I am a 61-year-old female and have just been diagnosed with "Aspergers Autism" and I feel like I have been "acting" my whole life! Watching this video has brought me to tears because all the signs are true in my life. I have an intense interest in semi trucks which I drove for 15 years and could talk about trucking for hours. Now I spend my days driving city buses and frequently have meltdowns after spending all day being pleasant and run home to be alone. Friendships are a complete mystery to me and cause stress trying to "do friendship the correct way". This is just the start of this journey and I don't know which way to turn next.
I am 66 years old and have a Grandson with Autism like you, but some of the things you say about women with Autism make me think that I have lived my whole life with high functioning autism.
To be honest I think Autism in females is actually more common than in males but autism is stereotypical by people and some people think that “Oh you’re not a white 5 year old child who is non-verbal, obsessed with trains or something” but autism in females can be completely different from males who are autistic. I think I’m on the spectrum as well and I’ve always felt different from my peers.
I’m 66, I can count my close friends on one hand. True deep friendships are incredibly rare in my life. I’ve had success as a Mother though and I’m close to my Brother. I’m not totally isolated and I’m never lonely. Diagnosed at 65.
I'm 63 and thinking about going for a diagnosis. I've known there was something not wrong but very different about me all my life. I've spent a ton of time trying to figure it out, I should have gone for a psych degree! I never even considered autism. Nor did I consider ADHD. And now, after watching Dan's show, Mom On The Spectrum, and Dr. Kim Sage, it all fell into place! I can't believe how it all fit together. I burst into tears when I figured it all out. AUDHD with OCD. (I did figure out the OCD.) The disappointing thing for me has been the reaction of family and some friends. They just don't want to accept it. I think it's largely because of our generation, they think autism and it's all Rain Man for them. I can't sit down and play Chopin nor can I add a huge column of figures in my head. (I am a mean blackjack player. LOL) They can't grasp that that isn't what autism IS.
@@hollyw9566relatable.... It was so much worse in, say, my 20's.. because I was so confused by it all!!! My symptoms matched some bipolar stuff so I thought maybe that but that just didn't seem to explain it. So I just started to feel like I was everything and nothing and I wasn't going to find a shrink and just accept a diagnosis and meds and all that... Meanwhile my friendships were becoming based on drinking, etc .. ..
Thank you for all of the information! I am 70 and was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 30's and I am beginning to see that autism is a very likely part of my brain. My adult son was recently diagnosed and so many of our challenges are coming into focus through educators like you. Wow! Grateful to you!!❤
Sharing this video, hoping my sister will understand me. I was fortunate to find a group of equally divergent friends in school. We were not popular girls but we had each other's backs. ✌️💗❤️
Socializing with my peers was always challenging. I could not figure out why it was so difficult, why i was so different, so i thought i just needed to get better at it, had no idea how, so i have distinct memories of literally mimicking the behavior of my more popular friends. I thought they must be doing it right, since it's working for them.....by the end of high school i recognized i was doing that and wanted to be myself. But it was hard because i still could not figure out how to connect better ....what a vast mystery it all was. Now at least i know im "different" and it's ok. I don't try so hard to figure it out anymore. I just let it be what it is and thats a relief...
I've tried twice to get an autism spectrum diagnosis. First one said I'm too smart to be autistic. Second on picked up on my learning disabilities. Only thing she didn't think I had autism at all. I have extreme adhd and demand avoidance. I'm 49 years old, my family mom and dad's side that are on the spectrum. I'm highly aggravated that they keep side stepping the possibilities of my being on the spectrum at all. 💜💕🦋🔥👑🔥🦋💕💜
Autism isn’t linked to intelligence AT ALL! Elon Musk, Albert Einstein, Bill Gates (I could go on!) are all Autistic. It sounds like the people assessing you are stuck in the dark ages of Psychiatry, and shouldn’t be doing assessments. Go back to your primary doctor, explain what happened and request a new assessment with a different provider. Write your points down before you go so you don’t forget. Good luck 🙂
My autistic parent didn't see it in me either. They don't recognize themselves as autistic (yet?) so they thought I was doing well socially! One day they mentioned in passing how I was "popular" at school and I thought, HUH?? There was a total disconnect! I couldn't understand over the years why they thought I was popular at school. They did not understand how I was struggling. But I think their own symptoms might have kept them from seeing it in me....
Yup. And so, either you mimic and lie to yourself, or, you don’t mimic and come across as rebellious or obnoxious. So… it’s a game of making the best of both and still being yourself. Thankfully people are more open to individuality nowadays. And by the way, I found it much easier to hang out with boys when I was young.
Because we are the masters of masking it. I really find being around other girls boring but in order not to stand out i can mask how i feel. Where people struggle with me is ill never call them or want to go out and socialise, i prefer only to talk about the few subjects i am interested in and i spend more time enjoying my own space creating art. When i was young i was considered a tom boy, these days probably non binary but i grew out of that once i had kids. I had my children to men on the spectrum because i only speak to others on the spectrum or otherwise fairly mute. Im obsessed with understanding existence. Ive worked on two true crime podcasts with crime podcasters. I stay away from people now im older because people see my compliant behaviour as stupidity until i lose it. You pretty much nailed it.
