I just want to apologise for skipping your songs at the moment. They are just so beautiful and heartfelt and im not in a place to be able to hear them without reacting to them deeply. I just dont want some metric to throw you off - your songs are just too beautiful for me right now. Love you and your work :)
Same, I'm just not in the mood to cry right now and I can tell that I would because I'm an easy crier. But I'm so glad she's back, I can't wait to see more
I'm really liking the new things you're doing with this channel, now. As someone with a life-long disability (and a life that's roughly twice as long as yours), I have to remind myself, periodically, that for a lot of people, disability comes as an unhappy surprise, instead of something familiar, though awkward, and (sometimes) even joyful-- like negotiating living with a family member you love, but who gets on your nerves in predictable ways. I hope your cane supports you well, and helps you get farther/further down Life's pathways than you can imagine, right now.♥
I appreciate your insight, it's definitely something I've learned to live with in different ways throughout the years. I wanted to keep this video concise so I didn't mention this, but part of why I've linked it so much with transness in my head is also because I had to stop taking my arthritis meds to have my operations and by the time I get back on them it'll be about a year without them. Such an interesting trade-off that really has gotten me to think a lot, but it is ultimately for me so worth it. Recently I requested a wheelchair for the first time in many years while flying back to Berlin and was so relieved to not be holding back tears while on the plane because of my joints, that experience definitely reminded me to allow myself to find comfort in accommodations. I like the family member analogy, I'm going to keep this all in mind :)
this entire video hit me so hard with how you made a send off and now that burning passion brought you back to this sincerity and richness ive missed so dearly. thank you for putting in the effort... you are so musically talented and its amazing to see you dive deeper into that... gosh i am still so awestruck at all these new videos because i hadnt noticed you where back hhahahah gosh welcome back
Thank you so much for the kindness, I am glad I took enough of a step back from video essays to realize that I did still want to make them, just in a different way than I did before
As always, stunning work! ✨ Also: cane twinsies! The grief we go through as disabled people with dynamic, changing, or progressive disabilities is so real. We grieve the life we imagined our future selves having; we grieve the loss of our past selves' mobility or autonomy. Aging hits different when you know you're looking at more pain and less mobility to come. I love having my cane - it's freedom, it's joy, it's a hot fashion accessory. But it comes with that real grief, too: the knowledge that there was a time before, and now I'm in a time after. Claiming my cane as a beautiful and necessary extension of myself, and examining the truth of its necessity through my art has been so, so vital. Thank you so, so much for sharing a part of that with us.
I always appreciate your thoughts on disability, Robin! I remember DMing you a while back about living with RA long before I had the vocab to make this video. Glad to hear more about your perspective
God, this video's making me tear up. I started HRT last June and starting this year I've started feeling more of my disabilities. I've always been disabled but now it feels like it's catching up to me. I feel like my transness and disability are at the same level now if that makes sense. I've been out as trans since around 2017 and I've seen everyone change around me, some changing faster than I was. Some changed in ways that made it hard to stay friends, while others changed in ways that had me get closer to them. I've lost a lot of friends during this period and handling that was and still is hard. I can't talk to a lot of people who I started my journey with and that's the worst part to me. We just became incompatible, and I miss our friendship that couldn't stay. I hope that you keep making videos like this especially with your music. This new direction your channel is going in is amazing
Haven't watched this yet, but just wanted to say I've been following your output for a little while and I'm proud of you for embracing music like you have. I know from experience that it's easy to get pigeonholed into a content niche, and it feels like a huge risk when you change things up to pursue what you're really passionate about. You have a great voice and make great music and a growing fanbase behind you -- love to see it :)
Never commented on any of your vids. Just popping in to say the part about you and kyle made me cry. Knowing when i am stagnating and figuring out how to get out of said stagnation are different things, but i guess i needed this to remember to dream about not just how my future body will feel to me, but to my friends and loved ones. Now to recommit to my goals. Deepest congratulations on you both changing and accepting your body and life, heartening to know it has been fulfilling for you, Marlene.
You'll never know how much and how many people you are helping by sharing this video. Severe arthritis, whatever type, will create limitations but a limitation is not an impossibility. John loves you and he will adjust just like you will. Trust in love.
I have always wanted to understand my life, my peers and ultimately myself. I got to a point where I felt like I was perceiving myself and my own existence and sucking the joy out of my own life. Self-knowledge is so important and I'm glad you're gaining it! All as well put as ever!
seeing your journey, hearing you talk honestly, it serves me to know that transition is an ongoing process, that while hard, can lead to hapinness. seeing a bit of that road and where you are now, makes me so happy somehow. it makes me tear up, along with your song, i might really cry. life is hard and bitter sweet, but its nice to know you carry the evidence of all your happiness and effort as well. its nice to see it too, im always so thankful for what you share
I love what you're doing with your channel. You seemlessly share your personal self with us all while connecting it to your music or connecting it to Disney topics. Thank you for sharing both yourself and your interests with us!
