Bitter Exes | Why An Ex Talk Talk Trash After A Breakup
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- Опубліковано 10 чер 2019
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Bitter Exes | Why An Ex Talk Talk Trash After A Breakup
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Today we want to talk about bitter exes and why bitter exes continue to talk trash about you to mutual friends or to you directly. We’ve often had to coach people who are dealing with bitter exes or bitter spouses who will agree to meet up with you, but only to bring you down and talk smack about the pain that you have caused them throughout the relationship. So why do people do that? How do bitter exes happen even if they are the ones who decided to end the relationship?
The number one element that we would like to touch on is that a lot of times, bitter exes are resentful and talk trash when they haven’t let go, when bitter exes haven’t been able to move forward or to move on. And it might sound counterintuitive. “Why would bitter exes still care about us or love us if they are bad mouthing us and if they are the ones that broke up with us?”
Human beings are complex creatures who act in contradictory ways. The truth of the matter is that your bitter ex probably still loves you and cares about you, but unfortunately they don’t think that they can be happy with you. That’s right. It’s not a love or emotion issue. It is a trust and happiness issue. They don’t trust that they can be happy with you. And so despite the fact that they love you. I should even say because they still love you, they resent you and they verbalize or vocalize this dichotomy and this pain in this way. They start talking trash. They bad mouth you to other friends in hopes of making themselves feel better, in hopes of channeling this negativity to heal, but it does not make them heal. And so, if your bitter ex, at the very least it’s because they haven’t been able to let go of the relationship.
Sometimes people are very, very resentful, also, because they are just hurt. They are just so hurt that they just can’t let go of the past. And it’s not necessarily that they have these strong feelings for you. It’s that they had high hopes and high expectations of you and of the relationship. And it’s just pain. It’s just pain upon pain that they are communicating in a way that is quite honestly not conducive to healing and so that’s why a lot of times they have so much pain in their heart. And that they don’t know how to address that pain and how to heal.
I’ve seen many situations where exes talk trash to mutual friends also to try to get their validation, to try to get people on their side. And it’s very manipulative, and I would encourage you to not engage in that type of behavior because ultimately they are hurting themselves. Even if they get a few friends to resent you for the pain that you’ve caused, they are only hurting themselves. And so, if you feel like your ex is doing this specifically to turn people that love you against you, I would highly encourage that you keep a safe distance. You can continue to engage with mutual friends. But don’t talk about your ex and don’t talk about your relationship unless they force that conversation upon you.
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"let them self-destruct, take the high road and beautiful things will happen"
I needed that
Glad to hear that, thank you for watching!
Coach Adrian
Thank u it happened to me .. she wanted a other men i left the scene .now she trash talk to my friends but cant get to the level she the one that went that low . Silent treatment is the best tool. More bitterness is.🤙🤙🤙
Amen
If they are over the relationship they have indifference and move on. If they cant let go they are still in love.
Lol delusional if someone hurts you like betrays you it’s valid to hate them and want to see them get hurt or die I don’t see any issue with it at all they deserve it
It's not love.
With me, I admit where I am wrong. I own my mistakes and my faults.
The thing with people who can't admit that they did wrong in any way, their coping skill is talking trash... Which is only going to effect them in the long run. This is not how you move on, nor is it how you free yourself. I have come to terms with my faults and I learned from them, to not practice these faults.
I don't claim victimhood. But I also recognize when I am not 100% at fault, or if I am 100% at fault.
Exactly.. When I am wrong, I will admit it. If I don’t feel I am wrong, I will listen to the other person, because my feelings have impacted them and therefor, I have to take accountability for my behavior. Once I started to own my mistakes, I went to bed feeling better. Although heartbroken, at least I can say, I’m man enough to admit when I am wrong. When my ex gf dismissed me, I tried to bring up where she went wrong and how she hurt and was hurting me. She refused to take any accountability for her actions. Zero empathy for my feelings, but demanded I feel wrong for hurting hers.
in the same damn boat. being slandered. even in no contact.
every word you said was spot on. sad thing is deep down in my heart i know only God turn it around. *sigh*. tears.
