The Sex Expert: "Casual Sex Is Almost Always Dangerous For Women!" - Louise Perry
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- Опубліковано 30 чер 2024
- Louise Perry is a British journalist and host of the ‘Maiden Mother Matriarch’ podcast. She is also press officer for the charity, ‘We Can’t Consent To This’ and author of the book, ‘The Case Against The Sexual Revolution: A New Guide to Sex in the 21st Century’.
0:00 Intro
02:21 What are you trying to achieve??
04:24 What does society disagree with you on?
05:00 The trade-offs of the contraceptive pill
06:09 How has sexual culture changed?
07:38 Working in a rape crisis centre
10:28 How to channel men's aggression in the right direction
12:38 The physical differences between men and women
14:07 How men and women differ in their view on sexuality
15:37 Why men are more likely to have casual sex
18:38 How does a culture of casual sex impact women
24:10 Repercussions of casual sex in society
29:33 The lack of communication and education is hurting both genders
31:57 Why women have icks towards men
34:09 Women should listen to their icks
38:49 Women's 6th sense
41:41 There are some jobs women shouldn't do due to biology
47:23 Heroic masculinity
49:01 Social media affecting our view on relationships & dating
51:33 Wait until engagement to have sex
56:50 The dating crisis
01:01:20 Why you should have sex before marriage
01:04:08 Why is marriage good
01:08:12 How likely you're to get divorced
01:11:41 Step-parents vs biological parents
01:15:26 Why are you saying these unpopular opinions
01:20:29 The decline in birth rates
01:25:55 What porn is doing to your brain
01:30:55 Is reproduction at the heart of male motivation?
01:31:42 Unwanted choking during sex
01:34:03 Should we ban porn?
01:41:15 What are we attracted to?
01:45:29 Better looking people bias
01:48:44 The last guest's question
You can purchase Louise’s book, ‘The Case Against The Sexual Revolution: A New Guide to Sex in the 21st Century’, here: amzn.to/4bckkWu
Follow Louise:
Twitter - bit.ly/4b5X4cK
UA-cam - bit.ly/3RtSEVW
We have our first winners for the DOAC raffle! We'll be sending out the prizes and all the information shortly. If you want to take part in this raffle, all you have to do is subscribe to this channel. The raffle continues! If you’re subscribed, you’re in the raffle! Best of luck! x
Yay! Though I'm assuming being that I haven't been informed yet I'm not one of the 1st😢... cool though next time LOL
What is the raffle? Sex. I married someone I did not like sex with thinking he wouldn’t control me. He stole my home mortgage in short $500,000.00 plus equity. If we had good sex I may have known better. I was being grifted
@@MelissaFortunesame hon, same 😢😢😢
So so sad. I would have LOVED to win something in this, however I did assume that since there are over 6 million subscribers, I was absolutely not gonna win anything 😂😂😂
Here’s to us next time, hey?!? ❤❤❤🧚♀️🧚♀️🧚♀️🙏🙏🙏
I actually wouldn't mind forgoing the cash and the audience experience. The 10-minute call helps me a lot more. You are such an awesome interview host.
Love the idea❤
Deciding NOT to have sex with just anyone means having discipline ,self-control, also and sexul empowerment..
i agree and i would even argue that that is actually sexual empowerment, you don't just give in to anyone or any whim you have, also you establish a position of "i have something precious i will only give to select people under certain circumstances"
👏👏👏
Yeah both men and women should be picky. I don’t understand why it has become a criticism that someone is “picky“. Find someone you like & trust before you do something so intimate (and risky)
@@btuesdayThat can be solved by a simple honest conversation.
True, but you've missed the point. Young people don't discuss social constructs and rules of consensual behaviour prior to engaging in some casual fun.
Exercise daily, eat healthy, and keep busy doing meaningful tasks. Forget about soulless sex with strangers. That's just disgusting.
It's not disgusting but it is possibly unhelpful for some people
what about soulless sex inside a long term marriage or relationship ? many assaults and domestic violence and abuse happens within long term relationships and with men that are known to the women.I'm not advocating "casual sex"or sex with strangers"but your point ignores many of the instances wherein domestic abuse and r*pe often happens.R*ape within marriage was not even recognised or outlawed until the 90's bfore that r*ape within marriage was pretty much normalised.
@howareyou857 it is disgusting, and you are putting yourself at risk for STDs. Get control of your brain. Don't be weak and creepy. Gross.
@@howareyou857
Go ahead and put yourself at risk for STDs. Your body, your choice. 🤮
And those who have sex with strangers are putting themselves at risk for STDs. Use your brain to have control and dignity.
My husband and I waited till we were married to have sex, and have been married 34 years. I don’t regret not having sex with multiple partners before I was married.
You missed the point of the video. This video discusses how men force women into sex they’ll know they’ll regret and women having little to no power to stop them.
Congratulations, do you want a medal?
You were lucky you were sexual compatible and that he was a learning committed of guy. Not everyone that marries is actually commutable or emotionally available. Not all
Men try to learn their wives’ sexual needs …
You’re very lucky!
@@XxxX-wx3ersay what?!...u missed the point
Great but this was also like 35 years ago.. Times have changed.
As a young woman navigating the modern world of dating apps, the pill, pornograpgy exc. I've noticed all of these have DEEPLY affected me and my peers in various ways. I am so incredibly happy that she is speaking out about these even though it may seem "controversial"❤ THANK YOU for giving her and her message a huge platform!🙏🏼
'Unpopular' ? Seriously ? What this woman speaks is common sense & of no surprise to anyone able to think critically
Yes. These are also men that don't really want a partner because that takes effort and upkeep
There's also a lot of people who don't have common sense 😕. It is common sense but not a " popular opinion".
Yep
@@Sarah-with-an-Hmore like risk. Men can’t afford the risk of having a woman. We’re viewed as a payday the second they want a divorce, which is initiated by women over 80% of the time. As a result of not taking the risk, the upkeep and effort isn’t needed.
@@Sarah-with-an-H I would add the word unrealistic
before effort and upkeep ------- in a lot of cases
She is so right, trust your instinct. I remember, as a 16-year-old girl, we were at our local festive week and on our way home to be offered a lift from a friend of a friend, and I was ushered into his car it was alright; he would drive me home, as we were driving, he said that he just had to get something from his home, he drove to the camp where he lived but then carried on driving into a field he got out of his car and went to the boot of his car. It was dark, close to midnight, and I felt a woosh of fear while sitting in the passenger seat. I just opened the door and ran towards the road took a giant leap over the ditch with water that was bordering the road. I don't know if he was going to do something, but it felt so wrong and strange for him to drive into a field and then go to the boot of his car that I wasn't going to ask and just had a flight response.
Sounds like you saved your own life!!
Yep, that was a good move.
I’ve heard so many stories like this! And the horrible thing is that you might have prevented something terrible happening to yourself but not to others girls who interacted with this man. And the only way to bring this person to justice is letting the horrible thing happen and surviving it and then for police to find out about it. Which for me sounds horrific😢
Nice story...do you have more?
@@nataliamyliavska8407 Not true. You report it to the police anyway. At least then, if one or more people do the same, the Police will watch him; and at least then, if or when he does commit crimes, they may be able to stop him sooner.
I'm a 72 year old female. People think I'm in my 50's. I take good care of myself. My partner betrayed me online so I started meeting men on Ashley Madison to make myself feel better. It did help. But the sex was bad and unfulfilling. I stopped because I realized casual sex for me is a waste of time. I'd sooner put my energy into weight training
So you went and did to other women what was done to you. Wow you must be proud of yourself. Casual sex is one thing, sex with married men is another.
True!
Lmao!
🤮
Sorry to hear that your partner betrayed you. Thats a hard hit. I agree with you about casual sex being unfulfilling. At the end of one relationship I decided to try casual sex. Only had 2 situationships that were just for sex (with protection, a bit of a germaphobe). The sex was really good at first but within the 3 go round became boring as there was very little feelings there, no soul connection. I only needed 2 different 'experiments" to know I want sex in a commented relationship, just brings the connection to a much higher level.
Everything she has said is completely true. When I was a teenage girl, pretty much every sexual experience I had wasn’t because I actually wanted to have sex, but because I felt pressured socially that if I didn’t, these guys I liked wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I know there’s girls who didn’t give into these pressures and have had much better relationships monogamously. Now that I’m married, I’ve been able to reflect with my husband on how differently we saw things as teenagers, girls need to be honest and bold to say no when they don’t want to have sex.
And boys need to not take advantage of the extreme desperate validation seeking of girls. They know girls don’t want to. They PREFER that. There’s a word for it. Sorry you were so badly abused.
As a girl who wanted it often and who also felt bold enough to say no, to say when, to say how, to kick fight bite and scream….
They prefer it when we say no. They never listened.
Here we go again, another woman failing to take accountability for her actions, and blaming everyone else
@@successartistry3023you’re an NPC incapable of original thought
sooo women dont have hormones and only do it for show while men are naturally horndogs that should be excused?
@@successartistry3023what are you talking about?
She literally said girls need to learn to be honest, say no, and be bold on their boundaries.
How is that not taking responsibility? Who is the OP blaming?
