Blocked my avoidant ex gf for a second and final time. When I blocked her the first time, she would consistently blow up my phone despite blocking her number. I am no longer going to allow someone into my life who does not see my worth and value. For anyone who is dating or has dated an avoidant, run and never look back.
After You become secure, You are no more atracted to avoidant behaviour. It repulse You. Relationship with DA may traumatise You but after all You will know how to walk away when You see this again
sometimes they are not even aware of their attachment style. I do think avoidanty attached people should be alone, but anxiously attached people should also spend some time alone too (for the same reason). also feeling hate towards someone never solves anything. sounds like an avoidant might have broke your heart? sorry if that was the case. it happed to me too. I tried to send love & light & forget about him. it worked. (over time). anyways thanks for watching!
My avoidant partner just broke up with me. Wish I'd have known sooner that they were never going to get closer to me-- just drift farther and farther away into nothingness.
Perfectly manicured life. Exactly. I threw a wrench into his routine. That's when they run. They're like a deer in headlights. He said about three reasons why he was leaving me ranging from, I'm not feeling it (very untrue, but okay) to I can't give you what you want, even though I am an avoidant myself and told him that taking things slow is ideal for me, to you deserve better. The goal was to get out of there quickly. I stayed calm and I said, It must be very exhausting to be you, J. He actually agreed. Then I called him out. I said, I see you, J. You're all about honesty (he's in AA and insists that that is the most important thing) but you can't even be honest with yourself. You can't even be honest with why you are doing this. And until you are honest with yourself, how can you ever be honest with anyone? You SAY you want a relationship and you find all of these lovely women but really you don't and you end up hurting them -- and yourself. I said, you might choose to stay where you are, and maybe that works for you. But it seems like a very lonely place. I told him him, you are making a huge mistake because I really care for you. He said, sorry. I said, no. Apologize to yourself because you are the one sabotaging your own happiness. Then he tried to tell me the usual BS on how great, beautiful, wonderful I am and I stopped him and said, J. what you are about to say to me now is something that's taken me many years and many insincere men just like you to figure out. I KNOW MY WORTH. So what you're about to say right there, tell it to yourself if you have to but I don't want to hear it. I asked him one more time -- are you sure this is what you want? He said, again, yes, I've been thinking about this for a while. I said, okay then. It's a wrap, I guess. Then he started to say goodbye and I put the phone down. Now, this happened after we spent 5 wonderful (very bonding) days on holiday together. He was presentl physically and emotionally. The last day, I felt him withdraw. He was unattentive and I knew this was coming, but I didn't ask him what was wrong. I was giving him the opportunity to tell me in person. We landed. I got my stuff from his flat. I stayed for about 5 minutes waiting to see if he would bring it up. He didn't. I got in my car and drove to my home. Didn't hear from him the next day as I usually do -- until 4:30. I had been for a six-mile run knowing it was coming and formulating my response. Truly terrible that he did this by phone. No respect for me at all. I knew it the moment he said, so, I've been thinking about this a lot...... So to wrap this up, I am in no contact at all. When I was younger, I would have chased this man trying to convince him that he needed to be with me. I would have cried for days and stayed in bed all depressed full of self-pity wondering what I did wrong and putting him up on some kind of pedestal making excuses for him. Not anymore. Never again. For those of you who are reading this and are hurting, I know your pain. I shared things with this man that I never shared before. He told me things that were very personal to him. He told me how beautiful and smart and brilliant I was and that he would do anything for me. We spent hours just talking about how we did things then and how we plan on handling things now. I thought, wow, this man is so self-aware. You probably thought this as well. Fact is, although he probably meant it in the moment, he never meant it long-term because after those words, which were only just last week, he cut and did a runner. No excuses for that. I'm not going to say, well, he's confused. He's in recovery. He doesn't know what he wants. Hello, no. This man is a straight-up dumpster fire rolling down a flooded street douchebag and I deserve better. You deserve better. Time will take care of the heartbreak. I know that. It hurts, but I am okay. And you will be okay too. Just breathe. XX
I had no warning, but I got all the same excuses, then he came back, a few months went by and I brought it up again, he doubled down. But still came around for connection. Emotionally I attempted to distance and be friendly, but 3 weeks ago he liked a post on my business profile and I had enough. Unfollowed, removed him, and told him I can’t do this anymore. He decided to not respond in order to feel in control I suppose. It seems like he’d have been just fine wasting my time and toying with my heart until the proverbial “the one” came along or he felt “good enough”. I told him if he had ended things by having an adult conversation maybe I could be ok with a friendship, but I’ve cried too many tears, and I’m done walking on eggshells. It hurts yes, but this to shall pass. What infuriates me as well is he spent the night in Jan, stayed to cuddle until mid morning and when he left said he’d be back SOON with emphasis when I said it was nice seeing you. Weeks go by..silence. Make it make sense. I made him from scratch pancakes and tea the way he likes it, guess that was too intimate??
