@@KougajiCalling how did Charles betray anyone? It isn't Simon locked in the basement with Danny, Sam, and Callum. After all Charles did to provide for Simon, while his radiator took an unscheduled vacation, THIS is how he is rewarded? All he ever did was try and warn us of the dangers associated with 5G.
Dogs _are_ people, so are cats. You don't have to be human to be a person. It could be argued that a lot of humans aren't people either, due to their actions. Cows, on the other hand, perhaps unfortunately, are food.
@@CrazyBear65 per·son /ˈpərs(ə)n/ noun .1 a human being regarded as an individual. "the porter was the last person to see her" The English language disagrees with you.
Pro tip - if you have been standing directly under a massive fireworks show, don't wear the same clothes to the airport the next day. You will definitely be pulled aside for further inspection after TSA flags you for explosives residue. Good times
Conversely, if you work in a mining town in Canada for a few months at the mine and then say "I have my work clothes in the luggage, I worked next to explosives, if you find any residue that's why" the security guy goes "yeah, sure, get on the plane, we don't bother with that here." I'm not sure if that's because Sudbury's airport is a tiny little hole in the wall that only flies out 18-seater mini-planes, or if it's because they actually tried an explosive residue tester and realized that half the population of the city has been lightly dusted with ANFO. Probably the former, but when half the town works on work sites that store a moderately alarming amount of explosives at any given time, I can see a residue tester being completely worthless.
My husband travels with lightsabers all the time, and TSA always makes him light them up. Once, they even had a lightsaber battle. Admittedly, they aren't normal toy lightsabers - he built them himself
@joemck85 Right?? Do they make him light them up due to safety concerns or most likely because their jobs are otherwise tedious and thankless and it's one of the only ways they can have even a teensy leetle nit of fun whilst on the clock?? 🎉
SAM!: the meme shorthand it's killing it. Eventually Simon will have to make a disclaimer like "If you're new here, go watch about 20 previous episodes. if you don't Danny, Sam, and I will give you turette's, and possibly scrambled egg Blain... And seizures... *Allegedly"
Simon in Casual Criminalist: Criminals do not write down your crimes, don't do a documentary on the crime ... YOU ALL ARE STUPID. Simon in BB: So I smuggled 30 Cubans the other day... (And the many other times "someone definitely not me did")
@@TheRatsintheWalls Yup, I was thinking the same, as a parody it should be fair use. And the more low tech, the better, I don't mind seeing Fact boi's hand moving set pieces and even doing the sound effects 😅
😎 that would brilliant! There’s a whole international conspiracy for Simon…Danny in the basement, the broken sign, the sudden disappearance of ETA, Subliminal memes injected by Sam…a whole Free Danny/Keep Danny movement
NO ONE will ever be able to replace the all knowing, all powerful ETA! Long live ETA. May is superior intellect be our guiding light. I, for one, am willing to take up arms to prove ETA's greatness over "John".
The problem with the Emotional Support animals on planes is that people were getting untrained pets registered so that they could bring pets on board with them. If an animal is shitting down the aisle and bothering folks, that's not a support animal. A support animal is trained to know how to behave in public because it needs to be focused on its owner at all times, because some of them are for seizures and similar and if your pet is supposed to warn you about a seizure but it's distracted it's useless.
I have doubts as to how common this actually is. Surely there are checks in place to make sure support animals are actually trained. I know that in Denmark it can't legally be called a support animal if it isn't trained.
@@MartinFinnerup In a lot of places in the US you're not allowed to ask for documentation for service animals. If someone is, you basically have to take their word for it in a lot of cases. I've worked in a lot of jobs where we were told we couldn't question it, as long as the animal had a vest (which you can buy on Amazon for like $20)
"Support animals" are pets that help their owner feel better. "Service animals" are dogs (or miniature horse) that are task trained to aid their handlers with physical and medical matters. "Support animals" are granted waivers in housing with "no pet policy" but no other special access. "Service animals" are allowed access anywhere their handler goes unless it poses a health or safety hazard. Service animals are considered medical equipment.
Simon, in texas, there’s a dedicated 72 oz. Steak challenge. One competitive eater did three challenges in half-an-hour. We also have some pretty considerable obesity rates and used to have some of the highest covid numbers in the US. Everything is bigger in Texas
I was happy to hear that Simon's been to DFW Airport. I live in the Metroplex so now I'm going to attribute all my awesome to having been within a train ride of Ol' WhistleBoi
@@megafreddr Hell no, lol. The ad spots for that shit are the modern digital equivalent of a scary story about a phantom being told around a campfire to frighten small children. One day, I'll tell my own kids (assuming I ever have any) about it in the same way as 26k dial-up, televisions that got their programs via antennae, landline telephones, M&M's having two shades of brown, and the Atari 2600... Weird relics of a bygone era that will hopefully never come again. 🤣
Last time we talked was 1983 and I swear to G*d THAT I remember you from the pool party at Romero's pier. Didnt you aear that fine ass white tiger shirt with glitter or something I dont remember I'm drunk ok goodnight
I absolutely believe the dog and cat in the luggage stories. One day as I was on my way out the door to go to work, I noticed that my laptop bag felt heavier than usual. I looking inside, and my 5 month old kitten was trying to go along for a ride. She's constantly getting into everything. Large purses, grocery totes, and of course the classic cardboard boxed. It's not crazy for a cat to jump into a suitcase and snuggle down in the clothes that have a familiar smell to them.
Hypothetically, bringing Cuban cigars into the US and not declaring them would be subject to a 5 years statute of limitations…but also, hypothetically, it would be very hard to prove in court 🤷♂️😁
@@stolenboistudios It’s currently illegal (as of September 24, 2020…shockingly 😒); on a funny note, they explicitly stipulate that it’s legal for Americans to consume Cuban cigars while in Cuba…as though they really have a say on that 🤣 “Effective September 24, 2020, authorized travelers may no longer return to the United States with alcohol and/or tobacco products acquired in Cuba as accompanied baggage for personal use. Persons authorized to travel to Cuba may purchase alcohol and tobacco products while in Cuba for personal consumption in Cuba. Persons subject to U.S. jurisdiction may purchase or acquire Cuban-origin merchandise, including alcohol and tobacco products, while in a third country for personal consumption outside the United States. According to 31 C.F.R. § 515.204 no person subject to U.S. jurisdiction may purchase, transport, import, or otherwise deal in or engage in any transaction with respect to any merchandise outside the United States if such merchandise: Is of Cuban origin; or Is or has been located in or transported from or through Cuba; or Is made or derived in whole or in part of any article which is the growth, produce or manufacture of Cuba.” I’d post the link but it’s unreliable on UA-cam. It’s on the us customs website with the page title of “Bringing in Cuban goods and/or cigars into the United States”
11:12 "Number one:" Between Simon's ranting and Danny's rambling stories, the first ten minutes of not knowing what the video is about without checking the timer is the best part of this channel. You spend more time waffling than most other channels spend on a single entire video! Never stop!
UA-cam asked me how I felt about your comment. I rated it as excellent, and told them the reason was because it was funny. Just thought I'd let you know
@@jaizen2023 it depends on your doctor and life situation. Here's some tips if you're trying to get a script. Don't just tell the doctor you're nervous all the time and you always feel like you're in a race. You need to make it clear that your quality of life is absolutely fucked and how. Like if you can't do everyday normal shit without having a panic attack, like driving to work, or taking public transportation, orrr your job is on the 6th floor of a building and you have panic attacks walking up stairs or taking the elevator out of fear of falling, or you're not able to bathe without entirely feeling nervous that there's something behind the curtain and when you move the curtain you feel like their outside the door, or that the place you live makes you constantly feel on edge because of who or what you live around and can't move because of money. Make it clear your quality of life is fucked, and tell them you see a therapist (even if you dont) because they want you to be seeing one if you're taking any heavier more addictive head meds. If you're trying to get prescribed for fun or for some problem that could be fixed with exercise, better diet and a good therapist, then I really wouldn't suggest taking benzos. They fucked me up pretty bad once I had to quit and everyone I know who's also taken them and had to quit has either said it fucked them up worse or they're very addicted to them. Benzos are more addictive then opioids and can actually kill you with the withdrawals. It'll make you have grand mal seizures if you run out on a high dose and don't have more. Don't do anything stupid, but I do believe there's people who really really need them and just can't express themselves properly to their doctor because they're nervous...which is very ironic lol. Good luck!
