I find it interesting how narcissists fear being alone but have no problem cutting off contact with their most loyal friends and family for petty things.
Dj.D. I know, yet they are kings of the silent treatment. It must have somehow worked for them around a few people early on and they got rewarded so they repeat it. They just keep the bitterness going…. resentments galore!!! I made up my mind almost 5 years ago I will never “intentionally “be in the same room as my parents ever again. They buried their golden girl, flying monkey last fall without my presence. She was in her 3rd year of silent treatment of me and a staunch supporter of the parent’s gossip. Since that decision I’m at peace.
They cut off contact to avoid self reflection or out of fear of exposure. They have no concept of friendship, so their fear of abandonment is really a fear of not having a supply or distractions away from their true inner self.
Too impulsive to resist and too deluded by fantastical optimism and baseless superiority/entitlement not to. They are irrational and not recognizing self-defeating aspects of a behavior or believing themselves exempt come with that territory. If you think about it being raised in an environment with high standards and no nurturance would significantly influence somebody toward having expectations without realistic planning. I think it probably also robs enjoyment from the achievement of goals since having to work for something presumed to be already one’s own would be a resentful exercise, and particularly desperate for someone whose identity nothing else validates. If the prize is supposed to be yours and you’re just having to get it from whoever is withholding it from you then it wouldn’t even be a matter of needing to do so honorably or without cheating because it’s not cheating against yourself. If only the uptight underlings with nothing better to do than get in the way and put their rules on other peoples lives would get lives of their own…. Or something like that
Why do they do this to the most loyal people? It's unfortunate that I have an answer because I've lived through it. This may be long but I truly hope it helps. As they say: familiarity breeds contempt. But after the discard, they knew you so well that they know how to slither their way back in. Going back to someone they knew so well is easier than going out and finding new supply. Supply has to meet certain criteria and they're too lazy to waste time finding new people to mess with. They're so emotionally immature and they rather do what they think is easiest. The longer they knew someone, the more tentacles they have on them. Why with the most loyal people? That's their jackpot. Loyal people = easier to access again after the discard. Some people cut off the Narc forever after they get discarded. But even the most intelligent minds with the biggest hearts get sucked back in. The more loyal their target / victims of abuse have been in the past, the easier it is in general for them to suck them back in. Sometimes one more time, sometimes over and over again for the rest of their life. They act on impulse and rage at the stupidest stuff, the Narc never thinks they do wrong, and they always reach into their Narc hat of tricks and hoover previous discards... only for previous discards to jump back on their merry-go-round. The narcissistic abuse cycle is pretty much wash, rinse and repeat. They are always hunting for new supply (they have this game branded into their soul that they likely don't realize they're doing it. To them, it's as easy as breathing.) previous discards will eventually become another future hoover if the victim hasn't completely and permanently gone AWOL . It's a continuous cycle. -Love bombing ( idolization) "wow you're my soul mate!" "wow we have so much in common!" -devaluation "So wait... you're a human with flaws?" -discard “Bye.. get out of here! I'm too good for you!" -Hoover (this is where they vomit fauxpologies, future faking, crocodile tears and fake promises that they've changed, "It's all my fault, please forgive me!" "what was I thinking? Please give me another chance!" -Repeat the cycle over and over -the reason it's hard to cut ties is because we think they can change, but mostly because that love bombing stage was soooo good that we hold onto that illusion of them and think of the "Good old times" that we think will resurface if WE change. Narcs try to brainwash victims (gaslighting or crazymaking) and unfortunately some victims get so enmeshed in the relationship that they were brainwashed and really start believing everything is their fault (gaslighting and crazymaking) . So sad but true. Here's an example of a victim who truly thinks they are the problem after being with a narcissist for a long time : Narc rages because victim asked them a simple question which the Narc sees as an "attack." "Here we go again. Why did I let myself ask them a question that I should know by now to never quiz them?! Maybe if I didn't ask them why they didn't call back like they said they would they wouldn't be mad.... I'm so selfish and controlling by asking them why they didn't call like they said. They're right. It's my fault they lost their temper by asking them why I never heard back. They were probably busy only for me to intrude and expect a call or text. Gosh I feel so bad for upsetting them, if I stop asking them questions they will treat me better. But it's my fault. I don't blame them for getting mad at me again. I'm the problem." 🙄 Sad stuff. They always have several people, things,... Plan A, B, C, some at the same time,... at all stages of the abuse cycle. It's just the master manipulator's rotation. Pathetic, huh? The sad thing is it's all subconscious. On the bright side, it's interesting how every Narc does this no matter where they came from or how they were raised. Why? So they will never be alone! Out with the old, in with the new and some in the middle. Like a vending machine, all items very appealing, never full never empty at any given time. The vending machine is always full of their favorites (favorite choice of victims) Usually always HSP/empaths who Narcs depend on to survive. It’s been the most painful relationship in my life. My best advice, even before the typical advice "Just leave!" is: "Knowledge is power!" Learn. Relate it to what's happening. Always stay 2 steps ahead. They are so easy to read and figure out. Everyone is different but they ALL follow the abuse cycle I mentioned above.
Contributing to society is a narcissist's worst nightmare. Its why they turn on the most important people in society. Pensioners and seniors. Its first and foremost pensions, having to help a pensioner or someone very close, often a mother, father, brother, sister, etc. This is what shames them the most..
A good example of this are the people who manage Pfizer. Pfizer´s managers usually react with narcissistic rage when the behavior of the company is questioned.After academic scientific consensus about vaccines changed and public opinion changed from a positive attitude, to a negative one, Pfizer blamed science enthusiasts and vaccine critics for their predictable failures.Its because narcissists can not accept failure. Therefore they consider everyone else around them to be a failure too. When asked why he was trying to assert he could predict in advance how many people would die from a Pfizer vaccine shot, Michael Yeadon responded by accusing people who refused to agree with him of being part of a conspiracy to silence him. In reality, his treatment of those who simply disagreed with him caused him to become his worst enemy and a now classic cherry picking example for logicians searching for fallacy examples.
You can witness how the face of a narcissist changes over the years. It gets harder and harder..In a moment where they feel not watched by people, their true facial expression comes out and mirrors their inner emptiness. Dead eyes staring at "NOTHING".
The deadness of the eyes is chilling It’s like coming face to face with their resident demons - yikes!! A twenty five year journey through the valley of the shadow of death His Rod and His Staff, they comforted me He has also prepared a table before me in the presence of the enemy
... that was a demon in sheep's clothing. My ex husband wasn't attracted to me either,I was forced to marry him. But today I'm divorced and I wouldn't go back to him with a ten foot pole 😜
This alone is enough to believe in a creator. Of there is evil that means there is absolute good. Courage vs. Cowardice. They hide in the shadows of secrecy and deception. I understand now that they already live in hell every second of every day. Getting away is just escaping their hell
That’s why cutting off fuel and supply scares the narcissist- because they are forced to SELF REFLECT which means confronting their true inner self - inner shame
@@angbry8305 im not sure my dads an enabler and admits she is the way she is but wont admut the way he is others have said he may be a different type of narc idk but were no contact now id imagine if they felt pressured there would be some vulnerability but i dont think they care to expose or admit to anything since were the "gulliable" ones and need to see them the way they potray us like when we change our clothes they change there personality like a chemelion
This is exactly why the best revenge against the narcissist is no contact and thriving because these two things, at the time when they need you for supply, shine a light on their shame.
Would need some data, my experience is Narcs are primary abusers. I would go so far as to say, this is a ploy to get sympathy. And how is this provable? Narcs are super- fakers.
@@adamarlem9863 Keep digging please, you appear new in your research. Many have been sexually molested/abused being a key component of this SHAME based disorder. “Narcissists are subtypes of Schizophrenia. Mentally unstable. A Delusional disorder, previously called paranoid disorder, is a type of serious mental illness - called a psychosis.” They are people with shattered faith and broken spirits. They have lost their connection to God/source of life and must surrender, they must reconnect otherwise, here they will remain under bondage and stuck inside their nightmare mental prison. Tragic.
@@victoriamarie35 personally know of about 5 abusers of underage BECAUSE they ARE Narcs. They also might do the flipping victim role? That is not beyond them at all.
Their guilt memories are always laying underneath their layer of subconscious….waiting to be exposed with random remarks or projecting onto others etc.
Watch this channel, but also watch Dr. Les Carter & Dr. Ramani, too. They are incredible & focus on Narcassism & Narc. Abuse & healing. So helpful & their communities are so warm & helpful. Very rarely a troll!
