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Narcissists & Cognitive Distortions: Jumping to Conclusions *NEW*
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- Опубліковано 6 сер 2024
- In this clip, The Little Shaman discusses how common cognitive distortions can affect pathologically narcissistic personalities.
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I once told my mother that if jumping to conclusions was actual exercise she wouldn't be so fat. She didn't like that.
😂
GOOD ONE!
🤣🤣🤣
LOL
You got her! 😂❤ I need to tell my dad that but no. He miserable enough.
It's absolutely maddening. They can justify anything because they have a steady stream of "knowledge" based upon assumptions. It can really make you crazy. You are so right, being reasonable with them just does not work!!
Narcissists are as stubborn as a mule and covert types are the worst you can't budge them.
I just laugh at them now. My ex either laughs or gets mad. But I don’t live with him anymore. I only see him to pick up my kids- MY kids- he is not a real person to us anymore.
This has to be one of the things that makes them rage out of the blue, while you are just standing there wondering what you did.
@@PeterShaw-ne1yq sorry. I know how hurtful it is. Hope you left her and moved on with your life.
If someone never dealt with a narcissist, this would probably sound like gibberish and I struggle with how to explain what I went through to other people because it’s all so off the wall and absurd. But as someone that dealt with it everyday for 16 years you’re hitting the nail on the head nonstop in this video.
Jumping to conclusions is common in narcissistic relationships for sure.
THIS combined with “always being right” and “high level of certainty” has made it futile to communicate with the toxic person in my life. It’s proven futile and going no contact has been the best solution for me.
Thanks LS. Jumping to conclusions is the right phrase. I was calling it stories. They would make up stories and then I would try to defend myself against their stories. They were certain they were correct in their conclusion that were essentially made up and had already decided without any facts. I understand this better now.
This made me chuckle because the 50 year old narc warden was highly ticked about being told to pay attention to a person when they are addressing you...this was in reference to the building inspector at his job. He then became upset with me after he made the comment, "well if she wants that kind of respect, she should stand where a person doesn't have to turn their head to look at her"...... I simply replied, "I can't believe you're having to be told to acknowledge a person when speaking. Especially at a chemical plant. And there being more of you employees than her as the building inspector....." 🤦♀️
Facts. My ex actually told me what MY own thoughts, feelings, intentions, and motivations were. And when I tried to correct them with what my ACTUAL thoughts/feelings/intentions/motivations were, he would say I was gaslighting him (and therefore abusing him)!! Yes, folks...that's correct. He believed he knew my own internal world and mind better than I did myself. (Also, he was very abusive in other ways...rages, cheating, stealing money, etc.)
He told me at the end that he used to be angry me at and punish me for years for "fights" (his word) that "we" had IN HIS IMAGINATION (not in real life) and that he couldn't tell the difference between the real me and his projections.😬😬😬 He said he never discussed whatever issue with me IRL because "we" had already had the fight in his HEAD so he already knew what I would say/do IRL.
Wow. I want to say that’s unreal but having grown up with narcissistic sister I know this happens all the time.
Sis indeed made like she knew (with the most incredible, smug confidence and certainty) what was inside my own head better than I did. (The hubris of this thinking really.) i see her doing this with other people all the time as well and presenting her version of their thoughts as an infallible fait accompli (again the utter hubris of this behaviour and making such assumptions about everyone!)
I don’t think she ever had fights with me in her own head (who knows though). That’s next level.
Their behaviour is absolutely crazy making. You can’t come up against that. It’s some version of insanity really. Disconnection from reality and utter insensitivity toward others and their personal autonomy. No one can come up against this kind of insanity. Glad this person is your ex. Blessings. 🥰
@@gorillabff1003, thank you. People who haven't experienced this kind of behavior have no concept. They often believe nobody could possibly behave this way and we must be wrong/misunderstanding/making it up. I'm sorry you have experienced it too.
Sadly, I was with someone just like this, and their insanity is intractable. Others do not believe you when you try to explain the behaviors.
