exact same thing, when sister should had a support system too. I would agree if OP has a reason like the ex was harassing her or been aggressive, or the sister is afraid the guy took the baby, i would understand, but even that the hospital should be alerted too.
I don't have anxiety but I'd be just as pissed if someone staged a public proposal. I'm a private person, like the calm of my life (because my work is the opposite) and am not an attention seeker, so I would be appalled.
Story 1: Funniest part, Op didn’t have ANY friends or family there, so Tim (as usual based off what Op has mentioned) did this for him and his friends. NTA Op, maybe one day Tim will grow up, but that day is not today.
before update with story one from the wording neither OPs parents nor Tim's parents were are the "party" so OP has stated she does not want a proposal in public Boyfriend knows Mimi is a sore point and clearly has not told her to be on best behavior unknown people in OP's flat when bf knows she has social anxiety issues. OP has not lied to anyone and has prewarned bf... in no way is OP responsible for bf losing any part of inheritance that is a choice his father made based on bf's actions, i would not be surprised if father had told bf not to do it or something similar as it is clear he knows and understands OP
Story 1 - I would NEVER be okay with walking into my home and seeing unexpected guests, unless there were extenuating circumstances requiring other people to be in my home without my prior approval.
"Good for you my man, but people like you give me hope. No matter how daft, I'll never be THIS DAFT. " The 2nd OP was terrible. He takes failing his daughter, as a good thing since "She didnt complain."
Story 1) Mimi, Tim's friends and his inheritance were ALWAYS going to take precedence over OP. I'm actually surprised that Tim didn't already try using her cabin without her permission. Story 2) I can understand when siblings are tight and don't have as many family members they can trust in those situations. OP didn't even try to talk with his wife and come up with an alternate plan. Missing a birthday for your kids is one of those things is a memory you never have or can ever get back. Deployments are one thing, this was just an AH move. Something tells me his next birthday is going to get played down A LOT. He MIGHT get lucky to get card.
Just wanted to take a moment to thank you for the video, LG. Every time I see you have posted a new one, I get excited to listen to it, even if it's a story I heard before elsewhere, because I enjoy your voice and your opinions on them. The little muttered comments and different voices make me laugh. Keep up the great work! 😊
Yeah, I also agree that a birth is much more important than an aniversary, that doesn't mean aniversaries aren't important, just that birthing a child is... no joke.
Story 1: Respect, Love, Trustworthiness - those are the three pillars of any relationship. OP's ex violated at least two of them severely. OP is definitely NTA.
LG! The second in the second story you said "doesn't sound like it" I just started laughing... I'm currently walking on the street with buds (so people can't see I'm listening to something), and a lady just evil side eye me
Story 2: OP needs a larger butterfly and neck to catch the clue that's flying around him. Thankfully for the rest of us OP set an entirely new floor for us by being this clueless.
Talk to text got you good 😂. It happens to me all the time! I'll never forget trying to have a serious conversation with a friend of mine and telling *him* he needed to be the prettiest one in court. It was all thanks to talk to text 😂😂
Okay, let's gloss over the fact that Tim decided to ignore OP's fears and feelings about a public proposal (I know how bad it is but I want to put the emphasis on something else) The audience he invited to witness the proposal was HIS friends only, OP didn't mention any person from her side of the relationship and even mentionned people she didn't even know ! How crazy, entilted, obnoxious and/or self centered you have to be to only invite people from YOUR side of the relationship in a proposal party ? everything about a wedding (even to the proposal) should be about the RELATIONSHIP ! it's crazy to plan such a big event and to NOT invite ANYONE from her side ? I mean, we all have stupid ideas, but had he treated this stupid idea correctly (I.E. inviting someone like OP's best friend for exemple), a few invited people would have told him something along the lines of "that's a stupid idea, do something else, it won't turn as you expect it to turn". If I were to plan a public proposal (I'm single and not fond of the whole wedding stuff but let's imagine) I wouldn't even think about not inviting people my partner is fond of (her friends, her family, people she'd want at that kind of celebration) Edit : And I even forgot to add that he though it would be a bunch of unkown people to the flat of someone with social anxiety ...
Tim said he had heard and understood OP's dislike for public proposals but then did it anyway. Whether OP wants to take a chance on Tim learning from the experience or not is entirely up to OP, who can't be faulted for deciding either way. I strongly suspect there are other variables at work that OP didn't mention, as well.
Story 1: "I didn't think you were being genuine about your anxiety" (has literally SEEN her get panic attacks) "Why weren't my friends there?" "WELL since you have such few friends, i thought mine should come first. Also Mimi doesn't like ONE of your single mom friends & the comfort of HER outweighs your comfort" Boy BYE. Story 2: YTA. It's the fact that OP didn't even discuss it with his wife! He just went to his wife & said "yea I'm missing our daughters birthday & our anniversary. I'll make it up to you. K bye!" Like there was ZERO discussion. Like there weren't any other siblings or cousins or friends that could've been with the sister? It HAD to be OP? After Update: "i did not expect people to think i was the AH & i MAY have neglected my wife" uhhhhhhh..... what?! "Compared to a birthday & anniversary, childbirth is stressful & so they seemed insignificant to me" My guy!! What the ever living hell?! Like, I love my brother but I would NEVER expect him to drop everything to come to me for something like that. If I knew my brother had his kids party & anniversary I'd call one of my cousins or one of my aunts to be with me. And if my brother wanted to fly out & see me afterwards then yea.
To each their own. But big public proposals seem so cringe to me. So tryhard. And to do so after being specifically told not to...yeah. No. That's a deal breaker. If someone is going to step all over your desires that early in a marriage, that is a red flag that is impossible to miss.
Story 1 NTA: I bet the female friend convinced OP's ex-boyfriend, that OP secretly wanting a public proposal, because all women want a big romantic "public" proposal and women who say they don't are lying. The female friend basically achieved her goal by breaking them up, so now she has OP's ex-boyfriend all to herself to either date or put back in the friendzone, where she can control him.
I will always say this: public proposals require consent and if you care at all about your partner's comfort and happiness, you will respect their wishes and not ignore when they say no to having a public proposal. If you don't care about your partner being comfortable during the proposal, you have no business in proposing to anyone yet.
Story 1: it’s incredibly obvious that OP’s now ex has been cheating on her for years and that he actually wants to marry Mimi, and the only reason he’s ever been with OP is to get his inheritance from his dad. Wash your hands of this shit and don’t look back
Story 1: "Mimi only wants the best for us" - except by "us" he meant him and his pick meme, not for him and OP. She's better off without him. What his dad does with his money is not her fault or her business.
Story 1: Haven't even finished, and I've noticed Tim invited his friends and strangers. But when OP wanted backup, she CALLED her BFF. That means, at minimum, none of OP's friends were there, only Tim's and people he knew. That's the cherry on top of this shit sundae. Edit afterwards: FUUUUUUUUCK Tim! She has less friends, so they can wait to hear the news? Fuck aaaaaaaaaaaaall the way off!
Story 1: I feel secondhand embarrassment for Tim. This guy is so dependent on how his friends view him and what they think of him that he sabotaged a good relationship just because of what Mimi told him. Happy that OP broke up with him and went about her life. Also Mimi knew why OP broke up with Tim, she just thought she could get a rise out of her then was disappointed when OP dismissed her and wanted nothing more to do with her.
Regarding the birth of a baby. Being there for your sister’s first birth and missing one birthday and one anniversary is not a bad thing telling them that you plan to make it up is a good thing. Communication would avoid any drama. My husband has missed a few anniversaries. The fact that my twins were born on our fifth anniversary means my anniversary gets second billing all the time. Not to one birthday but to two birthdays.he misses them because of work. But he makes it up. Like all of these posts clear communication when you have to do something is critical to not being the asshole.
Story 2: He's so lucky to have such a forgiving family, but he's probably going to take this as a successful example of "ask for forgiveness instead of permission" and continue to break away at their trust :/
S2: 'I would be missing those days, but I didn't think it was a big deal' and that alone sealed away that this OP was the AH. What a great way to teach a young girl that her father doesn't think much of her. Whose birthday is he going to celebrate the next year? His daughter, or his niece? Because I can see which he'll say is no big deal...
