Ash Beckham is hands down one of the most engaging speakers I've come across online. She really knows how to connect to a mainstream audience, yet still never comes off as cheesy. That's no easy task in a 15 minute presentation. I always enjoy her storytelling.
Most of the comments on this video miss the message as a whole, but I guess you can't help people that are committed to misunderstanding someone. I really enjoyed this talk.
Listening again, 4 years later. Discouraged. And not cuz 'borders' is misspelled. Love you Ash...wish your voice and message was heard louder & clearer....wiser now than perhaps ever before
This is the second talk I heard from Ash and I’m so in awe and so grateful to have found her. Every single word she speaks is powerful and leads to a great message... she really empowers whosever listening! Standing ovation!!!
This talk ISN'T about how the worker shouldn't have misgendered her. At all. She's not mad at her. To the people saying "you look like a man, what are you expecting" : just because she is "manly" doesn't mean she shouldn't get hurt when she gets misgendered, it's a gut reaction that you just can't control. And no, the worker couldn't really have known and no, she isn't a horrible person, and Ash does not shame her at all. But it IS a hard situation to live, and you can't deny it. Whatever clothes you're wearing. So please, get over that and listen to the message, cause it's a good one.
The part where she talked about holding versus letting go of her girlfriends hand really hit me. I never realized that I let go of my girlfriends hand until now.
Being mistaken for a different gender is not an insult. It's an accident that happens all the time. If I was forced to make a guess after hearing her voice, appearance, and body language, I would probably think she might be a man too. In today's world with gender being a thing that is no longer always obvious, mistakes will be made. Sometimes people have to guess and get it wrong because they dont know what's in your heart or pants. But it's not an insult.
This video really resonated with me. I love this idea that we don't have to be defined by the stereotypes of our categories (female, male, republican, democrat, gay, straight, etc.) but that we get to make and experience our own reality. I also get the frustration of being mistaken as male. I've had a pixie cut for a few years, but only recently decided to cut it even shorter. My dad doesn't like it because "It's too short" and "you look like a boy" but I think I rock it. And 99.9% of the time I love it. But that .01% - when I got called "sir" and a "gentleman" at dinner...man, does that put your right into a spiral of stress.
I really appreciated this. Very moving. And i do believe that, as much as it is comforting and affirming to identify with various collectives and the one great human collective, our individuality, with all of its contrasts and seeming contradictions is where our truest sense of humanity is rooted. Being understood as individuals is how we can truly dive into~and out of--the collective...with FREEDOM~!!
i loved this talk.....loved it all...i am using this video for an college assignment for my interpersonal communications class for conflict management :)
People who think that she overthinks things don't know what microaggressions are and that the "golden rule" of don't do what you don't want to be done is simply false -we should treat people in the way THEY feel comfortable. What is ok for me isn't necessarily the same for you or them.
Thank you ASH!!! What an AMAZING Ted Talks Video. One of the BEST I have watched. Sharing with everyone I know because yes.....we ALL need to embrace our DUALITY and if everyone strived to do so this world would be so much more amazing. This literally brought tears to my eyes.
10 місяців тому
Recall listening to this many years ago and thinking I was so fortunate to be living in a time where we as a Society were figuring all this out. Stumbling uphill, as it were, to ACTUAL freedom, philosophically as well as politically. And then what happened?
I have been mistaken for a different gender. I have been mistaken for a different sexual orientation. The same has happend to my partner. It becomes a thing internally, but it doesn't have to be thing externally. I applaud this woman's restraint and choice.
I think it is important to point out here for all those people who didn't listen closely enough: Ash did not go off on the store clerk. All she did is point out that she was having an internal struggle and she knows she chose correctly in putting her niece's needs before her own. She let the sales clerk figure it out on her own and showed remarkable grace in dealing with it. As far as how she dresses, why does anybody really care? She wears what she feels comfortable in. The idea that there is such a thing as man clothes or women's clothes is preposterous and is an artificially contrived social construct.
