“Anything that’s not like me spending time in my head or writing creatively or just like zoning out is energy output” YES! Thank you for putting this into words. I know that going inward, thinking intensely and creatively is my strength, but that’s just it, it’s all INTERNAL and I constantly struggle to output all my ideas… the ideas that I do manage to manifest into something tangible are few and far between, and it feels like my external world will never catch up to the complex one inside my head. Being productive is so difficult, but I don’t feel lazy or unmotivated, I feel full of ideas that are difficult to translate into things other people will understand/enjoy. It feels like all of this creative energy just gets trapped in me and it’s so uncomfortable, and ironically the only thing that can soothe me is to pace around and continue thinking…
I'm an INFJ too, and really suspect that I'm autistic. I am doing a group therapy right now about depression and anxiety and we talked about mindfulness and then gone over different stuff to help deepen understanding of what depression and anxiety are. I think the group might b ahead of me because I am barely able to recognize myself as being depressed or having anxiety. I'm basically at the point of starting to realize all the things that I've been just trying to grin and bear but actually cause me anxiety. We're supposed to be trying to recognize our negative cycles with both and I don't know. I have put a lot of thought into things, I write very frequently like a journal which really helps me process things. I'm so much more healthy mentally from doing that, sometimes I don't do it as much as I should. But yeah I think alexithymea might b part of the difficulty understanding my feelings. I do struggle to express myself sometimes, writing is the most accurate way for me too. It's like it takes me a while to decide how I feel. Idk if I'm making sense.
You are totally making sense. I think it's difficult for me too to say if I have anxiety or depression. I mean so much fluctuates all the time. I think so much of our internal experience is based on situations that we have found ourselves in that were not good for us but we didn't know it because other people were fine. So anxiety..maybe but maybe it's more just a logical response to everything and it's our baseline. I write too to pick it all apart. My brain is just very fast and complicated and writing makes it slower and clearer. I get that for sure!
We've been learning about CBT and I've had that type of therapy before, which I did take something away from and even before that I picked up on some stuff from learning about myself with personality tests and reading self help books. One test from a book said that I'm a permanent pervasive pessimist, I thought that sounded pretty negative lol. It means like saying I see the glass as half empty always everywhere but I don't think that's the whole picture because I can also be really good at spotting the silver lining too. I'm very resilient, whatever happens I will survive. Anyway sorry getting back to the CBT, I started catching myself having extreme negative thoughts like I realized if I was thinking everything is so bad all the time and then pick it apart no not everything, not all the time. I made my example too extreme but u get the idea, I could see that it wasn't everything, it wasn't all the time. Recently I started a new job and I've found it very stressful, one night I came away just feeling like I was terrible at it, should probably quit because I'm so bad but my husband pointed out that it was only my second day there and when I thought about it more I realized the whole day wasn't a loss, I had learned some stuff and not everybody picks up on things at lightening speed, I needed to just cut myself some slack.
I relate so much when you say you have so much in your head and what you see inside yet you struggle to articulate it with words and are able to say just such a small amount of your vision and what you would like to express. It is so painful and frustrating g and it isolates us or at least I feel this way... thank you for sharing here anyway!
So frustrating! I feel disconnected too when I am trying to explain something and the point is not getting across no matter how many times I try to rephrase something.
It is funny you put a like today cos i wrote this a while ago and was just thinking of you today as i walked out of my neuropsychologist offfice and couldn't remember the name of your channel and here you come:) wishing you a good day and i am still relating and struggling with this topic
@@alexadellastella5247 thank you! I wish you a good day too! Perhaps I should actually name my channel something! That would be a little thought project for me.
Hi, I’m INFP, intuitive and curious. I’m writing a book, trying to, about my experiences living with unbeknowns to me, for 35 years an autistic man. Not knowing about autism. I would ask him questions.. about behaviours I did not understand, which he viewed simply as criticism. He did not know love was a verb, and did little that showed any love, care, consideration. I loved him, and accepted that was how he was. He did not do emotions..I a-likened it to my giving, being kind, and a hose, but the end was closed, and nothing was going in. As my ex said, he always felt empty, as …due to difficulties with perception, alexithymia (no words for emotions) and the missing link, LACK OF INTEROCEPTION, the messages did not compute, neurology. As my ex wrote, what if I can see, it but cannot feel, how will I ever know what is real. He is correct, so often misinterpreting what he saw. A lack of sensory processing. A bit like my giving him a lemon tart, but he has no sense of taste, thus my actions of love and giving, meant nothing, he felt nothing. Sadly he put his empty feeling down to my not being loving, I think the only way that he did feel love, was the tangible act of making love. Only that. Love to all from. Tired mother of three.
I'm so glad I clicked on this video. I'm exploring the idea that my ADHD may be AuDHD, and when I saw my Myers Briggs in the title I was intrigued. You explained exactly what I'm going through. I'm trying to explain to my wife what I'm going through and why I'm wanting to pursue this. And untangling and translating my thoughts is impossible. Thank you for posting this.
I hope you find the best information to support you. i really like Autism from the inside as a start. There are so many great Autistic content creators out there. The inner world of an autistic brain is so complex that language doesn't seem to capture it. Best to you and your wife!
I am ecstatic that I have stumbled upon this channel at this time in my life. I am 61…an INFJ and have recently been realizing that I may actually be autistic. I have all-ways…since a child…felt as though I am an alien in this world. I am incredibly gifted in all of the arts…I’m a musician/singer/songwriter/dancer/writer…etc…and have always been able to express myself through the arts more efficiently than through speaking. When speaking, it’s as if I have so much information coming in at once that I get short-circuited in delivering the communication. ALL of what you are expressing…is how I experience myself to BE in the world! Thank youuuuu! ❤
Welcome. That all sounds familiar. I am mostly a visual thinker and yes.. arts feels closer to my inner world. I dance to express feelings and music feels like the language I understand. My brain is analytical but words are hard to use sometimes. Like things are pinging in a bunch of directions and in my head they are all related but conveying that is difficult because I have to translate visual to words and the words aren't adequate. I appreciate when I meet other people that seem to be able to translate my verbal mess. Usually those people are also Autistic 🤷😁
16 personalities test is how I get where I am now. I did the test few years back and found out to be INFJ (strange because in past I get INTP and INTJ, but its pretty even in results with all three, I think it depend on my mood :D ), so I searched INFJ on youtube and one woman talked about that she also have ADHD, so I did my search and then research and it was like on waterslide after that... so when I get to the ASD in my research it was just cherry on a top and everything clicked together first time in my life.
That story sounds similar! I was pretty sure I was an INFJ with ADHD for a long time until I saw one video talking about Autism in women and girls and I was like..hold on. Now I see all the ways my Autism shapes my view of the world. I think there are quite a few Autistic INFJs and probably lots of Autistic INTJs too but maybe the INTJs are just more accepting of themselves and not looking on UA-cam to try to understand more about themselves and that's why I see a lot more Autistic INFJs in my channel and others that have Autistic content. Anyway..I am glad you are here.
I flip between infj and infp. I have cptsd (betrayal/abandonment), asd, some adhd.. it’s been a lifetime working on each single thing with focus to master and understand, and then discovering something new.. first i worked on my empathy, addictions, then anxious attachment, learning to trust my stupid high intuition, ending people pleasing, drawing boundaries, learning to be completely alone, coming back to my wealth of creativity… it’s SO many things but your brain plasticity will evolve and your self worth/esteem and confidence comes back. Your codependency will fall away the more you work on you. Real love is waiting for you. Learn self love and how to empower ALL THAT YOU ARE! ❤️🔥✨❤️🔥
INTJ male here, recently learning after 42 years that I am a highly masked autistic person as well. As you stated early in this talk, we think a lot alike in terms of process. I feel like the NI (introverted intuition) aspect is what drives us to mask. We can see the forward benefit of it, and are concerned with how we effect others. I was soooo lucky to have parents who never pressured me to do things I didn't want to, and that allowed me to mask all day and come home to unwind without pressures. I have been fortunate to be successful in life for the most part, but unfortunately that comes with the lack of anyone (including me) perceiving how much I was struggling compared to everyone else. Lacking as much social connection as everyone else I just go home and recharge in peace so that I look normal again when I come back out. You can imagine how not well this goes the second a committed relationship forms. I lose my safe space, and tend to mask uber hard all the time.
