Do You Feel You’re Giving Too Much in Relationships? (Matthew Hussey)
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- Опубліковано 21 бер 2020
- Hey everyone! So many of you have been asking me questions this week relating to the crisis: managing your emotions, knowing what to do with your love life during this time, knowing how to keep things going with someone who has become long distance due to quarantine. I’m going to use next week’s video to give my thoughts on some of these issues. This video was shot before the world changed (although the content is still vitally important) and we didn’t have time to shoot another one to replace it. But stay tuned for next week’s video! And be sure to follow my Instagram (@thematthewhussey) where I’m giving my current thoughts on the developing crisis. Thanks everyone, and stay safe. Love you guys ❤🙏
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Do you ignore red flags?
Do you feel like you give too much in your relationships?
Do you brush things under the carpet when someone violates your boundaries?
If so, this week’s video is specifically for you…
The richness and depth of a true connection can only come from giving other people the chance to reciprocate your warmth, kindness, and giving nature…
Because while it might feel selfless or nurturing to pour into others without receiving in return - it can actually backfire, weaken your connection, and make you feel resentful.
I promise that if you find the courage to be honest, you’ll find more satisfaction, fulfillment, and happiness in your relationships.
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*Being overly giving without receiving is the mantra to end up with narcissistic and emotionally unavailable people*
Goes for both men and women
Stop talking about me! Yup ive been with 3 narcs. All taking and giving me bs answers to keep the gravy train 🚆 rolling.
Yes, being raised in house where you were to be a 'good girl' and not get angry or express yourself fully then being married to a narc for 20 years has brought me on a journey of breaking down old patterns to evolve into a self aware woman.
So sad...yet so true 😔
True! Been there done that, never again ✌🏼
A Datta i completely agree
Im no longer settling for the kind of relationship where theres no reciprocation. Fed up of giving my all and getting nothing in return
Same here 👏🏾👏🏾
Shot hurts man. Alot
im no longer settling for the kind of relationship where there is no reciprocation. fed up up og giving my all and getting nothing in return, copy because i needed that
That Part !!!
Same here..
A person who'd abandon you for voicing your needs was going to eventually abandon you anyway. Things like respect, communication & honesty shouldn't be negotiable. They're the minimum. If someone can't even give you the minimum, why prolong the inevitable? Suffering in silence over silent expectations not met is the most cruel thing to do to yourself. If you avoid voicing your needs, you not only strip yourself of having met needs, you strip the other person of their chance to meet your needs & show you that they're capable of & willing to have your back. Fear of abandonment or being misunderstood is understandable b/c we're all human. But remember, what makes relationships so fun & worthy is in knowing that you found the 1 person you can be your complete vulnerable self with. If you can't even be that with someone, that defeats the purpose of choosing them out of billions of people/options to be with. Give yourself the permission to speak & live in your truth. The right person will respect you for having a voice, not abandon you for it
Krys B must be nice to have a person who go voices their needs and communicates when the feel off. And don’t just leave you after 5+ years without any communication of problems and just decide you’re not enough without telling you ever what was wrong and what they need.
You are wise and right! 💜
AMEN.
Well said Krys!!! 😁🙏🏿👍🏿🥰
Beautiful!!! Well said!
over giving and getting nothing back in a relationship can be really exhausting. It can led to emtional break down for both men and women.
im a man and this hits me.
while im out here rejecting (politely and respectfully) other girls for her, she casually goes out with other guys behind my back :/
she said she doesnt want our relationship to be out in thw public because she likes to keep it private and im cool with that.
im not cool however with other guys replying to her story with heart emojis and flirting with her.
the thing with our relationship not being put out
in the public is that, i dont blame
those guys for
shooting their shot bcs they think she is single.
i think its on her to not entertain and replying to each of them
she said to me those guys are just her best friends yet those are the same guys that gave her flowers and chocolates, asking her out for dinners etc.
its so messed up, i feel like i deserve better :/
@@TimTim-dq2nf u do
Darn. You hit the nail on that.
