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Limerence.net1
United Kingdom
Приєднався 3 кві 2021
A self help channel related to all things limerence. Run be Dr. David Perl, medical doctor, psychotherapist and leadership coach.
How to overcome Limerence -an important element of going No Contact - Dr. David Perl
Why is it necessary to go No Contact when impacted by limerence and where its not appropriate to pursue the relationship
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Відео
Growing self awareness - Dr. David Perl
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How to become more self-aware - as the Greeks used to say "Know thyself". Self awareness is important if we are to build healthier and more functional relationships.
Should I disclose my feelings to my limerent object (LO) -Dr. David Perl
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A video on if I should disclose my feelings to my LO - the pros and cons - mostly cons Im afraid
NZ couple talk about how limerence affected them and their 30 year relationship
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Many thanks to Brian and Janine from NZ who were gracious and courageous to talk about how limerence impacted them and their 30 year relationship. I hope you enjoy it and can learn something from it If you are impacted by limerence, check out the community at limerence.net We have a free forum, private members only forum, an online video program and regular zoom meetings plus other support. Id ...
The limerence disclosure dilemma - Dr. David Perl - when to disclose to your LO
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One of the most common questions I am asked as an expert on limerence is should I disclose. In this video I look at the 4 permutations that present in limerence and when is it and when is it not appropriate to disclose. I explain my thinking behind each choice. If you are impacted by limerence, check out the community at limerence.net We have a free forum, private members only forum, an online ...
One of the most insightful articles on limerence, written by Brittany, age 15
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Back in 2016, a member on the limerence.net forum wrote this about a blog article: I am still finding my feet a little in so many aspects of my life following on from my Limerent Experience. On my journey to find answers, so I could rediscover myself, for me the first article I came across is still by far the best. It is superbly written with beautiful compassion, and explains everything in per...
Interview with Sunshine USA and her account of living with limerence
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A first hand account of limerence and its impact from Sunshine USA living in the USA! Many topics are covered including the perils of disclosure, the need to be perfect, the feeling of not being good enough and radical honesty. Apologies, the audio quality is not great. Link to Brittany's blog post from 2011 bthaw.blogspot.com/2011/08/guide-to-limerence.html If you are impacted by limerence, ch...
A first hand account of living with limerence from Sharon, a mum of one living in the USA.
Переглядів 9 тис.3 роки тому
I was really fortunate to have a member of the limerence.net community willing to talk about her own experience and journey with limerence. Limerence is still little known amongst the therapeutic community and often dismissed a sa crush or obsession. Those that have lived with it will know its much more than that. Anything that promotes the awareness of limerence is a good thing and its through...
The myth of the soul mate
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The following quote from Eat, Love, Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert sums up what I believe soul mates are really about: “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably th...
What does limerence feel like? Dr. David Perl
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If you feel you never heard of the word, "limerence”, no worry! As the concept of limerence might not be very known yet, its meaning is widely felt across individuals from all over the world. Have you ever felt obsessed and crazy “in love” with someone? Have you ever felt that everything that you could think of during the day was that person? Or have you caught up with yourself constantly fanta...
Who invented the term limerence?
Переглядів 2553 роки тому
If you feel you never heard of the word, limerence, no worry! As the concept of limerence might not be very known yet, its meaning is widely felt across individuals from all over the world. Have you ever felt obsessed and crazy ?in love? with someone? Have you ever felt that everything that you could think of during the day was that person? Or have you caught up with yourself constantly fantasi...
Reflections on growing up in a narcissistic family
Переглядів 4653 роки тому
My personal account of being raised in a dysfunctional family and the impact of being the son of a holocaust survivor. This was not an easy video to make as it felt like a betrayal of everything my father had suffered. And yet the children of holocaust survivors nearly always carry their own personal anguish, inherited from their parent's trauma. If you are impacted by limerence, check out the ...
Limerence and Shame, Why do so few people disclose their limerence?
