The Orgasm Expert: THIS Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex & Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom!
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- Опубліковано 4 тра 2024
- Dr Karen Gurney is a Clinical Psychologist, Psychosexologist and Couples Therapist, she has been helping couples tackle sex problems for over 20 years. She is the author of the bestselling book, ‘Mind The Gap: The truth about desire and how to future proof your sex life’.
0:00 Intro
02:43 What Do You Do and Why Do You Do It?
04:32 Our Attention Is Being Hijacked Which Is Affecting Our Sex Lives
10:33 Why Does Sex Get Harder the More We Think About It
12:26 Why Expectations and Pressure Make Sex Worse
16:32 Our Society Has Created a "Sexual Script" That's Wrong
17:46 How to Talk About Sex with Your Partner
23:45 How to Tell Your Partner You're Not Attracted to Them Anymore
26:32 How to Not Let Kids Ruin Your Sex Life
28:01 The Demographic That Comes to You More Than Any Other
28:52 Why Desire Goes in a Relationship
34:49 How to Trigger Desire in Your Relationship
39:10 The "Initiation" Problem
40:57 Should We Schedule Sex?
43:41 What Should We Be Doing to Keep Desire High in Our Relationships
46:31 How to Talk About Your Fetish with Your Partner
51:30 What Women Really Want During Sex
53:21 Does It Matter Who Initiates Sex?
56:40 If Our Idea of What We Want From Sex Isn't Happening What Should We Do?
59:07 If Men Can't Get It Up, What Should We Do?
01:00:32 If Men Can't Get It Up, What Should We Do?
01:01:51 Should We Have Sex Before or After We Eat?
01:03:58 The Optimal Amount of Times to Have Sex
01:05:52 Sexual Dissatisfaction Between Men and Women
01:08:30 How to Deal with a Sex Life as a Parent
01:12:30 What You Can Do as a Parent to Ensure Your Sex Life Doesn't Go Off Track
01:14:02 The Relationship Between Poor Sleep and Sex
01:17:15 At What Point Should People Reach Out to You?
01:17:57 Have You Ever Seen Relationships That Are Unrecoverable?
01:19:21 The Top 3 Most Common Sexual Problems
01:21:22 The Impact of Pets on Our Sex Lives
01:23:19 Are You Hopeful for the Future of Sex?
01:24:40 How Menopause Affects Our Sex Lives
01:25:57 Our Bodies Changing Over Time and How That Impacts Our Sex Lives
01:27:03 Are We Meant to Be Monogamous?
01:32:27 The Last Guest’s Question
You can pre-order Karen’s book, ‘How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your Sex Life’, here: amzn.to/49mvtnx
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Can I ask you all a favour? If you enjoy this episode, could you please hit the like button 👍🏾 it helps us massively. Appreciate you all! 🙏🏽
That headline... I can`t even watch the interview now that I`ve seen her. She would prefer non penetrative of course, she seems to be in same sex relatioship.
But Steven, this episode was a lot off!
She is a lesbian and don't want us to penetrate our women!
What is this?
Embarrassing guests just for clicks you seem desperate
Hey Steve we enjoy your episode could bring Francis Nganuo please
F@ck it . I have already hit the subscription button.
My ex was literally addicted to her cell phone. Before and after sex, she loved to scroll, and scroll, and scroll on her phone all this random stuff. It was highly distracting to our relationship, and I will never have a relationship with anyone addicted to their cell phone again. If I could push a big red button and permanently destroy all social media, I would not hesitate to push that button. We don't need it to survive, and it causes more harm than good.
What are you doing here then?
@@letsaffirm9454I’ve often heard people complaining about people’s phone use, and seeing them from the outside I often see they actually have the exact same behavior, she might have been scrolling because he checked his phone quickly first after sex and the cycle continues
@@letsaffirm9454😂 nailed it 😂
I agree, I would push that button with you.
@@letsaffirm9454nothing wrong with discussing the topic here. Even if they left social media, it wouldn't go away or change how society uses it.
What people are missing in sex is intimacy.
Ding! People now want what they see in pornography. There's little account for connecting and caring for another. People worry about themselves a bit too much nowadays and of course this applies to this topic as well
define intimacy
Or connection?
@@semidemiurgemeaningful connection, communication, sharing, heart connection, being vulnerable (not with external things but back to the heart)
@@snorrevonflake I, for one, disagree; there's a reason I keep calling sex "physical form of expressing feelings/love" even tho many ppl roll eyes at me. What I think you mistake intimacy with is, being vulnerable.
Which I am with my current bf, we talk through what worries him (psychosomatic signs and possible autism, too sensitive and reactive nervous system on my side. Not tremors, but more like uncontrollable shaking).
We also both come up with creative names for our body parts and ask during the sex or foreplay what each other wants to feel fully satissfied. He feared to fail at being dominant, while I fear for being too passive since I get overhelmed by stimuli... yet, we talk about how we feel about certain gestures, actions or what was spoken afterwards. What turns us on and what gives us worries given past experiences. I think this counts strongly as intimacy.
But maybe me and my bf are in that >10% who do not get non-sexual thoughts during the sex and I'm among serious miniority when it comes to women and their sexual desires.
If kissing stops, the relationship is going down the drain.
And under todays laws an unwanted kiss is equal to unfun forced bed sport...
Yes!!! It’s over. Limited time only.
This! Very true. People don't reaize
If that's her less favorite part?
Yeah my gf doesn’t enjoy kisses I don’t think it’s the problem we kiss but making out isn’t something we do.
