Also I posted this on the Santa video but I'ma copy & paste it again: Hey Frank? Idk what the chances of you seeing this are (probably not very high) but wanted to ask if you've heard the Enneagram songs by Sleeping At Last? My type's song, Type 2, (well I'm a 2w3, and I think a 2,9,5 tritype, still researching it), made me cry...a lot. they're good, you could maybe check them out, if you're interested?
Franckie, gimme my portfolio wedding please ! ! ! Me too, because it's the very first time I want the same thing that my neighbour ! Heeeey ?! Well that means I'm going to get the feelings than a lambda extravert ? As I undertood some principles just described on this video...
I spent my whole adolescence anxious that I was perceived as shy, boring with low self-esteem. I tried transforming myself into an extrovert, only to feel more nervous, insecure and awkward. It's only in the last few years as an adult I accepted my introverted nature and focused on trying to master the quiet confidence that lies within, whilst remaining true to who I am. I started to learn to harness the habits that came naturally to me instead of trying to be someone I wasn't. I wish I accepted myself years ago. Now I welcome my quiet confidence without apology.
Love this!! Similar journey myself and its not an easy one, thanks for sharing 😊 as an introvert it can be easy to forget others are going through similar things too... keep up the good work my friend 💚
Same here: UA-cam and other anonymous comment boards *only.* Easier to ‘escape’ from the hostility, needless insults, and aggression too common in online comments. I’m confused by people who use their full, real names on UA-cam. Just . . . *why?*
lol so true. I also used to post my thoughts a lot on Twitter, not until my friends and people who know me in person started following me there. I only have UA-cam as my safe space to express.
For all my fellow people who get stuck in perfectionism -> procrastination -> paralysis loops a lot, here's a little quote to keep in mind: "it's better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing perfectly."
I've been thinking the same thing of your quote for the last week XD and its great. I''ve been less doubting of myself and I think my anxiety is little by little reducing as well even if its just miniscule I feel great 😁
Confidence tip: Don't care about what people think. It's okay if they don't like you and it's okay if they think you don't like them when you are quiet. They'll eventually learn about you as things go on. Learn to speak slowly and with purpose.
I personally don’t get affected much by what other people say or think about me when it comes to negative things because my own mind tells me the very worst of myself, that anything anyone says can’t even compare.
@@branddransnothing I’d say to just try to be as consistent and clear with your words. I’m a train wreck with interviews and I managed to somehow pull it off and land a job. Being nervous is normal so it’s ok to be worried about it, just try not to overthink things too much and although it’s something that is somewhat formal, talk how you normally would with any other person excluding slang. Oh also, dress accordingly and try to look your best. I hope I was able to help you out even a little and best of luck on your interview!
As an INTP I usually try to be as succinct as possible with what I am trying to say and don't what people think of me affect me. I usually can have full confidence in what I am saying once I fully grasp the subject we are talking about.
@@jaredespinosa1567 man! I think I did pretty well on my interview! I tried hard not to let my nerves get to me. The interviewer's were also so nice about everything! I did mess up my wordings, but its all good, they understand perfectly how hard I was trying to be brave and encouraged me! Not as bad as I thought.
Confidence helpers: Realizing that others cannot hear what’s going on in my head while I’m speaking. Realizing others aren’t paying as much attention to me as I am. They are thinking about themselves.
I don’t think the first one helps all that much, things make much more sense in my head than when I try, and fail, to put them into words. The second is something I’m well aware of but don’t put much weight in said awareness because I don’t know how much the disparity between the attention people pay to my actions and that I do to others is.
@@wolftamerwolfcorp7465 That is a great point. If you judge others too much or something in these lines, you may think others do it to you as well, since it's something natural in your head. I guess that that varies in reality; some people just pay more attention to their surrounds than others do. Concluding that everyone is observing every single reaction coming from you is clearly not healthy, and assuming that everyone is focusing on themselves causes less pain to you. Even if you're wrong, the person watching you probably is not going to tell you what they think about you anyway...
Sometimes extroverts assume we're not confident because we're more reserved...and it's easy to believe them even if it's not true, so we start doubting ourselves.
@@FrankJames Oh, that’s sad. I’m so happy for you and proud of your success! Maybe you’re feeling imposter syndrome? You deserve every subscriber! . I find acting confidently works, even if I’m anxious inside. Listen to your own video! Stay cool and attractive. 🙏🏻✨
Damn he's so right about perfectionism. I raise the bar for myself too high, sometimes I just stop doing things because I'm sure I'm not gonna do it right. You understand my way of thinking better than I do
A trick to cheat your mind with that would be the following: Don't look for the perfect solution that you are most likely going to fall short of, but instead look for something that actually does work to get a task at hand done (even if it may still be far from optimal) and then look for ways to improve it. This hits two birds with one stone: First of all, you are beginning to feel good about actually having gotten something _done_ , and secondly, once you start improving your solution you are going to notice a positive effect as well, because you managed to figure out something new. Plus there is also beauty in imperfection: How are we supposed to grow in the first place if everything was perfect right from the start? _That_ would be absolutely boring...
