Empaths Are Stuck In Childhood (THE CURE)
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- Опубліковано 8 чер 2024
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Has anyone else been an empath and people pleaser for so long that they aren’t even sure who you are in order to individuate?
Im the one...
My late mother was narcist and I was her first born. She mutilated me mentally, destroyed my self esteem, distorded my selfimage. I pleased her, I did everything for her, but I was never good enough. All the others were better than me. She compared me with everything and always named a winner ...who was not me. All along that fucked up growing I lost myself...I am NOTHING
All I think what others think about me...I never feel like number 1 about my self...their needs come first...then I lick the floor and hear their laughter...
yeah🤔 I'm not sure it was that, so yes and no😆.. 🤔😬 don't know if it even makes sense, to others, but It's like I drowned in it, and then I got lost..
(think I might have made it worse, more of an afterthought but probably did alienate myself more.. so got harder to find, like a type of ground to stand on, to even feel like you fit anywhere.. well, as a side-note, I still don't fit😆, but think it's different.. like most things "it depends", but think it's harder those times, like for example... when you can feel the tension/atmosphere in a room, but no one seem to notice or react to it, sometimes it gets so disturbingly uncomfortable, so people start to weird me out😂)
to just knowing who we are and being our authentic selves (or a part of it.. with our differences, experience and how we manage to deal with it, and all what our lives throws at us, also plays it's parts..) think it can be hard in general, so when our feelings mixes with others, it probably adds on to it.. don't know if it is like that... but think our world is more shallow, superficial and materialistic, as well as many of the residents in it, so it might be harder to know and find out those things too!?
🙋🏽♀️
Use being an empath to your favor.
See that other people are going through changes too, and they can be big or small but they are CHANGES, so when you understand that you can stay relaxed in your ownself not trying to help, not trying to UNDERSTAD what they are feeling or what is the big problem they are confronting.
Just observe in a general manner and focus on you, you naturally will feel more comfortable in your skin..
Try a lot of new things involving different areas of life, arts, letters, numbers..etc
Always think positive but do not force those positive thoughts when you are feeling stressed, that only will make the problem worse
Have a nice life stranger
im trying to be 24 hours ahead we dont remember five minutes ago sooooo just be just breathe focus that thousands of bubbles withing bubbles think that the whole hemisphere has toilet paper supper music sex so werlds within werlds
I was never a child. I allow myself to be one now. It helps me to heal.
Me too❤
Me 3 ❤
Me 4
Exactly. Same. ❤🩹❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Same 🙏🕊💖
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Don't forget that being an empath is a gift and a privilege that not everyone has. I would rather be one than not. It is the challenge and responsibility of empaths to harness that gift. I'm working on that too :)
it is also truly gift. i believe this.
Sometimes yes. It cam get in the way too.
Yes I agree with you! I think at age 67... I'm done with narcissists (finally) and earned strength and independence along the way! Wish I knew of this connection(empath/narcissist) when I was young!! However, I am proud I am kind, compassionate and caring to people/animals/earth. I think I've been able to help rather than hurt given my time on earth.
@@africanprincessmaya Yes but I get the fact that sometimes it is not good to feel too much and to loose your focus.:-)
My opinion is different, being an empath myself, it doesn't do anyone any real good. The help you can provide others it's no more than an aspirin, it won't do any real change in their lives until they make the change for themselves. For the empath, it's giving and draining your energy towards others for free not getting anything in return except for a pat at your ego.
A healthy empath is “of service” for others. An unhealthy empathy is a “people pleaser” to others.
I was with you until you got to Harry. She’s a narcissist. He’s a mess. He’s not in the slightest bit happy.
Yes
Well said!
Very well explained❤❤❤
Well said ❤
Was an empath until I consistently came across narcissists as friends and significant others , and I had to literally drop everyone and everything in order to get my energy back to normal.
I have gone through this to clean my heart of what I “felt”
was false …..against my intuitive connection so
I was left with 2 people in my life….i mama have felt sad and angry at first but never regretfully sad , anger yes anger was very deeply internalised
14 months later I have had
WITHOUT ANY DOUBTS A PHENOMENAL brain explosion and I’m ready for the universe within to out and visa versa as I have elevated so often in my life to see…and feel and fly into a state of absolutely zero mental connection with the body or brain all the way into
nothingness 💚
No 🧠 thinking exists there it’s another somewhere I just don’t know where yet or even if it’s a where at all
But I’ll say it
Thinking does not happen there at you just be light
I've done something similar, but when I get back into contact with new people, that's when it shows me there is still alot of healing to be done.
I’m in the same boat I am literally friendless and husband less.
I have faith there’s a reason for this and my tribe will find me
the world is a mirror, only ego can see ego.
Omg! I totally feel like that is where I am at right now. Having to reset in a different state. I think that is the only way I can stay focused on myself.
When you don’t people please you get labeled as “hostile and aggressive “
Exactly; people say stuff like that to try and manipulate you.
A bully, a teacher, a dogmatist, narcs pull all strings once you stop pleasing them and play the little puppy with big eyes, worshipping their grandiosity. NO!
😂
Absolutely true ...thank you for confirming my thoughts
I feel so blessed for stumbling onto this page....I never lacked attention because I never got any as a child and I do not seek attention never liked a crowd I'm a home body and rather be alone to not feel others negative energy and thought I could feel.mine expectations are mine now
he's basically explaining what happens when youre in the wrong place in your family system (Translated this word from Dutch) : the natural flow of energy (from parents to children) is disrupted and life becomes a struggle. I'm reading a book on this subject and I'm 17
@Zotnamm - Reading your comment has made me very intrigued on this book that you mentioned about the natural flow of energy being disrupted from parents to children. I'd be curious to know the name of this book as I'm realizing my own parents were very expertly (but covertly) disruptive, intrusive, and made themselves a general nuisance in my upbringing. I was never allowed to have peace and have always felt a constant sense of obligation toward them (it's also why I have trouble maintaining that flow of energy because I'm used to it always being disrupted so the point that I associate "natural flow" with "impending doom"). I'd be very grateful if you could let me know this book. It feels like something I need to read myself!
@@PreYeah It’s originally a Dutch book. The English version is called: The Fountain, find your place, by Els van Steijn
I’m an empath and I feel people’s energy but I used to people please and go out of my way. Once I awakened I don’t do that anymore. Once I could read people, I knew their intentions. I could tell who was being authentic and who wasn’t. I let those people go. I no longer need anyone’s validation but I’m still an empath and I can still feel people’s energy. That has not changed. I just tell those people to fuck off now. Lol 😂
Same here.😂
Same and it feels damn good ❤
This!!!!
@@a.s6841I feel like you should write fortune cookies with that perspective of yours🍪...
I appreciate this insight 🙏
Best tip for any genuine empaths out there - Stay off "social" media. Seriously! You'll get caught up in a loop of caring about SO many things, often things which are out of your control, meaning you have little to zero influence in affecting, and you'll just burn yourself out. It's not to say stop caring and being aware of such things, just put your empathy in the right place where it matters most. Especially where it matters most to others, and I don't just mean other Human people...
YES!! This comment should be everywhere.
Yessss, thanks for the advice , thats one of my goals of 2024 !!!!
So wise.
Thank you for the reminder to keep going in that direction.
I just wish I had discovered videos about empaths and narcissists MUCH earlier in life.
