I just was remembering dbt and trying to recall the dear man give fast skills to my bf. I think it helped me communicate when i learned it in intense month long classes I took. I found your video and i was happy how you explained the fast skills i subscribed and will look for more dbt stuff here. Thanks
This is really helpful. A lot of the videos that I find here just regurgitate what is in the manual and the elaboration really helps me get a better idea of the specifics.
Great stuff. One of my major problems is that I am constantly, involuntarily thrown into contact with someone whom I cannot express my feelings honestly without engendering a toxic, enraged response. From someone who lacks pretty much all self-awareness, someone who is "always right, always being disappointed and betrayed", etc., and can't be called out on anything. I cannot totally extricate myself from this situation, although I do my best to avoid them as often as possible.
I know the kind of interaction you are talking about, and being with someone like that can be very enraging and aggravating. My suggestion (if you are interested) is to let go of the hope that this person will ever "get" you, validate you, or respond in a reasonable respectful manner. Do your best to drop all expectations and "boundary up" when you interact with that person. Put up a wall to try to protect yourself from their toxic reactions. Avoid expressing vulnerability but do state and restate boundaries as needed (then reinforce them). Do your best not to take their behavior personally and remember that it says everything about that person and nothing about you.
Great stuff. At the same time, there is some truth to Sarah Silverman's not really joke that mild self-deprecation is a surefire way to get people to like you.
I recognize that my inside values have not been aligned with my outside actions. That has caused confusion, disconnect, depression. But, if I had expressed my inside values in, say, professional settings, I would have been unemployed. How does one balance being true to your values with the basic human needs of food, shelter?
Hi Merzui, That's a great question, and I think we all struggle with this from time to time where we have a few values that are in conflict with one another. There are no "right" or perfect answers, but we can do the best we can to do what is best for us in a particular situation. Sometimes, if we find ourselves in a setting (or with people) that is toxic and forcing us to sacrifice our values we can eventually leave and find a better situation. But I know that this is not always easy or possible.
I just was remembering dbt and trying to recall the dear man give fast skills to my bf. I think it helped me communicate when i learned it in intense month long classes I took. I found your video and i was happy how you explained the fast skills i subscribed and will look for more dbt stuff here. Thanks
Glad to hear! I have videos on all the DBT skills here so feel free to look up what you need. 💕
This is really helpful. A lot of the videos that I find here just regurgitate what is in the manual and the elaboration really helps me get a better idea of the specifics.
That’s a great compliment. Thanks!
I have videos on all the DBT skills on my UA-cam channel, so feel free to check them out if you’re interested.
Great stuff. One of my major problems is that I am constantly, involuntarily thrown into contact with someone whom I cannot express my feelings honestly without engendering a toxic, enraged response. From someone who lacks pretty much all self-awareness, someone who is "always right, always being disappointed and betrayed", etc., and can't be called out on anything. I cannot totally extricate myself from this situation, although I do my best to avoid them as often as possible.
I know the kind of interaction you are talking about, and being with someone like that can be very enraging and aggravating.
My suggestion (if you are interested) is to let go of the hope that this person will ever "get" you, validate you, or respond in a reasonable respectful manner. Do your best to drop all expectations and "boundary up" when you interact with that person. Put up a wall to try to protect yourself from their toxic reactions. Avoid expressing vulnerability but do state and restate boundaries as needed (then reinforce them). Do your best not to take their behavior personally and remember that it says everything about that person and nothing about you.
These comments very helpful
Awesome work! Thank you for your video.
Great stuff. At the same time, there is some truth to Sarah Silverman's not really joke that mild self-deprecation is a surefire way to get people to like you.
Yes! That’s also true. When it comes from a secure but humble place, it can be very endearing! 😊
this is so helpful!! thank you so much!!
Thank you! 🙏
sooooo good, best video on FAST skills..Thank you Dr.Jennifer
Thanks so much!💕
You’re so helpful.
Thank you 🙏 ❤️
Brilliant
I recognize that my inside values have not been aligned with my outside actions. That has caused confusion, disconnect, depression. But, if I had expressed my inside values in, say, professional settings, I would have been unemployed. How does one balance being true to your values with the basic human needs of food, shelter?
Hi Merzui,
That's a great question, and I think we all struggle with this from time to time where we have a few values that are in conflict with one another. There are no "right" or perfect answers, but we can do the best we can to do what is best for us in a particular situation.
Sometimes, if we find ourselves in a setting (or with people) that is toxic and forcing us to sacrifice our values we can eventually leave and find a better situation. But I know that this is not always easy or possible.
Great videos Dr. May! Do you teach an on-line DBT skills group by any chance?
Unfortunately, no... but if I did I would teach the skills just like I do in the videos.