All I can say is that if I was the nurse in that position, I would have done the exact same thing. The job is to advocate for your patient first and foremost, and for postpartum nurses that means the person who gave birth and their baby/babies. They take precedence over their spouse/partner, mom, mother-in-law, father-in-law, etc. Being postpartum - especially after an emergency cesarean - is an incredibly vulnerable position, and that's exactly when you need an advocate in your corner. I would fight any psycho MIL any day of the week for my patients!
Best friend is right i have three names because my parents choose both grandmothers names as middle names. Mil wil die too one day and not one of her children gave their child her name.. it is sort of playing favorites. And mil did a lot for op so i understand where she comes from. This is esh.
@@paulinadeboer3604how is OP in the wrong? MIL tried to change the name of OP's child. She had absolutely no right to do so. It doesn't matter how much help and support MIL has given OP. Unless a person is the legal parent of a baby they have no right to name that child. MIL is not that baby's parent.
@@paulinadeboer3604 I to can sorta understand that the mil might have felt left out of the babys name. Instead of sneaking behind op:s back right after birth to change the name she could have made it and suggestion or question. You know communicate and ask if the child can't have her name to as she's to be her only grandchild. Sneaking behind op:s back is an AH thing to do. Consider as well that it's not unlikely that the surname is from the fathers side of the family and they already have their family name represented in that case.
MiL knew exactly what she was doing. Lulled OP into a false sense of security, struck when she was most vulnerable. And endlessly doubled down. Any apology at this point, would be nothing but lip-service and PR. OP needs to stay NC for the safety of her baby. Be sure to share feelings with husband, but don't treat him like a baby. He made the right call.
Somebody who strikes when you are most vulnerable is a viper and not to be trusted. Full. STOP. There's no telling what else she would do. Like the saying goes, when somebody shows you who they are, believe them. She's shown you she's not to be trusted.
Mom started stuff. Sister in-law also started stuff by threatening OP over Mom starting stuff. You can't get mad about stuff you created coming to light. Keep them on the other side of the boundary until they recognize and accept it.
@@AuroraPaintBrush4444 I mean, they technically were given a baby with no name, so it's totally fair. Unlike some people who will adopt a child and change their name for no reason other than "We didn't like the old one" or worse reasons.
I know some families have traditions with naming that are really important to them. But that seems like something that would come up early in the pregnancy. I have some relatives that name their kids so that they all have the same initials: like Carrie Sara Jones and Connor Steven Jones. I have some where everyone in the family had a name that started with T. Even the dog! But just based on the fact that neither the mother nor father was pushing for MIL's name, that should have ended the conversation.
@@SkyEcho751 when adopting babies, two main ways a baby is "nameless" pregnant bio mom chooses the adoptive parents/adoption agency Or a Found baby. Like the safe haven act, where a baby can be dropped off at Fire stations, churches, hospitals. Anywhere the local law has it a safe area to drop off the baby.
I never understand the end goal with mothers in law that act like this. MIL was feeling so insecure about the baby not being named after her that she nuked her relationship with her son dil and granddaughter. Ironically had MIL just let that insecurity go she would have access to the baby. She would be by her DIL side helping her take care of the baby. She shot herself in the foot by going psycho over a name.
Heck maybe just have a freaking conversation with her and just maybe OP might bounce the idea of letting the baby have two middle names. I mean the mother already had a hand in giving the baby a first name. What exactly was she hoping to gain by insulting her dead mother?
My kid named his baby after my dad (his granddad) without me asking him to do so. words can't describe just how happy I am they chose to honor my dad this way. and I thanked his girlfriend as well since in my book she had the final say on what the baby's name is. If they had a girl I'd never ask them to give the baby my name. I'm not that fond of my own name and I'm sure that if you could ask my mother about it that she'd roll her eyes and say one of me is more than enough lol
@@ajjean2720 for real, then insult op as well when she was denied access to their house. Like that's going to help her situation. I'm betting she was trying to hurt op because if she can't get her way plus her insecurities then she will try to hurt op.
No it's just that MILs mask fell off. Now they all see her true colors. Bet she will try to control everything if given half a chance. Glad the OP has a spine!
MIL really screwed herself on this one. So basically she's jealous of a dead woman. She's jealous of a dead woman having her name used not as the 1st but 2nd name. Meanwhile if she just kept her mouth shut on the subject she would have realized as the only living grandparent she could have had an huge impact on this child's life. This kid would only hear stories about OP's parents but actually have good times and memories with MIL.
Folks need to remember that SIL heard a story from MIL's perspective. No telling what MIL told SIL so she might have been righteous in her fury, depending on what she was told. And remember that she repeatedly apologized after she learned the truth and is mortified about the whole situation. In her case, folks should just chill.
@@thatjeff7550I don't give a hoot *what* she was told. There's no way this is the first time her mother has lied to and instead of getting her brother’s side of things she threatens a new mom? F no, she's a gullible idiot who shouldn't be around OP at absolute best
*"I thought about just letting my husband take our daughter over to his mom's house so she can fully meet her outside of the day I had her."* Bad idea, IMO. Giving MIL access to OP's child is rewarding bad behaviour and giving a her a path to parent OP's child without permission.
OP still doesn't get it. She can no longer trust her MIL and her husband knows that. Any apology would be more manipulation. Op also can't trust her SIL.
A lot of this is husband's decision to make. OP has made her feelings clear and I wouldn't blame her if she never talked to MIL again. Whether husband sees his mother is his decision. IF he wants to take their daughter, they need boundaries in place (the baby is not allows out of his sight? If MIL doesn't give the baby back when asked, no more visits? If MIL insults OP again, no more visits?)
It's crazy how she keeps repeating how amazing she was WHEN she was pregnant and can't see that that's exactly why MIL was that amazing during her pregnancy, so OP would feel obligated to put her middle name
It’s the fact that MIL went on to insult her dead mother that got me the most baffled. Like idk how she thought that would go over well. Also it’s not like OP wouldn’t notice that she in fact changed her daughter’s middle name so again what was she expecting to happen? Maybe the mother wasn’t as nice (or sane) as OP originally thought and she was only acting “nice” because she was getting her way this entire time. And the funny thing is OP never lied or said anything bad about her but she still mad because she knows what she did was wrong. I’m with OP. She should have no place into her or the baby’s life until a full on apology is made and boundaries are respected
I can’t believe no one is suggesting it, but it is odd that she went from awesome to crazy. People think that dementia in older people is just forgetting things, but sometimes it is mean or childish behavior too. Her family (not OP) should at least make sure that isn’t the case.
Manipulators are really good at hiding true self as long it needs. Maybe baby triggered delusion in her head that baby is hers and it didn't come out until birth.
