I think it’s important for someone with BPD to have friends that are highly sensitive or empathetic. I am always able to reassure my best friend with BPD who’s also an empath that I’m here for him. But I can only do this because I’m very emotionally sensitive myself.
If they become your favourite person - So be it! Make sure to let them know how you feel, and always take time to breath through your impulsive actions/words. Have faith you can live a happy life! I do! x
Was with my girlfriend for 6 years and she had strong traits of BPD. I ended up leaving her. I wasn't very familiar with BPD at the time, and I didn't know what else to do. The fights we had were just so intense. She yelled, cursed, disrespectful words, slamming doors, tossing the tv remote, hitting herself in the head, telling me to leave and then wanting me to stay, screaming and threatening to crash her car. But when we weren't fighting we were all about each other. But when I thought about her as life long partner and possible kids it just terrified me. I left and saying goodbye was the hardest thing I ever had to do. 6 years and all the things we did with each other. She cried so much and I'll never forget it. She was sweet, caring, funny, so many other things about her that I loved. I feel like the biggest piece of shit. It's been 16 months since I left and god I still miss her so much. We did everything together. But she moved on not too long after I left to someone better, and completely erased me. Wishes I never existed and probably thinks I am the worst person that ever came into her life. I didn't know what to do. Remember to be kind to the ones you love and really appreciate them. One day they'll be gone.
She seems like a really intense case of bpd that's worse than the usual norm. Don't blame yourself for leaving her not everyone is fit to handle that kind of relationship themselves.
I have been struggling with something my whole life. And the more I research BPD the more I feel relatable to others who experience these things. I'm really tired of feeling crazy
@Khanverz hmmm...this makes sense. My ex said she felt like a volcano. Was building. Left for work just fine, came home as someone else. Real dismissive, aloof, annoyed when we watched TV and I asked what someone said. Was never like that before in 13 years. Very bizzar. Felt like a body snatcher. Never met THAT person ever. She just got real quiet for 30 days, got her stuff and moved out into her brothers house. Walked by me not one word, down the hallway and out the front door as if I never existed. I'm not a Dr and she's a very proud stubborn person, so I have no real clue what it was. It fit narcissism very well tho. Hard for me to admit it tbh.
The creating a fantasy world with your favorite person, for me, was fantasizing what it would be like to go to their house, meet their family, what day to day life living with them would be like, and it just kind of built the person up even more in my mind and made my attachment stronger. I only did this when I didnt really have a person and I was trying to find them, and everyone was a possibility. I was a mess back then.
I've been a favorite person from multiple people with bpd. I spent most of my time teaching them how to take care of themselves and now after over a decade of being a favorite person for multiple people I'm completely drained and I've been isolating from everyone and I feel like I'm developing bpd myself not sure what to do I'm just so scared to go outside now. I have ptsd ocd agoraphobia and social anxiety now. Trying to move on from this. I've spoken up to these persons with bpd and I feel so terrible that they feel responsible for how I am now. Ultimately I ended up having to abandon them. I miss being their favorite person but I realized how toxic it is for everyone involved.
i was someone's favorite person for many years and as i was with them it's likely i developed bpd too, i used to be a much more stoic and mature person. minuscule things like jealousy or fearing someone no longer liking me didn't bother me but now it's my biggest fear. every time i close my eyes i get nightmares about it and it drives me and everyone around me insane bc i need constant reassurance
I understand your position but you cannot develop BPD from that.. Your're drained and traumatized from experience. BPD is developmental trauma disorder, which starts out as an attachment disorder. That cannot develop later in life, only the symtoms can show in adulthood, but you cannot get is an an adult.
I have what I call “real life nightmares”. Not about monsters or demons or typically “scary”. But real life things like me cheating on my husband, one of my children dying. One recurring one is my husband packing his things and leaving me and I’m begging for another chance but he just keeps packing. The dreams are so vivid I wake up thinking it was real
@@adobe7360 with those types the body and mind behave as if they really did it. They can get super jelous of a person when their wife comes around him etc. All bc of that dream. It's a shared fantasy u gotta look into it
creating a fantastical world: there are these ideas floating around the internet and new age practices about "soulmates" or "twin flames", it's kind of like that. you look for evidence that proves that you and your fp are meant to be together, that it's destiny or fate. you might fantasize about idealized situations about you and your fp together. i have done this with every fp that i have ever had.
With your help I'm becoming my own best friend and favorite person. Thank you! My life is so much better with your help and educating myself about who I am and knowing I have BPD.
@@ElFra9 yes it is possible and we then become pathologically positive its like literally God is reaching down personally to ALL OF THOSE THAT MANKIND failed!!
@@madison_drew I understand. Just keep trying to put good out into the world. U r not alone . Idk where your comment is. If u deleted it or I just can't find it but it was in my notifications. Sending you big hugs! We r gonna have good days and bad days. Maybe it's not easy for us because we r strong enough to handle it. Idk I know it doesn't feel like I am. Most of the time I think it's just because I'm hard headed enough. I think sometimes we know so much pain because we are able to know so much love. I'm gonna keep fighting the good fight for all those who hurt because I can't not do it. Sending you love and prayers
Its the other way round in my experience the Person with BPD does little to serve the needs of the FP instead they drain and demand more and more attention and validation become controling all consuming and make the FP feel responsible for their emotional needs, guilty if they are sleeping unwell or busy and cant answer the phone and the BPD person leaves the FP feeling suffocated
I want to comment on this ''mentally creating a fantastical world where you are connected to the favorite person, though it may not be realistic" cuz its the most intense part of my experience on having a fp. I love daydreaming about just talking to him or just spending time with me like he really cares cuz irl the last time we spoke was about two months ago and he dumped me like he always does in an asshole shitty way but I still want his attention and care and I hate it. When you deprived from something like attention or care or smth like that the smallest amount of it will please you. Like Id be really happy if he'd just hug me or take my hand. Sometimes when it happens idk like couple times a year it feels literally euphoric that's why im still hanged on it. I can't explain that euphoric feeling to someone who haven't experienced something like that but if you feel very high you will fall down really deep and painful. The last time when I saw him I invited him to my place so we could do something more than just watching movies but he didn't even hugged me and did want to cuddle me when we were already falling asleep and I felt so fucking terrified and abandoned. The next morning after he felt I want to do something really bad with myself cuz it felt so overwhelming that I can't stand it any minute longer. And after all this bullshit I still thinking of him everyday, somehow ig it fills the void inside making it even bigger at the same time. Idk when it will end, I tried therapy but I decided to stopped after the therapist said that he clearly doesn't like me like I know it but my emotional side was hurt so much that I didnt want to spoke to her ever again;(
I don't have BPD, but I strongly suspect that my stepdad who I grew up with has BPD. I'm trying to educate myself, since he is very hard to understand. I'm pretty sure I was his favorite person until around my teenage years. After that it felt like he hated me with a passion until he suddenly switched back on and was nice. Rinse and repeat. It's all very hard to understand
Hey 👋 I've lost so many people because I've allowed the emotions surrounding my FP to take over and I literally push them away. They get sick of my insecurities and then leave me. It's happened with SO many people. I didn't realise the FP was a thing until recently and it makes so much sense. I feel comforted and reassured that I am not the only person who experiences this chaos. Thank you for making this video. 🙏💕❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🌈
@@aloysiusdevanderabercrombi470 You might be right, but sometimes you couldn't control your disorder easily even you're aware. To change, you need to find healthy coping tools and counseling. For example; autistic person aware they have autism, they can find a way to cope like stim toys, organize routines, etc. to avoid stress. Your disorder can't go away but it could be avoidable when you found healthy coping mechanism.
I just lost my favourite person, and then was diagosed with BPD because I was so sad about losing my FP I got professional help and it made so much sense. I don't wanna go through this again, so I'm gonna listen to your advice.
You are so not alone with the dreams! I have very similar dreams about my boyfriend/FP. They are terrible and sometimes even after waking and realizing it was a dream I still feel negative emotions sometimes for hours.
Hi I can be your favorite person! I got abandoned 3 months ago by the female narcissist I was with for 13 yrs. She took the bed, the family car and washer n dryer the fridge and shower curtain to be extra mean. 😔 I won't abandon you, and if u don't want me to be your favorite person bc of the BPD I can wait a moment outside until the BPD says it's OK to be a favorite person again. ☺ If I'm standing in the rain to wait a moment for the BPD to be nice again, I'll have to eat some chicken noodle soup so I don't get the sniffles and sneeze. ☺ 🌸 Then we can be favorite people again. ♥
I live with continuous guilt about relationships which I have broken due to my BPD. At one point it was so bad I couldn’t understand why my mum still liked me and knew it wouldn’t be long until she abandoned me too. All because I am such a horrible person both inside and out. I also have extremely vivid dreams. Cutting my hair, missing important flights and dreams of my ex (of 3 years) are ones which reoccur almost weekly. I wake up worried and concerned that my brain can have these horrible thoughts and what these dreams mean. BPD is really hard to live with.
@@GillianParkinson hello can I be your favorite person? I got abandoned. 13 yrs together and I've be abandoned for 3 months now. I don't have a bed anymore. I sleep in my rocking chair for now. They took the family car as well. Sad I'm just sad and would like to be someone's favorite person who will be nice to me. Even if their BPD makes them mean, it's OK I can wait a moment until their BPD makes them nice again andnim their favorite person once again. ☺
Dude... thanks for this. The worst part of trying to find info on BPD is that there are many people who seem hard to relate with. This kind of calm discussion and you speaking from person experience is incredibly helpful. I just learned what a favorite person was and omg... it explains so much. Great video.
Strange how I do all of these things but I’m diagnosed ADHD/Depression/Social anxiety/General anxiety/PTSD. Sorta a laundry list but like every time I see things about BPD I relate
Why its so painful and hard to learn about this illness, I want to learn but hearing and reading about it makes me so low, so heavy hearted, I struggle with this so much. But its my painful reality.
I had a fight with my favourite person recently and she knowing I had bpd told me she didn’t want to talk or see me for 2 days! Those 2 days were the most excruciating days yet I was trapped in my thoughts and had an extremely bad breakdown when she said that it was horrid. I thought she never wanted to see me again and was leaving me forever. We are ok now but it’s like I lover then hate on repeat it’s not good.
Bro exactly whats happened to me jusy its been 3 months, most suicdal episodes ive ever encountered and it feels like every day u wake up a piece of u is missing, the person u loved istn there, and that feeling is one of the worst, most unbeatable things ive ever had to go thru. Missing her is excruciating
Start doing DBT. It has really great outcomes and you can learn to be your own fp. Remember. You will have to live with yourself right up until the end. So you'd best work on learning to like yourself. It's so important.
I’m still trying to learn how to separate my life from my favorite person. When I’m with him I get lost in my emotions and my brain tricks me into forgetting all of my problems, it’s almost as if it’s just us against the world. When I’m not with him my depression instantaneously comes back at full force, I feel empty and unsure of what to do next. I stopped therapy before I could talk that part out :/ these videos really help explain BPD in a way that doesn’t make me afraid of myself, unlike psychologists
*sigh* the click on and off is absolutely the worst. My ex said he thought I would look good with blonde hair and I broke up with him no questions no fighting. Looking back it was so obvious I was struggling with BPD. Lol
having a 'favourite person' is not a symptom of bpd, its not one of the 9 citeria. i was diagnosed with this illness 3 years ago, and since educating myself on childhood trauma and attachment theory, ive come to realise an anxious attachment style is a much more healthy way of explaining this particular symptom and problem with intense relationships. you can change your attachment style over time, though therapy and self help. i feel as though saying 'i have a favourite person because i have bpd' avoids adressing the route cause, which is a disorganised way of attaching to other people developed in early childhood. ive been doing a lot better since moving away from the bpd diagnosis and learning about childhood trauma and attachment style:) i find the diagnosis of bpd pathologises a perfectly understandable reaction to adverse childhood experiences
@@oo1014 im really really not, im sorry if it came across that way. just feel like i want to share this point of view as ive come so far in my recovery since shifting my mindset. hope you find a good way of healing, even if its different from my own!