This has changed my sex life. My husband and I listened to to this twice. We are in our 50’s. And our sex life is better than it’s EVER BEEN. Thank you for having this brilliant guest on. You are the best, Stephen!!
Our best sex was after 50, till my partner began to have prostate problems at 65 and the meds totally shut him down and then he was so disappointed in himself that he needed anti-depressants and that finished any chance of sex off. There had to be a better way but all the dr knew was meds. 😢
@@KB-ih5gfalternative doctors...naturapaths...chiropaths...homoepaths are a better route to go.
@@KB-ih5gf That is awful to hear, I wish you both find a positive way around this.
@@KB-ih5gfThe sex robots are coming...
@@KB-ih5gf did you actually really listen to the podcast?
Genital to genital sex is not the ultimate goal!!!
That is a false belief that many of us picked up, because men’s pleasure have often been the focal point.
Do the meds affect ability to massage, to touch erogenous zones, and so much more?
There is so, so much more to sexuality than a limited tunnel vision version…that’s the whole point of the podcast.
P0rn and social media addiction have negativly affected expectations, communication, connection and true intimacy.
Not really, porn is more realistic then these rom com's
Has it affected your life in any way?
@rick... Yeah, pretty much everyone I know is addicted to their phone. I'm consciously working on limiting my time on it. Listen to a couple of worthwhile podcasts during drive time only. Check and respond to messages/texts three times a day then I turn it off. Working on touching, kissing, massage with no expectation of penetration... just feeling emotions and closeness. Patience, open listening and talking with my girl and slowly achieving that desired deep human connection my parents have.
@@mas0517 I feel you brother. I'm on a similar path myself.
You’re right about porn and keep your eyes on your own woman. Why 0? What’s it about?
Worst advice I ever got was that open relationship would be ok. There’s good reasons most of us don’t do it
Exactly. Someone ultimately backstabs one of the other 2.
I don't believe human beings are monogamous by nature, I think we were indoctrinated by religion, culture etc.
The reason is called infidelity.
i certainly dont think open relationships are something you can just jump into, it's not for everyone unless the pros and cons have been discussed...sociatal attitudes don't lend themselves to polyamory particularly for women.
This "expert" certainly has no idea of how repulsive this would be to even bring up in a conversation.
That's the kind of falacy that destroys good relationships pushing someone to give in to temptations.
I'm 70 years old and here are my opinions on it all. I believe that kissing ( especially out of bed ) is a great turn on for women and it isn't done nowhere enough . Also that men need to learn how to get their ladies in the mood ,again out of bed. I vividly remember in my younger days being at the kitchen sink and my husband would come slowly and gently near me and kiss me on my neck ... i would simply melt 😅. Most men ( from what girlfriends have told me ) just seem to think that they are giving pleasure as soon as they ' hop' on 😂. Horror of horrors !! Poor women😢. Making love is an art !! It's up to the men to learn that art and if he is passionate and selfless enough he will find that his partner will react beautifully. I've been one lucky lady. Actually.... i still am 😂❤😂
Is anything "up to women"?
Love how open Steven was in this interview. Sex is such a taboo topic for people so I really commend him for sharing his own experiences, which I think really added to the discussion. Dr Gurney was brilliant too. Everyone should listen to this conversation. Thanks, both!
I started thinking that I don't like sex - because every time I've had sex, and it's never been that great for me, and I decided that I'd rather spend time doing things that I enjoy more. Now I realize that I have always been distracted by a worry during sex. LITERALLY! I've had a lifetime of personal issues/traumas and I've been in survival mode for YEARS. Now, I'm 57 and I've been in therapy and doing hard work to process and learn new ways of coping with my baggage and emotions. One way for me to cope is learning self compassion - "I am good enough", "I have done enough", "I deserve good sex and I deserve love". One very difficult thing to overcome is my over-conscientiousness about my body image.
Goog for you❤. In your healing journey, please remember that you are love. You have survived this far but now you can let go. Find that place inside of you and let go of the past. The emotions you feel are jist memories. You can create new ones today. You are good enough,y are a creation of love and the universe will bring people to reflect what you have inside. Stay blessed❤😊
I loved that “ you said are just memories “ you are soo right. It helped me a lot
Very similar experience as yours, except I prayed to hate sex, because I love it, however, my partners were either abusive, addicts or I didn't feel connected. I spent years working on myself, my trauma and body image. Now, my new partner (nearly 2 years) and I had a deep emotional, spiritual and physical connection in and out of the bedroom. We take time out to work on ourselves and therefore make the relationship better. After 57 years (lol) I finally found the one.
You are not alone. 45 years old and dealing with similar issues.
One of the best things you can ever do for yourself is to take this advice to heart and do it...
"Take every thought captive"
and
"Whatever is wholesome, whatever is lovely and good, this you should dwell on".
This means that you need to examine absolutely every thought and feeling that goes thru your mind and decide if it should remain or not, becoz these things that just pop up in your mind throughout the day are actually not YOUR THOUGHTS, until you decide to let them stay! If you let them stay and you then dwell on them, they are now yours and the results and consequences of this are what you see in your own mental health.
And many of these thoughts are not helpful to you at all - jealousy, envy, wrongful lust, anger, greed, revenge, fear, none of these are good for your mind and are actually destructive to your relationships, so for this reason you should treat your mind like a bad dog that thinks it can go outside and roll in the mud, then come inside your house and lie on your clean sheets, eat your hot meal and crap on your clean carpet... NO!!!
