Surviving Your Favorite Person Relationship
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- Опубліковано 7 чер 2024
- Cope with your BPD symptoms using my BPD Card Deck: The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
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In this video, we're going to be discussing favorite person dynamics: overcoming relationship challenges. We'll be discussing dependency, fear, codependency, and BPD. We'll be discussing how to view the relationship from a different perspective, and how to overcome the challenges that come with being in a favorite person relationship.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
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Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
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00:00 Introduction
00:19 What is a favorite person?
02:06 Favorite person from BPD perspective
03:24 BPD when you feel invisible
07:52 When favorite person relationship ends
08:24 From the favorite person perspective
09:50 Quiet BPD subtype
Several months ago I lost my FP of 3.5 years. What a jarring experience....
I know how hard that is, what helped you get through it?
Relatable. 😢
I'm in the process of losing mine now. Just figured out I have BPD over the weekend after trying to figure out how to deal with my best friend working a new job and him not talking to me as much anymore. I am struggling so bad. I shared a shorter video to him about fps and I'm scared it's going to push him farther away
Edit: it been almost 3.5 years since he became my FP
@@CORKY247I was Favourite Person to my pwBPD ex. We lasted 3 and a half years too. I think she's had it tough but I've never asked her. I can only imagine. I still see her as we share a hobby but I don't really talk to her as I don't want to trigger her.
I live with BPD, and after witnessing a close friend who also lived with the disorder take her life behind her favorite person ending a romantic relationship with her. I have been terrified of getting overly emotionally attached to people because it hurts deeply. Ghosting is the gold standard for ending relationships. I prefer to be single and protect my emotional health from individuals who don't understand or care. Living with this disorder makes life scary 😨
I'm so sorry for your loss
There are far more people who kill themselves after a relationship is ended..... who don't have BPD! It's hard losing your favorite person, everyone has a favorite person ..... That isn't exclusive to BPD. Just saying lol
@@stepfaniehawkins205 yes, you don’t have to have BPD to have a FP. The problem is if you have BPD losing your FP , you don’t handle it the same way someone else might. yes others that don’t have BPD suffer tendencies as well. That can be scary but this video is specifically about BPD and FP in order to help them through it.
ghosting may be your gold standard, and I completely understand why you do it, it’s just not the standard that the large majority of folk would wish to apply
@@ralphholland1313yes- and ghosting is also cruel to the person who you disappear on.
I suppose if the person ghosted happens to be a favorite person who WANTS the attached person to disappear- but let’s face it, that’s fairly low odds of that being the nature of it.
I think it would take a pretty self absorbed person who has a behavior disorder of their own, like narcissism- in order to not be bothered by someone abandoning them, even if that person who ghosted them happens to have some degree of BPD attachment to them.
I’ve been ghosted by people in the past who disappeared when there was no friction between us at all- great friends, on great terms- and then they’re just gone.
Some of those hurt, some pretty badly- and others didn’t exactly hurt per se- but still left me with an unsolved mystery that pops up in my head from time to time over the years- and that lack of closure, or consideration for explaining their abrupt and permanent absence, doesn’t feel nice, either.
There’s people I haven’t set eyes on in over 20 years that still pop up in my head when I hear a certain song, smell a certain fragrance, etc. and it leaves me wondering, with some degree of melancholy- if they’re ok, where they are in life, who they became, and all the other questions I never got an answer to.
My FP is my husband of 18 years and it's looking like it's over and I'm feeling all the BPD feels ... And it feels like absolute hell.
Me Too
Same with me 10 years and he left 2 years ago but he still tells me he loves me and we still have sex multiple times a week but says no to getting back together even though he says he loves me. I can’t let go
@@sparklesparkleyabish3057 ((hugs)). I hope you can do what's best for you.
@@Christine-jg3hf ((hugs))
@@jenynz5334 me too,and thank you for your kind words
Having no boundaries or self respect ig you could say is the worst when being the favorite person for your bpd partner. I wish i new this before, i could have saved myself from severe abuse.
it’s been eight months since my favorite person abandoned me and i can’t stop having dreams about her, when the dream part was brought up i shattered because it was exactly that…
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. It's tough when someone we care about leaves us, and it's natural for our dreams to reflect our emotions. Hang in there, and remember that time heals all wounds.