I've been in a long distance relationship with the same guy for most of my twenties as well and I'm disabled. This video was helpful. I feel less alone now.
Have felt like I’ve lost someone in an emotional, spiritual sense, since 4 and very slowly piecing back the connections. I want to hold this song in a notebook and study it, treasure it.
Another beautiful video, as a young trans guy I’m always hungry to find trans people just existing and sharing their stories it really gives me hope, you are my biggest inspiration ☺️🫶 (YOUR MUSIC AND SINGING IS BRILLIANT TOO AAAAAA)
I'm thankful to finally learn so much more about your life personally and understand some things better. Also beautiful that you share some impressions from Berlin. Everytime you post a new video, I wait for the right moment to watch it, since I know there will be multiple deep emotions washing over me, when I watch it and I need to be ready. So sometimes it takes me a day or two. I really think, the quality of the feelings you share and evoke in people is some of your greatest strenghs.
Xoxoxo your voice is just 🧑🏻🍳💋 Long distance is hard, and all I’ve ever done was 3 hours! I can see how you’d feel vulnerable with your most trusted person being so far away on top of your health + transition stuff. And I bet John gets nervous about you being far away. Not that you’re not a capable adult, you and I are almost the same age; but, like, “my partner has multiple marginalized identities and I can’t protect her from the worst people ever” kind of nervous. I feel it with all the visibly trans ppl in my life.
Was thinkin this was gonna be about smth else havin lost my once best friend rly fast when i came out as transfem; glad at least it wasnt related to transphobia
It's uncanny how this came out right when I was feeling very much the same thing. With my mom getting sick last year, to having to change the way I cope due to outside changes, I couldn't help but look back and be like ".... This had been building up for a while. I just hadn't realized until now." for the latter part. (Pancaus cancer on the other hand always blindsides you with how it likes to hide things until it's too much.) I do hope though that you are able to spend time with your grandfather whenever you can. I understand how that time is precious and you are allowed to also take care of yourself emotionally during it all. I had to learn that the hard way myself just recently and now that I took time to grieve the changes, I do feel better for it. Also forgive yourself for the things that are happening as you can only do so much, as it sounds like you're doing what you can already, so it's okay to be gentler on yourself.
I'm in long distance relationship myself. We've been together since 2019 and I'm so happy to see I'm not the only one who has long distance relationship problems. Also in 2019 I've lost most my friends so this video hits pretty hard for me. I didn't know if I wanted to even watch it but I'm glad I've did. I'm so happy for you.
This is so barely connected but hormones and disability change is something I’ve gotten to watch when my mom had a hysterectomy (that didn’t need to happen, turns out, fuck that doctor) and then was refused replacement estrogen by multiple doctors as her body broke down being forced into menopause completely cold turkey. I am sure it is combined with other issues but that was the kickstarter of a BIG downshift that I watched her adjust to and get frustrated over. It ended up being a big change for all of us as we tried to support her without her getting mad that we were “coddling” or “babying” her, but we’ve all grown. She’s doing much better now, she found a great doctor who did break it to her that she’d been screwed over for so long that introducing estrogen now would just make it worse, but she’s learning to adjust to her new situation.
I had never heard that song but enjoyed it, thanks for the rec! Haven't listened to much Beirut other than when I first moved to Berlin, I listened to the song "Prenzlauerberg" a lot because I was living in Prenzlauer Berg, haha
I don't understand how you can be in a long distance marriage. I don't understand how you can casually say you want to mend things with an ex while in a relationship. I don't understand a lot of what you're saying. But hey, I just hope things go well for you.
"how to lose someone fast" is out now wherever you stream your music 💗
I just want to apologise for skipping your songs at the moment. They are just so beautiful and heartfelt and im not in a place to be able to hear them without reacting to them deeply. I just dont want some metric to throw you off - your songs are just too beautiful for me right now. Love you and your work :)
Same, I'm just not in the mood to cry right now and I can tell that I would because I'm an easy crier. But I'm so glad she's back, I can't wait to see more
I'm really liking the new things you're doing with this channel, now.
As someone with a life-long disability (and a life that's roughly twice as long as yours), I have to remind myself, periodically, that for a lot of people, disability comes as an unhappy surprise, instead of something familiar, though awkward, and (sometimes) even joyful-- like negotiating living with a family member you love, but who gets on your nerves in predictable ways.
