Twisted things narcissists will do to get you back
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- Опубліковано 11 лис 2023
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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A toxic relationship is like putting spoiled milk back in the fridge and expecting it to taste better tomorrow.
So true! 😄😆
😂 agree. The sour taste stays in your mouth for years!
Mold 😂
Love this, so true
Improbable, but not impossible.
They don't WANT YOU back. They only want YOU to WANT to come back. The two things are completely different. 😢
Thanks for the reminder 🙏
Exactly!!!!
Its exactly that!
Bingo.
You got that right! 👍
Giving a narcissist another chance is like giving them another bullet for their gun - because they missed you the first time.
That’s exactly it. Wow! Well said!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾PRECISELY!!!!
THIS!! So true.🎯
So true. They will never change
I have so many bullet holes, I felt like Swiss cheese until I started following this channel and reading these comments. I will say I have become like a mild sharp cheddar these days…
Going back to the narcissist, is like failing a test you already had the answers to.
Keep moving forward, don't look back you're not going that way.
this!!
That’s hilarious but oh so so true !! God bless u for ur wisdom n true heart!!!
So true you will always fall short of passing their tests.
Here here. Or is it hear hear? Goes for friends( fiends) and colleagues double. Just. Say. No. Thanx
@@geraldfriend256 That's funny! I'm thankful I'm still here and can hear both.
Being in a toxic, abusive "relationship" is like being gassed with poison. You can't think or see things clearly. But once you are out and breathing fresh, clean air, you won't believe the amount of bullsh!t you endured from the narc. Forgive yourself because you couldn't see. Then leave when you can see! Run!!!!!!
The SHAME traps you almost as much or maybe even more than the Narcissist.
SOOOOO True!!! 🔥💯🔥💯🔥 They hate being exposed.💯💯💯
Thank you for this comment, I am feeling very stupid for not seeing it listening to people telling me of the toxic relationship. How could I not have seen it!!! I felt myself slipping away from the person I am( was) and could figure out what to do. Thank you again, so true and I'm finally starting to see all the bs all of us have endured.
Yessssssss! 💞💞
When he finally convinced me he was sorry and I let my legal defense go then he took all papers out of house and got his lawyer to finish divorce and told my teen children it was me,knowing I had no representation.the sad thing is even after 28 years my daughter is still angry at me and is still 😅
His spell of gaslighting her and fa ily,she thinks that is normal he married 3 months after divorce yet she still doe not get it😢😢
Never accept them back .. They never change 🏃🏾♀️ 💨
Ever!! They just learn to manipulate better! (So they think) it’s so sad. I have a child with this person and we’ve been back and forth for almost 13 years. Last break up was in August and I swear that’s it for me! We’ve tried everything and he puts forth a hell of an effort for no more than 3 months and then it’s back to his old ways. Then I’m the blame for not appreciating, so he may as well be how he was before. It’s like they don’t want you to call them out for lies or anything you may have found out they did. They want you to only focus on their good deeds at the moment, and when you don’t, they blame you for ruining things. It’s crazy making for sure!!
Even if your ass is on fire do not talk to them.
@@elizabethalexander6528 😂 True!!! ❤
@elizabethalexander6528 😮 I made the HUGE mistake of reaching out to a very mean ex husband (father of our 3 kids) a few days ago. Duh. I was called every c & b name in the book & as usual, blamed for everything. Denial & lies across the board! Don't do it! Stay no contact! 😳🤯
They just become more decrepit in thought word and deed as they age. 👍🏼
‘Other people’s happiness, disgusts them” !! So spot on doc! Even a child’s happiness is a target!
Yes they usually shapeshift they faces change you can see the demons in them
My dad got my whole family to team up against me
Exactly! This is 💯 true.
Yes, or an innocent animal. These aren't safe people.
Yep, I hid every emotion and never shared my life with my narcissistic mother and enabling father.
"Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God, and He will come near to you." James 4: 7-8
I’m not even religious and I’m going to put that up on my wall!!!
I am a Christian, and this made me remember that the Bible has the best advice on everything. Thank you.
Do you think these people might be the devil in human form?
@@ieshapaige224Yes
Yes thank you I needed to hear this! because as soon as I took my ex narc back and he finally got me after 6 months of him calling me everyday begging to get me back. As soon as you let go of the past cheating and lying and abusing, it starts right back up pretty much instantly.
The best advice in a nutshell, “Trust yourself. Hold on to your reality.” Thanks, Dr. Ramani
that advice helps me a lot to won in the court with the devil "pastor" who is sueing me for "slander".
I kicked the Narcissist husband out Jan 2, 2024. It has been the best 7 weeks of my life. I have so much trauma to heal in me. Don’t let them back in!!!!
More power to you !!!❤
How are things now?
@@kashikakhurana1981 super well. It’s going on 4 months and I am so happy. He leaves me alone! I’m so grateful
Mine discarded me 2 months ago. I felt relieved!
I kicked mine out a year ago and it feel better every day
They do change they get worse 😢
I agree I stupidly went back after 2 years, I thought I'd be treated better!! No I was not, it was even worse than before. I was given nothing, and I mean nothing. No days out together no more than seeing me 2 times a month for 3 hours at the most. Remember you are worth more than nothing....! Amazingly I left, and lost a nothing 😂😂
The narc told me women should chase men, and that men like to be chased. For the record I never chased him as he was punching. Yes narc you were told you were punching, so boy bye I can do better. Much better 👋🏼 believe in yourself 💫
Not only has the narchole not changed, it gets worse! EVERY time you go back the abuse gets worse than the time before. Horrible viscous cycle. Its no way to live.
The narchole! 😂😂😂😂
Narchole! I'm adding that to my vocabulary.
Narchole.😂
Narchole! I love it! 😂
I feel lonely, but I know that if I come back to him I would be even more lonely.
