Lol, I had a proposal once, very early in a relationship. I asked why? And the reply was that he did in fact need help with the housekeeping. That did not age well.
Ofcourse.. They behave like that only.. My close one was married a Paranoid and got physical abuse..then she got another marriage..but after that she knew that he was a Narcissistic.. No Adjustment, No Hope, No Empathy, No Changes in married life..
Couldn't have said it better myself! Narcissists are the ultimate hypocrites. If you're their "spouse," you're their possession, but they'll never belong to you.
1) To make themselves look normal 2) To make their ex jealous 3) To give access to social events that are couples oriented 4) To have access to the new spouse's assets 4) To secure supply
Also, just because you want to marry someone doesn't mean it's a good idea. I'm happy my relationship with one particular secretive and unstable creature went nowhere.
They get married because they need a slave,they need a supply,they need a source to hit their anger and frustration (punch bag), they need to show their power,to show their possession of control, a weapon to achieve their selfish desires.This is endless,in a nutshell there is no marriage with them,its a hell.
It's sad how they don't want abandonment yet do everything that leads people to abandon them. And then they do everything in their power to not believe they are the ones causing their own abandonment.
It's partly due to the lack of ability to self-reflect. Once you truly understand how they think/feel, what they are and aren't capable of, it all falls into place.
Excatly like that . He has done so many horiffic things and God knows how many times said to my face that he doesn't care about me BUT now we are going through divorce and he is so "wonderfull" to me ,repeating constatly that this was a wrong move ,he is now a "great" husband ,"great" father ,he keeps me like a "princess",thank God and Dr Ramani that thaught me that this iş just his tactic called "LOVE BOMBİNG" and i can see more clearly that divorce is the right decision .
SOOO TRUE. They blame you and anything else. They claim they want to stay married to you and how you’re tearing up the family but do NOTHING they are supposed to do to be tolerable!!!
How many people married one and watched them turn into someone else overnight?! So charming, helpful and caring before the ring goes on then that's it.
That's EXACTLY what happened to me! We dated for 6 years! He kept up a pretense of being a gentle, kind and caring man. I didn't know what happened when he "changed ", and am ashamed of how much time I wasted trying to get him to change back. I left 8 years ago and these you tube videos have allowed me to finally name what's wrong with him, and realize that it never would have gotten any better. I'm healing and enjoying my new life!
Empaths are too kind to spot a narc till it's too late! To all those empaths who eventually got ”discarded”, I'm sure you're grateful now. Be strong, life gets better! 🙏🏽✌️🏽
that's how i feel now, just an employee. he wishes he could fire me but then who would care for the kids? his new girlfriend? nope she works for him. (he even denied it was him in the surveillance video groping his new girl at the rest- like how does this shit even come out of their mouths seriously? ) if he promotes her to full time girlfriend where shes caring for the house and kids, then who will he have his affair with? just someone else. all i am is someone who cares for the kids and someone he can say "my wife" to his many admires who say what a nice guy he is and how i am so lucky to have him. now when i do come around his restaurant- which isnt very often- and they say those things to me, i roll my eyes and/or tell them little stories of how he calls me "lazy"- just one ex of what he says to me- Mind you, i work a full time corp job for 13 yrs with commuting, and care for 2 kids- one with a sever disability, a dog, which was a "gift" from him i never wanted, and the sole person who cares for the house and its responsibilities, my kids social lives, nursing for my son, medicare and etc..... Yet he calls me lazy, but only to my family and his family, never his customers. to his customers, I'm, " the most caring, supportive wife a man could have", " the way she cares for our son and works a full time job and deals with me and this restaurant, im so lucky to have her". i wanna throw up. sorry for the rant
They get married to hide who they really are. To some degree, spouses provide a camouflage for who and what they are. Sometimes only their spouses know who they are. Their children might know.
So true .my ex . these ij and our last daughter and she was a hellish child and he showed her everyday and laugh a tt her tw o.o sisters and put me down she is 26yrs now still dont talk to me or her sisters and she is handed big money from the Narc father to gain wealth through opening her own hair business ..I still dont have any contact .nothing we feel like she disappeared no contact for yrs 😭😭 she was helped to ..by the father to disconnect at 15 yrst and half made out I was a bad mum...its like a death ..for us..shs makes sure we don't get to be able to talk is where she lives no contact..she was told 2yrs ago she is a aunty all she said to her sister was F......off 🤢 but we see on her business FB..she got married but never is ever kind anyway to us only people who don't really know her🤕😶
This very true! He enjoys being the victim. He treats everyone very differently than me. To me he is very dismissive and belittling. He will also try to take credit for novelty things I do. Even after he had a lack of support for my idea to begin with.
Mine was pressuring me to marry her Our brothers and sisters are married I was going to marry her but I wanted to make it right Make sure We was having heated debates arguments about me put a ring on her finger Which I was but I want to do it my wayWe fell outShe immediately started seeing somebody else But I put the ring on her finger She started disappearing on me Was little disrespectful earlier in relationshipI He would blow my phone up but if I do it but her phone up she would get mad at meSo Sunday February 21st broke it off because in the face time video I didn't see the ring on her fingers and I know she was out with aSo Sunday February 21st broke it off because in the face time video I didn't see the ring on her fingers and I know she was out with another doSo Sunday February 21st broke it off because in the face time video I didn't see the ring on her fingers and I know she was out with another Guy So I had to walk away it hurtsThinking about changing my numberWe were together for 4 years 2017 to 2021
He was Prince Charming for the entire 1 1/2 years we dated engaged... Then 4 DAYS AFTER the wedding he had me in tears on the night of my College Graduation ceremony!! After 7 months of his mental and then physical abuse I left him. He became a Born Again Christian and used that to win me back after a month. It was a marriage of continuous Mental abuse, going from cold cruel critical, to being sorry and playing his game to get me to forgive, then he would start more cruel critical mean behavior. Up and down. It was like sleeping with the enemy. Disgusting person just Evil. He even pushed me across my kitchen the morning of my Mom's funeral and went there pretending to care and everyone coming up to me saying How Lucky I was to have such a great husband. No one knew he said I couldn't buy FLOWERS for my Mom's funeral, or a $25 nightgown for her to be cremated in, because my Mom would have wanted that, and it was her favorite color with a rose on it,....he said horrific things I can't even repeat. I was living in shock for a long time not knowing it. I just can't even explain how many insane evil things he did throughout our marriage. So many years wasted. I'll never ever trust anyone again. I see most men are like these monsters. I pray they all stay far away from me
The only thing I will say here is that I have had these same horrible experiences. My Prince Charming kept it up for 4 years and turned into another creature overnight. However, there are good men who are good human beings. Please don’t lose hope or become bitter. Right now i also cannot imagine ever being married or in a relationship, but I’ve been listening to Dr. Ramani now for a year. I’ve been on a healing retreat. Let yourself be healed and trust in God. People can fail you, but God never will.
It was very cruel for him to push you on the morning of your mother's funeral, he was obviously a very very sick individual please don't give up on love because of him sis. there are good men out there.
Unfortunately there are women like this. I'm female and I'm trying to get past a recent break up with a female narcissist. She is evil and actually even admitted while drunk recently that she can't feel love and doesn't know what it is.
I am so sorry to find out what you had done through. I was in a similar situation. From outside my ex was very affected, but he abused me emotionally and verbally, made me think I am not good at anything.
To create an illusion of “normalcy” to hide behind. Completely nauseating once you realize what is going on. Oh ... and also for a 24/7 maid and valet service and at will sexual servicing 🙄
I told my narcissistic husband... " You don't want a wife, you want a silent partner, and you don't want a relationship, you just dont want to be alone" At that time I hadn't even recognized he was a narcissist yet.
Mine too, after 23 yrs. I am so enjoying the peace. People ask me when I’m going to start dating, it’s been almost 3 yrs now. I ask them if they are crazy, not happening!! Lol
My ex husband really tricked me. When me and him first started dating, I was having issues with my teeth. I was having bad tooth aches, because of a bad sinus infection, that was really resistant to antibiotics. I would be at his house in tears from the pain and he would comfort me stay up all night long. Fast forward 2 years later we're married and I'm pregnant I go into preclampsia at 7 months, I almost died. This is my first child, so the next day after a terrible birth me and him are headed down to the nicu. I instantly start crying because I'm stressed out. My daughter is connected to tubes monitors everything, yes I'm a nurse but it was so overwhelming to see my baby like that. He bends down and whispers in my ear " you need to shut up with all that crying, you're making me look like a bad husband". From that moment on my view of him completely changed, I started to realize all that love and caring ,I experienced when we first started dating was just a part of love bombing. I started to realize his "emotions" he displayed were really just a mask he used to get me where he wanted me.
wow, that's so cruel to me, you just had your baby and you were experiencing something extremely difficult and traumatic. I hope you and your child are safe and well.
Narcissists get married, oftentimes serially, for housekeeping, cooking, and another income source, which of course is always at their personal disposal.
ResoluteBelle thank you... my husband BEGGED me to marry him for 2 years and then when I was convinced it must be from God, all he ever fought for was to keep me at home to take care of him! My marriage was an episode of the “Twilight Zone!” I kept wondering “who am I?!” because that’s NOT what I signed up for! He always confused me between “rescuing” me and “discarding” me.... while ALL ALONG he was running off having sexual adventures with other women. I was so void of any self-worth that the thought that bothered me the most wasn’t his infidelity, it was WHY wouldn’t he want to do all those things with ME??!!!. Thank you for shedding light on this. It’s going to take a TRUCKLOAD of affirmations for me to become the REAL ME again 👑 but I suppose it’s the only life I have and so the only work worth investing into is in myself! With the help of GOD, I will not surrender 🙏❤️🔥
@@vivianaher1010 I have been through what you are going through & I am on the other side of it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise. You will find your life is SO much better without these demonically influenced people. Forgive yourself for missing the red flags and move on toward the true happiness that awaits you. Now that you know the warning signs, look for them. Like Dr. Ramani said, kick the tires. God bless you on your journey to healing.
Hope u hold onto that as you heal. I remember praying he would just leave because it would be so much easier than the pain of having to cut him out of my life. It would have been a mercy
I felt sudden released from the burden put on my shoulder right after he get married to his ex w/o gave me closure & promised to marry me the whole 3 yrs relationship. All the future faking, cheating, depression, always broke, silent trmt etc were very overwhelmed and drained our energy
I told my ×-vamprie whew I'm GLAD you left... Next thing while rebuilding myself, I noted her stalking me... Doing drive-bys late @ night... During the day using our child as a pawn... But your the one who left... Conclusion: that experience was a lesson... Not a blessing... It taught me a major lesson on ppl & mostly myself... 👀
To present that image: spouse, house, and success. Built in supply with the bonus of looking like they've got it all. Plus nurse, cook, maid, laundress, consort, and scapegoat.
I think Narcissists use marriage to "destroy" their supply! 1. Love Bomb, then marry the supply! 2.The supply is 100% trusting! 3.There is 24/7 "access" to the supply. 4.The supply is "locked in" for long term abuse! 5. The "stigma" of divorce makes it harder for the supply to get away! The movie: "Sleeping with the Enemy" - with Julia Roberts
Yes but just to clarify, the "supply" is not a person it's the way a person "feeds" them. Never define yourself as the "supply". Instead choose to "starve" them with SILENCE from the first date then a narcissist will discard you for the RIGHT reason.
Narcissists enter marriage to use it as a cover for the life they want to truly live . The wife always ends up being the doormat and blamed for everything wrong in their life. I turned the tables on my narcissist by agreeing with him on everything negative he said about me. My question to him was what are you still doing here with me? Agreeing with them stops the push and pull tactic and puts the spotlight on them? Never chase, agree and move on emotionally before you leave physically.
Mine said in response to the question why are you still here if I am such a liability. His response I have to stay because I have to do everything for you because you are so hopeless.
You feel you are living a fairy tale, until it turns into the worst nightmare. I was never his wife, I felt like a maid, exploited worker, never respected, always ignored, used, lowered and with no ability to be heard. The most frustrating part is how they expect you to remain "cool" about the fact that they are cheating, lying, living their single life while being married. You have to be still perfect and never complain.
@Lawn Mower First marriage was this way my second marriage too. I felt stupid when I figured out why a Narcissist picked me. They want to be you, they have no emotion or empathy so they mimic. Need this narcy to leave but am cautious, he has threatened to kill me. He is just a big coward.
"Marriage may reassure their abandonment fears." At the end of our "marriage", I was able to persuade him to come to a therapy session with me. The therapist asked each of us what we loved about the other. I easily burst forth with a long list. My husband only mentioned one thing: "I love how much she adores me." (BTW, I was wife #3 and fiancee #4.) Thank you for another excellent video!
OMG! I was my (now ex obviously!) narcissist's baby mama number 3 and thank God he never married me! I broke up with him because I realized he was a narcissist after 1,5 years of the so called relationship!!! So happy! Saved myself so much precious time for healing and focusing on my kids, work, myself, and watching Dr. Ramani's vids to make sure I will never fall into a narc's trap ever again!!!
Wow, these soul sucking leeches don't deserve our love, and your ex is a perfect example. Narcissists should marry each other and leave us empaths to each other who know how to love. Sending you healing energy 🙏❤️
The narcissist's need for marriage is a trophy for social validation, along the lines of membership at the right country club, sports car, buff body and being admired.
Marriage is just a social license for these individuals to use( maid, sex partner, a cook, trophy partner), abuse( blame shift, project their insecurities, manipulate) and finally discard( if they find the next replacement to start all over again) !
This sounds like bosses who hire and fire people on a whim after using them to generate money while they sit on their comfortable chair and make the big decisions to maximise productivity, results and personal profit. Marriage is like a business to narcissists, nothing personal, merely a method for them to enter a contract to meet their needs and maximise personal gain. You are an interchangeable object who can easily be discarded and replaced.