The most liberating fact for introverts: Guys, the majority of people don't care about us (and that's a good thing, bear with me) How often do you think about that one cashier who messed up your order, or any of them embarrassing things your school friends did? Yep, you probably can't think of any, because you're focused on your own life! 99% of people will not judge or think about you, simply because they are focused on themselves. And the ones who do think about you, your close friends and family, CHOOSE to care about you, and even then, you're not on their mind 24/7. So why beat yourself up about one embarrassing thing? We don't think less of people for small mistakes, yet we torture ourselves over the smallest social interactions. So what I'm saying is, we shouldn't worry so much about what random people think of us, because chances are they're not even thinking of us at all. Therefore, if no one cares that much what we do (except the few who actively care for us), why should their "opinion" matter in our lives? This "opinion" of us is inconsequential, since they are focused on their own lives. Therefore it shouldn't stop us from living ours to the fullest. So really, no, your colleagues will not notice the clothes you're wearing or be offended by your coffee mug, because they probably don't care :D Idk personally this realisation blew my mind, as someone who used to be extremely shy and felt like my very existence was an annoyance to the public. (INFP-T lol)
@@helialycoris4464 yeah of course it is! This is just something I tell myself when I get super anxious about social stuff and sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn’t but that’s just life ya know :D
INFJ-T here, definitely can relate and agree, I just had that conversation with myself very recently and since then my social life has been so much better as I stopped thinking about the little details and people's opinions about me, remember there's no way your impressing everyone and you can't be perfect
Hahaha! I do it, too. A couple of months after moving in with my current roommate, I got out of my bedroom and she was just getting out of the bathroom wearing a bath towel. I'm like: "I'm so sorry". She's like: "What are you apologizing for?".
try finding something to thank the person for, instead of focusing on what you did wrong (sometimes it's better to apologize, of course) example: thank you so much for waiting! instead of: I'm so sorry I'm so late, I was [excuses]
@@hel2727 good idea, though I do agree about apologizing for being late. Manners and all. Like at a store when needing help, focus on setting up a future "thank you" rather than apologizing for bothering someone working. Example: could you help me find something..... thank you for your help! Vs: I'm so sorry to bother you....thank you so much for your help, really helpful, thank you. ^^^because after apologizing I tend to over thank in attempt to prove sincerity and make up for bothering someone 😅 Constant apologizing can make someone feel like they're existence is a bother to the collective world, or at least it does to me.
@@breeeeeaaathofthewild I opened the reply box, saw ur picture changed from the one i saw before i opened, i got curious, so i went to your channel, well it amazed me of how most of the things i also enjoy, i mean it's like i entered my channel. anyway!, so i got curious more to think bout ur personality type since we're here on a MBTI channel, cuz...well, ur channel seems like mine, might not be, but i do most of the stuff on ur channel but on other platforms. just guessing ur personality for fun > < so u're probably now just chillin 'round and listeing to some cozy music while drawing or reading, so am bothering u right now, my apologies :) shhhh sry for that details so u're probably an INFJ? like Frank over there xD or Infp? kkkk one last chance plz u're certainly IN, so u tend to luv deep meaningful things, so thats why i chose F P or J is the hardest here hmhmmmhmhhmhmmhmh i don think it might be other than Infp or Infj, intj? it's among those 3 im sure (IM CONFIDENT) i didn get it right did i? :(
@@michaelwagdi9133 Wow yes I am an INFP haha great deduction skills my friend, you understand people and mbti rather well 👍 And no this didn't bother me, it was cool hearing from you :) s'cool we like similar things also. edit: now questioning if I'm perhaps actually an INFJ....- edit (again): yeah I'm INFJ but you guessed that too, so you're still right with your analysis lol
I'm an INFJ too and it's the same for me as well. But overtime, I've come to realize that it's because of my tendency to hold back. I feel that I'll come off a bit over, and to prevent any discomfort from others, I downplay myself a whole lot. But it does come back to bite me in the blubber, later on, when I end up beating myself up for not handling things differently. 😅😅 Joke for all introverts: "I downplay because the world can't handle all this awesome" 😂😂😂😂 Note: This shouldn't be used as an excuse. Listen to FJ and build yourself up however good way you can. And remember to stay cool and attractive while doing so😎
"when you're inward focused, the spotlight is always on you" i totally agree. It's ironic how feeling less confident comes from feeling that you're always the center of attention
Confident as INFJ: Imagining myself teaching people how to do things so I can do it with ease. For example, when I give a public speech, I imagine myself teaching "Kevin" how to talk about my topic. It works like a charm 😊😊😊😊. Putting myself as a third character is weird 😌😌😌😌
Heyy!! I thought I was the only one that does that 😅. It's kinda weird at times, and I've had a few moments where I think it's not normal, and I wanna drop it. But I've learned that it helps a lot. And constantly doing it will help you, up to the point where you don't really have to use it anymore. I've learned to think of it as training wheels 😁
I just discovered this myself. I pretend I’m my little brother and I just gently explain things and encourage myself along. It also helps remind me to never over push myself (then down myself for it). I think it’ll take me places lol
@@MvsicAdd7ct I was procrastinating and I told myself: "Hey, that guy don't finish his homework. How about you do it for him?" And I DID MY HOMEWORK WILLINGLY! I would rather do it for somebody else rather than me 😒😒😒😒😒
"'cause you're not gonna to be perfect, and it's okay, it doesn't matter" probably the words I've been waiting to hear my whole life, being an introvert in the midst of several extroverts who don't understand why you're not so confident, it's strange, they tend to think that something it's wrong with you, all the time
Such a good advice, this video would've helped my 14 y/o self back in middle school when I was kinda struggling with this. Right now I think I'm confident enough to be myself around others and even socialize with people (sometimes).
