Hello, it's me; the original commenter. I cannot express the happiness that came over me when I saw this in my notifications. I am having a poor time of managing myself from multiple perspectives. The moment in which you read a few words from my comment to prove it was me made me genuinely smile. For the first time in a while, someone was listening and going out of their way to help me. Thank you so much. I will be taking everything you said into consideration, and hopefully come to a final decision. Thanks for the support!
Being single for an extended period of time is when you really get to know yourself. When you're one of a couple that's exactly how you see yourself, attached to another, however when you are single you're forced to be with yourself and get to know yourself as an individual person.
This is such an alien perspective for the vast majority of men who are almost perennially single. Whereas most women are seeing at least some men, and a big proportion are dating. Just that there are a small percentage of men dating a lot of women. Being single for a change by choice is a privilege only some have
@3:05 could not agree more. My wife was *terrified* of having kids, she was absolutely convinced she'd be an awful parent and wouldn't get attached to the kid (she's really super not a social person). And yet, our son decided to come along anyway and she absolutely nailed it. On the other hand I struggle a lot more than I thought I would until he was older.
Over the past 9 years I have been in 3 long term relationship's, totalling 7 and a half year's. My most recent one ended 2 months ago. My advice to anyone is establish your convictions and values first, know who you are and what qualities you want in a partner and do not bend them for anyone.
True, if you bend them occasionally, the relationship will brakes down eventually regardless. Stick to your values, partners might not like it sometimes short term, but long term they sure as hell respect you for it. Play the long game.
Been in several boring relationships, been in a crappy, miserable marriage which gave me depression. That marriage made me realise just how little I needed co-dependent relationships to be happy in life. Ended and out of it and never doing that ever again. So much happier. I've been able to achieve so much more in life without having someone whinging in my ear that i need to give them attention. With few exceptions, who ended up as friends, most people I've met in life are incredibly boring and shallow.
This is great, people ask my wife of 6 years and I, how we get on so well, and we say it's just a game of mutual tolerance, and it's better the devil you know than the one you don't.
After being a commitmentphobe from the age of 18 to 27 and then entering a long term relationship at 27, I can resonate with the ideas you present Jordan. Relationships teach you so much about yourself. The many many one nights stands I had were "novel" but I always left feeling the same emptiness and unfulfillment. I guess as you approach your late 20s, you seek something a little deeper, even as a man.
I don't know how great the advice is to go out and get in a relationship. This is how so many women wind up heartbroken after trying to heal their boyfriends. Therapy first. Know thyself. And commitmentphobia is really just attachment wounds at play - and if you don't know what yours is and why you keep picking partners that trigger your wound, you're going to get hurt or hurt someone else. You're going to have to do the therapy eventually... may as well do it before a great love comes along than after when they've been pushed to break up with you. Also, I know 'pussy' is being used colloquially, but it's still yucky to hear all of women, half the humans on earth, referred to by their genital in the single form, like it's an ATM and we are interchangeable. Would probably help mindset and empathy to start to eliminate this language.
Definitely agree yeah, his advice needs more nuance. I would add that some things you just don't know about yourself until you go through a relationship and its ending. A friend told me "going through a break up is like speeding up personal discovery and growth, you're faced to face your own loneliness and all the emotions that go along with it."
@@EdenWeimer Yeah, it's entirely messed up how inaccessible it can be. As a stop-gap, I highly recommend listening to talks by Tara Brach. Here on YT or podcast app. Go for a walk and listen to a 50 minute talk, and see how changed you feel. Her approaches help reset you back to who you really are under the chaos and adaptation.
Im 31, I have dated many stunning women from all around the world with all kinds of interesting lives and backgrounds... I love the experiences i have shared, the knowledge and different life perspectives help me grow and become more worldly. I wouldnt trade my last 15 years of life, love, learning and lessons for a Long Term Relationship i could have been stuck in to this day from back in high school. Long term relationships, no thanks!
The 7 year blues is a real thing, glad you made it through it Jordan. RE: Getting ONS - You really should go out and get it out of your system before entering a serious LTR. You need to be able to solidly prove to yourself that you can do it and that you are desirable, otherwise it (the insecurity/fomo) will constantly fester eat away at you for the rest of your life. Do that, then do serious LTR's. Don't rush, you have time to find someone special
i strangely have the opposite FOMO of this - i figure i am quickly leaving the prime of my life and never had a relationship, feels like ive missed out
After a while all relationships get boring...kinda like wanting and "getting" that cool car, job, house, holiday or any other beckoning shiny thing * the fun is in the anticipation
Jordan you can build each other up all you like, the scary thing is when the stable relationship is ripped out from under you without a reason or choice, especially when kids are involved. having the kind of relationship aspirations you speak of is fantastic, but life isn't black and white like most people would like to believe. Not all guys are commitment phobes, not all guys are out for a life of ons. Some guys are able to give it all, and some guys live a life of misery when their ability to be a father is stripped from them through eternal games and bitterness. That is the school of life, that is what some of are used to. I hope to god you never feel that kind of pain, I hope you are able to find a high road if you ever go through it.
