Functional Freeze Explained (my most popular re-release series)
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- Опубліковано 7 січ 2023
- Please note: This is a re-release of one of my most popular videos. Even if you've watched it already, it never hurts to review. Here is the original release: • Functional Freeze Expl...
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Many people are living semi-functional lives in some spectrum of the freeze response-and they have no idea. Sure, they’re numb, shut down, checked out, checked out from their body, internal physiology, sensations, emotions, and life force energy. But that’s normal, right? This, my friends, is what we in this somatic trauma healing world often refer to as functional freeze. In today’s video re-release, I dive deeper into functional freeze, what it is, how these patterns get embedded into us humans, and steps you can take to thaw out and come back to life.
Resources I mention during this video:
► Polyvagal Theory Explained
irenelyon.com/2019/09/14/the-...
► The Basics of Orienting
irenelyon.com/2019/09/09/what...
► On letting the body "take over" when practicing mind-body work
irenelyon.com/2019/12/28/what...
► Raising healthy humans starts here
• How to create a health...
► Why shaking isn't enough, how functional freeze can show up, healing early trauma, and more • Why shaking isn't enou...
► How to come out of a chronic freeze response after repeated stress & trauma • How to come out of a c...
► Robert Scaer's Books
traumasoma.weebly.com/books.html
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Thank you for being here!
1. Leave a comment and let me know how this video impacted you. Feel free to leave a question (my team answers them each week!)
2. To get more nervous system health resources, plus learn more about me and my credentials, plus the many ways you can work with me at the practical level, head to my website: irenelyon.com
3. Follow me on social here:
Instagram: / irenelyon
Facebook: / lyonirene
LinkedIn: / irenelyon
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4. GOT QUESTIONS? Send an email to: support@irenelyon.com
Please know that...
The statements on this UA-cam channel or in videos are simply opinion. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.
My website is a wealth of information, free resources, and information on how to start this work, so here it is one more time: irenelyon.com
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I watched this video two months ago, the night before we found out that my ex-husband had died suddenly from a heart attack. I had to tell our young adult children. It was the worst thing I've ever had to do and was also quite triggering as my own dad died suddenly from a heart attack when I was 18. My son (21) literally collapsed on the floor. All I could think of was this video so I just sat down next to him and let the emotions run through him until he was ready for me to hug him. We have a long road ahead of us, and there is an enormous amount of nervous system dysregulation in all of us as a result of my own decades-long nervous system dysregulation. Although I feel guilty about a lot of my past parenting methods, I'm hoping that now that I know better I can do better. I'm hoping that going forward we can all learn to deal with whatever life throws at us in a healthier way, and also go back and make peace with and unlearn all the unhealthy coping mechanisms from the past.
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Thanks for sharing your comment. I also feel a lot of guilt about things i didnt achieve people tell me i did a good job i look around and i see that we are in a good place comparatively but it doesnt help much to get rid of the guilt ..and a lot of those things are things i literally couldnt change and wanted to and tried and couldnt find a way to change so just had to survive and keep going. It is nice to hear that others feel this same sort of guilt. Although it is aweful knowing that its kinda normal is really helpful to me. Thanks.
I am a survivor of a family locked in fight mode. I lived most of my life in functional and dramatic shutdown freeze. People misconstrue freeze and get angry at you shutting down or having anxiety/panic attack. I didn't know until 2 years ago, this created me to be codependent. If there is anyone you love who seems stuck, Marshall burtchers happiness after codependency, it is the very best healing program I have ever come across.
@@Padraigp| Thank you for ‘your’ comment. There is a lot of learning going on or wants to go on + that is very positive. We move forward. 😌❤️
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"Functional freeze" is an epidemic of the 21st century. Functional freeze forces us to continue functioning despite having depleted energy levels, leading to reliance on stress as a means to cope, said Camille Tomat in episode #64 of her French podcast, Pas de Souci ! She added, procrastination is closely linked to functional freeze, which isn't a result of laziness but rather a consequence of low energy levels (and it's also our coping mechanism to deal with our unconscious fears of failure, etc.) She explained, in order for us to function optimally, it requires three types of energy: sympathetic for organ functionality, ventral for (emotional) regulation, and a freeze response for moments of shock. When trapped in functional freeze, tasks get delayed, everything slows down, and eventually, burnout becomes a looming risk.
Thank you for this explanation
Wow. I think that’s me.
I get high fevers and serious headaches in the back of my head . I want to cry but cant i am 65 if i put the list if trauma here you would not believe it. I keep trying to heal myself but wonder if i am doing more damage.
Who is Camille Tomat? Can you please share a link so I can follow her?
Interesting, thanks for the information
When I was 15, my mother had a stroke and was in hospital for 6 months.
It was the worst change of my life.
My older siblings would bully the life out of me everyday.
They would keep me up all night to tell me what a bad person I was.
Other family members would join in with image shaming me, and whatever they could pointlessly pick out.
The house was always dirty and everyone would always wait for me to cook for them..
The list was never ending.
Not much had changed unfortunately.
Ever since then, I'm someone that is in freeze mode about the progression of my life.
I'm 34 and have no idea what career path to take and when friends ask me to go out, I have no idea what to talk to them about.
I am sending your 15yr old self a mental hug. You were always worthy of goodness.
I’ve been numb and checked out since my brother died 20 years ago , and this makes a ton of sense because I had no regulation from any parent. I’d love to learn more on how to feel life again.
My heart aches for you. I lost my mom 30 years ago and I too had no regulation from any loved one. I feel I'm just surviving, not living. Blessings to you on your healing journey.
My brother is the same. He found our brother after he died and then cops arrested him and my parents for suspected murder (trauma and more trauma for 70 yr old parents 💔💔💔 and him) the GP was at fault for a lot of it and got a slap on the wrist. But he has never recovered and wont accept help either 💔
GeeB, Jen here from Team Lyon. I'm sorry to hear that you lost your brother. It sounds like his death had quite an impact on you. Many of us have learned to feel again and come alive through learning and practicing this work that Irene teaches.
If you're new around here, you might start with Irene's New Here page - irenelyon.com/new-here/
my mother died ,my father told me that I had to be strong for everyone ,and not allowed to cry. I was 18 when I became my mother's care giver, when she became stricken with lung cancer,and 3 tumors in her brain.
