The zeigarnik effect is a key reason why FA's get burnout too. If you are constantly scanning your environment for potential threats to your self - worth through perceived rejection and negative judgement of how you interact with others (effectively Social Anxiety) then keeping tags on all these possible threats to your core being will always be draining to your energy. It is why I prefer to be alone or just one on one, otherwise the threat level is overwhelming. Friendships are a no go for me as I grow older and my energies diminish. It is sad that I can no longer cope with any kind of social life as I need all my energy just to hold down a job 😩
Spot on 👊🏻 I never have enough time, but when i think about what i spent my time on which was procrastinating, i pressure myself even more because i didn’t use that time 😅
LOL! I just got back from an 11-month deployment in the Middle East where I worked in a high-stress environment 17.5 hours a day, six days a week, and 14 hours on the seventh day. Talk about burn-out!!! You nailed it on the FA patterns - people pleasing, putting myself last; lack of emotional boundaries; taking on too much to "earn my worth"; fear of being a burden... Add to this that I'm also an introvert who rarely had a moment to myself, didn't have a home or apartment to retreat to at night (I slept in barracks with 40-80 other women), and had zero privacy whatsoever. I'm now in therapy trying to undo all the damage that was done. Thank God I don't have children that needed a phone call from me on a daily basis - I didn't even have enough time for effective sleep. I had a romantic interest before I deployed, but two months in, it became clear I could not keep up with his expectations of daily communication and meeting his emotional needs. That relationship quickly ended. I've never been more burned out in my life.
Holy shit you hit the nail of the head with feeling burned out just trying to keep up with a romantic interest's increasing expectations for daily communication. My needs always came last as an FA and a few days ago, I finally put my foot down and ended the relationship on my own terms and wanting to work on improving myself first and foremost. Now my previous date still wants to keep daily communication with me but I had just about enough of them to the point where I don't want to be friends with them anymore. Ugh it feels like I can't even catch a break between my grocery job needing to people-please and keeping up a social life. Just let me fricking rest damn it!
Recovering FA- totally relatable, but ever since I started the reprogramming work- I wont necessarily feel burnout. However, I often find myself in a loop of procrastination because I think " I deserve rest, and I'll do whatever I can"- haha, sometimes I feel secure, other times I wonder if I'm still FA. Please do more secure videos so that we see the progress: similarities and differences in how SECURE attachment styles feels on a daily and deals with different situations in life. Thank you Thais and team!!
I'm with u on this! I feel like the most secure FA in the world a lot of times. Lol! Cuz i do so much that i need to do but i still fall back into some of trauma based patterns. But i look at it like I'm growing out of being an FA. Keep growing!
My dad was always like this, he recently passed away. He never put himself first. He gave me his FA tendencies, and I aim to heal myself to carry forward his legacy 🥺
Since I started watching you, the way you talk about doing things in/out of line with personal needs has really helped me. I still sometimes have to do those things, but i find a way even then to relate doing it to getting my needs met. Relating these concepts to burnout is a really cool angle to look at it.
Hi Divya, you really need to know the basics of what motivates you in order to get re-energized. I thought I had a clear understanding of what my needs were until I took the course. I kind of knew what my needs were but not in the order of importance to me. Realized I was people pleasing and not living my potential because I had competing needs. Now I have a better idea of scheduling and boundaries because I know what's going to drain me quicker and what will keep me content. Hope that helps.
Thank you Thais! I’m a caregiver (emotionally and physically) to my paralyzed mom and your videos have seriously helped me to learn to care for myself as an empath FA and build boundaries. ❤️
I would love to see more on this topic!!! Maybe I missed it, but I didn't hear Thais mention hypervigilance in this video? I would definitely say that the hypervigiliance FAs have is a contributing factor.
Thanks Thais, yes more video's about this re: burnout and fa would be helpful and so appreciated!! Especially in relation to - caring for children causing burnout and the effect that has on relationships/dating.
I've been dealing with burnout on and off for YEARS and this describes me to the point! I would love some more videos on this topic and I'll be going back to the needs and codependency courses soon!
It was helpful for me to think about “what type of burden” because I guess my attitude now isn’t so much feeling that but when I thought of it and defined it more as a performative like executive function burden, that yeah then I can get onery if I don’t feel I get what I need for that. Like I don’t get the resources I need inorder to over compensate and fix all the problems.
Hello! I was wondering if you Could make a video on attachment style & chronic illness/pain? Do FA’s tend to be the attachment style that suffer from chronic illness/pain more than other attachment styles? Also, if FA’s start meeting their own needs more do you see a commonality in their illnesses/physical pain start to decrease? Love your videos thank you for everything!❤️
Good question! Im an FA and since Covid PANDEMIC its been one sickness after another and it just hasnt stopped. Im 63 but in worse physical shape of my life. Ive also been in an anxious, unhappy state on my relationship too. Ive wondered if there is a connection.