I believe that my X narc.alcoholic has Been somehow using bogus phone numbers, to send me nasty text messages, ridiculousness messages,that I have to open, I open 1 the first time I received 1,never again did I open another, I now block 🚫 them all,perhaps he does this to get revenge, I'm a victim of narcissistic alcoholic abuse,he has felony for this abuse I endured, also in the process of getting divorced, I have a restraining order, I'm sure he's upset about that, he can't abuse, or take advantage of me anymore, use his narcissistic tactics on me, I'm a survivor
My aunt has multiple, and none have her actual photo, or government name. Though I can tell by her writing, and wording. I don't believe I've ever seen her truly happy. Not even with her children. ( Narc) smh 🤦
This happened w/ my narc...I figured him out so completely..he didn't contact again..been 11 months..comes by my house..but no words ,cards or letters..Hope there anit no trouble in Narcadice hahahahaha
Yup, I fully exposed his covert psychopathic ass. I literally told everyone who would listen who he really is. It's probably a safe bet that he will not ever hoover me.
I feel pity for them. When you realize that they spent their whole lives miserable. They chase happiness, never finding that happiness inside themselves.
Pity. Lol. I have a lot of feelings about and for. NONE of them are pity. Far far far removed from pity. You got one you wanna help feel better? I have a pet Black Mamba he can kiss
Unfortunately it becomes the problem of the people they are able to suck in to their web and don't know what they're dealing with and who have low self esteem.
They get help or don't, they need to stay away. I don't care about how they are getting help. The door is slammed shut, and they ain't coming back in. One time is enough.
@@brianwalsh1401 agreed. But therein lies the most evil thing outside of torture and murder...taking advantage of someone else at their lowest point and attempting to suck them dry and discard. I was that, but with blessedly an above average mindset strength or I probably wouldn't be here writing this. This is spiritual demonic possession. No excuses for them but this is beyond just a knuckle head mess up and improve slowly actions.
“Narcissists are subtypes of Schizophrenia. Mentally unstable. A Delusional disorder, previously called paranoid disorder, is a type of serious mental illness - called a psychosis.” They are people with shattered faith and broken spirits. They have lost their connection to God/source of life and must surrender, they must reconnect otherwise, here they will remain under bondage and stuck inside their nightmare mental prison. Tragic.
When I called out my ex covert narc b/f on his sh*t (*spontaneous rages, pitting fights, attempts to shame or devalue me)....His eyes would litterly go COLD and he'd just stare me down with these super creepy hallow dissociated eyes....Something was definitely WRONG with him = jeeez!😒
I go through the same thing. But dealing with it for years I give him back the same energy and he go crazy. I have is performance down packed like a scene in a movie. 😂
If they were a character in a ninja movie where they had to face their greatest enemy in a state of meditation and they found out their greatest enemy was themselves, they would turn tail and run rather than facing their own evil side. They're not fighters. They're cowards.
Clarice, you are spot on. When confronted with something the narc Should be ashamed of~ they Flip it around to the empath. Sad & so unacceptable. Have a wonderful day! 🌻
I’m sorry .. I know this may sound harsh .. but this is as comical to me as it is sad .. they’re not human beings .. just hollow entities. HAVE A BLESSED DAY EVERYONE !!! 🤗
@@lilianosoro6399 they have a physical body, but some in Bible times were inhabited by demons, and their are many accounts out there, body's were taken over. So yes body human but not what has taken them over.
Great breakdown of this issue. They are basically lazy about working on themselves when they realize this shame. They take the easy way out by finding a new supply or going back to their prior relationships. Well done.
They're ashamed of what they've become. Refusing or unable to change their state of being. Like a permanent stain that never goes away, and with that character defects they try to project those traits onto others.
I can identify with everything you said...I live with a passive aggressive covert narcissist and have for 23 years recognized the shame he has for himself...I am an empath, co dependent and have realized that I was played right from the start...I fell for all the sad stories and frustrations he knew and I wanted to make it better...Thank you for this video...
Same here! Played from the beginning but now I'm free. Was codependent too. I'm free now but not because I initially even wanted to be free (read: Codependent)for I was abused and already 'in prison' and couldn't see it. It wasn't until AFTER the divorce I received the education on Narcissism and Empaths and why they attract in the first place. Starting over late in life but Thankful and Grateful that I'm free to really LIVE...HAPPY...and not be all in my head thinking it WAS ME all this time! Hell, I'm writing a whole new book, not chapter, in my life!😂🙏
@@sweetvictory8362 Your post was very encouraging! Its amazing how these narcs operate the same exact way , every where, everyday, every time, every situationship. Keep pressing forward you're doing great!
This video is a brilliant one because you really opened my eyes and my mind to what's going on inside the narcissist. "Guilt: I have done something bad. Shame: I am bad." it's all about avoiding that FEELING of Shame. Even if you're not doing anything to them, just being in your presence if they perceive you as better than them can trigger this FEELING of shame, as in "I am bad, in comparison to this person." It could just be the way you look and that is enough to trigger the shame.
This makes perfect sense with the Narc in my life. Every time he would come home he would pick a fight with me snd then “need to leave” but it really had to do with he couldn’t be alone with me anymore in the house becusse he had treated me so awful for so long he couldn’t look me in the eye without feeling this shame and being around me was a constant reminder.
That is why they feel they have to destroy people, which is another way of getting rid of the shame. If they destroy the people who are on to them, no one will believe them when they reveal who the narcissist is.
This analysis is spot on. Listen to this as many times as possible to understand why you can never have a healthy secure relationship with a narcissist. Stop wishing things were different and accept this truth as a fact like the world is round. Just ain’t no changing the facts of narc life. Accept this and survive!!!!
Good day All, Everyone has to come to grips with certain things, whether it's how you were raised as a child, or what you choose to do with your life "TODAY", I have come to realize that, I am "Worthy of Love", and I was not put on this earth to carry someone else's SHAME, at the expense of losing who I am, in the process, has been one of the lessons I've learned throughout this journey of dealing with a Narsissist person, because it will literally drain you mentally, physically, and spiritually, if you pretend right along with them,...(me personally I "Choose" to live in "REALITY")...let's take care of ourselves!..😉
That they have to own up to EVIL is a point that I never even thought about in the path of a narcissist taking accountability. This is a very, very interesting point in that they hurt us so many times when we did not deserve it and a part of them knows that. When I think of things this way I am better at shifting all that blame and shame back on them because that is where it originated from in the first place. This is very helpful. TY ETN!
One time they were very giddy, when they were saying something very cruel to me. It was very scary. I found it so disturbing, I left the relationship. Even once away safe & sound, recalling that 'giddiness mixed with sadism' haunted me for a long time. I couldn't comprehend what I had witnessed. One fine day I realized that it was their version of feeling ashamed ... and ugly coping with feeling ashamed. And then I didn't feel haunted anymore. Thank you very much for making a vid about it.
I know that giddiness with sadism look. I couldn't figure out what the hell I had experienced so I just ignored it. Luckily I figured it out and exposed his ass.
It's been 9months since I escaped from two narcissists, The worst experience ever, I still can't believe what I had experienced, it made me see the world and people differently.
I was dating a man who was in AA recovery. He was extremely secretive of basic daily actions. I confronted him and asked about the secrets and if he was with another woman and he freaked out. He went into a complete shutdown and felt he was shamed. This video makes sense of my past situation.
Their needs to be far more awareness brought to this they she'd light in made up issues these days but us survivors do believe how unbelievable it is it's true insanity crazy making behavior it's done I. Purpose by design it's a formula and they all do the same things pretty much I've been around it my whole life n child of adult narc parent and codependent and I def am a codependent but have made huge strides in that dept and others as it relates to NPD best advice I can give you is give yourself the gift of healing be however it is you need ....educate yourself understand they do not change EVER also it's diabolical I suggest watching the tea with NPD she's amazing and Shannon with Narc free kick g they are faith based and they explain the demonic I influence and possession is where the Narcisstic foundation lies.... eye opening stu...ff also if you can go no contact do so at all costs!!! Sending light love and positive vibes your way take care if yourself 💕
@@Missy_561 thank you, but where having our 2nd child in Oct, and I'm trying to be cool , but I'm still attacked and downed and treated like I'm not human.
@@mentalfreedomknowledgeunde6071 - my daughter is too 😞 Sorry you all have been tricked in this sad, horrifying narcissistic world 🥺 It’s a HARSH reality 😭 I just got to tell her tonight for the 1st time about watching these videos. She has to be very cautious and delete the messages I sent her about this, as he has control of being able to see her messages any time he feels like it. He’s got every room in their hone on camera too, so he can make sure she’s paranoid about being watched at all times. PLEASE GET OUT SOON! Watch more of these videos and save yourself for yourself AND FOR YOUR BABIES!!! Don’t let this evil take you away permanently and raise YOUR children 🤗 Love you!! Keep watching these! YOU CAN DO THIS 🙏🏼
I guess the biggest shame of all toxic people is that they have bloody hands but deny it, as if it´s their victims who have the responsibility for it. No narcissist on this earth will ever will feel shame for what they do to others, because they always find a way to find reason why their impact isn´t as bad as it is or as if their victims are just negative people or bullshit like this.