How are you holding up?
PLEASE listen to what your gut! He will NOT change!!
Find someone new that appreciates you!!
I had an ex try to come back, saying that he might POSSIBLY have colon cancer AGAIN!, I said, “what do you mean again, the last time you tried to come back you said it was POSSIBLE prostate cancer.”
He couldn’t remember his previous lies. 😂😂😂
😂😂😂
He’s crazy to wish that on himself😮💨
my narcissist claimed for a year. Now he's dying of a kidney disease and has lied so many times he's been in the hospital. Operations is going to die soon, it's all a bunch of BS and I hope I can continue to run and never look back
I'm in the middle of divorce process with my narcissistic wife, and she has declared that she has breast cancer and is about to have a mastectomy. This means putting the proceedings on hold obviously, but I still have that niggling doubt in my mind - the only evidence I have for it is her word, and it's completely to her advantage to claim it if it isn't true. I don't want to come across as an evil person by asking for proof. She has been asking for me to come and comfort her and look after her, and my reply to that has been simply that I absolutely cannot do that - she should build a support network for herself, and I know of multiple people who I'm sure would be willing to help. I'm not getting sucked back into her world, but I can still be polite about it. All this stuff is hard.
7 mean my dad thouhht he had prostqte cancer because of vlood but it was colon or sime sort of gastric cancer. . . They caught it so late 8t is hard to say what type it was
imagine how much they could actually accomplish in life if they put that energy into positive personal progression instead of targeting other people and trying to make them as miserable as they are... joyless beasts.
Exactly!!!
@@jess_vocal we know the same people... lol... ty for the affirmation Jess!
The future faking is so hard to let go of. All the plans, hopes and dreams. 😢
I agree. The ruminating sucks.😢
Yeah.😓😪
Yup!
I also realized that I wasted years of my precious gift of life on hopes asif dreams ever would become real. What a waste of time. The narc was actually just saving money having me in his life.
It’s easy to let go when you know it was all a lie. A LIE!
you have saved my life and opened my eyes to things I couldn’t assign a name to. I’m now aware of narcissistic abuse and have been putting 100% energy towards my healing and self improvement. I’m a proud truth teller, it gets lonely but it’s better than dealing with the poison of narcissism. Thank you Dr.Ramani for enlightening me.
Another truth teller here. My ex has alienated my child from me and is still facing no consequences because our uk system is so enabling. Scary that this toxicity runs right thru every facet of our society. Take great care of yourself
I had a psychologist tell me that the problem was me AFTER telling me that my ex had anti social personality disorder. This psychologist also said I did not have PTSD. I went on to see two other psychologist, one for victims of crime comp who did a proper psych assessment and formally diagnosed me with PTSD. My ex did horrendous things to us and my dog. I will never blindly trust a psychologist again because not all are good.
Here…you are with an educated, aware, & enlightened one.
Thank goodness, hey?
I’m so sorry for your invalidating & hurtful, experiences.
Blessings moving forward for you & your dog. 🫶🏻☮️
I had one of those too - they retraumatize you - they make you feel like YOU'RE the problem because they wouldn't know abuse if it bit them in the ass.
Therapists and law enforcement side with the individual they find more likeable.
For some reason likeability is all that's needed for credibility by many people in positions of authority
Because some are narcs themselves.
@@vangoghskyeYes I learnt that from George K Simon.
I still love my narc ex, but i would never go back to him. It's the hardest thing ever... 😔
You don’t love them. You love the way they treated you in the beginning. They fooled you. They lied to you. You are grieving a person which didn’t even exist and give up hope that the person is going to come back. That’s much harder then a normal break-up. But trust me, there is going to be a person in your life who won’t show you a better person at the start to fool you, but stay that person or become even better!
Hugs and healing!❤️🩹
@@harleyyy8808 You are absolutely right. It's really harder than any other breakup. Thank you so much for your kind words of support. ☺️
Ditto. We need to be strong
@@joannedomingo2398 We sure do. 😌
@@harleyyy8808yeah she fooled me all right. Feeling like a fool and not being able to forgive myself, for staying in it so long has been really hard. I just keep telling myself you don't know what you don't know.
He tried to pull me back in and I told him “I am no use to you, I can not make you happy” 😄 and that was that. I have to state it the way he understands- people are of use or not and I’m not 😉
Very clever, Diana.👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Told a guy something similar to this after he said "I turned him off" talk about insult. About a week or so later he's in my msgs stating he's sorry and to come over
I asked, "Why do you want someone over your house who turns you off?" 😂😂
I’m going to use this!!!
Love this!!!❤❤❤
I said that too! 😛 “I only want you to be happy dearie, but I do not appear to be able to do that 🤷♀️ we should break up cause you deserve someone better than me” 🤭😉
Journaling is your memory, that is why it is so important to do it.
My dad asked for forgiveness for everything he has done to me my whole life and it seemed legit. It felt real for several months, but it was to get me to do what he wanted. Then he went to his old patterns again.
that's so vile!
Consistent behavioural changes for at least 12 months - just something to consider next time
@TheKrispyfort I was younger and naive at that time. Now I know that. I also know there is noooo chance of my dad changing for 12 months and keeping consistent.
@@TheKrispyfort12 months?? In my experience, narcissists are really good if they can change their stripes (behaviors) for a few days -- if not for only a few hours.
My evil step monster does the same thing. I tell her or her flying monkeys that she has to make amends for everything she did in the first 32years of my life. She or flying monkeys argue that there is not enough time to make amends and I should just forgive and forget. I compromise and state that she has to start to make amends with one amends today. And she has to make one amends every time she wants to see or talk to me. She or the flying monkeys argue that there is not enough time to make one amends today. This is where the conversation breaks down, because she is unwilling to make even one amends for her actions. This is where I block her or her flying monkeys from communicating with me again.
