Jordan Peterson - The Price of Divorce and Terrible Relationships
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- Опубліковано 9 лют 2025
- original source: • 2017 Maps of Meaning 0...
Psychology Professor Dr. Jordan B. Peterson talks about the problems with divorce when you have children. Your life will have no resemblance of your old one and step-parents will often see the kids of their partner only as an obstacle.
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What helped me the most with raising my children was the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. It is honestly a game changer
most people who divorce eventually realize that they didn't leave their troubles, they took their troubles with them.
Eeej H that’s a great statement, but this only works with consciousness people.
Plus they often have more financial problems after a divorce.
@@janicep1508 , to say the very least. Before you get divorced, you get to decide what college your kids will go to, how much of it they will have to pay for themselves, what kind of car you will give them to drive, what kind of clothes you will pay for. After divorce, if you don't have custody, your ex-wife and the judge make all those decisions for you.
ua-cam.com/video/SCOnvc8Rh0c/v-deo.html
@@ralphholiman7401 the whole thing just has to be reconstructed from 0, affecting in between most importantly, the children.
“Divorce with kids will demolish your life” hear that! I don’t know many divorced parents who have great romantic relationships after the divorce nor do their children benefit.
my parents are divorced since 2010 and everything came down EXACTLY like jordan explained, like if he was observing me the whole time.
Funny my parents are like the poster parents for divorced couples. They still love each other, but there are complications no doubt, but I don't know how it fucked me up but I can tell it did, I just can't tell how. But it's very rare and I mean very very rare that parents will have a good relationship after a divorce so I'm very thankful that mine do! I'm certainly the exception to the rule, and I do understand how divorce does mess up children, as I've seen how the separation of my cousins parents has messed with them.
I watched my ex’s parents get divorced when we were young, like 19 or so in 2013, and it was horrible. Completely demolished her view of her dad, whom she adamantly looked up to previously, made her side with her bitter, mean-spirited mom, and ultimately made her completely opposed to “the patriarchy” and much of traditional Western society in general.
She was in university then and taking those gender studies classes as electives, and became about as radicalized as the students who were trying to shut down Peterson and Eric Weinstein, because just as Jordan eludes to in other videos, when a person’s faith in one societal structure fails or disappears, another ideology comes rushing in to fill its void.
It took me until watching these lectures to understand what exactly went wrong to transform her like that. It was sad but it felt like closure when I finally figured it out.
I tried but he had an affair with my fathers wife?
@@Paytonwh you were fucked up before the divorce. The fact is temperament is fixed at birth. Divorce is irrelevant. To kids or parents.
Divorced and remarried here, my wife was in the same situation that I was, divorced and had kids. The damage that Jordan is talking about is very true. The sad part about it, if you have kids with your new wife, your kids will also suffer a degree of damage as well. They have siblings (the half siblings that are either of yours children) who they consider to be their regular siblings, will go away to their other parents for visits, they’ll go on trips and have fun at their grandparents houses, that your kids don’t get to partake in. Granted, they still get to go on trips that you take them on, and have fun at your parents, but there’s this other world that their siblings get to be apart of, that they don’t get to be a part of, and I know that hurts them. It’s just how it is. So the generation that will be protected from your choice to divorce, will be your grand children, which is a sobering thought, that your choice to divorce will have such long and deep efffects on people that aren’t just you. Divorce is ugly all the way around.
I am one of those children. I can concur.
Interesting observation from you both.
One could argue that the grandchildren are not protected from the choice because they are being parented by a fractured and hurt human who did not grow up in a nuclear family.
@@barlowgilrocks234 It's very diplomatic and delicate of you to suggest there's even an argument. The generational repercussions probably transfer down far deeper than anyone would like to admit.
Maybe the problem is some people are not cut out for marriage. I've heard absolute horror stories about miserable marriages. And then these people get married again AND end up getting divorced AGAIN!! People get married WAY TOO QUICKLY now a days anyway.
As a kid of parents who hated their lives together but didn't divorce "for the kids" it's just as toxic and causes a lot of problems. My mother raised me to hate my father and thus myself too. It eventually destroyed everything a family is.
But you have no idea what that would have looked like had they gotten divorced. It might have been FAR worse
@@kiristaberry718 my parents divorced, my mom gave my dad 2 years to change and he didn’t. His toxicity was tearing my psyche apart and I can still sense it today. Best thing my mom could have done. She didn’t talk bad about him but saved our family by getting rid of him. He almost lost our house with his terrible spending habits. My mom worked hard to get back on her feet and clean up his mess while successfully raising 2 children. It’s all relative to the people involved. You can’t lump things into categories like divorce is bad, abortion is bad, cops are bad... it doesn’t work that way. You don’t know the persons situation. Individuals are bad and they ruin it for the rest.
I’m sorry that happened to you..
@@BigShean wow what a mommas boy. Cut the umbilical cord bro. Why belive everything your mother tells you. Time will give you the truth
In some sutuations you are losing more by staying than you are by leaving.. I do understand that people beed to know that divorce doesn't simoly get rid of problems.. but that doesn't mean that its never the better disicion. I know someone who's husband wanted to do something illegal that could make her end up in jail, when she refused he divorced her, and then he asked her to get back with him (without aplogizing or trying whatsoever) and she got back with him... She lets him step all over her and I think she needs to understand that she deserves better and that tgat kind of man brings her no benifit... he also wasnt that involved with his kids to begin with and could still see them any time he wants after the divorce... he divorced her multiple times and treats her like a piece of trash... I truly believe that in such situation a dicorce that isnt really that messy would be best... It is really sad to me thinking abt this woman's daughetrs growing up and seeing there mom accept such treatment, without even asking for an apology, not even a simple sorry! I mean thats gonna make them think thats the norm! Anyways, divirce isn't a good or simple solution, but it sure must be done in some cases...
"The rate of abuse in step families is way higher than in biological families.....ANYWAYS" lmfao
GamingFreeOnline
That really, really helped me back with though some things.
yeah shitty step parents most of the time - kids never seem to accept their step-parent(s).
and why should they? Lets not make it the kids' fault.
Ahaha that was a great outro. "Abuse is sad and all buuuuut, time for lunch!"
I guess next Prof was pushing them out
I don't think he's saying don't divorce, but laying out the fact that all divorces are messy even the ones that need to happen. Instead of relying on divorce to be the cure-all, prevention is best. Choose wisely who you marry and lower the need to divorce as much as possible.