One of my first thoughts is, after just having watched Stella Young's "I'm not your inspiration," "I wonder if this is just another type of 'under-dog morality agenda inspiration.'" But I'll continue to watch for now... At 4:33 "Us / Them"... note the "Us" is written in white surrounded by a matte of black, & "Them" is written in black surrounded by a matte of white [Thus falls the binary code theory]. So what is the real polarity? Are you really anti-war if you're willing to literally stand motionless side-by-side with a genocidal maniac in a deontological tour-de-blasé while he ends all human life? If so, then is that the most-useful distinction to use in an anti-war discussion; I'm more anti-war than you, so what you have to say, (& do) about anti-war is over-ruled by my ethics. I would say that the problem of "polarity" is not so much in the idea of absolute opposites ("which ignores human experience & human nature"), but "duality" is just as bad: "here we have white & black" and also we have blue, and green, and jetfuel, and galaxies, and beach-balls, and stromboli, and Easter eggs. All of those are inextricably piled-together in one universe that you and I must live and exist in. Any philosophy, (including the philosophy called "science") does nothing but tries to quantify, simplify & approximate this naturally-crenulated flower called the universe. As Buckminster Fuller said, "Any measurement of Nature that smooths out its irregularities in order to allow measurement is not objective. It is, in fact, highly subjective." "A nun who is pro-choice" is an example of a false-duality when you preload the question from the angle of "Nuns will usually be pro-life." This lady yes may be a nun, but what if she is the worst nun in history? Why aren't we talking about the camera & sunglasses she's holding while we ignore the several nuns who are helping little kids in South America who say "Life is worth it, & eat more vegetables"? "And what if duality is just the first step? ...and if we can hold two things... then four things... then..." If we are all "Swirls of contradiction," why worry about any focused swath of it? People grow & change in themselves - of themselves - in droves - we switch positions - we stagnate & stigmatize until another wall is designed, built, & fortified by desicated remains of relationships-past. Interesting concept of duality... but more interesting: "...and all that stuff goes away..." (for someone-else's joyful moment)! That's beyond duality; that's golden. I kick at your philosophies & theories, but your mentions of "humanity," and moral integrity, "pain," and "fear," and "hope" I can only bury deep inside along with the other seeds and try to grow something good.
I understand what you mean by people calling you things you're not, but you can't really blame them. It's not their fault our language requires you to know someone's gender to refer to them properly, and so it requires you to make quick assumptions about people's gender.
No, not really. It's not necessary to use a gender pronoun to address a person. And in casual public areas such as a store, it's not necessary to use gender to refer to a person. If you really need to know, ask. It's better to ask which is your preferred pronoun, or accept a correction if needed, than to make a show of being awkwardly confused.
Cyn McCollum I don't know what kind of world you're living in, but it's clearly not this one. You can't talk about people at all without using gender, and if you purposefully try to avoid it at every second, it becomes obvious and awkward. If you don't present yourself as the gender you want to be, you shouldn't be upset for getting misgendered by strangers.
Amelia Hartman Hmmm. Sure you can. Refer to people you will not be further contacting as that customer, that person, stuff like that. Easy. If you need to encounter further, ask their name. It's just polite, and something you should have learned how to do in school english classes.
Cyn McCollum I'm assuming you only have conversations with a close-nit group of friends who are nice enough not to admit when you're being incredibly awkward.
Amelia Hartman oh my goodness! so things should stay the same just because habit is difficult to overcome? Really? Then we wouldn't be allowed education and work and property and vote as women with your logic! I mean it was so hard for men to get used to women being equal! Put the damn effort! Not easy all the time, but try it! As for this particular case, the actor could have avoided referring to Ash by asking the kid if she wanted to stay where she is or get down -see? no need of mentioning anyone.
Yes. Same question. I get how she feels not standing up for her identity. But how will people know? It was said without any malice behind it. Just first thing observation Some butch perfectly portray a man and even look better than a man. Its a main struggle to be mistaken but people are different, some feels good being mistaken as a man and some get offended. Its just hard to identify which one is which. We cant expect everybody to correctly identify you at first glance, and not to mention, in a long day with just quick interaction.
Allies are people who are straight ("them") and fight for LGBT rights ("us"). If anything, allies are the bridge - the _alliance_ if you will - between groups that might otherwise seem like opposite poles.
I dress like a fireman all the time. I have the helmet and the air bottle and the jacket and EVERYTHING and I just want to tell you ignorant pricks right now that keep coming up to me asking if there is a fire that for the last time it's offensive when you judge a person by external appearances! How shallow can you be?
🤔! Maybe itcomesdown to knowing who we are To the deepest and where we all come we come from . Loving Self unconditionally so much, no comments, no looks, no expectations would matter because it is so irrelevant... Going beyond ...bodymind. Being at peace.🙏
what if you gave the moment one more moment? Then the poor fella who made the comment can see the bigger picture and politely correct himself. then no need to polarize anything at all.
