for people who don't open up to others
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- Опубліковано 10 лют 2025
- this may or may not help, and i felt really uncomfortable uploading it which means i'm probably following my own advice and being vulnerable. enjoy my vulnerability i guess.
whoever you are, i hope you're okay and this made you feel a little better.
insta: @tamrynnicol
This could be me, I cant even open up to my best friend I'm always the funny friend but I went throught a few hard times and told noone but when someone has a problem I'll recognize it and listen to them (I'm pretty good at listening but not at telling)
I write things down but I wish I could tell someone and open up
I didn’t know that it could be so hard to open up like that, I’m kind of the total opposite she mentioned in the video. I share a lot and sometimes it overwhelms people around me, I’m trying to be better at keeping things to myself and understanding people who don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable
@@Maarysouzaa when I was young (like in first to sixth grade) I always was a very open person and I don't know why, but now I'm not, but happily I'm not sad that often :)
I want to open up to my closest friend so badly, it feels shifty to keep everything in, but I just can’t. I’ve vented to him about how I struggle opening up to him, and he’s very patient with me, but I WANT to talk to him. Something always stops me, wether it be shame, fear, or thinking my problem isn’t important or as big a deal as it is to me.
i was always known as the friend who didnt have any secrets because i was "super open"
meanwhile, a bunch of personal family stuff was going on that i never tell anyone (deaths of family members i was literally living with), i had this stupid crush on this guy for 2 years (then figuring out he confessed to a good friend, after liking her for 9 years. she rejected him lol), feel like no one is depending on my existence, looking in the mirror and just feeling sad, getting sick of living and existing in general, and i was literally feeling num and getting confused as to how i woke up every morning and going to school.
and i kept telling myself all of this was literally nothing, and i still feel like im overreacting. and none of my friends/family know about anything because im literally just waiting for everything to go away. i want to talk to my friends, but like, its just hard, and id rather just keep it all in and let it go away by itself.
i definitely wasnt being open lmao.
you are the first person i found who i can really relate to, honestly took the words out of my brain and put them into something i could never explain, thank you
same here , watching this video was like looking into the mirror
Me too...
me too
❤❤❤
me three
I just can't. After this last time, I've been taught that opening up just lets people know the easiest ways to manipulate, use, and discard me and I'm over it. The idea that someone will be different is an absolute myth, and the sooner I accept that and stop expecting differently the happier I will be.
I agree, no one is going to save us amidst the catastrophe that we are facing. Opening up can be useful sometimes but in most cases, it's not. People will pulverize and destroy you when given the chance, not because they're malign, the circumstances might just be the reason behind their actions. Never depend on anyone, we're lucky enough to have 1 true friend who'll stick by us, other than that, we need nothing more
You need to rethink the problem. 1. Opening up isn't about them fixing your problem it's about being intimate with someone. If you are struggling to find someone to open up to it can be helpful to understand the motivation behind someone's action (regardless what they did was good or not). Understanding someone is about separating actions from desire. If you have read non violent communication you may call it need, which everyone has.
❤❤
Men must NEVER admit that any burden is difficult to bear. First of all, no one cares. But mainly you'll reveal the fact that your strength is finite. Finite = limited. And limited strength = weakness. Whomever you choose to share your burden will think less of you, no matter how massive, severe, or numerous your crosses may be. ESPECIALLY if she's an intimate partner who looks to your strength to help carry her burdens.
@tomhohl4373 I'm kinda sorry to hear you feel that no one cares about the burdens you bear. I can only imagine how difficult that feeling must be on top of any other difficulties you're facing in life.
While i think i agreed with your opinion on weakness for most of my life and still do so quite often, i wanted to share how my perspective has shifted a bit and how this shift makes life more enjoyable for me.
In my case, a lack of self-worth and fear of rejection/loneliness make it very hard for me to be truly honest and vulnerable with other people. Paradoxically, by not showing up as the person i truly am, i end up perpetuating the feeling of loneliness, since i don't give other people a chance to get to know the real me. At the same time, the fake, "perfect" and idealized version of myself i like to present to other people is a standard i won't ever be able to live up to.
What's been really helpful for me is thinking about my relationships with other people and the moments i felt most connected to them and good about myself. What i found is that it i feel better about myself whenever somebody trusts me enough to share something they're struggling with. Being trusted and being asked for help feels nice and i'm less intimidated by people who don't pretend to be "perfect". Moments like these make me realize that we're all facing struggles in our lives and that it can be beneficial for my relationships to open up about some of my own.
