Seeing that title, makes me think of the "don't have flames nearby " on motorbikes gas tank. Since someone, some where, at some time used a lighter to check their gas level................
I noticed whilst doing laundry, one of my niece’s articles of clothing had that warning “remove child before placing in the washing machine”. I had a good laugh at that one.
Always reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: "think of how stupid the average person is... then realize that half of all people are dumber than that".
genuinely the depths of human idiocy never stop amazing me. I work in a grocery store and people are *stupid* oh my goodness. We used to have these machines called catalinas that printed like, coupons and like at least once an hour people would call me over and demand to know why it won't take their card/money. Not helped was the fact the little bit where the coupon would rest on just so happened to be about the width of a card. And it truly was once an hour, because I'd keep track when it was my turn to babysit SCO. I remember once I thought "oh, it's 5 minutes to 12 and nobody has tried to pay the catalina. Amazing!" and like right then someone came up and was like "the machine won't take my card" and they were trying to pay the catalina :) Customers have upgraded to instead putting their cash in the slot where we instead drop used coupons but this has also decreased to like once every few hours.
We had a saying in the military, "If there's a warning, some dipshit tried it." That being said, my favorite was a good one. I was in the back of the truck going out to my plane with a bunch of cans of hydraulic fluid. Out of boredom, I read the label on one of the cans. Along with the health warnings, poison warnings, flammable warnings and others was this gem... "Not to be used as a personal lubricant." The best part was a few years later when one of the old guys in my squadron told me the story of how it got there.
I bought a Ruger GP100 .357/.38 revolver. Stamped on the side of the barrel was something along the lines of "Warning: May cause death or serious injury". Who knew? Apparently someone once won a Darwin Award due to improper use of a firearm and sued, so Ruger was forced to add warning lables to their guns.
I used to read warning labels for laughs when I worked retail. I'd tell myself "there's no way people are this dumb", then a customer would ask how they would go about using a tool in a way that not even the warning label gods had thought of. The worst was electrical. I'd explain how their idea would burn down their house, they'd look at me like i had 2 heads. I would then get my coworker, who was a certified electrician, and he would explain how their idea would lead to them being homeless. They would look at him like he had 3 heads and say that they think they can make it work.
I used to think the same. Then I put together what knowing I was above average and also knowing I was a moron said about the species. Or as George Carlin put it "think about how stupid the average person is. Then realize, half of them are stupider than that!"
Oof, anything electrical related brings out the stupids. I worked at Home Depot through college. The amount of people that wanted help hooking their house up to the electrical grid themselves was unbelievable. When I told one of them, "I will not assist you doing this criminal act," you would think I just insulted their Nana. The words that flew out their mouth at a 19 year old was so loud and offensive, that next thing I knew, 4 off-duty cops pop up out of nowhere escorting them to jail...love instant karma
Same with firearms. Oh my god, the stupid shit I saw and heard in just a year of being an RSO and selling guns could fill a book. Mostly, it's people asking you to do things which are straight up illegal. No, the gun which specifically says on the fucking frame "only use with .38 Special" will not function with .357 Magnum. That's a fucking hand grenade without a fuse. No, we can't sell you machine guns, Reagan banned them in 1986. No, we can't ship guns to your door, that's been illegal for nearly a century. No, you can't use .45-70 in a 1911, the cartridge is almost the same length as the barrel
Best one I've seen in recent years was a hand painted sign on the edge of a farmer's field - "No Trespassing. Survivors will be prosecuted" Erm........yeah. I think I'll stick to the path, then.
Shout out to Dave! My favorite thing is to find signs with incorrect braille that doesn't match the print or is just completely not what they were going for. Also, I have a t-shirt that says, in braille, "please stop touching me".
Your shirt somehow reminded me of this: I used to have a t-shirt that said “Pretend Im riding a moose”, I wore it nearly always when I was out riding horses. It helped a lot with motorists, who passed us way too close. In fact, I used it so much it pretty much turned back to atoms, it got paper thin before I threw it away :)
When I started in college I was in engineering. We were talking about designing products, and a professor said something that has stuck with me, and still informs my design work sometimes (though I am not in engineering). He said "Assume the consumer is an idiot." Its a great way to approach dealing with consumers
You can never go wrong by underestimating the intelligence of the buying public. Or, as the saying goes, no system can ever be foolproof; fools are so ingenious.
When I first started as a QA Engineer someone told me to think what the biggest idiot I know would do then remember there's 7 billion people on the planet so there's surely a bigger idiot out there right now using our product. Best advice I ever received
Watching Simon's Brain Blaze videos is like being in a class where you're supposed to learn the subject but the teacher keeps telling you their life story
Those were my favorite teachers in college. I still remember my literary teacher going on a tangent about how her kids are adorable but they were super ugly babies. I still die laughing at that 10 years later
We really are a disgrace to other primates with how bad we are at climbing ladders...and I'm just talking statistically to say nothing of the hilariously stupid things that we've all seen pictures of.
I work retail and we have a video on how to use the company provided knives, using a knife of any other kind is a policy violation. It is only there so the company is covered legally if you cut yourself.
@@dynamicworlds1 They can grip with their feet. Chimps basically have 4 hands and a tail to hold on to stuff. You could outpace a chimp easily. Basically any animal on the planet. Though they sprint way faster so you have to survive the initial charge to tire the animal out. A cheetah, though they don't attack humans is pretty much done for after 2-3 attempts and has to lie down for a while. Humans can go 18h walking at a brisk pace.
I worked at a small law firm back in the early 90s and one of the lawyers told me "those warnings are there because at least one person did the thing you are being warned about".
Yeah, I believe the argument is that people don't drink the coffee right away, so if they wait and it's cold they come back and complain, or something. I forget the exact rationale McDonald's and other coffee sellers used, but rather than reduce the temp, they just added the warning, which seems to be the wrong lesson to have learned.
@@BorderlineBinge it was the result of the lawsuit, and the FDA finding out they were going against regulations... they had to pay the woman who won, a fine and lower the temperature to what it was actually supposed to be.
It was actually worse than Simon brought up. The woman had major surgeries and ended up never working again from the injuries. McDonald's had complaints and had already paid out to multiple injured people out of court (like approaching 1000). Last it was the "new" cup after the previous new cups and the bottoms would literally fall out (and had it happen a few times myself). In addition though people bring it up as an example of frivolous lawsuits the only thing that the woman asked for originally was to just cover the medical bills.
My personal favorite, from back in the early 90s, was the warning on my younger sister's new hair curling wand or iron or whatever you call it. It still haunts me to this day. "For external use ONLY. Not to be inserted into any bodily orifice." Just the thought that, like, someone would repurpose this electrical heating thing as a sex toy. 😵
Still on there as of the '10-'20's. My mother and I were listening to this comedian's bit about stupid people. When we heard the part about curling irons I told my mom "That can't be real. Let's read the warning label." Sure enough "Do not insert into any bodily orifice" was on the label.
I worked for Black + Decker and I was the guy who put a full page of legal disclaimers in 2 point font on a product to tell people not to iron clothes while wearing them. (The surge of steam is more dangerous than the iron.) Once an engineer friend jokingly requested that I put "Do not insert fingers and toes into the spinning blades of the food processor." It was my job, so I did it just as requested... and he freaked out! The joke was on him as I only gave the prelim design to him, not to the legal dept for approval.
