Can you have OPPOSITE SEX friendships while in a healthy relationship?
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
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Can you have OPPOSITE SEX friendships while in a healthy relationship? Listen to my response to this question and be sure to leave your thoughts below in the comments.
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There are many things to consider when discussing if you can have opposite sex friends while in a relationship. Be open and honest about how you feel, and always understand that your romantic relationship should be the priority.
As a certified life coach, relationship coach, and dating coach, I want to make dating and relationships easier for you. I pray that you find this video helpful and that you will receive the man who is truly best for you.
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He speaking from a place of pain being HIS woman had those hidden dudes. Read between the lines
Amen ❤ 😍 💖 ❣ 💕 💘 ❤ 😍 💖 ❣ 💕
Men treat their female friends better than their girlfriends then try to act like emotional cheating isn't a thing.
This part!! 🎯🎯🎯
And girls like to be “friends” with guys who obviously have a thing for them, or put themselves in scenarios and situations dolled up to the max where they know guys will approach them so they get extra validation outside of their relationship and then act like they haven’t done anything wrong
Woman do the same
Sooooo true
So if you’re aware of it dump them. Easy. Don’t even need a long conversation. Pack their shit and mail it to the friends house.
Yes, make your partner your best friend!
Yes, I agree
I don't think the romantic type of love is special. And I am started to think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death.
I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner is? Also, you you would more likely be much closer to a person who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a partner or spouse.
People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse. Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them. With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse.
Also, there are a lot of toxic romantic relationships, while there isn't that many toxic platonic relationships. Like an example is that abuse happens a lot in romantic relationships, while abuse is rare in platonic relationships. So there is a lot of abusive romantic relationships, while there is isn't that many abusive platonic relationships.
Why do you think abusive romantic relationships have a term for them called "domestic violence", while abusive platonic relationships don't have a term for them? It's because abuse in platonic relationships are very rare, while abuse in romantic relationships happens a lot.
And also, a lot of people cheat on their romantic partners with someone else, while most people won't do stuff like that with their platonic best friends.
And also, it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING".
Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating.
So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone.
So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone.
Also, I heard that most people can live a life without romance and can still be happy. But most of the time, if someone doesn't have any platonic friends in their life, it can effect them really bad mentally; much worse than living a life without a romantic partner. In today's world, less people are dating and getting married now, and they seem to be more happy being single rather than being in romantic relationship with someone.
And also, most people are pretty much comfortable enough to be naked around someone and have sex with someone that they have no romantic feelings towards.
So those are other reasons why romantic love isn't real or special, while platonic love is.
True girl Shaylas
Well that explains all those cheese instagram posts titled “2 years with my best friend.” Personally I believe friendship and romance are mutually exclusive however. I find the whole notion that friends become partners confusing and paradoxical.
Your best friend might treat you better than your partner do.
To set boundaries or ask for boundaries is NOT a sign of insecurity either. I’m sick of being accused of being insecure for asking for healthy boundaries. Because I spent my entire childhood being put last and being neglected and never being given a choice but to be forced around people who hurt me and disrespected me, that as an adult now I can say no and put my foot down and command respect to be surrounded by people who are respectful, kind and positive people. I put four years into therapy for this and I learned coping skills and how to quit being another person’s doormat. I found out I deserve respect. I say no to cattiness, drama and all the other negative bs that comes with a lot of these female friends that men have.
Amen... respect. I had the similar situation neglect and marginalization and I promised myself when I grew up that I would stand up for myself and honor my personal boundaries. ExBF tried to get me back for a couple years but he never addressed the issue. He was always sweeping my desires under the carpet. I once asked him, "Do you think you know me?" and he said yes. I replied "then what HURTS me?"
Wow. I love this for you 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
@@underleftexactly
exactly!!!!
This is a very good point and I agree❤
I am a lawyer, if you're in a committed relationship. Do not have friends of the opposite. What I see, with our divorce clients, it is often the 'friend' who ends up becoming the next husband/bf/wife/gf.
Thanks for sharing. People need to hear these experiences. The same people that will tell you that you're wrong for not having close friends of the opposite sex are the same ones who will be forced to learn the hard way when their partner ends up cheating on them with one of their close friends. Nobody wants to be told what to do these days, they don't want to set healthy boundaries and they will call these kinds of rules or boundaries toxic and controlling but in reality it's a necessary sacrifice for most relationships. Speaking for men , most men aren't going to care that a woman is in a committed relationship, especially of they don't know the guy.
Or fuck buddy
100% 👏 👏 👏
@@JFP1988yes strong men are
So the better person who isn't insecure. I agree with you mister lawyer.
Agree with you. The moment something becomes non-transparent/secretive, it's a red flag.
