Dr. Brené Brown: The Can’t Miss-Interview On Shame, Self Worth Empathy & Living a Courageous Life
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- Опубліковано 27 чер 2019
- #BreneBrown #BrenéBrown #SelfWorth #Shame #Empathy #Courage #DareToLead #RisingStrong #BravingTheWildnerness #CallToCourage
Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation - Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. She is the author of five #1 New York Times bestsellers: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Braving the Wilderness, and her latest book, Dare to Lead, which is the culmination of a seven-year study on courage and leadership. Brené’s TED talk - The Power of Vulnerability - is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 35 million views. She is also the first researcher to have a filmed talk on Netflix, “The Call to Courage” which debuted in April 2019.
Want more content from The Science of Success about Brené Brown? Check these out!
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View the full Show Notes, Episode Transcript & A Custom Illustrated Mind Map of this conversation:
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SHOW NOTES & TIMESTAMPS
0:03:24 Bio
0:04:08 Interview Starts
0:04:41 The teacher appears when the student is ready
0:06:10 Life is about the willingness to show up, to put yourself out there, to be all in, when you can’t control the outcome. It’s not the critic who counts - it’s easy to spend your life in the cheap seats and hurl judgement at people who are trying and failing
0:07:27 Feedback is required for mastery of anything.
0:09:02 Everyone spends their whole life tiptoeing around to ensure they never fall, but the more important skill is to build the skill of GETTING BACK UP.
0:11:08 The importance of experiencing adversity. There’s a line between adversity and trauma, we need to experience.
0:11:47 Courage is learnable, teachable, and measurable - and there are 4 key skill sets
0:13:44 Courage is essentially the same thing as vulnerability. The Willingness to show up, put yourself out there, and be seen when you can’t control the outcome.
0:18:01 Courage spans the spectrum from everyday moments in your life, to the most epicly heroic experiences of your life.
0:21:38 How do we step into and "rumble" with vulnerability?
0:23:00 What is your go to armor? How do you self protect when you feel emotionally at risk or exposed? The armor weighs 100lbs, but the resentment weighs 1000lbs.
0:29:11 How do you start to take off the armor? Loving kindness and self compassion.
0:31:10 People pleasing is the bright side of manipulation.
0:32:39 How do you stop caring what other people think about you?
0:36:20 What to do if you're not sure what to do with your life. What if you haven't figured everything out yet?
0:37:30 "Don’t ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive. What the world needs is more people who’ve come alive."
0:39:01 The neurobiology of failing. How to get back up if you've fallen down.
0:40:00 Your brain thinks in stories - it builds and creates stories to explain the world around you - even if those stories are wrong. Your brain rewards you for creating stories, the more salacious and dramatic the better, even if the stories are completely wrong.
0:41:20 One sentence that can completely change your life. Why you should start using “The story I'm telling myself…” or “The story I’m making up right now is…"
0:44:00 Are you aware of the stories you tell yourself? Are you brave enough to check them out? IS there a recurrent theme to those narratives?
0:45:21 Homework: Take the daring leader survey.
Check out more great interviews at www.successpodcast.com
I agree - the intro was unnecessarily drawn out. Brene Brown was all we needed 👌
Shut up
When Brene said 'People pleasing is the bright side of manipulation', I literally had to replay that a few times. WOW!
I'm guessing you relate to people pleasing? I know I do! So interesting isn't it.
People pleasing is fear based and if we beat ourselves up for being afraid, we can't get out of it. Self forgiveness, self compassion is the way.
Yes, yes, yes!! Also, the illusion that is perfectionism that holds you needlessly back. A friend who wrote her personal statement for a graduate school application in one day and got into the program told me, "Do the best job you can and turn it in because the "perfect essay" turned in on the day of the deadline is a)still not really perfect and b) last in line." A longer version of "don't let perfect be the enemy of the good" but I was struggling, miserably, to draft and redraft my own statement, knowing full well I would submit it on the last possible day. I think of this message often because I still cloak my hesitations, procrastination and basic fear of going "all in" as striving for perfection. 99% horse hockey!