So true I have a couple in my family like this. The wife is narc and husband an empath. I think he realises this but is very patient and loves her so much, he’s willing to bear it.
I feel so sorry for the woman that married my ex. She's probably a good woman that had no idea what she was marrying. She's his third wife. I won't date a man that's been divorced more than once and now I can spot a narcissist on the first or second date.
I tried reaching out to my ex’s fiancé on her UA-cam channel to warn her about the abuse he inflicted on me. She responded by blocking me. They are now married with a baby and I don’t feel sorry for her and the choices she made. She deserved all the misery she signed up for.
I was my husband's 2nd wife/ex wife... And I made the same rule!!!!! A first divorce was understandable... It was believable that his first ex was crazy... But if someone can't learn from and heal from their traumas between a first and second marriage... Clearer still, if someone can't take their time discerning between a first and second marriage, causing that 2nd marriage to end too... Then they are likely a type B personality and I don't need that shit!
@@harleyquinn5774 remember that she is just as much victim as you were and you should pity her because she is about to have it worse than you now. Remember the narcissist probably lied to her and said you were the crazy ex obsessed with him and she is too blinded by his love bombing to even see the truth. When chit hits the fan she may reach out to you or not.
Funny to hear you put it that way. When my ex left, my eldest son said that everything about his father was like a business transaction which is why he treats people as being disposable. At the time, it made me cringe, but now I’m happy to see that his own children have learnt to keep a distance from their toxic father.
My narcissistic ex wife told me "I didn't even like you when I married you". You can bet that statement was the truth. One of the rare moments when a narcissist is honest. Upon hearing those words, all was clear. Serious pathology problems present, avoid this person as "they don't live in reality". The reality of it was she pretended to be something else, but couldn't maintain the false persona. When I exposed her, she changed. Reverted to her narcissistic self. Suddenly a clear and present danger emerges. These people are fundamentally insane. Avoid them. Throw them away.
Thank you. Keep saying they are fundamentally insane so it becomes my mantra. I'm sorry you went through this. I'm close to my exit. Thankfully he lied about wanting to marry me.
The typical red flag: The positive times with a narcissist can be reduced to the inicial phase of relationship. Because narcissists are excessivly lovely and cute people at the start and get real demons later on, when you do not function the way they want.
They have their demons at the start with the motives to kill steal and destroy you by any means necessary. They hide their real self short term until they feel they've have you in the palm of their hand to crush you. Steal the life right out of you and destroy you.
I decided to have a little freak out, to see if the love was real. I was sick of him talking to me like a child or as though he'd just met me on Tinder (after two years of dating - I felt like he was still keeping me at arm's length and I wasn't in his heart truly - No true intimacy) and as I was at a point in my life I needed true emotional support I wanted to see if he would reach out and do this and stop calling me sweetoe for once, and like really be there, you know? So I showed more authentic expression of myself about where I was at in life, not about us, but just my feelings and personal thoughts about the world, and then....! That marked the end really, it was finally over. Reasons? He said he'd never seen me angry before and it freaked him out. But in a real relationship right, you stick it out? And he wanted me to move countries, etc. And he was not interested in knowing about my feeling or insecuritites - It was like, 'done'for him. It was like he never contacted me hardly after that. So much love bombing? until that moment. Because I thought, I need to see if he'll really be there for me, so I'm going to stop acting as it's unhealthy to feel so seperated in a relationship, I want to feel like 'one'with him. And he was so not interested! I've known him for half of my life. Now I'm back to single again and feeling damaged. And he went back to his ex! Again! Yes, I gave him a second chance. 💔
And the truly diabolical ones are so expertly subtle and just chip away at you little by little. And when you leave act surprised, like they are awesome and you are just evil and try to convince everyone else you are too. Glad to say my step kids caught on and love me all the more.
....and a woman narcissist wants a maintenence man.....someone to serve them and take them out to dinner or buy them jewlery.....take them on a cruz and carry the bags and of course....income.
Absolutely right Jessie Dixon. Add one more to the list. They also get married to get sex for free. My ex treated me like one . And even after I filed for divorce he would say that you are legally still my wife and thus I have a right to have sex with you anytime I want. It was very disrespectful for me.
Not me...my ex and I were still married when his secret double life caught him charges. He will be in prison til the day he dies for violating another woman and taking her life during a narc rage. I am for all intensive purposes a widow with an exhusband who is a dead man walking. I am sorry for her, but glad that he is locked up and totally powerless.
I totally agree, with you! The light just came on for me, in the last year or so! Of course, in the beginning I never thought of him being a narcissist. But my eyes are wide open now! And it, sucks!
Smoke and mirrors. That’s all it is. They can never provide a healthy relationship. They want the appearance, but they ALWAYS have one foot out the door. Always!
I lived 34 years and constantly lived if we have kids it will get better, when they move out it will get better. When he retires it will get better. It never did. I left.
@Corina..SAME (34 years) exact scenario...waiting ..editing ‘life passages’ in vain for a protracted change and growth. Not apparent. nor happening up until now, Absolutely petrified at the reality of his imminent retirement in two years. I hope to find your courage and start exit plans in earnest,,You are my “spirit animal” along with Dr. Romani!!
I’m 23 years into my relationship and slowly starting to realize how blind I was to the emotional abuse...I see it not getting better but worse also & at the end of my rope!
Marcie Fiedler It will be 24 years for on 8/10/2020. Left on two separate occasions, but came back due to the "Love Bombing" and my religious convictions. Now that I've been on therapy, and studied the word it relates to Gods view on Narcissism, and how it's impossible for these people to honor their Vows, or you, I'm free to leave, and never look back. I've been preparing for 3 years now, and my breakthrough came forth 2 weeks ago. Moving out w/out him knowing in 2 weeks. Game over. Headed to my peace. Game over. This kind of demon will slowly kill you. Get out! 🙏🙏🙏
I was married to a narc for 31 years, I have learnt so much from these incredibly wonderful videos!! My narc cheated, I realized that was just a symptom not a cause of our marriage. To all these women who figured them out at an early age I admire and envy you! I’m 53, I feel so liberated, that I am not responsible for him any more, I left the house the day I found out about his affair, his chronic pathological lair, I don’t need HIS truth I have self worth, awareness n left with dignity, I’m going to love and adore the rest of my life ahead of me❤️
I never thought I would become a "cautionary tale", but let me add to this thread, we are 100% better off alone than in a relationship with a narcissist! The confusion, the sadness, the loneliness is beyond anything I experienced when I was on my own. If you have issues, work them out with a therapist, not in an abusive relationship.
I was engaged to a narcissist and luckily we didn’t have the money to get married. For him it was a big wedding with 500 guests or nothing. That grandiosity spared me and I got out before he had his windfall. For once a lack of money was a gift from heaven.
I literally called off my wedding to a narcissist 3 weeks before the big day. Being in a relationship with them for 3 years and being a placid person (and for what I can now see is being taken for granted for 3 years) I thought everything would be ok but 3 weeks before the wedding they truly showed their colours and when I actually stood up to them for the first time and said I don't want to marry her, she begged me for 3 weeks to reconsider and promised to change her ways...unfortunately I couldn't take her word for it, get married and hope for the best. I no longer trusted them, I have majorly struggled since calling my wedding off and even doubted my decision at times, but your words have really confirmed to me what my heart and head were telling me..thank you
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🤣😂🤣 She started to get comfortable showing her colors as you drew closer to the BIG DAY and never thought you’d cancel the wedding. She would’ve only gotten worst…TRUST! She probably 💩 her pants when you called everything off because of the embarrassment and humiliation of getting dumped. Most narcs are already shamed-based as it is. I’m happy that you had the courage to cut ties before everything became official instead of saving face for her, and possibly other people. ~ BEST WISHES!!! 👍🏾
If you raise your children well they will not accept any mistreating in relationships. It is usually the scapegoats or golden children to attract and marry a narc. When you know your value you will not let anybody invalidate you. So not just tell them not to marry a narc but teach them that they are valuable and ok the way they are and if somebody wants to change them than it is not the right person for a relationship.
@Irina Ivanova so you agreed that you were not raised well. You got limited information about relationships and your role in it. :-) "My mom only taught me what boys like in a girl." That is very bad approach: A) Your mom does not know what boys like in girls B) it should be about you and how to be happy in relationship, how to find a good guy
@Irina Ivanova many narcissists are wolves in sheep skin, it takes a very strong young adult to be able to notice red-flags and able to withstand hidden psychological abuse! Thanks for sharing your story!
They get married to have a cook to cook their meals, to have children so that they can say they have children, so that they have people to look after them in old age.
This describes my marriage. My husband pursued me relentlessly. The moment we got married, he put me on a shelf and went back to his life. This is a non-marriage that I’m living. A non-relationship. I am here to serve him and make his life a little more comfortable. But there is no relationship whatsoever. After 20 years, I’m done.
C J sounds like my fist marriage The day after our marriage he blew up on the freeway on our honeymoon and kicked me out of the car alone on the freeway with no moeny no phone. Nothing. He just left me emotionally after the ceremony.
Currently, my narcissistic ex is hovering and trying to get my attention. At first, I almost was going to get sucked into his sweet talk, which he conveys through his friends, but after all the videos, I am now more aware of tactics employed by him I.e. Discarding, devaluation, and hovering. Anyone who reads this comment please pray and hope that I recover from the trauma that he put me through.
That’s your preference and it’s fine.... but it has nothing to do with narcissism.... there are a lot of folks who married that are not narcs and are intelligent.....
11:30 But a narc marriage turns your world upside and tests your faith in LOVE and ... and can do a real number on your mental health “JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE WANTS TO MARRY YOU DOESN’T MEAN ITS A GOOD IDEA !! “this should be on a t-shirt!!!
Run and don't look back!The narcissist is not marriage material. I lived it, it was hell on earth. You usually see the red flag's within a 3 month period. Btw I ignored all the 🚩🚩🚩 lol. Gaurd you'r ❤'s. Get to know the person well before you give them you'r heart. Thank you Dr. Ramani all you'r video's are just so unbelievably amazing. God Bless you for being such a Blessing and help to other's. I believe we have a pandemic of narcissism in America. It's very sad and beyond disturbing. People just don't care anymore. 😔
Right not marriage material I remember him telling me that his not . So I kept that in mind, ppl asked 23 years why y’all didn’t get married. My reply marry for what ! He doesn’t want to provide , want to use and list goes on and on. It’s been eight months no contact already engage with a new supply gave her my old ring . Lol 😝 smh
When I first met him 35 years ago he told me he was married with an explanation! Turns out what that means is that she wasn't being and doing everything he wanted her to do/be, so he was entitled to cheat. He firmly believed this and did not think he was wrong. Narcissists are never wrong!
Unfortunately, a lot of times its too late when you realize who you have dedicated your life to.. In fact, they master the art of making you believe that you are the problem (or even the narcissist in the relationship)
I was 64 before I realised that he was a narc ... I felt bad because I thought it was my fault he was like this. It's too late for me but I beg anyone in the same situation to get out now and never look back
@@lynneparker4136 do you have any advice on how to get out of a marriage? I’ve been married for 23 years I still have kids at home I don’t make enough money to support us and I would lose our house without his income? I don’t know what to do I can’t afford an attorney but I also don’t want to be married anyone everyday is just a nightmare
“Commodity.” Even before I knew what narcissism was, I felt I was a commodity to my husband. The worst part about it was at the end of the 20+ year relationship, I had started to think of myself as a commodity and one that was particularly lacking. A narcissist is very rough on a person’s self concept.
How were you able to quit? I am really happy for you that you stopped taking abuse you didn’t deserve. Also, I seem to have found myself in a strangely similar play...
OMG, I keep watching, and this woman is describing my life. Once we have a baby, he will spend more time with me. No? Ok, once the baby is older, he will spend more time with us. No? Ok, once we move to California, once the house is finished, once the second baby comes, once both children are able to communicate, once he can relate to them, NO. It was always just out of my reach. And he still thought he was everything a woman could ever dream of. :)
Exactly. My life in a paragraph. Now after 40 years his behavior is even more entrenched, more distilled. At least my child is an adult (recently she told me she didn’t think her dad really cared about her at all). I’ve known he didn’t care about me but he’s always put on a good show with her usually getting her to side with him re: me. (I’m not capable of driving a car...to which she agreed, enough that I stopped the car & got out to let her drive). This past year I learned the vocabulary re: why I’ve been diminished, discarded, demeaned my entire married life. After crying a lot this year & getting it out of my system I now refuse to care or acknowledge his behavior. He’s always said things to provoke me. No longer. I refuse to play the game. I’ve basically always lived alone (he goes on vacation & takes trips with his buds, I’m home alone) so nothing has really changed. We inhabit the same residence.
After learning about NPD. Take some time to discover who you are. Be still and find that inner child hidden inside you. Narcissists marry for the fantasy, control and admiration . A lot of people are too scared to be alone so they settle. We all desire a fairytale but to be frank it doesn’t exist.
I am the woman who got away and every day I feel so bad about not being the one chosen by the narcissist to get married or have children. And I know exactly why I wasn’t chosen this because I fought back and stood up for my boundaries. This video reminded me that I’m the lucky one and I like how she went over each and every scenario.
Yeah, when a narc discards you or you discard them, you will feel like you made a huge mistake, maybe even for years and even more if you see them jumping into a relationship or marriage soon after you break up, but you have to realize you were strong enough and lucky enough to get out. If they ever get into anything long term after you, you should feel sorry for that person because, as much as our brains will tell us and as much as they may post all the "good" moments in their new relationship, the new supply was/is too deep to get out. The narc hasn't changed at all.
As someone who has been in a dead-end marriage with a narcissist for 11+ years, I am shocked by the revelations in this video. EVERY SINGLE WORD OF IT IS TRUE. EVERY SINGLE WORD. Thank you, Dr. Ramani... You will never know the very real difference you have made in my life and mental health. Thank you.
