Truth 💯 percent! Narcs are dead-set to tell you what your motivations are! And they don't care, one way or the other, about what you have to say on your own behalf. Period. The truth is always about what they feel and facts are irrelevant to them! Thank you, Little Shaman-you're a 💎
GTharo I don't blame you for being exhausted at all and hope you'll be able to get out of the toxic situation eventually, if possible, or at least have breaks for your well-being. ❤
I can only imagine! Right now I have a child by my narc gf so now I'll have to play waiting game till our child get older to protect her. It's going to me but it's worth it cause I just protect my daughter.
Your level of understand of this topic is unparalleled. Yes there are a few great teachers out there, but you’re angle and style is profound in its own right.
They are crazy. I just record interactions and I have gotten spy cameras. Write everything down. I’m so done with these people. My dad, sister and ex husband. Done.
Trying to communicate with these people is crazy making! The more you try, the more frustrated you get. Their body language shows no interest in what you have to say. The guy I dealt with never sat up to talk to me, he had no interest in engaging, he often had his back towards me and if he didn't than his eyes were shut and his arms were crossed. True toddler style! I never felt more alone and unloved in a relationship in my life!
That sucks. I can tell you it’s so much better to be alone for awhile. Once you recover you won’t tolerate their BS. There are nice people out there. The only people that don’t like me and call me names are usually narcissists. 🤷🏾♀️ I don’t allow nor tolerate abuse from anyone anymore. So call me whatever you want and STOP talking to me. 😂 they can’t seem to do that…..
Sounds like they are literally trapped by their own minds, it’s a prison with no way for anyone to reach them and no escape. It’s sad. But also horrible for anyone who tries to live with them
The covert narcissist has a way of asking someone a question and answering his own question in the same breath. I would say to the covert "when you ask someone a question let them give you their answer don't answer for them." Narcissists have a bad habit of confusing people.🤔
I swear. My ex did that. Every time I got home from work he’s ask “How was work-busy?” In this creepy overly chipper voice, then just walk off. Same thing everyday- like a robot. I didn’t even bother answering since I knew he was basically talking to himself. 😊❤
@@undercoverbird8592 Lol that's a good example. Another thing I would say to him a LOT was" just say yes or no." Narcissist's don't talk straight because they are crooked people.👍☺️💕
This absolutely plays directly into their expectation that you are supposed to intrinsically know what they want, expect, believe, feel etc... They have no ability to see good in the world and either seek to destroy yours while destroying you. Or are jealous that you experience good while they don't. So they want what you have. They have a weak ability to read the room.
Thank you for this video! I wish I could have listened to it 30 years ago. Maybe then I could have completely avoided the people who crafted the darkest moments of my life. It would have helped to validate my intuition at the time.
I LOVE this, Little Shaman!!! The baby analogy resonates with me. The ex-partner, especially toward the end of the relationship when I knew more about pathological narcissistic personalities and had also done a lot of healing with EMDR, seemed greatly undeveloped, both mentally and emotionally. His actual IQ was high, but his ability to deal with situations and other people was very poor. He had no idea what I or others were thinking or feeling, but his conclusions echoed what he perceived were true about us. I could NOT explain to people what was going on, because my challenges communicating with him were REAL!!! I look forward to Part 2!❤
Even during your FIRST EVER agreement that they've started out of thin air,they use the word ""ALWAYS"" As in you always treat me badly,you are always angry etc! So childish and exhausting!🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
They will never say that they love you and want to be with you and once you leave (because you have a life) they think now you hate them. When in reality you never even thought about them in any serious way.
the problem is, having been raised by a narc mother, I now also don't believe anybody what they say.. like when they say they want to help me I 100% first thing get suspicious and then will distance myself and start observing them more, isolating myself more from them because my mind simply can't grasp that people like this in fact EXIST - espcially after also having had a relationship with a narc who used me. My mother, if she offers help, she JUST wants to control and manipulate you, finding your weak points and later on she will hold it 100% against you, saying "SEE WHAT I DO FOR YOU, I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND GET NOTHING IN RETURN" anf then try to pressure me into doing whatever she wants. So yeah, it's hard
I agree! And that’s what makes it difficult to differentiate between those who are narcissists and those who are not. Even victims of narcissists would say “SEE WHAT I DO FOR YOU, I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND GET NOTHING IN RETURN” toward the narcissist in self-defense and defense of the truth. Best to just focus on healing, and never engaging with these people again. They’ll just turn you into them if you keep reacting and responding.
Although I couldn’t entirely articulate this in my mind, with my mother, this is a lot of what I felt I was experiencing. Like, the fact that her house needed to be entirely de cluttered and cleaned, was addressed by her simply not doing it and saying she could barely move her feet in there. For me, I couldn’t even come to the conclusion she wanted me to do anything about it. She lived there, was there 24/7, knew or should’ve known what she wanted in her house or not. I was working 2 jobs 100 hours/week, commuting 4 hours day.. I could tell, however, that I might’ve started being seen as a doll on a shelf. That, yeah, whatever I was doing to survive, was dispensable, in light of me not only in cluttering her house for her. But her also turning it into a mere game of pure indecision, that wouldn’t last weeks. It would last years, in part because this formerly super independent woman, now wanted both attention and knowing that my life was wrapped around her little finger, to ultimately deteriorate into dust. I also saw this in my neighbor, who wanted me to become her free caregiver. The thought that she couldn’t just decide what I was to do for her, that I wasn’t the handmaid in her attic, that I had the option of saying no, was a complete slap in her face and paradigm shift. That, why on earth was I living in the apartment above hers, way long before she even moved here, if I wasn’t going to be taking care of her every need. The idea that I could or would say no, never even crossed her mind. I was simply an appliance. I was a washing machine that, if she decided, she could also overstuff and then blame me for why I don’t get the clothes clean. I can tell that outsiders don’t understand. Why can’t I just do a little for her. But it’s because I can see the entire picture. I could see how she was working to convince passersby that we were a pair and that, when I said no, she started smearing me, to get me to comply, over a year later. I’ll note that these are things I have to watch out for, within myself. I’ve heard that the most likely MBTI personality type is the most likely to become narcissistic. But, I do work to parse out things, in dealing with others. I do, as INTJs do. Which is to at least recognize patterns. I try to at least have history and know the person well, before I stamp them with negative motives and intentions. Despite picking up on patterns, I try to remind myself that I do not have omniscience. The good thing is that, having also been an attempted victim of narcissistic abuse, I’m more attuned to not seeing and treating others that way. That people may not know I’m often busy, not because they’re indifferent jerks, but because they may have a different lifestyle, where they mostly watch TV. That I’m not a big enough issue in their life, for them to be thinking of me, my needs and trying to destroy me. I also try to honor people’s lives, even when I can see they don’t. They may come from lack. So, their scheme of their own life may be very small. But I make sure, for instance, that a friend of mine who is helping me, that I compensate her for her time. I do not feel, at all, like she should be doing anything for me, for free, the same as my neighbor thought I should, for her. Her life of value. I do not want to be time she can never get back, even if it doesn’t much matter to her. But, as life becomes of less value, in this world, I can see the tidal wave of narcissism, use, abuse, devalue, kerning towards lack and basic survival. I don’t want to partake in that, against another.