I also recognize that internal ableist problem. I tend to blame myself for everything that isn't perfect, because I feel like my needs are an undue burden on others.
I think my son is also an INTJ. He is also Autistic. The use of Ni to mask because of benefits is an interesting concept. I thought I just use Ni to predict patterns of behavior in other people but I suppose yes .. that is so I know how to prepare myself for their responses. Sometimes I use it playfully though to guess what is going to happen in someone's life that has little to no impact on me. I see my son as an INTJ uses it to plan how to navigate a mountain bike trail based on his equipment and trail conditions and other riders and he also uses it to code and build robots but he is not people focused much at all. This is the big difference I see with Ni ( pattern seeking) between INFJ and INTJ. I am glad you had spaces to unmask as a kid. I am only able to fully unmask when alone probably because of the lack of place to do that as a kid. I have had issues in committed relationships unmasking but it's a little easier now I have an Autistic partner although we do not live together kind of intentionally because of our nervous system needs. Thanks for watching and I hope you find it interesting in your journey of life as an Autistic person.
@christinadonnelly781 As a young person I was definitely like your son. I lived, breathed, and ate baseball (as an adult climbing became my thing). I loved the game, not so much the people, and I studied and studiedthe game, and didn't ever connect with more than one teammate on a team who was more similar to me, generally. My ability to analyze the game and improve myself excellent, though. It was really really hard to distract me with "social" things (though I was curious about them). His interest in coding and gadgets is same as my electrical engineering career. Only later in life has that shifted a bit, and as that has happened I have lived in my mask almost exclusively, and found my need for complete aloneness to have increased a lot. So glad for you and your partner that unmasking around each other is maybe a little easier!
I can't believe how you put that into words, I can't ever explain. TOO MUCH BANDWIDTH! How perfect! When I'm dealing with needy narcissistic people, their endless NEED just exhausts me. They're not DYING, I shouldn't be expected to sit there and entertain them. That's how I felt with my father's wife #2. It was like trying to entertain a violent toddler. I just wanted to go away from her. I live now with somebody, very childish, mean, needy. All I've ever been able to explain is, people just EXHAUST ME. Not ALL people, but HE definitely exhausts everybody from what I can tell, and he's completely oblivious to it. This could be why I just don't think I could handle an office situation. I've always had my own businesses, I would organize my life to what I could handle. I wind up around these people that just seem to want to take that away from me, mess everything up, so I'm forced to live like they do. I don't live like THEY DO, because I know myself well enough to know I can't handle it! All the while they're trying to mess up my world to shove me further into the cage with them, when all I want is OUT! I have a difficult time trying to explain that to people. I'm trying to examine why. You have an interesting channel, I'm glad I found you. Thank you. ✨❣️✨
One thing that killed me working in the office environment was when they had me next to this loud overused printer. Sound cancelling headphones worked wonders, but eventually I was moved. Can't agree more with much of what you've said here. I think it helps to know there are others like me (INFJ aspie) that are speaking out on some of these glaring societal issues.
You sound like me trying to explain my struggles when communicating. I can tell you’re thinking so much and concentrating on how to explain yourself. I understand you completely but I feel like most people wouldn’t understand what you are trying to say or why it is so difficult to get the ideas and words out and it majorly sucks. You are not alone. I have always had a hard time vocalizing myself. But these past few years for me have been so frustrating. I feel like I’m losing my mind because I can’t seem to find the right simple words. Or what comes out is not socially acceptable. I constantly mix up my words and use terms that I find related to the word I want but is not it. I work in the medical field and I feel terrible because sometimes these short incomplete sentences come out and I feel like I sound like a caveman and like I’m projecting myself to my patients as rude and abrasive and demanding and frustrated and I really just want them to know I care and want to help them. I need to communicate to my patients to move into certain positions and I can visualize what I need them to do but cannot always verbalize it effectively to my patients. The other day I kept calling my patient’s big toe a thumb and it worries me. I have a lot of sleeping issues so I’m hoping that’s the reason. Maybe if I ever get the sleep I need I will be able to think and communicate more clearly. I really hope so. I simply can’t just communicate on a whim correctly. Most of my interactions with patients are sentences I have memorized that seem to clearly articulate my point. Which sucks too because even though my patients are not aware, I feel like I’m not being genuine and caring and I feel fake and guilty and robotic because I rely on the same exact phrases to every patient instead of giving them the unique care they deserve.
It was good for sure. Took me a bit to get through it because some parts were triggering but it did make me think about how much I mask. I think I am going to read " different not less" by Cloe Hayden next.
I'm an INFJ as well. I struggle with these issues at work all the time. I've had some coworkers or superiors who understand me and knew how to communicate with me. You have to be "Outgoing " or "Extroverted" to fit in. I've experienced that what I give to meet their expectations is never enough. I like to know how long it will take me to do something so that I can plan my tasks, etc. I think that the focus on the goal you speak of is wanting to clearly understand your objectives, obsorbing all the information and then execute it. Wanting to make as little mistakes/errors upfront.
I can relate to the asking a lot of questions up front for sure. I don't want to make mistakes and also I really don't want to interrupt someone constantly to ask questions and I don't want them to constantly interrupt me to redirect. All questions we ask are literally that questions not some bid to pull rank or anything like that. NTs get offended with all the questions for sure!
I’m a retired naval officer and I was an INTJ during my career but my mask started to crumble at the end…. Once my mask was gone I was and am a solid INFJ. My only good friend who “gets me” in an INFJ as well. We often hear that we seem to be the only ones who understand each other. P.S. I got to the end.🤭. I didn’t know I was autistic until my psychologist told me during therapy for chronic pain and PTSD. Now it all kind of makes sense. I was a good masker and drank wine at knight to deal with it…. Now I don’t need to drink to compensate and I don’t crave anything like that.
I'm an INFJ as well. I also have a suspicion that I may be autistic. I completely relate to your statement about sensors being in the majority at work and they do care more about the dance along the way than the actual goal being met, which is extremely frustrating. Why can't people just go to work, do the jobs on their job descriptions, leave people alone, and go home?
1st off, I appreciate you sharing you :) I could relate to everything you've said. I'm 58 and think we could learn more from each other so I subscribed ✌💪💜 missing genes
I'm an INFP but when I was a teen and young adult I would test as INFJ. I only discovered I was autistic and have ADHD in March. Thank you for summing up how I feel. After 30+ years of never meeting someone like myself, I've been able to have others express the images/thought/emotions/perspectives that fly around my head. Thank you for making this video. I think it is a healthy meaningful way for people like us to start forming communities. I have journaled on and off for 15 years. I believe that it contributed greatly to my ability to recognize my emotions. The paradigm switch that has effected me the most is the idea of what is having the emotions/feeling. Commonly people express the mental self as having emotions/feeling which I found confusing because my norm was to be like still water, reflective and calm, neutral. So when asked how I feel, I feel nothing and instead try to guess what I was supposed to be reflecting back to the person asking. When I switched to thinking about what commonly is refer to as emotions/feelings as physical body sensations, it became much easier to honor them. I still don't understand them the way people commonly speak about them. Thinking about my body as an external thing that I have to care for, like an infant that can not express its needs, has at least given me the framework to understand myself even if I've yet to distinguish its cries. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else. I am actively trying to connect and express myself to others in hopes, like your video, I am able to give voice to another person. I am also dyslexic. Writing for me is just as frustrating as speaking in person. Its easy to write a lot and not get your ideas out fully. When actually needing to express something well and in a timely fashion - requires a lot of editing. Which means understanding the audience, which means self editing, which means time and effort. I want to start making my own videos as a way to further understand my feeling and start to be able to express myself. I think UA-cam is especially good for autistic people to speak through because you can benefit from being able to write a script but also emphasize emotion with color sound and other visuals to help people connect the dots and see how a simple perspective change, changes the image without changing the facts. I think learning to express myself in multiple mediums will allow me to feel like I can actually get what is inside out. Thank you for your video. Also if you have documentation of your autism and live in America, you can ask for accommodations for your work place. The legally have to offer accommodations and it seems to be bringing you a lot of stress and discomfort. I hope this community helps you stand up for your needs because that is the only way we can collectively improve society for ourselves and those like us.