@@jonacker6991 Thank you so much for your reply. I only commented on it because of what the actual situation is like here in Australia however I’ve never approached it your way so I really appreciate the time you took to reply to me. Thank you so much!! From the bottom of my heart Thank you and take care.
I utilize a service dog for medical alert and response to a few different medical conditions I have. I try to buy two seats so nobody has to sit next to me because I know people don’t always like it and I hate people making a scene or yelling at me. But sometimes I can’t afford to do that. However, unlike what was mentioned here, in the USA I have to file a medical document 30 days before flying with an airline and include vet records. Also in the USA the Air Carrier Access Act was revised and only legal and trained service dogs and miniature horses can be on a plane now since 2020. An animal for “emotional support” has no trained purpose or task and so does not qualify as a service dog under the Americans with Disabilities Act. I think it is actually a good thing because all the stories of abuse of the system hurt me and other people like me. I still love Simon’s content, but I hope if he ever meets me he doesn’t hate me for needing a dog to be able to do everyday tasks and things safely like everybody else. Sometimes hearing rants like these, while I do understand the intent, does make me feel guilty I even exist because I know just seeing me bothers people. I never quite understood why it does because I don’t interact or bother other people, but I also want to be able to do things in my life that otherwise wouldn’t be possible without my service dog. Sorry for disappointed you and Brain Blaze as a fan :(
I’m glad you have a companion to help you go about your activities. Service dogs are amazing. Hopefully your companion animal has a harness that indicates that he or she is working. Maybe it will help to diminish any ill feelings on the part of others. I know I appreciate seeing one!
@@smooshiebear80 He does! With all the patches that state he is medical alert and not to distract as well as a really cool patch I got from the Michigan Department of Civil Rights just as an even extra identification that he is the real deal. I do think that identification should be required whenever possible to help everybody including the service dog team and the public.
Simon talking to a lamp with my name 20 minutes after i was fixing my light, got pissed off, and cursed out the light telling it to "stay dark im gonna go Blaze" is a whole new level of meta.
I am glad Simon has brought my name sake to light... We need a proof of life with ETA. Maybe him and John need to get together for a Blaze episode themselves! They could "lock" Simon down in the basement for a couple episodes before Simon takes back control.
Dayamn!! Simon's seriously off the rails with this one & I love it! A nice tight script from Danny, probably afraid of having his bread and water rations cut again! But Sam, omfg SAM! Absolutely wilding with the DPRK Cut and I loved the George Takei clips! Mad props for the Snakes on A Plane as well! Any uncensored Sam Jackson snuck in is like a little ray of sunshine on my darkest day! 😎♥️
😆lovin the new memes! I just happened to notice your profile name, and figured shout out for Jersey on B- blaze (cuz, why not?) We should get Simon a dog😜🤣
Imagine what the Airplane writers could've added to the movie with TSA agents. Though the people handing out flowers and pamphlets were a barrier for passengers all their own.
A channel about business, then stopped talking about business, started a business, proceeded to become a channel not about business, is now a channel about business.
So, the longest recorded flight of a pigeon is apparently 7000 miles (this is just via a quick Google search, no fancy research or digging involved so take it with a grain of salt), and the distance from Dubai to Melbourne is about 7250 miles, meaning, theoretically, yes, a pigeon COULD make the flight from Dubai to Melbourne, assuming that the 7k miles recorded flight is an estimation as it appears to be rather old. Though, as Simon said, a jet makes the flight in significantly less time. This also doesn't take into account neccessary stops for the pigeon to rest, as I'm pretty sure there's a long stretch of ocean at some point during the theoretical D to M flight, which would likely cripple a pigeon.
Yeah, pigeon sport (Google tells me that's the word) is pretty popular in my country (though it's mostly older generations by now), and I have come across downed, ringed pigeons that literally were too exhausted to fly away when you got close. They need to land and rest every now and then.
I fly a lot and when I do I usually need to bring a firearm. This, of course, causes plenty of delays and triggers numerous searches of my bag. Usually they tear it apart in front of me, then, do it again out back somewhere and leave one of those cards inside that says they searched. I usually also bring some weed with me. They've never found it. It's in a clear bag, in a sock, nothing more. I also have to take a lot of prescription (legal!) medication. I generally keep a few doses with me in an unlabeled bottle. Nobody has ever asked what the wad of mystery pills are. Thank god they're keeping the skies safe!
My stunt combat trainer is also an EMT, and flies all over the world with a giant duffle full of weapons and medical supplies, and has a story for every flight. He started answering the questions a bit too literally, because he gets stopped regardless. TSA: Sir, why are you traveling with so many weapons and all this medical equipment? Doc: (deadpan) I teach people how to kill for a living. TSA: ... *LEGEND*
Meanwhile I got detained in Indianapolis because they thought my few bags of homemade fondant for cupcakes were all plastic explosives! I did offer to eat some of said explosives to satisfy any doubt, of course. Worked out in the end!
@@brainblaze6526 I still feel like they would take it if they found it. (personal use? LOL) I just wonder if they miss this, what else are they missing?!
I have a suggestion for a future BB episode that SIMON WILL LOVE! "CEOs and heads of state who chose to rely on astrology/voodoo/fortune cookies/etc." (For example, the President of Haiti in 1963 claimed he had caused the assassination of JFK using the power of voodoo! (Allegedly.))
I feel like I should note that, funnily enough, the part where Simon imitated dog people yelling startled the crap out of my cat, who is presently catnip-high out of her mind. Also, absolutely can confirm pigs like to shit in moving vehicles. Our mini Juliana, Carl, once shat in the car a total of four times going to and from the vet. We think he was doing it just to spite us.
Nah, there's another UA-camr, "How To ADHD," who's trying to train her dog to be an emotional support animal so she can legitimately and legally bring him along, because they legit are super helpful for the anxiety that tends to be co-morbid with ADHD. To get him licensed, though, is a time-consuming and lengthy process, because they're basically trained to behave in public to the same level as a regular service dog; they just don't have the training for things like opening doors or fetching items (although they do have other training to be able to recognize when their owner is in distress and to react appropriately to soothe them). The problem is, though, that you can buy the *vests* for service animals and emotional support animals online quite cheaply, and don't need to present any documentation to the site in order to be able to do so. So people who just want to bring their pet along can just order a vest from China, slap it on whatever animal they like, and then be all, like, "Oh no sir you are mistaken this is my emotional support walrus" as it's mauling the waitress or whatever. So it ends up, of course, making everyone think that there isn't any such thing as emotional support animals for real, or that no training is involved, so even legitimate, licensed ESA will run about disturbing everyone else, when actually, like people who insist upon gluten-free everything without a medical reason (I mean, Krohn's and IBS exist and is awful), or who insist they're allergic to something even though they just don't like it, they're just taking advantage of concern for people with legitimate issues to pretend they have the same needs so they can do whatever the hell they want. TL;DR: Emotional Support Animals are a real thing, and get licensed like, and trained to similar levels as, other service animals; but you can just go out and buy the vests and say your untrained asshole of a pet is an ESA, and this is why we can't have nice things.
