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Hostility towards childfree (part 1 of 3)
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- Опубліковано 20 чер 2011
- The common accusations towards childfree women: egoists, mentally sick, unable to feel love and affection, shortsighted...
The reasons beyond the aggression and resentment.
Why do people want kids? What do they think about when they dream of children?
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Blogging at uriupina.com
When people try to convince you to have children, they are still having to convince themselves THEY did the right thing by having children.
In lots of cases it's really just that misery loves company.
100% of the people I've known for decades regretted being parents, once the children got to be 20+. Really.
true
Maybe for some people it's "misery loves company", or maybe they enjoy their family life and think their childless friends will too. You seem to be implying that having kids is a bad thing. It's a choice not a sentence.
@@trevorphillips5201 yes. It's a choice
if I had a baby tomorrow, it's going to tell me it hates me in 15 years.
if I buy a truck tomorrow, it's going to stand by through thick and thin for a whole 15 years.
you are absolutely right on
It's a horrible reason to bring children into this world to be there for you in old age. Bite the bullet, face aging & death possibly alone and in agony as most people experience anyways. In dying you are alone no matter how many others surround you. It's awful to create loved ones to force them to have the same horrible fear of dying alone as well so that they feel compelled to reproduce, also to conform to a fearful society. Fear motivated acts are almost always mistakes and bring future suffering to you and others. This smart lady is so right.
Miss Anthropy Ⓥ
I used to do volunteer work at senior living centers. Kids never visit them.
BlackWorldTraveler Thank you for your volunteer work, hope you made their time there less sad. What you saw is sadly true in many cases, people become estranged from their own family and there's no going back. Even when they stay loving, sometimes people still lose their only children and end up alone at the end anyways. Even when all goes well, future generations all have to suffer and die, possibly be abused terribly as well. The urge to reproduce in this world does no one any real favors.
brilliant
@@blackworldtraveler3711 we'll have a great time in the foster care home with the breeder
64, married 45 yrs childfree by choice and loving it
I am a 37-year-old woman who will be happily married for 15 years next month. I work fulltime and often come home damn tired, but the money is great and I love my job. I didn't want children as a teenager, didn't want them 10 years ago, and still don't want any now and I don't see my opinion changing anytime soon. I am happy with my husband, our dog (a basenji/Italian greyhound mix named Freyja), my job, and our home and just don't want to add children to this. I love my sleep, my peace and quiet, and my downtime way too much.
admirable
you are living the life! kudos
I've had three husbands who didn't want children. I was okay with that until a brief period in my third, current marriage -- I asked for adoption or fostering to be considered -- no. I did get pregnant twice, actually, quite by accident, in wedlock, and the children did not live. It's very hurtful to be scorned for being childless. How do they know you have no children who LIVED, and also, that is wasn't a priority for you? Sometimes I tell them bluntly, "I lost my babies. They died." THAT shut's 'em up! Thoughtless people -- no compassion. Uprated. Greetings from France via the USA.
I know a lady who had five children - now all grown up . She seems a very lovely person . One day I asked her how her children were and to my shock she burst out crying . When I asked her what was up , she basically said that her children , and now grandchildren , only come to see her when they want money . I don't know her own reasons for having kids , but to have kids that might disappoint you is a risk . Of course it is better to not have expectations or even better - not have kid's ! Maybe her children"s material situation are so challenging that they have to beg from mum. People might be surprised to know that if you are born poor in the UK then life is going to be pretty much stacked against you .
Finally, we the childfree people have a voice. I'm happy with my decision of being childfree.
"Kids - solution to everything" So true! Solution to your marriage problems, luck of life purpose, boredom, old age security, etc... Great video!
I,m looking for a woman who doesnt want to have childreen, it's so difficult.
We're out there.
*****
I had to leave the USA. I am in France. I'm not looking for a new relationship, however. I'm through with them.
+CuteCatFaith Oh my, I would love to leave American and move to France:)
You do realize even if you have kids, you might still die alone? Having a child is no guarantee that they'll be there for you in old age.
The hostility comes from jealousy that you are not stuck like they are. It's the old story of "if your not with us then you must be against us".