Переглядів 6 тис.3 роки тому
Shame is the one core emotions that few people can tolerate. Its at the core of most addictions and limerence seems to generate more feelings of shame then other addictions. I talk about my own experience of shame with this condition and what to do to start letting go of the toxic feelings. If you are impacted by limerence, check out the community I founded in 2015 at limerence.net We have a fr...
Brief introduction to limerence.net
Переглядів 2513 роки тому
A little background on how the limerence.net support community was setup by the founder, Dr David Perl This is the most established and largest community with over 3,000 members limerence.net
Really well done video. Thank you.
Just out of curiosity: what is childhood? I mean, when does it end…11,12? When does a traumatic experience not count as being part of childhood anymore?
Too late did it lol he likes me back but is healing from a heartbreak and I live hours away so ultimately unavailable. 😭 I honestly was hoping for rejection so I can be free from him. It made me think more about the pain of us always passing each other and fantasize about what life would be like dating each other.* Sigh*
All it did was stroke his ego and I cried for weeks afterward
intermittent reinforcement from a narcicst , where they're sometimes warm and engaging and other times distant
I did no contact full on. I even deleted the LO’s friends too even though they did nothing wrong. it had to be done for my own mental health.
I’m not sure if no contact really helps. Because even if I have no contact with my current LO, after some time I will find a new LO. And it just can repeat over and over again. I think that no contact won’t help me over come limerence.
Lol, yeah, just quit your job. It'll be for the best, right? Mental health professionals are completely out of touch.
Was thinking the same, my LO is one of my managers. I can't block my manager and I can't go for another job right now, it's not aligned with my career goals.
Good interview 😊 I had a limerent episode in the past, was obsessed with my LO, we got together and after a short while I was disinterested, I ended it. I've learned about myself that I'm emotionally unavailable. I keep working on myself continuously, it's been nearly 4 years.
Great conversation thank you so much !
I'm so happy I found this channel. Thanks a lot for creating it. It's so helpful ...
I know if I block him, I'll unblock him in time.
fuck it hurts
I knew I was in trouble when I had several nights without being able to sleep and was rerunning moments in my mind. Today, I advised my LO (who works in the next section to me) that we will be going 'no contact' on her return from Leave. This was not even a romance ... I'm 64 years old and have been married for 35 years ... while she is a 32 year old single Muslim woman who everyone at work just loves. She really doesn't need this workplace intrusive weirdness that I have brought to her. Somehow, I got this damn mind virus and have now deliberately outed myself (to my LO) so it forces me down the 'no contact' path. This was delicate because she works in HR. I have no idea how this happened but know I need to look at my own marriage, and start doing other positive things to work my way out of this terrible feeling. Today was a hard day ... but it offers some hope!
What if I am just ugly? Main reason I didnt receive love and therefore high probability of being in limerance.
The moment my limerence object passed me by several times one day I was cured of 3 months of limerence. The lo was playing hard to get before that day and was creating the fantasy in my head. Once he was around me that day I just stopped thinking of him instantly. I met the real one. So in a way direct contact helped me.
no contact didn’t help this one
I finally figured it out after 6 months of obsession , then ran across these videos,what an eye opener . I actually despise my obsession now. Not the kind of person I thought of in my fantasy. But it was a tough time getting through all of it, just thought I was in love. Powerful mind phuque,but I it can be done . Mind you I just went throught a divorce from a narcissistic. Life goes on as they say. Peace and love. Its tough .
Shame this guy gave up on this channel, it had a lot of potential. Sad
It happened during my depression. It was started off euphoric. It ended as the most traumatic experience of my life.
Is it limerence or twin flames? Im seeing both on my feed that is trying to give me another ultimatum of bullshit and illusions mixed into one again... im genuinely asking.
thank you! what if the limerent object is my therapist? who has been very helpful in my healing journey... in fact, the limerence has been like a doorway to my grief. and now i'm scared that if i quit therapy abruptly, i'm not going to find a satisfactory resolution for this coping mechanism
I’m in a similar situation, where I’m debating if I should continue with this person or not. Have you thought about talking this thru with your LO therapist? By law they are required to not get involved outside of therapy so there is absolutely no future. But the thing is if I move on without healing I know I will soon finding another replacement.