Not much time left to enjoy life even if I DO heal! 🥺
@@clairecarscallen2925 Sounds like you have guilt. Guilt's a useless emotion that doesn't often do anything productive, so just learn from the past mistakes as best you can and move on. No one's gonna do it for you. All the best 👍🙂
Yup!! I notice whenever I get in the comment section of Instagram, it triggers me so much
Yes, being an empath is the result of unmet childhood needs, being an under-individuated adult child, and a lack of boundaries. Once I confronted the countless ways I was abandoned by my primary caregivers and processed the grief stemming from that (took years), I learned healthy boundaries and eventually self-care and individuation.
Love your response! I have learned we carry on what our parents instilled. We still self-abandon at times.
Same.
Empaths and narcissists are two sides of the same coin. They just either use their power for good or evil. Being a good empath people pleaser is a detriment to ourselves though.
The narcissist and the empath both have the same core wound of abandonment. Great point! Thank you.
Exactly! And the difference is one of them loves to help others,
and is selfless. The other one love’s to hurt others and is selfish!
@@robinmorrow9023 A narcissist finding an empath is the greatest gift they could ever receive, a empath being found by a narcissist is the worst fate they could be given.
this is not neccesarly true
empaths are usually people who got bullied because of lack of mothers love
narricists usually got builled by their dad verbally and phsically
im also an empath atlist i consider myself to be one
i also used to please people than after solving the root cause i only want to help people without getting anything back because it makes me feel good
@@allmic101 You’re exactly right!
@@jeniapustilnik567sounds to me that's lack of fathers love 🙄 some mothers can be verbally/physically abusive too. it's called child abuse/neglect. how petty you are to make it about gender
A healed Empath is not a people pleaser they have boundaries
yes. I am not a people pleaser, though I am an empath. I have become my own self by rebelling and going against patterns imposed to me.
I have boundaries now but for sooo long I felt SoS save ones self and I became lost still in helping others and In the NOW I have a heart to help but not too linger long around people with Victim mentality
ENMESHMENT TRAUMA.
Enmeshment is a developmental form of trauma
where you’re raised in environments
where there is blurred, unclear, or a complete lack of boundaries
between family members.
In cases where enmeshment is present,
members often have a difficult time differentiating their own emotions,
needs, desires, and issues, from others in the dynamic.
If dad is upset, then you are too.
“I can’t be ok, if you’re not ok.
So I need to fix others to feel safe."
There’s excessive over-involvement and over-reliance.
This pattern gets hard-wired into your nervous system.
Your intimate partnerships start to become chaotic:
- lack of identity and sense of self, inability to think for oneself
- fawning ("fixing" identity)
- people-pleasing
- excessive fear of conflict
- trouble forming and maintaining healthy relationships
- reliance on external validation
- over-run by feelings of guilt, shame, and resentment
- chronic health issues
This creates a massive push/pull dynamic
that’s characteristic of a Trauma Bond.
Anyone who says “I’m done with relationships” is likely Enmeshed...
Thank you
Wow, thank you.
Amazing!!👏
This hit hard. ❤
Eventually, when you really discover who you are, at your core, at your essence, nothing in the world makes you happy. You exude happiness, peace, and joy, by being in the presence of your essence. Peace and bliss flow through you. It’s a journey, a beautiful and at times challenging journey.❤ thanks Aaron, for helping us work through it🙏🏻
It's true that feelings can be set aside. Reactions can be controlled. Nothing matters. It's a neutrality. It's not available all the time. Learning curve. Energy isn't felt all the time. Sometimes.
Although I agree with you, you put nothing makes you happy. Do you mean nothing external?
I feel finding inner peace makes me feel happy with all outside situations. Joy is in everything. Everything is easier.
I'm sorry if I have misinterpreted this. Xxx
@@Julie-netball infinite perceptions on this subject, no wrong answer. I’ll attempt to elaborate mine. True happiness is from within. It’s in the silent stillness and once I became aware of that source of infinite love, I am able to choose it in every moment. Food tastes better, the body feels alive and rejuvenated, all the senses are enhanced and gratitude is felt more deeply allowing a deep enjoyment and appreciation of all things. Flow, clarity and harmony expands in the day to day tasks. Vibrant joy. It seems all challenges invite us to let go and find this awareness within if only we accept the present moment as it without fear and judgment. It’s a personal journey. 🙏🏻💕✨
This makes so much sense. When I was in my 20's, my boyfriend at the time said in the middle of the night one night I sat straight up and yelled, "Who am I?" I never really understood why i did that. Now it makes sense. 30 years later and I'm still exploring who I am. My parents also wanted me to get a "real" job to be financially secure and safe, so I did high level administrative work for international companies for a couple of decades. I remember thinking, "if this is all there is to life, I hope it's a short one." I finally let go of their beliefs and have been working as a successful self-employed musician for the past 15 years.
That’s beautiful!
@@Barbinez11 Thank you!
You have no idea how much joy reading your comment makes me! And the harp… such a beautiful instrument
@@86oldbehave 💖💖💖
Do what you love and love what you do.
Finally out of the people pleaser stage. I'm a introvert. But now I stand up for myself. And put my needs first. 😊
Same here
I feel you.
Me too and it's so hard
‘Finally’ right. Took me 60 yrs.
Me exactly
- Is who you are in your life who you are meant to be? Answer: I don't know who I am meant to be.
- Whose expectations are you fulfilling? Answer: I don't know what my expectations are.
- Are the things you do each day things that make you happy? Answer: I don't know what makes me happy.
This video showed me that I don't know absolutely anything about myself.
Meditation gives answers
Be blessed by the divine ✨️
Just sit with yourself what makes you happy do that everyday for a while. What do you like? Make a list I like flowers etc. What qualities about myself do I like? Stay in prayer and be guided by the Holy Spirit. Have fun getting to know yourself!
I would highly suggest going to a Codependence Anonymous meeting. Also, read Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody.
Actually, takinig responsibility for other people's emotions has always been an issue for me. Thx for bringing this up, it's really made me reconsider why I feel guilt in the times I shouldn't
No one is responsible for anyone else's thoughts or feelings, only their own.
and does this prevent you from being competitive too? so many times i remember seeing how important it is to someone that they win a game & so i just let them. or else have you seen someone else is getting made fun of and say something dumb (for example) to get that attention off of them /and towards you instead ?
@@ArcheryRuleZ Yes, especially in sports but specifically when I go to the gym. I cant get myself to be competitive because, I feel like it's flaunting too much from an empathetic viewpoint. I don't want to be the showoff
It's always hard to observe when super nice people start learning growing healthy boundaries, how hostile the environment judges them. As a coach I observed that a hundred times and I always prepare them in front. I will tell them, many people will try to guilt trip you, play emotional drama on you just because you imply healthy boundaries. Don't worry about it. But be prepared for its getting worse before you get your respect. Stick to it and after some weeks, people will change towards you. And watch out for the rare people who are cheering for you finally having a voice! Stay with them.
and others will fall away
It was explained to me like you are wearing this white flowing gown or cloak going into the light of healing and healthy boundaries and the toxic relationships are grabbing that gown/cloak and dont want you to leave them and want to pull you back and we might be tempted to try to pull them along with us. The toxic relationships will be the ones harshly rejecting your boundaries the relationships worth keeping Will respect your new boundaries. Cut the ties with anyone trying to hold you back. Detach with love.