The confidence is fake. They're constantly anxious but can just push that feeling down and mask. My ex relied on me for support and reassurance, but when *you* ask for it they can't handle it and becomes a problem. Mine loved the PDA, and we holding their hand, sex etc. It just became more and more infrequent right at the end.
I broke up with my avoidant ex after she avoided me for 2 months enough was enough and when I did she blocked me at the time it hurt like hell but now Idgaf anymore she decided to not communicate so I left
I’m a good looking, confidant and very successful, secure (attachment style) man. I have only had one relationship experience (recent) with a DA. One of the spot on observations in this video talk by Natalie is the DA may seem romantically inclined in the early stage. But you soon discover that they do not allow much if any in the way of any normal romantic physical touch - holding hands, DFK, long embraces, even sleeping in the same bed. The sex may be great. But once it’s over, they disengage physically. If you bring it up, they gaslight you with some crazy talk that you are “obsessed with feelings.” It is beyond bizarre. I’ve never read or seen a video that explains why this is part of the DA behavior pattern. But buyer beware - it sure as hell is.
Mine came back after discarding e 20 years ago - I think they were just lonely. He was divorced for a few years and made out his ex was crazy (I don’t think she was - assume that he was villainizing her like he will do with me to others). They discarded me again for the second time. I think this time for good as they ghosted me. I wish I learned about attachment theory before hand to save me the heartache all over gain. It’s worse the second time round. I don’t thnk they change - if anything they’re worse when they get older.
Being mentally healthy is a key to repelling all kind of partners with their issues …❤
Blocked my avoidant ex gf for a second and final time. When I blocked her the first time, she would consistently blow up my phone despite blocking her number. I am no longer going to allow someone into my life who does not see my worth and value. For anyone who is dating or has dated an avoidant, run and never look back.
After You become secure, You are no more atracted to avoidant behaviour. It repulse You. Relationship with DA may traumatise You but after all You will know how to walk away when You see this again
I'm secure attachment, but being with an avoidant can make you anxious. It's just best to steer clear of them.
Avoidant partner should definitely be ALONE and leave people ALONE and find other things in life to fill their souless voids. I really h8 them
sometimes they are not even aware of their attachment style. I do think avoidanty attached people should be alone, but anxiously attached people should also spend some time alone too (for the same reason). also feeling hate towards someone never solves anything. sounds like an avoidant might have broke your heart? sorry if that was the case. it happed to me too. I tried to send love & light & forget about him. it worked. (over time). anyways thanks for watching!
@@natalie.louise You still dislike avoidants, be honest.
My avoidant partner just broke up with me. Wish I'd have known sooner that they were never going to get closer to me-- just drift farther and farther away into nothingness.
you can only control what you can control! & now you know for next time! you are much wiser now
Perfectly manicured life. Exactly. I threw a wrench into his routine. That's when they run. They're like a deer in headlights. He said about three reasons why he was leaving me ranging from, I'm not feeling it (very untrue, but okay) to I can't give you what you want, even though I am an avoidant myself and told him that taking things slow is ideal for me, to you deserve better. The goal was to get out of there quickly. I stayed calm and I said, It must be very exhausting to be you, J. He actually agreed. Then I called him out. I said, I see you, J. You're all about honesty (he's in AA and insists that that is the most important thing) but you can't even be honest with yourself. You can't even be honest with why you are doing this. And until you are honest with yourself, how can you ever be honest with anyone? You SAY you want a relationship and you find all of these lovely women but really you don't and you end up hurting them -- and yourself. I said, you might choose to stay where you are, and maybe that works for you. But it seems like a very lonely place. I told him him, you are making a huge mistake because I really care for you. He said, sorry. I said, no. Apologize to yourself because you are the one sabotaging your own happiness. Then he tried to tell me the usual BS on how great, beautiful, wonderful I am and I stopped him and said, J. what you are about to say to me now is something that's taken me many years and many insincere men just like you to figure out. I KNOW MY WORTH. So what you're about to say right there, tell it to yourself if you have to but I don't want to hear it.
I asked him one more time -- are you sure this is what you want? He said, again, yes, I've been thinking about this for a while. I said, okay then. It's a wrap, I guess. Then he started to say goodbye and I put the phone down.
Now, this happened after we spent 5 wonderful (very bonding) days on holiday together. He was presentl physically and emotionally. The last day, I felt him withdraw. He was unattentive and I knew this was coming, but I didn't ask him what was wrong. I was giving him the opportunity to tell me in person. We landed. I got my stuff from his flat. I stayed for about 5 minutes waiting to see if he would bring it up. He didn't. I got in my car and drove to my home.
Didn't hear from him the next day as I usually do -- until 4:30. I had been for a six-mile run knowing it was coming and formulating my response. Truly terrible that he did this by phone. No respect for me at all. I knew it the moment he said, so, I've been thinking about this a lot......