Can you read😂
It is bizarre to me that these are considered 'unpopular opinions.' As a woman I completely relate to everything Louise said.
It's unpopular because the voices are shamed by the loudest
Its unpopular because men control what is considered "valid" in society.
As a man, I also fully endorse her opinions
I think it’s because some may view her stance as placing a moral currency on sexuality. I feel like this is wrong. People are different and that is okay. If a woman wants to wait for marriage- that should absolutely be her choice and she should find a partner that supports it. But if a woman wants to be promiscuous, that is also her choice and i don’t view her any less than the one who waited.
We need to normalize understanding that different people want different things and no one is better than the other. Consent and communication are the keys.
Yes but how old and experienced are you? You dont expect the youth have the same experience and wisdom as yourself, right? ;)
I love that she gave it a name: “empathy gap.” Closing the empathy gap between men and women in both directions is a good first step. Being married for 10 years and raising a son has helped me with that, but growing up with only sisters made me pretty oblivious to the male psyche in my early years.
You can have brothers, as I do and still not understand men.
100%! I wonder though if maybe the reason why women respond to sex in a much more negative way than men do is because of cultures that enable slut shaming? I feel like women for so long were basically forbidden to be able to express their sexuality as free as men and so there is literally generations of shame that's being placed on them.
@@edithead5994 I don't think men respond to sex in a positive way. Look at porn, it is all about destroying and violating women through sex.
@@edithead5994well, it's not only that women were forbidden to express their sexuality, it's also the fact that for a long time there was no contraception.
All women are oblivious to the male psyche
Why this woman is considered “controversial” is quite alarming and says a lot about the society we’re living in today. To be promoting healthy habits, for both men and women, and healthy happy families, what a monster!
I watch almost every episode and this is one of the few I actually finished in its entirety. Excellent guest, very informative and very important episode.
I would find anyone NOT be considered controversial to be alarming in a society. That would mean we do not allow for different view points, life styles, and opinions to be valid and okay. There is not one way to live you life. And anyone who pushes one way of life, is mostly acting in bad faith and just wants power and control over someone else's life. It is important to ALWAYS be critical. Nobody is always right and always perfect. Not being critical is the basis of unhealthy cults.
Nothing she's saying is controversial...
But even someone as forward thinking as her CAN NOT talk about the elephant in the room.
The cause of everything we are seeing with the breakdown of the mating market has absolutely nothing to do with men. It is entirely women's fault. When 8O% of men are literally invisible to 1OO% of women it by definition can not be men's fault. Women are the sexual selectors, the choosers. Women always have been... and women have always been the way they are currently... women have always been choosy and conniving and hypocritical and the more superficial sex. It is just that social degradation and scalability of women's sexual pickiness and caprice means women can be terrible on a societal and even global scale.
There is nothing men can do to fix this. ONLY women can fix this... and it starts with them being honest. Women need to admit that they don't really want a good man or a stable man... they want the hunky "bad boy" and they want to tame him just enough to be HER bad boy.
Once women admit the truth then men (who have always chased women and changed themselves to attract women) will have a clear and plausible target to aim for. Only then will men be able to become what women are interested in... and women ARE NOT interested in good men or "nice guys". Women are interested in bad boys that give them excitement... they only give in to "nice guys" once the clock starts ticking and they haven't locked down a bad boy (because most women can't).
If women start being honest about what they want, a HUGE MAJORiTY of men will still be invisible to women... but rather than 1OO% of women lusting after and only giving the time-of-day to 5% of men... perhaps we can live in a world where 1OO% of women lust after 45% of men. Then relatively stable pair-bonds might return...
Because a society where only 5%-1O% of men have access to women is a society that dies quickly.
Totally agree. This was one episode I couldn’t help but consume in one go. Wish I watched it with someone to discuss it with them.
I was an 18 year old girl when I reverted to Islam. God protects women because he knows us best!
She is not controversial they are hyping that up. This generation is having the least amount of sex. And if you go on TikTok/IG no academics are saying the same thing she is.
This interview was a breath of fresh air. It feels like those of us who still believe in traditional ideologies are being shoved into a corner and forced to change our beliefs.
But the fact is, you aren't. You can still hold your traditional beliefs and try to teach them to your kids. I agree on a lot of what Louis Perry said in this video but if I had the voice one skepticism I had was that a lot of traditional societies who enforced this monogamous rules also literally left no room for a lot of what people might've wanted to practice in their own individual lives (other religions, gay rights, equal access to general societal priviledges). Just as a random person has more rights living in the west than they might have living under an Islamic state, you have more rights under a liberal government than an average person might have under a conservative/theocratic state.
@@weidchar1646with freedom comes responsibility
@@wLBlue how does that address anything from my comment?
@weidchar1646 it's a deeper conversation...ur comparing more " freedom" in the west to Islam. Many privileges and freedoms in the west are at the cost of others being responsible. Check single mother's etc.
@@wLBlue I'd argue that a lot of these problems can largely be mitigated if people are accorded with the proper education around them. My concern with most of the solutions provided by conservatives is that it seems heavily rooted in a desire to go back to a time where minority groups (lgbt, other religious/non religious groups, and folks who didn't want subscribe to a specific set of norms) were punished or persecuted for their specific lifestyles and seen as less than human. If it is not, then I'd argue it is in large part due to adopting to a certain liberal mindset.
Steven is the best interviewer because he really listens to his guests without pedantic comments or obvious judgement. Love his podcasts.
100% agree. He amazes me & also the fact that he always has interesting questions to make the dialogue richer! I love it
Not for this one though I could feel his biased coming through. I think because he’s not marrying his gf and he felt called out 😅
Sex is never casual even when ppl try to treat it that way. Too many males and females just don’t understand what they’re really engaging in and opening themselves up to. We need a lot more teaching and talks like this. 🙏🏽⚡️🔥❤️🔥
I never experienced casual sex myself. But just basing on what my friend (Who've been engaging in it) told me, it also has to do with loneliness and trying to fulfill this kind of "need" just because not everyone can even afford time, money and emotion to invest in a relationship. Sometimes it's just the sad fact that people wanted all the benefits in the relationship but not the responsibilities that comes with it.
@@MoiraiScarlet it’s a complete opposite to what you describe. A lot of people actually do have the time money to invest into a to one person but they deem it as too stressful or not worth it emotionally find it taxing so always put more effort in casual sex and persuading women to engage with it 😢
We definitely need more education about consequences. Low self esteem can be a reason for engaging in casual sex.
@@ceilconstante640 True. When it comes to education also, it should be a balance of being conservative and liberated view.
Too much conservative approach would censor people on the important things they need to know. While admittingly, being on the other end of extreme liberation is also the reason why people have been neglecting the basics such as emotional intimacy and unhealthy practices.
People should treat sex with more respect. Not a bargaining chip hoping to hold someone hostage or do anything for it, not even pay someone and hope they'll give you that. It's something only reserved for the person who deserved it.
@@MoiraiScarlet it's not a political issue. It's an issue of looking deeply at choices to avoid negative consequences. And learning about how one feels about themselves and how that reflects on their choices.
The only political issue of today is denial of abortion even if a woman and the baby's life is in danger.
Choosing not to engage in sexual activity with anyone signifies discipline, self-control, and sexual empowerment.
Listen to the video. It’s about men forcing and pressuring women into sex they can’t fend off.
or just follow the law.........cause if the women say no......well ....that´s all she wrote isn´t it?
The most heartbreaking thing about this talk is hear about young women who don’t really want sex, go along with it because it’s now the social norm. I hope they get the message, it’s not worth doing something you don’t really want to do just because it’s normal now. Having sex never a way to get commitment from a man. It costs a woman the most and is least effective.
well men want to make it appear normal so the women budge to their desires when they don't care for the lady at all.
That's why so many young females revert to Islam. God loves them and protects them even if their fathers and society failed them.
Yes, I have several lady friends that are single moms. It’s sad because they think they’ll never find anyone to marry. I know there are single dads too but I’m just saying because there are more single moms.
I grew up in an Asian country where sex before marriage was very much a taboo and pregnancy out of wedlock was a scandal. I moved to a Western country in my teen years and the culture was so different, I went from feeling the “pressure” to stay a virgin before marriage to the opposite way around where I was feeling almost ashamed of being a virgin in my 20s.
Truth be told I agree with Louise Perry completely.. I’ve never enjoyed casual sex. Not the type who could have one without feeling attached or bonded, so I’d never do it. As I got older I’m now actually proud to have what they would call an “extremely low body count” these days. I think a healthy middle ground is to only have sex with someone when you’re in a committed relationship.
The problem is these days in most western countries a lot of men wouldn’t wait because if you wouldn’t “put out” they’d just go find someone else who would. The key is to have every woman everywhere to stop engaging in casual sex, and you’d see men willing to commit again.
Women are the gatekeepers of sex (and always will be).
AMEN‼️If only all women would come together in solidarity on this issue, I believe we could turn this degenerate culture around!🤨💯
Women would never go back on this behavior, the rebellious factor still prevails. Furthermore, men don't need to worry about religious morality, they can have easy access to sex or they can simply afford a call girl. Once a behavior becomes culturally normal, it is unlikely that the population will go back on that behavior.