I get sick of the question game. It’s when a man or woman asks 50 billion questions on how they need to change then when you mess with them (cause the multiple questions are pissing one off) they get mad and say you’re passive aggressive. Well stop asking me on fire multiple questions to gain information and then manipulate me. But then I guess I feel like I’m gas lighting. I’m just over it. But ive never been this needy in a relationship. We spent almost until 10 something text fighting. I get sick and tired of emotionally giving to people only to be treated like crap in the end. 🤷♀️ men give in a way of buying things my father did that and so did my last boyfriend. For once why doesn’t a man open up about himself and tell the damn truth and then change not just say, “I’ve done a lot of changing I don’t need to change” and then hours later say, “through Jesus I’ve been changing.” It’s been one of my worst relationships ever and I’m sick of it.
@@mariahconklin4150 I'm sorry to hear that.😞
People go crazy once you speak up & set boundaries like “you’ve changed :/“ yeah no shit I’m doing what’s best for me once
As I guy, this is basically how I live my life, and I'm sure a lot of men go through this too. I am someone who gives gives and gives, and I hardly ever receive. My relationship is probably 90/10, and that's being generous, and it is quite painful when you are with someone you love so much, you give them everything, basically hand them over your self and soul, and that person in return does nothing and gives you nothing. And I am not talking about material things, I am talking about everything in general. I know this video is aimed towards women, but I can't help to think that men actually suffer from this far more, because society today expects men to be the support, the pillars of the relationship. In many relationships (not all), the woman rely on men, but who do we rely on? In my case, I have no one to rely on but myself. And the funny/ironic thing is that if someone came to me and told me that his/hers relationship was anything like mine, I would with no hesitation tell them "leave him/her" but when you are living it, it's a whole different story. I feel like I am being taken advantage of, and despite knowing that, it's hard to leave, especially when you have invested nearly 10 years into the relationship. The thought of leaving and having to start fresh is very scary, and emotionally taxing... The sad part about this is that many men suffer like this, but we have no one to talk to, because if we open up about it, we are seen as weak and unreliable, so we have to suffer in the shadow and alone, while pretending to be ok when we are not.
So true 🤞🏾🙏🏽
Get out, before another 10 years pass and you regret your life and being for this type of unhappiness. If you can give her everything, take it back and give it to rebuilding yourself
hit me right in the feels way too spot on
Wow . You just described everything I go through myself.
if you don’t leave you will be a very passive aggressive man . i left my ex . just go through the withdrawals like a drug addict . you will move on i promise
When he said “ the amount they give, they don’t feel worthy of it..” that hit home sooo hard that I just started sobbing .
I’m sorry you feel this way .. trust me, I cried too. We’re on the same boat.
Same here, it was uncanny like he knew me or something....
Same here sadly some people just manipulate themselves and if something doesn't go right they blame it on you!
I felt the same thing with this video
ua-cam.com/video/9t1nH1rQsDg/v-deo.html
but when you understand and change, it's so worth it
I feel this. I really give so much and I am very uncomfortable to receive anything..even compliments
I really feel like he's talking about me
DUDE SAME I WAS LITERALLY SITTING MOUTH OPEN ALL THE TJME
I was about to comment the same thing 🙊
Are u an aquarius by chance?
@@user-dt8eu9wy9v me? No a Gemini
OMG SAME
I over think everything when it comes to all relationships
Yeah, me too. It´s so annoying
Omg me too. That’s why I can’t keep a man :(
Me too
Me too 😫😫
Same for me
I told my partner my needs and all I was given was "okay I get it"....and I'm aware I have an anxious attachment style, but if im going through a personal struggle and I turn to my partner to complain and ask what I need right now and just not even get it back hurts me so much. I see the red flags, but when I bring it up he plays victim and it makes me feel bad
You're with an awful person. That's not normal you deserve better. Respect and value yourself by walking away. Give yourself time for recovery then move on. Life is too short to waste on emotionally unavailable people.
