I Told My Boss I Have ADHD - Is ADHD an Excuse?
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- Опубліковано 6 вер 2024
- Are you one of those that think ADHD is fake and an excuse? There's more to it than you know, especially if you're not a psychologist or if you base your opinions on stubborn, traditionalist bandwagon thinking.
Not everyone with ADHD is out to cause trouble, and many are good people with good intentions who suffer very real, troublesome symptoms that interfere with their ability to function in the world - but it's only an excuse when said person intentionally uses it as an excuse to absolve themselves of all responsibility to improve matters for themselves.
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This is what happened to me when I finally decided to get diagnosed with ADHD. My boss was so fed up with my careless mistakes (as was I) and knew I was on the verge of being fired (among other things). It wasn't until I finally sought treatment that I disclosed to him why I had been struggling. I told him after I made significant improvements in my job performance mostly to let him know that it wasn't because of his threats that I improved but that I was on medication to finally get my brain chemistry in order. Of course, the medication itself caused a whole host of other issues lol but I am still at the same job for the last 14 years and have been able to take on more responsibilities and improve my systems of checks. On a side note... it's funny that most people with ADHD are in creative fields that require ATTENTION TO DETAIL in the job specs which is usually furthest down on our set of skills lol.
I’m so glad you were diagnosed properly and doing good but what are the side effects of the medication, please share.
" it's funny that most people with ADHD are in creative fields that require ATTENTION TO DETAIL in the job specs which is usually furthest down on our set of skills lol." attention to detail is easier for ADHD people when the job is creative than when it's not. Because detail in some graphic design project is interesting and has fun parts, whereas detail in an accounting job is tedious and you zone out immediately.
In the process of getting a diagnosis. My observation on myself is that it comes down to whether I give a shit about something or not. I give a lot of shit about my creative endeavors. My boring office job? Not at all. And so, my latest performance assessment pretty much just my boss complaining about my symptoms. If I get the diagnosis they won't be able to fire me as it would be illegal, at least if that's the reason they do it. HR says that the company should accommodate who I am though, so I think the person who needs to change the most is my boss.
Scammer
@@gianna3582your all scammer lol
ADHD is not an excuse, but it needs some understanding (from others and from ourselves). Because of how my brain works, I understand my limitations, and over time, I've sort of learned how to be kinder to myself. That I did not need to prove myself like I did when I was younger.
I agree, it is not an excuse. I also feel that having ADHD does need understanding, but it is not always forthcoming. The workplace is sadly where I have found no understanding at all, and don’t try to.
Of course it is an excuse. Not in the sense of "using it as an excuse" but in the sense of "because of this one should be excused". If a job is doubly hard for you due to ADHD, you should be excused. The same way a handicapped guy or a pregnant woman wouldn't be expected to do hard manual tasks during their job, and if they fail at those, people would (or SHOULD) be understanging and excuse them.
We have a lot of special needs people employed at my job most people give them understanding but our manager isn’t even nice to them so I’m pretty sure he won’t listen to my adhd “ excuse”
@@cleocatra9324 Canadians are much kinder about this than Americans are. They recognize ADHD as a whole disability and even provide disability benefits for it. No way would the US be helpful like that.
My friend has told me she had issues with someone at work who was repeatedly causing drama, lying and manipulating. After confrontation with the management, they have said its all because of their Adhd. To me this is a legit case of using it as an excuse, cause their actions were not at all caused by adhd symptoms.
If somebody's work gets affected by actual symptoms despite using various methods/helping tools, then such accusations are unnecessary.
That person does not have ADHD, he/she’s a narcissist.
I’m so tired of everyone in my life telling me ADHD isnt real and im just lazy. Family, friends, co-workers, pharmacists, teachers, absolutely everyone.
Yes! I don’t think I ever disclosed that I have ADHD to my boss for that exact reason. Of feeling that they may think I’m using it as an excuse! I simply let them find out on their own! My last boss at my former job… I’m pretty sure he figured it out!
Idk some people never figure it out and it might be best to tell them though. Not saying in your case, however bosses generally don't care too much about their workers they just care about the work. I do think if you ever do wish to disclose that they may have an easier time realizing you aren't just wasting time or not staying focused sometimes. Some people even think people with ADHD are lazy because they aren't staying on task if they do not realize exactly what they are dealing with on a mental level.
To sum it up I just mean without people knowing they can confuse someone with ADHD with someone who isn't staying on task because they aren't a hard worker.
I feel like with ADHD I have to somedays work twice as hard as anyone else because my attention for my main task keeps going elsewhere so I do manage to get more things done in the day, but didn't stay on the main task and finish that specific thing as fast as someone without ADHD could have.
