Should I End My Engagement Because of This?
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- Опубліковано 14 вер 2020
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Nope too much work I’ll move on
Ending an engagement is MUCH EASIER than a divorce. Trust me on that!
I’m very thankful for never having gotten married.
Better to be single than to wish you were single
100%
She can just swap the dude out for another. Women can do that since they are on the winning side of the dating world.
AB..SO..F-ING...LOOTLY.
I learned that the HARD way.
We had to do six weeks of pre-marriage counseling in my church. We had to discuss finances, children, faith, we even had to discuss debt. I think most people spend more time planning the wedding than they do the marriage.
🔥🔥🔥
best decision you could make hands down 🙌
Same for us, we didn't shy away from the hard topics such as finance and politics and sought advice from mature christian couples. I agree with you people spend too much time talking and planning for 1 day but not as much for what is suppose to be a lifetime commitment
Smart couple
Happy marriage
Happy life.
How does this only have 61 likes?
If you need to call a radio show to ask "is this a red flag" then you already have your answer. Follow your gut. You clearly know the right answer.
This so 👍
Agreed. Yet I enjoyed the advice and believe if they follow it they will be glad they did. Everyone should have someone give them this little talk.
I guess you can say that for each and every single one of the callers' question especially those baby step 2 calls. So should he cancel his show? Probably not considering you are hear listening with so many others.
@@davef6337 100 percent agreed. How many people get pre marital counselling? I am guessing more people opt to more in together instead of getting the kind of counselling that Dave was suggesting.
Some people just need the push in confidence
"He's A Free Spirit!"
Set him free.
That’s a good one!
😂🤣😂🤣
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽💀🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 for real! That’s what I did to my ex…. He messed up his money, and he wanted to mess up mine. I got rid of him. He had to go! He didn’t want no financial responsibility with anyone, 42 talking about he wanted to be in the music industry 😐 I found out he had no diploma and no degree. Unbelievable! He lied about everything! He had a plan alright…. a plan to use me. He wanted me to struggle and weather the storm and he didn’t see a future with me.
He wanted to use me and he winded up having a family behind my back and was living with a woman 30 minutes away from me. He moved her from the Bronx to NJ and I felt her energy, it was the weirdest thing. But when I put him out God revealed all my assumptions about him. He wanted to be a little kid and not be a man. Im soooooooooooo glad I saw the light early and ended it before I turned 30. He planned on wasting my time.
Good one. 😄But in practice not helpful. Listen to good council.
Yeah too true
Never marry someone while hoping they will change. Maya Angelou nailed it when she said "When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them."
I learned this on practice unfortunately. this is so so true. don’t ever expect a person to become something else. expecting and dreaming is gonna hurt more...
I love maya.
Stereotypical female behavior. Get real. You can't change people and shouldn't waste your time trying.
Is he going to want to keep travelling?
We have been engaged over 2 years, I said I could wait on the engagement ring...
...BIG mistake. Still waiting, SO no wedding in the future...EVER....he has
shown his priorities.
It was his loss!
Girl holding giant red flag: “Is this a red flag?”
lol...right?
They both need to read Jordan Peterson. He needs to grow up & she needs to communicate and help him mature.
@@katrinaumana2127 agreed
@@katrinaumana2127 which book by Jordan Peterson?
😂😂😂🤣🤣
So, she spent her 20’s getting an education. He spent his 20’s traveling and partying. 🤔 Very different priorities.
agree, but after all what would you expect from Chad/Tyron?
Traveling, back packing, playing, and 'using' folk.
she feels superior to him.. deep down she likes that feeling otherwise she'd be chill about it and go with the flow.
They are not compatible at all
He also got an education, and travel isn't worthless.
Tell him we'll get married as soon as your debt is gone.
PROBLEM SOLVED.
But put a date on it. Also if you have to put 20% down what is he going to do? For me I had debt and my now wife didn’t. She paid the down payment I paid more on the mortgage for the first 5 years.
@Canned Nolan
That sounds like a good old-fashioned negotiation!
Cool!
Way cool.
Right
No, he has to want to do it for himself not for her and not just to maker her happy. At this point she has marriage to hold over his head. what's she going to use next time?
@@warwagon so true. He can always get more debt.