@@lookingupwithwonder wow, I have never thought of fear in relation to people pleasing, yet it is so blindingly obvious now you have made this comment! Thank you, wow.
OMG, ME TOO!!!! WOW
Brene brown has inspired me to take the armor off, to take the mask off. People pleasing has gotten me no where and this podcast has me thinking about the role it plays in my life. I’m ready to find my true curiousness and growing into my armor not so much needing it and rather using it as a tool. My values are becoming so much clearer and individualized for me. Thank you Brene, always here for your food for thought! Great message, always helping me to keep getting back up and challenge the narrative within!
This is great to hear Keeli!
Keeli
Your statement is SOOOOOO TRUE.. Me Toooooo!!!! People pleasing NEVER got me anywhere. And the reason for me are the people who were into controling and making me into what THEY wanted me to be never give or gave a damn about Me. Its always only been only “all about THEM” They most likely are all narcissitic people either overt or covert and the COVERT NARCS are the most dangerous ( as they use emotional introverted manipulation. Not violence. and I know this cause I was married to a COVERT NARC for decades and my eyes were not opened to the truth about him ‘ til he got sever parkensons with parkensons dementia. What a nightmare not just for him but for me as his caretaker. And get this. NO ONE IN HIS NIGHTMARE family or his friends would never. Not believe me about the monster he was to me. And I suspect he treated his first wife the same. She escaped while she still had years of her life left. I lost everything near and dear to me when i married him I was such an easy mark but it was me who chose to marry him. His NARCNESS was covered by and beyond his title and his amazing god given gifts for he had them. TO ME family members made it worse as they to are NARCS and controllers. Plus only the ones who live with narcs get their treatment. But now THANk GOD I’m free and I’m recovering from the total trauma I went thru.
Because of my choice. And now getting my self and life back and believe me even in his sever losing his mind he tryed to rob me of everything and he got his family involved. And his family were doing his bidding and tryed too rob me of everything I’d need when he died. Anyway Thru this i learned that God cared about me TOOOOOO not just him and I was rescued and cared for by God and the people who cared about me. And his sickness was the best thing and time for me. And I was a good wife and caretaker. I had to protect him from his family too. Anyway Yet I still suffer from the residual fear ect. But even so I am soooo sooo grateful e and can’t believe I’m free while i still have a few good years of this life on planet earth left. Only god know our time. Thank you Jesus and the people who love me In word and deed !!!!! And I have NO DOUBT that BRENE is a God send to anyone who hears her talks thank you BRENE and all who help you toooo
Ann
so glad l listen to this woman and l still do and will continually do.
The intro is absolutely killing me.
I completely agree for someone struggling with issues that this relates to and needing the help. This was my first one I clicked on. I can't tell you how much this infomercial beginning made me want to turn the thing off and look for something that didn't try to sell me something at the very beginning. In my opinion that should be in the end. I know that's how they make sure that you listen but it's absolutely annoying when you're grasping for help and definitely anxiety-inducing to listen to a long infomercial
37:30 Well, I'm so glad to know that doctors, lawyers, and engineers are the most miserable thirty-year-olds she's ever interviewed! Here I am thinking I'm a loser because I wasn't smart enough and driven enough to be one which is what my parents wanted, but I just wasn't interested in being that much of a nerd. I wanted to teach painting and ceramics and I'm doing it. The pay sucks, but I'm happy and like going to to work every day because I'm doing something that makes me come alive and I am in my power doing what I love. Thank you Brene! The fact that she got her Bachelor's at 29 makes me respect her even more!
It's great to hear you are following your dream instead of listening to what others are wanting you to do. So glad you found inspiration in Brene's interview!
Brene Brown’s books have created an epic shift in my life!
Game changing info.