I didn't write that question but I kinda relate - I'm still not sure whether or not I'm that interested in finding a relationship other than DA PUSS, but I'm starting to feel more weird at how I haven't been in a relationship at 23 idk I have Bill Burr on one side saying don't get into a relationship when you're young and focus on your passions/skills and guys like jordan saying you should get into one. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Get a few hookups under your belt then decide. Meeting women is the more fundamental skill that you need to get a handle on first. Jordies had a bunch of ONS in Korea and Australia before meeting Tong, so his perspective is different than yours. All the people who've done the ONS->LTR progression will say that LTRs are better, but that's because they've spent the time mastering the ONS skills and have outgrown them. You haven't, so get out there! Once you've got some XP, or you get sick of short term stuff THATS when you graduate to LTRs.
I think Jordan's advice needs to be more specific. "Just get into a relationship" is a bad move that is likely to hurt you and the other person. I think better advice would be: start dating around first, or even just making friendships with girls/guys. learn what you want and don't want in a partner (you won't know fully until after a few relationships), get into a relationship if you find someone who meets your wants and needs and it feels right. If not, then there's no rush, you have your whole life to explore relationships. Relationships definitely teach you so much about your personality that you might not know about. I actually attribute the growth of my self esteem to when i broke up with my ex 6 months ago: i realised it wasn't what i wanted so i went with my gut and ended it, and it ruined me for months. But I've been building up my confidence alone and i guess it taught me that i can go through tough shit and look after myself and be okay after. Anyways both jordan and bill's advice has truth in them. You can take what feels right to you, it doesn't have to be one or the other, take beneficial parts from both. I'm more of the opinion of using your 20s to learn good habits, work hard and have fun while you're free. Also there's nothing wrong with never having a relationship by age 23, most of my mates are the same. I know people who are 40-50 and haven't had one. They're awesome people who've had all that time to completely focus on themselves and their hobbies
One of my biggest fears is marrying the wrong person. Imagine doing the mighty morphin power rangers with someone only for them to f*ck you over years down the line. I do believe you're meant to become "one" in some way - but that sense of individuality and reliability on one's own self should never be sacrificed - because the moment it is, the harder it is to build yourself back from if it all goes apeshit.
I want to be in a relationship but I'm scared of physical intimacy lmao (am a woman for reference). I was hoping Jordan would discuss that aspect because the way he explains everything is so straightforward and I love his advice.
Relationships cost money jordayne we’ve been through this. $20 an hour doesn’t do it anymore. Can barely buy drugs and hang out with friends let alone go on dates.
How do you just get into a relationship? I want a relationship but am terrified of the process of getting into one. Where do I find someone I like, what do I do to meet them, how do I tell them if I like them, how do I get them to like me, how do I do all of it?
@@equis616 Having never had success on the typical culprits (dating sites), I'm not quite sure what else there is. Unless... Do... do you want to be in a relationship with me?
I'll take a bite at this because I had the exact same problems when I was younger and no amount of people regurgitating "just be yourself/just get drunk" helped me. This is gender neutral. > Where do I find someone? Anywhere where there are people. Walk up to them, open with anything. If you have nothing "you're cute I want to say hi" is fine. Important - give them an out ("are you in a hurry?"). See if you vibe with them. Ask for number/contact details even if you're not 100% sure that it went well, you'll be surprised. This is something you can pepper into your normal day to day activities. Invite them out for some low-pressure event (coffee, walk in park etc). Keep arranging dates, if they keep coming your more or less in. >How to tell them I like them With your words. A good way is to say after they've *done* something you like. "You shared something vulnerable with me, I like that about you, I like the openness". This conveys that you actually like their personality and it passively trains yourself to have standards and boundaries. >How do I get them to like me? It'll happen automatically, its not something you *make* happen. If you demonstrate authentic interest in someone they'll either mirror it back to you (you're in) or they won't (next!) >How do I do all of it Just do it! Do things and debug them.
I actually really disagree on this one. I've been a serial monogamist since I was 14yo (2x 4-year relationships + multiple 6-month relationships), and since I broke up w my last bf at 24yo (2 years ago) this is the first period I've taken time to be single, learn about myself independently from being in a relationship, and have truly grown... I'm conscious that I am afraid to jump into another relationship, because I've been hurt before, and I don't want to settle! It's not always commitmaphobia!