That dog should get a hosedown before it even comes near the damn door and straight to the bathroom for a scouring coz all that dirt and mud is like jealousy, fear, anger and negativity splattered all over your walls and furniture, and living with that in your mind is horrible.
But gratitude is like having the cleaning lady come in and make things sparkle, even if it's just being grateful for having breakfast this morning when there are billions on this planet did not... It is a fact that you can't be bitter when you are experiencing gratitude and gratitude will make you feel happier than allowing your mind to soak itself in fear, day after day...
Think about it - it REALLY DOES WORK becoz it comes from the bible. And while you're there, why not check out its author as well coz he wouldn't put this in his book if he didn't want us all to be happy and healthy...
I strongly disagree with the good doctor. My husband and I have been together for 21 years. I had a small problem with sexual performance during mid-perimenopause, so we dove straight into trying to find how to improve this, which led us to Tantra. Our intimate times now last 2.5 to 3.5 hours. It's lots of holding hands or intertwining our bodies and breathing together. We breath, connect our energies, then go from there. We are scheduling intimacy or "sexy time" as we call it. WE call it a date. We have a ritual around it, which is getting our room ready, with special lighting, candles, our favorite body safe oil (avocado oil), a waterproof sheet (mostly not to get oil on our good sheets), special silky pillows and so on. We actually look forward to it. There is no pressure, but it nearly always ends in it. But not before we love each other in every other way but sexual. We realized that waiting for "spontaneous" sex did not serve us. It's been mind-blowing, it's allowed us to grow intimately like never before, and we don't get distracted, because we give ourselves time to relax into each other, we use Tantric breathing and mild meditation/awareness, then it gets more intense, and we have learned so much about ourselves. We've been doing it for 3 years. I don't see us changing it, unless we can improve upon it.
Wow nicely done. Cheers
by the time i prepare all that i already don't feel like it. but good for you both that can switch off all the electronics and be with each other.
Yes! I absolutely love this. It's something that every couple should try.
That’s great for the both of you.
I would probably never want to have sex if it was that involved. 😂
It works for some and not for others. Tantra not for a lot of people
Me understanding women’s hormones thru Dr Mindy has really helped me understand why they have far less desire than us and has made my life infinitely easier. I thought it was me now I have overwhelming desire to please my wife fully thru all her hormonal shifts in a month. Footrubs to conversation to avoiding conflict and know when they get a boost of testosterone to know when they are most likely be thinking of sex. It is not a given but certainly helps especially as time goes on!
Wow, good for you for actually wanting to learn more about all that! Lucky wife to have such a caring husband! 👏
@@haveabanana2930 I hope more men do this theres no reason not to try harder for any of us!
So many lies spread! Women love sex as much as men and this believe has left women unsatisfied in their relationship s. I wish they will stop creating this destructive assumptions about genders. Women do want penetration physically and psychological. Just because her orgasm comes first and does not require penetration doesn't mean women do not crave penetration right after! One Women cannot speak for all of us! I wish older women will stop talking as if all women are the same or have same libido or even same taste! The amount of sex is going down in society because of technology that is destroying our social lives!
Thank you for being an example of validating what women's lives are actually like.
And you believe everything on social media says. You do know all bodies are different. I mean you are I assume an adult. If you as an adult need to take tips from some stranger. You've got bigger problems
After escaping an absolutely horrific relationship almost four years ago, I am now extremely happy having never had or wanted a relationship or sex since. I finally feel free and powerful because I know no one can ever touch me again or try to become part of my life again
💛🌸🌼💐🌺🪷🌻🧡
I hope you can heal…and find true love ❤️
@@evka24she feels free and is happy. What part was hard to understand?
I hope you like cats
@@evka24true love with herself. Thats powerful.
I love the comment in regards to low pressure...that "sex should be trivial and often, not rare and crucial". For me this emphasizes the importance of "in the moment sexuality" with a sense of playfulness and lack of heavy expectation of the ultimate act itself...those small little loving and sexy gestures are a great lead up to when it does happen.
exactly this
... Okay. 🗿
Let's hope you're doing your part in helping out humanity.
For that to work, it has to be ok for her to say no frequently. The moment she gives "duty" sex, the playfulness and lack of heavy expectation is ruined.
Very much agree with this.
Sadly people have been conditioned to think otherwise by movies, books, porn etc.
@@mikochild2I see what you mean, but i kind of find it bad that rejecting the other party frequently. I mean at one point it hurts getting rejected over and over again. I mean yes, if you don‘t want to be intimate it is totally understandable to reject the partner, I also would not want to be intimate with someone who doesnt want to be. Still, at some point I wouldn‘t want to initiate anymore if i were to be continually rejected. What is your opinion on that?
I just want to say that this podcast makes me feel so f*** priviledged that I have access to these amazing human beings willing to share their knowledge for free. Steven man, you really read my mind with every single question that you ask your guests is like I'm asking them myself hahahha Blessed my parents the day they decided that I should learn English! Big love from Spain! 🧡
Congrats 🎉 just wanted to celebrate your joy! This is my favorite podcast!
Otra española feliz de saber inglés. Me encanta escuchar a gente que sabe de cosas.
💜
... a Romania here ...
I think she's right. Talking about sex is so difficult! It takes practice. Advocating for what I want has been one of the biggest challenges of my life, idk why, because I can readily advocate for myself in pretty much any other environment.
I like how honest she is about couples with Children. She doesn't sugar coat it.