Not all LOs are narcissist at all. Not all of them or even most of them are using you for their own benefit and well being. Some of them actually are very well adjusted, balanced, educated, and come from "no drama" places. And some are actually very good looking to match their level headed personalities. Those are the ones I fall for, they are near (or seem to be) perfection - and they find my interests interesting. So it is important to get that (narcissist) part out of the way, and it goes against a part of this video. The other thing is, if both you, and the LO are single (Dr. Perl does mention this), then disclosure is not such a bad thing. Rather then flat out admit your obsession or limerence or having hard core crush, I decided to make a move, a gentle move that stated I wanted physical contact if not exactly sex. A light but unmistakable sexual pass. So then I got rejected but at least I did it and I know it is not happening. And so I like to think it made it easier for me to forget about that. Not forget about them but forget about physical contact unless by some miracle they change their mind which I do not expect at all. So maybe it is best to disclose and get rejected and then maybe find it a slightly easier path to moving on? If both of you are single then fine. If they (or you) are married, then it's a bit different of course.
I also told my LO that I had a minor crush, and I'm glad I did. It helped me move on from them, or at least move on the best I can or could at the time. I got rejected of course but it was still worth it.
5:30 attachment style
8:15
Disclose if you can. Get rejected. It will help.
If both of you are single then yes. But one needs to find the right way to disclose. I say do not admit obsession or mad desire. Ask them to date, a real date? Tell them they look sexy? Tell them you'd like to see them topless or shirtless? Or maybe tell them they likely look hot naked? If the attraction is sexual than these are ways to disclose attraction without the baggage of limerence, obsession, or craziness imo. I would issue a complement like the jeans looks very hot on you! Then you may get rejected and that's fine. You didn't disclose your deep rooted and troubling L to the person. Then you can move on or they can move on and you did your part by not staying silent and suffering alone in the silence. That is exactly what I did. We are still friends, but things are different now of course. We are slightly more distant and I think it's helped me move on the best I can. Normal people do just that, they make a pass to who they are interested in and if they get rejected they move on. All of my LOs I have been very sexually attracted to. They were all good looking, hot, smart, educated, fun, intellectually curious, single, and appeared interested in me at least as a friend. Sometimes I think they were sexually teasing me. The tight fitting jeans and seemingly not noticing my stares, or pretending not to notice my observations. In those cases one must make some kind of pass.
thank you for sharing your jorney. Me and eventually more people can understand what your life may feel like, because a narcissistic bahviour is in the most cases similar. And what you told here, sounds very much as it is. Good luck on your path and stay strong.
Thank you for sharing this conversation. Very inspiring
Disclosed, lost, if you want to lose them then disclose!
I made a mild but direct sexual pass at them, rather than admit I was obsessed. Got turned down and acted like it was not a big deal and I would be fine with it. It hurt but it was better (for me I think) knowing that there was no chance here.