Story 2, pre-update: I generally agree with OP that current events (like a baby being born) are more important than celebrations of past events. That said, how one reacts to that prioritizing of activities matters. OP didn't include their wife in planning how to handle the conflict. OP didn't even start planning the anniversary or birthday celebrations until after their week away. All of that is an expression of disrespect for their wife and daughter. OP doesn't get to unilaterally decide how they make up for how they hurt their family. Believing they can makes OP the A-Hole. Post Update: Wow...OP's wife forgives them, and OP completely misses the point of why the wife was happy with the discussion and that this situation is probably a warning sign to use for planning future actions/attitudes. I do not have much hope for OP's future...
Story 1: If dad really does cut Tim off, I bet his 'friends' all suddenly start ghosting him as well. Sounds like Tim was more like the friend group ATM.
S1: NTA at all. Tim only cared about himself and getting his dad's money. Honestly though I think public proposals are manipulative. All the social pressure would make most people say yes. If they don't or they have an anxiety attack like OP, they're treated like the ahole. Even if you lie and say yes in public then discuss it in private, you're the ahole for lying 🤦🏽♂️ S2: I thought YTA, and while I do think OP handled it wrong, its ESH to me after the update. I think the wife was a little selfish and should've understood her husband's situation: they have no other relatives and the sister would be all alone in the delivery room. You can make up for an anniversary or birthday, but you can't make up for giving birth or other medical emergencies.
Story 2 : I VERY strongly disagree with everyone, the jugement should have been ESH. 1. Of course OP went about it the wrong way he should have listend and communicated better, he was dismissive and that's an AH move. But it's not like he didn't plan on making it up. 2. The wife, I can understand beeing disapointed but telling him not to go was not okay. You cant compare a date (because thats all anniversaries are) with medical emmergency because even if its not the middle ages anymore, birth can still have complications. And moreover you CAN celebrate something a week later. 3. Both need to learn how to communicate. And to all the people in the comments wishing good luck to the wife, saying the update made him more of an asshole I'm glad I dont have any of you as my close family or friends, because you seem to think it is normal to choose a PARTY instead of helping someone close in their hour of need
Agreed! A birth is a once in a lifetime thing. A birthday is every year. That's a huge difference in rarity. And it is a medical emergency! It's sadly a life or death situation for some people and others suffer serious health complications for months and years afterwards! That's a huge difference in urgency!
Finally someone with sense... I thought everyone would say "NTA but you should have discussed with her, but it's okay as long as you make it upto them later", or go as far as to say your wife is being immature but NOPE... Seems like we are crazy here 😂
Right? I think it's so weird how people reacted. All her close family is dead , her brother is the one who can calm her down best, Of course he's the right guy for the job of supporting her to the most dangerous painful time in his sister's life. I think it's a privilege. He didn't pick a friend having a baby, it's his sister. You can always celebrate the anniversary later, like many people do, it's nr6 nothing special and the daughter had her mom and everyone else. How selfish can the wife be? It was only a week, which is very little.
OP didn't cause a single problem to Tim and his issues with his dad. Tim caused his own problems by making decisions he knew you wouldn't like. If he hadn't made that choice, he wouldn't have had a problem. Don't feel bad about dumping him.
If my partner’s sister was in the same situation, I’d completely understand if they wanted to be there by her side. It seems that I am in the minority.
Indeed. He might have laid things out a bit more diplomatically to his wife, but the priorities of the multiple situations were obvious, i.e., nothing to actually discuss.
Story 1: I know it's not the point, but parents who hold their inheritance over someone's head are controlling. Conversely, children who only do things to secure their inheritance don't really love their parents, just their money.
Great observation! Parents who hold an inheritance over their kid’s heads show them that their love is conditional. That all relationships are transactional.
S1 - Tim does what his friend group wants and thinks. He is a pathetic and you told tim everything not to do and he did the exact opposite. Mimi won and you and Tim lost. Now just walk away from this disaster. NTA. S2 - You absolutely should have talked to your wife before agreeing to anything with your sister. WTF is going through your head? Yes your sisters birth is important but you have to, have to, have to talk with your wife first. You are the AH.
Last story: First, a short story to hopefully explain my mindset. A few years ago, I remember reading an anecdote by a famous woman author (DWJones, I think) who said, "Raising a family is like juggling crystal clear balls, only you're not a talented juggler so you occasionally drop one or two of them. The key to being a good juggler--and by that I mean parent--is to know which balls are made of glass and which ones are made of plastic. If you drop a plastic one, it'll bounce and maybe crack; if you drop a glass one, though, it'll shatter and can't be repaired." Dude in the last story was caught in a situation that no matter what he did, he was going to drop a ball or two. No matter what he did, he was going to be the AH in someone's eyes. Could he have handled it better? Yes. However, let's be realistic here. Missing a six year old's birthday party: She's six; all she's interested in is cake, ice cream, gifts, and her friends. Mom missed having husband there but I don't think is is a life-scarring issue for the kid. Missing a wedding anniversary: more important than the party but I think recoverable, had he been more up-front with his wife. Hell, my wife and I got married on an important holiday so we wouldn't forget and lo and behold, sometime around the fifteenth one, I'm with friends on a trip when I realized it, called her up to apologize, only to hear her on the phone say, "Oh crap! I forgot too!" So I think that one is salvageable as well. Abandoning sis during her first child being born: Sis may be an adult but she's an orphan who's spouse cheated on her and thus she has no one close to be there during a difficult time. While she might have understood bro leaving her high and dry for his own family, she wouldn't have let that one go in the future--the one person she could count on didn't show up when she really needed someone. So yeah, I think OP made the right call but just communicated poorly with his wife. From my armchair, I think I would have told wife, "Sis is freaking out about going into labor and has no one to support her, so I'm going up there to be with her. You okay with that?" And when wife starts objecting, reply with, "I know, I know, kid's birthday, our wedding anniversary. However, put yourself in her shoes. Imagine you are about to give birth with kiddo, only I've cheated on you and left, your parents and grandparents are dead, and you don't really have anyone other than your brother to come be with you. Would you really be okay if he told you he couldn't make it because his wife wants you home for a kid's birthday party and wedding anniversary?" One thing I would add is, if I were in OP's shoes, the next time Sis calls up for help or something and wife was in earshot, I'd say, "I'm not sure; let me run it by the wife first," just to show wife is still number one.
S2 I don't believe for one second that the update is accurate, it sounds like he just wrote whatever but he wanted to hear. I don't think he's learned his lesson at all.
If he did apologise, it was pure lip service, because other people on the Internet said he was wrong and he respects strangers opinions more than his wife's feelings. I've had someone apologise to me because someone else said they treated me wrong, and it led to a whole mental downward spiral and took me years to claw my way out of it, because I had been ignoring all that shit and not thinking about it, and him acknowledging it without actually understanding he'd been wrong opened up a whole Pandoras box. A disingenuous apology is worse than no apology cos I could no longer pretend he didn't know. It was even worse than his past occasional "I'm sorry, but.." apologies where he'd apologise for something he did but blame me for why he did it. His wife being over the moon about him apologising for once and him saying he doesn't really do that, leads me to think op one of those people who thinks they're always right no matter.
@@Protagonistinfluence I am so sorry to hear that you experience that and I hope you're doing better. And as for the husband in this story, you are absolutely right!
@@barbmck28 it's been almost 20 years so my life is pretty good now, thank you. He's still in my life cos family but it is what it is and I moved away and made my own life :)
Story 1: NTA. Tim losing his money is his own doing. And OP you didn't react badly, you reacted exactly how you told him you would react in that situation. He had ever piece of info not to do this, and he still did it. More than likely he will end up out of the will entirely in the future.
@@GiordanDiodato if you want to phrase it like that, yes. Not saying he needs to cut off his sister, but in reality, he's not the father. He had no legal or moral obligation to go, and I can't imagine how embarrassed the daughter felt when all the friends parents would question where her father was.