@geeb: The best thing you can do imo is to book a session with a good channeler and have a conversation with your brother...
Thank you Irene. This was so good. Surviving childhood is not for the faint of heart.
You can say that again, lol.
At my grandmother's funeral, my mother made a scene, threw a "me" tantrum, had people fawning over her. When we got home, she had a meltdown over my 8yo sister crying over losing her grandmother. My dad tried to calm her down in the next room, but we could hear her saying, "why is she crying? That's ridiculous, she didn't even know her" etc... It was never ok for us to have emotions around her, but she still throws lawn tantrums in her 60s🤷♀
So sorry to hear about this. I have seen a like partern in more families.
Even the most grown-up still are unhealed children on the inside…
I have even seen myself have those tendencies…
Classic narcissist mother. They don't validate anyone's feelings,but their own.
slap her.
Wow, that is… bizarre. I’m sorry.
My God that’s fricken horrible. I can’t stand people who can’t make space for other people’s feelings. You’re allowed to feel grief and pain and anger. You’re not allowed to use it as an excuse to neglect those who need you (especially children) or as an excuse to be abusive or manipulative- but you ARE absolutely unequivocally allowed to feel and express your feelings in an honest and productive way. Tears are productive, they help the body regulate, and they’re a sincere form of emotional release. Yelling at a child for crying after a funeral, and honest emotional expression is horrible. Only psychopaths use crocodile tears, and an 8 year old child isn’t an actress. Even child-actors are usually forced to remember or experience something that genuinely upsets them to produce tears. Tears are real emotion from an 8 year old child. Nobody should ever, ever shame a child for crying.
My dad died when I was 6. Then my mother was the the one who told me hundreds of times starting before I can remember "kids are sh^%" "youre nothing " you are nobody " then the entire family made fun of my "sensitive nature " God I was so embarrassed by that. Sad songs and movies would trigger tears and I was just born an empathetic kid. Oh I wished i could will that away . My whole life was an exercise in being embarrassed to be alive. Now at 60 ? The last 8 or so years have been an escalating amount of hell. Dark night if the soul . Unfortunately I chose isolation as a coping mechanism over and over the years, I thought I wasnt hurting anyone and noone was hurting me. Now ? Sh^% I have no social support, no family.. just me and all this ickiness. Not sure how I can undo this programming my mother so diligently engaged in. 😊 I gave up years ago physically and otherwise and now feel so damn weak and cannot seem to engage in life. I've always been a people pleaser and dealing with people has always drained me. Chronic. Migraines, stomach issues etc have just left me depleted .I live in a rural area and work in an extremely toxic environment in a hospital. Oh man I'm rambling here I'm sorry maybe someone can relate.
Hi Simon2018, Seth here with Team Lyon. So sorry you went through that. It is SO hard to be an empathic, sensitive kid surrounded by toxic bullies for a family system. It's true that when we go our whole life without having access to the right support for healing these wounds, it can feel very daunting and impossible as one gets older.
I've seen amazing things happen though with this work! Personally, I feel it is NEVER too late to at least understand ourselves better, and even to improve our quality of life. If doing that is something that interests you, I really suggest getting into this work. Check out our New Here page, for ideas on how to do that! irenelyon.com/new-here/
I'm so sorry you've had to experience so much pain for so long 🌟💖 I'm 38 but this whole lifetime being HSP and more, but not knowing and not having the discipline to seek the knowledge beyond the ridiculous healthcare system because of my adhd monkey brain. I fell literally into over 5 years of untreated me/cfs and fibro because I was too shutdown to advocate for myself well. I have had a practice of laying on acupressure mats daily for years now, and though I'm still not free as a Spirit, it has helped a lot. I've had way too much internal ickiness for too many years😢 hope we reach our long deserved internal relief
I can totally appreciate and welcome the ramble and can offer a nonjudgmental ear if you need to verbally work some stuff out.
I feel bad for you. You need a huga nd deserve one. There are lots of pkaces for shit feeling people to go and meet other people who also feel like shit. And arent shit by the way. And seeing that some nice lady you meet at one of those spaces feels like a peice of crap when you see how beautiful and kind she is helps you see yourself in different ways. But i dont think you can do that in a vacuum. You do need other people. And you need to know that although you think you are too stinked up to be allowed among people you can find places that are safe. I found this drum circle and went to it and when everyone was introducing themslves saying they felt grateful and they felt inspired and all this i just broke into tears almost screaming that i felt like a stinky peice of shit. Nobody threw me out. Nobody looked st me like an asshole for shouting and being so rude with my outburst. They all formed a circle aroound me and sang my name with their amazing voices ..softly and kindly. It. Was amazing. Of course i still thought that they did that cos they are nice and they were just pitying me cos im a poopy person. But eventaully after some years and after just realising too that ok maybe everyone does hate me and sort of accepting that as a possibility and a relaity whcih hurt...but was also freeing. Cos then i realised i dont know. And now i somehow am able to go to people i know and say i feel like crap. Or hi how are you you look great. And im not trying to get anything from anyone or avoid them smelling my aweful stink. Cos we do have stinky stains on us. But those stains are not us. Just like a man who works down the sewers has stinky clothing it doesnt mean hes a dirty stinky person. Hes actually just down in the dirty cleaning things up that are super stinky and yet hes a cleaner. And so probably the busyest cleaner doing the most important work in the places that need it most are the most stinky and yet the most clean at the same time. You need to find safe people to be stinky around. Who that is i dont know. They have to be people who are not voletile who can just be kind and not jdugemental. Thats not always easy to find. And sometimes we only have partial acceptance of ourselves and need more than one person or group to accept more than one stinky part. Cos you dont always want to show all your stains to one group. But it will be very liberating. Have a nervous breakdown sometime and just let other people wipe your brow. But pick the right people. Maybe a church maybe a cult maybe a therapy group or a support group. Maybe just a friend. You meet at a coffee shop who says how are you and instead of saying im fine just say im not doing too good today to be honest. And when you open up a little bit just be careful there are people who will abuse you when you are down. The aim is only to share your story with others. Not to rely on anyone to heal you. Just somone to be with while you heal yourself. I have also found when i was so desperate for help and was desperate to find answers i ended up in some situations where people were taking advantage. Nobody can be your parent and if you open that trust people can do more harm. But when you stand along side people as peers and as equals that is a much safer situation. Hope that helps somewhat as i would have you come over for tea and pet my dogs and cats if i could. Animals are sometimes the best therapy and dog owners are very very good people to talk to when out and about. If you want and need. A friend who doesnt care if you stink then a dog is the friend for you. And they will help you make more friends too. They break the ice when we dont know how. Bless you❤
Hey I can relate to your coping mechanisms. It may not be the healthiest, although unless we are willing to try something different then we will get more of the same. to deal with things alone, is not the worst ever. Yes it has its draw backs as you mentioned above. But so it is, we must remain strong.