Women are (or used to be) the gatekeepers of sex. Before the sexual revolution, if a man wasn't prosocial and loyal to his woman, if he didn't have a job, he wouldn't have had the opportunity to have sex, as Louise said. Because sex was an expression of intimacy, an act of commitment and procreation that preceded a family union called marriage. A woman having sex with a man meant, "Your genes are good enough for me to carry in my womb for 9 months and continue the lineage".
Agreed. I think a lot of women believe that giving sex early will get a guy, who they perceive as high quality, to commit. True high quality dudes aren't going to be offended if you don't give sex early. The only dudes getting offended or leaving to find another girl who will "put out" are not high quality guys. They may be high status or high income, but that does not equal high quality in commitment.
I’m finally glad people are being straight up honest about this.
There not its just a podcast 🙃
@@petermaclellan9977 They're not being honest. It's narrative. They're trying focus blame, reason for the crisis, at males... but it takes two. If there is a crisis of sexless men then there is also a crisis of sexless women.
Well unless every chad is out there boning 10-15 women a week.
The truth is that there's a crisis of sexless men and sexless women, sexless people.
About what? She is a tosser, uses anecdotal shit from Reddit to push some weird agenda.
Agreed. The modern perception is that people need to go through dozens to figure out the type of life partner they want. Then they search for a 'safe bet', type. Unfortunately, the adventurous one, who is accustomed to a high turnover of experiences, loses the urge to put out long-term because their mind is trained for newness. Maybe they can stay faithful, but by not showing up in the long-term relationship that they chose, they are affectively displaying the damage done from being so free & easy for 15 years before body clock makes them want to change lanes at 30.
@@petermaclellan9977 Even the host of this podcast is shacking up with a woman, taking up her childbearing years. He could bolt at any time for any reason.
26 and both my wife and I married as virgins last year. We’re Christian but it was a struggle. All I can say is God was right and I am so thankful we held out. A lot of issues in society are caused by casual sex. Fatherless homes, heart break, mental health issues, Addiction, lack of value for women as actual people, lack of discipline. It clouds your judgement for a partner. If they are really worth it and a good choice you will be willing to hold out sexually for them until the very last day it exposes your judgement.
You are so lucky, dude!
The Judeo-Christian ideal when it comes to marriage laws protect men, women, children, and society in general as the family is the basic unit of society. Huge congratulations to your family. You and your wife have already given your children the gift and example of fidelity and all the blessings that come with it.
Lmao at U 2 ,
It will all change some day ..no brownie points for your goody two shoes behavior..
@@rebeccamiller1741what do you mean it will all change someday?
😜🤣🤣🤣🤣
I just watched your interview with Evy, how you talked through DEI and a few minutes later you navigating an extremely polar opinion. It's mind blowing how gracefully and non judgmentally you listen to others, very beautiful to watch and sure is a hard skill. Hats off to you!
I’m pregnant for the first time and I’ve waited my whole life for this man and this baby and it means the world to me.
CONGRATULATIONS‼️ God bless you and your baby.😊
Congrats😊
Congratulations! All the best guys
...until he bails.
@@jimdandy8996he might not
As a father to several daughters i fear for the future and consistently work to educate them on trusting your instincts. Excellent episode
You realize what you have done as a man
Show them this video. When I was a teenager I would listen to other adults in authority but thought my parents were embarrassing and annoying
@@sabrinad3679this seems harsh, but my own husband doesn’t think about these things at all. In 20 years, he’s never once pushed me to do anything, ever. He has no idea how I’ve been treated by other men. So when men do understand, it does make me automatically think they did things they regret now.
Trust your instincts what a low quality answer. Your daughters will look for a man that share the ideas that you provided them in looking for partner. Parents are the first thing children look for in similar traits. You have to guide them in being selective not trusting their feelings.
@@_nimrod92 although, being attuned to your own feelings and believing that how you feeling is an important piece of data. I think I was raised to dismiss how I felt! I was raised to ignore how I felt
Steve you are one of the best interviewers out there! No ego, you listen with the intent to learn and understand, no agression, judgement or bias. Great questions and elegance.
I’m 4yrs out of a coersive controlling marriage and have taken the time to heal and work on myself! This year I entered the dating scene, which is very different from 24yrs ago, and I’m finding dating apps are perpetuating this casual sex culture! I’m 48yrs old and absolutely not interested in hock ups or casual sex, but men my age still are. It’s very off putting and I’m glad I’ve done the work on myself and I’m now happy with my own company, because the current options to date are not enticing at all! Thanks for a very interesting discussion!
I'd be curious to learn what you deem controlling...
@@KennethFabritius its a used up feminist pay her no mind. They're all like this .. they eat the jwsh progaganda of equality and file for divorce
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
LOL. They're not interested in you either. w0-MEN are over the hill afer 28
@@josephesposito3499 shut up old man, stop yelling.
Louise, never feel badly about telling the truth. I am a counselor and I get really frustrated with the complaints I hear from women who have casual sex and regret it. Women are so miserable in the western world. They want to be the cool girl, they want to be low maintenance, they want to be open to experimentation, they agree to things that they don't want to do because they feel it's expected of them. They believe that if they are truthful with a man, they will lose him. But they cry many times when a guy ghosts them after they had sex with him. Sometimes they engage in a sexual relationship with a man which goes on indefinitely and without purpose. In the end, the men doesn't commit and she is left to repeat the same scenario all over again with another man. We as women need to change the narrative of casual hookup culture. It doesn't serve us.
Men suck. It's men need to change. Wimen just love and trust but men just use, abuse and leave.
The western world? Please talk about the US if your opinion is rooted in experiences made in the US
@@karinland8533 it's not just the states culturally that this is occuring.
Yes, the cool girl trope is pure poison
Why become frustrated with women when men aren’t responding to the change in culture.
I'm 27 and never had sex. Granted I'm only attracted to people sexually if they have a compatible personality but despite the stigma I have 0 regrets and don't feel a need to.
There's so much that can make us happy other than sex. If you can't engage with it in a healthy way, it's not worth it.
I've seen friends, family strangers all give in and have regret, health issues, put themselves at risk, emotional instability and stress from stress. Weather you meet someone you're comfy with when you're young or later in life, it's worth the wait. Sex doesn't make you a better or worse person and it won't fix problems.
kudos to you. at the end of the day that choice is yours and i definitely understand your point of view
I was 26.5 when I gave my virginity to my boyfriend, who promised to marry me. We both grew up as devout Christian’s, so I trusted him and his words. The relationship got too real for him and he bailed. I was devastated. I have no regrets, but I was disappointed in him. I trusted and loved him and was ready to marry him. Given my experiences with men, until there’s a real commitment on the table like marriage, move carefully with sex. And don’t be pressured by society or any guy. Sex is beautiful when there’s love!
I respect your choice, but I believe the goal shouldn't be to avoid sex. Really do go and try to find a person you might like long term. I wish you all the best
good for you. Sex is not as big a deal as people claim it is. It can leave you feeling really low and depressed because of the lack of connection. People use sex to fill a void in their life that needs to be addressed in other serious and mindful ways.
You claim you have zero regrets and then proceed to spend the entire comment justifying yourself. It’s quite obvious you have serious things to work on, and because of this, you have difficulty attracting a woman.
The most awkward "hard" conversations are often the most important ones. Thank you for saying what needed to be said.
This episode is a must watch for the young generation 15-35 age groups, esp. teenage girls.
I was a virgin when I got married. No regrets. There were some embarrassing conversations along the way when I told men I was waiting to have sex until marriage. They left. It hurt, but just realized these were not patient men who could exercise self-control. That is not someone a woman should want to be married to. Much of life is waiting and needing to be patient, and you should definitely marry someone who exercises these traits. Waiting until marriage for sex is kind of like the first test of someone's self-control, self-regulation, and patience. If you can wait for sex, you can wait for most anything in life. Looking back, waiting for sex was extremely empowering. It was my first step in learning to say "No" to men who wanted to control me. You want to exert you power over men? Don't offer up your body so freely.
Also, on guns, it is the great equalizer for women against men. I recommend every woman have one.
I have friends and family who have been involved in the sex industry, and curiously have noticed that publicly they defend it, but in personal conversations with them have confessed feeling miserably trapped...
Ask them do they feel an emptiness within
They probably are miserably trapped. What other skills do they have? Do they have the ability to get another job that pays anywhere near what they get from doing that kind of work? It's hard for many to leave that line of work once in it, sadly. I wish them well and hope they find a path forward that brings them happiness.
They will defend it. Otherwise, they'll have to admit that their whole life is just a big pointless failure.
Louise Perry raised many important issues and observations. Our young folk need to hear this, as do our adults and seniors.
Happy, successful marriages have always been a challenge, pre and post pill. Personal relationships with family and friends need cultivating to increase our chances for happy marriages. Likewise, living a life without marriage.
@@user-ex3py1ki8n just like "normies" who are married with kids, working corporate jobs. They hate their lives (& hate Sunday nights).
Loved this episode! She was a great guest, well spoken and has a very pleasant feminine energy! Also glad to see the push back on casual sex in our culture.