We all have a default of unworthiness and insecurities initially.. it freezes in time and remembered in the body.. then it festers later on in life. Then it’s an opportunity when maturer to be able to process it when it comes up then. It’s why we live the lies because we aren’t worthy of more real, until we truly value it. There is self sabotage of insecurity, not being enough, not worthy of love. Hence commitment issues. We all have rejection, abandonment, loss trauma to process in some capacity at some point.The body will release the experiences in certain situations. In our minds we think the power is there, doing it our way, however we can to feel safe. This is where addictions and cravings come in, the denial and non attachment to what is really going on.. however we avoid, or outsource to other things, when we just aren’t ready to deal with ourselves. When we are still too proud and stubborn. Which prevents soul evolution. You’ll continue to do the same shit. Denial is not only a river in Egypt. There is also the reality of choice. When you realise there is a creator behind all of this, you either honour that plan and do “Gods Will” for your path uniquely and individually planned for you. Or… You continue to try creating in your mind, the way you want to do life… That’s when whatever the reality of God basically says, “are you finished with doing it your way yet”, trying to push a sloppy turd uphill, trying create in force, trying to fill the unfillable void… you want the “Gods Will” master plan? You know it’s the only thing that will fill the void. That’s the heart space of honesty and not living the lies, the fake, being congruent to the creators image how he created you. That’s when Jesus has more power in you and are guided by his wisdom whether you knew it or not.. even other cultures not exposed to Jesus and not in their values. The only heart guide.. when you don’t deny him anymore, making you more accountable for your choices when you are worthy of the light and that kind of honesty for your life. You sure as hell don’t get accountability from “consciousness, universe, science, spirituality without Christ… etc etc etc not to a Christ God kind of real. Who’s worthy of real and ready to connect with people also ready to be that real? It’s a self worth thing…
Not sure anyone would willing get into a relationship with someone who just wants to experience it. It would be nice if the dating world was as idealised as you make it out to be rather than the fact that most women don't date down and the men they are chasing get plenty of attention and therefore have no interest in a long term relationship. Not to say that previous advice from other videos can't therefore be used in order to get at least one person interested in you because online dating as dominant as it is, isn't the only way to meet new people and potential partners.
hey dude, from knowing nothing about you other than this comment I want to bring to your attention the way you speak about yourself. "Most women don't date down" is a really obscure sentence because in order for them to "date down" you are subconsciously thinking of yourself as inferior to them which I am sure isn't true. Instead of thinking "they won't go for me because they go for those other guys for x y z reasons" think about all the good things someone could get out of dating you. what do you bring to the table? humour? kindness? etc. Thinking about yourself as "one of the men that women go for" will take you a lot further than your current mindset.
I live in Pakistan and my parents see relationships as inherently immoral because they are Muslims like 95% of the population here. In addition, Muslim Women can only marry other Muslims, so that rules out any semblance of a possibility of me getting into an actual relationship. I also believe online relationships never last and so that's not gonna work out either. *Anyways, that was just in reference to the actual video - here's the actual problem I want to watch you tackle:* I often feel uncomfortable being left alone by myself and so I impulsively keep bombarding myself with stimuli to keep myself distracted by chatting on discord and playing video games with my friends for hours. This has resulted in a severe decline in my productivity and a decreasing sense of self worth. Overtime I am starting to realise that I don't have a clear definition of success beyond "I wanna be in a position where I am always growing and always contributing positively", but at this point even that feels like mere rhetoric. I feel I have too many interests and things I am drawn to, but at the same time I don't feel an immense amount of passion for either one and so I am afraid that I might make the wrong decision. On a theoretical level, I myself realise that not making a decision is worse than making the "wrong decision" whatever that even means - as right and wrong are just human constructs that don't really mean anything. I can't find a way to integrate interests as diverse as Digital Artwork (I am bad at it but it makes me feel like I am not worthless), Writing, and Learning about random things that I just find interesting. I am a Computer Science major because I know that art isn't a stable career path if I wanna get the fuck out of Pakistan + I am drawn to it and the idea of doing that seems interesting, but I am not sure if I even want that anymore. I am confused and quite lost. So to compress this whole comment into a question, I would ask: - How do you break out of a rut where you start questioning if you even want what you thought you did? - How do I stop not wanting to commit to any single career path? - How do you not feel like shit?
What retro cam did you pull out to film this on a Nokia3310. Looks like relationship advice from a police interview room. Are you making videos out of a police interview in response to a question asked. Prison dating.
A shackle??? In an ideal world world (not this one), maybe an "anchor" is a better analogy. Jordan, just because you may of had a relationship that had some depth & meaning to it, it does not mean that is what happens in more "relationshits". I suspect balanced relationship are extremely rare. Most people are not about building each other up, but tearing each other down & starting again "rebuilding off the plan" so to speak (off their plan) if the other is weak enough to let them do that to them. Not everyone is a commitment-aphobe. @ your age I was not As I got older, getting kicked in the nuts, beaten about the head & having my wallet stolen, well it just was no longer exciting. I really did not want to be with a self entitled self -centric girl when I was your age, when this kind of female gets to 40 & beyond, they usually do not improve. The difference was that when I was young, I was a romantic, I sold myself on the lie, that women value men, that may of been true once but for the most part it is no longer. It is true when you get to that point of realization, that decision comes @ a cost, but it is unlikely to land you in jail in a different kind of "un-wholesome" relationship, or your house been taken away from you, leaving to homeless or the law deciding you can't see your kids. I never had kids, I wanted to. I can't imagine what it would be like to have my children taken away from me. I think it would be the end of me. For some it does become the end of them. The money I once spent on women, I now put into rebuilding a muscle car, I rock climb, mountain biking, camp, hiking & arch, well I did before the pandemic & my life was ok. I am a man, there wil probably always a part of me that will want genuine connection with a woman, but the world is no longer like that way for most of us & the labor party ain't going to bring that back for me like it was never broken to begin with.