This makes sense. I've been working on this for the past few month with mindfulness. Not holding onto emotions and thoughts so strongly. Moving on is with kindness and honesty is important
See frank always makes me feel better, im a INFP who's very shy, introverted and all the works. I really want to become a nurse once I graduate from highschool because I love just simply caring for people but im always scared of the social interactions that are involved or im going to make some tiny mistake and these make feel better that I'm not the only who always doubts there own abilities especially around other people 😀❤
@@cosasderu yes they are. definitely. and you need to listen to them closely and learn from them. but don't allow them to define you. you've gotta separate your being from your feelings because your emotions are not the source of who you are :)
Saying "feelings aren't facts" doesn't mean to ignore your feelings!! they're real. and you do need to 1) let yourself feel them. 2) listen to them closely and learn from them. but don't allow them to define you. you've gotta separate your being from your feelings, because your emotions are not the source of who you are :)
This came RIGHT on time!!!! As an INTJ female, having traits that are associated with the male archetype but in a female body can really be a problem. Especially when trying to date. It’s like we have such impossible standards for ourselves and what we want in a person that when it doesn’t happen it’s a real HIT because we took such a chance and it didn’t go as we thought 💭 it would. Sometimes I envy types that don’t have this issue because there is a certain freedom they have that requires so much effort for introverts (and INTJs especially) to ever get close to achieving.
As a naturally inclined introvert, it took a lot of self improvement to get past many of my faults. I still have a ton, but no where near as many as I used to, and I can confidently say that the things stated in this video are very true.
I gave gifts today that made me genuinely happy but then afterwords made me really anxious and doubt myself. Was worried that I might have said the wrong things. I really needed this today so thank you~
During the last 5 years, I've built a level of confidence my high-school self would not believe. One day I started at looking at social interactions like a play: you know what to do/say, people are looking at you, ... What's the difference? Years later I looked back and realized that somewhere along the line it stopped being a play ;).
I agree! When I’m feeling nervous or less confident , I just focus on how someone else is, what can I do to help? It truly helps to get out of your head and be more sociable. This was extremely helpful in Sales. I wasn’t the most talkative salesperson, but I was more in touch with what the customer wanted and performed highest in Sales.
Even in online classes its clear that we live in a world by and for extroverts, everything is either powerpoint presentations or team projects with people I've never met because of quarantine
THANKYOU SO MUCH ! I SO BADLY NEEDED THIS RIGHT NOW !! I'm surrounded by a huge bunch of people since half a day now and I'm going craaaazyyyy !!! I have to face a lot of people right now and I'm terribly NOT CONFIDENT I needed ur help a lot right now 🤧🤧 THANKS FRANK !
How do you do that? Like I can comment on a video but even online I feel uncomfortable talking too people if it isn’t for the purpose of debating with them.
When your judging yourself in anticipation of what another might judge of you... remember you can judge to. Not to say that you should say anything, but noticing imperfections in others can help you calm your self consciousness. Like yesterday I had been thinking of how I want this girl, but was feeling like my skin isn’t clear enough.. well she sent me a picture of her and her cat and I saw a little pimple on her forehead and some acne marks. Right away I felt a little relief to know she wasn’t actually this flawless angel like I had been imagining.