I find it really hard to believe that you were working 16hour days, with 10 hour weekend workdays, plus a four hour commute. Not for any significant length of time. That gives you less than 4 hours per day to shower, eat, and sleep, in which case you really, really shouldn't have been commuting.
@@iloveyoulawliet179 one job was WFH for a major food company. The other was onsite, for a major beauty company. Both had OT. I mostly worked the beauty company during the week and the food company nights and weekends. Crazy enough, where I could find myself in a system both companies used, from either side. Commute to the outside job was in the next state, 2 hours each way. I did this for less than a year. Then, Priority 1 became getting another job, when those 2 ended. However, you forgot to ask the major question. WTF was she doing, where she was home all day, for years, that she couldn’t clean her house?🤔 I can tell you one thing she was doing. She was phone stalking me on my cell phone, trying to interrupt conference calls and, I gather, rather frantically, trying to get the number to the other company, to phone stalk me, when I was there. She demanded that number, but it wasn’t provided, due to her behavior. So, who’s story really doesn’t add up - hers. Now that I have been at another company for a few years, before she passed last year, yeah, I wasn’t stupid enough to give her the number, especially as she had my cell. But of course, she found that number and called me directly at my desk. So, the police advised I send her a certified cease and desist letter. Had to send 2, because her, she said she never received the first one she signed for. But, I was building a case. Still, they picked her up and, appropriately, took her to the psych unit for eval. But there nuts don’t get diagnosed. She wouldn’t allow them to test her and they sent her home. But they knew she had a problem. Cut to the next scene and the same may happen to my sister, as we’re in probate, but she keeps trying to get into the property I’m to receive, even changed the lock the court approved I install, and has still tried to get in. So, as soon as I receive the deed, if there’s any evidence of her being there, she won’t have to worry about the other house she’s getting, because she’ll be in jail, where my mother should’ve gone.
My narc sister talks in cliches. Because she lies so much shes found its easier to say something she read on a coffee cup. ' can't get blood out of a rock ' is her favorite bc she owes everyone money. I look like her and am often mistaken for her so i get asked to leave bc she is the ultimate pick pocketing karen. Our m9ther should have been hospitalized as she was mentally ill and abusive. My sister makes her look like a girl scout.
In most cases my wife couldn’t answer a direct question that required her opinion or insight. I have vivid memories of instances where I’d ask her what she wanted from (the fast food drive thru) and she couldn’t answer without asking me what I was getting. Now you might think that sounds innocent or typical but in this case it wasn’t. I’d intentionally withhold my decision to order just to see how she would respond and the results were fascinating. In most she’d have difficulty deciding without knowing my order first….the most popular answer was always: “Whatever you order just double it”. Before I knew what NPD was, I struggled with understanding why she couldn’t produce her own opinion.
Well the behavior you describe here is recognizable to me on my own. I wouldn’t dare to choose my own food before my narc has chosen his first. Otherwise I would be accuse of ridiculous, exaggerated or wrong. Furthermore, I’d choose often the option of: “I don’t know, I’ll take whatever you order” and that would lead to a outrageous accusations of not being clear, not having my own opinion, criteria, believes and personality. That is why this comment surprises me. I identify my behavior with the one you describe for her. Wow.
My xVN would get butt hurt when he asked where to eat and Id reply "would you prefer Pizza Hut or McDs. In my mind I was trying to be open to his needs and wants too....partnership. I truly was giving an opinion, by breaking options down to 2, yet being open to what he'd like also. Joke was on me, pizzed him off every time, and didn't understand why bc of my lack of knowing abt N. I believe some dependent, OCD, and abused ppl are unable to make decisions too. In my case it was neither of these, but being amicable and open while still expressing an opinion. Sometimes too, ppl just don't give a sheet and just want something in their belly.
That's interesting. I remember telling my ex about a situation and asking for his opinion about it with an open-ended question, and he replied, " I don't know what you want from me!" He seemed to think it was a trick question. SMH
My ex husband didn’t really ask. He TOLD us where we were going. My opinion and desires were not important and didn’t even matter. He is the very dominating and controlling type. Very you need to like me, love me and enjoy everything I like. Wha wha wha. A big fussy baby he is! 😂
@@rubberbiscuit99 Yep. With their skewed perceptions and paranoia, most narcissists figure we’re out to get them. Hence, they do a number on us with “get them before they get me” kind of thoughts. Happened countless times over 30 years with him.
A story about my Narcissistic ex's twin sister, who I would guess is also narcissistic. She lives in the Florida Panhandle, Miramar Beach to be precise. This area is typical os suburban development where there aren't a lot of through roads. There are two main roads, Hwy 98 and Scenic Gulf Drive. Or further down, 98 and 30A. I made a comment about this being the reason that traffic was bad and she took it personally! The problem is that any planner will tell you that not having the proper amount of infrastructure to handle through traffic will indeed mean traffic is bad. Yes, it was very weird.
A friend of mine is still offended because I said I wouldn't walk around with a red smartphone (he confused a small red plastic bag I was carrying for a smartphone), meaning the color red draws too much attention and walking around with a bright red smartphone on the hood being white ("looking upperclass" although I don't dress fancy and we always lived here), I was sure to get robbed. He just took it as "red smartphone dumb, people who use red smartphone like you dumb, ugga bugga". 😂
When we apply normal logic to something a narcissist says, we are bound to be confused. Yet we cannot help but apply logic. We treat them as normal humans because they seem to be normal humans. It's so frustrating, and explains why no contact is really the most healthy response to a narcissist.
@@rubberbiscuit99 no contact is best. I left my ex 3 years ago after 18 years of nonsense. Still have to coparent but the kids now 12 & 13- don’t want to stay at his house nor deal with him much at all. Ouch.
Has anyone ever experienced cryptic messages used to put you down on Facebook? The crazy thing id experience is I would have a conversation with him and i would express something or id ask him for help, and then later that day or the next day id see a Facebook post putting down what i was talking about in a secret way. But somehow it perfectly relates to what i was talking about. He used Facebook as an outlet for expressing his sarcasm and his truth. I would feel mocked and insulted. But i never went to him about it bc im sure he would deny it. I read about something called plausible deniability. It was crazy. And a few times i was so pissed off and he could feel it and he kept asking me what was wrong as if he was looking for me to blow up.
My ex was always talking about his resistance to risk taking regarding other people- when he couldn't even explain the supposed risk. But he had no problem taking risks with his binge drinking and violence.
Whats kind of confusing is that you CAN tell whats going on with a narcissist and they DO lie about it. So yes, you can tell what someone else is thinking. Its not the same as why a narcissist does it but we do it too
Correct. People's behaviors usually follow patterns which can be recognized. Narcissistic behavioral patterns are no exception, and once you get the hang of them, you can recognize them even when different people express the details differently.
Exactly. Thank You! This is why nuance needs to constantly be introduced and restated while explaining the narcissist’s disorder. Much of the content on this unintentionally gives them too much wiggle room to exploit the information against those who aren’t like them. Sure, they’re going to do that anyway…but that doesn’t mean we should make it easy-especially in circles that are meant for healing.