This is my exact thing, I'm inside a black box and it's scary to venture out of it, therapy is helping
Amen
So right, most will fall away at the slightest boundary... you can be super soft and well spoken about it but energy doesnt lie, they feel there is a boundary and thats not fun or too confrontational.@africanprincessmaya
I’ve been that people pleaser most of my life,, to the point I made myself literally sick ,,, learn to say NO!!! Learn to speak UP!!! Learn to be YOU! Stop being a doormat , pick yourself up, I love being so empowered in the world, within myself!!! REMEMBER YOUR IDENTITY❤️
Yes. Empaths are always tired .
@@Clevelandsteamer324I was ALWAYS exhausted and never knew why.
Yes 🎉this ❤😊
If I sense people are manipulating me to do something, I give myself permission to dismiss them. Actions should be from the heart and not manipulation.
All easier said then done. Remember there are people out there that have had a lot more trauma than you. You have no clue what someone else might be dealing with.
As a therapist, I work with this all the time and it is always so exciting to be with and watch someone find their own answers. But how you described this is absolutely beautiful. I don't know what it was that made me click on but as we know, there is nothing random about anything and I have already saved this to listen to later. It's so lovely to find someone explain this without really trying to sell something or foist their 'one size' beliefs ...thanks so much, you are wonderful. x
What training do you have in the condition of Empathy? How were you taught to diagnose an Empath? Could you share some of the research you studies? What is your credential, specifically?
I am very impressed. Finally this high Empath can readily admit to this deep understanding that I wanted my family and everyone to be happy,as in pleased. I became exceediedngly independent and by 13 was earning all my own money while attending school as a top A dtudent. And this perfectionism persisted for the rest of my life,which gratefully has merely just begun...at even 64 years young. Excellent work young Maestro. Thank you.❤
Totally agree
Hello fellow mental health worker. I see you, you are awesome, appreciated, and loved! Namaste.
Have a good life as a therapist!
I'm blown away by how clearly you shared what I grappled with severely in my 20's. I remember having no idea at all of who I was or any sense of identity ...not being in my own body...feeling uncomfortable in my own skin and always looking outside of myself and tuning into the emotional state of those around me to get who I needed to be for everyone else to be ok and not even knowing how to ask myself what do I want? And what do I NOT want! Individuation...brilliant...enough said!
Psychologists call this “fawning” it’s a thing. I’m 47 and took me this long to truly learn this and shift it. I’m an empath and my sister a narcissist. Both our parents are wounded and not emotionally available so abandoned from day one.
It’s amazing how far Spiritual awareness and psychology has come in the last 20 years. Being on a healing journey now for 18 years this has all only come to light in the last few, since 2020 really…
You really should stop classifying people according to just one trait they have..
I can relate. Like you, empath and narcissist
sister. Difficult to maneuver, but possible to do.
I think the score of how it is, has been known much longer than 20. Jung knew full well what was what and he has been deceased since 1961. Besides, neg energy emitted, can only attract same. Being a people pleaser is neg. energy, being a narcissist (deeply wounded, carrying their unresolved pain) is also neg. energy. Without forgiveness and unconditional love, life will be a struggle. One can only be loved by another at the same level of love they hold for self. Why? Bc it is all energy. Lower vibe attracts same. Want different, then one has to find higher self mode, the higher vibration. If one doesn't see their own self worth, no one else will see it either - guaranteed. Be more to self to get more.
Reminds me of kids books.
Monolithic thinking, like "Gary the grocer lives next to Barry the Barber."
@@thedolphin5428
@@thedolphin5428 You really should stop assuming an entire behaviour from a comment explaining a specific thing
I’m an empath, and I have never heard it explained as precisely as you have. You have no idea how impactful this video is for me. Thank you!
Same here ❤
you'll feel what you sow, darkness
Yes me too! Thank you
agreeeeee!!!!
Narcissists shouldn't be allowed to parent.
People don’t know what they are till they look or life beats them into waking up
My mother wanted children so desperately, her words my entire life was "I had children to take care of me" 😡 She is 94 yrs old and is still pissed her children got jobs, left home, married, had children, animals a home and or died. How dare they die on me!" she says.... she is still abusive.
Sometimes they had narcissist parents themselves and have no idea there is any other way to function.
All kids need to know the true worth that is their birthright.
@@AnneAlready I guess you were not raised by one then because if you were, then you would know firsthand the damage they cause to a child that lasts their entire life. My father was one and his father was too and I really don't care what the excuse is, child abuse is child abuse and being a narc you will abuse a child with your words and for some with actions. It is a self entitlement disease. I am better than everyone and no one should bother me no matter what disease. They can be hateful, mean, dismissive, and a bunch of other not so nice words. I was screamed at, followed, spied on, told me I hate you, chased me around the dining room table to beat me, I was kicked after he knocked me out, I was in a constant state of threat and all this before I reached 18. So please, no pity for abusers they are adults and know right from wrong. I NEVER even slapped my own children on the butt I have two sweet grown children now and they are both college educated and married with children and thriving. If you have children make sure you want them and if you don't give them to someone who does. If you were raised by a narc, just do the opposite of what they did to you and you'll be fine.
@@elainstill1671 yes they do not change. My dad got dementia and finally got nice (thanks to medication).
Thank you for covering the maintained victimization/ manipulation of being an empath. I'm an empath but have been uncomfortably aware of (or otherwise denied) how like a narcissist I can be-- similar in ultimate self-centeredness and atomization, only I've been scared, sensitive and self-downplaying instead of demanding. And identified myself as a victim and didn't get out of it. So I appreciate you acknowledging how things are, I think its important for processing and moving through the healing process.
This is the realisation I came to also, there can be a combination of both going on, as an empath you can start feeling as though only you can help everyone - the world even, which is almost 'guru' mentality which can turn in egotism/virtue signalling and ultimately narcissism - it's a complex subject!
The BEST spiritual teachers are the ones who experienced deep inner child wounding so they can empathize completely ❤
Hell no that ain't necessary why are we conditioned to believe that we only evolve through suffering and hardship ? The best healers are those who grew up in a healthy respectful environment filled with love
It's like "takes one to understand one" just like best addiction counselors are recovering addicts themselves.. yes others can be all that too but it's almost like you have to really experience and feel it..text books only get u so far, unfortunately actually have lived thru that pain only then you really understand..❤
The best teacher is the one that teaches you, touches your specific issues. Makes sense to you. No one else. Resonates with you.
Wrong!! The best Spiritual Teachers DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR ILLUSIONS(the past). The best Spiritual Teachers help you to Acknowledge and Accept God Consciousness AS THE VERY LIFE OF YOUR BEING!!(Like Krishna, Buddha and Jesus did before their teachings were misinterpreted by human intellect and made into religions of Duality(or Non-Powers)!!!
A Spiritual teacher that focuses on anything but this PRINCIPLE is simply leading you down the road of ignorance!!
@@varvarajoannou7715Nope!! Think again.....
But before you can answer this properly you must know the NATURE OF GOD.....Do you know the Nature of God??
what I say is that the empath has to learn to exude their own energy to overcome totally absorbing others' energy. That's what an empath has to do to take on leadership roles.
This IS true! I’m just learning this! I’m 48 now and I’m completely being myself and the funny thing (not so funny), it keeps people away.
I’ve been told I exude sincerity and compassion….
Then I think about what happened to Jesus.
❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
I don’t mind trying to set a holiday tone when everyone is doing last-minute shopping. But every day? It’s fake and exhausting. I’m not (edit: good) at it.