God this sounds exhausting.
I actually checked to see whether I had written this, because it’s exactly what I’ve experienced.
It actually sent me crazy after a while. The accusations were weekly over the smallest of things. When I began turning to him and saying “all your stories of other people have obviously been lies then, a figment of your imagination”. He would rage. When the penny dropped that I had fallen for his stories whereby he was a victim (which often caused me to stay and feel sorry for him) it was time to ease away from the relationship.
Narcs CAN read your mind. Just ask a Narc and they'll tell you! They're "all-powerful psychic mind readers." Every Narc is also a genius -- smarter than Einstein. Just ask and they'll tell you they're brilliant -- that's all the "proof" they need.
Yes. What you said also goes hand in hand with the shared fantasies that narcissists create in their imagination and need others to believe in and live out on behalf of the narcissist in order for the narcissist to get their supply.
You just described my husband 100%
Cognitive distortion is a defense and maybe it is the basis of their false self. It seems to work well for narcissists. It's the rest of us who will lose our marbles if we try to play with narcissists.
Its brutal living wth ppl that r like this constantly jumping to conclusions. I'm so so grateful I'm no longer living wth that. It is impossible to reason wth ppl this way.
Yes, communicate. But more importantly, listen.
I'm the one jumping, everytime you post a new vídeo. Thank you! You really changed my life for the better ❤️
Nice to hear you bring back the Great Spirit blessing-thank you.
It is a given that they (more than normal persons) do this in volumes whereas they live in a surrealistic existence.
My ex's "you're different than everyone else" changed to "you've been lying to me this whole time."
Wow! This really helped demystify some very baffling behavior I’ve experienced with narcissists. Cognitive Distortions as they relate to narcissism is a subject not typically addressed and thank you for the clarity.
I don’t know how many conversations started out with the Narc looking at my behavior or a situation and calling me a liar. To which, I would feel very hurt and shocked not understanding how they could say that. I would say something like, “Don’t you know me better than that by now?! You have seen how everything has been honest and true, and here you are calling me a liar?! How does that even make logical sense?”
The conversation then just went on to become circular and maddening to the point where you are not even sure who the crazy one is - you or them - or if you’re feeling strong-minded, it makes you wonder what the hell planet they came from.
Your video even helps you develop a little empathy for the narcissist as it stems from feeling constantly unsafe. However, it is such a hard, rigid and soul-sucking disorder to those who have to contend with the narcissist. It’s sad that they become a self-fulfilling prophecy by driving away the people who once tried to care for them, but f it, I have to safe myself. I don’t know how to withstand their toxic storms without being taken out by it too.
You're very welcome and remember, having empathy for someone means you can understand why they are the way they are, why they feel the way they feel, etc. It doesn't mean you have to interact with them if there is no safe way to do so and in the majority of situations that involve narcissistic personalities, there isn't a safe way to do anything.
Beautifully said. That’s what keeps us with them so long - pity. I would reach out to see whether he would have ‘come to his senses’ only for another distortion to be thrust in my face. Pure madness
I left the narcs “setting “ but was persuaded to negotiate coming back by a fellow client/friend. They also persuaded the narc to apologise. We met up and he forced out an apology but it became apparent in the ensuing conversation that they had no insight into what they were apologising for and actually they were the biggest victim in the world (tears) and I had totally over-reacted. I ended up comforting and mothering them as usual. My return lasted five weeks as the emotionally abusive mind games started again almost immediately.
You can’t help them.Just leave.
7 months no contact now and life is good!
And yes - they did make assumptions about my feelings, values, beliefs and behaviour which were invariably completely wrong!
I can not point the finger. Because I also made my conclusions. Because they always use the same BS and accusations when they want to play the victim. They are so predictable. Eventually they always use the same patterns.
Good to hear you, sis! You sound well rested from the Holiday. Thanks for all you do.
