How I Finally "Found" Myself In My 20's
Вставка
- Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
- Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this video! To get 10% off your first month of therapy, go to betterhelp.com... to sign up today!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It's truly crazy for me to look back and reflect on the growth that I have had in all aspects of my life in just one year's time. Today I wanted to sit down and have a casual conversation about 3 factors that played a large part in actually changing my life and being so much happier.
Other things mentioned:
The Defining Decade: www.amazon.com...
Makeup Used:
Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk Foundation
Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk Concealer
Maybelline Lasting Fix Banana Powder
Jason Wu Palette
Marc Jacobs Lip Liner
Loreal Matte Lip Stain
Grande Cosmetics Peptide Mascara
Hair Curler: www.amazon.com...
Looking to create? Discover freelance services that fit your needs:
fvrr.co/Monica
fvrr.co/Monica_YT
-------------------------------------------------------
business inquires: monica.church@a3artistsagency.com
real estate inquires: monicachurchrealestate@gmail.com
instagram: / monicachurch
twitter: / hairodynamic
I'm 38 and have been unemployed since the start of the pandemic. The career path I took as a motion picture projectionist seems to be a dead end now. So I am trying to figure out how to start over. You never truly stop growing and learning. Love to you, Monica. 💙
Best thing I ever did when I was 26 was quit my job and move to NYC. My parents and friends thought I was nuts. My old lease was coming up and I just could not handle resigning a lease on a place that was in the middle of nowhere. I got a really good job in NYC, lived on the upper east side, saved good money and met my future spouse there. I'm glad you were inspired to seek your happiness even though it can be a little scary sometimes!
That sounds wonderful! If I might ask, how did you manage to get a good job in NYC? I’m job hunting right now, so any advice would be amazing.
@@rachelburnad7720 I had a very specific job that was in demand at the time. I just didn't know it was in demand until I started looking at other states and cities but this was many years ago. It's hard to give advice about job hunting in NYC but a good recruiter can help depending on your field. I think there will be great job opportunities in the next couple of years in NYC. Rents are low and a lot of people are just not going back to NYC anytime soon. Good luck. NYC is an amazing place to live and work....especially when you're young.
@@suelyons531 thank you so much!
@@suelyons531 I would love to move to NYC but I’m afraid to take that step
It's so sad to hear how mean comments affected you. That's the worst part of UA-cam. I'm so happy that you're on such a wonderful path and excited to watch your journey!
I also felt trapped in my early 20s. I was in a graduate program that I did not feel happy in. I was in the lowest part of my life until I decided I was going to take ownership of my life and apply for a different program that I never thought I was good enough to be accepted in. Well, I was accepted and now in my mid-20s happier than ever. I took on more responsibilities and somehow counterintuitively I became happier. I completely agree with having multiple identities because it's just as you said-if one gets rough you can just shrug it off bc it doesn't define who you are as a whole.
Don't worry Monica...I was the youngest and I would have to say the most naive of my friends growing up. I always felt I was running after them saying "Wait for meeee!" esp when they were all getting married and having kids in their late 20s/early 30s. I didn't get married until I was 34 and by that time some of my friends who had married at 27 were already divorced by the time I got married. So, enjoy your life...love will happen, when it happens so don't compare yourself to others! 🥰🥰
Needed to hear this!!! 🤗🤗
@@Alyssaa948 🙂💙💚
thank you for being so vulnerable with us.
I read once that having 8 ongoing “projects” or things is a way to stay motivated because everything isn’t banking on one outcome.
The best advice I ever got was even though you can't control what thoughts pop into your head, you control which ones you choose to listen to. I admire your entrepreneurial spirit and the courage you have to put yourself out here and take us along for the journey. Believe it or not whenever I need some motivation I find watching one of your videos does the trick. I tell myself "Yo, this girl is out here making videos, getting her real estate license, renovating rental properties, what the hell am I doing with my life?" So keep on keeping on!
I read the book and the analogy of the ocean hit so hard! We're so scared to make a decision because we're scared it'll lead us down a path that won't make us happy and we feel like we wasted time but not making a decision can be torture too! It's better to make a decision and see for yourself if you actually like it or not than to stand still and wonder.