Therapy has been a crucial help for me in learning to accept these things about myself. If you find you're struggling with feelings of low self-worth and/or loneliness, i can't recommend it enough.
I know this video is out over a year ago but this makes me feel understood. Growing up, I have a hard time expressing myself. Heck, even commenting this right now is making me feel vulnerable. Knowing that there is someone who also knows how it feels to be like this makes me relieved. You literally described everything what I couldn't form in my head. Thank you so much for this video.
You’ve definitely put in the words that I’ve been feeling. It got so bad I had to look up how to open up to others. It’s SOOOO fucking hard for me and I resonated with everything you said. I think deep down I’m scared of rejection or someone using something again me. Glad to see I’m not alone, even though I feel like I am sometimes
My gf is like this, that’s why I saw the video for, she has been going through so much stuff lately and I want to help her, watching this really helped, thank u a lot
If you don't mind, can you guide me on how I can help such people? Is there anything I can do to get them to open up to me?
I love how you talk about the thought trap of "looking at it objectively". I think oftentimes we think we're seeing things in an unbiased way, but that is a lot of times not true. My therapist has been explaining how every decision should be made up of logic and emotion working together. Using only one can lead to a false perception of the nature of things.
I also love the brick wall you provide by saying, "You're being disingenuous by not being yourself". Ouch, that hurt, but so true. I have a habit of changing who I am by what I think others want of me, but this is no basis for a healthy relationship. Sometimes it's good to hear that from others, so thank you.
As I watched this video, I have come to realize that seeking help from other people is indeed better than dealing with it yourself and I'm also aware now that opening up to others does not only put you at ease but also improves your relationship with that person and I couldn't have thought about this without your video miss, so thank you ^^
this video woke me up and gave me the confidence to tell my friends about my problems
That sounds awesome
You good b?
tried opening up to people about how I was doing because I hated being fake and just telling people I was "fine". Then my "friends" started saying I was always in a bad mood. I must've done it wrong cause I eventually drove them away plus I gained zero actual emotional intimacy with those people. We're not friends anymore. I really wonder what the line between playing the victim and being vulnerable is cause I'm back to suffering in silence. If I say how I really feel it's "too much". People only want to be around me if i'm people pleasing and being the fun and exuberant me.
So loneliness it is, since people cannot handle the real me and only accept fakeness anyway. I just talk to my mom, but she's my mom. I do want friends but any type of relationship is just painful.
Maybe therapy would be best? Im still learning how to appropriately share with people and I'm seeing that different people have different tolerances for vulnerability, and therapists are probably the most reliable (not perfect but reliable) people to be vulnerable with. Imagine your issues as a gallon of water, and your friends as measuring cups. Some people are teaspoons, really not good for being vulnerable with, at all. They can pour their problems into you all day long (you're a gallon after all) but can't take a bit of yours, which sucks. They might be good for other things, but not necessarily vulnerability. Some are cups...they can take a bit more but eventually get overwhelmed. Some are bathtubs, they can take it all and then some. But not everyone is a bathtub. A lot of people are cups and spoons. And a lot of people have cups and spoon level problems. If you have gallon level problems but not gallon sized people...its better to choose someone who is "paid" to be a gallon, rather than cross your fingers and hope a gallon person comes along or to expect your cup/tsp sized friends to keep up. Sorry for the weird analogy, but that's the best way I could describe it😂
yeah, sometimes after starting to open up it's hard to find an equilibrium in conversations between focusing on your feelings and focusing on others feelings. It personally took me some time to understand that other people have problems that maybe they are not sharing but they weigh on them regardless
I know this is an old video, but you just described my life . . . I've never been good at vocalizing my feelings/telling others about them. There are a few different reasons: because I either don't feel comfortable, don't know what's wrong, don't know how to explain it, or don't want to bring it up and seem needy. Or I'll rationalize in my head that what I'm feeling is irrational and stupid so why share it? Lots of people say they bottle their emotions because they were hurt in the past, but I've never really experienced that so I don't really know why I feel the way I do. I've grown apart from some of my closest friends over the past few years and I think it's because I stopped being emotionally available/vulnerable with them. It's also a major factor in me breaking up with my ex, who I thought I was going to (and almost did) marry. It has become a major problem in my life, and I don't really know where to start to fix it. I've really only got 1 close friend (2 if you count my sister) a few "friends" who I still see regularly but never really talk with other than some surface level greetings, and my roommate who I just moved in with and would like a deeper connection with eventually. I just don't really know how to go about opening up.