Daniel Bedford literally not the point of this talk at all. Point you think she's trying to make: I was misgendered by some rando and I'm really pissed about it. Point she's *actually* trying to make: it's important to understand that you can play both sides of the field in world views. She used her misgendering experience to show that even though she's a ferociously out and proud lesbian, she learned that day that she doesn't have to be exclusively an LGBT advocate. She learned that she can put that aside for something more important to her: her niece. Plus, I assume you've never been misgendered: I have. It's a horrendous feeling, it makes you think something is wrong with you, and makes you criticize everything you do.
I have a problem with one part of this. I appreciated her story, but she reinforced that she thought her breasts should cause people to assume that she is a woman, and an assumption otherwise is unreasonable. That makes it really difficult for non-binary and transmen who don't bind very well but are definitely not women who are trying to help people understand how not to assume gender quite so much. I know it happens naturally, but I don't think it helps cis het folks who want to be allies to look for the breasts if they want to get gender correct.
what if the haggard lady that called you a dad was not judging but respecting the fact that you were gay and thus called you a male gender instead. also, it's funny how you preach about judging but you sure are doing a lot of judging yourself. i know it's sarcasm, but it still defeats the purpose. anyway, this was a great enlightenment.
So what do you call someone who looks like a certain gender but you aren't sure who they are so you want to be polite?? "Sir-or-madam?" How are WE supposed to identify you?? We don't know you. It would be rude to call you "person," so it's not entirely her fault. Employees usually direct customers as they see them. Its not a big deal. Just correct her and move on, don't make a big thing over it.
You can ask them what pronouns they go by. That's not a rude question to ask. That's letting a person know you care about not offending them or stirring up any dysphoria they might have. Its much, much less rude to ask someone what pronouns they go by, then to say, "What's wrong with you??", to me as a disabled person. THAT would be rude. In fact, in public, don't ask disabled people about their disability because you may be stirring up feelings about an accident or illness that is new to them. How about, just get to know people as people, and be a decent and thoughtful person to all people. That would be lovely.
"Feminists who wear hijabs" "Catholics who are pro choice" Um..yea..because the hijab has NOTHING to do with oppressing women and the bible says absolutely nothing about abortion? So how you draw this conclusion that the two are polarized is silly and ignorant.
P3dotme Has this ever happened to you? It is disconcerting and troubling. It's happened to me only because I am female and 5'10" and am sometimes called "Sir" at airports etc.
P3dotme "X is not a big deal to me; therefore, it shouldn't be a big deal to anyone else. My own personal viewpoints and experiences should define the lives of others." Does that sound like the kind of attitude you want to contribute to the world? Is that how you want others to treat you?
LavenderBlume "Somebody thought I was a man, probably because he used a fallible human heuristic based on societal gender standards and personal experience. I think this is wrong it hurts my silly pride, and I can't just take two seconds to correct someone without going into a rant about some bullshit about how gender signifiers and honest mistakes are inherently evil, so accept my worldview because I don't like it" In other words: "X is a big deal to me; therefore, it should be a big deal to anyone else. My own personal viewpoints and experiences should define the lives of others." Does that sound like the kind of attitude you want to contribute to the world? Is that how you want others to treat you?
***** I don't care that for a large portion of my life people mistook my gender a significant portion of the time, however I do care about a worldview that encourages vilification do to harmless human error especially ones related to heuristic pattern recognition (something that is inbuilt to the human brain). And if you or anybody else doesn't care about what I say feel free to ignore me; I certainly can't do anything about it.
To you morons complaining about HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO REFER TO HER THEN?!??! WHY IS SHE MAKING SUCH A FUSS????????? The dad comment was 100% unnecessary. There was no reason whatsoever to make it. It upsets some people, so why assume anything? Hell it could even upset the kid for all the woman who made the mistake knows, which is literally nothing. Why is it so hard for people just to not assume shit and that's it? It takes nothing, really, don't talk like it's such a terrible thing to be mindful of others.
"to you morons..." now there's a good way to lose all the credibility in the first 3 words of your opening argument. there are two genders: male and female. you look like one or the other people are going to assume that you are that. nobody has to adapt to your individuality and nobody owes you anything.
If you are going to dismiss an argument just because of how it's worded, you are honestly focusing on unnecessary details. Now, there is no such thing as "looking as one or the other" considering that all people look different regardless of their gender. She is a woman and she may still fall into whatever is "traditionally masculine", doesn't make her any less of a woman tho. Nobody is asking that you adapt yourself to others, just for some common decency by not assuming that sort of crap. It's kinda gross of you to say "nobody owes you anything" when literally all I'm saying is to be mindful of others on those regards cuz it literally costs you nothing to do so.
