I think generosity and patience are key to love. You have to learn how to love someone and keep them happy and in turn teach them how to love you. Great talk :)
I understand what you're saying. I was very generous but lacked patience which pushed away the one person I actually wanted to spend more time with. This gets very painful at times. Mandy's metaphor somewhat puts my mind to ease.
The problem is that this thing we talk about falling into mostly is not love, it is obsession. Love has to be learned. It's giving up on the obsession in favour of the loved one. Doing this without being in pain requires strong compassion for the overall situation, something most of us struggle to learn over the course of a whole lifetime.
What a brave woman to admit to not just others, but herself, to have this honest conversation about the struggle of dramatic love. I so relate to her and I'm so sorry to myself for relating that "great suffering= great reward" because I believe I've maintained my madness for the sake of proving to myself my love will come back... thank you so much, for being honest and also evaluating a natural feeling that we only know irrationally. I'm sorry if I'm not saying this correctly but I appreciate your break down so very very much.
Her version of love is confusing, so trying to simplify it makes it a great version of love. I like what she said about love being created by the couple and not something that suddenly happens, attraction is what suddenly happens, love sometimes follows.
This made me realize that I did in fact associate true love with drama and strong, stormy emotions. But it's not healthy, love is something that should foremost bring us joy and peace, not tears and stress. It's so simple yet so difficult to grasp.
Love is the emotion we live by. language creates the world we live in. Changing the way we talk about love may transform our reality. Thanks for sharing, this is important specially in times where public discourse is so full of hate. 🖤🖤
I think that many people make a giant mistake here. Love is never tge first emotion. Desire always comes first. This is an emotion that everyone jumps in to (alot of people i know never get passed that state). Never mix disire and love. As love takes time, commitment, compassion and cooperation.
Merthalophor I disagree completely for example in another context would you rather have and then lose the gift of sight and know what you're missing for life or simply never have it and never need to worry about what you're missing out on. Same goes for love
James Marino You can choose whether to accept it or not though, since sometimes we fall in love for people we should not. You might not control your emotions well but your actions are totally up to you.
You can "fall out of love" as easily as in, and both processes are actually quite simple to get a hang on (but not easy in a society where we are told we can't).
the thing about love is that it isn't even sexual.... people just think it is, because they become blinded by passion and nothing makes sense... Even the english language is so wonky when it comes to defining love though, because it is a very hard concept for people to understand.
Testing whether the language we use to describe something influences the experiences, or whether the experiences influence the language we use is not that difficult; Find languages that use different metaphors and compare the experiences of those who use it. I'd be surprised if the experience wasn't universal.
I read that a "heartache" is interpreted in the same location of the brain as a toothache; so that would seem to fit. I kinda like the idea of falling in love, or crazy in love - out of one's "ordinary control." Staying in love, however, should take cooperation.
There multiple version or meanings of the word Love, she is describing infatuation. This talk seems to be about someone who is codependent trying to be more independent but still want a deep connection. Ironically she wants to depend on society to change to become more independent.
I don't see love as a game. Only psychos have the interest to play those games. It can't be a game if you always think about him, care for him, make effort to understand him deeply...and to be physically attracted to him and etc. Love for me is something that develops organically, like you have to trust the flow. Its not like other things in life where you always have to control and micromanage things. It just happens naturally. You just have to show some warmth, sweetness and effort for that person. Love is really an uncertain type of journey, its not like running a corporation or fighting in a war.. Its a journey about learning to be yourself when you're with him/her, learning the art of giving, trusting the flow and etc.
I became what I wanted. I didn't fall because falling is implication of deceit. I waited and practiced until I achieved love. Love should be like gaming "ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED." I achieved a relationship. End of log. 🤓
An English teacher (and a writer) tells us about a feeling. Why not a car mechanic?! Leave it to psychologists and sociologists, lady. No, this is not an "idea worth spreading", is her personal feelings/attitude. I wrote a long comprehensive commentary, but this is not worth it. Just think, in Russian the word that translates as "to fall in love" (and it is in fact a single whole word "влюбляться" in its infinitive form) literally means "to make oneself love [someone else, presumably]". And Russians can totally relate to English experience, it translates into Russian language and Russians' feelings smooth like... like one of the smoothest thing you can think of! I'd use the F-word, but it's not the place. You'd better think of how things like honorifics in Japanese or every noun gendered, as it happens in many languages, but not in English (and many other big features some languages have and others don't), influence cultural issues in people speaking such languages.