She will take on 100% of his debt, and he will walk away with 50% of her assets after the divorce. Don’t do it, Girl! Run!
Right!!!! 🏃♀️
@abnattitude typical.
Gosh haha this sounds familiar
@@Oddbisket what do you mean? Haha he’s got a point
Right
“It’s very clear he expects me to put the 20% down”.....omg....RUN 🏃♀️
Elianah YES!!! They clearly don’t have the same values or ideas of the kind of live they want to live.
Engaged Man: 'It's very clear the SHE expects me to put the 20% down"
All women and DAVE: He needs to man up!! Pay the down payment as well as HER debts.
Why? What's the issue in that. Assuming there isn't huge disparity in their income.
Double standard
@@elmoomle4565 it sounds like these two are grown adults and are both working. A home purchase ideally would be a joint effort. They should both contribute to a large purchase as it sets the tone for their relationship. Doesn’t have to be equal but it should be shared. One person shouldn’t “ expect” another to do anything. That’s not a partnership. Like I said, run.....
Don't marry a liar. Period. It won't end well.
So don't marry then? Cause everyone lies
I agree.
@@RJ12347 I don't think you'll ever find someone who hasn't lied before but I do believe you can have a relationship that has such good communication that lying doesn't occur.
Tell Hillary that
@@morganccosner9891 Yes if a couple can sit down together and express their concerns beforehand, they can accomplish so much together.
I wouldn't recommend marriage at this time. They are already arguing about money before marriage, it will be a disaster.
I don't recommend marriage in general
@@riverdaletales8457 👎👎👎
@@nick624179 most marriages end up in divorce
@@riverdaletales8457 everyone will die at some point, should still make something out of life
@Geli Productions thanks for the advice
The fact that "end my engagement" is already a conversation just ... over ma'am.
This🔥
YES
So.. She's single now? 😏
@@webfreakz savage
@@MrRelmonte I'm thirsty. Can't help it!
She knows deep down.....
Atty. Johnny Sins Personal Finance Lol you bad for that 😅
Ya she sounds like she already made up her mind and is seeking validation
Indeed. Her gut is a talkin.
You’re right, I knew deep down!
She does
Tons of debt AND he wants her to pay for fancy house on both of their names? Wow what a catch!
Not so sought after when the woman is the one doing this, huh? Men do this and it's seen as expected. Stop the madness.
@@lordjael found incel
Ok. @@launchpad53
@@lordjael Society expects a lot from men. Very little from women.
@@GDuncan8002- No, men expect little from women, or so the loud mouths say, but society expects accountability for all humankind from women.
Shouldn’t they have talked about this before starting to build a house.
Yes
Yes
She was initially attracted to him because of his free spirit, now she's annoyed with him because she can't change him into a simp.
There comes a time when you have to grow up.
G E you MUST be a guy
Those aren't red flags, those are reasons to not marry.
nailed it!
She doesn't appear worth it anyway😂
44 thousand is from student loans.
It appears that she thought his debt was simply from student loans too....
He obviously has a career as well, that they could simply buckle up and work through.
However her expectations seems a bit high, or there are too many red flags.
When in doubt, just throw it out...
Low Tolerance Level He was not forthcoming about his debts.
FAAAAAAAACT
Her problem is that she is now holy than thou since she paid off her loans and is looking at him as a burden. You have to give him time to change his financial ways too. 36 years of one mindset towards money can't be changed overnight. I don't think he should marry her
When my wife and I got married I was so ashamed to admit to her I had $10k on a credit card. $100k is just bananas.
Depends on the size of the shovel. For a surprising many $100k debt could easily be cleared inside of 1 year with a little discipline.
@@burropoco if the guy spent spent lot of time backpacking then his job might not be great. She could clear it being a doctor obviously, but that might cause more resentment.
I don’t understand lies.
It’s all relative.
My bet is that you have no debt now and are doing great.
When my husband and I married in 1986 after dating 4 years, he insisted we pay off my tuition debt immediately. He scrimped and saved his $ through HS and college, and paid it off in one lump sum. He said it was the best $600 he ever spent. Yes, I said six hundred dollars!
Rule of thumb, do not marry anyone that according to you has red flags. People are not perfect and we can appreciate someone else's flaws, but a red flag is something that is already telling you to not go for it.
