You’re Doing A Better Job Than You Think
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- Опубліковано 1 сер 2024
- Your life isn't failing; it's just stretched thin.
This is not a cliche, empty reassurance, or toxic positivity: you're probably doing better than you give yourself credit for.
Think of yourself as a distribution manager with limited resources. You're juggling work, relationships, health, and home - all demanding more than you can give.
More than likely, you're using an incorrect metric to measure how well you're doing. I'm going to explain how to measure your success more accurately and feel good about your efforts.
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Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.
But I do care.
00:00 Introducing the Measurement Problem
02:16 Unpacking the Resource Distribution Metaphor
05:33 The Competing Demands of Modern Life
09:06 Personal Reflections on Balancing Responsibilities
13:21 Redefining Success: From Perfection to Resilience
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I’m doing a fabulous job managing my mental health- haven’t killed myself yet.
you're doing well enough. thank you for staying here.
@@monacaensam9465 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
@@phnsinrspt really not doing well at all.. I’m just too much of a useless coward to do it- for now.
@@monacaensam9465 i'm truly sorry to hear that. even if it's not well right now, you're doing enough just managing. you're enough. you're not a coward, and definitely not useless. the fact that you're in this community already shows you're improving. please, stay. it often gets worse before it gets better. ask for help if you can. i believe in you, sincerely, and wish you the best.
You’re not a useless coward at all, you’re a human being that’s going through a very difficult time. You’re here watching this amazing Doctor, who is helping us all. Please just hang in there, keep watching all the videos you can to help you through this. We can help each other through this. Your life matters💕🙏🏻🩷
Avoiding catastrophic failure is about the level I’m functioning at
feel this
Hey, me too! :D Glad to know I'm not alone!
Fr
you know this is the maximum level of performance for a lot of mass life critical machinery, right? Be proud, you are holding together.
Real
I feel like I’m failing at life but at the same time it’s a miracle that I’m still sane
Thats exactly how I feel. Its literally due to the grace of God. Jesus actually healed my schitzophrenia. It was onset by trauma and i was suffering for TWO years. I could go to school and being in public was a horrifying experience everytime. No peace. Graciously and mercifully however, the Lord Jesus healed me in a instant a few weeks ago. I could walk in a crowd for the first time and not have a flashback or whatever it was. God is good.
Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forevor, He loves you deeply and wants a relationship with you ✝️ ❤🙏
Feel you
@@brookemcmorris7853 thank you! It’s all thanks to Jesus! Amen ❤️🔥
To extend the metaphor a bit, if the stores do not send back some of what is earned from selling product, it leaves the distribution manager with nothing to fund production. If your friends and family think you are doing alright or have their own issues and don’t provide you with the emotional support you need, you can end up feeling even more unable to function. Unfortunately a lot of us put up a facade of functioning adequately and others don’t see that we need help. The result can be an ever growing feeling that it is impossible to get your needs met.
@@larsbunch even asking for the right help rarely works to relieve the burnout.
Living in a scarcity-based monetary society these days feels like it's getting worse exponentially. Had to leave my job after the newly hired manager doubled my workload and cut my pay in half right after I came back from medical leave after a major surgery. The severe depression I already had from that job made it impossible for me to keep up with more than 5% of daily tasks and made me feel like I was being buried alive. Leaving that toxic workplace was so important, just to catch up with everything else that was spiraling out of control. It's harder than ever to do your best these days, when there's almost no chance of a good life and you just have to break your back to survive.
You just wrote exactly what I was thinking 🤔!! Ditto!! You're not alone. ❤❤❤
Absolutely agree.when is society going to address the elephant in the room. We can't focus on anything other than treading water financially
🫂
Escaping a toxic workplace is a #1 priority, I am glad you escaped, I did too. I quit my toxic job, they were discipling and punishing me for being old and disabled, I looked them right in the eyes and said good bye, zero regrets, I am in between jobs, currently doing gig work, and it is working out for me. I am not being abused at all doing the gig work, it is healthy work and I am happy with myself for escaping that super toxic job. Nobody should tolerate abuse. WALK AWAY FROM IT.
As a doctor, sharing your personal suffering, experiences and being empathetic to people who suffer makes a huge difference for me to understand, to accept my depression and listen carefully to your solutions. Thank you Scott, you are doing a great and important public service that is much needed.
Thank you for your service to society as a doctor. Must be so draining and challenging to be a support for other people and see so much suffering on a daily basis
He isn't a doctor. He's a psychologist.
Are you sure, you're a "real" Dr?! Seriously, you are SO honest and real!!! Love and appreciate your work here on UA-cam!!
