Codebreaker : The One Question That Reveals the Narcissist
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2024
- #narcissism #hgtudor #narcissist
Want to know how to expose how somebody is a narcissist? HG Tudor explains the one question that assists in that revelation.
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Identifying a narcissist is easy - simply say 'no' to something - or - don't answer the phone or respond to a text quickly. How they handle either/both of the scenarios will tell you what you need to know.
That’s so true. I was facing a 9-hour drive to bring my dad (on a walker) and mom (fell and broke her wrist in three places and fractured her pelvis), precious cargo I needed to get home. My boyfriend knew what I was facing and what day I was to make the drive, but started texting me repeatedly as I got all the post hospital release instructions for mom and continued texting and calling the entire time I was driving them! When I finally listened to the messages, more hysterical by the minute, even threatening to call the police to find me. Unbelievable! That was the end of that relationship.
Nope thats not true. Many insecurely attached people behave that way....many of those are not NPDs
@@starqueenlotus3755 maybe, but from my experience insecurely attached people will most likely get anxious and upset - I've not experience one who rages and threatens quite like the narcissist does
@@jillrhodry1139and then give you the silent trestment in return
💠💠An observation I made (a huge 🚩), was lack of personal items. There are no family pictures, or sentimental items from their life in their living space, everything disposable- NO ATTACHMENTS
He smeared his ex's immediately. Made them appear to be monsters. He had no friends either. And now he's probably smearing me to any new supply that will listen. I was good to him though, and he knows it.
That’s just enraging him even more ❤️🩹
I'm dealing with this right now! My ex-husband of 30 years is currently smearing me all over our small town, telling outrageous lies. He uses the Bible as his cover. It's sickening. I made the huge mistake of protecting his "reputation." No one liked him when I was with him, but now, he's the victim. It sucks
I'm so sorry this happened to you, too. Looks like they are all the same.
So, basically, a narcissist is a malicious gossip.
I've never thought of gossip as a symptom of narcissism or attempt at control before, but it makes sense.
That was a key feature of my narc. No one was exempt from his violation of trust, actually mining for personal information and revealing it to anyone. Even his long-time friends. It was nuts -- esp watching a man do it, over and over. And he thinks he's a great guy, a great friend.
There's a lady at my church, does the same thing. I saw her for what she was, malicious gossip, during a lunch with friends we were invited to. She would probe one of us for personal info, they would answer, and she would come back with something sordid about a co-worker, "friend", or family member. I wouldn't play along, so she moved on and made our host cry and forced her to admit to a current family crisis. Yikes. The gossip lady did get back to me later, creeping on my conversations with friends on social media, and blasting identifiable details about my health problems (minus my name for plausible deniability) to the entire congregation on open mic Sunday.
Yeah, we are not friends.
@@christinehancock5995 Holy sh*t. That's horrible.
I am so BORED OF NARCISSISTS.
Bored? I'm terrified....
I think our society is such a society of narcissism that it's hard to spot an actual narcissist.
@@janetclaireSays Well said. Narcissism is much more common than most realize.
@@lightbeforethetunnel yes there’s a difference between having some traits and being a full blown narcissist.
It's a shame our good lives have to be infected by them... they're literally everywhere!
He told me his ex cheated on him so he could later violate my personal boundaries to go through my personal possessions / sat nav and diary . He also said he left his ex wife as she was controlling . Later he told me an ex called him a narcissist and then his ex wife told him he was controlling. So they blame their ex often for their own behaviour , deflection , and forget what they’ve told you !!
They project then deny it
It’s a form of triangulation: Using another person as an accessory to get narcissistic supply out of you.
They always forget ...then new lie easy to catch I record because mine is a fucking cheater
An ex, a Mother, a Sibling, a former Friend, anyone will do. It's never the narcissist and they're always the victim
But, were you cheating?
Too funny this part;
"Unless you are involved with a highly skilled narcissist, and its unlikely you are involved with one of those"
😂
For them, people are pawns and pawns are expendable.
None of us are king or queen, they fill both roles.