Thanks Doc. Sometimes it seems like it’ll take forever, so it’s good to be assured 😊
@@DrDanielFoxForgive the pessimism-but does time heal all wounds? Or does the acuity of the shock just diminish, yet the body keeps the score?
Thank u Dr. Fox
The dream and wanting to reach out to them. That hits hard. 😞
I count myself very blessed. My favorite person has been very kind through all my awkward interactions. But what makes it work for me is to keep a healthy space and had to learn how to not personalize a lack of response. I've had very people who had no problem blowing me off. And I was devastated. My quiet bpd attributes always turned inward. Thanks for these videos, man. Wow
And I learned to accept the fact that it's a disorder and can't just force it away.
100% with you.....exactly!
"If you've had one relationship, you'll have another. This isn't the last one you'll have" Thank you :) I tell myself this all the time, but it's good to hear it from someone else. I try to rely on more than one person too so that if one isn't available another is, and if there's no one, then I rely on myself. But I know I'm not alone.
But who wants to go from one relationship to another to another. Apparently a lot of people as evidenced by the divorce rate and multiple marriages!
This video gave me hope that I won’t always be alone, a ghost. Thank you.
I’m so glad. Be well.
The BPD Ghost. I SO know how that feels. This happened to me when a former romantic FP disappeared suddenly. I literally felt like I ceased to exist.
What helped me a BIT was to observe people in the street. Girls / women who looked like me, who were walking alone. Did their partner just leave them? Maybe. Does that mean they're unworthy and invisible? Certainly not! Soooo...why am I?
Something I find interesting is the phenomenon of the person with BPD eventually, over time, losing the intensity of those feelings. I myself have had FP feelings that faded and waned over 3-8 years. Nothing bad happened. It was just less quality time, physical distance, different mutual friends, and a bit of boredom. It is actually REALLY hard to deal with if your FP is your romantic long term partner. Much easier if it's a platonic friend, as you can still have a genuine, good friendship without the FP element. I personally cannot be with anyone romantically or intimately if they aren't my FP. And that results in my partner now being more like a friend or roommate. The intimacy and affection get sucked out, even though I still love them as a person.
Have you tried not being in a relationship and just having sex with your friends? I find it fulfilling.
@@stepfaniehawkins205 I'm asexual and bi-romantic. I also have Avoidant Personality Disorder so I hold everyone at arm's length unless they're my FP. I don't have many friends and those I do have all live in different states.
I feel that. My ex wasn't my FP and I always had secret crushes on other people (some of them were like temporary FPs). The relationship with my ex however was relaxing and easy, like a safety net to come home to.
My current partner is my FP and oh boy every day is a rollercoaster. But I haven't been in love with anyone else since I got with them
@@Ruby-zj2zfimo Intimacy in all forms is a gift that sadly most don’t attain.
ALL RESPECT, you're really saving my life and my days and I CANNOT BE MORE GREATFUL!
You’re very welcome.
Dr Fox, how can we prevent the desire or impulse to mesh with others? How can we stop making people into FP’s?
Watch them poop
For us with BPD, this is like saying, how can we stop falling in love. We can't (unless we avoid getting even remotely close to anyone).
@@ladybaabaa3294 or maybe we can change. Nothing is set in stone.
@@ange7422 True. I think my perception is a bit jaded as I'm 45 and feel like I've "been there, done that".
@@ladybaabaa3294 I’m not far off from you age-wise and I find that I’m still learning and growing
Thank you for explaining this so well. Been struggeling with having a favourite person since I was four years old. Always had one. Right now, it’s my therapist.
Dr Fox , ur voice is so healing ❤
Loved this, thank you 💪🏾🥲
Loved your spinal tap reference! 😊
I enjoyed this video-it was informative and on point as always Dr. Fox.
I’m so glad you found it helpful. Be well
Great! We need more on this topic!🙏
It's very hard when the favorite person is your parent as I am my daughters fp. Because I can never walk away or not be in her life because I love her no matter how old she is my daughter,I worry when I either get old and die someday about how she will do,it's always something I think about.thank you for this video is was very good.