I appreciate so.much you writing. Especially since it must have been challenging to do so. I relate very much to the not understanding that sensation in the body can be related to feelings. I am one of those people with alexithymia so I have a hard time knowing how to verbalize the feelings. I often understand something is going on like an undercurrent under the surface when something is not right but I don't know what is actually going on all the time until it comes to the surface and then it can be overwhelming. My therapist has me doing more body scans and I have had a lot of practice with body work in therapy and in yoga practices and it has helped but it's still very much a challenge as you described for yourself. I think you for sure should start a UA-cam channel. I love hearing about others experiences of their Autistic selves. I also connected with a local group that has helped me a lot with knowledge about my brain and access needs. It has been virtual based meetings but I finally met some Autistic people in person a couple of weeks ago and it was amazing! By the way.. my daughter is an INFP and so is my partner. I love the way their brains work. Its always so much more imaginative and colorful than mine. I am so analytical and practical and I long to be less so.
I’m realizing how much I relate to all you’re saying . I’m an INFJ. I take on the chameleon role like a champ lol but it leads to burnout . These days I’m beginning to resent having any social commitments at all with anyone I haven’t known for years and I hate going to unfamiliar places. It’s just exhausting. My son has ADD and my daughter is on the list to be checked for autism and ADD. I just had a counselor tell me I might need to be checked for ADD but this same counselor just made me feel like I can’t assume my daughter has autism. Well , I’m not fully lol . That’s why I’m having her tested . I feel thrown off by that though . We feel more certain everyday that she is. Why do my daughter and I relate so much to the things I hear autistic people going through ? So idk 🤷♀️. I love my counselor though . She really has helped me open my eyes when it comes to paying more attention to my own needs and feelings but at the same time I feel like she’s not quiet getting the correct impression of who I am as a person therefore I wonder if she might not give advice in accordance with what my individual need’s actually are . She also gives very good advice as well so I’m keeping her lol but there’s just a side to me that no one gets . I worry to that she’s giving advice on how to handle my children’s stress and anxiety that one would give a neurotypical ( and that I’ve already been given , I’ve already tried and feel it only made them more anxious and depressed) which I think is different than what a neurodiverse person needs. I think maybe we all are just in an era in time where neurodiversity is just beginning to be recognized , yet not quiet out in the open enough to create massive change in society. Maybe , hopefully, if we all keep talking about it and if it becomes more scientifically and medically researched , times will begin to shift for the better in these areas .
I have a daughter that is Autistic but she is PDA autistic (persistent drive for autonomy) which doesn't look like what most people think autism looks like. And until I had the therapist that I do now the guidance I received was not quite right. As an Autistic person we need to know the root cause of things to really be able to address and understand things. Most therapists deal with symptoms not underlying physiology and they don't think like us so the advice can help a little but not entirely. Finding and Autistic therapist was a turning point for me because it takes up too much time to explain your perspective to someone who is not and then there is very little time for actual therapy. You are so right there is much more neurodivergent research that needs to be done particularly in women and girls. Hopefully diagnostic tools get better. I also think that starting to live as much as possible as if you are Autistic helps too even if you don't have the official diagnosis if even to feel less pressure for the social stuff. Thanks for sharing your story. It helps to hear other people's perspectives.
I am relating so hard to everything you say here. Seeing somebody articulate the confluences between these particular profiles is helpful beyond words. Literally 😊
O my, yeah I hear u. You would think that it'd be enough to just b great at your job but no they always want more, so much more and you're just supposed to know that too, about those additional expectations. It's frustrating
I can relate a lot to what you said about not having the words to describe what is going on inside oneself. I've always felt like there are no real words to really describe emotions, like they are a language of their own and that each individual person speaks their own version of that. As if each person were part of a geographical structure that pertains exclusively to themselves. And I've often felt like the more similar that language is in a group of people the more confusing those social dynamics become for me. Because I simply don't have a frame of reference of how to translate my own. It's very isolating. I think this is why I like writing so much. I don't have to use words to describe emotions, I can simply show a situation and let the reader see what I'm seeing.
Wow... I tested for the last 10 or so years every time as INFJ (I retest every 6 months) and just recently after my granddaughter was diagnosed discovered I was also very autistic. That's so crazy that the puzzle pieces fall together this way. I wonder if we would get along? Never met another of both that I know of.
Hello! I'm autistic and also INFJ, I've been thinking about theories lately, personality types is one of my topics but I've been learning about on my own. My brother is INTJ and also in the spectrum.
I've been self-diagnosing myself lately and have been researching about autism. There's definitely a correlation between being an INFJ but there’s one thing that maybe I'm not and that's catching sarcasm. When I read about the criteria and signs that's one thing that I don’t relate to. But obviously, that's just one thing so do maybe I need a professional help
Honestly the criteria is written based on research done with economically privileged white boys so if you are not one of those things you might look different. I can catch sarcasm and I can generate sarcasm but it does seem to be I catch sarcasm when it obviously wouldn't be anything else.
I am infj and have suspected I’m autistic. I’ve actually taken unofficial autism tests online and they can’t give real diagnosis but they all hint that I might be autistic. I also have adhd. They didn’t test for this stuff when I was in school. I wonder how my life would have been different my parents had known when I was younger
First I want to say welcome. If you suspect you are Autistic the tests are sometimes helpful but honestly infuriating most times. They are very old measures and to me confusing to answer. It's great that you are starting to research into it. Take in as much as you can and you will feel like you are starting to get to know yourself better. I am sorry that you didn't find out younger. It is very challenging to find out later in life how your needs were not met. No one's fault I suppose but still hard. I hope you find this helpful and you have found a place where you feel seen.
It sounds like you've been talking with psychologists and the community a lot. There is a lot of value in learning about our challenges and how we can change our expectations for ourselves and give ourselves that mental space we need so we don't reach a state of overwhelm. However, I think that there is some toxicity within the autistic community around the beating into our brains this notion of "ableism". I get it and I wish we could do with less of it, but I am not going to create false limitations for myself for the sake of the autistic community. The value in it is being able to recognize when things are beginning to overflow and determine what it is you really want to do and what you'll need to make it happen. Productivity is something that exists in life... and I am not talking about human life... I mean ALL life. If we're not productive, nature isn't kind to us. Can we leverage cooperation to make things easier, we most certainly can... but we also shouldn't have to make ourselves into beggars for the sympathy of society and granting of accommodations (though we should fight for what we need). In order to be productive, we need to be able to focus on our strengths and accommodations afford us that ability; so we can apply reason and share that with those that want to see some productivity from us and hopefully we're able to find something in our lives that we enjoy and is based in our talents so that we can have success. Does that mean being a billionaire? Nope. It means achieving what we want in life. You've made it this far in life. I know it has been tough and you probably feel as drained as I do. Find your strength, give yourself the care you need. But don't let people tell you the way that you need to be. If things are really rough for you, certainly... take the help that you can get and ask for more. But don't let a community or society establish limitations on you. You deserve what you want out of this life.