I was literally thinking abt what a sad being I am bc I lost my confidence and the next day u just happen to make a video I'm gonna follow step by step. Also ISTJ here
Frank, you are just so f....ng exakt in everything you describe about introverts, I feel like you talk about me all the time. Most of the things you said in this video, i figured out myself somehow during my lifetime (43 now), finally i can embrace that kind of quiet confidence al little. I just wish i had something like this channel 20 years ago 😅. It is helping anyway and fun, so thank you for that👍👍. And as a bonus you‘re eyecandy too 😉
I'm an introvert and I have used SquareSpace successfully since 2007. I highly recommend them. 👍👍 I love the bit about feelings aren't facts! I often tell myself to not believe everything I think. As an introvert, I somehow developed the skill of getting other people to talk about themselves. This makes others think that I am more extroverted than I am, but I don't have to talk about myself! Yay! Unfortunately, it can attract narcissists, so be vigilant. And I can direct the conversation a little bit more versus talking about shallow BS. Curiosity is a great way to build up your courage. Thanks FJ! ❤️
Frank, you hit the nail on the head about perfectionism. My dad struggled so much with this that he became agoraphobic. It took him months to do simple things, never went shopping, eventually needed massive amounts of medication just to function. All through his life he had to tell everyone exactly how to do something. For example, every time I took out his garbage, he had to tell me each step he wanted me to take. He really suffered. Thanks for putting this in your video. Perfectionism is a horrible trap! When I tried to talk to him about it he would respond with, "I like things neat and tidy."
INFJ here. I am more often than not found myself shut down right whenever I get to speak in front of many people be it an in-person meeting or a Zoom one. So, I am grateful to come across this encouraging and educating stuff from some fellow INFJ. Thank you, Frank!
Excellent advice! Thank you. I think my issue with interviews in particular is that Im confident I will be able to perform the job but lack confidence in my ability to express why I think Im capable. Dreadful.
yep! same here. hearing that was the biggest piece of advice i've ever received. but wording it as "feelings aren't facts" kinda sounded like "ignore your feelings", and i didn't really like the idea of that because that's not what it means. feelings are real and you do need to let yourself feel them and listen to them closely so you can learn from them. but the key is not to allow them to define you. you've gotta separate your being from your feelings, because your emotions are not the source of who you are :)
Something that rlly helped me: Not everyone has to like you. I used to worry about what others think about me all the time. It was very frustrating, trying to please other people all the time. Now I don't care and I'm free.
Oh dang. What FJ says about perfectionism is spot on. I realized not that long ago that the biggest thing holding me back in life is my fear of being a failure, coupled with my total lack of self-praise when I do “kind of” succeed (because it is never enough)
This video made me feel so much better ! The way you put your powerful words in a simple way is just amazing ! I loved every part of it and i'm sure all your tips will help me tremendously ! thank you so much Frank
Thanks Frank James 😊 I needed this information right now. I'm getting my diploma in 2 to 3 months time and then I'm going to look for job offers. I needed some confidence boost. Now I know I will get trough these next few months 😊
I have a lot of confidence in things I do, but it doesn't happen in social situations. 3 is a crowd for me. But when I have 3 extroverts for dinner, I let them carry the ball. I found that by the time I was ready to add to the conversation, they had gone on to something else already. I don't worry about entertaining them. They entertain me and I just sit back and enjoy.
yes! but... saying "feelings aren't facts" doesn't mean to ignore your feelings. they're real and you do need to: 1) let yourself feel them. 2) listen to them closely and learn from them. but don't allow them to define you. you've gotta separate your being from your feelings, because your emotions are not the source of who you are :)
Wow, I've seen this video one year ago and even commented on it. But didn't remember anything:( You're nimble, Frank. I'd definitely have my pc fall down
☕ If you'd like to show me some love, buy me a coffee ❤️ infj.me/coffee
Subscribe 👉 infj.me/sub
Also I posted this on the Santa video but I'ma copy & paste it again:
Hey Frank? Idk what the chances of you seeing this are (probably not very high) but wanted to ask if you've heard the Enneagram songs by Sleeping At Last? My type's song, Type 2, (well I'm a 2w3, and I think a 2,9,5 tritype, still researching it), made me cry...a lot. they're good, you could maybe check them out, if you're interested?
here's the playlist to what I said above ua-cam.com/play/PLcXqaAlIXsuOL_6wMFMda04dWToT5U4aq.html
Yes, "Feelings aren't facts" is a very important thing to be reminded of, thankyou.
Can you do 16 personalities as kids
Franckie, gimme my portfolio wedding please ! ! ! Me too, because it's the very first time I want the same thing that my neighbour ! Heeeey ?! Well that means I'm going to get the feelings than a lambda extravert ? As I undertood some principles just described on this video...
99% of the times introverts regret showing confidence out of the 1% times when they decide to 😂
So true. 😁
that is like...the point of the video. suffer so u can eventually get over it
🤣🤣very true
Omg so relatable
If I did the math right that's 0.01% chance of showing confidence and not regretting it?