I'm 18 and you know what?I'm afraid of exactly becoming that..I grew up physically apart from my parents and idk how it affected me..but IDK smhw I feel .... empty..what I was about to say is that my dad is like you..he doesent talk much about anything or mb is it just to me?but still he seems...cold on the surface and my mom always tells that" he is cold at times and that he only needs her money for his own needs"...I'm afraid..no I'm downright terrified of the idea of being cold like that..its evtg I hate right now....I smhw avoid everything that my dad possibly did...but my mom always tells me that I'm like my dad and you have no idea how much I hate that...I'm really sorry but the idea of you is my worst nightmare...
This is me. I'm older, and the habits are so solid that I don't think it'll ever change. But I'm not happy or sad about it.
Thanks for sharing this.
As a person that struggles comprehending vulnerability I’d like to thank you for explaining that so well. My gf constantly wanted me to be more vulnerable but I didn’t even know what that meant. Even reading the definition didn’t help me. Thank you!
just found this video while i searching up to how to open up with people. i struggle a lot to open up with people. mostly it's because i'm afraid that i looked vulnerable or people consider me as a weak person. i can relate through your story. sometimes i trying really hard to finally tell people what i feel about something and ended up overthingking it because i feel oversharing. i realize that this behavior is detrimental. i struggle a lot and don't know how to ask help. it's hard for me to make people comfortable with me. i aware about it and often ask my self what is wrong with me. sometimes it's make me insecure. but i believe that i can handle this slowly and make my self to be more confident. thank you for sharing this video!
I know the feeling about not opening up to others.. I lost a group of friends when I opened up to them too much. I decided to stop opening up to others and even making new friends… due to that feeling of betrayal when those friends said they would be there no matter what. When I stopped always being funny and exciting, that’s when things changed lol
I feel like you just opened my eyes to how my friend thinks, thank you very much.
long walks help so much !!!!! Thank you for putting this out it feels good to relate
I have no idea why would this show up on my feed but the timing was just right. I was always the type to bottle up my feelings because (like you said) I'd be perceived as weak but recently I opened up to a friend and it just felt amazing, as if I got rid of some weight on my chest. Knowing that someone will be there for you is as good as it sounds on paper! Thanks for this video.
This is exactly how I feel! Feels good knowing someone else feels my way
Thanks for sharing! You hit it RIGHT ON THE NAIL, @Tamryn!!! Very brave of you to put your thoughts out there and share a part of you that is quite relatable to many others. That’s a sign of INNER WORK + GROWTH! 👏🏽👏🏽
I have a friend that I’m just recognizing that she’s exactly as you’ve described. She’s REALLY great at listening and being a support to me, but then puts up a wall and doesn’t open up much when I try to do the same for her.
And like you said… it’s FAKE! - and no proper connection or friendship can be formed that way! 🙅🏽♀️
I know I’m going to have to have that hard conversation & point it out to her next time I talk to her. Because, if I don’t bring it up or say anything, SHE will keep avoiding it and also won’t say anything. That will just enable her to just keep repeating this behavior.
However she takes it, will be on her. But at least, I’ll know that I’ve done my part of being a KIND friend.
My intention is to help her see this is a pattern that is NOT serving her and that it doesn’t work for me. I DON’T want one-sided situationships; I thrive on two-sided, RECIPROCAL relationships! That’s what I want to attract into my life!
It’s probably happening in her other relationships too, and that she has the power to come out of her comfort zone and CHANGE it, if she wants more fulfilling connections and relationships.
Thanks for opening up!
My boyfriend passes through the same thing and, since he doesn’t feel comfortable to share his feelings, I was struggling to understand his point of view and what was going on.
Now I understand things better and thanks to your kind words about how you feel, now I get to see things clearly!
xoxo ❤️
From Brazil 🇧🇷
This is so lovely to hear, I’m really glad I could help❤️
How did you convince him to express himself to you
@@beastgaming-qt6mp wanna know that too
You are a gem...you are really very considerate and good to care at such deep level for your boyfriend.....tysm for commenting that😊
I’m a cancer and I feel like you and me are from one soul!!!! I’ve felt like this my entire life! Due to many circumstances, for example my parents and siblings! But I got through it, and now I’ve been married for 7 months to a man I’ve known for 3 years and I feel like this too towards my husband. But for some reason when I’m able to actually express how I’m feeling and speak what’s on my mind, even if it’s doesn’t cause damage I feel like it does cause damage which is another reason why I don’t speak much!