I read through your response and gave it some time to percolate. I think you are on the top of a very important discussion and this is a topic that is hotly debated in the Autistic community and other marginalized communities. First I must acknowledge that I am white and I have speaking abilities. Further I come from a place of economic privilege and therefore my opportunities have been different than say a poor bipoc non speaking Autistic person. I think it is important to acknowledge my advantages prior to responding because I really feel like I want to honor those that have different experiences than mine and I don't want to diminish those challenges. I can't really speak for that group other than honor and validate that there is a long way to go to achieve equality or inclusion or belonging in almost every arena for multiply marginalized groups. I feel two ways about my particular experience and one of those is your perspective of not letting my challenges with my verbal or social skills inhibit me from doing what I desire to achieve. I know that if I plan and exert focused efforts in an area I can accomplish things. I also understand that we live in a capitalist society that demands that we produce to live. That being said I will not ignore that individuals that have less knowledge and skill than I do in a particular field but have better social skills and verbal smoothness do financially better. They get promoted for not actually the skills the job asked for and that is reality. So these " deficits" are not actually false if they have real impacts to our economic well being. Also there is so much research that shows that having close relationships like friends extend one's life and reduce health issues. Can Autistic people have friends? Yes.. of course. Is it something that Autistic people generally struggle with? Also yes. So there are real health impacts as well for all Autistic people. I do agree with your points but I also feel like I explained in my video post I can hold all these truths in my head at the same time and none are not more true than the others. Thank you for your comments and thank you for your obvious concern for my well being. It is appreciated. My special interest is psychology and people so I talk a lot about that ( and research a lot about that) and it is important to talk about these things so we do not get into echo chambers.
@@christinadonnelly781 Yes, there are people that have more negative impact in their lives based on how autism and comorbidities inhibit their abilities; we should advocate for them, but still encourage them to think about what is important to them and how they might be able to achieve something that they desire (irrespective of what society might expect from a productivity perspective). They deserve to work towards things that give them satisfaction. It may not be quite the way they would wish it to be based on limitations or deficits. For anyone that is struggling in that regards, by all means, we should have such accommodations... and that can even include people that didn't previously have the issues. I view this more as a way for an individual measure their own life. What does the individual want in life? What does it require for the individual to reach those desires? Are some accommodations needed? Is the narrative from the community creating additional barriers? Having a hard stance that masking is bad... that can be one of those barriers. That isn't to suggest that masking is good and we shouldn't strive for reducing it (or eliminating it, if it doesn't become destructive to our desires). Masking is certainly useful, otherwise we wouldn't have struggled so much through life doing so... but if people can generally be kind and understanding to each other, we should be able to not rely on masking for our daily survival which is a very important goal of the community. The issue that it presents is that as autistic people, we do have specific tendencies. We often do become black and white in our thinking (I am very much included in this). Having that tendency, I can see how the community arrives to a conclusion that is black and white and says these things are bad or wrong. But many also have significant strengths in logical reasoning and we can apply those strengths in seeing where some nuance is valuable and move away from the black and white thinking. So, some individuals may have some desire in life where masking would be crucial. I can't speak for everyone and every circumstance, but I could imagine an actor... well, being a great masker would be valuable for an actor, intrinsically. Other situations can certainly so arise, perhaps someone who desires beyond all other things to be a firefighter... masking in the line of duty could be necessary in the role of being a firefighter (again, that is going to depend on the individual, may the individual has no impediments in stimming, reservations, sensitivities, etc. where that would be needed... on the other hand, it could be likely that there are at least some that are present). So, it is just a matter of understanding what we as individuals want and evaluating what we can do to have that personal success. All of this could just be for hobbies, or it could be based on our livelihoods. I know that for me, the greatest joy I could have is that my strengths in special interests be leveraged as my vocation and to have enough valuable accommodations for all of it to be realized. That way everything is aligned for me. I am fortunate that I am pretty close to having that and I wish that for everyone. I still have to do some very annoying things that seem to manifest as physical pain for me... in the short-term, I accept some of that as a cost for being able to have significant alignment, otherwise. In time, it would be great to eliminate more of that... and as I get older, it is getting to be more difficult. So, I don't mean to diminish the direction that the community is working towards. Just that everyone has a different life experience and despite our tendency for black and white thinking, we need to have some grace within the community to realize that others' experience is not our own and cannot place expectations on each other. I am fairly confident that my neighbor is on the spectrum and he tries to apply his personal expectations on me. He doesn't get to do that. I understand why some of things could bother him, but I get to enjoy my life and my property as much as he does. I am not doing anything that directly impacts his ability to enjoy his property, the things I am doing are only an issue for him because he is too focused on what I am doing. What I see in the community that I am labeling as toxicity is quite similar to this. The community, in some cases (having the notion of a single community is really too broad, but many of the different communities are doing this similarly) is being too rigid about what it means to be autistic and that members are not welcome or are bad people for not conforming to the community's orthodoxy. For instance, several communities have taken a fairly hard stance against self-diagnosis. I don't have nearly the concerns that they do. I do think it is ideal to get a formal diagnosis, but why would anyone seek a formal diagnosis without having some suspicion that comes from self-diagnosing? Or, accepting some feedback from others that suggest they may be autistic? Further, the process for receiving a formal diagnosis can be next to impossible for some people. There are financial limitations, availability limitations, and many more that others may experience that I couldn't even imagine. This position is effectively the community gatekeeping in a very destructive way. Things like this are areas where the community should be introspective and inquisitive rather than dismissive. I get the impression that you're very thoughtful about this and you more or less have some level of agreement with it. Hopefully, anyone else that is following the conversation can appreciate the thoughtfulness that you have given and see that I am not spouting off but really giving significant consideration to these things. Whenever I bring things like this up... that is also where I meet resistance, so let me thank you for not doing that and taking the time to engage in the conversation, I truly appreciate it.
Hi, I'm really glad you brought this up. Fair points made, for sure. Is it connected to contingency thinking, the monitoring energy? I think you articulated how complex it can get very well. Beth Ellwood recently wrote about a study that revealed a possible diagnostic tool, to gauge connectivity in the right anterior region of the brain in "Psypost". There are groups like BASS, Black Autism Support Society, which hopefully adds to a collective effort we can do to protect people by educating the pubic and changing our culture to reduce prejudice. JAN, Job Accomodations Network is also a resource to help advocate for work needs.)
I reworded this to aim for clarity. This young gentleman self-identified as an INFJ. Public discussions about injustice towards autistic people have been evolving. * It is important to not disrespect his mother's feelings stated in an interview in which she said he was not autistic*. Elijah McClain was only 23 years old when he died tragically. No one can be certain if he lived with autism now, or if he would've ever questioned that, himself. The discussions about whether that was part of the prejudice he experienced is an echo interpretation of a much larger picture. I revisited news about the violin vigils and discussions about Elijah McClain the other day, because the trial of the officers and paramedics involved just began. Friends and family said he had been " sensitive" and "different". Even so, more than one prejudice was a contributing factor, if someone called in a, " suspicious person" who was simply dancing to music on his walk home. Racism was also deeply embedded in the situation.) * BASS, Black Autistic Support Society works to provide communities with resources, educate the public, and protect rights. Collaborative efforts to encourage change are important.
I am going to openly admit my lack of knowledge about the dangers that BIPOC Autistic people face. I can imagine how so many of my own behaviors are not focused on because of my skin color. Thank you for sharing all of that information and it is important that I work on educating myself further in this because I do want to live in a world where everyone is safe. I cannot imagine how much masking is required for an Autistic black person to just get through their day.
I’m a random Infj stranger hopping in, but I was wondering if you have ever tried writing/typing if out before the (work) meeting and than handing over the paper at the start?
I’m sorry that you are/feel so misunderstood, it is hard as an Infj to verbalize thoughts out loud, must be exponentially more hard with autism on top of that
Hi Christina, I’ve just found your channel and subscribed. I’m in Ireland, greetings! You have described your feelings so well, you are very articulate. Just wondering with you name Donnelly, that sounds Irish! Do you have Irish ancestry? Best wishes. ❤
“Anything that’s not like me spending time in my head or writing creatively or just like zoning out is energy output” YES! Thank you for putting this into words. I know that going inward, thinking intensely and creatively is my strength, but that’s just it, it’s all INTERNAL and I constantly struggle to output all my ideas… the ideas that I do manage to manifest into something tangible are few and far between, and it feels like my external world will never catch up to the complex one inside my head. Being productive is so difficult, but I don’t feel lazy or unmotivated, I feel full of ideas that are difficult to translate into things other people will understand/enjoy. It feels like all of this creative energy just gets trapped in me and it’s so uncomfortable, and ironically the only thing that can soothe me is to pace around and continue thinking…
I'm an INFJ too, and really suspect that I'm autistic. I am doing a group therapy right now about depression and anxiety and we talked about mindfulness and then gone over different stuff to help deepen understanding of what depression and anxiety are. I think the group might b ahead of me because I am barely able to recognize myself as being depressed or having anxiety. I'm basically at the point of starting to realize all the things that I've been just trying to grin and bear but actually cause me anxiety. We're supposed to be trying to recognize our negative cycles with both and I don't know. I have put a lot of thought into things, I write very frequently like a journal which really helps me process things. I'm so much more healthy mentally from doing that, sometimes I don't do it as much as I should. But yeah I think alexithymea might b part of the difficulty understanding my feelings. I do struggle to express myself sometimes, writing is the most accurate way for me too. It's like it takes me a while to decide how I feel. Idk if I'm making sense.