Introverts clicking speed is super fast as soon as they saw the notification of Frank James video
lies : ✨ u n d e t e c t e d ✨
Yeah
...fuck
I literally like LITTERALLY just saw the notification and clicked right away, and left the person im supposed to work with on read x)
TRUE DAT
I spent my whole adolescence anxious that I was perceived as shy, boring with low self-esteem. I tried transforming myself into an extrovert, only to feel more nervous, insecure and awkward. It's only in the last few years as an adult I accepted my introverted nature and focused on trying to master the quiet confidence that lies within, whilst remaining true to who I am. I started to learn to harness the habits that came naturally to me instead of trying to be someone I wasn't. I wish I accepted myself years ago. Now I welcome my quiet confidence without apology.
💛
Thanks for your inspiring story! I am 18 now, I went through exact things. Now I am trying to just accept myself and gain confidence :)
Good job man! I'm trying to get to a similar level and it's good to know it can be done!
I need a crash course on quiet confidence 😭😭
Love this!! Similar journey myself and its not an easy one, thanks for sharing 😊 as an introvert it can be easy to forget others are going through similar things too... keep up the good work my friend 💚
Introverts mostly comment on UA-cam rather than other social sites because here no body recognizes them personally 😂😂so they express themselves freely
True
Same here: UA-cam and other anonymous comment boards *only.* Easier to ‘escape’ from the hostility, needless insults, and aggression too common in online comments. I’m confused by people who use their full, real names on UA-cam. Just . . . *why?*
@@altitudeiseverything3163 I know, like this is a chance for anonymity
lol so true. I also used to post my thoughts a lot on Twitter, not until my friends and people who know me in person started following me there. I only have UA-cam as my safe space to express.
@@vexillajepkemboi3967 - Exactly. And I *love* your name! 😁
For people who're more introverted than me, this stuff is gold.
10 extroverted vs 90 introverted in my personality test
I had to do a double take on that contraction that you invented.
For all my fellow people who get stuck in perfectionism -> procrastination -> paralysis loops a lot, here's a little quote to keep in mind: "it's better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing perfectly."
I've been thinking the same thing of your quote for the last week XD and its great. I''ve been less doubting of myself and I think my anxiety is little by little reducing as well even if its just miniscule I feel great 😁
Thank you
Well, nothing's perfect.
Confidence tip: Don't care about what people think. It's okay if they don't like you and it's okay if they think you don't like them when you are quiet. They'll eventually learn about you as things go on. Learn to speak slowly and with purpose.
I personally don’t get affected much by what other people say or think about me when it comes to negative things because my own mind tells me the very worst of myself, that anything anyone says can’t even compare.
What about in interviews? Got an interview tomorrow and I am SWEATING just thinking about it.
@@branddransnothing I’d say to just try to be as consistent and clear with your words. I’m a train wreck with interviews and I managed to somehow pull it off and land a job. Being nervous is normal so it’s ok to be worried about it, just try not to overthink things too much and although it’s something that is somewhat formal, talk how you normally would with any other person excluding slang. Oh also, dress accordingly and try to look your best. I hope I was able to help you out even a little and best of luck on your interview!
As an INTP I usually try to be as succinct as possible with what I am trying to say and don't what people think of me affect me. I usually can have full confidence in what I am saying once I fully grasp the subject we are talking about.
@@jaredespinosa1567 man! I think I did pretty well on my interview! I tried hard not to let my nerves get to me. The interviewer's were also so nice about everything! I did mess up my wordings, but its all good, they understand perfectly how hard I was trying to be brave and encouraged me! Not as bad as I thought.
Confidence helpers:
Realizing that others cannot hear what’s going on in my head while I’m speaking.
Realizing others aren’t paying as much attention to me as I am. They are thinking about themselves.
The second one is the winner! I'll try to keep this in mind.
I don’t think the first one helps all that much, things make much more sense in my head than when I try, and fail, to put them into words.
The second is something I’m well aware of but don’t put much weight in said awareness because I don’t know how much the disparity between the attention people pay to my actions and that I do to others is.
@@wolftamerwolfcorp7465 That is a great point. If you judge others too much or something in these lines, you may think others do it to you as well, since it's something natural in your head. I guess that that varies in reality; some people just pay more attention to their surrounds than others do. Concluding that everyone is observing every single reaction coming from you is clearly not healthy, and assuming that everyone is focusing on themselves causes less pain to you. Even if you're wrong, the person watching you probably is not going to tell you what they think about you anyway...
Sometimes extroverts assume we're not confident because we're more reserved...and it's easy to believe them even if it's not true, so we start doubting ourselves.
Say it again for the people in the back
Exactly
I am not shy, i am just thinking of what to say or do to be correct in this exact situation
@@blank_line I couldn't have said it better myself 😁. It's the exact same for me, and I'm working at overcoming that tendency.