This is amazing thank you!! U literally point out a lot of my traits and I’m trying to change them right now 🤗 please do more I appreciate your videos so much
Everyone who reads this by May 16th 5pm Pacific 8 Eastern. Join with me in a group meditation for the entire group to feel good. To be tapped in, tuned in and turned on!! Let's give it a try! Who is with me?
See I've been doing the work recently and realizing that my hard work at uni was actually an attempt to people please and earn my worth. The problem is that now as I prioritise myself I'm wondering whether being at university is actually healthy for me, and so I'm now faced with whether I can stay and meet my needs or whether I need to leave university
Take our courses! They're really helpful and lots of tools inside to heal FA. Also lots of FA's in the school to interact and learn and get support from. -PDS team member
Seriously - take the courses for sure! Be careful of the stories that say "it won't work", or "I can't change"... it might be your subconscious scared to change b/c it means stepping out of your comfort zone... Speaking from experience - it's not easy, but it's super fulfilling to see and address those unhealthy patterns of being an FA
Fearful-avoidant / disorganized / anxious-avoidant. The names are as disorganized as the attatchment style. And we tend to have freeze state conditioned out of us and we tend to exist in a sort of fight/fawn state or like shut down state is my understanding. And we def have a hypervigilance side to us that existed in chaos and had to overcompensate or caretaker others needs over our owns
The zeigarnik effect is a key reason why FA's get burnout too. If you are constantly scanning your environment for potential threats to your self - worth through perceived rejection and negative judgement of how you interact with others (effectively Social Anxiety) then keeping tags on all these possible threats to your core being will always be draining to your energy. It is why I prefer to be alone or just one on one, otherwise the threat level is overwhelming. Friendships are a no go for me as I grow older and my energies diminish. It is sad that I can no longer cope with any kind of social life as I need all my energy just to hold down a job 😩
Yesss, exactly, it's very exhausting.
This attachment style and Bordeline personality are similar or the same..
That is so me! I mean look at my pic!
Spot on 👊🏻 I never have enough time, but when i think about what i spent my time on which was procrastinating, i pressure myself even more because i didn’t use that time 😅
LOL! I just got back from an 11-month deployment in the Middle East where I worked in a high-stress environment 17.5 hours a day, six days a week, and 14 hours on the seventh day. Talk about burn-out!!! You nailed it on the FA patterns - people pleasing, putting myself last; lack of emotional boundaries; taking on too much to "earn my worth"; fear of being a burden... Add to this that I'm also an introvert who rarely had a moment to myself, didn't have a home or apartment to retreat to at night (I slept in barracks with 40-80 other women), and had zero privacy whatsoever. I'm now in therapy trying to undo all the damage that was done.
Thank God I don't have children that needed a phone call from me on a daily basis - I didn't even have enough time for effective sleep. I had a romantic interest before I deployed, but two months in, it became clear I could not keep up with his expectations of daily communication and meeting his emotional needs. That relationship quickly ended. I've never been more burned out in my life.
Holy shit you hit the nail of the head with feeling burned out just trying to keep up with a romantic interest's increasing expectations for daily communication. My needs always came last as an FA and a few days ago, I finally put my foot down and ended the relationship on my own terms and wanting to work on improving myself first and foremost. Now my previous date still wants to keep daily communication with me but I had just about enough of them to the point where I don't want to be friends with them anymore. Ugh it feels like I can't even catch a break between my grocery job needing to people-please and keeping up a social life. Just let me fricking rest damn it!
Hope you are recovering Jennifer...that sounds so intense. Xx
Recovering FA- totally relatable, but ever since I started the reprogramming work- I wont necessarily feel burnout. However, I often find myself in a loop of procrastination because I think " I deserve rest, and I'll do whatever I can"- haha, sometimes I feel secure, other times I wonder if I'm still FA. Please do more secure videos so that we see the progress: similarities and differences in how SECURE attachment styles feels on a daily and deals with different situations in life. Thank you Thais and team!!
I'm with u on this! I feel like the most secure FA in the world a lot of times. Lol! Cuz i do so much that i need to do but i still fall back into some of trauma based patterns. But i look at it like I'm growing out of being an FA. Keep growing!
My dad was always like this, he recently passed away. He never put himself first. He gave me his FA tendencies, and I aim to heal myself to carry forward his legacy 🥺
Me too! The martyr archetype is real here
Since I started watching you, the way you talk about doing things in/out of line with personal needs has really helped me. I still sometimes have to do those things, but i find a way even then to relate doing it to getting my needs met. Relating these concepts to burnout is a really cool angle to look at it.
Thanks for your comment Jenny :) So happy we are helping you
-PDS team member
I am an FA, and this strongly resonates with me.
