Everybody hated me and I couldn't leave. This is the sense-memory that haunts me, and from so many different times now that I'm in my 40s. The demand that I stop being myself and be Better.
this. this. thank you. if you ever feel shame for your perception of "rambling", please dont. your gentle nudging of a perspective of a concept from adjacent nuances is a magical unveiling of the inexplicable. you've just been able to verbalize and communicate things i've been unable to even identify/untangle let alone communicate to my psych team. i survived a stroke 2.5 years ago age 51, which blessed me with a level of support that would otherwise have likely been unobtainable to me. im dx ADHD CPTSD PTSD self id AUTIST. or as i self refer "Sparkley AF" i make sense out of my new special interest as a pile up of unaddressed burnout tsunami. thank you again. you are WINNING
Non-autistic traumatized people need to stop mixing up the presentations and symptoms of the autism and cptsd because in my opinion they end up pushing this narrative that autism can be healed along with the trauma. This is damaging and traumatizing in itself, especially when Autism Speaks still exists. Anyway thanks for the video. My partner and I both have cptsd and just started Pete Walker's book. Despite wanting and being ready to work on my cptsd, I am the only autist in the relationship and I am already feeling on guard for the kind of "trauma-informed" invalidation of my autism that seems to come from everywhere since I found out I was autistic. I'm going to take from the book what I can but I wish there was more literature by autistic people so we can address things like cptsd "our way" without all the baggage that non-autistic people bring to therapy that doesn't work for us autists.
I couldn't agree with this more. I am of the opinion if you are entering into the practice of providing therapy you need to be informed about neurodivergent nervous systems. You cannot just throw someone in a bucket and say they are just traumatized. What ends up happening is further traumatization for the person seeking help. Often therapists find that they are not " solving" their clients problems and it makes them feel bad so they drop the client. The client then feels rejected again. And we know that although that rejection sensitive dysphoria is not in the DSM currently, it is a real experience of both people with ADHD and autism. Invalidation can be a part of our lived experience as a Autistic person because we view and experience the world differently. I read Pete Walkers book and think it is helpful for reflection on my experience but it does not take into account my full experience. There are some good tips in his book that I found helpful but his total interpretation is not fully reflective of an Autistic experience of trauma. So you are imo right to be wary.
@@mahatmaghandi4288 autism doesn't need to be healed. Please reread what I said. Trauma can be healed, autism can not, and doesn't need to be. Autistics need to be accepted and supported by our families and loved ones and included in society.
I know it can't, but it would be nice. You're entitled to your opinion, but that doesn't mean that many others(including myself) wish it could be.@@s-nooze
I appreciate hearing your descriptions of your perceptions of your internal and external experiences. I'm nearly 72 years old. Diagnostics have a long way to go. I'm thinking you 're an effective teacher. Thank you. I like DBT.
Bless. As I’m rediscovering myself cptsd has been at the forefront of toxic coping. I pray you’re treating yourself with kindness and navigating life safely.
I'm autistic and i've realized that i am very trauma sensitive to feelings of being wronged, having my freedoms/autonomy violated, or feeling threatened, and the experiences of me being in psychiatric facilities because of manic episodes, especially when, despite how bad my mania was, i was *never* a threat to anyone else, never really tried to hurt anyone, and wasn't even threatening or trying to hurt *my own self*. so i feel like this scummy society just imprisoned me just for a supposed 'crime' of having some mental health issues and needing help just so said scummy society didn't have to deal with me that more than anything has caused a lot of cPTSD in my psyche
Thank you for touching on this! So much of your story is the same of my story! In terms of being diagnosed with cptsd and figuring out there is more ... The chronic dissociation , yes, I relate...I figured out my autism/aspergers from other family members getting diagnosed ...still not formally diagnosed. Then late last year, from 2 of my son's suspecting their own ADHD, I realized that was also a factor. I've done a lot of trauma therapy ...trauma release exercises, yoga, inpatients admissions in a trauma and dissociation program, art therapy, self medication with plant teachers ... I've developed singing, percussive, and dancing skills to cope with my AuDHD-cptsd stuff. I have to live pretty quiet on the whole, now though. It has helped to understand what I'm dealing with in my own body and psyche. I struggle with agoraphobia, social aversion, executive functioning, getting "brain-fried" when I get over my limit in sensory input, being regressive, in terms of maturity, rejection sensitive dysphoria, I still don't drive and I'm 50 yrs old now. I still get waves of shame sometimes, and it's still a tacit thing that I need to chip away at. My functioning is very up and down and my immune system is not the best...having said that I'm pretty grateful for my life and my loved ones. I'm hoping I can work again soon, after years of burn out and trauma recovery. What a journey! Not easy, and yet, the learning curve in recovering and coming to terms is immense. I've read Pete Walkers book, I found it helpful, but like you, I realised I was dealing with other neurodiverse layers on top and underneath the cptsd. I wish I could find a ASD/ADHD trauma therapist, as I've done all the cbt and other trauma therapies but without them understanding my other neurodiversities, it isn't worth my while. On top of that I have the top end IQ stuff, which, even on its own, adds complications and complexities, and the highly sensitive person stuff ...So, I appreciate you sharing ...I completely relate and feel less alone and less not seen, because of it.
