"She was unemployed the year after our child was born"..... wow what a gem of a guy. She was supposed to dump the baby at daycare for nearly $100/day to be (hopefully) cared for by a stranger? Sure, dude.
u dont get a year off there is a maternity leave set up not that long more stay home than actual mom part im sure hes a gem shes being lazy at some point
yes u hire childcare if u cant maybe mot have kids its mormal parental part not talked about enough unless u got the money or insurance which they do not u dont choose housewife not everyone can get that u get about 6 weeks 8 weeks thats whats recommended
I had a problem with this guy when he said his wife was not working, at home with the kids. That was also how my ex saw things. Although I carried on working part-time, he thought he was the one who was really working, had a right to be tired etc. As a result I was exhausted until our youngest was 7, doing all the housework, all the shopping and cooking, all the trips and kids parties , all the planning, while he came back from work and watched TV.
Lord my wife does all this crap in 15 hours a week and she works full time I work full time and have a side hustle of 20 hours a week still have time to kids there is 168 hours in a eeek and women complain about working 40 lol
@@TheMechanicj Sorry, can't see that your arrangement is a solution to my situation? You seem to have things balanced out, which is great. I'm not so much complaining about the work itself, as about the fact that he wouldn't help. This is not a gender issue to me, it's an issue of one person letting the other do the work.
@@nicolab2075 oh I can’t get ya more energy but my wife works 40-50 hours a week and does all the housework I work 60-65 hours a week plus do all the yard work and normal gender norms housework and we still make time to do stuff with the kids and don’t get exhausted so idk but stay at one mom working part time shouldn’t be exhausted
If they are both working they should split responsibilities man this story makes me so grateful for my husband. I’m home sick in pregnancy. He works, helps cook and clean. Serves me. I’m blessed . Jesus! He’s cheap but still 😂🤣
What I suspect is they did not adjust their spending when they had a baby. Obviously there will be new expenses, but he said the baby needs new clothes every two weeks. I really think he resents having the baby and everything that flows out from that. Her idea to sell baby hair bows etc. would take a long time to establish. She probably made a bunch and listed them but they didn’t sell, and that is deflating. It sounds like when she chose to stay home he resented it, and never valued her commitment to motherhood. And he let a lie by omission hang in the air, the implication that she was still at home, without a paying job. It was only by asking questions that it was revealed that she was now working as a bank teller. He did not make a good impression on me. The tone of his words, and way he uses them suggests he doesn’t like or respect his wife.
It sounds like the wife wants to be a stay-at-home mom and not have to work but she has to work because her husband doesn't make enough money to maintain their lifestyles. One option is to get out of California, move to a place that is cheaper.
But how much would childcare cost for two kids? It’s probably cheaper for her to stay home. Childcare IS work. This couple had a child they can’t actually afford.
It’s actually kind of cool to see that stay at home moms are making a bit of a comeback. For a while it seemed like it was becoming less common. If you’re able to afford it I think it’s very beneficial
@l-train7876 the stupid tiktok trend about "trad wives" is one indicator (I don't use tiktok but I've even seen it on YT).. Also more people are homeschooling now since covid & usually stay at home moms do the homeschooling..
Something else is definitely going on here and I don't think the caller is giving the full honest picture. First he says wife is not bringing in her fair share; then it turns out she's actually working (full time, it sounds like?) as a teller as a bank. So which is it? The caller also evades many of Dr. John's questions about his own character and role in the marriage and household. Something deeper is going on. I think John was right to be skeptical about the caller himself.
Yes. His wife should do a spreadsheet for him in the form of "what we save with me being home/not being home/working" etc, she should include the cost of a chef, personal shopper, day care/nanny/baby sitter, house cleaner etc that they're saving in with her "doing nothing" at home, then add her job/income on the side
Accept she is working and doing the bulk of child care and I bet keeping the home together. And yet he is freaking out that the baby needs diapers and clothes.😑 And apparently she was 'unemployed' when she had a baby and was taking care of their newborn....
You have to talk finances and childcare before the kid comes- if your not on the same page or you wouldn’t be happy w what the other person wants then do not choose to go down that path with them! People just think things will work out but, it’s a lifestyle and it costs money that someone has to pay for.
Yeah he seems to think pretty highly of himself. That he has it all figured out and his wife? He's labeled her a failure and my guess is he'd say about her: "has it better than she deserves"
100%. Starting with that guides how I interpret all the things he says because he’s clearly very self focused. Or how he speaks about his wife staying home with their child for a year as “she was unemployed” instead of saying “she was a stay at home mom for s year”. The way he says things demonstrates that how he portrays thing is clearly spun in his favor and he definitely has a high opinion of himself snd s low one of his wife.
My mom stayed home with us and we got by on a little but it was worth it for her. I plan to do the same. This man doesn't understand how hard raising children are. He also just sounds excited with her maybe not sticking to things. He needs to man up and he honest and straightforward
This guy has alot of resentment.Shes working but he's still talking like she's not working.Hes going to a therapist to help himself.Not to work on his issues or be a better person.His working on communication sounds like he's putting her down all the time.He demeaned her business efforts.He seems negative ,nervous and toxic.I think John got this one very wrong!
The very first thing out of his mouth on the phone was “not as good as I DESERVE” That told me everything about how this call was going to play out and the kind of person he was. He seems extremely toxic and potentially narcissistic. I feel bad for his wife. Reminded me a bit too much of my own abusive narcissist father. It’s very clear this man does not value his wife nor does he see her as his other half, he is only seeing her as a burden. Marriage is a balance of give and take, and at some points you will be the giver and your spouse will be the taker, and other times it will be the reverse. That’s what “for better or for worse, rich or poor, in sickness and in health” really means. You help, support and encourage each other through difficult moments in each of your lives. It doesn’t seem like he is giving his wife any of the support or encouragement she is needing right now, especially dealing with depression that was likely the result of her giving birth to their child. Of course she’s going to be closed off if all she is getting from you is negativity and judgement, being made to feel like a burden, where no matter what she does nothing is good enough. I don’t doubt that this season of their relationship has been challenging for him, and I’m sure she does have her own issues that she needs to work through as well, but man oh man, just hearing the resentment in this guys voice and how she basically can’t do anything right in his eyes, yikes. I’m not surprised she’s struggling with her mental health.
How much will it cost to have someone else care for the baby, and another child, while mom works full time.? What is she qualified to do that will make a financial difference?
Why is he complaining about her being a stay at home mom wtf . Moms should be able to stay home w the kids. Trust me they turn out to be more well rounded adults even if it’s only for a few years on and off. My husband just looks for a better job.I’ve worked our whole relationship
Run away from any man who thinks you are lazy for being a stay at home mom. I would never marry a man who wouldn’t provide 100% or would resent me for being a traditional stay at home mom. If you can’t afford things, move somewhere more affordable to live. The wife sounds like she is doing her best, staying home is not “lazy”. It’s what women did for their families up until a few decades ago, now we have to work on top of all that - I would never do that.
Me neither. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, but my mom was a SAHM, and that just made sense to me. Raising kids IS a full-time job, and beyond. I've never had kids, and don't regret it, but I'm VERY observant. I was a little more open minded about having kids when I was in my 20s, but never came across a suitable male, and I'm certainly NOT going to settle. I feel really bad for working parents these days, but they CHOSE that, whether they want to believe it or not. I chose NOT to do any of that, and my life is better for it.
I hope she doesn’t read this… but Amanda sounds like something a bitter lady who realizes she missed out on having kids would say. She most certainly never found a perfect man, but she definitely did cross paths with many that would would have been good men. Of course she will not be settling for a man… she chose to settle with never building a family. Now she has little to offer a man who wants a family, and most men won’t settle for that.
Couples need to discuss those things beforehand. There's nothing with wanting a working partner, the same way there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a housewive/husband. Couples need to discuss their values, set the strategy for their lifes. A partner cannot just "decide "to stay home it needs to be a combined decision.
