Відео

fearful avoidants

It doesn’t make much difference knowing it happens, it can still infect your mind. I was forced to live with my dad and npd step mother & her kids and I knew exactly what she was doing and thought that awareness would protect me, but the brain washing got through anyway. Also, even though I’m now no contact with her, other people seem to target me for more projective identification. I seem to have no defences against it happening even though I see it clearly occurring. Not really sure how to deal with this as it affects my life in many ways given it can happen with a variety of people eg neighbours, work colleagues etc. I find myself hiding away to avoid people who might do it again to me.

Correct if I am wrong but doesn’t neurodivergent mean autistic ? 😅 it’s just I don’t have autism but I am highly sensitive and relate to most of that’s being said 5:51

I have never felt more validated in my entire life

I just often feel like I have dumb down. And always want more.

Thank you whole heartedly for this video! 🖤

I am extremly emotional and intense empethetic individual

Another good video for describing neurodivergent types and the unique challenges they face. I’m puzzled though what neurodivergent people are seeking after watching these videos. The videos do help people self identify. And I see comments where people are relating and self identifying as gifted. But these videos repetitively point out the challenges of being gifted. I don’t see responses indicating people seeking to improve their lives in relation to these challenges. Are gifted people not seeking to form a community with one another so that they can face their unique challenges together? If they are where are they trying? Do gifted people want to find more ways to be effective instead of frustrated with academics and work? These videos list some fields where they might have better luck but I see very little comments that build on this. Going back to community don’t we want to face these challenges together? Regarding existential depression. Is this not uniquely challenging? Is it not difficult talking to people who don’t understand or relate to existential depression? Would it not help to talk to others who face this and work together to be more effective in facing this? I’m not relating to the behavior of stating “this video describes me” and then leaving it at that. I do find I relate to these videos but relating to these videos does little more than increase my vocabulary for describing my experience. An experience I knew well before applying terminology to it. Do we not want to do more? Or is having our comment liked and briefly and politely replied to enough?

Embracing Stoicism and Spirituality has been an absolute life changer for me. Finally found my peace and happiness in the midst of chaos...Excellent video❤

Excellent

‘There is nothing to fear, you are merely going home’ This line really hit me, it had a really soothing and calming affect for me Thank you for this video

@imi lo, I just watch this video and I was deeply touched by the immense compassion you communicated toward the interview ! I have myself turn from enginering toward videography. The process for changing career was not easy as you get the feeling to walk on a obscure path but dit defintely worth it ! Thanks you for sharing this interview with us !

You say don’t shield.. life is worth loving? How is that when every time I attempt to love people I’m treated like shit, dismissed and rejected. I’d rather be cold and shielded than to keep hurting like this.

I like this in general, but the idea of settling for a life partner who is not also a soulmate makes me physically ill. I don’t even see how that’s possible, let alone desirable. I couldn’t even experience initial attraction. I feel that a partner ought to be a passion, not in a “silly” limerent way, but in a deep-soul-resonance way, much like my intellectual passions. I understand that I’ll potentially be single forever.

Wonderful, thank you. Had me between crying and laughing a couple of times from the recognition/mirroring I missed growing up.

