I also told my LO that I had a minor crush, and I'm glad I did. It helped me move on from them, or at least move on the best I can or could at the time. I got rejected of course but it was still worth it.
I did not want to disclose but I had to tell my feelings to my LO, because in order to have no contact with him I had to block him from everywhere like FB, Instagram etc. But because we were friends I could not just block him without saying anything. He was just married. I was single. I dont know if it make him feel uncomfortable. I wrote that we cannot be friends any more because I fell in love with him and I have to block him. He did not react at. He stayed quite. Honestly I wanted just quietly leave, but it was not possible and tried to do my best. After 7 months we bumped into each other and he looked that he is sorry we are not friends any more. We talked a bit how are we doing, he had just newborn baby with him (so painfull for me). Introduced me to her. He was just so nice as always before, then he said he was Happy to see me and hugged me ( he has never hugged me before). Then we said good bye. Of course I was like in extasy, but what it did to me afterwards like crash from high to some empty dark hole. This is not easy at all. He lives nearby and I dont know whether I should move out from the city or face this anyhow. I am missing him in my life. But the pain which is always around after thats unbearable. I will talk with my therapist. Yes I experienced trauma, I have fathers wound, I dont think I am autist.
Hello Anna. I can certainly feel your pain. I feel I'm in a similar situation. I'm 21 and I've never been in a relationship. Now, in my college I met this girl and I instantly felt that I had a crush on her. It's been two years and we speak with each other as well...just not regularly. Now, whenever I speak to her, that day is pure bliss. I feel everything is going well. But whenever I don't get to have a chat with her. I just become super anxious and sometimes I have feelings of resentment towards her for not behaving the way I want (glaring symptom of limerence). Now, the thing is, she is single. She also initiated a sort of "date" where we went for a coffee after college (1 on 1). But I'm still not sure if she's into me. And the limerence is killling me. Should I just tell her or not?!
@@vaidik03 Hi. My story was as follows. I was told by my therapist that if I still feel the pain, it means its not resolved. And that I have to discuss it with him, that there IS still something not clear for me. And it kind of was. Because I still hoped that he falls in love with me. So I asked him if we could clarify something and he agreed. I discussed with him and asked him that he is always so Nice to me and prefering me instead of other colleagues etc. I was lucky because he was able exactly explain in details that he behaves like this to many people in generál and so on. He also told me he is really happy in marriage and does not want to change anything. For me was important that I could see and face the REALITY and thats whats its all about. No dreams in head... So it helped me so múch to discuss it with him. I was really lucky that he did not hurt my feelings and was still kind with this. Because not every LO is like that. So if you really want help with limerence its important to know the Truth - the reality, what really is... So yes, be brave and od course the fear will come up but go and discuss what do you feel and ask her what feelings does She have fór you. This step is important. I Can tell you that I am pretty much over my LO now. Of course I will always like him but its reaally different now. I am fine... And also I started to attract men who want to date me ... Healing is possible... But its important to face the reality... Hope this helps... You have my support. You can do it... Ask and be clear what does she want... You never know until you simply ask... 😄🤗
@@annamaria9899 I totally agree with you! Also, I am really happy that you took all the relevant steps and were able to get out of this situation. It must have been hard but it allowed you to move on and that's what matters in the end. Even I am considering telling her about my feelings. If we keep on meeting for a few times, I will let her know so that I can end this suffering haha. Anyway, thank you for your suggestions and I wisht you the best. Hope you find the person you're looking for.
@@vaidik03 In your case disclosure is fine because both of you are single and it's not a creepy stalker type of relationship. Just be ready for the rejection even if it is kind rejection. This pain of rejection will help you longer term. You need this cleared up if you have not already. If you can stay friends after rejection (if it happens) then fine. But you may have to go no contact for your own sanity.
@@rockrecordreport7136 Thanks for your advice. I am seriously considering letting her know about this. Also, yes, I am ready for a rejection as well. Let's see 🤞
Disclosing was the only way to not chasing him anymore. I tried several times going no contact. But it did never work. So when I told my LO that I was obsessively infatued, I closed any door to further contact. I can pretend anymore that we are just friends. I don't regret. He was my first limerence experience. I wish that I'll not experience limerence again. It's too painful. But, if I do, I know better now. And I will cut out dry in the beginning. I did stay connected to my LO for 5 years. I want to break free and be able to have some reciprocicate love in my life. 😔
I made a mild but direct sexual pass at them, rather than admit I was obsessed. Got turned down and acted like it was not a big deal and I would be fine with it. It hurt but it was better (for me I think) knowing that there was no chance here.
