You are a wonderful person who actually knows what they are talking about. Take this advice with grain of salt because it is my opinion haha. People don’t say that scientists are “ranting” people don’t say specialists are “ranting”. You didn’t rant. You are a knowledgeable person sharing their experiences in a helpful and passionate way. I know this is probably just my opinion but being yourself unapologetically is something I’ve learned since 2020. If someone says you are ranting they just want to quiet your voice because they are uncomfortable and can’t think of something logically to combat it.
loved the episode but genuine question- how is able-bodied not also a euphemism? shouldn't we just say disabled and non-disabled? you can be able-bodied and still be disabled in this society.
I didn’t even know I hated the term “differently abled” until someone else called me that to my face. I wanted to flip a table. Thank you for having these conversations.
I'm an educator and I HATE how much college education professors insist that we use people first language, when a lot of people I know from a variety of communities do not identify with that language.
@@GirlGamer867 it was written in the course syllabus of half of my master's classes that the use of person first language was required and we would fail any assignment we didn't use it in. Absolutely ridiculous! Let us refer to people how THEY want to be referred to. Now what makes the professor more comfortable
I have severe chronic pain that’s only gotten worse over the last decade. I never felt comfortable calling myself disabled because I didn’t feel “disabled enough”. Many people in my life have made me feel this way and have also told me not to say it to people. Hearing Molly say you can be disabled and capable seriously puts it into perspective for me. It got to a point where I couldn’t walk without a cane due to an undiagnosed hip injury that I’ve since had fixed with surgery, I’ve had my third surgery for a disease that has no cure (and comes back worse every time), I have debilitating migraines, issues with my nerves, the list goes on and on. I appreciate your word so much, Molly. Thank you.
Accepting that my physical disability was a legitimate disability, suddenly I no longer had an issue accepting things that make my existence easier. I now love my handi parking permit. I love using wheelchair services at big airports. I used to feel that even though I could walk, but with pain and motor control difficulties, that I couldn't use it, that people would judge. My age then also didn't help.
I’m so sorry to hear this. As someone suffering from fibromyalgia, constant pain can be so enervating. I wish you luck, and hope your health improves as much as possible.
I GASPED when I read the title lol this is the episode I never knew I needed!! I’ve been watching Molly for years and it makes so so happy to hear her on one of my fav podcasts 🎉🥰
Im glad she mentioned autism. Personally I hate being referred to as person with autism. Im autistic, and thats ok to say. Also that first story gave me flash backs to how some of friends I use to have. Its very scary to tell people about autism, you never know how they will react.
If it helps, here’s my little story. For context, I have raging ADHD (which actually bears a lot of similarities to the spectrum from what I understand!) and one partner I was with for nearly 3 years didn’t tell me he had/has Asperger’s until after our first kiss/when we were spilling all of our feelings for each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was verbatim, but I said something along the lines of “cool, well thanks for telling me!” and asked some questions regarding what I needed to know about it in between face sucking sessions 😂❤
The wedding story frustrated me so terribly. How dare they do this to the girl *knowing* that they would embarrass her and send her away when she got there, after moving her exams and travelling across the country??? Those people ain't shit
@@karlaruiz8648 Bridesmaid Dress Update: Honeymoon Edition Sorry all for such a lapse in time. I’ve been so busy with things for school this summer, then classes started up again, and on top of that the events kept unfolding so it didn’t seem like there was a good time for an update that wouldn’t be massively lacking in some kind of conclusion. That said, here is what I intend as the final update. ---- Up first, my little brother’s perspective on the wedding. He said that our older brother (the groom) had approached him early on and asked if it was okay if his friend was the best man. Little brother said he wasn’t bothered by that. However, our brother’s friends have never been very nice to my little brother so he was prepared for more of the same kind of circus. Mostly teasing, name calling, homophobic language used casually like its 2005 and we call lame things “gay” and have to preference everything with “no homo.” One of the things they started to do was call my little brother the feminine version of his name. Now he did tell me some information that makes it more clear why a certain someone might have wanted him out of the wedding party. Basically at some point very strong but unreciprocated feelings were expressed to my little brother. Seeing how popular this story has become it would be potentially identifying to give more details in case anyone involved found this. Even if someone is an asshole I’m not going to accidentally out them in a very public way. Beyond that, he said he was getting the cold shoulder in general and felt squeezed out from our own family. Apparently at a family dinner with our parents, mom said that the bride and MOH (bride’s sister) were like the second and third daughters she never had. Our dad asked if she meant third and fourth daughters? So my own mother forgot she birthed me I guess, or she’s terrible at addition, not sure which is worse. Back to the wedding. The groomsmen/groom were set to go play golf in the morning before the ceremony. After the rehearsal night (when I had the wrong color dress and was “dropping out”) the best man called my little brother stating I had dropped out and since he was set to walk with me then he didn’t need to show up to golf. But the next morning they called him asking where he was and said I had made a scene to be back in the wedding so he was back in too. On the golf course our older brother was annoyed with him and said he should have come anyway even if I was being dramatic again. Little brother didn’t mention that the best man explicitly told him over the phone not to show up. So that’s what was going on with the groomsmen that morning. ---- Now, for the real update. Our brother came home a few days early from the honeymoon and was staying in a hotel. It was hard even for family members he’s close with to get in touch with him for a couple days. The public story, thanks to my sister doing damage control, became that he had gotten ill and come home early but told his wife to stay and enjoy the trip, and that their apartment plumbing is being renovated hence the hotel. Again, this has gotten so public that I feel eventually someone I know may see it, if not already, and share it with someone involved. I don’t want to divulge too many personal details, so I’ll try to stick with what is mostly public information. After arriving home a few days after my brother, his wife stayed with her parent’s home for about a week. It seems that some kind of collaborative effort on part of my mom and sister and presumably her brother got him to talk to her and then they were back together. A week or so after coming home they moved back in to their apparently newly renovated apartment, everyone ignored or forgot the fact that they didn’t speak for a week. Then it’s been all smiles and perfect pictures on instagram. Lots of sappy “1 month anniversary!”, “2 month anniversary!”, etc., type of posts. Perfect couple things. So at that point I didn’t have much to update on. Kind of boring to say, “don’t know what happened on the honeymoon, they’re back together like nothing happened now.” A couple days ago there was a pregnancy announcement on her social media. Something to note is my older brother has never wanted children, and especially not children genetically related to him. He is a childhood cancer survivor and he’s always said he couldn’t stand it if it was genetic. He’s very serious about this, as in he was considering a vasectomy. I recently spoke with my sister on the phone and mentioned how this was very strange to me that they’re announcing a pregnancy. She said, and this is a quote, “well there’s nothing forgetting a pill here and there can’t fix if you want to get your way, you know.” My response was that’s basically sexual abuse and she scoffed at me for saying it’s anything similar. I still don't know exactly what happened on the honeymoon. I’m regretting not telling my older brother more at this point, but I’m also not sure that “petty ladies drama” over a dress color would have gotten him to leave her. Clearly he put up with a lot of drama from her anyway. I am internalizing the guilt though, so I’m sorry this isn’t a particularly satisfying update.
@@gracekennedy7093 so groom got baby trapped and now has to put up with his wife's behavior...while I want to say poor dude, he wasn't exactly standing up for his siblings in the first place. He dismissed his brother's absence and sister's dress situation as them being dramatic instead of, I don't know, listening? What part of "THEY WON'T TELL ME THE COLOR!" did he not understand? He was ignoring all sorts of red flags.
Yeah I just wouldn’t go lol and instead of going cross country for the wedding me and my baby bro would have taken all the money we could’ve spent on the wedding and we would’ve went on a sibling vacation instead. But that’s me.
I am a person who is very hard of hearing, (Almost completely deaf) and I never noticed I grew up in such a ableist household until now. Everyone around me always wanted to find ways to fix me when there was no fixing it. I’ve had so many experimental surgeries in my left ear that I’m almost completely deaf on that side. I had the hardest time accepting that it is who I am, and the video into literally has me in tears… This has made me realize it’s not worth my hardship of feeling sorry for myself and i just need to come to terms with who I am. Thank you so much for making this THT.
NEW WEDDING STORY UPDATE: Bridesmaid Dress Update: Honeymoon Edition Sorry all for such a lapse in time. I’ve been so busy with things for school this summer, then classes started up again, and on top of that the events kept unfolding so it didn’t seem like there was a good time for an update that wouldn’t be massively lacking in some kind of conclusion. That said, here is what I intend as the final update. Up first, my little brother’s perspective on the wedding. He said that our older brother (the groom) had approached him early on and asked if it was okay if his friend was the best man. Little brother said he wasn’t bothered by that. However, our brother’s friends have never been very nice to my little brother so he was prepared for more of the same kind of circus. Mostly teasing, name calling, homophobic language used casually like its 2005 and we call lame things “gay” and have to preference everything with “no homo.” One of the things they started to do was call my little brother the feminine version of his name. Now he did tell me some information that makes it more clear why a certain someone might have wanted him out of the wedding party. Basically at some point very strong but unreciprocated feelings were expressed to my little brother. Seeing how popular this story has become it would be potentially identifying to give more details in case anyone involved found this. Even if someone is an asshole I’m not going to accidentally out them in a very public way. Beyond that, he said he was getting the cold shoulder in general and felt squeezed out from our own family. Apparently at a family dinner with our parents, mom said that the bride and MOH (bride’s sister) were like the second and third daughters she never had. Our dad asked if she meant third and fourth daughters? So my own mother forgot she birthed me I guess, or she’s terrible at addition, not sure which is worse. Back to the wedding. The groomsmen/groom were set to go play golf in the morning before the ceremony. After the rehearsal night (when I had the wrong color dress and was “dropping out”) the best man called my little brother stating I had dropped out and since he was set to walk with me then he didn’t need to show up to golf. But the next morning they called him asking where he was and said I had made a scene to be back in the wedding so he was back in too. On the golf course our older brother was annoyed with him and said he should have come anyway even if I was being dramatic again. Little brother didn’t mention that the best man explicitly told him over the phone not to show up. So that’s what was going on with the groomsmen that morning. Now, for the real update. Our brother came home a few days early from the honeymoon and was staying in a hotel. It was hard even for family members he’s close with to get in touch with him for a couple days. The public story, thanks to my sister doing damage control, became that he had gotten ill and come home early but told his wife to stay and enjoy the trip, and that their apartment plumbing is being renovated hence the hotel. Again, this has gotten so public that I feel eventually someone I know may see it, if not already, and share it with someone involved. I don’t want to divulge too many personal details, so I’ll try to stick with what is mostly public information. After arriving home a few days after my brother, his wife stayed with her parent’s home for about a week. It seems that some kind of collaborative effort on part of my mom and sister and presumably her brother got him to talk to her and then they were back together. A week or so after coming home they moved back in to their apparently newly renovated apartment, everyone ignored or forgot the fact that they didn’t speak for a week. Then it’s been all smiles and perfect pictures on instagram. Lots of sappy “1 month anniversary!”, “2 month anniversary!”, etc., type of posts. Perfect couple things. So at that point I didn’t have much to update on. Kind of boring to say, “don’t know what happened on the honeymoon, they’re back together like nothing happened now.” A couple days ago there was a pregnancy announcement on her social media. Something to note is my older brother has never wanted children, and especially not children genetically related to him. He is a childhood cancer survivor and he’s always said he couldn’t stand it if it was genetic. He’s very serious about this, as in he was considering a vasectomy. I recently spoke with my sister on the phone and mentioned how this was very strange to me that they’re announcing a pregnancy. She said, and this is a quote, “well there’s nothing forgetting a pill here and there can’t fix if you want to get your way, you know.” My response was that’s basically sexual abuse and she scoffed at me for saying it’s anything similar. I still don't know exactly what happened on the honeymoon. I’m regretting not telling my older brother more at this point, but I’m also not sure that “petty ladies drama” over a dress color would have gotten him to leave her. Clearly he put up with a lot of drama from her anyway. I am internalizing the guilt though, so I’m sorry this isn’t a particularly satisfying update.