I say I'm allergic to peanuts, because they give me vomitting and explosive bowel movements. No allergic reaction but I'm not going to have THAT at 40 000 ft.
I once watched a lady bring a lap dog on a plane while wearing a shirt emblazoned with 'BE MINDFUL I HAVE AN UNSEEN CONDITION'. Yes, in all caps. Dog looked like it needed an emotional support human. It was in no way an emotion support animal. She likely got away with it because staff just didn't want to deal with her going all batshit. Not cool, crazy lady
Simon you should put out a line of Columbian coffee. You ever see those articles about grocery stores receiving shipments of cocaine by accident? See where I'm going with this?
Interesting fact, Simon. In the US, the only the types of animals that are legitimately recognized as genuine service animals (not emotional support animals, which are a joke) are dogs and miniature horses. Minis are usually in the same function as a seeing eye dog, and some people prefer them because they live longer than dogs and can work for 20 plus years. They're also a viable option for people allergic to dogs. Note that miniature horses are indeed very tiny--much smaller than some dogs--and can weigh less than 100 lbs.
No wonder everyone loved Little Sebastian! He must have been a seeing eye horse at one time (until he became nearly blind.) Seriously, though, thanks for the info. I had no idea this was a thing! However, it does make me wonder how a miniature horse would be positioned on an airplane.
In Alaska, you can travel on certain planes with your weapons. It’s usually on the smaller ones going out to hunting areas. They just have to be unloaded and the muzzle has to be pointed down.
We flew from LA to Seoul and back 3 years later with a cat. He was so petrified that he didn't move, eat, drink or eliminate the entire time. On the way back we connected from LA to Chicago to Detroit. Not a peep from him, not even when our daughter suddenly got sick in the boarding line and he fell off my roller bag lol. A yowling cat owner in customs asked what kind of sedative we gave him. None. He was just terrified. He wasn't there for emotional support, we were moving. He only complained when riding in the car. I also can't stand the bizarre animals people try to bring for emotional support. It's bad enough dealing with people much less misbehaving animals and undisciplined brats. I am not talking about fussy babies or toddlers but the kids allowed to scream, yell, whine, kick and bounce all over while the parents ignore them.
Simon is both confused by the words moose(a large species of deer), and Juneau (the capital of Alaska). It can sometimes be interesting to see what people from other countries aren't familiar with.
I understand that emotional support miniature horses are popular as a less-aggressive alternative to dogs that are about the same size and of similar intelligence.
@@nickihammond3939 You obviously havent seen a Hippo shit !! Quite messy!! And like a dog.. just let it outside to go !! and it can mow the lawn as well!! :)
I'm fairly certain that large quantities ofBaby formula and/or milk powder and/or supplements are are also prohibited... The Emphasis is on large quantities.
Sam, we need a super cut video of nothing but Simon's rants on dogs, preferred by an intro by Danny that is nothing but stories of amazing acts by hero dogs.
@@ilajoie3 yes they also enjoy ETAs company. Of course like the radiotor their chained too he's almost never turned on but occasionally if it's extremely cold and the Blazement might freeze they get to turn on eta and enjoy his warmth. So when they get light and warmth they'll write the best script ever.
Having Chihuahuas, I can see the aforementioned situation happening like it was reported. Not not saying that owner wasn't trying to smuggle the dog onto the plane. I couldn't possibly know. However, If you put anything on the floor, Folded blankets, pillows, clothes in a pile like a savage. Your chihuahua will disappear. They burrow. Nearest I can figure is that it's a primal throwback from 8th century Mexico. Hiding under shit so they're not killed by all the murder birds. Also for warmth. If it's cooler than 115° my dogs sleep under blankets. Reiterating she was probably lying, but it could be legit. Let's go Brandon!
I don’t own a chihuahua but my cousin’s chihuahua got into my suitcase with my spare clothes. I zipped it up and everything and it wasn’t until about 10 minutes later that he started to freak out in there. I thought my cousin was going to think I was dognapping but he told me the little guy does that all the time. The relief I felt… Edit: autocorrect keeps separating dognapping
Adopted a little boy from Cali Colombia. We flew into Cali, but left via Bogota. Security is so tight the gates are rooms and carry-on luggage is searched (and you cannot bring in any food/drink purchased in airport) and then you sit until boarding starts. There are also drug dogs present. They also have the usual U.S. type security as you enter gate areas. I cannot imagine how anyone could smuggle drugs out of Colombia via commercial airlines.
Not that I have any personal experience with it, but smuggling small quantities of drugs through the airport is easy. It's when you're lazy or reckless that you have issue. The FAA basically tells you how to get through with drugs if you read their own statements about it.
What the hell are you talking about...I put my pills in a pill bottle...my joints in my cigarette pack an went right through...shit the gave me liquor on the plane an I hit me weed vape in the bathroom... 8 hour flights are a m.f.er
Simon about a chastity belt: If it was me, I'd just be like 'This is what I'm into.' Simon about an electric toothbrush: OH GOD IT'S JUST A TOOTHBRUSH I SWEAR
Also, Danny is king of the subtle pun. Most of which are missed by Simon, who gives his rim shot to every 6-8 skillfully applied wordsmithing. Thank you for Danny.
In regards to the woman who “allegedly” accidentally locked her chihuahua into her luggage, I was preparing for a flight once and found my pet rabbit hiding out in my suitcase several times before I closed it up. The difference between myself and that woman is that I cram everything I own into my suitcase so it was pretty easy to make sure that my pet wasn’t in there anymore.
O man, I remember coming home after a 1,5hour public transport ride. I pulled out my ear buds and found out my shaving machine somehow turned on and was buzzing like crazy in my backpack without me noticing it. The horror when I realized that was probably going on all the way.
They have these chicken cannons. They'd go and buy frozen chickens from a local supermarket, load them into said chicken cannons and then launch them at the engine to simulate a bird strike. Apparently bird strikes are also a problem on the railway, so a good while ago Bombardier also bought one of those chicken cannons, following the jet engine people's instructions almost to the letter - they went out, bought frozen chickens and launched them at the train cab windows, except, no matter what they did to that window, they just couldn't get it to pass the test. Story goes that when they went back to the jet engine people and complained about that the jet engine guys turned around and asked "Did you remember to defrost the chickens first?"
A gay friend of mine once told me "there is gay lube and straight lube, and the difference between the two is that straight lube is shit". Consider that knowledge my gift to you all.
"Women attempt to get on plane with a corpse" The reason the papers had to retract such headlines, I suppose, is because it could be taken to mean that the women knew he was dead and were trying to surreptitiously transport his corpse. It's much more titillating that "Sitting man dies quietly, family doesn't immediately notice".
Tsa only recently allowed Light Sabers for travel. After having that huge debacle with Chewbacca and his light saber. Apparently his walking cane/Light Saber could be wielded as a weapon. Guess they weren't aware that his kind have been known to rip people's arms off and beat them with them.
The miniature horse was/is a service animal, which is a wholly different category. Now I've flown with a puppy in the cabin once. It was fine. She was in her carrier under the seat in front of mine and kept quiet the whole flight. Otherwise my dogs are too big for the cabin, so they go in the cargo hold, if we travel on a plane. Now most airlines only take two animals (6-8 kilos carrier included is typical weight limit for the cabin) into the cabin per flight and there's obviously a cost (as is with having your dog in the cargo). Service dogs are always allowed, travel for free and don't have to be in a carrier.
*_On the Columbia joke..._* To be fair, snorting caffeine would probably give you one heck of a high and stimulant.... allegedly. 😁😁 _Don't snort caffeine_
My new favorite memes are: "I don't understand, I don't understand." and "You are made of stupid." The dancy first one followed by the stern and stoic latter would be epic! ("Jen, if you can hear me...")