I never wanted kids but it takes 2 to tango and so now I have one, l love it more than life but I still feel the way I did my whole life, I still have no interest in having kids, I think it is a perfectly normal feeling. That does not change the fact that I have a great kid and l love being a parent - but I know I would be have been just as happy not.
Why cant people with children be ok with those of us who choose not to have them. It seems that a lot of the moms and dads out there want to be respected for their choice, but they cant respect someone's choice to not have a child? I really hope all of those hateful people who are upset because there are child free people out there, arent passing it on to their kids. Thats just what the world needs more hateful people who cant respect the choices of others.
I'm sick of people assuming because i dont want kids it means i dont want a partner/want to be married. I want a partner and i want to get married but i dont want kids. I understand there is a special bond between mother and child but that does not mean i need this bond to be complete. Id rather have a loving partner and good friends/family. Without kids those parents wouldnt have a clue what else to do in life. All people have bad days doesn't matter if you have kids or not. No ones perfect.
Great video Irina. I totally agree with you. I am an antinatalist. There is a great fb page called "I regret having children" that I recommend. Thank you
Life is a forced existence anyway. I wouldn't care if I wasn't born since I did not ask to be here in the first place. This is a harsh world so actually you are doing a child a favor by not forcing them on this planet.
I have been married for nearly 20 years with no children and want to tell you that I have been subjected to hate and jealously at the workplace from co-workers many times.Mostly from those who have kids and are divorced or their kids are not doing well in life etc, etc. Truly happy families never give out hate to those who chose to not have children.
I commend you for your sense of responsibility. Thank you.
People want kids because they want to become God.
Still love watching these!:) Be well, Irina, and here's to not stuffing more children into a dying world.
I'm 57 now and have a horrible, huge, inoperable umbilical hernia from pregnancies (and one Cesarian cut). People don't realize, maybe the woman can be okay at first but when you get to be in your sixth decade as I am, you have to wear two trusses as I do and there's nothing that can be done about it -- my blood does not clot well, my skin is too thick, my veins are too little and deep, my organs are all in the wrong place. I'm a mess, physically and am disabled now. I worked for 42 years total on two continents and really, childbirth and pregnancy is dangerous. In France where I live now, if you have a child, you are responsible for it in PERPETUITY. You cannot disinherit, either unless they're an axe murderer, and it's costly and hard to do and even then any kid inherits a percentage; (Spouses do not inherit. They can be provided for, but they don't inherit -- any children take priority.) You can be stuck with a slacker kid for life. They are under no obligation to help the parent.
nature seams so cruel i know nothing but you are such an attractive beautiful pearson the body is constantly changing but the constantuentaleliments are imortal. sometimes i look in the mirror and i dont know that pearson. has this ever hapen to you?
archie977
Well, no, I don't have depersonalization. xo
Agreed. I am 29 and married, we own a home and we both have careers. We have no kids and we have no intention of that changing. We are so happy that way. We have extra money and alot of spare time to go on trips and do as we please. I think I am very happy and I am sick of breeders speaking for me. They are jealous of us.
Very brave and eloquent.You had me wanting to cry when i recall the hatred and jealousy I have endured simply because my spouse and i have never had kids. Subbed.
VERY wise words.I have seen way too many people with children who are living a nightmare that I would want to experience.But I cannot tell people that my partner and I did not want children.They go insane with jealousy and hate. We are not free to talk about this.Not yet.
When I married neither I nor my husband wanted to have kids. Once I got into my 30's I started to feel the desire, but realized my husband would be a cruel & heartless father; I sacrificed my desire in favor of doing the right thing. Divorced at 35, I knew it was likely I would not have kids & prepared myself to accept that possibility with dignity. Now at age 45 I am sad that I didn't have kids, but overall I am truly happy with my life. The secret to a joyful life is accepting imperfection.
1) there are 600,000 children in the foster care system JUST in the u.s.
2) out of the 7 billion people in the world, over 1 billion don't even have access to clean drinking water.
3) our growing need to expand the human habitat has destroyed almost every type of ecosystem known. pretty much the only pristine place left on earth is up in the artic circle, where not many people want to live.
i could go on all day.