For sure we need more therapists trained in neurodivergent people. I like you have tried lots of therapies and none of them seem to really be able to work on the whole of what I deal with. My functioning like yours is very shifting. Hormone cycling being one of my biggest factors I believe. There is a lot of new research coming out about the role of inflammation as a factor in many of the mental and physical struggles of Autistic people and this seems really relevant to me. Looking up what mast cell activation syndromes look like I hit every single category of systems issues. I think my brain and my whole body literally internally gets flooded with Mast cells and makes my symptoms worse. I am trying to reduce inflammation but again..there aren't really any doctors I can find that are looking into this in my area anyway. I hope you can work again if that brings you joy. It is a hard balance to walk. Work without burnout. Thanks for sharing your story and I am glad you relate. It makes.me feel less.alone when people share. I can't really explain this to anyone else and really have them understand.
Trying to identify strains of these episodes and classify them under autism/cptsd or unsure. This is so helpful. Thank you. I first received mh diagnosies 30+ years ago. Recently ADHD and Autism. The autism community is the first community that seems to know more than the mental health professionals who are providing the help. This is not to discredit professionals or communities and this purely a personal probably unqualified opinion. My latest theory is the mh professional only scrapes the surface of autism as it is buried under comorbities. They find symptoms they can relate to disorders. Often valid as many comorbidities but autism lurks beneath. Almost the cause of the cause and mh professionals have much to see through to autism. They have only symptoms to use to identify causes. Autistic therapists may be the holy grail.
It is interesting that Autistic people are said to be mind blind but also know a lot more than allistic people do about how peoples minds work. Both can't be true so it does seem like the limitations in understanding another person fall into the allistic camp. I have benefitted from having a therapist that understands their Autistic self and can relate with me. I understand that so many of the "signs" of Autism are stress behaviors and not representing how a supported Autistic person is. My hope is that some day we all have the support and understanding we deserve as humans of this world.
There is a lot more information on the internet about symptoms for these things now but there is also a lot of misinformation and overlap between various symptoms and conditions. I've been trying to self diagnose and find a definitive label for my issues for years now but still cant be sure of anything. Its hard work. ADHD vs cPTSD in particular do have a lot of overlap with a fundamentally different cause. Nice video!
Lots of overlap. I want to do a video on Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria too because I think this is a factor. I hate the term dysphoria btw but the concept is relevant particularly with people that are ADHD.
I have been diagnosed ADHD since childhood and as an adult was diagnosed with bipolar two, which then changed to bipolar 1 and then generalized anxiety was tacked on top of that….. only recently have I been really starting to question if I’m actually dealing with the same combo as you, autism and cptsd. It’s frustrating to know you need a professionals help to find out what’s wrong but then also feeling like none of the professionals actually can find out what’s wrong bc they don’t know enough about these things. Thanks for speaking about this. It’s vulnerable to share, and I know you probably did so hoping it would help others, and it genuinely is helpful. Keep being you!!! Wish you the best
@@ninaharper2294 Wow.. sounds like you have had a difficult time. Bipolar 1 and 2 are so completely different even from each other! That must be so traumatic to have diagnosis being switched up on you and still not be clear. I think the other thing you mentioned is so true that a lot of psychologist, especially in the US do not even have any or much knowledge about Autism and none about pathological demand avoidance. These things when someone is traumatized can look like other things and treating the wrong thing can be so damaging. It does seem to take us bringing our diagnosis to the professionals but even then sometimes we aren't believed. I am glad you are looking at all your options. Thanks for commenting!