@@D-M-K-1-2 ...Births are dangerous and scary, even nowadays. Imagine if his sister had died and his brother hadn't been there for her... He should've talked it with his wife, for sure, but if I were the wife I would've 100% told him he must go.
@@D-M-K-1-2 Also, during the birthday when asked, the daughter (or her mother) could say her father wasn't there because she was getting a new cousin, I don't see how that would be embarrassing.
Doing things in public is always a power move, they plan on the pressure to get what they want. There is a story where a sister wants wedding quickly and asks publicly her sister to give up wedding venue they had planned for a year. Totally satisfying when it fails fir them. In this case he lost a well set girlfriend and payouts ftom father
Story 1: Reddit when people are well off “must be fake” like not everyone is poor and people with good jobs that make a lot of money can also have problems in other aspects of their lives
I honestly think story 2 is more of an ESH except the daughter and sister. The reasons for him are rather obvious, but if the wife knows OP's family history, then she knew that he is all of the family his sister has, and had no one else to turn to for support. Add in the stress of going through a divorce while being pregnant with her first child, and you'd think OP's wife would have a bit of compassion for the situation. But she'd have rather the sister be scared and give birth alone with no family support....I'm not seeing how that ISN'T selfish. If they're lucky, there will be other anniversaries, but never the birth of a first child. His daughter is young, still had a good time at her party and will likely not be affected by her Dad not being at this one party, and will most likely even be excited to meet her new baby cousin. Yes, OP could and should have handled it better, no doubt. I just think the wife came off as a bit of a selfish, uncompromising prick herself. Glad they worked it out, though.
Proposal story: NTA! You had made it very clear to Tim about your needs for that precise situation and for whatever reason (outside "friend" influence or not), he chose to ignore that. Him losing a part of his inheritance is HIS fault, not yours or anyone else's. Changing your locks is in order ASAP. UPDATE: Tim's father sounds like a good man, even if some of his interest for you was your ethnicity. In many ways it sounds like Tim's "friends" were in it for what he could do for them via his father. Even with your locks changed and cameras (if any), I'd consider finding another apartment that Tim and company don't know about. Best wishes. Birth vs anniversary and birthday story: Yes OP, you're at least mildly TA! You knew how important the actual anniversary date and your daughter's birthday was to your wife and daughter. You didn't even discuss it with your wife, you just told her you were going and went. Could not one of your sister's friends or her/your parents be there? I'm going to assume her delivery was planned via inducement or C-section since the date seemed solid. I can understand her wanting family there given her marital status and I can understand you wanting to be there for her, but it was also a very big ask all things considered. I hope you didn't damage your own relationships, which appears to be a real possibility. UPDATE: OP, we understand the situation a little bit more now, but I still don't think you get it. You didn't do anything for your wife on the anniversary while you were gone except call. Not enough dude. I do hope you get things squared away with you wife and that you learned a life lesson.
Story 2, why didn't he discuss it with his wife 1st and delayed his daughter's bday party or something like that? Also, what will op do now? Will he move near his sister to support her and the kid?
Notice how he didn't get her friends involved and he said Mmi doesn't like one because they make her uncomfortable, totally ignoring that Mimi makes OP uncomfortable.
2nd story Yes, OP should have talked his wife more, and made some arrangement for their aniversary, but as the only close person to his sister going was a no brainer to me.
Agreed, especially after learning that they're basically all they have left. Could he have handled it differently, ABSOLUTELY. After clarifying why he felt he had to be there, I'm not thinking he's a terrible husband, I'm thinking that he and his sister only have each other and he could have made better plans to make his love felt for his wife/daughter since he was going to miss those events.
I actually DO think the birth was more important. But it was that he didn't talk to his wife that was the problem, and dismissing the birthday and anniversary as meaningless.
20:41 Comments like this really upset me, LG. The Husband could've lost his only living close family. Of course, it's priority over an anniversary. ... Which comes every year. I don't think we're really understanding the effect that stress had in him.
Story 1, op dodged a bullet by breaking up with him. If he's going to always prioritize his "friends" over his dad and op then he's going to even prioritize them over his future kids. Specially with how he disregarded op's friends just because there were 5 and not 8. Screw him, watch him come crawling back to his dad.
I actually canceled a meeting that was the deciding point for a large contract for my cybersecurity firm for a double event, daughter’s birthday and her violin recital. Luckily for me the other party valued his children as much as I do and didn’t mind rescheduling.
You didn't cost him his inheritance, he did. You told him you didn't want a public proposal or Mimi to be part of your private lives. He chose to not see you as a competent self-determining adult. He did it to himself. Seriously, he mentions his halved inheritance the first chance he got to talk to you after being unreachable for days? He is defeated by the money not by harming you and you enforcing your boundaries. He is telling you how he truly feels about you.
OP shouldnt worry about missing the anniversary and birthday. Wife will smarten up and divorce him so no more anniversaries and he'll become an every other weekend dad so he will rarely see her on the kid's actually birthday anyway
Tim's dad see the truth on his friend group. He introduce OP because he thought that will make him reconsiderate this friend group. Even people said he should get with Mimi if he has the hots with her. Here is the thing. Mimi is the type of woman who would want Tim to orbiter because he is a true loser who didn't put OP over this friend group and doesn't realize Mimi is using him as a doormat, even when she already has a successful boyfriend, Mimi just want Tim to be around just in case as she is the mean b*tch type who wants everything revolves around her and marry into success without put an effort too. She wouldn't even look at Tim if his father just cut him out either, and neither the friends.
Story 1: The funny thing is Mimi doesn't want Tim she just doesn't want him to put any woman before her, and Tim is just pathetic.
She loves her orbiter
@@jbgra2566😂
Yeah, how Tim is and how he’s okay with this… it’s sad.
that's the kind of relationship that always remind me of the milhouse quote from the simpsons
"You don't want me to be with you, you don't want me to be with someone else, how miserable do I have to be before you're happy ?"
@@yozarahirvi4750 100% this quote! I had a "friend" like this... She couldn't handle one of her exes moving on from being obsessed with trying to "win her back" even if she was in another relationship. She knew she would NEVER be with them again but the idea of them with someone else was the worst in her eyes!
I tried dating one of her exes, asked her if it was okay to ask him out in the morning, said she was "fine" with this but by the time I asked him out during lunch she had been shamelessly flirting with him since I asked her so he rejected me to "hopefully get back together" and they did for the weekend! LOL
Bullet dodged because one of my friends who did get into a serious relationship with one of "friends" exes was a few months in before "friend" started systematically destroying their relationship! And that is why I dropped "friend" after High School with everyone else! (She was shocked I was still friends years later with someone I had a falling out with in HS but dropped her like a ton of bricks! LOL Girl really!?)
If my girlfriend asked me not to do a public proposal, I would be RELIEVED. But dude is clearly doing it for himself.
Or doing it for Mimi. I'm not convinced that wasn't her plan.
He's doing it for his friends
Nah, he's doing it for his Dad!
Dad already threatened to disinherit him because he doesn't like his friends & way of life! BUT he does like & respect OP!
Tim's New Plan:
#1 keep Mimi
#2 make OP date & marry me
#3 marry OP while keeping Mimi
#4 Dad dies / get inheritance
#5 divorce OP
#6 marry Mimi
OP should probably sit down with Dad & tell him Everything he's been doing & that she loves & respects Dad but no way is she marring Tim but she doesn't want, to be or look like she is, the reason Tim's not getting his money! Tell dad that he needs to talk to Tim about the reasons he's not happy with him "But Leave Me Out Of It!!!"
Stay within dad's circle or don't but drop Tim!!! Because Tim is bad news & a manipulator for his own benefit!!!
You know it especially when she realized that all of his friends were there but not a single one of hers especially because mimi didn't want them there
Right? That seems like a huge amount of pressure off!
Op: i hate public proposals
Op's boyfriend: publicly proposes
Op:angry
Op's boyfriend: shocked pickachu face
🤣
Just imagine him doing the Mr. Bill "OoooOooo NoooOooo" 😂
We really need a shocked Pickachu face emoji.