Yes!! Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I'm not confident
Most introverts I know look intimidating or unbothered I wouldn't look at them n think shy sooo I think it depends
Step 1 have a successful youtube channel EH FRANK JAMES HUH I KNOW YOUR SECRETS
But not as confident as I would have thought 😪
@@FrankJames Oh, that’s sad. I’m so happy for you and proud of your success! Maybe you’re feeling imposter syndrome?
You deserve every subscriber!
.
I find acting confidently works, even if I’m anxious inside. Listen to your own video! Stay cool and attractive. 🙏🏻✨
the crossover I've dreamed of
Damn he's so right about perfectionism. I raise the bar for myself too high, sometimes I just stop doing things because I'm sure I'm not gonna do it right. You understand my way of thinking better than I do
We are all introverts my friend, we understand each other.
@@rustcohle9267 .
A trick to cheat your mind with that would be the following: Don't look for the perfect solution that you are most likely going to fall short of, but instead look for something that actually does work to get a task at hand done (even if it may still be far from optimal) and then look for ways to improve it.
This hits two birds with one stone: First of all, you are beginning to feel good about actually having gotten something _done_ , and secondly, once you start improving your solution you are going to notice a positive effect as well, because you managed to figure out something new. Plus there is also beauty in imperfection: How are we supposed to grow in the first place if everything was perfect right from the start? _That_ would be absolutely boring...
The most liberating fact for introverts:
Guys, the majority of people don't care about us (and that's a good thing, bear with me) How often do you think about that one cashier who messed up your order, or any of them embarrassing things your school friends did? Yep, you probably can't think of any, because you're focused on your own life! 99% of people will not judge or think about you, simply because they are focused on themselves. And the ones who do think about you, your close friends and family, CHOOSE to care about you, and even then, you're not on their mind 24/7. So why beat yourself up about one embarrassing thing? We don't think less of people for small mistakes, yet we torture ourselves over the smallest social interactions. So what I'm saying is, we shouldn't worry so much about what random people think of us, because chances are they're not even thinking of us at all. Therefore, if no one cares that much what we do (except the few who actively care for us), why should their "opinion" matter in our lives? This "opinion" of us is inconsequential, since they are focused on their own lives. Therefore it shouldn't stop us from living ours to the fullest. So really, no, your colleagues will not notice the clothes you're wearing or be offended by your coffee mug, because they probably don't care :D
Idk personally this realisation blew my mind, as someone who used to be extremely shy and felt like my very existence was an annoyance to the public. (INFP-T lol)
Easier said than done
@@helialycoris4464 yeah of course it is! This is just something I tell myself when I get super anxious about social stuff and sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn’t but that’s just life ya know :D
@@MvsicAdd7ct yesss definitely an INFP thing
THANK YOUU 💕💕😭
INFJ-T here, definitely can relate and agree, I just had that conversation with myself very recently and since then my social life has been so much better as I stopped thinking about the little details and people's opinions about me, remember there's no way your impressing everyone and you can't be perfect
I have started checking when I apologize. It’s like I apologize for existing in the world.
Hahaha! I do it, too. A couple of months after moving in with my current roommate, I got out of my bedroom and she was just getting out of the bathroom wearing a bath towel.
I'm like: "I'm so sorry".
She's like: "What are you apologizing for?".
SAME! I said sorry to my fucking laptop when i dropped it on the floor...it just comes as a reflex
try finding something to thank the person for, instead of focusing on what you did wrong (sometimes it's better to apologize, of course)
example: thank you so much for waiting!
instead of: I'm so sorry I'm so late, I was [excuses]
@@hel2727 Well, that's one of he cases people should apologise for... lol!
@@hel2727 good idea, though I do agree about apologizing for being late. Manners and all.
Like at a store when needing help, focus on setting up a future "thank you" rather than apologizing for bothering someone working.
Example: could you help me find something..... thank you for your help!
Vs: I'm so sorry to bother you....thank you so much for your help, really helpful, thank you.
^^^because after apologizing I tend to over thank in attempt to prove sincerity and make up for bothering someone 😅
Constant apologizing can make someone feel like they're existence is a bother to the collective world, or at least it does to me.
"confidence"? who's she? never heard of her.
She don't usually date introverts so it's understandable
@@yash124 aw, that's disappointing, apparently she's pretty fun.