I was like 3 or 4 or something (barely remember) and swear I thought I was told push the button when I say (probably was actually something like "don't fucking push the button") and I guess I turned the blender on while my brother was stuffing something inside of it. He needed stitches, no fingers lost fortunately..he probably didn't talk to me for months lol...one of the only vague memories I have of being that young, with me somehow still remebeleaving that somehow I was helping and was told to push the button when I did to which my mom says wtf you're crazy why would we tell a toddler to operate a blender? Letalone with the top off and your brothers hand inside? To be fair, he probably shouldn't have been putting his hands inside with the jug on the base to begin with letalone at all (he's 6 years older so would have been 9 - 10 or so?) But yeah, I guess we should have checked if the manual said that and sued if not right? Lol 😆
As a teenager, I once read the story of a man who'd accidentally castrated himself with a vacuum cleaner in the local newspaper. Allegedly he'd been trying to clean his car for a trip to the swimming pool between taking off his clothes and putting on his swimming trunks 😉 I guess you can't have too many warnings on any product, however dumb you'd have to be for them actually to be useful.
I'm a 40 year old woman from Alabama. The first lesson my Dad taught me about chainsaws was the kick. The kick usually leads to the chainsaw bucking then dropping into the person's lower leg. My uncle who is a tree surgeon later showed me pictures... To this day I've only used small clipper chainsaws 😳😆
@@ErwinPommel That’s because the neologistic use of the phrase really arrives at the same destination as the classical use of “begging the question”, so it’s really just fruitless being pedantic about it. Both illustrate, ultimately, that a line of reasoning (typically circular) leads to obvious questions and counter-conclusions by failing to accommodate outside reasoning (i.e. obvious questions and gaps in reasoning).
Jesus god, thank you. I thought I was alone in annoying friends and family with shouting at the tv when someone used it incorrectly. Bad news? I looked it up the other day and it's undergone a shift in usage and both are now acceptable. It gets to the same end, though, so suppose I can grudgingly accept it. How many are phil or law grads? Philosophy here. so I'm a professional nanny.
A few years ago I went on a ghost walk in an old prison. It was sufficiently creepy. We were told by the guide specifically to "not lick the walls" I asked her and she said that all rules are because people had done it.
If the prison was old enough the paint may have contained lead, and it might taste sweet due to its lead acetate content. The ancient Romans kept wine in lead-lined containers to sweeten it.
They probably didn't want you finding out that the schnozzberries tasted like schnozzberries; they'd end up selling out tickets in an hour, but the chaos that would ensue!
I love that Simon just waits for the post office to send his important letters. It reminds me of how Napoleon Bonaparte would wait 2 weeks before opening any mail he recieved because 'most important things will sort themselves out by then without you having to involve yourself'. Very big brain Simon
My older brother set off bottle rockets in our living room when I was around 8. It was even a single-wide trailer in Texas. I don't speak of my past life as basically a walking representation of trailer trash often, but this episode was great. The writing was great, the editing was perfect, and the ramblings of fact-boy were flawless.
I unironically watch brain blaze for the legendary add reads. It's the craziest part remaining from the business blaze days. Nothing will ever top that one insane magic spoon add.
I love that one doing the rounds about the manual in a 1959 Morris including details on how to grease all the appropriate parts every 500 miles etc, whereas a new car in 2023 will have a warning not to drink the battery
I knew that this episode would be good, but the fact that Dave is blind made it 10 times better. I am blind so knowing the fact that this episode was written by a blind person made me feel nice.
@@Pupil0fGod Legally blind (but not the 100% "Can't see anything but the black void" kind) people might be able to see things extremely close to them and such, then there's also assistance devices that read out what's on the screen via Text-to-speech and its counterpart; Speech-to-text.
@@SINDRIKARL1 have you always been that blind? I can't even imagine how to go about anything without even poor eyesight. You must have some serious patience
@@supermexicanroboninja3116 yeah, people wanna pretend it's just "kids these days" and ignore all the stupid shit their own generation did that got safety labels created for them.
Strictly speaking, cashews (and almonds) are not true nuts -- they're drupes, more specifically a seed. Adding a 'may contain nuts' in that respect makes sense, despite how redundant it seems.
You and your dreams are insane. I love it. You should make an episode where you recount them in detail. It wouldn't be any more strange than your usual content.
I always chuckle at step one of my at home covid test "Remove instructions from box" on the instructions you can't read until you take it out of the box
I for one miss the old set where Simon would keep his hands busy with the printed out script and maybe a coffee mug. That just felt natural. Him with the microphone here is, well, it almost feels like a parody of some sort of other show that I can't quite put my finger on.
Yeah, Brain Blaze has fallen off. It started with the name change, but when he stopped doing cocaine and started sitting down it kind of sealed the deal. Bring back Danny and long intros, Fact Boy!
@@Sniperboy5551 ha, well honestly I figure Simon thought he was tweaking the format to make it more of what he thought people wanted to see, to grow the channel farther. That's why I'm giving this constructive feedback. And maybe he's right! Maybe the new look actually is what more people want. It's not my cup of tea, but I'll give that feedback and he'll do what he thinks is best.
My favorite warning label by far was on a meat slicer. It had a picture of a finger getting cut off with just the words ... "CAUTION! Blade will cut". Really? Is that what they do? Lol
The McDonald's thing was almost much, much worse for the company. Around the same time, maybe a bit before, my dad was shipping out on military deployment and on the way back home my older sister (6 at the time) asked for a hot chocolate. It was brought out to the table, and the person set it down on the edge of the table - my sister never even touched the cup. It caused a third degree burn on her thigh, and she still has the scar to this day. The only reason my mom didn't sue is because all the medical bills were paid by McDonald's, it's kind of too bad that they realized how massive of a fuck that was. Just imagine the headlines. Side note: the reason McDonald's coffee "causes cancer" is because they still serve too hot, Star Bucks prob has the same issue. If the drink is hot enough to scald the inside of your mouth, your esophagus, and/or your stomach, the scar tissue that builds up as a result of that happening repeatedly can lead to mouth, throat, and/or stomach cancer (depending on where the burns are)
As a person with ADHD myself, this is exactly what having a conversation with an ADHD person is like 😂 Seriously this is basically what the inside of my brain sounds like.... complete with random memes and side jokes lol
Knew someone who worked in ER. Someone came in missing 4 digits which is pretty rare. That's exactly what he was doing, holding the mower up to do the hedge...
They must not have heard about the "World's Strongest Redneck." Never mind a push-mower on hedges, which he does, he also tried a chainsaw on the end of a rope while swinging it around his head, helicopter-style. That'll teach them hedges... Git er dun!
@@darkavenger10k it took a little bit, but I think I just figured out how he was holding it to do that....which just makes it even dumber than it did initially...
Table of Content: Total run time 28:28 of the 10 mins of content, 10 mins of tangents and 8 mins and 28 seconds of memes. a perfect recipe for a good Brain Blaze video
Once upon a time, staying up late on the internet would lead you down into that strange rabbit hole of ghost videos and conspiracy theories that we all remember. Now it just leads to Brain Blaze, some may start with Top Tenz or maybe Biographics or even Geographics. But sooner or later you end up here. Welcome.
There's a popular breakfast pastry here in North America called PopTarts (not sure if it's sold overseas) and it's a dry pastry with filling you heat in the toaster oven or microwave. On the box it says "warning, contents of pastry may be hot when heated". D'uh!
I actually cut my hair while sleepwalking once. Shaved most of it off with pet grooming razor…. Probably a good thing there wasn’t enough left to use hair straighteners on 😂
My favorite ridiculous warning label is found on a peace of hunting equipment. It is on a safety harness for a treestand to prevent you from falling. It reads. "Do not wrap safety harness around neck."
Personally, I enjoy hearing your stories Simon. I also enjoy you going off on a tangent and an amazing rant. It’s these things while reading the Blaze written by your talented research/writers that make this such a fun get together. In 2021 at least nine people died and an estimated 11,500 people were injured in fireworks-related accidents according to a report from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC). Be careful out there.
This has to be my favorite " blink and you'll miss it" joke yet: Looking at the photo of the coffee cup, the French translation of "Avoid pouring on crotch area" is... "Ne pourez pas dans L'AREA DE OO-LA-LA" F'ing died.🤣🤣🤣 ...And now that term will have a permanent place of pride in my vocabulary going forward.