@@oo1014 relationships were my main struggle and still can be at times with the on and off feelings and the fear of abandonment. so i get how painful it is
I just realized that there is someone else who thinks and feels like I do all of the time. I dream a lot as well, and most of my nightmares revolve around my boyfriend cheating, leaving, etc., and they feel SO real. 💙
WHAT THE FUCK.... This is so fucking relatable and i dont know whether to laugh or cry about it. ive been in such a dark place lately because of my relationship with my favorite person. everything in this video really is spot on, its reassuring that im not alone but it also just makes me feel so much worse because i know the agony im in is real and my thoughts are real.
I recently ended a friendship with someone, and another friend pointed out that the person had behaviour that is in line with BPD, so now I'm looking at information about it and the favourite person. I think i was her FP. She seemed to want me to shower her with attention and solve all her problems and talk to her 24 \ 7. Meanwhile I'm a very solitary person I need a lot of space and she would throw a fit and threaten self harm when I mentioned that. ANd it kept happening. I tried to set boundaries but she would waltz over them after like two days. It was really exhausting and I barely remember last year. after I left, two days later I saw a very obvious alt account of hers liking my posts. Way to burn any kind of bridge that could have stayed between us.
I haven't been diagnosed with BPD yet due to my age, but have realized as I have been maturing that I have many of the signs. Your videos have helped me so much in my journey, but I really wanted to mention the dreams bit! Since I was a child I've dreamt a lot (mostly being nightmares). Once I got into my relationship, I had multiple dreams where my S.O cheated on me, hated me, manipulated me, or did the opposite of what they do irl. It's like an Evil twin of them only in my nightmares. I'd always feel isolated when no one else had the same experiences, especially my S.O, who'd only speak of having good dreams about me. Thank you for speaking about your experiences!
Was deeply thinking about commenting this, i know this video is kind of old. I recently got diagnosed with bpd. literally yesterday my ex(who is my favorite person) unfollowed me on a bunch of stuff, didn't block me but he said he is cutting contact. I didn't manipulate him into staying, I just explained i recently got diagnosed with bpd and im getting help, that im not intentionally hurting him. I have a hard time expressing my emotions (i dont really cry) but i feel very deeply. I have this very painful gut feeling you are describing. I have several other disorders that play into my bpd and makes it worse. It is very painful and incredibly but wrenching the feelings i have inside, and i can't really express it or let it out. Also as you mentioned about having vivid nightmares, i have those very frequently. Like last night i had a dream about my ex saying that his life was way better without me in it. *Edit* I just want to say I really resonate with everything you're saying, I wish it was easier to deal with. Having a fp is very painful, and I hope that this gets out there so more people are educated on BPD because it's such a misunderstood disorder. And it's very painful (especially if you are self aware or have comorbid disorders alongside it)
I do not have tantrums, I experience crying jags along with severe depression because I can’t be near or with her. We grew up together. I just ride it out when this happens. I isolate a lot. It’s like riding the wave during benzodiazepines withdrawal.
@@ALGARIC For the benzos, I added a tiny bit more because if the withdrawal is bad, this told me that I was not ready for the next cut. I didn’t take anything for it. I used the distraction method. I also joined groups on Fb and they are fantastic. They got me through it 💯.
I have BPD and this honestly is one of the saddesr aspects for me. I have two fp's...and it's just soooo...codependent. They become mentors and father figures and I put them on utterly unfair pedestals. I love/hate them, need them close, then push then away.. and it IS all based upon massive childhood trauma & fear of loneliness and abandonment. They become my mental caregivers and I hate that I take more than I give . I give them so much credit...
Wanted to share my experience on the dreams! Recently got diagnosed with BPD after years of going to different psychiatrists. Was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, mood disorder, and ADHD (which I've since been undiagnosed with). Before knowing about BPD or any of this I would have these dreams about my FP. They were absolutely terrifying and would happen everytime I slept. They feel completely real while I'm having them. I would scream, cry, punch, kick, you name it. Then wake up completely exhausted and drained. That feeling lasts for hours after. Im now currently treating it by smoking green before bed. I now only get them once in a blue moon. You're definitely not alone on those dreams and seeing that others experience this as well makes me feel less alone. ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
I la as thé favorite peton to my best friend. We talked 100 X a day. The switch would go on and off. If I did get together with someone else she would blow a massive fit and start sending me horrible text messages. It was as an on and off for 25 y are until she took her life on December 20 of 2019. She was only 44. She couldn’t get the help she needed which was dialectic therapy. She burned a lot of bridges and was very impulsive. She was at the end of her rope. In the course of 25 years she attempted suicide @ least two dozen times. 😢
Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it. You are the first person I have found who is open about having bpd. My girlfriend of 8 years ended up leaving me by essentially ghosting me. She has depression, anxiety, ocd, ptsd, and a year ago was diagnosed with adhd (she’s 32). I am starting to realize that she’s probably had bpd the whole time. She has always had a fear of me abandoning her and what resonated super well with me were you nightmares. Her nightmares would take the form of her always trying to find me. Usually she would not find me and when she did I was usually dismissive of her. I have never heard of the favorite person before your video and it seems pretty clear to me that I was her favorite person. A few life changes happened (aka covid) and I quickly flipped to some one she doesn’t respect, despite me never really changing. I am 5 months without her and have thought about her everyday. You video is encouraging me to be patient with her and try to help her. Even if we remain broken up.
My husband only (it feels like) has bad dreams of me cheating.. but I’m the one with BPD. And I’ve always felt so dumb for feeling jealous over my friend talking to someone else but this makes so much sense. I love your posts. And my husband has started watching with me. It’s helps us. Thank you.
That fear for abandonment. I had a GF with BPD and she literally pushed me away by dating another man to avoid feeling I would abandon her. She made up all kinds of false claims. Very tiresome but at that time I figured out she had BPD after an episode of splitting. Thank you for explaining and your contribution here. I know it was not me. But it’s good to see this confirmed.
Man! The dreams... never heard anyone else, in my 36 years that has those type of dreams about their favorite person. My favorite person is my wife. My dreams are of her leaving me, cheating on me or acting as if I don’t exist although we are in the same room together. Dude it’s crazy man. I was recently diagnosed W/BPD
When your favorite person shows signs that they are not the person that you hold high on a pedestal (because we are all people and we all make mistakes) it can feel as if the foundation of your world has broken. It feels helpless. Hopeless. Scary and alone.
Dear Reece, I have tendencies of Quiet BPD and I realized that I have a favorite person a couple months ago. As I am German I tried to find some information about that in German, however content on favourite persons and quiet BPD in German is rare... I am so happy that I found your video and I had to cry so hard, when you said, that idealizing and devaluating your FP is a horrible feeling. That went right into my soul because I tried to suppress these strong feelings of loving and hating my FP so hard, that I didn't realize how much I am suffering and how shameful this is for me to admit that it is the way it is... It felt good to know that there are people out there knowing these feelings!
The REM sleep really resonated with me, I've had extremely realistic dreams since I was young that I can't always differentiate between reality. Your channel is really helping me work with BPD and explain it better to everyone around me. Thank you so much!
My husband is my favorite person and I experience most of the things you spoke about regarding our relationship. I too have many ugly dreams where my husband either leaves me or cheats on me. At least twice a week and are never triggered by any interactions we've had whether relaxed or stressed. It's creepy the level at which I love him, and can so easily throw it all away in a split second when he does or says something I didn't like. It's been a long road for me to get a handle on myself, and I don't have it down on lock all the way, but I am so much better today than how I was last year. And yes, it's only been 1 year where I have not lashed out at my husband or threatened divorce or felt like running away and abandoning it all. We'll be married 9 hears this fall, together 10 years. Part of me feels sad that we spent so much time in turmoil because we both have mental health issues that weren't getting addressed, but most of me is happy that we're now in a place where we understand each other better, and (at least he is) getting the mental health help that we need. I pray the next however long we have together, is marked by more growth and full emotional stability for myself. 🤞
I had a really fucked up childhood (really bad), and while I struggle with it, it’s manageable with medication and psychotherapy. Feel so sorry for you. You are debilitated through no fault of your own.
It feels completely insane to do what I call "sleep walking awake". I often convince myself something is horribly wrong I am unable to breath and I have to literally get away from anyone or anything I'm around, so I can process these overwhelming emotional feeling's to make a decision wether or not it's real or a dream. I had no idea there was actually something recognized as how I feel every single day. Thank you !! NASH
Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. This is me to a T. I had no idea what I did had a name. I cried when I was diagnosed. I have an overlap with c-ptsd. Every time I found a new FP, it got more intense. I ran away, and/or drove them all away. I’m in therapy and am determined to beat this. Hugs to all of you suffering with this living hell. It will get easier, keep moving forward.
Not diagnosed with bdp but I do exhibit a lot a symptoms (I’m medicated for all mental illnesses so that may be why my symptoms aren’t so severe) but my fav person is my partner. We met in 4th grade and my head constantly switched between love and hate. I hated being around him bc it made me feel overwhelmed but I wanted to be around him bc at the same time, it felt good. It’s been about 8 years now and we’ve grown a lot, but I’m so relieved that this is an actual condition and not me being absolutely delusional
I actually lost my best friend to her favorite person. She felt we were trying to part them (we werent) and when we asked why she would never hang out with us anymore, she would hang out with us once and say something like "did you guys get what you wanted?" She also changed her whole personality to meld with his. Her FP ended up dating her and she wanted to spend all her time with him.. and since we wouldn't let him basically live in our apartment for free, and also because my roommate didn't want to sleep in the same room as a couple (my roommate and her would share a room) she saw us as trying to rip them apart, and it killed our friendship
@ALGARIC nope, last I heard from her was through her mother who told us that she was ready for an apology. Sometimes things just don't work out. I have other friends with BPD though and they're lovely, just intense.
@ALGARIC yeah, they got married. Have no clue what she's doing now. I'm not really sad about it anymore, i realized I let her bully me our entire friendship and losing that friendship taught me how I wanted to be treated by my future friends. Some friendships end, the best thing you can do is learn from it
Idk if I have bpd but this is something I do I like someone and just see the good in them or make up things in my head about them. It’s almost like idealization. Then they do something that doesn’t match with what’s in my head it’s off putting this could be someone I barely even talk to but for some reason feel like I see through them. I also swing form hating someone (especially if I feel like I’ve shared too much or been too vulnerable basically anything that involves power struggles I just think that they want control and that’s it. Then I get mad when I look at them and think oh they think they’re better than me. I’ll go back to loving them in a matter of minutes.
I've been both diagnosed with BPD (even though it was later seen as a misdiagnosis, I highly suspect that it might not have been incorrect, just incomplete), and I've been the exhausted favourite person who left, multiple times. It took quite a few years for me to realise that it's alright to emphasise with and love a person, but also come to the conclusion that you might need to distance yourself in order for you to save what little that's left of your own sanity.
This was really enlightening and you’re very smart. The part about emotional intelligence as defined as extremely good at reading emotions is so true. However, when they’re wrong, they totally believe their false assumptions as well. So it is chaotic. My BPD ex gf did not live in reality, but rather in the construct she created in her own mind regarding her perception of our relationship rather than what it actually was. This led to jealously, anger, sadness, depression, accusations, distrust, etc. I go back and forth between thinking she’s awful and feeling bad for her. Thank you for the insight.
I don't know if I have BPD but I definitely relate to many of the signs including the cycle of loving / hating my favorite person (my best friend). We haven't been texting a lot lately and I was feeling really sad and frustrated with her but watching your video made me realize how good she is to me. Now I feel so much love for her it's almost too much. It's sad to think that in a few days or maybe even hours I might feel the opposite again.
Hi! I also have BPD and weird dream related things. I’ve never heard anyone else talk about REM sleep behavior disorder. It’s been a journey for me lol. Starting from a young age, I had night terrors, slept walked (I would sometimes try to escape my house), talk in my sleep (often arguments, or scared about something), dream enactment involving lots of movement, and hallucinations, usually at night! I’ve seen and felt all kinds of otherworldly energies lol. But yeah the dreams related to abandonment hurt so bad. I’m big into dream interpretation. I relate to the fantastical world thing. I live in my head a lot and create all kinds of scenarios, not only limited to my FP. But the ones about my FP have to do with imaginary conversations, or future events/hypothetical situations. When I was in HS, when I was more emotionally dysregulated lol, my FP was my psych teacher. I was obsessed with him. Very cringey 😂 but I had a whole world with him in my head.