My mum was not cold, and she was not really cruel. She was just always prepccupied with her own mental illness and her abusive boyfriend. They would fight almost daily, my mom was very jealous but also she cheated on him quite a few times. She drank alcohol and did drugs, and would come home crying all the time becauseher boyfriend (our stepdad) would leave her alone at a party. She wasnt super invalidating, in fact she was one of the only caregivers i had who really loved and seemed to understand me. But therein lies the problem, i wasnt with her enough to receive that love consistently. I had ADHD and she refused to get me a diagnosis, she thought she was doing the right thing but i was punished a lot in school and by babysitters, i was even pumished and picked on all the time by my older siblings. Most of the abuse i received was by my siblings and our stepdad. My mom never really got in my face, only one did she do that and it was because i used to burn pieces of paper. Well, one night i had written a note to my deceased friend who offed himself and went downstairs to burn the letter out the backdoor, it was snowy outside so i was trying to stay warm by keeping my body inside the house. But my stepdad smelled the burning and he told my mom i was burning stuff, he riled her up so when she came downstairs she chased me up to my room i think she was hittingme or something and she had me down on my bed, i looked at her and yelled "I HATE YOU" multiple times while she slapped me on the mouth repeatedly. She slapped me many times on the mouth when i was a kid because i had a ferocious and loud voice/ cry. She told me she had made my mouth bleed before. I dont remember. She gave me her BPD, she gave all of her kids some form of mental illness. We all kind of just agreed to blame it on our abusive stepdad but truthfully, she was the one who put us in that situation for 11 of our most formative years. She is equally if not moreso at fault for ruining her childrens development. I mostly forgive her and i still talk to her because she can be great to talk to, but about half of the time i feel completely draind after speaking to her. She now is livng with a man who also has BPD but he is volatile, he never abused her thankfully atleast not physically. Her ex, our stepdad almostbeat her to death a few times so its an upgrade. But yea, she still takes better care of her man then she does her kids. Its sad, because she is a wonderful person aside from it all.

I started retaking a calculus course after learning about giftedness 7 months ago at 25 and I experienced such powerful emotions and ideas that I couldnt even pay attention anymore and I realized I struggled with calculus when I was 18 likely because of this sensitivity to the sheer richness of possibility in math. It depressed the heck out of me but now I know I just have to learn in my own way and at my own pace! Without this insight, I wouldn't have been able to reclaim my love of math.

The effects have been devastating on me, and my biggest fear is that I have it and I’m scared to have children now. I’m considering not having kids because i don’t want to continue the cycle . I know it’s very transmittable

Thank you.

Maybe a DNA test would be better to identify giftedness than a IQ test! If It is genetic in some degree! I don't know! I think that a lot of non identified gfted adults have trauma!!

I'm working with a client who is a toxic narcissist and can only project her traits onto others. There is no building insight here.

Would love more healthy, grounded conversations like this surrounding family separations. I've left 2 partners that I had offspring with, and I knew I was meant to bring those babies into the world... and for them to witness the moving on with as much maturity and grace as humanly possible was also part of the grand "plan" as its tied deeply to my multigenerational trauma of "broken" families (who did not separate maturely or lovingly, along with a lifetime of ill-speak of the other parents). I knew i didn't need to stay stuck, but i really believed in my 20's that I was damaged goods and didnt want to put my kid through the kind of single mothering I endured... But that was exactly what led to the deep care I took every step of the way. I never imagined i'd do it again 15 years later, with two more kids. There was a lot of grief and rupture, but just as much resilient, deep hearted care that families can look all sorts of ways, authentically and healthily. Also teenagers and individuation, that's no joke. But we are wise to honor their pain and trust we instilled values that will bring them back to our hearts (and more fully into their own) Wonderful conversation, you two. And I feel blessed by a red thread that you shared this with the world 🪡❤

At minute 14:10 Eric says “we are all victims of this oppressive system.” Eric has used the word victim in his most recent interview on this site in how he describes his and our relationship with society. I strongly encourage people to avoid adopting this type of narrative. It is very healthy and good to give voice to your hurt and to seek to understand and describe how you were hurt but adopting the label of victim can cause many complex problems with coming to terms with your hurt. One of the major problems is that when we label ourselves victims we often experience anger at the thing we say is victimizing us. Anger is a very useful emotion for getting us to protect ourselves but it keeps us in a state of fight or flight. Fighting or fleeing are not normally good long term solutions. And it it is unrealistic often to fight or flee from something like society. People do but it is a very difficult life that involves many sacrifices. Changing society is often the more productive and rewarding approach and it is difficult to effect change when you are angry. There is another video on this site where the guest talks about feeling like a different type of primate than the people around him. He acknowledges the great pain he feels being in systems not designed for him such as when he was young and going through the education system. This narrative expresses the great amount of hurt he experienced and describes why without placing blame or labeling himself a victim. It is a very productive narrative for these reasons and I encourage people drawn to viewing themselves as a victim as a gifted person in society to explore this type of narrative as an alternative to a victim narrative and see if it better meets your needs. I’ll note that Eric talks before this point in the video of not liking labels and not liking to put labels on himself. I suspect if he reflects on his labeling of himself as a victim he will realize he doesn’t want to adopt this label either.