Great advice
It’s best to take the high road
Can be hard not to defend oneself
But you’ll always be happy you said nothing
And you saved a little bit of dignity
Silence is golden
He told my neighborhood that I stink and wet my bed😂😂😂,Weirdly I laughed out loud when I heard that.
Dude went on to edit my Whatsapp status to have propke think I took a sex tape,now this made me lose a lot of friends coz they believed him...I should've deleted his number a long time ago.
Now I'm left with a tarnished reputation and nothing can be done at this point.
I won't lie I'm hurting,depressed and feel alone hopefully I bounce back💔
Who else is binging these calming videos after a breakup
When one person disrespects another all the time and the partner can never call that person out they don't feel heard and they get madder and outraged the person just won't listen they'll say things like I don't like drama you will never be heard that's the problem partners don't listen to each other anymore one person ends it when they disrespect you and they won't listen to you call them on their bull
He talked trash, what I did? Laugh, told him it was like talking to a kid, and talked trash back but with all the facts that hurt him. I feel like he hates me but hides it
This is exactly what you shouldn't do you're better than him right? keep calm know that you're in the right
Take the high road & let them self destruct within the new or rebound relationship…have self respect for yourself and don’t get treated like a doormat…
Thank you I recently discovered he was publicly (Social media) talking trash about me. I was shocked. Also he’s quickly moved on with someone. On vacation as we speak, yet just 2 months ago wanted to take me out, wanted to spend time together, etc. now I’m looking back at dates he was dating the poor girl at the same time. I’m beyond shocked to see him say such disturbing things about me, but I do understand. Thank you for this video. I’ve haven’t reached out and I’m moving on. I’m a Kind and a gentle spirit. I deserve better. I’m just shocked he seems like a totally different man than the man I lived with for a year and loved. People show their true colors in difficulty.
My ex asked me to help her pick something out for her new guy she’s been with for maybe 2-3 months. I just took the high road.
Good for you! A polite decline off her invitation should suffice in that situation :) - Coach Adrian
Thank you for this Video.. This happened to me last night.. He texted me and basically told me its my fault we broke up cause i didnt have his back financially. . We lived and I did everything for him.. When he lost his job and lost his car.. And he had a mini stroke.. I was there.. His words hurt me so much..
Thanks for this advice. I understand more now why my ex boyfriend has "talked trash" about me. I have tried to show kindness which hasn't deflated his anger towards me but after watching this clip I can feel better by not responding.
Last week I ran my first 5k without stopping and all the time I could hear the voice in my head saying that I can do it. Forwago, thank you so much for everything!!
Happy to hear the video was helpful for you, Sujan. Thank you for watching.
Coach Adrian
I was just about to give him exactly what he wanted, (GO OFF!!!!)THANK GOD I found your video, .needed to hear this. THANK YOU!!!
In my situation..i think that his ego was hurt because he thought that I was going to chase him...I said ok when he broke up with me..and left him alone..thats why he is bitter
Glad you took the high road 👍🏻
This is happening to me right now ,but with a girl. The first time i am really exposed to evil in people,cruel world. You give all your best and somehow you become the villain in their story.
I feel calm when coach Adrian talks 😌😊
Your videos always have such great advice. I love you you put things into perspective outside looking in. Often we are our harshest critics.
You are so right sir and thanks for helping me understand that he's the one tripping bringing up the pass which causes him to get anger all over again then blame me 🤣🤣🤣
This really opened my eyes, thank you, my Ex wife has been doing this to me since our divorce and she's the one who wanted the divorce! I tried to make it work she said it was to late. Now she spreads rumors about me to everyone I just ignore her I don't give her the satisfaction she wants.