That makes sense. People pleasing was a survival mode so it feels threatening when one first starts to respect themselves vs people pleasing. Worth it though.
@@prisillaspace being strong keeps people away? More like weakness attracts people.
It's better to have peace and be a good example to others.
People who can take advantage of me... I realized they feel it's acceptable BECAUSE they are able to do it. They didn't respect me for it.
@@tashastarling6573 well said. I want to work on being an example and a role model instead of just going with the flow and doing things I'm not as proud of. It's a hard paradigm to shift
It is a gift from Almighty God to be able to give and not expect anything back. I am a child of Almighty God.
It is never nessacary to be validated by another flawed human being.
Because we are all flawed.
If someone can not accept me with my flaws aware of and I am on top on those flaws so they do harm anyone else.
I am an empath, if someone takes advantage ofvmy kindness or mistakes my kindness for a weakness...I will gracefully shake the dust from my feet and pray for that person.
I will not shift blame to mom and dad. I am a grown adult and that makes me responsible for my own actions.
Thank you Holy Spirit gor your guidance.
Thank you Jesus for loving me.
This is the thing. I’m the same way, and people feel so truly demonic nowadays that all the empathy feels like something we should plug up. Even if you’re strong and command respect, people will still want to abuse your empathy out of their own volition. What’s the point of using it anymore? For children yes, but for any adults, it seems useless to have.
The part about feeling unsafe and constantly tuning and morphing not only resonated but transported me back to specific and hard times in my life.
Jesus Aaron - this is me 100%. I am an only child, and lived with super narcissistic and alcoholic parents. I moved away and got my life in order for 25 years. My awful Mother has been sucking my energy since December of 2022 because she is sick and alone. I am going to have to listen to this again and again.
Put yourself first - don't let the parasite control you again. Only help at your own convenience - you'll get no thanks for self sacrifice and being used again.
@@Blue24Osprey so true - just because someone gives birth to you doesn't mean you owe them forever. You are spot on.
❤❤
We can love people from far away. 😌
She made a conscious, deliberate choice to be abusive toward you at the time you most needed a real mother. She didn’t do “the best she could.” This is a crime against all of humanity, a serious bad decision. People need support to break away from these very spiritually sick people. Do this or regret it bitterly. I have no patience with people who abused their little children. Sending love & support.
That makes sense. My mother came down with debilitating depression when I was eight years old, and my whole life became trying to make her happy. Crazy how things in your childhood program your subconscious.
They are only habits. It is like quit smoking.
damn, my mum got really depressed after my dad left and barely left the couch and we only really had potato chips and fast food, etc. she was sleeping all the time. i was probably like 7 or around there, i wonder if thats why i feel the need to clean and do things for other people all the time.
Yeah similar when my Dad left the Doctor put Mum on a tranquiliser and never told her she could come off it, she never felt better after that day Dad left and she slept all the time, and I took on the role of Mum, for too younger siblings, until I had enough after four years, of looking after her, and went to Dads for a holiday, where I was ignored and allowed to make many of my own choices as he was never around. I remember I felt invisible and like a boarder in his home. I definately was a people pleaser due to the parenting I had
i been depressed for years ive always put on a smile what you describing is narcissist manipulation
...Wow. Like... holy crap. This really blew my mind and made me understand why my relationships have always been the way that they are. I am an empath and this makes so much sense that I really am speechless. It's time to set some boundaries. I've been hurt so much, as recent as today. My entire life. Thank you for sharing this. I have been giving all of my energy for everyone since I can remember and now I understand why.
Why does everyone try to portray being an empath as something negative???
What's wrong with this world? 😢
Things are only getting worse around us, we need MORE empaths!
facts!
Yes healthy empaths who set boundaries not weak people pleasing empaths who are doormats for nasty narcissists. There is definitely a difference.
Great observation.
@@702HardcafeVery great observation. Seriously
This world is envious of our superpower.
My body had to take a 1 hour nap after watching this eye opening video! I have never before been able to lay on the couch and allow myself to take a nap..this was the first time in 36 years on this planet🌍 Wow, and thank you for doing the job you are here to do❤
enjoy your new napping 💖
Its a nice feeling, peace within. (:
You're leaving fight, flight or freeze mode... I slept for a year! ❤ It's nice when you begin to understand you're safe, you're okay and you're exactly where you need to be!🫂 Blessings to you friend!
Wow. That's amazing. I can go a month without a nap but when I finally get one it's so so nice. Hope you're still getting one in when you can.
This is so Me. I have been a people pleaser, especially for my parents. I walked on egg shells to be sure everything stayed peaceful. I am a Mother of 3 amazing young men. I am about to be 43 years old. I finally saw, thanks to a good friend, that I needed to get away from my parents. I am surely stuck partially in childhood.
I am an Empath, but I have never felt out of my confident frame. I do not force anything or change for anyone.
I resonate with those that allow me to be me. I am aware of others energetic field and choose to be kind to everyone so long as they are present and authentic.
Same here You can be an empaths and be confident
Don't interactions/ relationships with others inspire you to grow toward a better version of yourself? And would that not be considered changing?
I, too, resonate strongly with those who allow me to be me, yet sometimes disappoint myself with doing too much for others when in their environment and out of balance/ in need of attention, thus losing time/ putting myself out of balance.
Your statement, "I have never felt out of my confident frame" is impressive and somewhat incredible... as in, never since realizing your an empath or never since first memories of childhood? NEVER is a strong word🙏🏻
This literally sounds exactly like me lol, my parents divorced when I was 11 and my brother was 8, he showed zero emotion and was even quick to ask, “so who are we going to stay with?” I was so blown away at how he hardly seemed to be phased by it. I was heartbroken for many years and honestly just about 3 years ago accepted it (I’m 32 now). My dad is a narcissist and my mother very empathic and emotional. My brother now has had 2 houses of his own and a brand new truck (successful in the sense of being more stoic and hardworking) I wasted years of my life trying to be different and not accepting reality.
I wish I could have learned this teaching 60 years ago, but better late then never ❤
I'm in agreement with you on that one Robin
I’m an Empath to the core. I feel everything and lately it has been so incredibly painful I have being to dissociate from living - an empty shell watching this body from the outside looking in. Thank you for this message ❤
Me too so you suffer from anxiety depression I do still have toxic family trauma bond. Why can’t we let go
❤❤
I have too on the really difficult days.. you’re not alone 🩵 we’re living in really difficult times right now.
@@SA-px3lnbecause we believe they’ll change. We think because they’re family, that they should treat us how we deserve - but they don’t.
@@youcancallmesteph so what did you do release the ties attachment?
I was born sensitive and feel I have my empathy from that and not childhood trauma. It makes me able to connect and understand others deeply and Connect with Nature and animals 🫶 I don’t want a cure for that, I think in general the world needs more empathy, love and understanding. I do however see hightened empathy combined with trauma can lead to unhealthy people pleasing tendencies and THAT I’m working with - I call myself a renovering people pleaser 😆
I agree with this. I was sensitive and empathic to nature and animals from the start of my life too. I don't want to lose that and the world does need more of it.
But I do have a degree of empathy that comes from hypervigilance attached to childhood trauma.
They are two different parts of the same psyche. One is positive and healthy. And one comes more from the shadow.
Both serve their own function. Neither is right or wrong, depending on how and why it is used. They just are.