Someone once told me that opposite sex best friends are one step from being lovers or they have already explored that area; most people are attracted to their best friend; something about them got their attention from the start even if they met as kids the bond will only get deeper and stronger most times. I would be careful because some play by holding on to that bestie in case the situation they have ends, well they have someone to move on with.
300% true, my friend!!
It’s guys I’ve been friends with from young age to college and it’s not like that.
Nah, it’s never happened. My guy friends interact with me like siblings.
@@christinadg Either bring it up, or you fat and they don't want to hit it
But if you bring it up to them, flirt a bit and tee up the D, you'll get it.
Not completely tru
If it bothers you that your significant other has opposite sex friends then (IMO) it's always going to "bother you". You can do all sorts of mental gymnastics to try to convince yourself that "it's now OK" but there's a cancer cell in your relationship. If it bothers you and your SO laughs it off..decides that the friendship is too valuable compared to your peace of mind then it's time to move along.
There needs to be a plain list of "deal breakers" right at the start of a serious relationship. If either side has an issue over where the lines are drawn then that's a sign you are probably not going to be compatible. I'm a religious type and when I got married we both vowed "to forsake all others". That's not just referring to sexual intercourse. Now, forsaking doesn't necessarily mean cutting people entirely out of your life, but your spouses want's/needs/fears should take precedence over your desire to spend time with any other person.
Romantic relationship should also have boundries. There are men who are married to women and their wives do not even allow them to socialize with their guy friends. They control every aspects of their husbands' lives and husbands cave in to make their wives happy or to make peace. People always talk about compromise and being considerate. Where do you draw the line. It is not only children who needs boundries but so are adults. Adult can be emotionally selfish too but children do not know they have to be taught. If you have that kind of mindset you can easily be emotionally manipulated. Sometimes, you have to let the person work with their own emotional insecurity as well.
Yoooooo this is a word!!!!!!!
Thank you for writing this ❤
Perfectly said!!!
I love what was said about boundaries have to be created and that your partner should be your number one best friend. But the partner may still be insecure even after introducing them to the friend of the opposite sex.
As the female platonic friend, I agree with you. Transparency is needed
Thank you! I’m glad people are becoming more honest with how they feel about this topic. Most people try and say they don’t feel a ways so they won’t come off as the jealous type.
They want to be politically correct.
Forreal!!
Yes.
Bingo... it is more about respect and boundaries than outright jealousy anyways.
100% agree with you.
I found out a guy I wanted to be with has an unhealthy emotional attachment to his female 'best friend.' They both put their 'friendship' above their partners so I called it quits. It's not okay to ignore your partner and come up with excuses saying you're busy but you message and interact with that 'friend' all day. I saw all their countless social media interactions but he just ignored me. Bye forever. All trust is gone now.
@@cwagner7412 leave him! He has no respect for you or the relationship. He values those chicks, not you.
@@cwagner7412 He sounds no good to me. He should want to please you above all else!
If a person doesn’t respect their relationship and put their partner first above that “friendship”, they shouldn’t be in a relationship.
Only immature people think it's okay.
To the point. 45 likes lol.
Emotionally immature, hands down!
Amen!!
I hate when people call me insecure
I don’t think that’s what he is saying. I agree with him wholeheartedly. If you are in a committed relationship and your partner is the one that God has sent to you then there definitely has to be some boundaries put in place . You as well as your “friend “ have to have an understanding that your partner, who is now your friend comes first you have to invite your partner into that relationship as well.
My ex girlfriend broke up with me last night (a number of reasons), but she told me she confided in a male friend about a situation because she didn’t want to bring problems into my life. That same friend who is like a “father figure” also asked her on a date several times. I’m grateful we broke up because of all the red flags I was ignoring. But I was “insecure” lol. Have healthy boundaries, and don’t let anybody make you feel like you’re crazy for not being comfortable about a situation. Love yourself first.
Much needed 😢
A lot of them are like this and will lie about the fact that the dude has shown clear and obvious signs of attraction but they keep him around for attention and and ear to listen to the problems she’s don’t wanna share with her man. They know what they doing but will never tell the whole truth
You ever think that a relationship has flaws because of the friendship of the opposite sex? They will just agree with you because they are your "friend" never tell you that you are wrong. Instead of running to your friends they should talk to the person they are with and try to understand them. Not all advice is good advice from friends n family 🤷🏿♂️.
Once you get married. All friends should transition to family friends. You are friends of the family. Our friend
I agree with you in marriage. I just cannot understand with this boyfriend and girlfriend too much rules.
@@saragirma6577 quick question, do you date for fun or knowing you guys are in a step about to move to another?
If you can’t have rules down or create this boundaries, how do you expect them to stay true to it when married?