That is understandable but also now adays with everything so expensive it really takes two incomes to stay ahead unless your a doctor or something no matter were you live.. Also you can see the wife's true selfish colors when he goes to her and says hey we need help financially here is someone that might help and she throws a fit like a 10 year old honestly this women has no character. Marriage is a team effort. Who you marry is the biggest financial decision of your life and he chose poorly because now she will probably leave him get child support and alimony and sponge off another dude that makes more money i have seen this happen a dozen times to Co workers and friends.
This comment seems like satire… just because things were done a certain way doesn’t mean they should be. Going into any relationship with the expectations that a man will provide for you 100% so you don’t have to work sounds a whole lot like laziness to me
She “decided” not to do the side business??? News flash…taking care of a baby is exhausting and time consuming. You can cut expenses. Don’t eat out. Don’t buy junk food or stuff that’s unnecessary. Get baby clothes from yard sales, friends and consignments. Take a list and cash to the grocery, then stick to it. Yes you have to get on the same page with money, but you can’t bash her with the plan or budget. Have a meeting and decide who does what at home, scheduling cleaning, cooking, child care, etc. Both of you have input…you don’t order her nor she you. I think y’all need counseling, because you sound like you are demanding and expect way too much from your wife
Exactly. He is so one sided. He sounds like one of those men who expects their wives to be superwoman. Do everything around the home and bring in the income. Taking care of a baby and the home is a ton of work. I have a 4 month old and a baby is very demanding they need to be fed constantly changes constantly, but want attention and to be held alot and also need enrichment plus any other kids need to be taken care of and taking care of the husband and home. It is a ton of work every moment or my day is busy. I'm thankful I have a husband that understands this and Prefers for me to take care of my baby rather than paying for someone to care for him. Someone else won't care for baby like mother will. Why does a man prefer to have alot of extra money than have their kids in the best situation which is with their mother. Terrible.
Yeah he doesn’t make even close to enough money for California. And I don’t think she should have to sacrifice her wanting to be a stay at home mom cell or is his burden. I hate that men think that women staying at home is just an easy job. He needs to make more money or they need to move
Extreme clarity comes in at the 14:50 mark. I thought this guy was the problem until that major revelation. He should have started the call with this info. He's got buyer's remorse.
@@quelquun2018 John spent 14 minutes trying to get out of this caller what was really bothering him. He finally revealed it. He feels like he's got a salvage vehicle on his hands. He realizes he's got his hands full. I bet he didn't envision going to counseling learning how to deal with his severely depressed wife when he asked her to marry him.
@@peterteixeira2893 I agree with you on that. The husband and I have been together for 11years and married for 4 years. We worked together to pay off debt before we got married. We built a home long before we said I will. It makes me wonder if either of them knew what they were getting into. I have a feeling not since we live in a throw away society.
She put her foot down and said she would be there for her child . Stay at home mom is carrying a significant burden . This is ridiculous- Our priorities now
He and his wife did not financially plan on having a kid. Now he is panicking. He did this to himself. He should not expect his wife to goto work while there is a brand new infant at home. He needs to get a second job. I think he made the financial decisions at the last minute now wants his wife to get back to work and care for the child too. A lot of men do this. He talks like just because he picks up his kid from daycare he should get a huge pat on the back. They think their 9 to 5 is enough but expect the wife to get a job, raise the kids, and take care of the home. His wife went back to work because he pushed her to and I think she is over him. She may feel he took away that time she wanted to care for her infant and resents him for it. This does not sound good at all.
Maybe he should just get three jobs and live on 4 hours of sleep. 😂😂 She is just as responsible for bringing the baby into the world and should contribute financially. Couples need to have a plan laid out ahead of time on how to keep things financially financially moving in the right direction.
@@David-wo9un a real man would not be bothered if a woman has kids. In fact a real man could step in and provide for the woman he loves and her kids. Why are you so pressed about someone else’s life? You don’t have to date/marry a single mother but other men will with no hesitation.
This is where the wife should frankly swap roles with her husband for a month or two- HE can be the SAHD and she can go out on holiday and "work". It wasn't until I left my husband for full day alone with our newborn son that he fully understood what the hell it actually means, he even understands more now as our son is a toddler. Frankly going to work is a frigging holiday.
I was a single parent that worked a full time job and sometimes a second job and took very good care of my daughter. If any 'man' had this opinion of me, I'd do exactly what you said. I'd split and leave him to do everything for a week! If he was a real man, he'd admit he as 1000% wrong and start helping! Unfortunately, my daughter is going through this! 😕🤬
Why are some people here so against marrying a woman with a child? My uncle did that, he adores his step daughter and they had 2 more kids with his wife. He seems pretty happy.
Want an honest answer? Because no one, man or woman really wants to raise someone else’s kid, they don’t want to deal with a baby momma or a baby daddy, it also shows a lack of responsibility, why did you have a child with someone you’re not married to? If you were married why didn’t you make that work? Why did you marry a loser?
It’s just lonely sad men saying that. Don’t take it seriously. My stepdad took on three children and crazy ex husband. 30 years later, they are still adorable and happier than any couple i have ever seen! Seems like having a kid would actually be a good way to weed out the losers. He’s also very successful and loves being able to support his wife staying home. Yay mom!
Everyone in this comment section is cynical as f*ck... That being said I agree. We don't know the full story but this sounds like it was over years ago.
He jumped head in first and he’s paying for it . He should’ve tested the waters before becoming a family with a women who just came out of a relationship. Too many people do that these days and end up paying the price.
I am a little confused. He said the issue was he no longer felt connected to her. He then said he went through a financial scare. The issue seemed to be her not wanting to connect with him because the open comm scared her. Then that she stayed home for a year with their daughter & her side businesses really weren’t being prioritized (being a Mom is exhausting). But then he mentioned she was now working at the bank as of a few months ago.. so I am assuming more money is coming in now. It took him until the end to mention her mental health. I don’t think it’s the finances or them “connecting”. Of course there might feel some distance if she feels extremely depressed. I think he does not like how emotionally burdening the depression is & now can’t see his entire life being like that. He feels stuck & worried .. and like someone else said, buyers remorse.
He’s way in over his head and didn’t realise what it means to be married especially to someone who’s diagnosed with depression. I believe he resents her
It's only treatable if the person with it wants the by help. Meds don't always work with the body chemistry of the individual. I've met several people who cope with some form of mental illness and the medication only works for awhile, or has side effects, etc.
Dude just get out now. She's already got your pair in a box and it will never get better. If you need to go to counselling just to function with her at your young age it's a train wreck. Not your fault...move on man.
Ahhhh Fresno California aka "The Central San Joaquin Valley where it stays HOT and gets HOTTER. Grew up in Lemoore CA. 30 miles south of Fresno. Can't say I miss it.
Rework the budget, live on less and let the lady stay home. She wants to be home. And he’s right, there’s a lot of weight on him. There is on her as well to live within y’all means.
How much would childcare cost for two kids? It’s probably cheaper for her to stay home. Childcare IS work. This couple had a child they can’t actually afford. They are going to struggle either way.
Yeah there’s something else going on here. But at the end of the day they aren’t on the same page. And based on what he’s said (and I’m not trying to be a negative Nancy here) but it sounds like they haven’t been on the same long enough that it likely isn’t salvageable anymore. Once someone feels controlled, it’s just no bueno… that ship is heading for the rocks and there’s all kinds of resentment. And the ship’s wheel is so big it takes two people to turn it
It would be refreshing if just once a woman was held responsible for bad behavior. He has even asked a male caller to look at how he contributed to his wife’s infidelity.🙄
@@David-wo9un I get notifications from the "ramsey network" whenever this guy puts up a video. I subbed there because I like the finance and I like Colemans stuff. This guy keeps popping up, I wish they would "notify" people who actually subscribe to him and leave the rest of us alone.
There aren't many places for a guy to call in and get advice. They tend not to go see someone in person. Hope springs eternal. Pick your reason from the above list.
It would be refreshing if people would realize it virtually never one person responsible for problems in a marriage. It’s both. Take responsibility for your own garbage.