Great video on feelings changing facts, narcs thinking you can read their mind and their made up rules not conveyed. I grew up with narricistic parents, who grew up with aleast one narricistic parent each side & over 20 year partner. This video got me very nervous 😅 because my father and I hint at requests (I think mine, maybe his too, came from all kinds of flack, guilt, consequences of asking for a favor directly.) In my case, if I asked for something I might be shamed and told, "well I want X, so are you gonna give me that? How about I do your X when you do mine?" (Had nothing to do with what was requested.) Thankfully, with reality testing, improving with videos such as this. It is VERY helpful to know they view feelings as facts and story may change their mind based on their mind - I thought I was going crazy until I knew this because it wasn't logical. It is mind blowing they don't assume others have their own lives, opinions, ideas and it is impossible to be right every time, all the time. I have problems making decisions due to anxiety, ADHD and rejection sensitivity, CPSTD, setting boundaries and confrontation is very difficult for me but this is eye opening.
You will get there. I started my healing journey in the fall of 2014, with EMDR trauma therapy, which helped to create new neural pathways and helped me to think more clearly. My childhood included a narcissistic father and my most recent 30-year relationship (broken up in 2017) included a covert narcissist. The communication style of these individuals has no logic. Blessings!
We have to remember that feelings are not assumptions/accusations or judgements. But all genuine feelings, like sad, overwhelmed, anxious, concerned, worried, frustrated, confused, angry, etc these types of feelings are always valid.
@@tropicaoptica True. When a narcissist uses their feelings as a way to judge us, though, because they do not acknowledge the feelings in themselves, that’s where the miscommunication and “mind-reading” of OUR feelings and subsequent misperceptions occur. Waking up to all of this helps us to see who they are, how they function, and to make some choices for ourselves. My choices were to leave the relationship and heal. Blessings!
Narcissist's are know-alls they think they know everything there is to know, that's why they repeat their silly mistakes and never learn anything of true value.
Would like a video on the maturity, or lack of that narcs have. Mine lives the life of a 16 year old and argues like a 10 year old. Adulating is so beyond him. If it aint fun he aint doing it. Working real hard on not letting him trigger me. Gray rock Dont feed the bear Shut him down with no response. Prove he is the one with issues. After decades of trying to defend myself to no avail I finally understand its best to keep quiet. But he knows what buttons can set me off. Just verbally attack my ( our ) son. Of course he verbally attacks everyone at some point.
Eventually left the one I was with because of this (amongst other things). You have explained EVERYTHING perfectly. I even said once that he obviously thought he was God!He was convinced I was sleeping around with his friends in the end. Absolutely deluded. I’m now the narcissist, in fact all the women in my family are according to him 🙄 I always said his communication skills were poor - denial and projection was the norm in every disagreement.
I like to listen to your break downs they are thoughtful and seem to make good reasoning. I will say that the volume level is quite low and so it required the volume to be cranked up a lot to hear it. The problem is that when the commercials pop in they are ear splitting volume. Just want to let you know. have a nice day
This explains so much. Like, why they always seem paranoid & butt-hurt. I think with the dark triad, this is where the cunning manipulative, attack, is planned or executed. It's no wonder "Do unto to others, and then split" was the motto in my house. Thank you for your work.🙏💚💕 Lil Shaman, do you think narcopaths can be aphantasic?
Ohh my xNs constant petulant butt hurt couldn't be touched by the petulant butt hurt-ism of a pre teen. At least the pre teen does eventually grow out of it. Cannot be said of the N. 😂
I’m not Little Shaman, but from personal experience, I believe that they can have aphantasia. I’m not a narcissist. I have colorful dreams, yet cannot “visualize” whenever directed in classes to do so. There are many people like me and fully aphantasic ones, who cannot “see” anything in their brains. No pictures, no numbers, nada. When I “visualize”, I do a FEELING kind of exercise, imagining sounds, smells, places, etc., from my other senses. I would think that there are narcissists who have similar conditions that we do. However, I have not done any research. I’m speculating that if so-called “normal” humans have various conditions, why wouldn’t narcissists have some of them, as well? Blessings!
@Nettonya Ryane Thanks for your reply. It's cool to "speak" with another aphantasic. I agree that all people, narcissists included, experience this. I wonder if they accept it or deal with it differently? I just recently discovered very similar to the way you explained your experience, I have vivid dreams, but I see black when trying to visualize. I also use my other senses, "feeling" and remembering when testing to "see" with my brain. There's a YT video someone shared, "Aphantasia: The People Who Can't Visualise ['Out of Mind"] Wired UK. You may have seen it? Since seeing that I've been researching. I have so many questions. . .like are most aphantasics born this way, does trauma play a role as to how we function with it, or what kind of aphantasia you have, and can it be reversed? It takes some getting used to the idea that not all people see black when visualizing. It makes sense as a kid always being really frightened of the dark and really looking forward to dreaming. Humans and their brains certainly are all unique. Those of us who have been exposed to and studied narcissism certainly know this. Take Care
@@disappearingremedy7400 I have been afraid of dark basements, ever since my father had me go down to the bottom of the stairs in the basement of our house and sit in the dark until he let me come back up. I was @ 9 years old at the time. I’m not afraid of the dark, just dark basements. My aphantasia is like my memory. It’s partial. If I know an area from real life or a picture, I can import it into my mind. I can’t “see” others, but I can “see” me, because I imagine my child body in the scene. Very strange. Such strongly visual dreams, but very poor visualization. Nothing’s black in my “mind’s eye”, merely “not there”, or like in a fog (hard to see).
@Nettonya Ryane It sounds rough to go through that. It's not a very nice thing for a parent to do to a little kid. Basements can be creepy, especially dark ones. One of my first paranormal experiences occurred in a basement. I saw a wispy partial apparition that was there for a few seconds, then was suddenly gone. I was eight. For me, it's more like the darkness when I close my eyes can sometimes incite momentary fear. It's not even so much a dark room that's scary. Anyhow, I know one can conquer fear by facing it. At first, I was a bit fearful finding out I was an aphantasic. It's ironic that being born into a family of malignant narcissists prepares you to deal with fear like a warrior. I've tried to do some shadow/or inner child work after learning about the inter generational trauma. It's going to be a regular practice just to continue to stay, no pun intended, "in the light." It's very fascinating to me the way that you describe your aphantasia. Sounds like maybe you've been aware of having it for a while? It also makes me think the studies are correct in reporting that there are different kinds of it.
Just had an experience with this communication style. This video explains so much of my childhood in a multigenerational household. I must now monitor myself to see how much of this in iingrained in my communication style. Another layer of healing!
I keep getting the impression there could be a map. A map of childhood development, timing of wounds and the corresponding stunted development that presents in adult behavior. Is there such a thing?
A map that leads to narcissism? Yes, there are ideas which mostly center around the baby/infant/toddler/child being severely neglected and/or traumatized such that the psychological development is damaged and does not mature beyond that point in life, often in the mother-child dyad. So while the infant does grow up physically and learn about life becoming an adult, the narcissist retains the inherent fears and trauma that the world is a dangerous place and needs will never be met, everyone is out to get each other, no one cooperates, vulnerability is weakness, everything is SHAME and must be destroyed, etc., through the eyes of the infant, such that the references to childish/immature/selfish/egocentric behaviors, a child in an adult's body, are painfully accurate. However, there are exceptions where wonderful loving childhoods can result in narcissism, and traumatic childhoods do not, and no one knows why.