Being friends-lovers-marriage-to forever.
You have rules as friends, you have has boyfriends and girlfriends and as husband/wife’s (Children rules and all)
@@saragirma6577Because confiding in a best friend of the opposite sex is how "emotional connections" begin that can prevent your current relationship from blossoming. Also...Men don't comfort men with advice the way that women do and vice a versa. If a female best friend is playing the role as your "ride or die" bestie...Where will your current partner fit in? And I'm not talking about someone you're dating for only 6mos to a year. I'd say at least 3yrs or more. Someone that you've invested some REAL time in with. Because truth be told, there's just no way you can focus on making your current partner your best friend IF you're still confiding in your best female friend when things go sour in your relationship. Because like Stephan said, you're using her as a buffer for emotional comfort.
PREACH!! Boundaries boundaries boundaries!! My ex had ZERO boundaries with his girl best friend, talks/texts with her EVERY DAY, takes her to go get massages on her bday (boundary suggested: give her a gift card and she takes herself), he would go above and beyond for her and was dead set adamant about me meeting her to become friends with her, then blew up at me when I asked "well what if we don't get along?" This ended our relationship and it's not a jealousy thing to ask that he set healthy boundaries with her, it's respect.... he refused. I left because I received none....
You did the right thing
I applaud u for tht. wish everyone had the strength to move on
I am not saying you are wrong for what you did, but your explanation is why i am adverse to romantic relationships.
I know it would be difficult to form thpse types pf relatipnships bexause my friends are just as important (sometimes more important) than a romantic partner.
Romantic partnerships for me contain too many expectations that platonic relationships just don't have.
I just always wonder why people place friends as secondary when they were primary.
You share everything (for example, private information) with your friends, but not your partner, and I find tjat interzsting and disturbing.
If they are your partner, why would they not know everything about you?
Once again, I am not saying you are wrong, I am just confused by it all.
@@fedoramcclaren4294 I’m dealing with something difficult now so I’m in a relationship and I have an opposite sex friend but I kinda keep it a secret for a while because he won’t allow it but I was already friends before he said that. what should I do ?
@@EmmaDeFazio5938
When it comes tp advice giving, I do my best to remove my perspective from it, however, withholding secrets is not the healthiest in any type of relationship.
If you feel it is too much to tell your partner, then it would be best to not continue the relationship, because they will most likely discover it anyways and not be pleased eother way.
You can always go with who your biggest genuine suppprter is as well through your ups and downs.
I don’t have any male friendships at all. In my experience, being friends with guys didn’t work out because the guys liked me and I wasn’t interested in them like that. I couldn’t maintain a friendship knowing I would never be interested in dating them. I would not be comfortable if I had a boyfriend who had a woman as his best friend - especially if they’re super close, on the phone everyday (what man gabs on the phone like that anyway???), hanging out, etc. I can admit that I have trust issues so I’m terribly jaded in this scenario.
If she is his best friend,she should be his girlfriend or wife right? That's why I don't believe someone of the opposite sex could be your Best friend, because it becomes a problem in a marriage,role wise.
Exactly 👏
Stephan You are So Strong. I see.
@@ladydignity first of all, I don't use the term "best friend" because it sounds elementary school term. I use the term "close friend". People do not marry their close friends for many reasons such as lack of sexual compatibility, age generation gap, share values. He/she could be muslim while the friend is Christian.
well clearly your terribly insecure lol
The truth.. I havent listened to too many of his talks, but now I'm in
Thank you so much. This is what I was thinking and feeling but I needed it validated. Beautifully explained.
Yes you can. I have 3 male friends and it's strickly friendship. 1 is know married to a female friend of mine lol. I do agree you partner is to be your best friend. I understand my role as a friend and agree with Stephan whole heartly
your friends with his wife not him. also do y'all text, call send pictures to each other like friends do? y'all be going to lunch hanging out alone because thats what friends do?
Why does this topic concern me so much when I’m not even dating!!!!😫😫 thanks for uploading this video👏🏽
Because it's about morals and you have them
In my 32 years of life I have realized that in general men don’t seek friends 👫 in woman just to be friends. men are opportunist and will see a female friendship for selfish reason for example sexually relation or clout. Some woman fall in to this also but it majority men. This is the major reason why this topic is so controversial
You're making a generalization. Just as me being a man, I cannot speak for all men, and you being a woman, you cannot speak for all women. Each person has to speak for themselves, and any friendships I have with women are just that. If there is an attraction between us it manifested in the friendship period and would have to be something that is mutually shared if it evolves into something more, whatever that may be. I can be attracted to a woman and not desire her sexually but that takes a level of maturity on a spiritual level. I don't have to have every woman, though those type of men exist, each man has his own mind.