The rest is up to me.
I think it's important to check in with yourself on the regular and note intention.
Awareness is everything. I see you. 🙏
i feel the same way. are You guys an INFP/INFJ?
@@thegoddesswithin8859 Thank you for that lovely answer, I totally agree with you - and Thank you for seeing me
@@LaciRae yes INFP 🫶
I'm INFJ.
lol this was confirmation on what I was feeling today. I came to the realization that I stayed home to be there for my family and try to meet them where their at, but I soon seen that they are still living their lives without me and I still have my life to life which I was creating around their comfortability.
Oh my goodness Aaron, you have opened my eyes to the victimisation I'm cradling myself in; enveloping it as an Empath. I've recently had the calling to realise what an empath really means and I couldn't work it out, you have cleared the fog for me. Thank you so much, I need to work on myself and I can see that it's controlling me. Always putting everyone's feelings first to avoid confrontation (kids, husband, work, friends, family). I always thought I had an amazing upbringing but upon true reflection, I see I was always compared to my older sister and trying to live up to my parent's expectations of her. I need to keep learning and find my true self! 🙏🙏
I don’t see myself as ‘an empath’. I see myself as empathic, meaning I have boundaries, self love and self worth. I do not give 100% of myself because I need a lot of that percentage to function in this world in a healthy way and also to allow others to take responsibility for themselves. So being empathic I can be in tune with others to be able to help them when I am willing and able to.
Its hard to master, sincere congratulation. This is also my personal aim, to become balanced "Empathic" person. :)
Thank you for making the distinction. It's a very important difference.
I need to master this as well , thanks for explaining how you cope with being an empath in order to function well ...
"When you individuate you start to grow then you help other people to grow"❤
I'm strongly empathic, I had a loving mother and was safe and well cared for as a child, and I am in no way stuck in childhood. What a dismissive idea.
I floated in between. Some days I was an empath, other days I was a narcissist.
In the real world I'm a people pleaser, but once behind the scenes I'm a narcissist.
I changed once I understand how the world works. I just have this intense anxiety for everything social in life that it is hard to get out of narcissistic behavior. I don't know how to be me when I'm with someone I like for example.
My life involved daily argueing between parents, me getting hit by my parents, and getting bullied at school. Yet people judge me for who I am. It's a joke really. I'm done with making others happy. I deserve happyness. And I am going to be happy while they keep suffering.
wouldn't that be considered a covert narcissist then?
My parents were alcoholics. Being an empath helped me navigate around them. Became a compulsive people pleaser when I was young and it continued into adulthood to get love. Finally I can control that compulsion a little better now that I am an older person. It’s exhausting.
Aaron, you totally hit the nail on the head. You described me as a child to a T! Mom and dad are dead now. I totally changed after my mom died. She was the most critical person in my life. I wish I wouldn't have waited for her to pass in order to let myself grow. However, it is never too late to do this. You are never too old to change.
I’ve heard this from many people. The chains of family contracts and bonds are so strong hey. My parents in their 70’s now and I’m still trying to break them before they die as I know they will then but don’t want to be waiting for that.
I’m sure this is useful for empaths with parents but not all that useful for empaths who were abandoned in childhood and therefore not in need of individuating from any parent.
Aaron thank you! I’m an empath- severe depression/anxiety. I’m healing my childhood so I can get through life 🙏🏼❤️
I wish you so much luck, strength and blessings for your journey !!! Much Love!! :)
Me too. Thank you for sharing this. Many of us Empaths struggle with severe depression/anxiety. I have been trying to heal from this also. 🙏💜
@@CTahoe1 good luck and sending many blessings your way. It is awful! Praying for you!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼
@@VivBeyer1111 thank you kindly!! I wish the same for you!! BLESSINGS!!
Wishing you the best!
Being an empath is a gift that most of us were not taught to respect, appreciate and use for its wisdom. We may have been wounded in childhood, but that doesn't mean we are all stuck in childhood. Once we understand our gift, and we're healed the gift can be used with boundaries and wisdom. The gifts do not leave us once we're healed.
Perfectly said! 🙏🧡
Dude, as a kid I was so attuned to other people's energy, I could literally just look at them and feel it. One time I was observing a boy in the classroom and started feeling tremendous anxiety, fear, dread, almost wanting to cry. (He was acting totally normal though, we all were of course, just staring ahead and listening to the teacher) and then I looked at this other boy, David, and I felt immediate calm. It was like, instant relief. I thought it was odd that the feeling could shift so suddenly, but I looked back at the first boy and again, instant anxiety and dread. Looked back at David, immediate calm. It was like a light switch being turned off and on. That was the strongest I've ever felt things before as an empath and yes it was a little terrifying. I thought I was absolutely crazy! I was no older than ten years old at the time.
Yes, it’s scary when first realizing what’s going on.
I was in elementary, too.
Many classmates would open up to me about things that looking back, as had I known better, should have been told to a school counselor. I loved helping people and ‘feeling’ how they were lighter than before our conversations, but it was a lot and I didn’t know why people opened up about things they normally wouldn’t talk about.
_______
In high school I would ask people if they were okay (because I felt a lot of sadness from them) and one friend started crying and asked how I knew she wasn’t okay. She said only myself & 1 other person had noticed she was being extra quiet that day 😢.
@@kayv5840 Yes! Same!. And sometimes with certain people, I'll listen for hours and then naturally they are lighter and feel better but it can have a negative impact on me if I'm not careful. While interacting with them I feel great but afterwards, when they are gone, or I've hung up the phone then I feel incredibly drained.
Thank you ,
for sharing. I loved. "as a kid was so atuned to other people's energy "
@@doreenkrenkel7721 You're welcome! It was definitely intense
Very interesting. I have been researching childhood trauma. My sister is narcissistic and very focused on herself, and I am very sensitive and feel and pay attention to others. It does make sense. I am not drawn to her narcissistic ways. I have been creating better boundaries for myself lately. This presentation does make sense on many levels.
Exactly, i am un t'he same position as you!!! T'he same. I set clear bounderies, no call me , just texts... She drawn me soooo much!!! She let me withoyt any energy, And I am realizing about all of this patterns
My brother and I were the same. He bullied the heck out of me, and I became very kind, although with 1000 other issues "unrelated" to it such as addiction, self loathing, etc. I've always given all my love to everyone else so I had none left for myself I guess. I'm working on it, I want to be someone I'm proud of.
Wow I am actually in that individuation process right now without even realizing. It feels like a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach that brings out a primal urge to be who I am, and if someone is trying to make me live the way they think I should live in their minds, Cutting them off becomes an instant.
I definitely understand
This is exactly what I’ve been going through for a few years now ❤
You can use them as mirrors aswell? They show you what you dont like in yourself too.
I am in this mode right now as well - its totally enlightening, freeing and a little bit scary. I thought I was becoming a hermit because I cant be bothered with people anymore. Sick to death of them and cutting myself off.
@@activevibrantlife You’ll be in that hermit phase for quite awhile & it’s necessary because you’re able to really discover who you are at your core. Then eventually you’ll come back to other people but you’ll be so grounded in your authenticity, with iron clad boundaries & you’ll be empowered, having let go of all victim mentality. But while you’re in hermit mode, you’ll question it at times and the loneliness will cut deep. So remind yourself it’s not forever & enjoy getting to really know yourself, maybe for the 1st time. Sending ❤️
Thank you for this video. When I was a kid, my mother had undiagnosed mental illness. Every morning I would lay in bed to feel her energy so I would know what I would be walking into for breakfast. Ironically, I married a man who had a similar situation with his Dad, and he became a narcissist. I tried to please my husband and nothing was ever good enough. I finally walked away after 30 years. I never understood until watching this video. Thank you.