Thank you, Dr. Fox. This hits the nail on the head right now… I would most likely enjoy being someone’s FP however, I am the one with BPD. When diagnosed in 1988-1989, before just about anyone called it a FP, I wrote in my journal which my therapist read, and said, he was my FP. I had no real sense of the word and what it meant, I didn’t realize what I was had made that person. All I knew was I hadn’t been able to trust anyone as implicitly as him. As history usually goes, I did keep repeating this FP with my therapists. I do know, I never expected anyone to be a FP as I didn’t understand the what it was. I have now known for quite some time and consciously am trying to think differently. I also know that a prince on a white horse was never coming for me; all I have ever known that I was the only one that would always be there for me. Thank you, again Dr. Fox.
I don't and couldn't handle BEING an FP. I am way too needy and self centered for that. At least I am self aware. 🙂
@@calo7717Curious: how do you function in relationships if u are too needy and self centered?
Having BPD myself and recently breaking up with my partner, I really needed this video. :) Thank you Dr Fox
The ghost thing is so true, and I've never known how to put it into words! For me, when things are really flared up, I feel like I do not exist without the person I've attached to.
Do you (or commenters here!) have thoughts on what the BPD person can do to repair that relationship, if the non-BPD person is open to that? My person and I have had some rough times lately from mutual mental health troubles, but (at least afaik) we don't want to throw out the whole friendship. I'm just not sure what I should be doing on my end, and they are very passive, so it's hard to know how to move forward mindful of that and weighing that against whatever my needs might be.
Great video. I like the analogy of being invisible! I was a Favourite Person to my ex who once told me that she'd always felt invisible before she met me! I did introduce her to so many new things and still see her as we share a hobby but Im aware that sadly I will always trigger her fear of abandomment!
Thank you for sharing your personal experience, I appreciate your support!
The way you explained how The person with BPD feels and how for the favorite person to react is very kind. Thank you.
Age has really helped my Bpd I am 54 and in my late 30's I started having uncontrollable migraines due to an illness and was put on amitriptyline. I sometimes wonder if it wasn't that, that helped lesson my symptoms. I finally gave up looking for that favorite person as sometimes due to me and sometimes due to them I was always hurt and disappointed. I was always looking for that perfect mother figure as mine was so abusive. I hardly ever have outburst anymore and when I do its due the stress and worry that husband causes me. I have learned that social cues are hard for me to read but I am getting better and have stopped worrying if someone likes me or not and most of all that is in my head anyway. I has aggressive mastocytosis and need to keep my stress to a minimum as it makes me very sick. I wish that I could have been like this in my 20's. The one thing I really need to work on is my negative nancy ways I wish I could always be upbeat and positive.
Can't wait in going through it really bad
Wow, this was recommended by a good friend to watch as im currently in this weird situation with an online friend who has made me a favorite person...
Do you have different strategies for that kind of dynamic? They are in a completely different timezone to me and I've tried putting up clear boundaries to get them to respect my time and health but they've continually thrown it in my face... at this point I just feel like anything I say is wrong and only doing more damage and its become mentally exhausting for me.
Thank you Dr. Fox this was very helpful.
Question: is FP dynamics synonymous with codependency dynamics?
This is so accurate
Thanks for watching! I'm glad you found it accurate.
My dad was my favorite person. He died in 2003. I was his favorite person too.
Hello Dr Fox, i was wondering wether you are using the ICD or DSM in Context with Borderline, since i feel the icd provides more nuance
I'm glad you pointed out what the favorite person should do I noticed that on this channel and many other channels there seems to be a stigma towards blaming the borderline for everything. Borderlines who are active in therapy and healing do their best to create healthy relationships and not to be a burden to others. It is not always the borderline that falls short in a relationship. It could be the favorite person who does as well. And the borderline should not be a scapegoat for everything and everyone That's where the stigma comes in and it's unfair and it does not help with healing and it does not help with the others responsibility within a relationship.
I wish there were videos with this topic.relationships are so heavy for us with bdp/traits. I am the one with the traits, my bf the bpd one. He has definitely been my favorite person. I did not act on it much, it was more the quiet thing. Now I am seeing him more clearly, some splitting, sure. I really actually have enough. More times than not lol Debating all this with myself
I think it's very connected to actual abandonment as a child although i was never left alone but the only loving person always went home at night.
It's a big knot to untangle. I hope you can talk more on this topic. I hate the suffering.
Thank you for sharing your story. It takes courage to open up about personal struggles. You're not alone in this journey.