where do you live that you "can't imagine meeting someone" :D ? you don't meet people? can I go there? ( ie I'm sure you meet someone all the time, I do...sometimes its nice haha) hope you see my point sorry its late lmao
@@pluto9000 sometimes it can be pleasant and enriching to make eye contact and pleasantries with strangers. It can brighten both of your mornings. But completely understandable if you don't do that or there's no one around. Peace and quiet solitude is a lovely thing to be praised but being around happy people can also make one happier too :)
@@vvelvettearss My auntie made some gluten free pancakes and gave me two and a half pancakes about 85mm diameter 8mm thick. They were delicious and tasted pretty much the same as normal pancakes. 🥞
bruh im the literal exact opposite of scared of being in a relationship! people are scared of me! AHH WHY AM I SUCH A LOSER AHHHHH JUST WANT A GF AHHHHH CANT BELIEVE IM TURNING 28 IN A MONTH AND STILL FUCKING SINGLE AHHHHHH
stop listening to BS it doesn't last, Just enjoy meeting people, having a relationship with any1 is gr8, If you're not willing to learn anything stay single, what a waste of life. While you are single just work on improving yourself the rest comes easily, Don't be the person you don't want to be with in a relationship.
No You are going too far in your assertions. If a relationship evolves in your life so be it. if it doesn't so be it. that other stuff you are asserting is crap.
You're overcomplicating it. Find someone that makes you happy that you can be good to and that is good to you. Or don't. Work out what you want. Grow the **** up! Make a choice and stop worrying about the road not taken.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
2 vids a week Wayne Dyer tier, 1 vid Jim Rohn - www.patreon.com/jordanshanks
Is this one of his real Chanels or is this reuploaded?
Hello, it's me; the original commenter. I cannot express the happiness that came over me when I saw this in my notifications. I am having a poor time of managing myself from multiple perspectives. The moment in which you read a few words from my comment to prove it was me made me genuinely smile. For the first time in a while, someone was listening and going out of their way to help me. Thank you so much. I will be taking everything you said into consideration, and hopefully come to a final decision. Thanks for the support!
Agreed
whelp if you are not wanting relationships with people send em my way bruh im getting nothing :)
@@crusaderking2257 lol
@@crusaderking2257 brutha, stop taken them all for u, share a lil round
@@dougieboxell6505 i still got none bro how can i share
So glad you travelled back to 2003 to film this on an ipod nano😍
Being single for an extended period of time is when you really get to know yourself. When you're one of a couple that's exactly how you see yourself, attached to another, however when you are single you're forced to be with yourself and get to know yourself as an individual person.
well yes and no.
you 'get to know yourself' by not having any rules and being self-indulgent
This is such an alien perspective for the vast majority of men who are almost perennially single. Whereas most women are seeing at least some men, and a big proportion are dating. Just that there are a small percentage of men dating a lot of women.
Being single for a change by choice is a privilege only some have
Thats kind of true but sometimes you can learn new things about yourself and find new hobbies with a partner that you wouldn't have by yourself
idk, ive spent so much time with myself i really just need some intimacy
@3:05 could not agree more. My wife was *terrified* of having kids, she was absolutely convinced she'd be an awful parent and wouldn't get attached to the kid (she's really super not a social person).
And yet, our son decided to come along anyway and she absolutely nailed it.
On the other hand I struggle a lot more than I thought I would until he was older.
Your son decided to come along??
You changed my whole outlook on this. i just got into a relationship and was kind of paranoid for no reason. Thank you
Over the past 9 years I have been in 3 long term relationship's, totalling 7 and a half year's. My most recent one ended 2 months ago. My advice to anyone is establish your convictions and values first, know who you are and what qualities you want in a partner and do not bend them for anyone.
True, if you bend them occasionally, the relationship will brakes down eventually regardless. Stick to your values, partners might not like it sometimes short term, but long term they sure as hell respect you for it. Play the long game.
Been in several boring relationships, been in a crappy, miserable marriage which gave me depression. That marriage made me realise just how little I needed co-dependent relationships to be happy in life. Ended and out of it and never doing that ever again. So much happier. I've been able to achieve so much more in life without having someone whinging in my ear that i need to give them attention. With few exceptions, who ended up as friends, most people I've met in life are incredibly boring and shallow.
Sigma mammal
...what country are you from Josh? ("most people I've met in life are incredibly boring and shallow").
@@thesmellyranga googled 'sigma male', clicked the first article and it pretty much summed me up 😂
@@JoshBowman1 sigma balls
This kinda sounds like a brag but it definitely should not be, random people on the internet say the funniest shit sometimes lol
I am mentally unstable so it's mainly just keeping people protected from me honestly.