This is a good topic to further research because I was traumatized by my upbringing and I have empathy and self reflection. So idk. I learned how not to behave from my upbringing
yeah, me too. the biggest thing , the word lil shaman said the rang many bells for me was "context". of course we all do the same things when those things are called for. The difference between a narcissistic person and a non-narcissistic person is the non- narc tends to defend because there's an actual threat. A Narcissistic person plays defence and offense ALWAYS. Its hard for me to explain, here's my personal parable: A random person walks by Kevin and says "hello, you look nice, have a nice day". Kevin says "Hi, thanks that's a nice shirt". Both people go on about their day. SAME SITUATION- different people: A random person walks by Steve and says "hello, you look nice, have a nice day". Steve says "hi, that's nice shirt". Both people go on about their day but Steve is thinking "that's a nice shirt on a dumb ass and who is he to tell me to have a nice day? What if my day is going bad and now I gotta fake a nice day! Next time I see him I'll put him in his place and to hell with that shirt, it would look better on me. People are so fake, I gotta beat them to the punch if I'm to win". So now Steve goes about the rest of his day saying "hello, you look nice, have a nice day". Same actions but NOT the same THING happened. BOTH are genuine! But, WOW, this is why we have to distance from them or find ways (if they are unavoidable) to pillowfight with them for our own peace. A narcissistic person will NOT pillowfight UNLESS they think they brought the pillow and set the 'pillow' STAGE. The non-narcisstic person just brings out the pillow when necessary. The narcissistic person feels like he is doing the same thing. And THAT's the cycle. I feel bad about the narcissist's plight, he doesn't even recognize mine. He thinks we are both doing the same thing. WOW! I'm glad I'm writing this respenonse. THANKS to your response. NOW I have better words! One person puts snow boots on because its winter, another always wears snow boots because they really feel like its a cold world! Try telling the cold world thinker it's 100 degrees and summer time. The cold world thinker feels "you don't like my boots". And NOW THE FIGHT HAPPENS! Now you find yourself in a situation, 100 degrees outside at a family picnic arguing about snow boots!. lol it's ALMOST funny. Narcissistic person will really believe YOU are dumb to fight over snow boots in the summer at a picnic! Gotta understand and step away. Let them have snow boots in the summer. BE ok with not wearing a bikini in mid winter for yourself. Leave the fight. It's not about the boots, the bikini nor the nice shirt , nor you having a nice day as far as YOU are concerned. They don't CONCERN, they only feel "present moment". 1 laughs because something is funny to them, another laughs because it seems like its the time to laugh. NOT THE SAME THING. Good luck to YOU @dread pirate Lenny!
@@letssee9 Thank you for the spirited response! I am often accused of being a narcissist by my friends and family. They call me unappreciative, apathetic, selfish, arrogant, and similar things. It's difficult for me to imagine such a person even exists outside of a cartoon or comic book. I've been trying to learn what a narcissist is, and the more I learn, the more I believe that either everyone I know is one, or no such thing exists. I don't know what to think, I'm still learning, but I very much appreciate your personal parable and all else you said.
Everyone can have "occasional" behaviors that are similar to narcissism, but only a narcissists have "always" had the behaviors "consistently", and "always" will have the behaviors "consistently" for an entire lifetime.
Wim Hof breathing regiments saves lives. Breathe in deeply....Let it go. 🔁 Repeat. Relationships are a communication not a competition. Pathological liars don't breathe well, across the board.
BeaM I've noticed that as well and I don't mean Little Shaman because she seems to have accurate knowledge of how highly narcissistic individuals operate, which is beyond confusing. Lol. I certainly don't know everything on the subject either, yet I've been dealing with these types of people since I was born and have had huge issues functioning in the world as a result, hence why I know enough to be able to tell who "gets" it. I've started to get frustrated with some narcissism counsellors who give incorrect info, not to mention many of the comments on the videos! I've even heard so-called experts state that it's not true at all about everyone having narcissistic traits and that they only go after healthy and confident people, then I mention that I definitely wasn't in that category when I got caught up with the exes in my past. I could write a LOT more on this subject, but don't have time now, except to add that I don't agree with everything Sam Vaknin, or the Ultra, HG Tudor, says in their interesting videos either. 😊
So, do I have to communicate. With a man that I would like more than one word responses every 10 hours, because I honestly have never experienced a man who can hold a conversation. Do they exist? Or am I "entitled?"
the part about tastes in music or clothes brought a question to my mind : not tolerating that someone else doesn't have the same taste is likely to be narcissistic , but what about the opposite? meaning you feel very unconfortable when people start to like the same things as you do and it feels like a threat , as if they were trying to take something from you? is that narcissistic?
@@annekerotterdam7499in the beginning they do. Mine mimiced and had everything in common with me. I was young so i didnt realize how unrealistic that was. Later on turns out we actually had nothing in common. The music she claimed to like was the polar opposite of the music she actually liked. Her sex drive she later told me she was acting for me, she used to be so fun and bubbly, then her real personality came out and she was cold, short, started fights then would run away if i didnt fold and agree and apologize for the fight she started. Never apologized. A real tornado of a relationship, nothing ever made sense. She would keep saying she loved me, but never showed it for years and years, zero effort put into the relationship, not fun to be around regardless of what I did or how I acted or what activity we were doing, just always she was... off I guess.
They speak fluent gobbledygook
😂😂😂😂
Exactly.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🎉😂😂😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
So extremely fluent...and with absolute, unshakeable certainty.
❤❤❤😂
Truth 💯 percent! Narcs are dead-set to tell you what your motivations are! And they don't care, one way or the other, about what you have to say on your own behalf. Period. The truth is always about what they feel and facts are irrelevant to them! Thank you, Little Shaman-you're a 💎
I have been living with this dynamic for 20 years and I’m exhausted!
GTharo I don't blame you for being exhausted at all and hope you'll be able to get out of the toxic situation eventually, if possible, or at least have breaks for your well-being. ❤
I can only imagine! Right now I have a child by my narc gf so now I'll have to play waiting game till our child get older to protect her. It's going to me but it's worth it cause I just protect my daughter.
It is very draining! Rest and selfcare.
I am NOT surprised.
@@parrymylogicthen290 get supervised supervision. Beware parental alienation. Been there😢am STILL there.
Thank you. This all makes sense. Here I am 63 years old and find myself surrounded by Narcissists. Go figure...If only I knew then what I know now. 🙂
Your level of understand of this topic is unparalleled.
Yes there are a few great teachers out there, but you’re angle and style is profound in its own right.
OMG their impossible to live with they really are crazy. It so twisted. Need to listen to it twice to understand it. Unreal.
They are crazy. I just record interactions and I have gotten spy cameras. Write everything down. I’m so done with these people. My dad, sister and ex husband. Done.
Trying to communicate with these people is crazy making! The more you try, the more frustrated you get. Their body language shows no interest in what you have to say. The guy I dealt with never sat up to talk to me, he had no interest in engaging, he often had his back towards me and if he didn't than his eyes were shut and his arms were crossed. True toddler style! I never felt more alone and unloved in a relationship in my life!