Also, he’s saying that entering into marriage with the mentality that “I can always divorce them if things go sour” is toxic to the marriage and prevents you from putting in the work required to solve problems in the relationship.
Yeah there is definitely cases when a person should divorce a parter. Infidelity and abuse is a big one for me and is unforgivable, kids or no kids. Theres no way to 100% affair proof a marriage or to 100% pick a faithful companion as over the years their personality could shift drastically. The best way is to mediate this uncertainty is to - gauge your partner beforehand, dont try to "change" them, understand each others goals, be friends beforehand, date for a long time, have shared values etc.
That will give you the best chance of having a successful marriage.
I remember being 17 in college and reading a piece from Eric Fromm, " Love is an art". He explains the difference between love, vs "falling in love" (infatuation, and physical attration). Says.. love is a art,, something that requires effort. I think we would all be better off if we viewed relationships this way.
I like Corinthians 13:4 description of love - Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
@@robthom09I’ve always seen love as an unknown substance you willingly ingest. You know it might be harmful, but you’re willing to take the risk that it could also be beneficial.
Too many Broken people settle for other broken people. We need to lower the misery levels to improve the stats on successful marriages.
Yes! :)
We're all broken people. We all have our issues. It's a matter of accepting your partners and not wanting to run because of them as well as having them accept your brokenness.
@@michellerae.anderson some people are more broken than others. Some people have no business getting married
I agree. Work on yourself before you get involved with someone else.
And too many broken people blame their problems on their marriage (rather than recognizing that their problematic marriage is often a symptom of their own personal dysfunction).
Pro tip: Don't marry someone who's room isn't clean!
Mihir Kumar ik you're joking but that's actually good advice.
It does show a lack of self control on a personal level.
Mihir Kumar yes!!!!!!!! Unless you are a slob too. I ignored so many signs and who cleans up all the time and resents it? Me. Good advice. Also a tip: observe how that person treats you when you are sick. It’s very telling.
@@jessicalt4121 Observe how they treat their family 'Cause you will be the family if you marry.
OHHHHH..... That is so FUNNY!!
But.... My soon to be former wife. Always lived in a Prue mess. And just left like that...
A friend of mine came over to see her place. I just moved there. You know.... I never for got his advice all those years ago... "OH MY GOD WHAT A DUMP.
LEAVE THIS GIRL AS FAST AS YOU CAN"
Boy I wish I took his advice...
Yeah, people tend to think much about exit strategies of a terrible relationship/marriage, but rarely think about how not to enter into one. Our system and society makes divorce easier and more acceptable, so that people neglect the heavy price. We need to educate our children (and many adults) how to establish healthy relationships, but that alone is already hard because only very few are capable of doing so.
people acctually get angry when you hit them with the truth...
As a kid from divorce, I will preface this with my own anger from the general selfish stupidity I see from people who come up with every argument under the sun to avoid looking at their own decisions and choices in choosing a marriage partner than having these half baked/immature reasonings for divorced like "not being fufilled"
People are not meant to fulfill you, that is the ultimate sign of an underdeveloped psyche. What you see in other is a reflection of what you see and are avoiding within yourself. That's why I have a saying about people always picking and being with the exact person they are aligned with because partner choice is a reflection of your own judgment.
Why would you marry someone who doesn't want kids and you want them? Sure get the divorce, it will be more like a breakup, but at least admit you made a mistake in judgment and take some responsibility for learning more about yourself for next time. This woman's question of divorce being an option in a low-quality relationship made me think "and what part did you play in your own low-quality relationship? Did you try to make it better by actually looking at yourself to figure out why you project your own unhappiness on to your partner?"
It's not about divorce actually, its people having poor relationships with themselves and then projecting that outwards as an excuse. Divorce is just symptomatic of that kind of interpersonal disconnect. There are exceptions I could make for the case, but it wouldn't involve marriage so much as what you should think about before you get married (which I would suspect we used to teach young people) so you can have a very clear mindset for what a life long marital relationship is going to entail interpersonally, so you can grow and learn about yourself from your unions instead of just having failed sequential relationships.
I agree so fucking much. I just got done watching Adam's humor college, or some liberal youtube video, and he was saying high divorce rates are a good thing. The comment section almost made me break my computer. Every few divorces are for an adequate reason and statics show that single parent house hold children are way worse off.
Wow beautifully said. I wish you could have sat down with my ex wife.
Love your comment! Brings some clarity to my divorce.
That last bit I agree with. The mindset of people is definitely lacking, also indoctrinated with stupid ideals, making them value all the wrong things in life. It's like people just don't talk about meaningful, deep intimate things anymore, especially before doing intimate and loving things with each other. It's like they never have those basic conversations like "so, how do you feel about having kids?" or "what do you want out of life?" being another question which is straight to the bloody point.
Because if two people like each other enough and want to take it further, knowing the answers of those aforementioned questions would make it a lot... smoother wouldn't it. Those doubts about being on the right path or whatever wouldn't be hanging over them. Fear of the unknown is one of the worst things for people in society, especially if they worry a lot.
telazu rich men don’t become stepdads lol
Logically speaking, he's right. If you've been married to someone for 5+ years and have a child, what's the point of getting divorced? You both clearly loved each other at some point and now you have a life that is completely intertwined, the price of getting divorced (metaphorical and literal) isn't worth it. It's smarter and more reasonable to simply work through your problems together.
It's not that easy. People change, circumstances change - nothing is constant. And when you avoid going home and spend 15 minutes in your car in the driveway prior to going inside and seeing your spouse, the price of divorce appears as a bargain compared to your grinding reality.
People are increasingly becoming selfish these days.
mr7wi This people.. This right here
mr7wi appears yes.... but incorrectly so
But 70-80% of women tend to initiate divorce because in most cases of their "feelings" or "falling out of love". So ask the group that usually initiates it of why is it worth it to them? Could they be "trading up"?
