Omg thank God I'm not the only one the same thing happened to me recently it makes u feel ill and it stresses u so much thank u for talking about it in constantly stressing about it and asking her about it and its became an obsession I thought I was the only one and this has happened recently as it's my first girlfriend and it's the same thing with u thank God I'm not the only one i do the same I can't go to a certain place as my mate saw my ex and my mate there
I’m going through the exact same thing. Me and my ex broke up and I can’t stop thinking about her with other boys. I have to contact her constantly to ask questions until I’m satisfied. I hate it. Even after I’m satisfied I’ll create horrible stories in my head. This week has been the worst week for it
Hope you get some peace from this man, fuck those people who don't take this seriously. Thank you for bringing some light this issue. I don't think people realise that OCD can take on many different forms. Mind yourself!
@@AlfieIndra Mate, I've had this since I was 16 and I'm now 33. So brave of you to talk about it... I'm going through it again in a new relationship and it's unbearable. It's honestly amazing to hear other people talk about it!
I really identified with the explanation about not knowing whether you genuinely can't deal with it or whether that's the OCD speaking. I really identified with most of it
The best way I could explain what my intrusive thoughts (OCD) is like, is basically your brain/mind is trying to wind you up. Literally like having a bully in your head with you 24/7. Just flashing uncomfortable thoughts and ideas at you, really intense imagery. When it happens there isn’t much that helps tbh, but distraction, exercise and breathing/meditation are the best things to practice which can help cope with it. Always talk to someone, never try to deal with it on your own, help is out there, even if it’s a stranger!!!
I like the analogy of your brain winding it's self up cus it's spot on, I completely understand that the thoughts are irrational but your brains like nah think about it more, or do these specific ritual to relieve anxiety
Please check out Ali greymonds ocd recovery channel on UA-cam it helped me fully recover from ocd, understand it in depth and prevent falling back into it
This is such an accurate way to describe it. I haven’t suffered badly with my ocd for over a year now but the intrusive thoughts never go away they’re just not as bad or common. I find what helps me is to just try and move past the thoughts like you said distraction. Just don’t fall into the trap of giving your thoughts too much time or meaning.
I suffer from thus badly. There is a private FB group called 'Dialogue Group for Retroactive Jealousy OCD'. A few have been completely cured and give help. Still about 600 of us trying to overcome this beast. Meditation also helps so try the app Headspace. One day we will get over it. I have to or I'll lose my gf. That would be a greater hell.
Jesus christ what a brave lad. Well done for speaking out and being open with eachother, refreshing to see men support eachothers mental health publicly
@zac1672 I hate to be this guy, but there is literal historical evidence that he was real, with multiple documented instances OUTSIDE of the Bible. Sad this generation.
Can’t believe someone else has this, honestly this is a huge relief for me that someone else deals with this. Thank you so much honestly, you don’t know how this has helped me
Yeah, im 23 now and I’ve known my boyfriend since I was 14. We were friends at high school but I’ve only been with him a year. So, I know his past sexual encounters etc. At the time of knowing it never bothered me but now that I’m in love with him some stuff just really gets to me and completely ruins my day; I’ll just sit on the floor and try to picture how stuff happened. My boyfriend is amazing but often gets frustrated at me... I asked him to watch this video to understand better and since then I’ve been a bit better. I’m still an insecure piece of shit though so I guess I still need to work on myself a lot more. How about you? What bothers you?
Ocd is so misleadingly shown in the media , suffering from it myself the anxiety is totally crippling and traumatic ,the uncontrolled obsession is not organising pretty colours in order or saying your a bit ocd because your clean these misconceptions are so harmful its generally a horrible illness that can ruin your life ,I'm so glad your talking about this in a real way x
Very true, it stopped me swimming for years because I thought I'd get a verruca or something from the swimming pool. Irononically swimming is the best thing for my mental health.
yea it's ridiculously misrepresented to the point where a lot of people suffer from it and don't realize because of the false way it has been presented to them
I suffer from thus badly. There is a private FB group called 'Dialogue Group for Retroactive Jealousy OCD'. A few have been completely cured and give help. Still about 600 of us trying to overcome this beast. Meditation also helps so try the app Headspace. One day we will get over it. I have to or I'll lose my gf. That would be a greater hell.
It is the worst feeling ever. It is so mentally draining. My marriage broke because of this. She was with loads of men and I couldn't handle the past. It made me look at her differently and its so hard to block. I pray noone goes through it, it is the worst feeling ever.
It's perfectly normal, there's nothing wrong with you. Alpha men never accepted women conquered by other men in the old days, even going back to the cave days. Modern culture has made women promiscuous and they are trying to normalise it and make men believe they're wrong for not liking their history with multiple men. It's not normal and in fact it's damaging for the female over the long term for pair bonding and also damaging to male as a result. Men are supposed to be prideful and your wife is supposed to be a virgin for her husband.
I’m a girl and I also feel the same thing, my fiance he’s my first love while he has been with lot hoes before and do lot sex & intimate with ex, it’s breaks me into little pieces, but he said I’m the one who show him true love, he gonna marry me and I still doubt about it because I still cannot accept his past.
I’m 21 years old and I’ve had every symptom he mentioned for years and I’ve always thought I was just a bit mental I had no idea this was even a thing. Great podcast as always jack!
There's nothing mental about it....If you fall in love with someone, u cannot imagine them being so intimate with someone else... it's painful as hell....It was better back in the days when people love each other and sticked together till death .....Sexual Revolution was a step years backwards , taking things back to stone age where everyone os banging everyone..... If it becomes unbearable, I suggest u detach emotionally and treat your partner more like a friend nothing more than that....The more emotions you invest in your partner, the more painful it becomes.
I thought it was just me that had this. It is really tough to get through. I would literally be chilling with my girlfriend then think of scenarios and her past then I would resent having her round me. I used to get so anxious about finding more stuff out about her past and it making me look at her differently. It made me want to avoid going out with her etc. Its really hard to deal with and to explain with out sounding judgemental. It makes you so depressed and really sabotaged your happiness. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences bro.
@Baskett, Olivia Its horrible isnt it. Intrusive thoughts that you just cant control. You then start feeling guilty about not being nice to your partner when youre around them. It makes you feel like you cant enjoy any happy moment with them! Its so tough
This video made me burst into tears. In a good way. It seems like no one else understands so hearing someone else describe it (and with such accuracy) is very reassuring.
Mate, I’ve been dealing with this for 12 years. Been with the same person for 16 years. It sucks but don’t let the thoughts win. Remember the mental movies and timelines in your head are all skewed and truly not reality. They’re with you now and you’re their present and future. You got this mate.
@@vaibhavtyagi2954 pretty much. Sure there are flare ups but it does not rule the majority of my day anymore. I don’t think you can ever overcome it but management is definitely achievable. If I get a thought I just immediately interrupt it by causing “ it doesn’t matter” over and over. Your brain is lazy and will move on to the next thought. After awhile it just becomes second nature to think of the next thing once that thought comes up.
@@HigorMatos yes, it can if you fixate on specific things. If you fixate then it’s easy to over think and have your brain hijacked from this. I wish you the best!
Thought this was how everyone felt tbh and this has been why I ended my last few relationships, seems like a lot of people in the comments can relate to - great to hear someone talking about it publicly
First time I've watched this podcast. How fucking refreshing is this! Not watched quite enough to say I'm subbed yet , but this has probably reached more males than 99% of government initiatives surrounding male mental health. I'm not someone who personally suffers but I have a mate just like this and I will be quietly pushing this link in his direction. Cheers for the honesty lads!
I also have ocd and the way he explains this makes perfect sense. It takes balls to talk about mental illness like this, stay strong mate and I appreciate the video
I suffered from retroactive jealousy until I was about 21. I always blamed lack of experience/confidence. The feeling eats away at you even though you know it shouldn't matter. A turning point was definitely gaining experience in relationships and maturing.