Narcissists don't aim for the heart, they only want your body, your talent, your intellect, your assets, your status, your network of friends, your job, your beauty, your authenticity.
You put your heart and soul into it, they just put their presence/appearance.
Absolutely 💯
Yes they borrow self from others, Anna Marietta waze. Waze we often don't even notice or realize that that's what it is.
I can’t thank you enough! My ex is a narcissist and I was on that horrible roller coaster until I suffered a severe heart problem. It was at that point I realized nothing or no one will ever make him happy because he will always find something to complain about and throw out some sort of insult.
That’s the biggest indicator as what this gentleman said is bs and many victims trauma dump. Heck the experts are still trying to pin these characters down but this guy is so wrong.
That's an interesting advice coming from a narcissist to ask questions about previous relationships. That's exactly what my narc ex did, he wanted to know every detail of my past relationships so he could use everything against me later on...So I think sometimes the one who asks a lot of questions is the narcissist.
Yes they pry information to use to make up lies about you. They also use flying monkeys to spread the lies and say what they dont want to own. They are such nice pepole and so sensitive. Sarcasm.
My narc ex conveniently forgot to mention his first marriage, telling me only about the second wife..... whilst berating me for having 2 marriages behind me (i was a failure, stupid etc)i only found out after finding his wedding photos... which he later burnt after i found them. His 2nd wife walked out after 14yrs with him... didnt give forward address.... speaks volumes! i was with him 4yrs but felt like a lifetime of abuse.... he absolutely crushed my soul
We sure do get sucked in.
One major flaw in this, HG. People on the spectrum that are high masking still tend to overshare. I know many people in the autism community that are brilliant and well spoken, but still struggle with oversharing. This could make another assume they are a narc, and be wrong. In fact they may be dealing with a highly sensitive individual who is a magnet for narcs and has been hurt by many of them.
That's me
HG interviewed an individual on the spectrum and pointed out the similarities and differences. It’s in his playlist if you want to check it out
It would have been wise for him to mention it during this one since he didn't even add a disclaimer here about those who may be neurodivergent. There's plenty of undiagnosed adults that have a rough time and don't need to have people armchair diagnosing them based on a video oversimplifying based on neurotypicals.
Or trauma victims ..
@@BellaRigelOrion cluster b personality disorders are neurodivergent, so I would think that’s implied?
You are so absolutely right. Talk is cheap. They’ll say anything at the time.
This information is priceless! Facts! I asked him, what makes him happy? The most hollow look I’ve ever seen in anyone’s eyes ever….
💀😂
They got nothing in their minds but evil... nothing that makes them happy, no hobbies or interests... that's why they immediately start mimicing and copying us! Ask them what they got going in life... they'll have nothing to say.
No joy ❤️🩹 joy destroyers instead
Why do you think they have to copy people so much? They got nothing inside them...empty people who don't know who they are...no hobbies or anything that brings them joy except destroying people.
Crazy was the word for his wife from whom he was separated after 45 years because she was seeing a shrink to get meds for anxiety, then he also called another woman who was after him but separated from her husband crazy, too. 🤦♀️ Methinks he doth protest too much… later he told his FB target that I was crazy 🙍♀️ guess by then I felt pretty crazy!
I'm fucked. I'm a loner and the only ex I have, we ended on bad terms because she was the narcissist, which is why I ended up here. I'll never get out of this hole from being raised by narcissistic parents.
Sending hugs 🫂 I had a narc parent as well. No one else truly understands.
I get it. Everyone I attract is a narcissist. I can see them and I avoid them but I can't seem to meet a normal or empathic individual either. It's bizarre... Totally understand the feeling that you have been setup for life by having the family you had growing up. You're not alone ❤
You're already out of the hole now take the lesson on board and don't look back. My Mother was a narcissist and so was my first Husband
I'm seriously considering the cave solution...