Too late did it lol he likes me back but is healing from a heartbreak and I live hours away so ultimately unavailable. 😭 I honestly was hoping for rejection so I can be free from him. It made me think more about the pain of us always passing each other and fantasize about what life would be like dating each other.* Sigh*
Not all LOs are narcissist at all. Not all of them or even most of them are using you for their own benefit and well being. Some of them actually are very well adjusted, balanced, educated, and come from "no drama" places. And some are actually very good looking to match their level headed personalities. Those are the ones I fall for, they are near (or seem to be) perfection - and they find my interests interesting. So it is important to get that (narcissist) part out of the way, and it goes against a part of this video. The other thing is, if both you, and the LO are single (Dr. Perl does mention this), then disclosure is not such a bad thing. Rather then flat out admit your obsession or limerence or having hard core crush, I decided to make a move, a gentle move that stated I wanted physical contact if not exactly sex. A light but unmistakable sexual pass. So then I got rejected but at least I did it and I know it is not happening. And so I like to think it made it easier for me to forget about that. Not forget about them but forget about physical contact unless by some miracle they change their mind which I do not expect at all. So maybe it is best to disclose and get rejected and then maybe find it a slightly easier path to moving on? If both of you are single then fine. If they (or you) are married, then it's a bit different of course.
@@marcusappelberg369 I think being only friends on social is sometimes better than pain of L. But I would dump them on social and get a better grip on your own worth.
The part where you talk about why you started to go no or low contact feels untrue to me. To me it feels as though the reason why you started to pull away was that you wanted control. Instead of allowing the vulnerability of a true emotional connection, which would have asked for eye to eye and heart to heart level honesty, which you feared, because it would have meant that you could not control the dynamic. In that scenario it is not limerence that is a problem, but your perceived need to navigate/control people. Instead of just allowing trust. Which of course is not easy for someone who learned very early on that people were not trustworthy, or rather that the people he loved the most betrayed him the most and in this way hurt him worst. I might be wrong though. Just my perspective. I wish you the best.
Just out of curiosity: what is childhood? I mean, when does it end…11,12? When does a traumatic experience not count as being part of childhood anymore?
Oops, I told my LO to stop staring at me in the streets because it sends me on a limerent episode, like 3 weeks ago, I also asked for no contact. She is still very much in my mind ... -_-
Good for you, taking charge of the situation and calling out the LO for stringing this out where it need not be strung out. Even if this person is on your mind a lot, they need not stare and lead you on like that.
@@rockrecordreport7136 oops we are now friends that person and I, we garden together, go on Christmas shopping adventures and to the restaurant too. We share support and help each other understand the world. I guess my no contact didn't work at all lol
I'm incredibly glad I've never told my limerant objects about my feelings!
Same
I also told my LO that I had a minor crush, and I'm glad I did. It helped me move on from them, or at least move on the best I can or could at the time. I got rejected of course but it was still worth it.
I did not want to disclose but I had to tell my feelings to my LO, because in order to have no contact with him I had to block him from everywhere like FB, Instagram etc. But because we were friends I could not just block him without saying anything. He was just married. I was single. I dont know if it make him feel uncomfortable. I wrote that we cannot be friends any more because I fell in love with him and I have to block him. He did not react at. He stayed quite. Honestly I wanted just quietly leave, but it was not possible and tried to do my best. After 7 months we bumped into each other and he looked that he is sorry we are not friends any more. We talked a bit how are we doing, he had just newborn baby with him (so painfull for me). Introduced me to her. He was just so nice as always before, then he said he was Happy to see me and hugged me ( he has never hugged me before). Then we said good bye. Of course I was like in extasy, but what it did to me afterwards like crash from high to some empty dark hole. This is not easy at all. He lives nearby and I dont know whether I should move out from the city or face this anyhow. I am missing him in my life. But the pain which is always around after thats unbearable. I will talk with my therapist. Yes I experienced trauma, I have fathers wound, I dont think I am autist.
Hello Anna. I can certainly feel your pain. I feel I'm in a similar situation. I'm 21 and I've never been in a relationship. Now, in my college I met this girl and I instantly felt that I had a crush on her. It's been two years and we speak with each other as well...just not regularly. Now, whenever I speak to her, that day is pure bliss. I feel everything is going well. But whenever I don't get to have a chat with her. I just become super anxious and sometimes I have feelings of resentment towards her for not behaving the way I want (glaring symptom of limerence). Now, the thing is, she is single. She also initiated a sort of "date" where we went for a coffee after college (1 on 1). But I'm still not sure if she's into me. And the limerence is killling me. Should I just tell her or not?!
@@vaidik03 Hi. My story was as follows. I was told by my therapist that if I still feel the pain, it means its not resolved. And that I have to discuss it with him, that there IS still something not clear for me. And it kind of was. Because I still hoped that he falls in love with me. So I asked him if we could clarify something and he agreed. I discussed with him and asked him that he is always so Nice to me and prefering me instead of other colleagues etc. I was lucky because he was able exactly explain in details that he behaves like this to many people in generál and so on. He also told me he is really happy in marriage and does not want to change anything. For me was important that I could see and face the REALITY and thats whats its all about. No dreams in head... So it helped me so múch to discuss it with him. I was really lucky that he did not hurt my feelings and was still kind with this. Because not every LO is like that. So if you really want help with limerence its important to know the Truth - the reality, what really is... So yes, be brave and od course the fear will come up but go and discuss what do you feel and ask her what feelings does She have fór you. This step is important. I Can tell you that I am pretty much over my LO now. Of course I will always like him but its reaally different now. I am fine... And also I started to attract men who want to date me ... Healing is possible... But its important to face the reality... Hope this helps... You have my support. You can do it... Ask and be clear what does she want... You never know until you simply ask... 😄🤗
@@annamaria9899 I totally agree with you! Also, I am really happy that you took all the relevant steps and were able to get out of this situation. It must have been hard but it allowed you to move on and that's what matters in the end. Even I am considering telling her about my feelings. If we keep on meeting for a few times, I will let her know so that I can end this suffering haha. Anyway, thank you for your suggestions and I wisht you the best. Hope you find the person you're looking for.