@@Cathy-xi8cb Oh I get it. There’s a one 800 number, an association, a group for any problem the woman might have. Men are basically out of luck. That said why would they continue to go to the same person for bad advice over and over and over again? Not all men are Saints I get it, but not every problem in a marriage is the man’s fault either and that’s basically what you get at the DeLony show, At least the clips they choose to recommend to me. Lol
His wife is harboring resentment towards him. They both need to make Christ the foundation of the marriage. Only the Lord can keep us together. Period.
She’s preparing to leave you buddy. She’s at least emotionally involved with someone else. She’s also going to take the house, the kids, half of your retirement and a portion of your salary because you no longer give her the “tingles” and excitement.
This one makes me sad. It really sounds like he’s over-burdened, in-part because his wife isn’t doing her part. It’s so hard to carry the finances and the well-being of the relationship completely. Perhaps more information is missing, but I don’t know if being critical of the guy for being resentful for almost burning out was the right call.
Its a trait of 4 gen feminism. It is intrinsic property of her nature. Her man will have to do everything, picking up the child, cooking, cleaning, driving her to the shopping mall etc.
So she works,does most of the child care and keeps the house and yet she is not pulling her weight? Sounds like she is working harder then him. He is pissed and called her unemployed when she was with their newborn. He is panicking because the baby need diapers and he is all blaming her. She had a baby and is depressed and his solution is to resent her and get counseling for himself? Are you kidding me!?
The issue is this dude is clearly self-focused on himself and sees most things about her negatively. He starts with saying he’s not doing as good as he deserves. He labels her staying home with their newborn as being unemployed. He says she isn’t doing her part while she’s working for a bank and assisting with the care of the child. And he has buyers remorse because she has depression. No part of this has conveyed any feeling that he should be sacrificing for her or any merit for for anything she does. It says a lot about the dude simply by listening to what he says but more than anything how he says things. He portrays everything about her as selfish or entitled and everything he does as doing the right thing. Even look at when he finally says that she has severe depression his immediate action was to get counseling for himself and to care for himself but shows genuinely no concern for his wife. Realistically it’s hard to believe that anything she does would be seen by him as good enough if you simply assess how he speaks of her and downplays everything she does as if she is doing nothing in their home at all. None of what he’s said or how he’s said it has made him appear as a supportive partner.
One question I would ask him is Is he coming home to a house That's a wreck and nothing's taken care of? If you're going to go work like a madman and you're going to have your wife stay at home with the child the SAHM role comes with the expectation of a taken care of house. That way the working spouse doesn't have to come home and keep working. They can come home and just enjoy being with the family. That's how it was for us growing up when my mom stayed at home and that's how it should be. But if he's coming home every night and the house is a disaster and he's now having to clean the house every night and dinner's never prepared, etc etc - and on top of that she's starting side businesses that are losing money that's going to get really old really quick. To be clear being a stay-at-home parent is a very noble thing and it's a wonderful thing for many families. But if you are neglecting the role of taking care of the house As a stay at home parent the other parent is going to get exhausted and start to feel resentment like they are being taken advantage of.
Like it or not, it’s nearly impossible for a couple (never mind one with children), to live on one income. It is what it is. It sounds nice to say that staying home with the kids is more important, but In reality, even a well paying career often just covers the rent/mortgage, utilities and moderate groceries. There is only so far you can stretch the dollars from one income. Perhaps she might consider remote work.
I make 23$ an hour in the quad cities IL and live in an upper middle class neighborhood and I’m supporting a family of 8 on one income. It’s not really that hard, the real issue is people don’t want to sacrifice anything. When you have two incomes and send the kids to daycare you’re using one income to pay someone else to raise your kids, or you’re sending your kids to school and letting the government raise them.
People talk about family planning before marriage. Have open dialect : How long will the mother be at home with the baby , does your job have paid maternity/paternity leave ,if something happens that the pregnancy becomes high risk and she cant work , can we afford it ... Have conversations. Dont let something such as pregnancy, which is controllable, happen, plan for it! Gas is $1000 a gallon lol ! A condom and birth control did not go up with inflation . Plan your family.
She will soon figure out child support and alimony will bring her a better financial life than being married to you; if he legally adopted her child, he will be paying for two kids. Has anyone else noticed John’s first conclusion on these calls is always the guy is the problem?
So, you blame him then get on John for asking the guy about his part in this? We all have a part, always. And unless we can own our part things don’t change.
@@staleydu1 Listen to any of the countless past calls; it’s always the man’s fault. John never holds women accountable for bad behavior; if she cheats, what did the guy do that made her cheat?
Is there any counselor nowadays that ACTUALLY challenges the client instead of being a validating machine, rubber stamping you’re great, you got a point, you go girl?!?
She needs to be at home with the kids. Her job covers childcare and she resents that. He needs to communicate with his wife regarding the financial situation and work through this together
He is. He is saying they can’t afford it. It’s insensitive of her to put that amount of financial pressure on him, cater to her mental health and try to be a good father. If he gives up 40 hours for financial security she could at least sacrifice 20.
@@lovely1641 California is highly expensive and the economy has been stifled. Baby formula, diapers and other baby products have also gone up. How do you know they both are not overspending?
There's a lot of weak men and women on these comments that can't help but project their bitterness and spitefulness to stranger's situation. In a relationship, no one has a monopoly on blame or credit. Mature adult know this. Maybe that's part of the reason why your husbands/wives left you.
I love how John asks who taught him he has to take care of everything while simultaneously putting 100% of the blame on him and telling him he needs to figure out what he’s doing wrong in this relationship and fix it. You John. You are the one currently teaching him that he is responsible for and needs to take care of everything.
If he wants this marriage, then yes, he needs to own his part. If he's out, cool, then he needs to walk away. But John never suggests ending a relationship. Caller needs to step up and reveal what he needs from an attachment/connection perspective. It is likely she is still depressed or has other mental health struggles. If so, he has the choice to support her to get well, or not. If wife isn't going to therapy or taking meds to get better, then her effort certainly can be increased.
That's not what happened, listen again, the guy complained about her not having a job .. then says she got a job. Like....what is he even calling John for?
Dr. John has such little to go on, he is poking around and the guy is not giving him much to work with. Sometimes as a therapist you have to throw things at the wall, and see if they stick.
@@COINsimp2024 true. I am a therapist. I think Dr. John still kept asking questions. But it is a radio show, and there is pressure to entertain as well. I don't think we can overlook that. You get 15-20 mins- and he is trying to create a story with a beginning, middle and end. This is not a substitute for real therapy
Cloth diapers are great and they have an upfront cost. You have to buy the wrappers and the inserts. You'll have to get three sets at least, as baby grows. Then you need a laundry machine at home and be albe to do 2 loads of aludry a day
Just in the first 2 minutes you can hear the devastation in this dude's voice... He needs some help. If he is willing and she can get by on her own he needs to pick up a night job... It sucks but it's the truth. Once the daughter can go to public school the wife needs to get a job.
Weird he went from saying they can't afford things because of the wife isn't making money but later he said she works as a bank teller... Two jobs should be able to easily afford everything. There's something else other than finances. They're living out of their budget or something like that.
I’m curious to learn more about her previous marriage/divorce. This guy is willing to fight for her. Meanwhile, her history suggests she’s willing to leave when the going gets tough. Hopefully she doesn’t have that mindset going forward.
It’s possible she doesn’t even know who is the father of her first child; she could have grabbed the first one willing to commit to helping support the situation she created as a single mom.
@@David-wo9un that is nothing more then an assumption. Assumptions that are not based on facts usually leads to the wrong cause/causal factors. That in turn usually leads to the wrong corrective action/preventative action.
The marriage has serious problems that will likely become worse. There is no mention of of the other dad paying child support - I’d be exploring that right away. Next, I don’t see this working out because it appears the wife has no intention of being a team player. Instead she is making unilateral decisions that affect the entire family, but pretending that it doesn’t. Her income needs to be contributed to the family. Period. I would consider leaving this woman if she won’t change her tune.
I think is somewhat crappy advice. Coming from a woman, take it from me that all women are no great partners, wives and mothers. Actually a lot of women suck today these days. This callers wife sounds like trouble, she’s needs the help not him.