This! I work in a nursing home, and it's unfortunately common. Either new residents, or the ones we've known for years, suddenly change in a blink of an eye
It sounds like MIL is used to people enabling and catering to her. BIL and SIL didn't bother to question OP before attacking her, and MIL thinks she can use her kindness for manipulation.
Story 1: NTA. What is it with the FRIENDS being the worst support system. Hun, that is your baby, she is being awful to you, and you don’t have to stand for ANY of it!
The mother-in-law was crossing lines and she lied. She wasn’t making her feel comfortable. She was trying to change the baby’s middle name out of selfishness.
The fact she had the stupidity and audacity to dare say, "well, your mom wasn't the one who supported you and not here. So what difference does it make?". Op has every right to kick mil out for being so selfish and cruel. Mil just showed her true ugly entitled colors. Op was smart to immediately tell her husband because mil could have lied about what happened and play victim to being kicked out. Called it, mil lied to sil about what actually happened. Op's husband deserves an award for going off on his siblings specially his sister for threatening op. Knowing people like mil, she didn't think about them finding out the truth and making everything so much worse on herself. Gotta love how mil just sends rude messages, insults and insult op's late mom. Like that's going to help her situation and get to see her grankid. She really showed her true ugly colors. Update, not surprised that mil is furious about the reddit post. More than likely she's mad at how everyone sees her as the villain that she is. Nor that she went off on her son for not defending her and siding with op. Then use the posts as an excuse to cause havoc on op. Glad op also cut off the so called best friend for siding with mil. The fact mil said that op made her look like a bad person in the posts and she already "feels bad as is" says she refuses to accept that what she did, did make her a bad person. I understand that op's husband is hurting and it probably hurt him how his mom is acting. At least he's not in the fog and thinks that sending his sister to apologize to op is fine. Hopefully mil will get help, actually apologize and so on. If not, then she loses her grandkid and that'll be on her. I get the feeling that mil is jealous of op's late mother.
"Op was smart to immediately tell her husband because mil could have lied about what happened and play victim to being kicked out." Yep, MIL did that with SIL.
@@robinkholmes7127 I figured Mil was going to because that's what people like her do. So it's also no surprise that she also refuses responsibility for her actions and keeps making everything so much worse on herself.
Story 1 Update 2: That’s right OP. This woman is unstable and doesn’t get to be around your kid unless YOU say so. Give your Husband some love and rest assured you’re doing great.
Get the husband help to be the man he is trying and needs to be. He shouldn't shoulder this alone. That is the only thing needs doing. They need therapy to get thru this.
I’m furious that OP’s MIL would go out of her way to aid her throughout her pregnancy JUST so she could legally sneak her name in there while she recovers. Unfortunately this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard of spouses or family members pulling crap like this. MIL has no shame and ALL of the audacity to be pulling out the “victim grandma” card. If Monster-in-law wants ANY hope of seeing her grandchild, she had better call off her flying monkeys, make a public facebook post owning up to what she did, then apologize to OP face to face. Only then she would be granted SUPERVISED visits. Until then, OP, do NOT give in! Your husband is doing the right thing!
I feel so sorry for op. I love my MIL just as much as my actual mom. We get along wonderfully and if she suddenly started acting like this I would be devastated. Like full on heart broken....
Story 1. How dare she! NTA! What did she think was going to happen?! MIL could have approached her son and DIL at any time and asked if maybe they would consider adding her name as a second middle name, but instead she went the exact wrong way about it.
Last story: "Hands off the nerd. He may be a bit weird but he's single handedly keeping this company running. If it's a choice between him and you then I'll accept your immediate resignation"
I was worried that she would have let the SIL get away with threatening her life, in the UK she could get charged, I know because I was falsely accused to to that and was arrested and had to go court for it...
I have a feeling that the only reason MIL was there for OP was so she could try and see if OP will change the name for her. I don’t think she helped the OP out of the kindness of her heart. But so she could get something out of it
Ok MIL is so wrong that I can’t fathom her audacity. She felt some type of way bc OOp wanted to honor her deceased mom by giving daughter the middle name. MIL is so greedy that she doesn’t realize she gets to be here (on earth) to be part of the child’s life as long as grandma is alive but no she wanted everything. And then made up lies and still disrespects op and her mother, knowing this will be her only grandchild. Also when OP said whatever child she had (middle name)boy= her dad’s name and girl= her mom’s name. She said surprisingly. What’s the surprise? There are only two options, there’s no losing situation; she’s going to have child’s middle name of her parents
Exactly!! She may not have her grandchild named after her, but she's the grandmother who actually had the opportunity to know her granddaughter and be a part of her life, and she threw that all away because of her narcissistic entitlement to "win one over" a dead woman who never even got to see her own child grow up.
It sounds like MIL thought that if she were the bestest, most super supportive MIL ever, OP would see how deserving she was of having her granddaughter named after her. When that didn't happen, she took it upon herself to make it happen. It was bad enough she did that, but her reasoning for it was beyond heartless. OP lost her parents in a car accident when she was 15. Not only did MIL try to take away OP's wish to name her child after her mother, but she also demanded credit for being the supportive one, as if OP's mom were still alive, which only reminded OP why her mom was not there. How selfish and heartless can one person be?
Story 1: (NTA) Why does the MIL have the audacity to try to change the baby's middle name right in front of you? Oh, she was actively helping you during the pregnancy, so... She CHOSE to do all that, she's owed nothing. Always be cautious of an overly involved soon-to-be grandparent. The nurses were 100% on the ball by confirming with you about the name change. I know that middle names can be a family thing, often more common than first names these days but they don't have to be. I have a middle name that's been in the family on my mum's side for three generations, if I ever have a daughter I might or might not use it for her middle name and if I used it for her middle name I wouldn't expect her to do the same for her daughter if she had one. "She's not even here to support you so what sense does that make?" Say that about taking a name from way back in a family tree from a relative who's no longer alive or just a random middle name that fits with the first name😮💨I hope MIL doesn't expect anyone to come to her funeral. The main issue is OP and Hubby need to get on the same page about his Mum. And cue the flying monkeys. Set the story straight and let BIL and SIL decide for themselves, let them deal with a demanding Grandma once their babies are born. Or did MIL target OP specifically? Oh, they did apologise, not flying monkeys, just gullible. Great husband, putting his foot down. File a police report about the harassment. That friend sounds more like a frenemy. "That will be her only grandchild." you'd think that MIL would work on being on great terms with the mother of her only grandchild, not ruin it in the delivery room. Update: So the OP dropped the frenemy, great move. Geez, block your mum's number, dude. So MIL found the post. Hubby didn't defend his mum in person either and now that it's on social media it's a problem for her? "You took it too far by bringing family business to social media" "Family business", WTF? And "I didn't like the fact that she mentioned what I said in the story because it makes me look like a horrible person when I already feel bad enough" KARMA!!!!! Again, always be cautious about a future grandparent that's fully involved in the pregnancy or wants to move in with you once the baby comes. It always means controlling and micromanaging tendencies. Don't let MIL around the baby, first kidnapping and later on trying to alienate the growing child from her mum. MIL sent SIL to apologise for her, I'm back to believing that SIL and BIL are flying monkeys. MIL's a communal narc. Let Hubby grieve, he has to go through it.