Good on you for admitting this. Takes guts to be honest with yourself
This reminded me of one of the ideas in atomic habits about how you have more freedom when you have a routine
This is great, people ask my wife of 6 years and I, how we get on so well, and we say it's just a game of mutual tolerance, and it's better the devil you know than the one you don't.
After being a commitmentphobe from the age of 18 to 27 and then entering a long term relationship at 27, I can resonate with the ideas you present Jordan. Relationships teach you so much about yourself. The many many one nights stands I had were "novel" but I always left feeling the same emptiness and unfulfillment. I guess as you approach your late 20s, you seek something a little deeper, even as a man.
For just $2 a week Jordan can get better recording hardware.
And a hair cut 💇♂️
No need if it works then it works
If TLC has taught me anything, it's to stay as far away from relationships as possible
As 100% custody single father, I can say the only thing I'm scared of is getting things ready for my son's first year of school come 2022
@natureboy tom bro legit
I don't know how great the advice is to go out and get in a relationship. This is how so many women wind up heartbroken after trying to heal their boyfriends.
Therapy first. Know thyself. And commitmentphobia is really just attachment wounds at play - and if you don't know what yours is and why you keep picking partners that trigger your wound, you're going to get hurt or hurt someone else. You're going to have to do the therapy eventually... may as well do it before a great love comes along than after when they've been pushed to break up with you.
Also, I know 'pussy' is being used colloquially, but it's still yucky to hear all of women, half the humans on earth, referred to by their genital in the single form, like it's an ATM and we are interchangeable. Would probably help mindset and empathy to start to eliminate this language.
Totally agree.
Definitely agree yeah, his advice needs more nuance.
I would add that some things you just don't know about yourself until you go through a relationship and its ending. A friend told me "going through a break up is like speeding up personal discovery and growth, you're faced to face your own loneliness and all the emotions that go along with it."
I wish I could afford therapy man...
@@EdenWeimer Yeah, it's entirely messed up how inaccessible it can be. As a stop-gap, I highly recommend listening to talks by Tara Brach. Here on YT or podcast app. Go for a walk and listen to a 50 minute talk, and see how changed you feel. Her approaches help reset you back to who you really are under the chaos and adaptation.
@@ingridelknermusic thank you for the recommendation :) will give it a shot
I agree with everything you say, but it is difficult to find someone who sees it the same way.
Im 31, I have dated many stunning women from all around the world with all kinds of interesting lives and backgrounds... I love the experiences i have shared, the knowledge and different life perspectives help me grow and become more worldly. I wouldnt trade my last 15 years of life, love, learning and lessons for a Long Term Relationship i could have been stuck in to this day from back in high school. Long term relationships, no thanks!
"Awww magic pudding... I wanted peanuts..."
The 7 year blues is a real thing, glad you made it through it Jordan.
RE: Getting ONS - You really should go out and get it out of your system before entering a serious LTR. You need to be able to solidly prove to yourself that you can do it and that you are desirable, otherwise it (the insecurity/fomo) will constantly fester eat away at you for the rest of your life. Do that, then do serious LTR's. Don't rush, you have time to find someone special
i strangely have the opposite FOMO of this - i figure i am quickly leaving the prime of my life and never had a relationship, feels like ive missed out
Speaking as a female, I’d never date a man who’d whored himself out. Revolting!
@@mickmash-5192 what if they have a mullet tho
After a while all relationships get boring...kinda like wanting and "getting" that cool car, job, house, holiday or any other beckoning shiny thing
* the fun is in the anticipation
Ah yes, ‘movie on 10 10 21 at 10 01 pm’
A true classic
Holy shit, I thought I was smoking something, I'm glad that was the original title.
Jordan you can build each other up all you like, the scary thing is when the stable relationship is ripped out from under you without a reason or choice, especially when kids are involved. having the kind of relationship aspirations you speak of is fantastic, but life isn't black and white like most people would like to believe. Not all guys are commitment phobes, not all guys are out for a life of ons. Some guys are able to give it all, and some guys live a life of misery when their ability to be a father is stripped from them through eternal games and bitterness. That is the school of life, that is what some of are used to. I hope to god you never feel that kind of pain, I hope you are able to find a high road if you ever go through it.
I didn't write that question but I kinda relate - I'm still not sure whether or not I'm that interested in finding a relationship other than DA PUSS, but I'm starting to feel more weird at how I haven't been in a relationship at 23
idk I have Bill Burr on one side saying don't get into a relationship when you're young and focus on your passions/skills and guys like jordan saying you should get into one. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just forget about them, it happens it happens it doesn't it doesn't, what i think is take positives from both perspectives, jordans and bills.
Get a few hookups under your belt then decide. Meeting women is the more fundamental skill that you need to get a handle on first. Jordies had a bunch of ONS in Korea and Australia before meeting Tong, so his perspective is different than yours. All the people who've done the ONS->LTR progression will say that LTRs are better, but that's because they've spent the time mastering the ONS skills and have outgrown them. You haven't, so get out there!