Peterson hits the nail on the head here. I am an example of someone who got married at 21 (10 years ago) to a woman who already had a child. I became a stepfather instantly. Not realizing what I was getting myself into, I learned the hard way of the reality of life. If you get into a relationship with a woman who already has a child, you are instantly in second place in her mind. She will prioritize the livelihood of that child before you (That's not a bad thing), BUT, the takeaway from that is that there is a decline in market value that I had no clue. We eventually had a child of our own. As a result of all of this, both myself and my wife lived in growing resentment towards each other over the years. The marriage ended after 8 years in a horrible series of events, but now we have a very diplomatic relationship in dealing with the 2 kids now. After going through all that, I learned that it is never a good idea to get into relationships with single mothers. They are not bad people (power to the ones who take care of their kids), but if you want a partner fully invested in you, it's best if they don't already have another person they put as their top priority. You have to understand this is true about men and women who get married with no children in the first place. Once you start having children, the family dynamic will indefinitely change. You are no longer priority, the kids will be. This not an attack on anyone or anything, it's just wisdom I have learned.
Thanks for sharing, you're absolutely right.
And if you’re the woman and your husband already has child(ren) most of them ( child and mother ) will resent the wife - regardless of how the previous divorce/separation happened, even if the woman initiated ( even if they don’t admit it)
@@amdg9683could you elaborate please?
Dating a guy seperated from his wife for 2 years, 2 teenage sons. She initiated i believe.
I had 5 step dads before I hit 10 years old everyone of them beat me or worse. My 6th step day was a good man but mom kicked me out at 14. I lived on the streets till 17 and met my wife and got married at 18. She had twins before I met her. We have been married for 35 years and we still ore in love. My family is my life but I still don’t know how I made it except that my wire is the best thing that ever happened to me. Then god gave us grandkids and life is even better.
I am absolutely astounded at how often i here this kind of story where a boy ends up homeless cause of a abusive step father. Breaks my heart. Glad to hear you made it through.
Lmao bruh what a lie
I'm surprised he didn't pull out the statistics for sex abuse rates as well. The chances of sex abuse skyrockets when non-biological parents enter the home.
This
That was the last thing he said
The price of divorce is insecure children.
I don't think im messed up but yeah i could be much more better, the similarity between my parents divorce and what Jordan describes is incredible
I cant stop thinking that all the social argument world face actually come only 1 or 2 generation after the democratisation of divorce.
@@Ushabtii
Exactly. These are the grown up children of divorce still screaming, "No fair."
@@Ushabtii Not only divorce, this is the generation that's growing with hipersexualization of culture. Music, movies, shows and even porn. All of these combined with divorced parents and step families may come along with several issues.
@@FacuSabo22 That also.
I say that if you arnt teached how to succesfully socialy interact with people, you'll be less lickely to have romance, then when teenage you will have less opportunity to express your hormonal need and less interaction to discover yourself, then you gonna get lost and take the wrong way since you gonna see the world through internet and not actual real connection with people. The problem after that it's to be able to stand the pain that come from deconstructing those bad fondation to rebuild yourself. That's the point that most of the new generation (and people taking theyr train) try to avoid.
Love is for teenagers. Responsibility is for adult. Be a responsible adult, be a responsible parent.
I love this...thank you!
Peach🙌
@@rainsara2795 Apple🙌
@@nickjones5825 hahah ops
I would say that for teenagers love is a feeling. For adults love is a decision. A decision, which is the voluntary assumption of responsibilities and of sacrificial living.
I will try my hardest to stay married. The lives of my children depend on it.
At least until they are adults. If you can't put your own plans on hold until then, don't get married, and for god's sake, don't have children.
Good for you, trust me it will be worth it.Children from broken homes are scared...so you are doing an loving and honorable thing.
💪👏👏👏stay strong
unpopular opinion (maybe?), but as a child of divorced parents I got to say: Sometimes it IS better to separate. My parents stayed together for years even though they obviously didn't get along. Because they involved us in their fights, me and my brother were SO F*CKING GLAD when they finally told us they'd get a divorce. Of course it hurt, too. It was awful! Still I think it's the best thing they ever agreed on - and they should've done it WAY sooner. It only affected me because they couldn't do it like rational adults that once were close. Don't stay together just for the sake of your kids, you could hurt them even more along the way.
Fight :D
People need to make better choices when it comes to choosing a life partner
For most western men, the choices are horrible. Most women these days are not virgins at the time of marriage and make for poor marital partners.
@@smellypatel5272 exactly
I've divorced and it has certainly been one necessary step for me to recover from a mental crisis (burnout, depression). The relationship with my wife had never been solid, and today I see this and understand the reasons why. At the point of marriage, I had not seen the shadows in me, and until today my ex-wife isn’t able to see her own shadows.
We have indeed negotiated into a peaceful arrangement, and so I'd always do it again. Today I have a partner that I love, my children see what a relationship between man and woman can actually be like (warm and tender).
This is way better than the bad marriage that I’ve had before. And now one of my main goals is to help my children grow and understand themselves well enough, before they would want to marry another person themselves.
This is the perfect balance to JP's "abstinence only" policy, thank you for sharing your perspective.
This is true you also teach your children that they dont have to stay in a bad relationship
Same story here... but I have always realized the emotional damage that my daughter had to put up with by not having a traditional nuclear family. Ever since she was as little as 3yo I could see and feel that horrible void she had in her life.
Nontheless, staying married with my ex would have been worse for her development though.
Divorce is always a tragedy and the last "resource". I've always said that divorce is like amputating a gangrenous limb, you die if you keep it and you lose it forever if you cut it.
@@VictorBeltran1309 good luck. The more she grows up, you'll be able to talk to her about what happened, the reasons, and what she will be able to do to avoid a similar path in her life. Confronting these feelings might well be part of this. Not easy, but there's always options.
On that cheerful note...
Class Dismissed
Ha ha ha very funny and well put
After being through divorce with children I can tell you that everything Jordan has said in this video has been a reality in my life. Just work it out people!
JP playing with his wedding ring 😁
Actually playing with the ring or necklace a spouse gave you, just means you're thinking of them...not in negative terms, just in reference. I play with my ring also, makes it feel like they're with me. It's an admirable comfort.
This is the first thing I noticed about him. He does it all the time regardless of topic.
I noticed he does this during his other talks too, it was just to perfect to pass on commenting in this case.
He was thinking about his own marriage subconsciously. That's all.
Well, the way he fidgeted was that he pretended to take it off, then slammed it back in place. I think if it represents something it's that he thought about freedom from marriage- but then realized that's dumb because as hard as it is it's still better than otherwise.
Clean your room, then get married.
MGTOW Economist naww rekt. I have decided that putting a couple of white kids into the gene pool is worth all of the consequences you guys predict.