Lol ❤Are you sure you're a real doctor ?
I think I just caught a break via your theory. If resources are money, and the money is not plentiful, and my projects are getting finished at a snail's pace, and I haven't completely broken down over it - then I'm doing better than I thought. My projects are extremely important to me because they are the ONLY thing I have control over, since I have no control over my family or friends, who all let me down after my parents died. We control only that which we are able, but if the last thing I can control has grinded to a halt, getting angry at myself is just not the solution.
I'm sorry to hear about your friends... I'm glad you're looking to take care of yourself
@@gangstaberry2496 Thank you so much for your kind comment.
Having compassion for ourselves is SO important! I've had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for a few years now and have been down a long road of beating myself up for not getting anything done, when in reality, I can about do the basics: wash the dishes, laundry, groceries, doctor appointments, and that's about it. I've finally surrendered to this truth that if I want/need to get any more done than that, I have to ask for help or pay for cleaning, yard work, etc. Being in reality about my situation is so much less stressful than beating myself up!
Thank you for sharing that. Reminds me of the Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things i can
and the wisdom to know the difference,
just for today
Yes. A measurement issue. After decades of a deep river of issues and sorrows, measuring progress against that is distressingly difficult. I feel like I am bouncing from mental agony in one arena to the same in another. Man, I hit my ceiling nearly every day...my mind keeps reminding me of my "lacks". This is wonderfully clear and helpful. It is why I often feel like just quitting. The word is overwhelm. I fell into anhedonia. My early childhood CPTSD made it imperative to be tops in all areas. I never could be. Not good enough was my long ago traumatic moment; it followed me for my lifetime. This is a new perspective for me; and it WILL make a difference. I will be thrilled for mediocre in most of my areas. Thank you.
I relate to your experience so much; it's so tragic what our younger selves told us
🎉 Good for you!
What I find difficult to come to terms with is that my baseline level of functioning - the amount of energy and resources I had to keep everything at least running, if not thriving - has changed. It used to be that I could work seven days a week, 10-12 hours a day, keep reasonably fit, have a social life etc. Now, after years of severe depression, I no longer work. I am tired after doing an errand or two. I have put on 30 lbs. I rarely leave the house outside of mandatory appointments or errands. Yes, I am doing the best I can with the resources I have now. But it's very hard to not go into the hole of despair when you realize your time/energy/attention resources are a mere fraction of what they used to be, and to not know how to build those back up, or if it's even possible.
I'm feeling the same as you... I can barely function.
I’m in the same boat.
I understand. I was high functioning most of my life, now I feel old, tired and am overweight but too exhausted to exercise.
@@MarianneMcVeigh-xz2yv , I'm not overweight.. actually I'm very thin...but I'm still very depressed.. wish I could die
@@ravenraven966 🙏 I wish you love and strength
I went through a major crisis last week (I got caught in a string by a contractor on a project and lost $60,000). My benchmark for success has become that I behaved impeccably throughout the whole experience. I didn't shout or get angry; I didn't try to counter blackmail. I was polite and dignified in all my interactions in the situation. I've relinquished my need for revenge. My next step is to learn from the experience and let go of the overwhelming feeling of failure to monitor the situation more closely so I didn't get caught in the entrapment in the first place. Life is a jouney: we can make it harder for ourselves or we can refuse to exacerbate situations through self-flagellation.
So you chose to react to the situation using stoicism, and to learn how to avoid a future circumstance that could bring on the same situation. That is rare! Wishing you the best of luck in your future endeavors.
@@ladyjatheist2763 Very perceptive. Thanks so much.
Right effing on! I applaud you; that’s huge!
Wow you handled that better than I would😊
I’m celebrating with you, that is a win! 🙌🏽 perspective really is everything, & now you can also move forward with a clear conscience, no mess to correct (on your end at least, from whatever might have ensued had you reacted in anger.) take the lesson from it & move forward, sometimes that is the best we can hope for
Thank you. I have Autism, ADHD and CPTSD. I home school my Autistic ADHD kid. I look after, feed, and clothe my kid, as well as putting him to bed and looking after his emotional needs. I clean the house, I run an art business, I am trying to upload videos to my art youtube. I have to look after my partners emotional needs, as well as my own, my partner helps sometimes. I take care of a disabled, incontinent dog. Sometimes I get to play a game of league of legends at night time. I am exhausted.
You know. Thinking about what you said, I’m distributing pretty well. I became disabled, lost everything, no support, no anything. Yet I’m doing, at least financially, better than probably 60 percent of Americans. I’m I where I want to be? No yet. But still a big pat on the back for me.