@@katrinascarlet5637 honestly, he wouldn’t listen to his own siblings, wouldn’t want to pay attention to how they were treated. He was blind sided (pun intended), an got baby-trapped
I'm autistic (I prefer identity first language, so do not correct me please) and I'm disabled due to Lupus. "Differently abled" always feels like something someone without a disability says to make themselves feel better.
I’m not disabled so i dont have much to say but i feel like calling someone “differently abled” is almost patronizing, its like calling someone “special” instead of disabled
@@ksis86 I am not disabled as well. But if I heard someone call a disabled person “differently abled” sounds like they’re scared to call a disabled person what they are, disabled. And calling them disabled makes THEM uncomfortable so they make a new term so they feel comfortable calling disabled people soemthing they don’t even identify with. And it’s like “oh you’re not disabled you’re just unique in your own way”
I'm also autistic (feels kind of funny saying that like a qualification, lol). I think you're onto something and I'll add this. I'm disabled, and to me that word is neutral, not a dirty word that needs a euphemism. The fact that someone felt the need to make a euphemism tells me they felt it IS a dirty word. "Disability" as a word and concept made them uncomfortable; this is how they compensated. It's the cheapest, most flimsy form of "support," on the level of inspiration p**n. Surface-level respect and admiration, probably to mask the fact that they get uncomfortable when they walk past someone who's visibly disabled.
As someone who identifies as differently abled, I would like to suggest that 1. we ask people how they identify, and 2. we avoid making hurtful judgments about those who use the label.
yes!! i’m so glad you guys talked about this!! I am disabled, (I have erbs palsy, shits wack) i’m not a person with a disability, im not differently abled, this shit makes me seriously so irritated. like i’m fully an adult and yeah there are things I can’t do but it makes me so mad when abled people act like being disabled is something to pity or talk down on
I had a lecturer in Uni who was the leading expert in my field in Erbs palsy but she was as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike when I needed help! It's a pretty rare condition so I assume she picked it for her doctorate because it sounds cool being the foremost expert in something but never actually have to prove it 🤦♀️
@@julierichardson800 lol truth, i’ve never met another person with erbs palsy, and like honestly irl nobody who actually knows what it is. I think it’s awesome that you’re looking into it because it’s really interesting!
Wow ty for posting, I love learning about different conditions especially uncommon ones. I've been dealing with arm issues from CRPS for about 7 years and it's interesting to see some similarities. I totally agree with you, can't stand people that feel they need to give pity or being looked down on for a disability. The other thing that infuriates me is when people act like I'm "not" disable. Like trying to lessen my issues or pretend they don't exist
@@Chelbells CRPS is really horrid. There is something called TMR (transcutaneous muscular re-innervation) it was originally designed for controlling prosthetic hands but it turns out it reduces phantom pain and there was research being proposed into its application to CRPS. Not sure if it went anywhere though
@@Chelbells omg yes! this! super similar, there are things i can do and sometimes people try to use the fact that i can wash my hair or carry semi-heavy things sometimes as 'proof' that im not disabled and its so irritating. it feels like im not disabled enough to get help but im too disabled to do things like swim well, play sports etc. one i'm really frustrated about is the fact that I cant learn sign language. I keep trying, but there are a lot of fine motor skills issues and some signs i physically cannot do with my arm the way it is. Thank you so much for replying, it's always really interesting to hear about other people's experiences.
I'm 23 and recently got a lupus diagnosis and Molly is 100% right! I hated when people told me to get my shit together, but I needed it and I am able to do so much more when I'm taking care of my mental health. Mental health and Lupus are so intertwined and the deeper you get into depression, the worse you're going to feel physically. We have to take control of everything we can when our bodies our so fragile. Just heard the bit about finding an art! Becoming a musician quite literally saved my life. because even on those days where it hurts too much to play, I can still listen or watch a performance. I've absolutely gained new loves after my diagnosis
I was so uncomfortable in the beginning of this video but instead of clicking away and enjoying my ignorant bliss like I usually do, I stayed and opened my mind to learning. Thank you for having this important conversation.
Morgan my aunt has the same thing that Molly has. She was born with it that diagnosed when she was about a year old and became legally blind when she was in her teen years. She is the most inspirational person I have ever met she crochets for a living and she teaches these classes to help people learn how to crochet while blind virtually. I love how people with these disabilities turn it into such a good thing and show people that just because they have this disability it doesn't stop them from having a normal life and thank you just for having Molly on here and showing me that my aunt isn't the only inspirational one.
@@TwoHotTakes Morgan, Louie's Loops has the best youtube series on how to crochet, really short and easy videos. I learned to crochet with him bc all other videos were like 20mins long and very overwhelming, and his series of
I have chronic illness and hearing molly talk about grieving your past self and the life you thought you would live hit hard. It took me years to realize and accept this but once I did I was able to focus on what abilities I did have and create a new vision of life. Sometimes I still have waves of grief and anger but they are manageable and brief. I’m so glad you did this episode.
I recently learned this is called "chronic sorrow" because people with chronic illness and/or disability go through the stages of grieving multiple times or throughout life and that it's normal. Once I realized that I'd been going through the process (basically last week), I've felt better about it. Doesn't change that it happens, but does change how I feel about it.
I am disabled (Type 1 Diabetic) and most people really don’t take it seriously. I get told all the time that my chronic fatigue and brain fog are just me being lazy. The reality is, I feel sick, all the time, and I always will. I’ve been diabetic for 9 years and have recently begun searching for a therapist that will help me with my trauma associated with my illness. Thank you for bringing on Molly, I love you both!!
Having literal Chronic Fatigue Syndrome,I feel ya so much. I’m trying so hard to teach myself to stop berating myself as being lazy when I’m having an off day(more off days than on, lately).
I think it’s cuz they’re infantilizing the op. I.e now that they know the disability they think it’s like dealing with a small child and act accordingly. But whatever it was, problematic af
The thing that always made me sort of look sideways at the term "differently-abled" is I could never figure out the "different ability". Molly is blind, but she didn't turn into Daredevil. "Differently-abled" suggests some equal compensatory functionality that often doesn't exist.
@@o0Theresa0o I think the issue is that “differently abled” only works when everyone is accommodated but everyone isn’t. Like if people want to use that term for themselves more power to them but imo people who aren’t disabled who uses that term are usually not very accommodating.
i dont think its so much this, but the term differently abled insinuates that disabled people arent struggling. being able to just say "i am disabled" is important because internalized ableism projects onto everyone around you.
@@Kyroussel Instead of assuming that people who identify differently than you have "internalized ableism", maybe we can just accept that we're not all the same, and we're all allowed to identify in the way that makes us feel most authentic?
Really learned a lot from this. As someone disabled from chronic pain, fibromyalgia, and IBS… this was enlightening on others experience and perspective of disability.
I’m autistic and unfortunately have had the experiences as well in the first story. The infantilization is WILD when people find out I’m autistic. I’m not uncomfortable with it at all and actually enjoy people being inquisitive about my experiences with being on the spectrum. However, some people find out and I am immediately 4 years old in their heads and there’s no coming back from that.
This is a huge fear for me (also autistic). My therapist told me something that kind of helped, though: "It's their loss." If a person writes you off because of a disability, they weren't going to be good company and they don't deserve the benefit of your friendship.
Different groups want to be called different things and I hope we can agree to let people be called what they want to be called. I am disabled, and I know people who are disabled who all want to be called different things. It's best to get to know people and be respectful of what they want to be called. I don't like assuming people who disagree with me are indoctrinated and victims of ableism. We all have our own agency. Other than that I loved everything your guest said.
@@TwoHotTakes I completely agree! I also think with intersectionality, labeling someone with their disability might not be what they most identify with. A nonbinary person with autism might identify differently than an autistic person who is nonbinary or a nonbinary autistic person. A black woman might not even want to identify with the disability at all. Or it might be a big part of her identity. Culture, religion, language, nationality, race, gender, upbringing, comfort, etc. could all play a role in someone's way of identifying themselves. Or it might not. People are all different and as your guest mentioned, it's good to ask.
Thank you for saying this. I am someone who identifies as differently abled, and this whole session was incredibly offensive and extremely disappointing for me.
You're right! I definitely shouldn't have been so black and white. I talked from the circle of disabled people I run in and from my perspective on the term but should have been more open. I apologize if I hurt you or others and would love to hear more about why you may choose to use terms like this. As I mentioned, I do think it's important to ask people their preferred terms and I certainly like when people ask me. For the reasons mentioned in the beginning though, I think disabled should be the standard term used. Would love to hear your perspective!
As a student in disability studies, a woman with a disability, and having a mom who is visually impaired this is the most amazing podcast I have ever listened to❤❤❤
This is one of the reasons why this is my favorite podcasts! Morgan always chooses such amazing co-hosts and I always learn something new! Love you guys!!
Molly is freaking brilliant. I don’t know how she puts up with the world around her from the way people talk to her to how little disabled people are represented, I think I would be bitter, frustrated honestly. She said she went through her own struggles for a few years but she really is passionate and using her platform for sooo much good!
I am like 10 minutes in and I think she means well, but is too myopic with her opinions. She has a right to be called and referred to in whatever way she wish, but so does everyone else. She really rubbed me the wrong way. Just becuase she has a disability, doesn't give her the right to speak for all of us. I am looking forward to watching the rest of the episode and hopefully I will get a better vibe from her.
That first story… I immediately thought that “friend” was trying to recruit her into a cult. Also, gave me very “I saw that terrible Sia movie, so I know about autism” vibes.
For the bridesmaids dress story. If I’ve asked max 5 times and don’t get an answer. I’m simply not going. Like. I’m not going to be lectured when I’ve been asking for the color for weeks and no one’s answered. My own sister is getting married soon and I’m her bridesmaid. She’s gone above and beyond to make sure everyone knows what color, where to go, what the styling options she wants (same color but doesn’t have to be same style) so the fact the bride DIDNT go out of her way to text the out of state person the color is veryyyyy suspicious
The concept of "I need to be fixed but can't be fixed" is huge for me. I was just talking to my partners about this, in regards to mental health/disability.
As an educator, I loved hearing this perspective. Like Morgan, I've been taught by able bodied people to not call people disabled. I am deaf in one ear and never considered myself disabled because I can hear, but even then, everyone who's told me how to say people with disabilities was more abled than me!
I think that many people who are disabled live fuller and happier life than some people who are fully able. I myself finally have started accepting that I am disabled, even tho you could not tell from looks or my behavior daily. My epilepsy has left a strong mark on my life and abilities mainly my mental capacity and the way I think or I can't focus sometimes even the movement of arms and legs can become a real challenge just because I have epilepsy. Thank you so much for the video, for raising awareness. Love your content. Sending lots of love for you and Molly. I adore Molly she is so strong and she is helping lots of people better about themselves
1st. Love Molly Burke! You're a wonderful human. 2nd. I love the stories from today. Crazy sibling one was really interesting 3. Everlywell is amazing and im excited theyre a sponsor. I took a test last year and the results helped pinpoint an health condition I'd been suffering with for years that probably would have continued to go undiagnosed. 10/10 would recommend
Yay I’m so happy you loved her and the ep. And okay I’m pumped to hear it worked. My health has been driving me bonkers lately so can’t wait to see the results.