As the owner of a chihuahua who likes to snuggle into fresh laundry, I can totally believe accidentally zipping one up into a suit case. Assuming there was someone staying at home who could look after the dog. If she lived alone, no, she was totally trying to smuggle her dog.
Simon: What are we talking about? How did we get here? I feel like we're digging into the past of all my stories. Everyone watching him having mental breakdowns alone in his office daily: *...we?*
I feel like I'm the only American who's had positive experiences with TSA. I lost my ID a few days before I was supposed to fly. So I arrived a little early with my birth certificate, social security card and a polite attitude. She helped me sort it out in less than 10 minutes. Then there was the time TSA agents let me take my butterfly pupa onto the plane for both flights. I also had really bad panic attacks so somehow they made it that I never had to do the full security screen until I turned 18. Just walk through the metal detector shoes and all.
Most US airlines have cut the whole support animal thing. A service dog or monkey is a whole different issue. A trained service animal has certification that it is needed by the owner to complete tasks and has been properly trained by professional trainers (though volunteers often start the training with the dog in puppyhood. Not sure about monkeys.). Examples are a blind person with a seeing eye dog, a deaf person with a dog who will alert them in certain situations, or a dog who will warn a diabetic about low or high sugar.
Well, you don't want to fly with me, Mr. Whistler. Put my cat in a kitty carrier and he flew under the seat just fine. I would never check him as luggage. Also, I am his emotional support human. 😸
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I Finally get to meet my supplier!
(20 minutes later)
Well I'm broke, yet somehow energized!
statue of limitations for smuggling is five years fact boy. don't worry.
Super comfy for packers too!
Weed not a drug ya paranoid cokehead
@Shawn Stafford woof, dogs difficult
Simon: Dogs aren't people!
Also Simon: I've given this inanimate light device a human name and I have apologized for hitting and denting it
Well... It hasn't betrayed him yet, unlike Charles. Or as others know him, ETA.
@@KougajiCalling how did Charles betray anyone? It isn't Simon locked in the basement with Danny, Sam, and Callum. After all Charles did to provide for Simon, while his radiator took an unscheduled vacation, THIS is how he is rewarded? All he ever did was try and warn us of the dangers associated with 5G.
Dogs _are_ people, so are cats. You don't have to be human to be a person. It could be argued that a lot of humans aren't people either, due to their actions.
Cows, on the other hand, perhaps unfortunately, are food.
@@CrazyBear65
per·son
/ˈpərs(ə)n/
noun
.1
a human being regarded as an individual.
"the porter was the last person to see her"
The English language disagrees with you.
Dumbest thing I've read this week. Look up the definition of words you don't know so you don't look like a moron.
Pro tip - if you have been standing directly under a massive fireworks show, don't wear the same clothes to the airport the next day. You will definitely be pulled aside for further inspection after TSA flags you for explosives residue. Good times
So we should do tbis while looking around nervously?? Jk
Conversely, if you work in a mining town in Canada for a few months at the mine and then say "I have my work clothes in the luggage, I worked next to explosives, if you find any residue that's why" the security guy goes "yeah, sure, get on the plane, we don't bother with that here."
I'm not sure if that's because Sudbury's airport is a tiny little hole in the wall that only flies out 18-seater mini-planes, or if it's because they actually tried an explosive residue tester and realized that half the population of the city has been lightly dusted with ANFO. Probably the former, but when half the town works on work sites that store a moderately alarming amount of explosives at any given time, I can see a residue tester being completely worthless.
Simon on Casual Criminalist: "Don't write down your crimes!"
Simon on Brain Blaze: *videotapes his crimes*
Danny is 100% an undercover cop getting Simon to admit all his crimes
And posts them publicly. 🤔
@@megafreddr Insert standard "FBI! OPEN UP!" meme here.
Allegedly.
ALLEGED crimes
We now know why Simon is anti dog. They keep interdicting his cocaine
💯LOL
TSA: "Next please"
*Simon steps forwards*
Simon: "This is my emotional support lamp, his name is John"
TSA: "What the hell is even that?!"
I love lamp
Emotional support Cuban Cigars.
😂😂😂 We will get there soon enough!
*"Daddy, chill!"*
Simon: this is my emotional support cocaine
My husband travels with lightsabers all the time, and TSA always makes him light them up. Once, they even had a lightsaber battle. Admittedly, they aren't normal toy lightsabers - he built them himself
But do they make him light them up to demonstrate that they aren't bombs, or do they do it because they look awesome and they want to see them?
@joemck85 Right?? Do they make him light them up due to safety concerns or most likely because their jobs are otherwise tedious and thankless and it's one of the only ways they can have even a teensy leetle nit of fun whilst on the clock?? 🎉
“It was a liquid once”
So were you TSA guy.
Great comment. Now get back in containment.
Nope, he wasn’t… not even a little bit. Lmfaoooo the fuck? 😂😂😂🤡🤡🤡
@@arifhossain9751 why are you away from your post? that empty cell need guarding!
Still are to quite a significant degree presumably.
This comment gave me a several minute uncontrollable giggle. Had a bad day so needed this. Thank you ^^ \../,
SAM!: the meme shorthand it's killing it. Eventually Simon will have to make a disclaimer like "If you're new here, go watch about 20 previous episodes. if you don't Danny, Sam, and I will give you turette's, and possibly scrambled egg Blain... And seizures... *Allegedly"
11:31
Simon in Casual Criminalist: Criminals do not write down your crimes, don't do a documentary on the crime ... YOU ALL ARE STUPID.
Simon in BB: So I smuggled 30 Cubans the other day... (And the many other times "someone definitely not me did")
Well, he did not write it down 😏
@@FreyasArts Casual Criminalist Simon: "Don't tell anyone about your crimes."
Lol, to be fair that allegedly did happen to someone who wasn't me about 10 years ago ;D
Yea allegedly doesnt go far in court
Lol, I definitely hear that Sijo
Sam, I implore you: please make a Pixar-style opening with John the lamp for the next Blaze video
Copyright issues
@@TheRatsintheWalls Yup, I was thinking the same, as a parody it should be fair use. And the more low tech, the better, I don't mind seeing Fact boi's hand moving set pieces and even doing the sound effects 😅
@@TheRatsintheWalls and the whole "the sign" thing wasn't a lot of work? 😂
So many this
😎 that would brilliant! There’s a whole international conspiracy for Simon…Danny in the basement, the broken sign, the sudden disappearance of ETA, Subliminal memes injected by Sam…a whole Free Danny/Keep Danny movement
Simon: This is John the lamp... I'm afraid I just introduced a new character here on (business)Brain Blaze...
ETA the Spaceheater: This means war!
His name is Charles
Bring back ETA!
Awwww I miss ETA.
NO ONE will ever be able to replace the all knowing, all powerful ETA! Long live ETA. May is superior intellect be our guiding light. I, for one, am willing to take up arms to prove ETA's greatness over "John".
@@arifhossain9751
Ah I somehow missed Charles. I saw ETA come and go, but never heard of Charles.
The problem with the Emotional Support animals on planes is that people were getting untrained pets registered so that they could bring pets on board with them. If an animal is shitting down the aisle and bothering folks, that's not a support animal. A support animal is trained to know how to behave in public because it needs to be focused on its owner at all times, because some of them are for seizures and similar and if your pet is supposed to warn you about a seizure but it's distracted it's useless.
Great idea to take my pet bird on the plane with me without them getting killed by the cold in the luggage area, thanks! 😘
I have doubts as to how common this actually is. Surely there are checks in place to make sure support animals are actually trained.
I know that in Denmark it can't legally be called a support animal if it isn't trained.