That sucks. I can tell you it’s so much better to be alone for awhile. Once you recover you won’t tolerate their BS. There are nice people out there. The only people that don’t like me and call me names are usually narcissists. 🤷🏾♀️ I don’t allow nor tolerate abuse from anyone anymore. So call me whatever you want and STOP talking to me. 😂 they can’t seem to do that…..
Sounds like they are literally trapped by their own minds, it’s a prison with no way for anyone to reach them and no escape. It’s sad. But also horrible for anyone who tries to live with them
The covert narcissist has a way of asking someone a question and answering his own question in the same breath. I would say to the covert "when you ask someone a question let them give you their answer don't answer for them." Narcissists have a bad habit of confusing people.🤔
I swear. My ex did that. Every time I got home from work he’s ask “How was work-busy?” In this creepy overly chipper voice, then just walk off. Same thing everyday- like a robot. I didn’t even bother answering since I knew he was basically talking to himself. 😊❤
@@undercoverbird8592 Lol that's a good example. Another thing I would say to him a LOT was" just say yes or no." Narcissist's don't talk straight because they are crooked people.👍☺️💕
First sentence you wrote is spot on!
@@KaarinaKimdaly 👍🙂
Wow! The reasons why they feel like they have to control everything!
Shocking, yes; even when you understand their dynamics, when you hear it in operation its shocking.
This absolutely plays directly into their expectation that you are supposed to intrinsically know what they want, expect, believe, feel etc...
They have no ability to see good in the world and either seek to destroy yours while destroying you. Or are jealous that you experience good while they don't. So they want what you have.
They have a weak ability to read the room.
Thank you for this video! I wish I could have listened to it 30 years ago. Maybe then I could have completely avoided the people who crafted the darkest moments of my life. It would have helped to validate my intuition at the time.
Little Shaman explains pathological narcissistic personalities best, doesn’t she?
Relate to this.
Yesss, everything Little Sharmen said very much true. They are very manipulative creatures. Knowing liars.
I LOVE this, Little Shaman!!!
The baby analogy resonates with me. The ex-partner, especially toward the end of the relationship when I knew more about pathological narcissistic personalities and had also done a lot of healing with EMDR, seemed greatly undeveloped, both mentally and emotionally. His actual IQ was high, but his ability to deal with situations and other people was very poor. He had no idea what I or others were thinking or feeling, but his conclusions echoed what he perceived were true about us.
I could NOT explain to people what was going on, because my challenges communicating with him were REAL!!!
I look forward to Part 2!❤
Even during your FIRST EVER agreement that they've started out of thin air,they use the word ""ALWAYS""
As in you always treat me badly,you are always angry etc!
So childish and exhausting!🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
This explanation is so true, my eye started twitching.
Absolutely true. Excellent examples. Very enlightening .
They will never say that they love you and want to be with you and once you leave (because you have a life) they think now you hate them. When in reality you never even thought about them in any serious way.
the problem is, having been raised by a narc mother, I now also don't believe anybody what they say.. like when they say they want to help me I 100% first thing get suspicious and then will distance myself and start observing them more, isolating myself more from them because my mind simply can't grasp that people like this in fact EXIST - espcially after also having had a relationship with a narc who used me. My mother, if she offers help, she JUST wants to control and manipulate you, finding your weak points and later on she will hold it 100% against you, saying "SEE WHAT I DO FOR YOU, I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND GET NOTHING IN RETURN" anf then try to pressure me into doing whatever she wants.
So yeah, it's hard
Same. Narcissist father. But i developed Schizoid personality disorder and I trust no one. Don’t even want to be around people
I agree! And that’s what makes it difficult to differentiate between those who are narcissists and those who are not. Even victims of narcissists would say “SEE WHAT I DO FOR YOU, I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND GET NOTHING IN RETURN” toward the narcissist in self-defense and defense of the truth. Best to just focus on healing, and never engaging with these people again. They’ll just turn you into them if you keep reacting and responding.
Although I couldn’t entirely articulate this in my mind, with my mother, this is a lot of what I felt I was experiencing. Like, the fact that her house needed to be entirely de cluttered and cleaned, was addressed by her simply not doing it and saying she could barely move her feet in there. For me, I couldn’t even come to the conclusion she wanted me to do anything about it. She lived there, was there 24/7, knew or should’ve known what she wanted in her house or not. I was working 2 jobs 100 hours/week, commuting 4 hours day.. I could tell, however, that I might’ve started being seen as a doll on a shelf. That, yeah, whatever I was doing to survive, was dispensable, in light of me not only in cluttering her house for her. But her also turning it into a mere game of pure indecision, that wouldn’t last weeks. It would last years, in part because this formerly super independent woman, now wanted both attention and knowing that my life was wrapped around her little finger, to ultimately deteriorate into dust.
I also saw this in my neighbor, who wanted me to become her free caregiver. The thought that she couldn’t just decide what I was to do for her, that I wasn’t the handmaid in her attic, that I had the option of saying no, was a complete slap in her face and paradigm shift. That, why on earth was I living in the apartment above hers, way long before she even moved here, if I wasn’t going to be taking care of her every need. The idea that I could or would say no, never even crossed her mind. I was simply an appliance. I was a washing machine that, if she decided, she could also overstuff and then blame me for why I don’t get the clothes clean.
I can tell that outsiders don’t understand. Why can’t I just do a little for her. But it’s because I can see the entire picture. I could see how she was working to convince passersby that we were a pair and that, when I said no, she started smearing me, to get me to comply, over a year later.
I’ll note that these are things I have to watch out for, within myself. I’ve heard that the most likely MBTI personality type is the most likely to become narcissistic. But, I do work to parse out things, in dealing with others. I do, as INTJs do. Which is to at least recognize patterns. I try to at least have history and know the person well, before I stamp them with negative motives and intentions. Despite picking up on patterns, I try to remind myself that I do not have omniscience. The good thing is that, having also been an attempted victim of narcissistic abuse, I’m more attuned to not seeing and treating others that way. That people may not know I’m often busy, not because they’re indifferent jerks, but because they may have a different lifestyle, where they mostly watch TV. That I’m not a big enough issue in their life, for them to be thinking of me, my needs and trying to destroy me. I also try to honor people’s lives, even when I can see they don’t. They may come from lack. So, their scheme of their own life may be very small. But I make sure, for instance, that a friend of mine who is helping me, that I compensate her for her time. I do not feel, at all, like she should be doing anything for me, for free, the same as my neighbor thought I should, for her. Her life of value. I do not want to be time she can never get back, even if it doesn’t much matter to her.
But, as life becomes of less value, in this world, I can see the tidal wave of narcissism, use, abuse, devalue, kerning towards lack and basic survival. I don’t want to partake in that, against another.
Amazing comment. Thank you. You are a beautiful writer.
@@transitionsnc thank you, but maybe if I check for typos.😅
I find it really hard to believe that you were working 16hour days, with 10 hour weekend workdays, plus a four hour commute. Not for any significant length of time. That gives you less than 4 hours per day to shower, eat, and sleep, in which case you really, really shouldn't have been commuting.