Keep being you. Love all the tangents. Simon: *Worries about being cancelled* Reasons to cancel: 1. Calls kids fat 2. "I don't clean. I have people for that." 😆😆🤣🤣
My 2 favourite warning lables i have come across are "do not touch the hot thing as it may be hot" on the exhaust of my quad and "do not assemble or operate while intoxicated" on my partners welding trolley" (literally a table with wheels that you push around by hand). Also as a braille reader i am equally amused by the "do not touch" on the stove. Oh and don a slight Simonesque tangent, you cannot buy fireworks in Australia
Hmmm...good mail service where you are, Simon. My experience with US mail is if I don't go pick it up, it gets returned to sender as undeliverable. Or lost forever. Also, being the US, I have at least a swiss army knife on me most times and readily open mail with that. Kudos for having the full story on the damagingly hot coffee and not just making her the butt of jokes.
Coming from someone who has just spent the entire day scrubbing the kitchen from top to bottom, and winding up looking like the creature from the black lagoon because of the back spray from the scrubbing brush, I need a cleaner. Having said that, there’s something intensely satisfying about finishing cleaning. It’s rather like finishing banging your head against a wall. It’s so lovely it’s over! It’s also incredibly wonderful to have so much help from your pets. I just love how my Labrador puppy can spread water over three rooms meaning I have to mop again. My cat is capable leaving enough fluff for a full size Scottish castle to look fluffy. My little rescue girl is small but powerful when it comes to oderising the house. Her rear end is best described as toxic and her tail is a wufty wafter.
Safety warnings are supposed to keep stupid people from being themselves. Unfortunately, these aren’t the people that would bother to read a safety warning.
No no, safety warnings are the legal department’s equivalent of, “there! See? I told you so! Maybe next time you listen to me BEFORE doing the stupid thing?”
Been watching your 12 hour Casual Criminalist all day, so I need this Blaze before bed. Keep doing what you do Simon, I love your content. I come here specifically to hear your tangents and whatever whacky shit Danny (or in this case, Dave) has cooked up for us this time.
I loved those little snaps that you throw and they pop on impact…Would empty out a bunch of those and made a ball a bit bigger than a golf ball, sounded like a gunshot😳
21:00 After that coffee case was settled, I changed the heat element in coffee makers in several locations in the state. Old people, like me noticed the difference pretty quick. Lowered the temp to 125. Not hot.
The obsession with serving drinks disfiguringly hot is stupid. When I buy a hot drink it is because I am cold and I want to drink it to warm up NOW not in a half an hour when it has cooled enough to not cause second or third degree burns in my mouth. Most people are not fetching coffee for the office workers and still needing to drive 20+ minutes to deliver it to the person who will drink it.
Dave understands Simon. You can write a two-sentence entry, he will vamp for 5 minutes on tangents, we still get a half hour Blaze, and viewers love that shit.
I literally had to look up "tree surgeon", at first I thought I misheard Simon, then I thought he was making a joke I didn't get, then I realized I had to look it up lol, great script, also very interesting to learn that Dave is blind. The big fireworks holidays in the US are definitely both New Years and 4th of July
Depends on where you are. In WI, it's too damn cold on New Year's to go stand outside. We have big fireworks shows on the 4th, but we just stay inside, play games, drink, and watch TV on NYE.
@@DSzaks No it's someone that prunes and treats old or damaged trees in order to preserve them, an actual tree surgeon lol, they're also called arborists which is what I had known them as
@@DSzaks Everyone has to find out about those strange professions that make sense but that we never 'saw' as being needful before then at one point or another. If they were serious (and I think they were), then points to them for looking it up rather than ignoring it or something. I mean, who'd ever think that there was a specialist who you could call to come cut a branch on your oak tree..? But, well, if it's to cut a damaged/diseased limb off without further risking the tree's health then knowing how to cut, and/or how to treat the leftover-stub, to keep it from letting bugs get into the wood can be crucial. Totally not an 'obvious' profession, though, unlike bakers or doctors or stuff.
Yeah, I agree. Strollers, car seats, and any other baby device are all SO expensive! That was a big eye opening thing I discovered when I worked at ToysRUs. A lot of it is pretty cool though, because most of them fold up, expand, and some even come apart to serve more than one purpose.
When my goddaughter was small, her stroller had a puncture (back of a anti-theft device meant for clothing was sharp side up on H&M floor) on one “tire” and we couldnt believe how much the replacement cost - 70 bucks! Back then you could buy a car tire for that price, it was baffling price for this tiny wheel. Luckily the store paid for it, but Ill never forget the utter wtf-moment we got, when we were on the phone with the kiddy supply store. Her whole stroller had cost less than four new tires for it. Unreal.
Seriously, they are basically slightly fancier but smaller lawn chairs on wheels. They should not cost 10x or more what it costs to get a folding lawn chair that can support a several hundred pound obese man.
My work friends and I will come up with captions for warning labels when we’re bored. “Please do not hump the machine”, “Avoid waving at moving parts” and “No aliens operating equipment” are the first that come to mind.
Even better are instructions/warnings from companies in Asia that are very poorly translated. It's a riot reading them and then trying to even figure out what it was trying to say.
I think that water lung dream is crazy because that's actually kind of what a lung transplant feels like! I had a double lung transplant when I was 22 years old after being in the hospital and on life support for 66 days. I obviously was unconscious the whole time, but I was never on a transplant list so by the time I was awoken with new lungs I had a tracheotomy and I couldn't talk. My muscles atrophied and I was confused and hallucinating because of some of the medication and I could barely write, but I remember writing something to try and tell the doctors I had fish in my lungs. I just remember being scared and extremely confused while the doctors were telling me I had received a double lung transplant. My eyes must of bulged out of my head while I wrote "WITH FIISH?!" 🤣 It absolutely just felt wet and heavy and rather uncomfortable (along with scary, confusing and a host of other negative feelings in the moment). The fact that I thought I had fish in my lungs was due in part to the hallucinating I was unaware of that was going on. But My chest definitely felt heavier and watery and breathing was extremely difficult. I wasn't able to breath without extra oxygen going through the tracheotomy for another 2 or 3 weeks. I quite literally had to learn how to breath again using a new set of lungs.
This increases my respect for people with cystic fibrosis. Their lungs are full of thick slime from the time they're born and they're very prone to infections. When they manage to get lung transplants, the universally report that the new lungs are the freest and easiest they can ever remember breathing
Simon you got me started and then I read the comments... I spent almost 1.5 hours reading them before I finished around 3am !! Thanks for all the pleasure you give us !! We love it !!
I once worked on a truck that had a secondary engine that had a large warning above the ignition of said engine that read "stop engine before service" with a picture of a hand getting shredded. I always wondered who that warning was for.
More surprising for me is that he's blind! I imagine that even with text-to-speech readers, being blind and using a computer must be VERY difficult to master.
A bit of Guy Fawkes Night-related trivia for Simon, Dave, and Simon's other British writers: I (a Canadian) don't think it's an accident that Election Day in the US is basically synchronized with Guy Fawkes Night. The lesson there (about separation of church and state) seems lost on modern Americans, though.
I love that Simon is like me with his Rolls Royce Owners Manual approach to life - call a man. Something to fix - call a man Something to clean - call a man 😂😂😂😂
Half an hour cleaning is a Top Tenz recording session. Much much cheaper to pay someone to clean and fix, while he works. Added bonus they're professionals and will do a better and quicker job than he would. It's a win win.
21:33 The "translations" are too funny to be real. The "French" one says not to pour it on the area of Oo-la-la, and the "German" one says not to drop the hot coffee on your knickers.