Want to add: this is how people go from one panic-attac (equals trauma) to a whole complex anxiety disorder. People do not allow themselves to have the reaction because they are ashame, so they become afraid of triggering the reaction and it takes over all areas of their lives.
I'm 64 and whenever I hurt myself around others I act like nothing happened, or downplay it. I always worried that I was a burden to my parents. My older sister said I was a "mistake", that no woman in her 40's plans on having a baby. I was always sensitive to others emotions. And my own emotions . I cried a lot, but did it in private. Now I find myself isolating myself from others. I just feel burned out. Anyway, thanks for your video, I think it shed some light on how some of my core beliefs affected my interaction with the world.
Funxtional freeze. We are numbing out, disassociating, shutting down, disconnecting from our body, our life force, our energy, our internal physiiology, but we are remaining functional.
i'm only 20 years old, and this video 100% resonates with me. I am going to have to save this for later and come back to it because I literally started dissociating while watching. It's a very sensitive subject and I have so many memories coming up now. It all makes so much more sense now. My parents never knew how to regulate their own emotions, and still don't. I consider myself to be more emotionally mature than most of the adults in my family. I'm really young to be doing all of this work and trying to heal. I'm so happy that I found this channel and that the internet gives young people like me who are hurting and want to escape a cycle of abuse before it is too late a chance to learn and do so. I want to heal before i have children so that i do not end up putting my own kids through what my brother and i went through and probably many generations of trauma passed down to us.
@kelsee7010, welcome! I'm glad you found Irene's channel and this work.Since it sounds like you're new around here, I'll share a link to a New Here? resource that Irene created - irenelyon.com/new-here/
Wow! Finally someone who I can relate to. I'm also in my early 20s and I never see anyone young commenting. It feels like so much to be doing this so early in life but it's a good thing in the long term. Crazy how much of a difference this information makes in understanding everything. Nothing made sense to me either until I saw it this way. I still have a long way to go but it's nice knowing I'm not the only young person on this journey!
Bless you 🙏
I hope you're healing and are able to enjoy life while you're at such a young age. 🤗
My entire childhood I was dismissed no matter how hard I tried.. straight A's I til 6th grade, people pleaser, etc nothing was good enough.. I was punished for accidents, told my pain wasn't real or it was my fault that it happened.. I have overcome a LOT but I still feel the struggle! Thank you so much for making these videos ❤
I love to hear stories of people with regulated ANS and how they deal with traumatized events. I read a story where a person was in a car accident. A stranger went to his aid and said "I'm here and I'm staying with you. Help is coming." That was powerful. I think SBSM should have a lab devoted to these stories so we can see what a person with a regulated ANS look and sound like. Everyone I know is disregulated.
Caroline Yunker, thanks for your feedback. I'll pass your suggestion along.
I'll also mention that events in themselves don't create the trauma, rather trauma happens when what we experience is more than we have the capacity to hold and move through in the moment.
If we have regulated people with us, supporting us, and also experience the conditions that support our biological response to what's happening, then the likelihood of trauma is much less. - Jen from Team Lyon
That's interesting. Cuz I have CPTSD - I've had my share of meltdowns, emotional flashbacks, and still deal with triggers. Yet I am really calm in a crisis.
For example, you reminded me of a situation I was in many years ago. I was in a pretty bad car accident when I was 16 (I'm 54 now). Our car was rear-ended, everyone was out of the cars. My older brother was driving. The other driver was this tiny lady who plowed into our car going pretty fast. I saw her daughter sitting on the curb, looking really sad and confused. So I sat down and talked to her. I don't remember how old she was - just younger than me. I didn't even notice I was hurt. When I got home, my neck started hurting really bad. I focused all my attention on the little girl - and felt no pain while I was at the accident scene.
I wonder if being calm during chaos is because I got used to it, from how I grew up? Lots of yelling and anger. I was - and am - one of those "sensitive" people. I wonder if we're born that way? I know my situation as an infant was very complicated - and that probably contributed a whole lot to my sensitivity. But no one knew enough about attachment and developmental psychology in 1968, when I was born.
If people around me are in danger or stressed by something I am drawn to them. I have this thing where I have to make sure people are safe. ESPECIALLY women. That's probably because I've been raped and involved with abusive men. It's instinctive to protect other people now cuz sometimes I can sense things they can't. Maybe I'm a little over-cautious - I certainly don't trust people. God I hope that means I finally learned something and NO MORE bad men.
Lol. I quit men years ago. Nope. No bad men when I'm single - and LOVING it!! 🥰🙃
However..... I really would like a dog. 🐾🐾🐕🦺🐶
@@UA-camAddictcreatedbyGoogle That sounds like the "fawn" response, which is about pleasing & doing what's safe.
I have found cranio-sacral therapy very helpful in nervous system regulation. It’s a very gentle therapy but very effective.
My whole life from birth to 62. 4 out of a family of 6 have physically attacked me. Others joined in. Grew up in an abusive household. Everyone was beaten in front of me. Told to be seen and not heard and not to speak unless spoken to. I was a burden/embarrassment. Didn't really know how to negotiate life. Punch to the head as a teen was the last straw so ran. Seem to attract it now past 12 years have been particularly bad. Numb most of my life. 3 random street attacks. I've been groomed spat on raped etc so no more relationships with men. Adhd cptsd a/d. 10th year of ASB from 3rd set of neighbours with no support. Can add racism as well. Now they're dying and the hypocrisy is real
That's pretty rough. Yet you're still here. You're tough, man. Salute ❤
ASB? A/d? Don’t know what those mean and i am certain that when we suffer a certain number of traumas early in life without proper support it then makes us susceptible to future opportunists; our body language, our language, our intuition all messed up. I faired ok in adulthood after a hellish childhood that i didn’t even know was hellish till much older, less dissociated and realized how bad it had been and damage done…i think it becomes harder in old age, like most everything, when not treated.