Claudetite yes, i am going to dismiss it when you start out your argument with insults towards people because they don't agree with your views. anything you say afterwards is irrelevant.
1) I dont care who sleeps with who and it does not mean that i don't see people... 2) why the hell would you present as hijab and feminism as two opposite ends? 3) being called a dad is nothing to be ashamed of, even if you are a gay couple being called a dad has to feel proud but not angry... plus when i opened a video i ddi not realise that u r a female, so it is normal...
so true. one time i was taking my nephew to an event and i'm personally a dragonkin although i look like a male human. and this person had the audacity to call me "sir".. sir??? like do you have to use gender specific pronouns? what about just hi and hello?? do you see how stupid this sounds? this woman feels like she's entitled to something and everybody owes her the world because she's different. guess what, most people are not like her and are the majority of the population, so i think she's the one that needs to adapt and not the other way around.
Diseny is a monster they are selling themselves off as Disney characters and making money I'm surprised they don't have court dates. Changing the name isn't enough not to be infringing.
I'm glad that someone else feels the same way about this. I know the girl who owns the business and I think it's ridiculous that she is getting away with it.
Really?? I'm sorry i'm a Gay Male. And i think this is so hilarious . Your dressed like a MAN you LOOK like a MAN and your pissed because you got mistaken for a MAN????? DUDE, focus on getting us Equal rights and not your dress code! .
James Bond Your ignorance and stupidity is mind blowing. Victim card my ass. It's sad you were too deaf and blind to comprehend her actual point and message.
James Bond WOW. Really? You literally can't see anything else but that? You don't see how this talk can be applied to any other person in many other situations? This isn't the victim card at all, it has a point to it. Its metaphorical, the struggle between two things is a pretty common thing for people. Her experience was related to gender and how someone perceived her, and how she chose to look at the situation and the process she went thru to decide how to react to it. Most people (apparently not you cuz you're perfect and have had a perfect life where you've never had to make a choice that required any thought) throughout their lives have situations come up that don't know how to react to it or deal with it, so they have to think about what's most important and decide what's worth fighting for/dealing with/confronting and what's not. And sometimes we're faced with situations where we feel strongly about both sides of the situation, and we have to decide which one we're going to stand by, or how to balance it so you don't have to give up one belief for the sake of the other. How do you not see that that is something most people go thru, and how it's far beyond her just talking about someone calling her "dad". It really has nothing to do with that, that's a mere example of the point she's making.
this woman could just as easily be a trans man, so the title "father" is not totally ignorant. how are we supposed to know what you identify as? we're not mind readers!
Ash Beckham is hands down one of the most engaging speakers I've come across online. She really knows how to connect to a mainstream audience, yet still never comes off as cheesy. That's no easy task in a 15 minute presentation. I always enjoy her storytelling.
Most of the comments on this video miss the message as a whole, but I guess you can't help people that are committed to misunderstanding someone. I really enjoyed this talk.
If you think this video is actually about her getting upset about being referred to as a male, then you are completely missing the point.
No one said that.
Listening again, 4 years later. Discouraged. And not cuz 'borders' is misspelled. Love you Ash...wish your voice and message was heard louder & clearer....wiser now than perhaps ever before
Ash knows how to make my heart open and put a smile on my face. She is amazing!!
This is the second talk I heard from Ash and I’m so in awe and so grateful to have found her. Every single word she speaks is powerful and leads to a great message... she really empowers whosever listening! Standing ovation!!!
Thank you Ash Beckham ... This is a beautiful and Truthful story.
Truly deserving of a standing ovation! So moving.
Ash, I love your Courage. Duality is the play around the zero point that is Balance, of which you are Zen.
This talk ISN'T about how the worker shouldn't have misgendered her. At all. She's not mad at her. To the people saying "you look like a man, what are you expecting" : just because she is "manly" doesn't mean she shouldn't get hurt when she gets misgendered, it's a gut reaction that you just can't control. And no, the worker couldn't really have known and no, she isn't a horrible person, and Ash does not shame her at all. But it IS a hard situation to live, and you can't deny it. Whatever clothes you're wearing.
So please, get over that and listen to the message, cause it's a good one.
one of the hardest things is being both gay and Christian. duality is the right word and I'm glad I just found it :)
I SEE YOU ASH, and I honor your bravery to live life on your own terms.
This is still my favorite Ted talk. I come here every time I am feeling doubts about who I am.
Ash's talks are my favorites, they break me to pieces every time and oh my... ♡
The part where she talked about holding versus letting go of her girlfriends hand really hit me. I never realized that I let go of my girlfriends hand until now.