Your voices for the characters help bring the stories to life in a way that enhances them. Especially the entitled grandmother voice in this one! Good job!
She not only did the name change behind her back, she insulted OP’s dead mother, and then lied to relatives to get them to harass her. Naw. Op in the right.
This whole story screams about the lack of communication between everyone. The SIL and her husband know OP. Do they really think she's capable of such action? If not, why didn't they verify what happened with OP? Now that the mother in the story has been shown to tell tales, are SIL and husband going to take was she says at face value? Something similar happened in my mom's family. Her dad's mother lived with them. One time his brother and wife came to visit. They later said their mother told the visiting son that my mom's dad was mistresting her. They left cut off communication BUT left her with my mom's family. (?) It took 30+ years before the brothers talked and sorted out that their mom had dementia when she told the story. I never understood why if my mom's uncle thought the story was true he didn't try to remove her from his brother. I never got an answer to that question.
Story 1 Update 1: First off, kiss your Husband for every “Awesome Husband” comment. Secondly I would go off on everyone. “SIL. How dare you act like a victim here. YOU WERE a bad person, and if you think your owed an apology you’re just as self absorbed as your Mother”. “And for EVERYONE else, that woman took advantage of my vulnerable state to try and erase a decision I made a long time ago to honor a wonderful woman who is no longer with us. I frankly speaking don’t give a crap about her reputation at this put. So _Excuse me_ for making an anonymous post on a high traffic website about it. No amount of Uncle Joe and Aunt Jill abolishing me is going to convince me to let the woman who hasn’t even apologized yet back into my life, and in fact if this continues, I WILL be taking legal action to MAKE her stop”.
You are not the AH. I wish that you would have called her a b, for me, too. Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl, and I wish your little family of 3 all of the blessings available.
I don’t think they should let MIL near their baby girl without confirming she can’t demand grandparents right or anything. The SIL is wild for saying what she did, the didn’t fall far from that tree. Children don’t owe their parents grandchildren, and the lady has two other kids who can procreate why is it all on OP and her husband?
The MIL could fix things so easily by properly apologizing. It blows my mind how obstinate people can be when the long term consequences are so obviously damaging.
My father's mother did this to me and my two siblings, I don't know why she even had the power to do this because they should go by the mother and what she wants
People can have more than one middle name -- why not "Noelle Marie"? That said MIL is on a one-way trip to Loonie Town. Whatever possessed her? Her entire family seems shocked and surprised. MIL needs mental help. If she gets it, maybe she can be allowed back in their lives, but that's a long way down the road. After update: OP is a sweet and forgiving person, but not everything can be fixed. Let him handle his mother. And have a long talk with him and show him you love him.
Can we also spare a thought for the nurse who had the guts and gumption to ask OP about”her”change of middle name. You, madam (or sir), are an absolute rock star!!!! May your God bless you and your little family,OP. X
As bad as trying to rename the baby is, the MIL has continued to compound her behavior by continually lying and manipulating everyone around OP. This is a person so controlling and toxic that she will never change.
To be honest I wouldn't want her apology. After what she said about your mother. That was beyond cruel and for me there will be no coming back from that.
"The baby is MIL's only granddaughter so be nice." Yeah, and the baby will be OP's only child, so it's OP's call. Also, like my grandpa once said to my cousin when she gave birth: "At the end of the day, you're the one popping a baby out so you get final say." 😂 I love (and miss) my grandpa!
Story 1: MIL lost ALL rights and privileges!! Not only did she try to change OP's name, but she implied she mother abandoned her when she's deceased! She then doubled down and LIED about it to her family! I wouldn't want to even speak with that woman EVER again! NTA!!
Well, DANG, if MIL was that worried about contact with her only grandchild, maybe SHE should have behaved better, and not verbally crapped all over OP's dead mother!!! What the holy heck did she think would be the result of those words?
All of my years on YT and Reddit and I GASPED at what MIL said. How could anyone say such a callous thing about someone’s parent who passed away in an accident!?
Story1 (before updates): NTA, your MIL is mentally unstable, and until she gets treatment, and can acknowledge what she did was both wrong and crazy, she should not be anywhere near the child. That being said your husband is the one who needs to deal with his mother and get her to seek treatment. Story 1 (update 1): Again not the AH yes you posted it, but you did so anonymously with fake names, therefore the only way people would make the connection is if they have direct knowledge of the situation. My bet is BIL or SIL showed it to her, in hopes she would realize how insane she acted by reading the comments, and it backfired. THE MIL who was supporting you during the pregnancy doesn't exist, it was a manipulation to try and control you (or she had a server mental break and needs more help than I thought from the initial story).
"Please don't mention that horrible thing I did, I've felt "bad" for long enough". Gee, it's almost like that's the point of a punishment! Clearly it hasn't stuck yet.
So my husband called me crazy today you guys because we’re on family vacation, and our place doesn’t have any Internet so I drove to a café just so I cannot miss my lost genre. Reddit story on my Sunday morning.😂
That betrayel is the worst! And i have to supose that the support MIL gave before the young mum, had her baby was an act all with the end game in mind, which is at the very least creepy but absoltly underhanded and just very, very sad.
Story 1: I get that older relatives like to have kids named after them or someone they prefer. But I've always been the type of person that likes plenty of time to think over my options. So what I actually take issue with is, MIL already knew what the baby's name would be, and said nothing until after she was born. If she had at least said beforehand that she had a preference, it would at least be on record that she had a suggestion. But to pull this crap after the birth when the mother is weakened and groggy, yeah, she sucks hard. And then to say "your mom's not here", like, if she was here, she would put the fear of zombie moms in you, lady! And nobody wants to see that. Okay, I kinda do...
the SIL may feel bad now, but threatening to "k''l" someone was because some call your mother a b* (and she didn't even say it), was just a big no for me.
The biggest problem I see is that she lied to BIL & SIL about their conversation about the name. If OP gives in, what else is she going to do? The fact that she is twofaced enough that nobody couldn't believe she would do this is worriesome.
Damm is it good that the hospital had actually competent workers Imagine if they just took the Mil by her words and changed the name without confirming it with OP
Story 1 9:45 : Is Target outside the US? I doubt the authenticity of this story. OP isn't an English speaker so I doubt not-Target-Target-Australia counts and google doesn't translate supermarket to Target from other languages.