As a woman it often makes me feel entrapped and powerless in my own feminity when the expectation of sex is looming over my head.
We are not fruits to be eaten and discarded, sex thrives in a loving relationship with respect and honor.
And feels better than the casual one 😂
She is the pits. She says everything and its opposite, hasn't a clue - also used cherry picking with studies. Her sources are anecdotal and mostly rubbish.
Agree with most of that, until you have kids and then many women lose interest, the guy feels rejected, the stress on the relationship becomes worse and the man looks elsewhere. Very complicated subject, not sure with stats on these things, logistics statistics and lies! :-)
You'r conflating casual social sex with a loving relationship. Louise was pointing to the many reasons for different behaviours by people.
@@petermaclellan9977 I see your point and it is of course a tricky thing. I do however believe that though cheating might be understandable, it is never justified. A couple has to continuously work on their intimacy to keep the relationship alive. You're definitely right, that that is not an easy task for most people, but that is what makes it so valuable :)
I'm a male film and TV editor, frequently cutting narrative, documentary, factual or magazine content which pretty well always requires me to constantly evaluate human behaviour for it's presenting explicit meaning and implicit or subtextual or even subconscious elements. I've done it for over 30 years in a fairly healthy career so it's fair to say I'm pretty competent at evaluating human character at different levels. Yet I find it fascinating that my wife, specifically her intuition, is still better at picking up very subtle cues of character, than me. She has a facility, which once most would have accepted as 'female intuition' which seems psychic - just an ability to guess whether a person has a dark streak, or lonely, or a bit needy, or mean with their money or any number of other traits when they've not said much more than hello.
I've met many other people who have made this observation.
Do agree. I have this and my mother does as well. Not all women have it (or trust their instincts), but I'd still say it is a female trait. Men just aren't as attuned to subtle emotional stuff, which is what I believe we women are picking up. Like if someone has sketchy intentions, that does comes with a particular frame of mind/emotional state, which can be sensed.
On the other hand, I'd say men are generally better at resisting social contagion and also better at understanding systems. Example, men understand better social reward systems and how they impact behavior. Women are more likely believe people are so inherently good that they would not exploit social benefit systems or act against common good when it benefits them.
The most honest conversation about the dynamics between men and women. Without just judging men.
This is why as a man, I consciously override the assumption of a womans interest in me by often reminding myself that it's much more likely shes not interested unless proven otherwise. Seems to work much better for me, leading to less rejection and less uncomfortable interactions. I think more men should realise that. If you think about it, the assumption of a woman being interested in you without much signs is a bit of a cope.
Just dont let that stop you from approaching women. Ive noticed men just do not approach women anymore because they assume they are not interested or they dont want to offend the women. This is a mistake and it leaves women feeling like theres something wrong with them. If men stop approaching women and making the first move, relationships will cease to form.
@@nesta8603 so men need to approach women so women can feel better about themselves? Nahh, women can work on their self confidence instead. Also I don't think it is necessary for all men to feel like they have to approach. I've had several relationships and none of them were from me approaching. Either the girl showed obvious interest or asked me out.
@@nesta8603 those days are gone
@@nesta8603 Maybe there IS something wrong with the women. They are not approachable.
I appreciate your awareness and strategy. In my experience as a woman, there are far too many times where attraction was assumed and it made me feel icky and/or unsafe, and far too little times that I was treated with respect and approached in a way that made me feel safe and valued. It’s a tricky thing when you’re not sure if someone is interested and you don’t want to be rejected. However, I think there is a lot of maturity in being able to assume that it’s a no unless it’s actually a yes. I also think that it gives more opportunity to grow familiarity and attraction organically without the extra pressure.
I love what she's saying, what an amazing person. She wasn't degrading anyone. She spoke her truth. Amazing lady❤❤
I remember all the sexual encounters I had when I was a teenager, I never initiated it nor wanted to do it. It was always the guy initiating and I went with it because I just thought it was the cool thing to do or I wanted to “please” the guy I liked and all my friends were doing it. I don’t remember a time where I really wanted to do it or not felt pressured.
Casual sex left me with a lot of trauma, I’m in my 30’s now and I wish I was more educated on the subject back then so I wouldn’t have gone through that. I’m happy that you are speaking on this topic cause is SUPER important, parents should teach you these things but sometimes they fail, thanks.
I think casual sex is one of the major factors in the breakdown of family units and marriage
na, its the welfare state incentivising single parent households.
It’s not just a thought it’s factual
According to the economist Thomas Sewell, one of the biggest factors is the welfare state incentivising single parent families. I’ve witnessed it myself, teenage girls in school deliberately getting pregnant and staying single so they can get prioritised for social housing. There was a BBC programme about benefits. Towards the end of the last Labour government, a single mother calculated she would need to earn £70k before she would approach the financial advantages she gained by being in the benefits system and knowing how to work it. She was grateful for it, but also said it wasn’t right.
If I had one thing to offer, I would give your video editorial team a lifetime chance to continue working. Your videos change lives.
Don't forget that women are being kidnapped for sex trafficking. Scared me to death thinking of an incident where my daughter and niece were driving along a road up the mountain with no way of turning back. There was a truck with dark windows. He was ahead of the girls but he stopped and blocked the road. My daughter ( 16-17 years old) at that time realized something really wrong was going on and she started driving backwards on the winding road. She had nowhere to turn . The truck was turning around to come after them. God sent another car who saw what was going on and that car blocked the guy in the truck so the girls escaped. You should have seen the blood pressures of the girl when they got home. Be careful out there.
Terrifying
That was my friend, Bill. He told me he was driving one night when he realized he left his cell phone at the restaurant where he ate, so he slowed down, stopped and turned around, to go back and fetch his phone.
@@bensanderson7144 there was no restaurant there. This was a scenic highway road high up on the Blue ridge Parkway in NC.
@@everhappy6312 He told me he ate in a diner in waynesville and left his phone there.
@@bensanderson7144 lol. It wasn't Waynesville area. It was Mount Mitchell area.
I wrote my dissertation on young women and her vulnerability to potentially violent men. So much of what she said in the early part of this talk was basically the same as my findings. Important message here! Thank you for having her on your program.
I'm doing a criminology degree and think that would be a very interesting read!
I love the uncomfortable conversation. It is so refreshing to have someone be this honest.
And lookism is a real thing. I work as a labour union counsellor and I have noticed that it is rare that good looking people come in to complain of poor treatment. It’s a fact.
Interesting
What about guys or girls bullying someone bc they are pretty and they can’t have them or feel they can’t have them ?… Idk how true this statement is … because I recently got called cops on me just for doing makeup in a public bathroom the man was the manager and didn’t warn me at all just called the cops … I get poor treatment and get told I look like Avril Lavigne … so I doubt it’s 💯 true that pretty women get treated well bc if what people say about me is really true then just bc I get treated like absolute 💩by men and women doesn’t necessarily mean I’m ugly ya know ?
This can’t possibly be true! I know multiple very good looking women who have been in abusive relationships. One of them was a model.
😮
"Pretty privilege" is the coined term.
Excellent episode. The notion of not having women in front-line policing roles (41:50 mark), however, doesn't hit the mark for me. I retired from policing after 30 years and some of my best partners were women. Anecdotally, the mere presence of a female office at a volatile scene more often than not deescalated the situation. Also, much of front line policing is responding to victims, and my experience has been that both men and women respond very well to female officers. As far as fitness standards go: I have never been asked to drop and do a single push up during my years as a front-line officer.
interesting!
Yes that part was really weird. First she explained how women are better in sensing danger wouldn’t that be a very useful asset in police
I have always thought it's a good balance to have men and women because each brings something key to.the role of policing
I wondered if this was maybe specific to the UK. Usually, American police have a partner and are rarely alone while on duty as a beat officer.
Interesting interview in parts however Kinda feel she contradicts herself on a number of points she tries to make. There’s also fleeting “whatever’s” used during statements which in part eludes to her bias towards certain sex. Not convinced that some figures and stats she pulls off as being accurate
I’m surprised single motherhood wasn’t mentioned. That is definitely becoming a critical situation. Lots of baby daddies, no financial or emotional support for the mothers & children 😢
I sit as a hearing officer for my county on child support enforcement issues and I agree that the vast majority of the cases I hear do not have a father who is involved with his children. In some situations, this is because the mother refuses to allow the dad to have contact, but mostly, it’s because he can’t be bothered to take time away from his life to make a relationship with his children. Of course,given that control of conception is within a woman’s easy grasp, I have been totally unable to ascertain why an unmarried woman has second, third, fourth children with multiple partners. That behavior binds them to a life of poverty and they seem to willingly embrace this lifestyle without even considering doing anything different.
Um, no single mothers are encouraged to be the HOES they were that got them into the situation they're in. The MEN are the victims of this system, not the mothers. 83% of child abuse is committed by mothers. They are not saints.
it was definitely mentioned as a risk
MOST single mothers are the product of CHOICE, they are ex HOES and not victims
@@jessicaidris8139 LAUGH OUT LOUD. wo-MEN get pregnant on purpose to trap MEN for child support. There's also paternity fraud
This is the best interview I have seen. I have 2 daughters. Both young teens. Thank you. You have helped me
Can honestly say that i have never had casual sex.