I really love your advice I could learned so much from what you have said. You make me feel better when I listen to your video. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you for sharing! Your channel is one of the reason we started ours, we wanted to help other couples too. Can’t wait to see more content, have a good day! 😊
Beautiful Channel !😍💝
A Good man helping good men like us. Thank you.
Thank you for your kind words, Ken!
Coach Adrian
I'm so glad I stumbled upon this. I needed to hear these words
Coach Adrian your videos really gives me a peaceful mind , empower me and move forward .
Thank you for letting me know! I really appreciate it :) - Adrian
This has helped me my ex yelled at me for the 2nd time on the work phone because I asked him for help at work
Of all the love coaches I have came across this guy is by far most sincere
Thank you for that testimony :) The team and I all really appreciate it - Coach Adrian
@@LoveAdviceTVCommunity I did radio silence for me not to win her back I never expected her to return seeing as I was the rebound but I really went into a relationship for love and commitment being myself all real she left me for her ex now in all amazement through this advice she came back so much tears in her eyes I feel sorry for her radio silence has given me so much inner peace and strength
So wait your saying he still loves me??? So people do talk crap about the person they love....but how can he love me and not belive i can make him happy? He cheated on me multiple times and he even broke up with me and talked crap about me and i still love this dude is he regreating his choice? I dont understand why he talks crap about me. is he just blaming me for his own doing?
Most likely. People will blame other than themselves just so they don't feel guilty for what they were doing to you.
He said he just doesn’t trust you or believe you can make him happy anymore. He had high expectations of you you couldn’t reach. Not your fault necessarily. He said it doesn’t have to do with love. You should watch it again I did and learned things I refused to hear before
This was spot on. Great information.
See I knew this I’m glad I found this 😩😂
Keep fighting the good fight. Thank you sir!
You're welcome, Vic. Thank you for watching.
Coach Adrian
Thank you Coach Jonathan here from the Philippines. Finally I found clarity from your videos and your Chanel. THANK YOU
We are always happy to help Jonathan!
Boy DO I NEED THIS TODAY
I been in no contact and radio silence for a month and shes still throwing shade at me. I'm surprised her new man hasnt noticed lol
Thank you so much 😊 guys u make me better person now i am radio silent i i am really happy 😃
We're happy to hear it! Thanks for sharing :) - Coach Adrian
That was awesome🤙🏻 right on, brother
He's right, im going thru the scorned babymama drama right now...
Stay strong, bro! You'll get through it!
Thank you so much that does help the situation right now with my ex
This helps to explain. Still hurts but point is understood. Thank you so much
Are you over it now ? Its been 3 years
Thanks Adrian. This is what I wanted to hear..
Glad I was able to meet a demand :) - Coach Adrian
Yes! I had an ex crush that moved in the area to be close to me but now is filled with envy n jealousy more then another woman would n won't stop talking trash about me in the area about what he heard about me when i was 16 n a teenager😂 I already knew all these things, that its his feelings for me that make him act the way he does n spreads germs in my name the way he does while he's doing all those things himself.. I leave him to face God in this life & the next! God will be his rightful judge!
Thank you it was so helpful, I love it, that thing I was looking for, I did not understand that type of men, why they insult us? Even we are not worthy for that, now I fully understand why they trash and tried to monopoly me and so on, now I need to far away from them and beautiful thing will come to me!!! Thanks God that I knew their real face now I know what to do!!!!! Thank you to much Adrian, I love you and your advices))))
Thank you so much for watching!
Very valuable advice
Thank you man this made my day a whole lot better, Bless you ❤🙏
Thank you for your wise and perceptive words. They brought tears to my eyes and the first relief and feeling I can manage in a long time.
I’ve had five years of a vindictive and spiteful ex husband who has our children 50% of the time. The hatefulness has been so damaging to our children. Even to the point I’ve thought they are safer having less contact with me just to limit their exposure to his attacks.of course that doesn’t work either as that would cause other damage to them.