It was nice of you to tell him that he could still have a relationship with his mother, because a lot of women would have said either her or me but we have to realize at the end of the day, that is still his mom.But hopefully, she will realize how bad she messed up. And I think he needs to sit down and have a serious conversation with his mom about her actions.
Main story: MIL FAFO'd. She Eff'd around. She now gets to FIND OUT. MIL keeps digging the hole DEEPER with each subsequent misbehavior. Might want to get an RO if possible for this harrassment.
Edit: just saw the extra bit about no longer being friends...teach me to post before finishing ... and I'm glad she talked with the SIL, because the next time I saw SIL, I'd greet her with a weapon. "Well, you DID say you'd kill me."
Totally get where OP was at, being post-operative, shocked from giving birth and then MIL springs that on her. If MIL had been a real human being however, infant's middle name could have INCLUDED MIL's as well. There's no law against having two middle names, right? Sara Jane Marie Whatever. (making up names here). Jane after OP's mother, etc. Unless one truly dislikes the MIL's given name, of course; and now MIL's name is Mud.
A lot of new grandmas get a little crazy (or a lot) and they say and do so many stupid stuff. I’ve seen it in action and also heard about this in a lot of these posts. I think that if the mother in law has always been a nice and supportive person maybe she can be forgiven if she really apologizes and promises to never do something like that again. Some women get extremely crazy when they become new grandmothers, an although her behavior was just plain disgusting, it might have come out because she felt that this will be her only grandchild, she would never have an opportunity to get her name passed on to other generations, or if this girl decides not to have any children then this baby will be the last one descendent of her family… and many other sentimental things like that, so she went all crazy. I’m not saying she should have a free pass, because she did a really horrible thing! But it doesn’t seem like she’s usually like that, or else some other things would have slipped out, she could never hide her crazy behavior for so long if it was always there. I think she could be forgiven but only if she truly apologizes, because in the end, this is going to be the only grandparent the baby will have, and for some people, the experiences they had with their grandparents is something that they cherish dearly, so maybe is not such a bad idea to give her another chance (again, if she apologizes truly), since she hasn’t displayed any behavior like this one before, she will likely never do something so stupid again, specially since she saw what a crapshow her stupidity made! She would probably overstep a few times, all people do when there’s a new baby, but she will never go this far again because she knows it might lead to not seeing her granddaughter again! I think everyone can get a second chance… she doesn’t deserve it, but OP can be a big enough person to give her one, and they can be a family again, which will also make her husband very happy! They don’t need to break up a whole family for one (very) stupid decision that can be easily corrected by the MIL (again, I can’t stress this enough, IF, and only IF, she apologizes from her heart).
MIL could have silently celebrate that she was the only grandma and didn’t have to share with op’s parents. Never trust her with the baby alone even if you forgive. She will poison the kid against op
Naw, that SIL would get low contact for a HOT minute and the best friend would be an EX friend because _____! 😡 Even if I did ever accept her apology. It would be for me not for her, and I still wouldn’t let her anywhere near my child because her being there for me all that long time during my pregnancy; now seems underhanded, fake, and nefarious in nature!
I was just wondering if this will be the only grandchild, a solution could be a hyphenated middle name with both grandmothers (your mothers name coming first) or even just two middle names (which is not uncommon).
Okay but that nurse is a fucking CHAMPION.
Doing their job, 💯
All I can say is that if I was the nurse in that position, I would have done the exact same thing. The job is to advocate for your patient first and foremost, and for postpartum nurses that means the person who gave birth and their baby/babies. They take precedence over their spouse/partner, mom, mother-in-law, father-in-law, etc. Being postpartum - especially after an emergency cesarean - is an incredibly vulnerable position, and that's exactly when you need an advocate in your corner. I would fight any psycho MIL any day of the week for my patients!
The best friend needs to stfu, and can anyone else not get over how OP’s sil THREATENED HER LIFE??? She literally threatened to kill her!!! Wtaf?????
Yeah just casually threatening someone's life. I'm assuming the lights are on but nobody's home for SIL. It must hurt to be that dumb lol.
I know! Whatever story mil came up with, nothing justified what sil threatened.
Best friend is right i have three names because my parents choose both grandmothers names as middle names. Mil wil die too one day and not one of her children gave their child her name.. it is sort of playing favorites. And mil did a lot for op so i understand where she comes from. This is esh.
@@paulinadeboer3604how is OP in the wrong? MIL tried to change the name of OP's child. She had absolutely no right to do so. It doesn't matter how much help and support MIL has given OP. Unless a person is the legal parent of a baby they have no right to name that child. MIL is not that baby's parent.
@@paulinadeboer3604 I to can sorta understand that the mil might have felt left out of the babys name. Instead of sneaking behind op:s back right after birth to change the name she could have made it and suggestion or question. You know communicate and ask if the child can't have her name to as she's to be her only grandchild. Sneaking behind op:s back is an AH thing to do. Consider as well that it's not unlikely that the surname is from the fathers side of the family and they already have their family name represented in that case.
The spine on OP1 is glowing in the dark. This lady do not play.
Hubby's too, "You're my family now"🥰
MiL knew exactly what she was doing. Lulled OP into a false sense of security, struck when she was most vulnerable. And endlessly doubled down. Any apology at this point, would be nothing but lip-service and PR. OP needs to stay NC for the safety of her baby. Be sure to share feelings with husband, but don't treat him like a baby. He made the right call.
It seems VERY calculated.
For real, like she tried to butter op up so she could get her way in changing the baby's middle name.
Somebody who strikes when you are most vulnerable is a viper and not to be trusted. Full. STOP. There's no telling what else she would do. Like the saying goes, when somebody shows you who they are, believe them. She's shown you she's not to be trusted.
@@onepieceisking5493 And I'll bet she had more plans for the baby's life that would go against what OP wanted.
@@merlinathrawes746 I wouldn't be surprised. Especially with how jealous she was over op's late mother.
Mom started stuff. Sister in-law also started stuff by threatening OP over Mom starting stuff. You can't get mad about stuff you created coming to light. Keep them on the other side of the boundary until they recognize and accept it.
I also get the feeling that Mil is jealous of op's late mother. That's why she tried to change the middle name and start this crap storm.
They won't recognise and accept it until it's too late, MIL's a narc and SIL's a flying monkey
@@onepieceisking5493 Yep, narcs a prone to jealousy
If you didn't birth or conceive the baby or adopt the baby, you have no say in the naming of the baby.
Or adopt at birth.
I mean this as a fun jab.
Superman's adoptive parents had every right to name their space baby.
@@AuroraPaintBrush4444 I mean, they technically were given a baby with no name, so it's totally fair. Unlike some people who will adopt a child and change their name for no reason other than "We didn't like the old one" or worse reasons.
I know some families have traditions with naming that are really important to them. But that seems like something that would come up early in the pregnancy.
