JoyRide Podcast Ep 7 || Do men have it easier or not? Gender bias in our Relationship
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- Опубліковано 5 жов 2024
- Hey JoyRiders,
This is a special episode. We have always tried to create an environment where we both can thrive as best as we can. And even though we try as much as possible, our experiences in the world are so different. We hope this conversation will help us talk on a more intimate level with our partners, husbands and friends on how we can make the world a more equal place.
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The part where it was said "The biggest threat to Kenyan men is the police and the biggest threat to Kenyan women is the Kenyan men" broke my heart.
Where ben said 'we don't have to call the DCI to track you for not subscribing 'caught me dying🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
One thing I’ve learned in psychology is that in a groupthink scenario( kama hiyo ya Forest Road), the average intelligence of the group is reduced to the lowest common denominator I.e everyone is as intelligent as the least intelligent person in that group which gives rise to these animalistic expressions.
Not to be boring but there was an experiment done by an artist called Marina Abramovich( Rhythm 0) where she basically let people( strangers) do whatever they wanted to do to her for 6hours without consequences. The things people will do when they know they can get away with it 😳😩 the conclusion she came to was “in your own performances you can go very far, but if you leave decisions to the public, you can be killed.” Feel free to check that out.
All this is to say it is wise of Ben and Wanjiru not to have wished to be involved in that fracas and to seek external help because no reasoning was going on in that space. It is very unfortunate that this is something we can do to our fellow humans and I wish I had the answers to how we can stop this from being a reality 😔
If you can/wish may be in future, Kindly come back to the conversation of men compensating their wives when on maternity leave or if they are stay home moms. Felt like you're on different pages, i would want to hear more on your different perspectives. Thanks💙
U
Kknp dstv jjjnjjjñ nkij 🤪🤪🥰💖💖
Here’s what I’ve realized about myself as I got older. I’m quick to notice immediately there’s an overwhelming number of men present. And I mean even one man when I’m alone. In such situations, I’m very uncomfortable, guarded, afraid, and sensitive. I avoid lifts, apartments with many houses, public transport, homes where I’d have to walk past thrift stores or boda stops or groups of men, even some events to the best of my ability. Yes Ben, tumefika hiyo point and I can only wish my children never have to interact with many men they don’t know if they don’t want to 😬😮💨
(Please note, I’ve not accused men of anything here…I’m saying the insecurities, tension and other things that culture has accepted/allowed have made this our world, and that’s my response)
This is soo true I have found myself in this situation
I agree.
I at some point feel the same.
Honestly its sad that for us women, we have to really consider so many things before going out, from dress code, location, the gender difference(how many men or women are around) its hectic!! I agree with wanjiru, mimi even being in a mat that has more men than women is scary and I will get off, there are paths I wouldn't pass, if I see many dudes infront of me I slow down or even go back to where I was coming from 😅😅its not even funny, kwanza when you see boda boda guys, I feel like vanishing, cz when those guys greet you ukose kujibu, you are Doomed, if you answer them you feel worse cz you know you answered out of FEAR!!! Its crazy to think that fellow human beings can scare us like this, wueh!!!
This totally describes how most of us feel. I will cross the street to be on the opposite side if there is a man walking behind me in the evening. This reality is just sad.
I usually feel weird when i board a matatu and the ratio of men to women is like 2:1, wooi mi ushuka tu, i feel insecure in the presence of so many men
I don't think I'll ever stop rewatching the intro like 3 or more times before actually watching 😊
The lift scenario happened to me today and I got so uncomfortable, I couldn't even get in, the guys were loud and it's like the guys were hyping me to go inside but I felt insecure to go in. We went in with a different guy now in the second lift and he was like mbona umekataa kuingia iyo lift ingine, umeogopaaa? Like it was so obvious. I can relate to Wanjiru.
On the issue of men being pursuers and ladies being the recipients, I’d say that even in the context of a relationship, pursuit is a never ending thing and can be a mutual thing e.g texting first, calling first, doing thoughtful things that make the other feel special, buying gifts,etc. This can be mutual and isn’t on one person/ gender.
Also, a small request, is there a way these questions can be linked in the bio for those who want to go over them in their relationships? Sahii ni ku pause and then write the question down then to proceed lakini ni tedious kidogo.
Hawa wameanza kuwa addiction sasa. Really really love them.
I think these questions should be answered by everyone to each other, not just couples; among friends, colleagues, family because personally I have friends who need calling out, I too need some calling out for enabling some of these bad habits but who is willing to call their friends out for fear of whatever. These questions would help people clearly see themselves and the role they've played in creating the world today.