I cried :')
A great speech from Ash Ketchum
Best Tedx talk ever.
amazing. everybody should listen to this.
Fantastic talk! Funny, informational, Ash Beckham truly educated her audience.
Being mistaken for a different gender is not an insult. It's an accident that happens all the time. If I was forced to make a guess after hearing her voice, appearance, and body language, I would probably think she might be a man too. In today's world with gender being a thing that is no longer always obvious, mistakes will be made. Sometimes people have to guess and get it wrong because they dont know what's in your heart or pants. But it's not an insult.
This video really resonated with me. I love this idea that we don't have to be defined by the stereotypes of our categories (female, male, republican, democrat, gay, straight, etc.) but that we get to make and experience our own reality. I also get the frustration of being mistaken as male. I've had a pixie cut for a few years, but only recently decided to cut it even shorter. My dad doesn't like it because "It's too short" and "you look like a boy" but I think I rock it. And 99.9% of the time I love it. But that .01% - when I got called "sir" and a "gentleman" at dinner...man, does that put your right into a spiral of stress.
Just as relevant today. Thank you.
I really appreciated this. Very moving. And i do believe that, as much as it is comforting and affirming to identify with various collectives and the one great human collective, our individuality, with all of its contrasts and seeming contradictions is where our truest sense of humanity is rooted. Being understood as individuals is how we can truly dive into~and out of--the collective...with FREEDOM~!!
Thank you, sister. Your courage is refreshing. The message poignant and timely.
I love how one guy in the audience is like "meh" and just keeps sitting there, unclapping, at the end.
You're INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!
I cried at the end of this!
Excellent discussion of our roles in life, our duties and joys, and our identities
i loved this talk.....loved it all...i am using this video for an college assignment for my interpersonal communications class for conflict management :)
I love your talks! They're very helpful as a member of the LGBTQ2S+ community.
Ash is a rockstar!
People who think that she overthinks things don't know what microaggressions are and that the "golden rule" of don't do what you don't want to be done is simply false -we should treat people in the way THEY feel comfortable. What is ok for me isn't necessarily the same for you or them.
This is absolutely brilliant and so inspiring!!!!
So relevant, especially now!
Thank you ASH!!! What an AMAZING Ted Talks Video. One of the BEST I have watched. Sharing with everyone I know because yes.....we ALL need to embrace our DUALITY and if everyone strived to do so this world would be so much more amazing. This literally brought tears to my eyes.
Recall listening to this many years ago and thinking I was so fortunate to be living in a time where we as a Society were figuring all this out. Stumbling uphill, as it were, to ACTUAL freedom, philosophically as well as politically. And then what happened?
Made me think a lot, she is awesome
Thank you for a great talk.
You are always a fantastic speaker. xx
How many times can I like this? Is there some hidden button that will give me fuller expression of profound appreciation?
I have been mistaken for a different gender. I have been mistaken for a different sexual orientation. The same has happend to my partner. It becomes a thing internally, but it doesn't have to be thing externally. I applaud this woman's restraint and choice.
I think it is important to point out here for all those people who didn't listen closely enough: Ash did not go off on the store clerk. All she did is point out that she was having an internal struggle and she knows she chose correctly in putting her niece's needs before her own. She let the sales clerk figure it out on her own and showed remarkable grace in dealing with it. As far as how she dresses, why does anybody really care? She wears what she feels comfortable in. The idea that there is such a thing as man clothes or women's clothes is preposterous and is an artificially contrived social construct.
Important talk
Great talk! Loved it.
This was beautiful!
One of my first thoughts is, after just having watched Stella Young's "I'm not your inspiration," "I wonder if this is just another type of 'under-dog morality agenda inspiration.'" But I'll continue to watch for now...
At 4:33 "Us / Them"... note the "Us" is written in white surrounded by a matte of black, & "Them" is written in black surrounded by a matte of white [Thus falls the binary code theory]. So what is the real polarity? Are you really anti-war if you're willing to literally stand motionless side-by-side with a genocidal maniac in a deontological tour-de-blasé while he ends all human life? If so, then is that the most-useful distinction to use in an anti-war discussion; I'm more anti-war than you, so what you have to say, (& do) about anti-war is over-ruled by my ethics.