I have been beyond exhaustion and often experience suicidal ideation from this situation. One of ny children has been suicidal many times also.
What you say about dropping mutual friends and distancing yourself is so true. The system of shared care is so inappropriate to children trapped in these situations. It leads to parental alienation and extraordinary damage to the child.
Nice view downtown Miami brother
Thnx so much 4 this video it has helped me a lot now i know what to do after dealing with a bitter ex it nearly destroyed my spirit. Continue to inspire us
Hey coach Adrian! Awsome advice but do you know if eventually the bitter ex will stop doing the lies and trash talk?
My ex blocked me on everything and is badmouthing me to mutual friends and they are ignoring me and blocking me too. I’ve been in no contact for a month and been broken up for almost 4 months. She’s tried reaching out to brag about how great her life is now and tried to devalue me.
I left my ex because of cocaine abuse and cheating. When I broke up with him I was alone w him and he ended up physically attacking me when I tried to leave. He told me “you’re going to regret this”. I was scared and took it as a threat so I went and got a restraining order. That pissed him off so he started going around talking sh!t to mutual people we know. He even manipulated the story portraying me as the aggressor and attacking him. It’s so fckd up and his “group” actually believes him. I’m scared for my safety and angry now that I have a group of haters all because I want better for myself. Since when did standing up for yourself become a bad thing? I must be the enemy because I won’t allow the manipulation or snort coke all night 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you sir this is I wanted to hear keep motivating us like this god bless you
I appreciate your kind words, Saurabh. Thank you for watching.
Coach Adrian
I can see that I seem to be this one, but actually I am sounding out the back-handed abuse still happening after 2 years of relocating. I hate that he talks to my family and makes out that I am f'd up. Waiting for him to let go, he has many partners and needs to get lost.
My ex wife is justifying herself that she had to divorce me because of my defects in order for her to continue living the nightclub life and drink a lot, talk to other men. Those things she haven't done it before because we met young. When she was 16. She's now 25. Is painful for all the trash that she talked about me, and it's hard to keep silent. I hope that by doing this even though it doesn't feel like it, it turns me into a more mature person.
Same here. How are you feeling now ?
He swearing me and my family and collects my friends numbers and bad mouth’s me.He also is calling me with fake landlines and insults me and my parents and he stalks me 😢
i'm starting a new fitness journey after my ex broke up with me returned to bad mouth me then blocked me on facebook. And i am just focusing on getting myself healthy both emotionally physically and spiritually. But as far as i am concerned we are over and not getting back together whatsoever.
I gor one SCREAMING after being divorced 20 years 😢
Hey man that’s good stuff
My ex asked me not to go to the same gym as her after breaking up 5 months ago. I’ve seen her in passing, but never spoke to her. Should I stop going to that gym to avoid the stalker label?
When you see your ex almost everyday due to work and you have to talk to them how do I act? He talks to me but just how much is needed for work, I miss him so much and i would like to know if seeing him so often harms no contact?
the BEST video ever! thanks for this video
Wow, thanks!
Thank you. This was very helpful.
Glad it was helpful!
Heyy do you guys have a video about exes that still love and admire you. But doesn’t have the push to date you because they don’t believe you guys can be happy or long distance can work out? What to do? Thank you!
You’re amazing Adrian
Thank you, Julio!
Coach Adrian
I have a question, its going on 2years since me and my ex broke up. We have mutual friends and ever since the breakup she has been trash talking to them, bringing up my family problems etc and just being toxic all together. We broke up because she was crushing on her bestfriend, which was causing a lot of problems in the relationship. They're together now and yet she's still continuing which is why I'm baffled, I'm long over the breakup and don't hold any resentment for how we broke up. Any ideas? I'll take help from anyone by the way lmao
Very helpful!thank you :)
You're welcome! Thanks for stopping by and watching! - Adrian
Hard to keep distant when we have kids and she's using them as pawns
My ex initiate the break up and i respect that. So I went NC for 35 days now and lastnight he sent me msg and talk trash. i dont bother to answer lol
On point! Awesome 👏
I appreciate your feedback, Diana. Thank you for watching.