CatherineZ saying "I'd use the f- word but this is not the place" is basicly as immature as using the f-word. if you're not gonna use it then don't mention it.
Well, "if a car mechanic," why not an English teacher/writer? She teaches that which we use [you're doing it now] to extensively explore love. {Psychologists and sociologists use this "language tool" too. One of them might be watching this video right now!}
Dead Joffrey She Is a teacher though. Which gives her more credibility in my eye. But as always, take in what she says, judge it yourself, come to your own conclusions.
Being a teacher actually makes it worse IMO, you're supposed to teach English as it currently stands, not how you think it 'should' be. Imagine if all English teachers considered themselves gatekeepers of the language.
Language is fluid and ever-changing, and a teacher's job is not only to teach the language as it is but to challenge it as well. Otherwise there'd be no progress.
It's absolutely not a teacher's job to challenge the language they teach, and they certainly do not take credit for the evolution of English, especially considering that langauges change even without teachers changing it.
DeoMachina I'd have to disagree. Teachers are a part of the population that propagates new words, at least the younger ones. Words like selfie and such. English teachers know best about the language, they can think of more ways to challenge it than a normal person.
it's a kinda good idea to be more rational but I think it's easier said than done. however, well done Ted, that talk had actual thought put in to it, rather than just some drivel about white men being evil.
When you say falling in love is a bad term, I believe that you are making a mistake. She talks about these terms, most of which are involved with the process of love. I would say falling In love has to do with the feelings one acquires for someone else. One does not choose who to love romantically, just as people do not step into love. Stepping is a volentary action while romantic love isn't. People fall in love as it takes them by surprise. People in love are not falling in love. They already fell. Just saying.
I like the spirit of questioning the language we use around love but "falling" in love IS a lot like a mental sickness - she explicitly admits it biologically mirrors obsessive compulsive disorder and the not having it is akin to drug withdrawal. I would LOVE to believe we have a conscious choice about 'collaborating' in and out of love (aka limerance) with a person, but I just don't believe we have as much control as we'd like to pretend. Our bodies are in control and our minds are along for the ride, trying to keep our actions and thoughts on track. Not everybody is equally susceptible, of course. I would bet some of us love junkies also have addictive qualities in other ways. I think it would be more interesting if we acknowledged as a society that limerance is a bewildered state of chemical chaos for the body...and the real love begins after that has subsided.
If anything she said here had any merit at all, people outside of the Anglosphere would not make the same mistakes she did at the age of 20. So either every language coincidentally has the same metaphors for love, or she's making all of this up. The average person really does not look too deeply into the ramifications of each individual idiom in their native language, they're just a string of syllables used to communicate a concept.
6 min in, a lot of usage of the word love, but hasn't given a single definition yet. Someone, please, let me know if it got clearer, I'm not gonna stay till the end.
In Chinese language the word for love are made of two symbols that represents, heart and action, that means to love people through your actions and with your heart.
I generally like this talk but she should have made a more clear distinction between love (sense of unity with the world) and coercive, selfish, sickening, strategizing, evolutionarily developed mental state of attachment towards *particular*. The less universal and unconditional it is, the less it can be called love.
