They dont care how badly theyre hurting others with this behavior. Eggshells is AWFUL at any age but done to children is absolutely despicable I hope that your healing brings you peace
Maybe it's why I often ask a friend or a man " are you angry"? When they are silent. It also depends on the safety of the connection I think bc I don't have this with all people.
@@tamsintarshish3905 How someone treats us as children has a profound impact on our brains. Yes, we SHOULD be able to take full responsibility for how we feel, and not push that towards blaming, but the damage done to us when children makes this very hard in many cases...
Tell them you are the only one responsible for your emotions. It's not what happens to you, it's how you choose to react. And pray, pray, pray for guidance and deliverance for them in the name of Jesus.
I was a single mom with 3 kids and no child support, I worked long hours and could never get caught up on bills, cleaning laundry etc. I realized my impatience was harming my kids so I changed my habits and would apologize when I would lose my temper and tell them they didn't deserve that treatment just because I was stressed. It helped me to control my emotions so I wouldn't take my frustrations out on my kids. I think giving them sincere apologies helped them to understand I was human and they were not at fault.
Yes the ability to correct yourself while showing the children that we make mistakes and we're Human really helps them understand that we're not robots🤖👾🤖
Same here. I apologize and explain that it has nothing to do with her and that I love her anytime even when I can get angry or sad, as a humain as I should be. Kids don’t need perfection, they need love and harmony as much as possible and so do we the adultes. Repairing is crucial if we want to keep our children close to our heart no matter what and teach them being responsible for their own well being.
My mom told me straight up, 'If it weren't for you, our family would be fine!' So I left that abuse at 16....authorities said after investigating...nope.. it's them!😅
My mum said this to me too, so I stopped talking to her but this time, forever! I am 35 years old now with my own kids. I only stayed around this long due to financial support. Frankly, I'd rather have nothing. Good for you 🎉
Accountability means taking responsibility for one's own words and actions, and not deflecting, blame shifting, denying, 'forgetting', scapegoating, minimizing, 'shooting the messenger's, projecting one's shadow onto others, et c. All the MindFuck moves of the dishonest deceivers. No person like this should be a parent or allowed to get into any position of power over others. Absolutely NO DARVO should be tolerated by anyone.
I agree this guy (Tim Fletcher) is amazing. Specifically regarding narcissism, Dr Rarmani and Richard Glannon are also incredible - I highly recommend checking out their work.
I know!!! I’ve yet to come across anyone with the understanding he has and the ability to communicate these concepts so well. I am so grateful for his work.
Same 😢 my ex husband did the same now I can’t change my belief Towards that it’s almost ingrained in my mind and I never feel good enough about anything to anyone
I grew up believing I caused my sister's Bipolar Disorder. I was also blamed for my mothers depression. I was the youngest and was blamed for anything that happened...... I have complex P.T.S.D. and at 64 years old I still feel guilty for everything.
@@KaarinaKimdaly Thank you. I think their hatred for me comes from me being sick as an infant and surviving. My sister now in her 70's still blames me for her life..... I no longer stay in touch even though she's dyeing from cancer. Forever sad.
@@linmcinnes3122 Both of the remaining siblings who abused me growing up both have cancer now. I feel obligated to help them when my whole life they literally tried to make me feel like killing myself.
You are so correct I saw this with my husband. He was living a double life which we didn't know. When he came home we all were in trouble. The children got the blame and so did I. I wasn't being submissive as a wife. I was never to question his disisions. And when it all hit the fan it was our fault the children and me. Now he's gone from our lives. He has to arrange to see his adult children they don't seek him. But show respect.
Thank you Tim for speaking truth in a crystal clear way . I’m praying for every one of us parents to see this and for all of us to make things right with everyone we have hurt, and may we all learn to say what’s true instead. Let’s choose to fess up when we mess up and learn genuine healthy ways to deal with our many emotions… emotions can be very expensive. I’m so grateful we can change if we choose to
Yes!!! All these years I've been searching for the right words to how I FELT whenever one of my parents TOLD ME THAT I WAS THE REASON THEY WERE SO MISERABLE....ANGRY....DEPRESSED, etc., etc. I couldn't ever understand why they just didn't blame THEMSELVES?!! But you just did! Amen! ❤❤❤
God bless you, Tim Fletcher! Im an extreme codependent who has endured so much abuse that Ive dissociated to staring at my phone thru every waking hour. Thats my entire life now. Wake up. Stare at phone all day. Fall asleep. Repeat. I stumbled across ur videos and try really hard to watch them but cant concentrate over a minute. These shorts are very helpful.❤
hey, I feel like I fell into a similar boat of disassociation ruling my life after surviving longterm abuse. I started therapy to work on breaking the pattern of doom scrolling and its really helped me re-enter the world and start to feel safe and in control of my life again, I'd recommend trying it when you feel ready. I just wanted to reach out and let you know, from one survivor to another, the rest of your life is yours, there is power in being present, and your future doesn't have to look like your past
I can so relate, that was my only way of coping, apart from self medicating. Videos like these are God sent! At first I could hear everything but the punched in guilt to even think of your parents this way would prevent me from actually absorbing it. It takes time, few years if you're lucky, but it's so worth to start loving yourself and stop applying parameters set by abuse to your life by pleasing people, abandoning yourself in order not to cause any arguments etc. There's also Dr Julie on YT, her style is very similar to Tim - knowledgeable, kind, very easy to understand. God Bless ♡