I am very glad molly is here as someone who disabled hearing her talk about all this so passionately just makes me happy knowing I am not alone with how I feel I love molly so much but never heared her talk about disability as whole so am so happy to see both side and takes where amazing I love you molly thank for making me feel better about my disability ❤️
The bridesmaid dress has a new update from yesterday! I copied and pasted it from Reddit: Bridesmaid Dress Update: Honeymoon Edition Sorry all for such a lapse in time. I’ve been so busy with things for school this summer, then classes started up again, and on top of that the events kept unfolding so it didn’t seem like there was a good time for an update that wouldn’t be massively lacking in some kind of conclusion. That said, here is what I intend as the final update. ---- Up first, my little brother’s perspective on the wedding. He said that our older brother (the groom) had approached him early on and asked if it was okay if his friend was the best man. Little brother said he wasn’t bothered by that. However, our brother’s friends have never been very nice to my little brother so he was prepared for more of the same kind of circus. Mostly teasing, name calling, homophobic language used casually like its 2005 and we call lame things “gay” and have to preference everything with “no homo.” One of the things they started to do was call my little brother the feminine version of his name. Now he did tell me some information that makes it more clear why a certain someone might have wanted him out of the wedding party. Basically at some point very strong but unreciprocated feelings were expressed to my little brother. Seeing how popular this story has become it would be potentially identifying to give more details in case anyone involved found this. Even if someone is an asshole I’m not going to accidentally out them in a very public way. Beyond that, he said he was getting the cold shoulder in general and felt squeezed out from our own family. Apparently at a family dinner with our parents, mom said that the bride and MOH (bride’s sister) were like the second and third daughters she never had. Our dad asked if she meant third and fourth daughters? So my own mother forgot she birthed me I guess, or she’s terrible at addition, not sure which is worse. Back to the wedding. The groomsmen/groom were set to go play golf in the morning before the ceremony. After the rehearsal night (when I had the wrong color dress and was “dropping out”) the best man called my little brother stating I had dropped out and since he was set to walk with me then he didn’t need to show up to golf. But the next morning they called him asking where he was and said I had made a scene to be back in the wedding so he was back in too. On the golf course our older brother was annoyed with him and said he should have come anyway even if I was being dramatic again. Little brother didn’t mention that the best man explicitly told him over the phone not to show up. So that’s what was going on with the groomsmen that morning. ---- Now, for the real update. Our brother came home a few days early from the honeymoon and was staying in a hotel. It was hard even for family members he’s close with to get in touch with him for a couple days. The public story, thanks to my sister doing damage control, became that he had gotten ill and come home early but told his wife to stay and enjoy the trip, and that their apartment plumbing is being renovated hence the hotel. Again, this has gotten so public that I feel eventually someone I know may see it, if not already, and share it with someone involved. I don’t want to divulge too many personal details, so I’ll try to stick with what is mostly public information. After arriving home a few days after my brother, his wife stayed with her parent’s home for about a week. It seems that some kind of collaborative effort on part of my mom and sister and presumably her brother got him to talk to her and then they were back together. A week or so after coming home they moved back in to their apparently newly renovated apartment, everyone ignored or forgot the fact that they didn’t speak for a week. Then it’s been all smiles and perfect pictures on instagram. Lots of sappy “1 month anniversary!”, “2 month anniversary!”, etc., type of posts. Perfect couple things. So at that point I didn’t have much to update on. Kind of boring to say, “don’t know what happened on the honeymoon, they’re back together like nothing happened now.” A couple days ago there was a pregnancy announcement on her social media. Something to note is my older brother has never wanted children, and especially not children genetically related to him. He is a childhood cancer survivor and he’s always said he couldn’t stand it if it was genetic. He’s very serious about this, as in he was considering a vasectomy. I recently spoke with my sister on the phone and mentioned how this was very strange to me that they’re announcing a pregnancy. She said, and this is a quote, “well there’s nothing forgetting a pill here and there can’t fix if you want to get your way, you know.” My response was that’s basically sexual abuse and she scoffed at me for saying it’s anything similar. I still don't know exactly what happened on the honeymoon. I’m regretting not telling my older brother more at this point, but I’m also not sure that “petty ladies drama” over a dress color would have gotten him to leave her. Clearly he put up with a lot of drama from her anyway. I am internalizing the guilt though, so I’m sorry this isn’t a particularly satisfying update.
First off, Molly is a queen! Love her to the ends of this earth, she's taught me so much over the many years I've watched her and im inspired and grateful to have found her. Second of all, I was shocked when you said MS patients. I was diagnosed a little over a year and a half ago with MS after a year of trying to figure it out and it just doesn't get talked about. My boyfriend of almost 2 years left because he knew I was disabled getting into the relationship but it became too much for him to handle as I went through the worst depression of my life, and he just couldn't offer the support I needed and resented me for it. Im still learning how to deal with my new life as this disabled person, and its gonna be an ongoing journey the rest of my life. This episode really hit me deeply and I loved every minute of it. Love you both, thank you so much for the insight 💕
As a patient advocate I was taught “differently abled” when I was growing up disabled. It wasn’t until later that I was able to meet others I realized how ableist it was.
I am disabled and I love the term differently abled. I will be using that from now on. As someone else commented, just use what you feel comfortable with.
I am disabled and would tell you to use "disabled" in a society that often refuses disabled people accommodations on grounds of not taking them seriously and not really believing they need them. Differently abled is a dangerous term to use in this world, and I've had first hand experience with it, and minor things like it, resulting in me not being considered to be disabled enough. Resulting in me being refused simple accommodations, without which had cumulative effects that were life-ruining for me. I don't want that to happen to someone else because of someone who's supposed to help them. Only change it to differently abled if they ask you to.
Thanks for this! When my only disabilities where fibro, chronic pain, and ADHD, I didn't really considered myself disabled or really cared what I was referred to or if my disabilities were acknowledged. Could I have used support? Sure but it was fine, I could manage. When I got my daily seizure disorder and started BEGGING for help, patience, guidance, support, it drove me CRAZY how many people tried to tell me I wasn't disabled. People would literally walk across my body on the floor being frozen or tremoring as if it was totally normal. No matter how many times I tried to explain it was uncomfortable or I needed help, I was told if I couldn't control it I should be by myself in a room so that I wouldn't scare people. There is even a joke in my family to say "Amanda, have you tried NOT seizing?" because how many people thought I was able to stop it. So if someone told me differently disabled for just pain and adhd, "is like ah okay" as I don't think that would hurt me. Actively denying and gaslighting me into saying that me not being in control of my own body is NOT a disability but some time of "different ability" really sucks. It's not a different ability to get freezing or falling attacks. It's scary and makes daily tasks difficult/slow. What really helped me unpack my own ableism and cope with my disability was the documentary "Crip Camp: A Disability Revolution".
I CAN'T... 'HAVE YOU TRIED NOT SIEZING' the sad thing is PEOPLE REALLY THINK THAT WAY ABOUT EVERYTHING. 'What if you just tried like... not having cancer? it's really uncomfortable to look at you :/' sounds hyperbolic, but you'd be shocked A lot of us especially with ADHD don't like to consider it a disability, because it partially feels like we're taking a term meant for someone worse off, and partially because society creates such a strong desire to 'fix' it, and the fact medication exists for it doesn't help. The truth is it's a disability, our brains are fundamentally different, and while it does have its upsides its downsides can be bad enough to ruin people's lives and make them hate themselves. So don't feel the need to down play any of the things that effect you, take ownership of how they play out in your life and screw anybody who thinks ANY of that isn't a struggle
ayy my mom’s also had MS for over a decade! since ‘06. it’s kind of amazing getting to see the change in public discourse on disability in real time even if the dumb shit said to/about our parents stays the same (idk if you’ve ever had strangers say they’ll pray for your mom… while we were not in or near a church… that was an Experience). but it’s dope hearing from so many more people who actually understand or make an effort to understand hope you and your mom are doing well or as well as ya can be! the newer treatments in the past decade have been pretty incredible and i hope they’ve helped your mom as much as they helped mine
As a disabled person with several chronic health conditions and mobility issues, I really appreciate how open and honest you both were in this video while talking about disabilities. I have fibromyalgia, functional neurological disorder, and osteoarthritis in my knees, amongst other health issues. All of which have drastically effected my quality of life, especially my mobility. I use a walking frame to get around, but also need a wheelchair on my worse days, I can't walk up stairs by myself, and sometimes can't even get out of bed by myself. A few years ago I discovered "The Spoon Theory" and it literally changed my life. It helped me to understand what I can and can't do, helped me learn / manage my limits, and even helped me to explain to family and friends why I can't do the things I used to do with ease, etc. "The Spoon Theory" has had such a positive impact on my life that I got a Spoon Theory inspired tattoo on my arm. Anyway I just wanted to say Thank You for mentioning and explaining "The Spoon Theory" in this video. I hope the explanation in this video helps people to understand themselves (/their loved ones) better, gives them an incentive to research this theory, and I hope it has a positive impact on their lives. Again, Thank You. Your videos are always a great watch but this one is my favourite so far :) (Here's a time stamp for "The Spoon Theory" explanation - 1:05:10 )
I was born with a disability it took me years to love myself it was only recent i learned to truly love myself. I went from being depressed, feeling isolated all the time, getting angry about being different and even feeling suicidal to not caring and learning that i can't change the way i am physically so just live life to the fullest. In a way I'm glad i didn't let my depression get the best of me cause i met so many amazing people that love me for me.
The story about the couple who found out they were siblings through 23andMe reminded me of this true story that was on this urban legend show I saw reruns of as a kid. Basically in that story, there was this young couple who'd been together for a few years and were planning on getting married. They needed their birth certificates. In this story, the couple had the same birthday, were born at the same time or within a few minutes of each other, and were even born in the same hospital. Upon going to the hospital, they find out that they were accidentally switched at birth when they get their birth certificates and they have the wrong gender written on them. There was a big storm or something, so there was chaos in the hospital and they got mixed up. His parents were her biological one and hers were his.
THANK YOU for the intro. I always thought I was less and bad as I was not doing things like other people who said " Differently Abled "{ My many disabilities keep me at home }. I feel so much better after your chat. Again THANK YOU. 🥰❣
Just one tiny thing Molly mentioned in passing made me a little more informed. The fact that guide dogs tend to wear harnesses (so the guided person can hold on and be led) while most other service dogs have vests. This distinction makes sense, but honestly I may not have always realized it immediately offhand when seeing/encountering a service animal. I just never thought about about. It’s amazing when we really look and listen to what others have to show and say even the small little (and big things) we can pick up on, sometimes just coming from an off handed comment being made when discussing a different topic. Also the fact that as disabled people (I have several severe physical disabilities and mobility impairments), we often times become immeshed in the world of our disability and are surrounded by terminology, assistive technology/devices, and aware of accommodations available or required to make our lives more accessible and other things to do with our disability and sometimes forget the general population might not know any or all of the terminology, equipment, accommodations, limitations/boundaries we have, and I’m glad Molly advocates for educating others when they use incorrect words or do incorrect things. As long as people approach me with respect and not with ill intent, I don’t mind educating them a bit in my condition and needs and abilities (especially my abilities, it surprises many what we CAN do and also some of the seemingly small things we can’t that then become bigger issues). Of course it is everyone’s right to keep things private and somethings are just unnecessary to be divulged to anyone and everyone, especially strangers, so those boundaries need to be respected by the curious as well. I’m a huge interest in sharing with and educating others. The more awareness we can bring to the myriad of disabilities that are out there the more inclusive the world can be developed to meet and exceed all needs not just that of the “general public.”
Two Hot Takes and Molly Burke Collab? Two of my favorite creators together , my day is turning up thank you ❤️, perfect background noise for my house reorganization
By far my fave influencer guest episode to date! No shade to any other past guests at all I’m just blow away buy y’alls chemistry. So much fun listening to you two ladies, wrapping up I was like “wait its already over?” then realized 2 hours just went by in a flash… HOW??? Not to mention the stories this ep were off the rails wild. Great job Morgan and the two hot takes team, y’all just keep killing it.
I loved hearing Molly talk about a person with an autoimmune disease in this. I have celiac disease and RA. While I was sick, most doctors thought I had lupus (based on my symptoms), and I didn't think I would live past 40 (I got sick at 20). I often feel like autoimmune diseases, and celiac disease in particular, are left out of these kinds of conversations, but it has forever changed my life and the way I care for myself. I also agree with everything they said about the relationship in this part of the video. We are all more than our illness/disability, but the beginning is the hardest, not just for us but for the people who love us.
