Abuse by Proxy
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- Опубліковано 16 тра 2024
- Abuse can take place in different ways such as emotional, psychological, physical, financial and so on. Abuse by proxy, also known as proxy abuse or triangulation, refers to a form of emotional or psychological abuse in which an individual manipulates or uses others to carry out abusive behavior, often involving a third party as a means of controlling, intimidating, or manipulating a victim. In this type of abuse, the abuser uses intermediaries to inflict harm or control over the victim indirectly.
Different types of abuse by proxy include mobbing, gossiping, ostracising and stalking and is carried out by others, commonly referred to as 'flying monkeys'. The abuse can take place in communities, workplaces, families, even on social media.
#abusebyproxy #abusiverelationship #mentalhealth
Thank you for this video. I have experienced abuse at the hands of family and partners. They are pure evil and those who abuse others by proxy are psychopaths, the devil incarnate.
Exactly what my demon mother has been doing to me for 40 years. She gossips lies about me, to everyone in the family. And she trained my demon brother to be her minion. She sets him on me, like an attack dog- while she sits calmly feigning innocence. And he loves it- it fuels his power trip. They’re both absolutely DISGUSTING 😡😡
❤
Move across the country away from them. I've experienced the same things.
@@rodneylee4026 I already moved more than 1,000 miles away, and cut off contact a decade ago. But my mom is still trash talking me to everyone. And my brother has now forced himself into my life, and is trying to overpower and dominate me 😭😭
This happened to my brother with parental alienation!
He got so depressed as the kids were acting so horrible on visitations!
The kids would say
"I hate you"
"I wish you would just pay the minimum and leave us alone"
And the older daughter who had discretion said
" I feel so sorry for the younger ones, it is a blessing not to see you!"
They would all gang up on him and it was hell!
He is a very religious man, and he told the children that they were acting evil.
Then, she took the kids into the court and got a restraining order on him, saying he was telling the kids they were evil.
I remember in the closing argument, the attorney dramatically said of the very cruel oldest daughter's visit to church camp
" it was there that she realised she was a good person, and not evil like her dad tells her....if this is not severe abuse, I don't know what is!"
She stole the kids using abuse by proxy and it worked!
What a world!
Happily, he's moved on with a new woman and her children love him dearly. These kids have never had a father, so in the end it turned out super sweet, as they both love and appreciate each other.
We are realising now that the restraining order was actually a blessing in disguise, as he is not in jail for some false accusation like molestation- which was where she was heading if not victorious.
She is a very dangerous woman.
The children are being psychologically abused.
Sad situation
This stuff is real!
Parental alienation can also involve another family member manipulating your children, including adult children.They befriend the 🎯 to know their secrets, weaknesses, then weaponize their weaknesses against their own mom and/or dad. Those evildoers are often jealous of your family and wish to destroy it.
Abuse by proxy. Such an accurate definition of the very toxic relationship we have endured with our stepchildren.
We only had the best intentions for our blended family but only experienced constant bullying & negativity from them starting at a very young age and which has never stopped.The ex-wife is responsible . Here it is in a nutshell. Thank you
Flying monkeys. I've lost friends because they believed the narcissist's lies about me. And my siblings have turned against me because I'm the family scapegoat, and our narcissistic mother has made me the bad guy so she can be the good one.... It's a terrible place to be when the narcissist is desperate for attention and validation.
You have just described what has mostly been happening to me for a couple of years now. It sounds incredible that there exist abusers who would do all of the cruel manipulations to gain control over somebody but there they are destroying my life for many years now. Evil beings in human bodies. Thank you Darren. God bless you❤
step away try it might work, but hell it's difficult (heavily staining on psyche)
My narc neighbour uses her solicitor friend to abuse me and has even successfully manipulated the police to abuse me. One has to marvel at her ability to get people to do her dirty work but she has been practicing for over 60 years so is very, very good at it.
Me too. The same thing. I’m
so sorry your going through this as well.
I have and continue to deal with these forms abuse even after escaping from my abuser.
So this is what 'Triangulation' is. Now I get it! Thanks!
My Bipolar Malignant Ex used my neighbor to serve me with divorce papers on Valentine's Day. After 25 yrs of marriage.
I just wanted an amicable divorce, asked for nothing. I had the papers and told him lets work thru this. But he recruited a toxic neighbor (who I had invited over for dinner once!) to serve me with papers just to get the upper hand. Imagine how pathetic the neighbor had to be to agree to this. This man dined at my table when his wife was away and I felt we should invite him since he was alone for a while. A most disagreeable man. But there you are. Triangulation at its best. The divorce came thru on Halloween. So fitting.
These people are organized.
Abuse by proxy describes so much of the passive aggression my ex has exhibited: 100% deniable and 0% accountable.