Asante-Sudani Adé the key word was god in general
I kinda agree with your comment most men just stick around for their selfish interests. They use the guise of friendship to get boyfriend benefits but would never seriously want to date, they use women as floor mats at their convenience. Having an opposite bestie is a slippery slope because someone would low-key have feelings for the other when they spend most times together. There is no much pressure with the friend title which is very easy to walk away from.
Absolutely wrong. I have female friends in which we have some mutual attraction . But I keep the boundaries and avoid any sexual actions even though it’s very tough.
If you can’t control you may end up losing the friendship and jeopardizing your relationship simultaneously .
Any honest guy would tell...he's only interested in being friends with females he's attracted to sexually....He's waiting to for the opportunity or the opportunity already happened and he want it again.
One person is going to catch feeling...
Not good!
umm not always, I have a boy bsff and we been friends for years and never had any types of feelings towards each other, we just don't see each other in that way
Or both is going to catch feelings
@@Wesss509 just because they haven't communicated it to you doesn't always mean they don't have feelings for you
@@orlandofranconovesterasjr.5548 He said it himself💀
@@Wesss509 YET! This thing called life isn’t over, and you don’t know what the future holds
Mine is the opposite. When his female friends weren't involved, we were at our happiest and our relationship was healthy. When they were became involved the whole relationship tore apart and it became toxic. The girls didn't respect boundaries or care for our relationship dynamic. He started giving his energy to them so I received hardly any energy from him. It was like I was suddenly seen as dirty because I was the one dealing with helping him through tough times while his female friends provided him with a sense of youthfulness and recklessness
She even said last night if she had to choose it would be her bsf over me and it crushed tf outta me
She’s already telling you the end game so I hope you cashed out and found someone else.
@@dimmyslife She already told you brother
Dump her and move on. You deserve better.
Unless his gay...🤔 😑 😆 It's impossible 🙅🏽♀️Remember people it's not a perfect world 😉
Foxy Lady13 and my best friend is gay abd even that aint easy bc he dont know how to draw the line and swear my bae only want my box he dont like it
Thank You My Brutha! You really solidified for me why I know there was something wrong with my ex talking to another at OUR JOB PLACE--Which is where we met and how we hooked up, but never ended introducing me to HIS NEW FEMALE "FRIEND"
Also, what he said about the buffer is so true. In my previous relationships I would give my number out to dudes with the intent of being friends. I saw nothing wrong with it, but looking back, the reason I did it was cause there were things lacking in my own relationship. With my current partner, I wouldn't dare. He's a great man. We're in love and I respect him too much.
Amen...Yep, my exBF kept me separate from his "friend". He did a conciliatory meeting when he took me out to drive go-carts on my bday. He didn't even introduce me as his girlfriend. The "friend's" mother took a pic of me and my exBF in front of our go-carts, he had serious sort of smile with a little physical distance from me, and when I took a pic of the 3 of them sitting on a bench, he had his arms around them and the biggest possible smile ever. After that he never allowed me around the "friend"... he would call her everyday, he entertained her all the time, lunches, dinners, rollerblading, kayaking, parties at his guy friends' house, those are only the things I actually knew of. I told him, do what you want but that I couldn't be with a guy like that. He agreed, but the next day (probably after talking to said "friend") he changed his mind. So I said "Ok you made your choice...plus I don't want to be with a 'waffler' "
fuck friends, keep your personal relationship tight. friends belong at their home living their own lives.
Try telling my bf that
@@aladynamedSusanyou can tell your bf that by leaving him. Actions speak louder than words.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Wish more people had your sense!!
I love his response!💯
i did remeber a time i was in this relationship with a girl an sje did tell me i don't need to know her male friends i figure to myself that was a red flag right there.
Man I’m dealing with that now. But she quick to say “WHY” I don’t talk to them. It’s always an excuse not to meet them. Yes red flags 🚩
Opposite sex friends: never test the waters for something that's not waterproof. It's not that I don't trust my partner. I trust my partner to not have these friends.
Maria el comentario tuyo esta on point
So recently I started dating this guy, his best friend is a girl they’ve known eachother for years. She’s super cool but she oversteps her boundaries and he doesn’t say anything. She will go touch his face lay on top of him hug him super tight say I love you all the time and stay the night on his couch. It definitely bothers me because it’s disrespectful asf in my opinion, but I don’t know how to approach it because they’ve been friends for so long and I just started coming into the picture
Update, please! Is she still being innapropriate?
Address how you feel to your partner without attacking him. It's important to bring up whatever is making you feel uneasy and set up boundaries. It's totally ok to do so!