How do I apologize to my favorite person after splitting and pushing them away I feel so awful. its aways a toxic cycle of treating them like a god and then splitting, finding one thing bad about them and snapping and then hating them and then a bit after feeling intense guilt i cant stop help me stop
I'll be alright I know I need to take a step back i've got this Im just ashamed I keep getting in the same stupid cycle because im aware im doing it and i still continue and thats where the crippling guilt is
Damn, I’d also like to know the answer to this! I was diagnosed with BPD only a month ago now and suddenly become so self aware from constant research. Don’t look at being self aware as a negative thing (although I’m guilty of this). I think that if you’re self aware, it’s a huge step in the right direction as it will lead to you catching yourself in the moment and hopefully prevent splitting from happening. I think it’s all about impulsivity, so if you can recognise yourself doing this (because you’re so self aware) then you can talk yourself into taking a moment to think about your emotions and your actions. I’m definitely not an expert, but I hope that helps! You’re here watching this video and educating yourself, which is awesome! I know from personal experience that dealing with someone who isn’t aware of their BPD is incredibly difficult. Sending love ❤️
Professional help is the only way to eventually stop doing this. As for now, just talk to your friend. Explain your side. Reassure them and talk it out. Overall the only way to continue a long term relationship with your favorite person is professional help. Otherwise you’ll never be able to stop because you won’t know how to recognize the signs and stop it.
My ex girlfriend has done a lot of these things you explained. Especially with the devaluation. You mentioned the turning off feeling. I literally seen it in her eyes when it happened when I mentioned something she didn't like. It was heart breaking when it happened.
@ALGARIC Nothing like that. I suspect childhood trauma kicked in at them eye change moments. She talks to her dad but when she was young. He was a cop in Staton Island till she graduated high school. She was a rebellious teen to mid 20s. Not over the top but trying to find herself and where she fits into this world. She's 12y older than me. I suspect some other mention deregulation is involved also. Which I'm not wanting to get into on this. Bpd is a part, I suspect.
So glad I found your channel! Self awareness is EVERYTHING. I related to 100% of all you said. I am so tormented by my reactions to EVERYTHING...especially from my fp's. Such emotional chaos to flat apathy...in a constant loop. It's so good to know we aren't alone.
For the part about mentally creating a fantastical world where you are connected to the FP: I feel like this showed for me in the ways I would always daydream and think about my FP (my then boyfriend) in ways that were not realistic. I would imagine us being super loving, emotionally close, romantic, being there for eachother, marrying, etc. but for the relationship dynamic I was in, that was just not the way things were or would ever be. And there were multiple signs that should have made me realize this relationship wasn't right for me. Whenever I progressed well in therapy I wanted to break up, but could never follow through. Well, I chose to stay delusional and worked my ass off to "fix myself" for 4 years then he dumped me.
i have bpd and also rem sleep behaviour. i also am diagnosed with ptsd and my nightmares consist of my abuser manipulating me into seeing him and my fp (my bf) leaving and cheating on me. i constantly experience these symptoms of fear throughout the day aswell and i hate it so much. i wish it would just end its like living in misery all the time. the worst thing is my bf doesnt understand so its really toxic and we both get hurt. sometimes i wish i could just end my life so that i dont have to suffer and hes happier.
"Assumptions make an ass out of you and me 😜😜😜" you're fantastic 🤣 - and thank you for taking time to educate about a far too often stigmatized disorder from the perspective of somebody who has it. I know it's not easy and I know you're opening yourself up to a lot of potential negativity, and you deserve credit for doing it anyway ❤️
I have CPTSD and ADHD myself, which causes me to struggle with emotional disregulation on a near daily basis. It's so hard to communicate to people that feelings can be so big and so strong that it fills up your whole entire world, and it feels like you ARE that emotion, but it's really the only path to understanding. People are willing to listen and understand, though, it just takes practice and patience on our end.
I relate to a lot of what you say, and deeply respect your honesty. I've burned more bridges than I can count because I've just been swept away by my emotions and assuming they must be correct because they are so strong. I've learned that righteous anger is a big warning sign that I'm not seeing my part in a situation, because nobody is 100% innocent, and when I think it would feel SO GOOD to say or do something out of anger, that is the exact wrong thing to do as it always leads to regret and self-condemnation.
The problem I personally have is that even before I had BPD I knew when my assumtions were irrational and I internalized them so no one knew what is going on and when they are very well founded. And I haven't been wrong yet.
Yay!!! I've been commenting about how I've been wanting to see a video about this for quite some time; thank you so much!!:') I've had so many FPs throughout my whole life and I never even knew that it was a thing. I've lost every single one of them because I was always too "intense" or that they eventually just got tired of me and honestly, at this point I don't even blame them because if I were me, I'd leave me too. I was officially diagnosed with BPD just a few weeks ago and it feels so fucking good to finally have a name to _The Thing That Has Been Eating Me Alive_ all this time. I've definitely read the article you chose for this video although I will say that I vibed with the other ones (from BorderlineTalksBack or TheMighty) just a little more. So anyway, here are a few things: I. I don't entirely believe that someone will ever love me as much as I love them. Having BPD, our love is so very intense that I don't think it will ever really be reciprocated at that level. And that's something I'm having trouble accepting _but_ I'm accepting it! II. On the "fantasizing a world where you're connected to your FP" point, I'm not sure if I experienced it or if I'm interpreting this correctly but every time I have an FP (aside from the idealizing the shit out of them, as you know), I tend to heavily romanticize things and believe that the universe perfectly and intricately aligned for us to meet and be in each other's lives hence we're _connected._ I find this interesting considering I'm agnostic but there's my possible take I guess? III. And lastly, I'd like to add to you saying how having an FP is both the best and worst thing ever. It really fucking is, there's no way I can deny that lmao but! as scary as it sounds, they hold so much power in their hands that they can quite literally, make me live or die. I've had recurrent suicide attempts and ideations from having FP-related conflicts because my emotions get so intense and that I lose complete control-which lead to so many fucking meltdowns...but just as equally, the FP can also be the very person who could talk me off that ledge-almost as if they've poofed their magic wand and cured my suicidal breakdown just like that. Yeah, shit's intense, man. But in all! I thank you so much again for making this video! I'm always happy to see new content from you. You have all my love, fellow Borderline bud
On a first point... You can find somebody that will love you the way you love them, even more then you do, but it's rare ... Second point is also common among "normal" people, not just with BPD ... The "real problem" (obviously) is No.3. Stay strong. I hope you're O.K. and I wish you'll get better.
having a 'favourite person' is not a symptom of bpd, its not one of the 9 citeria. i was diagnosed with this illness 3 years ago, and since educating myself on childhood trauma and attachment theory, ive come to realise an anxious attachment style is a much more healthy way of explaining this particular symptom and problem with intense relationships. you can change your attachment style over time, though therapy and self help. i feel as though saying 'i have a favourite person because i have bpd' avoids adressing the route cause, which is a disorganised way of attaching to other people developed in early childhood. ive been doing a lot better since moving away from the bpd diagnosis and learning about childhood trauma and attachment style:) i find the diagnosis of bpd pathologises a perfectly understandable reaction to adverse childhood experiences. im commenting this all over this vid in hopes of helping someone ahhh
Thank you so much for making these videos. Bpd is so hard. Self awareness is key to management but I find it so hard to read or watch anything where I'm being explained so thoroughly and accurately. Your videos are easy on a hectic soul and talked about in a way that's not derogatory. Your vulnerability is also admirable You are much appreciated
I just found your channel and what you said about switching off like a light switch in relationships hit hard! I've been in dbt therapy for a while now and I'm almost in complete remission at this point, but I do not suffer fools. I think my bpd may be a bit comorbid with aspd at times but truly I am no longer compulsed to behave in negative ways with others although I know the potential is there so I'm careful. But it can and does get better we simply have to work a bit harder as we unravel the childhood abuse we endured and developed our PD's out of survival. 💖
My sister is my FP and she I told her she is and she says she’s always there for me. I literally message her whenever I have a problem and SHES NEVER annoyed with me.
You seem so logical. I'm logical myself but can't feel how I 'should' feel bc I "feel the illogical feeling". About the 'fantastical world', I'm currently going through a break up and I think it refers to the idea of a 'red line' connecting us (me and my FP), something like "We will get back together at some point, we ser going to" Which Is idealistic and not realistic. Like, it's a break up... The idea Is not coming back together. And each time I realize that I hate my FP for 'abandoning me' but repeatedly 'forgive her' bc I know (or want to think) that she still loves. (The break up was triggered by migration/me not behaving like a normal bf would) I can't logically blame her for not understanding it (BPD) but I feel like I should bc she would if she loved me. I hate the feeling of being abandoned and I hate her for doing it but I also love her bc I know that she suffered because of it, because of my fault and that she needs to heal alone. (That's when I think the fantastical world of "she Is just taking time to heal, we Will get back together" and the cicle restarts) I was diagnosed BPD 4 years ago. I'm not sure that I exactly have BPD, a combination of things or nothing at all (and I'm just a weirdo). Bc I do feel the symptoms but also feel dissconected from myself, like "I dont feel anything" most time or I do feel things at a minimal level, and then these spikes of feelings going all over me.
i was on the other side of this for years i’ve only now been learning about bpd and realizing my ex may have been suffering from it thank you so much for making this video :) i finally don’t feel like i’m at a complete loss
Love that you have the balls to do these videos, I couldn't. Although I'd like to point out that pwbpd are not emotionally intelligent, all Cluster B personality have a low EQ. Bpd is characterised by affective instability and the inability to regulate one's emotions. This makes sence when related to the fact that most suffers expirenced high levels of childhood adversity. Lacking emotional validation from their caregivers, their EQ becomes arrested in development, unlike nurotypical children who go on to learn how to self validate and sooth. People with healthy EQs are much more emotionally balanced.
IM SO HAPPY U MENTIONED THE DREAM PART. that played a HUGE factor in my last relationship. every night i had intrusive scenarios pop up where i’d walk in on him cheating on me and i’d freak out and go insane on everyone. this was often followed by some kind of nightmare involving him cheating or leaving me or leaving me for an ex. it probably happened less frequently as it did for u but regardless it was incredibly draining because i was never happy
On creating a fantastical world: even though I knew it wasn't true, I had this idea that my FP and me were somehow distantly genetically related, and it would turn out that our ancestors were from the same village hundreds of years ago, and that we had our similarities built into our DNA, so we would be like ancestral siblings or something. I fully knew this was not at all founded in reality and yet I let the idea play out in my mind like it was a TV show and became a kind of imaginary mythical backstory I had about my FP.
You're definitely not alone on this one. I have no words...I'm just so thankful your bravery got this video up and into the universe. Thank you from one borderline to another.
I can’t relate to this video more if I tried. Especially when my ex had a job a “normal adult life” and I needed constant validation. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. the longer you don’t get help for your issues the more they will continue to destroy you.