@@yash124 aw damn
@@breeeeeaaathofthewild
I opened the reply box, saw ur picture changed from the one i saw before i opened, i got curious, so i went to your channel, well it amazed me of how most of the things i also enjoy, i mean it's like i entered my channel. anyway!, so i got curious more to think bout ur personality type since we're here on a MBTI channel, cuz...well, ur channel seems like mine, might not be, but i do most of the stuff on ur channel but on other platforms. just guessing ur personality for fun > <
so u're probably now just chillin 'round and listeing to some cozy music while drawing or reading, so am bothering u right now, my apologies :)
shhhh sry for that details
so u're probably an INFJ? like Frank over there xD or Infp? kkkk one last chance plz
u're certainly IN, so
u tend to luv deep meaningful things, so thats why i chose F
P or J is the hardest here
hmhmmmhmhhmhmmhmh
i don think it might be other than Infp or Infj, intj? it's among those 3 im sure (IM CONFIDENT)
i didn get it right did i? :(
@@michaelwagdi9133 Wow yes I am an INFP haha great deduction skills my friend, you understand people and mbti rather well 👍 And no this didn't bother me, it was cool hearing from you :) s'cool we like similar things also.
edit: now questioning if I'm perhaps actually an INFJ....-
edit (again): yeah I'm INFJ but you guessed that too, so you're still right with your analysis lol
As infj I always imagine myself as a baddas confident lady but ended up I came out as innocent and shy girl. Dang
BIG SAME
I'm an INFJ too and it's the same for me as well. But overtime, I've come to realize that it's because of my tendency to hold back. I feel that I'll come off a bit over, and to prevent any discomfort from others, I downplay myself a whole lot.
But it does come back to bite me in the blubber, later on, when I end up beating myself up for not handling things differently. 😅😅
Joke for all introverts: "I downplay because the world can't handle all this awesome" 😂😂😂😂
Note: This shouldn't be used as an excuse. Listen to FJ and build yourself up however good way you can.
And remember to stay cool and attractive while doing so😎
True
Same for me too
"when you're inward focused, the spotlight is always on you" i totally agree. It's ironic how feeling less confident comes from feeling that you're always the center of attention
His attractiveness bugs me, how can someone have so much wisdom along with such beauty?
It doesn't seem right
His voice is really nice too..... maybe he's an alien......humans can't be this perfect.....
Embarrassment level is inversely proportional to confidence level.
That's a law I wish they taught at school instead of Newton's and Avagadro's laws!
Confident as INFJ: Imagining myself teaching people how to do things so I can do it with ease.
For example, when I give a public speech, I imagine myself teaching "Kevin" how to talk about my topic. It works like a charm 😊😊😊😊. Putting myself as a third character is weird 😌😌😌😌
There is actual research backing this practice as effective to boost performance :) your intuition is leading you well!
Heyy!! I thought I was the only one that does that 😅. It's kinda weird at times, and I've had a few moments where I think it's not normal, and I wanna drop it. But I've learned that it helps a lot. And constantly doing it will help you, up to the point where you don't really have to use it anymore. I've learned to think of it as training wheels 😁
When I study for my exams I do the same.
I just discovered this myself. I pretend I’m my little brother and I just gently explain things and encourage myself along. It also helps remind me to never over push myself (then down myself for it). I think it’ll take me places lol
@@MvsicAdd7ct I was procrastinating and I told myself: "Hey, that guy don't finish his homework. How about you do it for him?" And I DID MY HOMEWORK WILLINGLY!
I would rather do it for somebody else rather than me 😒😒😒😒😒
I'm confident... when I'm alone
OMG I relate to that soooo much, I think about that all the time
Omg so me
I am always in hesitation while talking. Whenever i am asked specifically to say something i am dead and sweating profusely 😑
Whenever I am asked to confirm something I always say "I think so" instead of "yes".
Same
"'cause you're not gonna to be perfect, and it's okay, it doesn't matter" probably the words I've been waiting to hear my whole life, being an introvert in the midst of several extroverts who don't understand why you're not so confident, it's strange, they tend to think that something it's wrong with you, all the time
My god, everytime with videos like this it's like you can see how I think... It's insane how accurate these points are!
I say "sorry" a lot and my elder sister scolds me whenever I say "so.."! She is an ENFJ and I'm an INFP and it shows!
Infps are notorious for apologizing all the time...I’m one too by the way, so I know what you mean 😆
I'm the ENFJ sister and I'm sick of apologizing.
(Not your sister, but here to rep my fellow NFJs...)
I think that introverts are capable of being at the highest level of confidence
Frank: Offers UA-cam the chance to show an ad
UA-cam: Does not show an ad
Me: ...
For me, it did show two ads
@@rosa3299 Guess I got lucky
Your ad went to that person's video lmao
Mine had two ads, the first being an hour long!
omg same
Such a good advice, this video would've helped my 14 y/o self back in middle school when I was kinda struggling with this. Right now I think I'm confident enough to be myself around others and even socialize with people (sometimes).
This makes sense. I've been working on this for the past few month with mindfulness. Not holding onto emotions and thoughts so strongly. Moving on is with kindness and honesty is important
How did I live before I knew this channel?