I feel like we can have one episode for story telling coz the way Wanjiru dont like to narrate it n thn Ben is like weeeee hii lazima nipee Joyrides ,i laugh soo hard #the kericho story
I have always been scared about boarding a matatu when it's only men inside especially at night. If the women inside alight before I get to my destination I always feel pressured to just take another one even though I already paid the exact fare. It really is scarier.
Same here
Me too
Me too! I always have to do a headcount before sitting in a matatu just to make sure I’m safe among women incase of anything.
You have taken the words out of my mouth🤭🤭
I can relate
Yes! That lift situation,or even when javing and there are men,it triggers so much anxiety. Taking walks as well
Yes , I can't enter a lift if there are just men. I feel more comfortable taking walks with my husband. I could never board a matatu with just men, infact I count the ratio of men to women. Yes I also tend to be more aware of how many men are somewhere versus women. It's a security issue.
I'm also very cautious of the type of gender around me....like wanjiru if I get to a lift and see it's men alone I pretend I was not to use that and wait for the next one ...and not only in lifts even in public means... reason being I once boarded a matatu at pangani hapo kwa highway( I'm even shaken every time I remember this insidence) the conductor opened the front door where there was one man and the driver ....so when the mat took off all of a sudden mlango ikaanza "kukataa kufungika" so the conductor was like madam funga mlango and I really tried to funga but in vain,then all of a sudden uwoga ikaingia and I looked back only to find four men sitted in very funny position all smoking ....I tensed and immediately started to command the driver to stop the matatu or jump....I even held the mlango with my leg pretending I want to jump...alfy i knew hapo gurunanak Kuna police so I knew tukifika hapo I'd scream...but thank God the driver stopped and I jumped outside only to realize my bag was open kumbe the guy I was sitted next to was robbing me as the conductor tries to zubaisha na mlango....since that day nikiingia kwa mat na iko na wanaume tupu akiananu Mimi hushuka I feel scared...
This exact scenario has I happened to me ... They opened my bag and took my phone and purse
Sorry you had to go through that.
Thanks for sharing,
I think the discussion about the woman taking maternity leave is an important one to revisit. The woman in taking maternity leave is not only not being paid but it's delaying or slowing down her career progression (bonuses, promotions etc) and she is losing out on that. She is also not having adult interaction or freedom of movement. Alot changes in the birth and upbringing process that it is very fair for her to ask for compensation from her partner. In a healthy space I don't think that that should be a bone of contention... In fact she shouldn't have to ask. We live in an economy that runs on money and money comes with freedom. To not pay her is really to curtail her freedom.
Also, women empowerment is not at the expense of men. It has never been. The disparity in the real life experiences on the ground are testament to this.
I agree with you and also taking care of a child is a full-time job
Listening to this now and I can totally relate to Wanjiru when she said she often gets fearful in a room full of people of the opposite gender. That is so me!
Ben didn't just say "low budget chris brown"🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wanjiru is right,,, I have on several occasions not boarded a matatu because it was just men on board. It is very conscious in my mind to always scan the spaces am in especially the more 'dangerous' ones like lifts matatus, parking lots etc.
I once alighted a matatu before getting to my destination because everyone else had alighted except me the driver and some other guy.
The other guy ni kama alikua anajuana na the conductor and the driver because they were talking.
My anxiety went over the roof and I had to get off
I have done this as well
Loved this conversation!! It has many awakening moments and situations that bring life to the Biases that is the Society. Love love Love!💯❤️
Always waiting for this moments of new episodes ❤️❤️. Njiru I just love you with all that you have and are. May God bless your marriage 🙏🏻
Sisi aunties wa online tunangoja nieces na nephews tu😂😂💯
God bless you two aki sana❤️❤️❤️❤️
Notice how Wanjiru will never put her life on the line for anything 😂😂😂 Men, do not lose your life over a woman 😌
I guess I'm too loyal to this couple😁😁. From the first episode. I love you guys❤️. So natural.
Initially i never thought i was bothered being around men as the only female till this one time i traveled in a matatu as the only lady and i couldn't let my guard down, the whole way i was so alert and i only calmed down on arriving to my destination. This said, i think this type of conversations are necessary.
Its sad how so many incidents that you have featured on this topic, the immediate reaction for Wanjiru and women around the world is " I have to get myself out of this space for my security".
Its sad that we have to watch our backs every damn time, sometimes even when you are alone in your own hse.
Its sad that in this day and age we have to fight for basic courtesy and respect.
#EndGenderBias
I also feel like men wouldn't get away easily with GBV issues either as the victim or perpetrator while women can on the other hand. However, this is debatable too
I really agree with Ben on issues as he's articulating them and especially towards the end
I relate so much with what Wanjiru is saying about women! It's just so true and a sad reality!