Yes! Trying to stay in the mindset when little ones keep knocking on the door saying mom, mom, mom - I want a glass of milk, I need to go poop, etc...🤦♀️😅
Our babies, we had 5, shared the bed with us till they were toddlers so collic and teething aside the babies food on the boob, helped my wife through sleeplessness .
@@haveabanana2930that’s why I rarely try to have sex while my children are awake. Waiting until they were in bed or really focused on something usually gave us enough time to be uninterrupted and have a great session each time 😅
Honestly, there is nothing worse than doing the thing -about to experience the O and all of sudden hearing, “mommmmmmmy.” 😭
I love my bedroom time but my husband doesn’t understand WHY I can’t power through that.
We all deal with this in our own way. Nobody can say what's best for any couple
The interviewer is brilliant in ensuring the expert keeps talking and sharing valuable information.
he is an EXCELLENT insightful interviewer
That's a literally a lesbian radical feminists. They are against penetration because they see it is oppressive to women.
😅@@donahunt832
I was married 20 years...never talked about sex...are issues surrounding it. My husband cheated and I found out he was very capable of having sex and a lot of it.
We divorced. I have had the best conversations with my partners since. It is always discussed.
I refuse to settle for a sexless relationship anymore!!!
I had this, too! We were married for 12 years. He rarely touched me. We never talked about it. There was no intimacy or any effort. It was a sexless marriage. He left me for his mistress. Best thing that ever happened to me. I grew tremendously. My new husband and I talk about sex and we have a lot of it. Turns out, I had the wrong husband the first time.
Same. I had all the sex drive...turned out he is gay.
Your marriage fell apart and it was ALL your husband's fault. It was his fault that s-e-x was never discussed. It was his fault that since he couldn't get what he wanted at home, he went out and found what he wanted, elsewhere. And you are the Queen of Sheba. Right?
@@JackMason-oq8lf Where in her comment did she put the blame on her ex-husband? I get that she failed to take partial responsibility, but it's not like she puts all the blame with her ex-husband.
@@keeleyhank6812 Did you initiate, or did you wait for him to initiate all the time, men want to be wanted as well.
Steven, your sense of humor, your questions, and your attitude are all so brilliant. Thank you for providing us with invaluable information.
I really loved this episode. I love Dr. Gurney’s open-mindedness about everything, I love how she approached these subjects and she was extremely real. She doesn’t care if people disagree with her truth, even if it triggers people, and I loved that the most about her. Very insightful and helpful. Thank you 🙏
I am sobbing. I have been so self focused because I have a higher sexual drive than my husband. And to hear he is worried makes me so sad. I want to be there for him instead of focused on what I want. Thank you so much for this. Life changing.
:( I’ve always ended up in relationships where my partner has a lower sex drive. It hurts terribly
Best part about celibacy is not having to obsessed with sex. Having an intimate connection to another being should be mutual and natural and not forced.
Yes. Abstinence has improved my quality of life immensely.
This is so sad. I feel bad that you’ve never had a good relationship.
@@Cwgrlup When you define a good relationship as only one that involves sex, it begs the question if you ever had a good one or know what one really is.
@@missymiss2357 so true given these days people even say if she / he doesn't give you sex kick them out. It's a want at the end of the day. Sex is everywhere. Accessibility to food on the other hand especially when a person can die without it is not given that much importance as much as sex. Celibacy is a good form of detachment where you appreciate the person for who they are
There's definitely a super power that develops with celibacy. It's a path people have to be curious about and discover for themselves.
Our society which is sex centered, since that's what runs economies, is working hard to make everything about it.
If you want to live a good, authentic life, look at what society heavily advertises and do the complete opposite.
Can we give two times thumbs up! Dr Karen Gurney's voice and pronunciation is so soothing and she speaks of wisdom that is needed literally all around the globe. Great episode.
How do you reconcile her hair doo? Kinda extreme for a woman.
Interesting. I was thinking the opposite. She might be popular in the USA, but around the globe she is extremely unpopular
I got bored.
I love how open you are Steven. You are so relatable ,ask the best questions, best topics, with the best guests! CHEERS to 5M subscribers! P.s. when you have little Timmy, you and ur partner will have to settle down and stay in one place together! Life just looks different for the best!!
Monogamy is for stability, emotionally and financially, for your children. There is a saying, “god gives us 1000 days of passion” it’s up to us to generate passion after that. So be creative, look after yourself, get fit even after kids and work on understanding and supporting your partner. Keep an open mind and develop enthusiasm. Polyamory is incredibly difficult especially if you have children so create your our novelty. Refuse to be boring and your marriage will remain fun, meaningful and exciting. After 47 years of marriage, this is still happening. I can’t imagine risking STDs for a momentary pleasure.
You always manage to find surprising people to interview and interesting topics. This interview is a gem.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
exactly my thoughts
The channel is a gem :)
Its Not even a peace of cow dung 😂😂😂
In my experience people who live a polyamourous lifestyle, there is always someone who feels horribly jealous or exploited. I don't like seeing people sad and drained.
Because sex is just not physical act. We r instinctually design to search for intimacy after sex. Majority of this type relationships failed miserably
N the people who claim their relationship working are nothing but pair of narcissist n low self-esteem partner, period. It's not even about jealousy, it's the feeling of immense disguise n instability
Yep. They tend to be in a cycle of jealousy and revenge with their primary partner. Not a great way to live if you ask me but some people love drama.
@@ddnickexactly!