Oh, she is divorcing me. (Discarding). My Christian Faith has been tested and still is. God hates divorce. I know I love her. Deeply. Im not seeking another relationship after this. Im just going to focus on our son.
@@phantom00545 God does not "hate" divorce. In fact, the Christian Bible outlines very clearly the legitimate reasons either spouse should seek to divorce themselves from an unfaithful or abusive partner. If you can find one, I highly recommend finding a DivorceCare class near you, you can look up a location near you online at their Website by doing a simple Google search. It has helped me IMMENSELY in my separation from my Narcissist husband.
They do only what pleases them, making a big show of it, and leaving you responsible for everything else. Even worse, they will sabotage what you do to keep things neat and orderly. Worse still, you become overwhelmed, give up, and turn into a slob like them. It's like living with a perpetual 14 year old.
I was married to a narcassist for 28yrs, after a 4yr courtship. Unfortunately, it was all about my career & financial success. Ultimately, she discarded me, went my income plateaued, & I had self-medicated into an alcoholic. It has taken me over 20yrs to dig myself out of that emotional & financial mess. I enjoy your videos tremendously & always hope that your work helps countless others avoid my trials. Meanwhile, you have become an integral part of my ongoing recovery & life progress, along with AA, CoDA & my therapist. Life is good today. I have regained financial security & have fostered strong relationships with my children & grandchildren, as well as many others. What I do have to continually strive for is the maintenance of that life balance. Gratitude & humility keep me on that path. Please continue your significant efforts & work!
I feel like my husband married me because it was proof he had won the trophy. He immediately started devaluing me. Eventually, when he got sick of me trying to urge him to communicate in the relationship, he started saying, "What difference does it make? We're getting divorced anyway." After he'd said that a hundred times, I left him, and he lost it. He could NOT understand why I left him.
So true! I was with my estranged husband for 3 years and married for 1 year. When we separated I felt sorry for his previous wife and partner of 15 years (who of course he painted as a horrible person). Yet I came to realize that almost everything he accused her of was actually things he had done!
Yep. Can’t even imagine what was said after our divorce. Glad I don’t know. Married again but just a different flavor of the same:/ The Difference is now I see it it better and learned to turn it to my advantage:/
Omg... He HATED when I pointed out that he was the one acting/treating/responding the way he claimed she had done... I brought each thing up calmly, hoping he would see the pain he caused and understand... But he was slowly getting found out and he hated that shit
Same here! Eventually his deals got the better of him. I got rid of him and he supports my child education from a distance. I got a taste of his character when he discussed his two decades younger girlfriend and I realized how nothing is ever enough for him stemming from his deep insecurity. And that is when I felt so blessed to be out and free ready to live a second life in one life.
Yes! I kept feeling like a beard in some way. I was begging for intimacy. He looked at me with contempt. I didn’t know what narcissism was. Thank you for making these videos. I had been abused as a child and never told anyone once I dealt with that it was like a veil lifted and I could see what I married. The more I tried to talk to my husband a grown man the more he would rage at me. Now that I got out of the marriage I can more clearly see what was happening.
@@decorativedeluxeHey darling, can you please explain what do you mean by feeling like a "beard" in your comment above? Is it a phrase, an idiom? Sorry, I don't know, English is not my first language.
I always felt that he married me as a cover... to hide his philandering and whatever else. So he could appear normal to others - it was always about how he looked to others, nothing about me. Once I left him and the stalking was over, he married someone else within 3 years. Had kids immediately. So he could appear 'normal' - but he's not. Now, years later, he's still a workaholic at age 75, and his wife and kids are all sick with Auto Immune illnesses, etc. I've heard that's a sign that someone is toxic - when everyone around them is sick and cannot function well, but they're doing great. I'm so glad I left way back then! Still healing after all this time, but finally getting better! Yay!
@@kyleparker775 I have something similar. I'm not even sure since the narc docs I've been to didn't want to help and only made me waste money on private visits and "medication" which made things worse. I have had swollen glands, swollen lymph nodes, now lumps, all because of those "doctors" who secretly wanted my inflammation to develop into cancer for over 20 years! Hard to believe, but true. Now I'm getting help from real specialists, but that's another story. I'm trying to be economically stable to get out of the narc "home." It's true that narcs make you not only mentally, but also physically ill. It starts with acne and ends with cancer.
@@kyleparker775 I'm sorry to hear this Kyle. There are many helpful mediums for self-healing out there, books and even UA-cam videos. I've heard personal stories from people who have focussed higher on healing rather than on the condition itself because we manifest what we focus on apparently. Yes it's hard to survive a narcissist but I hope that if you try this, it works out for you alongside any treatments. Research it and listen to other peoples stories. Sending healing energies for you 💓💞💖
@@agnieszkalibera5809 I'm sorry to hear this Agnieszka. There are many helpful mediums for self-healing out there, books and even UA-cam videos. I've heard personal stories from people who have focussed higher on healing rather than on the condition itself because we manifest what we focus on apparently. Yes it's hard to survive a narcissist but I hope that if you try this, it works out for you alongside any treatments. Research it and listen to other peoples stories. Sending healing energies for you 💓💞💖
You are right. So in love with him as my fiancé, I proposed the idea to have a baby together and all he thought about was money and material; told me that I was trying to get money from him through the kid being the one who always tells me: “my money is your money and your money is my money “. My heart dropped to my stomach.
My ex had to have a shiny new vehicle every two years (or less). Whatever someone else had, he had to have. As the wife, I was the means to get the 'stuff' he wanted (income generation). In counselling, he was asked why we got married. He said 'for regular sex'. I heard my heart break in pieces in that moment. He wasn't being mean - he was being honest and the truth was devastating to me. We divorced and he went on to marry twice more.
My ex his daughter hated him he would talk about how much he spent on her college education. He woild curse out his out his son and scar their relationship too but his son loved him anyway. He would threaten to harm him 😔 Also red 🚩 for me also should have been how he would talk poorly about how much he hated his ex-wife he would constantly talk about her called her all kind of horrible names and constantly t as talk about that $250k house he'd bought HER but he lived there too with his two kids. I dont get it SMH. Alas. If anyone was in a bind they all called DAD for $. In our relationship he never gave me any $ . Even when I needed something I'd never ask him . If just borrow from a friend. Yeah. He was def a narcissists...
My narc ex-husband's mistress turned fiancee has been too busy firing shots at me to pay attention to what she is "really" getting....pulling up a 💺, grabbing 🍿, and watching the 🎪
They get married to have a sort of level in society as marriage automatically makes you a more sensible responsible person in others people eyes...But inside the home they absolutely horrible through tantrums , anger all negative things. Personally have suffered the irresponsible he was for our children no sense of parenting ...
The worst part of being divorced from a narcissist is how they alienate your children and the damage they do to the children in that process- all in the name of control- of EVERYONE.
Alienate kids how...My friends todler blurted out..mum your fired..your going to jail..he said u hit him all the time..A joke as he is 4 times a woman's size..? ??
Hear hear. Their children are only “loved” as part of their supply requirement. The partner realises very quickly that to leave will mean the children will be exposed to the full force of the narcissist, and become even more twisted in the process.
I should've listened when his favorite song was Neil Young's A Man Needs a Maid. Domination, verbal abuse, infidelity, contempt, & a scorched earth divorce . What a way to spend 20 years!
Can't believe it took me 21 years to walk away. And only 20 years after that realize he was a narcissist. Sadly didn't have all the information I have today. The emotional damaged it caused me and my children is beyond words.
Yes, the both of us were only 14 when we started this relationship from Hades. I should've ran the other way screaming when I saw how his home life, family and background was superbly dysfunctional. He had me & my family wrapped around his poor pitiful me finger. The abuse, lies, cruelty, cheating was unreal after we got married and had our daughter. It all made sense after 18 years of marriage when the word NPD came into my world. This divorce has been worse than all the years married combined. I've been smeared, traumatized, lied about, set up and tortured. He and his Narcissistic histrionic new supply (she is also his 3rd cousin 🤯😵🤢🤮) can live happily ever after as soon as the ink is dry on our & her & her husband's divorce papers (her husband and mind were also best friends 🤯😵) He deserves everything he's in for with that one. Same for her! She deserves everything he will put her through eventually! Two nuclear bombs ready to implode!! They are the replica of each other, two Alpha's fighting for top Narc can't work out for too long. We will see 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you for explaining this. I spent 20 years in a marriage with someone who treated me like dirt and I just couldn’t understand why he ever asked me to marry him if he was going to hurt me, cheat then discard me. Thank you for shedding light on what has been a very dark place in my mind. I wish I had words to describe how much it means to me.
I was married to a person who used to tell me that I was so lucky to have him, that he was so handsome all women were admiring him and looked at me with envy because I had him. And he never used to praise me or tell compliments. I just always heard his compliments about himself. In the end of our marriage when I was just in my early 30s I thought of myself as an old unattractive woman nobody would ever be interested, love or like. However, very soon I understood it was not true after that narcissistic person was out of my life. I understood that I was still beautiful and attractive and worth of love and admiration. The earlier you get rid of the narcissistic partner the better for you. I tried to keep my family so it lasted almost 10 years and now I fee sorry for my the years spent with the wrong person. Still I am happy I managed to get rid of this person from my life. What if I lived all my life with such man...Scary!
My husband heard me listening to this video and asked without hesitation: do you think I’m a narcissist??? 😆 No, I don’t. I watch these videos to understand my father a bit better and a few other people in my life.
Most narcs know what they are. I remember my narc asking about my ex girlfriend, “was she a narcissist?” She asked me. I will be honest with you, I didn’t really know what a narc was until I met her. She knew she was a narc, and her question was to determine if I knew what a narcissist was. At that point, I certainly did!!
@@Kat-rg4nv My dad, my bro (and his wife), both my grandfathers-definitely all have/had narcissistic traits if not NPD. My husband is the reason I have a safe place to heal from the abuse. I hope you do, too!
@@abdulsanni4765 if she is truly a narc then you should absolutely leave her. My ex narc was a master manipulator! She was always promising things that she never followed through on. I was losing my sanity when we were together. Now after 3 years no contact, I am back to my old self. She recently got married. She still stalks me on social media. What a whacko!
This was spot on I was married to and divorced from a narc. Its 4 years later and I am finally back on track with life ♡ I'll never forget sitting in therapy with him only to find out he just married me because he wanted to see if he could.
wow that so messed up,. when i was married to my ex for 15 years,... my ex husband used my body as sex body parts i was just a sex doll to him ,, my ex not expressing or saying i love you ,,,, he not looking at me ,. wham bam thank you mam,... no cuddles,..... NOTHING .. and was his nanny , cook and slave cleaning ... and he would alway minimize not taking seriously my feeling when i am feeling sad and hurt ,.. he would say to me ... >>> what you have be unhappy about ,. ?? you are sensitive sally .. he lalbed my feelings .. :( he was hateful towards me when i wanted get close ,...he push me away ... he just seemed he didn't care ( knowing this now he did not ) ...... when my ex and i when to marriage therapy,.. What broke the camel's back when he said to our marriage therapist .... my ex stated this to her ,,,, about me ... " look i don't care if she is unhappy as long she with me "" .. we went to marriage therapy,.. i wanted a divorce from my ex ,..i was fed up !!! and hurt from my ex .... and now knowing he was only using me for shallow reasons ...HE NEVER LOVED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE . .. my ex just proved me all the long what i felt from his narcissistic hateful abuse ,...that he just did not CARE .. for me .. my feelings my being unhappy in our marriage ... please move on if you are married to selfish narcissistic ,...they will drag you to hell .. GET OUT >>> that hell hole that narcissistic make ,... ... you deserve WAY WAY better.... ..my ex was married once before me,.... and his last ex wife left him ..she end up with another man end up marrying him,... .her new husband treated her way better .. ,... . and i end up doing the same .. met someone that loved and respect me and SHOWS me that he cares appreciate me and want me to be with him and we enjoy each other company .. ...my new husband is lovely to me we are now married
My ex was a weakling and could not divorce me. I went through hell in the divorce. He split our children by "leaving me" our daughter and "taking" our sons. My children are now 30 to 38 and they are finally seeing the truth of their father because I have never bad mouthed him to them. I took the high road, paid child support and moved on. I am a whole/happy person 16 years later.
yep mine said to me when i made our first child priority, he said I was here first......That confused me then, however i now fully understand, just wish i understood 26 yrs ago.
One thing that was not mentioned was the fact that many times two narcissists will marry one another. They understand each other and can portray themselves as having the "perfect" marriage and family.
@@quarentinedlove2903 I have seen two narcissists stay together a long time. They do not hold each other accountable because they know they need each other for status, for fear of the financial loss of a divorce, for putting on a false front of a sound marriage for their families and because they both need children to validate them and so they can have people in their lives who will be loyal to them (so they assume) since they have no real friends. Often having children is a high priority for them as it is a way to cement the marriage and thus ease their fear of abandonment and to have relationships where they can dominate.
That was classic! 🙌I broke my lease twice on two long term leases (10 years and 18 years)with two horrible narc husbands who never deserved such a nice and loving woman like me! The 1st was a grandiose narc, so when i met the 2nd, a covert narc I thought I had met Prince Charming in the flesh. Love BOMBS dropping nonstop, he made me feel like and called me his Princess. Gifts, the sweetest words, fancy restaurants. He asked me to marry him on our second date. i said yes. We got married on day 4 of meeting each other for the first time. We had one child 6 years later and were married for 18 years before I broke my lease. By the time I filed for divorce my 12 year old son caught him having an online affair(the last and final in a long string of online and work affairs)in our brand new home we bought 6 months prior.All the while berating me for being a "negligent" mother, whatever that meant, I was a stay at home mom. All I did was take care of my child, the bastard husband and clean, cook, laundry. I am an accountant by profession, he wouldn't let me work. Been divorced a year, went no contact, got a puppy, life is good! I started working at age 47 and I'll probably never be wealthy as I started so late, but this life of freedom is PRICELESS#!!