Charles Turner not being married has the same risks with regard to loss of wealth and other rights. I value marriage as an institution for the reasons Jordan Peterson describes in his videos, but understand that it is a shit deal for men(statistically) but am willing to bear the weight of the hero archetype and do my bit for the future of my race and culture.
It sure beats nihilism.
you have no clue the kind of fulfillment you can find in a spouse that sees eye to eye with you. probably because you are bitter due to past rejections or you can't date women past their looks and then find yourself surprised when they act shitty because you neglected to filter inferior personality traits.
ScarletFox 😆😆😆
Kyle Spence I don't think I am exceptional, well I do but I expect results proportionate to my inputs, and I'll be devastated if I get fucked over but shit happens. Worth a shot. Kids can make up their own mind.
I listened to 10 years of 'Loveline' and that gives 1000s of vivid examples of how crucial it is, for kids, to stay together and put everything you can into them.
I was in a 2 year relationship with a woman that had 2 kids. At the start I didn't like kids, not just her kids but children in general; by the end of the relationship which is now over, I loved spending time with the kids; they were silly and fun and maybe little jerks sometimes but I couldn't enjoy any time spent with their mother. It felt odd because they weren't even my children. It is strange how things play out sometimes.
dannyboi162 yea it’s a hard breakup. I would never date a girl with kids again
Wow. Those poor kids. They will never have a normal life. No normal bonding, finally bonding with someone, but for only 2 years. What a psychological and emotional nightmare for them.
Thank you for an honest answer.
You liked playing with them but you didnt love them
If you are thinking of divorce, do this little exercise first. Look at your kids and try to guess which kid will commit suicide, which will become a drug addict, which one will develop a seething hatred for you. I am 45 and am just starting to discover the effect divorce has had on my life. 1978 was when my parents divorced. I am starting to have strange nightmares about the divorce, my partner at work is going through a divorce and I had a severe anxiety attack when I heard about it. So many things that I could not figure out why, why so terrified of abandonment, why trying to fix everything, why deep resentment towards my dad... so many damned things! I especially see what was lost in my parents divorce. All the time of just having your parents just there, nothing special, just together. I never learned how to work things out in a relationship, never got to see mom and dad struggle through all the stuff my kids have seen my wife and I struggle through...so much damned loss.
Oh, and my brother committed suicide almost 10 years ago... he was so bitter at my dad. He actually calculated how much time he missed out on with my dad and then sent my dad a bill. No kidding. And my dad was a pretty nice dad... just off doing his own life after the divorce. My brother’s hatred just grew and grew towards him. I think my brother committed suicide as a fuck you to my mom and dad.
Don’t get divorced.
NOT ADVISABLE MARRIED 38 YEARS HUSBAND CHEATED JUST GIT DIVORCED MARCH THIS YEAR MY LIFES RUINED HE EVICTED ME FROM MY HOME...
IVE LOST EVERYTHING GROWN UP SONS DONT SPEAK WITH THEM DEVASTATING A BAD BAD MAN & 2 SONS I SHOWERED NOTHING BUT KINDNESS ON...
It sounds like he said, "don't get divorced" but it seems like many heard, "don't get married". lol. Funny.
wiseeyes81 Well it becomes the cost of single life vs distinctional marriage vs divorce. Single life does seem to run a high ratio personally but hurts society indirectly.
Well, if you don't get married, you don't have to worry about getting divorced.
With divorce rates as high as 80% and majority of it initiated by women.... how does marriage seem a good idea? Especially for men as family courts are the meat grinders of society.
@@hopelessearth how does single life hurt society?
@@raheelbelal5848 , just know that when you are deciding on who to marry, that you are betting your whole life on having made the right choice, so it had better be the right choice. There is a princess behind one door, and starving rabid pit bulls behind the other three doors. Be careful which door you pick.
Being that I'm an adult child of divorce, I see a lot of points on this. Both from my experience and what I have observed of my parents. I'm 47 now. I just had my Dad pass away. There are still issues in my family from my parents' divorce in 1988. And I don't think some of it will ever get resolved. My parents were never at peace with what happens and it was never peaceful.
Divorce hurts children all throughout their lives. Divorce mandates them to have separate family functions, not only with their own families, but with their families down through the generations.
My parents got divorced when I was 8! I put the exclamation mark there to misguide you into thinking that it was horrible. It was the best decision ever. They didn't really work well together in the organization of the household and friction caused fights. Not too bad ones though because I can't remember a single one. Before they started hating eachother they decided to split up. My brother was quite devastated by I was too young to understand what it was so I didn't give a shit. Luckly, my father and mother got along and so there where never financial issues. My father bought a house less than 1km away from where my mom lived and later my mom moved in with another man that lived literally
Robert Fennis indeed
My parents god divorced when I was 8. My father remarried a bitch of a woman and was shot to death on his door step for smuggling. My mother was an emotional nightmare to everyone who came near her especially me because she was always inlove with her husband and no one was good enough.
Happy for you. The divorce of my parents left me destroyed and I still suffer a bit from it. I'm 20 but could still cry at the thought. I was 5, my parents couldn't communicate with each other and when I was 7 I moved 600km away with my mom. Saw my dad only 4 times a Year. For a child that's horrible...
Agreed by the start of middle school I wanted my parent to get a divorce
Lesson: it’s not divorce in isolation (it’s never one thing in isolation in life)....how adults behave: married, divorced, whatever...just be kind to each other
My parents have 5 marriages between the two of them. 1000% Dr Peterson speaks the truth. Absolutely.
Wow! Why?
@Kathyrn Roberts, wow are you alrite? That's really rough. Two completely indecisive people...
I'm a wonderful stepmother, but it's the hardest thing I've ever done.
Scotty P Mistrust is probably mutual in that situation. Being a stepparent is awkward, especially if both real parents are still around
Geni Talia you are one of the few he speaks of
I have two steps one bio all grown. I have a great relationship with them all including my step kids mom. I was with theur dad 8 yrs but we divirced when the steps were in middle school. Most people I know that were step parents are barely or not at all in contact with the stepkids if there is a divorce or the parent dies. So I must have done ok. Here is some things to remember 1. You are NOT the parent, unless the parent is dead or out of the picture and you are adopting the child. You are more similar to an aunt 2. Do not do discipline unless the parent is not at home. The fastest way to having your step kids resent you is disciplining them. If your partner is out of the room, sit them in time out and go get him or take the child to him. 3. Be an unending fountain of support. This is where you can really make a difference as a step. I am their biggest cheerleaders. 4. If your partner wants a lot of input from you on parenting do that in private and let him implement it. If he is not home and a big decision comes up that has to be made, call the other parent. This creates trust and also shows respect for her position as the kids mother. If you are a step dad just reverse the pronounces.