I do not really like how this woman criticizes the way FALLING IN LOVE is described as violence and mental illness, but then gives an alternative of developing a new approach to LOVE that has ALREADY OCCURRED. These are different things to me and it doesn't make sense. Overall though, a very good video with some interesting ideas in it. Thank you.
did you know the same chemical for anger and pleasure and hunger are the same chemical serotonin the difference is the signal the wave length what could all those signals have in common when cells
Am I missing something or did she not really make a single point. changing around the words we use to describe love doesn't change what we feel. there's always gonna be painful and beautiful moments wether we "burn with passion" or not. it is exactly because of those steep ups and downs why so many great authors use words like madness and craziness when describing it. love isn't something you can control or "step into" at your will. I was hoping this talk would be about actually interesting problems
MarcoManiac She basically missed the little point she said she would try to make ("I'm going to put forth some theories about why it is so," paraphrased ofc). I should've realized something would go wrong when I noticed her dancing around that red diamond on the floor rather than staying on it.
falling is because its natural like gravity elections and protons falling to each other stepping also works especially for those in secure and yes caring about others isn't always bliss but both all of you should be working for common good.
Or, what I enjoy doing. Do not "fall" in love with anyone, stay by yourself and hook up with people very short term via bars or tinder. You get the best part of relationships but still get to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it because you are single; and you get to keep all your money. I have an ex fiancé but vastly enjoy the above more than I did any past relationship.
Hate comes from fear, the kind of fear that comes from alienation, which in turn comes from a lack of understanding, which in turn comes from a lack of empathy. Not that hard to grasp.
So she left most of her friends instead of talking to them because she was in a relationship ? Is there something that I am missing or is she a terrible person ?
Languages aren't meant for individuals, they're meant for societies. If they were so personal, everyone would speak their own language which would be gibberish for everyone else. And majority of so called "civilized" societies that have a concept like marriage and complex social structures hold love to be an affliction. It's not just the English language. Because in the grand social scheme, marriage is a way to better your social status and if you fall in love with any random person you see and elope or have their illegitimate babies, there goes that ticket to social prestige which is extremely desirable to anybody. Languages evolve over centuries and this was the truth for many English speakers for a long time until the "marrying for love" brigade gained power in the 18th & 19th centuries. Before that, people married with social factors in mind rather than emotional ones like love. So obviously they'll think love is madness. Imho, this was much more sensible than waiting for some supposed soulmate who might arrive too late or maybe even never.
Nnnope. I don't feel the need to rewrite or redefine love, I've noticed the modern outlook on it such as this is far worse than how it was played out in the 60s-90s. Maybe it's personal taste, but I don't buy into this 'rebranding' stuff. I think it's starting to become fashionable to demonise other people's relationships lately, but I think it's probably better to keep a healthy distance from others and look to your own personal relationships as 'shapeable', not somebody else's coupling. Not keen, especially the wording thing.
People through the ages have repeatedly used wild and even aggressive words to describe the 'feelings' of love because that's what love makes them/us feel. Why try to sanitize that? "ooh! let's use nicer metaphors". What? Why? We can work at improving relationships, not love, surely. Love cannot be improved/enhanced/simplified or anything else by using nicer metaphors in my view. As a complete aside ... what is the speaker's relationship with the red mat? You know the red mat that most all speakers stand on for the benefit of the cameras and audience. There appears to be a dance around this particular mat with an occasional treading onto the edge and then off the mat again as though the red mat represents something to the speaker. ... Mandy?
it was like that time in high school when brad dumped me... i was like sooooo upset.. i like told my friend kelly, she it was because i was being a b@tch.. so i stop talking to her i think she wanted brad and was jeoulous but i didn't care like. beacuse i love brad..
that's interesting. in her mind the alternative to a good relationship is not no relationship. In her mind the alternative to a good relationship is a bad relationship. poor thing
i never thought hearing about love would be so boring....love is a rush, it is the remedy as well as the poison. The speaker was low energy and the implication of we should step into love is an assertion that people who are not in love can afford to take, as at that stage, it is not love, but merely like.
Can someone please tell me if they ever experienced a relationship with someone with mental illness (even suicide thougts) and how and if it is possible to make it work?
I think generosity and patience are key to love. You have to learn how to love someone and keep them happy and in turn teach them how to love you. Great talk :)
I understand what you're saying. I was very generous but lacked patience which pushed away the one person I actually wanted to spend more time with. This gets very painful at times. Mandy's metaphor somewhat puts my mind to ease.