I feel like I've earned the "privilege" of using my ADD and autism as an excuse. For the first 20 years of my life I lived undiagnosed and under the pressure of having to live up to the same expectations as everyone else - and quite honestly? It was torture.
I burned myself out every year but had to force myself to keep going through school. I hated myself for struggling so much, and even more for being unable to deal with it. It felt like, everything that was hard for me, everything that bothered me was the same problems everyone was facing. I wasn't having unique problems, I just sucked at dealing with them and it was my fault for being lazy.
I still have problems with recognising my limits and that I'm, like, actually allowed to have my diagnosis? Like, I'd have to burn myself out again before I can say "see? I'm not faking it.". Its exhausting.
Right now I'm on sick leave after having hit what I feel is a brickwall. I never stopped to breathe during my entire education, and then finally after running out of steam at the internship I was working at, everything just crashed.
I have to reconcile with the fact that I might never be able to work at 100% capacity, because that amount will burn me out. It did during my school years, and it did during my internship. I think even 75% is up in the air for me.
So yeah, I kind of feel like I've earned the right to use my diagnosis as an excuse.
👏👏👏 Absolutely! I've gone 39 years undiagnosed and having no explanation for my inability to reliably do what everyone knew I was capable of. If anyone accuses me of using it as an excuse they better get ready to run!
That's not what he's saying. Also if you're still struggling (and most people with ADHD will always struggle) maybe there's a possibility you are not getting the most suitable workarounds. He's saying that YOU shouldn't use your ADHD as an excuse. But at the same time, you should be understanding of your capabilities. To be honest, no one will give a shit if you are failing or struggling, they will be done with you if you aren't not being useful. YOU have to take care of yourself and rise above, life isn't easy for anyone.
What if...... you think you are giving 100% to keep up when really you are giving 250%? 500% What if....
Your brain/car burns fuel (processes input) differently. It takes your brain/car longer to refuel, which is no fault of your own. Your car/brain has a different tank/carburator/exhaust (sp?) system. It's like you are trying to do the work of a massive Ford F350 XLT but you are driving a Chevy S10 king cab. Both are completely capable vehicles, but they have different powering systems. Can they both move 1000 pounds of rocks? Yep. But the Chevy S10 will have to make more trips and the suspension is going to be strained by the weight. And if there is a time deadline, your S10 will have to work late into the night. All those loads and extra trips, and your vehicle will need servicing sooner than the other. Give yourself some grace for working your butt off all these years.
And those big chunky trucks may have some initial power advantages, but they take up lots of room in parking lots, they are often loud and annoying. They are too tall for old people to get in and out of and they get crappy gas mileage.
Love your brain. I don't call it making an excuse when you are simply identifying your abilities and your challenges.
I hope this comes across with the "I'm cheering for you!" sound that is intended.
Thankkkkk youuuuu. People are acting like you can ignore it and do an amazing job
@@TheStarBlack thank you. I went through hell with undiagnosed ADHD.
What a cute, humble and wise reply to your boss and also nice respons from your boss.
I think its a double edged sword. Find that most employers will let you keep your job if you have ADHD and you will be let off the hook more often, but it will make it harder for you to get promoted. The employer feels they are doing the right thing by keeping you but does not feel like they owe you anything else. To summarise, they will TOLERATE us more but GIVE us less than others. This is I believe why I could always do alright in lower level roles for a while but struggled move up so now i'm trying to start my own thing.
So, I know this isn't true in every regard, but yeah I do think opening up to your employer about a on going mental problem can make it harder to be promoted due to the fact they think "Well they are doing great, however they make have a harder time in a higher roll with ADHD compared to this other person who is also doing great, but there are no added caveats." That said, I think the worlds understanding about mental disabilities such has come leaps and bounds farther than say 20 years ago and will continue to grow. I personally think people with ADHD can really excel more at certain tasks than people without it and you shouldn't doubt anyone because of that.
That said there's plenty of jobs that may also not be the best fit if you have ADHD and it might take more time than usual to find one suited to your abilities.
Good luck brother! I’m looking to do the same 🎉
If you are not able to do higher level work of a promoted employee how are you going to handle wearing ALL the hats of an entrepreneur of a start up???? Thats much more work and many more tasks than what that promoted employee has.
It’s only an excuse when you use it as an excuse,like trying to get out of literally everything, I’ve always been a hard worker,even tho I’m slow and I take longer and I’m talkative,I still do my best to get everything that I can done, it’s not an excuse when you just let your employer or your boss know that you have ADHD cuz it’s important information but it’s only an excuse when you use it as one,an example would be I’m short so I can’t do it, the opposite of an excuse would be to ask for a ladder so you can reach it because your short
Exactly
fr ...but sometimes you really like to use it as an excuse because people just keeps demotivating you . especially teenagers will really get demotivated and will always find an excuse to not to do a work . lts not my personal opinion but the fact l have seen and heard by other fellow teenagers with adhd online .