A big pat on the back from me to you too!❤
Yay! I'm calling a win by cleaning half the house today. Thanks, Scott! Love this
Ow yes...I relate! My therapist said the same...4 years in recovery...
Turning 56 on monday...I lost so much time and wish I was in cptsd recovery 30 years ago 😢
Four years in recovery with a therapist? If I may ask.
🫂 you're still here. That means there's time 🫶. Don't let the opinions or limitations of others be your own if they hinder the things you want in life. Ily my fellow human. You are strong. You are doing it already. Just be. 🫂🫂🫂💛
@@yellowdayz1800 No...I am doing my recovery in ACA(D) and Coda....since shortly I have brainspotting sessions...
@@francescafrancesca3554 🙏💜 So exhausted though...my inner crotical parent and pushy part are rampant sometimes 😂
Becoming impatient...just want to be able to feel at ease 😪
❤
So needed this today. So close to giving up. Thank you
@@debbiedelong8633 Me too! I’m rooting for us both! ❤️❤️❤️
Exactly. Bad day today. This was encouraging. Ok, I'll stop beating myself up today and just chill. Tomorrow is another day.
Thanks man. Legit needed to hear this today. Job hunt is sucking absolute road salt, I'm burnt out on a hobby I usually enjoy (writing), and the state of the world is... ~waves hadn in a vaguely despairing gesture~, so of course my mental health is tanking, and this is all leading to self-blame.
I needed this metaphor *so freaking badly* right now.
I came from a total of 30 years of complex trauma. Only the last 3 years have been normal. I came a long way with self inquiry and complex trauma processing. This is my second year of permanent and total abstinence from alcohol. I eat better. I think better. I'm developing healthier habits and rituals. Yes, I am working on things that could be better. CPTSD is a lifelong maintenance. All without a therapist. I immerged myself in psychology, became my own psychiatrist, my own therapist, my own best friend, and I adopted my own inner child to raise it like my own child. From there also spiritual archetypes are starting to evolve. I became the clairvoyant, the alchemist, even the sorcerer who came back to lift the curses from my inner child. Healing is not linear. But I do believe I'm actually getting somewhere with actually trauma processing. I finally allow myself to enjoy my life.
I can so relate to you... Quitting just isn't an option.
@@stevea6330 never. It becomes a habit, ritual and meditation overtime. CPTSD requires lifelong maintenance. It is what it is. The more I went through my complex trauma processing, the more I value and respect myself for having survived all the dire, absurd and adverse conditions, and now for getting past all that. I'm finally in control. It is exactly why quitting and falling off the wagon will never be an option; unconditional love and respect for the self.
Well done you’re doing so well 👍
Can so relate to u . I'm 36 almost identical situation. U sound very self aware and a really interesting person xx
I’ve tried this but I couldn’t keep the focus on my inner child. I even put a pic of me as a two year old on my phone screen saver.. how do you do it?
I never feel like I'm doing a good job, because I have a fear of failure which fuels my fear of success. It comes from my childhood in which my late mother had higher expectations of me than I could reach (perfectionism). But I was always trying because my personality borders on perfection. I try so hard to prevent mistakes at all costs. At 67, I'm tired. I'm just doing my best at this point.
Stop letting that critical voice in, pretend it's a solicitor that you shut the door on. No sale.
Do something YOU want to do.
Get a massage. Take a trip someplace new. Do something your parent was afraid to do.
I was raised in fear of so many things, it's hard to let go of it. Just do one or two things, try it.
Thank you Dr. Scott! I have recurrent dreams/ nightmares about never getting it all done. In real life too. I feel overwhelmed. This video opened my eyes . I am actually proud of myself now.
I can relate to this so much as a single mom, full time therapist, and a romantic partner, having ADHD, plus everything I have to do in my home. Everyday I am overwhelmed and struggling.
Also a single mother with bpd which actually presents similar to adhd now I'm mature and don't drink. I have a lover but im feeling unsatisfied with the relationship and I'm also trying to qualify as a therapist but I've got so behind I think I'm TOO behind.
I also have 4 pugs.
Currently enjoying a Friday evening chilling in bed with candles.
I try take pleasure in how far I have come.