Once you've got some XP, or you get sick of short term stuff THATS when you graduate to LTRs.
23 is so young!
@@happychick94 appreciate the objective, unbiased answer
I think Jordan's advice needs to be more specific. "Just get into a relationship" is a bad move that is likely to hurt you and the other person. I think better advice would be:
start dating around first, or even just making friendships with girls/guys. learn what you want and don't want in a partner (you won't know fully until after a few relationships), get into a relationship if you find someone who meets your wants and needs and it feels right. If not, then there's no rush, you have your whole life to explore relationships.
Relationships definitely teach you so much about your personality that you might not know about. I actually attribute the growth of my self esteem to when i broke up with my ex 6 months ago: i realised it wasn't what i wanted so i went with my gut and ended it, and it ruined me for months. But I've been building up my confidence alone and i guess it taught me that i can go through tough shit and look after myself and be okay after.
Anyways both jordan and bill's advice has truth in them. You can take what feels right to you, it doesn't have to be one or the other, take beneficial parts from both. I'm more of the opinion of using your 20s to learn good habits, work hard and have fun while you're free.
Also there's nothing wrong with never having a relationship by age 23, most of my mates are the same. I know people who are 40-50 and haven't had one. They're awesome people who've had all that time to completely focus on themselves and their hobbies
I like relationships . I like having someone I can be vulnerable with.
I like having someone to tell me when I've gone mental.
One of my biggest fears is marrying the wrong person. Imagine doing the mighty morphin power rangers with someone only for them to f*ck you over years down the line. I do believe you're meant to become "one" in some way - but that sense of individuality and reliability on one's own self should never be sacrificed - because the moment it is, the harder it is to build yourself back from if it all goes apeshit.
This isnt a cure all but pay attention to how they deal with problems in their non romantic relationships. Can be very telling
im scared of painting my warhammer figurines in case i fuck it up please help me mr jordan shanks
Discipline = freedom baby
Feel like I wanna be in a relationship but I’m too embarrassed by my family to let anyone in lol.
I want to be in a relationship but I'm scared of physical intimacy lmao (am a woman for reference). I was hoping Jordan would discuss that aspect because the way he explains everything is so straightforward and I love his advice.
Relationships cost money jordayne we’ve been through this. $20 an hour doesn’t do it anymore. Can barely buy drugs and hang out with friends let alone go on dates.
This man speaks the truth.
How do you just get into a relationship? I want a relationship but am terrified of the process of getting into one. Where do I find someone I like, what do I do to meet them, how do I tell them if I like them, how do I get them to like me, how do I do all of it?
you use some of the communication technology readily available in our modern age and meet a bunch of people and wait for something to click
@@equis616 Having never had success on the typical culprits (dating sites), I'm not quite sure what else there is.
Unless... Do... do you want to be in a relationship with me?
I'll take a bite at this because I had the exact same problems when I was younger and no amount of people regurgitating "just be yourself/just get drunk" helped me.
This is gender neutral.
> Where do I find someone?
Anywhere where there are people. Walk up to them, open with anything. If you have nothing "you're cute I want to say hi" is fine. Important - give them an out ("are you in a hurry?"). See if you vibe with them. Ask for number/contact details even if you're not 100% sure that it went well, you'll be surprised.
This is something you can pepper into your normal day to day activities.
Invite them out for some low-pressure event (coffee, walk in park etc).
Keep arranging dates, if they keep coming your more or less in.
>How to tell them I like them
With your words. A good way is to say after they've *done* something you like. "You shared something vulnerable with me, I like that about you, I like the openness". This conveys that you actually like their personality and it passively trains yourself to have standards and boundaries.
>How do I get them to like me?
It'll happen automatically, its not something you *make* happen. If you demonstrate authentic interest in someone they'll either mirror it back to you (you're in) or they won't (next!)
>How do I do all of it
Just do it! Do things and debug them.
Start talking to more people than you normally would, be yourself. You’ll find someone one day
@@brock1157 Talking to more people than normal, that's the bit I can't do
legend says that if you put the video to above 144p, you might see a single hair on Jordans chin
thanks daddy Shanks
That thing about being able to do anything and feeling paralysed. I felt that
establish a routine and learn self discipline, also have a life goal and purpose
thanks jordan it's always been my dream to turn into a tree wizard, appreciate the tips
This is actually great advice!!:)
Do you have a PO Box for fanmail? I would like to send you a gift. Thanks!
I actually really disagree on this one.
I've been a serial monogamist since I was 14yo (2x 4-year relationships + multiple 6-month relationships), and since I broke up w my last bf at 24yo (2 years ago) this is the first period I've taken time to be single, learn about myself independently from being in a relationship, and have truly grown...
I'm conscious that I am afraid to jump into another relationship, because I've been hurt before, and I don't want to settle! It's not always commitmaphobia!
Did he call himself daddy 😂😂 that poor 3% of ladies watching this video…..
Very nice title Jordan.