Not an excuse, but it is a reason.
Exactly. There is a difference!
Yes it's an excuse. You can't control it. I am sure if you didn't have it you would do better
@gatestimonymiracle1302 End of the day, it's all semantics. But people usually mean "excuse" as trying to just get out of something and "reason" as a legitimate cause of the result.
@@gatestimonymiracle1302 excuse has a negative connotation
@@finalcountdown3210 fr...for example adhd people cannot primarily focus on studies . most of them will really get bad grades . but , adhd isnt an excuse here its a reason bcz you cannot concentrate on one particular thing no matter how much you try . now , there is a normal student who got low grades but he doesnt have any issues and can perform activites generally . here , in this case adhd would be an excuse .
I am not elderly, but learned I had it at 44. I thought it was a BS excuse for most of my life, but now that I understand it and my own struggles I have far more empathy, in general. It is hard to walk a mile in someone else's shoes if you have been barefoot your whole life.
My brother always uses air quotes when talking about my “adhd” that its an excuse even after ive explained everything
The world needs to remove many instances of the word "excuse" from their vocabulary and replace it with the less accusatory and more accurate "reason"
I want to let you know how awesome you are. Your videos have been a life changer. We have twin minds, every single little thing you talk about I have experienced first hand. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Unfortunately I did not realize I had this until age of 58. Your videos are beyond helpful and have helped me understand what is going on in my mind. THANK YOU..!!!!!!!!
Same here I’m not sure why but a lot of what this amazing guy says is what’s been going on in my life of undiagnosed adhd it’s challenging but lucky me finding this channel is a game changer:)
Hello! firstly I must compliment your lovely accent it’s very pleasant.
Secondly I’m 42 yo woman who has never been officially diagnosed but I know in My heart I have combination adhd. My dad had true hyperactivity, my mom never believed her sweet lil girl could have something “wrong” with her like the naughty kids who had to be medicated in class.
I appreciate you putting your experience out there to help others.
My bosses all think I’m a bubble head because I constantly forget to clock in and out, constantly off task talking to everyone, before I realized I have adhd I was genuinely scared I might be getting early onset dementia.
Bless you and hope you are net with understanding more in your life❤.
I'm starting new job tomorrow. I have had 6 job for recent two years. Now I'm very anxious even though I've taken ssri.
I’m glad your posting again dude.. I used to watch your old videos until you decided to stop! I remember I was like his adhd kicked in 😂. I was kinda disappointed also because truthfully feeling the sense of what you were going through explaining it in your videos, I actually related to your struggles or at least the way you used to define or describe them. When I found your channel I was just diagnosed with it 35 years later after a life full of regrets and very expensive mistakes ( over 100k) and at that point I was pretty emotional between the typical glad I know what’s wrong to I wish I knew much earlier instead of a lifetime wasted and why was I not being made aware of this earlier! Anyway I’m glad you’re back and you seem to be doing much better from what i can sense (I hope at least) keep up the good work you’re honestly one of the best in educating about this complicated and unknown disorder
I'm gone again for a while but thanks
It's really annoying when people think it's an excuse
If my arm is broken( not that having adhd makes me a broken person but let's be real ) I will tell the people around me that it's brown so they can consider it when they realize that Im doing things differently and there is something unusual with me
RIGHT ! So why not tell your boss or teacher or mother that you can't function like normal person
as a recently diagnosed ADHD person I got this "excuse" opinion a lot from non-ADHDers, especially in combination with "if those are your symptoms, then I probably also have ADHD". its very hard to argue against this viewpoint. mostly, because those kind of people usually know nothing about ADHD. I tend to not invest too much invest in such conversations, but suggest they should do some research about ADHD first :)
I really like your definition. I’m not sure if this is a “thing,” but I feel like I offer up more details in conversation than I need to, and that sometimes people think I’m making excuses. I’ve only recently been diagnosed, but I’m noticing other neurodivergent people tend to be very open and share a lot of details (even without knowing I have adhd). I don’t know much about if/how adhd affects communication, but I’m interested in learning more about it.
Yeap - it's common for those who are diagnosed with the condition to overstep boundaries during communication. Also, for example finishiing other people's sentences when talking.
Yep, it's super common for us nd folk to over-share. I think it has to do with the fact that we so often are confused by general/vague instructions or explainations, that we put in extra effort to be as clear as possible to others.
I've always been an over-sharer and I interrupt and finish other people's sentences. I've learned bith are ADHD traits. One is related to insecurity, trying to connect and feel understood, one is impulse control.
i’ve been wondering the same , but i think in my field ADHD would t be accepted
Love the ‘you should try harder’ critique. When I hear that from folks I am inclined to say it’s my genetics/brain chemistry and I’m taking medication and implementing various techniques, so shut it like 😂.