This is the best lesson I’ve ever learned. Putting yourself first in a relationship isn’t a bad thing - it’s necessary. This includes communicating your needs, standards, and boundaries. I am a much happier person and better partner because I learned to have honest, hard conversations with people. I may wear my heart on my sleeve, but I don’t just give it away at the same time. Great video 👍🏻
I opened up to my fiance about me needing his reassurance time to time. I was crying how scared i am and all and he was just making jokes, and i told him its not a good time to do it, it was v inappropriate. And he take it as i want him to change in general, to never make jokes ever. So what happened, he made it clear that he won't change whether its for good/bad, no compromising, no improving, no growing for himself and us? He said he is not a work in progress, he is perfect. He have no room for anyone to adjust. I just want him to emotionally connect to me and his excuse was him and his friends dont do that and just laugh things off. He received it very negatively even said that i didnt accepted who he is. He also said he wont face any negative, and rather be always positive than face the "real world". I just want some reassurance and security and he take it i dont trust him.. i got scared, i told him that maybe we will jusy end it. Hours laters i begged back, but he dont wanna listen, he said "its too late" and now he is my ex-fiance.. 💔
@@mitzilou9560 You'll find someone better.
Can you imagine a life with someone who doesn't want to face hardships?
Don't give up, you'll find someone who appreciates you and care about you not just when things are going fine but when life's hard, too.
@@adriennk9444 and i deserve someone who won't just try to work things out but who actually will stay no matter what. Thank you!
@@mitzilou9560 I know its difficult but it sounds like you've dodged a bullet. Being with someone who can't see their impact on the relationship and how they effect others is a sign of someone who (probably) won't take accountability meaning it will always be your fault. Saying you don't want to be negative and only positive is dismissive and frankly, toxic positivity. I always try to set boundaries or state my needs early on because you can really tell what a person is like by how they respond to your boundaries.
@@rachaelb1283 aww this means so much to me. It is still so hard but I am healing. All of your points are right, and now I know better. We weren't just complimenting each other anymore after almost 5 years of being together. I will focus and improve myself, and when the time comes, I know how to set boundaries and not settle for less, thank you :)
The problem is saying the truth to people in a way that is not ugly, passive aggressive, just straight aggressive or too scared to say it properly. COMMUNICATION is difficult
Two years in and I broke off a relationship where I gave and gave. I’m drained and I want to focus on my worth! I’m battling with thinking I’ll be alone forever - but it’s a lie I’m telling myself and I realize that. Thank you
It's been two years since u commented this but I have to say, don't ever think you won't find someone else OR someone better. You have more experience now and that gives you a leg up
"pain isnt what deprives me of happiness, lack of growth does" *chefs kiss*
This is me bro. Sometimes people just don't give back to you and then you don't feel like giving that much anymore because people take advantage of you. Especially those people you thought were your friends don't seem to appreciate all that I do for them. Give to those people who deserve your time and energy rather than wasting it on people who never reciprocate...
“...pain doesn’t deprives me from being happy lack of growth is...” Wow, BRILLIANT!!!!! 😍😍😍
"And then one day you may exode." Matthew Hussey
Eerily raise my hand because I did.
Mila Alt yikes same. I egged my exes car 😂
I no longer know who I am. I’ve been putting so many masks throughout my life just to please others I never really gave all the love and care I really needed to myself first, that’s why I’m here. Re-learning and reworking things so that I can heal from within. Hope I will so that I can truly love and receive the love I deserve 🙏
I feel I am worthy of the same and can’t understand why they don’t express their love the same. It’s basic givings. It frustrating that they just show up. I’m not settling!!
I am almost always the one that reaches out after a hiatus, the one that initiates spending time together. Honestly, it hurts so much. More than words can describe.
So true. This applies to any relationship, whether its platonic or romantic, it's so important for us to recognise when we're giving energy to someone who isn't giving that back to you.
I call them the Vampires in your life. People who suck the energy from you but don't give back.
Let go of the vampire in your life :)
Thanks Matthew, an inspiration for me and my channel every day 😊
Love this!!😂
@@charlottesmith5760 Thanks 😋
He's talking about me, I give so much and everything for nothing .
I said the same thing once lol
But a while back I started to become like them. After everyone using me and then ignoring me or not helping me I started do the same thing back. It's hard dealing with people. And learning not to depend on them. It's also rlly hard knowing yourself and being brave about what you need
I gave everything I could, I wore my heart on my sleeve and loved so much despite not feeling it myself, I told her my needs and she left me saying it’s not who she is as a person. It’s hard, it was last night and I’m struggling but your videos are really helping. Thank you.