You are totally making sense. I think it's difficult for me too to say if I have anxiety or depression. I mean so much fluctuates all the time. I think so much of our internal experience is based on situations that we have found ourselves in that were not good for us but we didn't know it because other people were fine. So anxiety..maybe but maybe it's more just a logical response to everything and it's our baseline. I write too to pick it all apart. My brain is just very fast and complicated and writing makes it slower and clearer. I get that for sure!
We've been learning about CBT and I've had that type of therapy before, which I did take something away from and even before that I picked up on some stuff from learning about myself with personality tests and reading self help books. One test from a book said that I'm a permanent pervasive pessimist, I thought that sounded pretty negative lol. It means like saying I see the glass as half empty always everywhere but I don't think that's the whole picture because I can also be really good at spotting the silver lining too. I'm very resilient, whatever happens I will survive.
Anyway sorry getting back to the CBT, I started catching myself having extreme negative thoughts like I realized if I was thinking everything is so bad all the time and then pick it apart no not everything, not all the time. I made my example too extreme but u get the idea, I could see that it wasn't everything, it wasn't all the time.
Recently I started a new job and I've found it very stressful, one night I came away just feeling like I was terrible at it, should probably quit because I'm so bad but my husband pointed out that it was only my second day there and when I thought about it more I realized the whole day wasn't a loss, I had learned some stuff and not everybody picks up on things at lightening speed, I needed to just cut myself some slack.
Hey, INFJ with ADHD (and maybe autism) here, following your channel 😂❤
Im INFJ and Autistic. I'm a social worker.
I relate so much when you say you have so much in your head and what you see inside yet you struggle to articulate it with words and are able to say just such a small amount of your vision and what you would like to express. It is so painful and frustrating g and it isolates us or at least I feel this way... thank you for sharing here anyway!
So frustrating! I feel disconnected too when I am trying to explain something and the point is not getting across no matter how many times I try to rephrase something.
@@christinadonnelly781 i hear you... so sad and painful yes
It is funny you put a like today cos i wrote this a while ago and was just thinking of you today as i walked out of my neuropsychologist offfice and couldn't remember the name of your channel and here you come:) wishing you a good day and i am still relating and struggling with this topic
@@alexadellastella5247 thank you! I wish you a good day too! Perhaps I should actually name my channel something! That would be a little thought project for me.
Hi, I’m INFP, intuitive and curious. I’m writing a book, trying to, about my experiences living with unbeknowns to me, for 35 years an autistic man. Not knowing about autism. I would ask him questions.. about behaviours I did not understand, which he viewed simply as criticism. He did not know love was a verb, and did little that showed any love, care, consideration. I loved him, and accepted that was how he was. He did not do emotions..I a-likened it to my giving, being kind, and a hose, but the end was closed, and nothing was going in. As my ex said, he always felt empty, as …due to difficulties with perception, alexithymia (no words for emotions) and the missing link, LACK OF INTEROCEPTION, the messages did not compute, neurology.
As my ex wrote,
what if I can see, it but cannot feel, how will I ever know what is real. He is correct, so often misinterpreting what he saw. A lack of sensory processing. A bit like my giving him a lemon tart, but he has no sense of taste, thus my actions of love and giving, meant nothing, he felt nothing. Sadly he put his empty feeling down to my not being loving, I think the only way that he did feel love, was the tangible act of making love. Only that. Love to all from. Tired mother of three.
I'm so glad I clicked on this video. I'm exploring the idea that my ADHD may be AuDHD, and when I saw my Myers Briggs in the title I was intrigued.
You explained exactly what I'm going through. I'm trying to explain to my wife what I'm going through and why I'm wanting to pursue this. And untangling and translating my thoughts is impossible.
Thank you for posting this.
I hope you find the best information to support you. i really like Autism from the inside as a start. There are so many great Autistic content creators out there. The inner world of an autistic brain is so complex that language doesn't seem to capture it. Best to you and your wife!
I am ecstatic that I have stumbled upon this channel at this time in my life. I am 61…an INFJ and have recently been realizing that I may actually be autistic. I have all-ways…since a child…felt as though I am an alien in this world.
I am incredibly gifted in all of the arts…I’m a musician/singer/songwriter/dancer/writer…etc…and have always been able to express myself through the arts more efficiently than through speaking.
When speaking, it’s as if I have so much information coming in at once that I get short-circuited in delivering the communication.
ALL of what you are expressing…is how I experience myself to BE in the world! Thank youuuuu! ❤
Welcome. That all sounds familiar. I am mostly a visual thinker and yes.. arts feels closer to my inner world. I dance to express feelings and music feels like the language I understand. My brain is analytical but words are hard to use sometimes. Like things are pinging in a bunch of directions and in my head they are all related but conveying that is difficult because I have to translate visual to words and the words aren't adequate.
I appreciate when I meet other people that seem to be able to translate my verbal mess. Usually those people are also Autistic 🤷😁
16 personalities test is how I get where I am now. I did the test few years back and found out to be INFJ (strange because in past I get INTP and INTJ, but its pretty even in results with all three, I think it depend on my mood :D ), so I searched INFJ on youtube and one woman talked about that she also have ADHD, so I did my search and then research and it was like on waterslide after that... so when I get to the ASD in my research it was just cherry on a top and everything clicked together first time in my life.
That story sounds similar! I was pretty sure I was an INFJ with ADHD for a long time until I saw one video talking about Autism in women and girls and I was like..hold on. Now I see all the ways my Autism shapes my view of the world. I think there are quite a few Autistic INFJs and probably lots of Autistic INTJs too but maybe the INTJs are just more accepting of themselves and not looking on UA-cam to try to understand more about themselves and that's why I see a lot more Autistic INFJs in my channel and others that have Autistic content. Anyway..I am glad you are here.
I flip between infj and infp. I have cptsd (betrayal/abandonment), asd, some adhd.. it’s been a lifetime working on each single thing with focus to master and understand, and then discovering something new.. first i worked on my empathy, addictions, then anxious attachment, learning to trust my stupid high intuition, ending people pleasing, drawing boundaries, learning to be completely alone, coming back to my wealth of creativity… it’s SO many things but your brain plasticity will evolve and your self worth/esteem and confidence comes back. Your codependency will fall away the more you work on you. Real love is waiting for you. Learn self love and how to empower ALL THAT YOU ARE! ❤️🔥✨❤️🔥
INTJ male here, recently learning after 42 years that I am a highly masked autistic person as well. As you stated early in this talk, we think a lot alike in terms of process. I feel like the NI (introverted intuition) aspect is what drives us to mask. We can see the forward benefit of it, and are concerned with how we effect others. I was soooo lucky to have parents who never pressured me to do things I didn't want to, and that allowed me to mask all day and come home to unwind without pressures. I have been fortunate to be successful in life for the most part, but unfortunately that comes with the lack of anyone (including me) perceiving how much I was struggling compared to everyone else. Lacking as much social connection as everyone else I just go home and recharge in peace so that I look normal again when I come back out. You can imagine how not well this goes the second a committed relationship forms. I lose my safe space, and tend to mask uber hard all the time.
I also recognize that internal ableist problem. I tend to blame myself for everything that isn't perfect, because I feel like my needs are an undue burden on others.