I have some relatives that name their kids so that they all have the same initials: like Carrie Sara Jones and Connor Steven Jones.
I have some where everyone in the family had a name that started with T. Even the dog!
But just based on the fact that neither the mother nor father was pushing for MIL's name, that should have ended the conversation.
After everything the MIL did OP still has to ask reddit AITA? that's really sad
@@SkyEcho751 when adopting babies, two main ways a baby is "nameless" pregnant bio mom chooses the adoptive parents/adoption agency Or a Found baby.
Like the safe haven act, where a baby can be dropped off at Fire stations, churches, hospitals. Anywhere the local law has it a safe area to drop off the baby.
The real MVP is the nurse who knew to confirm with the mother before making any changes!
I never understand the end goal with mothers in law that act like this. MIL was feeling so insecure about the baby not being named after her that she nuked her relationship with her son dil and granddaughter. Ironically had MIL just let that insecurity go she would have access to the baby. She would be by her DIL side helping her take care of the baby. She shot herself in the foot by going psycho over a name.
Heck maybe just have a freaking conversation with her and just maybe OP might bounce the idea of letting the baby have two middle names. I mean the mother already had a hand in giving the baby a first name. What exactly was she hoping to gain by insulting her dead mother?
My kid named his baby after my dad (his granddad) without me asking him to do so. words can't describe just how happy I am they chose to honor my dad this way. and I thanked his girlfriend as well since in my book she had the final say on what the baby's name is. If they had a girl I'd never ask them to give the baby my name. I'm not that fond of my own name and I'm sure that if you could ask my mother about it that she'd roll her eyes and say one of me is more than enough lol
@@ajjean2720 for real, then insult op as well when she was denied access to their house. Like that's going to help her situation. I'm betting she was trying to hurt op because if she can't get her way plus her insecurities then she will try to hurt op.
No it's just that MILs mask fell off. Now they all see her true colors. Bet she will try to control everything if given half a chance. Glad the OP has a spine!
MIL really screwed herself on this one. So basically she's jealous of a dead woman. She's jealous of a dead woman having her name used not as the 1st but 2nd name. Meanwhile if she just kept her mouth shut on the subject she would have realized as the only living grandparent she could have had an huge impact on this child's life. This kid would only hear stories about OP's parents but actually have good times and memories with MIL.
I'm more surprised that the husband didn't secretly side with his mom, wow it feels so unreal love that he has a backbone hope he keeps strong!
Me too, he must love the OP. I also wonder with these stories where is FIL?
No but the stories feeling fake because the spouse acts right makes me feel jaded
WTF!?! 4 minutes in, and the SIL threatened OP??? Naw fam! She threatened OP's life.
Honestly how awful! I was horrified when she said that, and then OP forgave her? Nah, it would take time for me to to forgive that
I would be asking her to repeat what she said.
Folks need to remember that SIL heard a story from MIL's perspective. No telling what MIL told SIL so she might have been righteous in her fury, depending on what she was told. And remember that she repeatedly apologized after she learned the truth and is mortified about the whole situation. In her case, folks should just chill.
@@thatjeff7550I don't give a hoot *what* she was told. There's no way this is the first time her mother has lied to and instead of getting her brother’s side of things she threatens a new mom? F no, she's a gullible idiot who shouldn't be around OP at absolute best
@@thatjeff7550 nah threatening to unalive someone before even checking with them is absolutely bananas. And very dumb.
*"I thought about just letting my husband take our daughter over to his mom's house so she can fully meet her outside of the day I had her."*
Bad idea, IMO. Giving MIL access to OP's child is rewarding bad behaviour and giving a her a path to parent OP's child without permission.
OP still doesn't get it. She can no longer trust her MIL and her husband knows that. Any apology would be more manipulation. Op also can't trust her SIL.
For now baby napping and later on aliening the daughter from the OP.
A lot of this is husband's decision to make. OP has made her feelings clear and I wouldn't blame her if she never talked to MIL again. Whether husband sees his mother is his decision. IF he wants to take their daughter, they need boundaries in place (the baby is not allows out of his sight? If MIL doesn't give the baby back when asked, no more visits? If MIL insults OP again, no more visits?)
@@lynnw7155 definitely not! Refer to my comment just posted.
It's crazy how she keeps repeating how amazing she was WHEN she was pregnant and can't see that that's exactly why MIL was that amazing during her pregnancy, so OP would feel obligated to put her middle name
It’s the fact that MIL went on to insult her dead mother that got me the most baffled. Like idk how she thought that would go over well. Also it’s not like OP wouldn’t notice that she in fact changed her daughter’s middle name so again what was she expecting to happen? Maybe the mother wasn’t as nice (or sane) as OP originally thought and she was only acting “nice” because she was getting her way this entire time. And the funny thing is OP never lied or said anything bad about her but she still mad because she knows what she did was wrong. I’m with OP. She should have no place into her or the baby’s life until a full on apology is made and boundaries are respected
Narcs aren't smart when it comes to reasoning beyond, "I want this" and "I don't like this"
Hubby was a boss throughout this story
We love a king defending his kingdom.
No matter how unappreciated she was feeling, MIL had no business hijacking a childs legal record.
I can’t believe no one is suggesting it, but it is odd that she went from awesome to crazy. People think that dementia in older people is just forgetting things, but sometimes it is mean or childish behavior too. Her family (not OP) should at least make sure that isn’t the case.
Also, UTIs can make an older person suddenly display symptoms of dementia.
Or MIL was really good at hiding her crazy until she wasn’t.
Aggression is a symptom of dementia. Thank you for bringing this up 😊
Manipulators are really good at hiding true self as long it needs.
Maybe baby triggered delusion in her head that baby is hers and it didn't come out until birth.
This! I work in a nursing home, and it's unfortunately common. Either new residents, or the ones we've known for years, suddenly change in a blink of an eye
I'm sticking to my theory that MIL is a communal narc and SIL's her flying monkey, but still and interesting theory.
It sounds like MIL is used to people enabling and catering to her. BIL and SIL didn't bother to question OP before attacking her, and MIL thinks she can use her kindness for manipulation.
Once I heard "Their family was always really close" I thought, "MIL's a narc"
MIL really pulled Yzma's "(s)he ain't getting any deader!" and honestly thought it was a good argument
Story 1: NTA. What is it with the FRIENDS being the worst support system. Hun, that is your baby, she is being awful to you, and you don’t have to stand for ANY of it!
The mother-in-law was crossing lines and she lied. She wasn’t making her feel comfortable. She was trying to change the baby’s middle name out of selfishness.
I wouldn't left SIL around my daughter either. Especially after she threatened me
Story 1: NTA! Not her baby not her choice.