It simply has never appealed to me.
I prefer to get to know a woman, have a connection with them that can develop, and take the time to learn what gives them real pleasure, mentally, emotionally and physically.
I prefer Serotonin to Dopamine.
But i know that makes me rare, as a man.
Not really.
It makes you a f@@l 😂
It's extremely rare. But it's very refreshing to see a man who values a woman beyond just sex.
Very rare in military towns with a lot of young single men and lots of divorcees.
Sounds like you are more towards the feminine side of masculinity. Nothing wrong with that.
Women: Make sure that you state right from your the get go/ first date that you’re only interested in a monogamous relationship. If you notice a weird reaction or hesitancy from him/ them that was the last date.
Make sure YOU don’t negotiate or defend your position. It simply IS your position.
This is best for men as well. That is why men can't understand why, a woman in a sterile couple (usually older couples where one has had a tubal ligation or vasectomy), would refuse to allow the man to stop using condoms. Latex-free sex is very much more enjoyable and deepens trust which for men is the greatest aphrodisiac. A woman that continues to demand condom use is declaring that she and her mate are not trustworthy. That is fake monogamy. People that want monogamy should not accept fake monogamy. It's hypocrisy will eat away at the trust that underpins the enjoyment of monogamy.
lol Let's go with the flow
But what if the woman wants casual sex?
The problem is that women will say that, but not back it up with logically consistent action. A logical consistent action would be to insist on getting tested together, waiting beyond reasonable incubation periods and then to forgo condom use to reinforce trust. Instead, most women simply employ a cynical trust and reliance on condom use. What that tells men is that they are not trusted and that women value the option to cheat more than honesty, intimacy, and shared vulnerability. Of course this does not apply to situations where contraception is the utmost concern. But when hormonal contraception is working well, or either partner has been sterilized, the only excuse for a woman to demand continued condom use is chronic urinary infection syndrome. If the increased pleasure men derived from sex without a condom is dismissed out of hand, then eventually men will seek a different partner. Their logic will be, "She doesn't trust me so why should I trust her? Let me find a more trustworthy woman who can fulfill my deeper yearnings for connection."
I am NOT a “red pill” man, but as a former scholar of diversity and oppression, there are morphing narratives on sexual differences to the point of ignoring science. I am so grateful she can and does speak up to look more objectively at sexual differences and sexuality.
Once again this podcast secures the most insightful, helpful guests. The information from so many of these episodes is changing lives. Keep up the great work.
Having left a critiquing comment about this episode (because I honestly believe the interviewed guest lacks a certain amount of wisdom), I still want to point out that your way of interviewing people and inviting people with sometimes even conflicting views (pro sex, contra sex etc) is what makes this podcast so special. This is how a functioning conversation or discussing looks like: letting the other party speak and genuinely trying to understand them, even if their opinion(s) might not reflect our own or even conflict with our own.
Sex is a soul tie. I am male and I regret the unmarried sex that I participated in. Young men need structure and goals to keep their minds off sex. In my opinion.
Goals of raising a family taken away often enough are taken away as well. It use to be natural to raise a family from late teens to early 20s now it seems abnormal to do that. It totally against women's biology for sure and it puts men in a wierd position.
Sex is a soul tie. Definitely
Sex is a soul tie FOR YOU! But you have no right to impose your values unto anyone but yourself. No one should keep their minds off sex if they don't want to. Back off and let adults live their lives as they see fit, not as you see fit. We are not your children.
@@davidmeadows5627 your opinion, just like that was my opinion and experience. Don’t get triggered.
@@waxgains3772 Then what changed?
For the people confused by why she is referring to a “popular opinion” which may seem uncommon to yourself,
She prefaced that her perspectives come from a “mainstream progressive” point of view, and a popular opinion among mainstream progressives is that men and women are pretty much equal and have little differences.
Sounds like a strawman argument and lacking in defining what "equal" actually means. Equality in early feminism wasnt about "women=men" but more so "women are human just as much as men are human" and as such qualify to have human rights, as men have human rights, rather than being mere property, not human, and no rights". Many fall prey to the strawman argument that anyone was rationally claiming exact equality as if men should be threatened by women as competitors forbmerely wishing to be seen as humans with rights. Both being equally HUMAN and having rights as humans is far different from the strawman argument that men=women or women=men which has been taken to ridiculous extremes by just that, extremists. But creating strawman arguments is a great illegitimate and irrational way to try to protest women being equally human beings, or persons in their own right, or having the right just as men do to have bank accounts or own property or earn a living from their work or contributions to society rather than being essentially equivalent to a table or chair or slave to a man or men.
I couldn't finish this, gave me too much pause. But up to the part I sae, she made a statement about feminism that is simply not accurate. Feminism has never stated there's no difference between man and women, we are not blind, nor dumb. And grant is, feminists don't agree on everything, but there seems to be one thing we agree on: women are different from men, what we are not is second class, otherly, incomplete. our differences do not make us inferior, or subject to men in any way. That's pretty consensus as far as i know.
Feminism teaches that women have always been oppressed by men (which is not accurate) and that the solution to this apparent injustice is to praise women while demonizing men and to encourage women to enter male roles and men to enter female roles. Consequences of this ideology have led to the destruction of heterosexual relationships, marriages, and the family unit.
Major respect. If all three of my sons, & my daughter listen as well you do, my job is done. 1st grandchild on the way... I will be sharing this podcast with all 4 of my children, because it speaks the TRUTH.
And what truth is that?
@@TylerDurden-FC99 The truth she wanted to hear more than likely! As always this podcast was about sex and women have turned it into relationships because unlike men they cant differentiate!
Many people I know don't want kids bc of a failing society. Also, our food and toxins are killing sex drives and fertility due to hormonal imbalance.
Big facts
Facts
Low tetesterone from lack of hardwork but rather sitting all day because of desk jobs or video gaming or whatever men do instead of hard physical work is destroying sex drive. ... along with women acting like psychopathic men ... instead of being femenine and gentle.
Sadly very true
Sadly true facts for the uk 🇬🇧 and This failed society we live in the uk! 🇬🇧
Super interesting video! I love having thoughts and ideas questioned and challenged. It's always great to get one thinking about things and I hope that everyone watches this with an open mind instead of taking a "side" on a person's views they're expressing. Loving the channel and open ended questions!
I disagree about rape. No means no. If you keep going when your partner says no then it's about power, not biology.
Not a pleasant topic I'll admit but definitely worth discussing.
The argument isnt that the r*pist doesnt require power to perform the r*pe. Because all r*pe requires some overpowering of the victim. The argument is that the primary motivator of the r*pist is not power over the women but the potential that he might pass on his genes.
That his biology in some sense instructs him to overpower the will and body of the woman in order to give him a better chance to pass on his genes.
Much for the same reason that animals engage in rape.
Animals r*pe because of biological instinct, humans are animals therefore humans r*pe because of biological instinct.
No one is saying its moral or that it isnt ever about power but there are some strong arguments to biology:
One is the fact that the bell curve of r*pes is very steep and centered on women in their peak fertility years. If it was mostly about power over women you would expect to see no correlation between r*pe and procreative potential, it should be evenly spread between fertile and non fertile women. But because the curve is centered on peak fertile women it strongly implies that the procreative potential of r*pe has something to do with it.
Thank you for providing this perspective. The media keeps promoting sex as meaningless fun that should be spread around without any thought among strangers . There is very little regard for the consequences: emotionally, psychologically, and health wise. Unwanted pregnancy and STDs are treated as minor or non existent issues. Socially, many men feel entitled to sex within the first few dates, otherwise they stop calling. There are many other problems created by sexual irresponsibility.
...the media...
@@justusschwabedal5924Do you have a learning disability?
@@justusschwabedal5924Do you not understand???
I'm just trying to point out something I think is inadequate. Are you thinking about "Sex and the city"? You might be right. If you think about the Wallstreet Journal or CNN I'm a bit more doubtful. If you consider "Diary of a CEO", well here we go :)
So there's no need to get angry at the whole industry. Is that fair for you?
@@justusschwabedal5924haha you're bored. Desperate to have an argument
These are the conclusions I came up to a while ago. Ever since 2022 I have been celibate and it changed me a lot in a positive way, despite being a woman with a really high libido. Even though I didn’t have issues with my self esteem, my sense of self worth has grown dramatically as well as my sense of integrity and equilibrium
Exact same situation, been celibate for 3 years, has helped me immensely!! And I also have a huge drive, but denying myself now and not actively seeking relationship partner/lover has helped me so much
Well, your sense of worth may not be matched by others, especially if you have had many partners before.
Women always say that after they have been ran through by hundreds of men, it dont really count aftwr the fact. Thats like a serial killer on deathrow now saying he has changed his life.....🤡.
@kseniaverlaine ...same 🎉✨️🤎
Celibacy allows the brain to operate as it should...🤷🏾♀️ no transference of ugly energy
As an estranged father, it's so hurtful to hear again about the risks that come with stepfathers
Step mother's can also be very cold and cruel to step their children. Especially if they have biological children of their own. I agree it's a huge risk for kids when step parents get involved. Especially if their biological parent is in a vulnerable position, which is sometimes most likely why they got remarried in the first place. Not saying all step parents are abusive, some are great, but certainly quite a few are less so.