Coach Adrian
I am 24 and my ex was my first bf. We dated like 1 year and than i broke up with him because he's been making me feel so worthless lately. After the breakup, he contacted me again and apologized and we talked for a while, but when I saw that he didn't change and I cut off my communication again. now on twitter, he started to write things like I am a b*tch and I have a personality disorder etc., referring to but he does not publicly give my name. I really don't know what to do anymore..
My ex talking trash in my back to every of his female friend who have a crush on me , the only reason i see its to keep them away (update , she is back with me 😂imao)
I was on a call with our mutual friend who happens to be with me ex at that time. Our mutual friend said a lot of things along the lines of my ex wanting me back then my ex said I want nothing to do with her bro. How do I interpret this? What does it mean? Thanks
Hey Coach Adrian , I have develop myself since the breakup and people that know me have seen my changes also my ex have seen me got very shocked how much I changed & This time alone helped me to see what went wrong & She is in a rebound relationship but she stills sees everything about me and also when my family post me in social media she is the first one to see it and quickly comments when she sees me in the video or pictures & acts like she does not care about me anymore & but we had not been communicating & Me and her family are very close because me and her we spent 3 years in a half together & Help me what can I do to get my ex back and be with me forever Coach Adrian please!
Hey Alexis Aguilar, you can reach out to me here so we can speak one-on-one 😊www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/#adrian - Coach Adrian
My recent gf broke up with me 2 weeks ago from this exact same date. We broke up due to recent verbal fights till she had enough and broke things off(ended on good terms once she was calm) now she’s bad mouthing my names, reposting hurtful, mixed messages and signals on TikTok. Like really after everything I’ve done for a person to do this
My ex husband has our kids' talking trash about me which I think is deformation of character and I was the one who held the family together by working while he stayed at home. He only wanted to be married to me to get my social security benefits (I have proof) plus he is the one who had our son steal my prescription pain meds 2014 and when I found them our son called his dad and his dad told him to hurt me bad or get rid of me no matter what it would take. He is using the kids to take the "fall " for his demands.
thank u really u made me feeling better
How about if she blaming me because she jump into a rebound relantionship and her friends didnt like her new bf and she blamed to guilt her act? (She dumped me) how to act?
Nah it’s hurting my son it’s been many years since we went our separate ways… at this point all I can do is get counsel for my son and I. Even offered to pay for his dad to attend. He declined.
Besides this what if the ex blocks you everywhere on social media except for what'sapp and have their group of friends stalk your social media besides they themselves sneakily unblocking accounts to check my profiles? Is this for reaction? Should I persist with radio silence or just block off the entire band wagon?
My boyfriend and her ex talks trash about each other but the girl is more bitter and a trouble maker. She comes to me telling me shit and giving me audios of their recent phone calls. I’m walking out of this triangle. Can’t sleep losing weight I can’t do this to myself anymore
Hi my ex wife was speaking negative about me while I was on the phone my sister inlaw told me to block her and cut her off. Which is what I am planning to do. I don't need negative in my life.
thank you so much!!
I have a question! I have a ex I'm the one who dumped them and they didn't take it well but i wanted to stay friends or check on him and I thought after all the talking we did at the end we ended on decently good terms but he got a gf 2 weeks after and I was supportive but then he accused me of being a stalker? And so I decided to avoid and not contact after and I bump into him next year new gf and I stayed silent. Come to find out he spread rumours and trash talked me and everytime he saw me or his people who knew saw me they proceed to also talk trash with or without him. Then they all stopped but not him. Then after 2 years since breakup he said sorry and apologised and said he was just mad so now he wants to be friends but I have no intention of letting that happen he gave me his number and he said I'm still his and he doesn't wanna start over I'm his soulmate but I know this is all a lie and total bullshit but the way he acts and talks since breakup is creepy I feel he is dangerous now and I think he has a twisted obsession i need advice somebody please how do you get them to unattach? He doesn't have my number or address it just think I need a answer how to make them go away or forget me
But what if your the one that broke up with them? and tried everything in your power to get her back but she ignored me. I took accountability responsibility owned up to my mistakes most importantly I apologized and asked for a second chance and it’s been 3 months since the breakup she ignored my texts so now I have to move on.