He married me because all of his friends were getting married and he thought that it would look better for him to be married in the cooperate world he worked in. I was taken from for 25 yrs nearly dead when i left. Its been 2 yrs and Spirit is shwing me what i need to change in myself to never attract a Narcissist again! Thank you Spirit!!! And thank u all for being here. Xoxoxo
Great! I am learning as I go. It has been 20 months since we split. I keep attracting Narcissists! I am learning how to get rid of them when I realize who they are. I have heard that the Universe and God keep sending you the same person or situation ( just wrapped differently each time) until you finally get the lesson. After meeting and entertaining conversation, some dinners and dates and them professing to want a relationship, I saw the signs and practiced Get Out!!! From now on at the Very First sign if a man who has Narcissistic behavior, I am going to start moving away from that big bottle of poison that they are
The same for me it's been 14 months since I have left my believe narc. I was in that relationship for 5 years. I'm working on my spiritual side to never attract anything like a narc or toxic. I'm not looking back and I never want to go through that again. This was my first and last time. I have learned the lesson. I'm so peaceful to the point I'm waiting on the Lord. All I do is pray for them type of people that my Lord have mercy on their souls.
I had 2 narcissist husbands and 2 narcissist boyfriend's in a row til I finally figured out I need to just be alone bc in my culture the women baby their sons for life making lots of narcissist around me.
I was 21 years old and had no knowledge of any of this. And I had been in a very physically abusive relationship before him. When he came along he was very different from the first guy. He looked like everything I wanted. He represented something I really wanted for my life. It wasn’t until many years later when I decided to take a stand for how I felt about things that I was able to see how violent, mean, cold, and what a ugly heart he really had. And now I feel alone but I’m going to fight through this feeling because he is who he is. I would only be surrendering to more bad treatment and, that’s what he would like. He doesn’t want a wife he wants a person who he can control.
The bad thing is, they love to prey on people who have been abused before because they know you will be weaker to their manipulations and more likely to deal with "lesser" abuse. It makes my skin crawl now, to remember that my ex used to ask me if he was as bad as my physically abusive boyfriend. It was weird to me, but I couldn't figure out why he was always asking. Now, I realize it was probably a way to "remind" me or reinforce that anything he does, emotionally, pales in comparison to a physically abusive person, so I should be happy and grateful that all he does is play mind games, treat me like a toy he can pull off the shelf when he got ready, and say horrible things to me that he would always insist were "jokes". Good riddance to bad rubbish, as they say.
Tomeka. That is Absolutely Correct. They want someone to make them look and feel good. While they are being and doing BAD things. They will hurt you without any remorse. They are Fake and try to copy your good qualities but can't carry out the falsehood
I lasted 15 yrs with my narc. His 2ed wife left after 3 months. Yes , I was discarded and it was because I became a RN during the relationship and stopped playing the game. I became strong. It still hurt like hell, if he hadn't left I would still be there getting abused. I still have not had a successful relationship, I'm sure it's something I need to work on. I still feel devastated and no longer wish to play, with anyone. It's too painful. I moved far away but he keeps finding me, sending me gifts, asking me to come back, stay with him, have dinner with him, etc.. I bought a gun, just saying(for home protection only). Over the years of being away from him I can't believe I lived like that. I thank God every day that I survived and have thrived. Do I have a mate, no, but I have peace. Dr. Ramani your videos have helped me more than you'll ever know. Thank You.
Same with me!! It's soooo much better being alone and have Peace than walking on egg shells every moment with these demons. That's what they are, Demons. God Bless You! 🙏🌹
Thats interesting to know 2nd marriage lasted 3months. I was married for 13years and was thinking his next marriage could last equally long before they leave. I guess they become worse each time and its obvious to the new person.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I allowed myself to laugh when you spoke about the events that would “change” the narcissist. Nope. Nada. Nothing. Ever. Marriage and kids did not stop his need for side partners and a second family. It did allow him to vent his anger onto his family, with rage and violence. I made one helluva good punching bag. And yet, he’s such a giving professional man. Really IN the community.
I left everything to get out of my marriage. I moved out the state and he had no ideal where I was. I had about $300 in the bank but looking back it was the best thing I ever did!
At the end of my marriage, I asked my ex why he married me? He said I thought that's what I was suppose to do. Be still my heart. You're right the end was painful.
This describes my 27 yr marriage exactly as well as our hurricane of a 7 yr divorce (yes 7 yrs in both state & federal courts!). These videos have done more for my understanding of what I went through than anything else I've tried. Thank you!
Well that means you're free then. Great, I could use a wife! I had better disclose my rough start and propensity of mutilating neighborhood pets though. Oh and I get the right side of the bed. We cool?
They want to get married to feel safety absolutely #1, the love bombing fools you into thinking they want to take care of you! They will support you being your own person while doing just enough to keep you close but no more. Sacrifice is never in their vocabulary but it is in yours ... do not sacrifice yourself. 💕
I still to this day remember the first time he showed me his true self, I wanted to say turn around and take me home but instead I went for the ride of over 10+ years of pure torture and hell If I had only done what my gut was telling me the first time that evil monster showed his face!!!
Thank you God for your clarity and presence! Broke off my engagement and ended my miserable 6 year relationship with a BPD, Covert Narc with Psychopathic traits. HUGE bullet dodged. My life and my son's would have been EXACTLY like his first wives. My prayers and thoughts are with his next supply/victim. I am no longer a victim! I am a survivor, and thriving! Words of advice, if your gut tells you something is off and ANY of this resonates with you, RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!! And NEVER look back!
My narc married me so I could serve him and he could stay a toddler forever, letting me taking care of all responsibilities within the household. Now that I left he’s paying someone to do my work after he said he was going to do it himself. During these 7 years of marriage I became a workhorse. I am emptied and broken. The day I left him, my body stopped hurting and my hands stopped falling asleep and numb at night.
They get married to have a nurse, cook and housekeeper. And the extra income.
Black Weirdo they don’t see you as a trophy. They see you as nothing
For sure
Yes extra income then claim they can’t work anymore and always have a new excuse!
Lol, I had a proposal once, very early in a relationship. I asked why? And the reply was that he did in fact need help with the housekeeping. That did not age well.
OMG PREACH
Narcissists always think of themselves as single and available, but their spouse is married, of course.
Daaaamn ...
Ofcourse.. They behave like that only..
My close one was married a Paranoid and got physical abuse..then she got another marriage..but after that she knew that he was a Narcissistic.. No Adjustment, No Hope, No Empathy, No Changes in married life..
So so true
Couldn't have said it better myself! Narcissists are the ultimate hypocrites. If you're their "spouse," you're their possession, but they'll never belong to you.
Seriously !!!!
1) To make themselves look normal 2) To make their ex jealous 3) To give access to social events that are couples oriented 4) To have access to the new spouse's assets 4) To secure supply
It is the Analysis and observation
It’s the old cake adage.
💯💯💯
Accurate
Agreed, It’s from deep rooted fear of abandonment and invalidation, marriage is a their choice to feel safe.
"Just because someone wants to marry you, doesn't mean it's a good idea."
Wise words indeed!!
Amen
Also, just because you want to marry someone doesn't mean it's a good idea. I'm happy my relationship with one particular secretive and unstable creature went nowhere.
Periodt
I was able to dodge that bullet from a narcissist who kept on singing in my ear about marriage after he had screwed up too many things, too many times
They get married because they need a slave,they need a supply,they need a source to hit their anger and frustration (punch bag), they need to show their power,to show their possession of control, a weapon to achieve their selfish desires.This is endless,in a nutshell there is no marriage with them,its a hell.
To hide behind 'I have a family'.
So true
Very accurate
shilpa patil I feel like the maid of the house. Like I’m more of a “mom” than a partner. Very lonely
@@mnikaluza4 Sending you ✝️🙏❤
It's sad how they don't want abandonment yet do everything that leads people to abandon them. And then they do everything in their power to not believe they are the ones causing their own abandonment.
It's partly due to the lack of ability to self-reflect.
Once you truly understand how they think/feel, what they are and aren't capable of, it all falls into place.
Excatly like that . He has done so many horiffic things and God knows how many times said to my face that he doesn't care about me BUT now we are going through divorce and he is so "wonderfull" to me ,repeating constatly that this was a wrong move ,he is now a "great" husband ,"great" father ,he keeps me like a "princess",thank God and Dr Ramani that thaught me that this iş just his tactic called "LOVE BOMBİNG" and i can see more clearly that divorce is the right decision .
Hope you find strength to leave him he won't change he will get worse.
SOOO TRUE. They blame you and anything else. They claim they want to stay married to you and how you’re tearing up the family but do NOTHING they are supposed to do to be tolerable!!!
They push your love away and you, so they are left a lone in end which they hate.
Getting rid of a narcissist is like getting rid of a parasite.
😬 you're absolutely right.
Or a cancerous tumor
Exactly
Garlic!
but they cause a LOT of damage to others 😪
As stated in one of Dr Ramani's other videos: "Nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs a new place to live."
This is facts!
Absolutely spot on, BRAVO
So true
FACTS
❤😂 yes
"Just because someone wants to marry you doesn't mean it's a good idea " That!
Cher Johnson,hope you are not with a narcissist!
Okay 👍
Good point Dr. Ramini!
👍
Amen
@@lioydwilliams1850 No but I tink I am
How many people married one and watched them turn into someone else overnight?! So charming, helpful and caring before the ring goes on then that's it.
My pending husband said no rings for us unless you buy them yrself🥴😬
So I did..later yrs after 2 children and leaving life of crazy my mum said shouldn't have married him....ooops I was in love ..what a laugh
Bingo. First physical strike was the day after we got home from the honeymoon.
That's EXACTLY what happened to me! We dated for 6 years! He kept up a pretense of being a gentle, kind and caring man. I didn't know what happened when he "changed ", and am ashamed of how much time I wasted trying to get him to change back. I left 8 years ago and these you tube videos have allowed me to finally name what's wrong with him, and realize that it never would have gotten any better. I'm healing and enjoying my new life!
@@teresedoyle9300 RUN
Empaths are too kind to spot a narc till it's too late! To all those empaths who eventually got ”discarded”, I'm sure you're grateful now. Be strong, life gets better! 🙏🏽✌️🏽
The only direction after a narcissist is "better."
Unless you then hook up with a serial killer or child molester, anything else other than a narcissist is a step up.
@@dianaburkley1267 Not at all. In my mind all of that are the same level of low.
I don't feel grateful. He destroyed my life 😪😪😪😪
@@hannasalo3463 same here I destroyed mine's as well but I'm working on building it back up
Cognitive dissonance for 6 years…the last year (this year) I am escaping my marriage! Pray for me I’m a homemaker with 4 small kids! ❤️
Praying for you Kelsey.
One foot in front other good luck and God bless
Keep going…
I'm praying dear xx
All the best
Never felt like a spouse, only an employee.
Or a pet like I was
Yep. Like a barely tolerated border in your own home. Always being shown how unnecessary you are to them:/
that's how i feel now, just an employee. he wishes he could fire me but then who would care for the kids? his new girlfriend? nope she works for him. (he even denied it was him in the surveillance video groping his new girl at the rest- like how does this shit even come out of their mouths seriously? ) if he promotes her to full time girlfriend where shes caring for the house and kids, then who will he have his affair with? just someone else.
all i am is someone who cares for the kids and someone he can say "my wife" to his many admires who say what a nice guy he is and how i am so lucky to have him. now when i do come around his restaurant- which isnt very often- and they say those things to me, i roll my eyes and/or tell them little stories of how he calls me "lazy"- just one ex of what he says to me- Mind you, i work a full time corp job for 13 yrs with commuting, and care for 2 kids- one with a sever disability, a dog, which was a "gift" from him i never wanted, and the sole person who cares for the house and its responsibilities, my kids social lives, nursing for my son, medicare and etc..... Yet he calls me lazy, but only to my family and his family, never his customers. to his customers, I'm, " the most caring, supportive wife a man could have", " the way she cares for our son and works a full time job and deals with me and this restaurant, im so lucky to have her". i wanna throw up. sorry for the rant
I felt like a defective employee
My husband has never loved me. Im trash to him.
They get married to hide who they really are. To some degree, spouses provide a camouflage for who and what they are. Sometimes only their spouses know who they are. Their children might know.
Agreed
So true .my ex . these ij and our last daughter and she was a hellish child and he showed her everyday and laugh a tt her tw o.o sisters and put me down she is 26yrs now still dont talk to me or her sisters and she is handed big money from the Narc father to gain wealth through opening her own hair business ..I still dont have any contact .nothing we feel like she disappeared no contact for yrs 😭😭 she was helped to ..by the father to disconnect at 15 yrst and half made out I was a bad mum...its like a death ..for us..shs makes sure we don't get to be able to talk is where she lives no contact..she was told 2yrs ago she is a aunty all she said to her sister was F......off 🤢 but we see on her business FB..she got married but never is ever kind anyway to us only people who don't really know her🤕😶
This very true! He enjoys being the victim. He treats everyone very differently than me. To me he is very dismissive and belittling. He will also try to take credit for novelty things I do. Even after he had a lack of support for my idea to begin with.
That’s so true 👍
They need a slave to control every day
They get married so they’ll never be without supply,,, it’s the trap🤨!
Right so they can get sex, money, attention and to have someone to boss around.
RIght, In fact, My ex-wifes mother is married to a Pastor from Bainbridge Island, is married into a trap.
Yup... Never again .
Mine was pressuring me to marry her Our brothers and sisters are married I was going to marry her but I wanted to make it right Make sure We was having heated debates arguments about me put a ring on her finger Which I was but I want to do it my wayWe fell outShe immediately started seeing somebody else But I put the ring on her finger She started disappearing on me Was little disrespectful earlier in relationshipI He would blow my phone up but if I do it but her phone up she would get mad at meSo Sunday February 21st broke it off because in the face time video I didn't see the ring on her fingers and I know she was out with aSo Sunday February 21st broke it off because in the face time video I didn't see the ring on her fingers and I know she was out with another doSo Sunday February 21st broke it off because in the face time video I didn't see the ring on her fingers and I know she was out with another Guy
So I had to walk away it hurtsThinking about changing my numberWe were together for 4 years 2017 to 2021
Marriage only benefits the narccisst.