30 years ago my husband moved out and in with a woman he was having an affair with. I was a mess. A week later he wanted to come back home. I wasn't ready for him to move back. I went through a lot of pain and confusion. Married 18 years with 2 children. I was numb from the verbal abuse and didn't want him to come back.
I was filled with confusion and couldn't make a decision. I asked a therapist for help. Her words took the weight of the world off of me.
She said that he made that decision when he left us. I had nothing to decide. I felt so free! Those few words helped me tremendously. I hope it helps someone else today who's struggling with the same issue.
We ended up divorced a year later. He married her. She recently left him after almost 30 years together. Now he's trying to get me back and I feel the same confusion about how to handle him. Ugh. I had healed and enjoy my life. Made the mistake of feeling sorry for what happened to him. Now I'm torn again because I don't like to hurt people. And of course he's changed now. But...he changed for her and not for me. So I'm stupid for even considering seeing him again. Help me people. I need to stay strong. 😩
@@beverlysmith6397 be strong you deserve a good life with peace and that means a life without this former tormenter! Keeping your peace and safety in your good life is more important than sacrificing this tranquility because he's told you his hard luck story and wants you to feel sorry for him. He's gotten enough from you already. You do you! 🙏🌞
@@beverlysmith6397if you watch all of Dr Ramani’s videos, the message over and over is:” do not go back, narcissists-never change!” This guy is hoovering you back in. If you’ve had a happy life for the last thirty years then why on earth would you even consider a reunion. If you’re lonely then get a puppy, it’ll bring you so much more love and happiness. Tread carefully, you might regret it later. Good luck and take care. 🌹🍀🖖
@@beverlysmith6397 Beverly, stay strong. You know what to do, and what to not do. Remember everything. Trust yourself. Think about why he wants you back. What is he trying to get from you? Relax a moment and go inside yourself. Forget him for a moment if you can, and have some compassion for yourself. Do you need him? Think about who and what he is. Do you want him? You have a right, a duty, and an obligation to think of yourself and to take care of your precious self.
@@beverlysmith6397 He hasn't changed. Why do you think she left him? After 30 years why do you even think you need him? I bet you have been happier these past 30 years without him than you were when you were with him. Remember: You are responsible for your own happiness not his.
Narcissistic relationshiT .. is like being in a room w carbon monoxide … slowly killing you without you realizing it . 😢
well put. madness
So true
I told my therapist my husband would not come with me unless I told him the therapist needed to talk to him so he could help me. Oh, it worked, and when my husband realized what was going on, he never would come back. The very next time I went, the therapist asked me why don't you get a divorce. Wow just one session is all it took. I did get that divorce. Best thing I ever did.
My narcissistic ex asked me if I wanted to move back into the house to help me pay off my debt, that I accumulated from the divorce, faster. 💀 He said, “since neither of us are pursuing anything romantic with anyone else, you could rent a room for cheap at the house and pay off your debt faster.” he was looking for that control back. So wild. Unhinged and manipulative behavior.
😳 omgosh you dont by chance live in Canada do you lol 😬 Can see my ex doing this the moment 'my supply' ceased 3 days ago. Such a control tactic and obsurd, yet, for a lot of women sadly it'd work 😔 sucked right back in even with the 'false' tactics/pretenses of mutual benefit promises with no expectations. So glad to see u saw through the BS that was, such a strong woman yyeiiii! 🥰🙏🏼🩷
Wow! Trying to lure you back to that living hell and be dependent on him. Oh hell no! You can rent your own room if need be and not with him.
Same! Mine keeps offering for me to live in our old house for free - I would rather die than have that man be my landlord 🤮 so delusional it’s scary 😟
I went through this with my ex husband.
I had my ex that went back to her ex that is 400lb narcissist that she admitted raped her for her last 3 out of her 4 kids, and he has her car in his driveway now,seen many narcissistic traits from her ex when we were together and her mom, and now seeing she has them too, she thinks her posting on fb how she was hanging out with that fat doofus that it would make me jealous,lol😂 it just showed me more what a complete loser she is to go back to something like that
"Do not engage is not a short term strategy. It is a forever strategy". I need to hear this over and over again. It is a FOREVER strategy. They will NEVER change.
Exactly! I did not engaged for 15 months than I got trapped for another 7 months. Now forever never engaged.
Narcissists are allergic to happiness. I had one of my family members driving me to the airport, and I had mentioned how the flight had been paid for by the friends I was going to see. this family member said “Oh, I wish somebody would pay for my flights!” they said In a condescending tone. the first thought that went through my head was “Try being nice to people it works”, the second thought that went through my head was “ Why are you getting mad at me because I'm excited that I got a flight paid for? Just be happy for me."
My narc/bpd mom is referred to as the fun police in our family. I think it causes her actual pain to see people happy.
@@amberinthemist7912 ALL of my family (of origin) are just sadist jerks. I remember one time when the female who (brought me up) was yelling at the male person (who brought me up) to stop abusing me that was her way of NOT 'protecting' me
Cos they loathe seeing people happy or right about anything and everything. First red flag if that's how someone is when you're excited or happy!
@@suetrollope6245 For sure! I didn't think of it like that. Thanks
😂I actually laughed reading this because it made me think of a situation with my dad and my narcissistic mother. My dad was cleaning the dining room table. He put some shine on it and it looked really good! I immediately said “Dad the table looks so clean and shiny!” We were marveling at how the wood was just shining. My mother who was in the next room ( the kitchen), didn’t react at all, she didn’t peek her head in the dining room, nothing. I guess because we were smiling and happy and having good conversation she couldn’t be a part of that because well, these people hate to others happy.
Anyway my dad called her in the room to look at the table. She looked the table up and down, turned down her mouth and says, “Is it going to stay like that?”