Do you mean like being in different relationships ? Because i feel stuck i suffer not only from RJ OCD but also FOMO (fear of missing out) when it comes to dating. And i regret past missed chances (didn't date certain people because of hugly effecting life events happening) before i met my first Boyfriend. I really like him but his experiences got him to the point where he knows what he wants but i am just at the start you know 😞 It confuses me so much. Sometimes i wish i had met him later in life.
@@katlynsmith7569 We broke up. It happened that i found out what his real personality was. I think in my case it was just not the right person for me.:/ But i really wish you well and i hope you can overcome it one day. All the best to you.
D. O. Thank you! I’m trying my hardest at this moment to work things out, this on top of other problems in our relationship is just icing on the cake :/. Thank you for your reply!
Fuck... This is exactly what I have. I felt defeated and misunderstood by my closest friends. I'm truly emotional hearing this but also reassuring to know that we can overcome this. Thank you very much for your story
I get it. So proud of Alfie for sharing this publicly. This is not just normal "jealousy". It is absolute torture and feels extremely isolating. That no one could possibly understand.
Long time watcher, don't normally comment. You've covered sensitive topics in the best but this was so open, honest and raw and well done, it hits a little close to home. rops to Alfie and the bous
Wow, this was a really hard-hitting video. Massive respect to Alfie for being so open. I'm studying psychology at uni, but I've never heard of Retroactive Jealously OCD before. Based on the comments here already, it's definitely something that needs to be talked about more.
Struggling with this. This video makes me want to cry. Thank you so much for speaking about this. Best of luck to anyone else who can relate to these feelings
The fact that you fear a particular thought, you avoiding it, refusing it, is what keeps it coming back. Refusing and battling with it is the only way its still alive, and thinking about it more and more .. Just observe those thoughts, don't judge them, don't label them, let them pass if they want to pass , let them stay if they want to stay.. it's not OCD those are thoughts and feelings that u refuse to think and feel.. Accept them, just stay with that scenario no matter how scary it is.. let it speak to you.. whats the worst case scenario? whats the fear behind it ? what are u scared of ? is it being abondonned ? is it not being good enough ? is it being betrayed ? what is it ? KNOW IT and WORK ON IT and challeng it, see every proof that those fears are not true or the only posibilty to what will happen and how u are able to handle them if they did happen. Everytime they visit let them communicate to you, thank them for the message and let them go, welcome them again whenever they need to come don't be afraid of them, they are letting you know that there is something inside that u have to work on, it's never about the outside world, or the thoughts or the jealousy it about the fears behind and resistance to the thought itself .
as someone with aspergers, pda (pathological demand avoidance) and clinical anxiety, i completely understand the feeling of overthinking over everything. i will overthink things a million times until i have a panic attack and it then makes my autism worse. it’s a real battle but everyday is a new day.
I suffer from thus badly. There is a private FB group called 'Dialogue Group for Retroactive Jealousy OCD'. A few have been completely cured and give help. Still about 600 of us trying to overcome this beast. Meditation also helps so try the app Headspace. One day we will get over it. I have to or I'll lose my gf. That would be a greater hell.
I’ve been waiting for someone to say this. I have the exact same thing as Alfie. I totally relate with everything he says here. I have had a bad bad week it has been one of the worst weeks ever due to this condition. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one out there. Thought I was insane. I keep trying to contact an ex that I love and ask her every detail about the new people she speaks to. It’s horrible. It’s like I have to know every detail otherwise I will create a scenario in my head which gives me anxiety.
Sonnie bro Idk can u tell me if I’ve got ocd because lately I get really scared and anxious over small stuff like talking bout death and my own health and shit it really makes me anxious if I spot something small like a red spot I would go on google and look up what it is today my skl teacher talked about how one of her students to kidney failure and ever since I’ve been scared I just ate a pita bread and accidentally didn’t chew on it fully and swallowed now I’m scared idk if I’ve got ocd pls help another thing I do is check my heartbeat when I get anxious😔
Watched the highlights that are out so far and already know he needs to be back on. Such a good guest with so many stories and insights, we need a part 2
My partner asked me to watch this and I so badly relate, this is mad. I feel more at ease knowing that this may be the case for me! Thanks Jack, Stevie and the wonderful Alfie.
nah that last part was so real about the triggers. Thank you for making this podcast, really helped a lot and helped me discovered what the fuck was happening with me for the past months
As someone with OCD, hang in there man. It comes and goes, ebbs and flows, but it’s a never ending battle. Remember though, it is part of what makes you goddamn special. Seeing the world in a different way to everyone else feels like a detriment, but it is insight. I know it makes you a more empathetic person, for better or worse, and talking about it openly and honestly WILL make the difference for someone out there. It will change a life for the better. THAT is courage, and I think it’s heroic.
Major respect to you for sharing this. I watched this expecting it to be misinformation and you eloquently captured what OCD is like. One of the biggest 'traps' when dealing with OCD is secondary anxiety when you don't get immediate relief from techniques that usually work, but keep up the fight and you'll see improvements again. All the best moving forward.
Didn’t know about RJ until I reached out for advice on Reddit lol. But I’m in my first relationship where I feel I actually love the girl and I now know what it feels like to have it. Aldie is the man for being so open and speaking on it and it’s nice knowing im not alone in feeling this way. Don’t let these thoughts consume you boys, stay strong.
That is really difficult to talk about, fair play mate...thank you. I've had the same. That is so refreshing to hear someone else say that. I found time helped a lot. And just the absolute realisation my thoughts were unhelpful & irrational. I love my girlfriend. TIP: Never ask questions you do not want to hear the answers to. Ever.
The part where Alfie talks about mental movies where you create the scenario and play it out constantly hit home so much. I don't have this kind of anxiety but have separation anxiety and health anxiety.. but I also resorted to self harm too and it absolutely sucks. So happy you're in a better place now ♥️ medication and therapy saved my life for sure.
thanks for opening up. that takes courage! I haven’t experienced the OCD side of it, so I can’t speak about that part, but I have definitely experienced retroactive jealousy. That’s not the real you. It’s that part of your mind that hates you and does not want you to be happy. Work on the root cause, find techniques to ground yourself into the present, talk to someone , remember where you are and why your current partner loves you. I’m sure there’s many ways to work on it, but do whatever it takes. Do not let it fuck up a good relationship. it’s literally like giving up the present for a ghost of the past that your wounded child has invented.
Man, I can relate with this guy so much, even the agoraphobia. Sometimes I wonder if I should just give up on dating. My mental health suffers immensley whenever I'm in a relationship. I hope this guy is doing better now.
This is literally me but not on that big of a scale, thought it was just a bit of jealousy, never knew it was an actual thing, many thanks for bringing it to peoples attention
Have suffered with this in most of my relationships. Currently dealing with it now and its driving me insane. Its so painful. Years ago i couldn't find anything about it and recently have discovered that it is actually a mental health problem and that im not just crazy. This clip hits home so much and I just wanna thank you for talking so openly. Im lucky that my partner is incredibly understanding and trying to help me through it.
I really hope you realize the magnitude of just saying ‘I’ve been going though a rough patch mentally recently’ honestly I couldn’t be more appreciative, it really normalizes mental health struggles and it’s so nice to hear that and personally feel it’s ok to be struggling, so thank you so much.
Sex and love is more than just the physical. It can mess you up even if not in this way. The waiting for that one person you love really makes sense to me.
This has been such a struggle for me, and i genuinely thought it was just me being immature. Thank you so much, i feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest.
The comment of ‘An answer satisfied me for 10 minutes and then I’d move on to something else’ sums up this disorder so well. Put up with this for years. Issue is with this is that because so few people experience it so such an extent, there’s nobody who’s there for you because they think the idea alone is ridiculous. I lost someone extremely close to me because of the way it made me act and was constantly criticised for the way I acted because nobody knew what it was and could even contemplate why I thought the way I did. I remember I used to spend hours on hours obsessing over the smallest thing, like an emoji they once sent someone and then make stories that probably weren’t even true about what happened. It’s mental what the mind can do.