He was Prince Charming for the entire 1 1/2 years we dated engaged... Then 4 DAYS AFTER the wedding he had me in tears on the night of my College Graduation ceremony!!
After 7 months of his mental and then physical abuse I left him. He became a Born Again Christian and used that to win me back after a month. It was a marriage of continuous Mental abuse, going from cold cruel critical, to being sorry and playing his game to get me to forgive, then he would start more cruel critical mean behavior. Up and down.
It was like sleeping with the enemy.
Disgusting person just Evil.
He even pushed me across my kitchen the morning of my Mom's funeral and went there pretending to care and everyone coming up to me saying How Lucky I was to have such a great husband.
No one knew he said I couldn't buy FLOWERS for my Mom's funeral, or a $25 nightgown for her to be cremated in, because my Mom would have wanted that, and it was her favorite color with a rose on it,....he said horrific things I can't even repeat.
I was living in shock for a long time not knowing it.
I just can't even explain how many insane evil things he did throughout our marriage. So many years wasted.
I'll never ever trust anyone again. I see most men are like these monsters. I pray they all stay far away from me
The only thing I will say here is that I have had these same horrible experiences. My Prince Charming kept it up for 4 years and turned into another creature overnight. However, there are good men who are good human beings. Please don’t lose hope or become bitter. Right now i also cannot imagine ever being married or in a relationship, but I’ve been listening to Dr. Ramani now for a year. I’ve been on a healing retreat. Let yourself be healed and trust in God. People can fail you, but God never will.
It was very cruel for him to push you on the morning of your mother's funeral, he was obviously a very very sick individual please don't give up on love because of him sis. there are good men out there.
Unfortunately there are women like this. I'm female and I'm trying to get past a recent break up with a female narcissist. She is evil and actually even admitted while drunk recently that she can't feel love and doesn't know what it is.
Be strong Honey soround you self with loving females or kids. :)
I am so sorry to find out what you had done through. I was in a similar situation. From outside my ex was very affected, but he abused me emotionally and verbally, made me think I am not good at anything.
To create an illusion of “normalcy” to hide behind. Completely nauseating once you realize what is going on. Oh ... and also for a 24/7 maid and valet service and at will sexual servicing 🙄
Goldilocks Well said.
I understand all to well 🤢🤢🤢
They are opportunists.
@@sunshinegirl4715 lol 👍
Very true.
I told my narcissistic husband...
" You don't want a wife, you want a silent partner, and you don't want a relationship, you just dont want to be alone"
At that time I hadn't even recognized he was a narcissist yet.
Right, like an obedient pet.
They see marriage as the norm, they want to be married but live a single life.
Couldn't have said it better! This is so true!
Wendy Hannan you nailed on this comment.
So true !!
Married to one for 34 yr. he passed away and I’m finally free and enjoying the peace.
Yeah for me it's 25 years and maybe just maybe he'll go soon. It's been hell with him.
Mine too, after 23 yrs. I am so enjoying the peace. People ask me when I’m going to start dating, it’s been almost 3 yrs now. I ask them if they are crazy, not happening!! Lol
I will die before him he is so carefull with is health!!!!!!!!!
Why did you stay with him so long?
I think we should all examine ourselves and why we attract them and continue to stay...waiting on someone’s death seems unbearable even unthinkable
My ex husband really tricked me. When me and him first started dating, I was having issues with my teeth. I was having bad tooth aches, because of a bad sinus infection, that was really resistant to antibiotics. I would be at his house in tears from the pain and he would comfort me stay up all night long. Fast forward 2 years later we're married and I'm pregnant I go into preclampsia at 7 months, I almost died. This is my first child, so the next day after a terrible birth me and him are headed down to the nicu. I instantly start crying because I'm stressed out. My daughter is connected to tubes monitors everything, yes I'm a nurse but it was so overwhelming to see my baby like that.
He bends down and whispers in my ear " you need to shut up with all that crying, you're making me look like a bad husband". From that moment on my view of him completely changed, I started to realize all that love and caring ,I experienced when we first started dating was just a part of love bombing. I started to realize his "emotions" he displayed were really just a mask he used to get me where he wanted me.
wow, that's so cruel to me, you just had your baby and you were experiencing something extremely difficult and traumatic. I hope you and your child are safe and well.
😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮
Lemme guess ge was a fire fighter or police officer emt ? Real-estate agent?
I’m very sorry to hear this nonsense happened to you. 😢
Narcissists get married, oftentimes serially, for housekeeping, cooking, and another income source, which of course is always at their personal disposal.
ResoluteBelle thank you... my husband BEGGED me to marry him for 2 years and then when I was convinced it must be from God, all he ever fought for was to keep me at home to take care of him! My marriage was an episode of the “Twilight Zone!” I kept wondering “who am I?!” because that’s NOT what I signed up for! He always confused me between “rescuing” me and “discarding” me.... while ALL ALONG he was running off having sexual adventures with other women. I was so void of any self-worth that the thought that bothered me the most wasn’t his infidelity, it was WHY wouldn’t he want to do all those things with ME??!!!. Thank you for shedding light on this. It’s going to take a TRUCKLOAD of affirmations for me to become the REAL ME again 👑 but I suppose it’s the only life I have and so the only work worth investing into is in myself! With the help of GOD, I will not surrender 🙏❤️🔥
Absolutely true!!
Yes... I told my ex you'r not looking for a wife you are looking for a mother ! Next...Lol I left him. It lasted less than 2 year's. It was awful !
And for hitting up their in-laws for ungodly sums of money for their business adventures that never worked.
@@vivianaher1010 I have been through what you are going through & I am on the other side of it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise. You will find your life is SO much better without these demonically influenced people. Forgive yourself for missing the red flags and move on toward the true happiness that awaits you. Now that you know the warning signs, look for them. Like Dr. Ramani said, kick the tires. God bless you on your journey to healing.
Wow! "being discarded by a narcissist is the best thing that could happen to you" thank you Dr. Ramani for that reassurance
Hope u hold onto that as you heal. I remember praying he would just leave because it would be so much easier than the pain of having to cut him out of my life. It would have been a mercy
I wish
I felt sudden released from the burden put on my shoulder right after he get married to his ex w/o gave me closure & promised to marry me the whole 3 yrs relationship. All the future faking, cheating, depression, always broke, silent trmt etc were very overwhelmed and drained our energy
I am preparing for the day.
I told my ×-vamprie whew I'm GLAD you left... Next thing while rebuilding myself, I noted her stalking me... Doing drive-bys late @ night... During the day using our child as a pawn... But your the one who left... Conclusion: that experience was a lesson... Not a blessing... It taught me a major lesson on ppl & mostly myself... 👀
Narcissists ......"need to always fit in and always look good to the world" Wow! True!!!
On a the grand scale of things , where did you fit in ? Why , the bottom of course.
So so true 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
True
And when they can't eg. Lack of finances, they get emotionally abusive
To present that image: spouse, house, and success. Built in supply with the bonus of looking like they've got it all. Plus nurse, cook, maid, laundress, consort, and scapegoat.
I think Narcissists use marriage to "destroy" their supply!
1. Love Bomb, then marry the supply!
2.The supply is 100% trusting!
3.There is 24/7 "access" to the supply.
4.The supply is "locked in" for long term abuse!
5. The "stigma" of divorce makes it harder for the supply to get away!
The movie:
"Sleeping with the Enemy"
- with Julia Roberts
Exactly sleeping with your ennemie
Exactly.
They lure their prey in. Then capture and abuse them.
Yes but just to clarify, the "supply" is not a person it's the way a person "feeds" them. Never define yourself as the "supply". Instead choose to "starve" them with SILENCE from the first date then a narcissist will discard you for the RIGHT reason.
So true 👍
Narcissists enter marriage to use it as a cover for the life they want to truly live . The wife always ends up being the doormat and blamed for everything wrong in their life. I turned the tables on my narcissist by agreeing with him on everything negative he said about me. My question to him was what are you still doing here with me? Agreeing with them stops the push and pull tactic and puts the spotlight on them? Never chase, agree and move on emotionally before you leave physically.
Me too
I be like why would you want to be with somebody like that lol
Mine said in response to the question why are you still here if I am such a liability. His response I have to stay because I have to do everything for you because you are so hopeless.
@@mstep4553 that's exactly what my spouse says too.🤦♀️ He won't ever sign divorce papers. I feel cornered and trapped.😓
@@alba7165 talk to a lawyer that specializes in narc divorces! They are around
Exactly 💯💯💯 i do the same thing .. Agree then ask why
You feel you are living a fairy tale, until it turns into the worst nightmare. I was never his wife, I felt like a maid, exploited worker, never respected, always ignored, used, lowered and with no ability to be heard. The most frustrating part is how they expect you to remain "cool" about the fact that they are cheating, lying, living their single life while being married. You have to be still perfect and never complain.
Omg...yes, so true.
You just wrote my life. Glad it is my past life now.
@Lawn Mower First marriage was this way my second marriage too. I felt stupid when I figured out why a Narcissist picked me. They want to be you, they have no emotion or empathy so they mimic. Need this narcy to leave but am cautious, he has threatened to kill me. He is just a big coward.
The minute I started complaining she went into narcissistic rage.
Agree 💯 percent
"Marriage may reassure their abandonment fears." At the end of our "marriage", I was able to persuade him to come to a therapy session with me. The therapist asked each of us what we loved about the other. I easily burst forth with a long list. My husband only mentioned one thing: "I love how much she adores me." (BTW, I was wife #3 and fiancee #4.) Thank you for another excellent video!
OMG! I was my (now ex obviously!) narcissist's baby mama number 3 and thank God he never married me! I broke up with him because I realized he was a narcissist after 1,5 years of the so called relationship!!! So happy! Saved myself so much precious time for healing and focusing on my kids, work, myself, and watching Dr. Ramani's vids to make sure I will never fall into a narc's trap ever again!!!
Wow, these soul sucking leeches don't deserve our love, and your ex is a perfect example. Narcissists should marry each other and leave us empaths to each other who know how to love. Sending you healing energy 🙏❤️
Ha ha. Yep. Ask them what your good qualities are and watch the spluttering.
😮
Awful to you, my heart goes out to you but they have no empathy, assholes
The narcissist's need for marriage is a trophy for social validation, along the lines of membership at the right country club, sports car, buff body and being admired.
Sounds like a Barbie World life style aka fantasy. 😂😂😂
All smoke and mirrors
Facts
👍
Exactly what my spouse said on a hoover..you are my trophy...made it easy for me to leave..iim a human being .not an object
Marriage is just a social license for these individuals to use( maid, sex partner, a cook, trophy partner), abuse( blame shift, project their insecurities, manipulate) and finally discard( if they find the next replacement to start all over again) !
Agree on all counts . You are there to cook, clean and wash Then perform in bed and look pretty when going out. Sickening
They are very sick individuals. I married into a whole freak show of narcissists
This sounds like bosses who hire and fire people on a whim after using them to generate money while they sit on their comfortable chair and make the big decisions to maximise productivity, results and personal profit. Marriage is like a business to narcissists, nothing personal, merely a method for them to enter a contract to meet their needs and maximise personal gain. You are an interchangeable object who can easily be discarded and replaced.
Yes! I clearly dodged a bullet
Think about all these at once!.. The silly part about disgard is they are enjoying starting all over again,.. unlike normal people!
Narcissist get married but they love to play single whereas they expect their partner to play double.
She just described the last several years of my life and now divorcing a narcissist has been worse than childbirth
once married, a narcissist has a legally certified empath and can throw all abuse on it.
exactly a legal slave.
So true I have a couple in my family like this. The wife is narc and husband an empath. I think he realises this but is very patient and loves her so much, he’s willing to bear it.
There's a huge difference between being an empath and simply a person who doesn't know how to set boundaries.
BINGO
Bingo!
I feel so sorry for the woman that married my ex. She's probably a good woman that had no idea what she was marrying. She's his third wife. I won't date a man that's been divorced more than once and now I can spot a narcissist on the first or second date.
I tried reaching out to my ex’s fiancé on her UA-cam channel to warn her about the abuse he inflicted on me. She responded by blocking me. They are now married with a baby and I don’t feel sorry for her and the choices she made. She deserved all the misery she signed up for.
@Cali Girl I haven't remarried either. I'm very careful now when it comes to men. I'd rather be single then make another mistake
I was my husband's 2nd wife/ex wife... And I made the same rule!!!!! A first divorce was understandable... It was believable that his first ex was crazy... But if someone can't learn from and heal from their traumas between a first and second marriage... Clearer still, if someone can't take their time discerning between a first and second marriage, causing that 2nd marriage to end too... Then they are likely a type B personality and I don't need that shit!
@@harleyquinn5774 remember that she is just as much victim as you were and you should pity her because she is about to have it worse than you now.
Remember the narcissist probably lied to her and said you were the crazy ex obsessed with him and she is too blinded by his love bombing to even see the truth.
When chit hits the fan she may reach out to you or not.
Yea I doubt that
They see “relationships “ as business...a new investment
yes, they are 'networking' ...
Particularly if you have assets or a single child with inheritance !!
Yes! I have this way.
Funny to hear you put it that way. When my ex left, my eldest son said that everything about his father was like a business transaction which is why he treats people as being disposable. At the time, it made me cringe, but now I’m happy to see that his own children have learnt to keep a distance from their toxic father.
Money, MAID, POWER, CONTROL.
My narcissistic ex wife told me "I didn't even like you when I married you". You can bet that statement was the truth. One of the rare moments when a narcissist is honest. Upon hearing those words, all was clear. Serious pathology problems present, avoid this person as "they don't live in reality".