@@Tabshot The bad thing is when they think it is okay and they don't hear
:Pray for God to remove her out of his life or to remove you out of his life
In this exact predicament, she already cross boundaries he don’t do none about it until it’s too late and I’m
Getting embarrassed n undermined in front of my whole family. Yet he still wants to keep me and her in his life. That’s a no go, she can have it all, whether he link it or not
The only way am going out with a man is if he's interested with me honestly I don't have male friends... I ligit think that causes problems in relationship especially being jealous... and you genuinely have female friends who try to destroy they friends relationship because of jealousy so people have to becareful... am here praying for the day where I meet a man that doesn't really have female friends all to that cause I hate the idea of sharing and in a relationship that should never be the case........females are the most brazen creatures I know on this planet speaking from experience as well... so no I don't think it's okay its not okay especially when the person your with doesn't know what boundaries mean with the "female friends " honestly that's not Safe............cause I know they gonna be a time when am gonna be like stop texting or hanging out with that person.... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your woman/wife should be your best friend....
Or why is your partner hiding you their partner from the public eye like she (me)is a nasty secret.This is how my ex boyfriend treated me and his behaviors made me feel as that of him cheating on me with these women that's why I broke up with him.Yes I love him with all my heart and soul but I will not tolerate that crap from him or anyone else. I deserve to be treated better.What can I do to save us.
NO! Men are friends with women they are attracted to. Do you have a 300 pound female friend??
Nothing wrong being the friend attracted the woman as long as he respect boundary. I have a friend who find me attractive would never initiate or cross the line. He values the friendship and that is all he wants. Besides, we have big genetation age gap.
@@saragirma6577 gain a 100 pounds and see if he's still your friend. I promise you he is ALWAYS waiting for an opening to take it to the next level
I agree that your partner should be your best friend
right on. don't call it exclusive or monogamous if you are letting yourself surrounded by the opposite sex.
👏👏👏👏
Don’t entertain people who want the benefits of an exclusive relationship without taking on the responsibilities.
Play with fire, most times you get burnt, if its deeper then physical attraction theres worry, if its physical attraction there is worry, to go out and above to hang out and with the opposite sex and claim "friends" doesn't seem honest with yourself, so how is loyalty there, you know anything is possible if you are "friends" of the opposite sex to say it isn't no matter how loyal very niave, you must think you aren't mortal if you can't start forming feelings for someone, a relationship with one person has enough complications, add opposite gender friends seems not the best idea imo,
My female friends are Christian sisters in the Lord. We talk about and honor God. Sex isn’t an option. God is our top focus and priority
My guy best friend has been integral in how I handle my husband. I grew up in a single family household so I didn't know how to stand my ground AND be respectable at the same time. My husband has met my best friend, but we definitely have boundaries. No late night phone calls unless it's an emergency, and some topics are off limits. He's like a brother.. Any convo Im not comfortable talking to my brother about, I'm not talking to my best friend about.. Not doing it.. Nope..we not sending no selfies, cuz we're friends on social media.. We can see them there. I agree with Stephan. The word here is boundaries.
luvmifro1003 👏🏼
You drew the lines. Good job. In this way the friendship is ok. Problem is...lotta folks don't set clear boundaries as needed.
Sounds weird
This is the rare exception to the rules, the key word you used is boundaries. 99% of the time, it doesn’t work.
So if you didn’t connect on social media you would send one another selfies?
My "friends" of the opposite sex either they were my ex or wanted to date me. Dont trust those "friends" if your gut telling you not to if you in a relationship with someone who has "friends".I choose to not cross the line but my "friends" be wanting me to.
I had to let go all my female friends since child hood we use to joke laugh now they have boyfriends and i have a girlfriend its not worth the head ache
Y'all weren't friends then
Good for you! I’m trying to get my boyfriend to understand this 🤦♀️
Your girlfriend becomes your first priority. If you’re going to have female friends, your girlfriend needs to come with you when u hang out with them at all times. Same goes if she has guy friends.
@Messup7654 nah if you just drop someone with the quickness you didn't care about them, and I do have guy friends I've grown up with and have know since childhood and my fiance is friends with them too not a big deal cause were adults 🙄
@Messup7654 well im mature enough to maintain male friends, that's what I meant
Finally, a reasonable response.
Thank you very much I'm happy to hear that 🙌
My partner doesn’t have female friends but is now reaching out to a girl to become friends wants us to all hang out but yet that friend has never reached out to me. Come to find out they just been sending memes for a year and after I told them multiple times to not reach out till I’m ready cause yes I felt very insecure and uncomfortable about him disregarding my boundaries and keeping up with sending memes to her and he still wants to be friends with her in the hopes we all hang one day. I’m not ok with it but I don’t wanna be controlling. What would y’all do?