I have been in this same position my friend. It put me in a very difficult position. I used to communicate my needs with my spouse (now divorced), and I communicated in a way that didn't show anger or frustration. And every single time I get that same excuse from her. She wasn't able to adapt, compromise or go out of her comfort zone to even meet me half way. A year went on and she never touched me or reciprocated the same kindness, love and honesty. Funny thing was, that she was a very self aware but yet did nothing to make it work.
Turns out there were more issues and I just couldn't continue with the relationship anymore as I couldn't see a bright future with her. She never did wanted to reconcile when I brought up divorce. Straight up accepted it and we went our separate ways. I dont regret my decision. But it was a difficult decision nevertheless.
The only positive to take is that I grew and understood myself a little better. Although she did shot down my self esteem every now and then, it only gave me more understanding of the type of person she was, and it only firmed up my decision to divorce.
Hope you are doing good now
In the exact same boat man. How is it after two years? Found anyone that meets your needs yet?
@@majidkhan89 she's a narcissist, learn about narcissist behaviour, it'll help you, take care of yourself
I hope you're feeling better man
When you mentioned that part of about 3 years and putting your foot down. Literally just happened to me. 3 years in, been giving the whole time, then started asking for things i needed and the relationship ended. Good life lesson though.
Proud of you! It's hard to put an end to things, even though we know it's what's right.
Same here 😟😥 had a best friend, soooo close. And finally I started embracing parts of me that wanted to shine. It just didn't work out. But I didn't communicate that I needed these things. I was to afraid to speak up. So sometimes, we need a push. But even then some people just don't vibe right. No matter how amazing it can be with someone, some ppl just aren't ready to grow with us. And those ones ain't worth it :/
I was there for 6 years ._.
Same ..four years...gave gave gave..put my ex above me ..and i asked for myself..my ex left
Matthew has very high emotional intelligence. I have learnt a lot from him
I like how you said “continue to give, but communicate your needs”
All other advice I’ve received was “stop giving, or don’t give so much”.
Sadly, I did exactly what you recommend toward the end of my last marriage. I tried communicating my needs, even saying “no” to all the constant requests for help. In marriage counseling she accused me of “only giving to get”. I was shocked and floored.
We didn’t last much longer after that.
When you bottle your needs and not communicate it in the moment it will almost always explode. It's OK to ask and communicate your needs. You are WORTHY of receiving! ❤
I want a relationship in which we sharpen one another.
Yes! A relationship should be about complementing each other. The holes/weaknesses that we have, is supported by our partners. We try and make them the best version and they try and do the same for us. We're not perfect human beings.
@ds electroshock indeed!, and hell yea. Makes me want to ask what you're up to this weekend, or maybe a drink 🤔 sometime.
There is a possibility that giving someone less makes someone happier. I was seeing this guy who was terrible with boundaries and he became so resentful towards me because he was doing things (that I never asked him to do) and giving up things (that I never asked him to sacrifice.) It made me so anxious because I felt like I had to guard his boundaries for him, which was very taxing for me. I felt tapped: either I had to correctly guess his boundaries or risk him being angry and terse with me. Eventually, this led to an explosive fight and came to the conclusion that him doing what he was doing was hurting both of us, and by trying to guess his moods and guard his boundaries for him, I was enabling it. It had to stop, and since that fight it has. It felt so much better once he took the responsibility for guarding his own boundaries. It was freeing for me, and I was so much happier with less of him "with a better energy" rather than him being resentful.
Me: Things are so complicated.
Matt: Lemme help you.
I am a very nurturing loving person who held back in my last relationship as he had a problem with anxiety and I didn’t want to force him to be affectionate. When I asked for basic couple acts of affection; cuddling, arms around me, lightly touching my back he thought I was breaking up with him.. and did it first. I tried to encourage him by telling him that I really enjoyed it when he held my hand or kissed my neck.. but he always thought I was being judgemental of him. When we met he said that I would have to initiate because he would never do it. I am not interested in someone that does not have mutual attraction in me. I am worth it!!