The reality of it was she pretended to be something else, but couldn't maintain the false persona. When I exposed her, she changed. Reverted to her narcissistic self. Suddenly a clear and present danger emerges. These people are fundamentally insane. Avoid them. Throw them away.
Thank you. Keep saying they are fundamentally insane so it becomes my mantra. I'm sorry you went through this. I'm close to my exit. Thankfully he lied about wanting to marry me.
Omg, my narc ex husband told me the same!
Yeah they can’t keep that mask on after they get what they want out of you.
@@olyguy9918 Very true
You can't rationalize with the irrational. They never listen anyway, so all our efforts are in vain. Avoid them is the best prescription.
The typical red flag: The positive times with a narcissist can be reduced to the inicial phase of relationship. Because narcissists are excessivly lovely and cute people at the start and get real demons later on, when you do not function the way they want.
thats why its good to say no sometimes....see how they respond
They have their demons at the start with the motives to kill steal and destroy you by any means necessary. They hide their real self short term until they feel they've have you in the palm of their hand to crush you. Steal the life right out of you and destroy you.
This is really interesting. I am learning so much from this channel and people sharing experience and knowledge!!
Wow I tink this vid was made 4 me😧
I decided to have a little freak out, to see if the love was real. I was sick of him talking to me like a child or as though he'd just met me on Tinder (after two years of dating - I felt like he was still keeping me at arm's length and I wasn't in his heart truly - No true intimacy) and as I was at a point in my life I needed true emotional support I wanted to see if he would reach out and do this and stop calling me sweetoe for once, and like really be there, you know? So I showed more authentic expression of myself about where I was at in life, not about us, but just my feelings and personal thoughts about the world, and then....! That marked the end really, it was finally over. Reasons? He said he'd never seen me angry before and it freaked him out.
But in a real relationship right, you stick it out? And he wanted me to move countries, etc. And he was not interested in knowing about my feeling or insecuritites - It was like, 'done'for him. It was like he never contacted me hardly after that. So much love bombing? until that moment. Because I thought, I need to see if he'll really be there for me, so I'm going to stop acting as it's unhealthy to feel so seperated in a relationship, I want to feel like 'one'with him.
And he was so not interested! I've known him for half of my life. Now I'm back to single again and feeling damaged.
And he went back to his ex! Again! Yes, I gave him a second chance.
💔
That’s the truth. They get married to have a maid, nanny, housekeeper, cook and extra income to acquire the lifestyle things that they want.
And the truly diabolical ones are so expertly subtle and just chip away at you little by little. And when you leave act surprised, like they are awesome and you are just evil and try to convince everyone else you are too. Glad to say my step kids caught on and love me all the more.
You just described my narcissist husband stone cold user and Manipulator
That's exactly what I am to my Narcissist husband
....and a woman narcissist wants a maintenence man.....someone to serve them and take them out to dinner or buy them jewlery.....take them on a cruz and carry the bags and of course....income.
Absolutely right Jessie Dixon. Add one more to the list. They also get married to get sex for free. My ex treated me like one . And even after I filed for divorce he would say that you are legally still my wife and thus I have a right to have sex with you anytime I want. It was very disrespectful for me.
He passed away 3 weeks ago. I'm free and learning to really love myself fully again
Tell me more. How did you survive with him all those years or time?
I can't wait when mine dies and all of her victims are at last free.
Hope your doing well Michele… enjoy your life!!
Congratulations merry widow!
You will never be the same after a marriage and kids with a narcissist.. it’s a living hell during and after.
True
Not me...my ex and I were still married when his secret double life caught him charges. He will be in prison til the day he dies for violating another woman and taking her life during a narc rage. I am for all intensive purposes a widow with an exhusband who is a dead man walking. I am sorry for her, but glad that he is locked up and totally powerless.
I am living my best life after divorcing my narcissistic ex, and once I found out that he was a narcissist, I gave him a taste of his own medicine
I totally agree, with you! The light just came on for me, in the last year or so! Of course, in the beginning I never thought of him being a narcissist. But my eyes are wide open now! And it, sucks!
@@sharonfrezghi1530 AMEN
Smoke and mirrors. That’s all it is. They can never provide a healthy relationship. They want the appearance, but they ALWAYS have one foot out the door. Always!
Christina N. Horn, you look stunning
Christina N. Horn,you don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!
💯% resonance!
So true
Exactly! Never acting like they are married
I lived 34 years and constantly lived if we have kids it will get better, when they move out it will get better. When he retires it will get better. It never did. I left.
Narcissists rarely if ever change themselves. The narcissist is quick to change diet trends, moods, fashion and spouses.
@Corina..SAME (34 years) exact scenario...waiting ..editing ‘life passages’ in vain for a protracted change and growth. Not apparent. nor happening up until now, Absolutely petrified at the reality of his imminent retirement in two years. I hope to find your courage and start exit plans in earnest,,You are my “spirit animal” along with Dr. Romani!!
good that good , i did the same with my ex ,.
I’m 23 years into my relationship and slowly starting to realize how blind I was to the emotional abuse...I see it not getting better but worse also & at the end of my rope!
Marcie Fiedler It will be 24 years for on 8/10/2020. Left on two separate occasions, but came back due to the "Love Bombing" and my religious convictions. Now that I've been on therapy, and studied the word it relates to Gods view on Narcissism, and how it's impossible for these people to honor their Vows, or you, I'm free to leave, and never look back. I've been preparing for 3 years now, and my breakthrough came forth 2 weeks ago. Moving out w/out him knowing in 2 weeks. Game over. Headed to my peace. Game over. This kind of demon will slowly kill you. Get out! 🙏🙏🙏
I was married to a narc for 31 years, I have learnt so much from these incredibly wonderful videos!! My narc cheated, I realized that was just a symptom not a cause of our marriage. To all these women who figured them out at an early age I admire and envy you! I’m 53, I feel so liberated, that I am not responsible for him any more, I left the house the day I found out about his affair, his chronic pathological lair, I don’t need HIS truth I have self worth, awareness n left with dignity, I’m going to love and adore the rest of my life ahead of me❤️
Sending love ❤❤❤
I never thought I would become a "cautionary tale", but let me add to this thread, we are 100% better off alone than in a relationship with a narcissist! The confusion, the sadness, the loneliness is beyond anything I experienced when I was on my own. If you have issues, work them out with a therapist, not in an abusive relationship.
I felt more alone around a narcissist, then being by myself.
Ms M, you don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!
So true
i agree ive been gone a month now and Ive never felt better they completely cloud your judgment its unbelievable
Yessss
Narcs have a lot of addictions also. Hence, the lying and secrecy.
That includes Blaming too, which is called Scapegoats!!
YES! Alcohol, porn, attention seeking, lying, acting, power trips. The list is endless, they are never satisfied.
Endless porn jst amongst one
@@briana14333 even drugs
Aint that the truth..my ex is a compulsive liar...his whole life is one big lie.
I was engaged to a narcissist and luckily we didn’t have the money to get married. For him it was a big wedding with 500 guests or nothing. That grandiosity spared me and I got out before he had his windfall.
For once a lack of money was a gift from heaven.
I literally called off my wedding to a narcissist 3 weeks before the big day. Being in a relationship with them for 3 years and being a placid person (and for what I can now see is being taken for granted for 3 years) I thought everything would be ok but 3 weeks before the wedding they truly showed their colours and when I actually stood up to them for the first time and said I don't want to marry her, she begged me for 3 weeks to reconsider and promised to change her ways...unfortunately I couldn't take her word for it, get married and hope for the best. I no longer trusted them,
I have majorly struggled since calling my wedding off and even doubted my decision at times, but your words have really confirmed to me what my heart and head were telling me..thank you
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🤣😂🤣
She started to get comfortable showing her colors as you drew closer to the BIG DAY and never thought you’d cancel the wedding. She would’ve only gotten worst…TRUST! She probably 💩 her pants when you called everything off because of the embarrassment and humiliation of getting dumped. Most narcs are already shamed-based as it is. I’m happy that you had the courage to cut ties before everything became official instead of saving face for her, and possibly other people. ~ BEST WISHES!!! 👍🏾
Thanks God you didnt marry her you would be damaged for life
Tell your children never marry a narcissist. Teach them early on when to run away when see red flags! Divorcing one is torturing.
If you raise your children well they will not accept any mistreating in relationships. It is usually the scapegoats or golden children to attract and marry a narc. When you know your value you will not let anybody invalidate you. So not just tell them not to marry a narc but teach them that they are valuable and ok the way they are and if somebody wants to change them than it is not the right person for a relationship.
@Irina Ivanova so you agreed that you were not raised well. You got limited information about relationships and your role in it. :-) "My mom only taught me what boys like in a girl." That is very bad approach: A) Your mom does not know what boys like in girls B) it should be about you and how to be happy in relationship, how to find a good guy
@Irina Ivanova many narcissists are wolves in sheep skin, it takes a very strong young adult to be able to notice red-flags and able to withstand hidden psychological abuse! Thanks for sharing your story!
Yep and they carry on punishing you after the divorce.... 10 years on and he still makes my life difficult
Thats tricky because the narcissist might brainwash your child into thinking you are the problem. Tread carefully!
They get married to have a cook to cook their meals, to have children so that they can say they have children, so that they have people to look after them in old age.
My husband did not want children... he actually took me to get an abortion when I got pregnant! I’m so done with him... I woke up!
Mu86ni my narc also made me get an abortion
This describes my marriage. My husband pursued me relentlessly. The moment we got married, he put me on a shelf and went back to his life. This is a non-marriage that I’m living. A non-relationship. I am here to serve him and make his life a little more comfortable. But there is no relationship whatsoever. After 20 years, I’m done.
I hope you can find your strength to get out. You know there's a lot of help out there. I wish you well
C J sounds like my fist marriage The day after our marriage he blew up on the freeway on our honeymoon and kicked me out of the car alone on the freeway with no moeny no phone. Nothing. He just left me emotionally after the ceremony.
C J please make videos about it!?
I hope you find yourself again CJ, it took me ten years but I made it. sending love💕
@CJRichard Same happened to me
Currently, my narcissistic ex is hovering and trying to get my attention. At first, I almost was going to get sucked into his sweet talk, which he conveys through his friends, but after all the videos, I am now more aware of tactics employed by him I.e. Discarding, devaluation, and hovering.
Anyone who reads this comment please pray and hope that I recover from the trauma that he put me through.
I pray for you.
Same here ..
I have a dear friend that is going through this also. I am adding you to my prayer list. Peace and love from Tulsa. ☮️✝️♥️
praying for you with God help u can make it. Remember the bible says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me Phili. 4:13
Praying for you. Stay safe. 🌺
Love reading the comments. I'm single and people are always suspicious. WHY aren't you married? My answer: I'm intelligent.
James R. Please stay single no matter what. Keep your life.
Yes VERY intelligent !
Never married here... 40 years of dating Narcs...lol
That’s your preference and it’s fine.... but it has nothing to do with narcissism.... there are a lot of folks who married that are not narcs and are intelligent.....
"Being strong - with excellent instincts and loyalty and smarts - does not inoculate a person against abuse."
11:30 But a narc marriage turns your world upside and tests your faith in LOVE and ... and can do a real number on your mental health
“JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE WANTS TO MARRY YOU DOESN’T MEAN ITS A GOOD IDEA !! “this should be on a t-shirt!!!
What’s sick is that I wanted the traditional vows at our marriage, I feel like a disgrace for doing so...
The verbal & physical abuse by the narc has lasting effects on their victims, even years later they suffer ptsd and depression
True
Good one....
I need this on a t shirt....
Run and don't look back!The narcissist is not marriage material. I lived it, it was hell on earth. You usually see the red flag's within a 3 month period. Btw I ignored all the 🚩🚩🚩 lol. Gaurd you'r ❤'s. Get to know the person well before you give them you'r heart. Thank you Dr. Ramani all you'r video's are just so unbelievably amazing. God Bless you for being such a Blessing and help to other's. I believe we have a pandemic of narcissism in America. It's very sad and beyond disturbing. People just don't care anymore. 😔
Right not marriage material I remember him telling me that his not . So I kept that in mind, ppl asked 23 years why y’all didn’t get married. My reply marry for what ! He doesn’t want to provide , want to use and list goes on and on. It’s been eight months no contact already engage with a new supply gave her my old ring . Lol 😝 smh
Hell on earth sounds about right
Tangerine there have ALWAYS been narcissist it’s just the field of psychology hasn’t caught up back in old days.
@Cali Girl I'm so sorry. How disappointing it must have been for you. Glad you can laugh now. Lol💗
@@chynadoll77cyn59 Oh my. Most likely he will do the same exact thing to his new supply.
When I first met him 35 years ago he told me he was married with an explanation! Turns out what that means is that she wasn't being and doing everything he wanted her to do/be, so he was entitled to cheat. He firmly believed this and did not think he was wrong. Narcissists are never wrong!
Unfortunately, a lot of times its too late when you realize who you have dedicated your life to.. In fact, they master the art of making you believe that you are the problem (or even the narcissist in the relationship)
so true, evils and liars
Exactly!
I was 64 before I realised that he was a narc ... I felt bad because I thought it was my fault he was like this.
It's too late for me but I beg anyone in the same situation to get out now and never look back
Yes!!!
@@lynneparker4136 do you have any advice on how to get out of a marriage? I’ve been married for 23 years I still have kids at home I don’t make enough money to support us and I would lose our house without his income? I don’t know what to do I can’t afford an attorney but I also don’t want to be married anyone everyday is just a nightmare
Being with a narc is like banging your head against a wall because it feels so good when you stop.
After you get over the splitting headache
@@MJ-qb5ph Got to love that!
Love, love, love your comment!!! So true!
Wow...but that sums it all up!
I became a commodity. And now I'm not. Used, abused and all the rest. It was a show for the public. I quit the play.
Thank you..❤️☘️
Well done for quitting the horror show!
You can be proud that you made it out before it was too late. I wish you well.