My mother used to tell me "since you were born never got any joy from you and I wish you to have a daugher that will make you as unhappy as you do". And this went on an on for years. Her word were banging on my head all day and night. And of course ,she says it was not so cruel ,just words
That is such a horrible abuse you can put on an innocent child. Sabbatosing the child from the beginning of their life is confusing them when they should be creative and happy and learning and being able to trust their parents, not being frightened and learning to lie. Feeling true love will make them happy and hopefully turn them into a good kind compassionate person. Love to every child on this planet.❤❤❤ big hugs and kisses 😊
My father in a fit of anger with his hand around my throat pinned up against a wall with my little feet dangling looked in my eyes to my soul. He gently set me down on the floor. My father never raised a hand at me again out of his emotions or let his emotions run him for my misbehaving. Thanks Dad for changing yourself and never again blaming me or punishing me for being a child. Continue on breaking cycles of abuse in my family. I have been fighting back since a young child to stop the inasanity around me. The healing from a life time of anticipating others reactions to me just living and unable to be who others wanted me to be took me years to overcome. Today I will not tolerate unhealthy behaviors of others in my life. My judge in life is my kids and they have no problem correcting me as I do for them. Nothing hurts me more then harming a child unknowingly at the time due to a lack of knowledge as I reflect and heal. I take the time and take responsibility for my actions and behaviors and aplogize to my now adult children. I think they are getting tired of me saying sorry because it brings up what they need to heal from my ignorance and unhealed traumas that effected them.
They did do this yes, but I am now old enough that I broke that barrier myself, now I just laugh at them whenever they tell me something like that cuz it just sounds so stupid. They also did the ”do it for me” or ”do it to show me how much you love me” which is mind games basically.
For much of my life I carried the burden of believing I was responsible for everything that happened to me…if something bad happened, it must be my fault. If relationships break down, it must be my fault. It is a long road back to healing folks but it can be done. Just like a computer can be reprogrammed, so can we reprogram our negative thinking patterns. I am committed to doing that for myself so I can be a happier person. Life is too short to be miserable. 😊
I'm the cause, guilty for everything. But I can't remember my parents blaming as such in this short. But it is in that statement, "you are making me..." instead of "I" statements. Thus is the point on this video; to make one aware.❤ The difficult journey. But it is good. Because then onr can start loving and living and to make responsible choices on the truth. know the truth and the truth will set you free. accept the truth. It's the best way to go.
After I listen to him it just reinforces how much my narcissistic parents caused my cpstd and I really don't want them in my life anymore because 40+ years later nothings changed, except they're old and sick-
You are SO good, and are doing a great job ro help out there, Big thanks for that. I hope your messages get out there to the right people, children & parents ♥️
Yep. Even as an adult I struggle with this, when authority figures like my boss or my landlord who you're dependent on to some level, shows anger issues/lies/manipulates. My body goes right into trauma mode.
To see in real time how your child is developing in this way is very sobering but not knowing how to stop your patterns or how to course correct your child's development is next level triggering 😢
Yeah it's sad I raised my 2 boys in a reactive state of being from 45 years of narcissistic abuse. Now I'm awakened I can maybe make up for this with universal love and wisdom 💕
This can happen in any relationship. When a spouse or sibling blames you. Overtime we think everything is our fault. I don't blame others for my feelings. I was raised to understand that my feelings are a response to the situation not the person.
And at 70 years old I am STILL beating myself up having these thoughts that were imbedded into my subconscious as an impressionable little child. With time and effort, and my wonderful therapist, I hope to relieve myself of it.
Yep. Speak, move or need something and my mother would be so hateful that I'd be crying for hours. Dad worked 3rd shift. Wake him up, he was violent. Very rough upbringing
That's exactly what I always felt with 'alleged ' narcissists Except for angry or annoyed but the ones outside my family seemed to be calm cold emotionless. In the name of 'rational' but they never show a vulnerability or emotion. I met these types on dating apps. They are presenting the life statements ' no drama, life is easy, good vibes only' etc. Ofcourse we sll want good vibes only but some ppl use it as hollow truths and by never getting emptionally involved they won't have to take responsibility. Now I remember,when my father had a bad stroke, almost died, nobody in my family showed emotion and I cried. Ofcourse all ppl deal differently with situations but there was no affection in our family at all. No hugs nothing.
Leads to learned helplessness too if you are soft And makes you feel imposter but we are responsible for our reactions and emotions - I told it to my family
Came out of a lot of dysfunction, processed tons of trauma. Got married, And now i've been processing the trauma of my wife and her family. My family was openly dysfunctional and poor. My wife's family masked dysfunction with money and privilege. All I can tell you is, dysfunction masked behind money and privilege it's harder to deal with.
According to my older sister, I was the reason she drank. I responded with: “oh, I thought you said you drank because of your six ex-husbands.” She didn’t like that.