Otherwise, I totally agree that we should ‘own’ our condition and do what we can do to be our best selves, but when we hit a brick wall of some sort, eg just too distracted by having to go into the office, then stating our reason and asking for a reasonable adjustment is essential. If for no other reason than without it our mental health and job could suffer.
But to ‘play the ADHD card’ willy nilly as an excuse for an easier life, not something I’m comfortable with. As they say, life’s not about how hard you can hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep going… 💪
my adhd makes it hard for me to answer the phone and talk to strangers at work. my solution was to turn the ringer off
a common issue you just made me realize I had, is teachers and bosses have often come to me telling me im a bright student/worker, however I am very inconsistent, sometimes I get so much good work done but other times i get very little and mediocre work done. Now that I know the problem i may be closer to a solution. thankyou!
You're 100% right, bruv.
I am in the place you were in a few years ago... not making any progress on my master's thesis at uni, and I'm about to be kicked out... I just can't get myself to work, no matter how hard I try. I have to play a game of chess or watch a UA-cam video every 10 minutes. And time flies so crazily every day that I never get any work done.
As far as jobs are concerned, I have never worked in my life. My CV is absolutely empty. I get a small allowance from my father's friend, but that's really not enough to survive, so I end up asking my friends for money. I don't want to work because I know I won't be able to commit to the job. I really wish I could work, though. My sleep schedule is very random, and I sleep for a long time... It has always been this way. Moreover, my sleep is very strong and sometimes comes without warning... I have been close to dying while driving several times, the last time being a couple of weeks ago.
I have been kicked out of a uni for failing a course... never disclosed that to my family. That still haunts me today. If I get kicked out again, I think I'll just kill myself.
I used to tutor students, but they left me because I would make empty promises and wouldn't give them their time... I'd always be late. I had a part-time job a few years ago, but I got kicked out because I overslept and didn't do what I was supposed to do, thus causing major inconvenience to a lot of people. One of my professors at uni told me before I get kicked out to never sign up for anything when I know that I won't be able to commit to it. I never forgot his words... I follow his advice until today.
Bruv, I'm 32... almost as old as you are... and I'm a man... That makes me feel worse because men are expected to feed themselves and no one really cares about them. I'm fed up of life. All my peers are well-settled in life. I have been feeling guilty and suicidal lately. There is no end to this. I have been trying to make progress for two decades. I have barely made any progress. There is so much I want to read and study, but I have never really done anything. Many of my professors at uni believe that I have great potential, but I'm lazy. I don't know what to do with my life, bruv. I don't know why I'm alive. What's the use of a useless person like me?
PS I have never taken any meds because I'm scared of the side effects and it's unaffordable.
I use Caveday to help me work. I was as skeptical as I was desperate, but it helped me reach the point of handing in my dissertation this past week albeit a day late.
And you have nothing to lose if you the med. There is a possibility, even a little one, that it could change your Life. Maybe try it one time at least. I'm praying for you bro
That sounds so stressful! Im sorry its so rough right now. I just had a nightmare the other night about being back in college. Was not a good experience for me. I hope you are able to find some assistance. Since you mention a CV, I’m guessing you arent in the US, but if you are, vocational rehabilitation services provide great services that not everyone knows about.
I'm 27 and feel much the same about things. I was struggling with my mental health so I took a temporary suspension from my master's course in order to get things sorted. At the time I believed it to be just depression, but I was failing assignments and had very little motivation to do the work. I tried anti-depressants but they didn't help, and eventually I ended up permanently dropping out of university. Up until then I had mostly managed to do the work at school/college/undergraduate level because of social anxiety - I would be scared about failing or missing deadlines and embarrassing myself, so I would try my best to motivate myself to do the work. The problem is that I tend to become more comfortable with my peers/tutors/teachers over time, so the concern about embarrassment starts to fade and the motivation slips away. Masters was the worst because of the difficulty of the work combined with the newfound lack of motivation.
If you don't have an adult diagnosis (over 12 I think) it may be useful to seek out a diagnosis and treatment. If you live in England I recommend looking up Psychiatry UK, a private company. Your NHS GP can refer you to them for diagnosis and titration under something called Right to Choose. Afterwards your prescription should be issued by your GP and therefore be far more affordable, probably £8.50 max a month. Titration is the process by which you are assigned the correct dosage of whatever medication the specialists' deem helpful; I've heard they send a heart rate monitor to you so the side effects can be monitored closely. If you don't live in England, your GP might refer you to a local NHS ADHD team, but the waiting times will probably be a bit longer.
Hopefully this helps a little.