Oh my gosh! Thank you for doing this episode. I am disabled by lupus as well. I am a veteran. But I'm a woman. I have been divorced twice and have 3 children and one grandchild. I have lost 7 babies. Through the VA, I am 100% disabled for military sexual traumas that happened in 1998 and 2000. I have been bullied by bosses, partners, and friends. I was diagnosed 11 years ago, with lupus and now I'm 48 years old. The VA gives help with counseling, but they are overwhelmed with the level of vets who need help. I get 6 weeks at a time, then several months in-between. My level of physical activity is almost none. After being the military, I feel like a loser. When I work in the home, I actually get sick, like physically ill. My throat will hurt, and I will get a headache. I have to sleep for several days to feel better. My 2 youngest kids and I moved in with my dad after my mom died 2 years ago, and he just had both his knees replaced and he can move more than me. I'm so embarrassed by this. I can't even clean my house.
i absolutely loved molly being a guest and i think you definitely need to have her again!! she’s so well-spoken and insightful. loved hearing all she had to say
Hey morgan i just need to thank you for your uploads Ive so depressed and often find myself neglecting self care / cleaning / eating etc , but when i put your podcast on it makes it so much easier for me to shower/clean/cook ... i appreciate this podcast so damn much Thank you 💕 literally when i see that youve uploaded im like "okay i can do what i need to do without feeling so alone and anxious"
LOVE Molly Burke! ❤ Such a great episode! Molly is a reason I feel okay and got through a tough time when I lost a majority of my hearing and not letting disability be a dirty word like Molly said!
Love that you two did this! The title is also refreshing to see because I recently saw the video where Morgan said, "differently abled." Love her for having this conversation, growing, learning and raising awareness💕
About the story of the friend losing money and being upset about not being given any... My parents gave me a bit advice before I entered my 20's and started interacting with other young adults. "Don't lend money you expect to get back." In other words. If you are going to give, give. But if you need it back don't give it away at all. What's the purpose in that? And that has helped me in situations like this supremely. I like to help people love it even and sometimes it would have been at the cost of my own well-being and they knew this. So this way I never fear about money being given out and gone. I just try to make sure I'm not enabling bad habits as best I can.
I hate when people infantialize us. Some people even talk to us in baby voices or only want to be our friends because of our disabilities because that’s somehow a heroic deed to do. Or some people expect us to want to be cured. I mean sure it’s challenging to be disabled and really sucks at points but with my experience, it only sucks because of how other people in the world treated my disability. First story made me cringe so hard at what that “friend” was saying ☠️
Thank you for having this conversation! I am a physically disabled person and at first was so confused why people started saying differently abled. And then I started believing the hype and accepting it. Even though I never thought the word disabled was a slur or rude term, like so many people thought. Molly Burke is a powerhouse. But trust me when I say, that all disabled people have super strong emotions regarding disability. I am the same way, but too scared to be public about it like Molly is. This conversation excited me so much.
Great discussion. When I was 17 I was involved in a very bad car accident leaving me in a wheelchair for several months. I was eventually dismissed from the hospital and was very excited to go to the mall to use a gift card at Bloomingdale’s. My mom went with me and nearly every sales clerk suddenly had everything else to do in the store other than to help us find something to fall in love with and to buy in the jewelry department. Finally my mom locked eyes with a sales lady who didn’t turn away quickly enough to make a clean getaway. I had finally found a cute silver salamander pin that I wanted but just needed to check out. The sales lady refused to look or talk directly to me even with my mom saying decisions were mine, not hers. The lady finally worked up enough courage to kinda look at me then started nearly yelling like I couldn’t hear while still looking where my head would have been had I been standing. I was in tears, totally dehumanized. I searched deeply within myself and loudly said, “Hi. I’m down here. Look, I can talk and hear and even be patient while I’m ignored. Now that we’ve figured that out, can I pay for this?” Another employee quickly approached and finished the sale. I’ve kept that pin (I named him Guido) as a reminder that we’re all humans regardless of our disabilities. My bones mended, and I learned to walk again before graduation eight months later with Guido on my graduation robe. Years later, I have again joined my disabled brothers & sisters with an “invisible disability” seizure disorder and chronic pain condition. This time, I’m more than willing to advocate for my community. I am not my disability. I’m just a simple person as unique as everyone else. I’m glad these conversations can hopefully help avoid the tears like I experienced. And yes, Guido is definitely my most meaningful friend that was helped me immensely for over 32 years.
This was so cathartic for me. I’m disabled and have a service dog too. I have a bio/chem degree and an esthetics license and I still can’t get a job in the esthetics field. It doesn’t matter that I’m qualified and skilled- as soon as they see my dog, they make their decision. I’m really struggling with this right now ❤
A tip from someone who has been worked discrimination alot for a long time. Build your own portfolio, with social media and as a entrepreneur. The old they need to see to believe is what's going to give you a chance. Maybe take an unrelated job so you get the security to start this and eventually have the opportunities you wish. Good luck! Sincerely, a fellow disabled woman!!
I was driving in HEAVY traffic while listening to this episode and I wanted to bang my head against the steering wheel not because of the traffic, but because of the BRIDESMAID DRESS STORY! I have never been so frustrated of a story until I heard that one, and i was ready to start fighting someone because of it lmao
Me too, there's an update btw. It told what happened to little bro leading up to the wedding and the unfortunate position the groom is now in. A couple people posted it in these comments but you have to dig.
when I say I'm bipolar, I always get the activists chiming in going you're a person WITH bipolar - you are so much more than that! Stop policing my language pls
It's like too people who say this, it's like no s*** I'm a person with bipolar!?! What am I not human 🤦♀️ obviously I'm a person. It's so rude. I totally feel you.
My dad who is legally a quadriplegic, but is able to move his right side of his body, always says “I’m paralyzed not a newborn” whenever people ask if he needs help with the most basic stuff😂 always makes me laugh. I’ve learn to wait until he asks for help instead of always offering. He still wants to be independent and fact is he can be! Disabled doesn’t mean useless!
Thank you for doing this video. I'm disabled. I just learned differently then others. Having a learning disability it's so hard for me to talk to other people. Some times I have to use pictures and write to explain what I'm trying to say. I'm so thankful for my husband for supporting me. I can teach our child that disabled is a super power and it's okay to be different.
I literally had to stop the video part way through so i could compose myself and not cry! I’m like squeaking with happiness over this collab. 💕 I am a 31 year old woman that has been on dialysis for the better half of my life. Like Molly’s eyes can’t see, I don’t have kidney function. So without a medical treatment that cleans my blood I would literally die. In a short couple of horrible months, if I wasn’t able to get that treatment. Three times a week I go to a facility that is set up much like a facility where you would go to get your labs drawn at. You sit in giant uncomfortable plastic chairs, get poked with TWO giant straws of a needle so your blood can be accessed to be cleaned. I sit in that chair once I am connected to that machine for the next four to five hours for my blood to get cleaned. Three times a week for the rest of my life. It it very taxing. And one of the most memorable interactions I have with one of my family members was we were talking and i offhandedly said I had been feeling really stressed out and depressed. And she scoffed at me saying, “really?? What do YOU have to be depressed about?” Yes, a very tone deaf, pun intended (Molly I love you) moment from my loving cousin who couldn’t understand how a normal looking 31 year old women, who looks normal on the outside could have anything “really” wrong with her. And that just shows how much we all still need to grow when it comes to disability. She knows full well that i go to dialysis but once someone learns that about me they just tuck that appointment away like i was at the spa the whole time relaxing. Like no, it literally drains you. That’s why it’s so damning when you can look at someone who looks normal and just assume. You don’t look disabled to be disabled and it’s time that people learn! 🫰I love you both so much and frequently stalk both your channels! Lol ❤️
Story number 5 really needs to have an update because this was too long of a read to not have closure. I need to know how the ring blindness came off the groom because Captain Oblivious was really walking into poles the entire time.
less than 10 minutes in and im already learning so much!! knew differently abled was not the preferred term but didnt fully understand why and hearing molly talk about it, it makes so much more sense to me. thankyou for educating people!!
5 minutes in and I'm so happy this is being addressed! As a disabled person its so nice to see people talking about the issues with first person language and disability-ableism! The medical model of disability is inherently ableist! Thank you guys!
It's 1:00am and I still have half an hour left of the podcast, but I couldn't stop watching or hold off on watching because it's MOLLY!!! Haha. I freaking love you both. Best episode!
So glad you did the bridesmaid dress story because I hadn’t seen the last update! I was so frustrated for her and was dying to know what ended up happening. Also, this has been my favorite collab! You and Molly were so great together!
Such an incredibly important episode imo. Molly said a lot of stuff in the beginning that I needed to hear as a newly diagnosed autistic woman. I loved the banter and stories in here. Thank you for having such an educational, inclusive episode, Morgan (:
all those people who don't want to date disabled person exclusively because of their disability is the same people, who would leave their partner in serious health crisis. That's so unsettling...
Love this episode and love Molly as a guest. ❤ My husband is profoundly deaf and only in recent years has he truly accepted his disability without shame. And that’s down to the increase in representation in recent years. We are currently learning sign language something he never wanted to do until he saw Rose Ayling-Ellis on strictly come dancing. It just shows what a profound impact representation can have to make a person feel seen. He can finally accept himself and be proud of who he is.
Thank you for having me on and letting me rant and talk way too much! LOL Typical me... I had so much fun.
Soooo, when’s the Killer Bee podcast coming? 🐝 ❤️
Think i speak for everyone when i say you are an inspiration and a positive role model
You are a wonderful person who actually knows what they are talking about. Take this advice with grain of salt because it is my opinion haha. People don’t say that scientists are “ranting” people don’t say specialists are “ranting”. You didn’t rant. You are a knowledgeable person sharing their experiences in a helpful and passionate way. I know this is probably just my opinion but being yourself unapologetically is something I’ve learned since 2020. If someone says you are ranting they just want to quiet your voice because they are uncomfortable and can’t think of something logically to combat it.
You have such great energy!
loved the episode but genuine question- how is able-bodied not also a euphemism? shouldn't we just say disabled and non-disabled? you can be able-bodied and still be disabled in this society.
An autistic friend of mine always says “I’m not a person WITH autism, autism isn’t my roommate”
My son describes himself as and autistic person I never understood person first language
great way of putting it
I actually laughed out loud ngl 🤣
That’s such an amazing quote I love it.
This is person, they have autism
Autism is a little different. The general community of autism prefer to be described as "autistic" rather than a person with autism.
"Dating me isn't for everyone" should honestly be taught more to us growing up. Imagine all the heart break people could save
Agreed. Even with able-bodied people it’s good to remember that
I didn’t even know I hated the term “differently abled” until someone else called me that to my face. I wanted to flip a table. Thank you for having these conversations.
For real, I feel like it’s the ablests trying to erase a part of us.
I literally got my autism diagnosis today! This is such a important episode and thanks for having a actually disabled person on
Welcome to the Club Brooke!
♥️
she’s been on youtube for so long i’m a fan of hers, and i got to meet her in person
Congratulations on your diagnosis!
Congratulations on the diagnosis. I've heard it can take a long time to get that.
Molly needs a podcast omg shes so articulate I could listen to her speak all day
Her audiobook is really good if you haven’t read it! I enjoyed it a lot
She has a thriving UA-cam channel
I'm an educator and I HATE how much college education professors insist that we use people first language, when a lot of people I know from a variety of communities do not identify with that language.
Came to say just this!
THIS!!!
I'm autistic and hate person first language! I'm an autistic woman damn it!
@@GirlGamer867 it was written in the course syllabus of half of my master's classes that the use of person first language was required and we would fail any assignment we didn't use it in. Absolutely ridiculous!
Let us refer to people how THEY want to be referred to. Now what makes the professor more comfortable
“I heard you’re more likely to get married if your partner looks more like you” every day, Freud’s ghost gets a little stronger.
Me starting at my bearded big Norse boyfriend going huh…… does he look like me?
yayyy love Molly and love this!! "differently abled" is like "i dont see color" - aka it's harmful to ignore the ways we are oppressed in society!