Last week I found out I was diagnosed with BPD, I want to thank you so much for creating your station. I'm learning about myself through your station 🙏
Hi Reece. I was born in Russia and I migrated with my parents to the USA when I was a child. Now I am 62 years old. I try to make this story short, obviously, because of my age, the story could be very long. I share it here hoping something helps those of us who suffer from BPD. I was diagnosed with BPD just 10 years ago, but I have had it since I was 11 years old. At that age I began to depersonalize. I tried to talk about it with my mother but she said that she did not want to know anything about me and I never spoke to anyone about my feelings and my fears. When I was 17 I left home and joined USMC (U.S. Marines). Joining USMC was my best life experience, I served 23 years, fought in two wars and today I am happily retired. Here is the important thing for me to share with everyone here: Throughout the years that I served I was diagnosed with war neurosis, bipolar, obsession-depression, generalized anxiety, all misdiagnoses. Even the diagnoses, I was never separated from the service. I suffered the symptoms and signs of the disorder in silence, I controlled my feelings and thoughts, I did my best work, I was decorated. Currently, even with my "quirks" in general I feel good with myself and happy, I have 4 sons. I answer any question. Greetings
I feel everything you're saying. Having a favourit person to me feels like complete loss of controll and most of the time I have to get out of it eventually cause it is making me insane. About the part of creating a imaginary world around your FP... i can only say that for me i start to dream about how the relationship with this person could be, what we could do, how that person would treat me and i start acting towards them in a way that draws from thesem phantasies. Then I get dissapointed and pissed if they don't live up to it cause them acting any other way makes me feel insecure and bad. Thank your for talking about all this. It helps me a lot to know others feel the same way I do :)
Thank you ! Your the first person I have found that has BPD that talks about it. I'm the favourite person, so I'm trying to learn the best ways to help us both get thru his episodes calmly. I am so thankful I stumbled across you ❤
I feel bad for people with feelings that are awful, it's a painful situation I have too. Not a borderline but now have more empathy for borderlines.❤️ I think I've been a FP and I hope I've been helping but,with free agency.
Whew, I needed this video Reece. I recently found you, I recently found out I have BPD. I have a FP, its a complicated one. My emotions are all over the place with this one because my Favorite Person, well is my favorite person so you get it! I feel everything you said on so many levels and I know I'm not the best at times. Theres definitely room for improvement and I cannot picture a world without him in it! Thank you so much for your videos!
i totally get the dream thing!! i wake up in the worst mood most mornings as i’ve dreamt about my boyfriend, who’s my fp, cheating on me or leaving me. Then when i’m so confused and sad about the dream messing with my emotions i take it out on him even though it never happened☹️ thank you for this video, i’m excited to show my bf so he can understand ☺️💕
This is sooo me to a tee wow. Thank you so much this has been the most informative video that I’ll have to show my bf as he is my fav person and doesnt know anything about bpd and how serious it is 🥺
Thank you very much for this video. I always try to not let the people come to close so I avoid getting a FP. My relationship with my last one destroyed so much of my confidence and I was so devastated when it ended..
So tired of people thinking it's narc supply. We don't hurt the fp on purpose. When my daughter died last year I vowed never have another fp again. The one person who knew us kept making fun of me saying Patti labelle was his fp. It can't be someone you never met. How do I keep from turning new friends into a new fp? I'm keeping busy and respecting their boundaries. I feel like your channel is helping me keep my pledge. Also a BIG thank you for explaining how mirroring is not useful. THANK YOU.
Just lost my favorite person, and it’s pretty clear as of now since she openly admitted feelings for a new guy, despite our relationship just ending. So the truth hurts, and having to juggle my emotions with this one, has brought me to my lowest lows again. Pushed her away harder with a total novel worth of trying to apologize for every single issue we’ve had, and what I’ve done as well. I did my own things that self Sabotaged. I was also, my exes favorite person clearly many times, but she occasionally had others, and came back to me before we finally got into a more committed relationship. I didn’t intend to make her my favorite I tried to be level. For years my favorite person was the ex before her, and even that daughter who was being withheld. While I dealt with the custody battle, that’s when I became my now current exes favorite person. It was scary because I did love her and the attention but knew I wasn’t ready to reciprocate. And then when I finally did. That’s when she started to pull away, and I as I do, pushed her faster. And the sleep issue… yeah. All I do is nightmare. I don’t dream nicely often. When I do.. it’s weird, and off putting after the initial euphoria. I stopped dreaming nicely at about 8, and then went through more trauma than I can explain here.
My ex absolutely had the same sleep disorder and did what you mentioned with dreaming often, mostly nightmares, mostly fixated on one thing. Exactly like you mentioned. I was with her for 8 years and I watched her do that the entire time.
my ex from 2-3 years ago was my favorite person and its exactly what you described, putting him on the throne. To me, everything he said and did was absolute. at some point i became aware that i was obsessed with him but i didnt know why, looked it up and searched for solutions but nothing seemed to work at the time. all i knew is that i was a bit depressed and anxious. my ex recommended i see a therapist which claimed i had ptsd however im guessing because of the toxic relationship, i wasnt able to see improvement at the moment with treatment. our relationship was so toxic and he was able to realize that and ended it with me. he was still my fp at that moment and i felt so neglected and abandoned to the point where next day i felt so empty and confused. it didnt help that he gaslighted, manipulated and guilt tripped me lot and because i saw him as some sort of god, i kept beating myself up over it. and i know for a fact that ive done lots of mistakes and emotionally manipulated him which i wasnt aware i was doing until a year after. before we entered the relationship, i did tell him to please, PLEASE understand that i was having a hard time with life and that i knew i was going to do a lot of mistakes and that ill try my best to not emotions get the best of me. a few mistakes in and he tells me "your sorry means nothing to me." what hurt the most is that i denied entering a relationship with him MULTIPLE times telling him that i was in so way shape or form ready for a relationship (and i was dealing with a breakup of a month and emotionally still damaged from it). he still insisted that he "loved" me, tried being romantic with poems (which i kind of hate but id feel bad if i told him). he even threw in a pity story + gave me nicknames. manipulation 101 yet i was too blind, emotionally distressed and at my lowest low in life. he kept insisting that he loved me and after a few days, boom he's my favorite person and i was head over heals for him. i truly believed i could go any lower until i met him. he truly showed me what hell felt like. but hey on a positive note, my current favorite person is my mom! and she knows it too :D i learned habits to avoid lashing out on her, basically going away to calm down and telling myself that she has the right to do the same when she's not in the mood to speak to me. so far things have been great with her and im extremely happy with my progress on controlling my emotions around a FP. i still dont know how to deal with people when i devalue them but im sure ill find a way and step one is to take a space back to not act out on my emotions like you said. gosh it feels good to type those stuff out.
Jesus is near to the broken hearted, you just have to believe to realize it. All hope is not lost dear. All you have to do is to call Jesus. He will save and help you because He loved you so much that He died for you and resurrected on the third day just save you from sin, death and eternal damnation. For the Bible says, the devil came to steal, kill and to destroy but Jesus Christ has come to give us abundant life. All these are the works of the enemy but Jesus is there to save so there is an immense Hope for you. All you need is to believe then you will behold the manifestation of the glory of God. The bible says again that 'whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved'. That's just it. Just believe. Shout the name Jesus and cry unto Him and He will save you. If you are already a believer know that God will never forsake you. The word of God says without faith it is impossible to please God. Have faith dear and He will heal you. Pray and read the bible. Cos if we being wicked give good things to our children, how much more will our heavenly Father give good gifts to those that ask Him. By the Stripes of our Lord Jesus Christ we are Healed. I pray that God will deliver you in Jesus name. Amen
I stopped visiting my favorite person now he comes over once a week on his only night off Now im confused because somehow this didnt feel enough Yet a few weeks back I thought this is what I wanted Sigh
Omg, you're such a cutie!! ;) Soothing voice, nice face, sweet smile-just cuz we often feel so much self-loathing, thought you'd like to know! 🙃😊 Am uncovering my own BPD experience for the first time and stumbled upon your channel, thanks a billion! 🧡🙌🏻
7:15....your not alone brother, I fight the same things constantly and know the feeling all to well...all of your videos are nice to hear because they remind me that I'm not alone as well, thank you for making the videos you make. Stay up brother, your not alone!
I’m JUST learning that I have bop and so much you were talking about hit me so hard. The things that really struck me was the dream part. I have dreams that feel so real and EVERY SINGLE TIME it’s a nightmare. Every dream goes the same way..my fp leaves me, cheats on me, or a fight them and they leave. I wake up feeling those strong emotions as if it really happened. So you dare not alone and before you, I never heard of anyone having this problem. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this video. This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. Me and my best friend (who also has bpd) have just had a huge argument because I went to visit them for a party and had to leave the next day because I became very anxious. They then turned nasty and manipulative after I explained why I had to leave, they started shouting and swearing at me, and it’s escalated from there. They are not very self aware of their BPD and they’re acting in the textbook way like you said. I’ve told them many times I need some space and time to myself to think and control my emotions, which has only made them think that I hate them even more because I don’t want to carry on this argument and act impulsively. When you said “your opinions are valid” really hit me, as I feel so invalidated when they shut me down for feeling anxious and made me feel guilty for leaving. They keep saying ‘I know how you feel because I have mental health too, but you need to think about how you make others feel’, which is very upsetting as again they’re invalidating my feelings. And I’ve explained this to them many times about how they’re making me feel but it completely goes over their head. It’s been just over a day now as I haven’t replied to their calls after me saying I need space, and they just won’t respect that. I’m not necessarily looking for any advice. I just needed to get this off my chest and let you know how much this video has meant to me. Thank you again.
My partner has bpd and they recently informed me I'm their favorite person and I'm doing research on how to handle that responsibility and this video helped a lot so thank you
My cousin is my favorite bpd. She worked hard and is in her own and doing fantastic. No matter what she does or did, she can not upset me. I use it as a learning experience. She lives out of state.
Thank you suuur so much✨ this is the most accurate fp video I have seen and you have a super calming and charismatic way with words. I hope you’re doing well bpd brother much luvs and thank u again ☺️
I think it’s important for someone with BPD to have friends that are highly sensitive or empathetic. I am always able to reassure my best friend with BPD who’s also an empath that I’m here for him. But I can only do this because I’m very emotionally sensitive myself.
As someone with bpd whos fp is currently a very apathetic person i can confirm.
Are you a Scorpio? I feel like you are a Scorpio Reece?
It can also ruin the empath without bpd life. Best to avoid bpd altogether. Get out while you can. Listen to AJ mahari
It's always important to not surround yourself with enablers like a certain "ravenclaw" I know
Or a glutton for abuse!
I always worry when I start to really like them that they'll become my FP and ill ruin it all :(
If they become your favourite person - So be it! Make sure to let them know how you feel, and always take time to breath through your impulsive actions/words.
Have faith you can live a happy life! I do! x
@@ReeceHendyy my spouse has BPD and I love your videos; sooo HELPFUL. BLESSINGS.
i feel you kathryn
Thanks so much. I love a man who is just like this. He has pushed me away and I can't even talk to him. It's so sad. I'm heartbroken 💔
I guess it's kind of randomly asking but does anybody know of a good place to stream new tv shows online?
Was with my girlfriend for 6 years and she had strong traits of BPD. I ended up leaving her. I wasn't very familiar with BPD at the time, and I didn't know what else to do. The fights we had were just so intense. She yelled, cursed, disrespectful words, slamming doors, tossing the tv remote, hitting herself in the head, telling me to leave and then wanting me to stay, screaming and threatening to crash her car. But when we weren't fighting we were all about each other. But when I thought about her as life long partner and possible kids it just terrified me.
I left and saying goodbye was the hardest thing I ever had to do. 6 years and all the things we did with each other. She cried so much and I'll never forget it. She was sweet, caring, funny, so many other things about her that I loved.
I feel like the biggest piece of shit. It's been 16 months since I left and god I still miss her so much. We did everything together. But she moved on not too long after I left to someone better, and completely erased me. Wishes I never existed and probably thinks I am the worst person that ever came into her life.
I didn't know what to do.
Remember to be kind to the ones you love and really appreciate them. One day they'll be gone.
Maybe you should talk to her and make her aware of how you feel
She's coming to treat her new victim the same as you. You deserve someone healthier.
She seems like a really intense case of bpd that's worse than the usual norm. Don't blame yourself for leaving her not everyone is fit to handle that kind of relationship themselves.
You did the right thing
@@thriveflourishmotivate I wouldn’t say victim that’s a lil harsh :/
I have been struggling with something my whole life. And the more I research BPD the more I feel relatable to others who experience these things. I'm really tired of feeling crazy
me too, I have been diagnosed 3 years ago and since then I have been in therapy and it really helps .
There's quite a few flavors of crazy. Cluster A ,B and C
Hi there. Recognizing it and openly saying it is a huge start. I suggest researching DBT skills therapy videos. Extremely useful. Hugs to you.