LOL WHAT?😂 Me and my dad just looked at each other and started laughing!!! While laughing I said, “That’s the wrong response but ok!”
She went off!!! All the sudden it was
“I can’t ask a question?”
“What’s so funny?”
“Oh, I guess I said the wrong thing again.”
“You don’t think I know that spray wouldn’t make the wood shine?”
“I’M THE ONE THAT GAVE YALL THE BOTTLE TO USE!”
🤔🤔🤔…… um, ooookay. Lol. But that’s just a crumb of some of things they do. Negative as hell, allergic to happiness, makes it about them no matter what, gaslights, shuts down.
😂 Sometimes I can’t do anything but laugh because my god, I’ve come so far smh
The more I watch Dr.Ramani's videos, the more I realize how strong that huntch was, that I was living with a narcissist. One thing that is true about journaling is that it will bring you back to reality. When healing starts, you tend to look at things more positively and want to try and make mends with the narcissist. It's almost like a spell until you read your journal to find that you've already tried that and failed miserably. These videos are a blessing.
I agree. I started wondering if I could be friendly towards him. I read my journal entries and remembered he’s still working against me. He’s just doing it with a smile. The jerk.
If I could kiss Dr.Ramani I’d do it in a heartbeat!
She’ll never know the degree of clarity, confirmation and healing I received from the very first day , the very first video I found of her here 7 years ago❤️
Journaling is a sanity saver. Best way to heal. Also actively practicing gratitude every day and meditation. These daily rituals will bring you to your own truth and help you stay there.
I don’t even want to READ my journals. I can only imagine what the heck I was writing out about what I was living through.
Journaling saved me because I trusted myself and it helped me stand firm in my reality
“Like using your real name while you’re in the witness protection program” That’s it in a nutshell!❤😂
💯💯💯
“I’ll be better” They say. You find out they relapsed and almost died.. then tell you “you’re not worth this abuse!”, when you find out & try to hold them accountable for their actions.
Grieving the death of someone still alive is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And I’ve been a psych RN 15 years 😢
that is how I feel. My X is a dead man walking.
and this breaks my heart. even though he has turned my adult sons against me. I still help him with working out finances etc@@MaryEavey-dc3sk
Omg I hear this. My ex was alcoholic gambler, she stopped both when I encouraged her to get healthy. Then she broke up with me and when she realised I wasn't coming back, she went straight back to drinking and gambling and blames it on me.
Is one of the Best thing you could do for yourself and just go on with live and create your peace.
Hoovering is harder to avoid when the narcissists are in your family of origin. I have become increasingly indifferent to them.
I blocked all of them and any mutuals. Going on 4 yrs "No Contact"
yes it certainly is. My ex is now using our youngest daughter (21yo) manipulating her to go and live with me so she can enter my home with her. Manipulating her to manipulate me. Diabolical.
A great reminder for everyone who‘s been harmed by a narcissist, if they actually sincerely respect you, they‘ll leave you alone. People with this disorder have a deep pit of emptiness in themselves where the ego is. And the self perception. And the only true healing they could achieve at least in my opinion is by healing that ego. And closing that pit within themselves. And that is their journey. Most sadly cannot make it that far. Letting them back into your life only tells them that there are no long term consequences for their own actions. And they need these consequences to understand that there is a point where you cannot keep asking people you have abused, intentionally or not, to get back into their lives. Because you‘ve messed them up and that is something for many ppl utterly unforgivable. And the narcissist has to sit with that. And sit with that for life.
This is especially for those so desperate to be good people. To be fair people. Fairness and being good isn‘t just about giving people second chances. It‘s also about doing the harder sometimes even ugly things to show someone the limit of their actions. Some people go to jail. Some don‘t learn from it. But we don‘t let people out of jail prematurely if they just ask nice enough. Ya gotta think of it like that. Actions have consequences. And some are life long. But a good actually reformed narcissist, and remember they are rare, will leave you alone because they understand that that is their part of actually do the work of being a better person. That is them caring for you. It‘s accepting a hard reality for your sake. That is real human goodness. And if they don‘t even handle that, then they have no right to get back in. Stay strong. And don‘t give in. And if this really is about guilt from your end, just try to see it as you refusing to give someone trying to be sober alcohol. You are their alcohol. And getting clean means no alcohol. Not just a little bit. Not alcohol later. Not alcohol in a few years. It means never again.
Dang! No one ever worded it like this before and I love those analogies😅
True
I deeply agree with this... I have the fear that I may lose people I care because of my wife... It is so depressing where I found someone only to find out that she already penetrated and destroyed me... Now the one I specially care now evades me on all things which is so depressing that I wanted to kill myself.. even my kids hated me for the same reason as my wife... Just so sad that my alcohol has leveled up
Once they see you doing well, after having broken you, they jus t see you as a renewed source of supply. You were like a well that ran dry, and has now refilled. And of course they are perpetually thirsty.
Oh so true! Yes this is it exactly
Wow!!So true
Doc. As a therapist, I agree with you, we need to be alert. Narcs can be very charming and manipulative even in therapy sessions
How do you sniff them out quicker? I seem to pick on it before it’s too late 😢
Especially in therapy sessions. It’s a piece of cake for them to hold it together for 50 minutes at a time. The stakes are so high, they have every incentive to do so.
@@Karll541try to objectively criticize them just a tiny tiny bit, they'll reveal themselves after that
@@syifau1093 lol such enlightening advice 🤣🤣
I ended things over 14 months ago, completely no contact, blocking him on everything, and avoiding him at all costs. Though I'm not a 100%, I am healing daily, and definitely far better than what I used to be....thanks to messages like this❤. After so many failed attempts of him not being able to reach me, he showed up to my mom's house last week, pleading how he still loves me, and he made a mistake, and that "I'm the one", and so on, and so on. I've learned the lesson behind this, I will continue to heal, and I refuse to let this disturb my progress. Thank you Dr Ramani!!