I am less of a masker than the examples you give, but my brother and I were socialized pretty similarly and I was rejected by other kids very early. I remember agreeing with other kids that I’m “weird” and a “chicken.”
I read tons of crime fiction, detective fiction, but only got into true crime with one particular channel, That Chapter. It's funny. I've taken the online autism tests and masking tests and ADHD tests and I'm OFF THE CHART. I'm 63. All my life I haven't had a clue. It's the LAST thing I thought might apply to me. I'm a Myers-Briggs INFJ, which turns out is the most common MB type for autism. It would have helped me so much to know this. I've had a lot of problems because the stress of masking caused all sorts of issues for me. It's amazing how the most close female friends I've had in my life, I'm pretty damned sure were also autistic. It's like we were magnetized to each other. Like my friend and I who played foosball with wicked skill all the time in the late 70s in the bars, beating all the guys. That was almost all we wanted to do. We were also into cars and Van Halen and Blondie but we were also into pretty clothes and guys. We were just different. Neither of us had female friends for very long. This was just one in a long string of similar friendships. Never very many, but always a few. I've had a lot of guy friends too, more than women. I've felt more comfortable with guys ever since I was a kid, but I'm definitely not trans. I just like guys, and girls who like more guy-like things. I wonder if this is true of many other women on the spectrum as well.
Would have to say yes! I think many women on the spectrum have had a lot of guy friends. All women want to talk about is relationships. So boring ... At least with guys u can talk about more stuff. Am I wrong ? But they are also crazy. Yes men are crazy. But at least they won't force you to go clothes shopping with them..or conform to their girl clique or have girls night 🤪👠
Special interests, yes that's true! From masking intensely i know i cant just go around obsessing on them and i have decided to not really share them with most ppl, so yes, it's a paywall and it is masking! 👍
In regards to special interests I'm actually extremely open about mine and don't shut up about them to anyone and everyone but I'm still currently self diagnosed Autistic with ADHD and on the NHS waitlist for a formal assessment. Some of my special interests are Fashion dolls especially 90s Barbie, Plushies, Ghosts, Aliens, everything spooky, video games, Disney, Doctor Who, Animals, Music, Perfumes, Anne Boleyn, the Ancient Egyptians, vintage vlogs/movies/music and tv especially the 80s and 90s, Blue food and drink (I don't only consume blue food and drink but it's my fave so I always pick it if it's on offer such slush puppies, sweets, icing, Powerade, Ice Cream etc always the blue option) Definitely not interested in true crime as it absolutely terrifies me and triggers my ocd. Been emotionally abused by narcissists quite a number of times so ever since I figured out what they were and about npd I've become obsessed with learning about NPD to try and protect myself and loved ones from now on and there's only 1 person I learn about it from/trust on teaching about the disorder who I watch on youtube 🙂 Mumma always found that I've had/have so many intense obsessions as weird until we realized I'm Autistic and it all made sense. We suspect she has it too. We're too alike and that includes some of our special interests like the Perfume, Animals and Doctor Who ones! 🤣💗👌 Oh and me with friendships has always been a hugeeeee issue! People don't like me very long before ghosting me and I get fed up with people really quickly too. So I've always found it extremely hard to make/keep friends. Only now at 34 I've finally got a few friends who haven't run away and whom I don't think I'll ever stop liking. Taken years to reach this point tho! Most of my bunch are fellow Neurodivergents so I think that's why we mesh so well. I didn't know any fellow Neurodivergents before. I do have 1 Neurotypical best friend who but he can be a struggle sometimes as he's not always Neurodivergent friendly 😩
Re pathological demand avoidance...what's being avoided is the stress associated with the offer. It isn't that I don't want the pizza. It's that I don't want to have to interact with a bunch of people to get it. I have other ways to get pizza that don't demand as much from me as comp,ex social interactions. Especially if ive been masking and dealing with people all day.