Ladies and gentlemen know when you have a spouse like this that your children are going to grow up and think it's normal I know because I was with a man like that for the first 10 years my daughter's life and she has went out and picked out several just like her daddy because that's her normal I thought I got him out of our life quick enough she still had to see him every other weekend she apologizes all the time and walks on eggshells in her relationship She has a daughter (don't pass on the misery)
When I was 5, the house was blowing up, and my mother, (my love, my life, my everything) was so upset. In a violent moment she turned and said "It's you kids, you kids are the problem." In that very instance I was devastated and hurt so much that "I' was the cause of that terrible upset, and the problems around the house. I felt so bad, that I was gonna fix things and myself, and do better. For 50 years "you kids are the problem was a level 10 point of stress and trauma. 50 YEARS! Shaped a large part of me always needing to better and fix myself. I never could though, fix myself. I went to a trauma counselor, and we got rid of that through EMDR therapy. Lol, afterwards I would never talk about it though, because I was embarrassed that I held onto this belief for so many years. That it was "my fault.' oh brother, give me a break mom, and take care of your shit. 50 YEARS!! my friends. Thank you for this clarity Tim 💜
I'm smart enough to know when someone older than me such as a parent is full of it and is lying to hide something. They're so lazy that I caught them cheating.
Yeah it takes a long time to deprogram this and re-train ourselves that we are not responsible for other people’s emotions. You can test this if you work with customers or customer service. Try saying and smiling the same way to every customer. Some customers reply happily, some indifferent, some are grumpy. You do the same thing every time but the customer’s reaction depends totally on them… just an easy way to see this concept…
That was Both my parents and my moms mom was also angry because my father was never around and when they finally divorced he never pd child support or helped with anything so now her daughter was a single mom with 3 kids so on Sunday’s we went to my grandmothers for dinner and she gave us extra groceries for the week too but not one Sunday went by without a comment or a sermon (depending on my grandmothers mood) about yes she loved us but she shouldn’t have to help to support us kids cause our dad was a deadbeat and her child should not have to take care us alone
My mom had MS and did this all the time, and I was blamed for making her angry and making her MS worse. She would yell. I would yell, and it got worse. I was always shamed because she was disabled and I wasn't.
I've been walking on eggshells my whole life. I was brainwashed until i was 18 plus 3 days when I left home and he couldn't stop me. SIR: It's weird to hear someone break down the many symptoms of MY life. I appreciate the session... it does help 🌷
My teenage daughter blames me for her anger, her narcissist dad ran off when she was little and she's just like him now. Blames everyone for everything she doesn't like. It's Hell.
I've stopped living,I don't have enthusiasm now,I'm trying to get out of the town,authorities figure must be behind his activity of his damn, madness.he is a child,I don't have to put up with it in a nutshell.
Narcissist are doing the demanding on purpose coz it would know it upsets another person coz they have no feelings to upset they enjoy to get a reaction
@@Vapourwear they feed on the suffering of others. it is like stealing a person's life force. it is twisted, not an authentic enjoyment like a healthy person experiences.
Its funny, I didn't have to be told anything. It wasn't as overt. But I was made to feel like anything within the house was my fault. It was because of my presence. Totally insane. Although I knew deep down I was around sick people.
My father believed that if a person was going through hardship it was because God was punishing them. For example if uncle John got ill with cancer, he would pray: 'I pray he would the lesson you are trying to teach him Lord.' Because he believed that God had given him the Cancer to break and punish him. He believed that it was God breaking the person. That gave me quite a warped idea of God. My father told me I was not broken enough when I had taken an overdose, he told me I was not ready to be prayed for or healed because I was not broken enough. It's left me with so much confusion about God and authority figures
Dad would slam his hand down whenever i would talk to him. Simple hi dad how was your day and he would slam his down. But then he would say to me its not you and he would talk about the stuff he was angry about. But he was so inconsistently consistent with getting angry with me when i tryied talking to him that i learned that the more i trued talking with him and tried connecting with him he was always getting mad. But the more i stuck to myself and left him alone he was actually nice to me and the less he got mad. He even gave me silent treatment hid himself in his room then blamed me for the fact he couldn't leave tge house because he cant take me anywhere but he couldn't leave me home alone because he couldn't trust me enough to be home alone. Plus i was too young physically to be left alone. Now i struggle so bad when trying to connect with others and i watch people and i completely shut down when I'm around others specially groups. I'm trying so hard to change and to break old survival skills. Also the whole parent saying to child youre so demanding and needy and attention seeker hits me hard. I never understood how telling him my shoes are falling apart makes me attention seeking and demanding and needy. Now I'll tape my own shoes up myself and wait until I actually need new shoes before buying new shoes myself.
He is half right. It is 100% not the child's fault. The child, you as the child, are innocent and not to blame for the caretakers/parents issues. This much is true. But he says it's the parents choice. The mentally ill parent really isn't to blame either. It's the cycle of trauma. Yes parents are expected to know better but these parents who treat their kids this way are victims just like the child, like you were. They were abused. They were told lies. They learned what their parents were taught them. It doesn't excuse them. It doesn't make you in any way guilty. Just know its a cycle. They abused you. Their parents abused them and set them on the path of abusing you. Do what you need to do to heal. Stop the cycle. Just, if you can, try to understand, they are the products of their childhood and culture. They may never change. Pity them. You can though. I was raised by traumatized and abusive parents. They were traumatized and abused as children themselves. We can love and hate them at the same time. I know I do. I recognize them for the awful, toxic, unrepentant parents they were but I also love them for the victims they were as well. And if you dont, that's fine. F them. This is about you getting better.