Really love this content. its great to see someone "successful" in their twenties talking about how life isn't perfect. So happy to see you doing better for yourself! You actually inspired me and I just graduated Real Estate school and am getting my Seattle license in the next month.
27 and never been in a relationship. I have had a lot of crushes but nothing worked out. Probably for the best but I also am also like why can't that be me when I see people with their boyfriends.
I'm 27 and have only ever had one three week relationship in my entire life. I completely empathize with the way you are feeling, but those 21 days gave me a different perspective. I got into that relationship because I was feeling incredibly lonely and someone I didn't actually have any interest in dating asked me out. When she asked me, I had never even thought about the possibility but decided to go for it because of those feelings and social pressure due to her asking in a very public setting (I was 17, she was 16). In the first week, she was very affectionate and I was pretty high on relationship euphoria and felt like all of my dating issues had been solved. In the second week, I tried to reciprocate the affection and at surface level things continued the way they were however I could tell something was off: I just didn't want it to be honest with myself about it. Mid week three, she breaks up with me complete with an emotional outburst about how clingy I am. By the end of that week, I find out she was harboring resentment throughout the entire relationship and spent it cheating on me.
Three weeks isn't a long time, we were certainly very young, and most of the emotion in that situation dispelled itself a long time ago. However, there is a lot I did take away from this situation:
1. The only reason you should ever date someone is because you genuinely want to be closer to them and include them into a larger part of your life. Period.
2. If you think someone is the wrong person at the right time, do not date them. Examples: Dating due to social pressure, dating because it is convenient, dating because someone else told you to, etc. These relationships are doomed for failure and you are much better off single.
3. Social proof is a bunch of crap that will not contribute to your long term sustainable happiness. Other people do not get to make your important life decisions because they are not the ones who have to live with them: You are.
4. If your intuition is telling you something, it is usually right. Do not ignore red flags because you don't want to believe them or think you can fix a person. I knew throughout my entire relationship something was wrong but refused to acknowledge it because I was finally dating someone. This is a horrible mindset.
Also here's a more recent lesson that is really just a corollary to the above: If you think someone is the right person at the wrong time, you should talk to them about it. When you see green flags, you should act on them. The only constant thing about life is that it is always changing. If you feel genuine desire to be with someone for the right reasons but life seems to be getting in the way, there is no shame in telling that person how you feel or deciding to wait for them if the feeling is mutual. I am doing the same thing right now for somebody who is going through medical residency, and I am much more at peace waiting for the opportunity to be with someone I know I want to be with than I was aimlessly dating strangers because it was what everyone else told me to do.
The majority of the dating market is absolutely miserable because people are either dating for instant gratification or dating to satisfy social norms instead of their own happiness levels. You can't let yourself get caught up in that mess of unrealistic expectations or it will consume you.
I met my now husband at 29 and before that was only in relationships that could barely be considered a real relationship. I met my husband on the dating app Bumble but actually think these days there are better ones out there maybe. If you want a boyfriend/relationship you need to put yourself out there and take the steps to get there, it def won't happen by chance or magic. Either join a club where you can meet like minded people or do online dating like I did. Just never meet anywhere that isn't public, watch your drink, carry pepper spray, always let someone know where you are going and with who, don't go over anyone's house until you really really trust them and give address to a friend or share location, etc. Online dating is painful. Everyone gets rejected, but we all have to accept no one is everyone's cup of tea. I also always say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. In my opinion any pain and discomfort is worth it once you finally find someone you click with. Good luck!
@@ryanbarker3978 lots of great advise and points in this
@@Me-wk9eo I feel like I will put myself out there soon. I have just been really focusing on college now since I didn't go right after high school.
I'm 28.. we can be friends 😊
Excellent subject to hear. I’ll be 60 in August and still searching for my identity capitol. I feel balance as a UA-cam viewer is easily as important as the content maker. Going down some rabbit holes is also not healthy for me. Good luck on the car shopping. All the best to you.
Thanks for taking the time to read my comment!
You are important each viewer.
Everyone liv s in their on reality. We often can’t see our lives from an outside perspective. You are so far ahead of people in their 30s and 40s. You own two properties! Do you know how amazing this is? It’s a huge accomplishment. You switched into a brand new career and landed a job in your new field.