I was literally about to say the same thingg
I have severe chronic pain that’s only gotten worse over the last decade. I never felt comfortable calling myself disabled because I didn’t feel “disabled enough”. Many people in my life have made me feel this way and have also told me not to say it to people. Hearing Molly say you can be disabled and capable seriously puts it into perspective for me. It got to a point where I couldn’t walk without a cane due to an undiagnosed hip injury that I’ve since had fixed with surgery, I’ve had my third surgery for a disease that has no cure (and comes back worse every time), I have debilitating migraines, issues with my nerves, the list goes on and on. I appreciate your word so much, Molly. Thank you.
Accepting that my physical disability was a legitimate disability, suddenly I no longer had an issue accepting things that make my existence easier. I now love my handi parking permit. I love using wheelchair services at big airports. I used to feel that even though I could walk, but with pain and motor control difficulties, that I couldn't use it, that people would judge. My age then also didn't help.
I’m so sorry to hear this. As someone suffering from fibromyalgia, constant pain can be so enervating. I wish you luck, and hope your health improves as much as possible.
I GASPED when I read the title lol this is the episode I never knew I needed!! I’ve been watching Molly for years and it makes so so happy to hear her on one of my fav podcasts 🎉🥰
Same!
Same same!
Same here!
This is so awesome!!!
Me too!!!! Omg!!!
Im glad she mentioned autism. Personally I hate being referred to as person with autism. Im autistic, and thats ok to say. Also that first story gave me flash backs to how some of friends I use to have. Its very scary to tell people about autism, you never know how they will react.
Same!
Same🥺♥️
If it helps, here’s my little story. For context, I have raging ADHD (which actually bears a lot of similarities to the spectrum from what I understand!) and one partner I was with for nearly 3 years didn’t tell me he had/has Asperger’s until after our first kiss/when we were spilling all of our feelings for each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was verbatim, but I said something along the lines of “cool, well thanks for telling me!” and asked some questions regarding what I needed to know about it in between face sucking sessions 😂❤
“Person with autism” sounds like it’s an afterthought and that they expect us to mask more for their comfort. Like it’s not part of us.
The wedding story frustrated me so terribly. How dare they do this to the girl *knowing* that they would embarrass her and send her away when she got there, after moving her exams and travelling across the country??? Those people ain't shit
She just updated 10 hours ago. It gets worse… way worse
@@sierrastephens6935 can you please share?
@@karlaruiz8648 Bridesmaid Dress Update: Honeymoon Edition
Sorry all for such a lapse in time. I’ve been so busy with things for school this summer, then classes started up again, and on top of that the events kept unfolding so it didn’t seem like there was a good time for an update that wouldn’t be massively lacking in some kind of conclusion. That said, here is what I intend as the final update.
----
Up first, my little brother’s perspective on the wedding.
He said that our older brother (the groom) had approached him early on and asked if it was okay if his friend was the best man. Little brother said he wasn’t bothered by that. However, our brother’s friends have never been very nice to my little brother so he was prepared for more of the same kind of circus. Mostly teasing, name calling, homophobic language used casually like its 2005 and we call lame things “gay” and have to preference everything with “no homo.” One of the things they started to do was call my little brother the feminine version of his name.
Now he did tell me some information that makes it more clear why a certain someone might have wanted him out of the wedding party. Basically at some point very strong but unreciprocated feelings were expressed to my little brother. Seeing how popular this story has become it would be potentially identifying to give more details in case anyone involved found this. Even if someone is an asshole I’m not going to accidentally out them in a very public way.
Beyond that, he said he was getting the cold shoulder in general and felt squeezed out from our own family. Apparently at a family dinner with our parents, mom said that the bride and MOH (bride’s sister) were like the second and third daughters she never had. Our dad asked if she meant third and fourth daughters? So my own mother forgot she birthed me I guess, or she’s terrible at addition, not sure which is worse.
Back to the wedding. The groomsmen/groom were set to go play golf in the morning before the ceremony. After the rehearsal night (when I had the wrong color dress and was “dropping out”) the best man called my little brother stating I had dropped out and since he was set to walk with me then he didn’t need to show up to golf. But the next morning they called him asking where he was and said I had made a scene to be back in the wedding so he was back in too. On the golf course our older brother was annoyed with him and said he should have come anyway even if I was being dramatic again. Little brother didn’t mention that the best man explicitly told him over the phone not to show up.
So that’s what was going on with the groomsmen that morning.
----
Now, for the real update.
Our brother came home a few days early from the honeymoon and was staying in a hotel. It was hard even for family members he’s close with to get in touch with him for a couple days. The public story, thanks to my sister doing damage control, became that he had gotten ill and come home early but told his wife to stay and enjoy the trip, and that their apartment plumbing is being renovated hence the hotel.
Again, this has gotten so public that I feel eventually someone I know may see it, if not already, and share it with someone involved. I don’t want to divulge too many personal details, so I’ll try to stick with what is mostly public information.
After arriving home a few days after my brother, his wife stayed with her parent’s home for about a week. It seems that some kind of collaborative effort on part of my mom and sister and presumably her brother got him to talk to her and then they were back together. A week or so after coming home they moved back in to their apparently newly renovated apartment, everyone ignored or forgot the fact that they didn’t speak for a week. Then it’s been all smiles and perfect pictures on instagram. Lots of sappy “1 month anniversary!”, “2 month anniversary!”, etc., type of posts. Perfect couple things.
So at that point I didn’t have much to update on. Kind of boring to say, “don’t know what happened on the honeymoon, they’re back together like nothing happened now.”
A couple days ago there was a pregnancy announcement on her social media.
Something to note is my older brother has never wanted children, and especially not children genetically related to him. He is a childhood cancer survivor and he’s always said he couldn’t stand it if it was genetic. He’s very serious about this, as in he was considering a vasectomy.
I recently spoke with my sister on the phone and mentioned how this was very strange to me that they’re announcing a pregnancy. She said, and this is a quote, “well there’s nothing forgetting a pill here and there can’t fix if you want to get your way, you know.” My response was that’s basically sexual abuse and she scoffed at me for saying it’s anything similar.
I still don't know exactly what happened on the honeymoon. I’m regretting not telling my older brother more at this point, but I’m also not sure that “petty ladies drama” over a dress color would have gotten him to leave her. Clearly he put up with a lot of drama from her anyway. I am internalizing the guilt though, so I’m sorry this isn’t a particularly satisfying update.
@@gracekennedy7093 so groom got baby trapped and now has to put up with his wife's behavior...while I want to say poor dude, he wasn't exactly standing up for his siblings in the first place. He dismissed his brother's absence and sister's dress situation as them being dramatic instead of, I don't know, listening? What part of "THEY WON'T TELL ME THE COLOR!" did he not understand? He was ignoring all sorts of red flags.
Yeah I just wouldn’t go lol and instead of going cross country for the wedding me and my baby bro would have taken all the money we could’ve spent on the wedding and we would’ve went on a sibling vacation instead. But that’s me.
Wow a great collab! Looking forward to listening to this. Molly is such a well spoken person and a great representation of the blind community :))
I am a person who is very hard of hearing, (Almost completely deaf) and I never noticed I grew up in such a ableist household until now. Everyone around me always wanted to find ways to fix me when there was no fixing it. I’ve had so many experimental surgeries in my left ear that I’m almost completely deaf on that side. I had the hardest time accepting that it is who I am, and the video into literally has me in tears… This has made me realize it’s not worth my hardship of feeling sorry for myself and i just need to come to terms with who I am. Thank you so much for making this THT.
NEW WEDDING STORY UPDATE:
Bridesmaid Dress Update: Honeymoon Edition
Sorry all for such a lapse in time. I’ve been so busy with things for school this summer, then classes started up again, and on top of that the events kept unfolding so it didn’t seem like there was a good time for an update that wouldn’t be massively lacking in some kind of conclusion. That said, here is what I intend as the final update.
Up first, my little brother’s perspective on the wedding.
He said that our older brother (the groom) had approached him early on and asked if it was okay if his friend was the best man. Little brother said he wasn’t bothered by that. However, our brother’s friends have never been very nice to my little brother so he was prepared for more of the same kind of circus. Mostly teasing, name calling, homophobic language used casually like its 2005 and we call lame things “gay” and have to preference everything with “no homo.” One of the things they started to do was call my little brother the feminine version of his name.
Now he did tell me some information that makes it more clear why a certain someone might have wanted him out of the wedding party. Basically at some point very strong but unreciprocated feelings were expressed to my little brother. Seeing how popular this story has become it would be potentially identifying to give more details in case anyone involved found this. Even if someone is an asshole I’m not going to accidentally out them in a very public way.
Beyond that, he said he was getting the cold shoulder in general and felt squeezed out from our own family. Apparently at a family dinner with our parents, mom said that the bride and MOH (bride’s sister) were like the second and third daughters she never had. Our dad asked if she meant third and fourth daughters? So my own mother forgot she birthed me I guess, or she’s terrible at addition, not sure which is worse.
Back to the wedding. The groomsmen/groom were set to go play golf in the morning before the ceremony. After the rehearsal night (when I had the wrong color dress and was “dropping out”) the best man called my little brother stating I had dropped out and since he was set to walk with me then he didn’t need to show up to golf. But the next morning they called him asking where he was and said I had made a scene to be back in the wedding so he was back in too. On the golf course our older brother was annoyed with him and said he should have come anyway even if I was being dramatic again. Little brother didn’t mention that the best man explicitly told him over the phone not to show up.
So that’s what was going on with the groomsmen that morning.
Now, for the real update.
Our brother came home a few days early from the honeymoon and was staying in a hotel. It was hard even for family members he’s close with to get in touch with him for a couple days. The public story, thanks to my sister doing damage control, became that he had gotten ill and come home early but told his wife to stay and enjoy the trip, and that their apartment plumbing is being renovated hence the hotel.
Again, this has gotten so public that I feel eventually someone I know may see it, if not already, and share it with someone involved. I don’t want to divulge too many personal details, so I’ll try to stick with what is mostly public information.
After arriving home a few days after my brother, his wife stayed with her parent’s home for about a week. It seems that some kind of collaborative effort on part of my mom and sister and presumably her brother got him to talk to her and then they were back together. A week or so after coming home they moved back in to their apparently newly renovated apartment, everyone ignored or forgot the fact that they didn’t speak for a week. Then it’s been all smiles and perfect pictures on instagram. Lots of sappy “1 month anniversary!”, “2 month anniversary!”, etc., type of posts. Perfect couple things.
So at that point I didn’t have much to update on. Kind of boring to say, “don’t know what happened on the honeymoon, they’re back together like nothing happened now.”
A couple days ago there was a pregnancy announcement on her social media.
Something to note is my older brother has never wanted children, and especially not children genetically related to him. He is a childhood cancer survivor and he’s always said he couldn’t stand it if it was genetic. He’s very serious about this, as in he was considering a vasectomy.
I recently spoke with my sister on the phone and mentioned how this was very strange to me that they’re announcing a pregnancy. She said, and this is a quote, “well there’s nothing forgetting a pill here and there can’t fix if you want to get your way, you know.” My response was that’s basically sexual abuse and she scoffed at me for saying it’s anything similar.
I still don't know exactly what happened on the honeymoon. I’m regretting not telling my older brother more at this point, but I’m also not sure that “petty ladies drama” over a dress color would have gotten him to leave her. Clearly he put up with a lot of drama from her anyway. I am internalizing the guilt though, so I’m sorry this isn’t a particularly satisfying update.
Omg thank you for tracking this down! So so nuts
I don't want to say he deserved to get baby trapped but he was really ignoring a whole parade of red flags leading up to and during the wedding.
@@katrinascarlet5637 honestly, he wouldn’t listen to his own siblings, wouldn’t want to pay attention to how they were treated. He was blind sided (pun intended), an got baby-trapped
@@gracekennedy7093 ik yall are not essentially victim blaming someone that was sexually assaulted
I could never date let alone marry someone who’d treat my siblings like that. Absolutely despicable.
I'm autistic (I prefer identity first language, so do not correct me please) and I'm disabled due to Lupus. "Differently abled" always feels like something someone without a disability says to make themselves feel better.