Thank you so much for this video! I have also been through therapists telling me I'm just fine when I know I'm not. I'm figuring out that I have autism, and learning about that and which experiences line up with which cognitive issues is, I think, essential to move forward with healing. Thank you for sharing your experiences!!
Finding a therapist that is also Autistic has been incredibly helpful for processing this stuff. I do not have to explain so much of what I used to have to explain now. I wish you grace on your healing journey.
This is so needed and powerful, I'm gonna take my time with this video and absorb it, haven't really looked into the cptsd or ptsd thing, as a man, we can't talk about that, but I'm gonna look at this , you seem to onto something here.
Okay I know I’m a bit late but this is going to be long, Ever since I was little I felt out of place with myself the world and everyone around me, I grew up in a old household from my grandparents, I had an uncle with schizophrenia and didn’t have my mother I witness verbal abuse neglect and much more bullying and social interaction was more traumatic for me my mother had me for six mothes with lack of stim my dad wasn’t really aways their and he does repeated actions hypervigilent just like me, I was tested for ASD and was skipped I didn’t get support groups or anything I felt out of place with everyone around me, I grew more hate against the world and worry about the worst outcomes school would bring emotional flashbacks where you feel the feeling you felt previously but without isn’t visual or audio, I would have outburst episodes I listen to the same music I aways seek resurgence I feel like the people that are close to me don’t know me or understand or care I feel shame and guilt I hate, I feel like I’m running out of time I don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t go to school dances I avoid the skate park because was beating up and recorded for no reason I was aways cleaning onto my grandma when I was little, I don’t like being tooken advantage gaslight etc, it’s exhausting, people with ASD and obsess over topics same with those with OCD etc, life feels edgy I do get abandonment nightmare, everyone shows trauma differently rather that be seeking help because they feel their running out of time or their fully just done I believe everyone different and we will overlap and also coaxis, I say with my experience sadly it’s a yes I do suffer horrible. Edit mom tried taking me away 10 years later, she’s currently resting from breast cancer.
Oh wow. Same here. Therapy and lot more symptoms instead of space out , thoughts and talks in my head, more shutdowns ( burrito in my bed) more depression and fatique.. more shame more sensitiv because in trauma therapy I learned to be here and not dissoziating.. but to be here is overhelming… burn out
Yup... It takes time to develop the skills to manage all of it and no one ever taught is. It is just uncomfortable living in our bodies and in this world a lot of time.
Hi Christina, I have a specific question. What do you think about the sentence "sometimes this type may also be misdiagnosed as Aspergers syndrome" on p125 , "The flight-freeze hybrid" on p125 of Pete Walker's book? I also experienced bullying at many schools/house moves, and the worst was from my parents. And I have an autism diagnosis from a specialist autism psychiatrist, as well as the symptomology. But that sentence puts me into doubt.
So .. here's my take. Granted I am not a therapist or a psychologist so this is my understanding of nervous systems. Flight, freeze.. really any nervous system response is a normal protective mechanism. If we are linking nervous system response directly to trauma that is flawed. And I think there is some gross categorization that is a part of this book of Nick Walkers. What I experience is that yes .. my nervous system is more easily set off because I am Autistic and the lack of access to tools and support to manage my nervous system responses has led me to cPTSD symptoms where I get into periods of constant disregulation but the core reason for the disregulated state is my neurodivergence and the coping mechanisms that don't help me indicate cPTSD. So I feel like his statement on pg 125 shows a lack of understanding of neurodivergent experience.
Everybody hated me and I couldn't leave. This is the sense-memory that haunts me, and from so many different times now that I'm in my 40s. The demand that I stop being myself and be Better.