@@NoPenta It’s been a number of years now and I’m still coping incredibly well. Honestly I couldn’t put a finger on what exactly helped me move forward but at the route of it was a lot of hard work and perseverance. I found out what my main triggers were, exposed myself to those triggers and then forced myself to find different ways of processing them. Also I was in a relationship where my partner had a more open sexual past and as ridiculous as it sounds, it was like exposure therapy. Hope this helps :)
@@EvanHighamGray that's amazing to hear! I've been experiencing RJ for about 1,5 years now. Before I went on a date with my current girlfriend. She slept with her sister's boyfriend's roommate. She told me about this experience (which wasn't a good one at all) when we were dating about 3 weeks. At first it didn't bother me one bit, but the more I got to love her, the more it started to bother me. I create these mental movies about what must have gone down and keep bothering her with irrelevant questions ones I a while. We both have had around 6 hook up's and this is both our first relationship. So I know it's hypocritical having these thoughts and feel bad about it, whole i did the same things, she has done. In my experience sometimes it gets bad for months and other months I completely don't even think about the past. The problem for me is that this person she slept with, will always be some part of my life, since he'll be at parties her sister gives. I've met him around 2 times now. Now in the past few weeks not only that hook up has been bothering me, but the other ones have been as well. I keep going through her past hook-up their social media profiles and keep compering myself. I feel hopeless and scared these thoughts won't go away and I'll ruin my relationship. I love my girlfriend so much and I don't want to lose her, because I keep thinking about her past that isn't relevant anymore. I know my thoughts are irrational and if these past experiences didn't happen, we wouldn't be together, but I still get upset about them. I know the past, is the past and it will never change, but I hate the mental images I create of how they kissed my girlfriend, how they've seen her beautiful body, ect. At the moment I'm working on self-improvement alot and I hope one day I can come in terms with myself.
@@NoPenta Please, whatever you do, do not feel guilty for the thoughts that happen inside your head. Mental health isn't rational, it doesn't care about being hypocritical and it certainly doesn't care about destroying your relationships. The most important thing you've done is that you've recognised the behaviors and that alone gives you the power to change. You are not defined by your current situation, it isn't a part of your core but instead, it's latched on to you and is bullying you. It's very normal to feel a sense of ownership over someone, even if it's not morally correct, it is certainly common. You need to remind yourself of one thing, if she wanted to be with someone else, she would be and you can take immense comfort in that. I promise you it gets better and I know at the moment it feels like 'nobody understands my situation' but I give you my word, you have the ability to overcome this obstacle. Each negative thought that concerns RJD, counteract it with 9 positive ones and you'll see a change. Life is beautiful, you just need to look for the beauty.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for just under 3 years but it really is an every 10 second thought even too this day, I’m really worried it’ll never go away and I’ll have to deal with this forever. I just want to be happy.
Thank you for sharing! I was a partner to a person exactly with the same pattern of thoughts. It makes me want to make my own video on this how it was like to be on the other side. He was on medication when I met him. And he was weaning himself off the medication his retroactive jealousy would get worse. He worked really hard and hired 4 retroactive jealousy experts and nothing helped him, he stated we had different values around sex, which we did not. He broke with me.
52-yr-old divorcing father of 3 adult kids from the other side of the pond. I'm a good guy, empathetic, compassionate, and have been told at my age, that's all women want - a good guy. But I realize I'm not finding anybody at my age without their own baggage - and I've certainly got my own - and to get through this at my age, though at any, seems a bit daunting. Thanks for your openness about this. Great to not feel alone. Cheers.
Exact same thing happens with me. Theres no control of it, a weird paranoia that can't be controlled and it is all the time. With my girlfriend nearly 3 years and it's still on my mind. This has opened my mind about it more, thought I was the only one. Thanks for sharing it so openly, helps me understand it better!
I’ve suffered with Pure-O since 2015 (15 years old) which basically means I get an obsession in my head, an intrusive thought, but I won’t do a compulsion to attempt to stop these thoughts. They will literally play on loop in my mind constantly for days and weeks on end. It is mentally and physically exhausting. I’m happy to see more people speak about all these different types of OCD as back in 2015 I didn’t know what was wrong with me I was all alone and couldn’t tell anyone how I was feeling because I never knew it was linked to OCD. There is a misconception with OCD as back in 2015 I thought it was just about cleanliness but it’s way more than that and I wish it was explained more to younger people.
Hey just wanted to say thanks guys for discussing male mental health issues. Being going through a terrible time recently and it's really supporting to hear other men discuss these things so candidly
When the girl friend and boy are virgin also, they don't feel that. Actually, some people don't feel that. Even when their partners aren't virgin any more
It’s weird cos coming back to this video- I watched it before I was diagnosed with OCD and coming back to it I didn’t even realise how much of a part this video played in me being diagnosed so thank you!!!
this video has honestly helped me a lot thank you. I deal with the same thing and I never actually realised it'd be something anyone else would deal with at the same level as me. currently dealing with this with my current girlfriend but she's super supportive about it and understands that it's not just me being an overprotective jealous person and I'm thankful that she actually understands as others haven't in the past. it's a fully shit nonstop battle init
Being open and speaking up about mental health is really relieving for anyone dealing with it. Just knowing someone out there understands you is already so motivating. Thanks for the podcast I learned a lot
Honestly think it’s great to see people speaking about OCD and the different elements of it, I suffered for over 6 years of my life and I have always wanted to speak on a podcast about it and raise more awareness for young people to feel more comfortable talking about it and truly understanding it as even if you may not have it to educate friends or people around you about it can help so much
I suffer from severe OCD. For 2 years, since I was 15, I didn’t know I had it. I felt self hatred, I hated myself. I had false memories and tried to live with these horrible memories as truth and that was horrible. I can see the images and mental movies and I remember feeling things that’s the hardest part to get over. Alfie describes OCD in general perfect. It’s traumatic and it’s incessant. I’m sorry about everyone to deal with this. It’s constant hell and you’re all unbelievably strong and you’re all good enough. You’re all heroes. One day at a time x
The event that caused my pain happened over 20 years ago. After 3 years of self-medicated, obsessive mental anguish - my mental wounds slowly healed. I was mentally free... so i thought. Welp, I had no idea the mental anguish of RJ ocd could return after such a long time. The triggers & anxiety are back and both stronger than ever. Being married w/children to the person who hurt me only makes it that much harder to deal with. No matter how successful i believe I am today, please know that RJ can break you down to your knees! Unlike 20 years ago however, I'll seek professional help this time around. Good luck to everyone in this unbearable struggle.
i seriously thought i was crazy and literally going insane or in a state of psychosis. this video is such a breathe of fresh air to know im not alone. thank you
I have mild aspergers which has some symptoms similar to OCD. And although I have found my life getting easier as I get older (I'm nearly 24). I obsess over social situations daily, I sometimes feel like I've come across weird or nasty when it's likely that I haven't at all. This may sound like I have a stiff upper lip but I found that getting out of my comfort zone and biting the bullet has helped me personally. Everyone deals with things differently so what I say is subjective to me.
Big up yourself for coming out with this. The stigma of being a man (I know; old fashioned) & being "macho" & unaffected by someone's past really creates a toxic vacuum for sufferers of this as its a daily & constant battle. I know because my triggers are similar to Alfie's. Thank you for speaking out about this & thank you for putting me onto Zachary Stockill. Hope things get better!
Broke up with my girlfriend because of this exact reason, it got to a point where it would consume all of my time and I couldn't do anything else. She was a wonderful girl but I guess this just a sign from above for me to work on myself. Thankyou Alfie, you don't realize how relieved I feel now that I know other people go through it as well.
What an incredible guy to speak about this publicly, I can’t imagine it could have been easy and I also assume it had some mental repercussions after the fact. However the bottom line is that many people have now been educated on a lesser known mental health problem under the OCD spectrum, but more importantly this could be the catalyst for sufferers to recognize the symptoms and seek professional help, ultimately leading to a better quality of life longterm. Thanks for putting yourself out there so openly and candidly, the world needs more people like you.