@rahelkamber4839 I don’t think not works either. Just sanctioned cheating. Eventually intimacy will develop with SOMEONE and the other person will be hurt
@@marie-francoiset9402 This happened to a guy I knew. He is the one who asked his g/f to get into a poly situation and once she got a taste, the tables turned. He wanted out and she was like no no, I like this and he was HAMMERED, he even left Canada as a whole. I haven't spoken to him in ages and the crazy thing is, had he just asked me i would've talked him out of it, his girl was OMG in every way. Hot, kind, sweet, just wholesome, just why??
I'm a long-time listener, but I don't usually comment. Adored this interview! Thank you, Dr Gurney and Steve! I learned so much.
There is a lot of pain with having multiple partners especially when you love someone. Even cheaters are devastated when they get cheated on.
Thank you for this. We just do not talk about healthy sex as a society.
The healthiest normal sex is masturbation 😂😂😂 guaranteed satisfaction and zero STD risk…AND no stress 🤷🏽♂️
@@mistyhola3485I do not think after watching just the trailer that I would want to watch this but based on how she speaks and the sweeping genralisations she is making and it is nothing to do with the subject matter. I just do not like her way of speaking in the bits they put out as a trailer I may watch ten mins and decide if it,is worth my time to watch this. I discuss sex with my friends quite normal for us chat about this topic, weather, kids, sex it is just a topic we do not find taboo do not think we are unusual. I am sixty my friends are up to twenty years younger and we alwayss openly discuss womens issues including how our sex life is going things we heard or read or watched on the subject. Maybe in some religious or cultural backgrounds it is taboo but not for all.
So true!!
@@CraigsOverijseI wasn't too sure initially, but she does give some really interesting aspects, points of view, if you can persevere through it all.
I actually find the hair style very off-putting, but remind myself that's really none of my business.
@@bianchaesson1441- I smiled to myself because they often referred to haircuts - couldn’t help noting that they actually both had the same cut. Not overly becoming yet each to their own 😊
Fascinating! The bit about communicating with your partner really hit home for me. 28 year happy, satisfying marriage and I still find it difficult sometimes to discuss. Thanks for the conversation starters.
that's weird
after 28 years people should already read own minds lol
I also have 28 years married and I have a hard time communicating.
times passes flying, my dear. @@szymonbaranowski8184
When a spouse or significant other, suddenly (and enthusiastically) starts promoting the idea of "opening the relationship", chances are that he/she is already in an affair and wants to legitimize it by getting their unsuspecting spouse's approval. Ironically, many of those unsuspecting spouses end up becoming emotionally detached from their open relationship loving spouses and become emotionally connected to their "friend" and eventually end up leaving their spouses and significant others. The success rate for open relationships is dubious at best.
This lady is SMART! In a great 45 year marriage; no children. Everything she says is so true! We’ve learned along the way. Her “sexual currency “ idea is so true. Thx for having her!
And this is why you have so many subscribers….because of the people you are interviewing, the content they bring and as an interviewer you let them speak, you don’t interrupt but you are also real! I could see the cogs turning as she was hitting home for you 😂❤ I hope this hits home for all who watch this as to why you/we are not as happy as we’d like to be in this department.
Maybe, but he does manipulate his audience by seeking to be controversial, not really giving solid answers to generate repeat view's.
So. It's not enough that we pay for internet. We watch videos, like it, sub and share, comment.. UA-cam plays you.. and you want us to pay you every month...? Serious?
Here's some shocking info: before the internet we had books. If you want extreme happiness in that department, look for the most recognized books in Scandinavia. They'll explain exactly how (80% of women can't do this) is a matter of technique, which most men know in Scandinavia. This so called expert forgot to do her research and are now giving bad advise, based on her own lack of understanding or desire to expand her knowledge
The last 30mins of this made me cry.. someone who just became a mother and is going through this
🌹🌹🌹
Incredibly informative interview from a highly intelligent well spoken woman. Absolutely amazing. Thank you for this
I love the idea of scheduling intimacy. So, I tried it. We ended up talking about the hard stuff first, how to pay our taxes. Then we snuggled on the bed and watched TV. There was no pressure to do anything. We eventually went out to eat and decided to have sex in the morning. It all worked out very well. Our communication was easier and our connection was more playful. Thank you Steven for going deeper with your guest.
This Doctor is spot on. What an intuitive researcher and dynamic psychologist! I just downloaded the free worksheet! Thanks for always having the most dynamic guests!!!
Dr Gurney has such a calming voice, I really enjoyed listening to her. Great episode and very informative
I just recently found & subscribed to your channel & I'm really finding interests in your topics & videos! I thoroughly enjoyed listening to your conversation with Dr Karen Gurney. Thank you for all you do.😊
While the expert focuses primarily on the behaviors to help create opportunities for intimacy. There is a physical piece missing. Hormone levels, overall physical health, and ongoing medical treatments have a huge impact on desire.
Low hormone levels from aging while taking an antidepressant could decrease desire. Its not all about just behavior. There is a chemistry component behind intimacy.
So true, I would also add past history of child sex abuse that has damaged the woman’s core personality and has not been dealt with yet . 3:46
I understand trying to be inclusive but as a female who has struggled through various female struggles like periods etc it hurts me to be referred to as a person who menstruates. I am a woman and I have worked so hard to accept being one.
When I hear the statistics of “men and women” I am confused about who is included as being a woman and I wonder how we will be able to have conclusive scientific research, if the words we use to describe bodies become inclusive to a point where they become meaningless.
I don’t feel included in inclusive language. 😢
THANK YOU!!!
You are a women
A beautiful creation of God that has so many beautiful qualities physically , spiritually and emotionally and more. God made you in one of the most beautiful likenesses he created, the things we can do as women make us so very beautiful and unique.