“Commodity.” Even before I knew what narcissism was, I felt I was a commodity to my husband. The worst part about it was at the end of the 20+ year relationship, I had started to think of myself as a commodity and one that was particularly lacking. A narcissist is very rough on a person’s self concept.
Yassss!!!
How were you able to quit? I am really happy for you that you stopped taking abuse you didn’t deserve. Also, I seem to have found myself in a strangely similar play...
OMG, I keep watching, and this woman is describing my life. Once we have a baby, he will spend more time with me. No? Ok, once the baby is older, he will spend more time with us. No? Ok, once we move to California, once the house is finished, once the second baby comes, once both children are able to communicate, once he can relate to them, NO. It was always just out of my reach. And he still thought he was everything a woman could ever dream of. :)
Exactly. My life in a paragraph. Now after 40 years his behavior is even more entrenched, more distilled. At least my child is an adult (recently she told me she didn’t think her dad really cared about her at all). I’ve known he didn’t care about me but he’s always put on a good show with her usually getting her to side with him re: me. (I’m not capable of driving a car...to which she agreed, enough that I stopped the car & got out to let her drive). This past year I learned the vocabulary re: why I’ve been diminished, discarded, demeaned my entire married life. After crying a lot this year & getting it out of my system I now refuse to care or acknowledge his behavior. He’s always said things to provoke me. No longer. I refuse to play the game. I’ve basically always lived alone (he goes on vacation & takes trips with his buds, I’m home alone) so nothing has really changed. We inhabit the same residence.
After learning about NPD. Take some time to discover who you are. Be still and find that inner child hidden inside you.
Narcissists marry for the fantasy, control and admiration . A lot of people are too scared to be alone so they settle. We all desire a fairytale but to be frank it doesn’t exist.
Yay! I was discarded! And he’s gone and I got the kids and the house smells so much better without his stinky butt around.
Michele Lewis - how did you get him to hasten the discard?
Please tell us how you hesten the discard
Good for you!
Good for you! Hopefully he didn't scar your family too much.
LOL
I am the woman who got away and every day I feel so bad about not being the one chosen by the narcissist to get married or have children. And I know exactly why I wasn’t chosen this because I fought back and stood up for my boundaries. This video reminded me that I’m the lucky one and I like how she went over each and every scenario.
Vanna Marie good for you👏🏻👍
Suraya Lalloo thank you, means alot to me 🙏🏻
why do you feel bad?
Nice...
Yeah, when a narc discards you or you discard them, you will feel like you made a huge mistake, maybe even for years and even more if you see them jumping into a relationship or marriage soon after you break up, but you have to realize you were strong enough and lucky enough to get out. If they ever get into anything long term after you, you should feel sorry for that person because, as much as our brains will tell us and as much as they may post all the "good" moments in their new relationship, the new supply was/is too deep to get out. The narc hasn't changed at all.
3 dates in "let's move in together and get married! I've never felt this way before". What a creep
As someone who has been in a dead-end marriage with a narcissist for 11+ years, I am shocked by the revelations in this video. EVERY SINGLE WORD OF IT IS TRUE. EVERY SINGLE WORD. Thank you, Dr. Ramani... You will never know the very real difference you have made in my life and mental health. Thank you.
I see so many say they were trapped 10yrs ..me 9yrs
You are so right, JaJa. Every single word is true. 💕
Oh, she is divorcing me. (Discarding). My Christian Faith has been tested and still is. God hates divorce. I know I love her. Deeply. Im not seeking another relationship after this. Im just going to focus on our son.
@@phantom00545 God does not "hate" divorce. In fact, the Christian Bible outlines very clearly the legitimate reasons either spouse should seek to divorce themselves from an unfaithful or abusive partner. If you can find one, I highly recommend finding a DivorceCare class near you, you can look up a location near you online at their Website by doing a simple Google search. It has helped me IMMENSELY in my separation from my Narcissist husband.
You need to leave ...now! The narcissist will NEVER change. Believe me, it’s the only way to be yourself again and feel happy. Good luck!
The partner is supposed to create a perfect home around the relaxing narc who wouldn't even move a finger
Yep!! My dad is married to exactly that and has filled his dutiful role blindly
They do only what pleases them, making a big show of it, and leaving you responsible for everything else. Even worse, they will sabotage what you do to keep things neat and orderly. Worse still, you become overwhelmed, give up, and turn into a slob like them. It's like living with a perpetual 14 year old.
Ok, where is the hidden camera? You obviously have been watching my marriage! Lol!
We only work when you are around so it looks like we are busy and we go slow
You’ve met my husband I see.
Needs somebody to control and abuse and do all their chores . That boosts their ego and makes them feel powerful
And pay every single thing
That is so true 😭
My twenty year marriage summed up. What a waste 😩 basically a twenty year sentence. Not only for me but children
Shilpa, Brilliant!!!!
I was married to a narcassist for 28yrs, after a 4yr courtship.
Unfortunately, it was all about my career & financial success.
Ultimately, she discarded me, went my income plateaued, & I had self-medicated into an alcoholic.
It has taken me over 20yrs to dig myself out of that emotional & financial mess.
I enjoy your videos tremendously & always hope that your work helps countless others avoid my trials.
Meanwhile, you have become an integral part of my ongoing recovery & life progress, along with AA, CoDA & my therapist.
Life is good today. I have regained financial security & have fostered strong relationships with my children & grandchildren, as well as many others.
What I do have to continually strive for is the maintenance of that life balance. Gratitude & humility keep me on that path.
Please continue your significant efforts & work!
I feel like my husband married me because it was proof he had won the trophy. He immediately started devaluing me. Eventually, when he got sick of me trying to urge him to communicate in the relationship, he started saying, "What difference does it make? We're getting divorced anyway." After he'd said that a hundred times, I left him, and he lost it. He could NOT understand why I left him.
same when i told him i was leaving him he said he couldnt understand why, like he didnt understand that he treated me like shit.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
So true! I was with my estranged husband for 3 years and married for 1 year. When we separated I felt sorry for his previous wife and partner of 15 years (who of course he painted as a horrible person). Yet I came to realize that almost everything he accused her of was actually things he had done!
Masters of projecting
A billion likes for this comment! I feel so bad that I believed his lies and actually thought he was the victim smh.
Yep. Can’t even imagine what was said after our divorce. Glad I don’t know. Married again but just a different flavor of the same:/ The Difference is now I see it it better and learned to turn it to my advantage:/
Omg... He HATED when I pointed out that he was the one acting/treating/responding the way he claimed she had done... I brought each thing up calmly, hoping he would see the pain he caused and understand... But he was slowly getting found out and he hated that shit
@@purpleflows5680 She did find someone else and started a new family. :-)
My son’s narc father wants nothing to do with us and pays his child support; I’m blessed
Same here! Eventually his deals got the better of him. I got rid of him and he supports my child education from a distance. I got a taste of his character when he discussed his two decades younger girlfriend and I realized how nothing is ever enough for him stemming from his deep insecurity. And that is when I felt so blessed to be out and free ready to live a second life in one life.
Delta Radiance woohoo! We are blessed!
Coach Alka I feel you! He also has a decade young GF 🤮
Wow mine to!!!
Lucky you mine is a monster he took me to court and lied he wrote 20pages of allegations
Yes! I kept feeling like a beard in some way. I was begging for intimacy. He looked at me with contempt. I didn’t know what narcissism was. Thank you for making these videos. I had been abused as a child and never told anyone once I dealt with that it was like a veil lifted and I could see what I married. The more I tried to talk to my husband a grown man the more he would rage at me. Now that I got out of the marriage I can more clearly see what was happening.
How are u now?
@@missc2091 much better healthier
@@decorativedeluxeHey darling, can you please explain what do you mean by feeling like a "beard" in your comment above? Is it a phrase, an idiom? Sorry, I don't know, English is not my first language.
I always felt that he married me as a cover... to hide his philandering and whatever else. So he could appear normal to others - it was always about how he looked to others, nothing about me. Once I left him and the stalking was over, he married someone else within 3 years. Had kids immediately. So he could appear 'normal' - but he's not. Now, years later, he's still a workaholic at age 75, and his wife and kids are all sick with Auto Immune illnesses, etc. I've heard that's a sign that someone is toxic - when everyone around them is sick and cannot function well, but they're doing great. I'm so glad I left way back then! Still healing after all this time, but finally getting better! Yay!
Yep I found out I have lymphoma after I divorced the Narc. Cancer does not run in my family.
@@kyleparker775 I have something similar. I'm not even sure since the narc docs I've been to didn't want to help and only made me waste money on private visits and "medication" which made things worse. I have had swollen glands, swollen lymph nodes, now lumps, all because of those "doctors" who secretly wanted my inflammation to develop into cancer for over 20 years! Hard to believe, but true. Now I'm getting help from real specialists, but that's another story. I'm trying to be economically stable to get out of the narc "home." It's true that narcs make you not only mentally, but also physically ill. It starts with acne and ends with cancer.
@@kyleparker775 I'm sorry to hear this Kyle. There are many helpful mediums for self-healing out there, books and even UA-cam videos. I've heard personal stories from people who have focussed higher on healing rather than on the condition itself because we manifest what we focus on apparently. Yes it's hard to survive a narcissist but I hope that if you try this, it works out for you alongside any treatments. Research it and listen to other peoples stories. Sending healing energies for you 💓💞💖
@@agnieszkalibera5809 I'm sorry to hear this Agnieszka. There are many helpful mediums for self-healing out there, books and even UA-cam videos. I've heard personal stories from people who have focussed higher on healing rather than on the condition itself because we manifest what we focus on apparently. Yes it's hard to survive a narcissist but I hope that if you try this, it works out for you alongside any treatments. Research it and listen to other peoples stories. Sending healing energies for you 💓💞💖
He sucked their energy out.
The liking new shiny things is so true. Material things are more interesting than people to a Narcissist. People are just useful tools to them.
You are right. So in love with him as my fiancé, I proposed the idea to have a baby together and all he thought about was money and material; told me that I was trying to get money from him through the kid being the one who always tells me: “my money is your money and your money is my money “. My heart dropped to my stomach.
Not always.
My ex had to have a shiny new vehicle every two years (or less). Whatever someone else had, he had to have. As the wife, I was the means to get the 'stuff' he wanted (income generation). In counselling, he was asked why we got married. He said 'for regular sex'. I heard my heart break in pieces in that moment. He wasn't being mean - he was being honest and the truth was devastating to me. We divorced and he went on to marry twice more.
Dead On
@@sonamteotia2663 9
And before marrying one, pay attention to how they treat their children and their ex. That will tell you everything you need to know.
Totally spot on.
My ex his daughter hated him he would talk about how much he spent on her college education. He woild curse out his out his son and scar their relationship too but his son loved him anyway. He would threaten to harm him 😔 Also red 🚩 for me also should have been how he would talk poorly about how much he hated his ex-wife he would constantly talk about her called her all kind of horrible names and constantly t as talk about that $250k house he'd bought HER but he lived there too with his two kids. I dont get it SMH.
Alas. If anyone was in a bind they all called DAD for $. In our relationship he never gave me any $ . Even when I needed something I'd never ask him . If just borrow from a friend. Yeah. He was def a narcissists...
Ohhh I wish I should have ... But now he has 5 kids in total and soon to be 2 ex wives... Sigh . Try explaining that you your next gf..
THIS! Look at how Dr. Ramani treats her ex.
My narc ex-husband's mistress turned fiancee has been too busy firing shots at me to pay attention to what she is "really" getting....pulling up a 💺, grabbing 🍿, and watching the 🎪
Dear Dr. Ramani. Tomorrow is my marriage day….27 years!! Feel so exhausted and tired and hoping a miracle will come my way and I am liberated.
They get married to have a sort of level in society as marriage automatically makes you a more sensible responsible person in others people eyes...But inside the home they absolutely horrible through tantrums , anger all negative things. Personally have suffered the irresponsible he was for our children no sense of parenting ...
The worst part of being divorced from a narcissist is how they alienate your children and the damage they do to the children in that process- all in the name of control- of EVERYONE.
Alienate kids how...My friends todler blurted out..mum your fired..your going to jail..he said u hit him all the time..A joke as he is 4 times a woman's size..? ??
yes, the Narcissist's kids are on the receiving end as well. poor kids.
I’m glad for this alienation. Better he’s gone.
My brother's wife. Control freak.. use the kids for her shenanigans 🤪 🤣
Hear hear. Their children are only “loved” as part of their supply requirement. The partner realises very quickly that to leave will mean the children will be exposed to the full force of the narcissist, and become even more twisted in the process.
I should've listened when his favorite song was Neil Young's A Man Needs a Maid. Domination, verbal abuse, infidelity, contempt, & a scorched earth divorce . What a way to spend 20 years!
Can't believe it took me 21 years to walk away. And only 20 years after that realize he was a narcissist. Sadly didn't have all the information I have today. The emotional damaged it caused me and my children is beyond words.
@@vonniecronje3914 sad to hear that. I wish you get well soon, and please do trust that you did the only right thing. Better late than never.
@ your comment displays a profound experience with narcissism. I am happy you got out and I wish you and your family well.
Yes, the both of us were only 14 when we started this relationship from Hades. I should've ran the other way screaming when I saw how his home life, family and background was superbly dysfunctional. He had me & my family wrapped around his poor pitiful me finger. The abuse, lies, cruelty, cheating was unreal after we got married and had our daughter. It all made sense after 18 years of marriage when the word NPD came into my world. This divorce has been worse than all the years married combined. I've been smeared, traumatized, lied about, set up and tortured. He and his Narcissistic histrionic new supply (she is also his 3rd cousin 🤯😵🤢🤮) can live happily ever after as soon as the ink is dry on our & her & her husband's divorce papers (her husband and mind were also best friends 🤯😵) He deserves everything he's in for with that one. Same for her! She deserves everything he will put her through eventually! Two nuclear bombs ready to implode!! They are the replica of each other, two Alpha's fighting for top Narc can't work out for too long. We will see 🤷🏻♀️
@@pisces_chick2511 U'r FREE!