...At this time. If he eagerly and earnestly wants to change, then she should let him.
John jump in here 😂
Lol
HAHAHA DAVE GOT STUCK ON THIS 🤣
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
I was scrolling through and read this as he said it 🤣🤣🤣
@@edisinmedicine5512 the same 🤣🤣🤣
"He accrued his debt though travel, backpacking and playing". Sounds like he's looking for a Sugar Mama to take care of him.
There is a double standard. A female could do the same then become a stay at home parent
Long hair hippy people --- need not apply !!!
She called it playing before Dave could call it playing. We're only getting one side of the story and truncated at that. So many details we don't know.
I had a partner who really wanted to buy a house. He was a free spirit who had no savings, worked minimally, refused to work more, and wanted everything high end. Dumped him hard and fast. Rather have a humble home than someone using me. She is being used.
It’s not just the debt. Both my husband and I had debt when first married, but we were both on the same page before saying “I do” and paid off every credit card and student debt our first two years of marriage.
YOU GO GIRL I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT
Challenges (like debt) are not the problem. How we handle it is the problem...or solution. You handled it right. Congrats.
How much debt is a key factor!
Amazing. It's the commitment to everything and being proactive about it as a team.
Thank you! I was just telling my single friend this. You have to get someone with the same views as you and mindset. You cant make someone change so get someone who's on the same mindset. My husband and I have been over to overcome alot of issues just because we have very similar views. You can only go so far with people who are on a different path.
Say it with me kids: Have financial conversations BEFORE you think about getting engaged.
They aren’t on the same page, not even close. Dave, as always nails it on the head, the issue is reflected in the money. It’s not about the money.
This is the truth ☝️
THIS!
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Yesssss!!!
Excellent point
I just can’t get my head around people who commit to the Bank first before committing to each other.
Stop! Do not pass go, and do not collect this mans debt. For him to assume your the one paying the 20% down payment while he picks out high end items shows you he is the type to look like a million bucks but have to have sleep for dinner. Get out. He lacks responsibility/accountability.
Sleep for dinner LOLLLLL
This guy went backpacking and is now asking his future wife to flip a giant bill? This guy sounds weak minded. Find a better man.
Bigger question is when did he do the backpacking lol. Hes 36 and still backpacking? If he did that 10 years ago how has he paid off zero debt
Just no. Don’t get married. He will destroy you financially.
Marry me, I have no debt and will let you support me.
If you're unsure about marrying someone DON'T
Have fun with him but no legal contracts
Why do people always overlook the lies, or downplay the lies? It’s betrayal, it kills trust, it sets you up for a life of questioning.
The fact that he hid that is a red flag, run away while you can! The fact that he expects her to put all the 20% is also a red flag, this guy sounds immature, I would run!
yeah he sounds like he is using her as a way to pay off his debts and to live a rich lifestyle with no effort.
@@Big-Government-Is-The-Problem, He sounds like the average women... Lol.
@@andrewmattox1233 when you grow up you'll learn that stereotypes aren't always true or even generally true because people are *individuals* with different pasts shaping their different values. Grow up.
@@laur-unstagenameactuallyca1587, I'm not using "Stereotypes". I just look at Divorce Court data, and information from the US Department Of Commerce... Lol. Are you suggesting the Divorce Court Laws, and the US Department of Commerce are "stereotyping".
Women spend 80% to 90% of all money in the US.
I.E. Women spend 4 to 10 times more than men do.
*this is not a Stereotype... this is real world data.
@@laur-unstagenameactuallyca1587 many stereotypes are based on reality. its an objective fact that women generally want a provider. 10's of thousands of years of evidence exist to show that, and plenty of modern studies. women, even rich women typically aim for a man of even higher status, while men on the other hand are lucky to get a mate and will generally settle with a woman of lower economic status.
very few billionaire or millionaire women are marrying dead beat lazy men with no job and 10's of thousands in debt.
men on the other hand regularly marry women and fully support the woman being a stay at home person, even if they dont have kids.
gold diggers exist and thats just a fact.
its not like its a bash on women, its a perfectly rational and logical survival strategy. why work for 12 hours a day in the coal mine when you can find a man to provide money for you? it makes perfect sense.