I would say that the problem of "polarity" is not so much in the idea of absolute opposites ("which ignores human experience & human nature"), but "duality" is just as bad: "here we have white & black" and also we have blue, and green, and jetfuel, and galaxies, and beach-balls, and stromboli, and Easter eggs. All of those are inextricably piled-together in one universe that you and I must live and exist in. Any philosophy, (including the philosophy called "science") does nothing but tries to quantify, simplify & approximate this naturally-crenulated flower called the universe. As Buckminster Fuller said, "Any measurement of Nature that smooths out its irregularities in order to allow measurement is not objective. It is, in fact, highly subjective."
"A nun who is pro-choice" is an example of a false-duality when you preload the question from the angle of "Nuns will usually be pro-life." This lady yes may be a nun, but what if she is the worst nun in history? Why aren't we talking about the camera & sunglasses she's holding while we ignore the several nuns who are helping little kids in South America who say "Life is worth it, & eat more vegetables"?
"And what if duality is just the first step? ...and if we can hold two things... then four things... then..."
If we are all "Swirls of contradiction," why worry about any focused swath of it? People grow & change in themselves - of themselves - in droves - we switch positions - we stagnate & stigmatize until another wall is designed, built, & fortified by desicated remains of relationships-past.
Interesting concept of duality... but more interesting: "...and all that stuff goes away..." (for someone-else's joyful moment)! That's beyond duality; that's golden.
I kick at your philosophies & theories, but your mentions of "humanity," and moral integrity, "pain," and "fear," and "hope" I can only bury deep inside along with the other seeds and try to grow something good.
It wasn't Jesus or Ash. Love it
young people want respect old people want respect everyone wants respect and on and on and on
I understand what you mean by people calling you things you're not, but you can't really blame them. It's not their fault our language requires you to know someone's gender to refer to them properly, and so it requires you to make quick assumptions about people's gender.
No, not really. It's not necessary to use a gender pronoun to address a person. And in casual public areas such as a store, it's not necessary to use gender to refer to a person. If you really need to know, ask. It's better to ask which is your preferred pronoun, or accept a correction if needed, than to make a show of being awkwardly confused.
Cyn McCollum I don't know what kind of world you're living in, but it's clearly not this one. You can't talk about people at all without using gender, and if you purposefully try to avoid it at every second, it becomes obvious and awkward. If you don't present yourself as the gender you want to be, you shouldn't be upset for getting misgendered by strangers.
Amelia Hartman Hmmm. Sure you can. Refer to people you will not be further contacting as that customer, that person, stuff like that. Easy. If you need to encounter further, ask their name. It's just polite, and something you should have learned how to do in school english classes.
Cyn McCollum I'm assuming you only have conversations with a close-nit group of friends who are nice enough not to admit when you're being incredibly awkward.
Amelia Hartman oh my goodness! so things should stay the same just because habit is difficult to overcome? Really? Then we wouldn't be allowed education and work and property and vote as women with your logic! I mean it was so hard for men to get used to women being equal! Put the damn effort! Not easy all the time, but try it!
As for this particular case, the actor could have avoided referring to Ash by asking the kid if she wanted to stay where she is or get down -see? no need of mentioning anyone.
Bravo...
Yes. Same question. I get how she feels not standing up for her identity. But how will people know? It was said without any malice behind it. Just first thing observation
Some butch perfectly portray a man and even look better than a man. Its a main struggle to be mistaken but people are different, some feels good being mistaken as a man and some get offended. Its just hard to identify which one is which. We cant expect everybody to correctly identify you at first glance, and not to mention, in a long day with just quick interaction.
Now, I'd like to have you as both an aunt and a wife - it it duality? And on a more serious note - thanks for a great talk.
Too much game of thrones in that comment 🔥
only a sith deals in absolutes
Hello, is this available with spanish subtitles? If so, please share... I would like to share this with my groups. Thanks!
♡♥︎♡♥︎ I love this so much
doesn't the term: "ally" increase the social polarity?
Allies are people who are straight ("them") and fight for LGBT rights ("us"). If anything, allies are the bridge - the _alliance_ if you will - between groups that might otherwise seem like opposite poles.
What was the purpose in making fun of frozen and how they had it decorated?
Jeez people. Think before you speak. What validation if any does your negative comment give you or anyone reading it? Sad.
I dress like a fireman all the time. I have the helmet and the air bottle and the jacket and EVERYTHING and I just want to tell you ignorant pricks right now that keep coming up to me asking if there is a fire that for the last time it's offensive when you judge a person by external appearances! How shallow can you be?
+Barney Rubble Hmmm, unless you consider that being a fireman is humilliating and insulting, I don't see the point of your argument.
🤔! Maybe itcomesdown to knowing who we are To the deepest and where we all come we come from . Loving Self unconditionally so much, no comments, no looks, no expectations would matter
because it is so irrelevant...