Please see a psychiatrist and try medication. Sounds like your condition is getting worse.
I’m really grateful I came across this. I’ve had a similar conversation with my boss last week and this. I’ve really been struggling, like never before, it feels. And I’m really worried, I don’t know how to get myself out of “it” this time. The chaos I’ve descended into. Trynna establish a routine and a sense of control. Show I have a strategy before I disclose this information. Thanks again for sharing. It’s really made me feel seen in a way I didn’t know I needed. It’s been really tough. And the constant pretending that I’ve got everything under control the same way neurotypical people have things under control has made things all the harder. And the guilt and shame that come from knowing I can do incredible things, or have at some points, is too much on sole days. A hamster on a wheel. And I’m exhausted. 🥵
Very well-spoken and logical. I don't think anyone can argue with this.
I also can't study most of the time but when required during exam i do dopamine flow i use it as weapon
With so much focus
Even answers i never knew
I have a vague idea of what to write
Or solve tough questions
Though easy questions are the negatives
I am never careful towards them
U can try it too i figured it out after a very long time
U can use dopamine flow at extrmee situations when anxiety and calmness is right at point
I lost my job just yesterday and got diagnosed with ADHD litrelly today. 😂 For some reason I don’t feel guilty but rather happy that I know why I was fired and now chose a new career path/job that best works with my personality
"repeatedly fails, even though they mean well." that one hit home for me.
Getting out of the Military on Monday and starting a private sector job. I can finally get legit ADHD medication (diagnosed at 28 years old in the last 6 months and the military doesn't allow normal ADHD medication) and I am so excited to be working a new job and get to utilize medication that should help immensely with my day to day.
.
If you're leaving the military to be able to use adhd meds, don't do it. I think the military is one of the best careers for people with adhd.
@@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord Not leaving for that reason, I had my separation date approved in January of 2022 then received my diagnoses several months later. Respectfully I disagree however, because you cant receive any real ADHD medication and many of the jobs in the military are very mind numbing (coming from an officer which is much less hands on than enlisted). I was going insane with not much to do throughout my time which was made much worse with ADHD.
@Flocking Goose
I do physical work better than other types of work, so I thought military was a good option. Sounds like your position wasn't too physical.
good luck to you anyway 👍
And I hope you're ready for the side effects. I hate my adhd and the meds 🙃
@@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord Totally agree, worked in commercial shipping before which was all labor and problem solving and never had an issue.
I’m not diagnosed with anything but I do experience issues with staying focused, overstimulation, overwhelmed mind, paralysis and anxiety and it does effect me daily to the point I’m struggling to function in life. I always thought I was just not getting it and sucked and needed to try harder. My therapist pointed out I could be neurodivergent and I looked into it and relate to many things. I don’t know about getting diagnosed but atleast now I feel less of my fault and it means I just have to approach life with the mind that I have and work around and with it to tackle my life.
I also notice I do alot of masking which worsens my anxiety. Like I’ll act like I’m fine while really I’m overstimulated by all the movement and can’t stay focus on anything and it hurts.
No videos about the boss having adhd? So difficult to deal with is like I have conversations and a second later is like they didn’t happen
My issue here is putting in place strategies to try keep up with the same speed as everyone else at work only makes me burn out super fucking quickly. So either I work myself into oblivion just to get even slightly close or I keep working at an intense level but not one that kills me and my work always despise me and treat me like the lowest kind of scum. Never ever work for a bank if you have ADHD. I constantly feel hopeless and exhausted. And its still never enough.
Telling sounds good in theory ("oh, accomondations"). In practice? Even if you get the accomondations, the team will always talk about the ADHD-guy (it will spread, the boss wont be the one knowing). You will be an easy scapegoat when something goes wrong and you're involved. Also one of the first persons to be fired ("Let's fire the ADHD guy and get someone who can deliver more consistently" would be the idea, even if it's not explicitly said like that).
It takes a while, in general, actually a long time in my case, to understand my ADHD. It's only after having an official diagnose you start to learn specifically. It's four years now, for me. For a while I was cool and did well with the help of meds, but when work related challenges came my way, symptoms skyrocketed, I didn't get the script, went off meds for months and apart from the proverbial exception my productivity plummeted. No, ADHD is not an excuse, but when you communicate it even to family it is often seen as excuse. Very invalidating and thus hurtful.
No it’s not an excuse, unless you have it and experience it then it’s difficult to really understand how people struggle. However, I’m sure some use it as an excuse. It’s frustrating- but we are never bored. 😀
That was an incredibly awesome thing you did with being honest and humble with your boss about your ADHD and for taking ownership for your ADHD.
I tried telling my employers, most of them used. It is the excuse for firing me soon after then, I tried not telling an employer and was fired for gross misconduct for not disclosing it!