I 100% get this, your metaphor is good. I graduated with a massive debt and decided to focus on getting out of it. Nearly 10 years later, I am out of debt- but I have no friends, I have no spouse, I live in a small apartment, and I don't currently have a job. I now wake up in the night, panicking that I am running out of time for all I dreamed of in life. I will think about what you said to keep me going. The biggest issue is time and the fear of regret
I'm almost in a similar situation. Worked through college full time (almost full time through High school) graduated and now only have 2k debt. Only have 2 best friends - but don't hang out with them enough and they live far away. I am the only brother out of 3 helping our elderly mom. No help from them at all for YEARS. I do have a full time job but it's boring. I do wonder what it would be like to live my own life FOR ONCE. So yes at 56 -- I don't feel like I'm making any progress.
🌸
Your story is my story except my mom died when I was 30@@JayLangly
And I ignored my student debt and it caused me to end up in the same position, but I still have the compounded debt. It was a loaded situation for us. Be proud of your achievement, and live out the balance you deserve. Looking back what I regret is the shame and fear instead of living for JOY. Best to you! 🙏🕊️
@@JayLangly Everyday all yourself what would make you happy that day, look for joy in the small and big things and it gets easier. You deserve your own life, it's not too late, but sometimes we just need permission to be happy. You got it! 🙏🕊️
This. I am scattered all over the bloody place trying to find the solution for pretty much everything. And i can't bloody find anything that would really work. I don't know. I'll follow this channel. It seems like the most down to earth, supportive spot i could find.
If you have any childhood trauma issues I thoroughly recommend Patrick Teahan on UA-cam.
I would also recommend seeing a doctor if you are struggling with your mental health. It is an illness and there are things that can help you cope and feel better.
@@pippipants Thanks, i will check it out. I mean i am taking medications, but the whole story is far more complicated. In either case, i think right now i can't miss by keeping things on a small, manageable level.
That IS my life. It's horrible trying to keep everything on track. How dare the world elite create this awful existance for the majority - the making of money just to survive. Thriving - another marker of 'are we enough' if we are not thriving. It's all exhausting. But great talk if I'm not dead 👏💭
OH, they DARE, all right ; they DARE. Accept my wishes that things aren't TOO fraught for you lately.
Life is such a bumpy ride. It'll be such a relief to get to heaven someday. Just have to make it to the finish line with your soul intact. One day none of this suffering will matter. Just breath!
Metaphor is spot on. I am finally retired recently, but spent 35+ yrs on the hamster wheel in all departments of production. Divorced with 2 children in diapers, and no child support, or other support system. So, I knew it was all on me in every category. I was running 24/7 on that wheel for 20 yrs. Naturally, I always felt like I was falling short in every category. Yet, somehow the world didn't end. It was rough trying to be a good & present parent while simultaneously feeding the corporate monster saying do more...always do more. Well, somehow I did it. Even though I often felt like a failure, somehow my daughters grew up to well-rounded adults, and I was promoted at work a few times. However, I went to bed most every night feeling like a failure. Now, I can breathe, with only myself to satisfy. Ironically, I still feel like I'm falling short.
@@boomeradvocate I know the feeling. Learning to just “be content or happy within myself” has been harder for me than any task I’ve ever been handed.
@CTHD13 That's a fact for me. It's difficult to slow down when life has been in overdrive since I was 18. I'm spending this summer in the rural mountains of Catskills, NY, mainly to force myself to chill out mentally. I'm a city person, so adjustment was hard initially. Halfway through summer, I'm actually feeling more okay with no agenda.
I'm at the age where my mind keeps making promises that my body can't fill.
I think that can happen at any age though
Love they way you put it.
I think a lot of us are going to quote you for the rest of our lives! 😂
@jimwakefield6705 That's fantastic way to put it! Hardest thing is accepting that my body is not the same.
Love that 😅 now I know what’s going on!
Thanks so much for this! It really helps those of us who battle self-loathing.
this has helped me a lot thank you, I'm very sick right now, and yes doing the bare minimum to keep going, feeling like a failure.
But your right all things considered I'm doing ok, keeping my home looking ok and getting up every day , to do what needs to be done.
Love your analogy, Thank You so much, that was just the boost i needed to keep going.
Thank you SO much for this message, which runs contrary to so much of the messaging out there telling us we can have it all - the IG perfect life - we just need to "lean in" or "hustle" or "love the grind" or whatever the phrase of the moment is. Thanks for resetting the standard, or at least reminding us to question it.
This metaphor is great. It takes abstract psychological pressure and frames it as a concrete and unemotional problem, which is so much easier to look at rationally.
I really needed to hear this.
Keep holding on ‼️ 0:00
Thank you 🥹
❤
Thank you! OMG I have beaten myself senseless my entire life over this.