I once wrote a paper for an Ethics and Business Law course about the failure to warn doctrine. Before I started writing I went to McDonald's for an apple pie and a small coffee, then tallied and quoted all the numerous warnings on the cup, lid and pie box. I even footnoted it for the copyright dates. It made a great lead-in to the McDonald's coffee example.
The warning on the bottom of lawn mowers that says, Do not stick hands in blades. Didn't work, my buddy lost all his fingers on one hand trying to unclog a RUNNING lawn mower.
"This product causes cancer and birth defects in the state of California" is my favorite. Best was when I saw this "warning" on my traffic cones, my garden hose cart and my windshield sun shade. I'm not sure how people use those things in California, but here in Texas we use them for what they are intended for. Funny it is only in the state of California that it causes cancer and birth defects.
I know it is because they put that label on anything containing certain compounds/chemicals but the way it is worded always makes me think "well, as long as we aren't in California..."
You're not thinking dumb enough to understand the warning. They say caution: flammable not just because the lighter can make fire but because the lighter itself is flammable and exposing the body of the lighter to open flame (especially if it's plastic) can end very badly. I expect someone tossed one in a campfire and was surprised when it exploded.
OK Simon, you blew my mind with your Money Pit reference. I watched that as a kid too! Then when I was a homeowner, in my 2 story house the master bathtub was directly above the dining table. I was already a little fixated on the sneaky insidiousness of water damage, and would look up at the ceiling and imagine my house becoming the money pit.
Almost every dad I know has been asked to try the breast milk, also did anyone else laugh at the golem meme I choked on my tea xD excellent blaze Fact Boy and David
Regarding number two, in the US a lot of states have restrictions or bans on fireworks due to Wildfire risks. My home state of California has banned pretty much all fireworks since they have a tendency to cause massive wildfires
Worked at a pet supply store for several years, and noticed that a cat tower I was assembling for display did in fact say "do not consume", the picture was indeed of a person not an animal.
Another example (of many) is the label on bottled water with a picture of a glass of water and the caption ‘Serving Suggestion’. Translations can also be entertaining. Many years ago I had an electric drill made in Finland. The accompanying pamphlet, in Finnish and English, contained several instructions on what you should not do with ‘your tool’, including ‘Do not immerse your tool in water’ and ‘Do not point your tool at anyone’.
We ALL know by now that ridiculous rules and instructions ONLY exist because someone, somewhere, did the stupid, and now they have to warn the normal people to not be that stupid. 😂
Thanks to Keeps for sponsoring this video! Head to keeps.com/BrainBlaze to get 50% off your first Keeps order.
This was supposed to be on TopTenz, wasn't it?
Simon we need DTU March 8 1994 Michigan Please make it happen
Seeing that title, makes me think of the "don't have flames nearby " on motorbikes gas tank. Since someone, some where, at some time used a lighter to check their gas level................
"Nipple skin grafts" means you have a dead person's nip on your tit, that's why.
Love the Keeps sponsorship. They couldn't have chosen a better marketer.
I noticed whilst doing laundry, one of my niece’s articles of clothing had that warning “remove child before placing in the washing machine”. I had a good laugh at that one.
I have a coffee mug that has printed on the bottom “For best results, use other side.” 😂🤣
@@lIII0IIIl😂😂😂😂
I freaking love this so much!
While very hilarious I do find it actually scary that there is probably a reason why that obvious scenario made it onto a warning label.
Love Easter eggs! I have a shirt that says "Remember, don't clean this with a chainsaw" on the tag.
@@thomasdickson35 ooooh that’s a great one 🤣🤣🤣
Always reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: "think of how stupid the average person is... then realize that half of all people are dumber than that".
George Carlin was amazing
genuinely the depths of human idiocy never stop amazing me. I work in a grocery store and people are *stupid* oh my goodness. We used to have these machines called catalinas that printed like, coupons and like at least once an hour people would call me over and demand to know why it won't take their card/money. Not helped was the fact the little bit where the coupon would rest on just so happened to be about the width of a card. And it truly was once an hour, because I'd keep track when it was my turn to babysit SCO. I remember once I thought "oh, it's 5 minutes to 12 and nobody has tried to pay the catalina. Amazing!" and like right then someone came up and was like "the machine won't take my card" and they were trying to pay the catalina :)
Customers have upgraded to instead putting their cash in the slot where we instead drop used coupons but this has also decreased to like once every few hours.
We had a saying in the military, "If there's a warning, some dipshit tried it."
That being said, my favorite was a good one. I was in the back of the truck going out to my plane with a bunch of cans of hydraulic fluid. Out of boredom, I read the label on one of the cans.
Along with the health warnings, poison warnings, flammable warnings and others was this gem...
"Not to be used as a personal lubricant."
The best part was a few years later when one of the old guys in my squadron told me the story of how it got there.
If it's a warning; some moron did it.
If it's a regulation; a company did it to save a buck.
My favorite in the military was the Claymore mine warning, "This side toward enemy."
Oh man, now I want to hear the story of how it got there!
I bought a Ruger GP100 .357/.38 revolver. Stamped on the side of the barrel was something along the lines of "Warning: May cause death or serious injury". Who knew? Apparently someone once won a Darwin Award due to improper use of a firearm and sued, so Ruger was forced to add warning lables to their guns.
@@brolohalflemming7042 No Darwin Award winner has ever been in a position to sue after winning.
I used to read warning labels for laughs when I worked retail. I'd tell myself "there's no way people are this dumb", then a customer would ask how they would go about using a tool in a way that not even the warning label gods had thought of. The worst was electrical. I'd explain how their idea would burn down their house, they'd look at me like i had 2 heads. I would then get my coworker, who was a certified electrician, and he would explain how their idea would lead to them being homeless. They would look at him like he had 3 heads and say that they think they can make it work.
I used to think the same. Then I put together what knowing I was above average and also knowing I was a moron said about the species.
Or as George Carlin put it "think about how stupid the average person is. Then realize, half of them are stupider than that!"
Oof, anything electrical related brings out the stupids. I worked at Home Depot through college. The amount of people that wanted help hooking their house up to the electrical grid themselves was unbelievable. When I told one of them, "I will not assist you doing this criminal act," you would think I just insulted their Nana.
The words that flew out their mouth at a 19 year old was so loud and offensive, that next thing I knew, 4 off-duty cops pop up out of nowhere escorting them to jail...love instant karma
Same with firearms. Oh my god, the stupid shit I saw and heard in just a year of being an RSO and selling guns could fill a book. Mostly, it's people asking you to do things which are straight up illegal. No, the gun which specifically says on the fucking frame "only use with .38 Special" will not function with .357 Magnum. That's a fucking hand grenade without a fuse. No, we can't sell you machine guns, Reagan banned them in 1986. No, we can't ship guns to your door, that's been illegal for nearly a century. No, you can't use .45-70 in a 1911, the cartridge is almost the same length as the barrel
Well at that point… y’all tried 🤷🏻♀️ it’s on the user now lol
I saw a sign once that said "warning trespassers will be violated" which worked well as a deterrent because I didn't go there
This reminds me of when I was little and thought the signs in fitting rooms said "shoplifters will be prostituted". It worked
Best one I've seen in recent years was a hand painted sign on the edge of a farmer's field -
"No Trespassing. Survivors will be prosecuted"
Erm........yeah. I think I'll stick to the path, then.
That would be a great sign for a SM club . Trespassers will be violated
@@michaelstamper5604 im in a dry spell. might do it
@@VeginMatt I think I've seen that film 🧐
Shout out to Dave! My favorite thing is to find signs with incorrect braille that doesn't match the print or is just completely not what they were going for.
Also, I have a t-shirt that says, in braille, "please stop touching me".