I think my son is also an INTJ. He is also Autistic. The use of Ni to mask because of benefits is an interesting concept. I thought I just use Ni to predict patterns of behavior in other people but I suppose yes .. that is so I know how to prepare myself for their responses. Sometimes I use it playfully though to guess what is going to happen in someone's life that has little to no impact on me. I see my son as an INTJ uses it to plan how to navigate a mountain bike trail based on his equipment and trail conditions and other riders and he also uses it to code and build robots but he is not people focused much at all. This is the big difference I see with Ni ( pattern seeking) between INFJ and INTJ. I am glad you had spaces to unmask as a kid. I am only able to fully unmask when alone probably because of the lack of place to do that as a kid. I have had issues in committed relationships unmasking but it's a little easier now I have an Autistic partner although we do not live together kind of intentionally because of our nervous system needs. Thanks for watching and I hope you find it interesting in your journey of life as an Autistic person.
@christinadonnelly781 As a young person I was definitely like your son. I lived, breathed, and ate baseball (as an adult climbing became my thing). I loved the game, not so much the people, and I studied and studiedthe game, and didn't ever connect with more than one teammate on a team who was more similar to me, generally. My ability to analyze the game and improve myself excellent, though. It was really really hard to distract me with "social" things (though I was curious about them). His interest in coding and gadgets is same as my electrical engineering career. Only later in life has that shifted a bit, and as that has happened I have lived in my mask almost exclusively, and found my need for complete aloneness to have increased a lot.
So glad for you and your partner that unmasking around each other is maybe a little easier!
I can't believe how you put that into words, I can't ever explain. TOO MUCH BANDWIDTH! How perfect! When I'm dealing with needy narcissistic people, their endless NEED just exhausts me. They're not DYING, I shouldn't be expected to sit there and entertain them. That's how I felt with my father's wife #2. It was like trying to entertain a violent toddler. I just wanted to go away from her. I live now with somebody, very childish, mean, needy. All I've ever been able to explain is, people just EXHAUST ME. Not ALL people, but HE definitely exhausts everybody from what I can tell, and he's completely oblivious to it.
This could be why I just don't think I could handle an office situation. I've always had my own businesses, I would organize my life to what I could handle. I wind up around these people that just seem to want to take that away from me, mess everything up, so I'm forced to live like they do. I don't live like THEY DO, because I know myself well enough to know I can't handle it! All the while they're trying to mess up my world to shove me further into the cage with them, when all I want is OUT!
I have a difficult time trying to explain that to people. I'm trying to examine why.
You have an interesting channel, I'm glad I found you. Thank you. ✨❣️✨
Wow, this was my life a year ago until i door slammed that Azz! 😅
One thing that killed me working in the office environment was when they had me next to this loud overused printer. Sound cancelling headphones worked wonders, but eventually I was moved. Can't agree more with much of what you've said here. I think it helps to know there are others like me (INFJ aspie) that are speaking out on some of these glaring societal issues.
You sound like me trying to explain my struggles when communicating. I can tell you’re thinking so much and concentrating on how to explain yourself. I understand you completely but I feel like most people wouldn’t understand what you are trying to say or why it is so difficult to get the ideas and words out and it majorly sucks. You are not alone. I have always had a hard time vocalizing myself. But these past few years for me have been so frustrating. I feel like I’m losing my mind because I can’t seem to find the right simple words. Or what comes out is not socially acceptable. I constantly mix up my words and use terms that I find related to the word I want but is not it. I work in the medical field and I feel terrible because sometimes these short incomplete sentences come out and I feel like I sound like a caveman and like I’m projecting myself to my patients as rude and abrasive and demanding and frustrated and I really just want them to know I care and want to help them. I need to communicate to my patients to move into certain positions and I can visualize what I need them to do but cannot always verbalize it effectively to my patients. The other day I kept calling my patient’s big toe a thumb and it worries me. I have a lot of sleeping issues so I’m hoping that’s the reason. Maybe if I ever get the sleep I need I will be able to think and communicate more clearly. I really hope so. I simply can’t just communicate on a whim correctly. Most of my interactions with patients are sentences I have memorized that seem to clearly articulate my point. Which sucks too because even though my patients are not aware, I feel like I’m not being genuine and caring and I feel fake and guilty and robotic because I rely on the same exact phrases to every patient instead of giving them the unique care they deserve.
I just started reading "unmasking autism" by Devon Price
It was good for sure. Took me a bit to get through it because some parts were triggering but it did make me think about how much I mask. I think I am going to read " different not less" by Cloe Hayden next.
Me too!
I'm an INFJ as well. I struggle with these issues at work all the time. I've had some coworkers or superiors who understand me and knew how to communicate with me.
You have to be "Outgoing " or "Extroverted" to fit in. I've experienced that what I give to meet their expectations is never enough. I like to know how long it will take me to do something so that I can plan my tasks, etc.
I think that the focus on the goal you speak of is wanting to clearly understand your objectives, obsorbing all the information and then execute it. Wanting to make as little mistakes/errors upfront.
I can relate to the asking a lot of questions up front for sure. I don't want to make mistakes and also I really don't want to interrupt someone constantly to ask questions and I don't want them to constantly interrupt me to redirect. All questions we ask are literally that questions not some bid to pull rank or anything like that. NTs get offended with all the questions for sure!
Looking at the background like that when explaining something is too damn familiar 😂😂. Great video, thank you!
I’m a retired naval officer and I was an INTJ during my career but my mask started to crumble at the end…. Once my mask was gone I was and am a solid INFJ. My only good friend who “gets me” in an INFJ as well. We often hear that we seem to be the only ones who understand each other.
P.S. I got to the end.🤭. I didn’t know I was autistic until my psychologist told me during therapy for chronic pain and PTSD. Now it all kind of makes sense. I was a good masker and drank wine at knight to deal with it…. Now I don’t need to drink to compensate and I don’t crave anything like that.
I'm an INFJ as well. I also have a suspicion that I may be autistic. I completely relate to your statement about sensors being in the majority at work and they do care more about the dance along the way than the actual goal being met, which is extremely frustrating. Why can't people just go to work, do the jobs on their job descriptions, leave people alone, and go home?
1st off, I appreciate you sharing you :) I could relate to everything you've said. I'm 58 and think we could learn more from each other so I subscribed ✌💪💜
missing genes
Welcome! Thanks for being here. I feel like I have a lot to learn from other Autistics. It feels great to know others relate.
I'm an INFP but when I was a teen and young adult I would test as INFJ. I only discovered I was autistic and have ADHD in March. Thank you for summing up how I feel. After 30+ years of never meeting someone like myself, I've been able to have others express the images/thought/emotions/perspectives that fly around my head. Thank you for making this video. I think it is a healthy meaningful way for people like us to start forming communities.
I have journaled on and off for 15 years. I believe that it contributed greatly to my ability to recognize my emotions. The paradigm switch that has effected me the most is the idea of what is having the emotions/feeling. Commonly people express the mental self as having emotions/feeling which I found confusing because my norm was to be like still water, reflective and calm, neutral. So when asked how I feel, I feel nothing and instead try to guess what I was supposed to be reflecting back to the person asking. When I switched to thinking about what commonly is refer to as emotions/feelings as physical body sensations, it became much easier to honor them.
I still don't understand them the way people commonly speak about them. Thinking about my body as an external thing that I have to care for, like an infant that can not express its needs, has at least given me the framework to understand myself even if I've yet to distinguish its cries. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else.
I am actively trying to connect and express myself to others in hopes, like your video, I am able to give voice to another person. I am also dyslexic. Writing for me is just as frustrating as speaking in person. Its easy to write a lot and not get your ideas out fully. When actually needing to express something well and in a timely fashion - requires a lot of editing. Which means understanding the audience, which means self editing, which means time and effort.
I want to start making my own videos as a way to further understand my feeling and start to be able to express myself. I think UA-cam is especially good for autistic people to speak through because you can benefit from being able to write a script but also emphasize emotion with color sound and other visuals to help people connect the dots and see how a simple perspective change, changes the image without changing the facts. I think learning to express myself in multiple mediums will allow me to feel like I can actually get what is inside out.