Perhaps things are beginning to change 🙏👍
Yea, that’s it! Thank you for this. I think we need to find our own way of succeeding and be ready to try out think whilst staying true to ourselves ❤
Yes!! Idiot boss over the phone near the ears of the next department sitting across him in an open concept office " Well you didn't "just" get ADD!!" After just discovering I had it. Women get worse with hormonal changes or I was High Functioning....
Its definitely a shield which has both positive and negative aspects
For me its basically energy levels..i work at 100% i work in a pharmacy and by the end of the day i exhaust myself. I then take that physical exhaustion into work the next day if i dont rest..basically i find it hard to go a normal pace and take work a little too seriously unintentionally..
I am procrastinating and this video weirdly motivated me to WORK
I ask for reasonable accommodations that make a big difference for me. My memory and time blindness suck. I can forget something and just don't be upset if I need to ask a simple question. And my time blindness has gotten so much worst since I got on meds(I had extreme anxiety that made me be hyper aware of the time) has made me arrive at work a little late. Never even more than 10 minutes. I set alarms but can get distracted usually by my girlfriends kids wanting to talk and give hugs but other shit distracts me too. I work hard and socialize well. I have other small accommodations but I make sure I work hard and get stuff done. A little respect helping me makes me work harder because it makes a difference for the next person who needs an accomodation.
I recently got diagnosed 🙂 , only god knows how i was frustrated and overwhelmed, i was so mad but i don't know over what or why , i just my life would be easier if i knew earlier, i would know about how my brain works and why it works like that , and i would learn ADHD mechanism to help and ask for help when i need and i wouldn't blame myself so hard , and i am also proud that i am where i am now , with all the difficulties that i have i still didn't give up and reach places that neurotypical ppl have reach easily, it was hard and not as joyfull but i made it , anyway i hope someday i will try a therapist and treatment for that to see how's life having a normal brain
I told my old boss i have adhd, when he got back from hospital he was ok about it all. Great bloke, we chat on WhatsApp every Xmas or 2
I see it being used a card to play a lot on forums particularly on reddit. Random behaviours or quirky likes/pastimes and they go on to the Reddit Forum it seems to get backed validation to say ‘yeh it’s the adhd’, when in reality everyone has quirks. Guess I’m fed up of people using it as cool tag and attributing ‘normal’ behaviours to it as though they’re special. Separately I’m also pretty sure there’s a sht ton of people of on there who aren’t even diagnosed but WANT to be just because they couldn’t concentrate for a few days, or they’re innattentive at times - some people are anyway and for a multitude of reasons that they haven’t bothered exploring. They’d rather have an excuse than an explanation.
Simple and to the point. Well put my friend.
Yo dude where are you from? Im North wales myself and you sound like you're from Wrexham. I could be very wrong but you must be a fellow Welshman 🤣
I have suspected myself of having it for 4 years and probably still have some problems, but my mental health drastically increased when I stopped ruminating it and making my life's main topic... in general I try to focus less on my ego and it solves most of my problems....
I think a lot of our focus problems arise from the fact that we are cramming ourselves into a frame we don't belong to and in the end we aren't able to deal with the problems in that context, or even change the context, we do not know how to move laterally, instead we try harder till we burn out, then retreat and repeat, and since everyone around seem to handle thinks we think of ourselves as abnormal and worse than everyone else.
We do not really see the reality objectively
I am working remotely, and it works perfectly for me. However, my boss is requiring me to go to the office more often. I don't understand why, especially since he mentioned that I am second in productivity on the team. I don't know how to tell him that I can't do this because it will decrease my performance (people talking, the lights, and the sounds are horrible for me).
Yes! I just went through this. I got suspended for two days. After that I told my boss. And explained it that way. And I schedule oil trucks. So yes I am on top of it when I'm on top of it. And feel like the hulk when things don't go well...😅
I just love ur vidéos, they are so instructive about ADHD (unlike some others who tend to put some trait caracter into it) and i just saw that i wasn't subscribed yet, i was like 😑🤦♀️
Very good job, dude
It makes me crazy when people who don't have adhd feel they are entitled to any opinion about how it might be affecting us. Or when people who do not have it, will say they do ( whether joking or not ). I think that's where the lack of validation may come from, because people who don't have adhd have cried wolf many times and its percieved as not true or not taken seriously when we gdo disclose it. Which is incredibly difficult for me to do so seeing that really bugs me. I'm sure there's some deeper more psychological reason it bugs me so much but I would not know it lmao
for the “excuse” aspect, Its not an excuse at all for me, I dont know about anyone else but I've spent most of my life hiding it as much as possible
And I've disclosed my ADHD to my supervisor in past jobs maybe twice; and unfortunately, it seemed to me like they might have felt it could have been an excuse 😢 I have the tendency to hide it to the point I've pulled aside for an underperformance discussion and it's at that point I first said anything because I don't want to be” different” even if it was only me who thought that way. Maybe it's Canada, maybe it was down to bad managers I had, nothing changed.