Hahaha as long as you keep on learning about narcissism so you can protect yourself, you will be fine
I'm tempted, to say the least...@@no89lan3
I 'm tempted,to say the least...@@no89lan3
Nooo. Just say NO! LOL
Plato's cave
He stayed married to his wife for 45 years until she died. He mentioned a few upsets and his brilliant solutions. A friend group met monthly for decades, he participated in hobby groups for many years, at work he periodically produced activities to amuse coworkers, and he had status in a community group. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Later I heard a very negative comment from a group member, strategies by some to get clear of him, stories of put downs, “stubbornness” in a special group, yet I faced opposition when I suggested that he was a narcissist. The signs are very clear to me while other people saw him for brief periods at intervals. When he visited me I asked 3 trusted people to meet him in case I had missed some red flags. He could hold his facade in place for long stretches so I was caught and isolated in his space. Now discarded I am once again free to be me.
I guess if you need to ask others to assess your situation, you know the answer already.
Married men are hands off anyways.
Its happens with autism too lots of misunderstandings leading to conflict with others Most of us wind up masking our idosyncrasies as they are viewed as not socially acceptable .
My ex narc had a solid story about the exes.
Simple, half-true, I had no clue.
But I’ll remember this for the next date
Asking the narcissist how his last relationship was is like making him admit guilt.😱
They would have to remember all the people they flirted with or had sexual intercourse with in that period of time, that is, their brain explodes.🤯
You don't have the slightest idea how many there are: TOO MANY.
Some of them literally think dumping to you about how pitiful & unfairly mistreated they've been in their past relationships is a good first or date, get to know you session 🤦
Yes it's always that they brought so much to the relationship or situation, and by golly they've just been done wrong! By everyone! Every time! Yet they want those people back and never want to lose contact with them - since they can always Hoover them back in and get a sip of feed when they need it.
So yes this is extremely helpful! Because in those situations I did not realize the golden info I was being given by the narcissists! I knew they were awfully self-pitying, but of course as a codependent I thought I could make it all better 😅 UGH!
A very compelling method for encouraging a Narcissist to break from the cover of aggressive mimicry.
I am flabbergasted by this ,I'm out of 39 years with one ,and had never heard of narcicissm, since educated I can't stop talking about it ,still learning ,I lived 39 year shitshow
Truly ,damage to my children ,family ,everything was fine until that light bulb moment ,I've learnt a long the way I haven't been perfect ,but love ,compassion, empathy was there from me ,just never none given back ,I had no boundaries that's a big one ,was walked all over
It's all I knew ,I'm confused 😕
It's not your fault, you probably had decent boundaries to begin with but over almost four decades I can imagine they were chipped away slowly along with your self esteem.
Thanks HG once again. I’ve recently met a new friend and all was good at first I thought she was so charming and friendly but the longer I’ve got to know her the more red flags pop up. My cousin is one and I’ve known others through my life without realising what they were but how you have described how a narcissist would answer that question and the oversharing they can do so early on makes me realise those red flags were for good reason.
This question will apply to relationships or incidents for people who have no exes. Younger people can still determine this trajectory if their potential partner expresses these type of years old grudges against elementary school teachers, or neighbors or extended family members. Be forewarned and run.
Yes. The one question can "unravel" a narcissist to cause a glitch, followed by an 'error code' that cannot be unseen despite years of observation of a calm demeanor. Looking forward to this, HG, thank you 🤍
@@domdiddy7209hehehehehe😏
H.G; you’re correct. I have found this to be true in both cases-people who have been in relationships with narcissists and narcissists who have been involved with them. It’s so sad.
People like me attract the little buggers.
Previous relationships. They all left him.
I over share , bcuz I’m trying to find answers to see if someone else has the same problems or I’m the one in fault to see if it’s common and it keeps on playing in my head to see if I could’ve changed anything … but that’s when I was coming out of that relationship and my last one said all of his ex’s was crazy and left him and treated him badly but then again I’m his 4th wife and he’s only 40
Yes, I always ask this question on a date, not knowing that it was a good way to understand if somebody is a narcissist. If they ever called their ex “crazy”, it always made me uncomfortable, and I never knew why.
I think I just thought it was TMI, and they could have just said, Well it just didn’t work out, but I wish them the best even if they WERE crazy. I just thought, “Am I a therapist? I don’t need to know any gory details. Next! I thought it was just over sharing.Now I know it was my spidey sense going “Run for your life!”