While I think kids are absolutely fantastic and have no problem with people choosing parenthood, I've chosen to be child free.
There are a few things I wanted to mention and ask, but didn't want to jump into all the details straight up.
If anyone feels they may be able to offer some advice or comments to some queries I have, please feel free to comment, or even send me a PM.
Thanks.
I'm a married woman and both my husband and I want to remain child-free! Don't understand the hostility at all.....
Also wanted to say that I love your hair and makeup. You are just beautiful.
i'm childfree. the older i get the more proud of my decision i become. most people with kids dont seem happy about it. they seem resigned to their fate.
Being childless is not about being trendy or cool. I simply have no desire to breed. If I get lonely in my old age, I'll play cards or bingo with my elderly lady friends at the retirement home. I would much rather take the risk of being lonely than be miserable with children whom I never wanted.
Subbed to your channel, childfree here too! Are you vegan by any chance?
I love children. And that is why I don't want one. If I had another life, I might have children. But given my own situation, it would be selfish to bring a child into it.
Wonderful to finally hear there is a movement. I get nothing but disbelief from people when I say no children for me. It really is an important choice, and at the end of the day I think a selfless one. My decisions for not wanting a child is the horrendous impact we are having on our planet, and also having travelled to South America, and having seen children who had no one. I would sooner have no child or adopt one. In that way you are solving two problems.
@aminah487 that's how i see it too. Children deserve so much better than this crazy place. Parents can not guarantee anything. They just 'hope' and 'try to do their best'. Most of them, at least.
I know how your house mate feels. I was at a birthday party not too long ago and some woman brought along her 8 week old. The baby kept staring at me! ME! Everyone at the table was taking turns holding it. Finally baby gets passed to me. I back my chair up and make a cross with my fingers. I think she got the hint.
Sorry, but I don't fear my future and I am not an angry person. I have a very full life - a life without the hassle or bother of a child in it. I'm so glad you and your siblings are taking care of your mother. Kudos. The fact is, most kids dump their parents in a nursing home and don't even bother to visit on any day other than the occasional holiday & birthdays. Having children just so someone can wipe your butt is about as selfish as having one so you look cute in your Christmas cards.
My aunt had kids at 40, had so many problems with BOTH pregnancies, and kept saying she wanted more. At 52 years old, she can't really keep up with them anymore... What is the reasoning behind "I MUST HAVE CHILDREN"??? I think you illustrated these points perfectly.
And may I say you are quite a beautiful person. ;3
Such an important discussion. Thank you for making the video.
@rinaweb They told me that i might regret my decision, and talked to me like a child, like I had'nt thought about this decision before. It was very condescending. They will give a man a vascectomy without second thought, but women still get treated like were idiots.
amen me too and im 30 childfree love the youtube preggers reaction videos though they bring tears to my eyes but i dont think i want to give up my freedom w my hubby
I do get freaked out that I'm the end of a line that goes back hundreds of millions of years. All that struggle.
I think only people who want kids are the ones that should have them...why on earth pressure anyone or treat them like less for not wanting one? It is horrible to have a child for any other reason than you enjoy and love them. I myself have one, no regrets, but I was surprised by the amount of grief I receive because I do not want more. They are never happy. Was I selfish to have my kid...of course! Nothing wrong with that.
That's a selfish reason to have kids. I can take care of myself anyway.
@jakenichols it's more selfish to have a kid you might resent because you never wanted it.
@fruitcake0anon thanks for leaving a comment. glad you liked the video))
It's more selfish to have a child just because people think you should even though you hate kids. Childfree are far from selfish. They don't want kids and it's selfish to have one even though you don't want one. Ask the millions of parents all around this world who only had a child because their partner wanted one or because their parents wanted grandkids.
china's one-child rule is not enforced well in rural areas, and that's why china's population is still climbing.
the average number of children a woman in the united states has is 1.8, so we're still doubling in population roughly every generation. in any case, the u.s. always has an influx of new immigrants, so no danger to population levels there.
when she listed all the stuff about what people do with their kids, its sounds pretty nice. you dont have to do all these things. but to see the little kids face light up is precious, I would be so proud if I had a kid to watch him/her graduate from school, watch them grow and have their own kids.