“No one thing should feel like your entire world”
I really need to remind myself of that more often
such a great point
Hi
This video is literally what I just needed right now!
I used to love going on Instagram and now I hardly ever go on that app.. just gets annoying seeing everyone look a certain way and how it’s pretty unattainable.
This felt more like a conversation and I really enjoyed it! I am happy you are making steps to create the life you want. I actually bought that book in March and I have been obsessed! Sort of a funny coincidence that lets you know you are going in the right direction. I am moving states and terrified, so this felt like a small sign. Wishing you nothing but happiness Monica!!
I can't wait to have this kinda feeling. I feel abit behind.. I'm happy for you
So amazing to hear you talk about "feeling lonely and no friends" on weekends, and how normal it is that we don't see our friends as often in our mid-late twenties. I feel this way all the time. I get so anxious on weekends when I don't have any social plans...and then I have to remember it's not because I smell...or don't have friends. We're all busy with our careers, relationships, and some of my closest friends don't even live in my city.
Totally!
Yes, you’re absolutely right!
I love this so much, that's so refreshing to hear, so validating
lol monica seems like the person to stick to the same things so it’s refreshing seeing her stepping out of the perceived box we all can put ourselves in and break free to venture out beyond✌️
The best video ever. I needed to hear it as a "stuck" person. Thank you!!
Just wanted to say you have quickly become my favorite UA-camr I love your content. I’m in the process of getting my real estate licenses and doing something that matters to me not what society says is the right thing. Your journey is amazing and almost identification of the goals and mindset I have. I bought my first house I have roommates and moved to a new state. Your videos are truly inspiring thank you for being you!
I absolutely loved the defining decade - seriously life changing
that ocean story is so relatable! i felt the same way about every decision i considered making. i’d overthink about how something would turn out in the long run to the point where i’d just not decide at all. i literally broke down one day and asked for a sign about what i should do. that same day i had “the talk” with my mom about wtf i was doing with my life. it was annoying but necessary, because later that day i saw a video about simply trying things when you’re looking for a career. a lot of times we get so caught up in “forever” when in reality you’re so young in your 20s, you have time to try things and figure out what you do and don’t like. so that day really pushed me to decide and now i’m pursuing my real estate license 😁
i'm going to dental school this year and i really think teeth/your smile can totally change your life!!! all the money I'vfe spent on my teeth has been sooooo worth it
You’re totally right in saying that not one thing should be your entire identity. For a long time my career was my identity, but after I was diagnosed with cancer and went through treatment I quickly realized that it was a toxic mentality. I wasn’t able bodied during treatment and basically could not work and put as much effort into my job. I’m happy to say that I’m a cancer survivor and that the experience made me view myself in a different light.
I think it's totally fine to get cosmetic procedures done but I also think like you said it's important to be careful, and I also think it's important to be transparent about it so no one expects to achieve the same results without any cosmetic procedures.
I wish I was as mature as you and Shelby are at 26! You've really got it all together. So glad you've found yourself! Self happiness is the key to life!!!💕
This is the exact video that I needed to see right now. Thank you! I am so glad I subscribed all those years ago ❤️
Change needs action ... happy you did it to rock!
What a humble and inspiring video you have made Monica. Your remarks and descriptions are so relatable and invaluable to share. As someone who turned 30 this year, I totally get what you're saying about everything. Life is truly not easy sometimes, but when it's good, it can be really good! I'm so happy that you have done so well, and come so far. I myself have made improvements in my life, but also still have things to work on. I want to get married and start a family someday, but I've come to accept that you can't force some things, and they will happen in their own time. I hope you see not only this comment, but also all the positive ones here. Know that you truly make great content, and have lots of folks here that enjoy and look forward to it. Keep up all the great work you are doing! Obviously, I smashed the like button!👍😃
This might be one of the most helpful and important videos you've made. I'm going to watch it again and write some of your wisdom in my journal. By the way, I'm a grandmother. Thank you, Monica!
I needed someone to relate to about the friendship thing especially when planning a wedding, it makes it so intense
I really appreciated your honesty and keeping it real in this video. People don't really talk about how much friends can come and go as an adult so it was nice to hear you speak on it. For me I learned to have fun on my own when I can't find a social plan that week.