@@lovetolearn881 I agree
@Michael Thornton
I agree. I wonder what the children think and feel.
Divorce, a permanent solution to a temporary problem all marriages experience at some point. Divorce with children; Jorden's statement "the idea that you can be divorced once you have children is a stupid idea" hit home for me.
I'm not so sure about that. Sometimes you get wrapped up in a relationship with an evil person, I've seen it....not in my situation, but I've seen it with other people. Then you're trapped with a child or in a marriage, what do you do? I've seen abuse happen, beyond comprehension, that somebody could do that to another person. And the person who is being abused stays and tries to work it out and then they pay an even a bigger price for it than if they were to have simply left, decades of trauma that continues on...perhaps for generations.
Sometimes it seems great to punch a oneliner, but it doesn't correspond with reality. "Temporary problem"? My parents hardly ever spoke to each the whole time they were together since I was born until their divorce when I was 14 yrs old.
My wife was incredibly immature and toxic and refused to grow while with me and blamed it all on me the entire time. I was a very high earner, successful, I looked good, I had an extensive social and professional network, my own business and a large family too back in my home town. She on the other hand did not work and if she did she quit pretty fast, she didn't want children in her 20s to avoid "ruining her body" for her stupid "influencer" career she kept failing at, she had very few friends because women did not like her as she was very much one of those incredibly attractive but shallow women, she had a tiny professional network, and her family were fragmented globally and she never spoke to them.
But, of course I was the bad guy for trying to encourage her to pursue a more tangible career path that wouldn't end in her 30s, for spending time with colleagues to grow my professional network further, for putting time into my life outside of "our relationship" to grow. In the end I tired of her and how we weren't having kids so I divorced her recently. It was NOT fixable from my side and I'm sorry that JP pushes this idea it's "temporary" since 8 years of the same nonsense is not "temporary".
Oh as soon as she moved out she finally got a job in a normal career and has started acting mature. This has made me pretty bitter. Essentially she was just lazy and codependent.
PS. If anyone replies with some 1IQ nonsense about me not supporting her because of how I called her career path "stupid", I was very supportive at the time including buying everything she needed including tens of thousands in clothing and equipment to get her career going. I wish I didn't, maybe it'd have helped terminate the relationship sooner.
"Broken homes create broken children who become broken adults who have the tendency to produce broken homes and broken children." - brian padrick drake
I have always suspected my wife was cheating on me. We have been married for 12 years now and its been a smooth ride until last year when she changed and started seeing other men. A friend of mine linked me up with a great hacker ultimate Hack who helped me hack into her phone, I had complete access to her phone right on my device and I could monitor all her activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, her location, call logs, text messages and all. I was left with no other choice.I loved my wife so much and I just dont know why she chose to betray me, I have been a good husband and never for once cheated on her. I tracked her down to a hotel where I found her with another man . You can contact them at ultimatehack003 at gmail or Whatsapp +17202954268 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into her phone without even touching her phone.I have enough evidence against my wife now and I am thinking of Filing for divorce. I want advice from men and other women on here, should I give her another chance because of our kids or file for divorce ? We have a 9 months old baby
2:58 You're technically married once you have kids with someone even if it's not recognized by law
What bothers me about these divorce conversations is the lack of discussion about people who legitimately have to escape from physical or mental abuse. The freedom from such harm to oneself and ones offspring is worth more than any amount of money. My daughter has only benefited from my divorce.
My understanding is that he is speaking to the masses that divorce for more frivolous reasons (e.g., feeling unfulfilled, growing apart, etc.). Those situations are years and years of lost opportunities that you can attempt to reconcile. I do believe that JP would argue that abusive relationships are to be dealt with differently - and that divorce is warranted in those instances.
@@gigi_enItalie I agree that divorce for frivolous reasons is wrong, but having worked as a clerk in divorce court I saw very few divorces for frivolous reasons. There is a lot of vicious abuse out there! Case after case of wives being cheated on, women getting punched in the face during visitations, husbands dealing drugs you name it. I myself had to flee a cheating abusive husband who made hell for both me and my daughter. I believe Jordan is unfairly setting up a straw man to fight with here so that people can imagine easy solutions! It's always harder to look at the real abuse people are suffering rather than find a few cartoonish examples of frivolity and extrapolate the issue to explain current trends.
@@m.pixley8413 I felt as if JP was simply highlighting the cost of divorce rather than the reasons of divorce, I disagree with what @Gigi said. This comment section is filled of testimonies of people who've been divorced or children of divorced people and the visible and hidden toll it's taken on them. While I'm sure divorce is far more preferable to abuse, it's simply the lesser of two evils: it's a lighter sentence.
@@Matthew-qx7tl I agree with you but feel that to be more fair and consider the bigger picture JP should consider the costs involved in being a child growing up with abusive parents. My father was victimized by my narcissistic mother and though my brother and I grew up in that two parent home my brother turned to drugs. I have girlfriends who grew up with mothers married to narcissistic fathers and suffered a similar fate. Though many children might think they had it rough growing up with single parents I feel that if they ended up with the parent who was trying to improve life for them that they may have reaped unquantifiable benefits that they may not be aware of. Narcissism destroys many families and clinically speaking there are just as many female as there are male narcissists.
By "mental abuse" A LOT of women mean "he disagrees with me" or "he doesn't do what I say". Ah those mental gymnastic to avoid accountability...
I was 7 years old when my parents divorced and it was a living hell. My dad vindictively tried to financially cripple my mom, tried to have her declared insane, and take full custody of me and my older brother purely out of spite because she refused to take him back after his affair. My dad's two older brothers looked at the whole setup and sided with my mom, while my paternal grandmother sided with my dad until her death in 2009, and this led to a family feud that finally ended 21 years later with his passing at the age of 60, and he was the youngest of 3 brothers mind you. The first 3 years after the divorce were the worst for my mom, and even my brother and I felt it, but everything changed when she met the man who became my stepdad. He was a far better dad than my real dad. On the other side of the fence my dad married the woman he had the affair with in the first place and hated her guts because she knew what she did. What further pisses me off is that the courts wouldn't let me and my brother state our cases of which parent we preferred to live with in an actual courtroom with a bailiff to protect us if he lashed out in narcissistic rage. For the record, no my dad never physically abused me and my brother but he was guilty of psychological abuse. Had I known that was a thing I would've thrown him under the bus for that.
