Should You Cancel Your Engagement?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 15 лип 2024
- Elizabeth addresses if a woman should go through with her wedding despite discovering her fiancé's porn addiction during marriage prep. Elizabeth offers compassionate advice on navigating this difficult situation, exploring the essential aspects of engagement, and the importance of freedom in marriage. If you're facing similar challenges or need guidance on engagement and marriage, this video is for you.
Are you ready for marriage? Check out Next Step: A Course for Discerning Marriage: tobinstitute.kartra.com/page/...
Get Elizabeth's ebook "10 Questions to Ask at the Beginning of Your Relationship" for free: tobinstitute.kartra.com/page/...
00:00 Question
01:02 This Is Scary
02:01 What Do You Vow to In Marriage
04:19 If You DON'T Feel Free
05:33 If You DO Feel Free
06:49 Would It Actually Be Easier?
08:41 Being Catholic Doesn't Divorce Proof You
10:29 Seek the LORD
============================================
🔥 Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body: www.tobforfree.com/
🎤 Check out the Ask Christopher West Podcast where Christopher and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom. It's available on all streaming platforms. askchristopherwest.com/
⚡️ Click the link to join our Patron Community! Your monthly gift helps us continue to put out the message of Theology of the Body to the world. Thank you! www.tobpatron.com/
📚 Want to attend a course at the Theology of the Body Institute online or in person? Click the link to view our schedule: tobinstitute.org/programs/tob...
📍 We might be coming to a city near you! Check out our Made for More event schedule: tobinstitute.org/live-events/
🏔️ Want to join us on one of our pilgrimages? Click here: tobpilgrimages.com/
🛍️ Check out our store! shop.corproject.com/
🌟 For professional Catholic Life Coaching, including Porn Recovery: www.stevemotylcoaching.com/
============================================
Social Media:
📸 TOBI Instagram: / tobinstitute
🟦 Facebook: / tobinstitute
📸 Christopher's Instagram: / cwestofficial
🟦 Christopher's Facebook: / cwestofficial
📸 Discerning Marriage Instagram: discerningm...
This is 100% good advice. I know from personal experience.
Yes! I have seen people in my life go through the same - not with the porn addiction specifically but with going through with the wedding even though they had hesitations.
We also should have said and asked, how deep is his addiction? And how long? That MATTERS
Just did two weeks ago. 😢
I was in a situation where I felt obligated to marry my now ex-husband. I am Protestant and did not know any of these teachings at the time. I did pray for God to do something to stop the wedding from happening. I don't know your situation, but I hope you feel peace with the decision to end your engagement. I did not have the nerve to end it for many of the reasons described in this video.
How are you feeling? I am wanting to end things but I am so afraid of mine and his pain.
@@strawberrysmile2212 part of me wants to die and part of me knows I dodged the biggest bullet of my life
@@strawberrysmile2212I had to break my engagement due to a serious reason that I found out once we got engaged . It was painful and teary but I had to do it. It was right thing to do and I asked God foe help. Pain had disappeared with a time and I found a right man to marry. If I could advise is: engagement is NOT a marriage. It’s better to break engagement then later on marriage. It will be painful but pain will go away and now when I look back I can only tell you it was a right decision and I’m happy I took it and did it. Have courage !
This video comes like another sign from God to me. I am in a now 5 year relationship and since two years I want to break up, but in the beginning of that somehow my boyfriend convinced me we fit good together and it's better to be lonely together than lonely alone. But now I just feel so anxious about breaking up, because I really don't want to hurt him. He truly loves me and is so sweet towards me. But on the other side I can't give this love back to him. I tried sooo often but it's just not the right fit. I know I should break up, I really do and I told him, but I just can't do it. Today is another day where I said to myself: Today I will break up. But it is possible that again I will get cold feet. And it really drives me crazy. I already feel the stress in my physical health going down the road (since a few months I suffer reflux and I am only 23 years old). I already talked to so many people, to my spiritual director, to many close friends, to my mother and went to confession so often and talked to priests. God please help me and let me drink this cup.
Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. We're praying for you, sister! Feel free to reach out to Elizabeth directly on Instagram @discerningmarriage
@@TheologyoftheBodyInstitutethank you so much for your support and your prayers! Unfortunately I can't log in in my old Instagram account. Would an email contact be possible?