Holy shit this has honestly hit home because I have had every single thing that he has described and have also tried choking myself out to give myself a break and was admitted into hospital for it and now this has answered so many questions
Thank you so much for sharing your story I’m so grateful to hear someone talking about this so honestly and I feel your pain bro, huge respect for talking about this and I wish you the best in your recovery.
Thankyou for this 🙌 I don’t have the same type of ocd but I can definitely relate to intrusive thoughts consuming your mind as often as 10 seconds (not quite so frequent unless I was severally anxious) Just listening to how he speaks and explains himself and his thought process was actually quite refreshing, I completed 3 months of cognitive behavioural therapy for my ocd and it’s not something I ever hear other people discussing. My ocd can completely consume my life and would make the simplest daily tasks a huge struggle (it’s not so severe now) but again, Thankyou because I would literally laugh and joke to the handful of people I would open up to about my ocd because I knew it sounded ridiculous and I felt like a psycho but again it’s intrusive thoughts, what I’ve learnt is that all people get them, it’s about how people react to them
Wow. I think I might suffer from this condition, it explains a lot for me. I suffer from these exact symptoms, I have this constant anxiety about the past and I’m having regular panic attacks. Alfies story really resonates with me, I’m finding somewhat comfort in the knowledge that this isn’t just me being jealous or petty or unable to move on. I get the mental movies, I have my triggers and I get regular panic attacks. It’s getting worse and worse with each passing day, and the stupidest, most meaningless shit will set me off, I feel extremely vulnerable right now. Like Alfie said, my triggers are like the click of a finger, almost everything is setting me off, wether that’s just a constant sinking feeling or a full on panic attack varies. I think I’m going to look into Zachary Stockills course and try to improve my currently crumbling mental health. Thank you, this video has made a difference to me.
Hey there, if you haven't stumbled across this already - please check out Mark Freeman's channel or Jon Grayson's content for more info on OCD treatment, best of luck
There is a short book on audible titled Retroactive Jealousy by Ryder Winchester which I’m finding very helpful. In my personal case, my RJ has more to do with believing my new boyfriend’s most recent ex is far prettier, more fun, and more adventurous than me and then feeling this huge pain of not feeling good enough for my boyfriend because of this, a pain that feels like depression and seems to stop me from having fun, laughing, being myself (which is actually a funny person), and even feeling the nice feelings of being with someone new. One night a few weeks into my new relationship I randomly stalked the recent ex’s entire social media and that’s where it began. Ever since then it was really bad at first such as sitting in my boyfriend’s car and imagining that my reflection in the side mirror is hideous compared to what hers must have been when she previously sat in the same seat. I’d have thoughts and images about her better looks and being better in bed during sex. We went camping and I knew he had been camping with her in his same tent and I was plagued with thoughts and images that she looked better in the tent waking up with him than I ever could, ect. I’m getting a lot better, I blocked her social media so I can’t see it and have been researching RJ and adding certain techniques to my already quite meditation/yoga oriented lifestyle. I think part of why my mental imagery and conviction that she is so much prettier is because the first time I actually met my boyfriend he was still with her and I literally remember having thoughts that day such as “she deserves a guy as great as him because she’s really pretty”. I realize my insecurities have existed long before now but I have never struggled this much. I have decided to stop asking questions about his past and focus more on my art.
You described this perfectly. It can be such hell. I’m just trying to remind myself that I need this for whatever reason. Meaning - this is going to force me to grow and evolve , and although it’s so painful and also devastating at the time as I watch my relationship go to shit with someone I love bc of my issue , just trying to trust that I will overcome this and i need this for my evolution. But fuck , the way u described that , I know it so well. I hope we both evolve, learn to deal with this , and look back at it with gratitude . Nothing but love to you
Proud of the meaningful progress you have made, Alfie. Huge respect for speaking about this publicly. So happy that our therapeutic intervention informed for you your recovery from OCD and RJ OCD. You did great Alfie!
No probs Alfie. I am incredibly happy that you are now 100% RJ and R OCD free. Great work Alfie! Thank you also for the kind words shared in the video testimonial you shared with us online. I really appreciate this.
I have been suffering from this problem for 17 years (I’m 37 now). I ended all the relationships with girls that I had on my own because I could not fight my feelings. There were mental movies, constant mental chewing, and intentions to commit suicide. Once a psychologist gave me the task of recording every thought that came to me on this topic, and it turned out that I had them every 30-60 seconds. Because of this, my studies did not work out, my career was seriously damaged, and a lot of money and opportunities were missed. I tried to solve this problem with many psychologists in different approaches, now I have a total of about 500 hours of psychotherapy, unfortunately it did not help me much. Life passes, I want to believe that this problem can be solved, but apparently I need to admit that this will always be with me and relationships, family and children are not for me(
Was well nervous about speaking about this publicly so thanks so much for your nice comments xx
Omg thank God I'm not the only one the same thing happened to me recently it makes u feel ill and it stresses u so much thank u for talking about it in constantly stressing about it and asking her about it and its became an obsession I thought I was the only one and this has happened recently as it's my first girlfriend and it's the same thing with u thank God I'm not the only one i do the same I can't go to a certain place as my mate saw my ex and my mate there
I worry about these things being a problem for me if I ever had a girlfriend so I chose to just never have one. Worried to take chances with them
I’m going through the exact same thing. Me and my ex broke up and I can’t stop thinking about her with other boys. I have to contact her constantly to ask questions until I’m satisfied. I hate it. Even after I’m satisfied I’ll create horrible stories in my head. This week has been the worst week for it
Hope you get some peace from this man, fuck those people who don't take this seriously. Thank you for bringing some light this issue. I don't think people realise that OCD can take on many different forms. Mind yourself!
also something I learned in life- if you're worried about being pyschopathic, you're probably not.
Respect for talking about this publicly, Alfie. I know it's not easy. And thanks for the kind words about my course. Hang in there, brother.
Zachary Stockill thanks for everything man ♥️
@@AlfieIndra Mate, I've had this since I was 16 and I'm now 33. So brave of you to talk about it... I'm going through it again in a new relationship and it's unbearable. It's honestly amazing to hear other people talk about it!
I really identified with the explanation about not knowing whether you genuinely can't deal with it or whether that's the OCD speaking. I really identified with most of it
@@robertblayney3826 don't date anyone?
xMissMilkyWayx don’t be a prick mate
The best way I could explain what my intrusive thoughts (OCD) is like, is basically your brain/mind is trying to wind you up. Literally like having a bully in your head with you 24/7. Just flashing uncomfortable thoughts and ideas at you, really intense imagery. When it happens there isn’t much that helps tbh, but distraction, exercise and breathing/meditation are the best things to practice which can help cope with it. Always talk to someone, never try to deal with it on your own, help is out there, even if it’s a stranger!!!
I like the analogy of your brain winding it's self up cus it's spot on, I completely understand that the thoughts are irrational but your brains like nah think about it more, or do these specific ritual to relieve anxiety
Please check out Ali greymonds ocd recovery channel on UA-cam it helped me fully recover from ocd, understand it in depth and prevent falling back into it
2 things that really helped my intrusive thoughts OCD was 5HTP and Mindfulness.
Theepan Ganesh I’ll check it out, thanks for the recommendation.
This is such an accurate way to describe it. I haven’t suffered badly with my ocd for over a year now but the intrusive thoughts never go away they’re just not as bad or common. I find what helps me is to just try and move past the thoughts like you said distraction. Just don’t fall into the trap of giving your thoughts too much time or meaning.
Only now finding out this is a actual thing, always thought it was just me. Feel for this guy its really not nice
Ashleybenn 96 in the same
++
Ashleybenn 96 same
It’s never just you trust. Connect
I suffer from thus badly. There is a private FB group called 'Dialogue Group for Retroactive Jealousy OCD'. A few have been completely cured and give help. Still about 600 of us trying to overcome this beast. Meditation also helps so try the app Headspace. One day we will get over it. I have to or I'll lose my gf. That would be a greater hell.