And this is why all my issues became worse when I got into a relationship. I didn't know I had cptsd(I am self diagnosing😂 based on all the signs and symptom). But I just became more anxious no matter what my ex did. He eventually fell out of love and left me.😢
Way more my mom, than my dad. But, mostly because dad was rarely around...Too busy drinking beer, somewhere else, etc. - 'Don't talk, Don't trust. Don't feel.'
My parents ways. Mr. Pride and his wife. I was fed lies all my life, made me involved in the rituals called "ignoring everything important for the fake peace in the family". Hypocrites. Self-righteous traditionalists. Turned out I was the only white sheep of the family. Thank You, dearest God, for freeing me from this bird cage of false safety. Forgive all the sins of my ancestors. They had no idea what they were doing. Thank you for restoring my vision. I was never demanding as a kid. I was neglected. I was too quiet and they complimented it. Kept me spiritually blind. I still remember the heaviness of sentences said to damage my young mind. Forgiveness. Therapy, healing never really ends until the root of the hurt gets eliminated.. My urge to know never let me stop digging. Some bad stuff just need to be left bind on this world.
My father was always annoyed and angry with me and it became worse when I was a teenager. Later it was revealed he was in an inner conflict bc he was gay and I wonder if that's the reason why he would humiliate me in the presence of my new boyfriend. Also late, always criticizing me, yelling at me that zi should be able to take criticism at age 40. That one hurted me deep bc I selfreflect and im able to apologize but i never heard sorry from his mouth. When I tried to explain and wanted to reconcile with a hug, he was not hugging nor receiving it. I walked away. I can't get over the fact that he views me in an image which is not my nature. Parents who will tell you they support you. Listen to the reason of your distance that's healthy. Parents ' don't know any better they had their own burdens". So? If they are victim of their generations, then why am I accused while I wanted to have a good time together in mutual respect. Instead of controlling remarks, sarcasm. I reacted to passive agression and his explanation is I can't handle criticism. Nope. These ppl need to look in the mirror. Yes. This is coming from deep pain. I don't hate him. He is my father but the injustice hunts me. Trying to let go of being bothered how he or my family sees me. I walked away from put downs and i am the difficult one. He was a minister in church, on a pedestal. Now at age 48 I realise it was not normal.
Amein...we can only control ourselves and what comes out of us....be strong in The Lord ChristYeshua Holy Spirit Power of Truth and we will be free from all forms of deceit and corruption of the adversary and his spirit in all the disobedient and you will see and hear who is not with Christ HaleluYAH Amein and Amein
Late Pastor Derek Prince called such mothers witches. And not to swear at them, but the actual Biblical definition of what an actual witch is. Passive-aggressive, controlling everyone's moods, guilt-trips, belittling, etc. Stunting her kids so badly that even as grown men working as CEO's, doctors, etc, would crumble in a corner upon hearing a trigger of some sort.
Yes! Now i walk on eggshells believing I did something wrong ALL the time feeling anxious and scared of people. A long healing journey.
They dont care how badly theyre hurting others with this behavior. Eggshells is AWFUL at any age but done to children is absolutely despicable
I hope that your healing brings you peace
I feel the same way. Thanks for sharing it helps to know there are other people with the same struggles
Maybe it's why I often ask a friend or a man " are you angry"?
When they are silent.
It also depends on the safety of the connection I think bc I don't have this with all people.
@@tamsintarshish3905 How someone treats us as children has a profound impact on our brains. Yes, we SHOULD be able to take full responsibility for how we feel, and not push that towards blaming, but the damage done to us when children makes this very hard in many cases...
Tell them you are the only one responsible for your emotions. It's not what happens to you, it's how you choose to react. And pray, pray, pray for guidance and deliverance for them in the name of Jesus.
I was a single mom with 3 kids and no child support, I worked long hours and could never get caught up on bills, cleaning laundry etc. I realized my impatience was harming my kids so I changed my habits and would apologize when I would lose my temper and tell them they didn't deserve that treatment just because I was stressed. It helped me to control my emotions so I wouldn't take my frustrations out on my kids. I think giving them sincere apologies helped them to understand I was human and they were not at fault.
Yes the ability to correct yourself while showing the children that we make mistakes and we're Human really helps them understand that we're not robots🤖👾🤖
Great parenting!💐
Look up “The process of ho’oponopono”
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
Kudos for being so self aware ❤❤
Same here. I apologize and explain that it has nothing to do with her and that I love her anytime even when I can get angry or sad, as a humain as I should be. Kids don’t need perfection, they need love and harmony as much as possible and so do we the adultes. Repairing is crucial if we want to keep our children close to our heart no matter what and teach them being responsible for their own well being.
Thank you 4 exposing dysfunction with Awareness 💯💬✌️
My mom told me straight up, 'If it weren't for you, our family would be fine!'
So I left that abuse at 16....authorities said after investigating...nope.. it's them!😅
My mum said this to me too, so I stopped talking to her but this time, forever!
I am 35 years old now with my own kids. I only stayed around this long due to financial support. Frankly, I'd rather have nothing.
Good for you 🎉
Good for you! Glad you freed yourself!
😢
A narcissist never takes responsibility for anything.