But gurlllllllllll I’m so happy to have discovered you!
Oh my word you're so sweet! first of all congrats on your recent marriage. Secondly, I completely get feeling that way even towards someone you're in a relationship with (I do the exact same with my bf). I really hope you're able to work on opening up to him more, you deserve the support! that's the beauty of having a partner, they're there for you to share your ups and downs with.
seriously good luck with it all, you sound super cool xx
I was you . And I can truly fully understand what you mean . Logic and internalisation helps me . One thing I have realised is that this stems from my childhood .... where my preference wasn't the most valued or validated and so very early on as a child I decided to bottle it all in.... Later in life , I made some decisions that were not for me ; I did not pay attention or consider what I was feeling and just went with what made the most sense. I'm now on the other end , where I have shared everything I wanted to share (took 3 years of baby steps) and am dealing with the consequences .... the consequences are not the most comfortable and are stressfull, but at the same time, It's my truth and it couldn't be more liberating ! Thanks a ton for sharing 😊
I feel like you're reading my mind
Exactly!
Naw its just relatability
Exactly!
Damn even Jesus can't open up
I feel so good when I hear someone who went through the same thing I did and see how much they have made their own conclusions(way), I feel soo much happyyyy
I feel like I’m looking in a mirror.
A lot of us learned how to be closed bc we were open to the wrong people, who either didn't care, used that information to harm us, or abandoned us after learning we werent perfect and actually have issues. I'm also a person who struggles with any form of vulnerability (to the point where I can count the people I talk to on one hand, literally and I'm not even very vulnerable with them) but I'm learning to share slowly. And one thing that is important to realize: a lot of people are self-centered. That is just a fact, they would happily share but they might not care to hear your issues. There are also some people who are good natured but just...dont know what to do with your information. Acknowledge them, but avoid sharing with them. They might be good friends with other stronger qualities. But there are also people who are good listeners and care. Take care of them when you find them, bc they probably feel the same as you
Maynee 100% of what u described about yourself, they all just hit me all at once like. It’s like u were describing what I go thru mentally without any details. Thanks this is really helping me I’m going thru a lot as a male and to hear this from another gender it makes me feel like I shouldn’t hide anymore when you know the truth before u let others know about it💙
I can relate to this completely. Not able to share with anyone has a lots of demerits. It can weaken your relation with your friends, family, siblings, partner. Can leave a heavy toll on heart, mind and body. We tend to adjust with the suffering but in reality it does no good. PTSD, anxiety, depression, existential crisis are the results
The being fake part hits me, it's almost like I don't want help and the people around me see that now and even have mentioned it but I just froze and said nothing cause I didn't know what to say back to that.
Thank you for the video, you made me realize why i feel lonely even after spending time with my friends. I think even if i open i kind of try to say it in a better way than i feel just to not burden others with my problems. Feel like nothing helps to feel less lonely sometimes😢
I have never seen the way i think and feel explained so well. Thank you so much for sharing, this is incredibly valuable.
I’m the same way for sure! Ever since I was little I have not been able to open up to people. I don’t completely understand why but I’ve always been that way. I just don’t like people seeing that side of me I guess. I open up every once in a while but even when I’d open up on a Facebook post, I’d block my family, anyone who knows my family really well, and people who care from seeing my posts. I always regret telling someone because I feel like they see me differently. As someone who only thinks about myself and who has so many problems and it’s not always the best or the right time to open up to someone. Some people will make it obvious that something is wrong but will say they’re fine and won’t talk about it. But for me, people don’t even know anything is wrong. I’ve grown so numb and think that my problems aren’t a big deal because even though I may tell someone something and may seem so upset about it, once they show they care, it feels like my problems aren’t that big anymore and it’s not because I talked it out and felt better, it’s because I regret telling them. And because keeping my feelings bottled up has caused me to be used to everything that goes on with me. Yea I react to it but internally. Some people have those close friends or significant other they can share their whole life with, I don’t
i know this is 4 years old but damn, I relate... Like just because I might be joking around and light-hearted doesn't mean I don't have problems. I also find I get annoyed sometimes when others are vulnerable or open up about their feelings and I see them getting sympathy and comfort (I don't show it ofc I just push through) and I think, perhaps, that I feel a bit jealous, that I don't feel like I can be that vulnerable and get sympathy, or I just don't know how to. I also don't ask for help cause I feel like when I did in the past, I just got shut down.