When the OP mentioned that the boyfriend didn't think her social anxiety issues were that serious and wanted to help her by shoving her into a lot of public and social situations against her will, I saw red.
@@robinkholmes7127 I think people need emotional support people. Like one friend who tags along with you to just tell people no for you.
Story 1. Not only was it public there was nobody that loved her there. That is a huge red flag.
Add to that fact that he did this in HER flat with all those people?!?? The boy is a fool. (He's certainly not a man)
"You only have five friends and Mimi hates one of them" again it's all about Mimi.
Apparently Tim heard "thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies" and thought it made a great proposal theme.
Not only did he steamroll over the wishes of OP by having a public proposal, but this was in front of HIS people, not ONE of OP's friends or family you know the people she gave a damn about were there and to add a cherry on top of the sh--- Sunday, the woman she hated the most was invited. Huge nope for me!
I saw another story like this recently, guy even went to GF's best friend for advice and then totally ignored it, not even inviting her, telling her he didn't want her there and just inviting his friends and relatives. In effect it was a first step towards isolating her from her friends and family, all of her possible support systems. Later friend gets a call from the guy asking why isn't she there and if she could contact GF's parents so they could attend, but it was too late, GF already turned him down, dumped him after all the red flags he showed. It says a lot when a guy wants to do a public proposal but only wants his flying monkey's there.
Story 1: "He said he never cheated on me" ...when that was never even brought up... Guilty conscience much?
Agree that came out of the blue
As the saying goes, a hit dog will holler.
@@Domino365 There's another saying: "Guilty dog barks loudest." 😄
I caught that, too. I was like "Whoa, hold up. When did she even mention that he might have cheated?" I'm betting he did cheat, and my guess is it was with Mimi. I mean, he missed at least one important thing of OP's because Mimi's dog was throwing up! Come on, now. (gives side eye)
@@AutumnFire1414these are great phrases I’ll be adding to my vocabulary, thank you!
“Who said anything about you cheating with Mimi?”
💯 the OP never brought that up
Yeah, she blew him.
Yeah, she blew him.
Tim father isn’t doing anything because of Op, Tim father is teaching Tim what happens when he cross the line for the final time
Apparently Tim's dad also realizes that Tim's friend group (Mimi included) is not a good influence on Tim. They just seem to support Tim's selfish mindset.
When Mimi came over and blamed the OP for Tim's Dad's decision, I rolled my eyes at how dumb that entitled b**ch was, she'll never blame herself for anything
@@AutumnFire1414 And accept his (his dad's) money.
It sounds like Tim wanted to marry OP so he could have his cake and eat it too. He wanted his friends and wanted daddy’s money. Op was his way to facilitate it. I doubt he ever loved her, or even particularly liked her, not really. She was just a means to an end. Now that she’s gone and he doesn’t have the money any more I don’t think the friends will stick around much longer either.
💯👍🏿
Bit weird, how Dad/Boss threw them together. Not surprised Tim isn't enthused, but there are kinder ways (less public) to end a relationship that isn't working; because if it isn't working for one person, it's definitively not working for either. Both are better off in the long run, and OP isn't responsible for other people's decisions.
Loving someone means knowing and accepting them as they are. He tried to rapidly erase the OP's social anxiety through the most aggravating form of treatment.
I'm pretty sure he knows his friends only keep him on a short leash because of his money 💰
@@robinkholmes7127 He was being influenced by his female friend, whose intentions were not benign. Boyo needs to develop greater discernment regarding what real friends are.
“You own a cabin, this is fake”
Bruh WHAT. I’ve heard some dumbass shit before but daaaamn.
Inheritance, she bought a fixer upper and did a lot of work herself... Plus she's a lawyer, they make bank.
Of course, who ever heard of someone owning a cabin in the United States? If she had said she owned a Castle that would have been differnt.
@@johnbradbury8610Yeah these people are nuts. Apparently since they are too poor to either own a house or more than one no one else can afford it either.
My nephew-in-law's parents run some kind of non-profit and while no mansion own a big house 3 story house with a theater room here in Texas and a second house in Colorado
@@robinkholmes7127and Indian parents rigorous about academics too. Many Indian kids get into really good schools because of that. OP probably went to a T14 law school and may even work in big law.
@@johnbradbury8610 Apparently they didn't know this isn't in the U.S., her using the term "flat" should have been a big clue to that.
OP's boyfriend sure showed her how 'important' her feelings are to him.
But what if the guy wanted a public proposal? Only the girls wishes matter in a proposal or a relationship?
They need to be on the same page. If you want to do a public proposal, it needs to be okay with both people.
@@sheetala2423 gender is not important, don't genderized anything dude.
Any decisions in a relationship is only going through with two yes. One no and is *NO*.
@@sheetala2423 if its 1x no and 1x yes for a public proposal then its always a "o heck no!"
@tijgeke87 got it...I belong to a country where arranged marriages are still the norm.. so I do have a lot of questions about western cultural practices
Tim can go marry his friend group if he loves them so much.
nope. he's cut off. he's useless now. once they realize they can't get OP to come back and convince his dad to undisown him they'll vanish
Pretty sure that was Mimi's plan to get OP out of the way so she could have Tim to herself. Wonder is she's as enamored of him now that he is losing the precious inheritance that seem to matter so much to the group.
They will dump him now he has no money.
@@noydb-1 he's free money for her. OP said she already has a affluent bf. she kept him around to pay for stuff her bf won't
@@noydb-1Nah he was never anything but her plan B in case she's looking down the barrel of 40 with no prospects. However now that he's been disinherited I'm betting Mimi drops him as backup, & his "friends" all start distancing themselves. Tim played himself with all the f**king around so now he's finding out.
Someone did this in my neighborhood. The young guy lives in a house his grandparents own. His gf never put him 1st . Not even his birthday. She actually planned a proposal in the house. Had to be at least 50 people inside. He only knew his gf. He left. Called his parents and grandparents. All 4 got the group out of the house except her and a random girl she said was her best friend.
The grandparents ended up suing because a lot of their items in the home were damaged, destroyed, and after checking the cameras in every room, grandparents decided to sue. They sued everyone they saw on camera damage something, broke something, ruined something.
Apparently now ex gf claimed it was her house and to “ make themselves at home “.
Every person she invited now hates her. Most had to pay for the damages. I know for sure 10 people didn’t break anything….
She hasn’t learned. She still contacts him thinking she’s got a shot.
I hope reality or karma hit her hard, no one should go through what he did
S1: NTA, he invited all HIS friends. That right there says everything to me. When you propose to someone, you can invite a few people for you, but then you invite people for who you are proposing to.
I recall some cases close mutual friends who were there but to record away from the couple or something. It's one thing if it's something small like that, but holy frick a whole ass group? What a selfish, stupid git.
I like a private proposal, it's about the two of you not you and your whole friend group holding you hand through your relationship. Imagine the wedding night, Mimi holding Tim's hand while he consummates his marriage the OP.
@@robinkholmes7127 oh gods, no no. It's like in ye olden times where it had to be witnessed to make sure the girl was deflowered and seal the marriage. Except it's Mimi making sure she still owns Tim's balls.
Story 2: I totally understand why OP wants to be there for his sister. She’s going through a terrible time, and I’ve been there with leaving home for a bit to help with a family member in similar crisis.
HOWEVER! That was all discussed up front with my husband, who supported the trip. OP seems to be going through life acting as if his wife and child are accessories, rather than his top priority.
Exactly! It just irks me that op clearly doesn't care about these celebrations and doesn't even think of how his wife and kid think of those days. Sure, he might not think they're important, but come on man! Does it take too much energy to think of the other people you're affecting with your choices? Just a little tact and common sense would be nice.
He is not going to stop treating his wife and child like accessories. The onus is now on the wife to show him consequences.
i would understand if the ex was agressive and a jerk and OP was afraid something happen to the sister if he appear on there. But OP never said anything about it and make a unilateral decision without even think about it at all.