Feel this.
this.
this.
thank you.
if you ever feel shame for your perception of "rambling", please dont.
your gentle nudging of a perspective of a concept from adjacent nuances is a magical unveiling of the inexplicable.
you've just been able to verbalize and communicate things i've been unable to even identify/untangle let alone communicate to my psych team. i survived a stroke 2.5 years ago age 51, which blessed me with a level of support that would otherwise have likely been unobtainable to me. im dx ADHD CPTSD PTSD self id AUTIST.
or as i self refer "Sparkley AF"
i make sense out of my new special interest as a pile up of unaddressed burnout tsunami.
thank you again.
you are WINNING
This is SO identifiable! Thank you for speaking about this subject.
Non-autistic traumatized people need to stop mixing up the presentations and symptoms of the autism and cptsd because in my opinion they end up pushing this narrative that autism can be healed along with the trauma. This is damaging and traumatizing in itself, especially when Autism Speaks still exists. Anyway thanks for the video. My partner and I both have cptsd and just started Pete Walker's book. Despite wanting and being ready to work on my cptsd, I am the only autist in the relationship and I am already feeling on guard for the kind of "trauma-informed" invalidation of my autism that seems to come from everywhere since I found out I was autistic. I'm going to take from the book what I can but I wish there was more literature by autistic people so we can address things like cptsd "our way" without all the baggage that non-autistic people bring to therapy that doesn't work for us autists.
I couldn't agree with this more. I am of the opinion if you are entering into the practice of providing therapy you need to be informed about neurodivergent nervous systems. You cannot just throw someone in a bucket and say they are just traumatized. What ends up happening is further traumatization for the person seeking help. Often therapists find that they are not " solving" their clients problems and it makes them feel bad so they drop the client. The client then feels rejected again. And we know that although that rejection sensitive dysphoria is not in the DSM currently, it is a real experience of both people with ADHD and autism. Invalidation can be a part of our lived experience as a Autistic person because we view and experience the world differently. I read Pete Walkers book and think it is helpful for reflection on my experience but it does not take into account my full experience. There are some good tips in his book that I found helpful but his total interpretation is not fully reflective of an Autistic experience of trauma. So you are imo right to be wary.
@@christinadonnelly781 💯 Hope you have a drama and trauma free rest of your holiday season.
If only autism could be healed, that would be awesome!
@@mahatmaghandi4288 autism doesn't need to be healed. Please reread what I said. Trauma can be healed, autism can not, and doesn't need to be. Autistics need to be accepted and supported by our families and loved ones and included in society.
I know it can't, but it would be nice. You're entitled to your opinion, but that doesn't mean that many others(including myself) wish it could be.@@s-nooze
I appreciate hearing your descriptions of your perceptions of your internal and external experiences. I'm nearly 72 years old. Diagnostics have a long way to go. I'm thinking you 're an effective teacher. Thank you. I like DBT.
Bless. As I’m rediscovering myself cptsd has been at the forefront of toxic coping. I pray you’re treating yourself with kindness and navigating life safely.
I'm autistic and i've realized that i am very trauma sensitive to feelings of being wronged, having my freedoms/autonomy violated, or feeling threatened, and the experiences of me being in psychiatric facilities because of manic episodes, especially when, despite how bad my mania was, i was *never* a threat to anyone else, never really tried to hurt anyone, and wasn't even threatening or trying to hurt *my own self*. so i feel like this scummy society just imprisoned me just for a supposed 'crime' of having some mental health issues and needing help just so said scummy society didn't have to deal with me
that more than anything has caused a lot of cPTSD in my psyche
Sorry you went through that. It sounds very unfair. We have a long way to go in the mental health field for sure.
Thank you for touching on this! So much of your story is the same of my story! In terms of being diagnosed with cptsd and figuring out there is more ... The chronic dissociation , yes, I relate...I figured out my autism/aspergers from other family members getting diagnosed ...still not formally diagnosed. Then late last year, from 2 of my son's suspecting their own ADHD, I realized that was also a factor.