You shouldn't. I've seen life get to the biggest badas*es who thought they were untouchable.
Thank you...for giving me the, "permission" to lower the bar. I am so sick of feeling like a failure, of letting those voices of my abusers in my head, win yet again. I have been through things that would literally kill, perhaps 999 out of a thousand people. I am still VERTICAL and I should be thankful and AMAZED at myself, for this fact alone. Anyhow, I thank you so much for this uplifting message and encouragement, Dr. Eilers. Your timing (or timing of the Universe) was impeccable, just what I needed to here today.
🫂
I realized you made this video at the day of my birthday (27 June) and you spent almost 20 minutes telling your audience that we are doing better, that's something I needed to hear, thanks, you are doing good man. Take care everyone 😄
The metaphor was on point. This was a much needed reminder. Your words got me crying in the end with a feeling that finally someone gets it. Thank you very very much dr. You give hope and empathy which has an inexplainably hug(e) effect. God bless you❤
I could really relate to the example you gave. I currently work at a major home improvement retail store that is understaffed, but I have decided that I can give excellent customer service even though I am not an expert on how to fix things around the house. After watching your video on ambiguous grief, I realized that I am not experiencing the opportunities in front of me because I am pining for a failed dream from 30 years ago. Spot on. Thank you. 🙂
The pressure never ends even when you're older like myself at 65 years. There are grand children that need attention and resources are limited because age limits energy. I totally get this. It is so hard to do everything and appease others at the same time. Thank you for your video. ❤
@@MarianneMcVeigh-xz2yv same. Heard loud and clear. I want to do more and be more, but it's exhausting
Thank you for your message and for trying to help people. People like you are in tragically short supply.
Metaphors are my favorite learning, and thanks for the self-compassion pep talk, kick start, reminder, whatever......I find that, regardless of when you post vs when I watch, I tend to get the right things from you at the right times I need them.....or maybe you just have ALL the wisdoms, and ALL the times are right times, IDK, regardless, thank you for what you do here.
This is a brilliant metaphor! It explains a lot of behavior I've seen in others, not just my own messy house.😂
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve struggled with OCD, anxiety, and ADHD and am trying to take care of my physical and mental health, perform at a highly demanding job, and maintain family responsibilities at home. I feel like I’m struggling and just keeping afloat in all these areas and it makes me think I’m a failure and not good enough. The to do list seems to grow faster than I can check it off and many days I just hit a wall and shut down and end up wasting precious hours of time. I’ve been beating myself up a lot the last year and your video brought me some much needed comfort.
Recently I came across this baker who said “life is about choosing which hardships are worth it.” And I think about that a couple times a day ever since.
Every word you said meant so much to me, thank you. Since my husband died over two years ago I am coping with EVERYTHING and feeling I need to do more. Some friends tell me I am doing so well but I feel I fall short although I am now doing the work of two. Thank you, you make me think more positively
When I was a little kid, dads mowed the lawn on Saturdays. No one was pushing having the greenish lawn on the block. I am around a lot of rich people who paid to have EVERYTHING done for them. They expect me to be on their same level. HOAs are demons from HELL. Is the world going to fall apart if everything isn't perfect. I do not remember all this crap when I was young. Mom's could be chucky, not buffed. Fathers could have time to take you places. Why do we have to live on a magazine cover. If I am tired and feel like crap why can't I look like that too. I screwed up my arm weed wacking because of FEAR of fines from HOA. Can't we just be meaiocre?
Can you move out of the HOA and into just a regular neighborhood, or even in the country? I would be in debt if we lived in an HOA. We live in the woods, weeds, log splitter, fallen trees that eventually become compost or firewood, some junk. And some flowers too. But would definitely set off fines and tongues wagging.
I absolutely hear you. I love a wild lawn. They are not supposed to look like golf courses: that requires too much water and too many chemicals. We went chemical-free, and we "mow what grows," keeping the mower at the highest setting, and the grass just under the 6" required by HOA, and letting wildflowers grow along the house and in corners. It has been delightful to see honeybees, wasps, grasshoppers, little moths, and more return to the chemical-free yard and hop about in the longer grasses and birds come to eat the "weed seeds." Just do the absolute min required to keep the HOA away, and put the creatures first.