I will tell a little story i had recently with my gf about communication:
I chastize my gf recently because of her missing my b-day as her excuse was work again. YET she has another job who deals with online and i was there. She told that she talk about it was my b-day but nobody said anything about it afterward when i came back from my little party. She told me that recently she has to see a fight because of the situation of taking to much job and finally understood why i was mad at her for never speak about it. She even understood why i was mad when we speak about it, and said she would compensate a lot for it as well as her work load is getting lower now (she in a director position on her main job). Also she apologize for what happen the same day as her memory tend to switch between remember important things and remember work, and when she remember the important thing, it pass days or weeks already, and that also cost her a relationship in the past (she got cheated on by a guy ... despite her been a bombshell. I'm still surprise to know HOW, but her been focus more on work gives me an idea of why).
But at the end of the day, talking was better to clear things out since she understood i was also under a lot of stress from my work and helping her with my work was the reason why her side job flourished amazing, while believing in her potential was what push her to go back to it again.
If I were married to this guy, he would spend every birthday, every holiday by himself for the rest of his life. Because they’re just days, right?
Story2: 19:22 wild that he admits that he’d drop his family for his sister for “however long”
I am glad that I am not the only one who caught that. From his own post (and his wife’s words), it is safe to assume that there are other support systems in place that the sister can fall back on. YET, he still believes that he should unilaterally decide to drop his family for however long to be with his sister. He fails to realize that his own words show how much his own wife and child mean to him, and sadly they are well below his sister.
Honestly, his update (to me) seemed like he was trying to justify his actions and gaslight Reddit to be on his side. Like he couldn’t believe that Reddit wasn’t on his side, and only acknowledged the “possibility” that he could be the jerk. He needs to reevaluate his life and priorities.
‘It was a joke’
Sure, a joke. It was a joke at OPs expense and meant to cause her pain but, sure, don’t pay attention to her.
"Oh you're soooo funny! Girlie, don't quit your day job. Now get out."
Story 2: That was interesting for me, because I do not disagree that a birth trumps celebrations that come every year and are routinely deferred to weekends and so (also, wedding anniversaries are not a thing where I'm from). The part where I come down to him being the AH is how he talks about it. Major force can make you skip an occasion, but you are supposed to be aware that the occasion is a thing that you are missing and if you care about the people involved, you try to make up. Instead he is all "It's no big deal if I'm not for my kid birthday, and we can go to dinner with my wife later"
This!
Tim should marry Mimi. They deserve each other.
Dare I say Mimi the Pick-Me? :P
He won’t. Remember, she has a successful bf. She just doesn’t want someone else taking priority over her. She is one of THOSE girls that give us decent women a bad name. He’s her emergency back up and nothing more. But she can’t allowed him to marry anyone else until she marries herself and no longer needs the option.
Tim is Mimi's plan B.
1: NTA - if he doesn't understand your fears... let him goo.. let him gooo!
@@VirgilCristurean Can't hold it back anymore
Let him go, let him go
Turn him away and slam the door
@@mx9226 And I don’t care, what Mimi’s got to say.
@@bethanyhutter5433Let the storm of calls and texts rage on... Being alone never bothered me anyway.
Instead of doing research on social anxiety and trauma, he decided that the best treatment was flooding without consent
He understands, he just doesn't care.
"Denser than mercury yoghurt"
I'm stealing that
I like that she gave the ultimatum because it’s an eye-opener for the ex fiancé and it reinforces her resolve against him.
It would be nice to hear the update after Tim's friends all dump him now that access to daddy's money will be lost to them. He might try to crawl back into your life when his precious Mimi is less interested in his life now that daddy's money is gone.
OP, you did write something positive. You wrote that you dumped that loser and his leech friends. You were never something he wanted, he just hung around you so daddy would keep funding his lifestyle. He would have married you so you could take over the funding, while he played around (or at least tried to) with his Mimi. Remember, the whole proposal in front of his friends, complete with the snide remarks were all part of Mimi's plan to get you out of the way and increase her access to daddy's money. So, I'm sure she's far less interested in little Timmy now that daddy is pulling the plug on his funding.
Agree I get the feeling most of his friends only hang around because of benefits
If Tim would have said yes to the ultimatum, I wonder where the OP and he'd be now
@robinkholmes7127 That was the point, she asked him a question she already knew the answer to. There was never going to be a "yes", because Tim is a loser.
There is a common theme in both videos and that is the man ignoring the women in their life and their feelings. In the first I agree with everyone who said the boyfriend ignored what his girlfriend had told him and her social anxiety. He only thought about himself and how it would be an advantage to him - his friends were there, hers was not; he knew how Mimi was, still had her there, not not rein her in (and that was not a joke. Bullies always say that afterwards); and he knew girlfriend was his father's favorite. Now he can deal with the fallout. Second video. Understanding it only seemed to be husband and his sister, his wife and daughter was very much treated second class. No mention of him planning ahead to have flowers or gifts delivered on the anniversary or birthday. No mention of zoom calls, "I'm thinking of you even though I can't be there" actions. It was like "out of sight, out of mind". Even the way he wrote the post was where he dismissed them and their events. I am glad Lost Genre wished the wife and daughter well and not the husband.
Women still die in childbirth. His sis was alone and scared. I get why he went...but he needed to talk that out with his wife.
💯 talk it through, work as a team, maybe bring the wife and daughter over and have a small birthday celebration with cake where they'd be staying. Not plan without consulting his wife first and say "Don't be so defensive" when she asks "Can't my SIL find anyone else to hold her hand while she gives birth?". Plus I saw red when the Op said "I can face-time my daughter on her birthday, I don't need to be there in person". He's on his way to parental alienation.
She doesn't have ANY friends she can trust? None? Yes childbirth is hard, but it shouldn't wreck someone else's life. She also knew what he'd be missing, but neither of them cared. Seems like it's the siblings against the world as far as they're concerned, but OP really doesn't realise he could loose what he has if he's not respectful, and it would be his fault.
Even after the it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission approach and all those comments telling him he was an AH, he still doesn't really care.
@robinkholmes7127 you honestly think daughter would be happier cancelling her birthday PARTY with all her friends & instead spending it in a hotel or crowded house with just her dad, mom & aunt?
@@LadyJoolreeif my partner made a fuss about me missing an anniversary dinner over being there to support my sister give birth, there would definitely be some issues in our marriage. Their parents are dead. The sister just lost her partner. But taking the wife out for a steak dinner on a particular day is waaaay more important than giving birth!!! 🙄
@@PhoenixForceTravelAgency Yup, that's the impression I got.
The sexism she received from reddit still amazes me for some reason. How are men just that lacking that they think it's acceptable to tell women what to do?
Their opinions don’t matter bc no woman with half a brain would give those guys the time of day.
With the second story in my family it wouldn’t be a big deal but we are pretty different because we have a family history of complicated dangerous births on both sides of the family that were very unexpected. My husband and I got married twice(once right after I graduated for health insurance and once for the family)and we forget both each year for 23 yrs. We have always been flexible with birthdays. Every family is different but due to our family traumas we prioritize being there for everything medical and are flexible with celebrations. The real problem as stated is the lack of communication on not being around for the birthday and anniversary and also as a married couple it is important to be on the same page in general when it comes to these things.
“It was just a joke, you should lighten up.” The moto of bullies everywhere.
The 2nd post. I searched around on other Reddit UA-cam channels. It sounds similar to a post a woman made about her husband ignoring the anniversary and forgetting their daughters birthday.
I honestly think this is the husband posting after his wife did.
The tea thickens...
I think it was something similar. Also it sounds similar to the story about the woman who abandon her husband on the reception and going to the honeymoon because the sister was giving birth. And even the sister was annoyed she was there the entire time and never understood why she was at fault.
@@SenseiRaisen I remember that.
All could be tied together.
Wouldn’t surprise me
@@Denverbroncos87 yap. OP in this story did the exact same thing, when sister should had a support system too.
I would agree if OP has a reason like the ex was harassing her or been aggressive, or the sister is afraid the guy took the baby, i would understand, but even that the hospital should be alerted too.