One of my favorite conversations I've listened to...made me feel very much less alone

For gifted people grasping existential threats (often correctly) can trigger depression or existential crisis. Coming to terms with existential threats or disturbing truths in general requires reorientation of one’s life to find meaning in the face of that threat or truth. This requires complex thinking which can be aided by other gifted thinkers who face the same problems. Simply stated being smart enough to recognize the existence of existential threats and disturbing truths is a unique problem requiring unique solutions in order to avoid depression and existential crisis.

Good list. On the solution end of this list I’ll add seek out high risk high reward working environments. People become highly motivated to understand your value when you meet them in the trenches of challenging high reward high risk situations. These situations also better help you forge the metal of your gift. Because following your gift often necessitates becoming comfortable with high risk high reward seek it out. People will see you much more clearly when you amaze them. But at the same time you are under no obligation to amaze people and I don’t mean to glorify seeking to amaze others. But seeking out exciting high risk high reward work environments can really be a blast. Have fun with your gift, don’t let it always be a burden 😋

This is the topic I came to this site to engage with. Community formation. I’ll briefly acknowledge the sadness I felt hearing about the pain expressed in this video. My fantasy that mathematically gifted people have an easier path to self understanding and acceptance is now set aside. I appreciate this clarity but sorry to hear about the pain. Empathy aside, there are clearly different stages in developing a healthy identity as a gifted person and I think part of the difficulty in community formation for gifted people is gifted people meeting at various stages of positive identity development. I’ll lay out what I mean by stages: 1. Reaching awareness of being gifted and incorporating being gifted into one’s description of self. 2. Healing past trauma focused around being gifted. 3. Letting go of masking behaviors or “dumbing down” around others. 4. Developing confidence with failure and comfortableness with conflict. Any engagement with community of other gifted people before these 4 milestones should focus on supporting the gifted person reaching these milestones. If not it is possible for gifted people to spread trauma and maladaptive behaviors among other gifted people who are struggling reaching these milestones. Let me pause for a moment and emphasize pointing out one maladaptive behavior that has come up in multiple videos. Masking and dumbing down is a way of ego survival but it is not healthy. If it is necessary for someone to do this to get by that is absolutely fine but aim to work on skills that allow for progress in not needing to engage in this behavior as much or at all. It is hurtful to self. Now once these milestones are met community engagement can focus on two ongoing needs of healthy happy gifted people: 1. Stimulating relationships that are able to keep pace with the gifted person. 2. Companionship with facing existential anxiety These two objectives aside, it is very positive for gifted people to be around others who are smarter than them as intelligence is relative and it’s important to have one’s identity developed both as an intelligent person and as a less intelligent person. There are healthy experiences had on both sides of the curve but gifted people need other gifted people to experience people being more intelligent than them in the areas they are strong in. I aim to explore community creation further until I have been successful in making one that meets my needs. If there are videos on this cite that further develop this idea or other sites that may be useful please let me know.

I’m at minute 16 and this is really fascinating to me personally. I’ve had an untested assumption that being gifted in areas like math that have more established measures of intelligence would provide earlier feedback of giftedness to a child allowing for less trauma. But I’m understanding now from this narrative that math is not taught in a way that fits with the interest math inspires in a gifted person. The gravity example was very helpful and links to experiences had by people in other areas of education with different gifts. This is very interesting to hear about and I’m excited to hit play now to hear more.