I’m a female and here is why I think I have Asd 1: Social difficulties/differences I struggle extremely with understanding my friends (I have two close friends that I fixate on) I don’t understand them. I struggle with sarcasm and jokes and I only understand them when they’re very visible or my friends tell me what it means. Other social difficulties I struggle in public, I get extremely stressed out if I am out with friends and they leave to get something, I feel calmer when I’m with my friends but I get stressed out still. One time in the past I was with my old friend and we were in a McDonalds, she thought it’d be funny to walk out and leave me in there, I was panicking because I felt as though people were staring at me and there was no escape from that situation, I seemed sort of calm afterwards but in my head I was not calm whatsoever. Anxiety ✨ I have social anxiety, separation anxiety and other general anxieties, usually with my social anxiety I tend not to show that I’m stressed or anxious, I actually seem very calm on the surface (not all the time though) and it is so frustrating because it stops me from doing things sometimes if it gets severe (it’s like a fluid, sometimes i forget I have social anxiety but other times I know damn well that I have it and it stresses me out extremely) Fixation(s): I feel like I have a few fixations and same as previously mentioned I feel as it is fluid, it changes overtime, I usually fixate on things for about 2-3+ weeks or less in rarer times but then I move on to something that could be completely different. Stimulating/fidgeting? : I usually fidget a lot in environments I’m uncomfortable with or has lack of stimuli, examples: Play with hands/fingers, bite nails or chew hair, pull hair/twirl hair, swing on chair, spin, feel things around me, hum or repeat things. Stimming: I usually vocally stim or stim more when I’m alone. Examples: Hum< I do this in public and in other environments Spin: I do this mostly in my own personal space Fidget: I do this anywhere if I feel overwhelmed Hit my arm or head: I only do this if I feel too excited to handle something or if I feel like I messed something up (I try not to do this often but it’s hard to suppress) Other/misc reasons: I’ve always felt differently/disconnected to my peers and more closely connected to those who have been diagnosed or recently diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, I’ve never really been able to relate to undiagnosed people even though I don’t show it (I tend to mask when I feel this way and mimic others) Masking: I tend to copy others’ words, phrases or behaviour. Sometimes this works out well for me and people find me funny or kind but sometimes it fails and I get in trouble if they think I’m just copying them and they get annoyed or if I copy a bad behaviour (never on purpose I don’t even realise I do this) I would get in trouble with others Empathy and emotions: I am also sure I have Alexithymia because I struggle with understanding my own emotions or how to tell others how I really feel because I honestly feel like I don’t know how I am feeling unless I’m extremely anxious or stressed (Those are the only things I can really recognise) I find it hard to show and feel empathy, if someone said to me “Oh … happened and it made me really upset.” I wouldn’t feel bad (not on purpose) and it’d seem like I don’t care, this has caused me to ruin relationships because I seem like I don’t care, I feel bad for not being able to feel bad for them but I can’t control this, it’s just the way I am. Sensory problems (categorised) Food: I am very “picky” with my food, there are rules I apply with food. Rule one: food must not be touching otherwise I will become overwhelmed. I only eat a limited variety of foods and restrain from trying new things. Food texture & taste & smell: If a food smells, taste, or feels a certain way then I will panic and refuse to eat it. Idk what this is called: sometimes I’ll eat my favourite dish and then one time it’ll taste weird or texture is off even though nothing about the way it was cooked had been changed. Category 2 Texture: There are textures I love and I hate Jeans: I find that some autistic people don’t like jeans, however I personally like these (it depends on my mood because sometimes I’ll have a mental breakdown because of a texture) LABELS. If there is a label on my clothing it bothers me extremely, I won’t stop thinking about it and I get a sensory overload (I usually go quiet or cry in worst case scenario whilst in SO :sensory overload: or a meltdown) though I don’t usually have meltdowns only if everything is extremely bothersome I love the texture of fluffy or soft things, though if too soft or fluffy becomes dislikable. Water! I love the texture of water, I can manipulate it in my hands and that feels nice. Things I struggle with: I struggle with making friends/maintaining them as I seem uninterested, rude or controlling (sometimes which I don’t mean to be I just fixate on people sometimes and I’m working on changing it even tho it’s hard) I struggle with crowds or public spaces, I struggle to leave my favourite object behind, I struggle with noise, light and textures. Does this sound like autism or something else?
I’ve been trying to figure out if I’m on the spectrum or not. I can check most of the boxes, but there are some I’m not sure about. If I’m in a situation with lots of sensory stuff going on and can usually tolerate it, but feel totally wiped out afterwards. I also have preferences for the way I do things but it’s not like life or death if something doesn’t go as planned. I relate to everything you mentioned in this video. But I’ve managed to cope with things for the last 73 years so maybe it doesn’t matter anyway.