Girl, just walk away. This is a long, drawn out lecture that can be summed up by saying you have different priorities and you should go your separate ways.
But if this was the other way around, the man would've have been asked to step up..lol
gilbert martinez hardly.
gilbert martinez Why are there so many misogynists on this channel?!?
Cristian Cepeda Not if the woman had lied. Dave has told men to hit the brakes on marriage when their parents aren’t honest.
@@justmydeals equalists. Not misogynists. On numerous occasions Dave gives gender biased advice based on chivalry. He frequently tells women their husband should man up, get two jobs, and pay her student debt while she becomes a stay at home mom. Never have i seen him tell a woman to pay her man's student loans
Expecting equality between men and women is not misogyny
Red flag 🚩he says to her “YOU put down 20%.”
I thought the same thing.
~100k total debt. ~44k of student loans = ~56k of farting around. If you think you can change someone who financed ~56k in farting around, you’re crazy.
Wow. Pre-marital counseling sounds like it should be REQUIRED of people thinking about getting married!
In a perfect world that and some type of parenting classes for people thinking of having kids together.
It is required in some states.
@@Ratkill9000 What states require classes for marriage?
Not required. I am pro-choice. Premarital counseling is a very good idea.
@@Ratkill9000 Is that true? What state?
I like how Dave is PRO marriage, PRO good relationships and using good rationale. Heart AND brain combined.
Yes, but he is not pro men.
@@porcudracului 😆
If it looks like a red flag, if it sounds like a red flag, and you're calling it a red flag - it's a red flag, unfortunately.
Backpacker free spirit wants high end when SHE pays for it
Sounds to me like she's already out the door with this relationship. I'm less than a year away from being debt-free (yeehaw!!) and I am single. If I was completely debt-free and had a partner who revealed that he had double the debt that he had originally told me, and he wasn't concerned about it....I would give the relationship a second thought, too.
She totally is. She is nearly 40 and has lived with debt for >20 years. Now that she has finally made the decision to do something about it, the fact that he hasn't makes her wanting to end the engagement. Up till now, they were both in debt largely due to school (though notice how she chose to focus on the travelling) and both in the same situation. This is just an excuse for her to leave.
She secured her future and now views him as a potential liability. Can't say I blame her....I'd do the same thing.
They are not a match personality wise. She a type A but he isn't even on the alphabet list.
He's type alpha or sigma
LOOOOL
I'm not saying they are a great match, but she is probably attracted to his more laid back type. She probably doesn't want to be with another uptight Type A. The heart wants what the heart wants.
Ended a relationship similar to this but it was the lady who was the “free spirit”. Dodged a bullet and ended up marrying a dr. The other lady moved to LA and is still partying at 29.
You dodged bullettsss!!!
You both dodged a bullet. She got to live the life she wanted and didn’t marry a stick in the mud.
What? Still partying at the advanced old age of 29?! 😂
@@katellaI was finishing medical school and beginning residency at 29 so he’s drawing a contrast. Also I had 3 kids already. So yah, partying.
Usually the free spirit is good in the bedroom! Women never marry the boring guy in the cubicle!
They will definitely Divorce in less than a year.
@NurturingTalents that actually depends a lot on the state, for both debt and assets. Ask me how I know.
She wants approval from Daddy Dave to end it. Love it.
From someone who's been thru it:
Ask yourself what other secrets he is keeping, or will keep from you in the future.
He's not the one hon.
Like you are honest about the people you slept with. Everyone lies.
savagedragon79 Would you lie about having a kid, about having 100k+ in debt. That’s malicious
@@5000MikeMaster you must be new here. Like I said everyone lies.
If you would lie about that to your wife. I feel sorry for her. Best to be honest with your partner about something as big as that.
@@savagedragon79 , No , not everyone. Stay away from a liar, they will be nothing but trouble.
If someone asks if they should end an engagement - they already have.
I love what Ramsey said. Money doesn't matter. What it is exposing is that you value different things and have different dream and a different way of looking at the future
Yep
i would leave him ,i was married to a person who did not think about money like i did and it was miserable. couple of months after finally being divorced she called me asking questions on how to make a budget.
Seriously!!?