That's very true about putting them on a pedestal and then devaluing them in a constant cycle.
What do u do to devalue the person. Do u make fun of them and call them stupid and ugly, and worthless loser????
100%!!
@Khanverz what do u mean exactly. HOW is that done to a person.
@Khanverz hmmm...this makes sense. My ex said she felt like a volcano. Was building. Left for work just fine, came home as someone else. Real dismissive, aloof, annoyed when we watched TV and I asked what someone said. Was never like that before in 13 years. Very bizzar. Felt like a body snatcher. Never met THAT person ever. She just got real quiet for 30 days, got her stuff and moved out into her brothers house. Walked by me not one word, down the hallway and out the front door as if I never existed.
I'm not a Dr and she's a very proud stubborn person, so I have no real clue what it was. It fit narcissism very well tho. Hard for me to admit it tbh.
@A M ah that's the push and pull dynamic. This trauma bonds u to a person. This is why it can have a horrible effect on some types of people.
The creating a fantasy world with your favorite person, for me, was fantasizing what it would be like to go to their house, meet their family, what day to day life living with them would be like, and it just kind of built the person up even more in my mind and made my attachment stronger.
I only did this when I didnt really have a person and I was trying to find them, and everyone was a possibility. I was a mess back then.
I've been a favorite person from multiple people with bpd. I spent most of my time teaching them how to take care of themselves and now after over a decade of being a favorite person for multiple people I'm completely drained and I've been isolating from everyone and I feel like I'm developing bpd myself not sure what to do I'm just so scared to go outside now. I have ptsd ocd agoraphobia and social anxiety now. Trying to move on from this. I've spoken up to these persons with bpd and I feel so terrible that they feel responsible for how I am now. Ultimately I ended up having to abandon them. I miss being their favorite person but I realized how toxic it is for everyone involved.
i was someone's favorite person for many years and as i was with them it's likely i developed bpd too, i used to be a much more stoic and mature person. minuscule things like jealousy or fearing someone no longer liking me didn't bother me but now it's my biggest fear. every time i close my eyes i get nightmares about it and it drives me and everyone around me insane bc i need constant reassurance
I'm so sorry about this.. I think I tortured and made my FP suffer BPD too.. I didn't know this could be a contagious pain...
@@endmite me too . .
How you doing now?☺️
I understand your position but you cannot develop BPD from that.. Your're drained and traumatized from experience. BPD is developmental trauma disorder, which starts out as an attachment disorder. That cannot develop later in life, only the symtoms can show in adulthood, but you cannot get is an an adult.
I have what I call “real life nightmares”. Not about monsters or demons or typically “scary”. But real life things like me cheating on my husband, one of my children dying. One recurring one is my husband packing his things and leaving me and I’m begging for another chance but he just keeps packing. The dreams are so vivid I wake up thinking it was real
Woah u have urges to cheat on ur husband???
@@rowena7380 uh.. What do u think can happen AFTER those dreams..
Your body and mind react as if it REALLY did happen.
@@daviedood2503 what? She didn’t say that anywhere. Dreaming about the situation and having an urge to act on it are two separate things.
@@adobe7360 with those types the body and mind behave as if they really did it. They can get super jelous of a person when their wife comes around him etc. All bc of that dream. It's a shared fantasy u gotta look into it
creating a fantastical world: there are these ideas floating around the internet and new age practices about "soulmates" or "twin flames", it's kind of like that. you look for evidence that proves that you and your fp are meant to be together, that it's destiny or fate. you might fantasize about idealized situations about you and your fp together. i have done this with every fp that i have ever had.
me too, you are not alone in this :)
With your help I'm becoming my own best friend and favorite person. Thank you! My life is so much better with your help and educating myself about who I am and knowing I have BPD.
This is wonderful to hear!
It is possible. Its taken some time and some work but its been worth it.
@@ElFra9 yes it is possible and we then become pathologically positive its like literally God is reaching down personally to ALL OF THOSE THAT MANKIND failed!!
@@madison_drew thank you! Today God reached down thru you! ❤️
@@madison_drew I understand. Just keep trying to put good out into the world. U r not alone . Idk where your comment is. If u deleted it or I just can't find it but it was in my notifications. Sending you big hugs! We r gonna have good days and bad days. Maybe it's not easy for us because we r strong enough to handle it. Idk I know it doesn't feel like I am. Most of the time I think it's just because I'm hard headed enough. I think sometimes we know so much pain because we are able to know so much love. I'm gonna keep fighting the good fight for all those who hurt because I can't not do it. Sending you love and prayers
Its the other way round in my experience the Person with BPD does little to serve the needs of the FP instead they drain and demand more and more attention and validation become controling all consuming and make the FP feel responsible for their emotional needs, guilty if they are sleeping unwell or busy and cant answer the phone and the BPD person leaves the FP feeling suffocated
I want to comment on this ''mentally creating a fantastical world where you are connected to the favorite person, though it may not be realistic" cuz its the most intense part of my experience on having a fp. I love daydreaming about just talking to him or just spending time with me like he really cares cuz irl the last time we spoke was about two months ago and he dumped me like he always does in an asshole shitty way but I still want his attention and care and I hate it. When you deprived from something like attention or care or smth like that the smallest amount of it will please you. Like Id be really happy if he'd just hug me or take my hand. Sometimes when it happens idk like couple times a year it feels literally euphoric that's why im still hanged on it. I can't explain that euphoric feeling to someone who haven't experienced something like that but if you feel very high you will fall down really deep and painful. The last time when I saw him I invited him to my place so we could do something more than just watching movies but he didn't even hugged me and did want to cuddle me when we were already falling asleep and I felt so fucking terrified and abandoned. The next morning after he felt I want to do something really bad with myself cuz it felt so overwhelming that I can't stand it any minute longer. And after all this bullshit I still thinking of him everyday, somehow ig it fills the void inside making it even bigger at the same time. Idk when it will end, I tried therapy but I decided to stopped after the therapist said that he clearly doesn't like me like I know it but my emotional side was hurt so much that I didnt want to spoke to her ever again;(
I don't have BPD, but I strongly suspect that my stepdad who I grew up with has BPD. I'm trying to educate myself, since he is very hard to understand. I'm pretty sure I was his favorite person until around my teenage years. After that it felt like he hated me with a passion until he suddenly switched back on and was nice. Rinse and repeat. It's all very hard to understand
Hey 👋 I've lost so many people because I've allowed the emotions surrounding my FP to take over and I literally push them away. They get sick of my insecurities and then leave me. It's happened with SO many people. I didn't realise the FP was a thing until recently and it makes so much sense. I feel comforted and reassured that I am not the only person who experiences this chaos. Thank you for making this video. 🙏💕❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🌈
You're obviously aware of your behavior...so change it.
If you truly care about anyone but yourself.
@@aloysiusdevanderabercrombi470perfectly said..It's been my experiences they don't change.
@@aloysiusdevanderabercrombi470 You might be right, but sometimes you couldn't control your disorder easily even you're aware. To change, you need to find healthy coping tools and counseling. For example; autistic person aware they have autism, they can find a way to cope like stim toys, organize routines, etc. to avoid stress. Your disorder can't go away but it could be avoidable when you found healthy coping mechanism.
I just lost my favourite person, and then was diagosed with BPD because I was so sad about losing my FP I got professional help and it made so much sense. I don't wanna go through this again, so I'm gonna listen to your advice.
I studied voice for years and you're such a great communicator and speaker. Great linguistic intelligence!!
I Agree, he just makes you want to keep listening, absolutely great communicator indeed : )
^^^
Agreed!!
You are so not alone with the dreams! I have very similar dreams about my boyfriend/FP. They are terrible and sometimes even after waking and realizing it was a dream I still feel negative emotions sometimes for hours.
Hi I can be your favorite person! I got abandoned 3 months ago by the female narcissist I was with for 13 yrs. She took the bed, the family car and washer n dryer the fridge and shower curtain to be extra mean. 😔
I won't abandon you, and if u don't want me to be your favorite person bc of the BPD I can wait a moment outside until the BPD says it's OK to be a favorite person again. ☺
If I'm standing in the rain to wait a moment for the BPD to be nice again, I'll have to eat some chicken noodle soup so I don't get the sniffles and sneeze. ☺ 🌸 Then we can be favorite people again. ♥
I live with continuous guilt about relationships which I have broken due to my BPD. At one point it was so bad I couldn’t understand why my mum still liked me and knew it wouldn’t be long until she abandoned me too. All because I am such a horrible person both inside and out.
I also have extremely vivid dreams. Cutting my hair, missing important flights and dreams of my ex (of 3 years) are ones which reoccur almost weekly. I wake up worried and concerned that my brain can have these horrible thoughts and what these dreams mean.
BPD is really hard to live with.
I can relate to 90% of this, it makes my heart so heavy - having BPD is so tough 😪
I feel the same it is so tough 😓
@@Jsarson1976 big hugs to us ❤
@@GillianParkinson hello can I be your favorite person? I got abandoned. 13 yrs together and I've be abandoned for 3 months now. I don't have a bed anymore. I sleep in my rocking chair for now. They took the family car as well. Sad I'm just sad and would like to be someone's favorite person who will be nice to me.
Even if their BPD makes them mean, it's OK I can wait a moment until their BPD makes them nice again andnim their favorite person once again. ☺
Dude... thanks for this. The worst part of trying to find info on BPD is that there are many people who seem hard to relate with. This kind of calm discussion and you speaking from person experience is incredibly helpful. I just learned what a favorite person was and omg... it explains so much. Great video.
Let me know down in the comments if you have ever had a favorite person & what video you would like to see next!
Strange how I do all of these things but I’m diagnosed ADHD/Depression/Social anxiety/General anxiety/PTSD. Sorta a laundry list but like every time I see things about BPD I relate
you could maybe do one about the identity issues
@@franciscaparedes4358 I second that.
Why its so painful and hard to learn about this illness, I want to learn but hearing and reading about it makes me so low, so heavy hearted, I struggle with this so much. But its my painful reality.
So I’ve officially been “abandoned” by my fp I need tips on how to cope cause all I want to do rn is blow his phone up. To beg him to understand.
I had a fight with my favourite person recently and she knowing I had bpd told me she didn’t want to talk or see me for 2 days! Those 2 days were the most excruciating days yet I was trapped in my thoughts and had an extremely bad breakdown when she said that it was horrid. I thought she never wanted to see me again and was leaving me forever. We are ok now but it’s like I lover then hate on repeat it’s not good.
Bro exactly whats happened to me jusy its been 3 months, most suicdal episodes ive ever encountered and it feels like every day u wake up a piece of u is missing, the person u loved istn there, and that feeling is one of the worst, most unbeatable things ive ever had to go thru. Missing her is excruciating
Start doing DBT. It has really great outcomes and you can learn to be your own fp. Remember. You will have to live with yourself right up until the end. So you'd best work on learning to like yourself. It's so important.
I don't have your illness, but I believe you are truly a great person. You are helping more people than you know! Tremendous!😀
agree !!! me included
I’m still trying to learn how to separate my life from my favorite person. When I’m with him I get lost in my emotions and my brain tricks me into forgetting all of my problems, it’s almost as if it’s just us against the world. When I’m not with him my depression instantaneously comes back at full force, I feel empty and unsure of what to do next. I stopped therapy before I could talk that part out :/ these videos really help explain BPD in a way that doesn’t make me afraid of myself, unlike psychologists
Same!! How you doing now?
*sigh* the click on and off is absolutely the worst. My ex said he thought I would look good with blonde hair and I broke up with him no questions no fighting. Looking back it was so obvious I was struggling with BPD. Lol
Agreed it's very heart wrenching for everyone involved
having a 'favourite person' is not a symptom of bpd, its not one of the 9 citeria. i was diagnosed with this illness 3 years ago, and since educating myself on childhood trauma and attachment theory, ive come to realise an anxious attachment style is a much more healthy way of explaining this particular symptom and problem with intense relationships. you can change your attachment style over time, though therapy and self help. i feel as though saying 'i have a favourite person because i have bpd' avoids adressing the route cause, which is a disorganised way of attaching to other people developed in early childhood. ive been doing a lot better since moving away from the bpd diagnosis and learning about childhood trauma and attachment style:) i find the diagnosis of bpd pathologises a perfectly understandable reaction to adverse childhood experiences
@@eeedeee6667 oh shut up. You're just trying to cause chaos.