This spoke to me…everything you said on the negative self talk and people we let in our life is right.
I remember when I was in highschool and even the first two years of my undergrad career; I took on the persona of the "young" one in my group of friends. They always made me feel "innocent" and would often say that. I really took their comments and just took on the personality of the "innocent" or "young" one (when in reality i was actually one of the older ones). I came to a breaking point when we all transferred to our respected universities and all they said was "oh, of course you would pick the safe, innocent, nothing happens there college". I cut all of them off once I moved and it was the best thing i could have done. My confidence grew! I, all of a sudden felt so seen with my new group of friends. Im still not a partier or whatever they deemed not innocent..but Im my master program AND working full time. So so happy to where I am right now in this moment :)
Monica I really appreciate this real and raw video! Not every video has to be this scripted production (not just from you, just in general), so to see this straight forward chat/life update video was really refreshing.
Thank you so much for the book recommendation! I just started reading it and I can already see the wheels turning in my thought process. Having just graduated college, I’m in something of what you experience last year and trying to pull myself out of it. So happy to see you thriving! :D
I really loved this video, Monica!! I'm in my mid-20s and definitely doing a lot of self-reflecting. It's awesome to hear how things have turned out for you and I'm excited to read the book you recommended!
For anyone else struggling with negative self-talk, check out Tara Brach. She has some talks about radical compassion on UA-cam and has a book that is fantastic, also called Radical Compassion.
I started watching your videos a little bit before the pandemic started and not to be dramatic but I went thru many of the same life changes that you did pretty much to a T. And watching this video a year later makes me so happy for you but also for myself. Keep kicking ass and taking names!!!
you have no idea how badly I needed this video ☹️ thank u monica
so commendable when someone heals their own wounds and then shows others how to do the same
This video resonated with me so much on every level! Also got my real estate license this year and it’s been such a fulfilling choice so far!
It’s so cool that you loved this book. I loved this book, too, and also gave it to two friends after I read it. It was a great book!
Thank you for this video. Especially the last part about friendships and relationships. I had a friendship breakup about a year ago and I am still struggling with it because it was from the only person I had ever considered to be my best friend. Thank you so much.
Totally loved this self reflection and growth. Congrats on all your successes!🙂🌻
the defining decade changed my life! it‘s such an amazing book and i‘ve also given it as a gift because it just has so many lessons that people in their 20s need to hear
So many things you talked about in this video are an EYE-OPENER really!! I have had thoughts like these before but never realized where to put them. THANK YOU for being YOU! This helping, honest and caring is a quality that is part of your identity and why I love following you, Monica. xx Julia
I always felt like the baby in my friend group growing up and finally got out of that mentality when I went to college. I feel you
Love your transparency and authenticity Monica!! I've been watching since you're early "what I got for Christmas" videos where you were there sitting on an excersize ball, or filming with your camera on your windowsill in seatle. Being able to hear your perspectives has been both eye-opening, and comforting! Going to for sure pick up that book you recommended, I'm turning 22 in a month and I'm ready to reclaim my 20's!
What you said about having friends that weren't good for you (in terms of self confidence) really resonated with me. I took a gap year after high school and I feel like I've grown so much--thank you for your vulnerability on the internet!
I'm super old comparing to you but I was following you for quite some time, and I have to say the growth is so visible, self confidence, the look, so proud of you! Keep in mind that other girls there watching you are so impressed and thinking "she's so beautiful and I want to be like her"
LOVE this! So happy to hear that you're doing well and living your life to the fullest :)
Your curls are beautiful 💗 loved watching you through the years. Such a genuine person 😊
I'm only 20 and all my friends have either moved away, or we lost touch. I did move in with my partner and he has become my best friend tbh lol. I would still like to make new friends if I can because it'd be nice to hangout with people and see shows and go barhopping. Also I think you're gonna get a Tesla of some kind because you mentioned in the past either in Shelby's vid or one of your vids that you were considering getting one but I am excited to see new car content soon even if it's a different brand haha
I just started that book today so this is perfect timing!!