This is like you read my mind posting this video. It’s been four years and I’ve been wishing he treated me in a special way that I treat him. I communicated that to him several times and he turns it around and makes me sound that he already does these things and makes me sound like I’m just emotional. I feel like he takes things for granted that I do for him and doesn’t reciprocate that for me.
I dated someone like that too
Now I left him and found this guy who legit treats me like a princess and fulfills my needs but also gives me enough time alone and with my friends
LEAVE HIS ASSSSS
SUPERLADDERCAT I really needed to hear that. Thank you ❤️
That is/was me too. My boyfriend and I literally broke up 3 days ago. I also was patient and wished he would treat me just as special as I treated him but no. We are givers and we love very hard but we have to remember that we DO DESERVE to be treated just as special!! I have to keep saying that to myself, even saying out loud. Stay strong and if he is not willing to meet you halfway, let him go. Trust me, I know it is difficult.
Ladidymus Thank you!
That's what is called "gaslighting". Run, girl. He's not the one for you.
I've always been giving for 2yrs but the moment I stopped and started to ask for wat I need I started seeing red flags
For me, it’s not a fear of him leaving if I express my needs. I don’t believe that I am worthy or good enough just as I am so I over-give and overcompensate for my own perceived lack of value. I am not worthy of love as I am, so I will be this person that I believe I’m supposed to be and who I think I need to be to be worthy.
No one’s worthy of love. It’s not about worthiness; it’s about grace. No imperfect person has the moral right to decide that another imperfect person is unworthy of love. Don’t cheat yourself of love by not giving yourself grace ❤️.
Incredible. This "explosion" just happened yesterday, it was explained... they didn't get it... it was 4 years of pure pain and torture.
1. I need to learn to communicate
2. Self worth is low... I gotta work on that
This is so true for all of my friendships. Thank you for pointing this out for me. I realize that I do not want to point things out because I know that people will leave, and I feel unworthy of having my needs met, then eventually realizing that pointing things out only makes people pretend to meet my needs, for none other than pleasing me. I feel unworthy of being pleased. Everything makes sense now..
I learned from my Mother. She burned her candle in both ends for everyone. It really hurts watching someone burning themselves out. I am also a giver, but I have learned to only give what I can afford. If I am given something in return I can give more and also really express my gratitude. Put the oxygen on yourself before helping others. :)
It just clicked to me that I never once said "I have a lot to offer to myself" ... it's always been "I have a lot to offer to someone out there" ... love yourself first
I think this out of fear thinking I’m not good enough and I feel if I give a lot they will stay in my life.
Asking for what I need is so hard. Because it just turns in to my friends resenting me for being too needy (for them). By the end I'm just left with less people to have fun with.
You see, giving is good but too much giving can set you up to be in a severely imbalanced relationship or just plain being taken advantage of.
I want to put this out there: sometimes the most goodhearted people are the most at risk for being in a relationship with a taker. Goodhearted people give lots of chances, they see the best in people and they give the benefit of the doubt.
Realizing that you've given way more to your relationship than your partner can be frustrating. But you can turn it around without making a big deal out of it. If you give yourself space, practice self-care, and communicate your needs as you go along, your relationship can be as balanced as it can be.
Here’s my main point: Take your time in relationships to really vet out your partner and vet out your own issues around giving.
When a good thing goes to the extreme it becomes a not so good thing anymore. Being a reliable partner is great, but being the only reliable partner in the relationship, not so good. You get what I’m saying?!
It can be easy to say you are just being a good partner or that you partner just really appreciates how you meet all their needs, but make sure the person you are with is meeting your needs too.
Thank you, Matthew. You inspire me to keep making videos.
So true!
@@emmawatson6582 Thank you!
@Claire I hear you.
Your words are exactly what I need to hear TONIGHT! Thank you. You are awesome.
@@heatherfeathers Thank you!
Hey Matt! Thank you for the video. I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and I've come to an important conclusion that throughout years of constant bullying in school and criticism from my loved ones (I am now 23), my self worth has been extremely damaged and now I'm picking up the pieces and trying my hardest to know my worth. I've recently discovered the truth behind my "therapist friend" personality, I tend to always want to help people and go the extra mile for them, I do all that I have in my power to give and recently realized how little or none at all that I receive it back. I came to realize that I'm doing my best to keep them, because I always feel like when I meet new people, once they get to know me, they'll feel disgusted and leave. Deep down, I know how weird I am, and I'm afraid that if I don't mask my personality well enough and act as appealing to others as possible, no one will stick around. I do show the real me, so people do know what I'm like, I share my interests but cautiously, I don't want to weird them out too much that they leave. Instead, I talk to them about what they like, what they think, I make it about them.