@@MartinFinnerup In a lot of places in the US you're not allowed to ask for documentation for service animals. If someone is, you basically have to take their word for it in a lot of cases. I've worked in a lot of jobs where we were told we couldn't question it, as long as the animal had a vest (which you can buy on Amazon for like $20)
Lets be fair a normal dog should also be trained on how to behave in public. Most people are just really shit owners.
"Support animals" are pets that help their owner feel better. "Service animals" are dogs (or miniature horse) that are task trained to aid their handlers with physical and medical matters. "Support animals" are granted waivers in housing with "no pet policy" but no other special access. "Service animals" are allowed access anywhere their handler goes unless it poses a health or safety hazard. Service animals are considered medical equipment.
Simon to TSA agent : your brain was once a liquid!
Your brain was once your business.
I'd have gone with "you were a liquid once!"
@@nickmiller7680 that was my first thought as well; additionally, most of each of us is a liquid
Was? With the tsa you can use the present tense
@@rydplrs71 definitely 😂
Simon, in texas, there’s a dedicated 72 oz. Steak challenge. One competitive eater did three challenges in half-an-hour. We also have some pretty considerable obesity rates and used to have some of the highest covid numbers in the US. Everything is bigger in Texas
IQs certainly aren't LOL
@@terryarmbruster9719 That would be 'higher' not 'bigger', so maybe... 😉
Stupidity: also bigger in Texas
@@mwolkove Not quite like Florida, though, "allegedly, and according to Simon's personal opinion."
I was happy to hear that Simon's been to DFW Airport. I live in the Metroplex so now I'm going to attribute all my awesome to having been within a train ride of Ol' WhistleBoi
That PRNK insert was hilarious! Y'all are legends.
Fucking. Legends.
Raid shadow LEGENDS!!!?????
@@megafreddr Hell no, lol. The ad spots for that shit are the modern digital equivalent of a scary story about a phantom being told around a campfire to frighten small children. One day, I'll tell my own kids (assuming I ever have any) about it in the same way as 26k dial-up, televisions that got their programs via antennae, landline telephones, M&M's having two shades of brown, and the Atari 2600... Weird relics of a bygone era that will hopefully never come again. 🤣
Last time we talked was 1983 and I swear to G*d THAT I remember you from the pool party at Romero's pier. Didnt you aear that fine ass white tiger shirt with glitter or something I dont remember I'm drunk ok goodnight
I absolutely believe the dog and cat in the luggage stories. One day as I was on my way out the door to go to work, I noticed that my laptop bag felt heavier than usual. I looking inside, and my 5 month old kitten was trying to go along for a ride. She's constantly getting into everything. Large purses, grocery totes, and of course the classic cardboard boxed. It's not crazy for a cat to jump into a suitcase and snuggle down in the clothes that have a familiar smell to them.
Hypothetically, bringing Cuban cigars into the US and not declaring them would be subject to a 5 years statute of limitations…but also, hypothetically, it would be very hard to prove in court 🤷♂️😁
this depends on when it was, obama opened restrictions on cuban embargos iirc. theyre not illegal in the states anymore
@@stolenboistudios
It’s currently illegal (as of September 24, 2020…shockingly 😒); on a funny note, they explicitly stipulate that it’s legal for Americans to consume Cuban cigars while in Cuba…as though they really have a say on that 🤣
“Effective September 24, 2020, authorized travelers may no longer return to the United States with alcohol and/or tobacco products acquired in Cuba as accompanied baggage for personal use.
Persons authorized to travel to Cuba may purchase alcohol and tobacco products while in Cuba for personal consumption in Cuba.
Persons subject to U.S. jurisdiction may purchase or acquire Cuban-origin merchandise, including alcohol and tobacco products, while in a third country for personal consumption outside the United States.
According to 31 C.F.R. § 515.204 no person subject to U.S. jurisdiction may purchase, transport, import, or otherwise deal in or engage in any transaction with respect to any merchandise outside the United States if such merchandise:
Is of Cuban origin; or
Is or has been located in or transported from or through Cuba; or
Is made or derived in whole or in part of any article which is the growth, produce or manufacture of Cuba.”
I’d post the link but it’s unreliable on UA-cam. It’s on the us customs website with the page title of “Bringing in Cuban goods and/or cigars into the United States”
@@thefourshowflip Thanks for the source. Never gonna have any use for this info but it's still interesting.
@@cortos_9733
Of course you won’t…none of us ever will, for that would be illegal 😉
(They’re watching, act natural)
@@thefourshowflip I'M ACTING NATURAL. THIS IS A NORMAL COMMENT.
11:12
"Number one:"
Between Simon's ranting and Danny's rambling stories, the first ten minutes of not knowing what the video is about without checking the timer is the best part of this channel. You spend more time waffling than most other channels spend on a single entire video! Never stop!
Simon "They invented Xanax for a reason" Whistler
Simon try getting it legally and lets see how you get on in doing so. Good luck!
UA-cam asked me how I felt about your comment. I rated it as excellent, and told them the reason was because it was funny. Just thought I'd let you know
@@jaizen2023 it depends on your doctor and life situation. Here's some tips if you're trying to get a script. Don't just tell the doctor you're nervous all the time and you always feel like you're in a race. You need to make it clear that your quality of life is absolutely fucked and how. Like if you can't do everyday normal shit without having a panic attack, like driving to work, or taking public transportation, orrr your job is on the 6th floor of a building and you have panic attacks walking up stairs or taking the elevator out of fear of falling, or you're not able to bathe without entirely feeling nervous that there's something behind the curtain and when you move the curtain you feel like their outside the door, or that the place you live makes you constantly feel on edge because of who or what you live around and can't move because of money. Make it clear your quality of life is fucked, and tell them you see a therapist (even if you dont) because they want you to be seeing one if you're taking any heavier more addictive head meds. If you're trying to get prescribed for fun or for some problem that could be fixed with exercise, better diet and a good therapist, then I really wouldn't suggest taking benzos. They fucked me up pretty bad once I had to quit and everyone I know who's also taken them and had to quit has either said it fucked them up worse or they're very addicted to them. Benzos are more addictive then opioids and can actually kill you with the withdrawals. It'll make you have grand mal seizures if you run out on a high dose and don't have more. Don't do anything stupid, but I do believe there's people who really really need them and just can't express themselves properly to their doctor because they're nervous...which is very ironic lol. Good luck!
@@jonacker6991 Thank you so much for your reply. I only commented on it because of what the actual situation is like here in Australia however I’ve never approached it your way so I really appreciate the time you took to reply to me. Thank you so much!!
From the bottom of my heart
Thank you and take care.
I utilize a service dog for medical alert and response to a few different medical conditions I have. I try to buy two seats so nobody has to sit next to me because I know people don’t always like it and I hate people making a scene or yelling at me. But sometimes I can’t afford to do that. However, unlike what was mentioned here, in the USA I have to file a medical document 30 days before flying with an airline and include vet records. Also in the USA the Air Carrier Access Act was revised and only legal and trained service dogs and miniature horses can be on a plane now since 2020. An animal for “emotional support” has no trained purpose or task and so does not qualify as a service dog under the Americans with Disabilities Act. I think it is actually a good thing because all the stories of abuse of the system hurt me and other people like me. I still love Simon’s content, but I hope if he ever meets me he doesn’t hate me for needing a dog to be able to do everyday tasks and things safely like everybody else. Sometimes hearing rants like these, while I do understand the intent, does make me feel guilty I even exist because I know just seeing me bothers people. I never quite understood why it does because I don’t interact or bother other people, but I also want to be able to do things in my life that otherwise wouldn’t be possible without my service dog. Sorry for disappointed you and Brain Blaze as a fan :(
I’m glad you have a companion to help you go about your activities. Service dogs are amazing. Hopefully your companion animal has a harness that indicates that he or she is working. Maybe it will help to diminish any ill feelings on the part of others. I know I appreciate seeing one!