@@oo1014 im really really not, im sorry if it came across that way. just feel like i want to share this point of view as ive come so far in my recovery since shifting my mindset. hope you find a good way of healing, even if its different from my own!
@@oo1014 relationships were my main struggle and still can be at times with the on and off feelings and the fear of abandonment. so i get how painful it is
Didn’t realize acting quickly to a situation is apart of BPD. Thank you for you! And all the information you share with us all.
Yh impulsivity
I just realized that there is someone else who thinks and feels like I do all of the time. I dream a lot as well, and most of my nightmares revolve around my boyfriend cheating, leaving, etc., and they feel SO real. 💙
WHAT THE FUCK.... This is so fucking relatable and i dont know whether to laugh or cry about it. ive been in such a dark place lately because of my relationship with my favorite person.
everything in this video really is spot on, its reassuring that im not alone but it also just makes me feel so much worse because i know the agony im in is real and my thoughts are real.
I recently ended a friendship with someone, and another friend pointed out that the person had behaviour that is in line with BPD, so now I'm looking at information about it and the favourite person. I think i was her FP. She seemed to want me to shower her with attention and solve all her problems and talk to her 24 \ 7. Meanwhile I'm a very solitary person I need a lot of space and she would throw a fit and threaten self harm when I mentioned that. ANd it kept happening. I tried to set boundaries but she would waltz over them after like two days. It was really exhausting and I barely remember last year.
after I left, two days later I saw a very obvious alt account of hers liking my posts. Way to burn any kind of bridge that could have stayed between us.
I haven't been diagnosed with BPD yet due to my age, but have realized as I have been maturing that I have many of the signs. Your videos have helped me so much in my journey, but I really wanted to mention the dreams bit! Since I was a child I've dreamt a lot (mostly being nightmares). Once I got into my relationship, I had multiple dreams where my S.O cheated on me, hated me, manipulated me, or did the opposite of what they do irl. It's like an Evil twin of them only in my nightmares. I'd always feel isolated when no one else had the same experiences, especially my S.O, who'd only speak of having good dreams about me.
Thank you for speaking about your experiences!
Was deeply thinking about commenting this, i know this video is kind of old. I recently got diagnosed with bpd. literally yesterday my ex(who is my favorite person) unfollowed me on a bunch of stuff, didn't block me but he said he is cutting contact. I didn't manipulate him into staying, I just explained i recently got diagnosed with bpd and im getting help, that im not intentionally hurting him. I have a hard time expressing my emotions (i dont really cry) but i feel very deeply. I have this very painful gut feeling you are describing. I have several other disorders that play into my bpd and makes it worse. It is very painful and incredibly but wrenching the feelings i have inside, and i can't really express it or let it out. Also as you mentioned about having vivid nightmares, i have those very frequently. Like last night i had a dream about my ex saying that his life was way better without me in it. *Edit* I just want to say I really resonate with everything you're saying, I wish it was easier to deal with. Having a fp is very painful, and I hope that this gets out there so more people are educated on BPD because it's such a misunderstood disorder. And it's very painful (especially if you are self aware or have comorbid disorders alongside it)
I do not have tantrums, I experience crying jags along with severe depression because I can’t be near or with her. We grew up together. I just ride it out when this happens. I isolate a lot. It’s like riding the wave during benzodiazepines withdrawal.
Can you a little bit more?
@@ALGARIC I’m off of them. I did the 2 yr wean.
@@NoQuarterIsHere Any tips how to stop crave them?
@@ALGARIC For the benzos, I added a tiny bit more because if the withdrawal is bad, this told me that I was not ready for the next cut. I didn’t take anything for it. I used the distraction method. I also joined groups on Fb and they are fantastic. They got me through it 💯.
I have BPD and this honestly is one of the saddesr aspects for me. I have two fp's...and it's just soooo...codependent. They become mentors and father figures and I put them on utterly unfair pedestals. I love/hate them, need them close, then push then away.. and it IS all based upon massive childhood trauma & fear of loneliness and abandonment. They become my mental caregivers and I hate that I take more than I give . I give them so much credit...
Wanted to share my experience on the dreams!
Recently got diagnosed with BPD after years of going to different psychiatrists. Was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, mood disorder, and ADHD (which I've since been undiagnosed with).
Before knowing about BPD or any of this I would have these dreams about my FP. They were absolutely terrifying and would happen everytime I slept. They feel completely real while I'm having them. I would scream, cry, punch, kick, you name it. Then wake up completely exhausted and drained. That feeling lasts for hours after. Im now currently treating it by smoking green before bed. I now only get them once in a blue moon.
You're definitely not alone on those dreams and seeing that others experience this as well makes me feel less alone. ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Does the green stuff helps you?
I la as thé favorite peton to my best friend. We talked 100 X a day. The switch would go on and off. If I did get together with someone else she would blow a massive fit and start sending me horrible text messages. It was as an on and off for 25 y are until she took her life on December 20 of 2019. She was only 44. She couldn’t get the help she needed which was dialectic therapy. She burned a lot of bridges and was very impulsive. She was at the end of her rope. In the course of 25 years she attempted suicide @ least two dozen times. 😢
Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it. You are the first person I have found who is open about having bpd.
My girlfriend of 8 years ended up leaving me by essentially ghosting me. She has depression, anxiety, ocd, ptsd, and a year ago was diagnosed with adhd (she’s 32). I am starting to realize that she’s probably had bpd the whole time. She has always had a fear of me abandoning her and what resonated super well with me were you nightmares. Her nightmares would take the form of her always trying to find me. Usually she would not find me and when she did I was usually dismissive of her.
I have never heard of the favorite person before your video and it seems pretty clear to me that I was her favorite person. A few life changes happened (aka covid) and I quickly flipped to some one she doesn’t respect, despite me never really changing.
I am 5 months without her and have thought about her everyday. You video is encouraging me to be patient with her and try to help her. Even if we remain broken up.
Hi, was she never trying to hoover on you?
My husband only (it feels like) has bad dreams of me cheating.. but I’m the one with BPD. And I’ve always felt so dumb for feeling jealous over my friend talking to someone else but this makes so much sense. I love your posts. And my husband has started watching with me. It’s helps us. Thank you.
People who cheat worry about their partner cheating.
@@rosscampbell1173 I never thought about that..
@@rosscampbell1173 What an ass you are to try to put ideas in her head when you have no idea about the situation.
That fear for abandonment. I had a GF with BPD and she literally pushed me away by dating another man to avoid feeling I would abandon her. She made up all kinds of false claims. Very tiresome but at that time I figured out she had BPD after an episode of splitting. Thank you for explaining and your contribution here. I know it was not me. But it’s good to see this confirmed.
@@BlasianLynn thank you for your reply. I also like to extend my well wishes for you and yours. Stay strong.
Probably npd
Man! The dreams... never heard anyone else, in my 36 years that has those type of dreams about their favorite person. My favorite person is my wife. My dreams are of her leaving me, cheating on me or acting as if I don’t exist although we are in the same room together. Dude it’s crazy man. I was recently diagnosed W/BPD
Mine too
I have intense nightmares about being abandoned by my favourite person as well!!!
When your favorite person shows signs that they are not the person that you hold high on a pedestal (because we are all people and we all make mistakes) it can feel as if the foundation of your world has broken. It feels helpless. Hopeless. Scary and alone.
Dear Reece,
I have tendencies of Quiet BPD and I realized that I have a favorite person a couple months ago. As I am German I tried to find some information about that in German, however content on favourite persons and quiet BPD in German is rare...
I am so happy that I found your video and I had to cry so hard, when you said, that idealizing and devaluating your FP is a horrible feeling. That went right into my soul because I tried to suppress these strong feelings of loving and hating my FP so hard, that I didn't realize how much I am suffering and how shameful this is for me to admit that it is the way it is...
It felt good to know that there are people out there knowing these feelings!
The REM sleep really resonated with me, I've had extremely realistic dreams since I was young that I can't always differentiate between reality. Your channel is really helping me work with BPD and explain it better to everyone around me. Thank you so much!
My husband is my favorite person and I experience most of the things you spoke about regarding our relationship. I too have many ugly dreams where my husband either leaves me or cheats on me. At least twice a week and are never triggered by any interactions we've had whether relaxed or stressed. It's creepy the level at which I love him, and can so easily throw it all away in a split second when he does or says something I didn't like. It's been a long road for me to get a handle on myself, and I don't have it down on lock all the way, but I am so much better today than how I was last year. And yes, it's only been 1 year where I have not lashed out at my husband or threatened divorce or felt like running away and abandoning it all. We'll be married 9 hears this fall, together 10 years. Part of me feels sad that we spent so much time in turmoil because we both have mental health issues that weren't getting addressed, but most of me is happy that we're now in a place where we understand each other better, and (at least he is) getting the mental health help that we need. I pray the next however long we have together, is marked by more growth and full emotional stability for myself. 🤞
Have you ever check into Prof Sam Vaknin's work? I flew out to Budapest to meet with him over the summer after an Ayauasca ceremony in Costa Rica
I had a really fucked up childhood (really bad), and while I struggle with it, it’s manageable with medication and psychotherapy. Feel so sorry for you. You are debilitated through no fault of your own.
It feels completely insane to do what I call "sleep walking awake". I often convince myself something is horribly wrong I am unable to breath and I have to literally get away from anyone or anything I'm around, so I can process these overwhelming emotional feeling's to make a decision wether or not it's real or a dream. I had no idea there was actually something recognized as how I feel every single day. Thank you !!
NASH
Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. This is me to a T. I had no idea what I did had a name. I cried when I was diagnosed. I have an overlap with c-ptsd.
Every time I found a new FP, it got more intense.
I ran away, and/or drove them all away. I’m in therapy and am determined to beat this.
Hugs to all of you suffering with this living hell. It will get easier, keep moving forward.
Not diagnosed with bdp but I do exhibit a lot a symptoms (I’m medicated for all mental illnesses so that may be why my symptoms aren’t so severe) but my fav person is my partner. We met in 4th grade and my head constantly switched between love and hate. I hated being around him bc it made me feel overwhelmed but I wanted to be around him bc at the same time, it felt good. It’s been about 8 years now and we’ve grown a lot, but I’m so relieved that this is an actual condition and not me being absolutely delusional
I've pretty much given up on letting anyone in. I'm better off alone
I actually lost my best friend to her favorite person. She felt we were trying to part them (we werent) and when we asked why she would never hang out with us anymore, she would hang out with us once and say something like "did you guys get what you wanted?" She also changed her whole personality to meld with his. Her FP ended up dating her and she wanted to spend all her time with him.. and since we wouldn't let him basically live in our apartment for free, and also because my roommate didn't want to sleep in the same room as a couple (my roommate and her would share a room) she saw us as trying to rip them apart, and it killed our friendship
Looking back I now she why she acted the way she did, but unfortunately I don't think I can get over some of those impulsive things she's done
Hi, are you friends again?
@ALGARIC nope, last I heard from her was through her mother who told us that she was ready for an apology. Sometimes things just don't work out. I have other friends with BPD though and they're lovely, just intense.
@@Darkrosaly That’s sad. Is she at least still with her FP?
@ALGARIC yeah, they got married. Have no clue what she's doing now. I'm not really sad about it anymore, i realized I let her bully me our entire friendship and losing that friendship taught me how I wanted to be treated by my future friends. Some friendships end, the best thing you can do is learn from it
Idk if I have bpd but this is something I do I like someone and just see the good in them or make up things in my head about them. It’s almost like idealization. Then they do something that doesn’t match with what’s in my head it’s off putting this could be someone I barely even talk to but for some reason feel like I see through them. I also swing form hating someone (especially if I feel like I’ve shared too much or been too vulnerable basically anything that involves power struggles I just think that they want control and that’s it. Then I get mad when I look at them and think oh they think they’re better than me. I’ll go back to loving them in a matter of minutes.