WE ARE how God saw us as beautiful.
( Men too are wonderful in again, their own unique ways !)
We are a beauty in his creation ❤️
Show me on the doll where being called a "person" instead of "woman" hurt you
I even get angry when somebody of the grand cult calls me cis. I am a woman and that's it. I think it is an especially pernicious form of patriarchy that guys, playing around with womanhood now want to define what a woman is and what she is not.
You’re a woman! 🙌
Steve, I love that you are very matter-of-fact (as it should be) when saying: "I couldn't get an erection"... my partner is super comfortable stating it too, and it is so important, it is like sometimes we use lubricant, and sometimes we don't need, my body takes care of it, and it is never a big deal. Keep normalising it!
You're message should be aimed at women. They're the ones shaming guys for it
@@rickymort135 I'm sorry if you have truly experienced this but I'd like to think people in relationships wouldn't do this and perhaps it also comes from lack of knowledge. If men pretend like it never happens, how are women meant to know otherwise? Just like she said in the interview, women have to not take it personally but to do that it also takes men being honest about it and the reasons 🤷
@@rickymort135how can you take such a positive non harmful comment and make such a negative from it?
Sounds like a you/ environment issue, many women have been great with me when I have struggled in the past with flop and communicated about it
@barryscott3260 No body shaming is normalized now except if it is being done to women
Poor bloke, hes either insecure or not 100% into his gf. My o/h of 13 years has never ever struggled to get it up, I feel for women and men who settle for substandard sex.
Thank you for this amazing interview and for the opportunity to shift my perspective on this! 🌞
This is going straight into my saved videos!
Thank you for sharing this video. A lot of us are afraid of asking, talking about these topics. This was very educational🙏🏼…much appreciated.
We’re not surprised at 5 million. Your channel is top notch and many of the discussions are life affirming and changing. Informative. At the very least entertaining. You are a fantastic host. Honest and asking the questions we want answered and then sitting back to allow the guest to respond and expand.
I have been in a relationship with my partner for ten years and together we have 3 little kids. I really appreciate this interview especially the focus on long term partners with kids. I like that Steven always makes questions to try to make this podcast as inclusive as possible for all of us.❤
Remember, if you are not fking your wives, or long term gf, someone like me is.... and we are persistently attempting to do so.
How do I know the woman likes sex with me?? well if they come back again no matter how much they complain it means they want it more, again. All this other long analysis and asking about positions etc this lady is talking about is crap. You yourself should not want the same positions every time!!
Oh but we “learned” today that monogamy is unrealistic 🙄🙄🙄
@@thespiritualninja7339
""Oh, but we “learned” today that monogamy is unrealistic 🙄🙄🙄""
It is not unrealistic, but it is unnatural, forced, against evolution in all its aspects, improbable long term; I'd say specially for men.
Women gain a lot for short term monogamy, pregnancy, kids and all that time of vulnerability; but they also benefit less in lifetime monogamy. Women, I would think, benefit from long term allegiances, but then men do too."
@@ggrthemostgodless8713they benefit, when system doesn't milk men to support them
It’s such bologna what she has said. The worst therapist I ever heard from. My kids are grown. And we were & are active as much as we could. If there was spare time, we found it. We rarely went a day without it. Communication is key. Just have fun. Don’t take it so serious. Kids is just an excuse people use. It’s not true. Spending that time with our spouse is so important.
The concept of sexual currency is amazing it makes so much sense, what an eye opening talk!!! Thank you so much for the quality of the content Dr.Karen
Thank you for this refreshing interview on what used to be a taboo and today a debacle.
Isn’t it interesting that Karen Gurney was told she’ll be a failure in the field! Her sensitive but direct approach along with a broad understanding of human sexuality, her practical ways to transform and enhance people’s experience is remarkable.
You are a phenomenal interviewer!
I absolutely love how confident, convicted and well-spoken she is. One of my favorite episodes to date. I’d definitely go to get sessions with her ❤
I was just thinking the same thing!
Don't like her, can't relate at all.
I love the comments from people who CLEARLY HAVEN"T WATCHED THE VIDEO because it's just been released. Amazing.
You are too good😂
That's me!!!😂
This channel is a magnet to incels lol
Yes The comments are more about how clever the subjects abilities.Sex is the subject,pay attention to the subject.
psychological safety and self-worth are that which great communication extends out of.
im surprised so many couples feel so unsafe to have vulnerable/honest conversations
That tells you a lot about the state of relationship and marriage - it's no picnic for a lot of people. My stance has always been, if you're not happy in it, what's the point? I'm always amazed at how many people stay in bad relationships.
Thank you for this excellent podcast: wow, Dr. Gurney is such a great guest. And you are a gracious host with a tasteful and inviting set. Something not so common, perhaps, is that your guests speak freely-without interruption. Bravo!
Congratulations on 5 million subscribers! Been watching for around a year now and absolutely love how quickly I noticed an increase in happiness & better health
Bravo Steven, your saying it would be a dagger in your heart if your partner introduces the idea of an open relationship, has got you a new subscriber. ❤
An “open” relationship = someone who’s not that interested in you and is more interested in themselves.
He got a subscriber for that lol. What a low bar.
@Cwgrlup an open relationship ship is an oxymoron. And anybody who accepts it is a regular moron.
@@Cwgrlup and what's wrong with that?