Fantastic conversation, very eye opening, thank you for such openness about all the difficult topics you have raised. One small suggestion on the video editing side: sometimes when numbers are mentioned (like amount of people doing xyz or an X percent of those facing something…) it would be much easier to follow if the numbers appeared somewhere on the screen for those who are watching the video. It’s just easier to grasp the scale when you can see two numbers written down in front of you and get what has been said :)
As a Christian, I’m glad to see someone like her being intellectually honest, and on a fairly secular platform.
The podcast is not secular
Really? How is it religious?
@@msmiami212this is religious because the Bible prohibits sex before marriage. Before marriage it’s called fornication. And after marriage if it is not with your spouse it’s called adultery. and pretty much in all other religions (Islam, Judaism) it’s prohibited as well.
The same feeling ❤
Stephen is absolutely spot on about the wisdom of having women on a team for the ability to tune into different things than men can.
Your authenticity as a UA-camr is unmatched. You actually care about your viewers. I feel like that’s so rare
If you notice, it's lots of FEELINGS here, people feel like this or that, and opinions based on FEELINGS re not facts.
@@ggrthemostgodless8713 Possibly. I am going to skip back and see if I notice what you’re talking about.
@@ggrthemostgodless8713 ok so I see where you might feel that way, but I did hear quite a bit it of facts and learned a lot. It is a podcast, not a college essay. I agree that people should have to be able to show reciepts of their knowledge but there is no real reason for that in a conversation.
Its likely thay they are fairly new and are still finding their rhythm.
Due to my mind being a little bit opened to new ideas, I stopped and thought “is this really sneaky propaganda or is this ACTUALLY teaching me something true that is contrary to my beliefs.
If these issues matter to you it might be inferesting to write down your questions and then research. Not the internet, but books and EDU sites
i mean that's being human duhh we cannot always view the world in black or white all the time.@ggrthemostgodless8713
Unmatched?
I love how everything Louise Perry says simultaneously sounds like common sense and also really controversial
I'm so happy to hear this conversation. It's the kind of information that ppl of a certain age know instinctively. It's good to hear the data behind it.
I am one of those women that have had these topics on my mind in my 40s, after going through much trauma in my teens and 20s around sexual experiences and the pressures of society and not speaking up.
Nobody cares about young women and doesn'twant to listen to them, everyone wants and tries to use them.
Well you hit the wall right now and are on your way to menopause. You dont have to worry about all those things any more. The market doesnt want you
@SWOTHDRA you are so very wrong actually.
Don’t listen to this weirdo. You are doing great 😊. I don’t think you want to be for sale on any market. That’s the whole point.
@@SWOTHDRA You can't hold it in anymore, the material that starts with the ‘shi’, right ?😅
It’s disgusting to touch random people and we don’t even know how they live life and what choices they make
It is riskier because women get pregnant period. Even having the option of abortion sometimes women face complications and even die from the procedure. My father use to say “There is nowhere you need to go that I can’t drive you.” And later on when I got a car he said “Never be alone with a man you don’t mind having a baby with.” This advice is old fashioned but it keeps you safer than taking rides from strangers and sleeping with men that have no regard for you in the end.
This guest reminds me of why I don't care for evolutionary psychology.
She said that female cops shouldn't be on the beat because women are less aggressive and more likely to hesitate when encountering a suspect, and when confronted about the rebuttal that maybe cops should be less aggressive and more willing to de-escalate, she barely addresses it, and only says "yeah, that's difficult". So ban female cops, even if they could be key to good policing?
This guest also said she thinks women should listen to their icks, but when confronted about how inconsequential many modern icks are and how damaging listening to every single ick could result in women needlessly rejecting most men and ending up alone, again, all she says is "that difficult, yeah", then basically moves on.
On porn, she says she would ban it completely if the ban wasn't broken anyway, and advocated for a demand-side ban on sex work instead, meaning buying sex work would be illegal, but selling it would be legal. She says this would better address demand for sex work, but it wouldn't. Demand for sex would still be present, it would just be illegal to pay for it.
Banning buying sex doesn't suppress demand, and we've seen demand-side prohibitions on things fail before, e.g. banning alcohol in the US. Banning sex work will be just as detrimental. To reduce sex work, you have to address the root causes of the demand to buy sex.
She implies it's because of greater access to sex for men after contraception/the pill came about, but sex was more available for men after that, not less. It was online dating that created the harem phenomenon that cut average men off from sex, not the sexual revolution. But because the sexual revolution affected women biologically in terms of reproductive, the guest latches onto that as a reason for sexual issues in society, when it's online dating that has changed sexual behavior at least as much as the pill did, if not more, and it is online dating that has made dating much worse for all parties and concentrated sex for the top rated men. Does she acknowledge this? Not really.
The naturalism fallacy pervades most of the field of evolutionary psychology, and their prescriptive recommendations can be pretty damaging. They tend to think we should make our society more like it was thousands of years ago, to hell with modern conceptions of justice, freedom, and social progress. This advocate of principles of evo psych in particular is apparently unable to even acknowledge flaws in the argument and effectively deal with counterexamples.
Yep she's a chameleon ... hates men as all feminist but don't want backlash so sprinkle little red pill here and there for confusion
UA-cam censore is ridiculous I agree and didn't show up😂😂
😂😂 you're a joke
0:00: ⚠ Risks of casual sex for women, societal pressure, emotional bonding, and implications of waiting for engagement.
8:54: 🔑 Sexual violence and rape are not driven by sexual desire but by power dynamics and age-related factors.
17:31: ⚖ Sexual behavior differences between men and women in casual settings and their impact on culture.
26:01: ⚖ Gender dynamics in dating are influenced by the availability of contraception, leading to conflicts over timing of sexual activity.
34:42: ⚠ Importance of trusting instincts for personal safety highlighted in 'The Gift of Fear' book.
43:29: ⚖ Lowering physical standards in physical roles to accommodate more women can compromise safety and effectiveness.
51:27: ⏳ The importance of delaying sex until engagement due to tradeoffs and cultural norms.
59:12: ⚖ Polygamous systems can lead to social instability due to unequal distribution of partners, while involvement in childcare can lower men's aggression.
1:07:53: ⚖ Challenges of traditional marriage roles, high divorce rates, and impact on children's well-being.
1:16:24: ⚠ Concerns of sexual violence and impact of porn on children, leading to creation of young adult edition.
1:25:04: ⚠ Declining birth rates in South Korea due to cultural, societal, and modernity factors leading to potential population decline.
1:33:41: ⚠ Sexual dynamics, pornography consumption, and dangers of casual sex for women are discussed.
1:42:02: 💪 Evolutionary preferences in mate selection: balance of masculinity and aggression in men.
Recapped using Tammy AI
When a woman has sex with a man, she releases oxytocin, which makes her feel emotionally bonded, while men release oxytocin followed by testosterone, leading them to feel detached. This natural response is often ignored because we've separated sex from procreation with birth control. If a woman has sex early in dating, she might emotionally and physically bond with him before knowing if they're compatible, possibly focusing more on keeping the bond than seeing if they actually fit well together. Men usually have lower standards for casual sex and higher ones for long-term relationships, while women often don't make this distinction as much, due to differences in evolutionary desire.
This is because men on average have a higher sex drive than women and preference for sexual variety and seek to maximize reproduction through multiple partners, therefore, more open to casual sex whereas women are more selective, looking for protection and support. Women might think that meeting a man's sexual needs will create an emotional connection, but men might just be looking for fun. So, women with less interest in casual sex find it hard to avoid getting emotionally attached after hookups because "not catching feelings" is against their natural tendencies.
Looking for protection comes from the trauma of "good girls" who don't know their worth and seek validation
This is a myth! Women in the vast majority are and always were looking for the best opportunity, even some excitement and not for security. They do this only in really tough situations, civil wars like in Haiti now or so.
Women in majority are not (!) stupid or not empathetic at all but can read men's minds very well.
Prime example Kaká. More security by highest status men you cannot get. He is somehow stupid. Honest, trustworthy , but stupid.
Respectfully I disagree and believe that your views is exactly what they socialise women to believe but it isn’t true. I’m a woman, have had plenty of casual intercourse and nope I do not get attached, I’m able to compartmentalise things. Actually I have found that the men get attached and want more but I do not. Society wants to paint men as these emotionless being then scream that the world doesn’t care about men’s mental health lol. Men do get attached after intercourse and vice versa. It all depends on the persons personality and lack thereof self worth and self esteem.
It’s not just having sex it’s the orgasm.
Wrt sexual variety in a partner, you should listen to Esther Perel. She said that men are okay with doing the same routine while women get bored very easily.
So it’s obvious that Steven Bartlett is one of the best interviewers in the world. He really allows his guests to organically speak there minds.
Its been a long time since i was so interested and fascinated by a interview.
I found myself nodding in agreement about all of it.