Likewise Catherine. Huge Brene fan. The Power of Vulnerability changed my life!
Been you are pretty Awesome! Just saying
Right. Its changed the way I think about everything.
Interview bio starts at 3:24 and interview starts at 4:08
VivekT thank you, I was about to turn it off!
Thanks for the time stamp! Longggg intro!
Thank you x
Personally I don't need a science introduction from someone NOT hoping to listen to brene brown.
Thank you
“This episode contains profanity.” Brene Brown, I’d be super proud of that.
I feel quite comforted by just hearing Brene's voice. Beyond that, I love her HEART and how she conveys such amazing knowledge and wisdom.
The part about examining the truth of the stories we tell ourselves when we fee slighted really makes a lot of sense, and I will be using that in all the parts of my work/social/family life. Thank you!
"The story that we tell our self" is very practical and helpful. I think this is one of the best tools to use bc our decision and reactions mostly come from the lens of our core wounds or emotional trauma bc that is how our brain's way of protecting us. I also love the concept of the armor although it's not really that clear for me but the way I understand it is it's our way of protecting ourselves and meeting our unmet needs like by people pleasing we feel validated by it or we expect people to love us back or give us back what we gave first. People pleasing make us feel accepted. We value acceptance and the armor we use is people pleasing to achieve it.
Thank you so much for this LIFE CHANGING KNOWLEDGE! Much appreciated!!! Changing the world one person at a time....starting with yourself then sharing with those you love!
Thank YOU for leaving your comment and sharing your inspiration with us!
Thank you so much Brene Brown, I've gained so much insight from this conversation!
👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼 wonderful. Thank you Brene!!
Very beneficial and I believe I will listen to this multiple times. This is huge!
Thank you for asking the questions that help clarify and identify the processes to move through these challenging tasks.
I am grateful for the Brene's research that has given such insight into where I am right now in my life. I have isolated for so
long and have always tried to grow and change into a person who lives wholeheartedly. Finding that person has been an
adventure. The new light shone here lets me reflect on the awareness of my armor the restrictions it has caused in my life.
It is a scary thing this Vulnerability but the more i listen, learn and grow I believe that I can be imperfect and still be whole.
I am worthy of love and belonging.
Love this!!! Brene has taught me a lot about vulnerability and I put it into action more and more every day. The results are staggering! It sounds like you really got a lot out of this episode. Brene is an absolute powerhouse in the field of vulnerability!
Great Conversation... Thanks, Matt! Stay Safe.
Her 20 mins...Is balm for the Soul and connects the peices of the Life Puzzell with tremendous Insight, Wisdom and Compassion. Hugely Inspiring, Uplifting and Revealing. Real and Down to Earth ....and a chanell for the Truth
Absolutely excellent Brene Brown
How great is this. Brene you have so much insight into courage and vulnerability. And it part of all of us. And you put words to what we feel. You have made me think about so many aspects of leadership as I am a teacher and in charge of leaders at the school.
I have put myself out there to take this portfolio up... And it is all new to me. But love every minute of it. And I apply so many things you mention. You are one great woman. You go....
This woman is a woman an a half. I've never felt so happy to explain shame and empathy to others. Keep doing this. The world needs more if this ❤🙏
Matt, thanks so much for such informative, enjoyable, and focused conversation with the fantastic Dr Brene Brown. This piece is packed with true gem tools 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Thanks for the positive feedback! Really appreciate it :)
I'm late to the party as I just discovered 'Science of Success' but I'd like to say thanks for an eye-opening podcast. I've to do a lot work on myself to be more courageous. I need to be braver in my personal & professional life. My people-pleasing ebbs & flows. I climb 3 steps, fall down 2. This was a good reminder to stay on the path of growth & not give up at every fall.
Beautiful new way of thinking and to engage in loving life in the arena
Agreed! Always inspired by Brene!
When she talks about "Armour" she is referring to coping mechanisms and when she talks about "narratives" she is talking about cognitive distortions, she presents these concepts in a very accessible way, such a rockstar.