The Defining Decade changed my life. I read it when I was in my early 20s and I guess I was lucky I came across it then and didn’t waste my prime years procrastinating or doing something I didn’t love and wasn’t happy about. Still recommends it to this day.
The defining decade also changed my life!!!!! Loved that book so so much!!!!
Monica this was soooo refreshing. THANK YOU!
This really is a pivotal moment because I remember the first video I watched from you with your old UA-cam handle was a hair tutorial on how to curl your hair and now you're showing us how to curl your hair a decade later LOL. I love your channel and seeing you grow into a strong, independent, woman!
hey little lady....you are awesome! its all normal, Keep on moving!
Monica, I feel like you were speaking directly into my life throughout this entire video. Thanks for the book rec! I'm definitely going to read it as I too am a lost and confused 27 year old 🙃 fml
Monica, I feel like you've grown so much the past couple of years. You're so much more confident and it's so great you've found your passion in real estate in addition to UA-cam and your other pursuits. Hope you continuing making more content like this video!
I really loved hearing you talk about your experiences and thoughts/feelings about your 20s. Really feels validating like what I've been experiencing is super normal. And I realized that too this year that I cannot make one thing my whole identity and I have to do things that make me happy, like you said its so good to take care of yourself.
Having read the book too, I love hearing how it has shaped your decisions and life 🥰❤️ thank you for sharing!
I wish I was younger. Be happy where you are. In no time at all you will be older and then you will wish you were younger again. Time flies.
The identity capital thing is so good! Made me realize most of my identity isn't even within me but almost my identity is almost soley the people in my life.
I really liked this video :’) feels like a talk with a friend or older sister!
As someone who has grown up watching you, I feel like I have also gotten to grow with you. This content is so relevant to my life right now. Thanks for sharing :)
I related to this so much! This video is basically everything I’ve been feeling after recently graduating college. Life is so crazy and I’ll definitely be reading that book! Thanks for your vulnerability!! 🙏🏾
I have been watching your videos for awhile now, several years at a minimum.
This was one of my absolute favorite. After 5.5 years in my career field of environmental education and animal care working at zoos, aquariums, etc. I was laid off at the start of the pandemic, despite being one of the hardest workers on my team. It was beyond devastating. My entire identity was wrapped up in my life as a zookeeper. I was good at it. I loved it. But it was also one of the most draining things - the annual pay is EMBARASSINGLY low, which meant I was also always working multiple jobs to make ends meet. Making me exhausted.
After a month or two of grieving, I woke up and realized: it’s unfair how much this is negatively affecting me. I’m so unhappy. I had heightened anxiety about life and my purpose. I had my first panic attacks.
And then I decided that maybe I didn’t need to wrap my entire identity up in my job. And that I deserved to live a happier, more balanced life. And everything started to change. Things felt like they came easier. I started rock climbing with my boyfriend every week. I was being more intentional with friendships. I was saving money and really getting ahead.
I appreciate you sharing your journey and have always enjoyed watching your videos. But this one? One of the best. ❤️ happy for your new happiness. You deserve it.
That book and ted talk is was of the most depressing anxiety-provoking thing ever. Please if you’re in your 20s do your best but dont beat yourself up! Im a very happy 42 yo and I wad depressed in my 20s and found my passion and fully blossomed in my 30s. Sending much love to the 20sthg reading this. Read the four agreements instead ❤❤❤
Hello from France ! I love your video ! I agree with you. We always evolved. I'm way older than you but I keep growing. I think it's what makes life so great. 💜
I am very happy that becoming a real estate agent is bringing you a lot of happiness and success. It is wonderful that you took the chance, did all the hard work and it all paid off.
Thanks for sharing this video. It was enjoyable to watch and learn more about you. That meal you cooked looks delicious. Have a wonderful week ahead.