Everything you mentioned in this video is literally me, from the keeping things to myself and being there for people but not helping myself to the long nature walks this is literally me, but I don't know how/I don't have the courage to open up to anyone. But I'm glad you have found the courage to open up
Always have kept in my emotions and lately I’ve been lashing them on my girlfriend and she’s at the point of thinking I have 2 different sided, today I’m gonna tell her everything that makes me upset, things that I’ve never told anybody. I hope with will be better for the both of us because I believe she’s the one ❤️
I am so happy for you dude
i can't believe there is another person who feels exactly the same.
every word you said just made so much sense to me i feel so relieved and understood
thankyou so much
Thank you Tamryn, this really helped me when I was down❤️
You are amazing. You are the person that I want to be friends with and share my feelings.
In a game, I chat with people and try to open up with them and introduced myself and they introduced themselves so when I joke with them friendly many are offended and say to me I judge people according to their age when in reality I just get shocked and say to them you are mature and talk good. But I'm a sensitive person and introvert who try to make a new friend but gets stuck in that. That's when I every time remember I'm an introvert I'm good alone❤
this was not a waste of time. idk if my computer is listening into me or you're in my walls but the fact that this resonated with me so much is insane- this is exactly what has been on my mind. thank you for this, it really helps. you're not alone either and we're here for you ! :)
Yeah I said it right it is fake it is ingenuous , also, I’m an extrovert, so whenever I decide to wanna confide in someone close to me, and I feel like I don’t get the same energy back and kind of throws off the vibe of do you really mess with me as a friend ts Also, it made me literally stop talking to certain people because of actions like this is very uninteresting to talk to someone like this, so I hope people who are taking things internal really learn how to get external, or at least announce their problems to people who they claim is their friends because just like me, they will be moving on because they don’t feel like it’s genuine or more like only one-sided
AAAHHH! Probably the most relatable vid!!! UH! I struggle VERY much with vulnerability. And I am also a good listener to people, I won't say much feedback, but am there for them. And I feel inadequate because I always feel like I don't have enough or right things to say especially if I can't relate to their issue, but people like to open, and I just a celt that somehow I create that atmosphere of trust or peace for them to open up, which I appreciate, but I can almost NNNEVER be as vulnerable, it's hard. But this video helps encourage me to trust as much as they trust me, and in time have them listen to me (...and believe they won't judge me, but accept me as I do them). I think really fear judgement 😩
What an amazing and SPECIAL video....THANK YOU SO much...and thanks for everyone sharing❤❤
That was exactly what I was complaining about to my case worker and I've been confused... I can't believe you're basically expressing the thoughts I want to try to understand. Thank you. I feel better I'm not alone ; - ; You might be bipolar like me, too? Also you're very charming and I didn't feel the time of the video at all because every word was meaningful.
EDIT: I survived years of homelessness and traumas alone eversince growing up, but without support aside from myself by my side, which explains why I'm the best psychiatrist to me and I just don't know how to be with people... I distrust people because of pain from everyone around me and the bullies. But I'm on the way to healing and really needed this. If I can do it, if you can do it, we can do it.
Thank you for this. I wish youtube would show more authentic videos like this, not self improvement stuff. In a world where people are losing connection with each other, many of us are growing up without it and never learn it's ok share how we feel.
Hi!
I just wanted to thank you for uploading this video. I have been struggling for a long time now and I often feel like I can't do it anymore but seeing your video and all of the comments actually really helped me because I don't feel this alone anymore because I know that I'm not the only one feeling like this.
So thank you very much for being so honest!
I'm late to the party but whatever. I so get this. I went years being the "fun chill friend" even when I also had four horrific, god awful shitty things happen in my life, five if you count the global trauma of COVID happening at the same time too. It was only in the last month that I finally decided to stop with the bullshit wall I had up. Now I'm chipping away at opening up to others, because life feels so lonely even when you have friends when you have that wall up- and it's because you're right, in that case your relationships are somewhat fake because you're not really connecting or being you fully. It is so so important to do exactly what you said- find someone, whoever it is, and tell them what it is that's bothering you. You'll feel so much better. My first "hey I am not ok" text I sent to one of my friends a couple weeks ago felt so good to send, I can't even tell you. It's worth it.
thank you for sharing this. It's really good to know I'm not alone on unable to show vulnerability.
i literally coukd never do this. It takes me so much energy to just do any of this or open up. I prefer not to, and i rather ppl watch from a distance and to not interact. I love containinh everything. Also, i totally relate to you
Yours is an old video that only came up in my feed today, but I hope the fact you recognised this while still only 19 gave you a good chance to combat it. I also hope that you've recognised and found pride in the fact that your reluctance to open is driven by your empathy instead of fear of a cruel and uncaring world. But "everything in moderation", sadly that includes our desire to care for and nurture others. I am in my fourties and have tried on and off to combat my wall for...well, actually two decades now, because I started being aware of this problem when I was your age. But I was never consistent, I started and stopped, opened and closed, all the time. I'm...better, at least. But I hope you've been far better at it than me. Well wishes from a random old man on the internet.