This is something that happens, not thinking I am so odd so I must mask, I must mimic. At 37 I got my Asperger diagnosis, I am now 51. And I would probably have got under the radar all my life if I havn’t met a female autistic doctor, that saw this in me. Thinking about my life now make things clear. My hyperlexia, reading a novel a day, not age appropriate, between the age 5-16. I had best friends, twin boys when I was 4-7 years old. But got bullied at school. When I was 11, I made some friends, girls the same age. At that time we shared interests in music, especially hard rock, like Kiss, among other bands. And dressing ”sexy” like the girls in the music videos on MTV. At twelve I had a style like Madonna. H&M had a ”Boy Toy” collection, that my best friend and I bought items from. Short tops, short skirts, layers of long chains around our necks. The other girls mainly dressed in blouses, jeans. If we wore pants it was tight leggings. Leopard and zebra print. So it all ended up like a style like Madonna meets glam rock! And we did rock! A couple of other slightly odd girls joined us, even if they didn’t dress like us. But all this kind of just evolved on its own. I was a top student, probably thank’s to all my reading. We had a lot of fun and laughed our way through the days in school. Also in class, but since I did so good with my grades, the teachers would just ask us to keep it down a bit. After my diagnosis and learning about masking and mimicing it was almost harder to just act as I usually do. Thinking hard about my behavior. I am one of those that kept to much eye contact. And I had toned it down before my diagnosis. That intense eye contact worked well at clubs and bars in my youth, free drinks from all the men I met. Met the father of my two children at 23, got married at 27, had my son at 30 and my daughter when i was 34. And I sensed that things wasn’t right with my husband and found out he was having an affair with our neighbour that was pregnant with her third child. So we gave birth just some months apart, and it was really fucked up and when I was 35 the divorce was final. Getting my Aspergers diagnosis a couple of years later, when I had small children, at least helped me to guide my children that had autistic traits. But now it is just my daughter that you can see some in, if you know where to look. And in Sweden 2011, there was no information or books about autism in women. So I learned a lot by meeting other autistic women on Facebook and later in different Facebook groups. And as the time past it got easier to at least find something in Swedish, but then I was already years ahead, thank’s to my female friends with autism, mainly from the U.S.A, New Zeeland, Australia and England. So with all things I learned it got harder for a while not to think about every move I made. But people don’t notice it in me. I can feel drained and tired after socializing and meeting people, but I havn’t had meltdowns, just shutdowns. And in younger days I also dealt with selective mutism.
I'm 64 and you are definitely talking about me. I haven't been diagnosed with Autism but have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder. I have always masked and when I got home all hell would happen. I was always the naughty one. Over the years I have learnt how to live with it. I live in Australia and can't afford the testing to find out if this is what my problem is.
I'm a 35 year old Australian woman and was diagnosed with adhd at 33. Through reading and watching resources and thinking back on things, I believe I'm AUDHD. I brought this up to my adhd doctor at our last appointment a month or so ago and asked what the process would be for getting accessed and if it would open up new treatments. I was basically told that if its not affecting my daily life or I'm wanting to apply for the NDIS, which I'd need to be lvl 2 diagnosed to be eligible for, which I don't need; that there really isn't any point. It's a long, expensive path to take for little more than peace of mind, as a diagnosis wouldn't really change my treatments. So, now I'm like 😑🤷🏽♀️😮💨
Female here and i would tell anyone i could about ancient egypt and dinos lol still do😝 Never had friends growing up unless the person talked to me first and they usually had the same hyper focuses as me (never stayed friends with them tho, mostly due to moving)
not my autistic and asexual self lying to fit in and said i dated when i never did - one time a lied and said i was dating a guy name adam u know who adam was - some character in a book. now i am 30 something years old never dated been asked out 60 times dont plan on getting married
@@tnt01 lol someone here doesnt get asexuality - i get it i have a perfect body hence why alot of people ask me ot but to bad all the men and women in my area are ugly looking. i just live in a pedophile area.
I always knew I was different than most, but I didn't realize I was HF autistic with ADHD until my grandson was diagnosed. I kept telling my daughter to relax because he is just like I was as a young child. Then he tested at level 1 Autism with ADHD. He is 11 now, and was moved this year into the Gifted and Talented Program for testing nationally in the top 3% in academics, leadership and fine arts. Yes.... this grandma is bragging! For me personally, I think of my own diagnoses as a gift. I work one on one with late stage cancer patients, and have always known that I got as far as I did in life because of my capability to hyperfocus and retain pertinent facts. No true crime for me. To relax I study cancers and autoimmune diseases and syndromes. I have a meltdown nearly every time I have to leave the house. When I finally get home for the day, I will both physically and mentally collapse. Thank goodness I taught my husband how to cook. 😀
Crossing with the PDA, I have that with demands, I put on myself. I will put it off, put it off until it becomes a huge snowball in the corner of my room that turns into an abominable snowman that wants to eat me. 😂 Whether it’s make a Walmart order take a shower prepare a meal And don’t forget that women need to stay pretty and skinny so that might be why she’s not eating the pizza. It’s a lot of pressure. ❤ Pressure that men, quite frankly can’t understand. And I’m glad they don’t have to. ❤ Edit- ha ha as long as I’m on a soapbox about the difference of men and women, let’s not forget that women are supposed to work now too, and do the emotional labor and do the household labor, and raise the children and bear the children All backwards in heels with makeup on smiling 🙂 🎉 It’s a real party let me tell you but call me when the party is over Now imagine doing all of that with autism while masking and having ADHD Not fun . 🤩
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I am a 61-year-old female and have just been diagnosed with "Aspergers Autism" and I feel like I have been "acting" my whole life! Watching this video has brought me to tears because all the signs are true in my life. I have an intense interest in semi trucks which I drove for 15 years and could talk about trucking for hours. Now I spend my days driving city buses and frequently have meltdowns after spending all day being pleasant and run home to be alone. Friendships are a complete mystery to me and cause stress trying to "do friendship the correct way". This is just the start of this journey and I don't know which way to turn next.