Your shirt somehow reminded me of this: I used to have a t-shirt that said “Pretend Im riding a moose”, I wore it nearly always when I was out riding horses. It helped a lot with motorists, who passed us way too close. In fact, I used it so much it pretty much turned back to atoms, it got paper thin before I threw it away :)
theres a drive up bank I know that has the entire terminal covered in braille. I laugh every time I see it
When I started in college I was in engineering. We were talking about designing products, and a professor said something that has stuck with me, and still informs my design work sometimes (though I am not in engineering). He said "Assume the consumer is an idiot." Its a great way to approach dealing with consumers
You can never go wrong by underestimating the intelligence of the buying public.
Or, as the saying goes, no system can ever be foolproof; fools are so ingenious.
After working on so many cars, engineers tend to be the idiots.
@@CaptHollister And if you do make it foolproof the universe will make better idiots
I’ve heard that saying as well. You have to remember how dumb the average person is, then realize that 50% of people are even dumber than they are.
When I first started as a QA Engineer someone told me to think what the biggest idiot I know would do then remember there's 7 billion people on the planet so there's surely a bigger idiot out there right now using our product. Best advice I ever received
Watching Simon's Brain Blaze videos is like being in a class where you're supposed to learn the subject but the teacher keeps telling you their life story
@@BorderlineBinge weird it was in my math class to back in high school
Whilst saying a bunch of rich people jokes that I'm too poor to understand
Thats the best type of class
Those were my favorite teachers in college. I still remember my literary teacher going on a tangent about how her kids are adorable but they were super ugly babies. I still die laughing at that 10 years later
Many years ago i worked at Toys R Us; i had to do a ladder course which turned out to be a rather convoluted description of how gravity works.
We really are a disgrace to other primates with how bad we are at climbing ladders...and I'm just talking statistically to say nothing of the hilariously stupid things that we've all seen pictures of.
I work retail and we have a video on how to use the company provided knives, using a knife of any other kind is a policy violation. It is only there so the company is covered legally if you cut yourself.
@@dynamicworlds1 They can grip with their feet. Chimps basically have 4 hands and a tail to hold on to stuff. You could outpace a chimp easily. Basically any animal on the planet. Though they sprint way faster so you have to survive the initial charge to tire the animal out. A cheetah, though they don't attack humans is pretty much done for after 2-3 attempts and has to lie down for a while. Humans can go 18h walking at a brisk pace.
@@221b-l3t The great apes, including chimpanzees, do not have prehensile tails.
As a fellow Braille reader myself, it's great to know one of my own is chained in Simon's basement!
At least the darkness doesnt bother him, so.. silver lining!
This comment thread, short as it is, has some pretty grim implications if I let my brain into tangents of my own..... Well done. 🏆 🏅
Most shocking part: Learning Simon actually watched a classic 80's movie.
Half the time I wonder how he got to his 30s without seeing some of the movies he says he hasn’t seen
@@AreUmygrandson i know right. How is it possible?
I almost spit out my beer.
And didn't forget it!
You forgot to say, "Spoiler alert." That's a huge revelation.
I worked at a small law firm back in the early 90s and one of the lawyers told me "those warnings are there because at least one person did the thing you are being warned about".
thanks for getting the McDonald's coffee story right. that poor woman, they were clearly putting people's health at severe risk.
Yeah, I believe the argument is that people don't drink the coffee right away, so if they wait and it's cold they come back and complain, or something. I forget the exact rationale McDonald's and other coffee sellers used, but rather than reduce the temp, they just added the warning, which seems to be the wrong lesson to have learned.
@@QBCPerdition no they actually lowered the temperature. at least that's what I remember.
@@BorderlineBinge it was the result of the lawsuit, and the FDA finding out they were going against regulations... they had to pay the woman who won, a fine and lower the temperature to what it was actually supposed to be.
It was actually worse than Simon brought up.
The woman had major surgeries and ended up never working again from the injuries.
McDonald's had complaints and had already paid out to multiple injured people out of court (like approaching 1000). Last it was the "new" cup after the previous new cups and the bottoms would literally fall out (and had it happen a few times myself).
In addition though people bring it up as an example of frivolous lawsuits the only thing that the woman asked for originally was to just cover the medical bills.
Solution cold water and tell customer to heat it up jk
My personal favorite, from back in the early 90s, was the warning on my younger sister's new hair curling wand or iron or whatever you call it. It still haunts me to this day. "For external use ONLY. Not to be inserted into any bodily orifice." Just the thought that, like, someone would repurpose this electrical heating thing as a sex toy. 😵
Yeah... *>shudder
The sad thing is that's only about a 5 out of 10 on the "dumb things people have put up their butts" scale....at most.
@@dynamicworlds1 I would put good money on a bet that someone will see your comment and think "hm, I guess I should try five more things...." 😬
Still on there as of the '10-'20's. My mother and I were listening to this comedian's bit about stupid people. When we heard the part about curling irons I told my mom "That can't be real. Let's read the warning label." Sure enough "Do not insert into any bodily orifice" was on the label.
Heated for her pleasure
I worked for Black + Decker and I was the guy who put a full page of legal disclaimers in 2 point font on a product to tell people not to iron clothes while wearing them. (The surge of steam is more dangerous than the iron.)
Once an engineer friend jokingly requested that I put "Do not insert fingers and toes into the spinning blades of the food processor." It was my job, so I did it just as requested... and he freaked out!
The joke was on him as I only gave the prelim design to him, not to the legal dept for approval.
I've owned at least one Cuisine-Art food processor with that warning BOLDLY on the side of the machine. ;o)
I was like 3 or 4 or something (barely remember) and swear I thought I was told push the button when I say (probably was actually something like "don't fucking push the button") and I guess I turned the blender on while my brother was stuffing something inside of it. He needed stitches, no fingers lost fortunately..he probably didn't talk to me for months lol...one of the only vague memories I have of being that young, with me somehow still remebeleaving that somehow I was helping and was told to push the button when I did to which my mom says wtf you're crazy why would we tell a toddler to operate a blender? Letalone with the top off and your brothers hand inside? To be fair, he probably shouldn't have been putting his hands inside with the jug on the base to begin with letalone at all (he's 6 years older so would have been 9 - 10 or so?) But yeah, I guess we should have checked if the manual said that and sued if not right? Lol 😆
“Letalone” is not a word, use punctuation lol
As a teenager, I once read the story of a man who'd accidentally castrated himself with a vacuum cleaner in the local newspaper. Allegedly he'd been trying to clean his car for a trip to the swimming pool between taking off his clothes and putting on his swimming trunks 😉
I guess you can't have too many warnings on any product, however dumb you'd have to be for them actually to be useful.
@@Sniperboy5551 Lol isn't a word, use punctuation
I'm a 40 year old woman from Alabama. The first lesson my Dad taught me about chainsaws was the kick.
The kick usually leads to the chainsaw bucking then dropping into the person's lower leg.
My uncle who is a tree surgeon later showed me pictures...
To this day I've only used small clipper chainsaws 😳😆
Dave gets bonus points for actually saying "raises the question" instead of "begs the question" in the context it was used.
Thank you
I also appreciate this. We're in a tiny and dwindling minority.
@@ErwinPommel That’s because the neologistic use of the phrase really arrives at the same destination as the classical use of “begging the question”, so it’s really just fruitless being pedantic about it.
Both illustrate, ultimately, that a line of reasoning (typically circular) leads to obvious questions and counter-conclusions by failing to accommodate outside reasoning (i.e. obvious questions and gaps in reasoning).
Jesus god, thank you. I thought I was alone in annoying friends and family with shouting at the tv when someone used it incorrectly. Bad news? I looked it up the other day and it's undergone a shift in usage and both are now acceptable. It gets to the same end, though, so suppose I can grudgingly accept it. How many are phil or law grads? Philosophy here. so I'm a professional nanny.
A few years ago I went on a ghost walk in an old prison. It was sufficiently creepy. We were told by the guide specifically to "not lick the walls" I asked her and she said that all rules are because people had done it.