Yeah, only grandchild probably, so more reason not to fuck it up
The fact she had the stupidity and audacity to dare say, "well, your mom wasn't the one who supported you and not here. So what difference does it make?". Op has every right to kick mil out for being so selfish and cruel. Mil just showed her true ugly entitled colors. Op was smart to immediately tell her husband because mil could have lied about what happened and play victim to being kicked out.
Called it, mil lied to sil about what actually happened. Op's husband deserves an award for going off on his siblings specially his sister for threatening op. Knowing people like mil, she didn't think about them finding out the truth and making everything so much worse on herself. Gotta love how mil just sends rude messages, insults and insult op's late mom. Like that's going to help her situation and get to see her grankid. She really showed her true ugly colors.
Update, not surprised that mil is furious about the reddit post. More than likely she's mad at how everyone sees her as the villain that she is. Nor that she went off on her son for not defending her and siding with op. Then use the posts as an excuse to cause havoc on op. Glad op also cut off the so called best friend for siding with mil. The fact mil said that op made her look like a bad person in the posts and she already "feels bad as is" says she refuses to accept that what she did, did make her a bad person. I understand that op's husband is hurting and it probably hurt him how his mom is acting. At least he's not in the fog and thinks that sending his sister to apologize to op is fine. Hopefully mil will get help, actually apologize and so on. If not, then she loses her grandkid and that'll be on her. I get the feeling that mil is jealous of op's late mother.
"Op was smart to immediately tell her husband because mil could have lied about what happened and play victim to being kicked out." Yep, MIL did that with SIL.
@@robinkholmes7127 I figured Mil was going to because that's what people like her do. So it's also no surprise that she also refuses responsibility for her actions and keeps making everything so much worse on herself.
Story 1 Update 2: That’s right OP. This woman is unstable and doesn’t get to be around your kid unless YOU say so. Give your Husband some love and rest assured you’re doing great.
Get the husband help to be the man he is trying and needs to be. He shouldn't shoulder this alone. That is the only thing needs doing. They need therapy to get thru this.
I’m furious that OP’s MIL would go out of her way to aid her throughout her pregnancy JUST so she could legally sneak her name in there while she recovers. Unfortunately this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard of spouses or family members pulling crap like this. MIL has no shame and ALL of the audacity to be pulling out the “victim grandma” card.
If Monster-in-law wants ANY hope of seeing her grandchild, she had better call off her flying monkeys, make a public facebook post owning up to what she did, then apologize to OP face to face. Only then she would be granted SUPERVISED visits. Until then, OP, do NOT give in! Your husband is doing the right thing!
The only time u talk with a parent about changing their kids name is if the original name they are choosing will gave the kid a hard time growing up
I'd be terrified that she would try alienate the kid and put stuff in their heads.
If SIL wants a child to be named after her mother she can have a baby and name it whatever she wants
I feel so sorry for op. I love my MIL just as much as my actual mom. We get along wonderfully and if she suddenly started acting like this I would be devastated. Like full on heart broken....
Same. I adore my mother-in-law.
Although, now my MIL is in her 90s, I’d immediately get her to a doctor if her personality changed that dramatically.
Story 1. How dare she! NTA! What did she think was going to happen?! MIL could have approached her son and DIL at any time and asked if maybe they would consider adding her name as a second middle name, but instead she went the exact wrong way about it.
Last story: "Hands off the nerd. He may be a bit weird but he's single handedly keeping this company running. If it's a choice between him and you then I'll accept your immediate resignation"
I was worried that she would have let the SIL get away with threatening her life, in the UK she could get charged, I know because I was falsely accused to to that and was arrested and had to go court for it...
Imagine casually threatening someone like that. If I was OP, that SIL would never darken my doorstep.
@@Azulakayesit must hurt to have SIL's intelligence lmao
I have a feeling that the only reason MIL was there for OP was so she could try and see if OP will change the name for her. I don’t think she helped the OP out of the kindness of her heart. But so she could get something out of it
Ok MIL is so wrong that I can’t fathom her audacity. She felt some type of way bc OOp wanted to honor her deceased mom by giving daughter the middle name. MIL is so greedy that she doesn’t realize she gets to be here (on earth) to be part of the child’s life as long as grandma is alive but no she wanted everything. And then made up lies and still disrespects op and her mother, knowing this will be her only grandchild.
Also when OP said whatever child she had (middle name)boy= her dad’s name and girl= her mom’s name. She said surprisingly. What’s the surprise? There are only two options, there’s no losing situation; she’s going to have child’s middle name of her parents
Those lies bother me as much as MIL's actions at the hospital.
Exactly!! She may not have her grandchild named after her, but she's the grandmother who actually had the opportunity to know her granddaughter and be a part of her life, and she threw that all away because of her narcissistic entitlement to "win one over" a dead woman who never even got to see her own child grow up.
It sounds like MIL thought that if she were the bestest, most super supportive MIL ever, OP would see how deserving she was of having her granddaughter named after her. When that didn't happen, she took it upon herself to make it happen. It was bad enough she did that, but her reasoning for it was beyond heartless.
OP lost her parents in a car accident when she was 15. Not only did MIL try to take away OP's wish to name her child after her mother, but she also demanded credit for being the supportive one, as if OP's mom were still alive, which only reminded OP why her mom was not there. How selfish and heartless can one person be?
Story 1: (NTA) Why does the MIL have the audacity to try to change the baby's middle name right in front of you? Oh, she was actively helping you during the pregnancy, so... She CHOSE to do all that, she's owed nothing. Always be cautious of an overly involved soon-to-be grandparent. The nurses were 100% on the ball by confirming with you about the name change. I know that middle names can be a family thing, often more common than first names these days but they don't have to be. I have a middle name that's been in the family on my mum's side for three generations, if I ever have a daughter I might or might not use it for her middle name and if I used it for her middle name I wouldn't expect her to do the same for her daughter if she had one. "She's not even here to support you so what sense does that make?" Say that about taking a name from way back in a family tree from a relative who's no longer alive or just a random middle name that fits with the first name😮💨I hope MIL doesn't expect anyone to come to her funeral. The main issue is OP and Hubby need to get on the same page about his Mum. And cue the flying monkeys. Set the story straight and let BIL and SIL decide for themselves, let them deal with a demanding Grandma once their babies are born. Or did MIL target OP specifically? Oh, they did apologise, not flying monkeys, just gullible. Great husband, putting his foot down. File a police report about the harassment. That friend sounds more like a frenemy. "That will be her only grandchild." you'd think that MIL would work on being on great terms with the mother of her only grandchild, not ruin it in the delivery room.