@@iloveyoulawliet179 one job was WFH for a major food company. The other was onsite, for a major beauty company. Both had OT. I mostly worked the beauty company during the week and the food company nights and weekends. Crazy enough, where I could find myself in a system both companies used, from either side. Commute to the outside job was in the next state, 2 hours each way. I did this for less than a year. Then, Priority 1 became getting another job, when those 2 ended.
However, you forgot to ask the major question. WTF was she doing, where she was home all day, for years, that she couldn’t clean her house?🤔
I can tell you one thing she was doing. She was phone stalking me on my cell phone, trying to interrupt conference calls and, I gather, rather frantically, trying to get the number to the other company, to phone stalk me, when I was there. She demanded that number, but it wasn’t provided, due to her behavior. So, who’s story really doesn’t add up - hers.
Now that I have been at another company for a few years, before she passed last year, yeah, I wasn’t stupid enough to give her the number, especially as she had my cell. But of course, she found that number and called me directly at my desk. So, the police advised I send her a certified cease and desist letter. Had to send 2, because her, she said she never received the first one she signed for. But, I was building a case. Still, they picked her up and, appropriately, took her to the psych unit for eval. But there nuts don’t get diagnosed. She wouldn’t allow them to test her and they sent her home. But they knew she had a problem.
Cut to the next scene and the same may happen to my sister, as we’re in probate, but she keeps trying to get into the property I’m to receive, even changed the lock the court approved I install, and has still tried to get in. So, as soon as I receive the deed, if there’s any evidence of her being there, she won’t have to worry about the other house she’s getting, because she’ll be in jail, where my mother should’ve gone.
My narc sister talks in cliches. Because she lies so much shes found its easier to say something she read on a coffee cup. ' can't get blood out of a rock ' is her favorite bc she owes everyone money. I look like her and am often mistaken for her so i get asked to leave bc she is the ultimate pick pocketing karen. Our m9ther should have been hospitalized as she was mentally ill and abusive. My sister makes her look like a girl scout.
This clears a few things up for me Little Shamen. You have a beautiful day yourself!
So excellent 👍
Thanks sis Cyn ⚡
In most cases my wife couldn’t answer a direct question that required her opinion or insight. I have vivid memories of instances where I’d ask her what she wanted from (the fast food drive thru) and she couldn’t answer without asking me what I was getting. Now you might think that sounds innocent or typical but in this case it wasn’t. I’d intentionally withhold my decision to order just to see how she would respond and the results were fascinating. In most she’d have difficulty deciding without knowing my order first….the most popular answer was always: “Whatever you order just double it”.
Before I knew what NPD was, I struggled with understanding why she couldn’t produce her own opinion.
Well the behavior you describe here is recognizable to me on my own. I wouldn’t dare to choose my own food before my narc has chosen his first. Otherwise I would be accuse of ridiculous, exaggerated or wrong. Furthermore, I’d choose often the option of: “I don’t know, I’ll take whatever you order” and that would lead to a outrageous accusations of not being clear, not having my own opinion, criteria, believes and personality.
That is why this comment surprises me. I identify my behavior with the one you describe for her. Wow.
My xVN would get butt hurt when he asked where to eat and Id reply "would you prefer Pizza Hut or McDs. In my mind I was trying to be open to his needs and wants too....partnership. I truly was giving an opinion, by breaking options down to 2, yet being open to what he'd like also. Joke was on me, pizzed him off every time, and didn't understand why bc of my lack of knowing abt N. I believe some dependent, OCD, and abused ppl are unable to make decisions too. In my case it was neither of these, but being amicable and open while still expressing an opinion. Sometimes too, ppl just don't give a sheet and just want something in their belly.
That's interesting. I remember telling my ex about a situation and asking for his opinion about it with an open-ended question, and he replied, " I don't know what you want from me!" He seemed to think it was a trick question. SMH
My ex husband didn’t really ask. He TOLD us where we were going. My opinion and desires were not important and didn’t even matter. He is the very dominating and controlling type. Very you need to like me, love me and enjoy everything I like. Wha wha wha. A big fussy baby he is! 😂
@@rubberbiscuit99
Yep. With their skewed perceptions and paranoia, most narcissists figure we’re out to get them. Hence, they do a number on us with “get them before they get me” kind of thoughts.
Happened countless times over 30 years with him.
You hit the nail on the head every time! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us! It truly helps more than you know!
A story about my Narcissistic ex's twin sister, who I would guess is also narcissistic. She lives in the Florida Panhandle, Miramar Beach to be precise. This area is typical os suburban development where there aren't a lot of through roads. There are two main roads, Hwy 98 and Scenic Gulf Drive. Or further down, 98 and 30A. I made a comment about this being the reason that traffic was bad and she took it personally! The problem is that any planner will tell you that not having the proper amount of infrastructure to handle through traffic will indeed mean traffic is bad. Yes, it was very weird.
A friend of mine is still offended because I said I wouldn't walk around with a red smartphone (he confused a small red plastic bag I was carrying for a smartphone), meaning the color red draws too much attention and walking around with a bright red smartphone on the hood being white ("looking upperclass" although I don't dress fancy and we always lived here), I was sure to get robbed.
He just took it as "red smartphone dumb, people who use red smartphone like you dumb, ugga bugga". 😂
When we apply normal logic to something a narcissist says, we are bound to be confused. Yet we cannot help but apply logic. We treat them as normal humans because they seem to be normal humans. It's so frustrating, and explains why no contact is really the most healthy response to a narcissist.
@@rubberbiscuit99 no contact is best. I left my ex 3 years ago after 18 years of nonsense. Still have to coparent but the kids now 12 & 13- don’t want to stay at his house nor deal with him much at all. Ouch.
Has anyone ever experienced cryptic messages used to put you down on Facebook? The crazy thing id experience is I would have a conversation with him and i would express something or id ask him for help, and then later that day or the next day id see a Facebook post putting down what i was talking about in a secret way. But somehow it perfectly relates to what i was talking about. He used Facebook as an outlet for expressing his sarcasm and his truth. I would feel mocked and insulted. But i never went to him about it bc im sure he would deny it. I read about something called plausible deniability. It was crazy. And a few times i was so pissed off and he could feel it and he kept asking me what was wrong as if he was looking for me to blow up.
Unfortunately, that is not uncommon at all. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.
Nailed it hardcore once again!
The narrative is determined in their mind, then all of what you say or do will be contorted to fit that storyline.
ONE OF YOUR BEST!
My ex was always talking about his resistance to risk taking regarding other people- when he couldn't even explain the supposed risk. But he had no problem taking risks with his binge drinking and violence.
Whats kind of confusing is that you CAN tell whats going on with a narcissist and they DO lie about it. So yes, you can tell what someone else is thinking. Its not the same as why a narcissist does it but we do it too
Correct. People's behaviors usually follow patterns which can be recognized. Narcissistic behavioral patterns are no exception, and once you get the hang of them, you can recognize them even when different people express the details differently.
@@danielkaiser8971 I just told the narcissist this morning that after 5 years I know him to a T
Exactly. Thank You! This is why nuance needs to constantly be introduced and restated while explaining the narcissist’s disorder. Much of the content on this unintentionally gives them too much wiggle room to exploit the information against those who aren’t like them. Sure, they’re going to do that anyway…but that doesn’t mean we should make it easy-especially in circles that are meant for healing.