Thank you for explaining this. I spent 20 years in a marriage with someone who treated me like dirt and I just couldn’t understand why he ever asked me to marry him if he was going to hurt me, cheat then discard me. Thank you for shedding light on what has been a very dark place in my mind. I wish I had words to describe how much it means to me.
I was married to a person who used to tell me that I was so lucky to have him, that he was so handsome all women were admiring him and looked at me with envy because I had him. And he never used to praise me or tell compliments. I just always heard his compliments about himself. In the end of our marriage when I was just in my early 30s I thought of myself as an old unattractive woman nobody would ever be interested, love or like. However, very soon I understood it was not true after that narcissistic person was out of my life. I understood that I was still beautiful and attractive and worth of love and admiration. The earlier you get rid of the narcissistic partner the better for you. I tried to keep my family so it lasted almost 10 years and now I fee sorry for my the years spent with the wrong person. Still I am happy I managed to get rid of this person from my life. What if I lived all my life with such man...Scary!
They are selfish individuals.its the other way round dear,it's you they need not you needing them
There are some people who stay with narcs for 40-50 years. You should feel lucky you got out when you did.
Forgive yourself...you're wonderful
Thank you for sharing
@@TheCathydrew amen
My husband heard me listening to this video and asked without hesitation: do you think I’m a narcissist??? 😆 No, I don’t. I watch these videos to understand my father a bit better and a few other people in my life.
Most narcs know what they are. I remember my narc asking about my ex girlfriend, “was she a narcissist?” She asked me. I will be honest with you, I didn’t really know what a narc was until I met her. She knew she was a narc, and her question was to determine if I knew what a narcissist was. At that point, I certainly did!!
Phew! That was a close one 😦 I've got an excuse ready as well!
@@Kat-rg4nv My dad, my bro (and his wife), both my grandfathers-definitely all have/had narcissistic traits if not NPD. My husband is the reason I have a safe place to heal from the abuse. I hope you do, too!
@@freeindeed5393 Did you leave her? How did you handle it? I have so many questions because I’m in a relationship with one atm.
@@abdulsanni4765 if she is truly a narc then you should absolutely leave her. My ex narc was a master manipulator! She was always promising things that she never followed through on. I was losing my sanity when we were together. Now after 3 years no contact, I am back to my old self. She recently got married. She still stalks me on social media. What a whacko!
This was spot on I was married to and divorced from a narc. Its 4 years later and I am finally back on track with life ♡
I'll never forget sitting in therapy with him only to find out he just married me because he wanted to see if he could.
☹️
or be told, "it didn't have to be you. I was at a point where I decided to get married. it could have been anyone"
Congratulations for breaking free and getting back on track! I wish you well
wow that so messed up,. when i was married to my ex for 15 years,... my ex husband used my body as sex body parts i was just a sex doll to him ,, my ex not expressing or saying i love you ,,,, he not looking at me ,. wham bam thank you mam,... no cuddles,..... NOTHING .. and was his nanny , cook and slave cleaning ... and he would alway minimize not taking seriously my feeling when i am feeling sad and hurt ,.. he would say to me ... >>> what you have be unhappy about ,. ?? you are sensitive sally .. he lalbed my feelings .. :( he was hateful towards me when i wanted get close ,...he push me away ... he just seemed he didn't care ( knowing this now he did not ) ...... when my ex and i when to marriage therapy,.. What broke the camel's back when he said to our marriage therapist .... my ex stated this to her ,,,, about me ... " look i don't care if she is unhappy as long she with me "" .. we went to marriage therapy,.. i wanted a divorce from my ex ,..i was fed up !!! and hurt from my ex .... and now knowing he was only using me for shallow reasons ...HE NEVER LOVED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE . .. my ex just proved me all the long what i felt from his narcissistic hateful abuse ,...that he just did not CARE .. for me .. my feelings my being unhappy in our marriage ... please move on if you are married to selfish narcissistic ,...they will drag you to hell .. GET OUT >>> that hell hole that narcissistic make ,... ... you deserve WAY WAY better.... ..my ex was married once before me,.... and his last ex wife left him ..she end up with another man end up marrying him,... .her new husband treated her way better .. ,... . and i end up doing the same .. met someone that loved and respect me and SHOWS me that he cares appreciate me and want me to be with him and we enjoy each other company .. ...my new husband is lovely to me we are now married
omg..what an a-hole
My ex was a weakling and could not divorce me. I went through hell in the divorce. He split our children by "leaving me" our daughter and "taking" our sons. My children are now 30 to 38 and they are finally seeing the truth of their father because I have never bad mouthed him to them. I took the high road, paid child support and moved on. I am a whole/happy person 16 years later.
Once I began to shower my love and attention onto my children~the devaluing & discard began.
That was my life too.
yep mine said to me when i made our first child priority, he said I was here first......That confused me then, however i now fully understand, just wish i understood 26 yrs ago.
Yes I saw rage in his eyes whenever I was having fun with our kids, so very jealous of them, 😞
One thing that was not mentioned was the fact that many times two narcissists will marry one another. They understand each other and can portray themselves as having the "perfect" marriage and family.
No two narsists wouldn’t stay with eachother because they wouldn’t allow for bad treatment
@@quarentinedlove2903 I have seen two narcissists stay together a long time. They do not hold each other accountable because they know they need each other for status, for fear of the financial loss of a divorce, for putting on a false front of a sound marriage for their families and because they both need children to validate them and so they can have people in their lives who will be loyal to them (so they assume) since they have no real friends. Often having children is a high priority for them as it is a way to cement the marriage and thus ease their fear of abandonment and to have relationships where they can dominate.
@C RD not always. my narc parents married after 28 years. it lasted all of 2.
Fantasyyyyyyyy!!!!
Sometimes a covert narc and a overt narc marry......it sure screws up the kids.
"Long term lease" 😂😂 Such a perfect way to describe it
Leslie Elizabeth I know. That was a nugget.
That was classic! 🙌I broke my lease twice on two long term leases (10 years and 18 years)with two horrible narc husbands who never deserved such a nice and loving woman like me! The 1st was a grandiose narc, so when i met the 2nd, a covert narc I thought I had met Prince Charming in the flesh. Love BOMBS dropping nonstop, he made me feel like and called me his Princess. Gifts, the sweetest words, fancy restaurants. He asked me to marry him on our second date. i said yes. We got married on day 4 of meeting each other for the first time. We had one child 6 years later and were married for 18 years before I broke my lease. By the time I filed for divorce my 12 year old son caught him having an online affair(the last and final in a long string of online and work affairs)in our brand new home we bought 6 months prior.All the while berating me for being a "negligent" mother, whatever that meant, I was a stay at home mom. All I did was take care of my child, the bastard husband and clean, cook, laundry. I am an accountant by profession, he wouldn't let me work. Been divorced a year, went no contact, got a puppy, life is good! I started working at age 47 and I'll probably never be wealthy as I started so late, but this life of freedom is PRICELESS#!!
Some excellent comments here. I tell my friends and my children to always remember that an abuser's number one need is someone to abuse.
He married me because all of his friends were getting married and he thought that it would look better for him to be married in the cooperate world he worked in. I was taken from for 25 yrs nearly dead when i left. Its been 2 yrs and Spirit is shwing me what i need to change in myself to never attract a Narcissist again! Thank you Spirit!!! And thank u all for being here. Xoxoxo
Yasss!
Great! I am learning as I go. It has been 20 months since we split. I keep attracting Narcissists! I am learning how to get rid of them when I realize who they are. I have heard that the Universe and God keep sending you the same person or situation ( just wrapped differently each time) until you finally get the lesson. After meeting and entertaining conversation, some dinners and dates and them professing to want a relationship, I saw the signs and practiced Get Out!!! From now on at the Very First sign if a man who has Narcissistic behavior, I am going to start moving away from that big bottle of poison that they are
The same for me it's been 14 months since I have left my believe narc. I was in that relationship for 5 years. I'm working on my spiritual side to never attract anything like a narc or toxic. I'm not looking back and I never want to go through that again. This was my first and last time. I have learned the lesson. I'm so peaceful to the point I'm waiting on the Lord. All I do is pray for them type of people that my Lord have mercy on their souls.
I had 2 narcissist husbands and 2 narcissist boyfriend's in a row til I finally figured out I need to just be alone bc in my culture the women baby their sons for life making lots of narcissist around me.
I was 21 years old and had no knowledge of any of this. And I had been in a very physically abusive relationship before him. When he came along he was very different from the first guy. He looked like everything I wanted. He represented something I really wanted for my life. It wasn’t until many years later when I decided to take a stand for how I felt about things that I was able to see how violent, mean, cold, and what a ugly heart he really had. And now I feel alone but I’m going to fight through this feeling because he is who he is. I would only be surrendering to more bad treatment and, that’s what he would like. He doesn’t want a wife he wants a person who he can control.
You go girl...it’s so awful.
The bad thing is, they love to prey on people who have been abused before because they know you will be weaker to their manipulations and more likely to deal with "lesser" abuse. It makes my skin crawl now, to remember that my ex used to ask me if he was as bad as my physically abusive boyfriend. It was weird to me, but I couldn't figure out why he was always asking. Now, I realize it was probably a way to "remind" me or reinforce that anything he does, emotionally, pales in comparison to a physically abusive person, so I should be happy and grateful that all he does is play mind games, treat me like a toy he can pull off the shelf when he got ready, and say horrible things to me that he would always insist were "jokes". Good riddance to bad rubbish, as they say.
You told my story. Thank you.
Not only control but finances (yours) they want that too.
Tomeka. That is Absolutely Correct. They want someone to make them look and feel good. While they are being and doing BAD things. They will hurt you without any remorse. They are Fake and try to copy your good qualities but can't carry out the falsehood
I lasted 15 yrs with my narc. His 2ed wife left after 3 months. Yes , I was discarded and it was because I became a RN during the relationship and stopped playing the game. I became strong. It still hurt like hell, if he hadn't left I would still be there getting abused. I still have not had a successful relationship, I'm sure it's something I need to work on. I still feel devastated and no longer wish to play, with anyone. It's too painful. I moved far away but he keeps finding me, sending me gifts, asking me to come back, stay with him, have dinner with him, etc.. I bought a gun, just saying(for home protection only). Over the years of being away from him I can't believe I lived like that. I thank God every day that I survived and have thrived. Do I have a mate, no, but I have peace. Dr. Ramani your videos have helped me more than you'll ever know. Thank You.
Wow my narc told me he'd never want a nurse esp if she does night shift nor any woman who does night shift.
Same with me!! It's soooo much better being alone and have Peace than walking on egg shells every moment with these demons.
That's what they are, Demons.
God Bless You! 🙏🌹
Mine walked out on me 6 weeks ago. And refuses to discuss anything with me including separation of property etc.
it’s a total headf&@k
I advocate for women to protect themselves.
Thats interesting to know 2nd marriage lasted 3months.
I was married for 13years and was thinking his next marriage could last equally long before they leave.
I guess they become worse each time and its obvious to the new person.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I allowed myself to laugh when you spoke about the events that would “change” the narcissist. Nope. Nada. Nothing. Ever. Marriage and kids did not stop his need for side partners and a second family. It did allow him to vent his anger onto his family, with rage and violence. I made one helluva good punching bag. And yet, he’s such a giving professional man. Really IN the community.
I left everything to get out of my marriage. I moved out the state and he had no ideal where I was. I had about $300 in the bank but looking back it was the best thing I ever did!
You are one courageous woman! Kudos to you!
How are you today? Have you get over him, did you recover from abuse?
You're amazing 💖 Hope you're doing well 🙏
I am there!!! Trying to piece together pennies to get out!!!!!
At the end of my marriage, I asked my ex why he married me? He said I thought that's what I was suppose to do. Be still my heart. You're right the end was painful.
It will always hurt...but its over and you survived.
This describes my 27 yr marriage exactly as well as our hurricane of a 7 yr divorce (yes 7 yrs in both state & federal courts!).
These videos have done more for my understanding of what I went through than anything else I've tried.
Thank you!
Let's hope it can help other people to act as soon as possible.
Bravo Teryl!!
Teryl good luck
My divorce lasted 16 years. Longer than the 10 year marriage!
Well that means you're free then. Great, I could use a wife!
I had better disclose my rough start and propensity of mutilating neighborhood pets though. Oh and I get the right side of the bed. We cool?
They get married to have a permanent scapegoat and caretaker all in one.
They want to get married to feel safety absolutely #1, the love bombing fools you into thinking they want to take care of you! They will support you being your own person while doing just enough to keep you close but no more. Sacrifice is never in their vocabulary but it is in yours ... do not sacrifice yourself. 💕
Carol Bearce, you got a lovely smile
Do not sacrifise anything.. not even a penny.
I still to this day remember the first time he showed me his true self, I wanted to say turn around and take me home but instead I went for the ride of over 10+ years of pure torture and hell If I had only done what my gut was telling me the first time that evil monster showed his face!!!
Grace,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
I been there.
Don’t beat up on yourself. I’m 32 years in and it will never be over til one of us dies.
Thank you God for your clarity and presence! Broke off my engagement and ended my miserable 6 year relationship with a BPD, Covert Narc with Psychopathic traits. HUGE bullet dodged. My life and my son's would have been EXACTLY like his first wives. My prayers and thoughts are with his next supply/victim. I am no longer a victim! I am a survivor, and thriving! Words of advice, if your gut tells you something is off and ANY of this resonates with you, RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!! And NEVER look back!
My narc married me so I could serve him and he could stay a toddler forever, letting me taking care of all responsibilities within the household. Now that I left he’s paying someone to do my work after he said he was going to do it himself. During these 7 years of marriage I became a workhorse. I am emptied and broken. The day I left him, my body stopped hurting and my hands stopped falling asleep and numb at night.