Stay true to how you feel. If you and your partner have a healthy relationship and he's really understanding, then you should definitely address the issue. Address it in a way that isn't attacking your partner and listen to what he has to say.
I have several best friends, and one is a man. He has a girlfriend he is so in love with. He introduced us immediately, and she and I are now messaging and getting to know each other. There's a huge age difference. We were sounding boards for each other, and now it's he's mine if I need it. We have a great sense of humor with each other, which is fun. He's a wonderful human being, and we encourage each other. I truly think opposite sex friendships can work with the right honesty and open communication.
do you honestly know what goes on in a man head? He probably using her as a time buffer and wants something more with you. Y’all don’t get it😂😂😂
I’m going through this with my child’s father ... we’ve been together for almost 4 years. He is my best friend but I just learned I’m not his
Yes..It may be difficult with the man.Your partner should know of this friend. One better not see them too often if you have a current relationship...Everyone should understand their #PLACE...period...............
I love and appreciate the direct thoughts. Speaking truth. Thanks.
The first video ive seen on youtube without a “dislike” 😂😂😂.
Listening to this has DEFINITELY helped VALIDATE that the feelings I had about my now EX-HUSBAND all of a sudden becoming "Buddy, Buddy" with NOT ONE....but TWO WOMEN when we were married. It started about 5 yrs before he literally WALKED OUT of our marriage after almost 17 yrs and only gave me a 12 hr. notice that he was moving out the very next day. Apparently while I was home resting after having herniated 2 discs in my low back....he was taking our kids to the local library story hour and joining different play groups as though he was a SINGLE FATHER or something. Well, it was during those times when he'd made 2 new FEMALE friends who were also married....however that didn't prevent them from acting like total prostitutes every time they were around my husband. He of course thought I was just overreacting and when I eventually informed him how I didn't particularly like him being so close with these two women....he'd accuse me of being controlling and say that I just didn't want him having any friends, etc. That wasn't the case AT ALL....I just didn't like that he felt the need to make 2 new friends with 2 different WOMEN when he was MARRIED to ME. He'd also regularly text both these women and go on lunch dates with them.....ALONE!!!! I remember he had gaslighted me for SO LONG that I'd eventually convince myself that maybe I WAS being too controlling and/or insecure and that I just needed to let him do whatever he wanted or I'd end up pushing him away. Well, once I realized these 2 women were being treated better than I was for the most part and also getting most of his attention.....I put my foot down and that's when all these "You're psycho" accusations started being made and whenever I'd be around the 2 women...they were rude af to me and hardly acted as if I were in the same room with them and my husband. Well, then he REALLY chose to test the waters when he went behind my back and had arranged for these chicks to meet my in-laws (his parents) as they'd just moved in down the street from our house and needed help unpacking boxes and other miscellaneous duties. So he'd sneakily set it up for the 3 of them to help his parents unpack and basically LEFT ME OUT of the whole thing even though I was his WIFE. I just couldn't believe THE NERVE of this dude that I'd been married to for 11 yrs at the time. It was like he was a completely different person whenever these 2 female friends were around. I also couldn't believe my mother-in-law had given her stamp of approval on the whole thing and didn't take into consideration how much it hurt my feelings that my husband would choose 2 other women besides myself to go help his parents unpack. Well, it wouldn't be for a few more years.....but fast forward about 3 yrs later and I finally decided to sneak his cell phone and snoop for the first time in 20 yrs and that's when I found out he had a profile on a cheating site called Ashley Madison. Long story short.....after the aftermath of that whole ordeal....his mom and I went out for lunch and had a semi-productive visit.....that is until she whips out this book called "30 Days to a happy husband". Needless to say that's when I half snapped and asked her if that was her nonchalant way of letting me know that she felt it was MY FAULT that he'd been trying to cheat on me and that it was because I just must be doing something wrong if he chose to stray from the marriage. No....it's called "Your son's a sexually depraved pervert who obviously can't commit to just ONE VAGINA and I'd basically predicted that's who he was BEFORE we'd gotten married and yet I continued to ignore that gut feeling I had right after I'd caught him cheating the FIRST TIME.
That's horrible!! I'm sorry you had to go through all of that pain and trauma. 💔 I pray that you are doing much better 🙏
Oh wow I read the whole story. So sorry that happened to you. I also have been ignoring my gut feeling for a while and now my eyes are finally open. Women, let's not betray ourselves ever again. If you're not okay with something or have some gut feeling, say it as loud as possible and if the man doesn't listen, he must be thrown in a trash can🗑️
After listening to all of these stories, I understand my strength and will not betray or ignore my feelings ever again.