My favorite person is someone I met at my masters program and he’s adopted me as his son and the thought that I’ll have to leave in 2 years and move away is making me so upset even though I don’t even like the town we live in
My fp obsession brings me so much anxiety sometimes and actually kicks up my bpd traits, but the thought of letting my fp go brings me anxiety because I feel like if I let her go, which is hard because she is my worker and I can't work with anyone else, I feel like I am going to lose myself...if I let go of my fp I feel like I am going to lose so much.
Can you please, please, please do a video specifically on having a practioner as a fp? Why do people ignore this, I feel like I am so alone in this...I know this message won't reach you so I am not even going to get my hopes up.
I am so glad that you wrote this. My psychiatric nurse practitioner is my favorite person. I wanted to build my life around him because he appeared so kind, caring, and gentle. He wanted me to go to DBT and I did. After I did that he became cruel and abusive. He is gaslighting me and he had his first rage fit about a week ago. I don’t want to let him go, but I don’t know want to be abused either. A video from Dr Fox on this topic would be good too.
I'm a lucky lucky girl, I'm engaged to my FP, he is calm, carrying and has made a positive influence on my life and helped me overcome about a shot ton of things from lying to cheating to drug use. I'm so in love, codependent unfortunately but he had boundaries and I respect them... I'm in dbt therapy and am on meds for my comorbid disorders. He sufferes from some as well but not a personality disorder. I like this video. I think that is the FP cares at all for us then taking a very caring outlook can make an the difference in it we are going to hurt ourselves or loose or minds. To take to slow when separating. We beat ourselves up y'all, please don't do it to us.
Just managed to get over a favourite person, worst case he is my coworker, things turned ugly but im glad it is now over
Heyy please tell me more about it, im in the same situation rn. Please reach out
Dr. Fox first thank you for these videos I'm my girlfriends FP for a year and a half but right now feels like the relationship is coming to an end mostly on my side because of the mental toll it is taking on me, and it seems like she has lost that image of me as a FP and questioning if she even likes me at all anymore. She says she loves me and likes me but the anger is becoming overwhelming and her actions and perception of the me tells a different story . Two questions I pray you can answer because I can't find anything to help
1: what does it look like when someone with BPD starts to loose interest in there FP, is it abrupt and obvious or do they push their FP away slowly and try to get them to leave them, or something along that idea
2: you spoke on clear boundaries in the video and I've been trying to establish those for a year now, but what happens when they cross that line are there consequences? if so what does that look like without seeming like your treating them like a little kid in a sense. If you don't have repercussions, would the individual learn new behaviors. If they know they can cross them and call your bluff.
Hope to hear back soon, thank you for your time
It’s really tough being the FP, especially when it’s your child with BPD/OCD… the sense of guilt, feeling smothered, overwhelming roller coaster of emotions is exhausting to say the least. 😢
She recently crossed the line when she became violent with me, which in turn became suicidal thoughts the next day, PEC to a facility. Calling me every day begging to get her out, all the while I cared for my grandchild and her 3 animals. Released from facility after I made certain therapy was set up and ready to go once she returned home. Now I deal with the emotional torture of her using my only grandchild as a pawn against us. She’s 40 and I see no end in sight. I never give up hope and I will always be there to support her through this to the best of my ability. This is not just a one person deal. The trickle down effect for the entire family dynamics is a very slippery slope to navigate. Being a mom is a tough job. Being a mom of a BPD is a different level.
Hi I'm watching surviving your favorite person,and can this also apply to a child? My son has been estranged from me and it kicking my butt.im having such a hard time with getting the correct theory I need .I'm in toms river n.j.and have n.j family care insurance and it through the state very challenging, I have recently realized after so many years of suffering under the wrong diagnosis, and I'm going through a pretty rough episode..i.watch u all the time and that's where I identified with so much..
Is the favorite person Dynamic different from experiencing limerence or is it related
My favorite person is my program worker, meaning it is a one sided dependent relationship, seeing that she is a professional. She is my favorite person but I have a very strong anxious-avoidant attachment to her...I constantly obsses on her, but at the same time I try to convince myself to avoid her because I think she plays with my emotions or deliberately ignores me because she in some way is making me become detached away from her; it is so difficult, when it comes to having a fp it is always based on a partner, loved one or a friend, I have yet to find a video on having a practioner as an fp, these ones are hard because I am wasting my time in this one-sided fantasized relationship...I also experience a lot of Envy and Jealousy when it comes to my fp; I am extremely jealous of this one girl, even though I really like her, she is a threat because I feel like she is taking something away from me, even though this thing/person does not belong to me...I just got diagnosed with BPD a little over a week ago (the discouraged type)...