I don't have anxiety but I'd be just as pissed if someone staged a public proposal. I'm a private person, like the calm of my life (because my work is the opposite) and am not an attention seeker, so I would be appalled.
Story 1: Tim can get married to passive aggressive rude obnoxious belittling Mimi.
No, according to OP she has a BF that isn't a loser. She just likes having Tim around as a beta-orbiter.
Tim's Mimi's plan B
@@AusExplorer series of boyfriends? I think--
Story 1: Funniest part, Op didn’t have ANY friends or family there, so Tim (as usual based off what Op has mentioned) did this for him and his friends.
NTA Op, maybe one day Tim will grow up, but that day is not today.
before update with story one from the wording neither OPs parents nor Tim's parents were are the "party"
so OP has stated she does not want a proposal in public
Boyfriend knows Mimi is a sore point and clearly has not told her to be on best behavior
unknown people in OP's flat when bf knows she has social anxiety issues.
OP has not lied to anyone and has prewarned bf... in no way is OP responsible for bf losing any part of inheritance that is a choice his father made based on bf's actions, i would not be surprised if father had told bf not to do it or something similar as it is clear he knows and understands OP
Story 1 - I would NEVER be okay with walking into my home and seeing unexpected guests, unless there were extenuating circumstances requiring other people to be in my home without my prior approval.
"Good for you my man, but people like you give me hope. No matter how daft, I'll never be THIS DAFT. " The 2nd OP was terrible. He takes failing his daughter, as a good thing since "She didnt complain."
His sister was going through a serious medical procedure…
12:54 to cement what OP suspected, that his friends would always come first.
Story 1) Mimi, Tim's friends and his inheritance were ALWAYS going to take precedence over OP. I'm actually surprised that Tim didn't already try using her cabin without her permission.
Story 2) I can understand when siblings are tight and don't have as many family members they can trust in those situations. OP didn't even try to talk with his wife and come up with an alternate plan. Missing a birthday for your kids is one of those things is a memory you never have or can ever get back. Deployments are one thing, this was just an AH move. Something tells me his next birthday is going to get played down A LOT. He MIGHT get lucky to get card.
TBF, I think most guys would just prefer their birthdays to be an ordinary day without muss, fuss or bother.
Denser than mercury yogurt! 😂😂Best one liner ever, thank you Lost. You put a smile on my face this morning.
“…please eat crap,” had me legit lol.
Just wanted to take a moment to thank you for the video, LG. Every time I see you have posted a new one, I get excited to listen to it, even if it's a story I heard before elsewhere, because I enjoy your voice and your opinions on them. The little muttered comments and different voices make me laugh. Keep up the great work! 😊
I'm stealing the phrase "denser then mercury yogurt" 😂😂😂
Second story- I mean- people still die in childbirth all the time. I feel like extra context would make a lot of difference
Yeah, I also agree that a birth is much more important than an aniversary, that doesn't mean aniversaries aren't important, just that birthing a child is... no joke.
Story 1:
Respect, Love, Trustworthiness - those are the three pillars of any relationship.
OP's ex violated at least two of them severely. OP is definitely NTA.
LG! The second in the second story you said "doesn't sound like it" I just started laughing... I'm currently walking on the street with buds (so people can't see I'm listening to something), and a lady just evil side eye me
Story 2: OP needs a larger butterfly and neck to catch the clue that's flying around him. Thankfully for the rest of us OP set an entirely new floor for us by being this clueless.
I don't get it either. Please elaborate
Exept for the butterfly suicide, i didn't get much
I'm guessing by new floor you mean he set an entirely new low/bar for people to reach?
Talk to text got you good 😂. It happens to me all the time! I'll never forget trying to have a serious conversation with a friend of mine and telling *him* he needed to be the prettiest one in court. It was all thanks to talk to text 😂😂
@@barbmck28I just assumed English isnt this persons first language. But I can get the gist of what they're trying to say.
Okay, let's gloss over the fact that Tim decided to ignore OP's fears and feelings about a public proposal (I know how bad it is but I want to put the emphasis on something else)
The audience he invited to witness the proposal was HIS friends only, OP didn't mention any person from her side of the relationship and even mentionned people she didn't even know !
How crazy, entilted, obnoxious and/or self centered you have to be to only invite people from YOUR side of the relationship in a proposal party ? everything about a wedding (even to the proposal) should be about the RELATIONSHIP ! it's crazy to plan such a big event and to NOT invite ANYONE from her side ?
I mean, we all have stupid ideas, but had he treated this stupid idea correctly (I.E. inviting someone like OP's best friend for exemple), a few invited people would have told him something along the lines of "that's a stupid idea, do something else, it won't turn as you expect it to turn".
If I were to plan a public proposal (I'm single and not fond of the whole wedding stuff but let's imagine) I wouldn't even think about not inviting people my partner is fond of (her friends, her family, people she'd want at that kind of celebration)
Edit : And I even forgot to add that he though it would be a bunch of unkown people to the flat of someone with social anxiety ...
Tim said he had heard and understood OP's dislike for public proposals but then did it anyway. Whether OP wants to take a chance on Tim learning from the experience or not is entirely up to OP, who can't be faulted for deciding either way. I strongly suspect there are other variables at work that OP didn't mention, as well.
Story 1: "I didn't think you were being genuine about your anxiety" (has literally SEEN her get panic attacks)
"Why weren't my friends there?" "WELL since you have such few friends, i thought mine should come first. Also Mimi doesn't like ONE of your single mom friends & the comfort of HER outweighs your comfort" Boy BYE.
Story 2: YTA. It's the fact that OP didn't even discuss it with his wife! He just went to his wife & said "yea I'm missing our daughters birthday & our anniversary. I'll make it up to you. K bye!" Like there was ZERO discussion. Like there weren't any other siblings or cousins or friends that could've been with the sister? It HAD to be OP?
After Update: "i did not expect people to think i was the AH & i MAY have neglected my wife" uhhhhhhh..... what?! "Compared to a birthday & anniversary, childbirth is stressful & so they seemed insignificant to me" My guy!! What the ever living hell?!
Like, I love my brother but I would NEVER expect him to drop everything to come to me for something like that. If I knew my brother had his kids party & anniversary I'd call one of my cousins or one of my aunts to be with me. And if my brother wanted to fly out & see me afterwards then yea.
To each their own. But big public proposals seem so cringe to me. So tryhard.
And to do so after being specifically told not to...yeah. No. That's a deal breaker.
If someone is going to step all over your desires that early in a marriage, that is a red flag that is impossible to miss.
Story 1 NTA: I bet the female friend convinced OP's ex-boyfriend, that OP secretly wanting a public proposal, because all women want a big romantic "public" proposal and women who say they don't are lying.
The female friend basically achieved her goal by breaking them up, so now she has OP's ex-boyfriend all to herself to either date or put back in the friendzone, where she can control him.
I will always say this: public proposals require consent and if you care at all about your partner's comfort and happiness, you will respect their wishes and not ignore when they say no to having a public proposal.
If you don't care about your partner being comfortable during the proposal, you have no business in proposing to anyone yet.
Story 1: it’s incredibly obvious that OP’s now ex has been cheating on her for years and that he actually wants to marry Mimi, and the only reason he’s ever been with OP is to get his inheritance from his dad.
Wash your hands of this shit and don’t look back
Story 1: "Mimi only wants the best for us" - except by "us" he meant him and his pick meme, not for him and OP. She's better off without him. What his dad does with his money is not her fault or her business.
Story 1: Haven't even finished, and I've noticed Tim invited his friends and strangers. But when OP wanted backup, she CALLED her BFF. That means, at minimum, none of OP's friends were there, only Tim's and people he knew. That's the cherry on top of this shit sundae.
Edit afterwards: FUUUUUUUUCK Tim! She has less friends, so they can wait to hear the news? Fuck aaaaaaaaaaaaall the way off!