My ex narcissistic boss was convinced I was a drug addict because I was young and forgot to do something once... That really was all it took for him t reach that conclusion
He he. Most things are not about us. I like that. Yeah, with respect to my husband, I think my goose was cooked... before the oven was even turned on. 🙄
Only person I ever donated to because she saved me.
Thank you. I'm so grateful to help and so happy you're doing better! ❤️❤️
So accurate !
Thank you for articulating all the crazy so well
Once again , rapid fire reality and truth bombs.
I just broke up with my girlfriend this week because of this. She jumps to the most negative conclusions all the time. Even though I prove to her the opposite. It was a constant battle of trying to reassure her before she gets the chance to react but I can never be quick enough.
It’s like they don’t know what they don’t know.
Yes and of course, most people don't but most people are able to understand that there are in fact things they don't know or different ways to interpret things, etc. These personalities don't seem to be able to understand that.
We love Little Shaman! (I also miss Gaslighting Rooster)
Wow. This was very much how is he was. Within the first 30 seconds you described him in a nutshell. It was so frustrating and he thought he was so smart but would be making himself sound stupid. As a whole he thought he knew everything. He’d go around talking about he’s a psychologist because he took psychology 101 in college and he would literally argue with me that he’s a psychologist. He could be talking about something medical and argue that he knows more than the doctors. This was all based on whatever he came up with in his head. Not based on any research. One time he shouted “I’m super smart!” Like he felt so proud of himself. It sounded so ridiculous and childish. He also tormented me and “punished” me about cheating on him when I wasn’t even remotely thinking about cheating.
Keeping it simple, whatever terminology may be applied, they do not care at any level. The buttons analogy is so perfectly a narc's pont of view - amen.
Be strong enough to be honest and kind
Then may peace be with you a marvel gaze
Wowza! This is it! This message hit me hard today. Thank you so much for this message today. It made so much sense to me and really helped. I learn so much from your messages and I thank you very much. Blessings to you my dear Little Shaman.
Horrible to have to deal with in a boss too.
I can't thank you enough for bringing up the topic and for the insightful explanation, Ms. Shaman. This might be one of the fundamentals on how the situation becomes so complex. The unwillingness to communicate in mix with jumping into conclusions is just the onset to create the abuse itself. I have been in this situation in many varieties of relationships, yet the behavior is just similar. If I tried to build a communication, they are reluctant to have a conversation. Then, if you don't talk, they don't want to know and throw all sorts of speculative accusations. Ponder on this. How is this can be fair for the victim, especially if they know nothing about NPD?!. Again, thank you, Ms. Shaman, and God bless you 🙏🏻🎉
OMG! spot on lord!! 💯
It doesn't matter what actually happened or
what was said, they rewrite the interaction and spread the lie. My ex and I had a great dinner. We laughed and talked. Thirty minutes later I hear him on the phone with his sister telling her how he had a horrible evening. Then approaching me after laughing and joking about our wonderful evening.
Exactly. It's all about the narrative and what serves them in the moment. Any other person is just a prop in that story.
I just want to validate that jumping conclusion is a narc behavior. My ex always made negative assumptions about what was on my mind that were so far from the reality of who I am. I am simply not capable of what I was being accused of. He couldn’t be talked out of his assumptions and he could not be comforted or reassured of how much I loved him and was devoted to him. In his mind, I was betraying him at every possible opportunity.
I walked on eggshells but never learned to predict what would trigger his jumping to a conclusion. Every time he did, it would be days or weeks of heated conversation and tears between bouts of excruciating silent treatment.
Finding him was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Leaving was the best, even though it was the most devastating heartbreak I’d ever felt and it took me two years to get over it.