My Jesus is the shame eraser, he alone is the standard for life a standard which nobody can live up to. That is why he died on a cross drank the Fathers cup of wrath that was ment for us so he could gift us his perfection then after we die God only sees Christ covering out sin. So out of love for him we live as he commands, we spend our time in the bible, in real churches, and with other born again sinners. We learn to love....
Yes they will change their name, use friends or monkeys or other narcissits to follow you if your onto them following you. Take note of familiar cars and search your vehicle for gps locators or stuff they may download onto your phone.
Then they are not a Narcissist maybe more like a sociopath. Narcs, psychopaths, sociopaths and others share Narcissistic traits so they can be easily confused. But if the person you are dealing has no shame they are not a Covert Narcissist.
Makes perfect sense and it's so true!! I'm unburdened, at peace, happy, strong and abundantly blessed especially after ridding myself from the NARC demon 🤡 serpent ex, some family members, and a fake covert copycat needy "friend" 3 years ago. NO contact NO communication permanently and the hoovers haven't and won't work!!! Blessings to you and ys survivors 💛
Yes to all of this. Karma needs to get them. Wow I was lied to. Yes and she modeled herself after other people. Oh its awful to be around. Its awful to be lied to. What a horrible person I knew. Thank God I got away.
19 years with my ex narc and truth be told they age miserably because supply gets harder to achieve because their looks age faster then their age because of the constant stress and anxiety they live in and as a result they get more bitter and angry, I watched a beautiful 31 year old woman become a drawn out 50 year old. I have ten years on her and look like I barely aged, self love, exercise and knowing your worth keeps you young
This is the wisdom that speaks to the deep grief that those who have figured out the N live with in the knowing. The grief we feel is the hopelessness in the outcome because there can be no healing without letting go completely 🙏🏽😔
It’s pretty much impossible to change them. I have some in my life whom I keep a lengthy distance away from. That’s the best course of action with Narcs. To hell with them! I find them to be despicable creatures whom I have no time for !
This is so useful because it goes right to the core. They are caught in a lifelong spasm of fear/shame avoidance that’s almost impossible to break. It’s actually quite sad and that shift makes dealing with this nightmare personality a little easier.
Codependents also have toxic shame. Narcissists and codependents have grown up in similar environments and adapted differently to the dysfunction. Their like mirror opposites of each other. One focuses on others the narcissist is focused on themselves. One is empathic the other destructive. it's why they often end up in "relationships". The codependent can change, it's difficult but they can acknowledge their flawed. The narcissist won't change because they can't admit there is something wrong with them. Brene Browns video is good and so is John Bradshaw's "Healing the Shame That Binds You", which is also on youtube.
Interesting, codependents also have toxic shame. I'm a people-pleasing empath and somewhat codependent but I grew up in a wonderful secure and healthy environment. So I'm wondering how shame comes into my situation. Since "discovering" NPD, my eyes have been rudly opened. It's been a long road, and now I'm a senior, but still learning! btw, "they're" not "their" please
I felt ashamed that I had such low self-esteem to have tolerated any of the patho-narc's foolishness from the start. Yet, the difference between me (a healthy person) and the patho-narc is that I can acknowledge the source of why I felt my shame and grow from it. However, the patho-narc is ashamed to FEEL ashamed, which prevents them from reflecting on the true source of their problems and acknowledging that they are problematic. Consequently, they will recycle their dysfunctional behaviors, over and over again, in a masked pattern of disconnection, abuse and blame-shifting.
Excellent info and accurate. Thank you for answering a life long question, about family members. They can make you feel like you're going insane when they're deflecting and projecting and blaming because of their shame wow! Thanks again.
That's exactly how they are... You are spot on .. MY ex has always been like this I didn't fully understand it before but I now see what it's all about,🙏
I knew a long time ago that I was with another narcissist. But I wanted to believe so much that I didn't do it again. Your videos have helped me so much because being 48 I never had the internet or anyone to explain to me what was going on. So now I think I have kind of PTSD when it comes to those type of men. My ex is straight black and white textbook narcissist and what listening to your videos the last couple days it makes me sick to my stomach. One thing that I have learned that I want others to know and I've heard it over and over is that a narcissist will take an empath energy. I think a better definition would be that what you were saying they mirror or copy personalities and things they learn from you for future or even the relationship they're in with you. That way it seems like they're interested in the same things as you are. When people have conversations it's give and take give and take give and take that's how you recycle energy. But with the narcissist they take and take and take until there is no more.
One more thing if you realize there's red flags go every second guess your gut it'll always see you in the right direction because you can never change them you can never fix them as much as I tried to tell him to flip it back he never would I even taught him how and he never would. Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction because it'll tear you apart.
Hi im new to your channel..and oh boy, this has been the most helpful to date..As most of my siblings fit in here. No contact is the best way to keep me free from these types..has taken like 30 yrs to figure out what a nassastist is let alone im surround/ or have been..Thanks for this🙏🏼
They wouldn't have created a false self if they were happy with who they really are, shame is a pretty strong emotion that most people wouldn't want to face it (though we do if we have to) these people were so ashamed of who they are they created a whole fake personality that has to be fueled by other people just to hide it, that's a deep shame, a pathological shame beyond help, a torment of their's, how does someone escape themselves, they don't!
The narcissist I was involved with admitted that she had insecurities and fears EVEN that there is something wrong with her but said to address those memories was too painful for her.. so she carries on saying she is strong and doesn't need any help and is fine... yet all the reactions; hypersensitive, hypercritical, blame shifting, super defensiveness etc etc etc were just proof that she is far from ok from whatever trauma has made her that way.. She knew she should talk to someone but didn't know how to take those steps.. then she deleted all of her responses to me saying she wanted no trace of the conversation... it's sad that the people who get close to them know something isn't right and to some extent so do they but they act like little defensive children who can't admit being wrong and therefore literally destroy peoples lives of the ones they gave a chance to love them...
Me Clarice again you’re on POINT 💯% it’s very true each time I would tell my ex I’m ashamed of him he would hide from me when we used to live under the same roof …. N he will give me the silent treatment for days n I would ignore him ….. I’ve learned to accept who he is a nobody a shell a person or thing that never existed what ashamed really ….. if I was like that I would run run n get help …. But I guess these entities can’t or won’t change …… they’re sick sick empty vessels …. Ms Clarice thank you 🙏 for another great video Plz do enjoy the rest of your Sunday My LAdy for you ❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️❤️❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️❤️🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺💥💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️
This makes perfect sense. I now know why things happened the way they did. My two brothers are narc's. One is dead and one ran away. The one that died, I confronted him with what he did and he soon got sick and died.
Blessings! It's the title in your caption and or the name of your channel... Exposing the Narcissist: it's this title that deeply resonated within me and pulled my interests towards you, and since having done so i've never gone away undernourished or unfulfilled spiritually!" thank you i'm humbly grateful! A most enlightening video! Thank You!!🌻 Blissful Sunday!
Thank you fir sharing & Caring. I notice this Shame they have , in empty conversations i have with family Narcissists i often feel them projecting their Shame psychologically. It’s almost like they want you to except it, but you deep down inside you know what it is and you have to walk away from conversations immediately. You must let them know that you don’t stand for bullshit not in word but in action. It is a sad state of affairs because they really don’t understand this wow, may God have mercy on us.
I had one Narcissist, a Palestinian woman living in the usa, mimicking my values, and pretending to be who she isn't. She was saying we are so compatible, repeating my words and I got to see she has nothing to say, she hasn't got her own thinking, and just repeating what I am saying or using what I am saying and texting like she's saying anything new and different. Moment she felt I was onto her, the shame set in hard and she disappeared, with an fake apology to make herself feel better. They lie, deceive, manipulate and mimic and fear being exposed. The moment you get close and show them their true warped face, they run to the hills with rage inside.
Praying for victims & abusers. The hurt & evil they do to innocent people then the victims that has to Endure this rudely evil that’s dished out on them then is resulted in trauma & pain wow 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
The most painful and sad thing is that they don't teach this as a subject in school so that people will be vigilant in their relationship because they deceive their victims until they are left with little or no remedy in their lives. It's unfortunate. They are demons.