I completely agree! The same thing happened to me. I trusted my partner and our couples therapist at the time and sadly found out later that he was lying to me about his “friendship” with a female friend. My feelings were right despite all his lies and gaslighting to me and to our therapist. Having close Opposite sex “friendships” while being in a romantic relationship/marriage is not talked about often enough. Also there seems to be a stigma on stating that something feels off because people and even therapists will accuse you of being jealous and insecure. It is not insecurity it is wisdom and intuition! Follow your intuition and say something, if your partner is unwilling to create distance, boundaries and let those “friendships “ go then leave immediately! You won’t regret it! I never want someone else to go thru what I have been thru and I wish someone could have told me to leave the relationship sooner.
He was cheating on you.. it’s obvious and playing the blame game & trust cards to feel you guilty
I hope you are out of that bullshit and healed
Bro always set the record straight🔥🔥🔥
Great topic it was only til now from your show and guest Stephan bringing out points I actually encountered . I was the best friend and I was the buffer as you put it.
But I step away for other issues having nothing to do with them.
11 years no marriage yet. And now they are fighting over a property they both purchase together.
Its more to the story the point is this is very true how people will run and tell you things going on in the relationship. And you being a friend only want them to be happy and what you find out is your friendship is not as close as you want to believe until the truth is exposed.
Thanks for you ytube programs I enjoy them very much !
No man or woman, if he/she is in a committed relationship, should be involved with an opposite sex person beyond an acquaintance. It is playing with fire and never ends well. By avoiding it, I am telling/showing my girlfriend, through my actions, that I respect what we have. As a man, I would never take a woman seriously who has a male friend. She can do what she wants but it is a non-negotiable for a relationship as far as I am concerned because it is nothing but free attention for her.
Letting your partner know about your opposite sex friend won’t stop cheating especially for females. A female can still cheat with his male friend his partner is aware of
Well he didn't say that it will "stop" ppl from cheating. He is mainly speaking on having "respect" for your partner. Not hiding your so-called friend from your supposedly significant other. He's speaking on caring enough for your lady/ or man to set boundaries in place with your outside friend.
Makes it even easier imo
It goes both ways
It's okay to have opposite sex friends but while in a relationship I'm friends with you at arms length not whipped but I don't want you in my business I'm not going to tell you my deep problems boundaries are key and I expect the same from my partner which sounds harsh but I like to keep to myself and our business is private
It would be easy if all women just say that. And not ghost.
🎯
This really solidified my opinion. I will admit, I’m very traditional for a 24 year old. I think it’s become more common in my generation, which I don’t understand. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with that? Girlfriend having “male friends”
It sucks bruh!!
You either trust her or don't. Hopefully, she is okay with you too if you have female friends. As young as she is not sure if she can be committed. Is she mature? Is she transparent? When I used to have a boyfriend, I was transparent. If i wanted to cheat i can pretend I do not know any man let alone have friend and cheat, however, my conscious would not allow me and I was not interested in doing so.
It doesn't work
Well... all I got to say is as the guy who has been stuck with female friends with boyfriends. Eventually I'll run. The friendship will tire out fast on its own.
@@saragirma6577 as long as u trust ur boy and or girlfriend. U shouldn’t have a problem with it.
I do believe that a couple can have opposite sex best friends; that can even be looked at as like family as long as everythingggg is respectful, honest & transparent among all parties involved; otherwise it’s a deal breaker ❤️👑🙏🏻
There is no reason to be in a relationship (especially if married) and to have opposite sex friends. I don't give a fuck about any excuses. It is unacceptable and only disrespectful to your other half.
You are right.
Is it a problem when been in long term relationship and he brings in new multiple" female friends "?
Yeah that's a no
yess he is one day going to end up smashing them...
Yes because why does he need these NEW friends? Hell, why do you need friends of the opposite gender anyway? I personally think it's unnecessary and you're playing with fire if you do. You're asking for trouble.
I agree with you on this Stephan 🙌👊something wrong if you gotta hide them from me👀 My husb (man) will be my BFF !
Before my current boyfriend, I used to think it was okay to have male friends. Now, I don't feel it's necessary. My partner is my best friend, and I'm his. He's everything I need and want. Why do I need other male friends? I can see if we were friends before I met him, but not a new friend, and the old ones would have to respect that I'm in a relationship. But this is something my boyfriend doesn't have to worry about
I am male. Half of my friends are female and my best friend is female. I will never just abandon all my female friends because of random woman
NO. THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION IS NO.
Now I feel bad about being that friend
Don't feel bad but remember what your place is and don't overstep
Boundaries for sure because cashing my man to watch your son while you run errands, calling him to help you with car trouble, calling him when you need to vent or talk, only thing he isn't doing is having sex with them and that's not cool.