So, what happens when your LO is, wait for it... your THERAPIST???!!! 😱
You find another one
I disclosed to my LO a couple months ago. She's my boss at work. And for the past 2 years she had been constantly and consistently pushing and pulling me. I'd asked her out on a date 4 years ago and she agreed but then she ghosted me at work and became passive aggressive with me the next time i saw her. But after lockdown i tried to move on and keep distance, which was when her games started. She pulled me back in after i tried to resist it and i really started to suffer from limerence. I convinced myself that she feels the same way about me but she would never come forward and just admit it. She'd flirt with me and always try to get in my space and make me acknowledge her, but when i'd pull away or wouldn't reciprocate, she'd go passive aggressive and act punitively me. Only for the cycle to reset and happen again and again. For 2 years. She got promoted at the start of this year and became my boss, and she became harder to read as the hot and cold behaviour started to calm down. This sent my mind into overdrive, because i really wanted her. I just wanted to make her happy and treat her right as it seemed like she had been really hurt in the past. But when i opened up to her a couple months ago, she wouldn't acknowledge or take any accountability or responsibility for her actions in the past, and instead pushed me away and things escalated and the store manager had to get involved. Nothing serious, but i felt very exposed and uncomfortable about it all. I wasn't aggressive or confrontational in any way, I just wanted resolution and peace of mind and felt that if we could open up then we could leave it behind or take it somewhere if it was mutual. Now things can be really awkward at work. She's very hot and cold with me and i'm just trying to keep distance as best i can. Not initiating any conversation, keeping it purely work related and focusing on my job. But it has been really hard due to her inconsistent behaviour. I regret putting her on the spot like that, but i told her we can't be friends for my sake and so here we are. I'm pretty sure she's seeing someone now as i'd seen her on tinder and there was a guy waiting for her outside work last week, she's became very cheery at work and looking her best. That really destroyed me. My cPTSD kicked in full force and i started drinking after work all week and was having suicidal thoughts. Just got 2 weeks sick notice for depression as i'm going onto anti-depressants now and seeing her and knowing someone else is making her happy breaks my heart. When i saw that guy, i honestly saw myself sitting there waiting on her. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I've never experienced this before and never want to again.
"Mind virus." That's a great way of putting it. I hope you make more videos soon!
A comment to help boost the UA-cam algorithm!
Great information. Thank you so much!
It's so painful I just want it to end 😭😢
You're not alone. We're all here for the same reason.
Limerence sounds similar to being trauma bonded to a narcissist.
Disclosing was the only way to not chasing him anymore. I tried several times going no contact. But it did never work. So when I told my LO that I was obsessively infatued, I closed any door to further contact. I can pretend anymore that we are just friends. I don't regret. He was my first limerence experience. I wish that I'll not experience limerence again. It's too painful. But, if I do, I know better now. And I will cut out dry in the beginning. I did stay connected to my LO for 5 years. I want to break free and be able to have some reciprocicate love in my life. 😔
Trauma is a gift. Limerence can be a gift, if you have the right tools and perspectives to deal with it. The trick is not to cut off connection or avoid the person. That is just pushing the problem away without healing the tendency towards idolisation and need for validation. There is a reason the wounded healer is an archetype. Trauma can open the door to sensitivity and gentleness. Poison is medicine. And all emotions are a gift of you’re on a more spiritual path.
having gone through this horror 4 times in my life, i can compare limerence to a gothic horror story about attraction to an inanimate object , or to a dead corpse. as far as reciprocation is concerned, it's the same thing. in some worse cases, the person that you turn into a limerent object would prey on your life and emotions like a vampire. do yourself a favor: try to find out more about that person before any emotional commitment. you may find out that they are into things that you wouldn't tolerate in any other context.
Thank you 😢
What a lovely interview
shame is HUGE...and the mixing of limerence emotion and real care and concern for someone you love as a friend but gets sucked into this addiction...I am enraged and resent my parents for their poor parenting--even though I know they didn't intend to shape me with these wounds...
NAC supplement is fab for this issue.
I’ve gone from obsessing about a female 90% of the day to obsessing about her 50% of the day while I obsess about Limerence the other 40%
Me too 😂 My UA-cam suggestions are 80% about limerence ... Seems like a revenge , we obsess on what makes us obsessed 😅
@@elrisitas1927 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Me too! There is an important point here that should be addressed by the experts. Maybe the question shouldn't be so much why we obsess about a particular person, but why we obsess.
I have a suspicion that the source of limerence is trauma. Trauma+trauma bond=limerance. Thank you for this video.
Yes! Trauma bond equals limerence but first we how to understand the concept of limerence. When I read a book about this matter I realized that it's the same as hard drugs: The mind only remember the good times, of course the FIRST interactions but forgets how does it feel the next day. Terrible!
Please make more videos. Im 23 and need to to get this under control
👏 bravo Thank you.
Brilliant Video! No Contact was the best thing I ever did!
Thnx for your empathy i miss it on other video's