What if he bags you out and then goes on about how happy he is after it?
He would ask to see my phone. And when I would say I was single he would correct me and say we not, but thats how I felt. Who would want to date someone who never take them out!
He was manipulative and emotionally abusive. I'm getting the hell out of their and away from him soon bcus unfortunately we work together!
I hope this gets answered. What if my ex uses my faults against me? Before me and my ex broke up, I went through a rough time in my life and then month after that event my ex broke up with me. She would blame me for things and use my faults against me. She even used my rough time against me. At the time I didn't realize that I was depressed and I did get annoyed with people and I was very moody,so I'm not excusing my behavior. I could have used her health problems and previous depressive periods against her, but I didn't. So I just want to know why she would use those things against me? Was it to make the break up easier for herself or was it just a scapegoat for her? I should add that she was also dealing with her health at the time,but at that time things were getting better with her health.
Thanks in advance. Your videos help me out a lot when I have specific questions!
My ex after almost 2 years still ranting and indirectly badmouth me on SM , she somehow is pretending to move on already and date an imaginary person ( haven't show him yet) but I think if that is true is very disrespectful that she have me in mind while dating someone new ,
What if his being kinda weird? Ask to be friends have a normal conversation and the next day he talks trash then calms down to talk about his career the other day again, he starts sending pictures of another girls and talks really trash about me?
And what if I'm the one self distructing? How the do I get out?
Thank you! But I need some help.. So, it's not that he's talking trash about me, I don't even know if he did (he only talked trash to me directly) but he just told my lil brother that I broke up with him and that's not true 'cause he's the one that broke up (this is happening after more than 2 months since we broke up). I've been doing NC and still doing..more than 60 days 'cause I just don't feel I should try to get back right now even tho I want him back, he's bitter. But my family or anyone on my side didn't know about our breakup 'cause I wanted to avoid all questions and stuff since I wanna try to get us back together. So now what should I do? 'Cause my family will ask if it's true that I broke up with him (which is not..as I repeat, he did) and why we broke up. I don't know what to say.
If he's talking trash about me through quotes and songs he's posting on social media, but I know he knows they are lies? I think he's concerned because I do no contact and he doesn't know what I'm doing in my life.
Should I ignore her calls if she’s being mean for a moment but then tries to apologize and be nice , I want to express my self worth and want her to respect me as a man but don’t want her to move on if I ignore her calls and texts
He talked shit to mutual friends and they stopped talking to me. I thought a lot about it. It’s all mess😢
Sorry to hear that.
My ex broke up with me 5 days and two mutual friends that we had stopped being friends with me because he talked trash about me to them basically saying that the breakup was all my fault and a bunch of other stuff and it really cut me deep, he hasn't said anything to me since The break up
Me and my ex broke up since may but still seeing each other until July she decided cut me of for no reason mabe cause we weren’t meant to be , so it’s has been 2 months now no contact and i decided to reach out by sending her money for bills and gifts for her kids that I raised for 5 years cause I miss them and all she did was unblock me on text and texted me talking trash telling me stop coming by before she put restraining order on me and calling me bro this and that and that she and her kids are done with me , but she has a fake account and spy’s on me . What does that mean? She still miss and love me?
Thank you❤
It’s been a year the he dumped me for someone new He got dumped. . He’s still writing bad things on fb about me
Hey Adrian how about dealing with exes that is a coworker that cheated and bad mouth you