I am really sorry that you went through that. You are walking proof that humans make it through. Hugs to you
Holy shit!
When you described how the child attunes to their caregiver and then changes their response…
Wow. Makes so much sense!
So grateful to have stumbled on your channel.
I usually wait until I’m alone and safe to feel my feelings, ever since I was little if I got hurt I felt shame and would hide to cry and recover. All this makes so much sense now.
When I started watchin therapists' videos I was surprised that there are people out there NOT shaming a 1, 2, 5 year old for falling. So... this says a lot!
I discovered Body Armoring yesterday which led me to a fantastic mind blowing article that led me to YOUR CHANNEL!!!! I'm BLOWN away by this video and your other ones as well!
I lived for 10+ years in "functional freeze" due to being married to a narcissist-rage-machine....a man that would explode out of nowhere. Sleeping next to this person my body was _terrified_ of for 14 years really, REALLY screwed up my nervous system 😢
On top of growing up with a dad who also had rage issues.
My jaw muscles turn to stone, and it spreads to my face, head and neck. Now, when I lay down (and sometimes out of nowhere during the day) my jaw starts to freak out. It starts small and grows into my jaw muscles being SO clenched that I can barely function~ the migraines this causes are horrendous!
THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!!! I'm having so many mind blowing epiphanies from your videos!
Liked and Subscribed my friend❤
@starlingswallow9406, welcome! It's so great to hear that watching Irene's videos has resonated so deeply with you and is leading to epiphanies.
It sounds like you're new around here, so you might also check out Irene's New Here? page to learn more about Irene and this work. Here's a link: irenelyon.com/new-here/
Aw man, praying for your continued healing. The plus side is that today, you are more aware of what your body is telling you when you feel those jaw clenching moments. It’s pretty powerful how our body speaks to us when we fall out of the slightest alignment.❤
Thank you for sharing this content with us. If the government provided a budget to provide free mandatory courses for every parent/caregiver to learn how to be emotionally attuned to their children, we would have a less traumatized society.
If we funded government differently and worked 30 hours a week with another 5 hours mandatory civic duty…being all up in government’s business we’d still have 5 more hours to binge watch reality shows, play games and get butt implants, LOL?
It’s a great idea. Implementing new ideas like how we emotionally attune to our children will need
to come from us. At the grass roots level tho. Could certainly be done and financing from hospitals ? idk but in the weeks after having your baby. There are lots of books out like this for parents now. I can’t remember the title but 22 years ago I read a good one might have even been called Connected Parenting… something close. It included good writing prompts for me, the parent, to understand myself and become clearer or more regulated in myself/nervous system/well being. It was really helpful.
@@MS-bs8dd Also Dr. Shefali offers courses on Conscious Parenting.
That would require people to trust government/ authority/ education/ healthcare figures.
Whoa, when you said we “button it up” regarding suppressing the pain, it hit me that that’s exactly the phrase my dad used to say to me in those situations!!
Thank you so much for this video! The Crappy Childhood Fairy directed me here to your channel. I have rarely heard the word "meddling" be used to describe parents of children who underwent childhood trauma and neglect. My own parents I've suspected were quite meddlesome and were the very embodiment of "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". They were well-intended but meddlesome, and reminds me of that old story where a man sees a fresh butterfly struggle to emerge from their cocoon. Caught in their own narrative decides to help the butterfly but unfortunately, robs the butterfly of a natural chrysalis process where the struggle would have strengthened the wings. The butterfly was saved, but now weak, underdeveloped and easy prey.
I'm seeing how much of these interferences and meddlesomeness has played a role in my own development. In Scenario B, the panic you describe in caregivers so well is what I was constantly faced with. My parents very much catastrophized any setback, regardless of whether they were minor or major. Their reaction was often out of proportion to the actual event. It often derailed me (as in hijacked my focus) and caused me to focus on their pain instead of my own. Their panic overwhelmed me more than my own pain anyway, so that was the justification I subconsciously used to tune in to their feelings and needs instead. It's a strange place to be because caregivers who mean well but are ultimately clueless still go on to cause massive damage in their child due to the constant interruptions and interferences. And then it becomes our responsibility to undo the damage done.
One of the things I loathe about the catastrophizers is that they are making someone else's setback into a chance to get lots of attention for themselves by having a bigger reaction. It's stealing someone else's pain, and the care they might otherwise get.
@@lynnlytton8244 Exactly, and unfortunately my own parents don’t have that level of self awareness. It’s as they say, “they make everything about them”. They project and they react to their own projections. It was exhausting and I eventually just cut them off.
I think I initially would attune to them and thought soothing their catastrophizatiojs will help them see (and learn) that there is nothing to worry about. But all it did was make them more dependent on me instead of learning to have agency and control their behavior (respond vs react).
In the process, their dependency on me just got me even more parentified and began stunting my own growth. I have more peace and meaning in my life now, away from parents who never chose to emotionally grow up/become mature.
When my daughter was young and hurt herself, I would immediately pick her up and breathe deeply and her breath would match mine. I thought what I was doing was the best response. Now not so sure. I thought both me and my daughter have the freeze response sometimes from narcissistic family dynamics. I am so happy to find this channel. I will pass this along so my daughter has better skills to use with her one year old son, as he grows.
That you are open to better is fantastic…so many people can’t or wont look at past potential improvements…your family will benefit for generations.
I am in tears right now as I listen to this video. I was raised by a mother like exactly C. But only wear I blamed for falling off a bike, I was raged at for being an idiot. I am STUCK in my trauma. I am frozen. I have been five years no contact with her and I am in an incredibly healthy marriage, yet I have no tools to be a good wife to him. He doesn't deserve my rashness during confrontation but I have no idea how to heal😢
I sat with ayahuasca several months ago and got a vision of my inner child shivering in the corner.
Alone. Feeling unsafe. Deeply traumatized.
This video is so validating.