@@madambutrfly23 Frank S. prefaced the statement with “almost” so I wouldn’t say it was a blanket statement. He is correct in mentioning that there is little upside to a man taking on another man’s child/financial responsibilities.
Couldn't agree more, that is the worst mistake anyone can make. Your just taking on additional emotional and financial baggage that no one should have to put up with.
Get out now and make sure your child is protected financially and otherwise. File for custody and get out ASAP before she drains the bank account. And don’t let on to her your plans before you see the attorney! Man up dude please
Hey John can you talk about the wife and how she is the problem in this marriage and literally heading to a divorce? Yes no one is perfect but you always bash the husband when a women calls.
@@hawaiisilver9141 Dr. Delony had it right when he started questioning the husband, bc of the words he used to describe his wife and situation. The husband did not sound 100% innocent, and the wife is obviously not on the call to speak from her perspective.
@@bonjoursophie Exactly. Deloney did catch Caller's inconsistencies but instead of directly calling him on the carpet, Deloney handled it in a more subtle fashion. This was one of Deloney's most professional calls. If you notice, in the beginning of this call, caller says his wife hasn't worked since their baby's birth and she just unilaterally decided to stay home for the baby. Yet much later in the call, caller admits wife is working as a bank teller. So which is it? is wife employed or unemployed? Or is caller trying to pull one over on Deloney, but tripped up? How is ALL the burden on caller, whether she stays home for children, or works at bank to bring income to their household? Wife is contributing either way. Is the money in question actually her salary from the bank, or is the child support from 1st father? That's a very different issue, and caller did not clarify.
1) it makes me wonder how he approached the money issue. 2) first he said she was unemployed and then towards the end told him that she was working as a bank teller. 3) towards the end he tells us that she was recently diagnosed with depression. So it makes me wonder how he is approaching important conversations.
This guy is definitely struggling, and it sounds like he really resents his wife. He made it sound like she was unemployed until almost 9 Minutes through going on about how she didn't have a job, although I swear she said she does not have a job . Hopefully, Delaney gives him a deal on better help
Yeah dude your wife just had a baby she shouldn’t have to work right away. I can understand more down the road getting a job but this guy doesn’t sound like a man to me.
You want me to work then kids are off the table. If we both work FT, I'm going to chill on house chores. If you want food, cook. You like a clean house then help keep it clean. I don't care if I work 40 and you work 80, FT is FT. If you don't like working that much then don't.
Never marry a woman with a child, that was his first mistake. Now that he did and has another kid with this woman he can either stick it out and hope it gets better (it wont) or get out and go bankrupt. Literal rock and a hard place. Oh well, hopefully some young men out there listen to these snippets and learn.
He married a single mother when he had a lower paying job, so if they then had their own kids the combined cost would mean that she would *need* to work. That’s not smart…
She now is convinced that you are low value. This is the worst aspect of female nature. I think she will start looking for a man that can always pay the bills. Sad thing is, this guy probably over stretched. I would like to see what clothes he has in his closet: it doesn't sounds like suits and Gucci belts.
I agree. If a woman calls then the guy is the problem and he takes the woman’s word for it. If a man calls then he must be the problem and there has to be more to the story. Such a double standard. I’m a stay at home mom to a hard working husband. I’m not anti-women, but men deserve to be appreciated and not worked to the point of burnout.
I wanted to stay at home but my husband said he’d leave me if I didn’t financially contribute. So I went back to grad school in a career field that makes money. And we decided not to have kids because We didn’t want to deal with the emotional and financial responsibilities. The mom has had nothing but dead end jobs. She needs to invest in her career which means she’ll need some training and drive.
Sounds like he doesn't love his wife. Something is remiss here. Their family is under spiritual attack. I pray they turn their lives over to the living Christ.
And it's pretty obvious that this was posted on an incel reddit page and 30 of you decided to come here and post the exact same comment 😆 also, beta male. This guy needs help, not name calling over the internet. That choice is weakness.
Based on the language being used, they’re operating as two individuals rather than a couple.
"She was unemployed the year after our child was born"..... wow what a gem of a guy. She was supposed to dump the baby at daycare for nearly $100/day to be (hopefully) cared for by a stranger? Sure, dude.
Yeah the way he works thing says a lot hopefully he gets the help he needs.
u dont get a year off there is a maternity leave set up not that long more stay home than actual mom part im sure hes a gem shes being lazy at some point
yes u hire childcare if u cant maybe mot have kids its mormal parental part not talked about enough unless u got the money or insurance which they do not u dont choose housewife not everyone can get that u get about 6 weeks 8 weeks thats whats recommended
Having a partner who thinks it’s us against the problem is very important. You do not want a partner that thinks it’s you against them!
I had a problem with this guy when he said his wife was not working, at home with the kids. That was also how my ex saw things. Although I carried on working part-time, he thought he was the one who was really working, had a right to be tired etc. As a result I was exhausted until our youngest was 7, doing all the housework, all the shopping and cooking, all the trips and kids parties , all the planning, while he came back from work and watched TV.
Lord my wife does all this crap in 15 hours a week and she works full time I work full time and have a side hustle of 20 hours a week still have time to kids there is 168 hours in a eeek and women complain about working 40 lol
@@TheMechanicj Sorry, can't see that your arrangement is a solution to my situation? You seem to have things balanced out, which is great.
I'm not so much complaining about the work itself, as about the fact that he wouldn't help. This is not a gender issue to me, it's an issue of one person letting the other do the work.
@@nicolab2075 oh I can’t get ya more energy but my wife works 40-50 hours a week and does all the housework I work 60-65 hours a week plus do all the yard work and normal gender norms housework and we still make time to do stuff with the kids and don’t get exhausted so idk but stay at one mom working part time shouldn’t be exhausted
@@TheMechanicj Well very well done
@@TheMechanicj that’s sad.
You can get free children's clothes from church or neighbors. We almost never had new clothes growing up , i got them from my cousins.
Yes! Also many thrift stores have many, many baby and toddler clothes. Really don't need to buy baby clothes. Can mostly also use cloth diapers.
There’s also no need to buy new clothes every two weeks just buy a bigger size
If they are both working they should split responsibilities man this story makes me so grateful for my husband. I’m home sick in pregnancy. He works, helps cook and clean. Serves me. I’m blessed . Jesus! He’s cheap but still 😂🤣
What I suspect is they did not adjust their spending when they had a baby. Obviously there will be new expenses, but he said the baby needs new clothes every two weeks. I really think he resents having the baby and everything that flows out from that. Her idea to sell baby hair bows etc. would take a long time to establish. She probably made a bunch and listed them but they didn’t sell, and that is deflating. It sounds like when she chose to stay home he resented it, and never valued her commitment to motherhood. And he let a lie by omission hang in the air, the implication that she was still at home, without a paying job. It was only by asking questions that it was revealed that she was now working as a bank teller. He did not make a good impression on me. The tone of his words, and way he uses them suggests he doesn’t like or respect his wife.
hows he wrong tho wifes wrong too
@lilolmecj her response sounds like a teenager cant control me yes u can
It sounds like the wife wants to be a stay-at-home mom and not have to work but she has to work because her husband doesn't make enough money to maintain their lifestyles. One option is to get out of California, move to a place that is cheaper.
But how much would childcare cost for two kids? It’s probably cheaper for her to stay home. Childcare IS work. This couple had a child they can’t actually afford.
I guess people forgot she has depression, which is a very real thing. She was just recently diagnosed too.
@@lovely1641 what definition of “housewife” mandates running an e-commerce business?
@@coconutwater4531 True, childcare is not cheap, it may be cheaper for her to stay home and care for the kids.
She was a single mom and knew his income before she married him
It’s actually kind of cool to see that stay at home moms are making a bit of a comeback. For a while it seemed like it was becoming less common. If you’re able to afford it I think it’s very beneficial
What makes you think it’s “making a comeback”?
@l-train7876 the stupid tiktok trend about "trad wives" is one indicator (I don't use tiktok but I've even seen it on YT).. Also more people are homeschooling now since covid & usually stay at home moms do the homeschooling..