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
I'm dealing with this right now. I know he's not her son's father but she's treating him like her baby daddy and errand boy.
💯 agreed bro.. 🙏🏼 thanks for your view. Appreciate it.
I am sooo glad I stumbled upon this channel. I love your advice. 👍🏼👍🏼
Wow, love this conversation😍
By human nature...no opposite sex cannot be friends
That is your take. Maybe you are attracted to your friends and cannot resist yourself
Eh at the end of the day everyone bonds differently anyway, some guys get with a single female best friend and call it a situationship
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
@@MeetStephanSpeaks yeah of course
110% facts. Ugh I love your videos. Black and white and straight to the point. No filler bullshit.
Good content I agree with what Stephan says, I believe the opposite sex bestie thing can bring a lot of dilemma if there are no set boundaries. Also it’s not really a good idea to remain close to a bestie you have had some type of intimate past with, remaining that close is more like an invitation of “ You can probably hit it again” and most guys/girls would stick around for some moment of vulnerability just to hit that again. It is just best to cut them off or remain friends from a distance. Either way for besties that weren’t intimate, one of them probably gets feelings hanging around each other all the time and one may present themselves as a safe bet to the other. In some situations, it can be a worthwhile relationship and in others it may just be lust and crossing a name of their list. There is a reason why they say opposite attracts( in this case male & female) so nothing should be left to assumptions.
I know there are women who prefer male friends over women and even some do not get along with women and are competitive. I talking in reference in opposite attraction. While, I have male friends but generally speaking I do well with women friends. They women are more dependable and emotional support is strong. That may also have to do my cultural upbringing. It takes a village to raise a child strongly apply to my culture and we have more of social dependency. Personally speaking, I am not against having an opposite friends.
@@saragirma6577 Yeah I can understand where you are coming from. As far as you set your boundaries that would be fine. Also men are hung up on looks and physical aspects. If they find you attractive they would hang around enough for you to give them a chance. You can’t dangle a carrot around a rabbit some day it would eat it.
I have a close, male friend that I'm not physically attracted to. We both are single & talk about our dating challenges. My hope is that we can continue our platonic friendship once we do enter into relationships.
He’s attracted to you trust me
@@19KYA96 there is nothing wrong with a man being attracted to her as long as he respect her boundries.
@@saragirma6577 😆 sorry but it ruins friendships. I tried it the other way around. Not a good idea.
I think you two should be the ones to get into a relationship, why string along other people that would get potentially hurt if you two can't distance yourselves with each other the moment the two of you got into your respective relationships? That doesn't make sense come on
@@felinelover1191where did she said that they can’t distance themselves once’s they get in relationships? All she said was that she wish they can stay friends.. like you literally just made all that up in your head
I am skeptical of being best friends with men. I've gone through that wringer before. It causes limerence. I always go to my husband first
Do you think it’s acceptable for your significant other to still maintain a close friendship with a guy she was previously friends with benefits with when you’ve told your significant other you’re not comfortable with that given their intimate past?
Absolutely not
100% UNACCEPTABLE!!!
Not acceptable.
No
Well said!
God LAAAAWD you good...luv your videos and advice thank you for providing this info on a free platform (as many need this and may not afford to talk to someone) ...you'll still be financially BLESSED 💯🙌🏽🙌🏽
What if ur men cannot say no to his girl just friend when out of the bluesss the girl ask money? I came across
Why have female friends what's the point
Yeah what’s the point of having male friends.
I call it ‘ bootleg polygamy’
Lovely said always on point thanks
He’s so knowledgeable, it gives me chills. I wish he was cloned so I could pick one of him lol
I know. I love his straightforward advice.
I’m greedy I’m selfish, and I’m not sharing.
What about while in a Toxic & Draining relationship?
uncomfortable. no female friends in this marriage. any female friends is our friens. men use women fren as backup
It's not a good idea! Opposite sex friends is opening the doors to infidelity!
👏👏👏👏👏👏 beautiful stated (Tamar neckroll/duck lips through entire conversation lol😂😂)
I agree I just broke up with my girl because she wouldn't let me meet her guy friend whom she admitted she slept with in the past lol
1:29 I agreed. Your spouse needs to be your best friend and then the friends distant good friends
Sadly FB and social media is dangerous
This is spot on. 👌
Ok, so I disagree with female best friends when you're a married man.No married man should have a female best friend. That adds one person too many to the relationship and leaves room for someone else to be in your business. That's interference from hell. I've seen it every time. No two people in a serious relationship needs that anguish. You don't need that action. There's only one way for that to go, wrong.
so agree!!!
Dude this is the best thing i've heard all year
Me too
he said the truth