I am 66 years old and have a Grandson with Autism like you, but some of the things you say about women with Autism make me think that I have lived my whole life with high functioning autism.
To be honest I think Autism in females is actually more common than in males but autism is stereotypical by people and some people think that “Oh you’re not a white 5 year old child who is non-verbal, obsessed with trains or something” but autism in females can be completely different from males who are autistic.
I think I’m on the spectrum as well and I’ve always felt different from my peers.
I’m 66, I can count my close friends on one hand. True deep friendships are incredibly rare in my life. I’ve had success as a Mother though and I’m close to my Brother. I’m not totally isolated and I’m never lonely. Diagnosed at 65.
I'm 63 and thinking about going for a diagnosis. I've known there was something not wrong but very different about me all my life. I've spent a ton of time trying to figure it out, I should have gone for a psych degree! I never even considered autism. Nor did I consider ADHD. And now, after watching Dan's show, Mom On The Spectrum, and Dr. Kim Sage, it all fell into place! I can't believe how it all fit together. I burst into tears when I figured it all out. AUDHD with OCD. (I did figure out the OCD.) The disappointing thing for me has been the reaction of family and some friends. They just don't want to accept it. I think it's largely because of our generation, they think autism and it's all Rain Man for them. I can't sit down and play Chopin nor can I add a huge column of figures in my head. (I am a mean blackjack player. LOL) They can't grasp that that isn't what autism IS.
@@hollyw9566relatable.... It was so much worse in, say, my 20's.. because I was so confused by it all!!! My symptoms matched some bipolar stuff so I thought maybe that but that just didn't seem to explain it. So I just started to feel like I was everything and nothing and I wasn't going to find a shrink and just accept a diagnosis and meds and all that... Meanwhile my friendships were becoming based on drinking, etc .. ..
Thank you for all of the information! I am 70 and was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 30's and I am beginning to see that autism is a very likely part of my brain. My adult son was recently diagnosed and so many of our challenges are coming into focus through educators like you. Wow! Grateful to you!!❤
You NAILED this
Sharing this video, hoping my sister will understand me. I was fortunate to find a group of equally divergent friends in school. We were not popular girls but we had each other's backs. ✌️💗❤️
Socializing with my peers was always challenging. I could not figure out why it was so difficult, why i was so different, so i thought i just needed to get better at it, had no idea how, so i have distinct memories of literally mimicking the behavior of my more popular friends. I thought they must be doing it right, since it's working for them.....by the end of high school i recognized i was doing that and wanted to be myself. But it was hard because i still could not figure out how to connect better ....what a vast mystery it all was. Now at least i know im "different" and it's ok. I don't try so hard to figure it out anymore. I just let it be what it is and thats a relief...
I've tried twice to get an autism spectrum diagnosis. First one said I'm too smart to be autistic. Second on picked up on my learning disabilities. Only thing she didn't think I had autism at all. I have extreme adhd and demand avoidance. I'm 49 years old, my family mom and dad's side that are on the spectrum.
I'm highly aggravated that they keep side stepping the possibilities of my being on the spectrum at all.
💜💕🦋🔥👑🔥🦋💕💜
Autism isn’t linked to intelligence AT ALL! Elon Musk, Albert Einstein, Bill Gates (I could go on!) are all Autistic. It sounds like the people assessing you are stuck in the dark ages of Psychiatry, and shouldn’t be doing assessments. Go back to your primary doctor, explain what happened and request a new assessment with a different provider. Write your points down before you go so you don’t forget. Good luck 🙂
My autistic parent didn't see it in me either. They don't recognize themselves as autistic (yet?) so they thought I was doing well socially! One day they mentioned in passing how I was "popular" at school and I thought, HUH?? There was a total disconnect! I couldn't understand over the years why they thought I was popular at school. They did not understand how I was struggling. But I think their own symptoms might have kept them from seeing it in me....
Yup. And so, either you mimic and lie to yourself, or, you don’t mimic and come across as rebellious or obnoxious.
So… it’s a game of making the best of both and still being yourself. Thankfully people are more open to individuality nowadays.
And by the way, I found it much easier to hang out with boys when I was young.
Because we are the masters of masking it. I really find being around other girls boring but in order not to stand out i can mask how i feel. Where people struggle with me is ill never call them or want to go out and socialise, i prefer only to talk about the few subjects i am interested in and i spend more time enjoying my own space creating art. When i was young i was considered a tom boy, these days probably non binary but i grew out of that once i had kids. I had my children to men on the spectrum because i only speak to others on the spectrum or otherwise fairly mute. Im obsessed with understanding existence. Ive worked on two true crime podcasts with crime podcasters. I stay away from people now im older because people see my compliant behaviour as stupidity until i lose it. You pretty much nailed it.
I am less of a masker than the examples you give, but my brother and I were socialized pretty similarly and I was rejected by other kids very early. I remember agreeing with other kids that I’m “weird” and a “chicken.”