Thank you for this important interview 🙏
In my 20s, i had lots of casual, meaningless sex. At 26, i went to my dr and was tested for everything known to man. When everything came back negative, i turned that part of my brain off. I'm now 46 and have been voluntarily celibate the past 20 years. I am much happier, more self-aware, and comfortable in my own skin. I have zero desire to ever have sex again. I am living my best life - and loving it!
Great interview!
I didn’t have loads of casual sex but the early experiences I did have were pretty grim. It’s like I can’t even get horny for men anymore. They just disgust me (in the sexual sense) not that they are all bad people but I just have no desire for them anymore.
It's not a coincidence that in the prime of your life you were wanted, and now that you've clearly gained weight and are older, you no longer have as many options. I'm suspect of anyone coming on the internet who justifies their life, especially while claiming they are "voluntarily celibate".
This is why sex is never causal and a reflection of the true reality of promiscuity. Every girl pretends as if they are having the time of their lives
Yeah I understand because I did the same thing in my 20's too. Funny because I also took a test and came back clean as a bar of 🧼 soap. I was like thank you Lord, because I wasn't using condoms either. I never had an STD, and ain't looking forward to any either. I currently don't engage in sex either. It's like this, when a person engage in sexual relations with others you also engage with the many demons they are dealing with among other issues.
Your honesty is refreshing. I think women were lied to about women being able to have sex like men and learned things the hard way. There is a great article called I regret being a slut. I don’t think it’s right to slut shame people. Much like addictions like drinking sex can be an escape. Celibacy is the way unless you meet someone ready to commit, I agree with waiting 3 months or until engagement.
Her input on polygamy, monogamy, divorce and step-parents is very compelling. Thank you for this.
This is so helpful for this generation, she is speaking out loud and truth ... That's commendable 🎉 So glad ,I watched this podcast.
I absolutely hope your raffle is able to provide an experience that changes the lives of a handful of viewers. ❤ Ever grateful for all you do.
From my own experience, everything this lady said is correct.
Having a woman with a diamond ring at home has never stopped a significant number of men from 'connecting' with other women behind their partner's back - this is particularly true when she is pregnant.
Oh jeeeez yes! The ring is really just to dance correctly to the social expectation's tune. Off they then go have even more seeex with single women or men as a matter of fact. Very common for most a.n.a.l. lovers.
Yep and also woman on men, we are not designed to stay with one person all life it is a completely flawed concept ... just check divorce rates online
Women too. From what I have seen, women have caught up with men in Gen Z when it comes to cheating.
I think idea of men being the dominant cheaters is generation dependent. The people who tend to assert that men cheat more IME are Gen X or above.
Same thing with women. Taking into account the laws, women have absolutely no responsibility for adultery. In fact they probably will profit from the devorce
Exactly. Their sexual hunger is uncontrollable.
I love this incredible woman, Louise Perry!!! I couldn't agree more with everything she said!!! The world needs more female public voices like this. Thank you
Wow..most of her examples are either fear based, high risk or anecdotal. How is it better to wait to be engaged or married only to potentially find out that you might not match at all sexually? Or stay together in a unhappy marriage..what?
There are so many compelling points raised in this episode that are worth anybody's time to listen to and reflect on.
The fact that she was so excited that she talked 2 women, who previously didn’t want children, into having children was 😬 Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and if you think you might not be cut out for it, you’re probably not. You absolutely can’t force someone who doesn’t want to be a parent into being a parent. That’s one of the major reasons there’s so many children in foster care.
She didn't talk these woman into having children. These woman read her book and made these decisions from their own free will and likely, self reflections from their own experiences. I do agree, if people dont want children then that's their right.
@@sharnatodd6439free will do not exist…
I didn't plan or want any. I have 6. This is far better in my estimation than my original plan of being a big business woman. Yet, not everyone should have children. But everyone should be involved in their life somehow. As a teacher or a doctor or an aspirational profession the children want to grow up as.....role model, aunt, uncle, neighbour ...
@@lenkabosma5629This!! If you can't or don't want to build the hardware, help out with the software! The only way you can change the future is to inspire and teach people younger than you who will pass it forward!
I think they were women who started to hear the biological clock ticking and were so dissosiated from it that they blame poor louise😂
Thank you so much for this interview/conversation. I couldn’t agree more with what Louise shared. So many of the interviews on your show are extremely informative and I love how you champion every person you interview and champion expertise that leads us toward health. Louise is now one of my heroes- and my list of heroes is pretty short. I am so grateful when I listen to one of these episodes and the expert being interviewed says things that are so spot on. Sometimes I feel so alone because of the culture we live in, because it feels like the well informed, logical, examined life is so unpopular. Louise, thank you for being brave and so eloquently shining the spotlight on truths that so many have been convinced are lies. Education is so important. Thank you both for championing health, education and truth. I am always energized while watching these interviews and come away feeling so validated. These conversations are so important and it’s so important to see these issues from so many angles. We may each only see in part, but when you see the picture coming together from the plethora of information from different experts, it becomes extremely clear. In my life, very few people seem interested in that picture, but the work you are doing is what our world needs. This show is a show of heroism in my book. The heroes of today. Doing and saying the things I have wanted to, and sharing these truths so much more effectively and more successfully than I have been able to in my life. I am so grateful for you and I’m blessed and enriched by listening to your conversations.
Louise's perspective in this episode was heavily influenced by her age and narrow experience, both personally and professionally. What I didn't hear her mention was anything about women enjoying sex. The discussion centered on women engaging in sex due to pressure and expectations, often feeling disgusted or miserable afterward. With proper knowledge, sexual education, confidence, and most importantly self-advocacy, it is empowering and beautiful.
I choose not to be married now, although I was for 24 years, and I have grown-up children. As a woman in my 40s single, financially independent and not seeking a partner or a committed monogamous relationship, the idea of normalizing no sex before engagement assumes that everyone wants to get married. This couldn't be further from my reality, and much of the episode left me exasperated. While it's important to explore different subjects from various angles, framing the conversation as women being more victims of sex than willing participants is exceptionally narrow-minded.
@lucyrees5211 this 1000% all while she was talking I was saying.. this is too narrow.. women are sexual beings too. Not to there for the pleasure of men. That is nuance that I felt was missing.. too many conversations happen removing the pleasure of women from the conversation.
Yo, Mrs. Robinson....This episode is NOT for you. Please go find your next sex partner and leave your 40 year old "experienced" opinion to yourself. MOST women and young women would NOT ever chose to have a lifestyle like yours. You have had marriage and kids so your opinion is that of a bitter divorcee. Flitting around with your panties in your purse is not a flex. In other words, fking random men is gross.
Agreed, many women would have more sexual experience if they didn’t fear being slut shamed or having bad one time sex. The Middle Ages had many laws to control the uncontrolled female sexual desire so it is cultural obviously
One of the problems underlying the context you allude to is that most women who have sex with men are having bad sex. Men aren't very good at it and we, as a society, still shame women for talking about sexual desires and preferences.
Good comment. I respect this guest's viewpoint but much of it was slightly presumptuous, narrow-minded and dare I say shades of the whole patriarchy complaints - which is getting a bit old. Yes to some degree it's real but to the extent that some feminists believe is inaccurate imo. It'd be interesting to see her talk to Jordan Peterson.
I have female friends who don't feel pressure to have sex at all with men and are happy to be single and abstain. At the same time, I know single women who are too busy to have a relationship and will have the odd hook up here and there (sorry to use a slang term) for their own pleasure.
The issue with this guest is she has an ayre about her that is domineering and a know it all. She assumes there is only one situation and that's not the case.
Perhaps one of the reasons why we've learnt to adopt socially trending 'icks' is because we have lost the ability to trust/ listen to our own. I agree with Louise - practice listening out for your own 'icks' - learn to listen to and trust your own intuition. Social Media has dampened our ability to do this. We are so reliant on the opinion of others.
One of my biggest icks that pretty much eliminates the vast majority of the human population is alcohol.
@maam-yj8ph oral hygiene and criminal records
Right on. Finally someone that wants to speak about the hard true things in all walks of life
Hey you should really look into Dr Shiva Ayyudurai he invented cytosolve which is an integrated tool for your body your system and looking at a more personalized way to treat oneself and going the natural way by using Western and Eastern medicine and combining all studies time over the years and tells you what your body needs at different times as your constantly adjusting to everyday disturbances and he explains it in simple terms but I know he just did a video on Moringa the tree of life and it helps with almost everything it's just finding the right dose at the right time... Food is medicine and medicine is food... Praying for you and your family
Hey you should really look into Dr Shiva Ayyudurai he invented cytosolve which is an integrated tool for your body your system and looking at a more personalized way to treat oneself and going the natural way by using Western and Eastern medicine and combining all studies time over the years and tells you what your body needs at different times as your constantly adjusting to everyday disturbances and he explains it in simple terms but I know he just did a video on Moringa the tree of life and it helps with almost everything it's just finding the right dose at the right time... Food is medicine and medicine is food... Praying for you and your family
Hey you should really look into Dr Shiva Ayyudurai he invented cytosolve which is an integrated tool for your body your system and looking at a more personalized way to treat oneself and going the natural way by using Western and Eastern medicine and combining all studies time over the years and tells you what your body needs at different times as your constantly adjusting to everyday disturbances and he explains it in simple terms but I know he just did a video on Moringa the tree of life and it helps with almost everything it's just finding the right dose at the right time... Food is medicine and medicine is food... Praying for you and your family
I believed this is one of your best conversations so far, great interview, so clear and informative, thank you a thousand times 👏🏻🎉
this is a very good video! It gives a clear picture of both sides and also it includes biology (not just sociology) from the start. Thank you soo much!