And thank God I'm not on social media at all....
SMH
I'm 3 minutes in and it's like you're telling MY story!!
This is exactly what happened to me 😢😢😢
You’re not alone. Awareness is key! ✨💕
In response to narcissistic abuse & neglect, I was behaving so badly-sex, drugs, alcohol-that I think my ex believed couples counseling was going to be about addressing my issues. But it quickly became about addressing his part in making me miserable, so to speak! And that’s when he didn’t want to be in couples counseling anymore. PS: We’re divorced now.
hearing you loud and clear. I must say that if you were female this would not have happened. I was told by clin. psych. that the abuse was my fault because
Of course he stopped. Because this is supposed to be all YOUR fault, nothing to do with HIM. CLASSIC narc move.
Well, you’re gay and taking it the ass from another man. That’s a whole different level.
Congratulations for getting away from this
I don't think they care if you're happy per se. I think it's just that you're out of their control. Being happy is just a sign of your independence.
They ABSOLUTELY do care that you're happy & it ANGERS them, so they will try to DESTROY IT because they're VERY MISERABLE PEOPLE inside.🎭😈👺💯 They get a RISE & A KICK out of hurting others, they're despicable & demented people.🎭😈👺💯
@cheezitsw3279 , Thank you . I think control is a narcissist 's primary agenda . That and establishing dominance.
It is about domination
And if they can’t get you back, they’ll get you back. 👀
I wish I had found you decades ago. This explains SOOOOO much
I've "managed" flying monkeys by detaching, staying in my own lane, finding new sources of support, and holding onto my truth. I trust that in time, my character and work will speak for itself. Thank you for your invaluable advice.
I hope it does for you too x
My parents were in "couples therapy" (father was an alcoholic narcissist, mother his codependent/enabler). They suggested that I and my brother go with them to "work out our problems as a family". I tried one session with the "therapist" after my parents had gone to him. I found out that they had manipulated the "therapist" into believing that I caused all the problems in our "family" and my parents had painted me as the "unhinged one". But they didn't want to acknowledge the other unhealthy dynamics happening in our own family tree (the verbal and emotional abuse happening between both maternal and paternal siblings and my parents/siblings/me, my parents' physical abuse, etc). After that one session, I decided that I wasn't going to let my "parents" continue to manipulate the "therapist" into gaslighting the abuse and projecting all the blame onto me. So I started to see a different Social Worker away from my crazy-making parents. I attended group sessions with other survivors of Woman abuse. I learned that my parents weren't going to change their behaviour, and I had to start cutting ties with them. Leopards don't change their spots.
I had a similar experience to yours. It was long ago and I basically believed myself to be the source of my family's problems, so I had no idea of the dynamics in play (the big narc was covert). The therapist told me to speak up since I was also an "important part of the family," but I couldn't think of anything I could say. I ultimately got sent off to a different therapist to deal with my "anxiety." I couldn't see the point in it, but went along with it faithfully.
The therapist you saw was either stupid or cowardly to allow a situation where a child or one person is blamed for an entire family's 😊dysfunction
I am sorry for what you went through. I’m glad you were able to see through the smokescreen.
Wow run forest run...away!
They will always shift the blame onto someone else and never acknowledge their behavior in any capacity especially "Bad Behavior". They will never take accountability and it will always be someone else's fault for the "Entire Families" issues.
There is no way a child is responsible for toxic, immature low vibrational, dead beat parents mess they mad.
The "fantasy" aspect of awareness in this video is very powerful. We all want the change. Narcissistic relationships are like record deals... you'd be better off going independent with your relationships rather than taking a loan out with the worst interest rate given by the narcissist. Think about it. ❤
This is an analogy I can really get behind
oh this is so good
I thought about couples therapy with my Ex. It was gonna cost me $100 & I didn't think he was worth it. I divorced him. Now I'm much happier than I ever thought possibly! GOD gave me the strength to walk out of the door for good!!!
I went to couples therapy with my x. At the therapy, he told a bold faced lie (of course). I confronted him with that lie afterwards,his answer told me all I needed to know to divorce him STAT! He said “the therapist wouldn’t have liked me if I told him the truth”!
When my now ex was served with divorce papers, THEN he suggested marriage counseling ! I told him there was no longer a marriage to counsel. And, he without a doubt would have lied up a storm, blaming me for everything, as well as attempting to convince the therapist that I failed him. He could also go back to his allies and family, saying he offered to try to save the marriage but I flat out refused---- strategically omitting WHEN he brought up counseling. I'm continually floored by the extent to which those who.purport to love us will mess with our minds, thinking we're a bottomless well of tolerance and forgiveness.
@@msr1116 same 😅
And we did go to one session. The therapist's body position was focused on him, and flirty, and I was blocked off.
Him: I want to save the marriage.
Me: I want a divorce. I'm sick of sleeping on the couch.
Good call 👍
Sneak is always sneak and don't ever go back to the demons.
@@TheKrispyfort .... I'm not clear on which one was flirty....your ex or the therapist?
What I find so revealing is...this ex/person wants u (me) to understand why almost every single relative/friend has finally abandoned them. And why he is lonely and alone. They just don't or won't get it. They just never figure it out.
The therapist completely took his side and I walked
Twisted Things Narcissists Will Do to Get You Back
00:27 - They Will Hoover You
10:15 - They Will Agree to Go to Therapy
21:44 - They Will Promise to Change
34:58 - They Will Use Flying Monkeys
Thanks for the timestamps. ⏲ So helpful.
Going back to a Narc is like suicide. You are willing going back to your tombstone.