@@lovelynramirez stable and secure people don’t want a selfish partner. Be single if you want to sleep with a bunch of people. An open relationship turns your partnership or marriage into a friends/roommates with benefits type situation. Making a mockery of true commitment where each partner submits to the other and becomes one. No room for selfishness in a healthy relationship.
This is awesome because she mentioned how it's a great idea to bring this episode up to your partner with intention of opening up that topic of conversation. Before I even heard her say this, I had already sent my partner the link to this video and I said this,
"Hey, i just started watching this video and I've only watched the intro so far but I think there will be a lot of good information in it for the both of us."
And there definitely was a lot of good information and had helped me realize some of the feelings and emotions and pressure we put on each other that can kill our desire. Not that we have much trouble with desire 😉
Aww
Incredible discussion with a wealth of insight. F /32 , heterosexual a key takeaway was having sex that suits your anatomy. Penetration has always been excruciatingly painful. I would do it cuz my partner wanted too, through this did effect my desire for sex. I later learned I have a retroverted uterus , via a mri . My anatomy isn’t setup for penetration. When I explain this to potential partners they are not always understanding. Can care less about my pleasure. When I sense this from them . I don’t even place my self to be in a sexual situation with them.
Also the dynamic of relationship where I see my partner as more of child than a mate.
thank you for sharing ‼️❤️
thanks for sharing! may i ask what helped you to bear the pain while it was happening? 😔
How awful the misfortune of being attracted to men. They hardly notice if we are enjoying ourselves because they have always been told that it is all about them.
Such a great open genuine conversation ,wow!
We don't hear stuff like this anywhere.
Thank you so much for this podcast.
What a brilliant episode. Dr Gurney is so knowledgeable and articulate. Amazing.
I listen to this channel occasionally- but this person just nailed it for me !!
Yet another fabulous foray into the human mind and human behavior, Steven. And thank you to Dr. Gurney for speaking so openly about sex and offering your twenty years' worth of research and clinical practice. (As an American, I could listen to her British accent forever!). Just a great discussion overall. Many thanks again.
This conversation is amazing, I already feel the weight lifting off my shoulders. So many great ideas, great tips. Seriously, thank you so much.
“Everything is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about power.”
- Oscar Wilde
Wilde was wrong. Sex is about a programed and powerful (not power) urge for release. Without it there would be no humans.
so everything is about power. got it.
In war. Sex is a violent weapon against the enemy to humiliate the opposing forces.@@TimeDagar
Sounds good but it's BS. Like so many "great" quotes. Think for yourself and avoid aping what someone else said.
Sex is about power if there is no love
Dr. Gurney thank you so much! You’re such a pioneer in effective communication. And to me sex is communication. I feel so empowered by this conversation. ❤
Excellent interview!!! Im glad this video is out there to help people talk about this and know that this happens to all of us and it’s normal.
What a fascinating interview!!!!! And YOU ARE CUT OUT FOR THIS Dr. Gurney. I hope your supervisor is listening too 🙌😊
Whatever you think about this episode, the promo edit was top notch 👌
@@7ShadowMaiden7 Making generalised statements purporting to be representative of women which I strongly disagree with. Not only that but it is also one more kick in the pants for men. Insinuating they are not even any use at the most basic biological imperative. You don’t need anyone for an orgasm, theres more to sex than orgasm. It is a poor substitute for the whole shared experience between loving partners. Just cheapening the whole thing like comparing a bowl of candy to a full course meal. They both stop hunger but only one is nourishing. Just so many things…
im telling ya. our boy is hella profesh
New to this channel. What an incredible podcast! I really love these conversations. They’re done so respectively and with great intelligence. Incredible guests with so much wisdom, covering topics that although controversial, are incredibly pivotal to our Evolution. I am absolutely enthralled and grateful for this work! 🙏🏻💕✨
I’m really thankful for these insightful videos. I might have come across some of the questions in my life, but I’ve never been good at coming up with the answers. Currently got no partner but this video makes me think of so many things I could have done differently in past relationships and it’s things I didn’t know before so thank you a lot for all these videos!
Keep up the amazing work and dedication!
Really good interview, some very good points were made. For example how expectation kills desire. What I missed a bit was a focus on love, intimacy, and attachments and how our feelings about ourselves impact on our relationships. These are areas that need to be considered seriously when thinking about open relationships, because this can get super complicated and painful if this is not carefully explored.
Love this conversation, it keeps it real and it’s eye opening on what others experience too.Thank you
Loved this so much. The world needs more voices like Karen Gurneys. I bought the book straight away
Our dogs are definitely the biggest issue for us.
-hard to get in mood when dogs are there.
-if in mood, hard to get started as dogs try to get involved or just distracting.
-if shut them in other room, constant barking, ruining mood and in evenings also makes you worried about neighbours (as we share wall with neighbours, don’t live in detached house/villa)
Gone from sex multiple times a week to maybe 1-2 times a month after we got the dogs. I would say 90% reason is dogs. 10% being in same relationship for a decade.
UMMMM... *Train them*?
Kennel train...
Like it's *your* fault if they're fucking your relationship up... *not the dogs*...
@@persis2223he was only giving a reason, not 'blaming'. All the comments are people opening up about their personal struggle with this topic..no need to try to put him and his place.
You could try using a baby gate on the bedroom. We have 5 dogs and they all just lie outside the gate quietly now. No more dogs up on the bed uninvited😊
Steven Barlett, thank you for once again opening a "Pandora Box Topic" that is often overlooked. I enjoy your humble questions and insightful review with each video. You are a keeper for us all and future generations to come. Intelligent young man for sure!! Wishing you continued success!