That's so good that you managed to walk away. What helped in making that happen?
I am also leaving after 30 years. I was too afraid to leave. I've had enough.
@@Shay-wl4lx that's great. I wish you a lot of happyness and peace.
😇👍🏼🙏🏼
My mother is always complaining about her state of being,and I absorb it...Absorb her sadness and madness ,I thought I am weird for that..because I easily start to feel the same emotion as the person.
You literally describe me and my brother and explained to me why I keep attracting certain kinds of people. I always tell myself it's because I like confident borderline cocky people but it's literally my way of staying comfortable in my discomfort. Thanks for making this video.
I gave up people pleasing majorly a few years back. But I am still tired. Part of me wonders sometimes if my happiness is tied to being needed by other people. I sure said so when I was a teen. I'm not a leader. I'm a loner.
A healthy empath is "of service" rather than the term "people pleaser" really helps put things in the right perspective.
Its saying " How can I Help". And then helping with your boundaries working with you" maturely.
Beautiful experience for both parties.
I grow very tired of the term "empath". it is human nature to feel the energy of other people, its just that many people have lost or ignore this innate ability, being empathetic is the natural state of being a human, but society has made many lose touch with this part of themselves, so the few who have retained this skill are labeled as empathetic or overly sensitive. However with that being said I do appreciate this video and you trying to educate people. Thank you
I'm tired of everyone labeling themself as an empath as well, but wasn't able to articulate what the problem was. thanks for sharing your comment! I agree 100%!
np @@juliaz1965
This is such a great point... perhaps empathy is a spectrum where some people are more attuned to others while some are not as attuned... but you're so right about empathy being our natural state. I hope more of us allow ourselves to embrace this aspect of our humanity.
@@juliaz1965yeah. The truth is: many seem to be fawning rather than having true “empathy”. Fawning is not empathy. Fawning is a survival mechanism.
Maybe not "empath" but definitely people pleaser. This rings incredibly true.
Thank you Aaron. I didn't individuate until I was in my fifties, but I DID IT! Thank you for this information. Much love.
Thank you... This was such an important video for me... I have come across quite some narcissists in my life, I have cut them off or have taken my power back and now I am on the journey of individuating... The clear and profound way you expressed your message made me feel less guilty of why i am struggling to individuate. I want to be healthier for myself but also in order to guide my daughter into a healthier version of herself too... From your video i realised also that maybe i am giving so much attention to my daughter (even as a single mom) most probably subconsiously because i didn’t get enough of it in my childhood.
Thank you so much for this video. My mom devoted all of her time to my little brother when he was born. He have a temper tantrum when he didn’t get what he wanted (he’s a Leo and I’m a Libra) and to this day my mom STILL gives him whatever he needs or wants and I am still told “you can’t do that” “that’s a silly idea” “that makes you look ugly” etc. It has taken me years to realize that no one is going to make me feel safe or whole- I have to do that myself! So thank you, I appreciate your knowledge!🙏🫶🏻💕
What a toxic mother you should leave her
@@Kasumi10074 You cant, no other biology will release nowhere near the amount of oxytocin that touching your mother does
And oxytocin is Love its what attaches you to other biology and helps you forget your emotional trauma,
That's why before the Slavers enslaved us we didn't live in separate huts , we stayed together hugging each other all the time
So the correct instruction is hug your mum more and then if the answer is we don't like touching each other, then we know the solution and the reason for the situation
Which means the remedy and solution cant be explained
Biology is not designed to be separated, the Slavers did that, divide and rule the feminine
So sorry to hear that. My mother is much like this, my brother is the golden child and I am a Libra too. I am happy that you managed to find your balance, peace, and happyness.
Sad thing is most kids can’t step into their selves without demonizing their parents who did the best they could. Seems kindness and empathy are lost in this new age and there is no gift that anyone is giving world by hurting others…lots of maturity needed to do it with grace.
@@7oclockmiracles88 my mother... Maybe she did what she could, but it wasn't that much. She didn't cook, she didn't clean the house. She didn't work. She was always the victim and I had to support her emotionally then financially. Now I am 35. My mother still has dept, even though besides me, her siblings also helped her financially, but still, again, she got into a mess and I have to send her money. And I do, because I do love her, but I can see she will never grow up. Narcissist never grow up properly and take responsibility. She is also codependent and after the divorce with my father, she attached herself to my brother. My brother is now 26, and he has absolutely no friends, never had a girlfriend and lives with my mum. My mother often sabotaged his jobs so to have him with herself 24/7. Only now, when she is more worried about money, she allows him to work. She is not concerned about the future of her kids. She only wants her own needs met. She is not the picture book mother who does everything for her children. Narcissists are different. Not every mother is perfect. My grandmother wasn't perfect either. She was married and cheated on her husband with the Chatolic pastor, who then left the church, married her, and became alcoholic. When she was old, really old, around 80, once when I went to visit her, she was in bed with another, retired pastor. That picture really burned into my retinas. These things are not normal, I think.
I literally couldn’t stop crying watching this , it’s really a challenging path to get understanding of being an empathetic person coming from traditionally Christian family. Being misunderstood feels isolating.
Human growth can be lonley.
You are enough
I completely related to your comment
Their Soooo Extreme n Fake Trained That Way 💯
I feel like American Christianity breeds ppl pleasing.
Wow, I’m 56 years old, I had no idea about all this. It makes so much sense. Thank you so much for having the courage to share this information. It makes so much sense. Now I wanna share it with my kids but I’m going to resist the temptation because I have a feeling it’s just because I want to take responsibility for how they are🤣 I just want to live from my authentic, true self, and it seems so challenging at times.🙏🏻💕✨
This is exactly what I have been needing to hear and do. Thank you so much!
At the beginning of this year,
The man whom I revered
as my best friend,
abandoned and betrayed me.
He replaced me.
Now...
My 53-year old cousin,
just suddenly tragically passed.
Alone. In his sleep.
Unexpectedly.
On 10/09/23.
RIP cuz. I LOVE YOU ✨💛
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I think I have to go a long way in this case!🙄
I was very far from myself because of others and when I decided to be myself, I realized that no one wants to be with me anymore!!
No one accepts that I belong to myself and not to their wishes🤦♀️
That’s when rejection is blessings because it pushes you to find those who accept you. It’s never too late to put yourself first. Being mindful of your feelings comes naturally for me but I kinda had to figure out others don’t do that. And they aren’t as in tune with themselves. What I’ve found is people that remind me of my family dynamic, I automatically move myself away from them. I reject them. Not them as people but just having access to me.
Hey, Aaron.
Thank you for the perfect message at the perfect time (as it applies to me).
I don’t know about others, but I need to say that I have a bad reaction to your use of AI clips for highlighting key points;
My heart is open to the genuine message, then it “clicks shut” the nanosecond I see the artificial, soulless “people” on the screen.
The energy goes back and forth throughout. High vs. low, real vs. fake.