This was so helpful. Thank you.
You're welcome!
Towards personal growth there is much value in persevering through something hard you do not like doing at all.
Also, in order to truly come alive and bear fruit; dying to self, pruning, and casting away of dead and /or diseased wood is needed.
Young people of today are afraid to venture out, often not only because of helicopter parenting and too much protection from possible hurt and/or taking up responsibilities while growing up, but also because of the lack of being securely grounded by bonding to a primary caretaker; a parent who valued them enough to sacrifice and consistently show up with their presence during the first few years of their lives.
Definitely! When was the last time you did this and how did it turn out for you?
Great wisdom and strategies I feel i can implement. Thankyou to both of you. Namaste
Hey, I can see you posted this 2 months ago so I'm keen to hear if you implemented anything and how it went?
Thank you♥️
Love this!
Thank you Brené & Matt for putting your hearts into this lovely chat xxxx
Thank you for the appreciation!
Awesome!! Thank you!! 💖 💖
You're very welcome. Glad you like it!
Love this
I love Brene Brown. I really like how you asked her WHAT can someone do right now. I got a lot out of that.
Helpful. Thank u.
When Brene started talking about vulnerability, I thought of Cecilia McGough. She has a ted talk, that I think wonderfully demonstrates her incredible courage.
Thanks for the comments about the intro. So I fast forwarded!
WOW all I wanted to do was hear Brené!! What a long intro.
24:41 - "A lot of people have to be the knower so when they're vulnerable and feel exposed they become the knower. And it's more important for them to be right than get it right. So we have to figure on the pleaser. That's definitely mine. And I know when I'm wearing my pleasing good girl make everyone around me happy armor, because the armor weighs a hundred pounds but their resentment weighs a thousand pounds. Like I become a really resentful angry person.
And so where we start with learning how to rumble with vulnerability is examining what myths were we raised believing. Were we raised believing it's weakness? Were we raised believing that it's over sharing? How are we raised and then the second question is what armor do I use to self protect? Am I the blustery posturing tough guy? Am I the knower? Am I the cynic? It's all, none of it matters, what is our armor? Does that make sense?" - Brene Brown
"That totally makes sense! I love the little quip about how the armor weighs 100 pounds but the resentment weighs a thousand pounds." - Matt Bodnar
"I mean this is the thing even if you know, if the people listening, they're between 25 and 35. There's a difference between a 25 year old and a 35 year old and the difference is when you're 25, I have a 20 year old daughter and I'm like man if you can get this now, I don't even know what you'll be able to accomplish." - Brene Brown
www.UA-cam.com/watch?v=y9EdK5Q3EyU&t=24m41s
#Netfriending® Show Topic:
Amazing inspiring superb
Bought one straight after watching the demo
interesting and insightful. Obrigado 🤝
The intro literally almost triggered an addictive episode. Incredible amount of self-centred blathering.
Brene you are Awesome
Ok, be courageous, pick yourself up, never give up, don't be afraid to fail. Ok, so just do it, pull yourself up by the bootstraps. How? How? How?
I already know what I want to do. But I can't do it and cheering me on just makes me run away.
Good job
Glad you like it!
I am vulnerable!! I am so vulnerable!!! I am an open book about my life of childhood abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence, drug addiction (21 years), children out of wedlock, being a horrible horrible drug addicted mother bringing my children in and out of unhealthy relationships, moving ect. I have been raped several times; in my own home with my children there and drugged-gang raped at a river party. Currently in recovery from addiction, clean date August 15, 2004, I've been courageous and vulnerable. I believe people deserve the real me, the whole me. The issue im having with this is that I'm in yet another narcissistic marriage and my vulnerable is used against me. My tears are used as weapons. My empathy and sharing is projected. Im becoming resentful and angry. Your talks, podcasts get me through many many days, helping to remind me of my power through experiences as a woman. Thank you!!!!