I hope your cane supports you well, and helps you get farther/further down Life's pathways than you can imagine, right now.♥
I appreciate your insight, it's definitely something I've learned to live with in different ways throughout the years. I wanted to keep this video concise so I didn't mention this, but part of why I've linked it so much with transness in my head is also because I had to stop taking my arthritis meds to have my operations and by the time I get back on them it'll be about a year without them. Such an interesting trade-off that really has gotten me to think a lot, but it is ultimately for me so worth it.
Recently I requested a wheelchair for the first time in many years while flying back to Berlin and was so relieved to not be holding back tears while on the plane because of my joints, that experience definitely reminded me to allow myself to find comfort in accommodations. I like the family member analogy, I'm going to keep this all in mind :)
@@DreamsoundsVideo~Raises a toast to trade-offs that are worth it, and a second toast to allowing yourself comfort~
this entire video hit me so hard with how you made a send off and now that burning passion brought you back to this sincerity and richness ive missed so dearly.
thank you for putting in the effort... you are so musically talented and its amazing to see you dive deeper into that... gosh
i am still so awestruck at all these new videos because i hadnt noticed you where back hhahahah
gosh
welcome back
Thank you so much for the kindness, I am glad I took enough of a step back from video essays to realize that I did still want to make them, just in a different way than I did before
I've been trying to come up with some writing stuff appropriate for school and this is rlly helping. Also, painfully relatable-
As always, stunning work! ✨ Also: cane twinsies!
The grief we go through as disabled people with dynamic, changing, or progressive disabilities is so real. We grieve the life we imagined our future selves having; we grieve the loss of our past selves' mobility or autonomy. Aging hits different when you know you're looking at more pain and less mobility to come.
I love having my cane - it's freedom, it's joy, it's a hot fashion accessory. But it comes with that real grief, too: the knowledge that there was a time before, and now I'm in a time after. Claiming my cane as a beautiful and necessary extension of myself, and examining the truth of its necessity through my art has been so, so vital. Thank you so, so much for sharing a part of that with us.
I always appreciate your thoughts on disability, Robin! I remember DMing you a while back about living with RA long before I had the vocab to make this video. Glad to hear more about your perspective
God, this video's making me tear up. I started HRT last June and starting this year I've started feeling more of my disabilities. I've always been disabled but now it feels like it's catching up to me. I feel like my transness and disability are at the same level now if that makes sense.
I've been out as trans since around 2017 and I've seen everyone change around me, some changing faster than I was. Some changed in ways that made it hard to stay friends, while others changed in ways that had me get closer to them.
I've lost a lot of friends during this period and handling that was and still is hard. I can't talk to a lot of people who I started my journey with and that's the worst part to me. We just became incompatible, and I miss our friendship that couldn't stay.
I hope that you keep making videos like this especially with your music. This new direction your channel is going in is amazing
Haven't watched this yet, but just wanted to say I've been following your output for a little while and I'm proud of you for embracing music like you have. I know from experience that it's easy to get pigeonholed into a content niche, and it feels like a huge risk when you change things up to pursue what you're really passionate about. You have a great voice and make great music and a growing fanbase behind you -- love to see it :)
Never commented on any of your vids. Just popping in to say the part about you and kyle made me cry. Knowing when i am stagnating and figuring out how to get out of said stagnation are different things, but i guess i needed this to remember to dream about not just how my future body will feel to me, but to my friends and loved ones. Now to recommit to my goals. Deepest congratulations on you both changing and accepting your body and life, heartening to know it has been fulfilling for you, Marlene.
This is beautiful, thank you for sharing your lovely voice, you inspire me so much…!
You'll never know how much and how many people you are helping by sharing this video. Severe arthritis, whatever type, will create limitations but a limitation is not an impossibility. John loves you and he will adjust just like you will. Trust in love.
So happy you’re back. No matter what kind of content you do, your videos are so meaningful.
I have always wanted to understand my life, my peers and ultimately myself. I got to a point where I felt like I was perceiving myself and my own existence and sucking the joy out of my own life. Self-knowledge is so important and I'm glad you're gaining it! All as well put as ever!
seeing your journey, hearing you talk honestly, it serves me to know that transition is an ongoing process, that while hard, can lead to hapinness. seeing a bit of that road and where you are now, makes me so happy somehow. it makes me tear up, along with your song, i might really cry. life is hard and bitter sweet, but its nice to know you carry the evidence of all your happiness and effort as well. its nice to see it too, im always so thankful for what you share
I literally was discussing with my roommate my vulnerabilities. You aren't alone. ❤
I love what you're doing with your channel. You seemlessly share your personal self with us all while connecting it to your music or connecting it to Disney topics. Thank you for sharing both yourself and your interests with us!
I've been in a long distance relationship with the same guy for most of my twenties as well and I'm disabled. This video was helpful. I feel less alone now.
Have felt like I’ve lost someone in an emotional, spiritual sense, since 4 and very slowly piecing back the connections.