Going beyond ...bodymind.
Being at peace.🙏
This is great!
What is the thing in the video ?
what if you gave the moment one more moment? Then the poor fella who made the comment can see the bigger picture and politely correct himself. then no need to polarize anything at all.
If you don't want people to confuse you for a man, don't make yourself look like a man, simple as that.
I feel her pain, if I walked around an airport dressed as a pilot and some one referred to me as "pilot" I'd be pissed off too.
First World Problems
its not all about you!
Daniel Bedford literally not the point of this talk at all.
Point you think she's trying to make: I was misgendered by some rando and I'm really pissed about it.
Point she's *actually* trying to make: it's important to understand that you can play both sides of the field in world views.
She used her misgendering experience to show that even though she's a ferociously out and proud lesbian, she learned that day that she doesn't have to be exclusively an LGBT advocate. She learned that she can put that aside for something more important to her: her niece.
Plus, I assume you've never been misgendered: I have. It's a horrendous feeling, it makes you think something is wrong with you, and makes you criticize everything you do.
She is pretty masculine
I have a problem with one part of this. I appreciated her story, but she reinforced that she thought her breasts should cause people to assume that she is a woman, and an assumption otherwise is unreasonable. That makes it really difficult for non-binary and transmen who don't bind very well but are definitely not women who are trying to help people understand how not to assume gender quite so much. I know it happens naturally, but I don't think it helps cis het folks who want to be allies to look for the breasts if they want to get gender correct.
what if the haggard lady that called you a dad was not judging but respecting the fact that you were gay and thus called you a male gender instead. also, it's funny how you preach about judging but you sure are doing a lot of judging yourself. i know it's sarcasm, but it still defeats the purpose. anyway, this was a great enlightenment.
+seatha03 Why would a lesbian woman want to be called a man? She's still a girl. Just a girl who likes other girls...
So what do you call someone who looks like a certain gender but you aren't sure who they are so you want to be polite??
"Sir-or-madam?"
How are WE supposed to identify you?? We don't know you. It would be rude to call you "person," so it's not entirely her fault. Employees usually direct customers as they see them. Its not a big deal. Just correct her and move on, don't make a big thing over it.
You can ask them what pronouns they go by. That's not a rude question to ask. That's letting a person know you care about not offending them or stirring up any dysphoria they might have. Its much, much less rude to ask someone what pronouns they go by, then to say, "What's wrong with you??", to me as a disabled person. THAT would be rude. In fact, in public, don't ask disabled people about their disability because you may be stirring up feelings about an accident or illness that is new to them. How about, just get to know people as people, and be a decent and thoughtful person to all people. That would be lovely.
dont say anyone pronouns at all ...just say HI o hello
its not that difficult
That works, too.
thereason4me Tho normalizing the question for pronouns would be the best thing tbqh
"Feminists who wear hijabs" "Catholics who are pro choice" Um..yea..because the hijab has NOTHING to do with oppressing women and the bible says absolutely nothing about abortion? So how you draw this conclusion that the two are polarized is silly and ignorant.
She mistook your gender, its not a big deal. Correct her and move on.
P3dotme Has this ever happened to you? It is disconcerting and troubling. It's happened to me only because I am female and 5'10" and am sometimes called "Sir" at airports etc.
kapcoach x Yes, several times. I don't care.
P3dotme "X is not a big deal to me; therefore, it shouldn't be a big deal to anyone else. My own personal viewpoints and experiences should define the lives of others." Does that sound like the kind of attitude you want to contribute to the world? Is that how you want others to treat you?
LavenderBlume
"Somebody thought I was a man, probably because he used a fallible human heuristic based on societal gender standards and personal experience. I think this is wrong it hurts my silly pride, and I can't just take two seconds to correct someone without going into a rant about some bullshit about how gender signifiers and honest mistakes are inherently evil, so accept my worldview because I don't like it"
In other words:
"X is a big deal to me; therefore, it should be a big deal to anyone else. My own personal viewpoints and experiences should define the lives of others." Does that sound like the kind of attitude you want to contribute to the world? Is that how you want others to treat you?
***** I don't care that for a large portion of my life people mistook my gender a significant portion of the time, however I do care about a worldview that encourages vilification do to harmless human error especially ones related to heuristic pattern recognition (something that is inbuilt to the human brain). And if you or anybody else doesn't care about what I say feel free to ignore me; I certainly can't do anything about it.
To you morons complaining about HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO REFER TO HER THEN?!??! WHY IS SHE MAKING SUCH A FUSS?????????