Sending so many of these to my nephew. I'm a survivor of narc parents. Had my issues for far too long but mostly happy and mostly healthy now. Brother not so lucky and he married the female version of our abusive sperm donor. He did not survive it and I'm doing my best to get nephew to have words and concepts for what's happening to him--and counting the days literally til he's 18 and I can get him out of that nightmare. Thank you SO MUCH for being one of the things I can hand him to empower him. Bless you forever.
Adultery is shameful!!!! Yet, narcissists do that without shame.....temporary satisfaction of primal urges for a narcissist is justified in "let me count the ways".....Yukk! 👹🤮
And if you confront them it's 'slut shaming' or 'society doesn't have a problem when guys do it, so you're just being sexist'. They do it then post 'body count' tik toks like it's a source of pride or an accomplishment
The Covert Narcissist would carry out any evil once they can keep it on the down low. Their addictions and their affairs are all about distracting them from themselves.
This is the most eloquent description of narcissism and what narcissists themselves feel that I have seen. Its so liberating to understand my narcissistic parents better than they understand themselves. ...very empowering stuff, Ma'am ! I want to type out the words to so much of this video so I can keep it around...its just so very well written.
It helps soooo much when you identify and expound fundamental reasons like shame that make the narcissist act the way they do. When we know these things we can understand and predict better what is actually going on in them when they are making things to be going on in us as victims. This understanding is the key because this stuff is all so subconscious in that NO ONE ever makes it conscious by talking about it, until now! Thank you so much for these thoughts, ETN. P.S. I love to have a little light bulb next to my name. It makes me feel smart and I love to feel smart.
These videos help me so much clarify my relationship or lack there of my Narcissistic family member. It’s been an educational process but most helpful understanding the bad and hostile energy being focused toward me.
Yes..they reason like this;as long as nobody knows their deep rooted shame ,then they are good to go....this personality works to their disadvantage but npd is a rigid personality so they will never really change.
It’s hard to tell they got shame because they are relentless even after you start calling them out on their B.S. they still keep on like you didn’t say anything
@@crhode7581 personally I would not call them out on much of anything bc they are not worth it plus they retialiate and you will be surprised at what comes out of the woodwork at you, the target. Best to you with fighting these Narcissistic battles. They really make life difficult ❗🍀🕊️
@@tootienottoofruitie1726 But it took years before I caught them beyond any shadow of a doubt doing their vindictiveness and seeing patterns over years. Plus I’m not in a relationship with this woman anymore but still the recipient of the vindictiveness. I would give someone the benefit of the doubt but eventually they get caught in their web of lies. Stay away from people like this. They act like they care but they really want to see you suffer. It takes years sometimes before you can figure it out
@@tootienottoofruitie1726 But it took years before I caught them beyond any shadow of a doubt doing their vindictiveness and seeing patterns over years. Plus I’m not in a relationship with this woman anymore but still the recipient of the vindictiveness. I would give someone the benefit of the doubt but eventually they get caught in their web of lies. Stay away from people like this. They act like they care but they really want to see you suffer. It takes years sometimes before you can figure it out
@@crhode7581 Hi.... I am also a narcissist magnet, so what I am doing is educating myself on the subject and mostly finding out what I am doing wrong to attract this garbage. Yes, many are so sly you won't know for years... But, changing your behavior is the only thing you can change.... putting all this energy that they steal from you into yourself and NOT putting your self out there and being self protective I am learning just might be the answer....my very best to you 💖
So very true… strange how we tend to think of shame & guilt as being +/- the same… clearly, they are not. 1 thing you mentioned that really stood out for me is how a narc feels no guilt for their evil deeds. I assure you, that is so incredibly true. Therefore, by somewhat of a default, things shift to shame. These so-called “people” are filled with shame. It is their daily struggle. Their endless battle. How sad & truly pathetic these “people” are…
I like your insightfulness and how you apply your knowledge to the practical. Well done. Even 18 months after being kicked to the curb after a very close 15 year 'friendship', there's one lesson that stands out most. Rather than evoke my own reactive emotions like fear and anger (often translating into revenge), I look at it much differently now. Because of dedicated clinicians like you, we Narc survivors know the most important thing... they cannot escape the mirror that is constantly reflecting back to them 24/7/365/lifetime. I feel John Lennon was right... instant karma is real; and no worse reality for the Narcissist. When you realize that they all live in prisons with invisible bars, and will likely die there, we know they're always receiving their punishment. God's vindication is swift and profound!
Thank you so much in putting in clear words and understanding what I had to deal and figure out about my husband. Though I m very sorry for deformed people like him.Bkz they try so hard to be ideal that you may never meet such a really ideal man. But faking part of it one cant hide from those who live with them and love them truly.
I find it interesting how narcissists fear being alone but have no problem cutting off contact with their most loyal friends and family for petty things.
Dj.D.
I know, yet they are kings of the silent treatment. It must have somehow worked for them around a few people early on and they got rewarded so they repeat it.
They just keep the bitterness going….
resentments galore!!!
I made up my mind almost 5 years ago I will never “intentionally “be in the same room as my parents ever again.
They buried their golden girl, flying monkey last fall without my presence. She was in her 3rd year of silent treatment of me and a staunch supporter of the parent’s gossip.
Since that decision I’m at peace.
They cut off contact to avoid self reflection or out of fear of exposure. They have no concept of friendship, so their fear of abandonment is really a fear of not having a supply or distractions away from their true inner self.
My dad said it best. Stop trying to make sense out of a disorder that is defined by not making sense
Too impulsive to resist and too deluded by fantastical optimism and baseless superiority/entitlement not to. They are irrational and not recognizing self-defeating aspects of a behavior or believing themselves exempt come with that territory. If you think about it being raised in an environment with high standards and no nurturance would significantly influence somebody toward having expectations without realistic planning. I think it probably also robs enjoyment from the achievement of goals since having to work for something presumed to be already one’s own would be a resentful exercise, and particularly desperate for someone whose identity nothing else validates. If the prize is supposed to be yours and you’re just having to get it from whoever is withholding it from you then it wouldn’t even be a matter of needing to do so honorably or without cheating because it’s not cheating against yourself. If only the uptight underlings with nothing better to do than get in the way and put their rules on other peoples lives would get lives of their own…. Or something like that
Why do they do this to the most loyal people? It's unfortunate that I have an answer because I've lived through it. This may be long but I truly hope it helps.
As they say: familiarity breeds contempt.
But after the discard, they knew you so well that they know how to slither their way back in. Going back to someone they knew so well is easier than going out and finding new supply. Supply has to meet certain criteria and they're too lazy to waste time finding new people to mess with. They're so emotionally immature and they rather do what they think is easiest. The longer they knew someone, the more tentacles they have on them.
Why with the most loyal people? That's their jackpot. Loyal people = easier to access again after the discard. Some people cut off the Narc forever after they get discarded. But even the most intelligent minds with the biggest hearts get sucked back in.
The more loyal their target / victims of abuse have been in the past, the easier it is in general for them to suck them back in. Sometimes one more time, sometimes over and over again for the rest of their life.
They act on impulse and rage at the stupidest stuff, the Narc never thinks they do wrong, and they always reach into their Narc hat of tricks and hoover previous discards... only for previous discards to jump back on their merry-go-round. The narcissistic abuse cycle is pretty much wash, rinse and repeat. They are always hunting for new supply (they have this game branded into their soul that they likely don't realize they're doing it. To them, it's as easy as breathing.) previous discards will eventually become another future hoover if the victim hasn't completely and permanently gone AWOL . It's a continuous cycle. -Love bombing
( idolization) "wow you're my soul mate!" "wow we have so much in common!"
-devaluation "So wait... you're a human with flaws?"
-discard “Bye.. get out of here! I'm too good for you!"
-Hoover (this is where they vomit fauxpologies, future faking, crocodile tears and fake promises that they've changed, "It's all my fault, please forgive me!"
"what was I thinking? Please give me another chance!"
-Repeat the cycle over and over
-the reason it's hard to cut ties is because we think they can change, but mostly because that love bombing stage was soooo good that we hold onto that illusion of them and think of the "Good old times" that we think will resurface if WE change. Narcs try to brainwash victims (gaslighting or crazymaking) and unfortunately some victims get so enmeshed in the relationship that they were brainwashed and really start believing everything is their fault (gaslighting and crazymaking) . So sad but true.
Here's an example of a victim who truly thinks they are the problem after being with a narcissist for a long time :
Narc rages because victim asked them a simple question which the Narc sees as an "attack."
"Here we go again. Why did I let myself ask them a question that I should know by now to never quiz them?! Maybe if I didn't ask them why they didn't call back like they said they would they wouldn't be mad.... I'm so selfish and controlling by asking them why they didn't call like they said. They're right. It's my fault they lost their temper by asking them why I never heard back. They were probably busy only for me to intrude and expect a call or text. Gosh I feel so bad for upsetting them, if I stop asking them questions they will treat me better. But it's my fault. I don't blame them for getting mad at me again. I'm the problem."