I've done a lot of trauma therapy ...trauma release exercises, yoga, inpatients admissions in a trauma and dissociation program, art therapy, self medication with plant teachers ... I've developed singing, percussive, and dancing skills to cope with my AuDHD-cptsd stuff. I have to live pretty quiet on the whole, now though. It has helped to understand what I'm dealing with in my own body and psyche. I struggle with agoraphobia, social aversion, executive functioning, getting "brain-fried" when I get over my limit in sensory input, being regressive, in terms of maturity, rejection sensitive dysphoria, I still don't drive and I'm 50 yrs old now. I still get waves of shame sometimes, and it's still a tacit thing that I need to chip away at. My functioning is very up and down and my immune system is not the best...having said that I'm pretty grateful for my life and my loved ones. I'm hoping I can work again soon, after years of burn out and trauma recovery.
What a journey! Not easy, and yet, the learning curve in recovering and coming to terms is immense. I've read Pete Walkers book, I found it helpful, but like you, I realised I was dealing with other neurodiverse layers on top and underneath the cptsd.
I wish I could find a ASD/ADHD trauma therapist, as I've done all the cbt and other trauma therapies but without them understanding my other neurodiversities, it isn't worth my while. On top of that I have the top end IQ stuff, which, even on its own, adds complications and complexities, and the highly sensitive person stuff ...So, I appreciate you sharing ...I completely relate and feel less alone and less not seen, because of it.
For sure we need more therapists trained in neurodivergent people. I like you have tried lots of therapies and none of them seem to really be able to work on the whole of what I deal with. My functioning like yours is very shifting. Hormone cycling being one of my biggest factors I believe. There is a lot of new research coming out about the role of inflammation as a factor in many of the mental and physical struggles of Autistic people and this seems really relevant to me. Looking up what mast cell activation syndromes look like I hit every single category of systems issues. I think my brain and my whole body literally internally gets flooded with Mast cells and makes my symptoms worse. I am trying to reduce inflammation but again..there aren't really any doctors I can find that are looking into this in my area anyway.
I hope you can work again if that brings you joy. It is a hard balance to walk. Work without burnout. Thanks for sharing your story and I am glad you relate. It makes.me feel less.alone when people share. I can't really explain this to anyone else and really have them understand.
Trying to identify strains of these episodes and classify them under autism/cptsd or unsure. This is so helpful. Thank you. I first received mh diagnosies 30+ years ago. Recently ADHD and Autism. The autism community is the first community that seems to know more than the mental health professionals who are providing the help. This is not to discredit professionals or communities and this purely a personal probably unqualified opinion. My latest theory is the mh professional only scrapes the surface of autism as it is buried under comorbities. They find symptoms they can relate to disorders. Often valid as many comorbidities but autism lurks beneath. Almost the cause of the cause and mh professionals have much to see through to autism. They have only symptoms to use to identify causes. Autistic therapists may be the holy grail.
It is interesting that Autistic people are said to be mind blind but also know a lot more than allistic people do about how peoples minds work. Both can't be true so it does seem like the limitations in understanding another person fall into the allistic camp. I have benefitted from having a therapist that understands their Autistic self and can relate with me. I understand that so many of the "signs" of Autism are stress behaviors and not representing how a supported Autistic person is. My hope is that some day we all have the support and understanding we deserve as humans of this world.
There is a lot more information on the internet about symptoms for these things now but there is also a lot of misinformation and overlap between various symptoms and conditions. I've been trying to self diagnose and find a definitive label for my issues for years now but still cant be sure of anything. Its hard work. ADHD vs cPTSD in particular do have a lot of overlap with a fundamentally different cause. Nice video!
Lots of overlap. I want to do a video on Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria too because I think this is a factor. I hate the term dysphoria btw but the concept is relevant particularly with people that are ADHD.
I have been diagnosed ADHD since childhood and as an adult was diagnosed with bipolar two, which then changed to bipolar 1 and then generalized anxiety was tacked on top of that….. only recently have I been really starting to question if I’m actually dealing with the same combo as you, autism and cptsd. It’s frustrating to know you need a professionals help to find out what’s wrong but then also feeling like none of the professionals actually can find out what’s wrong bc they don’t know enough about these things. Thanks for speaking about this. It’s vulnerable to share, and I know you probably did so hoping it would help others, and it genuinely is helpful. Keep being you!!! Wish you the best
@@ninaharper2294 Wow.. sounds like you have had a difficult time. Bipolar 1 and 2 are so completely different even from each other! That must be so traumatic to have diagnosis being switched up on you and still not be clear. I think the other thing you mentioned is so true that a lot of psychologist, especially in the US do not even have any or much knowledge about Autism and none about pathological demand avoidance. These things when someone is traumatized can look like other things and treating the wrong thing can be so damaging. It does seem to take us bringing our diagnosis to the professionals but even then sometimes we aren't believed. I am glad you are looking at all your options. Thanks for commenting!