It's always someone else's fault when something happens ... 💥
That's true
👍💯
Showing accountability is showing love & maturity to those who count on you.
Accountability means taking responsibility for one's own words and actions, and
not deflecting, blame shifting, denying,
'forgetting', scapegoating, minimizing,
'shooting the messenger's, projecting one's
shadow onto others, et c. All the MindFuck moves of the dishonest deceivers. No person like this should be a parent or allowed to get into any position of power over others. Absolutely NO DARVO should be tolerated by anyone.
This man is Brilliant. His knowlege far outweighs anyone Ive heard. Easy to understand.
Yes, Tim Fletcher is an honest and compassionate human.
I agree this guy (Tim Fletcher) is amazing. Specifically regarding narcissism, Dr Rarmani and Richard Glannon are also incredible - I highly recommend checking out their work.
I know!!! I’ve yet to come across anyone with the understanding he has and the ability to communicate these concepts so well. I am so grateful for his work.
He's great! Vote with your feet...Run! And don't look back!
My husband would always say " you make me act this way" "its your fault"
Same 😢 my ex husband did the same now I can’t change my belief Towards that it’s almost ingrained in my mind and I never feel good enough about anything to anyone
My whole childhood
same
Same
same
Same
Same
I grew up believing I caused my sister's Bipolar Disorder. I was also blamed for my mothers depression. I was the youngest and was blamed for anything that happened...... I have complex P.T.S.D. and at 64 years old I still feel guilty for everything.
Merrylynn, my heart breaks for you.
@@KaarinaKimdaly Thank you. I think their hatred for me comes from me being sick as an infant and surviving. My sister now in her 70's still blames me for her life..... I no longer stay in touch even though she's dyeing from cancer. Forever sad.
I totally hear what you are saying and shared this guilt for years and decades until I cut ties. My kids saw their abuse before I did.
@@linmcinnes3122 Both of the remaining siblings who abused me growing up both have cancer now. I feel obligated to help them when my whole life they literally tried to make me feel like killing myself.
@@linmcinnes3122You’re lucky. My kids saw the abuse and took their side.
"They are telling you a lie". Wow. Thanks for that. It was plain enough that I heard it this time.
Thank you 🧡
Brilliant reel! I grew up with parents who did that!
You are so correct I saw this with my husband. He was living a double life which we didn't know. When he came home we all were in trouble. The children got the blame and so did I. I wasn't being submissive as a wife. I was never to question his disisions. And when it all hit the fan it was our fault the children and me. Now he's gone from our lives. He has to arrange to see his adult children they don't seek him. But show respect.
Thank you Tim for speaking truth in a crystal clear way . I’m praying for every one of us parents to see this and for all of us to make things right with everyone we have hurt, and may we all learn to say what’s true instead.
Let’s choose to fess up when we mess up and learn genuine healthy ways to deal with our many emotions…
emotions can be very expensive. I’m so grateful we can change if we choose to
Yes!!! All these years I've been searching for the right words to how I FELT whenever one of my parents TOLD ME THAT I WAS THE REASON THEY WERE SO MISERABLE....ANGRY....DEPRESSED, etc., etc. I couldn't ever understand why they just didn't blame THEMSELVES?!! But you just did! Amen! ❤❤❤
The sad thing is the parents believe what they're saying 😢
Tim Fletcher, you are really the best speaker on complex trauma yet!
God bless you, Tim Fletcher!
Im an extreme codependent who has endured so much abuse that Ive dissociated to staring at my phone thru every waking hour. Thats my entire life now. Wake up. Stare at phone all day. Fall asleep. Repeat.
I stumbled across ur videos and try really hard to watch them but cant concentrate over a minute. These shorts are very helpful.❤
hey, I feel like I fell into a similar boat of disassociation ruling my life after surviving longterm abuse. I started therapy to work on breaking the pattern of doom scrolling and its really helped me re-enter the world and start to feel safe and in control of my life again, I'd recommend trying it when you feel ready. I just wanted to reach out and let you know, from one survivor to another, the rest of your life is yours, there is power in being present, and your future doesn't have to look like your past
I can so relate, that was my only way of coping, apart from self medicating.
Videos like these are God sent! At first I could hear everything but the punched in guilt to even think of your parents this way would prevent me from actually absorbing it. It takes time, few years if you're lucky, but it's so worth to start loving yourself and stop applying parameters set by abuse to your life by pleasing people, abandoning yourself in order not to cause any arguments etc.
There's also Dr Julie on YT, her style is very similar to Tim - knowledgeable, kind, very easy to understand.
God Bless ♡
I remember when my mom said “no one can make you feel any way”, and then she told me to apologize to my dad for making him mad.
My mother used to tell me "since you were born never got any joy from you and I wish you to have a daugher that will make you as unhappy as you do". And this went on an on for years. Her word were banging on my head all day and night. And of course ,she says it was not so cruel ,just words
“You are responsible for my emotions”. This makes us unable to cope with our own emotions!