I did this for 8 years and ended up deciding one morning that I don’t want this relationship and it’s over. I blindsided someone and left them which would have been absolutely shocking. Of course there is more to my story but it taught me that I needed to self evaluate and realise that I needed to learn how to be open about my needs and wants and how I really feel about situations. I’m with someone new now and I communicate everything and he sees me and he respects me and he appreciates all that I am and what I desire in life.
You deserve it
Ouch
@Sammy Long good luck
Okay, I gotta say this... This video made me CRY, seriously. It's the raw and honest truth that I've been hiding from myself for years. Now I've finally understood it. As always, thank you Matthew from the bottom of my heart ❤️
Yes, great advice. From my therapist to add: make a list of 10 persons you will travel the world to help them. That's your inner circle. Others you can care to listen, but you can't solve their problems. Take care🙏
Lol that will be 3.
@@M.Moadeli123 Oh... sorry to haar that. Self care is key 🙏
@@louisevandiepen4129 Oh plenty of self care here. I just have high standards so my circle of people are small but strong connections. Don't spread myself thin. Hugs
I’m so guilty of doing this. I suppressed my own needs until I became resentful of him AND myself for how unbalanced I allowed it to become! I needed to voice my needs in some way but I didn’t know how..
I actually had to work on this last year by putting my needs first. It was liberating and changed some of my relationship dynamics with people.
Exactly what I do! I avoid conflict saying I am understanding, by feeling how I can help ther other person first, etc etc🙄 I never put myself first!
Guys, calm down about Matthew’s ring, it’s on the right hand 🙃
YEAH, that's why I am all alone now. No boyfriend, no friends.
Safe place to be, far away from parasites.
U aren't alone believe me is a very thin veil between the fallen world and the spiritual
We are not to worship or come up under mortals ,we are supposed to come up under spirit who controls death and time
If ure lonely how bout help
1. Elderly who can't walk pets
2. Elderly who cant get food now
3. Abused and hurting dogs and cats
4. Homeless just be safe first
5. Meals on wheels
6. Volunteer work
No-one owes u in the Fallen World this isn't paradise thisnplace is hardcore suffering and pain and u want a life u want something than how bout u go out and help without asking for something like mortals worshipping u as what u are owed in return how bout that
I'm a trauma survivor I come up hard u want something in life u want to court the most elusive maiden of all "Happiness" yeah than u Need to do the WORK
I understand the "explosion" very Good. People was so many times surprised about my extreme reaktion!!!
This is exactly what I’ve felt for a long time with a lot of my friends, but I’ve never said it because I’m in general an open guy so saying this probably wouldn’t hold the same value as it should, since I say open stuff like this often. I don’t wanna sound selfish, but who cares it’s not selfish to ask for what I feel like is the reciprocation I deserve
Thanks to this video my eyes are opening. The first thing my boyfriend said to me was "I love surprises", so that's what I did, because I love to organise them and receive too, when he would talk nostalgicly about gymnastics, I would look for a trampoline place, but when I kept saying I wanted to hike with him he NEVER offered to take me or even try to organise it, he only had to tell his wish once and I fulfilled it because I loved loved him.. and then the asshole he always was revealed itself, he broke up with me when I needed him the most, my grandma just died 2 days prior, and he dumped me by text..
I love what you say; when we are not authentic, when we are keeping things to ourselves just to be loved or accepted, it does not mean anything to be loved for that version as we deeply know that it is not Exactly who we are. We cant be mad at people or turn our internal struggle on to other people. Lets just be honest and authentic however crazy we are. If we love our crazy, we can find the real thing that loves that crazy too.
Not just only all of this applies to couples, I think friendships too... and it’s so overwhelming and sad that nobody realizes.