Thank you.
My parents; particularly my father were not safe for me.
My dad was often dissociated himself or he shamed me because he was uncomfortable.
I am so committed to healing, for myself and my dad and everyone in my history and future.
Thank you so much.
This particular video was a huge lightbulb.
I’ve been dissociated and numb most of my life.
Survival response of people-pleasing, placating and playing small.
It all makes sense.
Now to forgive myself, and my caretakers, and move forward.
Whew.
Being a human being is so fascinating !
You never know how frozen you are until someone comes along and lights a fire.
Love 💕 this
On point 👏
As a parent, I feel so grateful to listen to your lectures! Thanks with love!!!😍😍😍😍😍
This makes me sad, when my kids hurt themselves i did say you're OK you"re ok. Cuddling them and with a kind voice, but still it is a disappointment to know I had not allowed them space to react to injuries (minor).
Thank you so much for explaining the freeze response. I grew up with an alcoholic father. One of my first memories of him was fear, not physically, but verbally and mentally. Today when I’m confronted with criticism or aggression I freeze and cannot defend myself. My mind goes blank. I think though I pretty much live in this state although in a milder form. Procrastination is a huge problem for me. I zone out and prefer to watch too much Netflix and just sit. Growing up in the 60’s I never had an adult try to help me sort out my emotions. My mom never asked me how I felt although she could clearly see my stress. By 12 years old I was hair pulling and being bullied at school because I think I was seen as a target.
I have been walking in the park for some time now, and while I feel somewhat better from all the moving around and fresh air (i'm a freezer too), I also see quite often that situation when parents are trying to shut up their toddles from crying (in all ways described in a video, even literally by telling to shut up or by ridiculing their emotions "there is nothing to cry about"). Like, they care more about their own comfort or comfort of strangers or being viewed as bad parents more than what do they teach their very young kids... So depressing to see that and how it's seems to be prevalent where I live. Parents so badly need some education about this, but they probably don't even realise it.
I have disorganized attachment. I recall when I was around 10 that I smashed my head and was curled up in pain. My abusive father came to see if I was ok, as I held my head in pain I told him to leave me alone. I never realized the significance of that memory- by such a young age, I was already conditioned to be so uncomfortable and rejected of receiving loving comfort. To this day when I experienced pain, am upset, or another negative experience I just want to be alone.
Hurting myself in public causes me to minimize the pain/injury due to the immense embarrassment. That hurts worse.
@age93, Jen here from Irene's Team. It sounds like you have awareness about your history and partners and how they show up, which can be an important aspect of healing. It's not easy, and we do find that the ability to allow others to support and care for us (and us for them), and to meet our experience with greater acceptance often grows as people explore this work over time. I'll link to a video from one of Irene's students that came to mind when I read your post.
Breaking Through Fear via Somatic Self Touch - ua-cam.com/video/qEt-73E52pk/v-deo.html
Was ambidextrous in grade school, scolded & knuckles struck with yard stick for using left hand. Primarily right hand dominant, but use left still for some stuff. Amazing how time flies by, being from the corporal punishment in schools era fortunately toward the end of such practices. Also once humiliated when couldn't get the teacher's attention, being dismissed when seeking a bathroom pass & ended up wetting self in front of the entire class while waiting for permission. As teen, young adult was diagnosed with epilepsy but believe it was actually PNES from psychological distress. Good information for better understanding - thank you.
Hi Devlynne. Seth here with Team Lyon. Yes, those were the bad old days for sure, I'm sorry you had to live through that. If you feel that you are still being affected by those events, this work can help! This is the best place to start.... irenelyon.com/new-here/
Can there possibly be a video explaining more “dysfunctional” freeze. Very serious depressions where the most you can do is shower , brush your teeth etc. go out to do something small like a walk etc .
Is this a more conditioned response if it lasts too long, or more of a mental thing? And if she can discuss overcoming the overwhelms of getting out . Cleaning fully , etc
Wow! This explains what happened to me during my first panic attack. I couldn’t move my limbs! I couldn’t breathe and my mom had to come get me from college math class and ended up taking me to the Emergency Room. Since then I’ve been studying anxiety and arming myself with knowledge. I appreciate this information so much! ❤
I started to feel really anxious by listening this. I recognize that I’ve been in functioning freeze and suppressing my needs and emotions, I switch so quickly to function and get things done, almost like with obsession, only to burn out. I get so anxious by the stress and take it on to others, there is so much anger instead take time to process how I feel ..my reaction from that overwhelm is that I haven’t been able to be enough for my son and to his needs and just try to hurry back to normal. Actually I get angry that he’s hurt same way that I get angry with all the other “burdens”. I think my parents behaved the same way..with starting to fuzz or with anger. Another form of suppressing is to avoid and spiritual by passing.
I would love to do your program one day! ❤
@IntuitiveHealingLife, Jen here from Team Lyon. It sounds like you have a lot of awareness about your patterned responses.
And it's great that you're interested in exploring Irene's program some day. In the interim, I wanted to make sure you knew that she has plenty of free resources so definitely check them out.
She also offers a shorter course that you can start at any time called the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up (the cost is applied to the cost of SmartBody SmartMind should you join in the future).
Her Drop In class recordings can be another great way to dive into this work. I'll share a few links in case you'd like to check them out.
21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com/
Drop In Class recordings - irenelyon.com/drop-in-class-1
*Amen 🙏🏾. I’m praying that the Holy Spirit will fill everyone one that hears this message. Bless them Lord. Amen🙏🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤❤*
One of my children has extremely irrational emotions. It has been so interesting that as his father and I have appropriately approached these feelings, the emotions have regulated into “normal” reactions of life. If we had not been educated enough on the subject and overreacted ourselves, I don’t think that would be the case for them now. Also, as they get older, it is so interesting (and a little scary!) to see how as a little one they were irrational with a knee scrape, but now preteen emotions are so much more in depth and detailed. As parents, we should never be doing “the best we can”; we should constantly be learning, growing, and trying to be BETTER than we are.
By irrational do you mean more intense than you think they should have felt?
Knee scrape not knew scrape… haha
Why call it irrational? That’s sort of implying children need to be rational. Children are learning and developing. So they can’t really be irrational, they could be inexperienced and learning.