They were never uncommon it just became unaffordable. If a man can afford it, he won't have much issues find a woman who wants to stay home.
Something else is definitely going on here and I don't think the caller is giving the full honest picture. First he says wife is not bringing in her fair share; then it turns out she's actually working (full time, it sounds like?) as a teller as a bank. So which is it? The caller also evades many of Dr. John's questions about his own character and role in the marriage and household. Something deeper is going on. I think John was right to be skeptical about the caller himself.
Yes. His wife should do a spreadsheet for him in the form of "what we save with me being home/not being home/working" etc, she should include the cost of a chef, personal shopper, day care/nanny/baby sitter, house cleaner etc that they're saving in with her "doing nothing" at home, then add her job/income on the side
Never set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Accept she is working and doing the bulk of child care and I bet keeping the home together. And yet he is freaking out that the baby needs diapers and clothes.😑 And apparently she was 'unemployed' when she had a baby and was taking care of their newborn....
You have to talk finances and childcare before the kid comes- if your not on the same page or you wouldn’t be happy w what the other person wants then do not choose to go down that path with them! People just think things will work out but, it’s a lifestyle and it costs money that someone has to pay for.
The way this call started tells you everything about this guy “not as good as I deserve”. 🤦🏼♀️
Yes, he is a broken man.
Yeah he seems to think pretty highly of himself. That he has it all figured out and his wife? He's labeled her a failure and my guess is he'd say about her: "has it better than she deserves"
It’s a spin from the phrase Dave Ramsey says, that’s all.
Yep. He's already done. After her having a baby, he calls her not helping him and depressed. Just tell her the truth!!
100%. Starting with that guides how I interpret all the things he says because he’s clearly very self focused. Or how he speaks about his wife staying home with their child for a year as “she was unemployed” instead of saying “she was a stay at home mom for s year”. The way he says things demonstrates that how he portrays thing is clearly spun in his favor and he definitely has a high opinion of himself snd s low one of his wife.
My mom stayed home with us and we got by on a little but it was worth it for her. I plan to do the same. This man doesn't understand how hard raising children are. He also just sounds excited with her maybe not sticking to things. He needs to man up and he honest and straightforward
This guy has alot of resentment.Shes working but he's still talking like she's not working.Hes going to a therapist to help himself.Not to work on his issues or be a better person.His working on communication sounds like he's putting her down all the time.He demeaned her business efforts.He seems negative ,nervous and toxic.I think John got this one very wrong!
The very first thing out of his mouth on the phone was “not as good as I DESERVE” That told me everything about how this call was going to play out and the kind of person he was. He seems extremely toxic and potentially narcissistic. I feel bad for his wife. Reminded me a bit too much of my own abusive narcissist father. It’s very clear this man does not value his wife nor does he see her as his other half, he is only seeing her as a burden.
Marriage is a balance of give and take, and at some points you will be the giver and your spouse will be the taker, and other times it will be the reverse. That’s what “for better or for worse, rich or poor, in sickness and in health” really means. You help, support and encourage each other through difficult moments in each of your lives. It doesn’t seem like he is giving his wife any of the support or encouragement she is needing right now, especially dealing with depression that was likely the result of her giving birth to their child. Of course she’s going to be closed off if all she is getting from you is negativity and judgement, being made to feel like a burden, where no matter what she does nothing is good enough.
I don’t doubt that this season of their relationship has been challenging for him, and I’m sure she does have her own issues that she needs to work through as well, but man oh man, just hearing the resentment in this guys voice and how she basically can’t do anything right in his eyes, yikes. I’m not surprised she’s struggling with her mental health.
One thing about deloney and co. You guys really know how to place the commercial breaks. Damn
Think before you have kids. So you want woman to have kids, care for the kid , and have a job? Not every woman can do this
How much will it cost to have someone else care for the baby, and another child, while mom works full time.? What is she qualified to do that will make a financial difference?
Why is he complaining about her being a stay at home mom wtf . Moms should be able to stay home w the kids. Trust me they turn out to be more well rounded adults even if it’s only for a few years on and off. My husband just looks for a better job.I’ve worked our whole relationship
thats not a decision only she can make
That's shouldn't be a one person decision when you are in a marriage.
Run away from any man who thinks you are lazy for being a stay at home mom. I would never marry a man who wouldn’t provide 100% or would resent me for being a traditional stay at home mom. If you can’t afford things, move somewhere more affordable to live. The wife sounds like she is doing her best, staying home is not “lazy”. It’s what women did for their families up until a few decades ago, now we have to work on top of all that - I would never do that.
Me neither. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, but my mom was a SAHM, and that just made sense to me. Raising kids IS a full-time job, and beyond. I've never had kids, and don't regret it, but I'm VERY observant. I was a little more open minded about having kids when I was in my 20s, but never came across a suitable male, and I'm certainly NOT going to settle. I feel really bad for working parents these days, but they CHOSE that, whether they want to believe it or not. I chose NOT to do any of that, and my life is better for it.
I hope she doesn’t read this… but Amanda sounds like something a bitter lady who realizes she missed out on having kids would say. She most certainly never found a perfect man, but she definitely did cross paths with many that would would have been good men.
Of course she will not be settling for a man… she chose to settle with never building a family. Now she has little to offer a man who wants a family, and most men won’t settle for that.
Couples need to discuss those things beforehand. There's nothing with wanting a working partner, the same way there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a housewive/husband. Couples need to discuss their values, set the strategy for their lifes. A partner cannot just "decide "to stay home it needs to be a combined decision.
That is understandable but also now adays with everything so expensive it really takes two incomes to stay ahead unless your a doctor or something no matter were you live.. Also you can see the wife's true selfish colors when he goes to her and says hey we need help financially here is someone that might help and she throws a fit like a 10 year old honestly this women has no character. Marriage is a team effort. Who you marry is the biggest financial decision of your life and he chose poorly because now she will probably leave him get child support and alimony and sponge off another dude that makes more money i have seen this happen a dozen times to Co workers and friends.
This comment seems like satire… just because things were done a certain way doesn’t mean they should be. Going into any relationship with the expectations that a man will provide for you 100% so you don’t have to work sounds a whole lot like laziness to me
She “decided” not to do the side business??? News flash…taking care of a baby is exhausting and time consuming. You can cut expenses. Don’t eat out. Don’t buy junk food or stuff that’s unnecessary. Get baby clothes from yard sales, friends and consignments. Take a list and cash to the grocery, then stick to it. Yes you have to get on the same page with money, but you can’t bash her with the plan or budget. Have a meeting and decide who does what at home, scheduling cleaning, cooking, child care, etc. Both of you have input…you don’t order her nor she you. I think y’all need counseling, because you sound like you are demanding and expect way too much from your wife
Exactly. He is so one sided. He sounds like one of those men who expects their wives to be superwoman. Do everything around the home and bring in the income. Taking care of a baby and the home is a ton of work. I have a 4 month old and a baby is very demanding they need to be fed constantly changes constantly, but want attention and to be held alot and also need enrichment plus any other kids need to be taken care of and taking care of the husband and home. It is a ton of work every moment or my day is busy. I'm thankful I have a husband that understands this and Prefers for me to take care of my baby rather than paying for someone to care for him. Someone else won't care for baby like mother will. Why does a man prefer to have alot of extra money than have their kids in the best situation which is with their mother. Terrible.
So she can go work and he can take the more exhausting job of staying home with the kids.
@@silentnot4812 this is not about you. And the 2 cents you give to taxes from your McDonald's job.
@@djpuplexhe would never allow for that. He doesn’t want the hard job.
When someone starts a sentence with "ME and my wife"...it eeks me...because it should be "My wife and I" if one was polite.
Yeah he doesn’t make even close to enough money for California. And I don’t think she should have to sacrifice her wanting to be a stay at home mom cell or is his burden. I hate that men think that women staying at home is just an easy job. He needs to make more money or they need to move
Yeah, both of them did not communicate their desires and pov to each others
It is an easy job. I've done it.