My ex wife (later diagnosed psychopath) falsely accused me and had me arrested. Then used my son and his wife to abuse me by proxy ... because they believed all her lies. She even convinced them to try to help the cops against me. I was eventually released and charges were dismissed, but never restored my relationship with my son ... his choice not to restore. My ex disappeared.
Thank you so much for this. All of your videos have been eye-opening for me. I really appreciate you and all your effort.
You’re welcome I’m glad you find them helpful and thank you so much for your very kind support
YES!! thank you for this video. My mother enlists my father and my sister to get to me because she doesn't have access. This has been going on for decades. It's insidious.
Insidious is the perfect word.
Yep. This is why I stopped letting my son see my mother. She then threatened to sue for grandparents rights!
Good--keep him away from her no matter what!
Do You Want to Play a Game?
No! But You Will IF You Live w/ a Narc
Unfortunately I Do... I Hate Game-Players!
I’m so glad I’m alone and away from my abusers 👍🏼
Had a whole village of fly monkeys after me . I nearly died .ran off road .no lie .I moved. Truly terrifying experience! Weird thing Is .I only knew about 3 of em ,about 20 others didn't know. Never saw in my life . Couldn't get served in shops allsorts .I was so alone . Seriously thought about suicide .it started cos I put up boundaries after twigging something off but took me a long time before that to realise cos I thought was me . I was co confused .
I experienced this firsthand when my manipulative father was still alive, but I did not have a name for it or a clear concept of the behavior patterns involved. Your videos are very valuable tools that will no doubt help a lot of people find and fix the things that hold them back. Thank you for sharing your insights.
This is happening to me right now in my community and I can’t do anything about it out of fear of retaliation by the Narcs and FM’s. They even involved the police and delivery people. Everybody. They keep recruiting people and it’s been going on for years now with FM’S involved also for years now. Hundreds of people believe the lies. It’s extremely disturbing to see these people come by my home over and over again. I wish there was something I could do.
Currently dealing with elder relatives abandoned in an assisted living facility. The abuser has used a physician to amplify the extent of cognitive limitation, the facility to deny them food and take their phone chargers, and to instruct visitors not to discuss going home…
I wish to you and them all the strength you may need... And hope. I am amazed hearing such unbelievable stories, I feel so sad. Bless you all, take care and good luck!❤
Please tell me that's illegal! 😢
Contact the police. Now.
That’s terrible. Authorities often don’t know what’s going on and will comply.
Situations are intricate and complex though. Most people would call it abandonment, when I went no contact with my elderly mother. I didn’t stay to manipulate anything. Too busy escaping the abuse. She knew what she was doing. I wish it hadn’t turned out that way though.
Mmmm, what you call abandonment my just be the abused going no contact... it's never an easy decision to go no contact with an aging narcissist. They can be highly manipulative. Before passing judgment, try and understand that some of those that are " abandoned" are very narcissistic.
Every single thing you said is correct. You aren’t off the mark in even the slightest, that’s pretty rare for a UA-cam video.
I have been a victim of abuse by proxy for decades.
It is a very real and dangerous situation to be in.
Still, I rise.
The good Lord is with me.
A most important conversation!! I’m so impressed how you put this forward in such a way that it gracefully leads one to personal truth regardless of the origin of their concerns.
I’ve awaited this moment for a very long time, confirmation of my observations and experiences is of great value.
Thank You!!
You and me both. Another of many aha moments articulating things that couldn't quite be explained and for the most part have had to be suppresssd.
I enjoy listening and learning from you.
Thank you for having this channel.
This is exactly what has happened to me. My ex spouse has this behavior and I am still suffering the consequences to this day, 24 years later.
It took a long time to figure out I was not to blame. A very long, delicate journey healing from the deep emotional wounds. I still stay in contact with my mental health persons to stay steady and positive. I am still checking my behaviors.
This channel and Dr. Ramani’s gave me the validation & courage to leave my narcissistic relationship. It’s been a year now. As difficult as it is to do, it’s worth it. I’m over all my unhealthy coping mechanisms, I exercise daily & my hair stopped falling out from the stress. Healing takes time but if I can do it anyone can :)
Thank you.
I listened to Dr Ramani, she even was my main source, but I just don't, any longer. She makes tol many mistakes
Eddie ur a narcissist
mother in law through daughter, then grandchildren
This is absolutely a serious topic, and thank you Darren for your insight into this method of abuse. I’m learning a lot from your videos. Thank you.
I think you covered it all, Darren. So pathetically spot on.
Thank you soo much for this video, I will take it personally, as a gift! Is functioning so much as a cult but to me sometimes looks like mafia
I really am grateful for all the validation I felt, I learned so much from you. Thank you! ❤
Years back I wanted to take a body gard to family events to cut down the verbal abuse.
@@justChristineI get that. Are you lo contact now?