Hey. What’d you pick up and how’d you overcome the problem? I struggle with the same thing all the time!
Nothing wrong about taking the cheap seats sometimes, but its important to aspire and dare to come down to the arena. It wont be comfortable, but its the only place where you can really find yourself and truly discover what you are capable of.
Love this! Can you tell us a time when you did this?
I read her book on vulnerability. I need to read it again lol
It is one of those that will be useful to read multiple times
25:13 - what myths were we raised to believe, what stories do we tell and deeply understanding the different armors that we wear.
My armor is Voiceless. I sort of shrink into my armor and hide my true self in order to people please. And in order to feel external validation and acceptance. But this armor no longer serves me. My armor is not me.
A good argument about what courage means even though when we are so
afraid of failure and what people think of us .... but failure is the way to survive and succeed.... a reasonable amount of fear is normal ,,,, that’s why I keep encourage my daughter to stay solid to face her medical career cause they make is almost impossible ? But I tell my daughter to keep on going no matter I tell her just stay on the course and you’ll reward your self and patience and struggle and is worth the challenges it truly worth it ? And my teachings her the wisdom is working for her to believe in self emotionally and academically
too long intro, Brene is excellent
Thank you for the feedback. We will take this into account
Lol 😆
I almost didnt stay to listen because of the length of intro.
Your intro is way too long, I was about to give up and click elsewhere
same
Thank you for the feedback. Always good to know where we can improve
The Science Of Success, unfortunately we live in a world of instant gratification..... reminds me of a very old parable.....”The tortoise and the hare.”
,,
Agreed
12:43 "(...) knowing what your values are and how to live into them because people who are not super clear and, you know, just very greatly clear about their values and how those behaviors look like are not as brave, they don't risk the fall."
If I honor my parents by living into my clear values, but my parents are narcissistic rendering me scarred for life, I will have lived into super clear values, though bravery will be unlikely.
Yes.. it's the players and the haters. Ppl who take the stage vs ppl who play the critic. And the critics ideas of how to act are idealistic.
Keen to hear a time when you really took the stage and how it went down for you?
somewhere about 35-38min this loops back and repeats?
It takes the most courage to stand up to the military industrial complex and not participate in for profit wars to get other.counties natural resources.
Matt, please edit this video and edit your intro. Toooooooooo looong. I am here for your guest first and foremost.
Dr Aziz is here wow that's
I would love to hear you do a talk on suicide. Speaking to people who don't want to be here anymore or have leaving as a default, like me. Shame is a huge part of this. People say suicide is cowardly. I think it's the opposite. Not saying it's brave to do it so much as the hardest and most profound decision anyone would ever have to make in life, the hardest place a mind can ever be. I think you hold a truth for us. Next book? You can help. And you are needed in this arena. (I know, sorry, fake UA-cam name. YT is not a place to practice. It's rugged in here.) 💜
AmethystWoman please hang tight. Keep braving your wilderness- your life matters.
Wishing you the ability to recognize your self worth and to realize absolutely nobody goes through life without making mistakes. Forgiveness of yourself and others for the mistakes is emotional freedom. IMO, adversity is a gift to unwrap. Without it their would not be opportunity for spiritual growth. You have valuable gifts to offer the world. Peace, Love and Joy!
Hey thanks all. I have actually written a book about suicide and have contracted with myself to never hurt my body. Suicide is my default. That helps me recognize this as just a feeling. Not a threat to myself or others. It's not a call for action, it's a feeling no greater or less than anger, shame, guilt, pride, gratitude or love. I'm safe it's just that there are so many who are not and I think shame is a suicide bomb. I wonder many times if the culmination of Brene's work is to help people stay alive. That is divine work. She knows the way and can help illuminate the path for many. That's my opinion and my hope for the many who want to leave tomorrow. And there are many who do every single day. Shame. The final frontier. Thanks all. I'm good. I made it thru the storm and therefore, I live in gratitude every minute of every day.