Wow how parents screw us up!!!! 🙏🙏🙏
That is such a horrible abuse you can put on an innocent child. Sabbatosing the child from the beginning of their life is confusing them when they should be creative and happy and learning and being able to trust their parents, not being frightened and learning to lie. Feeling true love will make them happy and hopefully turn them into a good kind compassionate person. Love to every child on this planet.❤❤❤ big hugs and kisses 😊
My father in a fit of anger with his hand around my throat pinned up against a wall with my little feet dangling looked in my eyes to my soul. He gently set me down on the floor. My father never raised a hand at me again out of his emotions or let his emotions run him for my misbehaving. Thanks Dad for changing yourself and never again blaming me or punishing me for being a child. Continue on breaking cycles of abuse in my family. I have been fighting back since a young child to stop the inasanity around me. The healing from a life time of anticipating others reactions to me just living and unable to be who others wanted me to be took me years to overcome. Today I will not tolerate unhealthy behaviors of others in my life. My judge in life is my kids and they have no problem correcting me as I do for them. Nothing hurts me more then harming a child unknowingly at the time due to a lack of knowledge as I reflect and heal. I take the time and take responsibility for my actions and behaviors and aplogize to my now adult children. I think they are getting tired of me saying sorry because it brings up what they need to heal from my ignorance and unhealed traumas that effected them.
Im grateful for Your Comforting Words 🌹
Thankyou for speaking out!
A narcissist will provoke your anger and blame you for it using modern psychology
They did do this yes, but I am now old enough that I broke that barrier myself, now I just laugh at them whenever they tell me something like that cuz it just sounds so stupid. They also did the ”do it for me” or ”do it to show me how much you love me” which is mind games basically.
For much of my life I carried the burden of believing I was responsible for everything that happened to me…if something bad happened, it must be my fault. If relationships break down, it must be my fault. It is a long road back to healing folks but it can be done. Just like a computer can be reprogrammed, so can we reprogram our negative thinking patterns. I am committed to doing that for myself so I can be a happier person. Life is too short to be miserable. 😊
I'm the cause, guilty for everything. But I can't remember my parents blaming as such in this short. But it is in that statement, "you are making me..." instead of "I" statements. Thus is the point on this video; to make one aware.❤ The difficult journey. But it is good. Because then onr can start loving and living and to make responsible choices on the truth. know the truth and the truth will set you free. accept the truth. It's the best way to go.
After I listen to him it just reinforces how much my narcissistic parents caused my cpstd and I really don't want them in my life anymore because 40+ years later nothings changed, except they're old and sick-
🎯
That s why we also getting angry blaming others or other circumstances ...
You are SO good, and are doing a great job ro help out there, Big thanks for that. I hope your messages get out there to the right people, children & parents ♥️
I explained to my daughter that my emotional outbursts had nothing to do with her but past experiences. Repeated often. Not sure she believed it.😢
Yep. Even as an adult I struggle with this, when authority figures like my boss or my landlord who you're dependent on to some level, shows anger issues/lies/manipulates. My body goes right into trauma mode.
To see in real time how your child is developing in this way is very sobering but not knowing how to stop your patterns or how to course correct your child's development is next level triggering 😢
My whole growing up was like this. I'm in recovery but I'm still the scapegoat, etc. Working on more recovery.
Yeah it's sad I raised my 2 boys in a reactive state of being from 45 years of narcissistic abuse. Now I'm awakened I can maybe make up for this with universal love and wisdom 💕
Super insightful on my own experiences growing up. I hope these videos keep coming!
My Dad used to say 'you're making me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry'... I don't remember anything after that, but the house was a wreck.
Omg, that’s exactly what my partner said so I backed down for the 100th time. 😟😞sending love xoxo
@@moonkatmagic5599 guy was making an incredible hulk reference....
Yep
These people have advanced beyond that. They make you understand it without saying a word.
This can happen in any relationship. When a spouse or sibling blames you. Overtime we think everything is our fault. I don't blame others for my feelings. I was raised to understand that my feelings are a response to the situation not the person.
Told this all my childhood by mom. She tried that with my kids and I said, "nah ah!" They don't control your feelings!
Once this trauma is fixed, it is good to forgive.
So good
I never believed it... but I internalized it.
And at 70 years old I am STILL beating myself up having these thoughts that were imbedded into my subconscious as an impressionable little child. With time and effort, and my wonderful therapist, I hope to relieve myself of it.
Brilliant!!❤
Yep. Speak, move or need something and my mother would be so hateful that I'd be crying for hours. Dad worked 3rd shift. Wake him up, he was violent. Very rough upbringing
so glad i found this guy
Don't leave out Aunt's, Uncle's, and Older Siblings
If you've done this to you children own it apologize get them help! Let's break the cycle!!
NVM the apology. Move forward as a unit & grow to a better and brighter tommorrow. that is all.
Angry people suck. Practice social distancing with them always.
So sad but it’s here
When I was hit/punched it was "you made me hit you with all your backtalk"
The one I know doesn't know what anger is coz they can't have any emotional feeling,but they know what's upsetting to another person's.
That's exactly what I always felt with 'alleged ' narcissists
Except for angry or annoyed but the ones outside my family seemed to be calm cold emotionless. In the name of 'rational' but they never show a vulnerability or emotion.
I met these types on dating apps. They are presenting the life statements ' no drama, life is easy, good vibes only' etc. Ofcourse we sll want good vibes only but some ppl use it as hollow truths and by never getting emptionally involved they won't have to take responsibility.
Now I remember,when my father had a bad stroke, almost died, nobody in my family showed emotion and I cried. Ofcourse all ppl deal differently with situations but there was no affection in our family at all. No hugs nothing.