Do you happen to have a community of sorts or a Discord? I just found your channel and love your videos. Spoke to me on so many levels. Much love from Scotland, hope all is well
I've indirectly told my direct supervisor and other supervisors about my ADHD and they have worked with me. I believe some of them suspect but they do not mention it to me outright. In the time I've been their I've in less than a yr advanced from newbie to were I'm leading and training others under me. I've worked out strategies and methods to get the job done and allow for rest periods tell all my brain to cool down so as not to get overloaded.
Thanks for sharing this.
I was struggling my whole life with my, I would say, ADHD, but with that, I was fine. My family, on the other hand, even though I was diagnosed with it, thought about it as some humbug that I just made up to avoid real jobs, you know, the kind where you feel like shit at the end of the day :D Recently I started to not give a damn about what they think is right for me, and I'm finally writing my book, which I've always wanted to :) It's so refreshing to do something I actually enjoy doing for hours without getting bored or uninterested in it :)
I mean overall...is it an excuse? No, it's a reason that perhaps helps people gain more understanding of what's going on.
Sometimes it's just completely and mentally debilitating, that said there are time's I personally know I can push through my personal block and stay on point better.
But, I think it's more of a personal thing that you have to figure out where that line is, it's not something for other people to say because they really do not know what's going on in your head and only you do.
I had an add test yesterday
It was like an 1hr interview and a 20 minute memory test
The interview was fine but the problem was that my mum who strongly believes I don't have adhd was there right beside me, whenever the lady asked me some really personal questions I could only half answer due to fear of what would happen afterwards and when they asked my mum questions about my childhood, if something happened she would deny it ever happened, this was a problem because they base adhd of it you had these symptoms before age 12 so her denying a lot of the symptoms (even though I can clearly remember some) makes me think that they won't believe I have it, im scared that I'll continue to keep screwing up, keep procrastinating, keep struggling with my focus, im in my final year of high school and I don't see myself passing without any help
I hope you did great on your final year of high school. the fact that you are aware of possibility of having ADHD means you are ahead of your game. I hope you'll get all the help you need. "You got this!"
Yes, sometimes I use my ADHD as an excuse.
ADHD is not an excuse however we appreciate people who actually listen and understand and can give some leeway for us.
I always say ADHD is an explanation for why I do certain things the way I do. Many take those words as an excuse. I can't change the way they feel about something I said.
It is a explanation... Nobody sees it... If if don't have, you do not understand it... be accountable all do time... Some careers, jobs are not for us... How much is too much mistakes before you kill somebody?
It’s an excuse pre-diagnosis! How would you know otherwise? Post diagnosis, I’m working really hard to manage my ADHD better.
I’m wondering if I should get tested as for years friends say their friends when they first meet me think I have it, and I apparently have certain symptoms. I’m always late, been fired from every job even though the bosses always like me and still speak to me, I’m terrible with money I’m constantly in debt, bank is always threatening to close my account, I’ve never been in a relationship longer than a month, either they give up or I do, I drink heavily to cope although I’ve got a bit better, my hallway is permanently decorated for Christmas like a disneyland dark ride and I keep adding decorations all year round, I’m very sociable and have a lot of friends but love being by myself for days, hate speaking on the phone, I take hours to respond to a text coz I don’t want to appear desperate, some people say they like my honesty whereas other people say I’m rude but they’re usually the fake ones anyway that tell everyone they’re wonderful.
I’m not sure who to ask as my doctors aren’t very good, I tried talking to one about my drinking and she just wrote me a sick note and told me to go and get help elsewhere
In my country i told that i have epilepsy and that im on meds and they set me up to get fired😅
Best Dr and book ever written about ADD/ADHD is by Dr. D. Amen and is called: Healing ADD and can be found in any public library system in N. America for sure👍👍
It’s so hard I have to take tablets it really annoys me I spit a lot part of my brain no one understands just Say they want me to grow up
bro told his boss and got unalivd😓
Nobody wants someone like me at work, not even my family. Even if I commit few mistakes it doesn’t matter. Everyone want NO mistakes.
It didn’t work in my case - I ended up leaving
I won’t reveal from now on
Thanks for video
My wife says if I cared I would do better
Yey that ending! *high 5's!*
Bro what's some best books to read for adhd strong mindset & behavior upliftment..