What is an “irrational emotion”?
Maybe he has emotional disregulation and not a clue how to deal with it?
Thanks a Million, Irene!!! ✨️❤️🔥✨️
Now imagine what Tracy Hogg and her way of dealing with babies crying done ☹️☹️☹️ Trauma and bond issues guaranteed from the very beggining. She was very popular in 90'.
Thank you, beloved Soul! This was crystal clear and incredibly helpful!
Wow! Thank you! I didn't know any of this! Glad that I found you! Amazing stuff!
Thank you Irene 🥰🥰🥰
Great advice as usual thank you 💓
Know this stuff.
Will listen again.
Appreciate how you package this.
Loving these videos with full meaningful content we can use and relate to immensely. thankyou.
I'm pretty grown now and far beyond childbearing (at 67) but this is a Great video, to share with some clients Thank you for all your excellent videos Irene Lyon
Thats how I intuitivly reacted with my son. This is such an important video! Thank you sooo much! 🙏❤
I have heard some people feel they have tell the child “you’re fine” so that the child learns that they are/ will be fine. It’s become so common to respond to kid’s (and adults) pain in this way. And then when you think of how this applies to emotional/psychological pain, which often results in the kid having a tantrum, it such important information to know and can really change the way people interact with each other.
Thank you soo much for this! You rock the free world!
We need Chinese subtitles on these to share with the personnel of education entities in the East who use shaming, shouting and emotional supression in the classroom with children as little as 2 years old.
Scenario C. That's exactly how I talk to myself when I am going through pain.. That inner critic is so loud. The number of times I shame myself a day wuueehh telling myself that I am stupid or being stupid or reminding myself that I have really screwed up. Thank you. The work starts today.
Wow, this was very helpful. Thank you 🌻
I´m very glad to have found this channel. I have a very long and difficult road ahead, but I hope that I can make it through this.
Thank you Irene ❤
Excelent explanation. Thank you. Blessings...🌹
Thank you for this. I listened today - feb 2024 and it makes so much sense. Although some of it isn’t new the way you’ve explained it just clicked with me and I sighed deeply and felt this. I am close to 40, and trip and fall a lot…. Way more than is normal. It’s scary, it’s maddening, it’s terrifying, and so many more emotions. Recently whenever I fall I’ve just left myself sit or lie wherever I am (usually the trails when out jogging or hiking!) and scream or cry and sob; this has felt so absurd and goes against my natural inclination to just get up and keep going, but that little part of me just needs to wail, and now I’m realizing that as a little person I wasn’t allowed to wail. Or scream. Or sob loudly. Or emote with a capital E.
and I’ve noticed that if I do let myself just have the emotion I “feel” the urge of during the incident my actual physical healing (aches and pains, scrapes and wounds, bruises and minor impact traumas) heal faster. You’ve just explained that all…. Thank you so much. I’m saving up and can’t wait to take the sbsm!!!
When you talked about how wild animals don't get ptsd because they don't have the conditioning like us humans... I immediately thought about how I had to catch a feral kitten that was in the colony I cared for, because he needed to be euthanized and when I grabbed him to put him in a carrier he cried out and his mother came flying around the corner ready to tear me apart. She stopped when she saw it was me cuz she trusted me but omg that moment will stay with me forever. Animals are so good at "good enough parenting ".
Sorry, what do you mean he "Needed to be euthanized" ...
He needed to be euthanized.
Why?
He needed to be murdered.
Why?
Why we humans feel the intense urge to murder when it is good for us, but not for them?
The mom trusted you with her child.
But you where part of the murder that was going to happen and the mom's trust she gave you was worthless.
You where NOT trustworthy.
Why do humans have an overpowering, intens, compulsive need to 'control' to be 'in charge' and 'dominating' everyone that lives and breathes?
How whould you feel when some 'who you gave your trust 'takes away your child' to murder him/her?
I say all this, because i want people to think about their behavior and want them to think, feel why they do nasty things to others, while at the same time they pretend to be good and help.
Athrocities allways start with this kind of behavior and atitude. History repeats itself over and over again.
Btw.
How is it possible ones again, that we believe animals do not get ptsd?
It is not even realistic to think this.
oh what a sad story!
I once trapped a litter of feral kittens and took them to an adoption place. The mother had gained my trust, she even brought them to introduce me to them one time. That moment blew me away. So I have always felt just awful for stealing her kittens.
@Captain_MonsterFart yeah it's a terrible feeling... I still take care of that mama cat. Her name is Bebe. She is the sweetest thing. Started out completely feral, and I'm the only person who can get near her, but she loves me and I am so grateful to be her person. Feral cats are very hard to win over, gaining their trust says alot about a person's character in my opinion. 😊
This is so perfect!
Its not easy sometimes to listen to this woman speak about this work. There is so much to say....and at times it seems like she barely draws breath for the amount of information there actually is to really paint the picture adquately so her words take you there in the storyline of event in the past recreation....but when you can listen....the images are so powerful and connecting!! Its such amazing recounting and imagined returning!!! Thankyou Irene!!! ❤❤❤
This is so clear and helpful thank u
Thank you so much for sharing this information. I tend to functionally freeze, and am working to learn how to self regulate myself, so I can be a better parent.
Love it!! Thank you so much
🥴 I was forced to be left handed! At age 87 I dripped two drops of sauce on her precious stove my “mom” shoved me so forcefully I was slammed against the wall 4ft away. Then she followed me yelling at me for five minutes. This was my life.
Sorry about that, really 😢
I hope that you are healing by making sense of it through explanations like these
I was 7 years old. My sister was 6. We were riding together on the pony cart when all of a sudden I dropped one of the reins, spooking the pony who took off running. I immediately jumped off but my sister held on screaming. The black Smith and daddy were able to grab her off the cart which ended up sideways on the side of the barn wall. My mother looked at me and screamed YOU COULD HAVE KILLED YOUR SISTER!!! I'm 61 now. Still remember it. There are things in my past like everyone else except these are mine. I am careful not to get into a self pity attitude and not to gaslight myself or others... I can't help but wonder how much in denial I am. Thanks, one of these days I hope to become a patron. Right now we're still exploring.
Omg! You poor child. You had no way of knowing.