@@smooshiebear80
He does! With all the patches that state he is medical alert and not to distract as well as a really cool patch I got from the Michigan Department of Civil Rights just as an even extra identification that he is the real deal. I do think that identification should be required whenever possible to help everybody including the service dog team and the public.
The TSA, also known as those Killjoys that won't let me bring my emotional support pistol on a plane.
Or my two favourite scorpions. Jerks.
I know, they confiscated and broke my vial of emotional support mutated coronavirus.
@@StigmataTickles Not to mention my emotional support reticulated python. He is very affectionate and gives good hugs.
You think that’s bad, they once confiscated my emotional support lovecraftian entity that shatters the minds of all who gaze upon it.
people in movies: "I will treat this robot with actual emotions like garbage."
people in the real world:" I named him John."
WE WANT TO SEE A COLLAB BETWEEN ETA AND JOHN
They’ll have a revolution!
*Nooooo meme*
Charles and John the bringers of warmth and light what a duo
@@stephjovi Haha -- ! Nice.
Simon talking to a lamp with my name 20 minutes after i was fixing my light, got pissed off, and cursed out the light telling it to "stay dark im gonna go Blaze" is a whole new level of meta.
I am glad Simon has brought my name sake to light...
We need a proof of life with ETA. Maybe him and John need to get together for a Blaze episode themselves!
They could "lock" Simon down in the basement for a couple episodes before Simon takes back control.
They could start a channel called Heat Lamp
I see what ya did there with “to light”. 🥁
@@anamkarajoy BA DA BUM BUM TSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSH...
Thank you for noticing. 🙂
Simon killed eta and you're next.
@@coachyoast02 You’re so welcome! I read the other comments just to not be a repeat and was surprised I was the first. 😄
I love you Sam. I was in a dark mood when I resumed watching, and that regular ass toothbrush meme caught me off guard. Pure gold 😅
AM I LIGHT, PETER?!!
-John the lamp
Omg 🤣
Brilliant! 😊
Dayamn!! Simon's seriously off the rails with this one & I love it! A nice tight script from Danny, probably afraid of having his bread and water rations cut again! But Sam, omfg SAM! Absolutely wilding with the DPRK Cut and I loved the George Takei clips! Mad props for the Snakes on A Plane as well! Any uncensored Sam Jackson snuck in is like a little ray of sunshine on my darkest day! 😎♥️
😆lovin the new memes! I just happened to notice your profile name, and figured shout out for Jersey on B- blaze (cuz, why not?) We should get Simon a dog😜🤣
"No, no, this is my emotional support bag of cocaine"
best one is the woman who froze her bottle of water so she didn't have to pay the massive prices. TSA tried to argue but it was solid
Damn it, Simon. Sam is ON POINT this video. What happened? Did you let him out for the day?
Maybe Simon gave him some of his cocaine. Allegedly
@@MadLabScientist you mean coffee... from his columbian suppliers.
@@Dreddy72 yeah...coffee....right
@@Dreddy72 *Colombian
Imagine what the Airplane writers could've added to the movie with TSA agents. Though the people handing out flowers and pamphlets were a barrier for passengers all their own.
The TSA wants to make your travel a touching experience!
A channel about business, then stopped talking about business, started a business, proceeded to become a channel not about business, is now a channel about business.
So, the longest recorded flight of a pigeon is apparently 7000 miles (this is just via a quick Google search, no fancy research or digging involved so take it with a grain of salt), and the distance from Dubai to Melbourne is about 7250 miles, meaning, theoretically, yes, a pigeon COULD make the flight from Dubai to Melbourne, assuming that the 7k miles recorded flight is an estimation as it appears to be rather old. Though, as Simon said, a jet makes the flight in significantly less time. This also doesn't take into account neccessary stops for the pigeon to rest, as I'm pretty sure there's a long stretch of ocean at some point during the theoretical D to M flight, which would likely cripple a pigeon.
Yeah, pigeon sport (Google tells me that's the word) is pretty popular in my country (though it's mostly older generations by now), and I have come across downed, ringed pigeons that literally were too exhausted to fly away when you got close. They need to land and rest every now and then.
I fly a lot and when I do I usually need to bring a firearm. This, of course, causes plenty of delays and triggers numerous searches of my bag. Usually they tear it apart in front of me, then, do it again out back somewhere and leave one of those cards inside that says they searched.
I usually also bring some weed with me. They've never found it. It's in a clear bag, in a sock, nothing more.
I also have to take a lot of prescription (legal!) medication. I generally keep a few doses with me in an unlabeled bottle. Nobody has ever asked what the wad of mystery pills are.
Thank god they're keeping the skies safe!
My stunt combat trainer is also an EMT, and flies all over the world with a giant duffle full of weapons and medical supplies, and has a story for every flight. He started answering the questions a bit too literally, because he gets stopped regardless.
TSA: Sir, why are you traveling with so many weapons and all this medical equipment?
Doc: (deadpan) I teach people how to kill for a living.
TSA: ...
*LEGEND*
Meanwhile I got detained in Indianapolis because they thought my few bags of homemade fondant for cupcakes were all plastic explosives!
I did offer to eat some of said explosives to satisfy any doubt, of course. Worked out in the end!
It does make sense. I never really thought about it before, but they are there for safety, not to bust you for smuggling tiny amounts of weed.
@@brainblaze6526 I still feel like they would take it if they found it. (personal use? LOL) I just wonder if they miss this, what else are they missing?!
@@brainblaze6526 Actually they are there to give the illusion of safety.
Sam absolutely killing it in this video!!! Airheads meme? Bra-fucking-vo, my friend 👏👏👏
Yes! Lost my s--t when I saw the Airheads clip.
George Takei saying, "You are made of stupid," is my new favorite meme.
The misuse and lack of understanding of what a meme actually is, is my favorite meme.
I have a suggestion for a future BB episode that SIMON WILL LOVE!
"CEOs and heads of state who chose to rely on astrology/voodoo/fortune cookies/etc."
(For example, the President of Haiti in 1963 claimed he had caused the assassination of JFK using the power of voodoo! (Allegedly.))
I feel like I should note that, funnily enough, the part where Simon imitated dog people yelling startled the crap out of my cat, who is presently catnip-high out of her mind.
Also, absolutely can confirm pigs like to shit in moving vehicles. Our mini Juliana, Carl, once shat in the car a total of four times going to and from the vet. We think he was doing it just to spite us.
Nah, there's another UA-camr, "How To ADHD," who's trying to train her dog to be an emotional support animal so she can legitimately and legally bring him along, because they legit are super helpful for the anxiety that tends to be co-morbid with ADHD.
To get him licensed, though, is a time-consuming and lengthy process, because they're basically trained to behave in public to the same level as a regular service dog; they just don't have the training for things like opening doors or fetching items (although they do have other training to be able to recognize when their owner is in distress and to react appropriately to soothe them).
The problem is, though, that you can buy the *vests* for service animals and emotional support animals online quite cheaply, and don't need to present any documentation to the site in order to be able to do so. So people who just want to bring their pet along can just order a vest from China, slap it on whatever animal they like, and then be all, like, "Oh no sir you are mistaken this is my emotional support walrus" as it's mauling the waitress or whatever.
So it ends up, of course, making everyone think that there isn't any such thing as emotional support animals for real, or that no training is involved, so even legitimate, licensed ESA will run about disturbing everyone else, when actually, like people who insist upon gluten-free everything without a medical reason (I mean, Krohn's and IBS exist and is awful), or who insist they're allergic to something even though they just don't like it, they're just taking advantage of concern for people with legitimate issues to pretend they have the same needs so they can do whatever the hell they want.