I wish my children could read these responses.
I wonder how much of what you're saying is true as opposed to lies that your mother implanted in your head.
@@smellypatel5272 You sound like my late father who was a morally bankrupt narcissist who would try to deny my own agency in assessing both sides of the story. So don't even go there.
@@KTChamberlain again, I have no idea who you are or what the veracity of what you're saying is. For all I know you were lied to, or maybe you're correct. What I do know is that women who get custody tend to demonize their ex's, resulting in children hating their father due to mental conditioning from their mother. This has nothing to do with "narcissism," it's just a fact about the gender biased court system we're a part of in the west.
@@smellypatel5272 Actually it was the other way around. My dad tried to demonize my mom, even outside of court. He tried to have her declared insane, he tried to have my maternal grandparents labeled as alcoholics and child abusers, which by all accounts they weren't, and he tried to financially cripple her out of spite and the court records confirmed my suspicions that my dad really was bold-face lying. There are two sides to every story and the court records confirmed my mother's side of the story. Don't fight me on this.
"I want to hear the argument for divorce."
Most of the time there isn't one.
Infidelity????
It's similar to abortion really. It's not like you'd ever say someone should get married so they could get divorced. It's an instrument of last resort, or at least it should be.
@J H You didn't understand. Divorce isn't a solution. It's running away from your problems hoping someone else tolerates yours without you tolerating the other's problems. It doesn't work. That's why he means I want to hear an argument for divorce.
@@stinkiaapje honestly, as a kid of divorced parents i'm grateful to my mom for divorcing my dad, i would have messed up expectations in my own relationships if my mom would have put with all the cheating my dad did, when a marriage is so rotten that it turns everything around it in a hostile enviroment i do think is better to divorce.
@@stinkiaapje sometimes divorce is necessary in situations of abuse or chronic infidelity.
Funny how he's fiddling his wedding ring on and off while talking about divorce at 3:30.
My husband divorced me, he gave me no choice so I'm speaking from experience, these words are all SO TRUE!
It's simple, you marry someone you will not have irreconcilable differences with. If you court a potential spouse, and find a difference in view on creed, ideology or progeny, then find another mate to court. Marriage should never be taken lightly.
One thing you have to take in consideration is a stepparent has no rights. If the mother decides to divorce you - you have no legal rights over those stepchildren and it is heartbreaking. Imagine 0% visitation and there is NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
If you like Dr.Jordan's lectures, as I do. You may want to start exploring Stoic Philosophy
Sultan Alrefaie thanks for the recommendation
Sultan Alrefaie yes, that is a good idea :)
Objectivist philosophy also aligns with a lot of what he says.
...please do the 'community'a solid and do a short philosophy vid.cheers.
Tim Ferris recommends this as well. I have listened to some. It a solid way to live
He makes me think twice on getting marriage and have kids.
Denis Silva Don't do it!
Denis Silva getting married* not marriage lol 😉
You can easily undo a marriage. But you can't undo sharing the responsibility of with someone.
You should. No one should do it unless they mean forever!
Good!
Parents getting divorce now, i am older and this seems to be for the best. My Mom has a serious alcohol problem. Dad has been my rock and one of the most emotionally strongest Men I have ever seen. And when she started to verbally abuse myself and my sister he put his foot down and is leaving and taking us with him. Regardless of whatever happens I will always admire how much he loves us.
There is indeed a cost. My divorce REALLY damaged my ability to tryst others snd my own judgment and i had to learn a lot to do better in the future... but 8 years into my current marriage I couldn't be happier, but it's not mess free.
Divorce is just bloodlessly sacrificing your child.
My ex-step dad used to psychologically abuse me.
He became the authoritarian/disciplinarian over my mother who took a back seat to raising me.
When I did bad on tests, it was "What's wrong with you? Are you Retar**** whats wrong with your brain? How did you get that wrong"
No compassion. No empathy. I wasn't his kid. I didn't "think" like he did.
My IQ is higher than his, not that IQ is a great way to measure intelligence.
Well, long story short, he ended up cheating on my mother and leaving her and now my mom is more fucked up than I was as a teenager.
Don't be a step parent and don't get a step parent for your kids :)
This is my Ted Talk. :D
That video hit home. Wish my parents would've known this prior to...
Not to mention that statistically speaking, step-parent households are no better than single parent households when it comes to kids growing up well rounded, successful, drug free, and law abiding. (HINT Single mother households are the most common factor in federal inmate's upbringings.)
It doesn't take a village. It takes a mom and dad. No two moms replace a dad, or vice versa, either. The devoted, biological parent family is the scientifically proven best situation for kids, and the foundation of every stable society. But recognizing that means something cultural Marxists and social justice warriors don't want to admit; that you have to have bigger priorities than indulging your every sexual urge and getting your rocks off with as many people as possible. Inconsequential sex, though completely unrealistic, is now the opiate of the 21st century masses.
David Smith Great comment. I’m surprised you haven’t been viciously attacked by the SJWs and Hillary voters.
Being a son of a single mother is Very different from being a Fatherless son... particularly in the afro-american community... divorced fathers can be strong role models... but only if they are willing to be part of their children's lives...
It does take a village. People don't live in vacuums.
Actually gay parents have the same outcome on a child as straight parents do some research
Cérebro Pensante if they don’t remarry.
“Anyways!” Jordan Peterson being the rare adult that drops the truth bomb on young, indoctrinated, idealistic kids. 😁
Don't put yourself in such low stature that you allow a partner to abuse you. It's better to take a stand for your future sanity and be separate parents than be treated poorly. OBVIOUSLY, do what you can to make it work, but BE realistic. And you can be a good parent from anywhere, just be an honest and reflective person and your relationships can all be productive....unless your partner is horrified of THEIR truth.
brutaly to the point! as always:)))
What JP is saying is that there's a price to pay when you divorce. Sometimes that price is greater than resolving your differences, sometimes it's less than paying the price of an abusive relationship but these aren't the majority of cases. But ultimately, much of the burden of divorce is put on the children who grow up not knowing what a stable relationship looks like. They carry whatever scars or distorted ideas into their next relationship, and because they don't know what a stable relationship looks like they make a poor decision in choosing a spouse and the cycle continues.