Great video on feelings changing facts, narcs thinking you can read their mind and their made up rules not conveyed. I grew up with narricistic parents, who grew up with aleast one narricistic parent each side & over 20 year partner. This video got me very nervous 😅 because my father and I hint at requests (I think mine, maybe his too, came from all kinds of flack, guilt, consequences of asking for a favor directly.) In my case, if I asked for something I might be shamed and told, "well I want X, so are you gonna give me that? How about I do your X when you do mine?" (Had nothing to do with what was requested.) Thankfully, with reality testing, improving with videos such as this. It is VERY helpful to know they view feelings as facts and story may change their mind based on their mind - I thought I was going crazy until I knew this because it wasn't logical. It is mind blowing they don't assume others have their own lives, opinions, ideas and it is impossible to be right every time, all the time. I have problems making decisions due to anxiety, ADHD and rejection sensitivity, CPSTD, setting boundaries and confrontation is very difficult for me but this is eye opening.
You will get there.
I started my healing journey in the fall of 2014, with EMDR trauma therapy, which helped to create new neural pathways and helped me to think more clearly. My childhood included a narcissistic father and my most recent 30-year relationship (broken up in 2017) included a covert narcissist.
The communication style of these individuals has no logic.
Blessings!
@@nryane You are strong and congrats on ❤️ on healing! Thank you for your inspiration and kind message!
We have to remember that feelings are not assumptions/accusations or judgements. But all genuine feelings, like sad, overwhelmed, anxious, concerned, worried, frustrated, confused, angry, etc these types of feelings are always valid.
@@tropicaoptica
True.
When a narcissist uses their feelings as a way to judge us, though, because they do not acknowledge the feelings in themselves, that’s where the miscommunication and “mind-reading” of OUR feelings and subsequent misperceptions occur.
Waking up to all of this helps us to see who they are, how they function, and to make some choices for ourselves. My choices were to leave the relationship and heal.
Blessings!
Narcissist's are know-alls they think they know everything there is to know, that's why they repeat their silly mistakes and never learn anything of true value.
Would like a video on the maturity, or lack of that narcs have. Mine lives the life of a 16 year old and argues like a 10 year old. Adulating is so beyond him. If it aint fun he aint doing it.
Working real hard on not letting him trigger me.
Gray rock
Dont feed the bear
Shut him down with no response.
Prove he is the one with issues.
After decades of trying to defend myself to no avail I finally understand its best to keep quiet. But he knows what buttons can set me off. Just verbally attack my ( our ) son. Of course he verbally attacks everyone at some point.
Epic post. So many nuggets. Part 2 literally outlined my last relationship.
describes my covert mother to a Tee.. salute.
I love this channel so much. I admire her knowledge ....❤
Eventually left the one I was with because of this (amongst other things). You have explained EVERYTHING perfectly. I even said once that he obviously thought he was God!He was convinced I was sleeping around with his friends in the end. Absolutely deluded. I’m now the narcissist, in fact all the women in my family are according to him 🙄
I always said his communication skills were poor - denial and projection was the norm in every disagreement.
You are a genius.
so great..
I like to listen to your break downs they are thoughtful and seem to make good reasoning. I will say that the volume level is quite low and so it required the volume to be cranked up a lot to hear it. The problem is that when the commercials pop in they are ear splitting volume. Just want to let you know. have a nice day
Thank you for telling me. Glad you enjoyed it otherwise.❤️
This explains so much. Like, why they always seem paranoid & butt-hurt. I think with the dark triad, this is where the cunning manipulative, attack, is planned or executed. It's no wonder "Do unto to others, and then split" was the motto in my house.
Thank you for your work.🙏💚💕
Lil Shaman, do you think narcopaths can be aphantasic?
Ohh my xNs constant petulant butt hurt couldn't be touched by the petulant butt hurt-ism of a pre teen. At least the pre teen does eventually grow out of it. Cannot be said of the N. 😂
I’m not Little Shaman, but from personal experience, I believe that they can have aphantasia.
I’m not a narcissist. I have colorful dreams, yet cannot “visualize” whenever directed in classes to do so. There are many people like me and fully aphantasic ones, who cannot “see” anything in their brains. No pictures, no numbers, nada.
When I “visualize”, I do a FEELING kind of exercise, imagining sounds, smells, places, etc., from my other senses.
I would think that there are narcissists who have similar conditions that we do. However, I have not done any research. I’m speculating that if so-called “normal” humans have various conditions, why wouldn’t narcissists have some of them, as well?
Blessings!
@Nettonya Ryane
Thanks for your reply. It's cool to "speak" with another aphantasic. I agree that all people, narcissists included, experience this. I wonder if they accept it or deal with it differently?
I just recently discovered very similar to the way you explained your experience, I have vivid dreams, but I see black when trying to visualize. I also use my other senses, "feeling" and remembering when testing to "see" with my brain.
There's a YT video someone shared, "Aphantasia: The People Who Can't Visualise ['Out of Mind"] Wired UK. You may have seen it? Since seeing that I've been researching.
I have so many questions. . .like are most aphantasics born this way, does trauma play a role as to how we function with it, or what kind of aphantasia you have, and can it be reversed?
It takes some getting used to the idea that not all people see black when visualizing. It makes sense as a kid always being really frightened of the dark and really looking forward to dreaming. Humans and their brains certainly are all unique. Those of us who have been exposed to and studied narcissism certainly know this.
Take Care
@@disappearingremedy7400
I have been afraid of dark basements, ever since my father had me go down to the bottom of the stairs in the basement of our house and sit in the dark until he let me come back up. I was @ 9 years old at the time.
I’m not afraid of the dark, just dark basements.
My aphantasia is like my memory. It’s partial. If I know an area from real life or a picture, I can import it into my mind. I can’t “see” others, but I can “see” me, because I imagine my child body in the scene. Very strange. Such strongly visual dreams, but very poor visualization. Nothing’s black in my “mind’s eye”, merely “not there”, or like in a fog (hard to see).
@Nettonya Ryane
It sounds rough to go through that. It's not a very nice thing for a parent to do to a little kid.
Basements can be creepy, especially dark ones. One of my first paranormal experiences occurred in a basement. I saw a wispy partial apparition that was there for a few seconds, then was suddenly gone. I was eight.
For me, it's more like the darkness when I close my eyes can sometimes incite momentary fear. It's not even so much a dark room that's scary.
Anyhow, I know one can conquer fear by facing it. At first, I was a bit fearful finding out I was an aphantasic. It's ironic that being born into a family of malignant narcissists prepares you to deal with fear like a warrior. I've tried to do some shadow/or inner child work after learning about the inter generational trauma. It's going to be a regular practice just to continue to stay, no pun intended, "in the light."
It's very fascinating to me the way that you describe your aphantasia. Sounds like maybe you've been aware of having it for a while? It also makes me think the studies are correct in reporting that there are different kinds of it.
Just had an experience with this communication style. This video explains so much of my childhood in a multigenerational household. I must now monitor myself to see how much of this in iingrained in my communication style. Another layer of healing!
ARE THEY DUMP. I MET A NARCISSISTS CAN NEVER TALK
I keep getting the impression there could be a map. A map of childhood development, timing of wounds and the corresponding stunted development that presents in adult behavior. Is there such a thing?