🙄 Sad stuff.
They always have several people, things,... Plan A, B, C, some at the same time,... at all stages of the abuse cycle. It's just the master manipulator's rotation. Pathetic, huh? The sad thing is it's all subconscious. On the bright side, it's interesting how every Narc does this no matter where they came from or how they were raised. Why? So they will never be alone! Out with the old, in with the new and some in the middle. Like a vending machine, all items very appealing, never full never empty at any given time. The vending machine is always full of their favorites (favorite choice of victims)
Usually always HSP/empaths who Narcs depend on to survive.
It’s been the most painful relationship in my life. My best advice, even before the typical advice "Just leave!" is: "Knowledge is power!" Learn. Relate it to what's happening. Always stay 2 steps ahead. They are so easy to read and figure out. Everyone is different but they ALL follow the abuse cycle I mentioned above.
The narc is ASHAMED of themselves, but refuse to change.
And that's why they inflate their ego and show grandiose
Contributing to society is a narcissist's worst nightmare. Its why they turn on the most important people in society. Pensioners and seniors. Its first and foremost pensions, having to help a pensioner or someone very close, often a mother, father, brother, sister, etc. This is what shames them the most..
because the cause is not with himself but with another and he wants to hear sorry.
It’s amazing they don’t have numerous break downs or am imbalance in cortisol levels.
And the question able sick wicked perverted & subhuman things they luv to do...
When they are questioned about their behaviour they react with Narcissistic rage which is frightening as they are unpredictable!
What do you think they would do when they are answering to authority?
Mine just played stupid, probably due to his head trauma he was convinced caused his behaviors. He was effed up before any supposeded traumas.
A good example of this are the people who manage Pfizer. Pfizer´s managers usually react with narcissistic rage when the behavior of the company is questioned.After academic scientific consensus about vaccines changed and public opinion changed from a positive attitude, to a negative one, Pfizer blamed science enthusiasts and vaccine critics for their predictable failures.Its because narcissists can not accept failure. Therefore they consider everyone else around them to be a failure too. When asked why he was trying to assert he could predict in advance how many people would die from a Pfizer vaccine shot, Michael Yeadon responded by accusing people who refused to agree with him of being part of a conspiracy to silence him. In reality, his treatment of those who simply disagreed with him caused him to become his worst enemy and a now classic cherry picking example for logicians searching for fallacy examples.
@@RobShuttleworth Mine narc-ex was arrested!
@@RobShuttleworth Play word salad games. 🤦
You can witness how the face of a narcissist changes over the years. It gets harder and harder..In a moment where they feel not watched by people, their true facial expression comes out and mirrors their inner emptiness. Dead eyes staring at "NOTHING".
The deadness of the eyes is chilling
It’s like coming face to face with their
resident demons - yikes!!
A twenty five year journey through the
valley of the shadow of death
His Rod and His Staff, they comforted me
He has also prepared a table before me in the
presence of the enemy
I have those pictures
...those sneaky snake eyes too.
... that was a demon in sheep's clothing. My ex husband wasn't attracted to me either,I was forced to marry him.
But today I'm divorced and I wouldn't go back to him with a ten foot pole 😜
Dead eyes are what I see in so many politicians, check it out
Narcs are cowards... they have no courage to face their own evilness.
Thank you Clarice, for this one more great video 🌠
This alone is enough to believe in a creator. Of there is evil that means there is absolute good. Courage vs. Cowardice. They hide in the shadows of secrecy and deception. I understand now that they already live in hell every second of every day. Getting away is just escaping their hell
That’s why cutting off fuel and supply scares the narcissist- because they are forced to SELF REFLECT which means confronting their true inner self - inner shame
So true
They never self reflect because they are cowards without any courage to face their perpetual worthless self.
My mom projects her shame onto me and me and her are seperate people its all a lie
Would a narc ever admit to being mentally ill or have a mental illness?
@@angbry8305 im not sure my dads an enabler and admits she is the way she is but wont admut the way he is others have said he may be a different type of narc idk but were no contact now id imagine if they felt pressured there would be some vulnerability but i dont think they care to expose or admit to anything since were the "gulliable" ones and need to see them the way they potray us like when we change our clothes they change there personality like a chemelion
This is exactly why the best revenge against the narcissist is no contact and thriving because these two things, at the time when they need you for supply, shine a light on their shame.
Boom
No one is immune to shame but Narcs are different.. it’s attached to their personality and core being. Avoid these people at all cost.x
Very often they have been sexually abused and it is a component of their intrinsic shame.
@@victoriamarie35 no
Would need some data, my experience is Narcs are primary abusers. I would go so far as to say, this is a ploy to get sympathy. And how is this provable? Narcs are super- fakers.
@@adamarlem9863 Keep digging please, you appear new in your research. Many have been sexually molested/abused being a key component of this SHAME based disorder. “Narcissists are subtypes of Schizophrenia. Mentally unstable. A Delusional disorder, previously called paranoid disorder, is a type of serious mental illness - called a psychosis.”
They are people with shattered faith and broken spirits. They have lost their connection to God/source of life and must surrender, they must reconnect otherwise, here they will remain under bondage and stuck inside their nightmare mental prison. Tragic.
@@victoriamarie35 personally know of about 5 abusers of underage BECAUSE they ARE Narcs. They also might do the flipping victim role? That is not beyond them at all.
They hide their shame, and then project it upon us. 2yrs and my healing continues. Thanks again and have a peaceful Sunday 🤗🤗
So true!
🤗
Took me so long to figure it out, 09 years later I still have some scars...
Their guilt memories are always laying underneath their layer of subconscious….waiting to be exposed with random remarks or projecting onto others etc.
Watch this channel, but also watch Dr. Les Carter & Dr. Ramani, too. They are incredible & focus on Narcassism & Narc. Abuse & healing. So helpful & their communities are so warm & helpful. Very rarely a troll!
Narcissists change social media accounts frequently to stalk people who block them. My observation🤔
I believe that my X narc.alcoholic has Been somehow using bogus phone numbers, to send me nasty text messages, ridiculousness messages,that I have to open, I open 1 the first time I received 1,never again did I open another, I now block 🚫 them all,perhaps he does this to get revenge, I'm a victim of narcissistic alcoholic abuse,he has felony for this abuse I endured, also in the process of getting divorced, I have a restraining order, I'm sure he's upset about that, he can't abuse, or take advantage of me anymore, use his narcissistic tactics on me, I'm a survivor
My ex does this, it's disturbing.
My ex would use my fb account to stalk others. I barely use it so that's how he got away with it so long.
My aunt has multiple, and none have her actual photo, or government name. Though I can tell by her writing, and wording. I don't believe I've ever seen her truly happy. Not even with her children. ( Narc) smh 🤦
My sister has 7 Facebook accounts that I have blocked her on all of them...
That’s why when you are on to them they will try to avoid you and possibly won’t even Hoover bcuz they are fully exposed
Perfectly well said 👏🏽
@@unmaskingthenarc6246 oh I shook the house! I even got a car out the deal bcuz he so scuurreeddd🤣😂
This happened w/ my narc...I figured him out so completely..he didn't contact again..been 11 months..comes by my house..but no words ,cards or letters..Hope there anit no trouble in Narcadice hahahahaha
Yup, I fully exposed his covert psychopathic ass. I literally told everyone who would listen who he really is. It's probably a safe bet that he will not ever hoover me.
Perfectly said, and currently experiencing this from my NC now. 😳
I feel pity for them. When you realize that they spent their whole lives miserable. They chase happiness, never finding that happiness inside themselves.
@NARC$! A lot of narcissism derives from childhood trauma. So therapy would be optimal
Pity. Lol. I have a lot of feelings about and for. NONE of them are pity. Far far far removed from pity. You got one you wanna help feel better? I have a pet Black Mamba he can kiss
@@yvonnehazard7479 Lol
Pity can get you killed
@@mammabear4334 Nothing wrong with feeling pity for them, but you have to remove yourself from them at the same time.
If they don’t want to get help to heal, then that’s their problem
And they also need to leave us alone.
Unfortunately it becomes the problem of the people they are able to suck in to their web and don't know what they're dealing with and who have low self esteem.
They get help or don't, they need to stay away. I don't care about how they are getting help. The door is slammed shut, and they ain't coming back in. One time is enough.
@@brianwalsh1401 agreed. But therein lies the most evil thing outside of torture and murder...taking advantage of someone else at their lowest point and attempting to suck them dry and discard. I was that, but with blessedly an above average mindset strength or I probably wouldn't be here writing this. This is spiritual demonic possession. No excuses for them but this is beyond just a knuckle head mess up and improve slowly actions.