I might want someone....but I do not need someone. That's the difference.
We all have a default of unworthiness and insecurities initially.. it freezes in time and remembered in the body.. then it festers later on in life. Then it’s an opportunity when maturer to be able to process it when it comes up then.
It’s why we live the lies because we aren’t worthy of more real, until we truly value it.
There is self sabotage of insecurity, not being enough, not worthy of love.
Hence commitment issues.
We all have rejection, abandonment, loss trauma to process in some capacity at some point.The body will release the experiences in certain situations.
In our minds we think the power is there, doing it our way, however we can to feel safe. This is where addictions and cravings come in, the denial and non attachment to what is really going on.. however we avoid, or outsource to other things, when we just aren’t ready to deal with ourselves. When we are still too proud and stubborn.
Which prevents soul evolution. You’ll continue to do the same shit.
Denial is not only a river in Egypt.
There is also the reality of choice.
When you realise there is a creator behind all of this, you either honour that plan and do “Gods Will” for your path uniquely and individually planned for you.
Or…
You continue to try creating in your mind, the way you want to do life…
That’s when whatever the reality of God basically says, “are you finished with doing it your way yet”, trying to push a sloppy turd uphill, trying create in force, trying to fill the unfillable void… you want the “Gods Will” master plan?
You know it’s the only thing that will fill the void.
That’s the heart space of honesty and not living the lies, the fake, being congruent to the creators image how he created you.
That’s when Jesus has more power in you and are guided by his wisdom whether you knew it or not.. even other cultures not exposed to Jesus and not in their values.
The only heart guide.. when you don’t deny him anymore, making you more accountable for your choices when you are worthy of the light and that kind of honesty for your life.
You sure as hell don’t get accountability from “consciousness, universe, science, spirituality without Christ… etc etc etc not to a Christ God kind of real.
Who’s worthy of real and ready to connect with people also ready to be that real?
It’s a self worth thing…
I Am a Rock by Simon & Garfunkel is my national anthem
Sick title bruz
Not sure anyone would willing get into a relationship with someone who just wants to experience it. It would be nice if the dating world was as idealised as you make it out to be rather than the fact that most women don't date down and the men they are chasing get plenty of attention and therefore have no interest in a long term relationship. Not to say that previous advice from other videos can't therefore be used in order to get at least one person interested in you because online dating as dominant as it is, isn't the only way to meet new people and potential partners.
hey dude, from knowing nothing about you other than this comment I want to bring to your attention the way you speak about yourself. "Most women don't date down" is a really obscure sentence because in order for them to "date down" you are subconsciously thinking of yourself as inferior to them which I am sure isn't true. Instead of thinking "they won't go for me because they go for those other guys for x y z reasons" think about all the good things someone could get out of dating you. what do you bring to the table? humour? kindness? etc. Thinking about yourself as "one of the men that women go for" will take you a lot further than your current mindset.
Jordaddy can you please do a video on balding at a young age and how to go about it
jordan slowly morphing into a ...conservative!
The quality ensures me
I live in Pakistan and my parents see relationships as inherently immoral because they are Muslims like 95% of the population here. In addition, Muslim Women can only marry other Muslims, so that rules out any semblance of a possibility of me getting into an actual relationship. I also believe online relationships never last and so that's not gonna work out either.
*Anyways, that was just in reference to the actual video - here's the actual problem I want to watch you tackle:*
I often feel uncomfortable being left alone by myself and so I impulsively keep bombarding myself with stimuli to keep myself distracted by chatting on discord and playing video games with my friends for hours. This has resulted in a severe decline in my productivity and a decreasing sense of self worth.
Overtime I am starting to realise that I don't have a clear definition of success beyond "I wanna be in a position where I am always growing and always contributing positively", but at this point even that feels like mere rhetoric. I feel I have too many interests and things I am drawn to, but at the same time I don't feel an immense amount of passion for either one and so I am afraid that I might make the wrong decision.
On a theoretical level, I myself realise that not making a decision is worse than making the "wrong decision" whatever that even means - as right and wrong are just human constructs that don't really mean anything. I can't find a way to integrate interests as diverse as Digital Artwork (I am bad at it but it makes me feel like I am not worthless), Writing, and Learning about random things that I just find interesting. I am a Computer Science major because I know that art isn't a stable career path if I wanna get the fuck out of Pakistan + I am drawn to it and the idea of doing that seems interesting, but I am not sure if I even want that anymore. I am confused and quite lost.
So to compress this whole comment into a question, I would ask:
- How do you break out of a rut where you start questioning if you even want what you thought you did?
- How do I stop not wanting to commit to any single career path?
- How do you not feel like shit?
Did you upload this on your Commodore 64?
You make it sound so easy to get into a relo. Maybe it’s different for guys.
I'm 25 and married to my second girlfriend
Thanks Jordan! Still chasing the tail.
What retro cam did you pull out to film this on a Nokia3310. Looks like relationship advice from a police interview room. Are you making videos out of a police interview in response to a question asked. Prison dating.