If the prison was old enough the paint may have contained lead, and it might taste sweet due to its lead acetate content. The ancient Romans kept wine in lead-lined containers to sweeten it.
They probably didn't want you finding out that the schnozzberries tasted like schnozzberries; they'd end up selling out tickets in an hour, but the chaos that would ensue!
Craziest warning I saw in one of those lists was "For external use only" on a curling iron.
You know it means some girl has tried to keep herself happy with it- possibly when it was hot.
@@MsJubjubbird AHHHHHHHH
@@MsJubjubbird Guys have a place it might have been inserted too :D
Not the craziest I've ever seen, but certainly on my list of "Top 10 favorites"... ;o)
Yes! Same warning is on my hair straightener!
I love that Simon just waits for the post office to send his important letters. It reminds me of how Napoleon Bonaparte would wait 2 weeks before opening any mail he recieved because 'most important things will sort themselves out by then without you having to involve yourself'. Very big brain Simon
"Sorry for the tangent, I know it's really boring ... Anyway, here's an other one!"
- Simons brain, probably
My favorite one is at my local gas station on the pump.
"DO NOT INSERT INTO RECTUM OR MOUTH"
😆 Someone had to do it... That is the funniest part. 🤣
Sam syncing up Simon saying "What have I done?" with Anakin was fantastic.
This channel is my new addiction. Simon's attitude gives me life and the ramblings are hilarious.
My older brother set off bottle rockets in our living room when I was around 8. It was even a single-wide trailer in Texas. I don't speak of my past life as basically a walking representation of trailer trash often, but this episode was great. The writing was great, the editing was perfect, and the ramblings of fact-boy were flawless.
I unironically watch brain blaze for the legendary add reads. It's the craziest part remaining from the business blaze days. Nothing will ever top that one insane magic spoon add.
That Magic Spoon ad was glorious.
Where does one find this ad?
@@michael42093 No-one can be told where the Magic Spoon ad is. You have to find it for yourself.
I love that one doing the rounds about the manual in a 1959 Morris including details on how to grease all the appropriate parts every 500 miles etc, whereas a new car in 2023 will have a warning not to drink the battery
I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time!! Thanks to our fearless leader and the submerged basement crew! Awesome episode!
Submerged? That would mean they're underwater. Subterranean, perhaps?
I’d used the context definition of submerged for hidden, sunken (lower basement beneath BlazeBoi’s office), and suppressed.
Sam really crushed it with this one.
Absolutely agree!! LOL
I knew that this episode would be good, but the fact that Dave is blind made it 10 times better. I am blind so knowing the fact that this episode was written by a blind person made me feel nice.
Same! I have more hope between this, and another favorite channel, Philip Defranco, has a blind guy on his staff.
how does a blind man read and write in a comment section?
@@Pupil0fGod Legally blind (but not the 100% "Can't see anything but the black void" kind) people might be able to see things extremely close to them and such, then there's also assistance devices that read out what's on the screen via Text-to-speech and its counterpart; Speech-to-text.
@@SINDRIKARL1 have you always been that blind? I can't even imagine how to go about anything without even poor eyesight. You must have some serious patience
@@Pupil0fGod I myself am not blind, but I know people that are.
Love the old boomer meme: "Back in my day, a car's manual told you how to adjust the carburator, now it tells you not to drink the battery acid."
Now it tells you not to drink the battery acid because back in his day, people _did._
@@dynamicworlds1
And now they've moved on to bleach, tide pods, and pink sauce.
@@supermexicanroboninja3116 yeah, people wanna pretend it's just "kids these days" and ignore all the stupid shit their own generation did that got safety labels created for them.
I think the tangents are an important part of the Brain Blaze experience and I hope Simon keeps them coming.
"This packet may contain nuts" on a packet of salted cashews is the best I've seen.
I saw the same warning on a box of almonds 😂
I'd hope so
Strictly speaking, cashews (and almonds) are not true nuts -- they're drupes, more specifically a seed. Adding a 'may contain nuts' in that respect makes sense, despite how redundant it seems.
A cashew is not a nut, so poeple allergic to nuts won't be allergic to cashews and will need to know there may be a nut in the package.
21:32 "Ne pourez pas dans l'area de oolala."
I don't know if its creole or another such idiom, but as a french reader that sentence is hilarious.
Every so often you wonder if Simon put a script on the wrong channel or if he's lured in another writer with the promise of Lucky Strikes.
You and your dreams are insane. I love it. You should make an episode where you recount them in detail. It wouldn't be any more strange than your usual content.
Or a channel dedicated to people's dreams in general
the "no, don't do it" meme always gets me laughing no matter what. I dunno why
I always chuckle at step one of my at home covid test
"Remove instructions from box" on the instructions you can't read until you take it out of the box
I for one miss the old set where Simon would keep his hands busy with the printed out script and maybe a coffee mug. That just felt natural.
Him with the microphone here is, well, it almost feels like a parody of some sort of other show that I can't quite put my finger on.
Agree
Yeah, Brain Blaze has fallen off. It started with the name change, but when he stopped doing cocaine and started sitting down it kind of sealed the deal. Bring back Danny and long intros, Fact Boy!
@@Sniperboy5551 ha, well honestly I figure Simon thought he was tweaking the format to make it more of what he thought people wanted to see, to grow the channel farther. That's why I'm giving this constructive feedback.
And maybe he's right! Maybe the new look actually is what more people want. It's not my cup of tea, but I'll give that feedback and he'll do what he thinks is best.
I came here to say the same thing. What happened to the printed scripts being sold and the proceeds going to charity?
@@ryank7768 Charity? Really? Thought Simon was a pure capitalist, figured his idea would be to auction them off for profit 🤣
My favorite warning label by far was on a meat slicer. It had a picture of a finger getting cut off with just the words ... "CAUTION! Blade will cut". Really? Is that what they do? Lol
Have seen a girl lose 4 fingertips on turkey slicing. She...was not bright, princess syndrome is not condusive to common sense
The McDonald's thing was almost much, much worse for the company. Around the same time, maybe a bit before, my dad was shipping out on military deployment and on the way back home my older sister (6 at the time) asked for a hot chocolate. It was brought out to the table, and the person set it down on the edge of the table - my sister never even touched the cup. It caused a third degree burn on her thigh, and she still has the scar to this day. The only reason my mom didn't sue is because all the medical bills were paid by McDonald's, it's kind of too bad that they realized how massive of a fuck that was. Just imagine the headlines.
Side note: the reason McDonald's coffee "causes cancer" is because they still serve too hot, Star Bucks prob has the same issue. If the drink is hot enough to scald the inside of your mouth, your esophagus, and/or your stomach, the scar tissue that builds up as a result of that happening repeatedly can lead to mouth, throat, and/or stomach cancer (depending on where the burns are)
Due to the roasting process, coffee ends up containing acrylamide, which is a carcinogen.
As a person with ADHD myself, this is exactly what having a conversation with an ADHD person is like 😂
Seriously this is basically what the inside of my brain sounds like.... complete with random memes and side jokes lol
My favorite safety warning is "Do not use push mower as a hedge trimmer."
Knew someone who worked in ER. Someone came in missing 4 digits which is pretty rare.
That's exactly what he was doing, holding the mower up to do the hedge...
They must not have heard about the "World's Strongest Redneck."
Never mind a push-mower on hedges, which he does, he also tried a chainsaw on the end of a rope while swinging it around his head, helicopter-style.
That'll teach them hedges... Git er dun!
@@darkavenger10k it took a little bit, but I think I just figured out how he was holding it to do that....which just makes it even dumber than it did initially...
It ain't stupid if it works
Table of Content: Total run time 28:28 of the 10 mins of content, 10 mins of tangents and 8 mins and 28 seconds of memes. a perfect recipe for a good Brain Blaze video
Once upon a time, staying up late on the internet would lead you down into that strange rabbit hole of ghost videos and conspiracy theories that we all remember. Now it just leads to Brain Blaze, some may start with Top Tenz or maybe Biographics or even Geographics. But sooner or later you end up here.