Agreed said about the covert narcissist. Their life is deeply dark consumed by envy and hatred.
“Narcissists are subtypes of Schizophrenia. Mentally unstable. A Delusional disorder, previously called paranoid disorder, is a type of serious mental illness - called a psychosis.”
They are people with shattered faith and broken spirits. They have lost their connection to God/source of life and must surrender, they must reconnect otherwise, here they will remain under bondage and stuck inside their nightmare mental prison. Tragic.
Full of resentment
When I called out my ex covert narc b/f on his sh*t (*spontaneous rages, pitting fights, attempts to shame or devalue me)....His eyes would litterly go COLD and he'd just stare me down with these super creepy hallow dissociated eyes....Something was definitely WRONG with him = jeeez!😒
He told me to look into his eyes once, I was so creeped out I had to quickly look away. Red flag I ignored, never ever again!!
I go through the same thing. But dealing with it for years I give him back the same energy and he go crazy. I have is performance down packed like a scene in a movie. 😂
Mine has dark brown, almost black eyes. The coldness in them makes me unable to look him in the face sometimes.
@@teresabasinger5965 The eyes are so evil and empty. I'll never forget those shark eyes.
I always told my husband he would get crazy eyes....this was before I knew what I was dealing with.
They project on others to avoid emotional pain
If they were a character in a ninja movie where they had to face their greatest enemy in a state of meditation and they found out their greatest enemy was themselves, they would turn tail and run rather than facing their own evil side. They're not fighters. They're cowards.
Yes I agree they are very very shamed of themselves that is why they abuse whomever that is near them
💯💯💯
@@queenanna1077 keeping it 100 all the time, I dont know of any other way, this is how I live👍🏾
Clarice, you are spot on. When confronted with something the narc Should be ashamed of~ they Flip it around to the empath. Sad & so unacceptable. Have a wonderful day! 🌻
I’m sorry .. I know this may sound harsh .. but this is as comical to me as it is sad .. they’re not human beings .. just hollow entities.
HAVE A BLESSED DAY EVERYONE !!! 🤗
It's not harsh its a reality. They have crocodile eyes or shark eyes, they are dead inside because of the horrific evil they do, they cannot be happy.
Empty meat suits.
They are humans. In the bible Saul changed to Paul.
@@lilianosoro6399 some are. Inhabited by wicked spirits.
@@lilianosoro6399 they have a physical body, but some in Bible times were inhabited by demons, and their are many accounts out there, body's were taken over. So yes body human but not what has taken them over.
Great breakdown of this issue. They are basically lazy about working on themselves when they realize this shame. They take the easy way out by finding a new supply or going back to their prior relationships. Well done.
They're ashamed of what they've become. Refusing or unable to change their state of being. Like a permanent stain that never goes away, and with that character defects they try to project those traits onto others.
I can identify with everything you said...I live with a passive aggressive covert narcissist and have for 23 years recognized the shame he has for himself...I am an empath, co dependent and have realized that I was played right from the start...I fell for all the sad stories and frustrations he knew and I wanted to make it better...Thank you for this video...
Same here! Played from the beginning but now I'm free. Was codependent too. I'm free now but not because I initially even wanted to be free (read: Codependent)for I was abused and already 'in prison' and couldn't see it. It wasn't until AFTER the divorce I received the education on Narcissism and Empaths and why they attract in the first place. Starting over late in life but Thankful and Grateful that I'm free to really LIVE...HAPPY...and not be all in my head thinking it WAS ME all this time! Hell, I'm writing a whole new book, not chapter, in my life!😂🙏
@@sweetvictory8362 Your post was very encouraging! Its amazing how these narcs operate the same exact way , every where, everyday, every time, every situationship. Keep pressing forward you're doing great!
@@goldenlady1213 Bless you and thank you for your kindness and encouragement. Pressing forward 🗽into freedom!
The lady in this video is a very sharp psychologist. Everything she says about narcissists is so true.
This video is a brilliant one because you really opened my eyes and my mind to what's going on inside the narcissist. "Guilt: I have done something bad. Shame: I am bad." it's all about avoiding that FEELING of Shame. Even if you're not doing anything to them, just being in your presence if they perceive you as better than them can trigger this FEELING of shame, as in "I am bad, in comparison to this person." It could just be the way you look and that is enough to trigger the shame.
But remember it's not your fault. They still need to address it for thenselves.
This makes perfect sense with the Narc in my life. Every time he would come home he would pick a fight with me snd then “need to leave” but it really had to do with he couldn’t be alone with me anymore in the house becusse he had treated me so awful for so long he couldn’t look me in the eye without feeling this shame and being around me was a constant reminder.
Guilt I have done something bad. Shame I am bad. Thanks for this distinction.
It surprises me a lot how they can be triggered by someone they don't even know on a deeper level.
That is why they feel they have to destroy people, which is another way of getting rid of the shame. If they destroy the people who are on to them, no one will believe them when they reveal who the narcissist is.
This analysis is spot on. Listen to this as many times as possible to understand why you can never have a healthy secure relationship with a narcissist. Stop wishing things were different and accept this truth as a fact like the world is round. Just ain’t no changing the facts of narc life. Accept this and survive!!!!
Yes Gerald for sure. I want this one permanently embedded in my mind. This woman talks like she created the monster, amazing! I wish she toured.
Yes agreed it’s like the old saying go’s you can put a pig in a $4,000 suit, but at the end of the day it’s still a pig.
💯🎯
This is the best explanation of narcissists and shame I have heard yet. Well done! And thank you for helping me understand.
I agree with you 💯 percent!!!!!!!!
I used to be so mad and disgusted at my narcissist boss, but now I feel so sorry for them. What an awful existence.
He doesn’t say he’s sorry, I tell him all the time he doesn’t have to yell at me. He reads a book and watched TV to hide of his shame.
Katherine Jackson,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!
Good day All, Everyone has to come to grips with certain things, whether it's how you were raised as a child, or what you choose to do with your life "TODAY", I have come to realize that, I am "Worthy of Love", and I was not put on this earth to carry someone else's SHAME, at the expense of losing who I am, in the process, has been one of the lessons I've learned throughout this journey of dealing with a Narsissist person, because it will literally drain you mentally, physically, and spiritually, if you pretend right along with them,...(me personally I "Choose" to live in "REALITY")...let's take care of ourselves!..😉
That they have to own up to EVIL is a point that I never even thought about in the path of a narcissist taking accountability. This is a very, very interesting point in that they hurt us so many times when we did not deserve it and a part of them knows that. When I think of things this way I am better at shifting all that blame and shame back on them because that is where it originated from in the first place. This is very helpful. TY ETN!
One time they were very giddy, when they were saying something very cruel to me. It was very scary. I found it so disturbing, I left the relationship. Even once away safe & sound, recalling that 'giddiness mixed with sadism' haunted me for a long time. I couldn't comprehend what I had witnessed. One fine day I realized that it was their version of feeling ashamed ... and ugly coping with feeling ashamed. And then I didn't feel haunted anymore. Thank you very much for making a vid about it.
I know that giddiness with sadism look. I couldn't figure out what the hell I had experienced so I just ignored it. Luckily I figured it out and exposed his ass.
It's been 9months since I escaped from two narcissists, The worst experience ever, I still can't believe what I had experienced, it made me see the world and people differently.
I was dating a man who was in AA recovery. He was extremely secretive of basic daily actions.
I confronted him and asked about the secrets and if he was with another woman and he freaked out. He went into a complete shutdown and felt he was shamed.
This video makes sense of my past situation.
Never alcoholic s and ex alcoholic run 🏃
What i noticed that triggers them is Being Exposed to their family
This is real and I'm a current victim, it's beyond anything imaginable!!!!
So sad🙏🙏🙏
I hope that you get out safely, by experience they get so much worse. Its who they are!!
Their needs to be far more awareness brought to this they she'd light in made up issues these days but us survivors do believe how unbelievable it is it's true insanity crazy making behavior it's done I. Purpose by design it's a formula and they all do the same things pretty much I've been around it my whole life n child of adult narc parent and codependent and I def am a codependent but have made huge strides in that dept and others as it relates to NPD best advice I can give you is give yourself the gift of healing be however it is you need ....educate yourself understand they do not change EVER also it's diabolical I suggest watching the tea with NPD she's amazing and Shannon with Narc free kick g they are faith based and they explain the demonic I influence and possession is where the Narcisstic foundation lies.... eye opening stu...ff also if you can go no contact do so at all costs!!! Sending light love and positive vibes your way take care if yourself 💕
@@Missy_561 thank you, but where having our 2nd child in Oct, and I'm trying to be cool , but I'm still attacked and downed and treated like I'm not human.