These videos are my favorite series that you issue on narccisisim. Informative, unrivaled, and to the point. Thankyou HG for your continued work, to help people understand, and to make the decisions appropriate for them, armed with the knowledge you impart. I found your work thru Doug Kramer, and on his recommendation, I started listening. He was right about your work being an invaluable source and literally life changing. I will be forever grateful.
BEHAVIOR vs words!!! On point
Oh man, I knew it, I was involved with a sophisticated, skilled narcissist. Far too clever to blurt it all out
Well, I did not ask anything, because he told everything without asking. Just few long term relationships. Well, all that was a big fat lie.
I even heard statement "I never had romantic relationship" by potential female narc aged 36 😅, so she stopped any further questions. Perfect deflection.
I would have thought the seemingly pointless lying would be a massive red light. I never ask people about their past experiences I consider it none of my business. If they tell me I’ll listen but I’m not going to enquire. These people are difficult because they seem to be offended or angry at the drop of a hat. No walking on eggshells for me thanks very much.
I actually went overboard in talking about my ex. I was in such shock.
I didn’t ask that person for there company.
I was looking for peace and organize myself.
I rented a place he said he never goes to and just keeps it to drink on Sundays.
Instead he quit his job, moved in and bought a ton of beer.
At first I was social but then I quickly had to move out. Like he was doing everything opposite to what I was reaching for.
I couldn’t stop talking about the ex and the shake downs and stalking and doing opposite of everything I said.
So happened twice in a row but I found a way to get it out of my system finally!
You’re right though, under normal circumstances I wouldn’t talk about my ex and if so ….. we’ll I actually don’t talk about them. Unless I can use them as a reference to how I overcame adversity to help someone out in their circumstances.
Of relative in videos like this.
My ex told me about his children’s moms and his relationship with them. His son’s mom was his high school girlfriend who had his son. She left him for someone else. His daughter’s mom was his ex wife who cheated on him and had children with her affair partners. He told me that he would always have love for them because of his kids. After I caught him cheating with his “friend’s sister”, I left. Found out he had been soliciting g his ex wife for sex behind my back. He’s now living with his son’s mom after cheating with her on the woman he left me for. They all deserve each other!
There’s another way of telling if someone lacks empathy. Tell the person a very sad story. It doesn’t necessarily have to be true. Watch the person very, very carefully. If their chin muscles quiver in response to your story, then they most likely have some empathy or-they saw this comment or a similar one and they’re faking it! 🙃
So the clue is open questions. That is always a good idea
My narc ex used to be friends with someone for a while, then dump them and move on to someone else. I always wondered why someone would do that. Now I know once they were no longer of use, no need to keep them around … shelved.
15:40 HG, Thank You for being real and logical about this, unlike many others who are not. Others make it out as if it’s black & white, but you understand that it’s not only the answers they give, but how it’s interpreted.
Just say no to one of their bumble stumble and tell them they are wrong. They give you a circular response are a very angry soapbox display. Next
I asked my ex about his ex early on. He said, "I couldn't make her happy." (He didn't talk crap about her). Upper mid range narcissistic psychopath.
He said he couldn’t make his ex wife happy - well his ex wife could be the narcissist, they are doomed to never be happy because they always want more and better, nothing they have is ever enough.
@@Phylicity Good point!!
When I asked this question in the past, at the beginning of our relationship, he never said bad about his wife, never in an ill way. Narc detector concludes he's a narc. So I'm wondering where is a true. It's all complicating.
It’s more complex than HG makes it out to be. I’ve had disastrous past relationships because I kept letting narcs into my life. Two therapists have said I’m not a narc, so I’ve been professionally diagnosed as a normal… now I’m in a very happy and supportive marriage but it took me years of hard work to recognize and avoid narcs.
Trick question there HG there is no one answer.
lol facts
He said he mistreated his ex and could pull her from her bf anytime. It was the first time a narc didn’t call his ex a psycho?!
Thank you very much HG.