Love u so much Irene, ur so amazing for sharing this knowledge. Its very complex n I hav no brains but u explain it perfectly in a way I totally understand like iv never understand anythin in my life as much as I understand your words ❤️ u feel like a mother figure to Me even tho ur probs same age as me. Lol I'm 32 now, been abused for 20 yrs from my dad who was released from a mental facility since I was 12 n horrific sexual abuse at 12 by somebody else.
Hearing you4 words is so precious to me n educating is so important.
You are like a mother figure so pure ✨️ 💖 n so beautiful inside n out. Thankyou for this knowledge
What an eye opener😮
So true. Many parents gaslight their kids knowledge about their bodies and sensory experiences. My parents meta-message to me was to not inconvenience them.
Thank You and the Algorithm exact to what i would most likely find either by dumb luck and persistence and or 2 year process by information trail/hike/explore/expedition, regardless THANK YOU FOR YOU AND YOUR CARE SHARE WORK!
in a perfect world we would have others, but we don't. but we are learning.
Been struggling with depression for about 30 years (I am now 63). I have had counselling, etc, and am on medications. I still experience depressive "episodes", sometimes for months. I just can not handle conflict, anger, comfrontation, etc. In fact my tolerance for conflict and controntation is extremely low .... at least that is what it seems to me......as a child and teen ager I was always described as being very "placid". I will do almost anythjng to avoid these situations. I have been unable to desribe my "feelings". But perhaps this idea of "functional freeze" is the best description of what I "feel" when facing these situations. For example: when my spouse is upset with me, I just do not know how to respond ..... my brain just goes into a spasm ... goes "numb" ..... I start to spiral down into negativity and depression...... sometimes I don't even know what I have done ......... I just cannot express myself or my feelings ...... I want to put things right .... but don'tknow how ...... I just want to curl up, go to sleep and never wake up ...... I continue to function....talk, eat, sleep, work, etc ..... but...... the "numbness" in my mind/brain just won't go away ...... I tend to feel this numbness more in the back of my head/skull........is this what you are trying to describe.......
I appreciate these shorter videos thank you
Great video.
Poor lil Suzie.lol
Great explanation.
I've been confused for 20 years .
Thanks I like the way you explain.
Subscribed
Yes ♥️ So called mirroring.Adults need to mirror to a child an emotion they feel in order to learn it, process it and let go...not to dismiss or invalidate it which often hapens unfortunately
So helpful thank you! This has me wondering about cutting. My young niece cuts and her mom, myself and my mom have all been overprotective of her since she was an infant. She’s suffering from a myriad of mental health issues. I’ve read that cutting is a way to feel in control which makes me think maybe it relates back to those early years and the fall off of the bike like you were talking about. How we as the caregivers responded to their pain by rushing to their aid and providing comfort rather than allowing them to experience the pain. Perhaps that’s what is behind the cutting a memory of pain associated with the over comfort of the caregivers and they are trying to recreate that comfort and self soothing by bringing about their own pain. Fascinating video. Thank you.
Thanks for scenario c. My response said thats well known. I realize an inner shivering, coldness. It's ok. I'm a mom and i trained myself to regulate. Because i knew at age seven that there is something wrong. Now i kind of have a mom within myself. Just remember her♥️ connecting then it's loosening up.
And this will help me with my parenting. Thank you very much
Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤
When i was 4 or 5 my mom said we were playing a trick on my dad by changing the locks and it was funny. Little did i know he was horribly abusive to my mom behind closed doors he was an amazing dad. Well dad talked me into opening the door. They start arguing and he starts hitting mom with a fire log i try to stop him he shoves me and continues trying to murder my mom i look up my brother is behind dad and dad is on top of mom my brother is about to plung a butcher knife into dad dad is murdering mom I'm about to lose half my family. I screamed mom yelled at larry my brother dad leaves mom has multiple skull fractures and now at age 50 i am just finding out the long term effects of this horrific child hood trauma.
I didn't have any one to care about my wounds 💔. I'm yelled at for letting my hurt be seen. I'm told that I am toxic and to get over it. I'm basically told that I don't matter
Hi Irene thank you, I am working with a somatic experiencing therapist and cranial sacral in one, I have been working through chronic freeze....there are moments of feeling regulation, when I'm in "freeze" I notice I forget my passions and my interests, and feel absolutely blank about who I am and what I live for. Its a bizarre feeling to meet daily. Would it be worth making a video about how being in dorsal vagal correlates to "identity loss" or feeling dis orientated from who we are how we talk what our manerisms are etc ...even beyond freeze, learning or discovering who I am without this big trauma blanket feels really hard sometimes...I am wondering if you have any light to share about this over all topic.
I hope this made sense
Aurora Casadel, Jen here from Team Lyon. What you shared about forgetting your passions and feeling blank and disconnected from yourself is characteristic of freeze. As you described, we can feel a loss of self when we're in this state - it's the state that mammals (including humans) go into when they are preparing for death when feeling less is desirable.
Irene talks about the impacts of freeze in many of her resources and in the course and program she teaches. You might also be interested in hearing Seth talk about his experience. I'll share a few links in case you want to check them out.
free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
The Ill Effects of Dysregulated Parenting - irenelyon.com/2022/10/23/the-ill-effects-of-dysregulated-parenting/
Healing out Resistance to making money, exercising, and living in the matrix - ua-cam.com/video/Yebx-llgwYY/v-deo.html
@@IreneLyonI still don’t understand, can you provide a link to some video/course that helps people to heal from chronic freeze response?
I feel the same every single day. I don’t really see any hope…is it possible to connect with you somewhere?
I feel like I could've wrote this exact thing if I could understand what happens to me over half my life. Could you give me some info of these therapies you've tried that have helped you? It seems like you have a good awareness of these things. I had a severe traumatic brain injury 11 years ago and it is unbelievable all that has come along with it and the hardest part is I can't put into words what it is that's going on so that I could attempt getting some help.
That phrase...'trauma blanket'...really hit home for me....because that is EXACTLY how it feels!
Have you ever tried 'weighted blankets'?...I found them very grounding, & soothing, when I had the temporary experience of sleeping under one for a few weeks...it really made a big difference to my nervous system.