I am so very happy I stumbled upon your channel. I have been dealing with someone I knew well in childhood. There was a point many years ago when we connected as adults and the realization something had drastically changed in this human being. I remember feeling like some other being had suddenly inhabited him and changed his very DNA. It was the oddest sensation and moment my 20something self had ever come across. I teared up. Decades flew by and that memory was forgotten when we connected again and attempted to rekindle our childhood friendship. It wasn't long before I remembered that "invasion of the body snatchers" moment as there was simply no connection nor shared wavelength that we had as children. He had been an incredibly witty little boy but the man he became possessed no humour whatsoever. It has been very hard for me to accept that a wonderful little boy so significant to my life simply no longer exists. I find it mind boggling. I had some recent exchanges (again I guess I allowed myself amnesia for something I already knew long ago....long before I even heard of the word narcissism) and our communications have been so incredibly frustrating and difficult to understand.... until I came across your channel. Suddenly you have illuminated the what's and whys of my incredibly frustration and confusion. This poor soul is broken beyond repair....and it breaks my heart. I KNOW this person was not born this way...something happened...and something snapped. Sad AF
When I’m asked to validate a narc’s ridiculous assertion, rather than REACTING by correcting them on the facts and explaining, I RESPOND with “go fish”.
Amazing content.
This has been one of my favourites. As usual you broke it down perfectly.
I thought he done it to shift the blame, but for you to say he truly believes his conclusions and wasn’t just being stubborn and refusing accountability is really sad.
You have been truly blessed to share these messages 🙏🏾
Sometimes they are just shifting blame of course but yes it appears that they very often believe these ridiculous things.
That was the most edifying 12 minutes I’ve ever spent. Thank You!
This is positive thinking and very healthy for the mind body and soul .
Absolute clarity.
Thank you!
Yep. I've seen a few women tell me, "Oh, so and so was flirting with me! Ew!" In reality I saw as I was near... the guy said, "Hi, I'm Jack. How are you doing today?" Wow, talk about jumping to conclusions. To them, just saying Hi or being nice is now flirting (and harassing they added later)??? No, I don't think so. *shakes head* It's insane. They have that victim mindset and some women as I've mentioned just think all men are flirty and harassers. The sad thing is they tell everyone this and smear peoples' names.
Sometimes I wonder...am I the narcissist?? 😟
A lot of people experience cognitive distortions on some level or another. It is not a problem that only narcissistic people have at all. It is the level of effect on them and their inability to address it that makes the big difference.
@@thelittleshamanhealing Thanks LS. I needed that.
@@Chris-0113 - we all need that once in awhile.
I know I can be a bit overdefensive for example if I hear two people talking and sometimes my first reaction is oh my god is this about me but I am always so relieved when I find out that it actually isn’t. There is no point in trying to explain this to a narcissist though. It is a defensemechanism gone wrong which creates so many unnessecary problems.
this has hit me home hard, I been living with a narcissistic person and this describes personality well her personality. The issue comes when there in a bad mood, telling them to calm down offends them, this results them in thinking your attacking them when there not but your simply politely trying to adress their behavior. This had repeately claraify that I am not attacking, then they start calling you a liar, then this stupid spiral argument gets out of control and now my therapy who has similar trait is siding with this narcissistic, I called me therapy off and walked out proud. I did not felt good to and should not be living with this situation. I do not what what this channel issues but every single person should be aware of these traits as they are more common in this society now than ever before. I feel literally sick and alone having to live and experiences these behaviors growing up in my childhood which resulted in lack there off and ultimately having a harder struggle socialising with people because of this.
The main problem is they often put you in the position where you cannot defend yourself, you have to deal with peoples bias and thus literally loosing your life in the process, I advise every single one of you to take these videos seriously and protect yourself, record do whatever you have to do not allow them to ruin others lives
brilliant video
Most excellent....thank you.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom 👏🇨🇦🤗
Thanks!
You're so welcome. Thank you!
I think you just described a typical police investigation where you are the suspect.
3:05 Yes
My dad is a narc. When mum died I felt unable to visit the graveside a week after the funeral, the pain was just too intense. I was devastated. The pain was extreme. My dad assumed it was because I didn’t care she had died. I mean, wtf? He saw my tears, my devastation, my pain while we watched her die in hospital and while she died in our arms. How could he have concluded that ? How? I’ve never been unable to understand how he came to that conclusion ….