So to wrap this up, I am in no contact at all. When I was younger, I would have chased this man trying to convince him that he needed to be with me. I would have cried for days and stayed in bed all depressed full of self-pity wondering what I did wrong and putting him up on some kind of pedestal making excuses for him. Not anymore. Never again.
For those of you who are reading this and are hurting, I know your pain. I shared things with this man that I never shared before. He told me things that were very personal to him. He told me how beautiful and smart and brilliant I was and that he would do anything for me. We spent hours just talking about how we did things then and how we plan on handling things now. I thought, wow, this man is so self-aware. You probably thought this as well.
Fact is, although he probably meant it in the moment, he never meant it long-term because after those words, which were only just last week, he cut and did a runner. No excuses for that. I'm not going to say, well, he's confused. He's in recovery. He doesn't know what he wants. Hello, no. This man is a straight-up dumpster fire rolling down a flooded street douchebag and I deserve better.
You deserve better. Time will take care of the heartbreak. I know that. It hurts, but I am okay. And you will be okay too. Just breathe. XX
I had no warning, but I got all the same excuses, then he came back, a few months went by and I brought it up again, he doubled down. But still came around for connection. Emotionally I attempted to distance and be friendly, but 3 weeks ago he liked a post on my business profile and I had enough. Unfollowed, removed him, and told him I can’t do this anymore. He decided to not respond in order to feel in control I suppose. It seems like he’d have been just fine wasting my time and toying with my heart until the proverbial “the one” came along or he felt “good enough”. I told him if he had ended things by having an adult conversation maybe I could be ok with a friendship, but I’ve cried too many tears, and I’m done walking on eggshells. It hurts yes, but this to shall pass. What infuriates me as well is he spent the night in Jan, stayed to cuddle until mid morning and when he left said he’d be back SOON with emphasis when I said it was nice seeing you. Weeks go by..silence. Make it make sense. I made him from scratch pancakes and tea the way he likes it, guess that was too intimate??
@sadiqua7 there is no reason..at least one that is rational.
My female avoidant ex isn’t coming back. I moved out and blocked her. Took my power back and am moving on 😊
Good for you! 🙌
I'm in the same boat
It hurts, with three children. Be strong
This has helped me out so much, thankyou!
The confidence is fake. They're constantly anxious but can just push that feeling down and mask.
My ex relied on me for support and reassurance, but when *you* ask for it they can't handle it and becomes a problem.
Mine loved the PDA, and we holding their hand, sex etc. It just became more and more infrequent right at the end.
I broke up with my avoidant ex after she avoided me for 2 months enough was enough and when I did she blocked me at the time it hurt like hell but now Idgaf anymore she decided to not communicate so I left
Good for you! 🙌
Great series. It helped me to understand what a hell is going on with me and my girl
I'm glad it helped! thanks for watching. awareness is everything. maybe your relationship won't feel like hell anymore.
The best explanation ive heard so far!!! 🙏🙏
An avoidant destroyed my once secure daughter. The mind games, the push and pull, the other woman. She will never be the same.
My DA said "I'm in love with you" often and promised to grow old with me then turned cold & mean. I had no choice but to leave.
Good morning Natalie happy Sunday morning and I loved your vlogs and you are amazing Supporter and I'm proud of you
thank you:) have a good day
@natalie.louise good morning your welcome sending you hugs ❤️ 🤗
I’m a good looking, confidant and very successful, secure (attachment style) man. I have only had one relationship experience (recent) with a DA. One of the spot on observations in this video talk by Natalie is the DA may seem romantically inclined in the early stage. But you soon discover that they do not allow much if any in the way of any normal romantic physical touch - holding hands, DFK, long embraces, even sleeping in the same bed. The sex may be great. But once it’s over, they disengage physically. If you bring it up, they gaslight you with some crazy talk that you are “obsessed with feelings.” It is beyond bizarre. I’ve never read or seen a video that explains why this is part of the DA behavior pattern. But buyer beware - it sure as hell is.
You are talking about me 😭
yes I am!
Mine came back after discarding e 20 years ago - I think they were just lonely. He was divorced for a few years and made out his ex was crazy (I don’t think she was - assume that he was villainizing her like he will do with me to others). They discarded me again for the second time. I think this time for good as they ghosted me. I wish I learned about attachment theory before hand to save me the heartache all
over gain. It’s worse the second time round.
I don’t thnk they change - if anything they’re worse when they get older.
Holy crap this was her
He return as a friend after the breakup
Thats it
There must be point when they leave and dont come back
Man so many people hate on avoidants. I get it, it feels like inevitable heartbreak, but they're not bad people. Hurt people hurt people.
Not saying that's not true, but what repulses me is that they often do to others what happened to them. (Even outside of romantic relations)
You look still damaged yourself.