My favorite person tends to be non-romantic relationships. Last one I ruined the relationship and fell into a deep depression and not leave the house for ten months. It's been 2.5 years and I think I'm just now ready to let that person go from my heart.
Is there a way to regulate the favorite person relationship instead of having to end it?
Did your FP relationship ruin your romantic one? And if so, how?
Well then what about identical twins how would that issue be addressed?
My fiance extremely dislikes my FP and it is constantly causing arguments and more friction in a relationship
Your fiance isn't your fp?? That would be stressful for him. Imagine liking someone more than your fiance... he has the right.
Actually my daddy have always been my FP however the last four or five years my FP has been my best friend sort of like a mom figure to me. Without going into a lot of detail trust was broken with my fiance.
@@tobyanndancy5682 your daddy. Heh, that's cute
How do you deal with it if you are not the favorite person but your partner's ex is. Compulsive lying cheating and gaslighting since day one. But I understand the concept of this and I do love her and she does want help. But I can't handle having a third person in my bed (figuratively) and she can't give. She has severe addiction and I spent the last two and a half years pretty much in jail where she is now so she can't even get help for some time. So how do I navigate the next year and knowing that she'll be contacting him at some point as well as lying to me about it
I was lucky that I was a couple of months into toxic shame work when I lost my FP of 10 years last month. Completely ghosted me. Just about destroyed me.
This scared me. I recognized it in myself. I’ve been this way as long as I can remember. It recently created a heartbreaking time in my life. I’m in therapy to work on creating a healthier friendship. It was not fair to either party. Baby steps, but it’s getting a bit better. Self awareness helps so much. It only hurts more:( I hope we can remain friends, if we don’t, I know I tried my best. I’m not dx bpd?
It's great that you're taking steps to work on yourself and create healthier relationships. Self-awareness is a powerful tool for personal growth. Keep up the good work!
Question: do people with BPD choose narcissists as their favorite person, and/or do narcissists target people with BPD? Thank you for so much information!
You’re very welcome and thank you for your question. I don’t think that it’s that easy, but I do think that there is an attraction to that initial presentation that a lot of narcissists tend to have, which is strength assertiveness, while also almost love bombing in away. I wish you all the best.
My fp is my psychiatric nurse practitioner. What do I do when this mental health provider is having rage fits and is saying things about me that are untrue and he says them to make me feel more broken. 😞. I thinks that he wants the relationship to end, but he won’t tell me why.
what if i like being the FP and i want her to stay
recommend a song for any heavy hearted viewer: beabadoobee - the way things go, "oh i guess it is just the way things go", it is a sweet n tender song. n I want u to know that u r not a bad person bc I find myself saying that to myself.
Watching this makes me feel incredible guilt for cutting out my ex who I was their FP. They acted out and got in a lot of trouble when I went no contact… but he hurt me so much I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to get away from him I was drowning and he wouldn’t reach a hand… he just wanted to watch me drown.
Sounds like a very difficult situation.
I've never experienced an fp situation where the fp still wants me in their life, but with healthy boundaries. Its a wild concept im struggling to understand. Consistently flipflopping between texting and trying to block, but also wanting to respect the other party's wishes of maintaining contact 💀
This focused a lot on ending the FP relationship. I have become a friend and FP for a young person with BPD. Can you give advice for those of us that accept the position and responsibilities of being the FP of someone with BPD who we care about and want to support? I feel like her continuing emotional dependency is a sign that her BPD isn’t really getting better. Sometimes I feel like the crutch that should have been discarded long ago, but that the user has become mentally dependent, even though the physical problem has healed.
It's important to understand that BPD will never go away. They will probably always have a favorite person, so I'm glad theirs is someone who is willing to seek out constructive advice instead of just pushing them away. If you're their favorite person, communicating and enforcing boundaries is the absolute best thing you can do. If you feel smothered by the attention, say so. If you're overwhelmed by being contacted too frequently, understand that you're under no obligation to respond immediately. Don't be afraid to tell them when you're overwhelmed and need time to process. Also make sure you're both mindful of whether your needs might be in conflict, so you can take a step back if you might be harming each other.