Im all you said + im extremely shy and everyone thinks im the fun and perfect but I can't handle and it has gotten to self harm and suicidal thoughts
that is such a difficult thing to go through alone and I'm so so sorry to hear this. Please remember that your are important, you are valued, and you have the power to change. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I really hope you find the courage to ask for help, please feel free to dm me a rant if it's too overwhelming
@@tamrynnicol9093 doesn't feel like it
When you open up to someone for once they like to assume that you're always in that mood no matter how much they know you.
Omg I resonate with each and every thing you mentioned. I don’t know how I feel about this
Thank you that’s exactly how I feel. Thank you so much for this video. It made me feel so much better.
Bro this was so relatable and I was going to send this to people until she brought up astrology
I kind of also find it selfish that people do stuff like this, especially for people who care because if we hang out all the time and it’s always fun and parties literally on a separate myself because the only thing we do is have fun and party and it’s not literally on the real real, it’s like only time when I hang out with you is when I feel like partying because that’s all I see you do. Also, that’s like how we chill, so how am I supposed to be a friend and I’m cleaning you as a friend 10+ years and I don’t feel like I’m your friend in the same way I feel like you’re my friend
I’ve built up such a wall that I put up a fake personality that everyone hates now I struggle to be myself around people
So relatable, crying while walking. Thank you, for some reason I feel understood 🙏🏼
Very helpful insight. I can relate with a lot of points you made, including the self-analyzing and self-criticizing part. Thank you for sharing, have an excellent day.
i like to tell people my problem instead of telling people close to me
Men must NEVER admit any difficulty in bearing any burden. First of all, no one cares. But mainly, you'll reveal the fact that your strength is finite. Finite = limited. And limited strength = weakness. Whomever you choose to share your burden will think less of you, no matter how massive, severe or numerous your crosses may be. ESPECIALLY if she's an intimate partner who looks to your strength to help carry her burdens. All men eventually learn this.
Hey, I'm really sorry you have both had these experiences. I promise there are women out here who don't see it like that. No one partner should have to bear their struggles alone, and no one partner should be responsible for another's burden. Relationships are about sharing both ways. I hope you can find compassion for yourself and the hurt you have experienced, and I hope some day you will experience something different.
I agree to a certain extent but i think its still great to have few people in life that you can be open with, i dont want to build a relationship with deceiving
when you said you were a piscesi laughed because i had got that vibe from early on, im one as well, but what i can say about you, i share about myself is, we are very nervous when it comes to starting out conversations, but once we get going, we are great speakers and very understandable in what we say. you did great ! i know its a old video but it still helped haha
opening up has something I have done, but pretty often whenever I do, there's always been an 80% chance the response will start with "well maybe..." which kills off my vulnerability and puts me back into compartmentalizing because usually I don't want immediate help (yet) or judgement, I just want to talk to someone, and having someone who listens and is present is all the safety I need.
I so get that - I've started by clarifying before even explaining the issue whether I want advice or want them to just listen to me and be empathetic. If they're a good friend / partner / family member (/turtle) they'll respect that you've requested this
are we the same person i only told my best friend (of 8 years) that my dad is emotionally, verbally & financially abusive about 10 months ago after he directly contributed to the death of my childhood cat who was my only emotional support, I was unemployed for months after losing what I thought was my dream job, my dad was more abusive than ever leading up to my cat's death & I was diagnosed with ADHD all within the span of 6 months. It was only at that point when I was uncontrollably vomiting from panic attacks every morning & felt so hopeless I was starting to have serious thoughts of unaliving again that I finally decided to tell him I was struggling..
which unfortunately reminded me of why I don't open up to people in the first place but that's beside the point and not his fault
I'm so glad I came across this video! This fits me too a tee!