The problem is that this thing we talk about falling into mostly is not love, it is obsession. Love has to be learned. It's giving up on the obsession in favour of the loved one. Doing this without being in pain requires strong compassion for the overall situation, something most of us struggle to learn over the course of a whole lifetime.
What a brave woman to admit to not just others, but herself, to have this honest conversation about the struggle of dramatic love. I so relate to her and I'm so sorry to myself for relating that "great suffering= great reward" because I believe I've maintained my madness for the sake of proving to myself my love will come back... thank you so much, for being honest and also evaluating a natural feeling that we only know irrationally. I'm sorry if I'm not saying this correctly but I appreciate your break down so very very much.
thepurpleflute
I hate how movies describe and show love through cheesy sequences and gifts. Love is so much more abstract and means much more.
danekarl alright
exactly, not all the time cheesy but most of the time we felt unexpected love
Yeah, it's important to show the tasteful gifts too. Like, where are the new stereo systems and Omaha Steaks?
Her version of love is confusing, so trying to simplify it makes it a great version of love. I like what she said about love being created by the couple and not something that suddenly happens, attraction is what suddenly happens, love sometimes follows.
This made me realize that I did in fact associate true love with drama and strong, stormy emotions. But it's not healthy, love is something that should foremost bring us joy and peace, not tears and stress. It's so simple yet so difficult to grasp.
we always say falling into love but we never say we’re rising into love
exactly!!!
Love is the emotion we live by. language creates the world we live in. Changing the way we talk about love may transform our reality. Thanks for sharing, this is important specially in times where public discourse is so full of hate. 🖤🖤
The reason poets talk about love in metaphors of violence and insanity is because they are trying to be accurate.
And poets are not typically the people you go to for a healthy relationship. All is explained.
that's exactly the point here
I agree with her. Love should be a partnership. Seeing it only the romantic way makes it much more painful.
But the problem is, not all experiences of love involve a partnership!
Now this, is a PROPER TED TALK
Nice emblem
This is the way
There is no rule which says: Great suffering = Great reward.
Wisdom.
loved it
I think that many people make a giant mistake here. Love is never tge first emotion. Desire always comes first. This is an emotion that everyone jumps in to (alot of people i know never get passed that state). Never mix disire and love. As love takes time, commitment, compassion and cooperation.
So she believed in stories, and Santa Claus but ... got older and grew up. Great, high quality talk ... for kids. Thanks TED.
Really mature perspective on love and romance.
Also she's wrong
Charlie Varshay why ?
Because he said so, duh.
lol, also I commented a month ago and don't remember what she said so just take my word for it, because like most everyone, I think I'm smart.
So true. Love this talk. But why love demands pain.
What is love?
Baby don't hurt me.
don't hurt me
no more
tuk tuk tukkkkkk
車水水 baby don't hurt me don't hurt me no more
She mixed "fall in love" and "to love". The first one is passive like she said but the second one is a decision.
Love is an action, more than anything else.
It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Merthalophor I disagree completely for example in another context would you rather have and then lose the gift of sight and know what you're missing for life or simply never have it and never need to worry about what you're missing out on. Same goes for love
@Rory what a sad and passive life that would be with a stance like that.
Uh... you can't choose who you love. It just sort of happens, which is why all of those metaphors are so appropriate...
James Marino You can choose whether to accept it or not though, since sometimes we fall in love for people we should not. You might not control your emotions well but your actions are totally up to you.
I think you have more choice in it than you realize.
You can "fall out of love" as easily as in, and both processes are actually quite simple to get a hang on (but not easy in a society where we are told we can't).
the thing about love is that it isn't even sexual.... people just think it is, because they become blinded by passion and nothing makes sense... Even the english language is so wonky when it comes to defining love though, because it is a very hard concept for people to understand.
This is such a brilliant TED talk!
Testing whether the language we use to describe something influences the experiences, or whether the experiences influence the language we use is not that difficult; Find languages that use different metaphors and compare the experiences of those who use it.
I'd be surprised if the experience wasn't universal.
Oh, let's fall in love!
I read that a "heartache" is interpreted in the same location of the brain as a toothache; so that would seem to fit.