I am also Very grateful
Hg Tudor, I thought the question would be "who are you? Answer could be, I don't know who I am. Who do you think I should be, along those lines...
Also, more mentally healthy people won't dump the detail on you about past relationships bc they simply don't hold it in their mind in that type of way.
They can actually process it THROUGH more, bc they're more adult. It's a zip file in a healthy mind, so you get a post-processing synopsis. Vs that elongated blaaaah, of how they've been unfairly hard done by.
Yes wow merely the question triggers the file in their mind, brings it up in a tab and online for them! So then they need to blaaah in order to control that past person, and you who asked the question! That is beautiful, masterpiece information!
A more healthy-minded person is not a baby brain, stunted, with severe arrested development, still stuck in the crib screaming and crying for mommy and angry bc she's not feeding, holding, gazing at, cuddling, making excuses for, protecting them, cleaning after & ignoring/mitigating their mishaps & misbehavior for them all the time. Or however it goes with them.
SUBSCRIBED! Extremely valuable information and channel, thank you so much for your experience, wisdom, understanding and perspective!
Thank you...very sage advice HG❤
How do you tell the difference between a trauma victim.m and a narcissist .
Empathy and self awareness
@@staceystrukel1917glimpses of, I'd argue.
Amazing insight thank you I've been duped so many times but I now know what to look for . You're the best .
Feel less ‘green’ after this!
What if the person you are asking these questions to has a history of getting involved with narcissists?
Idk, HG. I had many disastrous relationships in my life because I was always letting narcs in, as a result of being raised by narcs. I’m in a happy and supportive marriage to a Normal now, but I prefer not talking about the previous douchebags. I’ve had therapy and my eyes were opened.
I had a narcissistic boss once. She drove out four members of staff before she was let go. She drove them mad with stress, overwork, criticism and constant annoying meetings etc. One of the things that she did to me when I first met her was to ask me what my marriage was like. She was also entitled enough and ignored the present laws by trying to insist that I gave her a date for my retirement. I was immediately suspicious, it seemed she was trying to dig some dirt. She led me with stories of friends who had been divorced etc. As it happened I have been married for 40 years. I gave a frank answer. In my experience it is the narcissist who asks these questions. I do not think a non narcissist would pry unless educated into the fact that toxic people will have had difficult relationships.Even then, I think they would be cautious or suspicious first. However - you are right about vulnerable narcissists whining about the awful way they have been treated. I knew someone like this who would offer all this information without being asked. She had no care for the bored ears she was bending either! She was also manipulative and exploitive.
Brilliant advice and instruction (obviously!). THANK YOU for sharing HG. Very much appreciated.
Does your spot want a drink?
(Stand well back, boom!)
Spot the Dog?
😂😂😂
The master is back on youtube! ❤😊😅 always like to listen to this!
Thank you for explaining this!
H.G., is Harry's possible deportation the thing that triggers Meghan's disengagement bringing about the divorce? l do not believe she will leave California to keep the family together. Harry doesn't see his possible deportation as the demise of his marriage.
He won’t be deported. They’ll push him so far back behind the millions of migrant cases (6 million in the queue) they’ll never get to his case and the interest will die down.
USA will find a way to allow Harry to stay and not embarrass the RF.
Thank you HG. This is very valuable.
Glad it was helpful
I’ve been wondering about this recently. Thank you for this HG . You’re such a clever cat ♥️
I didnt have to ask, he volunteered, he claimed i beat her, but i didnt, i chased her around in the end to save the marriage, i think he did a preemptive strike, at that time i didnt know anything about narcissism, wasnt til google came on the seen, yes everything was her fault, i tried to SAVE the marriage, soon after we got married EVERYTHING was my fault
To this point, with so much learned I get to see the picture of the mother, by the behaviour and the wounds, why is it acting in this way. because of the father and the mother, and the position. Also the culture and rank, historical movement in the world.
The more I listen, because even if the impossibility to connect for others is there and to just have this patterns, it's now that I can see the dangerous more clearly. Now my own narcissistic traits to teach and control, surpass washing away and simply celebrating work coz we got our narc traits to not clash.