It’s so refreshing to see 3 men having an open conversation about mental health. This is so important.
Jesus christ what a brave lad. Well done for speaking out and being open with eachother, refreshing to see men support eachothers mental health publicly
Jesus Christ is the answer, He can set people free from mental disorders. We live in a fallen world, and we are also are attacked by demonic spirits.
@@music0326 not everyone improves from pretending a fictional character is real. The bible is a cliche book as well, poor writing.
@zac1672 I hate to be this guy, but there is literal historical evidence that he was real, with multiple documented instances OUTSIDE of the Bible. Sad this generation.
Can’t believe someone else has this, honestly this is a huge relief for me that someone else deals with this. Thank you so much honestly, you don’t know how this has helped me
You go through this too? I'm in it right now.
Yeah, im 23 now and I’ve known my boyfriend since I was 14. We were friends at high school but I’ve only been with him a year. So, I know his past sexual encounters etc. At the time of knowing it never bothered me but now that I’m in love with him some stuff just really gets to me and completely ruins my day; I’ll just sit on the floor and try to picture how stuff happened. My boyfriend is amazing but often gets frustrated at me... I asked him to watch this video to understand better and since then I’ve been a bit better. I’m still an insecure piece of shit though so I guess I still need to work on myself a lot more. How about you? What bothers you?
Me too, it’s the tiniest details I’ll just sit there and think about forever. It’s nice to know there are other people like me x
@@HappyPinkFriday How you doing now, Mary?
It proper eats you up
Ocd is so misleadingly shown in the media , suffering from it myself the anxiety is totally crippling and traumatic ,the uncontrolled obsession is not organising pretty colours in order or saying your a bit ocd because your clean these misconceptions are so harmful its generally a horrible illness that can ruin your life ,I'm so glad your talking about this in a real way x
chloe ann thank you for making this clear, because people really do misunderstand OCD terribly.
YES.
Very true, it stopped me swimming for years because I thought I'd get a verruca or something from the swimming pool.
Irononically swimming is the best thing for my mental health.
yea it's ridiculously misrepresented to the point where a lot of people suffer from it and don't realize because of the false way it has been presented to them
My OCD visage is that I need to do an increasing number of pushups to save my family from their demise. It gets more frequent lately too
feel like shit for him he must've been totally confused and misunderstood in school
I suffer from thus badly. There is a private FB group called 'Dialogue Group for Retroactive Jealousy OCD'. A few have been completely cured and give help. Still about 600 of us trying to overcome this beast. Meditation also helps so try the app Headspace. One day we will get over it. I have to or I'll lose my gf. That would be a greater hell.
i didn’t know this was an actual thing holy shit hope he’s doing better this helped me
It is the worst feeling ever. It is so mentally draining. My marriage broke because of this. She was with loads of men and I couldn't handle the past. It made me look at her differently and its so hard to block. I pray noone goes through it, it is the worst feeling ever.
It's perfectly normal, there's nothing wrong with you.
Alpha men never accepted women conquered by other men in the old days, even going back to the cave days.
Modern culture has made women promiscuous and they are trying to normalise it and make men believe they're wrong for not liking their history with multiple men. It's not normal and in fact it's damaging for the female over the long term for pair bonding and also damaging to male as a result.
Men are supposed to be prideful and your wife is supposed to be a virgin for her husband.
I’m a girl and I also feel the same thing, my fiance he’s my first love while he has been with lot hoes before and do lot sex & intimate with ex, it’s breaks me into little pieces, but he said I’m the one who show him true love, he gonna marry me and I still doubt about it because I still cannot accept his past.
@@fanya9399you guys still together?
So much fucking respect for Alfie for opening up with this!
Happy Hour Podcast 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I’m 21 years old and I’ve had every symptom he mentioned for years and I’ve always thought I was just a bit mental I had no idea this was even a thing. Great podcast as always jack!
xAdvancedCarrot - omg Same
You're not mental and you're not alone. Maybe you should try look for the same program as alfie?
What did you do about it?
There's nothing mental about it....If you fall in love with someone, u cannot imagine them being so intimate with someone else... it's painful as hell....It was better back in the days when people love each other and sticked together till death .....Sexual Revolution was a step years backwards , taking things back to stone age where everyone os banging everyone.....
If it becomes unbearable, I suggest u detach emotionally and treat your partner more like a friend nothing more than that....The more emotions you invest in your partner, the more painful it becomes.
@@miliaurora1038 I totally agree with you, she is not yours she never will be it just your turn.
This is so so difficult to have. No one understands you and thinks you are just possessive and judgemental. It feels impossible to explain to anyone.
I thought it was just me that had this. It is really tough to get through. I would literally be chilling with my girlfriend then think of scenarios and her past then I would resent having her round me. I used to get so anxious about finding more stuff out about her past and it making me look at her differently. It made me want to avoid going out with her etc. Its really hard to deal with and to explain with out sounding judgemental. It makes you so depressed and really sabotaged your happiness. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences bro.
@Baskett, Olivia Its horrible isnt it. Intrusive thoughts that you just cant control. You then start feeling guilty about not being nice to your partner when youre around them. It makes you feel like you cant enjoy any happy moment with them! Its so tough
Thanks bro reading this has helped me realise what is up with me
Have you overcome this brother?
I feel you dude, married and I am starting to get it really bad
how did it end up going for you bro?
I honestly have the exact same thing with my girlfriend this video makes me feel like I’m not alone thank u so much for sharing your story
This video made me burst into tears. In a good way. It seems like no one else understands so hearing someone else describe it (and with such accuracy) is very reassuring.
Mate, I’ve been dealing with this for 12 years. Been with the same person for 16 years. It sucks but don’t let the thoughts win. Remember the mental movies and timelines in your head are all skewed and truly not reality. They’re with you now and you’re their present and future. You got this mate.
Did you manage to overcome it?
@@vaibhavtyagi2954 pretty much. Sure there are flare ups but it does not rule the majority of my day anymore. I don’t think you can ever overcome it but management is definitely achievable. If I get a thought I just immediately interrupt it by causing “ it doesn’t matter” over and over. Your brain is lazy and will move on to the next thought. After awhile it just becomes second nature to think of the next thing once that thought comes up.
Do you feel like Your Brain gets "hijacketed"? I feel this way..😢
@@HigorMatos yes, it can if you fixate on specific things. If you fixate then it’s easy to over think and have your brain hijacked from this. I wish you the best!
@@navyboy0785 Thank You so much! So, You don't believe its possible overcome this "condition" ( Retroactive Jelousy OCD)?
Thought this was how everyone felt tbh and this has been why I ended my last few relationships, seems like a lot of people in the comments can relate to - great to hear someone talking about it publicly
It your DNA telling you not to wife up a thot. Do not dismiss this feeling
First time I've watched this podcast.
How fucking refreshing is this! Not watched quite enough to say I'm subbed yet , but this has probably reached more males than 99% of government initiatives surrounding male mental health.
I'm not someone who personally suffers but I have a mate just like this and I will be quietly pushing this link in his direction.
Cheers for the honesty lads!
I also have ocd and the way he explains this makes perfect sense. It takes balls to talk about mental illness like this, stay strong mate and I appreciate the video
I suffered from retroactive jealousy until I was about 21. I always blamed lack of experience/confidence. The feeling eats away at you even though you know it shouldn't matter. A turning point was definitely gaining experience in relationships and maturing.
Do you mean like being in different relationships ? Because i feel stuck i suffer not only from RJ OCD but also FOMO (fear of missing out) when it comes to dating. And i regret past missed chances (didn't date certain people because of hugly effecting life events happening) before i met my first Boyfriend. I really like him but his experiences got him to the point where he knows what he wants but i am just at the start you know 😞 It confuses me so much. Sometimes i wish i had met him later in life.
D. O. I feel the exact same way as you! I’m in the same exact boat
@@katlynsmith7569 We broke up. It happened that i found out what his real personality was. I think in my case it was just not the right person for me.:/ But i really wish you well and i hope you can overcome it one day. All the best to you.