Did you put up cameras in my house or something? This video met me EXACTLY where i am. I'm also dealing with post-covid brain and post-covid energy levels. My house is a disaster, i have laundry and dishes piled up, i dont keep in touch with my friends very well, i havent kept up with my hobbies, and I'm not where I thought I would be in life by now. This metaphor makes perfect sense to me and I feel a lot better about where I'm at. I'm glad I found this video
100% Accurate Analogy … I’ve been picking & choosing where I expend my resources for decades. Work, Select Relationships (kids/romantic partner), & survival come 1st. Everything else is low priority. I’ve learned to say no often “to side distractions” from others that can’t relate to how I live. Has to be this way or the “basic survival essentials” don’t get done & bad things happen like a total shut down. Self preservation comes first & others opinions of you that have more resources / energy for whatever reason becomes “it just is what it is” & I’m over trying to explain it or fit in.
I couldn’t stop crying while listening to you. I’ve been beating myself up way too much
Genuinely thank you for this video. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Your words legit made me tear up. Your metaphor clicked perfectly with my logistically minded brain. I've had 1 day off in the past 18 days and ive been running on empty especially trying to manage 5 different applications to further my career, personal medical issues, friendships, personal responsibilities, and that's even before the existential dread of finding the energy to look for a relationship or to just process how messed up the world is at the present moment.
I think from now on instead of saying "it is what it is," I'll say something like "The supply chain sends what it can!"
Medically diagnosed with Bipolar here. I slept a little earlier than usual and now I am awake at 2am. Thank you for this video. Just subscribed! Will now try to get some sleep.
I'm definitely doing a horrible job. My therapist of almost four years just discharged me stating she has run out of options for me. I saw this coming but it's still difficult. I was told to find a new therapist. I can't imagine having to go through all of this from the beginning again. My physical health is now suffering and at this point I given up.
Maybe you can ask them for notes to give to the next therapist? You've invested plenty of time articulating your situation and your actions so far, and if a therapist tells another therapist that, using the specific medical jargon of their field, then the new therapist will be able to brief themselves and get up to speed much more quickly.
You can still pull some good from this situation and have faster forward steps for the next round in the battle.
I'm so sorry, I hate hearing about things like this. If a therapist runs out of ideas, the therapist should develop more ideas, not discharge the client.
@@Thalanox Thank you
@@DrScottEilers Thank you
@@DrScottEilersI agree. This is a reflection on the therapist, not the client in my opinion.
This is a really really helpful explanation. I've been going through an insane amount of change recently and have struggled with SI and overwhelm with the amount of work I need to do to see the changes I want to make in recovery. I'm starting to practice recognizing adequacy in my efforts and gratitude for the help I've received and work I've put in. The more I practice those things, the more manageable my life seems. I don't need a perfect life for it to be worth living.
Really really awesome metaphor. It makes me feel more accomplished knowing I'm keeping all the stores open instead of feeling like a failure in that I haven't made all the stores amazing and at top performance. Really cool. Thank you for that. Sometimes changing perspective brings it all into focus
I think this explains a reoccurring dream that I have about being in college and totally skipping 2 courses.
We all have a lot going on - health, family, finances, jobs, friends…
This was a great video.
It’s hard to sit and do nothing about things that really should be attended to but knowing I have to conserve my energy for something that is more important.
This makes alot of sense. I’ve closed down all stores except two (wife and work) but production is still not enough since the manufacturing plant is worn and broken. Yet the main store (wife) now wants me to reopen more stores. I don’t know…
That's a very clear metaphor and an amazing thought I really reaaaaly needed. That's what is going on with me for past several months. It always felt like I could do much better, even in smaller things, but the thing is - if I could, I would. I couldn't. Sometimes I was at the bottom, and survived, which is truly an achievement. I spent everything I had to graduate to the point I almost completely collapsed. Your videos helped me when I was laying in my bed for days, unable to move or eat and questioning my whole life and identity - I celebrated my small steps. I'm working on going on, praising myself for continuing and trying to slowly increase my production of resources. Amazing video. Thank you, Dr. Scott.
I just found you today and you’re probably my favorite mental health channel already. You’re realistic. You put everything into words with experience not just facts. It’s realistic and it’s actually helping for once.
Thank you. Such a RELIEF -- to hear someone else say: I think that doing great at everything that matters is actually not possible ..., and to hear it from someone like you with your skills and experience.
This is absolutely what I needed to hear today. Perfect timing!! Thank you so much!!
I need to do more for my family. I’m in the process of understanding how much I can do and what I am capable of. Huge difference.
Thank you so much for this. You made me feel so much better. I am trying to learn being patient with myself ❤ you are amazing, and l am so tired . But l am trying not to feel a failure. X
this is so relatable and explained what we've going through days. and now i know i am not alone and doing well
I'm actually doing worse than I'll like to admit. I'm constantly playing video games because even a minute to myself brings so many devastating thoughts and realisations to my mind. What I'm going through is really too much to take in. I cannot process all the pain, I can't even tend to my wounds because they're too much to even look at. I'm only left with one option, to essentially become a zombie.