A map that leads to narcissism? Yes, there are ideas which mostly center around the baby/infant/toddler/child being severely neglected and/or traumatized such that the psychological development is damaged and does not mature beyond that point in life, often in the mother-child dyad. So while the infant does grow up physically and learn about life becoming an adult, the narcissist retains the inherent fears and trauma that the world is a dangerous place and needs will never be met, everyone is out to get each other, no one cooperates, vulnerability is weakness, everything is SHAME and must be destroyed, etc., through the eyes of the infant, such that the references to childish/immature/selfish/egocentric behaviors, a child in an adult's body, are painfully accurate. However, there are exceptions where wonderful loving childhoods can result in narcissism, and traumatic childhoods do not, and no one knows why.
This is a good topic to further research because I was traumatized by my upbringing and I have empathy and self reflection. So idk. I learned how not to behave from my upbringing
Good
Everything you've said about narcissists could be said about everyone I've ever known.
yeah, me too. the biggest thing , the word lil shaman said the rang many bells for me was "context". of course we all do the same things when those things are called for. The difference between a narcissistic person and a non-narcissistic person is the non- narc tends to defend because there's an actual threat. A Narcissistic person plays defence and offense ALWAYS. Its hard for me to explain, here's my personal parable: A random person walks by Kevin and says "hello, you look nice, have a nice day". Kevin says "Hi, thanks that's a nice shirt". Both people go on about their day. SAME SITUATION- different people: A random person walks by Steve and says "hello, you look nice, have a nice day". Steve says "hi, that's nice shirt". Both people go on about their day but Steve is thinking "that's a nice shirt on a dumb ass and who is he to tell me to have a nice day? What if my day is going bad and now I gotta fake a nice day! Next time I see him I'll put him in his place and to hell with that shirt, it would look better on me. People are so fake, I gotta beat them to the punch if I'm to win". So now Steve goes about the rest of his day saying "hello, you look nice, have a nice day". Same actions but NOT the same THING happened. BOTH are genuine! But, WOW, this is why we have to distance from them or find ways (if they are unavoidable) to pillowfight with them for our own peace. A narcissistic person will NOT pillowfight UNLESS they think they brought the pillow and set the 'pillow' STAGE. The non-narcisstic person just brings out the pillow when necessary. The narcissistic person feels like he is doing the same thing. And THAT's the cycle. I feel bad about the narcissist's plight, he doesn't even recognize mine. He thinks we are both doing the same thing. WOW! I'm glad I'm writing this respenonse. THANKS to your response. NOW I have better words! One person puts snow boots on because its winter, another always wears snow boots because they really feel like its a cold world! Try telling the cold world thinker it's 100 degrees and summer time. The cold world thinker feels "you don't like my boots". And NOW THE FIGHT HAPPENS! Now you find yourself in a situation, 100 degrees outside at a family picnic arguing about snow boots!. lol it's ALMOST funny. Narcissistic person will really believe YOU are dumb to fight over snow boots in the summer at a picnic! Gotta understand and step away. Let them have snow boots in the summer. BE ok with not wearing a bikini in mid winter for yourself. Leave the fight. It's not about the boots, the bikini nor the nice shirt , nor you having a nice day as far as YOU are concerned. They don't CONCERN, they only feel "present moment". 1 laughs because something is funny to them, another laughs because it seems like its the time to laugh. NOT THE SAME THING. Good luck to YOU @dread pirate Lenny!
@@letssee9 Thank you for the spirited response!
I am often accused of being a narcissist by my friends and family. They call me unappreciative, apathetic, selfish, arrogant, and similar things. It's difficult for me to imagine such a person even exists outside of a cartoon or comic book.
I've been trying to learn what a narcissist is, and the more I learn, the more I believe that either everyone I know is one, or no such thing exists.
I don't know what to think, I'm still learning, but I very much appreciate your personal parable and all else you said.
Everyone can have "occasional" behaviors that are similar to narcissism, but only a narcissists have "always" had the behaviors "consistently", and "always" will have the behaviors "consistently" for an entire lifetime.
I don't listen to him. He lies nonstop. There cannot be an exchange with delusion. Truth has to meet truth to exchange ideas. 😊
🙏👏
Wim Hof breathing regiments saves lives. Breathe in deeply....Let it go. 🔁 Repeat. Relationships are a communication not a competition. Pathological liars don't breathe well, across the board.
Wim Hof is a narcissist!
What if we know what that I am hungry means they want you to get them something to eat. And we dont do for them anyway lol
I think that's fair. An adult should use their words.
How many were mentioned in this part?
If someone could write ✍🏽 the name of each one in the comments would be gr8
The narcissist calls himself autistic due to his inability to socialise and communicate which is weird
Hey, autism is a real condition!
Mine claims the same. The one time she apologized was "sorry i self medicated with alcohol" and says shes autistic.
@@Babygirls2023 ah this seems common then, unfortunate that that's the case. :(
Thousands of self help channels speak about topics of mental health they know nothing about. Confusing the audience. Say prof Sam Vatkin
BeaM I've noticed that as well and I don't mean Little Shaman because she seems to have accurate knowledge of how highly narcissistic individuals operate, which is beyond confusing. Lol.
I certainly don't know everything on the subject either, yet I've been dealing with these types of people since I was born and have had huge issues functioning in the world as a result, hence why I know enough to be able to tell who "gets" it.
I've started to get frustrated with some narcissism counsellors who give incorrect info, not to mention many of the comments on the videos!
I've even heard so-called experts state that it's not true at all about everyone having narcissistic traits and that they only go after healthy and confident people, then I mention that I definitely wasn't in that category when I got caught up with the exes in my past.
I could write a LOT more on this subject, but don't have time now, except to add that I don't agree with everything Sam Vaknin, or the Ultra, HG Tudor, says in their interesting videos either. 😊
The Kentucky Republican party. Sorry not sorry.
Yeah, I'm not going to take your word for it.
So, do I have to communicate. With a man that I would like more than one word responses every 10 hours, because I honestly have never experienced a man who can hold a conversation. Do they exist? Or am I "entitled?"
Do I actually have to ask for conversation?
One word responses every 10 hours for months.
the part about tastes in music or clothes brought a question to my mind : not tolerating that someone else doesn't have the same taste is likely to be narcissistic , but what about the opposite? meaning you feel very unconfortable when people start to like the same things as you do and it feels like a threat , as if they were trying to take something from you? is that narcissistic?
Yes, narcs copy, mirroring you etc etc
@@annekerotterdam7499in the beginning they do. Mine mimiced and had everything in common with me. I was young so i didnt realize how unrealistic that was. Later on turns out we actually had nothing in common. The music she claimed to like was the polar opposite of the music she actually liked. Her sex drive she later told me she was acting for me, she used to be so fun and bubbly, then her real personality came out and she was cold, short, started fights then would run away if i didnt fold and agree and apologize for the fight she started. Never apologized. A real tornado of a relationship, nothing ever made sense. She would keep saying she loved me, but never showed it for years and years, zero effort put into the relationship, not fun to be around regardless of what I did or how I acted or what activity we were doing, just always she was... off I guess.