I feel like in order to date, i have to mask and be someone different
I read tons of crime fiction, detective fiction, but only got into true crime with one particular channel, That Chapter. It's funny. I've taken the online autism tests and masking tests and ADHD tests and I'm OFF THE CHART. I'm 63. All my life I haven't had a clue. It's the LAST thing I thought might apply to me. I'm a Myers-Briggs INFJ, which turns out is the most common MB type for autism. It would have helped me so much to know this. I've had a lot of problems because the stress of masking caused all sorts of issues for me. It's amazing how the most close female friends I've had in my life, I'm pretty damned sure were also autistic. It's like we were magnetized to each other. Like my friend and I who played foosball with wicked skill all the time in the late 70s in the bars, beating all the guys. That was almost all we wanted to do. We were also into cars and Van Halen and Blondie but we were also into pretty clothes and guys. We were just different. Neither of us had female friends for very long. This was just one in a long string of similar friendships. Never very many, but always a few. I've had a lot of guy friends too, more than women. I've felt more comfortable with guys ever since I was a kid, but I'm definitely not trans. I just like guys, and girls who like more guy-like things. I wonder if this is true of many other women on the spectrum as well.
Would have to say yes! I think many women on the spectrum have had a lot of guy friends. All women want to talk about is relationships. So boring ... At least with guys u can talk about more stuff. Am I wrong ? But they are also crazy. Yes men are crazy. But at least they won't force you to go clothes shopping with them..or conform to their girl clique or have girls night 🤪👠
Special interests, yes that's true! From masking intensely i know i cant just go around obsessing on them and i have decided to not really share them with most ppl, so yes, it's a paywall and it is masking! 👍
Wow. All of it. I need to find someone to talk to professionally, just wow
In regards to special interests I'm actually extremely open about mine and don't shut up about them to anyone and everyone but I'm still currently self diagnosed Autistic with ADHD and on the NHS waitlist for a formal assessment. Some of my special interests are Fashion dolls especially 90s Barbie, Plushies, Ghosts, Aliens, everything spooky, video games, Disney, Doctor Who, Animals, Music, Perfumes, Anne Boleyn, the Ancient Egyptians, vintage vlogs/movies/music and tv especially the 80s and 90s, Blue food and drink (I don't only consume blue food and drink but it's my fave so I always pick it if it's on offer such slush puppies, sweets, icing, Powerade, Ice Cream etc always the blue option) Definitely not interested in true crime as it absolutely terrifies me and triggers my ocd. Been emotionally abused by narcissists quite a number of times so ever since I figured out what they were and about npd I've become obsessed with learning about NPD to try and protect myself and loved ones from now on and there's only 1 person I learn about it from/trust on teaching about the disorder who I watch on youtube 🙂 Mumma always found that I've had/have so many intense obsessions as weird until we realized I'm Autistic and it all made sense. We suspect she has it too. We're too alike and that includes some of our special interests like the Perfume, Animals and Doctor Who ones! 🤣💗👌 Oh and me with friendships has always been a hugeeeee issue! People don't like me very long before ghosting me and I get fed up with people really quickly too. So I've always found it extremely hard to make/keep friends. Only now at 34 I've finally got a few friends who haven't run away and whom I don't think I'll ever stop liking. Taken years to reach this point tho! Most of my bunch are fellow Neurodivergents so I think that's why we mesh so well. I didn't know any fellow Neurodivergents before. I do have 1 Neurotypical best friend who but he can be a struggle sometimes as he's not always Neurodivergent friendly 😩
Re pathological demand avoidance...what's being avoided is the stress associated with the offer. It isn't that I don't want the pizza. It's that I don't want to have to interact with a bunch of people to get it. I have other ways to get pizza that don't demand as much from me as comp,ex social interactions. Especially if ive been masking and dealing with people all day.
Masking got me diagnosed as bipolar!
❤
That is is me! Makes sense.
I’m a female and here is why I think I have Asd
1: Social difficulties/differences
I struggle extremely with understanding my friends (I have two close friends that I fixate on) I don’t understand them. I struggle with sarcasm and jokes and I only understand them when they’re very visible or my friends tell me what it means.
Other social difficulties
I struggle in public, I get extremely stressed out if I am out with friends and they leave to get something, I feel calmer when I’m with my friends but I get stressed out still. One time in the past I was with my old friend and we were in a McDonalds, she thought it’d be funny to walk out and leave me in there, I was panicking because I felt as though people were staring at me and there was no escape from that situation, I seemed sort of calm afterwards but in my head I was not calm whatsoever.
Anxiety ✨
I have social anxiety, separation anxiety and other general anxieties, usually with my social anxiety I tend not to show that I’m stressed or anxious, I actually seem very calm on the surface (not all the time though) and it is so frustrating because it stops me from doing things sometimes if it gets severe (it’s like a fluid, sometimes i forget I have social anxiety but other times I know damn well that I have it and it stresses me out extremely)
Fixation(s): I feel like I have a few fixations and same as previously mentioned I feel as it is fluid, it changes overtime, I usually fixate on things for about 2-3+ weeks or less in rarer times but then I move on to something that could be completely different.