Denser then mercury yoghurt 😂😂😂😂😂😂🥰
You are spot on LG
Imho people need to start exposing people who decided to dm them harsh shit
Story 1: I feel secondhand embarrassment for Tim. This guy is so dependent on how his friends view him and what they think of him that he sabotaged a good relationship just because of what Mimi told him. Happy that OP broke up with him and went about her life. Also Mimi knew why OP broke up with Tim, she just thought she could get a rise out of her then was disappointed when OP dismissed her and wanted nothing more to do with her.
The ex was just with OP for his father's approval, I'm so glad she cut it off.
"So, here's wishing your wife and daughter the best in the future. Hope they take care. Thanks for sharing." Oooh, burn!
Story 1: “Dim-Tim” needs to just hookup with “Mimi the PickMe”
Regarding the birth of a baby. Being there for your sister’s first birth and missing one birthday and one anniversary is not a bad thing telling them that you plan to make it up is a good thing. Communication would avoid any drama. My husband has missed a few anniversaries. The fact that my twins were born on our fifth anniversary means my anniversary gets second billing all the time. Not to one birthday but to two birthdays.he misses them because of work. But he makes it up. Like all of these posts clear communication when you have to do something is critical to not being the asshole.
I have been wanting a new "denser then . . ." analogy for years. "Denser than mercury yogurt." LG, that is perfect, just perfect! Thanks.
Embarrass him back. “MARRY YOU?!? FIRST WHO IS ‘AMBER?!’”
Story 2: He's so lucky to have such a forgiving family, but he's probably going to take this as a successful example of "ask for forgiveness instead of permission" and continue to break away at their trust :/
S2: 'I would be missing those days, but I didn't think it was a big deal' and that alone sealed away that this OP was the AH. What a great way to teach a young girl that her father doesn't think much of her. Whose birthday is he going to celebrate the next year? His daughter, or his niece? Because I can see which he'll say is no big deal...
I always enjoy your under the breath, personal commentary. 👍🏽
"Mercury Yogurt" is totally the name of my new garage band.
Story 2, pre-update: I generally agree with OP that current events (like a baby being born) are more important than celebrations of past events.
That said, how one reacts to that prioritizing of activities matters. OP didn't include their wife in planning how to handle the conflict. OP didn't even start planning the anniversary or birthday celebrations until after their week away. All of that is an expression of disrespect for their wife and daughter. OP doesn't get to unilaterally decide how they make up for how they hurt their family. Believing they can makes OP the A-Hole.
Post Update: Wow...OP's wife forgives them, and OP completely misses the point of why the wife was happy with the discussion and that this situation is probably a warning sign to use for planning future actions/attitudes. I do not have much hope for OP's future...
Story 1: If dad really does cut Tim off, I bet his 'friends' all suddenly start ghosting him as well. Sounds like Tim was more like the friend group ATM.
S1: NTA at all. Tim only cared about himself and getting his dad's money. Honestly though I think public proposals are manipulative. All the social pressure would make most people say yes. If they don't or they have an anxiety attack like OP, they're treated like the ahole. Even if you lie and say yes in public then discuss it in private, you're the ahole for lying 🤦🏽♂️
S2: I thought YTA, and while I do think OP handled it wrong, its ESH to me after the update. I think the wife was a little selfish and should've understood her husband's situation: they have no other relatives and the sister would be all alone in the delivery room. You can make up for an anniversary or birthday, but you can't make up for giving birth or other medical emergencies.
Story 2 : I VERY strongly disagree with everyone, the jugement should have been ESH.
1. Of course OP went about it the wrong way he should have listend and communicated better, he was dismissive and that's an AH move. But it's not like he didn't plan on making it up.
2. The wife, I can understand beeing disapointed but telling him not to go was not okay. You cant compare a date (because thats all anniversaries are) with medical emmergency because even if its not the middle ages anymore, birth can still have complications. And moreover you CAN celebrate something a week later.
3. Both need to learn how to communicate.
And to all the people in the comments wishing good luck to the wife, saying the update made him more of an asshole I'm glad I dont have any of you as my close family or friends, because you seem to think it is normal to choose a PARTY instead of helping someone close in their hour of need
Agreed! A birth is a once in a lifetime thing. A birthday is every year. That's a huge difference in rarity.
And it is a medical emergency!
It's sadly a life or death situation for some people and others suffer serious health complications for months and years afterwards!
That's a huge difference in urgency!
Totally agree
Finally someone with sense... I thought everyone would say "NTA but you should have discussed with her, but it's okay as long as you make it upto them later", or go as far as to say your wife is being immature but NOPE... Seems like we are crazy here 😂
Right? I think it's so weird how people reacted. All her close family is dead , her brother is the one who can calm her down best, Of course he's the right guy for the job of supporting her to the most dangerous painful time in his sister's life. I think it's a privilege. He didn't pick a friend having a baby, it's his sister. You can always celebrate the anniversary later, like many people do, it's nr6 nothing special and the daughter had her mom and everyone else. How selfish can the wife be? It was only a week, which is very little.
If he did it this time, how many other times has he decided his wife’s feelings on the matter don’t matter?
OP didn't cause a single problem to Tim and his issues with his dad. Tim caused his own problems by making decisions he knew you wouldn't like. If he hadn't made that choice, he wouldn't have had a problem. Don't feel bad about dumping him.
If my partner’s sister was in the same situation, I’d completely understand if they wanted to be there by her side. It seems that I am in the minority.
Indeed. He might have laid things out a bit more diplomatically to his wife, but the priorities of the multiple situations were obvious, i.e., nothing to actually discuss.
Story 1: I know it's not the point, but parents who hold their inheritance over someone's head are controlling. Conversely, children who only do things to secure their inheritance don't really love their parents, just their money.
Two sides of the same coin
Great observation! Parents who hold an inheritance over their kid’s heads show them that their love is conditional. That all relationships are transactional.
Story 1: You and your man are not a true match. You made the right move. Dont look back. Move on !!!!
S1 - Tim does what his friend group wants and thinks. He is a pathetic and you told tim everything not to do and he did the exact opposite. Mimi won and you and Tim lost. Now just walk away from this disaster. NTA.
S2 - You absolutely should have talked to your wife before agreeing to anything with your sister. WTF is going through your head? Yes your sisters birth is important but you have to, have to, have to talk with your wife first. You are the AH.
Last story: First, a short story to hopefully explain my mindset. A few years ago, I remember reading an anecdote by a famous woman author (DWJones, I think) who said, "Raising a family is like juggling crystal clear balls, only you're not a talented juggler so you occasionally drop one or two of them. The key to being a good juggler--and by that I mean parent--is to know which balls are made of glass and which ones are made of plastic. If you drop a plastic one, it'll bounce and maybe crack; if you drop a glass one, though, it'll shatter and can't be repaired."
Dude in the last story was caught in a situation that no matter what he did, he was going to drop a ball or two. No matter what he did, he was going to be the AH in someone's eyes. Could he have handled it better? Yes. However, let's be realistic here. Missing a six year old's birthday party: She's six; all she's interested in is cake, ice cream, gifts, and her friends. Mom missed having husband there but I don't think is is a life-scarring issue for the kid. Missing a wedding anniversary: more important than the party but I think recoverable, had he been more up-front with his wife. Hell, my wife and I got married on an important holiday so we wouldn't forget and lo and behold, sometime around the fifteenth one, I'm with friends on a trip when I realized it, called her up to apologize, only to hear her on the phone say, "Oh crap! I forgot too!" So I think that one is salvageable as well. Abandoning sis during her first child being born: Sis may be an adult but she's an orphan who's spouse cheated on her and thus she has no one close to be there during a difficult time. While she might have understood bro leaving her high and dry for his own family, she wouldn't have let that one go in the future--the one person she could count on didn't show up when she really needed someone.
So yeah, I think OP made the right call but just communicated poorly with his wife. From my armchair, I think I would have told wife, "Sis is freaking out about going into labor and has no one to support her, so I'm going up there to be with her. You okay with that?" And when wife starts objecting, reply with, "I know, I know, kid's birthday, our wedding anniversary. However, put yourself in her shoes. Imagine you are about to give birth with kiddo, only I've cheated on you and left, your parents and grandparents are dead, and you don't really have anyone other than your brother to come be with you. Would you really be okay if he told you he couldn't make it because his wife wants you home for a kid's birthday party and wedding anniversary?"