@@starcrashr Thank you for the reply. It was reassuring. One of my problems is that she puts too much weight on me. She gets into counseling, then when it starts to address difficult issues, she bails and drops the load on me. Her family doesn’t understand, so they think a scolding or a pep talk fixes the problem.
@@starcrashr Another followup. I know that her BPD will never go away, but I can't get her into counseling so that she can learn to manage her responses. She flips on me regularly (ironically, she has flipped on me right now).
@projoebiochem I think the answer you’re looking for is setting boundaries. It’s how you can maintain a relationship as well as your sanity. The tough part is that she’ll likely lash out and “split” (that’s the “official term” for flipping as you described it) on you when you do this. A good boundary to set and a way to communicate it might be, “I love you very much, and it’s hard to watch you hurting. I want to help you feel better and see you be happy, but I don’t have the tools to do that for you. I desperately want to maintain our relationship, so I ask that you please go back to therapy so we can do that.” She may still freak out, but I have found it helpful to cope with other people’s boundaries when reassurance is also offered when they’re setting those boundaries. Saying “I love you, I want good things for you, I want to continue our relationship” all counts as reassurance. If she “splits” on you still, just continue to say things like, “Your wellbeing is important to me” and “I love you” and “our relationship is important to me.” Even if she accuses you of not caring, or doing this to hurt her, just hold your ground and keep saying those reassuring words. Still, you have to stick to that boundary you set. You will have to come up with consequences if she does not follow through. Which could mean saying, “I need you to go back to therapy before I can speak to you.” Since you’re her FP, even if she freaks out at first, it’s likely she will do whatever is needed to keep you in her life.
Additionally, do an internet search for “DEAR MAN DBT.” This is an acronym taught in dialectical behavior therapy, which is used to treat BPD. I think it’s helpful even for those without BPD who struggle with being assertive and setting boundaries. It may help you guide your talk with her.
This is me
I am the FP of someone and it's hard as well. Because I'm a people pleaser.
It can be challenging, but remember to prioritize self-care too!
I recently lost my 2nd fav person. Going through it twice doesn’t make it any easier!. 😞
It sure doesn’t. Be well
@@DrDanielFox Love your videos. They definitely help a lot of us understand more of what we are dealing with and how to explain to the people trying to help us so thank you!.
It doesn't matter if the favorite person is bad or good or even (hypothetically) perfect. The PwBPD will semi-regularly devalue them and project abusive behaviors onto them. It's not productive to assume that it's about escaping a toxic person; it's about the dissociation and the maladaptive beliefs and practices.
This.
I think I was anything but toxic. Sure, I was ignorant and ill informed, and prone to make mistakes in a relationship that didn't seem to follow the rules, but toxic I was not.
I had no idea what was happening at the time, but by the time I figured it out, I couldn't keep up with her sabotage. Every time I turned around, I had a confusing new issue to deal with, all while trying to keep myself from falling down the rabbit hole. In this case, the hardest part was the paranoia. Being the FP, I was always the target of it when it came up.
Eventually I realized that she was in denial about it, and that by sticking around I would only be reinforcing her behaviour, making things worse. I was not doing her any favours by hanging on like I was, so when she split one morning and told me not to contact her, I listened.
But man, do I love that woman, and miss her like crazy. I hope she's doing well, whatever she's doing now.
WOW
What if you try to help the pwBPD by telling them what they are?
Not sure what you mean? If you mean "they are BPD", people aren't the disorder they have the disorder, that's an important distinction.
@@DrDanielFox She knew that something was not right with her she used to say that she wasn't sure who she was and felt invisible. She also didn't like her reflection! The issues manifested themselves when I became her FP and triggered mainly her fear of rejection and abandonment. The closeness and connection that we had made it worse.
What happens when your partner with BPD has a favorite person or multiple favorite people other than you? How do you handle that? Can you do a video on that?
I am a favorite person and we have 2 children it is the hardest
Strategies are key. Be well.