Wow ! I didn’t think having a different mind on money was such an issue, but it really is. I can se wit when I date. It’s a completely different mindset on money & lifestyle. My ex wanted loads of debt for the flashy house where I wanted debt free house.
Considering that I am only three years away from retirement, it becomes challenging for me to solely concentrate on the long-term perspective. Despite having invested in reputable companies and having a significant amount of funds allocated, my profits have been stagnant. This situation raises the question: Does the current recession and unstable market offer any calculated risk opportunities for generating profits?
i need a supporter...
I am going to look her up, I have about $81k
Thanks for the efforts you put in these. I found her
She's looking for a reason to leave the relationship. Why is she even asking other than looking for approval?
She's basically saying she spent money to build herself up, and he messed around and she's wanting to end it.
Some people already know it in their heart. They just want confirmation that what they’re doing is right.
True!
I agree. Finding an excuse to leave.
She doesn't want to inherit his DEBT AND he lied about it. He's putting NOTHING in the house but wants high-end fixtures 😂😂😂. This has nothing to do with her thinking she's more
@@cassietheboss9211 When you're married, it's both of your debt. For better or worse.
Since they didn't make the vow yet, she's valid in leaving.
The issue I see with people waiting to settle down in their mid-to-late thirties, is that you have already built your own life without another person, and now you are trying to merge two separate, independent lives and trying to make things work. Just my perspective.
Yeah, definitely. I think, this is also where the idea/stereotype that *_children are unbearable burdens that ruin your life!!_* comes from. Often when people are already set in your own "mold," they are not used to (or even willing) to make the necessary compromise required to have forever relationships like a spouse & kids work. Yes, *You will NEVER have things completely 100% your way again*--but you will be a better person for it, i guarentee you 👍
Atty. Johnny Sins Personal Finance I’ve been married for 4 years and I’m 26...
On the flip side if people's identities are completely merged with their family "unit", once that splits up (kids off to college, etc) that's when one spouse can suddenly go a bit nuts, upend things and leave or have an affair. I've seen this firsthand in my own family. I think everyone should aim for a happy medium- learn the necessary life skills and gain a little financial independence on your own first, that way you're ready if the worst happens later in life.
@@lucienlachance390 sure, but not everyone goes through this. Some are better off marrying younger, others want to become financially independent in their 20s and then settle down in their 30s. Not saying its the better option because there are trade-offs for waiting long. However, my husband was 25 and I was 22 when we got married and we are doing just fine. I was not financially independent before marrying. Now we both have careers and are pulling in well over 6 figures income.
Exactly.
Difficult, but she knows deep down what the right answer is.
personally the older I get, the more stories I hear, the more couples I see, the less and less I want to get married.
Im 36 and i love being married. Love it, love it.
It's hard. But sacrificing yourself is good for you. (As long as there is not abuse)
@@melanieb2132 That's great for y'all, not saying it can't be done, but as somebody who's single, seeing the amount of successful relationships vs the amount of relationships that end or continue badly.. it's not a favorable risk/reward. Especially considering how biased divorce laws are in the western world against men.
@@edwardmauer7442 dont marry a feminist, and youll be fine.
It's so sad to me that people dont think marriage is worth it. That's where the jewels of life are.. children, traditions, love, laughter, gardens and home.. im not saying single people dont have a place, but really, money should not be more important than caring for new life, and having a firm foundation of home, love and laughter. Sad how people dont view the world through those glasses. Life isnt about you. People need to find other people that believe that too.
Ain't it sadder how so many people are trapped in unhappy relationships or have to deal with the fallout of unsuccessful ones? I've seen so many lives destroyed from friends and my own family. And that all might be true for you, and great for you that you've found your happiness. But it's wrong to assume that that would make everyone happy / is for everyone as well. Some people (including yours truly) find great joy in unhinged freedom. Why do you say that life isn't about you? You could make your life about you if that's what you desire. As long as you aren't harming anyone else, what's so wrong about that?
He wasn't transparent because you all were dating. Once you became engaged, he laid all the cards out on the table. He definitely should have brought this up when you started getting serious about marriage, prior to the engagement. We don't have the whole story here especially in an 8 minute video. If you're unhappy with his hand of cards, break it off and move on. If it's something you both are willing to work through, then stay together. If you don't work together, your marriage will fail.