TL;DR: Emotional Support Animals are a real thing, and get licensed like, and trained to similar levels as, other service animals; but you can just go out and buy the vests and say your untrained asshole of a pet is an ESA, and this is why we can't have nice things.
I say I'm allergic to peanuts, because they give me vomitting and explosive bowel movements. No allergic reaction but I'm not going to have THAT at 40 000 ft.
I once watched a lady bring a lap dog on a plane while wearing a shirt emblazoned with 'BE MINDFUL I HAVE AN UNSEEN CONDITION'. Yes, in all caps. Dog looked like it needed an emotional support human. It was in no way an emotion support animal. She likely got away with it because staff just didn't want to deal with her going all batshit. Not cool, crazy lady
If she was gonna go batshit then it was defiantly an emotional support dog lol
Tell me you're a Karen without telling me you're a Karen.
Not cool at all. Entitled jerks ruining emotional support animals for those who actually need them.
Is being an entitled c_nt _really_ an "unseen condition", i wonder. It fairly fucking radiates.
Simon you should put out a line of Columbian coffee.
You ever see those articles about grocery stores receiving shipments of cocaine by accident? See where I'm going with this?
*Colombian
Call it “totally not drugs”
It wouldn't be by "accident"
@@huasohvac hey man I right clicked on the red squiggly line and it corrected it to that. wasn't my fault.
Once again, Sam is on point with the memes
#ReleaseTheDPRKCut
"So they don't Arouse Suspicion" did Simon miss one, or is my mind in the gutter?
He definitely missed one 😂
And your mind is in the gutter. Fair play, as it should be
@@RedactedATS i expected the YES-YES answer, tbh.
Yass queen abso lutely!!! Glad to see another mind in the gutter!!!
Interesting fact, Simon. In the US, the only the types of animals that are legitimately recognized as genuine service animals (not emotional support animals, which are a joke) are dogs and miniature horses. Minis are usually in the same function as a seeing eye dog, and some people prefer them because they live longer than dogs and can work for 20 plus years. They're also a viable option for people allergic to dogs.
Note that miniature horses are indeed very tiny--much smaller than some dogs--and can weigh less than 100 lbs.
No wonder everyone loved Little Sebastian! He must have been a seeing eye horse at one time (until he became nearly blind.) Seriously, though, thanks for the info. I had no idea this was a thing! However, it does make me wonder how a miniature horse would be positioned on an airplane.
Sam absolutely smashed it with DPRK meme
We still want that video tho or Simon will soon be the owner of dogs and Lord of the Rings extended cut!!!!
In Alaska, you can travel on certain planes with your weapons. It’s usually on the smaller ones going out to hunting areas. They just have to be unloaded and the muzzle has to be pointed down.
Simon: "He wasn't slim enough, Danny!"
Me: "AM I RIGHT PETER?!"
We flew from LA to Seoul and back 3 years later with a cat. He was so petrified that he didn't move, eat, drink or eliminate the entire time. On the way back we connected from LA to Chicago to Detroit. Not a peep from him, not even when our daughter suddenly got sick in the boarding line and he fell off my roller bag lol. A yowling cat owner in customs asked what kind of sedative we gave him. None. He was just terrified. He wasn't there for emotional support, we were moving. He only complained when riding in the car.
I also can't stand the bizarre animals people try to bring for emotional support. It's bad enough dealing with people much less misbehaving animals and undisciplined brats. I am not talking about fussy babies or toddlers but the kids allowed to scream, yell, whine, kick and bounce all over while the parents ignore them.
I wonder if the TSA would let me fly with my emotional support kodiak grizzly? She was really helpful with social distancing!
Simon is both confused by the words moose(a large species of deer), and Juneau (the capital of Alaska). It can sometimes be interesting to see what people from other countries aren't familiar with.
I love that "Simon names and assigns character traits to his inanimate objects" has become a thing.
But dogs are lower than furniture. 🤐
He needs to bring back his space heater co host
Inanimate objects all have souls and to take away their rights like that is truly reprehensible. I'M DISGUSTED. GOODNight from Australia
just like hmmm who? oh yeah! pee wee Herman! he did that too! ( Paul Rubins )
I can't help but chuckle as I picture Simon trying to explain Sheath underwear to the TSA.
I understand that emotional support miniature horses are popular as a less-aggressive alternative to dogs that are about the same size and of similar intelligence.
Ok, fine.... I really wanted a house hippo, but I guess I'll take a house horse lol.
Now, how does one litter train a house horse... 🤔
@@nickihammond3939 You obviously havent seen a Hippo shit !! Quite messy!! And like a dog.. just let it outside to go !! and it can mow the lawn as well!! :)
@@mycarpounds my dog mowes the lawn
@@Kier4n99 As does my dog... but only in single blades at a time!!
Horses shit like crazy, though?
I fear it's Simon who is trapped in the basement with John and Danny is the real master.
Ever seen Simon outside his basement? I rest my case.
that's why it should be called Basement Blaze
I can confirm . Simon is currently in my very own basement sevivining off of peanuts and cat food
Someone should test the “it was a liquid once” by bringing a large tub of dehydrated milk powered…
I'm fairly certain that large quantities ofBaby formula and/or milk powder and/or supplements are are also prohibited... The Emphasis is on large quantities.
@@kevinthurlow5487
Touché. How about like a .5kg container. It’s definitely over the liquid allowance
@@kevinthurlow5487 former TSO. Never was told that there was a limit on powder, we just usually tested it.
@@pretzelstick320 In my experience Bud if it's being tested you're being caught
@@pretzelstick320 it’s my emotional support cocaine.
Sam, we need a super cut video of nothing but Simon's rants on dogs, preferred by an intro by Danny that is nothing but stories of amazing acts by hero dogs.
Also, a supercut of Simon's interactions with his inanimate objects, because by now there's ETA the heater, John the lamp, and Peter the plant.
Yes please!
Welcome John. I hope you don't mysteriously dissappear like ETA
My thoughts exactly!
Is it John or Jon? I hate spelling names wrong
He might go to one of the writer's basement once he disappears. I'm sure Callum or Danny would enjoy some light
@@Kiefsti who knows. Simon probably didn't even bother asking 😇
@@ilajoie3 yes they also enjoy ETAs company. Of course like the radiotor their chained too he's almost never turned on but occasionally if it's extremely cold and the Blazement might freeze they get to turn on eta and enjoy his warmth. So when they get light and warmth they'll write the best script ever.
Having Chihuahuas, I can see the aforementioned situation happening like it was reported. Not not saying that owner wasn't trying to smuggle the dog onto the plane. I couldn't possibly know. However, If you put anything on the floor, Folded blankets, pillows, clothes in a pile like a savage. Your chihuahua will disappear. They burrow. Nearest I can figure is that it's a primal throwback from 8th century Mexico. Hiding under shit so they're not killed by all the murder birds. Also for warmth. If it's cooler than 115° my dogs sleep under blankets. Reiterating she was probably lying, but it could be legit. Let's go Brandon!
Owning a chihuahua mix, I can confirm.
I don’t own a chihuahua but my cousin’s chihuahua got into my suitcase with my spare clothes. I zipped it up and everything and it wasn’t until about 10 minutes later that he started to freak out in there. I thought my cousin was going to think I was dognapping but he told me the little guy does that all the time. The relief I felt…
Edit: autocorrect keeps separating dognapping
@@HyperWolf Except the lil guy *was* napping.