Thank you for your video. Also if you have documentation of your autism and live in America, you can ask for accommodations for your work place. The legally have to offer accommodations and it seems to be bringing you a lot of stress and discomfort. I hope this community helps you stand up for your needs because that is the only way we can collectively improve society for ourselves and those like us.
I appreciate so.much you writing. Especially since it must have been challenging to do so. I relate very much to the not understanding that sensation in the body can be related to feelings. I am one of those people with alexithymia so I have a hard time knowing how to verbalize the feelings. I often understand something is going on like an undercurrent under the surface when something is not right but I don't know what is actually going on all the time until it comes to the surface and then it can be overwhelming. My therapist has me doing more body scans and I have had a lot of practice with body work in therapy and in yoga practices and it has helped but it's still very much a challenge as you described for yourself. I think you for sure should start a UA-cam channel. I love hearing about others experiences of their Autistic selves. I also connected with a local group that has helped me a lot with knowledge about my brain and access needs. It has been virtual based meetings but I finally met some Autistic people in person a couple of weeks ago and it was amazing! By the way.. my daughter is an INFP and so is my partner. I love the way their brains work. Its always so much more imaginative and colorful than mine. I am so analytical and practical and I long to be less so.
Thank you for your willingness to speak and reach out. ❤
I’m realizing how much I relate to all you’re saying . I’m an INFJ. I take on the chameleon role like a champ lol but it leads to burnout . These days I’m beginning to resent having any social commitments at all with anyone I haven’t known for years and I hate going to unfamiliar places. It’s just exhausting. My son has ADD and my daughter is on the list to be checked for autism and ADD. I just had a counselor tell me I might need to be checked for ADD but this same counselor just made me feel like I can’t assume my daughter has autism. Well , I’m not fully lol . That’s why I’m having her tested . I feel thrown off by that though . We feel more certain everyday that she is. Why do my daughter and I relate so much to the things I hear autistic people going through ? So idk 🤷♀️. I love my counselor though . She really has helped me open my eyes when it comes to paying more attention to my own needs and feelings but at the same time I feel like she’s not quiet getting the correct impression of who I am as a person therefore I wonder if she might not give advice in accordance with what my individual need’s actually are . She also gives very good advice as well so I’m keeping her lol but there’s just a side to me that no one gets . I worry to that she’s giving advice on how to handle my children’s stress and anxiety that one would give a neurotypical ( and that I’ve already been given , I’ve already tried and feel it only made them more anxious and depressed) which I think is different than what a neurodiverse person needs. I think maybe we all are just in an era in time where neurodiversity is just beginning to be recognized , yet not quiet out in the open enough to create massive change in society. Maybe , hopefully, if we all keep talking about it and if it becomes more scientifically and medically researched , times will begin to shift for the better in these areas .
I have a daughter that is Autistic but she is PDA autistic (persistent drive for autonomy) which doesn't look like what most people think autism looks like. And until I had the therapist that I do now the guidance I received was not quite right. As an Autistic person we need to know the root cause of things to really be able to address and understand things. Most therapists deal with symptoms not underlying physiology and they don't think like us so the advice can help a little but not entirely. Finding and Autistic therapist was a turning point for me because it takes up too much time to explain your perspective to someone who is not and then there is very little time for actual therapy. You are so right there is much more neurodivergent research that needs to be done particularly in women and girls. Hopefully diagnostic tools get better. I also think that starting to live as much as possible as if you are Autistic helps too even if you don't have the official diagnosis if even to feel less pressure for the social stuff. Thanks for sharing your story. It helps to hear other people's perspectives.
I am relating so hard to everything you say here. Seeing somebody articulate the confluences between these particular profiles is helpful beyond words. Literally 😊
I heard you loud and clear. Thankyou so much for sharing, this was so helpful to me.
O my, yeah I hear u. You would think that it'd be enough to just b great at your job but no they always want more, so much more and you're just supposed to know that too, about those additional expectations. It's frustrating
Everybody wants to test you,especially when you shine at almost everything.
I can relate a lot to what you said about not having the words to describe what is going on inside oneself. I've always felt like there are no real words to really describe emotions, like they are a language of their own and that each individual person speaks their own version of that. As if each person were part of a geographical structure that pertains exclusively to themselves. And I've often felt like the more similar that language is in a group of people the more confusing those social dynamics become for me. Because I simply don't have a frame of reference of how to translate my own. It's very isolating. I think this is why I like writing so much. I don't have to use words to describe emotions, I can simply show a situation and let the reader see what I'm seeing.
Wow... I tested for the last 10 or so years every time as INFJ (I retest every 6 months) and just recently after my granddaughter was diagnosed discovered I was also very autistic. That's so crazy that the puzzle pieces fall together this way. I wonder if we would get along? Never met another of both that I know of.
I identify with your stream of thought 100%. Thank you . 😊
Hello! I'm autistic and also INFJ, I've been thinking about theories lately, personality types is one of my topics but I've been learning about on my own.
My brother is INTJ and also in the spectrum.
Thanks for being here. I hope you feel welcome!
You are a human being first. Love yourself. God bless
Interested, but background noise was overwhelming the message.
I've been self-diagnosing myself lately and have been researching about autism. There's definitely a correlation between being an INFJ but there’s one thing that maybe I'm not and that's catching sarcasm. When I read about the criteria and signs that's one thing that I don’t relate to. But obviously, that's just one thing so do maybe I need a professional help
Honestly the criteria is written based on research done with economically privileged white boys so if you are not one of those things you might look different. I can catch sarcasm and I can generate sarcasm but it does seem to be I catch sarcasm when it obviously wouldn't be anything else.
I just found your channel and I also have autism and I think I am a INFJ too.
I am infj and have suspected I’m autistic. I’ve actually taken unofficial autism tests online and they can’t give real diagnosis but they all hint that I might be autistic. I also have adhd. They didn’t test for this stuff when I was in school. I wonder how my life would have been different my parents had known when I was younger
First I want to say welcome. If you suspect you are Autistic the tests are sometimes helpful but honestly infuriating most times. They are very old measures and to me confusing to answer. It's great that you are starting to research into it. Take in as much as you can and you will feel like you are starting to get to know yourself better. I am sorry that you didn't find out younger. It is very challenging to find out later in life how your needs were not met. No one's fault I suppose but still hard. I hope you find this helpful and you have found a place where you feel seen.
Infj here, subscribed
It sounds like you've been talking with psychologists and the community a lot. There is a lot of value in learning about our challenges and how we can change our expectations for ourselves and give ourselves that mental space we need so we don't reach a state of overwhelm. However, I think that there is some toxicity within the autistic community around the beating into our brains this notion of "ableism". I get it and I wish we could do with less of it, but I am not going to create false limitations for myself for the sake of the autistic community. The value in it is being able to recognize when things are beginning to overflow and determine what it is you really want to do and what you'll need to make it happen. Productivity is something that exists in life... and I am not talking about human life... I mean ALL life. If we're not productive, nature isn't kind to us. Can we leverage cooperation to make things easier, we most certainly can... but we also shouldn't have to make ourselves into beggars for the sympathy of society and granting of accommodations (though we should fight for what we need). In order to be productive, we need to be able to focus on our strengths and accommodations afford us that ability; so we can apply reason and share that with those that want to see some productivity from us and hopefully we're able to find something in our lives that we enjoy and is based in our talents so that we can have success. Does that mean being a billionaire? Nope. It means achieving what we want in life.
You've made it this far in life. I know it has been tough and you probably feel as drained as I do. Find your strength, give yourself the care you need. But don't let people tell you the way that you need to be. If things are really rough for you, certainly... take the help that you can get and ask for more. But don't let a community or society establish limitations on you. You deserve what you want out of this life.