It’s called, Internalizing.
& never ever take anything personally.
Leads to learned helplessness too if you are soft
And makes you feel imposter but we are responsible for our reactions and emotions - I told it to my family
Came out of a lot of dysfunction, processed tons of trauma. Got married, And now i've been processing the trauma of my wife and her family. My family was openly dysfunctional and poor. My wife's family masked dysfunction with money and privilege.
All I can tell you is, dysfunction masked behind money and privilege it's harder to deal with.
According to my older sister, I was the reason she drank. I responded with: “oh, I thought you said you drank because of your six ex-husbands.” She didn’t like that.
Thank you!! Brilliant explanation... I've passed it on.x
Yes, I know this feeling!😢
Ladies and gentlemen know when you have a spouse like this that your children are going to grow up and think it's normal I know because I was with a man like that for the first 10 years my daughter's life and she has went out and picked out several just like her daddy because that's her normal
I thought I got him out of our life quick enough she still had to see him every other weekend
she apologizes all the time and walks on eggshells in her relationship She has a daughter (don't pass on the misery)
It's hard i know. One day she may realize she's not to blame. We're human and if you tell her you made mistakes she can try to understand.
Angry isn't a choice. Angry is emotion.
When I was 5, the house was blowing up, and my mother, (my love, my life, my everything) was so upset. In a violent moment she turned and said
"It's you kids, you kids are the problem." In that very instance I was devastated and hurt so much that "I' was the cause of that terrible upset, and the problems around the house. I felt so bad, that I was gonna fix things and myself, and do better. For 50 years "you kids are the problem was a level 10 point of stress and trauma. 50 YEARS!
Shaped a large part of me always needing to better and fix myself. I never could though, fix myself. I went to a trauma counselor, and we got rid of that through EMDR therapy. Lol, afterwards I would never talk about it though, because I was embarrassed that I held onto this belief for so many years. That it was "my fault.' oh brother, give me a break mom, and take care of your shit.
50 YEARS!! my friends.
Thank you for this clarity Tim 💜
Then the narcissist will retort, "I'm sorry you feel that way"...
I'm smart enough to know when someone older than me such as a parent is full of it and is lying to hide something. They're so lazy that I caught them cheating.
Yeah it takes a long time to deprogram this and re-train ourselves that we are not responsible for other people’s emotions.
You can test this if you work with customers or customer service. Try saying and smiling the same way to every customer. Some customers reply happily, some indifferent, some are grumpy. You do the same thing every time but the customer’s reaction depends totally on them… just an easy way to see this concept…
That was Both my parents and my moms mom was also angry because my father was never around and when they finally divorced he never pd child support or helped with anything so now her daughter was a single mom with 3 kids so on Sunday’s we went to my grandmothers for dinner and she gave us extra groceries for the week too but not one Sunday went by without a comment or a sermon (depending on my grandmothers mood) about yes she loved us but she shouldn’t have to help to support us kids cause our dad was a deadbeat and her child should not have to take care us alone
My mom had MS and did this all the time, and I was blamed for making her angry and making her MS worse. She would yell. I would yell, and it got worse. I was always shamed because she was disabled and I wasn't.
I've been walking on eggshells my whole life. I was brainwashed until i was 18 plus 3 days when I left home and he couldn't stop me. SIR: It's weird to hear someone break down the many symptoms of MY life. I appreciate the session... it does help 🌷
This is what narcissists do to their partner and children. Its highly dysfunctional, abusive, and damaging.
My teenage daughter blames me for her anger, her narcissist dad ran off when she was little and she's just like him now. Blames everyone for everything she doesn't like. It's Hell.
Believe that 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
And now I project this to others. Most of the time when I get angry, it’s not my fault
No, they're responsible for their failure. To become a better human being and respect society
Anger and sadness are reactions to a world not forgiven.
My father was always angry. My sister is, likewise, always angry. Both of them were violent
Soo sad…😢
OMG! I just had an Ah HA moment!!!
I've stopped living,I don't have enthusiasm now,I'm trying to get out of the town,authorities figure must be behind his activity of his damn, madness.he is a child,I don't have to put up with it in a nutshell.
Narcissist are doing the demanding on purpose coz it would know it upsets another person coz they have no feelings to upset they enjoy to get a reaction
They have no feelings, or do they enjoy seeing people upset? It can't be both.
@@Vapourwear they feed on the suffering of others. it is like stealing a person's life force. it is twisted, not an authentic enjoyment like a healthy person experiences.
Its funny, I didn't have to be told anything. It wasn't as overt. But I was made to feel like anything within the house was my fault. It was because of my presence. Totally insane. Although I knew deep down I was around sick people.