Thanks you so much I knew that I wasn’t such a wired person and that there is someone that understands and Someone out there that is similar to me.
i feel so down lately ... hardly to express myself
I don't open up to others because when I used to I got criticized and because I was a guy if I cried I got the "real men don't cry" I taught myself how to never cry. I only really realized that until my dog died and I just couldn't bring myself to crie. Not even my best freinds or parents know me. I started blocking out the good things to, I became a shell of a person. I understand that this is all my fault but to people who were in my shoes and actually bothered to read all this how do I get out of this
opened up to family and led to the worst summer ever.
I literally feel same, all of it is just true for me thanks for this
You have inspired me to create my own UA-cam channel dedicated for finding similar people that also needs help and empathy, I'm really grateful I've found you, you're awesome 🙂💓
Thank you for sharing and showing me a better way.
i opened up to someone the first time. i feel so uneasy i just can’t i’m so scared
That progress is insane though, i hope you're proud of yourself for even considering it
The Miranda warnings (“You have the right to remain silent, anything you can say can be used against you”) apply far beyond their original context, that being when the cops get ahold of you. They are very good life advice as well
I can't open up , I just cringe after telling them about myself and then I'll later regret that i even opened up.
So yea imma just bottle it up until i can't take it anymore.
Exactly how I feel.. wow u hit the nail on the spot
I know I should, but it’s hard. I’ve put up such a wall that I really don’t care to share my inner thoughts anymore.
even writing them down and confessing to paper is a start
I needed this I’m terrified of opening up to anyone can’t even nowadays open up to my mother I only trust Jesus. I try to hold it together but I’m tired so I smile even when I don’t want to and laugh away my pain. I’m used to laughing even through things. I never share it with anyone but now I don’t know how to
Honestly I’m tired of being the ‘strong one’
I cannot tell you how bad I want to open up right now. I'm so desperate for it. It's such a curse. People come up to me all the time and get their shit sorted. I listen to others. People feel comfortable around me. They share. Ask for advices. But I on the other hand is such a sick person. I can't talk about what I'm going through. Idk why. I have always dealt with my problems myself mostly. I have the greatest friends whom I can trust and can easily share but I just can't. And if I do, i get hit by instant waves of regret. I wish i wasn't like this. I wish i could talk to people and open my heart out 😭
Why can't you? And why is there regret?
@@muditnirmal2915 I wrote that comment 10 months ago. I thought its been a long time since I came out of that zone but its been 10 months only. sheeeshh. That was a daarrkkk phase. I am in a happy place now Alhamdulillah.
I did. I talked to my friends. I had bad experiences opening up. I was scared of being vulnerable. People had used my vulnerabilities against myself maybe that's why. But then I gave some of my boys a chance. They came through man. Also I let go of the toxic people I had in life. They were leeches. Constantly sucking on my blood. They didn't only emptied my cup but fricking dried it. Khair its been a journey. Glad that that phase is now over. Your comment gave me flash backs though.
I regret open up and now never open up again.
This made me feel seen and so much better and thank you so much. ❤❤
Sucks for me, cause maori the time when I put my walls down, became vulnerable and open up to someone, I always get crushed, hurt and betrayed and it takes me a while to get over it especially when it’s someone I actually loved. Honestly, I need to better myself and think before being vulnerable with someone and read them before doing it cause it hurts so bad
I feel like just wording your feelings can also make you feel a lot better, just like she said in the video. There are certain things that I don't want to share with my friends so I share it on the internet where no one knows me. Even if no one replies to my concerns, I atleast feel like I understand myself a bit more and by doing that again and again, I find an excuse to forgive myself.
Yep. I started jounaling to create a similar effect.
Long walks are criminally underrated. If you don't feel comfortable sharing with friends, consider therapy.
Yea I’m exactly like this & it sucks so much bc I want to tell my friends stuff but I can’t 😭
I totally relate to you. I do the same everytime.
Heyo, I didn’t watch the video and have skipped this attempt to help me. I decided to come back to quickly leave an apology, because I dunno, I just feel bad about not watching your video I guess- It’s nothing personal, I’m certain the video and advice are excellent, thank you for putting it out there in the first place Madam 👍
(bad english)
so I open up to my best friend and then in the next day my best friend dont wanted to be friends with me...
it actually hapened today.
and now im crying for hours i couldnt get enough sleep...
it is getting worse.
I dont know what to do anymore.