I read through your response and gave it some time to percolate. I think you are on the top of a very important discussion and this is a topic that is hotly debated in the Autistic community and other marginalized communities. First I must acknowledge that I am white and I have speaking abilities. Further I come from a place of economic privilege and therefore my opportunities have been different than say a poor bipoc non speaking Autistic person. I think it is important to acknowledge my advantages prior to responding because I really feel like I want to honor those that have different experiences than mine and I don't want to diminish those challenges. I can't really speak for that group other than honor and validate that there is a long way to go to achieve equality or inclusion or belonging in almost every arena for multiply marginalized groups.
I feel two ways about my particular experience and one of those is your perspective of not letting my challenges with my verbal or social skills inhibit me from doing what I desire to achieve. I know that if I plan and exert focused efforts in an area I can accomplish things. I also understand that we live in a capitalist society that demands that we produce to live.
That being said I will not ignore that individuals that have less knowledge and skill than I do in a particular field but have better social skills and verbal smoothness do financially better. They get promoted for not actually the skills the job asked for and that is reality. So these " deficits" are not actually false if they have real impacts to our economic well being. Also there is so much research that shows that having close relationships like friends extend one's life and reduce health issues. Can Autistic people have friends? Yes.. of course. Is it something that Autistic people generally struggle with? Also yes. So there are real health impacts as well for all Autistic people.
I do agree with your points but I also feel like I explained in my video post I can hold all these truths in my head at the same time and none are not more true than the others. Thank you for your comments and thank you for your obvious concern for my well being. It is appreciated. My special interest is psychology and people so I talk a lot about that ( and research a lot about that) and it is important to talk about these things so we do not get into echo chambers.
@@christinadonnelly781 Yes, there are people that have more negative impact in their lives based on how autism and comorbidities inhibit their abilities; we should advocate for them, but still encourage them to think about what is important to them and how they might be able to achieve something that they desire (irrespective of what society might expect from a productivity perspective). They deserve to work towards things that give them satisfaction. It may not be quite the way they would wish it to be based on limitations or deficits. For anyone that is struggling in that regards, by all means, we should have such accommodations... and that can even include people that didn't previously have the issues.
I view this more as a way for an individual measure their own life. What does the individual want in life? What does it require for the individual to reach those desires? Are some accommodations needed? Is the narrative from the community creating additional barriers? Having a hard stance that masking is bad... that can be one of those barriers. That isn't to suggest that masking is good and we shouldn't strive for reducing it (or eliminating it, if it doesn't become destructive to our desires). Masking is certainly useful, otherwise we wouldn't have struggled so much through life doing so... but if people can generally be kind and understanding to each other, we should be able to not rely on masking for our daily survival which is a very important goal of the community.
The issue that it presents is that as autistic people, we do have specific tendencies. We often do become black and white in our thinking (I am very much included in this). Having that tendency, I can see how the community arrives to a conclusion that is black and white and says these things are bad or wrong. But many also have significant strengths in logical reasoning and we can apply those strengths in seeing where some nuance is valuable and move away from the black and white thinking.
So, some individuals may have some desire in life where masking would be crucial. I can't speak for everyone and every circumstance, but I could imagine an actor... well, being a great masker would be valuable for an actor, intrinsically. Other situations can certainly so arise, perhaps someone who desires beyond all other things to be a firefighter... masking in the line of duty could be necessary in the role of being a firefighter (again, that is going to depend on the individual, may the individual has no impediments in stimming, reservations, sensitivities, etc. where that would be needed... on the other hand, it could be likely that there are at least some that are present). So, it is just a matter of understanding what we as individuals want and evaluating what we can do to have that personal success.
All of this could just be for hobbies, or it could be based on our livelihoods. I know that for me, the greatest joy I could have is that my strengths in special interests be leveraged as my vocation and to have enough valuable accommodations for all of it to be realized. That way everything is aligned for me. I am fortunate that I am pretty close to having that and I wish that for everyone. I still have to do some very annoying things that seem to manifest as physical pain for me... in the short-term, I accept some of that as a cost for being able to have significant alignment, otherwise. In time, it would be great to eliminate more of that... and as I get older, it is getting to be more difficult.
So, I don't mean to diminish the direction that the community is working towards. Just that everyone has a different life experience and despite our tendency for black and white thinking, we need to have some grace within the community to realize that others' experience is not our own and cannot place expectations on each other.
I am fairly confident that my neighbor is on the spectrum and he tries to apply his personal expectations on me. He doesn't get to do that. I understand why some of things could bother him, but I get to enjoy my life and my property as much as he does. I am not doing anything that directly impacts his ability to enjoy his property, the things I am doing are only an issue for him because he is too focused on what I am doing. What I see in the community that I am labeling as toxicity is quite similar to this. The community, in some cases (having the notion of a single community is really too broad, but many of the different communities are doing this similarly) is being too rigid about what it means to be autistic and that members are not welcome or are bad people for not conforming to the community's orthodoxy.
For instance, several communities have taken a fairly hard stance against self-diagnosis. I don't have nearly the concerns that they do. I do think it is ideal to get a formal diagnosis, but why would anyone seek a formal diagnosis without having some suspicion that comes from self-diagnosing? Or, accepting some feedback from others that suggest they may be autistic? Further, the process for receiving a formal diagnosis can be next to impossible for some people. There are financial limitations, availability limitations, and many more that others may experience that I couldn't even imagine. This position is effectively the community gatekeeping in a very destructive way. Things like this are areas where the community should be introspective and inquisitive rather than dismissive.
I get the impression that you're very thoughtful about this and you more or less have some level of agreement with it. Hopefully, anyone else that is following the conversation can appreciate the thoughtfulness that you have given and see that I am not spouting off but really giving significant consideration to these things. Whenever I bring things like this up... that is also where I meet resistance, so let me thank you for not doing that and taking the time to engage in the conversation, I truly appreciate it.
Hi, I'm really glad you brought this up. Fair points made, for sure. Is it connected to contingency thinking, the monitoring energy? I think you articulated how complex it can get very well. Beth Ellwood recently wrote about a study that revealed a possible diagnostic tool, to gauge connectivity in the right anterior region of the brain in "Psypost". There are groups like BASS, Black Autism Support Society, which hopefully adds to a collective effort we can do to protect people by educating the pubic and changing our culture to reduce prejudice. JAN, Job Accomodations Network is also a resource to help advocate for work needs.)
I reworded this to aim for clarity. This young gentleman self-identified as an INFJ. Public discussions about injustice towards autistic people have been evolving. * It is important to not disrespect his mother's feelings stated in an interview in which she said he was not autistic*. Elijah McClain was only 23 years old when he died tragically. No one can be certain if he lived with autism now, or if he would've ever questioned that, himself. The discussions about whether that was part of the prejudice he experienced is an echo interpretation of a much larger picture. I revisited news about the violin vigils and discussions about Elijah McClain the other day, because the trial of the officers and paramedics involved just began. Friends and family said he had been " sensitive" and "different". Even so, more than one prejudice was a contributing factor, if someone called in a, " suspicious person" who was simply dancing to music on his walk home. Racism was also deeply embedded in the situation.)
* BASS, Black Autistic Support Society works to provide communities with resources, educate the public, and protect rights. Collaborative efforts to encourage change are important.
I am going to openly admit my lack of knowledge about the dangers that BIPOC Autistic people face. I can imagine how so many of my own behaviors are not focused on because of my skin color. Thank you for sharing all of that information and it is important that I work on educating myself further in this because I do want to live in a world where everyone is safe. I cannot imagine how much masking is required for an Autistic black person to just get through their day.
INDEED 💯❤️💫🕊️
I’m a random Infj stranger hopping in, but I was wondering if you have ever tried writing/typing if out before the (work) meeting and than handing over the paper at the start?
I’m sorry that you are/feel so misunderstood, it is hard as an Infj to verbalize thoughts out loud, must be exponentially more hard with autism on top of that
Hi Christina, I’ve just found your channel and subscribed. I’m in Ireland, greetings! You have described your feelings so well, you are very articulate. Just wondering with you name Donnelly, that sounds Irish! Do you have Irish ancestry? Best wishes. ❤
Thanks for watching. My last name is from previous marriage so not original. My ancestry is mostly Scottish as my grandmother was born there.
I'm
I relate to every last bit of this