I've been both diagnosed with BPD (even though it was later seen as a misdiagnosis, I highly suspect that it might not have been incorrect, just incomplete), and I've been the exhausted favourite person who left, multiple times. It took quite a few years for me to realise that it's alright to emphasise with and love a person, but also come to the conclusion that you might need to distance yourself in order for you to save what little that's left of your own sanity.
This was really enlightening and you’re very smart. The part about emotional intelligence as defined as extremely good at reading emotions is so true. However, when they’re wrong, they totally believe their false assumptions as well. So it is chaotic. My BPD ex gf did not live in reality, but rather in the construct she created in her own mind regarding her perception of our relationship rather than what it actually was. This led to jealously, anger, sadness, depression, accusations, distrust, etc. I go back and forth between thinking she’s awful and feeling bad for her. Thank you for the insight.
Can you give me example, like a scenario that she made up? And btw how are you both doing now?
I don't know if I have BPD but I definitely relate to many of the signs including the cycle of loving / hating my favorite person (my best friend). We haven't been texting a lot lately and I was feeling really sad and frustrated with her but watching your video made me realize how good she is to me. Now I feel so much love for her it's almost too much. It's sad to think that in a few days or maybe even hours I might feel the opposite again.
Hi! I also have BPD and weird dream related things. I’ve never heard anyone else talk about REM sleep behavior disorder. It’s been a journey for me lol. Starting from a young age, I had night terrors, slept walked (I would sometimes try to escape my house), talk in my sleep (often arguments, or scared about something), dream enactment involving lots of movement, and hallucinations, usually at night! I’ve seen and felt all kinds of otherworldly energies lol. But yeah the dreams related to abandonment hurt so bad. I’m big into dream interpretation.
I relate to the fantastical world thing. I live in my head a lot and create all kinds of scenarios, not only limited to my FP. But the ones about my FP have to do with imaginary conversations, or future events/hypothetical situations. When I was in HS, when I was more emotionally dysregulated lol, my FP was my psych teacher. I was obsessed with him. Very cringey 😂 but I had a whole world with him in my head.
How do I apologize to my favorite person after splitting and pushing them away I feel so awful. its aways a toxic cycle of treating them like a god and then splitting, finding one thing bad about them and snapping and then hating them and then a bit after feeling intense guilt i cant stop help me stop
I'll be alright I know I need to take a step back i've got this Im just ashamed I keep getting in the same stupid cycle because im aware im doing it and i still continue and thats where the crippling guilt is
Damn, I’d also like to know the answer to this!
I was diagnosed with BPD only a month ago now and suddenly become so self aware from constant research.
Don’t look at being self aware as a negative thing (although I’m guilty of this). I think that if you’re self aware, it’s a huge step in the right direction as it will lead to you catching yourself in the moment and hopefully prevent splitting from happening. I think it’s all about impulsivity, so if you can recognise yourself doing this (because you’re so self aware) then you can talk yourself into taking a moment to think about your emotions and your actions.
I’m definitely not an expert, but I hope that helps! You’re here watching this video and educating yourself, which is awesome! I know from personal experience that dealing with someone who isn’t aware of their BPD is incredibly difficult.
Sending love ❤️
Professional help is the only way to eventually stop doing this. As for now, just talk to your friend. Explain your side. Reassure them and talk it out. Overall the only way to continue a long term relationship with your favorite person is professional help. Otherwise you’ll never be able to stop because you won’t know how to recognize the signs and stop it.
Fp dream themes
They died
In my latest I just couldn't get his attention I felt invisible
Fp nightmares are very unpleasant (hugs)
My ex girlfriend has done a lot of these things you explained.
Especially with the devaluation.
You mentioned the turning off feeling. I literally seen it in her eyes when it happened when I mentioned something she didn't like. It was heart breaking when it happened.
What happened to her eyes? How are you both doing now btw?
@@ALGARIC Not talking. It was just a change in her eyes.
It's like flipping a switch in her head.
It's just stuff that I notice.
@@2dogsmowing Oh, I see. Was she trying to get back to you?
@ALGARIC Nothing like that.
I suspect childhood trauma kicked in at them eye change moments.
She talks to her dad but when she was young. He was a cop in Staton Island till she graduated high school. She was a rebellious teen to mid 20s. Not over the top but trying to find herself and where she fits into this world.
She's 12y older than me.
I suspect some other mention deregulation is involved also. Which I'm not wanting to get into on this.
Bpd is a part, I suspect.
So glad I found your channel! Self awareness is EVERYTHING. I related to 100% of all you said. I am so tormented by my reactions to EVERYTHING...especially from my fp's. Such emotional chaos to flat apathy...in a constant loop. It's so good to know we aren't alone.
Same 😢
For the part about mentally creating a fantastical world where you are connected to the FP: I feel like this showed for me in the ways I would always daydream and think about my FP (my then boyfriend) in ways that were not realistic. I would imagine us being super loving, emotionally close, romantic, being there for eachother, marrying, etc. but for the relationship dynamic I was in, that was just not the way things were or would ever be. And there were multiple signs that should have made me realize this relationship wasn't right for me. Whenever I progressed well in therapy I wanted to break up, but could never follow through. Well, I chose to stay delusional and worked my ass off to "fix myself" for 4 years then he dumped me.
i have bpd and also rem sleep behaviour. i also am diagnosed with ptsd and my nightmares consist of my abuser manipulating me into seeing him and my fp (my bf) leaving and cheating on me. i constantly experience these symptoms of fear throughout the day aswell and i hate it so much. i wish it would just end its like living in misery all the time. the worst thing is my bf doesnt understand so its really toxic and we both get hurt. sometimes i wish i could just end my life so that i dont have to suffer and hes happier.
"Assumptions make an ass out of you and me 😜😜😜" you're fantastic 🤣 - and thank you for taking time to educate about a far too often stigmatized disorder from the perspective of somebody who has it. I know it's not easy and I know you're opening yourself up to a lot of potential negativity, and you deserve credit for doing it anyway ❤️
I have CPTSD and ADHD myself, which causes me to struggle with emotional disregulation on a near daily basis. It's so hard to communicate to people that feelings can be so big and so strong that it fills up your whole entire world, and it feels like you ARE that emotion, but it's really the only path to understanding. People are willing to listen and understand, though, it just takes practice and patience on our end.
I relate to a lot of what you say, and deeply respect your honesty. I've burned more bridges than I can count because I've just been swept away by my emotions and assuming they must be correct because they are so strong. I've learned that righteous anger is a big warning sign that I'm not seeing my part in a situation, because nobody is 100% innocent, and when I think it would feel SO GOOD to say or do something out of anger, that is the exact wrong thing to do as it always leads to regret and self-condemnation.
@@madison_drew what???
The problem I personally have is that even before I had BPD I knew when my assumtions were irrational and I internalized them so no one knew what is going on and when they are very well founded. And I haven't been wrong yet.
Yay!!! I've been commenting about how I've been wanting to see a video about this for quite some time; thank you so much!!:')
I've had so many FPs throughout my whole life and I never even knew that it was a thing. I've lost every single one of them because I was always too "intense" or that they eventually just got tired of me and honestly, at this point I don't even blame them because if I were me, I'd leave me too.
I was officially diagnosed with BPD just a few weeks ago and it feels so fucking good to finally have a name to _The Thing That Has Been Eating Me Alive_ all this time. I've definitely read the article you chose for this video although I will say that I vibed with the other ones (from BorderlineTalksBack or TheMighty) just a little more. So anyway, here are a few things:
I. I don't entirely believe that someone will ever love me as much as I love them. Having BPD, our love is so very intense that I don't think it will ever really be reciprocated at that level. And that's something I'm having trouble accepting _but_ I'm accepting it!
II. On the "fantasizing a world where you're connected to your FP" point, I'm not sure if I experienced it or if I'm interpreting this correctly but every time I have an FP (aside from the idealizing the shit out of them, as you know), I tend to heavily romanticize things and believe that the universe perfectly and intricately aligned for us to meet and be in each other's lives hence we're _connected._ I find this interesting considering I'm agnostic but there's my possible take I guess?
III. And lastly, I'd like to add to you saying how having an FP is both the best and worst thing ever. It really fucking is, there's no way I can deny that lmao but! as scary as it sounds, they hold so much power in their hands that they can quite literally, make me live or die. I've had recurrent suicide attempts and ideations from having FP-related conflicts because my emotions get so intense and that I lose complete control-which lead to so many fucking meltdowns...but just as equally, the FP can also be the very person who could talk me off that ledge-almost as if they've poofed their magic wand and cured my suicidal breakdown just like that. Yeah, shit's intense, man.
But in all! I thank you so much again for making this video! I'm always happy to see new content from you. You have all my love, fellow Borderline bud
On a first point... You can find somebody that will love you the way you love them, even more then you do, but it's rare ... Second point is also common among "normal" people, not just with BPD ... The "real problem" (obviously) is No.3. Stay strong. I hope you're O.K. and I wish you'll get better.
having a 'favourite person' is not a symptom of bpd, its not one of the 9 citeria. i was diagnosed with this illness 3 years ago, and since educating myself on childhood trauma and attachment theory, ive come to realise an anxious attachment style is a much more healthy way of explaining this particular symptom and problem with intense relationships. you can change your attachment style over time, though therapy and self help. i feel as though saying 'i have a favourite person because i have bpd' avoids adressing the route cause, which is a disorganised way of attaching to other people developed in early childhood. ive been doing a lot better since moving away from the bpd diagnosis and learning about childhood trauma and attachment style:) i find the diagnosis of bpd pathologises a perfectly understandable reaction to adverse childhood experiences. im commenting this all over this vid in hopes of helping someone ahhh
@@HornetBojan,??
Thank you so much for making these videos. Bpd is so hard. Self awareness is key to management but I find it so hard to read or watch anything where I'm being explained so thoroughly and accurately. Your videos are easy on a hectic soul and talked about in a way that's not derogatory. Your vulnerability is also admirable
You are much appreciated
I just found your channel and what you said about switching off like a light switch in relationships hit hard! I've been in dbt therapy for a while now and I'm almost in complete remission at this point, but I do not suffer fools. I think my bpd may be a bit comorbid with aspd at times but truly I am no longer compulsed to behave in negative ways with others although I know the potential is there so I'm careful. But it can and does get better we simply have to work a bit harder as we unravel the childhood abuse we endured and developed our PD's out of survival. 💖
I start my first class in learning DBT skills tomorrow! I hope I can begin to see progress. I wanna be stable enough to live a life worth living.
So grateful!! BPD mom and I’m her favorite person. HARD
My sister is my FP and she I told her she is and she says she’s always there for me. I literally message her whenever I have a problem and SHES NEVER annoyed with me.
You seem so logical. I'm logical myself but can't feel how I 'should' feel bc I "feel the illogical feeling".
About the 'fantastical world', I'm currently going through a break up and I think it refers to the idea of a 'red line' connecting us (me and my FP), something like "We will get back together at some point, we ser going to" Which Is idealistic and not realistic. Like, it's a break up... The idea Is not coming back together. And each time I realize that I hate my FP for 'abandoning me' but repeatedly 'forgive her' bc I know (or want to think) that she still loves. (The break up was triggered by migration/me not behaving like a normal bf would) I can't logically blame her for not understanding it (BPD) but I feel like I should bc she would if she loved me. I hate the feeling of being abandoned and I hate her for doing it but I also love her bc I know that she suffered because of it, because of my fault and that she needs to heal alone. (That's when I think the fantastical world of "she Is just taking time to heal, we Will get back together" and the cicle restarts)
I was diagnosed BPD 4 years ago. I'm not sure that I exactly have BPD, a combination of things or nothing at all (and I'm just a weirdo). Bc I do feel the symptoms but also feel dissconected from myself, like "I dont feel anything" most time or I do feel things at a minimal level, and then these spikes of feelings going all over me.