Would love to see more videos on the strategies that can be used (besides taking the courses that you mentioned, ofcourse) :)
Hi Divya, you really need to know the basics of what motivates you in order to get re-energized. I thought I had a clear understanding of what my needs were until I took the course. I kind of knew what my needs were but not in the order of importance to me. Realized I was people pleasing and not living my potential because I had competing needs. Now I have a better idea of scheduling and boundaries because I know what's going to drain me quicker and what will keep me content. Hope that helps.
Thank you Thais! I’m a caregiver (emotionally and physically) to my paralyzed mom and your videos have seriously helped me to learn to care for myself as an empath FA and build boundaries. ❤️
I would love to see more on this topic!!! Maybe I missed it, but I didn't hear Thais mention hypervigilance in this video? I would definitely say that the hypervigiliance FAs have is a contributing factor.
Yes
I never say this because you're so much more than your looks but you are truly stunning Thais 😍
Her inner light shines through. :)
Thanks Thais, yes more video's about this re: burnout and fa would be helpful and so appreciated!! Especially in relation to - caring for children causing burnout and the effect that has on relationships/dating.
Yes please! This is all making so much sense and I’m relating to all of it, hard truths
It’s like you can read my mind
You're videos are really awesome. I had not idea I was a fearful avoidant.
I've been dealing with burnout on and off for YEARS and this describes me to the point! I would love some more videos on this topic and I'll be going back to the needs and codependency courses soon!
It was helpful for me to think about “what type of burden” because I guess my attitude now isn’t so much feeling that but when I thought of it and defined it more as a performative like executive function burden, that yeah then I can get onery if I don’t feel I get what I need for that. Like I don’t get the resources I need inorder to over compensate and fix all the problems.
Hello! I was wondering if you
Could make a video on attachment style & chronic illness/pain? Do FA’s tend to be the attachment style that suffer from chronic illness/pain more than other attachment styles? Also, if FA’s start meeting their own needs more do you see a commonality in their illnesses/physical pain start to decrease? Love your videos thank you for everything!❤️
I will bring this suggestion back to Thais and the team for consideration. Thank you!
-PDS team member
Good question! Im an FA and since Covid PANDEMIC its been one sickness after another and it just hasnt stopped. Im 63 but in worse physical shape of my life. Ive also been in an anxious, unhappy state on my relationship too. Ive wondered if there is a connection.
Please explain healthy boundaries for a healthy work-life balance as a FA.
ok i love your content! I am so excited to get into your courses!!!!
This is so me 😂 and of course my first thought is damn I’m a lot of work!
Same here, but lack motivation to work on myself because of this and depression
The camera looks really good!
This is amazing thank you!! U literally point out a lot of my traits and I’m trying to change them right now 🤗 please do more I appreciate your videos so much
Thanks Sabrina! Glad you apprecaite us!
-PDS team member
Another excellent video Thais. Very helpful. Thank you 💞x.
So helpful
Holy Shit ~
This is gospel 💫
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I would like to learn more about this topic of burnout in FA's. I've been feeling this way for awhile now.
Everyone who reads this by May 16th 5pm Pacific 8 Eastern. Join with me in a group meditation for the entire group to feel good. To be tapped in, tuned in and turned on!! Let's give it a try! Who is with me?
Yes more videos on this please! X
We need the DA version 😬
Us workaholics kinds tend to get stuck in that loop
Yeah, I run away from problems by working 😊
See I've been doing the work recently and realizing that my hard work at uni was actually an attempt to people please and earn my worth. The problem is that now as I prioritise myself I'm wondering whether being at university is actually healthy for me, and so I'm now faced with whether I can stay and meet my needs or whether I need to leave university
Thank you!!!
I am dating this girl and I'm positivity she is fearful avoidant. How to react when she comes back after withdrawal?
So, how exactly did you heal of all these things?
Please what’s the name of your podcast?
"The Personal Development School" :)
I'd pay $1,000,000 to heal my FA
Take our courses! They're really helpful and lots of tools inside to heal FA. Also lots of FA's in the school to interact and learn and get support from.
-PDS team member
Seriously - take the courses for sure! Be careful of the stories that say "it won't work", or "I can't change"... it might be your subconscious scared to change b/c it means stepping out of your comfort zone... Speaking from experience - it's not easy, but it's super fulfilling to see and address those unhealthy patterns of being an FA
Get therapy 😊
Mirrors ….
I'm very confused. This video is titled Fearful Avoidant but the material pertains to Anxious Preoccupied. Was the video mislabeled?
Fearful-avoidant / disorganized / anxious-avoidant. The names are as disorganized as the attatchment style. And we tend to have freeze state conditioned out of us and we tend to exist in a sort of fight/fawn state or like shut down state is my understanding. And we def have a hypervigilance side to us that existed in chaos and had to overcompensate or caretaker others needs over our owns
❤❤❤
Gosh if this ain't the truth . .
Spot on! I’m gonna look into this 🤍