I kinda like the idea of falling in love, or crazy in love - out of one's "ordinary control." Staying in love, however, should take cooperation.
I agree
I've worked on childhood issues I may still require more work one never stops trying to fix the. Self and I'm all for it
There multiple version or meanings of the word Love, she is describing infatuation. This talk seems to be about someone who is codependent trying to be more independent but still want a deep connection. Ironically she wants to depend on society to change to become more independent.
When she spoke about madness I remembered about Muse immediately! Anybody else?))
"most of us will fall in love a few times throughout the course of our lives"
*Looks at my 25 year old self*
Guess I'm an outlier.
Same
Love is the ultimate madness that may or may not be alleviated by parenthood.
This was filmed at TEDx SFU!!!
Love is the only thing which was/is/will be ineffable!
I really enjoyed this perspective, thank you. :)
I don't see love as a game. Only psychos have the interest to play those games.
It can't be a game if you always think about him, care for him, make effort to understand him deeply...and to be physically attracted to him and etc.
Love for me is something that develops organically, like you have to trust the flow. Its not like other things in life where you always have to control and micromanage things. It just happens naturally. You just have to show some warmth, sweetness and effort for that person. Love is really an uncertain type of journey, its not like running a corporation or fighting in a war.. Its a journey about learning to be yourself when you're with him/her, learning the art of giving, trusting the flow and etc.
2:38 "the vengeance of an angry god." Sounds about right.
am i the only one who noticed that this was a tedx talk from 2015
Why so many dislikes? Are they not being loved?? That's sad 😭
I became what I wanted. I didn't fall because falling is implication of deceit. I waited and practiced until I achieved love. Love should be like gaming "ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED." I achieved a relationship. End of log. 🤓
Beautiful.
A fancy way to talk about Love which obviously not everyone can afford 😇 - called the Collaborative Work of Art.
1:55 Indeed. Love sucks. Love is no fun at all.
2:55 Because it is not a good experience.
thank you
An English teacher (and a writer) tells us about a feeling. Why not a car mechanic?! Leave it to psychologists and sociologists, lady. No, this is not an "idea worth spreading", is her personal feelings/attitude.
I wrote a long comprehensive commentary, but this is not worth it. Just think, in Russian the word that translates as "to fall in love" (and it is in fact a single whole word "влюбляться" in its infinitive form) literally means "to make oneself love [someone else, presumably]". And Russians can totally relate to English experience, it translates into Russian language and Russians' feelings smooth like... like one of the smoothest thing you can think of!
I'd use the F-word, but it's not the place.
You'd better think of how things like honorifics in Japanese or every noun gendered, as it happens in many languages, but not in English (and many other big features some languages have and others don't), influence cultural issues in people speaking such languages.
CatherineZ saying "I'd use the f- word but this is not the place" is basicly as immature as using the f-word. if you're not gonna use it then don't mention it.
Well, "if a car mechanic," why not an English teacher/writer? She teaches that which we use [you're doing it now] to extensively explore love. {Psychologists and sociologists use this "language tool" too. One of them might be watching this video right now!}
what is TED now? i remember it was different half a dozen years ago
AMAZING
hi ma'am i'm also english learner...i'm watching you now.
Thanks good idea
yep, just because you feel attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to act on it.
"The english language is wrong because of my own subjective interpretation."
Dead Joffrey She Is a teacher though. Which gives her more credibility in my eye. But as always, take in what she says, judge it yourself, come to your own conclusions.
Being a teacher actually makes it worse IMO, you're supposed to teach English as it currently stands, not how you think it 'should' be. Imagine if all English teachers considered themselves gatekeepers of the language.
Language is fluid and ever-changing, and a teacher's job is not only to teach the language as it is but to challenge it as well. Otherwise there'd be no progress.
It's absolutely not a teacher's job to challenge the language they teach, and they certainly do not take credit for the evolution of English, especially considering that langauges change even without teachers changing it.
DeoMachina I'd have to disagree. Teachers are a part of the population that propagates new words, at least the younger ones. Words like selfie and such. English teachers know best about the language, they can think of more ways to challenge it than a normal person.