Just what I need. There’s something in my newish relationship started to bother me this week. I wanted to talk about it but couldn’t come up with a good way of phrasing it. “It would mean a lot to me if you did this” is perfect. Thanks Matt! Love your videos and book.
Such a good lesson, thank you so much Matthew, I’m having that problem with my boyfriend, I just feel that I’m giving my absolute everything and he’s really not that into it. I always hide this issues and continue on with the relationship because I’m afraid of losing him. I spent hours thinking and wishing that he would give more to our relationship. I tried to tell him once, but I’m kind of bad expressing my emotions, I always get nervous and don’t like to talk about it. When I told him about it he literally just told me that if I was feeling bad we should just break up. But you see ? I was pissed because he could try to understand, and if we share this true connection it would’ve been different.
I love that you touched on growth and happiness. I forget that demonstrating my growth is part of my happiness!
Lesson learned!!!! You deserve alot more than just saying "Thank you" Matthew!
I don’t understand how you always manage to post the exact video I need! Love you Matt ❤️
This actually relates me, exactly as what you said, and I thank you for telling truth and opening my eyes
Mathew how much of sense do you always drive into me...and so much of insight. I absolutely love the way you explicitly explain things.
You hit the nail on tbe head. This video is immensely relevant, particularly w/ my family relationships. I never know how to broach the issue tactfully. Thank You, so much. I NEEDED this.
Thank you matt. honestly your advice are so appreciated you give me hope of getting through and that life can be better if i just fix a few little things that arent all that bad. you are probably one of the first person to help me feel understood. like you can put some words to my pain and that my guy is absolutely precious
Amen Matthew to another amazing video. I practiced at all ready for the last couple of years since I started researching as to why I was struggling to find a relationship and I actually found you LOL and I started reading like crazy people don't like it when you set boundaries and you have standards it is mind-blowing how people think they deserve to treat you the way they want. It's definitely made me a much stronger person so thank you for your videos keep them up
It’s so good to hear this...waking me up to the reality to ignore red flag and put my foot down when needed. Thank you Matt! ❤️
I plan every date, every trip we take, what we eat, where we are going, how to spend our money and I am exhausted!!! Thank God I am only 6 mths into this relationship cause if it doesn't change soon I am out! He makes no decisions at all! What do I do with this?
Run
Make a list of things that he should have resposability for...
For example, now you're in charge of going out activities.
May I ask what happened, this was 8 months ago now, did you guys split up?
@diane moon I was with someone exactly like this. Did you leave the relationship or get him to change?
Update!
I used to be terrible for this in friendships as well as romantic relationship. Now I say what I think or if people don’t respect me I move on. Definitely it’s easy to get caught in the idea of been great to somebody but then resentment can eat away at you.
This partially resonates with me, I keep going out of my way to give others at the expense of myself, cos i feel like its what I should do as a human being, and I hope if all humans help each other, the world will be a better place. It's not that I feel like I don't deserve the same in return, its more like I rarely need the help from others, but when i need, i do ask. Regardless, I noticed that this leads to frequent burnouts for me, as I keep giving and not noticing its toll on my emotional well-being. Thanks for the video, it made me learn that I should balance my well-being with my want to help others.
It was actually really nice to hear something that wasn't about "the virus". Thanks for this video! 🙂
Exactly me.... No one told me... I had to figure out by myself.... Now I pay attention to the red flags and expect to receive too... I hurt to much and that's enough... when I opened my eyes everyone left... I will find my true love now... with the same give and take... love my new self!!😍😍😍❤❤
Well, they say that we get influenced by certain people because they represent our deep desires to be like them. Confident, self aware, self loving etc etc. So, I guess we should be thankful to such people for showing where we want to actually see ourself. Its painful but -"Take the input and level up."
thank u so much for doing such a video, it felt like hiving a great heart to heart conversation, and now it’s time for me to step up and make the change. really appreciate your content 😌
This came just at the perfect moment. I worked a lot in my feeling of not being worthy; I now need to take the next step and communicate my needs
You are a kind person who values kindness..nd thz z the best part of you Matthew Hussey..
You deserve all the happiness in the world..