She doesnt even believe you should adopt kids...correction she doesn't even believe in what she is saying, I heard the sniffle. when all is said and done its the same things as brining your own child into this world, its just that you missed out on the earlier stages.
how do I ask a being who doesnt exist if they want to?
she made me sad toward the end...life is never that simple
sorry to say this before a positive comment regarding this subject but you are just stunning jaw dropping beautiful being. just saying
I get the opposite reaction. I have family members who don't want children and think it's shelfish for people to have children and we fight over the fact that I want to have kids some day. I'm in my late 20s and the youngest. It's weird because on one side I get pressured into getting married too young (I live in the south), and having children young but I also get hostle behavior toward me for wanting kids. And I feel like I'm having to always defend my decision to this childfree person.
the living organism is only interested in fucking and eating. thank you for posting your videos. you have a high level of intelegence.
Thank you, this is the truth and nothing more
I wouldn't let it get that far to find out. All hail the mighty scrape!
A person should not feel they need to have kids just because their parents want grandchildren. It's what they want, not what their parents want. It's their lives.
@Spartan7735 I like this think that you just made up. It's so cool. SINK and SINB. I'm a childfree man as well and I just love being child free. It's an awesome feeling to be able to do whatever you want and go wherever you please. I have the time to work on my graphic design and my writing. I like the feeling of not being stressed out by brats. It's great.
I take care of myself and I always will. There is nothing wrong with being selfish but I call a spade a spade. Selfishness is selfishness. Parents shouldn't expect children to take care of them. I also work (but not as hard as I own my own business ) to please myself. I get to travel whenever I please. I get to buy whatever I want. I get peace and quiet and I'm not hassled in anyway shape or form. All because I decided not to put any baggage in my life. I also give plenty of money to charity. :)
@IKTlover12 Thank you
Oops...I meant childfree. Sorry about that.
@rinaweb Not even close was I? The reason I ask that is because I was told by a Russian/Ukraine man that Romania is more of a Latin speaking country than Slavic, despite it's location in the Eastern part of Europe and the similar accents. But, sorry to go off-topic
Sorry to hear all of that. When I was 21 I didn't see the world clearly, I probably would have done something retarded like that too.
@suzbailey23 nobody is protected from regrets. Although I personally think its easier to regret not having kids than regret having them. Also, theres always adoption. You might even consider adopting someone who is around 10 years old. But of course, that's not an easy thing to do - building trustworthy relationships with an older kid.
Kids are replacement values for their parents. Truth is that people suck. Big time. So through their kids they see themselves without all the negative things. That's why they want their kids to live better lives than they did. Like you said, they're also like an insurance policy for when they get old.
All of the economic, political and social problems can be traced back to overpopulation!
@VikingLady219 Thank you for the compliments! I guess you guys are lucky to find each other in this breeding-obsessed world :)
And she wouldn't care, now would she? Kinda hard to care about anything when you don't exist.
im 22 a lot of my friends +-2 yeats have kids i dont have but i have 2 cars and an aprillia rs bike i like to go to mountains whit my SUV or see my country Romania whit mi fiat panda and smoke weed :) if i had a child 100% i didnt had two cars and a bike because a kid consum like a monster truck :)) be free no kids enjoi life fuck all haters you angry because you tired and struggle and i enjoy my life and i have 0 worries
I respect her. As for people suggesting she's selfish, it's rubbish.
I give regularly to charities (no, I really mean it - decent amounts of cash) which I couldn't do on that level I do if I had kids. So childfree = selfish? Uh, no.
@rinaweb No problem. We are very lucky to have found each other and have been together for almost 15 years total (3 years dating, 11.5 years married). Even at this point, we are still not ready to start a family. We are happy with it being just us and our little poodle. :D
@VikingLady219 Wow 15 years is surely some term, especially since its not kids keeping you together. Best of luck! ))
If your child-filled life, you wouldn't need to degrade people who choose not to have kids.