If something's telling you to break up, I think that means something. I think you wouldn't be constantly questioning it if it was the right relationship for you. Maybe take some time off and if the thoughts continue you may need to end it. From personal experience when I got thoughts like that something really was off about the relationship even though I couldn't consciously identify it at the time because I was blinded by the relationship. You may also feel he is in love with you but there is something about you that is not wanting the relationship to continue, maybe it isn't the love you need. He also shouldn't have to talk you into being in a relationship with him, you should be naturally wanting the relationship for yourself. He probably can sense that something is off and that you are not fully happy. You are young and 5 years is a long time for you have been reflecting on the relationship.
Is someone with a porn addiction able to get married? I don't think someone with a porn addiction is free and faithful. In my opinion he could not marry because he could not promise fidelity and he does not own himself. You are saying we need to be free and faithful for the marriage to be valid.
Thank you for this video. Would love to hear more about what entering into a marriage freely looks like.
Thank you for watching and for the suggestion!
Elizabeth, I love your videos, and I look forward to each new one that comes out! I especially appreciate how they integrate so often and so thoroughly both the sacramental and the clinical sides of dating/relationships/marriage..."grace builds on nature," and all that. Please keep up your very fine work. Through the intercession of Pope St John Paul II, may God continue to bless you and everyone at the TOB Institute!
Thank you for the positive feedback. God bless you, brother! Feel free to reach out to Elizabeth directly @discerningmarriage on Instagram.
Be careful with therapists….some encourage pornography use and may tell him it’s ok once it isn’t “too much”. Instead, he needs to go to his priest for confession and guidance to stop it. They both need to cling to their faith and help each other become closer to God. I know someone who used to watch pornography before marriage and just stopped cold turkey because he loved his spouse. He doesn’t even allow himself to look at images or even at immodestly dressed women (he averts his eyes). He loves God before all else.
This couple need to deep dive to see how much they love each other and God to determine if they should get married. If he has intense shame and a deep faith, they can work through it! If he is lukewarm (or even if she is lukewarm), they need to break it off. Pornography is damaging. The horror stories of marriages destroyed is enough for this to be viewed the same way as adultery.
The marriage is presumed valid until the Church declares it invalid after careful scrutiny.
Honestly, I would break the engagement off if she was not as firm and agreement with me about not divorcing and working through all our problems together with each other instead of being against each other.
Exactly he shouldn’t marry her. She’s so young psychologically she won’t be able to handle real marriage. He needs to face his demons but she hasn’t even recognized she has anything about herself to repair.
it's easy to make excuses and say she would be at fault for leaving, but in a marriage that's open to life where children will be involved, they will follow suit. kids see everything, and imitate everything, whether you want them to know or not. it's something that needs to be addressed before any true intimacy should even be considered.
@@love...leah.Yep. For us Catholics we must be with another Catholic, no divorce, and no excuses for infidelity and not openly communicating and discussing things as adults do.
Genuinely asking because I’m trying to make sure I understand your perspective- you’re saying that if in the course of considering the possibility of marriage, if it comes out that either partner is already acting unfaithfully prior to that commitment, both partners need to concede and deal with it?
I agree that if it came out once the marriage had already been fulfilled, the couple needs to work through it together. But prior to making that commitment and being joined together, it seems wise to consider the cost and determine if the other person is going to be faithful as well. Entering into that relationship with the knowledge that one partner is actively emotionally cheating seems like poor planning on both ends.
@@SavvyArtzIf there is cheating before the engagement or marriage in the relationship then it will not stop in marriage either and the wise thing to do is end it as there’s no excuse for it. But if it happens in a marriage, then I don’t believe in divorce myself but could leave as it’s justified grounds to do so.
He brought it up because he’s being honest. Now he’s being punished? Be careful getting advice from other people about what’s good. This UA-camr seems very psychologically young. I also think the person who asked this question is too naive and immature to get married.
I think she's on point.😀
@@LeoneGalante ironically Paul said marriage is for people struggling with lust. Someone who’s so naive to not understand what boys are facing with the demon of lust as Ai generates more loving and compassionate sudo wives. This guy is the only honest one in the situation everyone else is so blind to their own sin they can’t see that the fiancé is being brave by facing his sin. The girl and the yiutuber can’t even see they have any. Immaturity squared
@@BryanKirchstop excusing lust. If this is a teenager struggling with porn, so be it. But this is a man called to lay down his life for the woman he loves. It’s not punishing him for being honest; it’s recognizing that he’s not ready to enter into the sacrament
@@BryanKirchif a man can’t bring himself to not look at naked ai women, then he should evaluate what he won’t be able to do after he’s married
@@TonyHarrington25 yes that’s exactly why Paul said people struggling with it should marry. Have you read the Bible?