Hi Team Lyon,
Thank you (Irene and her team) for all the great work you're doing. I'm curious to hear what Irene's perspective is on practicing trauma-informed, gentle yoga for coming out of a functional freeze state? Thank you.
Dylan Guess, Jen here from Team Lyon. Gentle movement can often be supportive in shifting out of freeze response and everyone is different. If it feels supportive to your system, that's what matters.
We do find that practices like gentle yoga can often be complementary to working with the nervous system to grow capacity and regulation, and they don't typically grow this regulation in and of themselves.
Thank you Irene for this helpful video !
I don't understand how animals such as deers in nature, that live in constant fear and stress from their preditors, don't get PTSD, and come back to normal life quickly after a frightening event.
Could you please explain ?
Excellent.
12:23 For some reason my natural response was always to let them cry for a second, try not to respond and when they’d look at me I’d say, “come here,” and then give them hugs.
Thank you
Thank you for these videos, Irene. I just found your channel and have watched two of your videos so far. The two videos I watched referenced childhood dysfunction as the cause of nervous system dysregulation. I am wondering, do you have any videos that talk about experiencing abuse as an adult (e.g. domestic violence)? If so, can you point me in that direction? Thanks!
Situation 3 really relates to me. Or maybe I’m stuck between freeze and fight.
I find myself in a continuous state of anxiety. I was diagnosed with general anxiety. They say it is when you are stuck in past or further irrational thoughts. But this is not the case for me. I continuously feel this all consuming unrest in my body without worrying about anything specific at all. I have let go of the past and try not to worry about anything too much. I’ve tried all these things for many years now : emdr, cbt, meditation ( really difficult in this continuous state of agitation) but nothing seems to relieve this tension. Going from not feeling at all to emotional about everything , going from not sharing and talking to over sharing and talking too much, being nervous all the time.
Certain people should not be allowed to have children. It’s not just about giving birth and feeding but everything in between before you can safely release them in the world. 😢
So watching this, I’m thinking maybe I was misdiagnosed with the anxiety. Hope thru this chanel I can pick up some useful how-to’s and start feeling relaxed soon
It doesn't have to be a physical injury - I have had this from emotional upsets too.
As an adoptee...I have lived in fight or flight all my life and it has done a number on my health. That trauma has never left and only got worse after molestation as a little girl. All messed up. Went thru fibro...adrenal fatigue... autoimmune...hairless...whole metabolic panel... bedridden a couple years...the icing on the cake is the narcissistic man I married who is a constant trigger...separated now.
Wish a video would come out in regard to adoption.
@karenkuske5667, Jen here from Team Lyon. I'm sorry to hear about all that you've been through. Irene doesn't yet have a video dedicated to the topic of adoption, and I'll link to a few related videos:
Breaking through fear via somatic self-touch. Patti's SBSM Success Story - ua-cam.com/video/qEt-73E52pk/v-deo.html
Q&A w/ Irene, Seth, & Janice. Special focus on healing early & developmental trauma - ua-cam.com/video/78Qix0D6eLk/v-deo.html
Fascinating! Wondering what happens to small child who isn’t comforted when they are ready for it, and their primary adult is present?
My father withheld comfort to “toughen” me up. I believed (and still believe) that he wished I was someone else. Im 53. I have a past full of partners who didnt treat me well and I didnt even know it. I thought thats how people are; dismissive, selfish, cruel.
I became that way during my divorce. I wanted to sleep every chance I got. My provider said to fight it. She told me never to go to bed before 10 pm, and cut back to 6-8 hours.
I think you wanted to sleep at every chance you got to calm down your nervous system to minimize brain damage to avoid high stress and the chemical releaze by those who are needed, but fry your brain and damages your body.
Your cortisol and other chemicals helps you to cope with high stress, but has also a downside to it for your body and brain, especially prolonged high cortisol levels.
If someone does not produce enough cortisol and so on in stressful situations, you also can not cope with stress situations.
The adrenals need to be in good shape to release cortisol.
But chronic or to high stress at once can cause adrenal fatigue and much more.
Your body tried to protect you by sleeping more.
When you sleep, your body and brain can recup and like that you avoid further damage in your body.
Check also adrenal fatigue and Addisons disease.
Thank you.
My husband died when my son was 5. I told him what had happened and he went into his bedroom and stood there alone for some minutes.
He did not cry and he did not show many emotion about his loss, but seems to "freeze".
Seems he got stuck in "freeze" allthough I have shown my feelings about the loss, talked about it to him, asked him how he felt, told him it's ok to be sad or angry, but can't do anything about hi beeing in this freeze state.
He says everything is ok.
So relatable
Thank you. This explains this fear that always pops up all the time which is very unhelpful. I had a parent who was very harsh and critical growing up and that feeling of not being safe still haunts me. It affected me so strongly that I was unable to maintain a pregnancy and then was unable to get pregnant again. Hormones are more powerful than we realize, especially the emotions they are affected by and what we feel. That cycle and how we come to peace, calm and feel safe is a key I struggle to find.
I chronically had that toxic shaming you talk about even into my teenage years and beyond until the parent passed away. She believed and even told me, when i was an adult, after I said that what was being said was hurtful, that I deserved to be hurt. I am not sure what I did other than being born that deserved constant shaming and punishment. My parent may have been narcissistic, definitely quite immature regarding emotional intelligence, probably had PTSD as she grew up in the thick of WW2 and saw things that no child should experience and was very envious person. I just never clued in that she was jealous and envious of me. Now I struggle with turning that fear response off. Being on high alert all the time is taking it's toll on my body no doubt.
this is a perfect example of how being a hoover parent loves ruins our children versus god loves that allows us to experience ,feel then comunicate through prayer my needs and wants. thank you
The Robert Scaer quote is from The Body Bear the Burden
Irene, when will you have another Smart Body Smart Mind class? I REALLY need this!!! ❤❤❤
Hi there @starlingswallow9406, Susan here from Team Lyon. The next round of SmartBody SmartMind (SBSM) begins in September. Registration takes place from Sept 12-19, 2023. Be sure to get on the waitlist here - smartbodysmartmind.com/ - to receive updates and information about the upcoming registration.
Ah, this is life changing. Tonight something happened that provoked a trauma response due to ptsd. I definitely felt disregulated, to say the least- intense "activation" ( I like this term).
great video