Welcome.
There's a popular breakfast pastry here in North America called PopTarts (not sure if it's sold overseas) and it's a dry pastry with filling you heat in the toaster oven or microwave. On the box it says "warning, contents of pastry may be hot when heated".
D'uh!
Safety instructions to my hair straightener
"Don't use while sleeping" 😂
I actually cut my hair while sleepwalking once. Shaved most of it off with pet grooming razor…. Probably a good thing there wasn’t enough left to use hair straighteners on 😂
You can sleep with curlers and other hair products, so this is understandable.
@@schwarzerritter5724 No-one puts a straightener to their head to sleep lol but I get what you meant
My favorite ridiculous warning label is found on a peace of hunting equipment. It is on a safety harness for a treestand to prevent you from falling. It reads. "Do not wrap safety harness around neck."
But it's a SAFETY harness. It couldn't possibly hurt you.
As usual, Sam's editing is on point 👌
I commented on one of his other channels that it obviously wasn't edited by Sam, as it was pretty badly done.
@@kiplingslastcat Sam and Katy (CasCrim) are probably my two favourite of his editors
@@williebauld1007 isn't CasCrim Jenn?
@@Vespertilionid aye, sorry you’re correct, i always get mixed up between them
Personally, I enjoy hearing your stories Simon. I also enjoy you going off on a tangent and an amazing rant. It’s these things while reading the Blaze written by your talented research/writers that make this such a fun get together.
In 2021 at least nine people died and an estimated 11,500 people were injured in fireworks-related accidents according to a report from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC). Be careful out there.
Sam's really on point with the pre-tangent memes lol
This has to be my favorite " blink and you'll miss it" joke yet:
Looking at the photo of the coffee cup, the French translation of "Avoid pouring on crotch area" is...
"Ne pourez pas dans L'AREA DE OO-LA-LA"
F'ing died.🤣🤣🤣
...And now that term will have a permanent place of pride in my vocabulary going forward.
Thanks for pointing that out 🤣🤣🤣
They're definitely taking the piss. Read the "german" just below it as well.
Keep being you. Love all the tangents.
Simon: *Worries about being cancelled*
Reasons to cancel:
1. Calls kids fat
2. "I don't clean. I have people for that."
😆😆🤣🤣
3. Once advocated for killing Dogs
Maybe I could get the fat kids to clean? Give them some exercise?
@@brainblaze6526 There is a baby grow designed like a mop, Put plump baby inside, and as they crawl, shine your floor.
I dare you.
@@brainblaze6526 cleaning burns calories
My 2 favourite warning lables i have come across are "do not touch the hot thing as it may be hot" on the exhaust of my quad and "do not assemble or operate while intoxicated" on my partners welding trolley" (literally a table with wheels that you push around by hand). Also as a braille reader i am equally amused by the "do not touch" on the stove. Oh and don a slight Simonesque tangent, you cannot buy fireworks in Australia
Can't buy fireworks in SoCal either. Too much risk of devastating wildfires.
Hmmm...good mail service where you are, Simon. My experience with US mail is if I don't go pick it up, it gets returned to sender as undeliverable. Or lost forever. Also, being the US, I have at least a swiss army knife on me most times and readily open mail with that.
Kudos for having the full story on the damagingly hot coffee and not just making her the butt of jokes.
Australia and New Zealand is pretty much the same. 2 weeks then return to sender it goes.
Coming from someone who has just spent the entire day scrubbing the kitchen from top to bottom, and winding up looking like the creature from the black lagoon because of the back spray from the scrubbing brush, I need a cleaner. Having said that, there’s something intensely satisfying about finishing cleaning. It’s rather like finishing banging your head against a wall. It’s so lovely it’s over! It’s also incredibly wonderful to have so much help from your pets. I just love how my Labrador puppy can spread water over three rooms meaning I have to mop again. My cat is capable leaving enough fluff for a full size Scottish castle to look fluffy. My little rescue girl is small but powerful when it comes to oderising the house. Her rear end is best described as toxic and her tail is a wufty wafter.
Safety warnings are supposed to keep stupid people from being themselves. Unfortunately, these aren’t the people that would bother to read a safety warning.
No no, safety warnings are the legal department’s equivalent of, “there! See? I told you so! Maybe next time you listen to me BEFORE doing the stupid thing?”
It’s strictly a liability thing, companies don’t care if their products hurt stupid people as long as stupid people can’t sue them for it.
"His medical care was paid for because we're not savages."
I dunno... that was a pretty savage burn.
Am I the only one that really wants to see a picture of Simon with hair still?
Been watching your 12 hour Casual Criminalist all day, so I need this Blaze before bed. Keep doing what you do Simon, I love your content. I come here specifically to hear your tangents and whatever whacky shit Danny (or in this case, Dave) has cooked up for us this time.
3:29 "For indoor, or outdoor use only" ... means you are not to string the lights from inside to outdoors. They have to be all one side or the other.
I loved those little snaps that you throw and they pop on impact…Would empty out a bunch of those and made a ball a bit bigger than a golf ball, sounded like a gunshot😳
World's most ridiculous safety warnings specifically in Dave's personal life 😂 These are some good ones, though.
I remember a rule of thumb: safety regulations are written in blood. If there’s a warning, someone did it
21:00 After that coffee case was settled, I changed the heat element in coffee makers in several locations in the state. Old people, like me noticed the difference pretty quick. Lowered the temp to 125. Not hot.
125 is in fact hot, it isn't boiling however
The obsession with serving drinks disfiguringly hot is stupid. When I buy a hot drink it is because I am cold and I want to drink it to warm up NOW not in a half an hour when it has cooled enough to not cause second or third degree burns in my mouth. Most people are not fetching coffee for the office workers and still needing to drive 20+ minutes to deliver it to the person who will drink it.
I am supposed to be getting ready for work 😐 and I keep breaking down in hysterical laughter 🤣😅😂 thanks Tangent Boy 🥰 and Dave, nice script 😂
Dave understands Simon. You can write a two-sentence entry, he will vamp for 5 minutes on tangents, we still get a half hour Blaze, and viewers love that shit.
I literally had to look up "tree surgeon", at first I thought I misheard Simon, then I thought he was making a joke I didn't get, then I realized I had to look it up lol, great script, also very interesting to learn that Dave is blind. The big fireworks holidays in the US are definitely both New Years and 4th of July
Depends on where you are. In WI, it's too damn cold on New Year's to go stand outside. We have big fireworks shows on the 4th, but we just stay inside, play games, drink, and watch TV on NYE.
I assume it's short for "Tri"age Surgeon or what we would call and ER/ED Surgeon here in the states
@@DSzaks No it's someone that prunes and treats old or damaged trees in order to preserve them, an actual tree surgeon lol, they're also called arborists which is what I had known them as
@@stacylitwin1466 wait are you being serious....
@@DSzaks Everyone has to find out about those strange professions that make sense but that we never 'saw' as being needful before then at one point or another. If they were serious (and I think they were), then points to them for looking it up rather than ignoring it or something. I mean, who'd ever think that there was a specialist who you could call to come cut a branch on your oak tree..? But, well, if it's to cut a damaged/diseased limb off without further risking the tree's health then knowing how to cut, and/or how to treat the leftover-stub, to keep it from letting bugs get into the wood can be crucial. Totally not an 'obvious' profession, though, unlike bakers or doctors or stuff.
Yeah, I agree. Strollers, car seats, and any other baby device are all SO expensive! That was a big eye opening thing I discovered when I worked at ToysRUs. A lot of it is pretty cool though, because most of them fold up, expand, and some even come apart to serve more than one purpose.