D. O. Thank you! I’m trying my hardest at this moment to work things out, this on top of other problems in our relationship is just icing on the cake :/. Thank you for your reply!
@@katlynsmith7569 You are welcome Katlyn 🍀 I hope everything goes well. Stay strong.
Fuck... This is exactly what I have. I felt defeated and misunderstood by my closest friends. I'm truly emotional hearing this but also reassuring to know that we can overcome this. Thank you very much for your story
How are you doing now brother?
I get it. So proud of Alfie for sharing this publicly. This is not just normal "jealousy". It is absolute torture and feels extremely isolating. That no one could possibly understand.
Long time watcher, don't normally comment. You've covered sensitive topics in the best but this was so open, honest and raw and well done, it hits a little close to home. rops to Alfie and the bous
*past
*props and *boys I'm a little drunk.
Hahaha
I think you just might have saved my life. Thank you so much for sharing this mate. I am forever grateful for your bravery. Thank you so much.
Wow, this was a really hard-hitting video. Massive respect to Alfie for being so open. I'm studying psychology at uni, but I've never heard of Retroactive Jealously OCD before. Based on the comments here already, it's definitely something that needs to be talked about more.
Struggling with this. This video makes me want to cry. Thank you so much for speaking about this. Best of luck to anyone else who can relate to these feelings
The fact that you fear a particular thought, you avoiding it, refusing it, is what keeps it coming back. Refusing and battling with it is the only way its still alive, and thinking about it more and more .. Just observe those thoughts, don't judge them, don't label them, let them pass if they want to pass , let them stay if they want to stay.. it's not OCD those are thoughts and feelings that u refuse to think and feel.. Accept them, just stay with that scenario no matter how scary it is.. let it speak to you.. whats the worst case scenario? whats the fear behind it ? what are u scared of ? is it being abondonned ? is it not being good enough ? is it being betrayed ? what is it ? KNOW IT and WORK ON IT and challeng it, see every proof that those fears are not true or the only posibilty to what will happen and how u are able to handle them if they did happen.
Everytime they visit let them communicate to you, thank them for the message and let them go, welcome them again whenever they need to come don't be afraid of them, they are letting you know that there is something inside that u have to work on, it's never about the outside world, or the thoughts or the jealousy it about the fears behind and resistance to the thought itself .
Hey, thank you for this. Does this eventually cure it, does accepting the thoughts eventually make them go away?
as someone with aspergers, pda (pathological demand avoidance) and clinical anxiety, i completely understand the feeling of overthinking over everything. i will overthink things a million times until i have a panic attack and it then makes my autism worse. it’s a real battle but everyday is a new day.
Gonna leave this here: OCD suuuuucksss.
Amen
No shit
I suffer from thus badly. There is a private FB group called 'Dialogue Group for Retroactive Jealousy OCD'. A few have been completely cured and give help. Still about 600 of us trying to overcome this beast. Meditation also helps so try the app Headspace. One day we will get over it. I have to or I'll lose my gf. That would be a greater hell.
@@hareshpuvanagopan2942 i have a very different type of ocd but thank you so much for leaving this here for others 💙💙
I’ve been waiting for someone to say this. I have the exact same thing as Alfie. I totally relate with everything he says here. I have had a bad bad week it has been one of the worst weeks ever due to this condition. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one out there. Thought I was insane. I keep trying to contact an ex that I love and ask her every detail about the new people she speaks to. It’s horrible. It’s like I have to know every detail otherwise I will create a scenario in my head which gives me anxiety.
Sonnie bro Idk can u tell me if I’ve got ocd because lately I get really scared and anxious over small stuff like talking bout death and my own health and shit it really makes me anxious if I spot something small like a red spot I would go on google and look up what it is today my skl teacher talked about how one of her students to kidney failure and ever since I’ve been scared I just ate a pita bread and accidentally didn’t chew on it fully and swallowed now I’m scared idk if I’ve got ocd pls help another thing I do is check my heartbeat when I get anxious😔
DrszySZN I’m not an expert but I tho k you have a form of OCD
Sonnie ok bro thanks I’m just scared of how anxious I’ve been lately how would I tackle this issue😔
DrszySZN just have a look on the internet. Websites like UA-cam and reddit are usually the best
Sonnie what do I type
Suffering horrifically with this, thank you for being so open. You are an incredible man ❤️ So bloody brave!
my heart goes out to him. takes such a strong person to try and overcome that 💗
Watched the highlights that are out so far and already know he needs to be back on. Such a good guest with so many stories and insights, we need a part 2
You will NOT believe this
My partner asked me to watch this and I so badly relate, this is mad. I feel more at ease knowing that this may be the case for me! Thanks Jack, Stevie and the wonderful Alfie.
nah that last part was so real about the triggers. Thank you for making this podcast, really helped a lot and helped me discovered what the fuck was happening with me for the past months
As someone with OCD, hang in there man. It comes and goes, ebbs and flows, but it’s a never ending battle.
Remember though, it is part of what makes you goddamn special. Seeing the world in a different way to everyone else feels like a detriment, but it is insight. I know it makes you a more empathetic person, for better or worse, and talking about it openly and honestly WILL make the difference for someone out there. It will change a life for the better. THAT is courage, and I think it’s heroic.
what a brilliant comment
well said!
Major respect to you for sharing this. I watched this expecting it to be misinformation and you eloquently captured what OCD is like. One of the biggest 'traps' when dealing with OCD is secondary anxiety when you don't get immediate relief from techniques that usually work, but keep up the fight and you'll see improvements again. All the best moving forward.
Didn’t know about RJ until I reached out for advice on Reddit lol. But I’m in my first relationship where I feel I actually love the girl and I now know what it feels like to have it. Aldie is the man for being so open and speaking on it and it’s nice knowing im not alone in feeling this way. Don’t let these thoughts consume you boys, stay strong.
So moved by this...very brave of Alfie to speak so openly about it and so well handled by your co-hosts. No judgment, just friendship.
Honestly, the triggers could be ANYTHING, big props to Alfie for talking about this, it's such a major help
That is really difficult to talk about, fair play mate...thank you.
I've had the same. That is so refreshing to hear someone else say that.
I found time helped a lot. And just the absolute realisation my thoughts were unhelpful & irrational.
I love my girlfriend.
TIP: Never ask questions you do not want to hear the answers to. Ever.
The part where Alfie talks about mental movies where you create the scenario and play it out constantly hit home so much. I don't have this kind of anxiety but have separation anxiety and health anxiety.. but I also resorted to self harm too and it absolutely sucks.
So happy you're in a better place now ♥️ medication and therapy saved my life for sure.
thanks for opening up. that takes courage!
I haven’t experienced the OCD side of it, so I can’t speak about that part, but I have definitely experienced retroactive jealousy. That’s not the real you. It’s that part of your mind that hates you and does not want you to be happy.
Work on the root cause, find techniques to ground yourself into the present, talk to someone , remember where you are and why your current partner loves you. I’m sure there’s many ways to work on it, but do whatever it takes.
Do not let it fuck up a good relationship. it’s literally like giving up the present for a ghost of the past that your wounded child has invented.
I’m happy Alfie was willing to speak up about this. I’m sure someone will see this and feel less alone.
This is horrendous. I am in the very depths of this now and I cannot describe how much it takes over your life. It ruins everything.
True! 😢
Man, I can relate with this guy so much, even the agoraphobia. Sometimes I wonder if I should just give up on dating. My mental health suffers immensley whenever I'm in a relationship. I hope this guy is doing better now.
Holy fucking shit... everything this man said is what I’m going through... he did not miss
This might’ve been the most relatable video I’ve ever watched
This is literally me but not on that big of a scale, thought it was just a bit of jealousy, never knew it was an actual thing, many thanks for bringing it to peoples attention
fair enough to alfie here he’s got it absolutely spot on, haven’t ever related to a youtube video more than this
Have suffered with this in most of my relationships. Currently dealing with it now and its driving me insane. Its so painful. Years ago i couldn't find anything about it and recently have discovered that it is actually a mental health problem and that im not just crazy. This clip hits home so much and I just wanna thank you for talking so openly. Im lucky that my partner is incredibly understanding and trying to help me through it.