@@vaidik03 In your case disclosure is fine because both of you are single and it's not a creepy stalker type of relationship. Just be ready for the rejection even if it is kind rejection. This pain of rejection will help you longer term. You need this cleared up if you have not already. If you can stay friends after rejection (if it happens) then fine. But you may have to go no contact for your own sanity.
@@rockrecordreport7136 Thanks for your advice. I am seriously considering letting her know about this. Also, yes, I am ready for a rejection as well. Let's see 🤞
Disclosing was the only way to not chasing
him anymore. I tried several times going no contact. But it did never work. So when I told my LO that I was obsessively infatued, I closed any door to further contact. I can pretend anymore that we are just friends. I don't regret. He was my first limerence experience. I wish that I'll not experience limerence again. It's too painful. But, if I do, I know better now. And I will cut out dry in the beginning. I did stay connected to my LO for 5 years. I want to break free and be able to have some reciprocicate love in my life. 😔
I'm so happy I found this channel. Thanks a lot for creating it. It's so helpful ...
What if I am just ugly? Main reason I didnt receive love and therefore high probability of being in limerance.
Disclosed, lost, if you want to lose them then disclose!
I made a mild but direct sexual pass at them, rather than admit I was obsessed. Got turned down and acted like it was not a big deal and I would be fine with it. It hurt but it was better (for me I think) knowing that there was no chance here.
Too late did it lol he likes me back but is healing from a heartbreak and I live hours away so ultimately unavailable. 😭 I honestly was hoping for rejection so I can be free from him. It made me think more about the pain of us always passing each other and fantasize about what life would be like dating each other.* Sigh*
Not all LOs are narcissist at all. Not all of them or even most of them are using you for their own benefit and well being. Some of them actually are very well adjusted, balanced, educated, and come from "no drama" places. And some are actually very good looking to match their level headed personalities. Those are the ones I fall for, they are near (or seem to be) perfection - and they find my interests interesting. So it is important to get that (narcissist) part out of the way, and it goes against a part of this video.
The other thing is, if both you, and the LO are single (Dr. Perl does mention this), then disclosure is not such a bad thing. Rather then flat out admit your obsession or limerence or having hard core crush, I decided to make a move, a gentle move that stated I wanted physical contact if not exactly sex. A light but unmistakable sexual pass. So then I got rejected but at least I did it and I know it is not happening. And so I like to think it made it easier for me to forget about that. Not forget about them but forget about physical contact unless by some miracle they change their mind which I do not expect at all.
So maybe it is best to disclose and get rejected and then maybe find it a slightly easier path to moving on? If both of you are single then fine. If they (or you) are married, then it's a bit different of course.
Wish I’d seen this earlier .
Me too. Told my friend the truth and now we're only friends on social media.
@@marcusappelberg369 I think being only friends on social is sometimes better than pain of L. But I would dump them on social and get a better grip on your own worth.
All it did was stroke his ego and I cried for weeks afterward
The part where you talk about why you started to go no or low contact feels untrue to me. To me it feels as though the reason why you started to pull away was that you wanted control. Instead of allowing the vulnerability of a true emotional connection, which would have asked for eye to eye and heart to heart level honesty, which you feared, because it would have meant that you could not control the dynamic. In that scenario it is not limerence that is a problem, but your perceived need to navigate/control people. Instead of just allowing trust. Which of course is not easy for someone who learned very early on that people were not trustworthy, or rather that the people he loved the most betrayed him the most and in this way hurt him worst.
I might be wrong though. Just my perspective. I wish you the best.
Just out of curiosity: what is childhood? I mean, when does it end…11,12? When does a traumatic experience not count as being part of childhood anymore?
When are the forums, I live in California so the times might be very different
8:15
Oops, I told my LO to stop staring at me in the streets because it sends me on a limerent episode, like 3 weeks ago, I also asked for no contact.
She is still very much in my mind ... -_-
Good for you, taking charge of the situation and calling out the LO for stringing this out where it need not be strung out. Even if this person is on your mind a lot, they need not stare and lead you on like that.
@@rockrecordreport7136 oops we are now friends that person and I, we garden together, go on Christmas shopping adventures and to the restaurant too. We share support and help each other understand the world.
I guess my no contact didn't work at all lol
So, what happens when your LO is, wait for it... your THERAPIST???!!! 😱
You find another one