Thanks for sharing and I’m glad you have found yourself 🥰
I loved this video too. I know I don’t know you, but if you ever need someone to talk to hmu anytime . Hope you are having a wonderful day! Stay beautiful💖
Awwww🤗
@@Lemonade_353 well , it’s true😊😊😊 I don’t even know you , and I care about you and your happiness. I’m here whenever you need me
@@Lemonade_353 hope you are doing okay. I know I’m just through a screen , but I care about you a lot
I love this video. And I totally agree , I actually only need one hangout a week and Imm good to go ever since I started working
I'm many, many yrs older, & let me just say that I'm very proud of you, & you're so smart, intelligent, funny, & sweet - you've got this! By 30, you're going to be so grateful that you've made good, sound decisions:)
I love to have this conversation with you Monica! It's so interesting to hear you're point of view and a lot of things are resonating (even though I'm a 43 yo guy). You're truly awesome and genuine and fascinating. Keep up the GREAT videos and all happiness to you!
I really needed this, thank you for being honest
I think a lot of UA-camrs have this issue, If I ever commit to youtube I would make it a hobby. It is more important to be in the real world than the internet space.
Such an interesting video, especially the part where you talk about identity capital... that term is new to me, really interesting stuff!
Really. Ended to hear this , I can relate to so many things you said ! Being in my early 20s there is so many new things to navigate and so many feelings you don’t know if it is Normal to feel. Love to see that you experience these things as well and the encouragement behind your words. So happy that you have found what beings you joy❤️
The white part of green onions is the best!! please don't throw it away (except for the bottom with the roots, throw that away haha)
And great reflection video woman! I already felt like you've really grown in the last year and I'm happy to hear you're feeling very good about yourself now :)
I relate to this 1000%
Hi Shelby, wow I really relate to you what you said about feeling like the baby in the group and feeling not good enough. With my old “friend” group at my old job, everything would always put me down and I wasn’t really sure why. I finally quit that job and moved on to a better job in my field and it was the best change I could’ve made at that time. In addition I am the youngest one in my family/friend group and I constantly feel like they all view me as immature and incapable yet I know I am smart and making good decisions for myself. I’m glad you discussed that topic!
I got to this theory of balancing between things in your life in few minutes before watching this video and now i am watching it and am shocked 😱😱😱
Your BEST vid...love the honesty...and...you said what so many are feeling...life is a constant journey of finding yourself (and self evaluation)...
I am way too scared to be truly happy and successful. It is a genuine fear of mine. I don't want people to have high expectations of me because I don't want to disappoint them. I have made myself dumb, not kidding, idk how I did it but I have trained myself to make dumb decisions and say dumb things, I made myself become very slow. I didn't realise I did this until 2 weeks ago.
Trying to change my life for the better but I am realising how I have made myself so weak and insecure. I am constantly going through an identity crisis because of my own self sabotage. I wish I had have stood up for myself more instead of trying to please everyone, even though I despise conflict. Im tired
Monica just love your talks on the podcasts..don't know why you stopped...on the topic on happiness..no one is truly happy..it's just phases in life..that's what I feel..due to this pandemic lockdown s restrictions..am not happy too.. everyone has lost 2 years of their life..:)
Excellent video!!!!!!
thank you so much for this video Monica! making a career decision and the defining decade really resonated with me! im in my mid twenties and ive realized that i want to make a career decision or at least go more towards what im interested in. i read the defining decade back in feb and im really glad i read that book as it gave me so much insight about my decisions in my twenties and how important it is to be intentional. i also resonated on your discussion about friendships! please make more vids like these! :)
Monica! I've been watching you for SO long! So glad to see you happy!
This video helped me realize what I’ve been struggling with
Oh my word!!! I was literally just about to sit down and start the defining decade but then saw your video! Wow the universe is really working 😂💘 love this video Monica!!
monica, you should read "choose to win" and "atomic habits". from what you said, it sounds like these books would pair well with your recommendation! they really changed my perspective on life and my own capabilities!! glad to see youre doing well ❤
Loved this video, really helped to hear that we all feel this way at some point. The changes we go through in our 20s with friends relationships yes! I really appreciate your reflection and insight. Wow, impressed with you
Monica your videos just hit different. Everything you say is just so accurate. Please always be this vulnerable with us because its so appreciated and makes me feel like I have friend! btw I just ordered that book off amazon and can't wait to read it!
also I think you bought a Porsche... can't wait to see!
That A4 suited you perfectly... classy, elegant, and a bit understated
Literally love that book, gave me such a new perspective on how to focus on what I want in the future!!
This video is exactly what I needed. Buying this book today!