Discussing these things when dating can save a lot of time for both people. That way situations like this caller has can be avoided.
But shouldn’t this have been discussed before engagement though? Sounds like she’s already invested a significant amount of time to just walk away. I think once it became apparent that they were heading down the path to marriage, conversations about finances, reproducing, religion, etc. should take place before a ring is produced because she may just say yes to not embarrass him.
I disagree with the first part of your comment. It’s totally unfair to withhold that information until after engagement. I disclosed my debt situation to my then-boyfriend as soon as I knew it could be serious. I then got out of debt by myself without his help. I felt it was only fair to disclose my situation to him and resolve it on my own before we took the relationship further. He had no debt and I imagined how I would feel if the roles were reversed and he didn’t tell me. It would have been a dealbreaker.
GentlRebel I co-sign this. It’s like waiting to tell someone you don’t want to have children until you get engaged. She’s 36 so she probably feels more invested to go ahead than if she were 26.
This is why I'll never understand dating. All you're doing is fronting in hopes of getting laid. Boring!
She was just looking for someone to give her permission to run. She wanted them to tell her she was right and he's wrong and run.
Stay Single.
Yea, this, so much easier! May not always be as enjoyable, but overall less stressful and you don't have to worry about anyone taking all your assets in a divorce!
After I broke up with my fiancee I realised that being single is 90% less stressful then being in a relationship not to mention you don't have a ball and chain following your every movement
👍👍👍👍
Break up, you already have given the biggest why - he’s not trust worthy
Caller: My wife is sleeping with another man.
Dave: Sell the car.
😅🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂
Fools make a mock at sin.
That is funny. Sounds like the Dave I know but most of the time Dave is spot on with his advice. I got one for you.
Caller: I bought a dog two years ago and all he does is eat and sit around the house.
Dave: He sounds like a deadbeat. If he doesn't find a job in 24hr kick him out.
@@keyboardDell Dog: My parents refuse to drive me to work, I'm about to be homeless. Dave: Beans and kibble, kibbles and beans.
Going into marriage $100k behind is a huge red flag.
You'd have to be bat-s*** crazy to plan a house build with someone to whom you're not married.
You're 36yo, end the relationship now and move on. Sorry, it's over.
she is getting older and is probably desperate to find someone and settle down and have kids, but yes clearly he seems like the wrong choice.
@@Big-Government-Is-The-Problem Yea, she's already hit the wall.....and she knows it.
@@Engagenumberone yep
@@Big-Government-Is-The-Problem women keep pushing good men because they were not good enough when they are young and beautiful but as soon as they see the reality closing in, then its marry marry , settle, you are not good enough to commit , etc b.s
Look at the divorce stats, marriage means nothing.
Was he lying about his debt... or was he so disorganized that he just didn't know?
Either way he's irresponsible Ultimate Red Flag! Some people just don't understand how money works but if she's been doing it for so long and he hasn't gotten motivated to do that himself that's concerning.
"Just thought to mention I have double the debt I originally said I did. Another thing, You don't like to watch America's Most Wanted, do you?" If I were her I would drop this guy like a live grenade.
😒😒
Eh. I’m not sure it’s salvageable, his debt is due to irresponsible spending. The finishes he wants in a home are additional examples of irresponsible spending. He has already misled her about his debt and who knows what else. It will just continue.
If he hasn’t matured by 36, it’s unlikely he ever will.
Best comment
In my experience, listening to one side never tells the whole story. She could be upset and describe it as “backpacking”. In his explanation, he could have volunteered to build villages in 3rd world countries. Not saying that’s true, just saying two people can tell the same story different ways. Also, I don’t think she was saying he only just completed his backpack journey. It was in his twenties when people are notoriously irresponsible. She also says he has student loan debt and mentions her parents purchased her Dave’s financial program, so it sounds like she has a family with solid financial principals, meaning they are likely reasonably well off and she didn’t necessarily have to pay for school all by her lonesome. He could be a useless deadbeat or he could be doing the best he can with the hand he’s been dealt. We don’t know. Also, she never clarified if they had sat down together and looked at their debt or if she just assumed. That being said, if his debt makes her want to call off the engagement, then she should question whether she really cares enough to get married
@@shalombereshiyth I think if he were building villages, she would have shared that information. Certainly, that is something to be proud of. He has different views of money and hasn’t been honest about his debt. That’s a dealbreaker for me. I’m not marrying anyone and taking on their debt load.