Stimulating/fidgeting? : I usually fidget a lot in environments I’m uncomfortable with or has lack of stimuli, examples: Play with hands/fingers, bite nails or chew hair, pull hair/twirl hair, swing on chair, spin, feel things around me, hum or repeat things.
Stimming: I usually vocally stim or stim more when I’m alone. Examples: Hum< I do this in public and in other environments
Spin: I do this mostly in my own personal space
Fidget: I do this anywhere if I feel overwhelmed
Hit my arm or head: I only do this if I feel too excited to handle something or if I feel like I messed something up (I try not to do this often but it’s hard to suppress)
Other/misc reasons: I’ve always felt differently/disconnected to my peers and more closely connected to those who have been diagnosed or recently diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, I’ve never really been able to relate to undiagnosed people even though I don’t show it (I tend to mask when I feel this way and mimic others)
Masking: I tend to copy others’ words, phrases or behaviour. Sometimes this works out well for me and people find me funny or kind but sometimes it fails and I get in trouble if they think I’m just copying them and they get annoyed or if I copy a bad behaviour (never on purpose I don’t even realise I do this) I would get in trouble with others
Empathy and emotions: I am also sure I have Alexithymia because I struggle with understanding my own emotions or how to tell others how I really feel because I honestly feel like I don’t know how I am feeling unless I’m extremely anxious or stressed (Those are the only things I can really recognise)
I find it hard to show and feel empathy, if someone said to me “Oh … happened and it made me really upset.” I wouldn’t feel bad (not on purpose) and it’d seem like I don’t care, this has caused me to ruin relationships because I seem like I don’t care, I feel bad for not being able to feel bad for them but I can’t control this, it’s just the way I am.
Sensory problems (categorised)
Food: I am very “picky” with my food, there are rules I apply with food.
Rule one: food must not be touching otherwise I will become overwhelmed.
I only eat a limited variety of foods and restrain from trying new things.
Food texture & taste & smell: If a food smells, taste, or feels a certain way then I will panic and refuse to eat it.
Idk what this is called: sometimes I’ll eat my favourite dish and then one time it’ll taste weird or texture is off even though nothing about the way it was cooked had been changed.
Category 2 Texture: There are textures I love and I hate
Jeans: I find that some autistic people don’t like jeans, however I personally like these (it depends on my mood because sometimes I’ll have a mental breakdown because of a texture)
LABELS. If there is a label on my clothing it bothers me extremely, I won’t stop thinking about it and I get a sensory overload (I usually go quiet or cry in worst case scenario whilst in SO :sensory overload: or a meltdown) though I don’t usually have meltdowns only if everything is extremely bothersome
I love the texture of fluffy or soft things, though if too soft or fluffy becomes dislikable.
Water! I love the texture of water, I can manipulate it in my hands and that feels nice.
Things I struggle with: I struggle with making friends/maintaining them as I seem uninterested, rude or controlling (sometimes which I don’t mean to be I just fixate on people sometimes and I’m working on changing it even tho it’s hard) I struggle with crowds or public spaces, I struggle to leave my favourite object behind, I struggle with noise, light and textures.
Does this sound like autism or something else?
💯 making friends, but maintaining them 😣
53 years old here, and recently diagnosed with ADHD, and waiting for ASD assessment. All these fit me.
I’ve been trying to figure out if I’m on the spectrum or not. I can check most of the boxes, but there are some I’m not sure about. If I’m in a situation with lots of sensory stuff going on and can usually tolerate it, but feel totally wiped out afterwards. I also have preferences for the way I do things but it’s not like life or death if something doesn’t go as planned. I relate to everything you mentioned in this video. But I’ve managed to cope with things for the last 73 years so maybe it doesn’t matter anyway.
Yep'pers 😀. Right on, Dan.
This is something that happens, not thinking I am so odd so I must mask, I must mimic. At 37 I got my Asperger diagnosis, I am now 51. And I would probably have got under the radar all my life if I havn’t met a female autistic doctor, that saw this in me. Thinking about my life now make things clear. My hyperlexia, reading a novel a day, not age appropriate, between the age 5-16. I had best friends, twin boys when I was 4-7 years old. But got bullied at school. When I was 11, I made some friends, girls the same age. At that time we shared interests in music, especially hard rock, like Kiss, among other bands. And dressing ”sexy” like the girls in the music videos on MTV. At twelve I had a style like Madonna. H&M had a ”Boy Toy” collection, that my best friend and I bought items from. Short tops, short skirts, layers of long chains around our necks. The other girls mainly dressed in blouses, jeans. If we wore pants it was tight leggings. Leopard and zebra print.
So it all ended up like a style like Madonna meets glam rock! And we did rock! A couple of other slightly odd girls joined us, even if they didn’t dress like us.