My grand daughter went for couples counselling where the counsellor was probably versed in narcissism & after many weeks suggested that they may be better parting - the narc was absolutely furious of course!
I had left, and he called me to tell me he was in a car accident, I rushed over, just to find out it wasn't true.
They lie about fake crises and expect you to come to the rescue and solve the problem!
Agents of chaos. They always stir the pot. Its funny as hell to them. As they watch you on their device spring into action.
I don’t think my ex-boyfriend is going to try to get me back, even if he wants to. His ego is too big.
I'm living with the twisted sick things my narcissistic sister has done until our mother passes. She decided 2 of us "had more than her" so she had our mother deemed incompetent and put her name on mom's house deed. She has canceled the land line mom had for 65 years so we cannot call. And when I visit she makes all kinds of demands and issues orders. It goes on and on. And she thinks she can "work me" but my only concern is our mother. My sister hoovers me but I'm immune to her efforts. So glad I finally started disengagement. Once mom is gone I'm 100% disengaged.
that's fucking brutal and I'm really sorry you gotta deal with what seems to be a truly evil person
My sister did pretty much the same thing….she also blackmailed our mother into giving her financial power of attorney. She took everything she wanted while mom was in the hospital ….when it was time for the executor to take over all her possessions were already gone.
See if you can bring in Adult Protection Services
@@cavgrey8 You wouldn't believe how convoluted it is. I used to stay with mom for a couple weeks at a time. I'm the youngest and mom and I were and have always been very close. She doesn't understand why I can't stay with her. My narc sister will "not allow" me to do so. I even had a little clothing and my dogs bed there. Had to get them. I go to MD Anderson in Houston there for follow up cancer treatment every 4 to 6 months. I live in Oregon. My sister took mom after she was compromised and had her Will and other docs changed and we aren't allowed to even ask questions. Don't know what will transpire. Used to talk to mom a couple times a day and now not at all. Its bad. Couldn't be worse.
It’s awesome that you see what’s happened and still want to be there for your mom. I help care for mine as well. As soon as my mom doesn’t need me, I hope to move far away to escape the attack dogs (aka narcs) in my life.
"they are probably strategizing a rebranding campaign"... 👏👍🤣💯
Hoovering... Just in time for 🎄🎄🎄🎁🎁🎁!
My 28 year wife was a buddhist her whole life when I started to see through the veil and started checking the disrespect and putting my foot down and sought an attorney. She suddenly started watching Joel Osteen and reading the bible and insisting we read it together. She also vowed to be a good submissive wife. I am a Christian but am not a big bible reader. It only took a few months but every once in awhile she back slid and started being disrespectful and neglectful. She blew the entire thing up Christmas of 2022 and I discovered signs of cheating while doing the above. Now I have been trapped living in the same house for over a year while going through a divorce and she has been giving me the silent treatment or raging most of the 12 months.
They want you back to get what you have for themselves. They really don't care about you. But they play games to ruin you.
Mine was told me arrogantly, "I'll give you one more chance, don't decided anything in a bad emotion mode", I was like what??? I don't need you to give me another chance dude, you're the one who mess around. They're always play victim and so arrogant to admit that they don't want us to leave them. What is so difficult to apologize sincerely instead that trigger another emotion with a bad crap
My narc ex used to blame the stress of his job on why he wasn’t an attentive boyfriend. He blamed his bad attitude on his abusive dad, and his mother passing away when he was young. He then started to blame me, and I mean for everything. After saving money and working on my career, I fought to leave the relationship and moved. He bullied me financially and emotionally constantly while I did it. He finally threw a Hail Mary and quit his job to prove that “he could change”. All he did was create more time to constantly abuse and hoover over me. I will never forget this experience and no, he did not change. He got worse. I am still in the process of removing him from my life and I started this process two years ago.
I hope you succeed in removing him, for the sake of your mental and physical health! Good luck and take care.🌹🍀🖖
@@teresa5007thank you! I’ve made great progress this year.
Exactly! My mother was the narcissist in my life. She never changed for the better because she believed she was just fine as she was. Her personality actually got worse as she got older & she reverted to being a bratty, tantrum throwing 5 yr old by the time she died at 75 from cancer. She wasn't speaking to me when she died & didn't acknowledge me as her family. I refused to be her personal servant, so she began to do things to harm me in passive-aggressive ways. She would hit & kick my pets whenever she could. One day I came home from work to find a strange man taking our washer & dryer out of the house. She had sold them so that I would have to drive 10 mi. in winter to do laundry. I had let her move in with me because she couldn't afford to live alone. Once she started hitting & kicking my pets, I made her move out & into elder housing. When she moved she left all pictures of me behind, any gifts I had given her & all of my artwork that she had saved. After her death, while going through her things, I found some of my clothes that had been oddly missing. She was a sick puppy & never changed. She got worse.
It's so funny you mentioned about her stealing your clothes. Both my dad and his sister my Aunt would steal my clothes anytime I was visiting or they were visiting me. It started when I was just 12 years old and I bought these clothes myself with babysitting money. I visited one time then the next visit I'd see my stepmother wearing my bathing suits, dresses, favorite blouses. It was disgusting. She had large closets full of clothes, many with the tags still attached, but she had to take and wear her 12 year old stepdaughter's clothes! Yuck! During one visit I caught my father going through my shoes and my closet in the middle of the night in my room while I was sleeping. I woke up, saw him rifling through my things, asked what the heck are you doing in my damn room in the middle of the night?! He says oh I'm sleepwalking. Sleepwalk your ass out of my room?! And stay out of my stuff! Creeper!". It never fails though anytime I'm around him or his sister, stuff(his sister stole my damn bras!) disappears out of my bags. Who does this!? Fortunately now I'm no contact with both.
Sorry you had to endure this. She was a horrible Mother!