@@patti9339 I’m purposefully giving crazy scenarios because my point is that no one could possibly give comprehensive relationship advice based on this short snippet from only one point of view. My point is we don’t know what happened and when they asked if he actually lied to her, she didn’t clearly respond. He could be useless. He could be a liar. But from helping friends with relationship questions, I never get the full picture by only hearing one side. But the problem is that one person will give their perspective (not maliciously but humanly) and get advice based on that. I agree with Dave’s advice though, they need a good sit down with honest, respectful level setting.
So incredibly important to be on the same page when it comes to finance. Money issues are among the most cited reasons for divorce, and if they're not close to 100% lock step, they're going to have challenges.
For real! That’s what I did to my ex…. He messed up his money, and he wanted to mess up mine. I got rid of him. He had to go! He didn’t want any financial responsibility with anyone, 42 talking about he wanted to be in the music industry 😐 I found out he had no diploma and no degree. Unbelievable! He lied about everything! He had a plan alright…. a plan to use me. He wanted me to struggle and weather the storm and he didn’t see a future with me.
He wanted to use me and he winded up having a family behind my back and was living with a woman 30 minutes away from me. He moved her from the Bronx to NJ and I felt her energy, it was the weirdest thing. But when I put him out God revealed all my assumptions about him. He wanted to be a little kid and not be a man. Im soooooooooooo glad I saw the light early and ended it before I turned 30. He planned on wasting my time.
Interesting
If you are 36 and don't know whether a relationship is good for you or not then you should rethink getting married in general. Mid to late 30s is a critical point of life. It is when you really start realizing you have to live your life with intent and purpose and plan for your life after retirement
With finances being one the main reasons for divorce, going into a marriage without being on the same page in that regard is a recipe for disaster.
Very hard for the long haul to marry someone with different financial values. I would definitely advise waiting. Have personally lived this situation and it was like an anchor tied around my ankle. Do not build the house!
This young lady is so very SMART...I believe she needed confirmation from Dave, in which Dave and Ken gave great fatherly advice. But, I think I would let him know that if he will not pay off 50% off of
His own debt, then there's no marriage or house together. I believe he was not transparent on purpose, and knew she would have no debt soon, and that he would take advantage of this situation.
4:55 “It’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message.”
-Joker
She never answered the question: was she operating on her assumptions or did he lie to her?
She kind of did. She assumed he was as focused on debt repayment as her but he also wasn’t as forthcoming or honest about the amount or his approach. Communication lacking by both by the sounds of it.
I think he white lied
Considering how many times I've heard people call in and we find out they have thousands in debt that they don't consider debt, and he didn't think the debt was a big deal or worth mentioning, it sounds like assumptions were made. One of those "Instructions unclear..." moments.
I agree. When she said she thinks "a little of both" when they asked if he lied or she assumed, there isn't a "little" of both. It's either he lied to you or not.
I'm guessing she was just assuming his student loan debt was the only debt he had but didn't ask about anything else. Then after they got engaged, she learned about the other debt.
I'm also guessing that once she learned about the rest, she's stir crazy about finishing off hers and is looking down on him for his debt.
Not saying his debt is justified, just that she's painting a picture that may not be accurate
Is she single now?? She seems like a very smart and great women.
If she was 5-10 years younger it'd be easier for her. At 36, she probably doesn't want to go find a new relationship. If she wants kids and ends this one, then she's pushing out the timeline to perhaps having a kid at 40+ or never.
@@tenningale She's already advanced maternal age. Either she settled for the first man she found with a job, or she will be childless.
If I was her i’d just leave him. If it was the other way around everyone here would be saying the same to leave her. If you men wouldn’t want a woman with all that debt we we don’t want it either.
Darn right. The difference is that men don't usually sign up for a marriage under the delusion that the other party will change.
His mishandling of money and lying etc is an outward expression of an inward spiritual condition. Run sister!