@Sheila Mchgee I see do many families ravaged by suicide. It does seem to get passed thru generations. I feel the pain, I've spent much of my life fighting darkness - but have come out of it, with help and hope to never return. I wish the same for you too. Our minds can be precarious places.
What if you don't get proof or confirmation that " the story that I'm telling myself " is false?
"The stories we make up and our ability to reality check them completely predict our level of balance and resilience."
If she says "LIKE" once more, my head is going to blow off !!!
GET RID OF THE 'LIKE' WORD !
46:31 What did she say, at this time mark? "Women is...."
what?
Really is this why I pay for premium
I love Brene. First time to your channel and DUDE... Two and a half minutes of intro all about you and what you have to sell? Why do some channels do this?
Once this tactic is the clear format for a channel I just jump forward to the average time mark they go to and I don't have to listen to it before I consume the actual content... If you want me to hear this stuff then first deliver on your content.
This would be a more successful format...
Open with a statement that you have something good to share with us at the end.
Appease the ones that hate to wait by mentioning the link is in the description if they can't wait till the end
In the middle, seed them watching to the end with an assumptive statement about the special thing you have to share when we get to the end
At the end, frame the moment they've all been waiting for as a promise you will now fulfill.
Or don't use what works and keep the current format and then first timers like myself will be frustrated in less than three minutes of experiencing your channel. Cuz really man, I don't like you so far. It's only cuz of Brene and wanting to hear what she has to say that I'm going to continue after stopping to make this comment at 2:39. Based on your intro alone, you already disappeared into the sea of everyone and positioned yourself as self first, others second. Your business promotion before the value they seek.
Stop the commercial in the middle of the interview....totally ruined the flow
Thank you for your feedback
Intro far too long!
Thank you for the feedback!
A FOUR MINUTE intro?
www.sylviamartin.net/blame/
Bypassing Love And Making Excuses
That was a long intro.
Too long intro
What stopped me:
Fear of not being able to get back up
“It’s not fear that gets in the way of us being brave, it’s armor
Armor gets in the way of us being vulnerable”
as a daring leader:
You are aware of your armor
You choose to be vulnerable, to show up and to take it off
even though it’s really seductive to put it on
SELF AWARNESS
-
Armor types:
Like pleaser, good girl, make everyone happy
Armor weights 100 pounds but resentment weights 1 thousand pounds
Figure out your armor:
Are you a knower, pleaser, a cynic?
Me: isolating, hiding myself, silencing myself, putting up walls, avoiding opening up and showing up as my true self for the fear of rejection of my true self because when showing up as a fake self it’s easier being rejected for who you are not.
I have decided to isolate myself and close myself off from everyone so that no one could ever be able to hurt me again cause they wouldn’t get a chance to do so anyway.
My only regret is that I will never sit in your graduate class or listen to any of your great public deliveries, in fact I could not ever live in the environment that has been made to fester with inequality and injustice. I came face to face with a poster of yours, which seems to suggest that society reset the button pre- coronavirus. You said, greed, inequality... disconnection, hate and lack have been normalised for a long time. I wonder whether your ideas would be harnessed to re-set the button; in our life time, I wonder?
lachlan
if people could speak without using the word "like" over and over. i believe it would be more effective.
Hyphen in wrong place.
Not a big deal, but if it were me i'd want to fix it. :-)
Chill out on that intro
M
Oh my word!! Unnecessary introduction 😤🤭
your intro is too long man
It won't be Brene, if it wasn't any profanity
Simple I m shameless person talk to gopal das ritesh goel Ranbir Kapoor Ankit bansal etc ..u give them so much n yr leaders said isko kuch nahi milegaa chal nikal beta
longest intro ever made me almost quit the video
Get out of the briar patch!
Your intro turned me off completely. I went elsewhere.
Too much hard selling. I am tired of this!
Interview bio starts at 3:24 and interview starts at 4:08