Update: So the OP dropped the frenemy, great move. Geez, block your mum's number, dude. So MIL found the post. Hubby didn't defend his mum in person either and now that it's on social media it's a problem for her? "You took it too far by bringing family business to social media" "Family business", WTF? And "I didn't like the fact that she mentioned what I said in the story because it makes me look like a horrible person when I already feel bad enough" KARMA!!!!! Again, always be cautious about a future grandparent that's fully involved in the pregnancy or wants to move in with you once the baby comes. It always means controlling and micromanaging tendencies. Don't let MIL around the baby, first kidnapping and later on trying to alienate the growing child from her mum. MIL sent SIL to apologise for her, I'm back to believing that SIL and BIL are flying monkeys. MIL's a communal narc. Let Hubby grieve, he has to go through it.
Your voices for the characters help bring the stories to life in a way that enhances them. Especially the entitled grandmother voice in this one! Good job!
She not only did the name change behind her back, she insulted OP’s dead mother, and then lied to relatives to get them to harass her. Naw. Op in the right.
This whole story screams about the lack of communication between everyone. The SIL and her husband know OP. Do they really think she's capable of such action? If not, why didn't they verify what happened with OP?
Now that the mother in the story has been shown to tell tales, are SIL and husband going to take was she says at face value?
Something similar happened in my mom's family. Her dad's mother lived with them. One time his brother and wife came to visit. They later said their mother told the visiting son that my mom's dad was mistresting her. They left cut off communication BUT left her with my mom's family. (?) It took 30+ years before the brothers talked and sorted out that their mom had dementia when she told the story.
I never understood why if my mom's uncle thought the story was true he didn't try to remove her from his brother. I never got an answer to that question.
Story 1 Update 1: First off, kiss your Husband for every “Awesome Husband” comment. Secondly I would go off on everyone. “SIL. How dare you act like a victim here. YOU WERE a bad person, and if you think your owed an apology you’re just as self absorbed as your Mother”. “And for EVERYONE else, that woman took advantage of my vulnerable state to try and erase a decision I made a long time ago to honor a wonderful woman who is no longer with us. I frankly speaking don’t give a crap about her reputation at this put. So _Excuse me_ for making an anonymous post on a high traffic website about it. No amount of Uncle Joe and Aunt Jill abolishing me is going to convince me to let the woman who hasn’t even apologized yet back into my life, and in fact if this continues, I WILL be taking legal action to MAKE her stop”.
You are not the AH. I wish that you would have called her a b, for me, too.
Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl, and I wish your little family of 3 all of the blessings available.
I don’t think they should let MIL near their baby girl without confirming she can’t demand grandparents right or anything. The SIL is wild for saying what she did, the didn’t fall far from that tree. Children don’t owe their parents grandchildren, and the lady has two other kids who can procreate why is it all on OP and her husband?
hehe.. "after I gave birht" on the thumbnail image made me laugh
The MIL could fix things so easily by properly apologizing. It blows my mind how obstinate people can be when the long term consequences are so obviously damaging.
Narcs can't properly apologise
she has burned those bridges now she not only destroyed the relationship with he daughter in law but her own son as well
My father's mother did this to me and my two siblings, I don't know why she even had the power to do this because they should go by the mother and what she wants
"WE' didn't get pregnant, OP did. LOL
People can have more than one middle name -- why not "Noelle Marie"? That said MIL is on a one-way trip to Loonie Town. Whatever possessed her? Her entire family seems shocked and surprised. MIL needs mental help. If she gets it, maybe she can be allowed back in their lives, but that's a long way down the road. After update: OP is a sweet and forgiving person, but not everything can be fixed. Let him handle his mother. And have a long talk with him and show him you love him.
Be the mother doesn't want twl middle names for her child. She wants one and no one else can challenge that but the father, her husband.
@@TallLady123 No doubt. But it's a suggestion for MILs or anyone not off their rockers.
@@floraposteschild4184 the MIL doesn't deserve any consideration.
Can we also spare a thought for the nurse who had the guts and gumption to ask OP about”her”change of middle name. You, madam (or sir), are an absolute rock star!!!! May your God bless you and your little family,OP. X
OP's husband is a treasure. Hold onto him, OP!
Story 1: Man…Op’s husband is a CHAMP though.
Stands up for his wife, shuts his toxic family down and doesn’t let anyone walk all over his family
If she has never been like this in the past as verified by her children, perhaps there is a new medical/ psyche problem
It possible, but it's also possible she's always gotten what she wanted and this is the first time she was told no.
As bad as trying to rename the baby is, the MIL has continued to compound her behavior by continually lying and manipulating everyone around OP. This is a person so controlling and toxic that she will never change.
To be honest I wouldn't want her apology. After what she said about your mother. That was beyond cruel and for me there will be no coming back from that.
people like the MIL don’t live on the same plane of existence as normal people. Why would she think she could name a baby that she not the parent of??
Hope story 1 can have a happier ending down the road, for husbands sake, but glad he has his priorities straight.
"The baby is MIL's only granddaughter so be nice."
Yeah, and the baby will be OP's only child, so it's OP's call.
Also, like my grandpa once said to my cousin when she gave birth: "At the end of the day, you're the one popping a baby out so you get final say." 😂 I love (and miss) my grandpa!
Story 1: MIL lost ALL rights and privileges!! Not only did she try to change OP's name, but she implied she mother abandoned her when she's deceased! She then doubled down and LIED about it to her family! I wouldn't want to even speak with that woman EVER again!
NTA!!
Well, DANG, if MIL was that worried about contact with her only grandchild, maybe SHE should have behaved better, and not verbally crapped all over OP's dead mother!!! What the holy heck did she think would be the result of those words?
All of my years on YT and Reddit and I GASPED at what MIL said. How could anyone say such a callous thing about someone’s parent who passed away in an accident!?
Story1 (before updates): NTA, your MIL is mentally unstable, and until she gets treatment, and can acknowledge what she did was both wrong and crazy, she should not be anywhere near the child. That being said your husband is the one who needs to deal with his mother and get her to seek treatment.
Story 1 (update 1): Again not the AH yes you posted it, but you did so anonymously with fake names, therefore the only way people would make the connection is if they have direct knowledge of the situation. My bet is BIL or SIL showed it to her, in hopes she would realize how insane she acted by reading the comments, and it backfired.
THE MIL who was supporting you during the pregnancy doesn't exist, it was a manipulation to try and control you (or she had a server mental break and needs more help than I thought from the initial story).
SIL did not deserve forgiveness. She didn't just go way over the line, she crossed the interstate
Sunday morning shenanigans! Let's go!
It's 4 pm here! Just had a walk and a drink on the seafront, and came home to a new video!
@carolroberts4614 this and a steak dinner would make the perfect evening.
Absolutely!
"Please don't mention that horrible thing I did, I've felt "bad" for long enough".
Gee, it's almost like that's the point of a punishment! Clearly it hasn't stuck yet.
What is it with other people believing they have a say in how the baby is named?
As long as it's not something like ABCDE or La---a, bug off!
Luna is part of your lovely family she just happens to be a bigger cat 😂.
My poor grandaughter has a middle name after me, I don't even like my name: it's awful.