Red flag she wasn't your real frnd
The problem is if you don't have someone you can talk to. I feel so lonely. Idk if it's normal but there are moments when I feel like a queen and then I'm alone. No one is there. It's so sad T^T. I feel like no one cares about me. My only friend was/is a bad person that's why I ended the friendship. I wanted to make new friends but this girl literally turned around and was like: "Byebye I never wanted to be friends with you." The worst thing is that she wants to become friends with an old friend and that's ok but what about me "-"? "You want to become friends with someone who was your friend and hope that they're better but you don't want to be friends with a funny, beautiful, smart, etc. person? Another person I tried to be friends with only talks to me if I look good. The other one will not open up to me. I'm sitting in my room and I'm thinking how do I make friends again? I can't open up. My life is not boring but I don't feel good telling people about my life. What if they use what I say against me? It's so depressing! My parents don't care about me but then they do (?). My sister changed and is only blaming me for things that don't even matter. I just hope I'll become friends with someone 😭. Am I expecting too much from life? 'v' (I'm literally dieing because of loneliness xD)
i need more of this please
This is very true gal. However, while in a relationship I think we ought to open up to your partner for better understanding and better knowing of each other which becomes difficult...
i fell in love. i recently asked my crush if she wanted to go out with me, to which she replied "let me think about it"
since then, ive been really careful about my behaviour. but no matter what i do, i always feel like im hurting her or making her feel angry or sad or whatever bad emotion. and i went through a lot of bad cycles where i would imagine the worse. the last few days have been the worst for me. internally crying every day, in every class, at every hour. even at home. i dont know how to get through this
im gonna express how im feeling out loud in this comment section, what i deeply think. something i never told anybody except myself. these are raw unfiltered thoughts, not structured or anything, so this'll be confusing:
i dont feel like she even cares about me. im literally just a fucking option in her life. i dont see why she would need to care about me. she doesnt need me and if i'd die, that would be totally fine. i dont feel like im even a friend to her. i feel like she's rejecting a lot of stuff i tell her. even when i apologize or whatever, she rejects it. and i feel rejected in general. she wouldnt gain anything being with me. im like everybody else. im not even kidding when i say that i analyzed the possibility of suicide. sounds egoist, like you are removing your life and others suffer. sometimes i wanna ask people "if i killed myself tomorrow, removing my own self from existence, how would you feel?" and just expecting nothing more than honesty, something like "i wouldnt fucking care bro shut up". im feeling worse than ever, just because of her. im imagining the worse while nothing happened. i cant get over it and i wanna cry right now. i dont know what to think anymore. i need to go to sleep
jesus christ what even am I?
this feels good to have this off my chest
alright. if somehow you went by this comment, i just want to let you know that i do feel better now. more than a month has passed, she said no, i got over it. and now i do feel better. it was just a matter of time
so i haven't gotten around to my comment section in a while, so i never saw any of this until now!
first of all, thank you for the update, i'm sorry it didn't go how you wanted, but at the same time, having experienced "the worst possible outcome", and moving on from it proves how capable you actually are (like seriously that's impressive and i'm so glad you feel better).
and just to refer to your initial comment for a second, i'm pretty sure most people have those "morbid" internal thoughts, wondering what people would feel if you were to suddenly die. we want to know we have value, and are worthy to others. nothing about how you felt back then is shameful. i really hope you continue to do better, and eventually find someone who is healthier for you and your mental state (also sorry for such a ramble my god)
Thank you
Sorry young lady but I've learnt through bitter experience that opening up to people and/or being vulnerable is a luxury I cannot afford. Everyone and I mean everyone will me you down in the end if you drop your guard.
i opened um for a person i liked too much for the past 3 years, and ill never do anynore, im hurt as F, and for her its like shes dont care !
literally said everything i couldn’t.
Hi I know this was a while ago but I wish I saw this sooner cause I went through stuff aka many friend betrayals so I have trust issues and I think that’s why I’m not open I basically have no friends at my school😞
Let me tell I one thing out of love that I have experienced with my friends who are just like u. If all u can give me is fun with no kind of sincerity for the emotions that’s going around your life. How am I supposed to be a friend if I don’t even know what my friends going through ????? This for 3:45 point. It irritates my nerves am makes me second guess. If I’m doing the right thing as a friend. Putting me in the care/don’t care section. But I be here when u explode 😒😒😒 but literally that it??? Then party like what kinda relationship is going to make me feel bipolar. That kinda one😂 then imma have to be fake to be playing it off like my friend don’t have problems
I tend to stay quiet and cry alone in my room + write on my journal lol
OMG I found my twin. It is such a coincidence because I was talking about this topic with one of my friends today. I've decided to open up counsciously