@@mentalfreedomknowledgeunde6071 - my daughter is too 😞 Sorry you all have been tricked in this sad, horrifying narcissistic world 🥺 It’s a HARSH reality 😭 I just got to tell her tonight for the 1st time about watching these videos. She has to be very cautious and delete the messages I sent her about this, as he has control of being able to see her messages any time he feels like it. He’s got every room in their hone on camera too, so he can make sure she’s paranoid about being watched at all times. PLEASE GET OUT SOON! Watch more of these videos and save yourself for yourself AND FOR YOUR BABIES!!! Don’t let this evil take you away permanently and raise YOUR children 🤗 Love you!! Keep watching these! YOU CAN DO THIS 🙏🏼
I guess the biggest shame of all toxic people is that they have bloody hands but deny it, as if it´s their victims who have the responsibility for it. No narcissist on this earth will ever will feel shame for what they do to others, because they always find a way to find reason why their impact isn´t as bad as it is or as if their victims are just negative people or bullshit like this.
What a excellent description of the shame the covert narcissist carries.
My Jesus is the shame eraser, he alone is the standard for life a standard which nobody can live up to. That is why he died on a cross drank the Fathers cup of wrath that was ment for us so he could gift us his perfection then after we die God only sees Christ covering out sin. So out of love for him we live as he commands, we spend our time in the bible, in real churches, and with other born again sinners. We learn to love....
Amen
Yes they will change their name, use friends or monkeys or other narcissits to follow you if your onto them following you. Take note of familiar cars and search your vehicle for gps locators or stuff they may download onto your phone.
some narcissists are very evil. they dont feel any shame.
Not some every narc is evil
@@swethamm5571 right said 😀👌
@@swethamm5571 some narc are mental
the narc is a machine.
Then they are not a Narcissist maybe more like a sociopath. Narcs, psychopaths, sociopaths and others share Narcissistic traits so they can be easily confused. But if the person you are dealing has no shame they are not a Covert Narcissist.
A Narcissist will always try to top their shame,.with another supply stunt.
Makes perfect sense and it's so true!! I'm unburdened, at peace, happy, strong and abundantly blessed especially after ridding myself from the NARC demon 🤡 serpent ex, some family members, and a fake covert copycat needy "friend" 3 years ago. NO contact NO communication permanently and the hoovers haven't and won't work!!! Blessings to you and ys survivors 💛
I find it WONDERFUL how narcissists discard you when you assert boundaries!
Yes to all of this. Karma needs to get them. Wow I was lied to. Yes and she modeled herself after other people. Oh its awful to be around. Its awful to be lied to.
What a horrible person I knew.
Thank God I got away.
A dance with the devil.....
The narcissist greatest fear is themselves , unwilling to except and admit who they really are .
19 years with my ex narc and truth be told they age miserably because supply gets harder to achieve because their looks age faster then their age because of the constant stress and anxiety they live in and as a result they get more bitter and angry, I watched a beautiful 31 year old woman become a drawn out 50 year old. I have ten years on her and look like I barely aged, self love, exercise and knowing your worth keeps you young
This is the wisdom that speaks to the deep grief that those who have figured out the N live with in the knowing. The grief we feel is the hopelessness in the outcome because there can be no healing without letting go completely 🙏🏽😔
It’s pretty much impossible to change them. I have some in my life whom I keep a lengthy distance away from. That’s the best course of action with Narcs. To hell with them! I find them to be despicable creatures whom I have no time for !
HAPPY SUNDAY EVERYONE! 🦋🦋🦋
And to you as well Anna 🤗
@Queen Anna To you, for sure! 💐🦋🧚♂️
mornin queen anna its afternoon ere ;D
This is so useful because it goes right to the core. They are caught in a lifelong spasm of fear/shame avoidance that’s almost impossible to break. It’s actually quite sad and that shift makes dealing with this nightmare personality a little easier.
Yes they hide and constantly go in denial..with no peace ...really lovly video
They cannot ever be wrong!
They’re demonic being stay far away from them period 😊
Codependents also have toxic shame. Narcissists and codependents have grown up in similar environments and adapted differently to the dysfunction. Their like mirror opposites of each other. One focuses on others the narcissist is focused on themselves. One is empathic the other destructive. it's why they often end up in "relationships". The codependent can change, it's difficult but they can acknowledge their flawed. The narcissist won't change because they can't admit there is something wrong with them.
Brene Browns video is good and so is John Bradshaw's "Healing the Shame That Binds You", which is also on youtube.
Interesting, codependents also have toxic shame. I'm a people-pleasing empath and somewhat codependent but I grew up in a wonderful secure and healthy environment. So I'm wondering how shame comes into my situation. Since "discovering" NPD, my eyes have been rudly opened. It's been a long road, and now I'm a senior, but still learning!
btw, "they're" not "their" please
@@patvass3019 you pulled someone up on a grammatical errors. Really? Maybe you're a bit Narcissistic?
Ruth Benedict's book "The Chrysanthum and the Sword" explores in detail the difference between 'Shame Cultures' and 'Guilt Cultures'.
I felt ashamed that I had such low self-esteem to have tolerated any of the patho-narc's foolishness from the start. Yet, the difference between me (a healthy person) and the patho-narc is that I can acknowledge the source of why I felt my shame and grow from it. However, the patho-narc is ashamed to FEEL ashamed, which prevents them from reflecting on the true source of their problems and acknowledging that they are problematic. Consequently, they will recycle their dysfunctional behaviors, over and over again, in a masked pattern of disconnection, abuse and blame-shifting.
Excellent info and accurate. Thank you for answering a life long question, about family members. They can make you feel like you're going insane when they're deflecting and projecting and blaming because of their shame wow! Thanks again.
This makes total sense.
Thank you
That's exactly how they are... You are spot on ..
MY ex has always been like this I didn't fully understand it before but I now see what it's all about,🙏
First time listening! 4 years no contact and still needing refreshers. This was a very good one. Glad to have found you! Thanks!
Glad it was helpful! Welcome Aboard!
I knew a long time ago that I was with another narcissist. But I wanted to believe so much that I didn't do it again. Your videos have helped me so much because being 48 I never had the internet or anyone to explain to me what was going on. So now I think I have kind of PTSD when it comes to those type of men. My ex is straight black and white textbook narcissist and what listening to your videos the last couple days it makes me sick to my stomach. One thing that I have learned that I want others to know and I've heard it over and over is that a narcissist will take an empath energy. I think a better definition would be that what you were saying they mirror or copy personalities and things they learn from you for future or even the relationship they're in with you. That way it seems like they're interested in the same things as you are. When people have conversations it's give and take give and take give and take that's how you recycle energy. But with the narcissist they take and take and take until there is no more.
One more thing if you realize there's red flags go every second guess your gut it'll always see you in the right direction because you can never change them you can never fix them as much as I tried to tell him to flip it back he never would I even taught him how and he never would. Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction because it'll tear you apart.
The narcissist never has inner peace .
Hi im new to your channel..and oh boy, this has been the most helpful to date..As most of my siblings fit in here. No contact is the best way to keep me free from these types..has taken like 30 yrs to figure out what a nassastist is let alone im surround/ or have been..Thanks for this🙏🏼
This is very enlightening and so accurate in what I have seen and experienced with a narcissist. So very accurate - thank you.
They wouldn't have created a false self if they were happy with who they really are, shame is a pretty strong emotion that most people wouldn't want to face it (though we do if we have to) these people were so ashamed of who they are they created a whole fake personality that has to be fueled by other people just to hide it, that's a deep shame, a pathological shame beyond help, a torment of their's, how does someone escape themselves, they don't!
You don't need to forgive. You need to *Forget* *MOVE* *ON* *Be* *The* *Best* *You* 😉😉😉
The narcissist I was involved with admitted that she had insecurities and fears EVEN that there is something wrong with her but said to address those memories was too painful for her.. so she carries on saying she is strong and doesn't need any help and is fine... yet all the reactions; hypersensitive, hypercritical, blame shifting, super defensiveness etc etc etc were just proof that she is far from ok from whatever trauma has made her that way.. She knew she should talk to someone but didn't know how to take those steps.. then she deleted all of her responses to me saying she wanted no trace of the conversation... it's sad that the people who get close to them know something isn't right and to some extent so do they but they act like little defensive children who can't admit being wrong and therefore literally destroy peoples lives of the ones they gave a chance to love them...