You describe it well. I commend you for your ongoing achievements in satisfying your responsibilities and breaking new ground that prevents stagnation. Integral to that is admiration for keeping your eye on the Philippians 4:8 ball.
I wish I had your counsel before. Without giving the necessary attention to safeguarding and improving my production supply, I shut down whole regions and wore myself thin struggling to keep the remaining stores open. If I named advice I need right now it's how to deal with self-pity. It's not helping. It's energy I don't have to spare and it's making things worse.
This video was completely eye opening. What a concept to embrace! Thank you so much for posting it.
This video is probably one of the top 5 videos I've ever seen/heard! I cannot tell you how much people need to hear this and how much of a impact this video has. It really grabbed my attention and made me feel alot of feelings , also more positive and uplifting
For me personally it’s really easy to discount my disability. I’m legally blind but my dad didn’t get it, he thought I could see better than I can, and he thought I was faking it. It makes me judge myself way more harshly
sometimes, you kinda need a random stranger saying "you've done a good job!!!!"
This was perfect, so spot on & exactly what I needed to hear today 🎉💜
Love the metaphor, & so true! As a (somewhat recovering, maybe?) perfectionist- I definitely judge myself based on optimal performance, & try to give 100% to everything.. I’ve been in major burnout, chronic fatigue, chronic pain & trying to find the energy to keep giving at that level, & it’s just not sustainable. That bit about measuring ourselves as the baseline of maintaining & keeping everything from falling apart as good enough- yes I am doing pretty darn good, considering I have far less resources to begin with than the average person- disabilities, single parenting multiple kids, & not much of a support system & limited financial resources… I have to work harder than most to be where I am, but nothing is in ruins or crashing & burning (even tho by my standards, it definitely feels like it is sometimes) thank you for this perspective 🥰
Thank you sooo much! I needed to hear this ❤
This hit hard; mum died before the pandemic and in the time since I’ve had to save up for surgery, adopted the family dog, lost my home, lost my job, got a flat, built a business as a pt while trying to work towards my passion job I want (animation), upskill as a coach and finish a novel manuscript and while my house is kinda messy, I’ve managed to knock over most of these things or be consistent despite my mental health and the fact I need to shut down every weekend entirely over a five year stretch.
I’m not optimal, but I’m slowly chipping away on progress
We are measuring that high ceiling, right. In so many sectors of our lives…
Thanks for talking about the brain burn out. And exhaustion. And dissolving the shame around our brain just saying- no more. Your heart can be willing… you can even have a plan… but enough. It is time to nourish.
Man it feels good to be affirmed. That's something I always tried to give my clients back when I was able to work - many many years ago. I've gotten much sicker and way more traumatized since then, despite my upbringing being unimaginably traumatic. It's something I've really struggled to find for myself - scraps of reassurance, it's amazing how many therapists don't give it at all. I was feeling like giving up this week, I know my therapist can't help me, but the worst part is helping others and not finding what you need for yourself, its hard not to become bitter
This is an amazing video.. You helped me reframe my insights and outlook. I felt I was lacking, but now I realize I am doing well.
I think another helpful idea is to consistently reprioritize, so if there is something lacking more than other things, you can emphasize working on the stuff you think needs a little more attention...
Thank you for helping reframe everything more positively, I appreciate you, your assistance and your channel!
Your metaphor is literally my job. I am in production management and I suffer these woes every day in addition to my life issues. I feel completely wasted and burnt out each and every day. I feel like I'm treading water.
Same scenario here. And grossly under paid. Giving everything i have and slipping behind
this is the nicest thing I've heard for ages. Thank you!
I needed to hear this. Thank you. I am doing the best I can, where I am at. Time to bring in my focus on a couple areas instead on allllll the things. Just in time for my Q3 life planning.
Modern society requires so much responsibility for each individual to survive. Perhaps I am lazy, but being earnest in modern standard is just too much for me.
indeed, I go from trying and feeling I made some progress, to suddenly feeling worse and stepping back two steps, feeling frustrated like I want to give up. I go from high to deep lows to why even try at this point. Feeling awkward, like I'm out of comfort zone etc.
❤❤❤
Before we conceived our first child, I sat my husband down and said ‘this baby will get most of my love and attention until they are at least 14. I will love our child more than I love you; I will prioritize our child before you, if I have to make a choice, I will choose our child. And I expect the same thing from you. You must love this baby more than you love me. We can only have kids together if both of us are willing to love someone else more than we love each other or ourselves.’