Psychologist found that sometimes children look at their parent's marriages and say to themselves, "When I grow up I'll find someone good, I won't make the same mistakes mom and dad have made". In reality despite their desires, they often seek people that give them a sense of familiarity. Nobody reveals themselves to be horrible person in the very beginning of a relationship, and eventually people come to realize they've made a mistake, often when they've already become deeply entangled.
‘Roughly equivalent to non fatal cancer’ wow
When my wife decided to divorce after 10 years and two children, I never blamed her for changing her mind about me. My complaint is how unfair the laws are to the men. He loses house, children, savings, land, child support and alimony. She gains all of that. Make divorce laws fair to man.
The "D" word is not allowed in our marriage. We're in this thing for life!
Ya that's what they all say...
Us too.
*Unless its infidelity
Dr. Peterson has no equal: he combines philosophy, evidence-based science and the insight of compassionate psychological caregiver. He speaks truth in love. (Love is an act of will, not an emotion. To love is to will and act to bring about the highest and best good of another.)
All the stuff he talked about here is why I'm NOT married; I don't want to deal with DIVORCE. Marriage can be great or it can be bad, but divorce is pretty much always terrible. That doesn't mean it should never happen, but it really messes up your life. What was kind of missing from this conversation was the importance of marriage WITH THE RIGHT PERSON so that the probability of divorce is low. It seems to me that people these days are way to quick to have children with almost random people and don't carefully enough consider the negative consequences of being single parents. Kids do best in a home with two biological parents. As JP would say, the data is clear about that.
Be pro marriage, but be selective about who you marry and have children with.
This is the truth. How is this guy so smart?
"Every second you spend with that child is a second you don't spend with me." :(
I like spending time with Jordan...
Like he said its not always the case but it does happen often. It takes specific people to make these sort of things work and it takes patience and maturity which is a thing the average person lacks
I personally am not expelled by the thought of being a stepdad. That bothers me very little.
Its not that simple though, even if divorce is a nightmare, what do you call a living hell two people hating each other have to endure to stay together for the kids
There has to be really serious reason for divorce.Two parents not getting along is not.
@@melanie851 two people hating each other is more than just not getting along.
This comment section is filled of testimonies of people who've been divorced or children of divorced people and the visible and hidden toll it's taken on them. While I'm sure divorce is far more preferable to abuse, it's simply the lesser of two evils: it's a lighter sentence.
Jordan Peterson's lectures ought to carry a health warning, like cigarettes. If you're young, and you're even a little bit predisposed toward pessimism, he could make you seriously depressed about your future.
DieFlabbergast haha..... too late 😕
You are absolutely correct. .. it requires some degree of maturity to understand and Yet filter what he tries to convey... he is correct in many aspects, however each individual experience is unique, given that he doesn't address for example the amount of mental issues and chemical addiction or alcoholism in relationships.
It's much easier to watch Jordan Peterson videos as a young man with a future than an old man with no time left.
He's a bit crushingly negative at times tbf.
....like the way JP listens to the questions....more a thinker than a talker...wishing only for a worthy dialogue...to share the burdeon and responsibility of the true teacher.stay healthy.do yoga.
I was glad when my parents got divorced. My mother remarried years ago and is still happy in that marriage. There are good reasons for divorce and as long as the involved people behave in a civilized and friendly manner, I don't see the problem.
So glad that I found this man.
Logically speaking he is right however he leaves out abusive marriages where one is abused.
I used to think I have a loving and happy family. Now at almost 25 I feel like everything I believed and imagine for my future is a lie and full of flaws. It makes me depressed I can deal with that but it also makes me alone cause I don’t trust anyone anymore.
I think too many young people these days simply don't know how to develop a relationship in the first place. And so they end up getting into longterm relationships with people they're not aligned with deep down, only on the surface level. Which are two entirely different things.
As time goes by, what truly makes a person tick reveals itself and by then it's too late - you're both married, and kids may already be there, which means you're faced with the choice of a miserable life with someone you're not suited to, or the hell of divorce.
There isn't enough deep thought and full, frank openness between many new couples. All they see is someone they can 'have a good time with' and that's it. But life isn't just about the good times; you need to learn about eachother's views on deeper things. I feel strongly that many people bypass this process completely, and later pay the price.
It might not be pleasant, or enjoyable, but getting to the very core of somebody is a necessity before getting married.
yes
My mom was a crack head stripper so I had 5 stepdads before 10 years old.. They beat me or molested me . I got kicked out at 14 met my wife at 17 got married at 18. My wife had twins before I met her we got married when they were 6 months old so I was always their dad. I never adopted them but they are mine. We have 6 kids and 2 of them are adopted special needs kids. I don’t know how I made it but we did and all our kids are good parents . I can only say my wife is vary special and the best thing in my life. 35 years and we still love each other and she most definitely is my best friend.
I'm 30 years into my wife sentence. I could have divorced many years ago, I suppose, but then I wouldn't have learned first-hand the depths of loneliness that is achieved after 30 years of accumulated rejection, neglect and frustration. It's been like a long-term antisocial experiment. Those are valuable insights, which would have only ever been easily-dismissed theories if not for walking that road one bloody footstep at a time. So yeah, a dead marriage can teach a man a number of next-level life lessons, including pure undiluted gallows humor...
Just broke up with my gf yesterday of 11 months, may not seem like a while but 11 straight months, 330+ days of rejection and tGe fact she’s BDP has completely ruined me. Guess by reading this.. I just want you to know I have imagined 29 years and one month more
Of this and I feel a bit better. Glad I’m out now. Thanks brother
@Dave Wagner...you're a dark horse lad. Felt those words even through the internet. Stay strong, we're all doing time!
If you're lonely for 30 years after a divorce, that's your own fault. Don't cling on to horrible women.
@@smellypatel5272 (__|__)
@@DaveTheTurd about the reply I would expect from a weak man who is too cowardly to move on from a raw deal. Bet your horrible wife cheated on you multiple times.
I just want to know what that drink on the table is.
It's nectar of the Gods from the fountain of eternal wisdom. Or some sort of smoothie.
Soylent green smoothie
Starbucks sugary drink
There are 2 drinks, one on the right, one on the left. Double fisting it!
Damn, those are some tough truths.
This man is such a goldmine of knowledge.
I think that marriage is necessary if you have few sources of pleasure in your life otherwise it has no pint if you're a very talented guy with many hobbies. So just cultivate hobbies and more, run a company etc.