The dad comment was 100% unnecessary.
There was no reason whatsoever to make it.
It upsets some people, so why assume anything?
Hell it could even upset the kid for all the woman who made the mistake knows, which is literally nothing.
Why is it so hard for people just to not assume shit and that's it? It takes nothing, really, don't talk like it's such a terrible thing to be mindful of others.
"to you morons..." now there's a good way to lose all the credibility in the first 3 words of your opening argument. there are two genders: male and female. you look like one or the other people are going to assume that you are that. nobody has to adapt to your individuality and nobody owes you anything.
If you are going to dismiss an argument just because of how it's worded, you are honestly focusing on unnecessary details.
Now, there is no such thing as "looking as one or the other" considering that all people look different regardless of their gender. She is a woman and she may still fall into whatever is "traditionally masculine", doesn't make her any less of a woman tho.
Nobody is asking that you adapt yourself to others, just for some common decency by not assuming that sort of crap. It's kinda gross of you to say "nobody owes you anything" when literally all I'm saying is to be mindful of others on those regards cuz it literally costs you nothing to do so.
Claudetite yes, i am going to dismiss it when you start out your argument with insults towards people because they don't agree with your views. anything you say afterwards is irrelevant.
Well then, you are precisely the kind of moron I'm talking about. This is beyond opinions and agreeing with me or with anyone.
Claudetite in other words: "agree with me or you're a moron, shitlord!!11"
1) I dont care who sleeps with who and it does not mean that i don't see people...
2) why the hell would you present as hijab and feminism as two opposite ends?
3) being called a dad is nothing to be ashamed of, even if you are a gay couple being called a dad has to feel proud but not angry... plus when i opened a video i ddi not realise that u r a female, so it is normal...
5:15 to 6:15 = this is why politics suck.
so true. one time i was taking my nephew to an event and i'm personally a dragonkin although i look like a male human. and this person had the audacity to call me "sir".. sir??? like do you have to use gender specific pronouns? what about just hi and hello??
do you see how stupid this sounds? this woman feels like she's entitled to something and everybody owes her the world because she's different. guess what, most people are not like her and are the majority of the population, so i think she's the one that needs to adapt and not the other way around.
Diseny is a monster they are selling themselves off as Disney characters and making money I'm surprised they don't have court dates. Changing the name isn't enough not to be infringing.
I'm glad that someone else feels the same way about this. I know the girl who owns the business and I think it's ridiculous that she is getting away with it.
So Santa Claus is a money making racket?
Has polarity not been created by the media?
Really?? I'm sorry i'm a Gay Male. And i think this is so hilarious . Your dressed like a MAN you LOOK like a MAN and your pissed because you got mistaken for a MAN????? DUDE, focus on getting us Equal rights and not your dress code! .
She talks about moral compass...such a confused world when we leave the guidance of scripture.
Some underpaid clerk at some soul-destroying job mistook you for her dad? Boo fucking hoo.
soylentgreenb The victim card is the only thing people like this have to play in life.
James Bond Your ignorance and stupidity is mind blowing. Victim card my ass. It's sad you were too deaf and blind to comprehend her actual point and message.
Nicole Slater
So she dresses like a man and gets mistaken for a man and then gives an entire talk whining about it? Victim game recognized.
James Bond WOW. Really? You literally can't see anything else but that? You don't see how this talk can be applied to any other person in many other situations? This isn't the victim card at all, it has a point to it. Its metaphorical, the struggle between two things is a pretty common thing for people. Her experience was related to gender and how someone perceived her, and how she chose to look at the situation and the process she went thru to decide how to react to it. Most people (apparently not you cuz you're perfect and have had a perfect life where you've never had to make a choice that required any thought) throughout their lives have situations come up that don't know how to react to it or deal with it, so they have to think about what's most important and decide what's worth fighting for/dealing with/confronting and what's not. And sometimes we're faced with situations where we feel strongly about both sides of the situation, and we have to decide which one we're going to stand by, or how to balance it so you don't have to give up one belief for the sake of the other. How do you not see that that is something most people go thru, and how it's far beyond her just talking about someone calling her "dad". It really has nothing to do with that, that's a mere example of the point she's making.
Nicole Slater
Blah, blah, blah. tl;dr
She looks a lot like a man, that was her decision, anyone can make a mistake an its not a reason to take offense.
this woman could just as easily be a trans man, so the title "father" is not totally ignorant. how are we supposed to know what you identify as? we're not mind readers!
♡♥︎♡♥︎ I love this so much