I have had a woman I was dating
fake discard me happen seven times over a year. It always starts with a stupid argument over something not important. The first time, it was over she didn't like how I was dressed. She dumped me but took me back the next day. So why dump me if she made up the next day. I think it's all about control. The message is that she can dump me for real anytime they want. I had a Christmas dinner with her and some friends. She was talking to my friend's wife, and I was talking to the husband. She talked shit about me the whole time. I was sitting next to her, and I could not hear the conversation because of background noise. Not going with her anymore. It ended a month ago. Am feeling so much better.
I'm so thoroughly disgusted that I was in this situation before 🤦🏻♀️ wtf gross
Always over thirty years. Every time I said I was done..."I'll go talk to someone, I know I have to it's me, I'm sorry" way too many times but never went to therapy. I thought it was from drinking when we went out, I didn't know it was narcissism. Big fight after every event we went to over nothing. Your videos are what made me realize after 30 years nothing was going to change. I wish I had this info years ago he robbed me of my youth and made me so depressed I feel like I'll never get better. But I'm starting over and its hard, but I won't take him back. Thank you Dr. Ramani
WATCH OUT FOR YOUR RETIREMENT $! my dad blew their home sale money on himself and on his deathbed told me I'd have to take in my mom~ that was fine, I would've anyway, but no money meant I burned thru all my retirement savings to keep her until she could get into medicaid as the state demanded my household have ZERO money or assets. Lived in my pickup 7 years broke and homeless ~ thank God now into housing . He was sadistic abusive narc~ to both my mom and me for 65 years ~ only figured that out with Dr. Ramani's videos in the last 2 years. THANK YOU DR. RAMANI!
Couples therapy helped me immensely! I acquired the answers I was seeking, and in that last meeting, I realized I had to leave a dead and disordered relationship and quit trying to fix something, and someone who was beyond damaged. It allowed me to move forward and find happiness with someone else❤
Never Take a Narcissistic Partner to a To Therapy, the drama will only Escalate! They didn’t listen then- They will go on forever.
I feel like our therapist was not well versed in narcissism which caused me to feel more crazy. So damaging. She was definitely drawn to his charisma
He agreed to therapy and we went. The therapist said we needed to take a test to help us get a better view of how we are in the relationship. It was $50 and he started a fight with the therapist so much she told him she would not take us on as clients. I was was so shaken and apologized for his behavior.
My narcissistic partner suggested a counselor. It was before we started having any issues and yes, he was quite charming. One session didn’t go his way and before the next session he dumped me. He knew I’d be impressed with his willingness to go, he just couldn’t keep it up. It was another game. These people are so damn destructive.
They can destroy a whole community without raising a finger. Pure evil
One day when the kids grow up, been grown for 6 years now!!! Waisted a whole life time on false promises.
Hi Dr Ramani. I would NEVER go back with him, nor will I ever even speak to him when/if I ever see him again. This just doesn't pertain to him, but anyone who acts and speaks in that "certain" way. They come off as CHARMERS. I still hear our songs now and then, and I do listen. Before I would cry and turn them off. NEVER TAKE BACK A NARCISSIST! One final thing. There are no flying monkeys bcse he had no friends.
The narcs seem to know/sense when you're happy and out there doing your thing. You may have made new friends, have new interests - you're active and living your life. Your focus isn't on them anymore - can't have that. That's when they try to break in again. DON'T DO IT! - It will never get better just worse. Now they respect you even less than they did before.
My narcissistic ex agreed to couple's therapy because he wanted to data-mine me for my most painful topics of discussion. He sat with his arms folded, insisted that the therapist and I were ganging up on him, then cited the cost as his reason for quitting. The truth is that he wanted to know my childhood wounds and vulnerabilities, so he could exploit them. Once he had that information, he cancelled the sessions.
Sounds like my deceased Father's behavior. His ex-wife used to say the very same thing when she tried taking him to therapy.
She said, "He would even manipulate the Therapist". I was a teenager when I heard this and I am now 41. Hearing other people's stories takes me back.
After many arguments and all the disrespect, I thought that he was really fighting for me. I actually thought it was a romantic gesture, how much he was trying to get me back. But once I realized that he is only trying to figure out whether I’m still under his control and influence. I felt ashamed that I even considered giving him a second chance over and over again. so don’t get fooled by somebody trying to test whether they still have control over you. There is nothing romantic about it.!
As a matter of fact, if somebody had really loved you they would let you find your own peace. The fact that somebody’s calling you multiple times and texting you endless messages is assigned that they are trying to terrorize you rather than love.
This!! 👆
3 years later, I made it out! No more Narc wife! No more egg shells when I see the jeep pull up to the house or hearing her footsteps upstairs. No more devalue and no more threats. I pray for my physical health and mental health to heal 🙏🏼 1-13-24 9:08 pm Central
“Walk through the fire and the fire will not burn you”
Being a person who always looked for the good in people, and not really understanding my part in why relationships always seemed to take a turn toward dysfunction…it’s taken me 40 years to accept people for what they are (not what they say they are, but who they show they are) and then either stay or go. Sadly it’s been family that say they love you then, they are the ones that will lie and trash talk and employ flying monkeys to control, and hurt.
When your narc is also a therapist. It’s maddening.
And you know those legal documents are made up. Zero credibility. Which makes them supportive to harm. Evil knows what it's doing by taking these helper jobs. Goes under the radar to most people.
Thank you general for helping us win the war on narcissists!😉
When my wife and I first got married 17 years ago she didn't like me not being at home all the time. I would hang out with my aunt and twin sister. She assumed that I was cheating and she wanted to go to marriage counseling. I agreed to counseling. She found a counselor and set the date. So we went and the counselor read right through her. After that first session, she stormed out of counseling and I told me we are never doing this counseling shit!!!! Now, I had to leave because the verbal abuse and disrespect became unbearable.