Selfish parents tend to get divorced because of their lust!
They forget their children!
Quite worrying about how he thinks EVERYthing is devastating. Some divorces are amicable and the kids are ok, why does he not acknowledge this more?
3:19 Truth, from experience.
I thought knew everything about divorce when I was married too. Turns out experiential knowledge is a completely different understanding. I didn't choose divorce, but I ended up raising 4 kids on my own anyway. It was hard, but I would not 'unchoose' it. I've grown in ways I wouldn't have otherwise and my kids are so much better off.
How do you know your kids are better off?
My mother separated herself from my father when I was 5. They never divorced. The only thing I wanted now that I'm almost 40 is for my father to have been happier. I respect him a lot now that I'm married and have kids of my own. You don't want to be around women and their kids. I was so happy when I moved out at 18 and started living in my own. Now I'm married with a "professional mom" who licks every step the kid makes and complains all the time that no one else is doing any licking of the baby.
He's speaking about the self sacrifice Christ archetype without reallysaying it
And his daughter just posted that she is getting a divorce, how ironic..........
Great video!
Pur an end to no-fault divorce
Hmm, I am very skeptical about marriage,
but once you DID marry, boah, don't make the lawyers etc rich,
think about what you have, let go of the distracting illusions..!
It was NEVER going to be all fun and games.
And whether you are married or not, you will always have lots of
opportunities to do stupid things, to make it worse!
I know quite a few nice people who are married, and when I am
asked I always tell them "you NEVER know what you have,
until you lose it". It is only human. You might expect whatever.....
There are so many illusions out there, probably more than ever!
But especially for those people, who HAD started their own family
and now have responsibility for their kids.....
Come on, make it GOOD! Make the best of it!
You are not in the position of looking around any more!
You HAVE something going, already! And it is NOT a bad thing,
until you mess it up, so you better keep an eye on it!
You known when Peterson goes into sage mode the moment he stops in the middle of a sentence, restarts and starts playing with his wedding ring!
(A true sign of a master at human thought)👌😚. 2:35
Definitely takes a special person to truly love thier step children. My xwife was terrible to my son. Ultimately why I left her. Ashamed to say it took me 5 yrs to do so. I'll never make that mistake again
Take your time to heal, love yourself and so you can recognize the signs of a healthy, permanent loving woman in your life. Most women that would mistreat their step children are insecure women that think they have to compete for the man's love. At first I didn't like my stepmom, setting up rules in my life, but I can honestly say as an adult I got more love from her than from my mom. They did take many years before moving in together. It's painful to say that, but I am glad my dad has someone that really cares about him, and was able to give us the same love as his children.
Look at the circumstances. Do whatever you want but lets not waste each others time
My dad married my uncles ex wife. And ever since its been chaos. My mom hates my uncles ex wife. My uncle hates his ex wife and vice versa. My dad hates my mom and my ex aunr hates my uncle. My ex aunt and uncle have 2 kids. My dad and mom had me and my bro and sister. My dad and ex aunt hate my mom and and uncle and vice versa. Us kids has been in the middle of it now because of this and its very very stressful to us kids.
The biggest thing I learned is don't get married just to get married get married because you love the person and you can't live without them. Know who they are and Know Who You Are,
Take
your time while courting. Be honest with yourself and be honest with them. When you're not honest with someone you take the ball out of of their court. Hugs!
Every woman I know left their marriage because they were being abused or cheated on and that definitely no good for kids either. He is right you are still bound to the person so you should try to work through things, but abusive people and cheaters are what they are. You cannot change them and staying with them will destroy the family anyway so while I normally agree with him I am not sure where he is going with this. Perhaps he needs to delve into domestic violence issues more
ua-cam.com/video/to2kLBqlOfs/v-deo.html he talks about it more here. Very insightful and true
Yeah. I don’t think he was necessarily talking about serious situations like that. He was talking about people who leave their partner, because it’s “unfulfilling”.
Plus, I think he has talked about the domestic violence stuff in the past. But maybe I’m misremembering.
EDIT: Just opened the thread. Apparently he did. Thanks guy
BowditchXD me? You’re welcome. Tbh I don’t even remember what I linked or what I commented on...will have to watch it again lol
BowditchXD re watched it lol 😂
Every woman you know TOLD YOU she was abused to get victim card and benefits associated with that. Ask their former husbands what really happened to get a perspective from two sides.
I think the divorce laws are horrific, and a big reason why divorce sucks.
They all talk as if men start half of all divorces, kids go to Dad half the time, and Mom pays CS half the time. Heifershite!
Fab.YOU GOT THE POINT.👍👍👍
nursing homes are gonna be poppin for us millenials, no one will be a widow
😂🤦♀️ I don’t know if I should laugh or cry
my opinion, far to many people get married far too soon far before they are ready. Most people dont marry into love, not at all. Thats where Peterson is right in that being forced to stay together you can really learn to appreciate the other persons qualities and you learn about your own negative ones. Most people dont have the self discipline or dont see the practicality in staying with someone they dont like. If your in a really toxic relationship, well you should have figured that out before you got married. Im not taking in cases where the other person was hiding something, but where you have not sorted out your feelings and motivations and why you really like someone. Infatuation is almost as powerful an emotion as love, so you have to spend enormous amounts of time thinking about it.
my parents got divorced, my mom had... 4 marriages? ive actually lost count I try to forget it. But I know first hand the consequences of someone entering in a permanent relationship without being prepared for it. They just expect it to go well and thats why they are there in the first place.
Very difficult topic and discussion, especially where one partner continues to get psychologically and physically ill and debilitated as a result of deep unhappiness and lack of authenticity due to incompatibility. Of course there are cases of abusive partners too. I think if there is enough in the relationship, then the partners should do absolutely everything to stay and make it work; and I don't think most people leave on a whim: why would you hurt someone you love, cause turmoil and upheaval just because of something 'better'?I grew up seeing my mother collapse in front of my eyes from the stress of an unhappy and damaging marriage: also bad for kids to see a parent unwell. I don't think most people operate this way when considering breaking a relationship. People make mistakes, and the worst mistakes when they have been traumatized by childhood and familial relationships especially. I think there should be a very concerted effort to help young people heal and develop, put demons to rest before entering into a committed relationship, and thereby taking relationships and yourself seriously. Compatibility tests may also help I think.
.
Very wise words Adillia.
Dude is always the voice of reason.