I’m not disabled so i dont have much to say but i feel like calling someone “differently abled” is almost patronizing, its like calling someone “special” instead of disabled
@@ksis86 I am not disabled as well. But if I heard someone call a disabled person “differently abled” sounds like they’re scared to call a disabled person what they are, disabled. And calling them disabled makes THEM uncomfortable so they make a new term so they feel comfortable calling disabled people soemthing they don’t even identify with. And it’s like “oh you’re not disabled you’re just unique in your own way”
I'm also autistic (feels kind of funny saying that like a qualification, lol). I think you're onto something and I'll add this. I'm disabled, and to me that word is neutral, not a dirty word that needs a euphemism. The fact that someone felt the need to make a euphemism tells me they felt it IS a dirty word. "Disability" as a word and concept made them uncomfortable; this is how they compensated. It's the cheapest, most flimsy form of "support," on the level of inspiration p**n. Surface-level respect and admiration, probably to mask the fact that they get uncomfortable when they walk past someone who's visibly disabled.
As someone who identifies as differently abled, I would like to suggest that 1. we ask people how they identify, and 2. we avoid making hurtful judgments about those who use the label.
@@ksis86 yes same i always cringe when i hear that because it feels condescending
yes!! i’m so glad you guys talked about this!! I am disabled, (I have erbs palsy, shits wack) i’m not a person with a disability, im not differently abled, this shit makes me seriously so irritated. like i’m fully an adult and yeah there are things I can’t do but it makes me so mad when abled people act like being disabled is something to pity or talk down on
I had a lecturer in Uni who was the leading expert in my field in Erbs palsy but she was as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike when I needed help! It's a pretty rare condition so I assume she picked it for her doctorate because it sounds cool being the foremost expert in something but never actually have to prove it 🤦♀️
@@julierichardson800 lol truth, i’ve never met another person with erbs palsy, and like honestly irl nobody who actually knows what it is. I think it’s awesome that you’re looking into it because it’s really interesting!
Wow ty for posting, I love learning about different conditions especially uncommon ones. I've been dealing with arm issues from CRPS for about 7 years and it's interesting to see some similarities. I totally agree with you, can't stand people that feel they need to give pity or being looked down on for a disability. The other thing that infuriates me is when people act like I'm "not" disable. Like trying to lessen my issues or pretend they don't exist
@@Chelbells CRPS is really horrid. There is something called TMR (transcutaneous muscular re-innervation) it was originally designed for controlling prosthetic hands but it turns out it reduces phantom pain and there was research being proposed into its application to CRPS. Not sure if it went anywhere though
@@Chelbells omg yes! this! super similar, there are things i can do and sometimes people try to use the fact that i can wash my hair or carry semi-heavy things sometimes as 'proof' that im not disabled and its so irritating. it feels like im not disabled enough to get help but im too disabled to do things like swim well, play sports etc. one i'm really frustrated about is the fact that I cant learn sign language. I keep trying, but there are a lot of fine motor skills issues and some signs i physically cannot do with my arm the way it is.
Thank you so much for replying, it's always really interesting to hear about other people's experiences.
Yes!!! As a chronically ill, disabled creator online, I LOVE seeing conversations like this happening! Thank you for including disabled voices! ❤️❤️
I'm 23 and recently got a lupus diagnosis and Molly is 100% right! I hated when people told me to get my shit together, but I needed it and I am able to do so much more when I'm taking care of my mental health. Mental health and Lupus are so intertwined and the deeper you get into depression, the worse you're going to feel physically. We have to take control of everything we can when our bodies our so fragile.
Just heard the bit about finding an art! Becoming a musician quite literally saved my life. because even on those days where it hurts too much to play, I can still listen or watch a performance. I've absolutely gained new loves after my diagnosis
I was so uncomfortable in the beginning of this video but instead of clicking away and enjoying my ignorant bliss like I usually do, I stayed and opened my mind to learning. Thank you for having this important conversation.
Morgan my aunt has the same thing that Molly has. She was born with it that diagnosed when she was about a year old and became legally blind when she was in her teen years. She is the most inspirational person I have ever met she crochets for a living and she teaches these classes to help people learn how to crochet while blind virtually. I love how people with these disabilities turn it into such a good thing and show people that just because they have this disability it doesn't stop them from having a normal life and thank you just for having Molly on here and showing me that my aunt isn't the only inspirational one.
Thank you so much for sharing about your aunt. I would love to see some of her work! Crocheting is something I've been meaning to try
@@TwoHotTakes I would love to show you I can send it over on Instagram if you would like!
@@TwoHotTakes Morgan, Louie's Loops has the best youtube series on how to crochet, really short and easy videos. I learned to crochet with him bc all other videos were like 20mins long and very overwhelming, and his series of
I have chronic illness and hearing molly talk about grieving your past self and the life you thought you would live hit hard. It took me years to realize and accept this but once I did I was able to focus on what abilities I did have and create a new vision of life. Sometimes I still have waves of grief and anger but they are manageable and brief. I’m so glad you did this episode.
I recently learned this is called "chronic sorrow" because people with chronic illness and/or disability go through the stages of grieving multiple times or throughout life and that it's normal. Once I realized that I'd been going through the process (basically last week), I've felt better about it. Doesn't change that it happens, but does change how I feel about it.
Thank you for your comment. I can relate to this so much. I need to see this.
I am disabled (Type 1 Diabetic) and most people really don’t take it seriously. I get told all the time that my chronic fatigue and brain fog are just me being lazy. The reality is, I feel sick, all the time, and I always will. I’ve been diabetic for 9 years and have recently begun searching for a therapist that will help me with my trauma associated with my illness. Thank you for bringing on Molly, I love you both!!
Having literal Chronic Fatigue Syndrome,I feel ya so much. I’m trying so hard to teach myself to stop berating myself as being lazy when I’m having an off day(more off days than on, lately).
I have my masters in social work and I FEEL YOU on grad programs shoving these terms down our throats!
First story: what this “friend” is doing is literally grounds for filing a discrimination report
I think it’s cuz they’re infantilizing the op. I.e now that they know the disability they think it’s like dealing with a small child and act accordingly. But whatever it was, problematic af
The thing that always made me sort of look sideways at the term "differently-abled" is I could never figure out the "different ability". Molly is blind, but she didn't turn into Daredevil. "Differently-abled" suggests some equal compensatory functionality that often doesn't exist.
Differently abled, for me, means that I am capable when things are done differently. If I am accommodated, I am abled.
Maybe she can earthbend who knows?
@@o0Theresa0o I think the issue is that “differently abled” only works when everyone is accommodated but everyone isn’t. Like if people want to use that term for themselves more power to them but imo people who aren’t disabled who uses that term are usually not very accommodating.
i dont think its so much this, but the term differently abled insinuates that disabled people arent struggling. being able to just say "i am disabled" is important because internalized ableism projects onto everyone around you.
@@Kyroussel Instead of assuming that people who identify differently than you have "internalized ableism", maybe we can just accept that we're not all the same, and we're all allowed to identify in the way that makes us feel most authentic?
Really learned a lot from this. As someone disabled from chronic pain, fibromyalgia, and IBS… this was enlightening on others experience and perspective of disability.
I laughed harder than I’d like to admit when she said “I’m blind reacting to this with you.”
I’m autistic and unfortunately have had the experiences as well in the first story. The infantilization is WILD when people find out I’m autistic. I’m not uncomfortable with it at all and actually enjoy people being inquisitive about my experiences with being on the spectrum. However, some people find out and I am immediately 4 years old in their heads and there’s no coming back from that.
This is a huge fear for me (also autistic). My therapist told me something that kind of helped, though: "It's their loss." If a person writes you off because of a disability, they weren't going to be good company and they don't deserve the benefit of your friendship.
Different groups want to be called different things and I hope we can agree to let people be called what they want to be called. I am disabled, and I know people who are disabled who all want to be called different things. It's best to get to know people and be respectful of what they want to be called. I don't like assuming people who disagree with me are indoctrinated and victims of ableism. We all have our own agency. Other than that I loved everything your guest said.
Thank you so much for sharing
@@TwoHotTakes I completely agree! I also think with intersectionality, labeling someone with their disability might not be what they most identify with. A nonbinary person with autism might identify differently than an autistic person who is nonbinary or a nonbinary autistic person. A black woman might not even want to identify with the disability at all. Or it might be a big part of her identity. Culture, religion, language, nationality, race, gender, upbringing, comfort, etc. could all play a role in someone's way of identifying themselves. Or it might not. People are all different and as your guest mentioned, it's good to ask.
I agree :) we shouldn’t consider people a monolith. Instead we should follow everyone’s personal preferences.
Thank you for saying this. I am someone who identifies as differently abled, and this whole session was incredibly offensive and extremely disappointing for me.
You're right! I definitely shouldn't have been so black and white. I talked from the circle of disabled people I run in and from my perspective on the term but should have been more open. I apologize if I hurt you or others and would love to hear more about why you may choose to use terms like this. As I mentioned, I do think it's important to ask people their preferred terms and I certainly like when people ask me. For the reasons mentioned in the beginning though, I think disabled should be the standard term used. Would love to hear your perspective!
As a student in disability studies, a woman with a disability, and having a mom who is visually impaired this is the most amazing podcast I have ever listened to❤❤❤
This is one of the reasons why this is my favorite podcasts! Morgan always chooses such amazing co-hosts and I always learn something new! Love you guys!!
Molly is freaking brilliant. I don’t know how she puts up with the world around her from the way people talk to her to how little disabled people are represented, I think I would be bitter, frustrated honestly. She said she went through her own struggles for a few years but she really is passionate and using her platform for sooo much good!
I am like 10 minutes in and I think she means well, but is too myopic with her opinions. She has a right to be called and referred to in whatever way she wish, but so does everyone else. She really rubbed me the wrong way. Just becuase she has a disability, doesn't give her the right to speak for all of us. I am looking forward to watching the rest of the episode and hopefully I will get a better vibe from her.
That first story… I immediately thought that “friend” was trying to recruit her into a cult. Also, gave me very “I saw that terrible Sia movie, so I know about autism” vibes.
For the bridesmaids dress story. If I’ve asked max 5 times and don’t get an answer. I’m simply not going. Like. I’m not going to be lectured when I’ve been asking for the color for weeks and no one’s answered. My own sister is getting married soon and I’m her bridesmaid. She’s gone above and beyond to make sure everyone knows what color, where to go, what the styling options she wants (same color but doesn’t have to be same style) so the fact the bride DIDNT go out of her way to text the out of state person the color is veryyyyy suspicious
The concept of "I need to be fixed but can't be fixed" is huge for me. I was just talking to my partners about this, in regards to mental health/disability.
As an educator, I loved hearing this perspective. Like Morgan, I've been taught by able bodied people to not call people disabled. I am deaf in one ear and never considered myself disabled because I can hear, but even then, everyone who's told me how to say people with disabilities was more abled than me!
I think that many people who are disabled live fuller and happier life than some people who are fully able. I myself finally have started accepting that I am disabled, even tho you could not tell from looks or my behavior daily. My epilepsy has left a strong mark on my life and abilities mainly my mental capacity and the way I think or I can't focus sometimes even the movement of arms and legs can become a real challenge just because I have epilepsy. Thank you so much for the video, for raising awareness. Love your content. Sending lots of love for you and Molly. I adore Molly she is so strong and she is helping lots of people better about themselves
i could listen to morgan and molly for hooooours 💓 their energy bounce off each other 💛
1st. Love Molly Burke! You're a wonderful human.
2nd. I love the stories from today. Crazy sibling one was really interesting
3. Everlywell is amazing and im excited theyre a sponsor. I took a test last year and the results helped pinpoint an health condition I'd been suffering with for years that probably would have continued to go undiagnosed. 10/10 would recommend
Yay I’m so happy you loved her and the ep. And okay I’m pumped to hear it worked. My health has been driving me bonkers lately so can’t wait to see the results.