But all this kind of just evolved on its own. I was a top student, probably thank’s to all my reading. We had a lot of fun and laughed our way through the days in school. Also in class, but since I did so good with my grades, the teachers would just ask us to keep it down a bit.
After my diagnosis and learning about masking and mimicing it was almost harder to just act as I usually do. Thinking hard about my behavior. I am one of those that kept to much eye contact. And I had toned it down before my diagnosis. That intense eye contact worked well at clubs and bars in my youth, free drinks from all the men I met.
Met the father of my two children at 23, got married at 27, had my son at 30 and my daughter when i was 34. And I sensed that things wasn’t right with my husband and found out he was having an affair with our neighbour that was pregnant with her third child. So we gave birth just some months apart, and it was really fucked up and when I was 35 the divorce was final.
Getting my Aspergers diagnosis a couple of years later, when I had small children, at least helped me to guide my children that had autistic traits. But now it is just my daughter that you can see some in, if you know where to look. And in Sweden 2011, there was no information or books about autism in women. So I learned a lot by meeting other autistic women on Facebook and later in different Facebook groups. And as the time past it got easier to at least find something in Swedish, but then I was already years ahead, thank’s to my female friends with autism, mainly from the U.S.A, New Zeeland, Australia and England.
So with all things I learned it got harder for a while not to think about every move I made.
But people don’t notice it in me. I can feel drained and tired after socializing and meeting people, but I havn’t had meltdowns, just shutdowns. And in younger days I also dealt with selective mutism.
Thank you Dan!!!!!!!
I'm 64 and you are definitely talking about me. I haven't been diagnosed with Autism but have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder. I have always masked and when I got home all hell would happen. I was always the naughty one. Over the years I have learnt how to live with it. I live in Australia and can't afford the testing to find out if this is what my problem is.
I'm a 35 year old Australian woman and was diagnosed with adhd at 33.
Through reading and watching resources and thinking back on things, I believe I'm AUDHD.
I brought this up to my adhd doctor at our last appointment a month or so ago and asked what the process would be for getting accessed and if it would open up new treatments.
I was basically told that if its not affecting my daily life or I'm wanting to apply for the NDIS, which I'd need to be lvl 2 diagnosed to be eligible for, which I don't need; that there really isn't any point.
It's a long, expensive path to take for little more than peace of mind, as a diagnosis wouldn't really change my treatments.
So, now I'm like 😑🤷🏽♀️😮💨
Makes sense to me!
Yea it makes sense
57, yes to all 5
Female here and i would tell anyone i could about ancient egypt and dinos lol still do😝
Never had friends growing up unless the person talked to me first and they usually had the same hyper focuses as me (never stayed friends with them tho, mostly due to moving)
not my autistic and asexual self lying to fit in and said i dated when i never did - one time a lied and said i was dating a guy name adam u know who adam was - some character in a book. now i am 30 something years old never dated been asked out 60 times dont plan on getting married
date for the experience, you might enjoy it. :)
@@tnt01 lol someone here doesnt get asexuality - i get it i have a perfect body hence why alot of people ask me ot but to bad all the men and women in my area are ugly looking. i just live in a pedophile area.
@@tnt01~ I did that & we just have more men to hate us. Not worth the sickness & mind troubles that dating causes.
I always knew I was different than most, but I didn't realize I was HF autistic with ADHD until my grandson was diagnosed. I kept telling my daughter to relax because he is just like I was as a young child. Then he tested at level 1 Autism with ADHD. He is 11 now, and was moved this year into the Gifted and Talented Program for testing nationally in the top 3% in academics, leadership and fine arts. Yes.... this grandma is bragging! For me personally, I think of my own diagnoses as a gift. I work one on one with late stage cancer patients, and have always known that I got as far as I did in life because of my capability to hyperfocus and retain pertinent facts. No true crime for me. To relax I study cancers and autoimmune diseases and syndromes. I have a meltdown nearly every time I have to leave the house. When I finally get home for the day, I will both physically and mentally collapse. Thank goodness I taught my husband how to cook. 😀
That's me 🥲
💯
Crossing with the PDA, I have that with demands, I put on myself. I will put it off, put it off until it becomes a huge snowball in the corner of my room that turns into an abominable snowman that wants to eat me. 😂
Whether it’s make a Walmart order take a shower prepare a meal
And don’t forget that women need to stay pretty and skinny so that might be why she’s not eating the pizza. It’s a lot of pressure. ❤
Pressure that men, quite frankly can’t understand. And I’m glad they don’t have to. ❤
Edit- ha ha as long as I’m on a soapbox about the difference of men and women, let’s not forget that women are supposed to work now too, and do the emotional labor and do the household labor, and raise the children and bear the children
All backwards in heels with makeup on smiling 🙂 🎉
It’s a real party let me tell you but call me when the party is over
Now imagine doing all of that with autism while masking and having ADHD
Not fun . 🤩