The general response if someone tells others they don't want children, you're seen as being a weirdo, or selfish person, failing your 'purpose' etc. It goes both ways.
I'm child free don't hate kids just don't see the point of having my own. We are no different than woman with children just don't have a patience or commitment to take care of a child
@Domzdream Sorry but plenty of women are incredibly happy and fulfilled without a kid biting at their ankles. They would actually live with more regret had they had kids. It's ridiculous that women are expected to have babies and nod live a happy life while childfree.
Feel free towards not wanting children.. marriage etc.. In the first place if your parents had this mentality and perception , you wouldn't even exist
I've changed. I still think intelligent people should be having kids so that the idiots don't outnumber us. Although it seems like the people going "childfree" haven't made their case for being intellectuals since their reasons for not having children are very selfish and self serving, yet they claim HAVING kids is selfish and self serving for some reason. That's not a very smart observation.
@Mike95rulez I'm cool with childfree people until they try to force their ideologies on me and make me feel bad for wanting the traditional married family with kids.
i absolutely agree, although i dont want a child end of. people thinking of having children though should definately think of adoption.
Christian childfree women are out there. I know. I am one. Keep looking.
Absolyutno soglasna! (Elia, Velikobritania)
Reasons for not having kids: "I want MY life FOR MYSELF", "I don't want to raise kids" "I hate kids" ... very NON-selfish yeeeeah.ooookay.
Which is exactly what I said if you'll read.
a child is born by the love
I'm glad you're on youtube =)
Does being cf disinclude people who want to adopt?
When you spoke of organization, were you by any chance referring to AntiNatalists?
i have a feeling you are going to be an amazing mom.
Never hate some one hate what they do and that's procreate
Those who cannot have children or simply and quietly do not have children or not punished at all. There are many singles, many childless.
Yet the deviant individuals who condemn procreation with malthusianist claims(paranoia of overpopulation) and call them self moralist for doing nothing more then following hedonism(a form of materialistic nihilism) and who act in a agressive way towards children and people who have children are punished by society though as they deserve.
The planet has too many people.
I don;t care what people with kids say to me for being childfree. What pisses me off is when I cant get permanent birth control procedures because i'm not married, and apparently you need a man's permission before you get a sterilization...if childfree people were more widely accepted, women could have more reproductive freedom.
Yea. This is logical !
WTFE. My only regret would be having a baby. A baby I don't want and didn't ask for. I can't stand kids.
"Vile"? "Vulgar"? If you're in the mood to read something truly vile and vulgar, read your original comment. To not engage in the ridiculous DNA game is "nihilistic" and "egoistic", and you actually think the vitriol our society directs towards the childfree is "justified"?
Yet my response is "vile"? No, sir. I think my response was appropriate to the ugliness I was responding to.
"The greater good" is what the childfree are interested in. Not just appeasing the majority of breeders.
What a beutiful slavic accent. Where are you from?
We would be helping humanity, if everyone was childfree. Here is the dilemma:
if the good people don't breed, there will be less good people to make the world better. A word not made better will deteriorate further. That leads to more suffering for the few good people, and for the rest too. Now, you might not care for imbeciles, but they do suffer too. Seriously speaking, istant, total anihilation is the answer.
@rinaweb We are pretty happy! :D
I've never wanted children, and im glad ive found somebody who doesnt too, if you think about it, people should stick with either 1 or 2 children, because its your fault that the amazon is being cut down for 4 5 or 6 even more children, the world cant produce enough to provide for all these children, why cant people save the world.
You are childfree, not childless. Please learn the difference.
Hahaha - love what you say, thanks sister
good info subbed
@crashkadara *stereotype (sorry I'm typing this on my IPhone) us, we're not all in the same situation, we don't all feel the same way and we haven't all made the same decision for the same reason.
@PrincessKLS Really? Advise your enthusiastic childfree family members to organize rallies in protest of breeding, write blogs, hold campaigns - something like that! That'd be a way to reach a wider audience if their main goal is stopping the life on Earth! lol Rather then picking one person and lecturing them on how life is to be lived.
One has to learn to resist pressure if he/she wants to be happy in this world. You are accountable only to yourself (well... and to your future kids).