Thank you so much, not that it's working as desired. People need to relate and trust, is not all mechanical and to please with ones function. I think everyone has love, even if they love themselves, that love is validated, that love is shared in work because they like working their best to themselves, narcissist are essential to me at work. I like and need perfection, yet one can relax and not need to fix the world or other's, on that sense I'm very grateful. I don't need to prove anything, I'm not guilty if I don't teach, It's now that I can enjoy myself better. One learns through player while the action is moving, that's fun.. Maybe, is not that one became better, is not an observation, is a relief. That train of guilt has stoped.
Is teaching a narcissistic trait?
I had to let my son (50 yrs old) go. It pains me everyday. My son regularly keeps my relationship with his daughter off kilter. My son has a PhD in psychology.
So all these videos, thousands of coaching conversations AND a regular job? Daaamn, HG. Where do you find the time?
He is able to get by on 4 hours of sleep.
@@tammy5926Whoa..! But yeah that matches with two psychopaths I knew who slept 3 hours a night. They seem to have sleeping problems due to the brain damage sbehind cluster B disorders. :/
Brilliant, thankyou HG
Tell me about your relationship with your mother....😅
Well that did not work for the two narc I've met. They both highly praised theire exes, predending everthing was quite perfect "it just didn't worked out"....so after a while I was wondering about that and asked why they even break up, If everything was soo perfect ...so 🤷🏻♀️...what now...?
I have asked similar questions and what I received for an answer was..........What is with all the questions, why you asking so many???
Everywhere else they say it’s rude to ask about previous relationships on a first date. You can’t win 🤷🏼♀️
then you know they're a liar and most likely a narcissist too
Excellent balanced advice.
Brilliant piece of information.
Thankyou Sir.
Very helpful. Thank you H.G.
Thank-you HG. Such a helpful video.
Facts.
HG , has advised over many videos , how to spot the Narcassist , and where they're most likely found , professionally .
Narcassists have been in my life , for most of it , only knowing , but not knowing - finding out , via their words and actions . Most Narcassistic types , tend to avoid me , and for good reason - they get push- back , which is not appreciated , nor is constructive criticism , 🙂🙄
At this point I jus look into their eyes and I know all I need to know. Damn, they f**** with the right one.
I am bored with narcissism but I’m addictive to them. This means that I’m also bored if I meet normal people. Bit of a conundrum there a? So learning is all we can really do if we want to keep safe in spite of ourselves ??
Dopamine is the word ur looking for
Gee, you described Fani Willis to a T. She laid all this out under oath
facts
Brilliant info, thank you ❤
Excellent question. Thx HG!
Very interesting.
Bravo...🎉
The narc told me he had thousands of women and 4 wives
Ew, I definitely wouldn’t date someone who was married 4 times. Thousands of women is a lie obv
FREE IAN 😂❤
True.
Do you get rid after 1 red flag or do you give them the boundary and see the response first ?
Not true peolle trauma dump so this is not good advice. The victims will over share becsue of C-PTSD. 🤦♀️🤦♀️. Look at the research and understand trauma in victims
My ex complained about all her exes, the vast majority of the people of our community in which we originally met, her father, ex business associates, you name it. I foolishly believed I could save her, but sure enough, in the end, I joined the pantheon of bad guys despite my best efforts to be her white knight.
not 1 hundred percent true, if they are autistic they will overshare, although telling about their problems too
The nearest thing you can do is use Clare’s law
Easier question could be, "What sort of dog did you have growing up?" It's a low-or-no-stakes query, see how they answer it. Sorts out the various cluster B's for me.
What if they never had a pet dog?
Had a narc mother - we weren’t allowed to have pets. Narcs don’t like pets because they take away attention from themselves.
Interesting, could you elaborate?
Many people have no dogs growing up.
Testing, testing, 1.2.3.
6:00
Zombies are real
🥷🏻
Who are you?
do you shave yur eyebrows
Oh my!!! 🙄
This dude likes his own voice too much… GET TO THE POINT ALREADY!!! 🥱🥱🥱
Oh wait, bye because this is BORING! 🤣