A Narc love is like a bad spark plug...It never really ignites.
Thank-you once again, I electrified my boundrys ❤
Funny this particular video of yours about hovering shows up on my feed. I haven't talked to my toxic narc sister in years and now she is sending me messages on FB concerning my brother who was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. I followed back her on FB and she started right away with her mean toxic shit. I unfollowed her without engaging. This morning I woke up and she has AGAIN sent a friend request. I am going to completely get off of FB once again. I only got on to use marketplace and maybe connect with old friends. Big mistake. Fool me once... I love you, Doc. Thank you, again. 😊
I must have had an exceptional couples therapist. After 3 or 4 weeks he asked us to go for separate sessions. I don't know what happened in my ex's session, but the first thing he said when I went in was "You should be looking at permanent separation, at the very least, otherwise divorce." At first I decided to get back together with my ex, but it only lasted for 6 months, then I called it quits and never looked back. In some ways I regret my decision, but those 6 months killed all the love and compassion that I had for him, making it easier to deal with him during the divorce.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. You literally saved me and my 11 yr old daughter from further psychological and emotional trauma.
They’d agree to therapy because they believe everyone essentially succumbs to charm, lies, and the appearance of affluence!
That last time I got pregnant he promised to help me with this one. That’s when I realized he knew he didn’t help me with the other 3 and was trying to sabotage me. I immediately scheduled an appointment with the clinic.
I hope you're all out and free now.
Clinc??
@@laetitialogan2017she deleted her babies life...😔
this lady does these videos day in day out week in week out month in month out year in year out!!!!! I have healed my narcissist abuse problem but have lost my fuc* ing mind watching this stuff in loads!!! 🤣😂😉
Couples therapy pushed me over the edge. I heard him say things that were absurd, unyielding, and felt like a fist between my eyes. I had to give up hope he’d change. I had to stand up for myself and stopped being his door mat. 25:50
Unable to be online lately. Narcs definitely spying on us (tracking devices/malware phones etc. One just called knowing things he couldn't possibly know otherwise. following us. Big storm coming in. Need prayers & help. Bless you awesome Sister ❤🙏🏼©️
Dr Ramani, you're so precious. 2 years and a half of no contact and then she reached out like nothing ever happened, 2 years... I'm happy and quite healed, but I still need some reassurance after reading the message, she can't see I visualized, she will never know. It still amazes me how those sick people think they have the right, it's just nonsense
Thank you for all the support
33 months post narc, no contact. Had to move away. Blocked everything, and no social media!! 99% positive he can't get to me. BUT, this video is a good reminder to stay vigilant!!!
I've accepted I have a pretty weird mental set-up. But the one thing I'm truly grateful for is once I emotionally detach, it's permanent. I've tried rehashing one or two old "friendships" with narcissistic people. They tried the same garbage, despite my obvious growth; I saw it for what it was and walked. I didn't take it personally. And I never let them get close enough to do more than hurl insults.
Perhaps I was curious more than hopeful. But my curiosity is now sated; and since they're basically all the same there's no need to beat a dead horse.
Sweeping generalizations are typically my biggest pet peeve. But when it comes to PDs, they all follow the same playbook. It's like they're the same person, just with different faces.
Dr Ramani, positive thoughts sent your way from my heart get well quick, We need you feeling good! 💗 Personally you have been my rock since the last discard!
Suppose the narcissist returns with a civil suit making false claims of "sexual assault?" Can't exactly disengage from that. Using the legal system as her flying monkey. The very PROCESS, (draining our retirement savings with legal fees) is the "punishment" for having called her out on her bullshit. Any suggestions on how to explain narcissistic abuse to a jury? Thanks.
Jesus! I really wish you the best of luck.. Millions of us are wondering the same thing.. how to get the court to even recognize narcissistic abuse without physical violence involved.
The Family Court is the epitome of a Cabal of Malicious Narcissistic Psychopaths all working in unison to enrich themselves directly, by using coercive control to bleed You dry, and leave Your loved ones ripped to shreds, financially, emotionally and physically. You would be uncommonly fortunate to escape their intentions, with any amount of Your sanity remaining intact.
Get a qualified Expert Witness.
I detest fraudulent accusations of sexual violence 🤬
Or study the behavior of other REAL victims who lived and were silenced. They can give non-biased opinions. People of good character are mostly bullied out the workplace. Knowing this...those who remain are all on code. All lie. All get their fix on the job. Hell loves to flex because it has the money and tech support to stalk.
There are UA-cam channels that talk about dealing with narcissists in legal battles.
I have a narcissistic sibling that would always tantrum during any happy moment in my life, make a scene, and then gaslight others into thinking that I instigated something. Anytime I got hoovered back in with her, anything happy that had happened *without her* was ripped apart. She made absolute sure that I had no happy memory of anything, ever. Even simply telling her that I had a good day would be enough to make her rage and ruin whatever made that day happy for me. Family vacations and outings were impossible. She also hacked my social media accounts when she found out I got engaged. My parents were usually the flying monkeys that got me hoovered back in; so when I went no-contact with the narcissist, I had to go no-contact with them, too, and that’s the part that hurt the most.
Aww you sound poorly Dr Ramani, please get better soon 🙏🏻 and thank you so much for all your help and hard work ... peace and love from the 🇬🇧 💕
I initiated the couples therapy for us. It just validated for my ex-husband how "crazy" I was. I ended up seeing the therapist alone after a while at their request. Which then gave my ex-husband something else to hold against me.
Wifey material 😂
There's a difference between people who are ignorant of healthy interpersonal dynamics and people who are abusive.
Ignorant people can be educated and after better understanding go on to change their thinking and behaviours.
Practice Makes Progress 👍