Regarding dealing with being hyper critical due to being gifted. 1. It helps to come to terms with identifying with being gifted. When you have not reached confidence with being gifted you can often attribute others actions to a moral failing instead of recognizing that you would likely behave the same way if your brain was not processing greater amounts of information faster. By coming to terms with this being an issue of ability not morality you can better engage in an empathetic manner with others instead of being judgmental of them. 2. Spend time with your weaknesses to humble yourself. It is tempting if you are gifted to lean into your strengths all the time. But no gifted person is gifted in all areas. While it is tempting to avoid our weakness it’s important to experience them to develop humility. Humility is very important for happiness. It decreases our attachment to ego and expands our connection and appreciation for others. Regarding existential depression. It is often difficult to face this when you lack other gifted people to talk to. This is because people who are not naturally pushed towards difficult existential thoughts due to intelligence either respond dismissively to existential challenges or become overwhelmed hearing about them because they have not built up a tolerance by thinking about them all the time. To manage existential depression it greatly helps to connect with others who are gifted so that you can face and process existential challenges together.

Eric’s account is very personal and can be very useful for others to hear who are facing a similar point in their life that has unique complexities due to being gifted. However, I am concerned that people who face a fear of failure and a fear of conflict will be drawn towards some of the ways that Eric describes his journey that may not be healthy. People who are gifted see options that others don’t see easily. Because these options are often paths rarely walked the gifted person has little context to asses if they are safe. Thus following one’s gifted inclinations can feel very risky. And it is risky. Smart people should expect failure like everyone else. But because they are often inclined to take paths others have not walked they should expect it more often. When you face high risk high reward situations it is only human to try to shield yourself from the fear of failure by bolstering yourself with reassuring ideas that may not be realistic. This is not cultivating true confidence. True confidence comes from reaching peace with failing and knowing you can survive it. Or that if failure truly necessitates facing something like death reaching genuine peace with death. Conflict involves a similar desire to seek emotional safety by adopting grandiose narratives but this again is a coping mechanism. True confidence with conflict involves coming to terms with the fact that conflict sometimes doesn’t work out. Eric is facing a lot of challenges. He seems to struggle with the fear that trusting his intelligence and drive may be taking him on the wrong path. And it may be doing that as gifted people to make mistakes too. He seems to be trying to assure himself by giving a higher meaning to his inclination to take these risks. That is a defense behavior and while it is very understandable that he is doing this it is important to understand that is what he is doing. That said it is very important for gifted people to take risks on follow their unique path that others may not understand or may not support. Eric has taken risks trusting his gift and lived a fuller life from it. It is good that he is providing his experience as an example to others as it takes great courage to follow one’s gift and seeing people take risks on their gifts and succeed is needed and very powerful. But as you do this instead of bolstering your confidence by describing your drive drive in some mystical or destined way focus on bolstering your confidence that you will survive when it is wrong and be able to get up and try again. Being gifted can be uniquely wonderful. Being your authentic gifted self feels wonderful. But resist the very human urge to reach to grand narratives to describe your journey.

I feel like I relate to this....and have actually wondered if I may have some form of mental illness....have been told by my love that I'm too intense. I do overthink nearly everything and I'm always deeply hurt when my romantic partner doesn't automatically feel the same about me on every level that I feel about him. It's hard for me to understand that if I love him so much that he may have a less intense love for me in return. I have always felt that I might not ever really fit in in this world. I always feel lonely and alone in life and I do suffer from depression, feeling like the world would be a better place without me....thanks for the info. I'm glad I'm not the only one