"John, jump in here" . . . hahaha!!! Go Dave!
You don't need to marry him 🙃 Sounds like you do very well for yourself. He is still a boy. She probably feels rushed cause she is 36.
36 years old and 100k in debt at what point would he expect to retire
Lying by Omission is still a lie, due to shame, guilt and fear internally in the mind.
This is pretty close to my marriage story. This guy isn’t going to change. He’s going to always spend and she will always be frustrated and maybe even grow bitter towards him. This is exactly like my husband who is also 36 and already stuck in his ways. She’s too responsible for him. She’s too ahead of the game for him. Eventually she will turn into his mother!! Ugh!
Can't blame the guy if she is stupid enough to marry him. She saw the signs and could have married someone who is responsible like her...
If you're that worried now, it will never get better.
“I paid off my debt in six weeks.” 🙄 okay so you didn’t have that much debt sis.
Lol that’s not a bad thing. She also has a PhD, so maybe she make quite a bit of money.
I took it to mean she is six weeks out from paying her debt off, not that it only took six weeks.
Seems more like some communication issues here.
He's not ready! You are not on the same page. He's on the free spirit page, you are on the financial page. Proceed cautiously!
Hes bad boy exciting not husband material
I was kinda hearing she was putting the money on the house, and he's spending it on fancy upgrades.... and she's worried he won't financially help pay for it all.
I can so relate to her. I find it hard to respect what I consider, irresponsible actions.
Agreed
Another good question to ask each other before you get married is "What are you expecting of me".
She's talking about him like he's a child. I can imagine how the "conversations" went. And Dave makes a good point about him probably not taking the debt as seriously as she does, it's not unusual for people to do that when they're single and they're only accountable to themselves. These two need serious premarital counseling, and I'm speaking from experience.
Interesting. Personally I’d be even more paranoid about debt as a single person. If I was sick or lost my job I’d have no one else to lean on in tough times.
I did the pre marital council ing, put her through college, she decided I was no fun, left me ,wanted cash! Yup, she OD. Gone at 39. Take note guys! Do not enter into a contract with someone who gets paid to break it! Single for me till I die!
Ending your relationship now is a cheaper option than a bankruptcy or divorce. Do not pursue the house. Put it on hold until the relationship issues are settled
For the age of both I don't think it's salvageable !
I’m curious how these two even got together in the first place.
Alcohol
He's attractive or she would consider him a creeper.
Brad pitt in Thelma Louise
This sounds like stuff that should prevent an engagement and building a house, why on Earth proceed?! There's no kid, there's no marriage, there's no reason to begin with problems, there are tons of other wonderful potential spouses out there, don't be in a rush.
“You lighten up and he serious’s up.”
Dave nailed it there.
"Can two walk together except they be agreed?" - Amos 3:3
If you are not on the same page on something as significant as finances BEFORE getting married, then it is only going to get harder after!
Either sort it out or dissolve the engagement - for both your sakes.
My advice would be not to go into a marriage with debt ...
It sounds like you have had a fundamental shift in how you live and spend money and he hasn’t. Having different values is a valid reason to end an engagement!
HAPPY TO SEE DAVE BACK!!!!!
Lol he never left.
@@itsdasoundofthepolice6307 i watch his UA-cam channel everyday the day before her was out
What step u on?
Values are different? Nope. She would be marrying someone in hopes that they will exhibit behavior that he has never before exhibited. It is called "marrying someone hoping you can change them."
That’s pretty much a deal breaker because if she marries him you’ll be responsible for his 100,000 in debt. Most marriages end because of financial reasons.
Truth
This is what happens when you do Things out of order and don’t ask the hard questions and seem proper pre-marriage counseling. This is both of their faults. 🤷🏾♀️
I would have liked to know their incomes. She said she was expected to put 20% down and he wanted high end options. But he has a ton of debt that he's not interested in. Bring up a prenup & let's see what happens!
Why do people spend so much time planning a wedding and not planning a marriage ?
"Approach him like you're equals". I love that quote!
So glad I took these steps with my fiance already. I am working hard to be debt free in the next few years before or shortly after we get married!
Good for you
My husband and I had $0 and about $500 in debt when we first met and fell in love. It’s the best thing to start from nothing together and grow financially together.