When my goddaughter was small, her stroller had a puncture (back of a anti-theft device meant for clothing was sharp side up on H&M floor) on one “tire” and we couldnt believe how much the replacement cost - 70 bucks! Back then you could buy a car tire for that price, it was baffling price for this tiny wheel. Luckily the store paid for it, but Ill never forget the utter wtf-moment we got, when we were on the phone with the kiddy supply store. Her whole stroller had cost less than four new tires for it. Unreal.
@@janemiettinen5176 Wow, that's crazy!
Seriously, they are basically slightly fancier but smaller lawn chairs on wheels.
They should not cost 10x or more what it costs to get a folding lawn chair that can support a several hundred pound obese man.
It's all the testing for a relatively low volume product that seriously drives the price up.
Independent labs are seriously expensive.
I love safety warnings. Best free entertainment ever.
Absolutely my favorite. I never get tired of them.
From a package of steak knives, "Please keep out of children." Well, OK then!
There's a story behind every safety warning 😁
My work friends and I will come up with captions for warning labels when we’re bored.
“Please do not hump the machine”, “Avoid waving at moving parts” and “No aliens operating equipment” are the first that come to mind.
"Do not use hair dryer underwater" 😬
Even better are instructions/warnings from companies in Asia that are very poorly translated. It's a riot reading them and then trying to even figure out what it was trying to say.
“Okay so you’re old and you’re bald” at 13:10 nearly made me spit out my food laughing 😂
My favorite is my wife's curling iron says "do not insert into any orifices" like what 😂🤣
I love that part in Anchorman 2 with the Winnebago and cruise control. So funny.
I think that water lung dream is crazy because that's actually kind of what a lung transplant feels like!
I had a double lung transplant when I was 22 years old after being in the hospital and on life support for 66 days.
I obviously was unconscious the whole time, but I was never on a transplant list so by the time I was awoken with new lungs I had a tracheotomy and I couldn't talk. My muscles atrophied and I was confused and hallucinating because of some of the medication and I could barely write, but I remember writing something to try and tell the doctors I had fish in my lungs. I just remember being scared and extremely confused while the doctors were telling me I had received a double lung transplant. My eyes must of bulged out of my head while I wrote "WITH FIISH?!" 🤣 It absolutely just felt wet and heavy and rather uncomfortable (along with scary, confusing and a host of other negative feelings in the moment). The fact that I thought I had fish in my lungs was due in part to the hallucinating I was unaware of that was going on. But My chest definitely felt heavier and watery and breathing was extremely difficult. I wasn't able to breath without extra oxygen going through the tracheotomy for another 2 or 3 weeks. I quite literally had to learn how to breath again using a new set of lungs.
That sounds UTTERLY terrifying. Thanks for my new nightmare fuel! (And glad you can breathe now)
This increases my respect for people with cystic fibrosis. Their lungs are full of thick slime from the time they're born and they're very prone to infections. When they manage to get lung transplants, the universally report that the new lungs are the freest and easiest they can ever remember breathing
Simon you got me started and then I read the comments... I spent almost 1.5 hours reading them before I finished around 3am !! Thanks for all the pleasure you give us !! We love it !!
Thank you so much for telling the actual TRUTH about the Stella Liebeck case.
I once worked on a truck that had a secondary engine that had a large warning above the ignition of said engine that read "stop engine before service" with a picture of a hand getting shredded. I always wondered who that warning was for.
It makes me very happy that Dave reads braille. Love the diversity of the blaze bois!
More surprising for me is that he's blind! I imagine that even with text-to-speech readers, being blind and using a computer must be VERY difficult to master.
A bit of Guy Fawkes Night-related trivia for Simon, Dave, and Simon's other British writers: I (a Canadian) don't think it's an accident that Election Day in the US is basically synchronized with Guy Fawkes Night. The lesson there (about separation of church and state) seems lost on modern Americans, though.
The pain in Simon’s eyes grows bigger every year keeps reminds him that he was born too soon. 😂
The past was the worst.
Allegedly.
OMFG that cutaway, "Yer old and yer bald", I pissed myself a little! hahahahaha
I love that Simon is like me with his Rolls Royce Owners Manual approach to life - call a man.
Something to fix - call a man
Something to clean - call a man
😂😂😂😂
Half an hour cleaning is a Top Tenz recording session. Much much cheaper to pay someone to clean and fix, while he works. Added bonus they're professionals and will do a better and quicker job than he would. It's a win win.
Up until now I've only seen his "serious" videos and I am loving what I'm seeing here!
21:33 The "translations" are too funny to be real. The "French" one says not to pour it on the area of Oo-la-la, and the "German" one says not to drop the hot coffee on your knickers.
I once wrote a paper for an Ethics and Business Law course about the failure to warn doctrine. Before I started writing I went to McDonald's for an apple pie and a small coffee, then tallied and quoted all the numerous warnings on the cup, lid and pie box. I even footnoted it for the copyright dates. It made a great lead-in to the McDonald's coffee example.
The warning on the bottom of lawn mowers that says, Do not stick hands in blades. Didn't work, my buddy lost all his fingers on one hand trying to unclog a RUNNING lawn mower.
Simon taking about holding the mic: "I just want to be closer to you."
Me who is currently shitting: "I'd prefer you weren't"
The brail bit is hilarious 😂
"This product causes cancer and birth defects in the state of California" is my favorite.
Best was when I saw this "warning" on my traffic cones, my garden hose cart and my windshield sun shade. I'm not sure how people use those things in California, but here in Texas we use them for what they are intended for.
Funny it is only in the state of California that it causes cancer and birth defects.
I know it is because they put that label on anything containing certain compounds/chemicals but the way it is worded always makes me think "well, as long as we aren't in California..."
I work for the post office. We not lazy, we're overworked 😅
I've been watching for awhile and now he has cleaners and a handyman!! Hell yes brother killing the game!!!! Good job keep the great content coming!
Simon is becoming such a dad 😂. It works with the insanity of brain blaze tho, quite a fun combination
Genuinely saw the hair dryer warning but then saw one better shortly after... On a door. "Ensure door is open before attempting to enter" 🤣
Glass door?
In America, our lighters all have: "Caution: Flammable." Like no kidding, that's literally its purpose.
You're not thinking dumb enough to understand the warning.
They say caution: flammable not just because the lighter can make fire but because the lighter itself is flammable and exposing the body of the lighter to open flame (especially if it's plastic) can end very badly.
I expect someone tossed one in a campfire and was surprised when it exploded.
@@dynamicworlds1 I know the rest of the warning, it's just a joke.
OK Simon, you blew my mind with your Money Pit reference. I watched that as a kid too! Then when I was a homeowner, in my 2 story house the master bathtub was directly above the dining table. I was already a little fixated on the sneaky insidiousness of water damage, and would look up at the ceiling and imagine my house becoming the money pit.
Almost every dad I know has been asked to try the breast milk, also did anyone else laugh at the golem meme I choked on my tea xD excellent blaze Fact Boy and David
Regarding number two, in the US a lot of states have restrictions or bans on fireworks due to Wildfire risks. My home state of California has banned pretty much all fireworks since they have a tendency to cause massive wildfires
Worked at a pet supply store for several years, and noticed that a cat tower I was assembling for display did in fact say "do not consume", the picture was indeed of a person not an animal.
Another example (of many) is the label on bottled water with a picture of a glass of water and the caption ‘Serving Suggestion’. Translations can also be entertaining. Many years ago I had an electric drill made in Finland. The accompanying pamphlet, in Finnish and English, contained several instructions on what you should not do with ‘your tool’, including ‘Do not immerse your tool in water’ and ‘Do not point your tool at anyone’.
We ALL know by now that ridiculous rules and instructions ONLY exist because someone, somewhere, did the stupid, and now they have to warn the normal people to not be that stupid. 😂