Please excuse the clunky nature of this post. I’ve never commented on an internet site before. (Never needed a G mail acount before) To get to the point, I’d bank on the conclusion that people fitting into the category of emotionally intense and gifted have experienced that their full intensity and fast moving thinking demands a lot from others. Being respectful of others requires patience and observance of the limits of what they can handle. Often this leaves an emotionally intense and gifted person under stimulated and unchallenged. Being under stimulated can lead to boredom and decreased motivation. Being unchallenged stunts personal growth. Any person finding themselves in this situation has a strong drive to find people who can meet them at their level or exceed their level. There is also a drive to find community to face the unique challenges that come with emotional intensity and gifted intelligence. To that end I submit this post. Now after watching several videos on this site it seems clear that their are likely many common experiences/challenges and probably some common themes in moving past them. The rope story in this video is likely one of them. For me it was a golden city in my head that I could either try to build or feel empty from abandoning. Social anxiety and being exhausted from social interactions due to the high emotional empathy and concern about being misunderstood is also likely a common theme. Both the compulsion to follow the rope/build my golden city and my social anxiety went completely away after engaging in a peso of meditation about five years ago. But I remember these challenges very vividly. My guess is that meditation has been an effective tool for many emotionally intense and gifted people to reach peace with these types of challenges. Regardless, there must be many effective tools and practices emotionally intense gifted people have used to find great happiness. Intelligence and intensity is very challenging to live with. But with the right practices I have found it very wonderful. I wish to seek out other emotionally intense and gifted people to share challenges, share successes, and to stimulate growth with. If this is a forum that might accomplish that let me know. If not at least I have a G mail now😊

Years and years of therapy in one single video ! Thank you so much !

Another truly excellent video. Brilliant content, pace and adult authenticity. Really well done thank you Tom UK

A close friend just stopped talking to me out of the blue. She blocked me on social, and won’t answer my calls or texts. I know she’s going through some major problems and grew up in an abusive home. She indicated that she might have borderline personality disorder and also has ADHD. But I still don’t understand how a close friend can just get up and leave like this with zero explanation. I was so good to her on many occasions and I would never just leave someone this way. I am absolutely heartbroken. She told me that she needs space and I didn’t do anything wrong. But the way she’s acting now leads me to believe otherwise. I just want to help her, but she just doesn’t respond to me. Adding to the problem is that we work together. So I have to see her. She’ll talk to others but completely ignores me as if we are total strangers. I don’t know what to do anymore. Feels like the longer we don’t speak, the less likely we’ll be able to reconcile. This is so painful. 💔😢

This is what helped me: Psalms 147, 3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13,5 I will not fail you or abandon you Joshua 1,5 The words of the Lord are alive and heal the hearts and minds 💖💕💞

Eric could pass as a brother of Kyle from MedCircle

Love the way these words are put together

Trying to break this cycle. My divorce really triggered these child wounds and I met someone who was so sweet and honest and vulnerable and I tried so hard to let my walls down but as soon as I fell for him I wanted to pull back, and its almost like I feel like I’m falling apart and I am so worried that if he saw that, my flaws he will leave so I guard myself instead. It’s like feeling like if this person decided he did not want me it would be so painful.. and that’s what happened. He said he felt my walls went up and he could not connect with me. He had doubts and was not sure if the wanted to continue, he is going through a divorce finalizing and is scared of getting hurt too and has trauma too, but he said he is open to continuing in 1-2 months when divorce is over and he can start fresh. He has checked in with me as promised. I need to really work on this though with my therapist if this relationship is going to have a real chance if he is still open in 1 month or any healthy relationships in my future.

More detailed time stamps

I really needed this video. Thank you.

Thanks a lot to both of you! I loved the scale and depth and multifacetedness of this conversation. It felt like coming home in a way, while being stimulated and nourished.

From reading Eric's autoethnography, I wonder if there have been any Mel updates? Wishing them the best on an endlessly open adventure of love and learning.

This was a fascinating conversation, it felt very real, much needed in our times we are living in.

Its so strang hearing Eric talk, its like finally seeing how others percieve me when I talk..his mind seems like racing with ideas and slightly anxious. Yup. Still cool to witness great duo I think Imi is a great listener and really what one needs when venting 24:23

How would alexithymia in a neurotypical person look different from that condition in a neurodivergent person? Would such a person be mistaken for autistic? Conversely, what does autism without alexithymia look like?

I absolutely hate having this. It is destroying my mental health.

Love the drawing in the background

I really like this one. It’s so nice to hear nice things for once about BPD

‘Life isn’t a problem to be solved, it’s a mystery to be lived’. Yet, ‘the unexamined life is not worth living.’