Please send me a link for the strategies
His mom I believe is NPD and he was diagnosed with BPD. When we moved to his home and the father passed away his mother came Favorite Person and he started abusing me. I recent left. God what a toxic stew
Do you have a video on your thoughts of using that favorite situation as a good thing (with boundaries) my thoughts is the person has a life and dreams and genuinely supporting them with no strings attached. It being a disorder, do you believe it's possible with work?
We are eachothers' favourites, well he used to be my favourite (we both have BPD traits- and his are especially obvious) but now I'm in fear of him. He pinned me down and kept putting me into different locks or holds and was asking me if they were hurting, and then he started shouting, I pleaded him to stop and let me go, and said he would as long as I dropped a boundary I was trying to enforce. I've left him, but I'm scared because he's threaten to hurt himself and me in the past if I moved on, so now he is begging me back and trying to get me to talk to him. Somehow I still love him and feel sorry for him because he is pretty lonely and used to feel suicidal until I came into the picture plus he lost his eyesight but I cannot subject myself to his mood swings and controlling ways anymore. And as much as I have become dependent on him emotionally even spiritually I just know that I will destroy any sense of self that I do have. Its madness though as I'm experiencing what feels like withdrawal symptoms. Feeling a little lost right now. 😢
@amygrace3367 PLEASE do not go back to him. Your safety depends on it. You cannot sacrifice your safety to be his life line. I'm sure you care and worry about him. It's understandable given your own bpd trait needs, but it sounds as if this person may feed or enhance your cycle versus assist you in diminishing them.
You can pray for his well being. But, this work, like you and others, has to be done by him. I'd really hate to see you harmed, as was a person I knew, who had to endure the same behaviors. Get out while you can.
This is not to say he's a bad person. He has bad uncontrolled ways that are unhealthy and cause you harm. This is NOT okay. .... Good luck in your decision.
He sounds psychotic. He will kill you if you let him back. Get a restraining order immediately. This isn't bpd symptoms he's displaying. He's got some way more issues
@@sparopsych5313 Thank you, I agree with you, staying away is definitely what's best and he really opened my eyes because that physical force definitely did not feel very loving at all, so I can drop any ideas that he loved me. But i know he is obsessive so I guess I'm worried because of all of the threats and I can't just leave my area and start again, and he knows where I live as he comes to visit me frequently.
I used to be an FP. It was so toxic.
My gf has a roommate who is her FP now and even though we've known each other for longer, it's like I can't compete. I was there when her last FP left her and she did spiral for a hot second but seem to get passed fairly quickly.
But now i think it wasn't moving on but passing it on to her new roomate. Im not able to be with her as much as her roommates can and i think that's why i never got to a level of FP for her and thats ok im not asking.
But its hard to deal with now.
I'm doing my best to learn and live with it but it's hard to see a real future with her if I'll never get the same dedication and loyalty as her FP and idk how to feel about it.
I cant tell if this time is worse because her new FP kinda feeds into it or maybe loosing the last one hurt hard to shes doubling down now?
I can't really find anything about the situation im in and trying to talk to her about it just results in her being angry or upset with me because its "not her fault". I never loved someone like this before but sometimes i feel like im just dragging my feet hopefully something changes.
🤘😁
Good person just unavailable my fav person
I don't have favorite persons. I have least favorite persons.
Thanks for sharing your unique perspective!
Lmao. My ex was my fp, it was intense. I would keep calling and texting and he would pick up, text and soothe me. He always had to be thr 24/7. It was a v unhealthy relationship. I sank my teeth in because he was (i thought) compassionate, and he had no boundaries. We were the perfect recipe for a catastrophic disaster.
When he fucking left me, i fell apart. I literally. Walls caved in, ground beneath me sunk and i couldn't function for months on end. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep.
He has since blocked me off everything cause i was relentless. Not a day goes by that i don't think of him. Idt i love him anymore, but i hate him for the trauma he caused.
Idt me dreaming abt it is The Universe sending me a sign so much as my brain is just fucked up hahaha.
I've been trying to move on and it's been a year, it's really hard but trust that time rly does heal all wounds guys. You'll be fine, you learn to deal w it.
You start to find little things to be grateful for. You will find another love.
Please make more fp person videos
My FP just dumped me. I feel like I'm in hell.
I wish i could hug myself
You absolutely can.
Struggling with this heavily 😞🩵 it’s hella frustrating