I am very glad molly is here as someone who disabled hearing her talk about all this so passionately just makes me happy knowing I am not alone with how I feel I love molly so much but never heared her talk about disability as whole so am so happy to see both side and takes where amazing I love you molly thank for making me feel better about my disability ❤️
The bridesmaid dress has a new update from yesterday! I copied and pasted it from Reddit:
Bridesmaid Dress Update: Honeymoon Edition
Sorry all for such a lapse in time. I’ve been so busy with things for school this summer, then classes started up again, and on top of that the events kept unfolding so it didn’t seem like there was a good time for an update that wouldn’t be massively lacking in some kind of conclusion. That said, here is what I intend as the final update.
----
Up first, my little brother’s perspective on the wedding.
He said that our older brother (the groom) had approached him early on and asked if it was okay if his friend was the best man. Little brother said he wasn’t bothered by that. However, our brother’s friends have never been very nice to my little brother so he was prepared for more of the same kind of circus. Mostly teasing, name calling, homophobic language used casually like its 2005 and we call lame things “gay” and have to preference everything with “no homo.” One of the things they started to do was call my little brother the feminine version of his name.
Now he did tell me some information that makes it more clear why a certain someone might have wanted him out of the wedding party. Basically at some point very strong but unreciprocated feelings were expressed to my little brother. Seeing how popular this story has become it would be potentially identifying to give more details in case anyone involved found this. Even if someone is an asshole I’m not going to accidentally out them in a very public way.
Beyond that, he said he was getting the cold shoulder in general and felt squeezed out from our own family. Apparently at a family dinner with our parents, mom said that the bride and MOH (bride’s sister) were like the second and third daughters she never had. Our dad asked if she meant third and fourth daughters? So my own mother forgot she birthed me I guess, or she’s terrible at addition, not sure which is worse.
Back to the wedding. The groomsmen/groom were set to go play golf in the morning before the ceremony. After the rehearsal night (when I had the wrong color dress and was “dropping out”) the best man called my little brother stating I had dropped out and since he was set to walk with me then he didn’t need to show up to golf. But the next morning they called him asking where he was and said I had made a scene to be back in the wedding so he was back in too. On the golf course our older brother was annoyed with him and said he should have come anyway even if I was being dramatic again. Little brother didn’t mention that the best man explicitly told him over the phone not to show up.
So that’s what was going on with the groomsmen that morning.
----
Now, for the real update.
Our brother came home a few days early from the honeymoon and was staying in a hotel. It was hard even for family members he’s close with to get in touch with him for a couple days. The public story, thanks to my sister doing damage control, became that he had gotten ill and come home early but told his wife to stay and enjoy the trip, and that their apartment plumbing is being renovated hence the hotel.
Again, this has gotten so public that I feel eventually someone I know may see it, if not already, and share it with someone involved. I don’t want to divulge too many personal details, so I’ll try to stick with what is mostly public information.
After arriving home a few days after my brother, his wife stayed with her parent’s home for about a week. It seems that some kind of collaborative effort on part of my mom and sister and presumably her brother got him to talk to her and then they were back together. A week or so after coming home they moved back in to their apparently newly renovated apartment, everyone ignored or forgot the fact that they didn’t speak for a week. Then it’s been all smiles and perfect pictures on instagram. Lots of sappy “1 month anniversary!”, “2 month anniversary!”, etc., type of posts. Perfect couple things.
So at that point I didn’t have much to update on. Kind of boring to say, “don’t know what happened on the honeymoon, they’re back together like nothing happened now.”
A couple days ago there was a pregnancy announcement on her social media.
Something to note is my older brother has never wanted children, and especially not children genetically related to him. He is a childhood cancer survivor and he’s always said he couldn’t stand it if it was genetic. He’s very serious about this, as in he was considering a vasectomy.
I recently spoke with my sister on the phone and mentioned how this was very strange to me that they’re announcing a pregnancy. She said, and this is a quote, “well there’s nothing forgetting a pill here and there can’t fix if you want to get your way, you know.” My response was that’s basically sexual abuse and she scoffed at me for saying it’s anything similar.
I still don't know exactly what happened on the honeymoon. I’m regretting not telling my older brother more at this point, but I’m also not sure that “petty ladies drama” over a dress color would have gotten him to leave her. Clearly he put up with a lot of drama from her anyway. I am internalizing the guilt though, so I’m sorry this isn’t a particularly satisfying update.
First off, Molly is a queen! Love her to the ends of this earth, she's taught me so much over the many years I've watched her and im inspired and grateful to have found her. Second of all, I was shocked when you said MS patients. I was diagnosed a little over a year and a half ago with MS after a year of trying to figure it out and it just doesn't get talked about. My boyfriend of almost 2 years left because he knew I was disabled getting into the relationship but it became too much for him to handle as I went through the worst depression of my life, and he just couldn't offer the support I needed and resented me for it. Im still learning how to deal with my new life as this disabled person, and its gonna be an ongoing journey the rest of my life. This episode really hit me deeply and I loved every minute of it. Love you both, thank you so much for the insight 💕
THIS IS THE COLLAB I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED!! I audibly gasped when I opened youtube and saw this!
Molly is such a good co host she’s hilarious
Yaaaaay! What a cross over. I’m so happy about this.
As a patient advocate I was taught “differently abled” when I was growing up disabled. It wasn’t until later that I was able to meet others I realized how ableist it was.
I am disabled and I love the term differently abled. I will be using that from now on. As someone else commented, just use what you feel comfortable with.
I am disabled and would tell you to use "disabled" in a society that often refuses disabled people accommodations on grounds of not taking them seriously and not really believing they need them. Differently abled is a dangerous term to use in this world, and I've had first hand experience with it, and minor things like it, resulting in me not being considered to be disabled enough. Resulting in me being refused simple accommodations, without which had cumulative effects that were life-ruining for me. I don't want that to happen to someone else because of someone who's supposed to help them. Only change it to differently abled if they ask you to.
A two hour episode with Molly and Morgan! We’ve been blessed 😍
Only one minute in and I already love Molly. I haven’t seen her before this but I wanna be her bestie.
Episode just started & I LOVE this women’s vibe! She is a wonderful powerful women!! Way to fn go!
Thanks for this!
When my only disabilities where fibro, chronic pain, and ADHD, I didn't really considered myself disabled or really cared what I was referred to or if my disabilities were acknowledged. Could I have used support? Sure but it was fine, I could manage.
When I got my daily seizure disorder and started BEGGING for help, patience, guidance, support, it drove me CRAZY how many people tried to tell me I wasn't disabled. People would literally walk across my body on the floor being frozen or tremoring as if it was totally normal. No matter how many times I tried to explain it was uncomfortable or I needed help, I was told if I couldn't control it I should be by myself in a room so that I wouldn't scare people. There is even a joke in my family to say "Amanda, have you tried NOT seizing?" because how many people thought I was able to stop it.
So if someone told me differently disabled for just pain and adhd, "is like ah okay" as I don't think that would hurt me. Actively denying and gaslighting me into saying that me not being in control of my own body is NOT a disability but some time of "different ability" really sucks. It's not a different ability to get freezing or falling attacks. It's scary and makes daily tasks difficult/slow.
What really helped me unpack my own ableism and cope with my disability was the documentary "Crip Camp: A Disability Revolution".
I CAN'T... 'HAVE YOU TRIED NOT SIEZING' the sad thing is PEOPLE REALLY THINK THAT WAY ABOUT EVERYTHING. 'What if you just tried like... not having cancer? it's really uncomfortable to look at you :/' sounds hyperbolic, but you'd be shocked
A lot of us especially with ADHD don't like to consider it a disability, because it partially feels like we're taking a term meant for someone worse off, and partially because society creates such a strong desire to 'fix' it, and the fact medication exists for it doesn't help. The truth is it's a disability, our brains are fundamentally different, and while it does have its upsides its downsides can be bad enough to ruin people's lives and make them hate themselves. So don't feel the need to down play any of the things that effect you, take ownership of how they play out in your life and screw anybody who thinks ANY of that isn't a struggle
Story 5. A week or two into it I would text "If no one tells me the color for the dress, I'm ordering it white."
My mom has had MS for over a decade. So grateful for people like you Morgan!
ayy my mom’s also had MS for over a decade! since ‘06. it’s kind of amazing getting to see the change in public discourse on disability in real time even if the dumb shit said to/about our parents stays the same (idk if you’ve ever had strangers say they’ll pray for your mom… while we were not in or near a church… that was an Experience). but it’s dope hearing from so many more people who actually understand or make an effort to understand
hope you and your mom are doing well or as well as ya can be! the newer treatments in the past decade have been pretty incredible and i hope they’ve helped your mom as much as they helped mine
MOLLY BURKE AND TWO HOT TAKES YES! The collab I didn’t know I needed until just now!
As a disabled person with several chronic health conditions and mobility issues, I really appreciate how open and honest you both were in this video while talking about disabilities.
I have fibromyalgia, functional neurological disorder, and osteoarthritis in my knees, amongst other health issues. All of which have drastically effected my quality of life, especially my mobility. I use a walking frame to get around, but also need a wheelchair on my worse days, I can't walk up stairs by myself, and sometimes can't even get out of bed by myself.
A few years ago I discovered "The Spoon Theory" and it literally changed my life. It helped me to understand what I can and can't do, helped me learn / manage my limits, and even helped me to explain to family and friends why I can't do the things I used to do with ease, etc.
"The Spoon Theory" has had such a positive impact on my life that I got a Spoon Theory inspired tattoo on my arm.
Anyway I just wanted to say Thank You for mentioning and explaining "The Spoon Theory" in this video. I hope the explanation in this video helps people to understand themselves (/their loved ones) better, gives them an incentive to research this theory, and I hope it has a positive impact on their lives.
Again, Thank You.
Your videos are always a great watch but this one is my favourite so far :)
(Here's a time stamp for "The Spoon Theory" explanation - 1:05:10 )
Another spoonie with a spoon tattoo
I was born with a disability it took me years to love myself it was only recent i learned to truly love myself. I went from being depressed, feeling isolated all the time, getting angry about being different and even feeling suicidal to not caring and learning that i can't change the way i am physically so just live life to the fullest. In a way I'm glad i didn't let my depression get the best of me cause i met so many amazing people that love me for me.
The discussion at the beginning was so needed so no worries about it being more
extended than usual.
The story about the couple who found out they were siblings through 23andMe reminded me of this true story that was on this urban legend show I saw reruns of as a kid. Basically in that story, there was this young couple who'd been together for a few years and were planning on getting married. They needed their birth certificates. In this story, the couple had the same birthday, were born at the same time or within a few minutes of each other, and were even born in the same hospital. Upon going to the hospital, they find out that they were accidentally switched at birth when they get their birth certificates and they have the wrong gender written on them. There was a big storm or something, so there was chaos in the hospital and they got mixed up. His parents were her biological one and hers were his.
THANK YOU for the intro. I always thought I was less and bad as I was not doing things like other people who said " Differently Abled "{ My many disabilities keep me at home }. I feel so much better after your chat. Again THANK YOU. 🥰❣
Just one tiny thing Molly mentioned in passing made me a little more informed. The fact that guide dogs tend to wear harnesses (so the guided person can hold on and be led) while most other service dogs have vests. This distinction makes sense, but honestly I may not have always realized it immediately offhand when seeing/encountering a service animal. I just never thought about about. It’s amazing when we really look and listen to what others have to show and say even the small little (and big things) we can pick up on, sometimes just coming from an off handed comment being made when discussing a different topic.
Also the fact that as disabled people (I have several severe physical disabilities and mobility impairments), we often times become immeshed in the world of our disability and are surrounded by terminology, assistive technology/devices, and aware of accommodations available or required to make our lives more accessible and other things to do with our disability and sometimes forget the general population might not know any or all of the terminology, equipment, accommodations, limitations/boundaries we have, and I’m glad Molly advocates for educating others when they use incorrect words or do incorrect things. As long as people approach me with respect and not with ill intent, I don’t mind educating them a bit in my condition and needs and abilities (especially my abilities, it surprises many what we CAN do and also some of the seemingly small things we can’t that then become bigger issues). Of course it is everyone’s right to keep things private and somethings are just unnecessary to be divulged to anyone and everyone, especially strangers, so those boundaries need to be respected by the curious as well. I’m a huge interest in sharing with and educating others. The more awareness we can bring to the myriad of disabilities that are out there the more inclusive the world can be developed to meet and exceed all needs not just that of the “general public.”