The first few times my husband tried to hand wave it off or act like things wouldn’t change. We didn’t conceive until after I got him to seriously examine it, listen to a few fatherhood books, and agree we will both put our kids first.
Our marital district is definitely not as robust as it used to be. But as far as I know and have been told, it’s at no risk of shutting down. Just a lot of the supply is getting diverted to the parenting district.
Well said. We need to always keep this in mind. 😊
I've been close to completely non-functioning for a while, and this perspective really helped me have more self compassion. Something that I find difficult to have. Thanks Dr Scott. I'm really looking forward to a future video where you talk about how to increase production capacity - please and thank you!
i really like how you explain stuff with its examples even the methaporic part. please keep spreading these❤❤❤
Thank for this, it was a quite extended metaphor but I get what you’re saying. We can’t have it all, we can’t do it all, and that’s OK.
Thank you. 💜
I really needed this!
This metaphor is outstanding. So hard to grasp this lived experience without trying to simply making excuses or constantly criticizing myself. Trying to focus on and manifest abundance but the struggle is very, sometimes brutally real.
A computer dividing it's RAM into different programs at the same time was the analogy my brain threw at me. I've gone through a handful of times I've had to just completely restructure my life from the foundational perspective onwards. I'm currently (when I'm still able to think with a longer term view and perspective) trying to hit a handful of pillars at the center of my life, with multiple subjects underneath each pillar that are disconnected. This is in contrast to trying to take every other task as it's own thing which may or may not be the next most important thing.
Categorization such that I am nearly always forced to think and ask myself if this new potential commitment is in line with my core principals has made it easier to say "no" to things I would normally love to jump in to. This way, I feel like I've been able to reduce a lot of the pressure I was under.
Bro you're so wickedly smart and have such an amazing way of explaining human nature's. Wish there were more people like you. You put my thoughts into the perfect words
I’m not well. Physically emotionally, spiritually,
Mentally. Today’s win was, speaking to ladies at United health insurance. I was able to tel them, I don’t remember (what the last lady said). These people are such a challenge.
I will try again tomorrow. Ill will tell the ‘em I need a reasonable accomodation. (Had c😅vid in March. Meh.) I will tell them how to talk with me. Otherwise, supervisor. Don’t want their pity, just do your job.
The added complexity and mainly the burden of expectations and responsibilities is a main drive in the rise of mental illness, especially among younger people. This needs to be fundamentally addressed.
I think you are amazing. You explain things so clearly and make such a lot of sense. Thank you so much for all you are doing. You have helped me a lot already, and I've only been listening to you for a few days. ❤
Thank you so much. Really needed that reassurance right now.
I have a job, a place of my own, social hobbies, and fit lifestyle. As far as im concerned im doing what’s called living 😂. Weve just been conditioned that we have to work every second that we’re awake and continuously keep climbing higher and higher for the approval of others. There’s nothing wrong with just being content where you are. The whole hustler grind and luxury lifestyle on social media has completely ruined people’s expectation and enjoyment of life. I make 60k a year doing waste management and i play tabletop war games on the weekends. This is exactly where i want to be. I dont need to be pointlessly chasing status i dont care about
Been to pay for a physciatrist twice but my anxiety/ depression is debilitating my stomach is tight and body in pain, I feel also its in my mind I can't pull out of it .I have been referred to an home care treatment team i feel like I wan to get a well feeling in my body , I'm already on meds I'm so scared everytime I get it it think I'm not going to get better 😢
Same, been a year now. Trying ketamine if that doesn't work trying ECT
I can work very hard, and when it’s something I am excited about(at the time) I put in a tremendous effort in short bursts, but I feel like I am lazy in almost all aspects of my life. I want to be better but I can seem to bridge the gap between wanting to be good and being good at said tasks. There are times where I feel very accomplished (few and far between) and the rest of the time I feel like an utter failure; no in-between. Very black and white.
Great metaphor that (like all of your great metaphors) really helps to shift personal perspectives on our situation.
You remain, in my opinion, the best mental health expert on YT and elsewhere from the zillions of others I've watched over the years (and the many practioners I've worked with in person). You really get it and have the unique ability to communicate empathy and solution ideas that are based on brilliant insight, experience and huge practical intelligence, not trendy regurgitation of theories (that usually don't work)
Why does every video on this channel just have the most soul-draining top comments imaginable 😭
I really needed to hear that. Thank you.