I feel you n I’m ok with now 🤷♀️ it hurts confusion all those emotions but being told I changed I act different etc is enuff for me to know
It's crazy how timely and accurate this is esp when you talked about leadership energy and having a strong sense of self. I am a recovering people pleaser and empath and I see it in my life. Cheers to progressing and healing, and cheers to more promotion! (Life promotion not just work)
Said perfectly. It's also made it incredibly difficult to feel confident in my decisions in life. Just recently realized it's why I always felt I needed to ask if something was a good idea or not instead of believing my ideas are brilliant without input.
it was so draining at school as a kid. literally my energy was not in my body but whole class everyone. i got adhd from then. and avoid tendency to game/music/movie to' have my own space' because i didn't know how to tune off and have myself.
Being childlike is where I have been. And it is full of joy. I became a people pleaser. and I have no more to give.
harry was never going to be king.........but he did individuate, this was a great video, shared with family member
This explain the root cause for my anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts.. i resonate with each and every point that you just said... seriously mindblown rn 😭❤️
Holy sh*t...I was in tears half way through. This is some of the best therapy I have ever witnessed. God Bless you Aaron.
You must have gone through so much healing to get to this point Aaron. I resonate with everything you say, I am empath. I am so proud of you. All my love, XO Zuzi
I learned this through a childhood trauma when I tuned into adults' emotional situations. My emotions were hypervigilant, as I call it. I've been severely depressed and lived my life in a horrible domestic violence relationship, died twice, god spoke to me, went two years being positively involved, and I'm back in victimization mode, seclusion. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel worthy of nothing at the moment. I had the Power to go to school, church, and a job. I finally realized I wasted my life with my ex, but he has to be in my life bc of my health; it's killing me. I think no matter what we Empaths do, we will be in a turmoil of emotion.
im just saying I have so much turmoil in my life its not just my parents there's a lot more to it
i can feel this so deeply as an empath
Thanks for sharing I innerstand this now, especially with my sister. Empath & Narcissist, abandoned by dad
This is so true. I’m 54 and trying to find happiness and fulfillment but I keep fighting against myself I now seem to be understanding. I have been trying to learn life lessons and grow spiritually but something always holds me back, and I think it has to do with not having a childhood so I’m stuck in some patterns. I’ve tried to give up the people pleasing but now I get where it comes from. My mother battled mental illness so I had to grow up fast and often was her counsellor. My sister tried to get the attention she needed by acting out as the “brat,” so I often came between them and tried to resolve issues. At ages 8-10. She eventually committed suicide and died not long after I turned 11. I didn’t realize these experiences have affected me my whole life because I just tried to do my best every day and live. Our father basically left us to our own devices and didn’t give us much guidance or support. To be fair, he probably didn’t know how to handle the situation either. I’ve never had strong role models and have let myself be taken advantage of so many times. I’m trying to break the patterns but I’m still failing at this life thing it seems. I feel so lost now more than ever since I now know what I’m lacking at my core. I hope I find the answers I need. Everybody’s journey is different.
Im 58,still fighting!
Same. @@nigelmiller951
You will
may God bless you and hold you@@empress9857
Sounds eerily similar to me... one day at a time..sigh...
Being an empath, I feel as if I’m always reminiscing or living in the past. I feel like my my brain holds those memories so close. It’s definitely a dare place for my mind to escape to. Has anyone else experienced this?
Always reliving the past, especially the negatives possibly because there were so many. I feel so many regrets over the times when I feel like I failed to do enough for my pets or my kids, because I was so stressed and damaged and also financially unable.
I wish I could really make my brain believes that thinking about things won’t change the past.
@@clairecarscallen2925 exactly Claire, same. Sending you love and healing ❤️🩹
@@kmars3239 Thanks. Wishing you healing too.
It's a hell of a life, isn't it?
Me too. Especially lately. I have so much regret about not protecting my kids. I couldn’t see what was happening (WHY, brain?! WHY?!) so I failed to protect them from my husband’s/their father’s subtle abuse. I just am stuck and don’t know what to do. So, instead I reminisce about better times, and therefore I’m not doing anything to change our current situation. And also because I have several chronic illnesses so I’m limited in what I can actually do. Dealing with it all is freakin hard on so many levels. Gentle hugs to all of you.
@@rrmother3748 We do blame ourselves when we shouldn’t really; we were so worn down and stressed that we couldn’t have acted in any other way. This is especially true if you grew up under the thumb of a narcissist and then married a narcissist. Your adrenal glands were in overdrive your whole life, causing all kinds of malfunctioning in your body, emotions, and brain.
Even realizing this though, it doesn’t make the sadness over lost ‘might have beens’ any less.
We deserve to treat ourselves with tenderness and compassion, the way we do others.
OMG I'm 6 minutes in and I'm crying my eyes out.....I can't believe, even after theopy from PSTD after a violent crime as a 12yr old
child, you are describing my entire life and I'm 55 now...what a waste of time and $$$ that was,....New Sub!!! OMG I'm overwhelmed at the accuracy of your words. I remember a lady had told me at a young age I was an empath never knowing what she meant by that. WOW I'm literally stunned right now. God Bless you man!! Holy Cow! but how do you get over the fear of this so-called "self awareness" when fear is all you have known, rejection, I don't even know how to put it into words what I'm trying to say.
I'm an Empath and my brother and a half-Sister are narcissists and when I traced it back, my late father was a narcissists and his mother was a narcissist. We have a pattern of empaths raised by my great-grandmother and everyone raised by my grandmother became narcissists and we are constantly battling in our family.
This certainly has shed led onto how these patterns repeat themselves, as I am the Eldest my siblings are constantly trying to manipulate me and I've have to learn the Power of saying No.
I still haven't Individuated yet, because I have been holding myself back holding on to a family business for a family that doesn't respect the sacrifices that I have made for them. I'm glad to say that I'm making the changes.
Empathy and empaths are two different things...and people pleasers aren't always empaths...two different things....being an empath isnt always a negative thing either....this is about your journey and if you come from this perspective then you will find personal growth...
Aside from reading people's personalities and how exhausting it can be, I've only experienced bad things when I try to explain to people that I'm an empath and get rejection. It's usually after I tell them something about their core being that they don't want people to know.
Agreed! Thank you for saying that. I think people think that because they have empathy, that makes them an empath - it doesn’t. I’m an empath and intuitive and it is painful. Being an empath can really effect your life.. you can actually feel the collective energy and emotions of people.
@@youcancallmestephexactly! I believe I’m highly sensitive and an empath, to the point that I’ll get physically sick from others’ energy. I took my 90 year old mom to the ER last weekend when she wasn’t feeling right, thankfully within a few hours we left with some adjustment to her medication and she is doing better now. By the time I went outside to get the car, I was gasping for breath (I’m pretty sure the man who coughed constantly a few rows back of us in the waiting room was Covid positive, I heard a nurse mention a positive test result just as we were leaving). It took all week to recover from that visit, energy wise. When my kids were sick during childhood, I always felt sick as well. When I worry about anyone, I can become quite sick with headaches and nausea. I’m starting to wonder if counselling would help me.
@@youcancallmesteph so do believe what he says? True empath and sensitive ppl feel more then people know like energy and having narcissist family I have seen their energy is evil there is no way you can just accept it and that it we are same ppl.
This! My husband is a people pleaser but has about 0% empathic ability.
This video made my brain tickle and so many things clicked!
My family immigrated to the US from Ukraine in 1995. My bro and I definitely changed, (sometimes I wonder if he's a sociopath), while I took on the role of translator at age 6. Suddenly found myself terrified of conflicts, ensured to speak, act and look like the, "perfect," girl/daughter.