My father believed that if a person was going through hardship it was because God was punishing them. For example if uncle John got ill with cancer, he would pray: 'I pray he would the lesson you are trying to teach him Lord.' Because he believed that God had given him the Cancer to break and punish him. He believed that it was God breaking the person. That gave me quite a warped idea of God. My father told me I was not broken enough when I had taken an overdose, he told me I was not ready to be prayed for or healed because I was not broken enough. It's left me with so much confusion about God and authority figures
I'm so stressed it's I'm a dog and he is king kong
Dad would slam his hand down whenever i would talk to him. Simple hi dad how was your day and he would slam his down. But then he would say to me its not you and he would talk about the stuff he was angry about. But he was so inconsistently consistent with getting angry with me when i tryied talking to him that i learned that the more i trued talking with him and tried connecting with him he was always getting mad. But the more i stuck to myself and left him alone he was actually nice to me and the less he got mad. He even gave me silent treatment hid himself in his room then blamed me for the fact he couldn't leave tge house because he cant take me anywhere but he couldn't leave me home alone because he couldn't trust me enough to be home alone. Plus i was too young physically to be left alone. Now i struggle so bad when trying to connect with others and i watch people and i completely shut down when I'm around others specially groups. I'm trying so hard to change and to break old survival skills.
Also the whole parent saying to child youre so demanding and needy and attention seeker hits me hard. I never understood how telling him my shoes are falling apart makes me attention seeking and demanding and needy. Now I'll tape my own shoes up myself and wait until I actually need new shoes before buying new shoes myself.
He is half right.
It is 100% not the child's fault. The child, you as the child, are innocent and not to blame for the caretakers/parents issues. This much is true.
But he says it's the parents choice. The mentally ill parent really isn't to blame either. It's the cycle of trauma. Yes parents are expected to know better but these parents who treat their kids this way are victims just like the child, like you were. They were abused. They were told lies. They learned what their parents were taught them.
It doesn't excuse them. It doesn't make you in any way guilty. Just know its a cycle. They abused you. Their parents abused them and set them on the path of abusing you. Do what you need to do to heal. Stop the cycle. Just, if you can, try to understand, they are the products of their childhood and culture. They may never change. Pity them. You can though.
I was raised by traumatized and abusive parents. They were traumatized and abused as children themselves. We can love and hate them at the same time. I know I do. I recognize them for the awful, toxic, unrepentant parents they were but I also love them for the victims they were as well.
And if you dont, that's fine. F them. This is about you getting better.
Yep
And this is why all my issues became worse when I got into a relationship. I didn't know I had cptsd(I am self diagnosing😂 based on all the signs and symptom). But I just became more anxious no matter what my ex did. He eventually fell out of love and left me.😢
It was mother's anger and now it is my daughter-in-law's anger.
Mother has died.
I haven't seen the daughter-in-law since
December 2010
Way more my mom, than my dad. But, mostly because dad was rarely around...Too busy drinking beer, somewhere else, etc. - 'Don't talk, Don't trust. Don't feel.'
My parents ways.
Mr. Pride and his wife.
I was fed lies all my life, made me involved in the rituals called "ignoring everything important for the fake peace in the family".
Hypocrites.
Self-righteous traditionalists.
Turned out I was the only white sheep of the family. Thank You, dearest God, for freeing me from this bird cage of false safety. Forgive all the sins of my ancestors.
They had no idea what they were doing.
Thank you for restoring my vision.
I was never demanding as a kid.
I was neglected.
I was too quiet and they complimented it.
Kept me spiritually blind.
I still remember the heaviness of sentences said to damage my young mind.
Forgiveness.
Therapy, healing never really ends until the root of the hurt gets eliminated..
My urge to know never let me stop digging.
Some bad stuff just need to be left bind on this world.
I'm fuming at it,,the liars,,I don't do nout wrong,I know it for a fact.😢
My father was always annoyed and angry with me and it became worse when I was a teenager.
Later it was revealed he was in an inner conflict bc he was gay and I wonder if that's the reason why he would humiliate me in the presence of my new boyfriend.
Also late, always criticizing me, yelling at me that zi should be able to take criticism at age 40. That one hurted me deep bc I selfreflect and im able to apologize but i never heard sorry from his mouth.
When I tried to explain and wanted to reconcile with a hug, he was not hugging nor receiving it.
I walked away.
I can't get over the fact that he views me in an image which is not my nature.
Parents who will tell you they support you. Listen to the reason of your distance that's healthy.
Parents ' don't know any better they had their own burdens". So? If they are victim of their generations, then why am I accused while I wanted to have a good time together in mutual respect. Instead of controlling remarks, sarcasm. I reacted to passive agression and his explanation is I can't handle criticism.
Nope. These ppl need to look in the mirror.
Yes. This is coming from deep pain. I don't hate him. He is my father but the injustice hunts me.
Trying to let go of being bothered how he or my family sees me.
I walked away from put downs and i am the difficult one.
He was a minister in church, on a pedestal.
Now at age 48 I realise it was not normal.
Amein...we can only control ourselves and what comes out of us....be strong in The Lord ChristYeshua Holy Spirit Power of Truth and we will be free from all forms of deceit and corruption of the adversary and his spirit in all the disobedient and you will see and hear who is not with Christ HaleluYAH Amein and Amein
Right
LOL but i DID make my dad angry!!! I had a GREAT childhood.
😂😂😂i knew i would find this video one day. Now i cant turn my anger away from innocence and learn to be fierce
Late Pastor Derek Prince called such mothers witches. And not to swear at them, but the actual Biblical definition of what an actual witch is.
Passive-aggressive, controlling everyone's moods, guilt-trips, belittling, etc. Stunting her kids so badly that even as grown men working as CEO's, doctors, etc, would crumble in a corner upon hearing a trigger of some sort.