I heared nothing about Love in this video. ;)
Very true
it's a kinda good idea to be more rational but I think it's easier said than done. however, well done Ted, that talk had actual thought put in to it, rather than just some drivel about white men being evil.
Can someone explain me, why TED recently has been getting so many dislikes?
P.S. I don't know english well. Don"t judge me :)
Илья Because they post 17 minutes of easily debunkable dribble
Because TED has been taken over by Feminists.
I like this one.
I have a little bit of a problem with loving and relationships because I'm a bit shy ☺️, I just wanted to share that, thow I don't know why 👻
When you say falling in love is a bad term, I believe that you are making a mistake. She talks about these terms, most of which are involved with the process of love. I would say falling In love has to do with the feelings one acquires for someone else. One does not choose who to love romantically, just as people do not step into love. Stepping is a volentary action while romantic love isn't. People fall in love as it takes them by surprise. People in love are not falling in love. They already fell. Just saying.
I like the spirit of questioning the language we use around love but "falling" in love IS a lot like a mental sickness - she explicitly admits it biologically mirrors obsessive compulsive disorder and the not having it is akin to drug withdrawal. I would LOVE to believe we have a conscious choice about 'collaborating' in and out of love (aka limerance) with a person, but I just don't believe we have as much control as we'd like to pretend. Our bodies are in control and our minds are along for the ride, trying to keep our actions and thoughts on track. Not everybody is equally susceptible, of course. I would bet some of us love junkies also have addictive qualities in other ways. I think it would be more interesting if we acknowledged as a society that limerance is a bewildered state of chemical chaos for the body...and the real love begins after that has subsided.
tx so much help me so much does not hurt anymore make so easy understand
Good video
romanticism is what to blame it makes it so that love is by intuition not by fought
what you mean when you said aesthetic experience???
If anything she said here had any merit at all, people outside of the Anglosphere would not make the same mistakes she did at the age of 20. So either every language coincidentally has the same metaphors for love, or she's making all of this up.
The average person really does not look too deeply into the ramifications of each individual idiom in their native language, they're just a string of syllables used to communicate a concept.
💖💖💖
6 min in, a lot of usage of the word love, but hasn't given a single definition yet.
Someone, please, let me know if it got clearer, I'm not gonna stay till the end.
she never even tries to say what kind shes talking about or give any definition
Love is an intense feeling of deep affection.
Emotions are thoughts attached to sensations. Unless you're talking about lust, which is just a chemical reaction.
In Chinese language the word for love are made of two symbols that represents, heart and action, that means to love people through your actions and with your heart.
The heart only pumps blood and all actions are reactions. Love implies hate. Both only arise in thought.
Great suffering is not Great reward
I was learnt that when I was 19
I generally like this talk but she should have made a more clear distinction between love (sense of unity with the world) and coercive, selfish, sickening, strategizing, evolutionarily developed mental state of attachment towards *particular*. The less universal and unconditional it is, the less it can be called love.
She reminds me of phoebe from friends
But what does Ashley Judd think about it? That's all that matters.
I do not really like how this woman criticizes the way FALLING IN LOVE is described as violence and mental illness, but then gives an alternative of developing a new approach to LOVE that has ALREADY OCCURRED. These are different things to me and it doesn't make sense. Overall though, a very good video with some interesting ideas in it. Thank you.
did you know the same chemical for anger and pleasure and hunger are the same chemical serotonin the difference is the signal the wave length what could all those signals have in common when cells
Love is a couple dance.
Am I missing something or did she not really make a single point. changing around the words we use to describe love doesn't change what we feel. there's always gonna be painful and beautiful moments wether we "burn with passion" or not. it is exactly because of those steep ups and downs why so many great authors use words like madness and craziness when describing it. love isn't something you can control or "step into" at your will. I was hoping this talk would be about actually interesting problems
MarcoManiac She basically missed the little point she said she would try to make ("I'm going to put forth some theories about why it is so," paraphrased ofc).