Aki hii story ya compensation imeshake Ben kiasi
So far, so glued to this amazing podcast🥰. 🥂To more content good people
This was a great conversation and I feel like it should have had a more nuanced approach to really highlight the struggles that people that are outside the cis-gender male pov have. Gender is a social construct that has more than just man and woman and I do understand it’s from your personal povs. However, I do hope that in future you could have a discussion that includes other genders, their struggles and active practical solutions for gender issues ❤️
Yeeeeyyyy!!! My favorites are back....Eeeeeeiiissshhh nawapenda
Yaaaaaaaaaaasssss‼️we will show up for the first date😂
I just hate being catcalled.....I remember last week I was in town just around Archives and these men who stand on their shops calling customer...I was just walking past them and one of them held my arm and he was like uko msupuu I was so irritated I felt like going back and just talk bad but I just focused ....it’s irritating
The number of times we have to stop ourselves from going back to someone who has touched us on the streets. I hate that as women we are never safe in these streets. Arrgh
The fear of getting into enclosed places with you being the only woman or few women than men is so real to women
In lifts/matatus/restaurants e.t.c
You are always good a couple, and you are lunching great ideas and fantastic questions as well.
One of my concern is you are sometime speaking in Swahili as noon Swahili speaker we're missing some valuable information. Please translate some Swahili if any
This joyride is addictive 😍 that part ya mat i wouldn't get into a mat that is full of men it's just so triggering to me
i remember my phone getting snatched from my finger and the next day in a cab i was alone with two guys and i kept praying that we get to the destination fast, i was holding my bag tight and ready for anything, was glad when i alighted. the catcalling, its there you have to develop a thick skin though its always irritating. sad times
This episode guys! Amazing and triggering as well. I like how it's getting deeper as the topics progress. Trauma,then this,whoosh!! Keep at it ♥️
And yes,I worry about ALL spaces I'm in. Feeling unsafe for women has become like a norm and it's extremely sad.
I love you both so much
Thank you for keeping it real
With love from Uganda ❤️
I greatly relate with Wanjiru on the elevator issue and I totally agree with Ben that it's very sad it's gotten to a level where men are now the biggest threat to women
Yessss 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 ....I always anticipate for this content yess .I love y'all
Not the “naimbianga Yesu”🤣🤣🤣🤣
It's the consistency for me
One let me appreciate the fact that you two are gender Sensitive and you carefully handle gender topic
Second on an elevator if I find men alone manze I will get in
There is that ka thing that makes me fear
Hello naomi
This episode is very triggering for me, made me sad how long as women we have to still to go. I am glad content like this is moving us to the right direction. Thank you so much Joyride podcast. A trick I use on the lift whenever I am alone with men is to just press several floors that are on the way. This means that the lift will open on those floors and that way you are safer as there isn't enough time for whatever fishy motives could have happened lets say if the lift was from 1-7th floor nonstop.
I'm really sorry you have to go through this. We shouldn't have to use the tricks 😔
Late as always😂😂 but..I'm here...I watch all podcasts with a smile on my face... Love your podcasts...make it twice a week please...👌
The part about checking around for the gender, I can relate. I do that alooot.
I feel like this questions are very good for a couples games night,so if you guys wouldn't mind sharing the questions after the episode we would appreciate
Ben for the woman who wanted compensation it's coz before that moved in together the man made I clear that he expected her to cater for 50% of all bills so during the six months she want him to give her halfof what she would have been paid if she had gone back to work so that she can continue the with her 50% contribution to the expenses.
I share in Wanjiru's feels about finding myself in an all-male lift....I get jitters to be honest and if possible I just alight on the next floor...heri niendelee na stairs aki or hope to get more females in the next lift
😂😂 "afande naimbianga yesu"
43:46 I have always feared men because of personal recurring cases of sexual assault which sadly is getting normalised.
Growing up I've been brought up by men( dad and brothers) who cared about me.
Huku nje it's been different. Everywhere I see a guy I get so uncomfortable and filled with fear.
I don't know how to associate with guys anymore.
I can also relate. At times I choose not to enter the lift if I am the only lady around.
I relate with wanjiru on the elevator story i get so scared nashangaa tutafika ground floor saa ngapi.. nowadays we really don't trust men that much you can't tell what is the next action they are thinking
I am Wanjiru.....I always look around, who's with me in a lift,matatu or social gathering..always so cautious and scared if the men in the room are more than the Ladies
This podcast is a breadth of fresh air
Is it just me who noticed this, most times Ben gets to read question number 7 while Wanjiru mostly gets number 1. Mmmhh!!!!! Issa confidence ama?
Yes Ben that fear of men is real. I too cross my fingers every time I board a matatu with only men. And literally pray a lady boards
i love this episode.😊 it is not what we want. you are right and the feeling of helplessness sucks
For me about looking for my gender in the place I am, it's so bad in a matatu. I would literally shuka a mat that has only males ata kama nitachelewa mahali naenda. It's really becoming insane.