This happened to me in a round about way. I had a friend in a mom group who didn't like me so much she turned a lot of women against me to where my kindergartener had no friends in school. Also a teacher was isolating my kid as well. We ended up having to send my kid to private school. I had to get a 2nd job to pay for my kids school. They wanted to hurt me by getting to my kid. Never join mom groups
I never did, but the moms of today are much worse then decades ago, when my kids were young. Narcissism in women is mostly misinterpreted by a woman's role in a patriarchal society, but I feel that it's a personal descision (or a personality disorder ) if they chose to be evil
I've never done well in groups of women. Women can be quite mean. I'm glad you got out--yay!
Wow...well done again Darren for this condensed and helpful articulation of pernicious Abuse by proxy and Ambient Abuse... its a Mach·i·a·vel·li·an approach to target innocent people
My mother used her flying monkey to abuse people. I turned him into the IRS because he'd been hiding income for 50 years. I figured that would keep him busy for awhile. I was also going to the police about them when she finally! died. She wss pure evil and so glad she's gone.
Well that sure sounds familiar... I figured that was probably what it meant, but it was helpful to hear all of those examples!
AA and Alanon programs are full of this ❤
Thank you for doing such a great job at explaining what abuse by proxy is. I have experienced this at work, and it is not an easy thing to deal with. However content like yours have helped validate my experience and help me to come up with solutions! Thanks again!
I'd give this three "likes" if I could. First, for the lecture. Second, for the TARDIS pic. Third, for the Star Wars paraphernalia. 😁👍
Here's to Being Safe
My mother has been doing this to me my whole life. At 40 now and she is still going. Used to be via my sibs and my dad until he died, now via the sibs and even my neighbours! My sister and I are night and day, she learned from mother and uses the same tactics whenever something doesn't go completely her way. It's maddening, and makes me feel so alone.
Thanks very much for these videos.
Gives me some much needed counter-perspective, or validation, to not feel like I'm losing my mind.
the golden triangle
Thank you for this video! Very informative and much appreciated as always!
Thanks again very good video
Thanks!
You’re welcome and you so much for your kind and generous support
evil: to be strong by making others weak
Perhaps, it can also act in a chain. My mother married a classic narcissist, who devalued her, then she later triangulated my sister and I and told me I might have to tolerate abuse from my sister and now my sister recruited some kid to come to my door, probably to see whether the security camera works. I’ve reported it to police and they said they know the kid and he’s a nice kid, so he’s not likely to become an “abuser”, but I’m sure my sister would love for him to.
Thank you for your presentation and make a difference in our lives by knowing more.If a malignant sadistic transform his partner into a proxy in abusing his own family by blocking communication and forbidding the children to see their grand mother, in Christmas and for month before. How to react to our own children becoming zombie and poisonous ,is there any solution for the codependent partner that is exploited to the max to insult his own family? Thank you for answering ! (I never imagine that such Mr Grinch can even exist)
I have been gang stalked by catholics and evangelicals alike.
Darren, why does this kind of behaviour even occur to people? Imagine if someone was the recipient of such horrendous self entitled proxy actions? Would it involve not only Narcissism but also Misogyny? Just out of interest does Psychopathy ever possibly flow into Sociopathy like a waterfall effect? Or is it one or the other definitively? Does a Narcissist recruit certain 'personality types' to be the 'greater net' of enablers/flying monkeys? Just an interesting question about the systemic structure involving 'Proxy' Operations.
I like to listen to many opinions and experts but also to the vast array of questions young people are asking in chat sessions with professionals, seemingly being subjected to behaviours they are too young to cope with. I am very concerned about the coersion of young adults to partake in activity that is suppressing to their freedom. Maybe for material for other sessions? 🤔
BCBST
I’ve been experiencing this for more than 45 years, yet, was only made aware of it ten years ago. Does one describe the perpetrator as a narcissist? Sociopath? Psychopath? Other?
Isn’t this also known as scapegoating? Everything you mentioned I’m dealing with and I’m barely hanging on, it’s horrible. How do you handle this mentally?
Fine. But understand. The generalization is documented to the detriment of the status quo.
Hi Darren, I wanted to pass more information on your way with my issue with the scoapath. In the book by Eric Jon Phelps Vatican Assassins. The Jesuits killed most of their kings through the poison cup. One of his flying monkey where I was exercising at gave me liquid where I almost black out. I swear I thought I would lose my eye sight. My left has problems with focusing. That person that own this exercising place left in 2013 to Germany. What she gave me is a nanotechnology liquid and now he can track my where about. He is a gps in my body. A website his flying monkeys are looking at while walking. Also most of these Narc are getting cash to pay their bills. They spend this as fast as they get it. More than two hundred people are involved. Internet calling plans. Love bombing, deception and Intimidation. Larry