I should've realized something would go wrong when I noticed her dancing around that red diamond on the floor rather than staying on it.
falling is because its natural like gravity elections and protons falling to each other stepping also works especially for those in secure and yes caring about others isn't always bliss but both all of you should be working for common good.
Or, what I enjoy doing. Do not "fall" in love with anyone, stay by yourself and hook up with people very short term via bars or tinder. You get the best part of relationships but still get to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it because you are single; and you get to keep all your money.
I have an ex fiancé but vastly enjoy the above more than I did any past relationship.
What is love!?
baby don't hurt me
no more
Woah she isn't on the red carpet 😂
Why don't we talk that much about hate which seems to be way weirder than the simple act of love ?!!!
Hate comes from fear, the kind of fear that comes from alienation, which in turn comes from a lack of understanding, which in turn comes from a lack of empathy. Not that hard to grasp.
So she left most of her friends instead of talking to them because she was in a relationship ? Is there something that I am missing or is she a terrible person ?
Whatever you say Phoebe Buffay.
hahahahaha made me laugh so much
love love love i want your love
She refuses to step on the red carpet = love
Languages aren't meant for individuals, they're meant for societies. If they were so personal, everyone would speak their own language which would be gibberish for everyone else. And majority of so called "civilized" societies that have a concept like marriage and complex social structures hold love to be an affliction. It's not just the English language.
Because in the grand social scheme, marriage is a way to better your social status and if you fall in love with any random person you see and elope or have their illegitimate babies, there goes that ticket to social prestige which is extremely desirable to anybody. Languages evolve over centuries and this was the truth for many English speakers for a long time until the "marrying for love" brigade gained power in the 18th & 19th centuries. Before that, people married with social factors in mind rather than emotional ones like love. So obviously they'll think love is madness.
Imho, this was much more sensible than waiting for some supposed soulmate who might arrive too late or maybe even never.
I never fell in love i get infatuated then get bored
who can tell me where i have vietsub ?
I really see what she's trying to do here, but they are metaphors. and the madness thing... if you're insane in your love, then you are not in love.
hi
I hate it when I get hurt working on a painting with my girlfriend.
Nnnope. I don't feel the need to rewrite or redefine love, I've noticed the modern outlook on it such as this is far worse than how it was played out in the 60s-90s. Maybe it's personal taste, but I don't buy into this 'rebranding' stuff. I think it's starting to become fashionable to demonise other people's relationships lately, but I think it's probably better to keep a healthy distance from others and look to your own personal relationships as 'shapeable', not somebody else's coupling. Not keen, especially the wording thing.
hey
Don't understand love
Howard Jones, where are you when we need you (edit: well,... Bill Bryant, at least,...or both)
I think she exaggerates today's perception of love. I don't think it's as bad as 'we need to change the culture of love'
What???
People through the ages have repeatedly used wild and even aggressive words to describe the 'feelings' of love because that's what love makes them/us feel. Why try to sanitize that? "ooh! let's use nicer metaphors". What? Why? We can work at improving relationships, not love, surely. Love cannot be improved/enhanced/simplified or anything else by using nicer metaphors in my view. As a complete aside ... what is the speaker's relationship with the red mat? You know the red mat that most all speakers stand on for the benefit of the cameras and audience. There appears to be a dance around this particular mat with an occasional treading onto the edge and then off the mat again as though the red mat represents something to the speaker. ... Mandy?
it was like that time in high school when brad dumped me...
i was like sooooo upset..
i like told my friend kelly, she it was because i was being a b@tch..
so i stop talking to her i think she wanted brad and was jeoulous but i didn't care like. beacuse i love brad..
that's interesting. in her mind the alternative to a good relationship is not no relationship. In her mind the alternative to a good relationship is a bad relationship. poor thing
i never thought hearing about love would be so boring....love is a rush, it is the remedy as well as the poison.
The speaker was low energy and the implication of we should step into love is an assertion that people who are not in love can afford to take, as at that stage, it is not love, but merely like.
Can someone please tell me if they ever experienced a relationship with someone with mental illness (even suicide thougts) and how and if it is possible to make it work?
She must be a INTP personality..