A great interview! Lots of clear, practical, creative information. Not one wasted word.
Now this is who you take advice from ya'll. An actual professional on this. Yess!!! I love this 💯
Love the host. He does a great job listening and balance with questioning and commenting. ❤
I really hope her old supervisor sees this video, too. Such a smart, articulate, and talented lady who is completely across her field - a genuine expert. Will definitely be buying her book.
Me too. Just got the book. =D
Why do I always feel like I'm sitting in on one of Stevens private counselling session. 🤣 His questions always make me feel he's asking for advice for himself.
We're all the same😅
He is😂 this is his diary
@@Grace-ms7un - True 😂🤣
@@Grace-ms7unlol good point
That's what makes him relatable.
Fantastic podcast. Great answer about the worst advice you ever received !!! Did you ever prove your supervisor wrong & so glad you followed the path that is obviously meant for you.
Brilliant interview! Karen's voice and pace is so easy to listen to, she makes, what is a challenging topic for many, non-confrontational and inviting.
There is so much that can and does go wrong with open relationships.... It's not thinking outside the box.... its nothing new. I think it is more about commitment and effort. Both are needed.
Isn't that the case for any type of relationship? It can't go anywhere when the people involved are not commited or don't put any effort into it. If you have both an open relationship shouldn't be a problem.
@@DelzDerMeisteras you stated, it's already hard enough. Add more feelings, thoughts, etc, into the mix and it just becomes more complicated. There's usually a lack of communication and expectations that comes from including even more people into a relationship
It’s about individual preference lol. Being open is actually more work.
Why bother with a relationship at all if you want it open? That’s just called “dating”, “playing the field” lol etc.
@@Soapgirl64 not everyone who is poly actively dates. I want to love more than one person. If I’m only with one person & I feel a spark with someone else, or my partner does, I value and welcome the freedom of exploration.
Thank you sincerely from an older couple for being so generously open about your private experiences that make us feel we are not the only ones …
Thankyou for an open and interesting podcast. This is potentially life changing. I'll definitely listen again to try and capture all the learnings you share.
This is one of the most insightful analysis around sexual dynamics I’ve ever watched. Thanks
Congrats! Love your work, well done you and your team.
The 8 million dollar question is why do people feel ashamed or act taboo about something we were literally created and put on this planet for?
⛪️
It's been hijacked,corrupted and commercialised by powers that be. Whether its government, religion, business they all have in one or another managed to create or project thoughts or fears into peoples minds for control and manipulation as they benefit or profit from it. For example look at hip hop music at one point the gangster tough image was promoted and the male stars used to project machismo and testosterone fueled lyrics and image then the powers that be switched the narrative and started to promote male rappers with a feminine image of men so the hip hop artists began to paint their nails and carry handbgs and wear dresses and some wigs and music is a powerful media of influence so wht kind of sex do u think is happening between boys and girls who are listen and are influenced to this type of music? And thats just one small example.
Because it's meant to be a sacred act of life creation and we devalue it by being overt about it. In a similar vein but for different reasons people find thinking or talking about death as taboo
Because making it taboo made people run to the church for the licence to be allowed to do it.
@@vt6653 So you mean Sacred like in a spiritual sense? Makes alot of MF sense to me. 😊
this makes me feel so much better about us. because I never was very blown away by the actual act and never wanted to explore that further but I do love my partner sooo much and we always shower together and have constant innuendo and comment on clothing choice and discuss what we think is sexy in other people, and sneak in a passionate kiss and take eachother out for lunch whenever we fancy a couple date. Nothing is missing and I hope this never ends.
regular intercourse also becomes a regular physical bodily demand that is sometimes not very romantic and feels more like an addiction for the one and an enabling tool for the other.
and contraception plus the risk of getting pregnant is not yet gone.
I dont miss it now but maybe I will at some point and who knows, maybe we pick it up at some point...
whatever feels good
This interview gave women a bit of relief. Thanks. And also depicted men as more sensitive, which is also good to hear.
It's mighty interestng to read everyone's experiences. It's crazy how different it can be for everyone. Thanks for this episode!
You are the best host for sure! Most interesting gasts and you ask questions that matter! And you don't find yourself more important than the quests, chapeau !!❤❤❤
Absolutely incredible pod, so happy to have found and listened to it!!!
I absolutely loved this video. Dr gurney is an amazing teacher , I really enjoyed listening to her. Lots of things I’ve not thought about.
Congrats on 5 million subscribers 🎉❤
Thank YOU for being a part! Team DOAC ❤️
Can we have healthy sex?
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾❤️
Can we make healthy coitus?
That's outstanding 🎉
honestly this was fascinating and a lovely kinda wrap up of topics my fiance and i have talked about involving relationships! thank you for this!
Stumbled on this... This is really spot on and so apt with my issues in my last relationship. I appreciate the host's vulnerable honestly, it's refreshing and endearing.
I have been warming to you, by now I am convinced. THIS episode was important and much needed.Thank you so very much for tackling this topic and seeing it through. Most of what she said I agree with and understand. Subscribed....off to work on my relationship with Hubby.
Thank you. I really want to emphasize how important your inclination to explore confusing topics with experts is refreshing and enriching for everyone.
Please and Thank you ❤
ahh the ole "refreshing and enriching" just like freshly squeezed Orange Juice huh.. lol You are Funny
That was a phenomenally insightful, helpful interview/exploration of sexuality in partnership! I’ve already shared it with one single friend and 2 couples friends. Thank you!
Very interesting episode. Side note: she has an incredibly soothing voice.