So my husband called me crazy today you guys because we’re on family vacation, and our place doesn’t have any Internet so I drove to a café just so I cannot miss my lost genre. Reddit story on my Sunday morning.😂
Morning? Where i live it's evening now😅😅😅
@@martil.9058It’s morning here, as well! 😂
@@martil.9058 it’s 10am where I live ! 😊
@martil.9058 it's technically Monday where I am lol I just can't sleep 😂
Tell him he wouldn’t say that to a sports fan or a coffee drinker; we need our stories to function throughout the day otherwise, CHAOS 😂
Ummmm why would you allow SIL & BIL around you or your child regardless of them knowing the story or not before hurling such vile crap at you?????
That betrayel is the worst! And i have to supose that the support MIL gave before the young mum, had her baby was an act all with the end game in mind, which is at the very least creepy but absoltly underhanded and just very, very sad.
Story 1: I get that older relatives like to have kids named after them or someone they prefer. But I've always been the type of person that likes plenty of time to think over my options. So what I actually take issue with is, MIL already knew what the baby's name would be, and said nothing until after she was born. If she had at least said beforehand that she had a preference, it would at least be on record that she had a suggestion. But to pull this crap after the birth when the mother is weakened and groggy, yeah, she sucks hard. And then to say "your mom's not here", like, if she was here, she would put the fear of zombie moms in you, lady! And nobody wants to see that.
Okay, I kinda do...
the SIL may feel bad now, but threatening to "k''l" someone was because some call your mother a b* (and she didn't even say it), was just a big no for me.
Imagine threatening to orphan your niece, make your brother a widower, just because someone called your mommy a mean name.
Yo LG theres a typo in the thumbnail
The biggest problem I see is that she lied to BIL & SIL about their conversation about the name. If OP gives in, what else is she going to do? The fact that she is twofaced enough that nobody couldn't believe she would do this is worriesome.
Story one. Nta. Why are there so many grandparents who become unhinged when their grandkids are born.
MIL will get all the milestones with lil Noelle that wasn’t enough for her wtf
Damm is it good that the hospital had actually competent workers
Imagine if they just took the Mil by her words and changed the name without confirming it with OP
Restraining order stat and block her everywhere.
Story 1 9:45 : Is Target outside the US? I doubt the authenticity of this story. OP isn't an English speaker so I doubt not-Target-Target-Australia counts and google doesn't translate supermarket to Target from other languages.
It was nice of you to tell him that he could still have a relationship with his mother, because a lot of women would have said either her or me but we have to realize at the end of the day, that is still his mom.But hopefully, she will realize how bad she messed up. And I think he needs to sit down and have a serious conversation with his mom about her actions.
Dump the best friend. She is not her friend.
I wonder if MIL is having some kind of medical episode. Sudden changes in personality is something that should be addressed, it is very concerning.
I don't consider reddit social media lol. Not sure if those cousins understand what reddit is.
Story 1: Is OP the AH? No, just No. Mil is a mixed bag of nutz and OP ex friend is just as dumb as mil
Story 1: If it didn't already sound like the SIL didn't fall far from MIL's tree, the uodate certainly showed it.
Whats this hang up people have with getting people to apologise for their crappy behaviour and then everything is hunky dory until the next time.
Main story: MIL FAFO'd. She Eff'd around. She now gets to FIND OUT. MIL keeps digging the hole DEEPER with each subsequent misbehavior. Might want to get an RO if possible for this harrassment.
The MIL acts like a sociopath. I wouldn't trust her with a baby.
The mother in law could have asked for a second middle name when they were discussing the names, I guess this problem would have never occurred.
That was weird.
Always enjoy hearing a good MIL story as I had a MIL from hell.
First story - friend needs to be told "Bye - you're an asshole so I can't be friends with you anymore."
Edit: just saw the extra bit about no longer being friends...teach me to post before finishing ... and I'm glad she talked with the SIL, because the next time I saw SIL, I'd greet her with a weapon. "Well, you DID say you'd kill me."
Totally get where OP was at, being post-operative, shocked from giving birth and then MIL springs that on her. If MIL had been a real human being however, infant's middle name could have INCLUDED MIL's as well. There's no law against having two middle names, right? Sara Jane Marie Whatever. (making up names here). Jane after OP's mother, etc. Unless one truly dislikes the MIL's given name, of course; and now MIL's name is Mud.
A lot of new grandmas get a little crazy (or a lot) and they say and do so many stupid stuff. I’ve seen it in action and also heard about this in a lot of these posts.
I think that if the mother in law has always been a nice and supportive person maybe she can be forgiven if she really apologizes and promises to never do something like that again.
Some women get extremely crazy when they become new grandmothers, an although her behavior was just plain disgusting, it might have come out because she felt that this will be her only grandchild, she would never have an opportunity to get her name passed on to other generations, or if this girl decides not to have any children then this baby will be the last one descendent of her family… and many other sentimental things like that, so she went all crazy.
I’m not saying she should have a free pass, because she did a really horrible thing! But it doesn’t seem like she’s usually like that, or else some other things would have slipped out, she could never hide her crazy behavior for so long if it was always there.
I think she could be forgiven but only if she truly apologizes, because in the end, this is going to be the only grandparent the baby will have, and for some people, the experiences they had with their grandparents is something that they cherish dearly, so maybe is not such a bad idea to give her another chance (again, if she apologizes truly), since she hasn’t displayed any behavior like this one before, she will likely never do something so stupid again, specially since she saw what a crapshow her stupidity made! She would probably overstep a few times, all people do when there’s a new baby, but she will never go this far again because she knows it might lead to not seeing her granddaughter again!
I think everyone can get a second chance… she doesn’t deserve it, but OP can be a big enough person to give her one, and they can be a family again, which will also make her husband very happy! They don’t need to break up a whole family for one (very) stupid decision that can be easily corrected by the MIL (again, I can’t stress this enough, IF, and only IF, she apologizes from her heart).
I can’t imagine what the MIL has in store for her son, DIL and granddaughter. Yikes.
Does a mom REALLY leave the hospital just two or three days after a C-section?
MIL could have silently celebrate that she was the only grandma and didn’t have to share with op’s parents. Never trust her with the baby alone even if you forgive. She will poison the kid against op
Naw, that SIL would get low contact for a HOT minute and the best friend would be an EX friend because _____! 😡
Even if I did ever accept her apology. It would be for me not for her, and I still wouldn’t let her anywhere near my child because her being there for me all that long time during my pregnancy; now seems underhanded, fake, and nefarious in nature!
I was just wondering if this will be the only grandchild, a solution could be a hyphenated middle name with both grandmothers (your mothers name coming first) or even just two middle names (which is not uncommon).
Mood booster: surely if the company can pay the ignorant VP so much then they can give OP a raise?