I want to hold this song in a notebook and study it, treasure it.
I needed that. Thank you. I also live in Berlin, you're not alone.
Another beautiful video, as a young trans guy I’m always hungry to find trans people just existing and sharing their stories it really gives me hope, you are my biggest inspiration ☺️🫶 (YOUR MUSIC AND SINGING IS BRILLIANT TOO AAAAAA)
I'm thankful to finally learn so much more about your life personally and understand some things better. Also beautiful that you share some impressions from Berlin. Everytime you post a new video, I wait for the right moment to watch it, since I know there will be multiple deep emotions washing over me, when I watch it and I need to be ready. So sometimes it takes me a day or two.
I really think, the quality of the feelings you share and evoke in people is some of your greatest strenghs.
this is such a gorgeous video. thank you for sharing your thoughts and music
when you mentioned that this applies to friendship…oh i felt that
Thank you so much for your vulnerability. I can relate to a lot of what your talking about...
Wonderful song! The vlog leading up to it was great too. Lots of valuable thoughts!
this was so beautiful.
what you said about the break up really resonated i’m going through one right now. I thought I would marry this person
Your voice is so soothing~ Thank you for sharing this intimate part of your life. You are so beautiful inside and out.
thank you so much for this video, found this at the right time ❤
Hits very close in terms of looking at life's big picture
I love your music!
Thank you so much for this it helped me process a lot 😊
Beautiful words and music
I feel that. I'm sending you hugs.
Xoxoxo your voice is just 🧑🏻🍳💋
Long distance is hard, and all I’ve ever done was 3 hours! I can see how you’d feel vulnerable with your most trusted person being so far away on top of your health + transition stuff.
And I bet John gets nervous about you being far away. Not that you’re not a capable adult, you and I are almost the same age; but, like, “my partner has multiple marginalized identities and I can’t protect her from the worst people ever” kind of nervous. I feel it with all the visibly trans ppl in my life.
Was thinkin this was gonna be about smth else havin lost my once best friend rly fast when i came out as transfem; glad at least it wasnt related to transphobia
It's uncanny how this came out right when I was feeling very much the same thing. With my mom getting sick last year, to having to change the way I cope due to outside changes, I couldn't help but look back and be like ".... This had been building up for a while. I just hadn't realized until now." for the latter part. (Pancaus cancer on the other hand always blindsides you with how it likes to hide things until it's too much.)
I do hope though that you are able to spend time with your grandfather whenever you can. I understand how that time is precious and you are allowed to also take care of yourself emotionally during it all. I had to learn that the hard way myself just recently and now that I took time to grieve the changes, I do feel better for it. Also forgive yourself for the things that are happening as you can only do so much, as it sounds like you're doing what you can already, so it's okay to be gentler on yourself.
omg that song was beautiful
I'm in long distance relationship myself. We've been together since 2019 and I'm so happy to see I'm not the only one who has long distance relationship problems. Also in 2019 I've lost most my friends so this video hits pretty hard for me. I didn't know if I wanted to even watch it but I'm glad I've did. I'm so happy for you.
This is so barely connected but hormones and disability change is something I’ve gotten to watch when my mom had a hysterectomy (that didn’t need to happen, turns out, fuck that doctor) and then was refused replacement estrogen by multiple doctors as her body broke down being forced into menopause completely cold turkey. I am sure it is combined with other issues but that was the kickstarter of a BIG downshift that I watched her adjust to and get frustrated over. It ended up being a big change for all of us as we tried to support her without her getting mad that we were “coddling” or “babying” her, but we’ve all grown.
She’s doing much better now, she found a great doctor who did break it to her that she’d been screwed over for so long that introducing estrogen now would just make it worse, but she’s learning to adjust to her new situation.
The song though
Life is a continuum, and transition is part of that. I understand.
Really though..Think back when you were male presenting.This was a very insightful and experienced understanding on his part.A Chad move. 1:16
It’s not possible to lose someone. They stay with us, and we stay with them.
It sucks to have arthritis, but it can be alleviated. An exercise class or physical therapy could help.
The chords of your beautiful song sound a lot like Scenic World by Beirut, another one of my fave songs.
I had never heard that song but enjoyed it, thanks for the rec! Haven't listened to much Beirut other than when I first moved to Berlin, I listened to the song "Prenzlauerberg" a lot because I was living in Prenzlauer Berg, haha
💚💚💚
I don't understand how you can be in a long distance marriage. I don't understand how you can casually say you want to mend things with an ex while in a relationship. I don't understand a lot of what you're saying. But hey, I just hope things go well for you.
People can have so many different types of relationships because everyone needs different things 😊
On your second thought, she clearly framed that statement "wanting to get back with the ex" as dumb.
You make the internet such a wonderful place Marlene !