One thing I would add is, if I were in OP's shoes, the next time Sis calls up for help or something and wife was in earshot, I'd say, "I'm not sure; let me run it by the wife first," just to show wife is still number one.
S2 I don't believe for one second that the update is accurate, it sounds like he just wrote whatever but he wanted to hear. I don't think he's learned his lesson at all.
If he did apologise, it was pure lip service, because other people on the Internet said he was wrong and he respects strangers opinions more than his wife's feelings. I've had someone apologise to me because someone else said they treated me wrong, and it led to a whole mental downward spiral and took me years to claw my way out of it, because I had been ignoring all that shit and not thinking about it, and him acknowledging it without actually understanding he'd been wrong opened up a whole Pandoras box. A disingenuous apology is worse than no apology cos I could no longer pretend he didn't know. It was even worse than his past occasional "I'm sorry, but.." apologies where he'd apologise for something he did but blame me for why he did it. His wife being over the moon about him apologising for once and him saying he doesn't really do that, leads me to think op one of those people who thinks they're always right no matter.
@@Protagonistinfluence I am so sorry to hear that you experience that and I hope you're doing better. And as for the husband in this story, you are absolutely right!
@@barbmck28 it's been almost 20 years so my life is pretty good now, thank you. He's still in my life cos family but it is what it is and I moved away and made my own life :)
Story 1: NTA. Tim losing his money is his own doing. And OP you didn't react badly, you reacted exactly how you told him you would react in that situation. He had ever piece of info not to do this, and he still did it. More than likely he will end up out of the will entirely in the future.
9:22 I’m glad having a respectable dad saved OP, otherwise she could’ve been retaliated
Story 2: it's pretty rare when an update makes them even more of an a hole then the original story
oh so he should have abandoned his sister?
@@GiordanDiodato if you want to phrase it like that, yes. Not saying he needs to cut off his sister, but in reality, he's not the father. He had no legal or moral obligation to go, and I can't imagine how embarrassed the daughter felt when all the friends parents would question where her father was.
@@D-M-K-1-2 ...Births are dangerous and scary, even nowadays. Imagine if his sister had died and his brother hadn't been there for her... He should've talked it with his wife, for sure, but if I were the wife I would've 100% told him he must go.
@@D-M-K-1-2 Also, during the birthday when asked, the daughter (or her mother) could say her father wasn't there because she was getting a new cousin, I don't see how that would be embarrassing.
Doing things in public is always a power move, they plan on the pressure to get what they want. There is a story where a sister wants wedding quickly and asks publicly her sister to give up wedding venue they had planned for a year. Totally satisfying when it fails fir them. In this case he lost a well set girlfriend and payouts ftom father
15:34 The actual saying is "Undomesticated equines could not remove me." It's a pretty famous quote from Teal'c.
This relationship should have never gotten to the proposal stage
Story 1: Reddit when people are well off “must be fake” like not everyone is poor and people with good jobs that make a lot of money can also have problems in other aspects of their lives
I honestly think story 2 is more of an ESH except the daughter and sister. The reasons for him are rather obvious, but if the wife knows OP's family history, then she knew that he is all of the family his sister has, and had no one else to turn to for support. Add in the stress of going through a divorce while being pregnant with her first child, and you'd think OP's wife would have a bit of compassion for the situation. But she'd have rather the sister be scared and give birth alone with no family support....I'm not seeing how that ISN'T selfish.
If they're lucky, there will be other anniversaries, but never the birth of a first child. His daughter is young, still had a good time at her party and will likely not be affected by her Dad not being at this one party, and will most likely even be excited to meet her new baby cousin.
Yes, OP could and should have handled it better, no doubt. I just think the wife came off as a bit of a selfish, uncompromising prick herself. Glad they worked it out, though.
Why did the boyfriends jump to "I didn't cheat" op said nothing about cheating
Proposal story: NTA! You had made it very clear to Tim about your needs for that precise situation and for whatever reason (outside "friend" influence or not), he chose to ignore that. Him losing a part of his inheritance is HIS fault, not yours or anyone else's. Changing your locks is in order ASAP.
UPDATE: Tim's father sounds like a good man, even if some of his interest for you was your ethnicity. In many ways it sounds like Tim's "friends" were in it for what he could do for them via his father. Even with your locks changed and cameras (if any), I'd consider finding another apartment that Tim and company don't know about. Best wishes.
Birth vs anniversary and birthday story: Yes OP, you're at least mildly TA! You knew how important the actual anniversary date and your daughter's birthday was to your wife and daughter. You didn't even discuss it with your wife, you just told her you were going and went. Could not one of your sister's friends or her/your parents be there? I'm going to assume her delivery was planned via inducement or C-section since the date seemed solid. I can understand her wanting family there given her marital status and I can understand you wanting to be there for her, but it was also a very big ask all things considered. I hope you didn't damage your own relationships, which appears to be a real possibility.
UPDATE: OP, we understand the situation a little bit more now, but I still don't think you get it. You didn't do anything for your wife on the anniversary while you were gone except call. Not enough dude. I do hope you get things squared away with you wife and that you learned a life lesson.
Story 2, why didn't he discuss it with his wife 1st and delayed his daughter's bday party or something like that?
Also, what will op do now? Will he move near his sister to support her and the kid?
Public proposals are bad luck. 🤷🏾♀🤷🏾♀
Notice how he didn't get her friends involved and he said Mmi doesn't like one because they make her uncomfortable, totally ignoring that Mimi makes OP uncomfortable.
2nd story
Yes, OP should have talked his wife more, and made some arrangement for their aniversary, but as the only close person to his sister going was a no brainer to me.
Agreed, especially after learning that they're basically all they have left. Could he have handled it differently, ABSOLUTELY. After clarifying why he felt he had to be there, I'm not thinking he's a terrible husband, I'm thinking that he and his sister only have each other and he could have made better plans to make his love felt for his wife/daughter since he was going to miss those events.
I actually DO think the birth was more important. But it was that he didn't talk to his wife that was the problem, and dismissing the birthday and anniversary as meaningless.
20:41
Comments like this really upset me, LG. The Husband could've lost his only living close family. Of course, it's priority over an anniversary. ... Which comes every year. I don't think we're really understanding the effect that stress had in him.
Tim set this whole thing up for failure
Story 1, op dodged a bullet by breaking up with him. If he's going to always prioritize his "friends" over his dad and op then he's going to even prioritize them over his future kids. Specially with how he disregarded op's friends just because there were 5 and not 8. Screw him, watch him come crawling back to his dad.
"In VERY Tim Fashion" ...I lol'd.
I actually canceled a meeting that was the deciding point for a large contract for my cybersecurity firm for a double event, daughter’s birthday and her violin recital. Luckily for me the other party valued his children as much as I do and didn’t mind rescheduling.
ah so Tim bought his friends and they string him along for the money
You didn't cost him his inheritance, he did. You told him you didn't want a public proposal or Mimi to be part of your private lives. He chose to not see you as a competent self-determining adult. He did it to himself.
Seriously, he mentions his halved inheritance the first chance he got to talk to you after being unreachable for days? He is defeated by the money not by harming you and you enforcing your boundaries. He is telling you how he truly feels about you.
OP shouldnt worry about missing the anniversary and birthday. Wife will smarten up and divorce him so no more anniversaries and he'll become an every other weekend dad so he will rarely see her on the kid's actually birthday anyway
Tim's dad see the truth on his friend group. He introduce OP because he thought that will make him reconsiderate this friend group. Even people said he should get with Mimi if he has the hots with her. Here is the thing. Mimi is the type of woman who would want Tim to orbiter because he is a true loser who didn't put OP over this friend group and doesn't realize Mimi is using him as a doormat, even when she already has a successful boyfriend, Mimi just want Tim to be around just in case as she is the mean b*tch type who wants everything revolves around her and marry into success without put an effort too. She wouldn't even look at Tim if his father just cut him out either, and neither the friends.