Yep!! I had one...they sleep in everything including a large purse... I can totally see that happening..let's go Brandon!❤
Simon isn't the troll, it's poor Danny finally getting even for all the years in the basement
Sam missed a golden opportunity for the "learning with factboi" meme when Simon taught us all what a non-electric toothbrush is called.
Starting with a dent, this will be a great episode.
edit: 14:50 knew it would be great!
Adopted a little boy from Cali Colombia. We flew into Cali, but left via Bogota. Security is so tight the gates are rooms and carry-on luggage is searched (and you cannot bring in any food/drink purchased in airport) and then you sit until boarding starts. There are also drug dogs present. They also have the usual U.S. type security as you enter gate areas. I cannot imagine how anyone could smuggle drugs out of Colombia via commercial airlines.
Simon doesn't really do cocaine, he just REALLY likes the smell.
The strangest thing I’ve heard of you can bring on a plane are knitting needles. No size limit. Those can make nice weapons!
Not that I have any personal experience with it, but smuggling small quantities of drugs through the airport is easy. It's when you're lazy or reckless that you have issue. The FAA basically tells you how to get through with drugs if you read their own statements about it.
Tsa doesn’t look for drugs. If we found it, we have to say something, but we didn’t actively look for them.
Coughdissolvedinabottleofliquorcheckedincough
What the hell are you talking about...I put my pills in a pill bottle...my joints in my cigarette pack an went right through...shit the gave me liquor on the plane an I hit me weed vape in the bathroom... 8 hour flights are a m.f.er
Simon about a chastity belt: If it was me, I'd just be like 'This is what I'm into.'
Simon about an electric toothbrush: OH GOD IT'S JUST A TOOTHBRUSH I SWEAR
I keep waiting on the "UA-camR SIMON WHISTLER ARRESTED IN COCAINE RING" headline 😂 love ya buddy!
Also, Danny is king of the subtle pun. Most of which are missed by Simon, who gives his rim shot to every 6-8 skillfully applied wordsmithing. Thank you for Danny.
I can’t believe he missed the one about arousing suspicion!
Your producers agree: 5 minutes of unironic, deadpan dirty talk, directly into the camera would be hilarious. The petition already has 864 signatures.
In regards to the woman who “allegedly” accidentally locked her chihuahua into her luggage, I was preparing for a flight once and found my pet rabbit hiding out in my suitcase several times before I closed it up.
The difference between myself and that woman is that I cram everything I own into my suitcase so it was pretty easy to make sure that my pet wasn’t in there anymore.
O man, I remember coming home after a 1,5hour public transport ride. I pulled out my ear buds and found out my shaving machine somehow turned on and was buzzing like crazy in my backpack without me noticing it. The horror when I realized that was probably going on all the way.
How many around you thought it was a vibrator?
They have these chicken cannons. They'd go and buy frozen chickens from a local supermarket, load them into said chicken cannons and then launch them at the engine to simulate a bird strike. Apparently bird strikes are also a problem on the railway, so a good while ago Bombardier also bought one of those chicken cannons, following the jet engine people's instructions almost to the letter - they went out, bought frozen chickens and launched them at the train cab windows, except, no matter what they did to that window, they just couldn't get it to pass the test. Story goes that when they went back to the jet engine people and complained about that the jet engine guys turned around and asked "Did you remember to defrost the chickens first?"
The pigeon bit is hilarious Danny definitely knew if he would go for the bait.
Missed opportunity to tie it in to the sponsor 😜
I'm just glad Simon's friend got the cigars thru customs
A gay friend of mine once told me "there is gay lube and straight lube, and the difference between the two is that straight lube is shit". Consider that knowledge my gift to you all.
You'd think the gay lube would be shit
Ahem
But how do you know which is which?
"One dog does bombs one dog does cocaine"
didn't knew the canine syndicate is into both nowadays
"Women attempt to get on plane with a corpse"
The reason the papers had to retract such headlines, I suppose, is because it could be taken to mean that the women knew he was dead and were trying to surreptitiously transport his corpse. It's much more titillating that "Sitting man dies quietly, family doesn't immediately notice".
"What's the word for a non-electric toothbrush?"
Acoustic toothbrush.
Tsa only recently allowed Light Sabers for travel. After having that huge debacle with Chewbacca and his light saber. Apparently his walking cane/Light Saber could be wielded as a weapon. Guess they weren't aware that his kind have been known to rip people's arms off and beat them with them.
Peter Mayhew. Yup. He needed it to walk.
The miniature horse was/is a service animal, which is a wholly different category. Now I've flown with a puppy in the cabin once. It was fine. She was in her carrier under the seat in front of mine and kept quiet the whole flight. Otherwise my dogs are too big for the cabin, so they go in the cargo hold, if we travel on a plane.
Now most airlines only take two animals (6-8 kilos carrier included is typical weight limit for the cabin) into the cabin per flight and there's obviously a cost (as is with having your dog in the cargo). Service dogs are always allowed, travel for free and don't have to be in a carrier.
*_On the Columbia joke..._* To be fair, snorting caffeine would probably give you one heck of a high and stimulant.... allegedly. 😁😁
_Don't snort caffeine_
Too late 🤷♀️
Team Blaze is flexing strong with this episode. This right here is why I watch this show. Bravo 👏😄
Corpse is derogatory slang they prefer living impaired.
Thanks, Editor, for having so much fun today.
I’m originally from Erie…I’m so proud
My new favorite memes are: "I don't understand, I don't understand." and "You are made of stupid." The dancy first one followed by the stern and stoic latter would be epic! ("Jen, if you can hear me...")
*Yes Please Sam*
@@TitularHeroine Ah, yes - maybe it's Sam who does that here. Simon has so many channels... 😁
We're waiting for the fight between John and ETA for the spot of the side host
As the owner of a chihuahua who likes to snuggle into fresh laundry, I can totally believe accidentally zipping one up into a suit case. Assuming there was someone staying at home who could look after the dog. If she lived alone, no, she was totally trying to smuggle her dog.
Simon: What are we talking about? How did we get here? I feel like we're digging into the past of all my stories.
Everyone watching him having mental breakdowns alone in his office daily: *...we?*
I feel like I'm the only American who's had positive experiences with TSA. I lost my ID a few days before I was supposed to fly. So I arrived a little early with my birth certificate, social security card and a polite attitude. She helped me sort it out in less than 10 minutes.
Then there was the time TSA agents let me take my butterfly pupa onto the plane for both flights.
I also had really bad panic attacks so somehow they made it that I never had to do the full security screen until I turned 18. Just walk through the metal detector shoes and all.
10/10, John needs more screen time!!!!!
Most US airlines have cut the whole support animal thing. A service dog or monkey is a whole different issue. A trained service animal has certification that it is needed by the owner to complete tasks and has been properly trained by professional trainers (though volunteers often start the training with the dog in puppyhood. Not sure about monkeys.). Examples are a blind person with a seeing eye dog, a deaf person with a dog who will alert them in certain situations, or a dog who will warn a diabetic about low or high sugar.
Well, you don't want to fly with me, Mr. Whistler. Put my cat in a kitty carrier and he flew under the seat just fine. I would never check him as luggage. Also, I am his emotional support human. 😸
Very good episode. On the side note: Xanax is a terrible drug, there are much better and safer alternatives.
NPR just did a segment on brisket blaze. I had no idea that Simon was so tony/toni/tone..or so tasty.
Sounds like a good idea for a chain restaurant... Tony's brisket blaze
dafuq?
@@RobeonMew agreed, wtf indeed?
Oh Christ, the fact that I read that band name without skipping a beat makes me feel old, lol.
Business Blaze: World's greatest source of cocaine jokes.
This will always be Business Blaze to me.
Business Blaze is more aesthetically pleasing to me as a name than Brain Blaze
@@ZentaBon yeah. It sounds more official too. 😅😂