When my grandmother died and we came back to her house one of my uncles was very distraught. He couldn’t bring himself to go inside. My dad just looked at him and said “Geesh, what’s his problem?” They will tell you that YOU don’t care but it is full on 100% projection.
He just did this. He's very angry. I can't change the situation he put me in- it is what it is and it looks how it looks. I can't undo his actions. I just stepped out of it- it doesn't involve me. He's very concerned about blame but I can't wash the stain off him for him. Oh well.
Is it possible for someone to have an impact on the degree of cognitive distortion? After our Dad passed away our mother’s distortions ramped up and seemed delusional. We wondered if our Dad had been somewhat of a calming factor for her, talking her off the ledge. Or perhaps she had lost her behind doors punching bag and was taking it to the streets. She will stop her vehicle in the middle of an intersection to argue with a homeless person. WOW
My ex always said I was accusing him of cheating which I wasn’t. I got tired 1 day I said I idk who he was sleeping with he wasn’t sleeping with me he just basically told me he was glad it’s long over
My son's bio has been scrambling since day 1 because nothing I do lines up with any narrative he's been trying to spread
First it was that I was trying to trap him and that my child wasn't even his. Completely ghosted till paternity and had all his flying monkeys coming at me like "I know you want him to be the dad" 🙄
Then it came back he IS biologically his dad and I didn't jump at the chance to involve him because I've had my fiance basically this whole time who has loved my son in and out regardless of any biological relation whereas his actual bio was like "okay I guess I'll be there since I have to"
So he straight said nothing to me till my son's birthday through someone else! Saying I "never answer him" and "never let him see my son" 🤦🏻♀️ filed custody qnd he tried to fight me but only has the literal bear minimum since he's been completely absent qnd has even still already done 2 no call no shows and has only met him maybe 5 times and that includes mediation where he never interacted with my son 🤷🏻♀️ Like I'm gonna take him in again and I bet he'll find some unrealistic conclusion like always and fuck himself over
Hello thank you for all the videos you do I've learned a lot I have a question and I hope you will do a video on it why do narcissists prefer to date loose women instead of good girls??
Use Wise Mind. What are the facts?
5:04 You literally described racists and prejudice people. (Minorities do this too about ALL white ppl & other minority groups) They generalize everyone based off race.
Or they just need to keep out of other people's business.
This whole book banning thing is an example! Soon in Florida, they will invade homes for titles that will prove teachers and city workers are grooming children. The actual groomers will continue, without the titles in their homes. The titles, are texts unrelated and never proven related to actions.
I have given my 2 pre teen kids hidden spy cameras recording machine. To record their dad. One looks like a key fob and one looks like a pen. His face and voice he cannot deny. Sure he can make up any excuse but…. There is no escape.
I think the world is an unsafe and dangerous place but, heck, that’s just because of my rather unlucky personal experiences.
But, although I know I’m not at the lowest part of the narcissistic spectrum, I can parse out what is and isn’t.
Something happened recently that my neighbor might’ve triggered, but I know I have no evidence of that, despite knowing her history and motivations and the possibility, that she might be a vulnerable, communal narcissist and having likely evidence that I’m her primary target. Sans evidence, I can’t accuse her of anything, but possibly enjoying the turmoil caused. I can only say that, other than that, the needs she wanted me to meet for her? Yeah, in the long term, for her, still not met. For me, it might end up actually having great benefits. Not sure yet.
I do know that, if she had anything to do with it and, if she is narcissistic, she might’ve triggered something because, from her perspective, my lack of giving into what she wants, might seem akin to me launching a torpedo and blowing up her life. If so, she may have decided that she’d try to blow up mine and would have a front row seat. But, some narcissists do not think long term. Because, if/when I move out, I know I have the power to either be a good monster and put it behind me OR be a bad monster and she wouldn’t be able to do anything about any torpedos, even if she knew exactly from whom it came.
Please don’t come back with vengeance being God’s.