Anyone who cares about their offspring would prefer them to not have one night stands. Male or female. Period.
100%
IN YOUR OPINION YOLO let people do as they please and many muslims have 5 wives so that is flawed
From an anecdotal experience, people with unrestricted socio-sexuality don't seem to mind, but celebrate their daughter having ONS and casual sex.
I dont care if my son does. Id care if my daughter did.
Im aware It's a double standard but life isn't fair, it's never been fair, & never will be fair. Double standards hurt men & women in different ways but that's just another unfair aspect of life
@@mobile-tyre-fitting Let people do as they please? Only folks without capacity to think would say that.
I’m 66 years old. No longer have that driving urge like in my 20s. I feel liberated .
I'm 38, divorced 5 years ago and I don't have that urge after my divorce and I'm also liberated and its peaceful
Me to liberated
Higly underrated comment.
Looking forward to that.
😅 only a decade to go. 😅
Saying no is better for men and women. Saying yes in situations were the intention is long lasting is a much better way to treat your relationships.
I came opened eyed into a relationship with my girlfriend who had two children. I married her and took her kids as my own. Step father I am now yes, but there is a stigma of them turning out as abusers. That shit never crossed my mind. Two years ago my stepdaughter married and I WALKED HER DOWN THE AISLE!
What stigma are you talking about? I didn't understand.
I am talking about the stigma or label that a stepfather is an abuser or molester( physical or mental)
@@reagenarendse9209 Oh. I get it, of course.
Beautiful and blessed day for you further
Mrs. Perry does undoubtedly make many valuable contributions during this discussion. However, she does get a few things wrong. For example to dismiss cost of raising kids in the west today is completely wrongheaded. The cost of education, housing, healthcare and childcare has greatly increased in real terms in a near linear fashion over the past 40 years.
When so many people in society feel themselves to be in a precarious situation financially of course they will be hesitant to make the ultimate vote of confidence about the future in starting a family.
Agreed! The reduction in the birth rate is not all due to the sexual revolution
A VERY VERY large portion of the reduction in birthrate was the result of brainwashing women into believing having children WASNT thier greatest and most sacred accomplishment that they could give the world.
All so government and corporations could double thier tax and profits.
Sad....
She is blind to her privilege. Wealthy, posh and middle class people wanting the working classes and poor to pump out babies and live lives of constant stuggle and drudgery trying to providd the same opportunities and protections posh people can afford for their children, is really insensitive. She can afford dulahs and childcare so she can have self care and career fulfillment, of course it is easy for her.
She didn't dismiss the cost of raising kids in the west. What she said is that one of the issues is people saying "I can't afford to have kids at the standard I'd like". People can't 'afford' kids today because they want so much more for themselves and their kids than they used to - and that is one of the main reasons that makes them unaffordable, even for people on a good wage. 100 years ago people had 10+ kids and lived in dire poverty. People aren't prepared to do that today. They want a house with two bathrooms, a car or two in the drive, multiple sets of clothes (enough clothes to last 10 years without needing to buy another item), a mobile phone each, a laptop/ipad each, a washing machine and dryer, dishwasher, multiple kitchen appliances, plumbed water, a toilet inside, overseas and domestic holidays, the latest technology, internet connection, gym membership, hair and nails done etc. It is today's standard of living that people expect (and demand) that makes having kids unaffordable. Take all of the above away, and kids would be affordable - as they used to be. It is the standard of living that is unaffordable, not the kids themselves.
@@db7084a lot of these “ luxuries” are necessities in the 21st century. When I was in university a few years back we were required to have a laptop thus by extension requires internet.
What chance would a guy who wants to have a family have at ever attracting mate if he doesn’t own a home and doesn’t have a toilet in his home 😂😂😂
Comparing 21st century cost of living and requirements to the great depression is apples to oranges.
The Oprah comment she refers to, in 35:00, I saw the episode. It was a man who did security for high ranking officials or public / wealthy ppl etc. He wrote a book and became a consultant. His years of observation made him realise that women have a natural inclination to know when they are in trouble or trouble was about to happen them. He encouraged lwomen to follow their instincts because unlike men, they were right. And typically women and mostly men would see that as a weakness and shut it down as being paranoid. The rate of women being right in his research was extremely high.
Gavin de Becker. The story he told where he compared us to the animal kingdom stuck in my memory. If a gazelle sees a cheetah in the wild, it doesn't worry about hurting the cheetah's feelings by running away. It doesn't think back feeling regret about shunning the cheetah. It gets the heck out of that situation and doesn't reflect on or question their decision.
Yet human women sometimes feel bad about hurting feelings or rejecting men that they get bad vibes from.
Great episode!
Honestly I think she hits the nail on the head in terms of how most women feel about sex.
In my whole life I’ve known one female who genuinely loved casual sex. Now she is older though she can admit her predominant motivations were an ego boost and lack of self esteem.
If men realised how they were making women feel in terms of sex I think there would be a massive turn around (or they would all turn gay) and a little chivalry might come back.
All I know is I’ve been single almost 7 years, I’ve dated and been intermit with one person during this time.
I have no desire for casual sex but I also can’t handle the games men play.
Holding out hope my person is out there but also very cynical about it too. Thank god I don’t want kids because I’d be freaking out if that was the case.
Everything this women says explains when I became disembodied and I think is why I became an addict. The pleasing of men became the scale of how I measured my worth. That definitely broke something pure in me. That's was the 90s so I'm very happy to hear this conversation happening. Women should get to decide how much they can explore but the reality is, it's not pretty in the light of day and it's certainly dangerous. Lord, I put myself in SCARY situations.
cognitive dissonance...
*DERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP*
Just started listening to this and hope Louise will say something about the fact that one in four females have been sexually abused as children, and I think the states for males is one in six. Huge impact on society’s sexual behaviours.
Where did you get this data from? So basically you're billions of women have been abused as children. That's just not true is it.
@@k2jnr450 i work in behavioral health, addictions and trauma/PTSD. I would say that number is low. The truth of the matter is I have not met a woman who has not been sexually abused whether it be through work or my personal life.
Those statistics are accurate, and that is where most corn stars and pr ostitutes come from, that traumatized class of people. Talk to a cop or someone who works an er for perspective. I just saw a comment from a male detective who said he was shocked by the amount of women who were abused. I suspect the number of boys abused is higher than what we assume as well.
@@C12341 actually the stats are incorrect. Those are only ones that have been reported. I work in the field and the true stats are tremendously higher for females and males. It would blow your mind.
@@k2jnr450 Out of the 4 close female friends I have had in my life, 3 have been SA'd as children. Didn't find out until I had known them for many years. Only one was full penetr@tion (6yo), one was 'I've been bitten by a spider, you need to suck the poison out" (4yo), one was masturb@tion of the child (6-8yo). Except for one, the other two were a one off. So yeah, I believe the numbers. In fact, I believe the numbers are higher than one in four.
I am a woman I was 15 and 20 and 30 and now i am 53. I can say with absloute certainty, this lady is right about EVERYTHING.
I was born and raised in the UK. Still, I always saw virginity by choice as a status showing that one has extreme self-discipline and a great sense of self-worth- I think this isn't only a cultural difference but also a religious and family ideology difference even though my family was never 'strict' in this sense since they never stopped me from making any choices yet I never really went against anything major that they had disagreed upon. As someone who is saving for marriage (or at the very least engagement), I've always made this very clear to my friends and the people that I go on dates with previous to the actual in-person interaction because I very much don't want them to even have that sexual expectation of me initially. I feel like that is a lot easier to reject men's sexual advances or completely shut them down when they know that you are not necessarily rejecting them as a person but simply following your rules for yourself and not saying no to JUST them but EVERYONE. From my experience, I find that men I agree to go on dates with respect me very much and never really make me feel uncomfortable with how little bodily contact I am willing to go with. Luck could have been a massive factor in this but I also think that it's so important to know your own boundaries first before you even start dating at all, and even if that means starting romantic relationships a bit later in life (had my first date as an 19-year-old), it is still worth it. Also being really really clear with men about what yo are and are not willing to do is very important as well. Shut down any false hope right from the start work well- that will also eliminate a lit of men who just want to date you for your body too, yet if that is what you are looking for then go for it, if not, don't give them even a faint bit of hope in the first place.
She has a very soothing voice
She does not annunciate her words. I struggle to listen to her.
@@mwpierre It's "enunciate" and as a native British English speaker, I find her very easy to understand.
They both do...straight ASMR... I slept through the whole think will try again...or sleep whatever...😌
A very horrible English. So harsh and difficult to get
@@StimParavane thanks for correcting me on enunciate and annunciate. Yeah, but that dull, monotone way she spoke was painful.