I really hope you realize the magnitude of just saying ‘I’ve been going though a rough patch mentally recently’ honestly I couldn’t be more appreciative, it really normalizes mental health struggles and it’s so nice to hear that and personally feel it’s ok to be struggling, so thank you so much.
Sex and love is more than just the physical. It can mess you up even if not in this way. The waiting for that one person you love really makes sense to me.
This has been such a struggle for me, and i genuinely thought it was just me being immature. Thank you so much, i feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest.
The comment of ‘An answer satisfied me for 10 minutes and then I’d move on to something else’ sums up this disorder so well. Put up with this for years. Issue is with this is that because so few people experience it so such an extent, there’s nobody who’s there for you because they think the idea alone is ridiculous.
I lost someone extremely close to me because of the way it made me act and was constantly criticised for the way I acted because nobody knew what it was and could even contemplate why I thought the way I did. I remember I used to spend hours on hours obsessing over the smallest thing, like an emoji they once sent someone and then make stories that probably weren’t even true about what happened.
It’s mental what the mind can do.
How'd you come over this?
@@NoPenta It’s been a number of years now and I’m still coping incredibly well.
Honestly I couldn’t put a finger on what exactly helped me move forward but at the route of it was a lot of hard work and perseverance. I found out what my main triggers were, exposed myself to those triggers and then forced myself to find different ways of processing them. Also I was in a relationship where my partner had a more open sexual past and as ridiculous as it sounds, it was like exposure therapy. Hope this helps :)
@@EvanHighamGray that's amazing to hear! I've been experiencing RJ for about 1,5 years now. Before I went on a date with my current girlfriend. She slept with her sister's boyfriend's roommate. She told me about this experience (which wasn't a good one at all) when we were dating about 3 weeks. At first it didn't bother me one bit, but the more I got to love her, the more it started to bother me. I create these mental movies about what must have gone down and keep bothering her with irrelevant questions ones I a while. We both have had around 6 hook up's and this is both our first relationship. So I know it's hypocritical having these thoughts and feel bad about it, whole i did the same things, she has done. In my experience sometimes it gets bad for months and other months I completely don't even think about the past. The problem for me is that this person she slept with, will always be some part of my life, since he'll be at parties her sister gives. I've met him around 2 times now. Now in the past few weeks not only that hook up has been bothering me, but the other ones have been as well. I keep going through her past hook-up their social media profiles and keep compering myself. I feel hopeless and scared these thoughts won't go away and I'll ruin my relationship. I love my girlfriend so much and I don't want to lose her, because I keep thinking about her past that isn't relevant anymore. I know my thoughts are irrational and if these past experiences didn't happen, we wouldn't be together, but I still get upset about them. I know the past, is the past and it will never change, but I hate the mental images I create of how they kissed my girlfriend, how they've seen her beautiful body, ect. At the moment I'm working on self-improvement alot and I hope one day I can come in terms with myself.
@@NoPenta Please, whatever you do, do not feel guilty for the thoughts that happen inside your head. Mental health isn't rational, it doesn't care about being hypocritical and it certainly doesn't care about destroying your relationships. The most important thing you've done is that you've recognised the behaviors and that alone gives you the power to change. You are not defined by your current situation, it isn't a part of your core but instead, it's latched on to you and is bullying you. It's very normal to feel a sense of ownership over someone, even if it's not morally correct, it is certainly common. You need to remind yourself of one thing, if she wanted to be with someone else, she would be and you can take immense comfort in that. I promise you it gets better and I know at the moment it feels like 'nobody understands my situation' but I give you my word, you have the ability to overcome this obstacle. Each negative thought that concerns RJD, counteract it with 9 positive ones and you'll see a change. Life is beautiful, you just need to look for the beauty.
@@EvanHighamGray thank you for your wise words and advice. I take it to the heart. It means much to me!
I’ve been with my girlfriend for just under 3 years but it really is an every 10 second thought even too this day, I’m really worried it’ll never go away and I’ll have to deal with this forever. I just want to be happy.
How are you?
You still together?
Thank you for sharing! I was a partner to a person exactly with the same pattern of thoughts. It makes me want to make my own video on this how it was like to be on the other side. He was on medication when I met him. And he was weaning himself off the medication his retroactive jealousy would get worse. He worked really hard and hired 4 retroactive jealousy experts and nothing helped him, he stated we had different values around sex, which we did not. He broke with me.
52-yr-old divorcing father of 3 adult kids from the other side of the pond. I'm a good guy, empathetic, compassionate, and have been told at my age, that's all women want - a good guy. But I realize I'm not finding anybody at my age without their own baggage - and I've certainly got my own - and to get through this at my age, though at any, seems a bit daunting. Thanks for your openness about this. Great to not feel alone. Cheers.
I literally relate to this so much holy shit this is eye opening
Man I thought I was just going insane. Big up to him for telling his part.
I had never heard of it before this video, it’s how I realised I myself have it and having a name to it has helped sooo much
proud of alfie for speaking about this :) ocd is still very misunderstood and i’m glad to see more people talk about it
Exact same thing happens with me. Theres no control of it, a weird paranoia that can't be controlled and it is all the time. With my girlfriend nearly 3 years and it's still on my mind. This has opened my mind about it more, thought I was the only one. Thanks for sharing it so openly, helps me understand it better!
Him talking about triggers was something I could relate to. Sometimes triggers can be as simple as a common phrase or smell.
I’ve suffered with Pure-O since 2015 (15 years old) which basically means I get an obsession in my head, an intrusive thought, but I won’t do a compulsion to attempt to stop these thoughts. They will literally play on loop in my mind constantly for days and weeks on end. It is mentally and physically exhausting. I’m happy to see more people speak about all these different types of OCD as back in 2015 I didn’t know what was wrong with me I was all alone and couldn’t tell anyone how I was feeling because I never knew it was linked to OCD. There is a misconception with OCD as back in 2015 I thought it was just about cleanliness but it’s way more than that and I wish it was explained more to younger people.
How do you control it? Can u please explain, I also suffer the same.
I feel like I’ve just been given the vocabulary to explain how I feel.
Me too
Hey just wanted to say thanks guys for discussing male mental health issues. Being going through a terrible time recently and it's really supporting to hear other men discuss these things so candidly
I thought everyone went through this stuff when getting a new girlfriend/boyfriend however not to the extent of this lad.
When the girl friend and boy are virgin also, they don't feel that. Actually, some people don't feel that. Even when their partners aren't virgin any more
It’s weird cos coming back to this video- I watched it before I was diagnosed with OCD and coming back to it I didn’t even realise how much of a part this video played in me being diagnosed so thank you!!!
this video has honestly helped me a lot thank you. I deal with the same thing and I never actually realised it'd be something anyone else would deal with at the same level as me. currently dealing with this with my current girlfriend but she's super supportive about it and understands that it's not just me being an overprotective jealous person and I'm thankful that she actually understands as others haven't in the past. it's a fully shit nonstop battle init
Being open and speaking up about mental health is really relieving for anyone dealing with it. Just knowing someone out there understands you is already so motivating. Thanks for the podcast I learned a lot
Honestly think it’s great to see people speaking about OCD and the different elements of it, I suffered for over 6 years of my life and I have always wanted to speak on a podcast about it and raise more awareness for young people to feel more comfortable talking about it and truly understanding it as even if you may not have it to educate friends or people around you about it can help so much
I have OCD. Massive respect to come on a podcast and speak so openly about something like this. Well done and wish you the best in moving forward.