If any ADHD friend is here pls let me know ,am searching for the people like me who i can talk sometimes 🤙i am also ADHD person
Victim mentality 💯
@DREADFUL_REALITY call them out why would i help 😂
@@Greg37Byou are quick to judge but not to research...its a neurodevelopmental disorder that can be observed on brain scans. Whats your excuse for being an internet bully? Why are you watching this video anyway??
In theory it’s not exscuse as excuse as you have the brain but technically If you was normal you wnat have that Brian so not excuse at all
Image ADHD in HD
It's a moms excuse for having bad ass kids
There are more symptoms to ADHD besides kids not listening to their moms and jumping all over the place. A lot of women use it as an excuse when they have no control over their kids. However, all that goes away when dad comes home from work doesn't it?
Didn't go away for me bro. 35 now 😂
My father's belt cured my ADHD.
If you know you have ADHD, you can't use it as an excuse because you should have taken measures to work around your problems.
Before you were diagnosed, when you thought you were just like everyone else, you do have some excuse for things that you've done that weren't OK.
I completely agree
Nope. Just knowing you have ADHD doesn't magically enable you to implement all the necessary measures. And there isn't always an obvious fix for every issue. Sometimes it's not an excuse, it's an explanation.
What?
Hey man, are you still not taking meds anymore?
I got Vyvanse prescribed to me, buit I'm really scared of it.
I'm 36 btw, and my life is completely fucked.
I haven't been on mess for at least 18 months
As hard as it is to not try for some help- meds did not improve my actual condition- there is no fix. But you can be kind to yourself and continue the good attitude, enduring what ever shames will occur along the way, and without hating yourself. I have learned not to be a slave to my body. Endure. This year, I've stopped drinking and may never drink again. My body is stripped of its muscle when I drink, and it induces adhd.
I've also quit activities that involve the release of dopamine, and it's better for me to let that system lay dormant until it naturally levels out- I need to exercise and push my body to wake the phuck up.
Eat the right foods, get quality sleep, and watch things improve slowly wassabi. I'm 46 next month, and been tackling this innatentive adhd since 2014. It's so hard, but if we give away any of our own regulation, to meds or other, we lose the only thing we had. Meds will take everything from you. It's a spiral downward. Be honest with yourself and care for the person inside, who is a good egg. I'm even thinking about getting off coffee. I was taking dex, and the only thing it did was make me take on stupid projects and research stuff that I should not. I changed into a different person, where things were flying off the rails, all around me. Wrong decisions. Sad. Don't do it. Dangerous.
I was looking at the work of the philosopher - Parminides, just this morning. His statement-
" whatever is, is", made me realise I need to create more is's in my life, compared to the is nots. That may mean more productivity in the areas that would benefit my life. Is done. Less is not done. I will develope my attitude and work on it. We can't quit.
Jake
you’ll be alright i’m twenty and was scared to start it last year but you’ll get used to it
@Mr. Miscellaneous Meds are almost worthless- it destroys your life it is not compatible with what we need to achieve. We make the wrong choices on it, similar to drinking ourselves into stupidity. We need to not take anything and not drink also. It takes time to be healthy, but it's the only way. Health food, exercise and positive self care- consistently.
Jake
Could you please tell me your name
Numero uno
Nope it was me :D
Not really. It was me, but I was typing a very long message.
What are you saying is these days they don’t sack you at four months. Blame your dyslexia and you’re an diagnosed ADHD for it each time. And you wind up having to drag your ass, through Disability Court each time.😂
That’s a huge improvement
Not watched it. But I guess it's a valid excuse.
Thanks for the videos as i have adhd and i like your way of telling the way to give an experience view of adhd. As you said yoi quite im wondering you still do good content. Please continue.
How do you suggest employers deal with the challenges of working with staff with ADHD? When offered support from your boss, your response was the same as what I have always received from staff when I’ve offered the same. “No, there is nothing you can do to help… just allow me more scope for lower quality work and non compliance with our processes”. How does an employer deal with this other than to simply accept that you must pay two people the same amount but expect much less output from one of them? (Not trying to be a dik- I am here watching these kinds of videos to try to understand )
Thank you for this video!
I have just discovered you and it was amazing for me to see how much of the signs I have for ADD!! It blew mind mind!
Next I was thinking, well gosh how could I tell my next new employer that I have ADD?? At what point!? And aren't they just going to see that as an excuse for laziness??
I'm still worried about what they will say/how they would react.
But I do have a real question!! How do you work when you feel overwhelmed?? And pressurised? Because I just crumble! It can be the smallest thing to throw ne off and the entire day is going to sh*t! My flow is broken! How do you deal or manage with it??
I think the best way is to write a list of step by step things to do in order of priority and importance. Focus on mini tasks rather than the whole picture. Take short breaks in between.
@@ADHDMastery such good advice! So accurate, every time.
J