Extreme clarity comes in at the 14:50 mark. I thought this guy was the problem until that major revelation. He should have started the call with this info. He's got buyer's remorse.
Buyer’s remorse because of the depression that his wife has?
@@quelquun2018 John spent 14 minutes trying to get out of this caller what was really bothering him. He finally revealed it. He feels like he's got a salvage vehicle on his hands. He realizes he's got his hands full. I bet he didn't envision going to counseling learning how to deal with his severely depressed wife when he asked her to marry him.
@@peterteixeira2893 So if I (hypothetically speaking) end up with postpartum depression after childbirth it gives my husband the right to walk away?
@@marieroxylox1456 If you are to take the wedding vows seriously then no.
@@peterteixeira2893 I agree with you on that. The husband and I have been together for 11years and married for 4 years. We worked together to pay off debt before we got married. We built a home long before we said I will.
It makes me wonder if either of them knew what they were getting into. I have a feeling not since we live in a throw away society.
She put her foot down and said she would be there for her child . Stay at home mom is carrying a significant burden . This is ridiculous-
Our priorities now
He and his wife did not financially plan on having a kid. Now he is panicking. He did this to himself. He should not expect his wife to goto work while there is a brand new infant at home. He needs to get a second job. I think he made the financial decisions at the last minute now wants his wife to get back to work and care for the child too. A lot of men do this. He talks like just because he picks up his kid from daycare he should get a huge pat on the back. They think their 9 to 5 is enough but expect the wife to get a job, raise the kids, and take care of the home. His wife went back to work because he pushed her to and I think she is over him. She may feel he took away that time she wanted to care for her infant and resents him for it. This does not sound good at all.
Maybe he should just get three jobs and live on 4 hours of sleep. 😂😂 She is just as responsible for bringing the baby into the world and should contribute financially. Couples need to have a plan laid out ahead of time on how to keep things financially financially moving in the right direction.
@@David-wo9un says the single dude, living alone or with his parents.
@@indigogirl5172 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂yeah, whatever.
@@David-wo9un a real man would not be bothered if a woman has kids. In fact a real man could step in and provide for the woman he loves and her kids. Why are you so pressed about someone else’s life? You don’t have to date/marry a single mother but other men will with no hesitation.
Yeah he should deliver pizzas at night or something
This is where the wife should frankly swap roles with her husband for a month or two- HE can be the SAHD and she can go out on holiday and "work". It wasn't until I left my husband for full day alone with our newborn son that he fully understood what the hell it actually means, he even understands more now as our son is a toddler. Frankly going to work is a frigging holiday.
I was a single parent that worked a full time job and sometimes a second job and took very good care of my daughter. If any 'man' had this opinion of me, I'd do exactly what you said. I'd split and leave him to do everything for a week! If he was a real man, he'd admit he as 1000% wrong and start helping! Unfortunately, my daughter is going through this! 😕🤬
Noticed you put up True Sadness by The Avett Brothers! Didn’t know you were a fan but love that! No Hard Feelings 🎶
It’s irritating that he complains about having to buy baby clothes then complains when she MAKES the babies clothes. I guarantee it’s saving money
You don't "make baby clothes. You buy them at thrift stores for next to nothing.
Why are some people here so against marrying a woman with a child?
My uncle did that, he adores his step daughter and they had 2 more kids with his wife. He seems pretty happy.
If the child is younger than 4 and the mom is 💀 then no problem.
Want an honest answer? Because no one, man or woman really wants to raise someone else’s kid, they don’t want to deal with a baby momma or a baby daddy, it also shows a lack of responsibility, why did you have a child with someone you’re not married to? If you were married why didn’t you make that work? Why did you marry a loser?
It’s just lonely sad men saying that. Don’t take it seriously. My stepdad took on three children and crazy ex husband. 30 years later, they are still adorable and happier than any couple i have ever seen! Seems like having a kid would actually be a good way to weed out the losers. He’s also very successful and loves being able to support his wife staying home. Yay mom!
New Internet trend...
Don't have kids if you can't afford for the mother to have a year off to take care of her child.
Everyone in this comment section is cynical as f*ck...
That being said I agree. We don't know the full story but this sounds like it was over years ago.
He jumped head in first and he’s paying for it . He should’ve tested the waters before becoming a family with a women who just came out of a relationship. Too many people do that these days and end up paying the price.
Yeah. I don’t know why people rush into relationships and have kids right away.
Prob got pregnant by accident a few months in
If she isn't cheating already, she is already on the way. Time to jump ship.
yup he said they are married for 3 years and they got together 4 years ago... one year is not enough time.
Exactly
I am a little confused. He said the issue was he no longer felt connected to her. He then said he went through a financial scare. The issue seemed to be her not wanting to connect with him because the open comm scared her. Then that she stayed home for a year with their daughter & her side businesses really weren’t being prioritized (being a Mom is exhausting). But then he mentioned she was now working at the bank as of a few months ago.. so I am assuming more money is coming in now.
It took him until the end to mention her mental health. I don’t think it’s the finances or them “connecting”. Of course there might feel some distance if she feels extremely depressed. I think he does not like how emotionally burdening the depression is & now can’t see his entire life being like that. He feels stuck & worried .. and like someone else said, buyers remorse.
He’s way in over his head and didn’t realise what it means to be married especially to someone who’s diagnosed with depression. I believe he resents her
@@Nah-ah depression is treatable these days
It's only treatable if the person with it wants the by help. Meds don't always work with the body chemistry of the individual. I've met several people who cope with some form of mental illness and the medication only works for awhile, or has side effects, etc.
That's what happens when you have a kid. Now he is panicking about money.
He had a baby and didn't realize what that would be like. They cost money. And giving birth recks some women's emotional health.
Dude just get out now. She's already got your pair in a box and it will never get better. If you need to go to counselling just to function with her at your young age it's a train wreck. Not your fault...move on man.
I would try to make it work for 1 more year if I was him. Only because a divorce and custody battle with a mentally ill person sounds like hell.
Not his fault? He chose her…when women get a bad husband we are told to CHOOSE better.
@@sallyhemings2295 all of that!!
Ahhhh Fresno California aka "The Central San Joaquin Valley where it stays HOT and gets HOTTER. Grew up in Lemoore CA. 30 miles south of Fresno. Can't say I miss it.
Rework the budget, live on less and let the lady stay home. She wants to be home. And he’s right, there’s a lot of weight on him. There is on her as well to live within y’all means.
Seems like she’s the spender who won’t let them live within their means
They need to leave Cali.
What’s keeping him from making more money?
How much would childcare cost for two kids? It’s probably cheaper for her to stay home. Childcare IS work. This couple had a child they can’t actually afford. They are going to struggle either way.
Yeah there’s something else going on here. But at the end of the day they aren’t on the same page. And based on what he’s said (and I’m not trying to be a negative Nancy here) but it sounds like they haven’t been on the same long enough that it likely isn’t salvageable anymore. Once someone feels controlled, it’s just no bueno… that ship is heading for the rocks and there’s all kinds of resentment. And the ship’s wheel is so big it takes two people to turn it
Your advice is spot on! Thankful for your wisdom! Marriage is so worth it and it takes work!!
Sometimes it is worth it but the reality is many times it's not. Most of the women I know over a certain age are happier not being married.
It's astounding how this host always makes it a problem with the man. I'm shocked men still call him.
It would be refreshing if just once a woman was held responsible for bad behavior. He has even asked a male caller to look at how he contributed to his wife’s infidelity.🙄
@@David-wo9un I get notifications from the "ramsey network" whenever this guy puts up a video. I subbed there because I like the finance and I like Colemans stuff. This guy keeps popping up, I wish they would "notify" people who actually subscribe to him and leave the rest of us alone.
There aren't many places for a guy to call in and get advice. They tend not to go see someone in person. Hope springs eternal. Pick your reason from the above list.
It would be refreshing if people would realize it virtually never one person responsible for problems in a marriage. It’s both. Take responsibility for your own garbage.