I suffer from severe OCD. For 2 years, since I was 15, I didn’t know I had it. I felt self hatred, I hated myself. I had false memories and tried to live with these horrible memories as truth and that was horrible. I can see the images and mental movies and I remember feeling things that’s the hardest part to get over. Alfie describes OCD in general perfect. It’s traumatic and it’s incessant. I’m sorry about everyone to deal with this. It’s constant hell and you’re all unbelievably strong and you’re all good enough. You’re all heroes. One day at a time x
All my love and respect to the guy, takes a lot to open up about a disorder very rarely spoken about. 💛
The event that caused my pain happened over 20 years ago. After 3 years of self-medicated, obsessive mental anguish - my mental wounds slowly healed. I was mentally free... so i thought.
Welp, I had no idea the mental anguish of RJ ocd could return after such a long time. The triggers & anxiety are back and both stronger than ever. Being married w/children to the person who hurt me only makes it that much harder to deal with. No matter how successful i believe I am today, please know that RJ can break you down to your knees! Unlike 20 years ago however, I'll seek professional help this time around. Good luck to everyone in this unbearable struggle.
Oh my god. Mental movies, constant thoughts, you describe the feelings so well. Well done my friend. Zachary Stockill worked well for me.
i seriously thought i was crazy and literally going insane or in a state of psychosis. this video is such a breathe of fresh air to know im not alone. thank you
Holy shit. Honestly props for you lot for having the balls to mention this on UA-cam! Takes some serious bollocks!
My guys I have felt this before that’s actually the most accurate description iv ever heard, I genuine thought I was the only one
This is what it’s like to have adhd but this happens everyday about loads of different subjects
Never felt so related to something, eating away at me for years. Thanks for opening up about this
i have ocd and it’s comforting to know one of my favourite youtubers has ocd and is still so cool. lots of love, cheers for opening up
I have mild aspergers which has some symptoms similar to OCD. And although I have found my life getting easier as I get older (I'm nearly 24). I obsess over social situations daily, I sometimes feel like I've come across weird or nasty when it's likely that I haven't at all. This may sound like I have a stiff upper lip but I found that getting out of my comfort zone and biting the bullet has helped me personally. Everyone deals with things differently so what I say is subjective to me.
Big up yourself for coming out with this. The stigma of being a man (I know; old fashioned) & being "macho" & unaffected by someone's past really creates a toxic vacuum for sufferers of this as its a daily & constant battle. I know because my triggers are similar to Alfie's. Thank you for speaking out about this & thank you for putting me onto Zachary Stockill. Hope things get better!
Omg wow I have already been diagnosed with something and to hear Alfie's story is very touching. I'm going through a rough patch too atm
Alfie, fair play for coming out about this, it takes absolute balls. Hope you're doing well now. BTW your music is mega!
Broke up with my girlfriend because of this exact reason, it got to a point where it would consume all of my time and I couldn't do anything else. She was a wonderful girl but I guess this just a sign from above for me to work on myself. Thankyou Alfie, you don't realize how relieved I feel now that I know other people go through it as well.
What an incredible guy to speak about this publicly, I can’t imagine it could have been easy and I also assume it had some mental repercussions after the fact. However the bottom line is that many people have now been educated on a lesser known mental health problem under the OCD spectrum, but more importantly this could be the catalyst for sufferers to recognize the symptoms and seek professional help, ultimately leading to a better quality of life longterm. Thanks for putting yourself out there so openly and candidly, the world needs more people like you.
Love your content jack. Everyone needs to talk about mental health more especially great to see young men. Big love to you too Alfie
Holy shit this has honestly hit home because I have had every single thing that he has described and have also tried choking myself out to give myself a break and was admitted into hospital for it and now this has answered so many questions
Thank you so much for sharing your story I’m so grateful to hear someone talking about this so honestly and I feel your pain bro, huge respect for talking about this and I wish you the best in your recovery.
Thankyou for this 🙌 I don’t have the same type of ocd but I can definitely relate to intrusive thoughts consuming your mind as often as 10 seconds (not quite so frequent unless I was severally anxious) Just listening to how he speaks and explains himself and his thought process was actually quite refreshing, I completed 3 months of cognitive behavioural therapy for my ocd and it’s not something I ever hear other people discussing. My ocd can completely consume my life and would make the simplest daily tasks a huge struggle (it’s not so severe now) but again, Thankyou because I would literally laugh and joke to the handful of people I would open up to about my ocd because I knew it sounded ridiculous and I felt like a psycho but again it’s intrusive thoughts, what I’ve learnt is that all people get them, it’s about how people react to them
Wow. I think I might suffer from this condition, it explains a lot for me. I suffer from these exact symptoms, I have this constant anxiety about the past and I’m having regular panic attacks. Alfies story really resonates with me, I’m finding somewhat comfort in the knowledge that this isn’t just me being jealous or petty or unable to move on. I get the mental movies, I have my triggers and I get regular panic attacks. It’s getting worse and worse with each passing day, and the stupidest, most meaningless shit will set me off, I feel extremely vulnerable right now. Like Alfie said, my triggers are like the click of a finger, almost everything is setting me off, wether that’s just a constant sinking feeling or a full on panic attack varies. I think I’m going to look into Zachary Stockills course and try to improve my currently crumbling mental health. Thank you, this video has made a difference to me.
Hey there, if you haven't stumbled across this already - please check out Mark Freeman's channel or Jon Grayson's content for more info on OCD treatment, best of luck
There is a short book on audible titled Retroactive Jealousy by Ryder Winchester which I’m finding very helpful. In my personal case, my RJ has more to do with believing my new boyfriend’s most recent ex is far prettier, more fun, and more adventurous than me and then feeling this huge pain of not feeling good enough for my boyfriend because of this, a pain that feels like depression and seems to stop me from having fun, laughing, being myself (which is actually a funny person), and even feeling the nice feelings of being with someone new. One night a few weeks into my new relationship I randomly stalked the recent ex’s entire social media and that’s where it began. Ever since then it was really bad at first such as sitting in my boyfriend’s car and imagining that my reflection in the side mirror is hideous compared to what hers must have been when she previously sat in the same seat. I’d have thoughts and images about her better looks and being better in bed during sex. We went camping and I knew he had been camping with her in his same tent and I was plagued with thoughts and images that she looked better in the tent waking up with him than I ever could, ect. I’m getting a lot better, I blocked her social media so I can’t see it and have been researching RJ and adding certain techniques to my already quite meditation/yoga oriented lifestyle. I think part of why my mental imagery and conviction that she is so much prettier is because the first time I actually met my boyfriend he was still with her and I literally remember having thoughts that day such as “she deserves a guy as great as him because she’s really pretty”. I realize my insecurities have existed long before now but I have never struggled this much. I have decided to stop asking questions about his past and focus more on my art.
You described this perfectly. It can be such hell. I’m just trying to remind myself that I need this for whatever reason. Meaning - this is going to force me to grow and evolve , and although it’s so painful and also devastating at the time as I watch my relationship go to shit with someone I love bc of my issue , just trying to trust that I will overcome this and i need this for my evolution. But fuck , the way u described that , I know it so well. I hope we both evolve, learn to deal with this , and look back at it with gratitude . Nothing but love to you
Proud of the meaningful progress you have made, Alfie. Huge respect for speaking about this publicly. So happy that our therapeutic intervention informed for you your recovery from OCD and RJ OCD. You did great Alfie!
Thanks so much for all your help Hadley. Life changing!
No probs Alfie. I am incredibly happy that you are now 100% RJ and R OCD free. Great work Alfie! Thank you also for the kind words shared in the video testimonial you shared with us online. I really appreciate this.
Big love to this guy for speaking out like this
I have been suffering from this problem for 17 years (I’m 37 now). I ended all the relationships with girls that I had on my own because I could not fight my feelings. There were mental movies, constant mental chewing, and intentions to commit suicide. Once a psychologist gave me the task of recording every thought that came to me on this topic, and it turned out that I had them every 30-60 seconds. Because of this, my studies did not work out, my career was seriously damaged, and a lot of money and opportunities were missed. I tried to solve this problem with many psychologists in different approaches, now I have a total of about 500 hours of psychotherapy, unfortunately it did not help me much. Life passes, I want to believe that this problem can be solved, but apparently I need to admit that this will always be with me and relationships, family and children are not for me(