Thank you so much for this video! I have also been through therapists telling me I'm just fine when I know I'm not. I'm figuring out that I have autism, and learning about that and which experiences line up with which cognitive issues is, I think, essential to move forward with healing. Thank you for sharing your experiences!!
Finding a therapist that is also Autistic has been incredibly helpful for processing this stuff. I do not have to explain so much of what I used to have to explain now. I wish you grace on your healing journey.
This is so needed and powerful, I'm gonna take my time with this video and absorb it, haven't really looked into the cptsd or ptsd thing, as a man, we can't talk about that, but I'm gonna look at this , you seem to onto something here.
Thank you for watching. There is a lot of information out there about cPTSD but not a lot in the context of Autism.
This was so helpful, thank you 😊 And I must say that the sunlight in your room is gorgeous. It looks like you have a really nice living space.
Okay I know I’m a bit late but this is going to be long,
Ever since I was little I felt out of place with myself the world and everyone around me, I grew up in a old household from my grandparents, I had an uncle with schizophrenia and didn’t have my mother I witness verbal abuse neglect and much more bullying and social interaction was more traumatic for me my mother had me for six mothes with lack of stim my dad wasn’t really aways their and he does repeated actions hypervigilent just like me, I was tested for ASD and was skipped I didn’t get support groups or anything I felt out of place with everyone around me, I grew more hate against the world and worry about the worst outcomes school would bring emotional flashbacks where you feel the feeling you felt previously but without isn’t visual or audio, I would have outburst episodes I listen to the same music I aways seek resurgence I feel like the people that are close to me don’t know me or understand or care I feel shame and guilt I hate, I feel like I’m running out of time I don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t go to school dances I avoid the skate park because was beating up and recorded for no reason I was aways cleaning onto my grandma when I was little, I don’t like being tooken advantage gaslight etc, it’s exhausting, people with ASD and obsess over topics same with those with OCD etc, life feels edgy I do get abandonment nightmare, everyone shows trauma differently rather that be seeking help because they feel their running out of time or their fully just done I believe everyone different and we will overlap and also coaxis, I say with my experience sadly it’s a yes I do suffer horrible. Edit mom tried taking me away 10 years later, she’s currently resting from breast cancer.
Oh wow. Same here. Therapy and lot more symptoms instead of space out , thoughts and talks in my head, more shutdowns ( burrito in my bed) more depression and fatique.. more shame more sensitiv because in trauma therapy I learned to be here and not dissoziating.. but to be here is overhelming… burn out
Yup... It takes time to develop the skills to manage all of it and no one ever taught is. It is just uncomfortable living in our bodies and in this world a lot of time.
Hi Christina, I have a specific question. What do you think about the sentence "sometimes this type may also be misdiagnosed as Aspergers syndrome" on p125 , "The flight-freeze hybrid" on p125 of Pete Walker's book? I also experienced bullying at many schools/house moves, and the worst was from my parents. And I have an autism diagnosis from a specialist autism psychiatrist, as well as the symptomology. But that sentence puts me into doubt.
So .. here's my take. Granted I am not a therapist or a psychologist so this is my understanding of nervous systems. Flight, freeze.. really any nervous system response is a normal protective mechanism. If we are linking nervous system response directly to trauma that is flawed. And I think there is some gross categorization that is a part of this book of Nick Walkers. What I experience is that yes .. my nervous system is more easily set off because I am Autistic and the lack of access to tools and support to manage my nervous system responses has led me to cPTSD symptoms where I get into periods of constant disregulation but the core reason for the disregulated state is my neurodivergence and the coping mechanisms that don't help me indicate cPTSD. So I feel like his statement on pg 125 shows a lack of understanding of neurodivergent experience.
"You have to ask the why." But thats what NTs don't do 😕