Couldn't take it anymore around age 13... and realized I had to start conditioning my parents to give me freedom. In 1 day: chopped my super long blonde hair off and dyed my new pixie cut blue 💙. It took years .. and I definitely portrayed a much more rebellious teen than in reality... But eventually, my parents started accepting me... Mama Bear helped me pick out hair colors, (her favs were blue & pink) & papa bear somehow understood my fashion taste at the time.. supported my choice to attend an art institute after graduation..
I'm 35 now and am grateful to say that my parents will embrace my quarks... and when I call them, it's because i actually want to - not as an obligation.
Granted.. still struggle with potential confrontations, but don't avoid them at all costs.
Oof sorry so long! If anyone read through all of that.. THANK YOU! Felt nice to share 💙💛
A BEAUTIFUL share, in no way was it too long. You show the beauty in evolving oneself.
💙💛
In what way did your brother change and why do you call him a sociopath ?
Gosh what I appreciate the most about this is that you don't vilify the narcissist but has the understanding that it's two sides of the same coin. BOTH need to work on themselves, and being an empath doesn't make you special, as playing the victim removes you from the responsibility of having to work on yourself to regain your own happiness from a stronger core. I was the one that suppressed the emotions and shut down. I have been alienated from my feelings for years, despite looking strong and even callous and uncaring from outside. I have been vilified and called a narcissist many times, often by people who have no real understanding of the term (and usually had no strong core of their own nor any healthy boundaries). I think its important for all of us to understand we ALL need to work on ourselves, I am learning to ask for help and, in that way, also learning how to be more sensitive to others, to tread softer around others and make myself more vulnerable in order to understand others better.
You are so real for this video, so glad to see these mental health videos actually be accurate
being an empath is not always an attachment or wound from the past or a childhood pattern though. Empathy doesn't always mean you abandon yourself or your feelings for the validation or appeasement of others. It can be pure compassion or forgiveness out of your own intuition, understanding. Just like everything in life, it takes time to find the balance and growth. I was once in that boat where i thought i always had to please those that used me or drained me but growing my own confidence through realizing my worth as an individual, made me realize it was all in the reason and intention of how i was approaching and connecting with people. When we act without expectation of validation or acceptance of another, i feel becomes a pure action rather than being reliant on those that don't see the value of being humble. I'd say my empathetic side has been one of my greatest teachers in terms of understanding and accepting all my life.
This is what my minds thinks as well 👏
Well said....you should have made this video.
I agree with this take.
I don’t think empathy is the same as compassion and forgiveness as you say. Also saying someone is an empath isn’t equivalent to saying someone has empathy or is empathetic. Listen to what he said to understand versus to respond.
@@elleelle7200 oh I watched it, and didn't disagree with everything he had to say, I definitely understood what he was pointing out as i didnt mention he was completely wrong, so it's not just to "respond" not everyone who questions or makes a statement is doing that, but can offer another perspective productively. And if you read my comment not to "respond" you would see I said it "can" be pure compassion or forgiveness, not that it is empathy.
The inner child comes out to help us through the times when we need it most! Thankful for this!
Thank you for explaining this to us. I have lived 61 years and could not explain this. Before I was disrespected for being weak. Shy, sensitive, moody....Now I am masking this and repel people. For some reason no one wants anything to do with me. I am so happy and grateful that I did not have children. At least with my Ex. Because of his narcissistic ways and my empathy would be horrendous. I am 61 and look as if I was 40 or 45. I am a child, I act like a child and I told my father before he died, I was not part of his family and walked away. I have no one but myself now. And I am scared, scared of what tomorrow brings because my life keeps repeating. I have become so introverted I walk away from things because of the fear what I might create. I want peace and harmony, no stress happiness, joy, adventure, and I hesitantly say Love. I don't want to. Believe in love, I am stuck....its not about my parents any longer they are dead now it carries, be careful it carries
It's never too late. I started at 60 yrs old differentiating and breaking away from the family enmeshment. I made major life changes. I believe I am now the scapegoat of the family as a result but I don't care, I'm much happier and living my most authentic life. The experience has been the most challenging emotionally but the most rewarding.
Now I understand everything. Thank you for the perfect explanation. 💚 No wonder why you feel alone when everybody loves you while you doing what they need.
I'm an empath and now I feel empty. So currently instead of pleasing others I make myself happy. 😊
Took me my whole life to figure it out how exhausting is to be empathetic all the time, to be constantly shaped to fit, to be accepted
Thank you for sharing your knowledge
This is such a wonderful video, Aaron. You’ve taken the last few years and many books, articles & experiences and put it into a succinctly informational video on how to heal the childhood abandonment wound & how to understand that being an empath is just one side of a trauma coin, it’s not a superpower (empathy absolutely is a superpower, being an empath is a trauma wound) I appreciate how you’ve broken this complicated subject down into an easy to understand, teachable lesson. In this video you can really see your growth as a human being since you 1st started out on UA-cam and I’m really proud of you & hope that you take a moment and be grateful for how far you’ve come & how much better you feel. You add immense value to our lives & we are grateful. Don’t be so hard on yourself for seeking approval and validation. Instead, embrace it. Be aware of it. Send it compassion & love & be happy you’re getting so much positive attention and love from others. And release any guilt or shame about it. Sending you so much love & big hugs ❤️🤗
That first question brought tears to my eyes. I've been coming out of shrinking in any way the last 6 years of my life and Ive reached a very crossroads moment. Being all I've been placed here to be is the highest form of love for myself and the collective and I have to be okay losing ppl along the way. Thank you for this.
Thank you for this video. I watch so many videos on childhood PTSD, narcissism, etc, while working on healing myself and my behavior in this world. This is the most succinct description yet, of what I went through as a child, and what my own children went through, that I know.
Children who take two different forks in the road, to survive the stress in their original home, closely represent what my two sons did: one's empathic and the other's narcissistic. One turned up his sensors; the other turned his down. Both made these adjustments to survive the wound of abandonment, from me, their then-alcoholic mother (21 years free now), and the demands of their narcissistic father. They both grew to fight with both of us anyway, to stake their claims on their own identities, and thank goodness they did. In my youth, my brother and I learned to just shut up and either go through the motions of cooperation, while being who we really were elsewhere; or, we just left.
It's SO refreshing to hear empathy and people-pleasing spoken of in the same context, because much of the time I can’t tell the difference. Being "empathic" sounds nobly sensitive; being a people-pleaser is self-destructive and ultimately isolates us. I guess in the most constructive terms, an empath can grow out of people-pleasing. We just feel what we do about others, but no longer take responsibility for problems not our own. Growing our own senses of purpose seems to be the work of one of my sons and myself. And I hope my other is managing the same somehow.
I was never a child either ... always a responsible little adult. It was rewarded by calling me an "old soul." Also, I feel like being addicted to our own victim story gives us the attention we seek, even if subconsciously.
This is exactly what I needed to hear today. This made me reach right back to my childhood to assess how and why I feel the way I do. I have a lot of work to do, but am so happy I found your channel, thank you Aaron 😊
Work within - not without! You cannot give to others that which you haven't given to yourself FIRST. If you don't take care of your needs first, it is disingenuous and you will have no longevity in any relationship. Be kind, compassionate and patient with yourself and your will exude these qualities with others as well and set healthy boundaries. Great video.