@@Cathy-xi8cb Oh I get it. There’s a one 800 number, an association, a group for any problem the woman might have. Men are basically out of luck. That said why would they continue to go to the same person for bad advice over and over and over again? Not all men are Saints I get it, but not every problem in a marriage is the man’s fault either and that’s basically what you get at the DeLony show, At least the clips they choose to recommend to me. Lol
I stay home and it's fine 🙂
His wife is harboring resentment towards him. They both need to make Christ the foundation of the marriage. Only the Lord can keep us together. Period.
No
She’s preparing to leave you buddy. She’s at least emotionally involved with someone else. She’s also going to take the house, the kids, half of your retirement and a portion of your salary because you no longer give her the “tingles” and excitement.
Sadly, you are correct. I am betting they won’t stay married unless he stays miserable by letting her “do” who and what she wants.
Simp. She's using him until the next paycheck walks into her life.
Or she could be struggling and feeling she isn’t good enough because of her depression.
@@marieroxylox1456 she told him “he can’t tell her what to do with HER money”. Doesn’t sound like depression to me
@@FrankS111 that entirely depends on how he approached the conversation of money. Did he demand things or did they work together on a plan?
This one makes me sad. It really sounds like he’s over-burdened, in-part because his wife isn’t doing her part. It’s so hard to carry the finances and the well-being of the relationship completely. Perhaps more information is missing, but I don’t know if being critical of the guy for being resentful for almost burning out was the right call.
Its a trait of 4 gen feminism. It is intrinsic property of her nature. Her man will have to do everything, picking up the child, cooking, cleaning, driving her to the shopping mall etc.
Agreed
So she works,does most of the child care and keeps the house and yet she is not pulling her weight? Sounds like she is working harder then him.
He is pissed and called her unemployed when she was with their newborn.
He is panicking because the baby need diapers and he is all blaming her.
She had a baby and is depressed and his solution is to resent her and get counseling for himself?
Are you kidding me!?
The issue is this dude is clearly self-focused on himself and sees most things about her negatively. He starts with saying he’s not doing as good as he deserves. He labels her staying home with their newborn as being unemployed. He says she isn’t doing her part while she’s working for a bank and assisting with the care of the child. And he has buyers remorse because she has depression. No part of this has conveyed any feeling that he should be sacrificing for her or any merit for for anything she does. It says a lot about the dude simply by listening to what he says but more than anything how he says things. He portrays everything about her as selfish or entitled and everything he does as doing the right thing. Even look at when he finally says that she has severe depression his immediate action was to get counseling for himself and to care for himself but shows genuinely no concern for his wife. Realistically it’s hard to believe that anything she does would be seen by him as good enough if you simply assess how he speaks of her and downplays everything she does as if she is doing nothing in their home at all. None of what he’s said or how he’s said it has made him appear as a supportive partner.
One question I would ask him is
Is he coming home to a house That's a wreck and nothing's taken care of?
If you're going to go work like a madman and you're going to have your wife stay at home with the child the SAHM role comes with the expectation of a taken care of house.
That way the working spouse doesn't have to come home and keep working. They can come home and just enjoy being with the family.
That's how it was for us growing up when my mom stayed at home and that's how it should be.
But if he's coming home every night and the house is a disaster and he's now having to clean the house every night and dinner's never prepared, etc etc - and on top of that she's starting side businesses that are losing money that's going to get really old really quick.
To be clear being a stay-at-home parent is a very noble thing and it's a wonderful thing for many families.
But if you are neglecting the role of taking care of the house As a stay at home parent the other parent is going to get exhausted and start to feel resentment like they are being taken advantage of.
Like it or not, it’s nearly impossible for a couple (never mind one with children), to live on one income. It is what it is. It sounds nice to say that staying home with the kids is more important, but In reality, even a well paying career often just covers the rent/mortgage, utilities and moderate groceries. There is only so far you can stretch the dollars from one income. Perhaps she might consider remote work.
I make 23$ an hour in the quad cities IL and live in an upper middle class neighborhood and I’m supporting a family of 8 on one income. It’s not really that hard, the real issue is people don’t want to sacrifice anything. When you have two incomes and send the kids to daycare you’re using one income to pay someone else to raise your kids, or you’re sending your kids to school and letting the government raise them.
People talk about family planning before marriage. Have open dialect : How long will the mother be at home with the baby , does your job have paid maternity/paternity leave ,if something happens that the pregnancy becomes high risk and she cant work , can we afford it ... Have conversations. Dont let something such as pregnancy, which is controllable, happen, plan for it! Gas is $1000 a gallon lol ! A condom and birth control did not go up with inflation . Plan your family.
She will soon figure out child support and alimony will bring her a better financial life than being married to you; if he legally adopted her child, he will be paying for two kids. Has anyone else noticed John’s first conclusion on these calls is always the guy is the problem?
Yea beta simp
So, you blame him then get on John for asking the guy about his part in this? We all have a part, always. And unless we can own our part things don’t change.
Yup. Dr. D is way softer on criticizing bad behavior of women. Certainly bias there.
John is a simp. Always blames the guy no matter what it’s so annoying to hear
@@staleydu1 Listen to any of the countless past calls; it’s always the man’s fault. John never holds women accountable for bad behavior; if she cheats, what did the guy do that made her cheat?
Is there any counselor nowadays that ACTUALLY challenges the client instead of being a validating machine, rubber stamping you’re great, you got a point, you go girl?!?
She needs to be at home with the kids. Her job covers childcare and she resents that. He needs to communicate with his wife regarding the financial situation and work through this together
He is. He is saying they can’t afford it. It’s insensitive of her to put that amount of financial pressure on him, cater to her mental health and try to be a good father. If he gives up 40 hours for financial security she could at least sacrifice 20.
@@lovely1641 California is highly expensive and the economy has been stifled. Baby formula, diapers and other baby products have also gone up. How do you know they both are not overspending?
They live in Cali boo boo. Being at home with the kids only works of the other spouse makes enough money.
There's a lot of weak men and women on these comments that can't help but project their bitterness and spitefulness to stranger's situation. In a relationship, no one has a monopoly on blame or credit. Mature adult know this.
Maybe that's part of the reason why your husbands/wives left you.
Agree 💯
I love how John asks who taught him he has to take care of everything while simultaneously putting 100% of the blame on him and telling him he needs to figure out what he’s doing wrong in this relationship and fix it.
You John. You are the one currently teaching him that he is responsible for and needs to take care of everything.
If he wants this marriage, then yes, he needs to own his part. If he's out, cool, then he needs to walk away. But John never suggests ending a relationship. Caller needs to step up and reveal what he needs from an attachment/connection perspective. It is likely she is still depressed or has other mental health struggles. If so, he has the choice to support her to get well, or not. If wife isn't going to therapy or taking meds to get better, then her effort certainly can be increased.
That's not what happened, listen again, the guy complained about her not having a job
.. then says she got a job.
Like....what is he even calling John for?
Dr. John has such little to go on, he is poking around and the guy is not giving him much to work with. Sometimes as a therapist you have to throw things at the wall, and see if they stick.
@@madeleiner3640 No therapist does that until you tell them what's up. They keep asking questions.
@@COINsimp2024 true. I am a therapist. I think Dr. John still kept asking questions. But it is a radio show, and there is pressure to entertain as well. I don't think we can overlook that. You get 15-20 mins- and he is trying to create a story with a beginning, middle and end. This is not a substitute for real therapy
And no one has mentioned cloth diapers as the simple solution to this phone call. Babies are only as expensive as you make them...
Cloth diapers are great and they have an upfront cost. You have to buy the wrappers and the inserts. You'll have to get three sets at least, as baby grows. Then you need a laundry machine at home and be albe to do 2 loads of aludry a day
Just in the first 2 minutes you can hear the devastation in this dude's voice... He needs some help. If he is willing and she can get by on her own he needs to pick up a night job... It sucks but it's the truth. Once the daughter can go to public school the wife needs to get a job.
Weird he went from saying they can't afford things because of the wife isn't making money but later he said she works as a bank teller... Two jobs should be able to easily afford everything. There's something else other than finances. They're living out of their budget or something like that.