Two Hot Takes and Molly Burke Collab? Two of my favorite creators together , my day is turning up thank you ❤️, perfect background noise for my house reorganization
SAME
By far my fave influencer guest episode to date! No shade to any other past guests at all I’m just blow away buy y’alls chemistry. So much fun listening to you two ladies, wrapping up I was like “wait its already over?” then realized 2 hours just went by in a flash… HOW??? Not to mention the stories this ep were off the rails wild. Great job Morgan and the two hot takes team, y’all just keep killing it.
I loved hearing Molly talk about a person with an autoimmune disease in this. I have celiac disease and RA. While I was sick, most doctors thought I had lupus (based on my symptoms), and I didn't think I would live past 40 (I got sick at 20). I often feel like autoimmune diseases, and celiac disease in particular, are left out of these kinds of conversations, but it has forever changed my life and the way I care for myself. I also agree with everything they said about the relationship in this part of the video. We are all more than our illness/disability, but the beginning is the hardest, not just for us but for the people who love us.
Oh my gosh! Thank you for doing this episode. I am disabled by lupus as well. I am a veteran. But I'm a woman. I have been divorced twice and have 3 children and one grandchild. I have lost 7 babies.
Through the VA, I am 100% disabled for military sexual traumas that happened in 1998 and 2000.
I have been bullied by bosses, partners, and friends. I was diagnosed 11 years ago, with lupus and now I'm 48 years old. The VA gives help with counseling, but they are overwhelmed with the level of vets who need help. I get 6 weeks at a time, then several months in-between.
My level of physical activity is almost none. After being the military, I feel like a loser. When I work in the home, I actually get sick, like physically ill. My throat will hurt, and I will get a headache. I have to sleep for several days to feel better.
My 2 youngest kids and I moved in with my dad after my mom died 2 years ago, and he just had both his knees replaced and he can move more than me. I'm so embarrassed by this.
I can't even clean my house.
This is my favorite episode ever. Love the topic and the dynamic between you two💖
For the wedding story, if I was her, I would’ve ordered a white dress and worn that. That’s so infuriating.
The sheer CHAOS! I love that, I wouldn’t have the guts but that would be incredible!
i absolutely loved molly being a guest and i think you definitely need to have her again!! she’s so well-spoken and insightful. loved hearing all she had to say
Hey morgan i just need to thank you for your uploads
Ive so depressed and often find myself neglecting self care / cleaning / eating etc , but when i put your podcast on it makes it so much easier for me to shower/clean/cook ... i appreciate this podcast so damn much
Thank you 💕 literally when i see that youve uploaded im like "okay i can do what i need to do without feeling so alone and anxious"
I’m so happy you found the podcast. Ill keep you company any time ❤️
LOVE Molly Burke! ❤ Such a great episode! Molly is a reason I feel okay and got through a tough time when I lost a majority of my hearing and not letting disability be a dirty word like Molly said!
Love that you two did this!
The title is also refreshing to see because I recently saw the video where Morgan said, "differently abled." Love her for having this conversation, growing, learning and raising awareness💕
About the story of the friend losing money and being upset about not being given any...
My parents gave me a bit advice before I entered my 20's and started interacting with other young adults. "Don't lend money you expect to get back." In other words. If you are going to give, give. But if you need it back don't give it away at all. What's the purpose in that? And that has helped me in situations like this supremely. I like to help people love it even and sometimes it would have been at the cost of my own well-being and they knew this. So this way I never fear about money being given out and gone. I just try to make sure I'm not enabling bad habits as best I can.
Along these same lines, I've been given this advice for investing: don't invest more than you can afford to lose.
I hate when people infantialize us. Some people even talk to us in baby voices or only want to be our friends because of our disabilities because that’s somehow a heroic deed to do. Or some people expect us to want to be cured. I mean sure it’s challenging to be disabled and really sucks at points but with my experience, it only sucks because of how other people in the world treated my disability. First story made me cringe so hard at what that “friend” was saying ☠️
Thank you for having this conversation! I am a physically disabled person and at first was so confused why people started saying differently abled. And then I started believing the hype and accepting it. Even though I never thought the word disabled was a slur or rude term, like so many people thought. Molly Burke is a powerhouse. But trust me when I say, that all disabled people have super strong emotions regarding disability. I am the same way, but too scared to be public about it like Molly is. This conversation excited me so much.
Great discussion. When I was 17 I was involved in a very bad car accident leaving me in a wheelchair for several months. I was eventually dismissed from the hospital and was very excited to go to the mall to use a gift card at Bloomingdale’s. My mom went with me and nearly every sales clerk suddenly had everything else to do in the store other than to help us find something to fall in love with and to buy in the jewelry department. Finally my mom locked eyes with a sales lady who didn’t turn away quickly enough to make a clean getaway. I had finally found a cute silver salamander pin that I wanted but just needed to check out. The sales lady refused to look or talk directly to me even with my mom saying decisions were mine, not hers. The lady finally worked up enough courage to kinda look at me then started nearly yelling like I couldn’t hear while still looking where my head would have been had I been standing. I was in tears, totally dehumanized. I searched deeply within myself and loudly said, “Hi. I’m down here. Look, I can talk and hear and even be patient while I’m ignored. Now that we’ve figured that out, can I pay for this?” Another employee quickly approached and finished the sale. I’ve kept that pin (I named him Guido) as a reminder that we’re all humans regardless of our disabilities. My bones mended, and I learned to walk again before graduation eight months later with Guido on my graduation robe. Years later, I have again joined my disabled brothers & sisters with an “invisible disability” seizure disorder and chronic pain condition. This time, I’m more than willing to advocate for my community. I am not my disability. I’m just a simple person as unique as everyone else. I’m glad these conversations can hopefully help avoid the tears like I experienced. And yes, Guido is definitely my most meaningful friend that was helped me immensely for over 32 years.
I am here analyzing all my past actions to see if I’ve been condescending. I think this episode helped me with my personal growth
This was so cathartic for me. I’m disabled and have a service dog too. I have a bio/chem degree and an esthetics license and I still can’t get a job in the esthetics field. It doesn’t matter that I’m qualified and skilled- as soon as they see my dog, they make their decision. I’m really struggling with this right now ❤
A tip from someone who has been worked discrimination alot for a long time. Build your own portfolio, with social media and as a entrepreneur. The old they need to see to believe is what's going to give you a chance. Maybe take an unrelated job so you get the security to start this and eventually have the opportunities you wish. Good luck! Sincerely, a fellow disabled woman!!
Molly is an absolutely incredible woman. Thank you for using this platform to share her voice.
I was driving in HEAVY traffic while listening to this episode and I wanted to bang my head against the steering wheel not because of the traffic, but because of the BRIDESMAID DRESS STORY! I have never been so frustrated of a story until I heard that one, and i was ready to start fighting someone because of it lmao
Me too, there's an update btw. It told what happened to little bro leading up to the wedding and the unfortunate position the groom is now in. A couple people posted it in these comments but you have to dig.
My son is disabled and I had no idea how bad I needed this episode, thank you so much
when I say I'm bipolar, I always get the activists chiming in going you're a person WITH bipolar - you are so much more than that! Stop policing my language pls
This omg. I have bipolar also and it's like yeah we know we aren't our disorder but it also impacts EVERY ounce of our lives so pls shut up THANK YOU
It's like too people who say this, it's like no s*** I'm a person with bipolar!?! What am I not human 🤦♀️ obviously I'm a person. It's so rude. I totally feel you.
This is a collab I didn’t ever expect to get…but oh boy did I NEED IT!! Love Molly & Morgan!!
-🇨🇦
My dad who is legally a quadriplegic, but is able to move his right side of his body, always says “I’m paralyzed not a newborn” whenever people ask if he needs help with the most basic stuff😂 always makes me laugh. I’ve learn to wait until he asks for help instead of always offering. He still wants to be independent and fact is he can be! Disabled doesn’t mean useless!
Thank you for doing this video. I'm disabled. I just learned differently then others. Having a learning disability it's so hard for me to talk to other people. Some times I have to use pictures and write to explain what I'm trying to say. I'm so thankful for my husband for supporting me. I can teach our child that disabled is a super power and it's okay to be different.
I literally had to stop the video part way through so i could compose myself and not cry! I’m like squeaking with happiness over this collab. 💕
I am a 31 year old woman that has been on dialysis for the better half of my life. Like Molly’s eyes can’t see, I don’t have kidney function. So without a medical treatment that cleans my blood I would literally die. In a short couple of horrible months, if I wasn’t able to get that treatment. Three times a week I go to a facility that is set up much like a facility where you would go to get your labs drawn at. You sit in giant uncomfortable plastic chairs, get poked with TWO giant straws of a needle so your blood can be accessed to be cleaned. I sit in that chair once I am connected to that machine for the next four to five hours for my blood to get cleaned. Three times a week for the rest of my life. It it very taxing. And one of the most memorable interactions I have with one of my family members was we were talking and i offhandedly said I had been feeling really stressed out and depressed. And she scoffed at me saying, “really?? What do YOU have to be depressed about?” Yes, a very tone deaf, pun intended (Molly I love you) moment from my loving cousin who couldn’t understand how a normal looking 31 year old women, who looks normal on the outside could have anything “really” wrong with her. And that just shows how much we all still need to grow when it comes to disability. She knows full well that i go to dialysis but once someone learns that about me they just tuck that appointment away like i was at the spa the whole time relaxing. Like no, it literally drains you. That’s why it’s so damning when you can look at someone who looks normal and just assume. You don’t look disabled to be disabled and it’s time that people learn! 🫰I love you both so much and frequently stalk both your channels! Lol ❤️
Morgan, Molly is probably one of THE BEST guest you've had on the show! Would love to see her again on here in the future!
The CONTENT we didn't know we needed!! 💕💕💕
Story number 5 really needs to have an update because this was too long of a read to not have closure. I need to know how the ring blindness came off the groom because Captain Oblivious was really walking into poles the entire time.
less than 10 minutes in and im already learning so much!! knew differently abled was not the preferred term but didnt fully understand why and hearing molly talk about it, it makes so much more sense to me. thankyou for educating people!!
omg I didn’t know I needed this collab
5 minutes in and I'm so happy this is being addressed! As a disabled person its so nice to see people talking about the issues with first person language and disability-ableism! The medical model of disability is inherently ableist! Thank you guys!
What an intelligent and well spoken woman! Literally blown away I loved this episode
It's 1:00am and I still have half an hour left of the podcast, but I couldn't stop watching or hold off on watching because it's MOLLY!!! Haha. I freaking love you both. Best episode!
I’ve been WAITING for this to drop all day I’m so excited
Molly’s take on disability is amazing. I love her so much.
I gasp out loud so many time just during the first story. I love you guys dynamic btw.
So glad you did the bridesmaid dress story because I hadn’t seen the last update! I was so frustrated for her and was dying to know what ended up happening.
Also, this has been my favorite collab! You and Molly were so great together!
It's so weird yet exciting when your UA-cam watch history combines 😆
Such an incredibly important episode imo. Molly said a lot of stuff in the beginning that I needed to hear as a newly diagnosed autistic woman. I loved the banter and stories in here. Thank you for having such an educational, inclusive episode, Morgan (:
all those people who don't want to date disabled person exclusively because of their disability is the same people, who would leave their partner in serious health crisis. That's so unsettling...
Love this episode and love Molly as a guest. ❤
My husband is profoundly deaf and only in recent years has he truly accepted his disability without shame. And that’s down to the increase in representation in recent years.
We are currently learning sign language something he never wanted to do until he saw Rose Ayling-Ellis on strictly come dancing. It just shows what a profound impact representation can have to make a person feel seen. He can finally accept himself and be proud of who he is.