Matt! How are you doing?! I hope you’re healthy and safe in this scary time! Sending love and positivity! ❤️
That is so powerful and insightful. I just today had a serious conversation with my partner about exactly this topic. It just proved what I was saying is right. Thanks Matthew, you are amazing!
so true. I learned i have to do that, even if it risks ending it. What i dislike is when people then tell you, that they just reach out because you want them too (making you sound like a manipulator and them sound like a holy knight). I have to (re-)learn to listen to my intuition more, if a relationship of any kind does feel right, or if i just want it to feel right and then believe it is, because the lie is more pleasant to look at than the truth.
This is exactly what took place with me. 5 years of this frustration had become unbearable. It has been difficult to move on but taught me a lot about myself and my needs. Thank you so much for this!
This video continues to help me everyday. Thank you 🥹
This is one of your best videos!! So on point and so many nuggets of wisdom.
Beautiful message as always, Matthew. Stay safe and well during this time ❤️🌍
You just described my last relationship. I'm glad I finally got the courage to be the one to end it only 7 months in when it was clear they would never give what I needed. I'd been trying to work on my self-worth for years and thought it was better than it was, but that relationship taught me exactly what you said -- I still deep down don't believe I am worthy of being given my needs. Just trying to find ways each day to show myself that I am.
He avoided that conversation for 3 1/2 years. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt. Then i put my foot down and he ended our relationship. I kept pushing those red flags away. Now im 60 and trying to forgive so i can move on. I trusted him.
Mary Jane Gogal,you story touched my heart ♥ and I will be glad if we can relate❤🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
Thank you for this great video Matthew. Wow it has taken 55 years to realise but this is me, I have always done this in my relationships. I am always putting my partner first. I want to try and please them so they stay. My recent relationship of 5&1/2yrs has just ended with someone I thought was my life partner. This is the hardest heartbreak I have ever felt as I put everything into the relationship but I didn’t get back what I needed. So many red flags that I ignored. Thank you for helping me see what I need to do now❤️
Why is this very timely? Thanks for this Sir Matthew Hussey. ❤️
Thank You very much, really needed to hear this🙏
wow! You always find a way to deliver the perfect piece of advice at the exact right time. Your words of wisdom, amaze me, & you always take something so huge & break it down into manageable, simple steps. Thank you, love it :)
I needed to hear this today, thank you and God bless!
So true. This reminds me of a friend of mine. She claims that she is a giver (I also am) but if you complain to her about anything she gets furious and thinks that you don't love her or that you have a bad opinion about her. I've walked away. We are no longer friends. And of course, now to her and her cycle... I am the bad person who never was a real friend to her.
I know it really hurts when people take advantage of someone's giving nature and forces the person to start thinking about being mean.
This is so crazy for me to watch this video now, I’ve been wanting so much from the guy I’m dating and I give give give, and he doesn’t give anything back. Like omg I’m speechless I’m 6 months in and I’ve been beating myself up about how I can talk to him. But I sat and worked on how to approach the conversation and was confident and stern about what I will not accept. He actually shut up and listened, thank you so much for making this video.
I experienced this after 3 years; but was doing what you talk about; giving because I thought I can handle a lot and was strong . Now I’ve learnt my lesson, and it feels good to know that I’ve learnt something new
It’s not just for relationships but also for every ships we build in our lives
You are so right that when we don't communicate honestly it puts a wedge in between and creates distance.....and blocks us from knowing someone. I've been right in this place.
So spot on, i have been giving all my energy to a friendship that felt like she was my sister and then like maybe when i needed her to be present, to see each other she just disapeared little by little.. and also so true about the self worth part. I do not feel worthy to receive all the things i gave or that the other person can meet my need, growing up with parents that didn’t met them at all has created this belief
Wow, I needed to hear that more now than ever. Its like you made this video especially for me. Everything you said is what I’m going through right now. Im a over thinker so thank you so much for making this video, thank you!
!💖
I love that green on you. Thank you for everything Matthew your words are always on time
Just when I needed this most. Thank you!
You’re one of the most helpful, genuine, and connecting people I’ve come across, with the right dash of levity. You help heal a broken world. I started learning from you for empathy reasons but realized how much your work crosses genders to create bonds and connection between two people through emotional intelligence. Do you welcome sincere meaning men at your retreats ?