I was also surprised when he said the wife had a job. What's up....
I’m curious to learn more about her previous marriage/divorce. This guy is willing to fight for her. Meanwhile, her history suggests she’s willing to leave when the going gets tough. Hopefully she doesn’t have that mindset going forward.
It’s possible she doesn’t even know who is the father of her first child; she could have grabbed the first one willing to commit to helping support the situation she created as a single mom.
@@David-wo9un that is nothing more then an assumption. Assumptions that are not based on facts usually leads to the wrong cause/causal factors. That in turn usually leads to the wrong corrective action/preventative action.
Sounds like she has checked out of the marriage!
The marriage has serious problems that will likely become worse. There is no mention of of the other dad paying child support - I’d be exploring that right away. Next, I don’t see this working out because it appears the wife has no intention of being a team player. Instead she is making unilateral decisions that affect the entire family, but pretending that it doesn’t. Her income needs to be contributed to the family. Period. I would consider leaving this woman if she won’t change her tune.
I think is somewhat crappy advice. Coming from a woman, take it from me that all women are no great partners, wives and mothers. Actually a lot of women suck today these days. This callers wife sounds like trouble, she’s needs the help not him.
Warning to all young men out there. Almost NEVER marry a single mother.
What a horrible blanket thing to say!
@@madambutrfly23 Frank S. prefaced the statement with “almost” so I wouldn’t say it was a blanket statement. He is correct in mentioning that there is little upside to a man taking on another man’s child/financial responsibilities.
Yeah because those kids never grow up and move out, and a woman is only defined by her baggage.
Here’s one for ya, don’t have sex with single mothers until you marry em.
Leave them alone if you prefer a childless woman.
Couldn't agree more, that is the worst mistake anyone can make. Your just taking on additional emotional and financial baggage that no one should have to put up with.
Now he knows why her last relationship failed. My guess is she had no shortage of criticisms for her earlier partner and failed to own her part.
Get out now and make sure your child is protected financially and otherwise. File for custody and get out ASAP before she drains the bank account. And don’t let on to her your plans before you see the attorney! Man up dude please
He knocks her up and complains he has no money and she is not doing enough even while she is with a 4 month old. Dude should have planned better.
Make the switch.
Hey John can you talk about the wife and how she is the problem in this marriage and literally heading to a divorce? Yes no one is perfect but you always bash the husband when a women calls.
John and Dave are Simpss don’t listen to their advice on most romantic situations
Exactly. Don’t take advice from ultimate simps like John baloney
@@hawaiisilver9141 Dr. Delony had it right when he started questioning the husband, bc of the words he used to describe his wife and situation. The husband did not sound 100% innocent, and the wife is obviously not on the call to speak from her perspective.
@@hawaiisilver9141 lol yup
@@bonjoursophie Exactly. Deloney did catch Caller's inconsistencies but instead of directly calling him on the carpet, Deloney handled it in a more subtle fashion. This was one of Deloney's most professional calls. If you notice, in the beginning of this call, caller says his wife hasn't worked since their baby's birth and she just unilaterally decided to stay home for the baby. Yet much later in the call, caller admits wife is working as a bank teller. So which is it? is wife employed or unemployed? Or is caller trying to pull one over on Deloney, but tripped up? How is ALL the burden on caller, whether she stays home for children, or works at bank to bring income to their household? Wife is contributing either way. Is the money in question actually her salary from the bank, or is the child support from 1st father? That's a very different issue, and caller did not clarify.
The issue is she wants to stay home and not stop spending money
By trying to have better communication, she says he is pushing her away??? She's probably having an affair and using that against him.
some guy who pays the bills.
@@silverltc2729 She wants someone who will give her things not put her on a budget.
She needs to grow up. She knew his approximate salary
1) it makes me wonder how he approached the money issue. 2) first he said she was unemployed and then towards the end told him that she was working as a bank teller. 3) towards the end he tells us that she was recently diagnosed with depression. So it makes me wonder how he is approaching important conversations.
She has depression and that can be a huge issue.
This guy is definitely struggling, and it sounds like he really resents his wife. He made it sound like she was unemployed until almost 9 Minutes through going on about how she didn't have a job, although I swear she said she does not have a job . Hopefully, Delaney gives him a deal on better help
Yeah dude your wife just had a baby she shouldn’t have to work right away. I can understand more down the road getting a job but this guy doesn’t sound like a man to me.
I bet he has his eye on someone at work
It is more important for her to be at home with your kid. You guys need to adjust your finances down to accommodate the needs of your child.
That is why you do not have children without money saved for several years to get by
You want me to work then kids are off the table.
If we both work FT, I'm going to chill on house chores. If you want food, cook. You like a clean house then help keep it clean. I don't care if I work 40 and you work 80, FT is FT. If you don't like working that much then don't.
A decision she made ? 4 years later is too late . You both should have know from the first month of dating.
Never marry a woman with a child, that was his first mistake. Now that he did and has another kid with this woman he can either stick it out and hope it gets better (it wont) or get out and go bankrupt. Literal rock and a hard place. Oh well, hopefully some young men out there listen to these snippets and learn.
Maintain the level of life?
Why would you get involved with a single mom? And I too if that you had a baby with her
Dude married a single mom and acts like he didn’t expect this outcome good grief
He married a single mother when he had a lower paying job, so if they then had their own kids the combined cost would mean that she would *need* to work. That’s not smart…
She's cheating bro. Are you not wise enough to see that?
Kevin in Sales fulfilled that void. Your marriage is over
She gone.
She now is convinced that you are low value. This is the worst aspect of female nature. I think she will start looking for a man that can always pay the bills.
Sad thing is, this guy probably over stretched. I would like to see what clothes he has in his closet: it doesn't sounds like suits and Gucci belts.
She doesn’t like the idea of being put on a budget when there may be someone willing to buy her stuff.
@@David-wo9un Yup.
@@David-wo9un the Ramsey budget is very extreme. You both have to really commit to it. It can't just be one person deciding.
I am sick of hearing Every time fuking guy is the problem 😠
Happy to know that I am not the only one hearing that message.
It’s always the guys fault, literally every time. It’s so crazy. They don’t hold women accountable
The girl is a disaster. Divorce her yesterday.
Dave simpp Ramsey and John simpp beloney aren’t good at giving romantic advice. Go watch Coach Corey Wayne or Alpha Male Strategies for that.
I agree. If a woman calls then the guy is the problem and he takes the woman’s word for it. If a man calls then he must be the problem and there has to be more to the story. Such a double standard. I’m a stay at home mom to a hard working husband. I’m not anti-women, but men deserve to be appreciated and not worked to the point of burnout.
Dr. Delong always sticks up from the woman and lays the blame at the man’s feet every time no matter what the woman does or not does.
It seems like this marriage is over. Both of them are tired. I'm glad she has a job too. I know John doesn't promote divorce but this couple should!
I wanted to stay at home but my husband said he’d leave me if I didn’t financially contribute. So I went back to grad school in a career field that makes money. And we decided not to have kids because We didn’t want to deal with the emotional and financial responsibilities. The mom has had nothing but dead end jobs. She needs to invest in her career which means she’ll need some training and drive.
Then they shouldn't have had a baby 4 months ago. Now she is working part time with a baby and husband is whining.
I get the impression this man is married to a narcissist. Just a feeling.
Sounds like he doesn't love his wife. Something is remiss here. Their family is under spiritual attack. I pray they turn their lives over to the living Christ.
She would have already left if the roles were reversed.
Got her knocked up and then wants to run out after 4 months. But yeah she is the problem.
This “don’t tell me what to do” that seems to be rampant these days is so weird to me. Good luck living life with no input or advice lol
🥰
You seem to have a bias… every time a male caller phones in for advice you never hold the woman accountable, and find some way to blame the woman.
He sounds like a betamail
And it's pretty obvious that this was posted on an incel reddit page and 30 of you decided to come here and post the exact same comment 😆 also, beta male. This guy needs help, not name calling over the internet. That choice is weakness.
Post office beta mail
Grow up !
Sounds like the wife is lazy and is not committed