Me Clarice again you’re on POINT 💯% it’s very true each time I would tell my ex I’m ashamed of him he would hide from me when we used to live under the same roof …. N he will give me the silent treatment for days n I would ignore him ….. I’ve learned to accept who he is a nobody a shell a person or thing that never existed what ashamed really ….. if I was like that I would run run n get help …. But I guess these entities can’t or won’t change …… they’re sick sick empty vessels …. Ms Clarice thank you 🙏 for another great video
Plz do enjoy the rest of your Sunday My LAdy for you ❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️❤️❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️❤️🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺💥💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️
Appreciated as always Gina! A blessed week to you🌹💖
This makes perfect sense. I now know why things happened the way they did. My two brothers are narc's. One is dead and one ran away. The one that died, I confronted him with what he did and he soon got sick and died.
Blessings! It's the title in your caption and or the name of your channel... Exposing the Narcissist: it's this title that deeply resonated within me and pulled my interests towards you, and since having done so i've never gone away undernourished or unfulfilled spiritually!" thank you i'm humbly grateful! A most enlightening video! Thank You!!🌻 Blissful Sunday!
Thank you fir sharing & Caring. I notice this Shame they have , in empty conversations i have with family Narcissists i often feel them projecting their Shame psychologically. It’s almost like they want you to except it, but you deep down inside you know what it is and you have to walk away from conversations immediately. You must let them know that you don’t stand for bullshit not in word but in action. It is a sad state of affairs because they really don’t understand this wow, may God have mercy on us.
thank you clarice spot on lets hope all this shame boils them up and turn them inside out ;D
Thank you Clarice! HAPPY SUNDAY TO YOU, TOO! 💙💐🦋💙
Same to you!🙏
I had one Narcissist, a Palestinian woman living in the usa, mimicking my values, and pretending to be who she isn't. She was saying we are so compatible, repeating my words and I got to see she has nothing to say, she hasn't got her own thinking, and just repeating what I am saying or using what I am saying and texting like she's saying anything new and different. Moment she felt I was onto her, the shame set in hard and she disappeared, with an fake apology to make herself feel better. They lie, deceive, manipulate and mimic and fear being exposed. The moment you get close and show them their true warped face, they run to the hills with rage inside.
Praying for victims & abusers. The hurt & evil they do to innocent people then the victims that has to Endure this rudely evil that’s dished out on them then is resulted in trauma & pain wow 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
The most painful and sad thing is that they don't teach this as a subject in school so that people will be vigilant in their relationship because they deceive their victims until they are left with little or no remedy in their lives. It's unfortunate. They are demons.
Sending so many of these to my nephew. I'm a survivor of narc parents. Had my issues for far too long but mostly happy and mostly healthy now. Brother not so lucky and he married the female version of our abusive sperm donor. He did not survive it and I'm doing my best to get nephew to have words and concepts for what's happening to him--and counting the days literally til he's 18 and I can get him out of that nightmare. Thank you SO MUCH for being one of the things I can hand him to empower him. Bless you forever.
It's so very sad.
Adultery is shameful!!!! Yet, narcissists do that without shame.....temporary satisfaction of primal urges for a narcissist is justified in "let me count the ways".....Yukk! 👹🤮
GOOD MORNING KING PETER! 🌹🌹🌹
@@queenanna1077 hi Queen Anna! It's so good to hear from you! I hope you're doing OK! ❤️
If you ask them why they committed adultry in a room full strangers, they'll probably jump out the window
And if you confront them it's 'slut shaming' or 'society doesn't have a problem when guys do it, so you're just being sexist'. They do it then post 'body count' tik toks like it's a source of pride or an accomplishment
The Covert Narcissist would carry out any evil once they can keep it on the down low. Their addictions and their affairs are all about distracting them from themselves.
This is the most eloquent description of narcissism and what narcissists themselves feel that I have seen. Its so liberating to understand my narcissistic parents better than they understand themselves. ...very empowering stuff, Ma'am !
I want to type out the words to so much of this video so I can keep it around...its just so very well written.
I like how you dissect it and break it down who is basic level! 🤯 The box's just got bigger! Thanks for the enlightenment keep up the great work.👏👏😀
Thank you Adron. It is very important that people understand me. I guess I have lived a life of being misunderstood too often.
It helps soooo much when you identify and expound fundamental reasons like shame that make the narcissist act the way they do. When we know these things we can understand and predict better what is actually going on in them when they are making things to be going on in us as victims. This understanding is the key because this stuff is all so subconscious in that NO ONE ever makes it conscious by talking about it, until now! Thank you so much for these thoughts, ETN. P.S. I love to have a little light bulb next to my name. It makes me feel smart and I love to feel smart.
This was the big one. That distinction between shame and guilt was what I needed to hear for so long. Thank you.
There’s condemnation and there’s conviction from the Holy Spirit but if they don’t have the Holy Spirit there’s no conviction.
Made perfect sense! Spot on for the shameful narcissists that I once knew. So glad I kicked their shameful asses out of my life once & for always.
These videos help me so much clarify my relationship or lack there of my Narcissistic family member. It’s been an educational process but most helpful understanding the bad and hostile energy being focused toward me.
Yes..they reason like this;as long as nobody knows their deep rooted shame ,then they are good to go....this personality works to their disadvantage but npd is a rigid personality so they will never really change.
You can't exactly divide guilt and shame...keep doing bad things and it becomes who you are.
They are unwilling to confront their shadow. A good vidoe. Thank you.
I really do think that many do not feel shame... and if they do they drown it in alchol or something else ☠️
It’s hard to tell they got shame because they are relentless even after you start calling them out on their B.S. they still keep on like you didn’t say anything
@@crhode7581 personally I would not call them out on much of anything bc they are not worth it plus they retialiate and you will be surprised at what comes out of the woodwork at you, the target. Best to you with fighting these Narcissistic battles. They really make life difficult ❗🍀🕊️
@@tootienottoofruitie1726 But it took years before I caught them beyond any shadow of a doubt doing their vindictiveness and seeing patterns over years. Plus I’m not in a relationship with this woman anymore but still the recipient of the vindictiveness. I would give someone the benefit of the doubt but eventually they get caught in their web of lies. Stay away from people like this. They act like they care but they really want to see you suffer. It takes years sometimes before you can figure it out
@@tootienottoofruitie1726 But it took years before I caught them beyond any shadow of a doubt doing their vindictiveness and seeing patterns over years. Plus I’m not in a relationship with this woman anymore but still the recipient of the vindictiveness. I would give someone the benefit of the doubt but eventually they get caught in their web of lies. Stay away from people like this. They act like they care but they really want to see you suffer. It takes years sometimes before you can figure it out
@@crhode7581 Hi.... I am also a narcissist magnet, so what I am doing is educating myself on the subject and mostly finding out what I am doing wrong to attract this garbage. Yes, many are so sly you won't know for years... But, changing your behavior is the only thing you can change.... putting all this energy that they steal from you into yourself and NOT putting your self out there and being self protective I am learning just might be the answer....my very best to you 💖
So very true… strange how we tend to think of shame & guilt as being +/- the same… clearly, they are not. 1 thing you mentioned that really stood out for me is how a narc feels no guilt for their evil deeds. I assure you, that is so incredibly true. Therefore, by somewhat of a default, things shift to shame. These so-called “people” are filled with shame. It is their daily struggle. Their endless battle.
How sad & truly pathetic these “people” are…
REAL TALK!!! 💯
Fabulous Clarice, thankyou for great info on how deep the shame is. Took me a long time to see that he wanted me th feel deep shame also. SiCK!!
I like your insightfulness and how you apply your knowledge to the practical. Well done. Even 18 months after being kicked to the curb after a very close 15 year 'friendship', there's one lesson that stands out most. Rather than evoke my own reactive emotions like fear and anger (often translating into revenge), I look at it much differently now. Because of dedicated clinicians like you, we Narc survivors know the most important thing... they cannot escape the mirror that is constantly reflecting back to them 24/7/365/lifetime. I feel John Lennon was right... instant karma is real; and no worse reality for the Narcissist. When you realize that they all live in prisons with invisible bars, and will likely die there, we know they're always receiving their punishment. God's vindication is swift and profound!
Narcs cannot wear shame, their Grandiosity covers that as rewritten story. They don't shame, they blame shift.
Hey, I'm ashamed of narcissists too. We all are.
Thank you. You are so insightful 🙏
I do find this helpful. Thank you xx
I am crying as I listen to this coz finally I understand all the narcs in my family who tried to pass the shame to me as my own.💔
Big hugs 🥰 it’s a shame like 50 percent of the world and kids wow 😮
That shame should lead us to Christ. Some it will.
Thank you so much in putting in clear words and understanding what I had to deal and figure out about my husband. Though I m very sorry for deformed people like him.Bkz they try so hard to be ideal that you may never meet such a really ideal man. But faking part of it one cant hide from those who live with them and love them truly.
Spot on and make sense
Very insightful, video, Clairese , thank you!!!!