You are definitely not alone. I can completely relate. Thank you for discussing BPD n acknowledging those of us who suffer aren’t alone.
i was on the other side of this for years
i’ve only now been learning about bpd and realizing my ex may have been suffering from it
thank you so much for making this video :)
i finally don’t feel like i’m at a complete loss
Love that you have the balls to do these videos, I couldn't. Although I'd like to point out that pwbpd are not emotionally intelligent, all Cluster B personality have a low EQ. Bpd is characterised by affective instability and the inability to regulate one's emotions. This makes sence when related to the fact that most suffers expirenced high levels of childhood adversity. Lacking emotional validation from their caregivers, their EQ becomes arrested in development, unlike nurotypical children who go on to learn how to self validate and sooth. People with healthy EQs are much more emotionally balanced.
IM SO HAPPY U MENTIONED THE DREAM PART. that played a HUGE factor in my last relationship. every night i had intrusive scenarios pop up where i’d walk in on him cheating on me and i’d freak out and go insane on everyone. this was often followed by some kind of nightmare involving him cheating or leaving me or leaving me for an ex. it probably happened less frequently as it did for u but regardless it was incredibly draining because i was never happy
On creating a fantastical world: even though I knew it wasn't true, I had this idea that my FP and me were somehow distantly genetically related, and it would turn out that our ancestors were from the same village hundreds of years ago, and that we had our similarities built into our DNA, so we would be like ancestral siblings or something. I fully knew this was not at all founded in reality and yet I let the idea play out in my mind like it was a TV show and became a kind of imaginary mythical backstory I had about my FP.
You're definitely not alone on this one. I have no words...I'm just so thankful your bravery got this video up and into the universe. Thank you from one borderline to another.
I can’t relate to this video more if I tried. Especially when my ex had a job a “normal adult life” and I needed constant validation. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. the longer you don’t get help for your issues the more they will continue to destroy you.
Last week I found out I was diagnosed with BPD, I want to thank you so much for creating your station. I'm learning about myself through your station 🙏
Hi Reece. I was born in Russia and I migrated with my parents to the USA when I was a child. Now I am 62 years old. I try to make this story short, obviously, because of my age, the story could be very long. I share it here hoping something helps those of us who suffer from BPD. I was diagnosed with BPD just 10 years ago, but I have had it since I was 11 years old. At that age I began to depersonalize. I tried to talk about it with my mother but she said that she did not want to know anything about me and I never spoke to anyone about my feelings and my fears. When I was 17 I left home and joined USMC (U.S. Marines). Joining USMC was my best life experience, I served 23 years, fought in two wars and today I am happily retired. Here is the important thing for me to share with everyone here: Throughout the years that I served I was diagnosed with war neurosis, bipolar, obsession-depression, generalized anxiety, all misdiagnoses. Even the diagnoses, I was never separated from the service. I suffered the symptoms and signs of the disorder in silence, I controlled my feelings and thoughts, I did my best work, I was decorated. Currently, even with my "quirks" in general I feel good with myself and happy, I have 4 sons. I answer any question. Greetings
I feel everything you're saying. Having a favourit person to me feels like complete loss of controll and most of the time I have to get out of it eventually cause it is making me insane.
About the part of creating a imaginary world around your FP... i can only say that for me i start to dream about how the relationship with this person could be, what we could do, how that person would treat me and i start acting towards them in a way that draws from thesem phantasies. Then I get dissapointed and pissed if they don't live up to it cause them acting any other way makes me feel insecure and bad.
Thank your for talking about all this. It helps me a lot to know others feel the same way I do :)
Thanks for the video it's so indormative , i think i'm being a fp to someone who i ve met recently!
Thank you ! Your the first person I have found that has BPD that talks about it. I'm the favourite person, so I'm trying to learn the best ways to help us both get thru his episodes calmly. I am so thankful I stumbled across you ❤
I feel bad for people with feelings that are awful, it's a painful situation I have too. Not a borderline but now have more empathy for borderlines.❤️ I think I've been a FP and I hope I've been helping but,with free agency.
Whew, I needed this video Reece. I recently found you, I recently found out I have BPD. I have a FP, its a complicated one. My emotions are all over the place with this one because my Favorite Person, well is my favorite person so you get it! I feel everything you said on so many levels and I know I'm not the best at times. Theres definitely room for improvement and I cannot picture a world without him in it! Thank you so much for your videos!
You have hit home with me.
It all makes sense to why my mind attacks me.
Thank you
i totally get the dream thing!! i wake up in the worst mood most mornings as i’ve dreamt about my boyfriend, who’s my fp, cheating on me or leaving me. Then when i’m so confused and sad about the dream messing with my emotions i take it out on him even though it never happened☹️
thank you for this video, i’m excited to show my bf so he can understand ☺️💕
This is sooo me to a tee wow. Thank you so much this has been the most informative video that I’ll have to show my bf as he is my fav person and doesnt know anything about bpd and how serious it is 🥺
Thank you very much for this video. I always try to not let the people come to close so I avoid getting a FP. My relationship with my last one destroyed so much of my confidence and I was so devastated when it ended..
So tired of people thinking it's narc supply. We don't hurt the fp on purpose. When my daughter died last year I vowed never have another fp again. The one person who knew us kept making fun of me saying Patti labelle was his fp. It can't be someone you never met. How do I keep from turning new friends into a new fp? I'm keeping busy and respecting their boundaries. I feel like your channel is helping me keep my pledge. Also a BIG thank you for explaining how mirroring is not useful. THANK YOU.
Just lost my favorite person, and it’s pretty clear as of now since she openly admitted feelings for a new guy, despite our relationship just ending. So the truth hurts, and having to juggle my emotions with this one, has brought me to my lowest lows again. Pushed her away harder with a total novel worth of trying to apologize for every single issue we’ve had, and what I’ve done as well. I did my own things that self Sabotaged. I was also, my exes favorite person clearly many times, but she occasionally had others, and came back to me before we finally got into a more committed relationship. I didn’t intend to make her my favorite I tried to be level. For years my favorite person was the ex before her, and even that daughter who was being withheld. While I dealt with the custody battle, that’s when I became my now current exes favorite person. It was scary because I did love her and the attention but knew I wasn’t ready to reciprocate. And then when I finally did. That’s when she started to pull away, and I as I do, pushed her faster. And the sleep issue… yeah. All I do is nightmare. I don’t dream nicely often. When I do.. it’s weird, and off putting after the initial euphoria. I stopped dreaming nicely at about 8, and then went through more trauma than I can explain here.
My ex absolutely had the same sleep disorder and did what you mentioned with dreaming often, mostly nightmares, mostly fixated on one thing. Exactly like you mentioned. I was with her for 8 years and I watched her do that the entire time.
my ex from 2-3 years ago was my favorite person and its exactly what you described, putting him on the throne. To me, everything he said and did was absolute. at some point i became aware that i was obsessed with him but i didnt know why, looked it up and searched for solutions but nothing seemed to work at the time. all i knew is that i was a bit depressed and anxious. my ex recommended i see a therapist which claimed i had ptsd however im guessing because of the toxic relationship, i wasnt able to see improvement at the moment with treatment. our relationship was so toxic and he was able to realize that and ended it with me. he was still my fp at that moment and i felt so neglected and abandoned to the point where next day i felt so empty and confused. it didnt help that he gaslighted, manipulated and guilt tripped me lot and because i saw him as some sort of god, i kept beating myself up over it. and i know for a fact that ive done lots of mistakes and emotionally manipulated him which i wasnt aware i was doing until a year after. before we entered the relationship, i did tell him to please, PLEASE understand that i was having a hard time with life and that i knew i was going to do a lot of mistakes and that ill try my best to not emotions get the best of me. a few mistakes in and he tells me "your sorry means nothing to me."
what hurt the most is that i denied entering a relationship with him MULTIPLE times telling him that i was in so way shape or form ready for a relationship (and i was dealing with a breakup of a month and emotionally still damaged from it). he still insisted that he "loved" me, tried being romantic with poems (which i kind of hate but id feel bad if i told him). he even threw in a pity story + gave me nicknames. manipulation 101 yet i was too blind, emotionally distressed and at my lowest low in life. he kept insisting that he loved me and after a few days, boom he's my favorite person and i was head over heals for him. i truly believed i could go any lower until i met him. he truly showed me what hell felt like.
but hey on a positive note, my current favorite person is my mom! and she knows it too :D i learned habits to avoid lashing out on her, basically going away to calm down and telling myself that she has the right to do the same when she's not in the mood to speak to me. so far things have been great with her and im extremely happy with my progress on controlling my emotions around a FP. i still dont know how to deal with people when i devalue them but im sure ill find a way and step one is to take a space back to not act out on my emotions like you said. gosh it feels good to type those stuff out.
Jesus is near to the broken hearted, you just have to believe to realize it. All hope is not lost dear. All you have to do is to call Jesus. He will save and help you because He loved you so much that He died for you and resurrected on the third day just save you from sin, death and eternal damnation. For the Bible says, the devil came to steal, kill and to destroy but Jesus Christ has come to give us abundant life. All these are the works of the enemy but Jesus is there to save so there is an immense Hope for you. All you need is to believe then you will behold the manifestation of the glory of God. The bible says again that 'whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved'. That's just it. Just believe. Shout the name Jesus and cry unto Him and He will save you. If you are already a believer know that God will never forsake you. The word of God says without faith it is impossible to please God. Have faith dear and He will heal you. Pray and read the bible. Cos if we being wicked give good things to our children, how much more will our heavenly Father give good gifts to those that ask Him. By the Stripes of our Lord Jesus Christ we are Healed. I pray that God will deliver you in Jesus name. Amen
I stopped visiting my favorite person now he comes over once a week on his only night off
Now im confused because somehow this didnt feel enough
Yet a few weeks back I thought this is what I wanted
Sigh
Omg, you're such a cutie!! ;) Soothing voice, nice face, sweet smile-just cuz we often feel so much self-loathing, thought you'd like to know! 🙃😊 Am uncovering my own BPD experience for the first time and stumbled upon your channel, thanks a billion! 🧡🙌🏻
7:15....your not alone brother, I fight the same things constantly and know the feeling all to well...all of your videos are nice to hear because they remind me that I'm not alone as well, thank you for making the videos you make. Stay up brother, your not alone!
I’m JUST learning that I have bop and so much you were talking about hit me so hard. The things that really struck me was the dream part. I have dreams that feel so real and EVERY SINGLE TIME it’s a nightmare. Every dream goes the same way..my fp leaves me, cheats on me, or a fight them and they leave. I wake up feeling those strong emotions as if it really happened. So you dare not alone and before you, I never heard of anyone having this problem. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this video. This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. Me and my best friend (who also has bpd) have just had a huge argument because I went to visit them for a party and had to leave the next day because I became very anxious. They then turned nasty and manipulative after I explained why I had to leave, they started shouting and swearing at me, and it’s escalated from there. They are not very self aware of their BPD and they’re acting in the textbook way like you said. I’ve told them many times I need some space and time to myself to think and control my emotions, which has only made them think that I hate them even more because I don’t want to carry on this argument and act impulsively.
When you said “your opinions are valid” really hit me, as I feel so invalidated when they shut me down for feeling anxious and made me feel guilty for leaving. They keep saying ‘I know how you feel because I have mental health too, but you need to think about how you make others feel’, which is very upsetting as again they’re invalidating my feelings. And I’ve explained this to them many times about how they’re making me feel but it completely goes over their head.
It’s been just over a day now as I haven’t replied to their calls after me saying I need space, and they just won’t respect that.
I’m not necessarily looking for any advice. I just needed to get this off my chest and let you know how much this video has meant to me.
Thank you again.
Are you still friends?
Have you ever had an epiphany and if so what did you learn.
My partner has bpd and they recently informed me I'm their favorite person and I'm doing research on how to handle that responsibility and this video helped a lot so thank you
My cousin is my favorite bpd. She worked hard and is in her own and doing fantastic. No matter what she does or did, she can not upset me. I use it as a learning experience. She lives out of state.
Thank you suuur so much✨ this is the most accurate fp video I have seen and you have a super calming and charismatic way with words. I hope you’re doing well bpd brother much luvs and thank u again ☺️