Was the 1 dislike from your Ex who's pissed off you won't commit?
5:42 Barilaro comedy relationship model?
A shackle??? In an ideal world world (not this one), maybe an "anchor" is a better analogy. Jordan, just because you may of had a relationship that had some depth & meaning to it, it does not mean that is what happens in more "relationshits".
I suspect balanced relationship are extremely rare. Most people are not about building each other up, but tearing each other down & starting again "rebuilding off the plan" so to speak (off their plan) if the other is weak enough to let them do that to them.
Not everyone is a commitment-aphobe. @ your age I was not
As I got older, getting kicked in the nuts, beaten about the head & having my wallet stolen, well it just was no longer exciting.
I really did not want to be with a self entitled self -centric girl when I was your age, when this kind of female gets to 40 & beyond, they usually do not improve. The difference was that when I was young, I was a romantic, I sold myself on the lie, that women value men, that may of been true once but for the most part it is no longer.
It is true when you get to that point of realization, that decision comes @ a cost, but it is unlikely to land you in jail in a different kind of "un-wholesome" relationship, or your house been taken away from you, leaving to homeless or the law deciding you can't see your kids.
I never had kids, I wanted to. I can't imagine what it would be like to have my children taken away from me. I think it would be the end of me. For some it does become the end of them.
The money I once spent on women, I now put into rebuilding a muscle car, I rock climb, mountain biking, camp, hiking & arch, well I did before the pandemic & my life was ok.
I am a man, there wil probably always a part of me that will want genuine connection with a woman, but the world is no longer like that way for most of us & the labor party ain't going to bring that back for me like it was never broken to begin with.
2008 myspace tier video quality
I love it
I'm like 3 years into not giving a fuck. With the power of weed.
only with Peter Dutton or Scomo!
What’s you’re starsign?
I am 7 years single. I can't imagine meeting someone now in my late 40s. 😁😭
where do you live that you "can't imagine meeting someone" :D ? you don't meet people? can I go there? ( ie I'm sure you meet someone all the time, I do...sometimes its nice haha) hope you see my point sorry its late lmao
@@vvelvettearss I live in the city on the road near the river and I walk along the path never talking to anyone or making eye contact.
@@pluto9000 sometimes it can be pleasant and enriching to make eye contact and pleasantries with strangers. It can brighten both of your mornings. But completely understandable if you don't do that or there's no one around. Peace and quiet solitude is a lovely thing to be praised but being around happy people can also make one happier too :)
@@vvelvettearss 😸
@@vvelvettearss My auntie made some gluten free pancakes and gave me two and a half pancakes about 85mm diameter 8mm thick. They were delicious and tasted pretty much the same as normal pancakes. 🥞
Ok wise guy, how do I get said relationship
All you have to do is transform every aspect of life so you’re in the top 1% and voila
As someone who has apd and Spd I don’t really care.
uncle jordies>daddy jordies
I want to be in a relationship but I’ve kind of accepted that I can’t be in one
ur fucking awesome bro
Ha! Joke’s on you! I’m happy being a festering weirdo. 😊
The threat of divorce rape and financial ruin helps me stay committed.
Get a prenup
call me daddy again jordies and see what happens
Fear of rejection..
I'm happy on the shelf😉
HeyJordan, hey Daddy! I don’t want a relationship but I love you 😘
Movie on 10 10 21 at 10 01 pm haha
bruh im the literal exact opposite of scared of being in a relationship! people are scared of me! AHH WHY AM I SUCH A LOSER AHHHHH JUST WANT A GF AHHHHH CANT BELIEVE IM TURNING 28 IN A MONTH AND STILL FUCKING SINGLE AHHHHHH
hi i love u
Anyone not afraid of today's relationship needs psychological help.
What the fuck was the power rangers reference????!?!?!?
go with the flow
this looks like a video from 2007
shanko’s shedos
7 year boom, this is true I just hit it
No I'm just lazy
Sad but true
Hey re read the magic pudding. In light of recent political events.
Yes
Yo Jordan, where can we get the anime pics of you as woman?
stop listening to BS it doesn't last, Just enjoy meeting people, having a relationship with any1 is gr8, If you're not willing to learn anything stay single, what a waste of life. While you are single just work on improving yourself the rest comes easily, Don't be the person you don't want to be with in a relationship.
sup jords u ok
See you in 25 years dribbling about relationships. No farce book here, doesn't stop the dumb ones trying for a second go. Ahhh, bliss. Single bed.
filmed on an avocado xD
No You are going too far in your assertions. If a relationship evolves in your life so be it. if it doesn't so be it. that other stuff you are asserting is crap.
You're overcomplicating it. Find someone that makes you happy that you can be good to and that is good to you. Or don't. Work out what you want. Grow the **** up! Make a choice and stop worrying about the road not taken.
Is there anything you don't have an opinion on? :p :D:D
7 year half life for most long term relationships. MAX
I know when you made this video.
You sound like my dad when I was 10
:)
Nope
Haha could you smack your hand any harder