I hate it when my wife is catcalled..... I'm not a violent person but the lines become a little blurry pretty quick....
It'll be hard to forget the day I walked with a Schoolmate and a group of men cat called her in my presence. As a person who was affected by that incident indirectly(for the first time),I felt uncomfortable. I still wish I spoke to her about it so that I can understand how she felt/Did something about it.
Now imagine experiencing that almost every time you step out of the house. Unfortunately that's our life everyday.
I also get very uncomfortable when am in an environment of especially males one because I usually dont know what to expect of them with everything thats been going around on the socials of the harrasments and all that.
The thing of checking your environment, if I'm about to board a mat, nipate there are no ladies, I can't board.
I totally agree for me it's just not the lift ata Kwa matt yaani it's just everywhere I just take a head sweep just to see who is in the sorrounding
Hapa tuko pamoja
At what time was the premiere? I thought it was at 12:00 🕛 😪
Beautiful conversation, question on minute 43.47...yes we fear men like that, to say the least
As Wanjiru keeps saying most of cat calling has been normalized in society that as we women we don't bother to defend or call those guys out
I have the same sentiments as Wanjiru regarding the lift thing..I can't go in a lift with men alone...
That’s true. Not everyone gains weight after child birth. Pray about it and all will be well
On Wanjiru’s point of lifts I can’t sit in a matatu that has no lady no matter how late I am or where I am I will get off and wait for a lady or two to enter and same case in lifts or walking somewhere and I notice a group or more than one man walking behind or in front of me I naturally get so anxious and almost panic
I loved loved the parting shot..thank you for explaining primary and secondary rights...Thank you Wanjiru and Ben for being a light to us..God bless ✨❤️
Nmejaribu kuwatch hii vid kwa ofisi but the way im bursting out with laughter acha ningoje nifike home tu
I'm pretty much the same as Wanjiru hapo kwa story ya lift, I'd feel very insecure entering a lift that only has men.
I think it's something that happens in many other spaces, it's a sad reality but yeah that's the notion and environment some of us have grown up in.
For Wanjiri it's lifts, for me it's matatus. I will get off at the same stop as the last woman and just wait for another matatu, rather than continue in one where I am "alone".
How Ben was actually going to say episode 6 as well 😂😂
You guys are a whole vibe, hii kingereza kiswahili balance weh!!!🤣🤣😅 I guess you are the Ying to each others yang ☯️ 😏
Serious and sensitive and an awesome one 😉
it's preempt Ben not preamble. iyo ni ya constitution😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 love you guys so much
I can relate to the lift situation..i feel this anxiety when im the only woman in the lift or a matatu.
Woow me neither, on that instance ya lifts, if I haven't gotten in yet and it's all men I won't go in
If the lift fills up with men when I haven't yet gotten where I'm going, I'm more likely to go out if I'm the only one
It's just uncomfortable
Even before boarding I'll check whether there's another woman
In regards to catcalling or even compliments from random men it's irritating mainly because it's unsolicited, sometimes you just want to go about your day tbh
My Cup of tea every Thursday 🥰❤️❤️
we do fear men alot, especially in Kenya the gender dynamics are so off
afande naimbianga Yesu 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Good job with this episode I love this
This now is my kind of content,,yay kudos!
When i get into a matatu, i check if im the only woman, then i get off or pray to God to bring more women
Lifts and matatus for me!I get so anxious and scared actually...it's not a self esteem thing...I just cant stand a group of men esp in some closed space.
Cat calling is an entire pandemic. Sometimes I have to think twice before wearing an outfit cz the cat calling is annoying.
The jabs hunibamba 💯😂
it's a while pandemic of disrespect to women. but I have also been in a situation where women harassed and the guy was disgusted
Hapo kwa weight ni true
My hubby said since Ben aoe amenona
He married a good wife
Great episode as usual.
I have lived through cat calling to the extent that I have learnt to block them. many are the times I tell men to respect their wives esp since it's married men do this alot.
Mnasoma comment yangu lini 😂😂…moving on swiftly in this Ride #joyrider
Mad love the Kariukis ❤️❤️
Juzi usiku nilikuwa nataka kupanda ktrans gari ya kwenda ngong kutoka tao huyu msee akaniovercharge nikaamua sitapanda huyu msee akanishika mkono ya left na akaanza kunifinya imagine nilitoka hapo kama nimeumizwa mkono alfu akaanza kunitusi using my sexuality
This is always therapy ❤️
Ati Primary school you guys were fasting 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wanjiru!♥️
In that scenario they were not married! So that’s why she wanted that insurance! She had a contract written and all