See frank always makes me feel better, im a INFP who's very shy, introverted and all the works. I really want to become a nurse once I graduate from highschool because I love just simply caring for people but im always scared of the social interactions that are involved or im going to make some tiny mistake and these make feel better that I'm not the only who always doubts there own abilities especially around other people 😀❤
Rooting for you! 👍🏼 You can do it!🙌🏼😁
I'm a nurse. Just do it! I had doubts too, but it was the best decision. Just beware of competive schoolmates. I just ignored them. You'll love it! 💖
@@MvsicAdd7ct 🤗 It's okay. It's all very relatable. 🤷🏽♀️Happens all the time.
feelings👏aren’t👏facts👏
But they make a formidable backup to facts and also help mitigate Machiavellian tendencies.
@@cosasderu yes they are. definitely. and you need to listen to them closely and learn from them. but don't allow them to define you. you've gotta separate your being from your feelings because your emotions are not the source of who you are :)
Saying "feelings aren't facts" doesn't mean to ignore your feelings!! they're real.
and you do need to
1) let yourself feel them.
2) listen to them closely and learn from them.
but don't allow them to define you. you've gotta separate your being from your feelings, because your emotions are not the source of who you are :)
Thank you for this!
I used to over apologize constantly and people always told me that it wasn't necessary. That lesson took a long time to learn...
This came RIGHT on time!!!! As an INTJ female, having traits that are associated with the male archetype but in a female body can really be a problem. Especially when trying to date.
It’s like we have such impossible standards for ourselves and what we want in a person that when it doesn’t happen it’s a real HIT because we took such a chance and it didn’t go as we thought 💭 it would.
Sometimes I envy types that don’t have this issue because there is a certain freedom they have that requires so much effort for introverts (and INTJs especially) to ever get close to achieving.
It's really difficult when we try not to think about failure and end up thinking even more about it.
Love this!! 🙌 So True!
7:05 “Taking Action, even if it’s imperfect, will Build Up your Confidence.” - Frank James
"Stay tuned, maybe you like the next part"😂 he's so funny man
I don't think I've ever related to any UA-cam channel as much as this one. Thank you for making me feel understood
Amen to that!!!
I see introvert in title, I click. Love you Frank.
4:46 I'm glad I didn't skip the sponsor part
I love how you nearly knocked over the computer, but just left it in and kept going
As a naturally inclined introvert, it took a lot of self improvement to get past many of my faults. I still have a ton, but no where near as many as I used to, and I can confidently say that the things stated in this video are very true.
I love how he always makes us aware of the commercials
I gave gifts today that made me genuinely happy but then afterwords made me really anxious and doubt myself. Was worried that I might have said the wrong things. I really needed this today so thank you~
Thanks FJ. As an introvert, I really needed this lately.
During the last 5 years, I've built a level of confidence my high-school self would not believe. One day I started at looking at social interactions like a play: you know what to do/say, people are looking at you, ... What's the difference?
Years later I looked back and realized that somewhere along the line it stopped being a play ;).
Thank you so much. This INFP needed to hear it!
I agree! When I’m feeling nervous or less confident , I just focus on how someone else is, what can I do to help? It truly helps to get out of your head and be more sociable. This was extremely helpful in Sales. I wasn’t the most talkative salesperson, but I was more in touch with what the customer wanted and performed highest in Sales.
Even in online classes its clear that we live in a world by and for extroverts, everything is either powerpoint presentations or team projects with people I've never met because of quarantine
confidence in my opinion - something I rarely feel or never
thank u for this video :)
Yes I do like how you fit in the confidence theme.
Your channel really is my safe place. Pls I need introvert friends that understand me TT
THANKYOU SO MUCH ! I SO BADLY NEEDED THIS RIGHT NOW !!
I'm surrounded by a huge bunch of people since half a day now and I'm going craaaazyyyy !!! I have to face a lot of people right now and I'm terribly NOT CONFIDENT
I needed ur help a lot right now 🤧🤧
THANKS FRANK !
INFP here
i am super confident online. In real world i am confident in just my imagination.
Same here
And even if i say something confidently irl i come home and research for hours to make sure that i didn't give someone false information
Hahaha same 🙃🙃🙃
I know this feeling
@@MvsicAdd7ct haha. yeah
How do you do that? Like I can comment on a video but even online I feel uncomfortable talking too people if it isn’t for the purpose of debating with them.
When your judging yourself in anticipation of what another might judge of you... remember you can judge to. Not to say that you should say anything, but noticing imperfections in others can help you calm your self consciousness.
Like yesterday I had been thinking of how I want this girl, but was feeling like my skin isn’t clear enough.. well she sent me a picture of her and her cat and I saw a little pimple on her forehead and some acne marks. Right away I felt a little relief to know she wasn’t actually this flawless angel like I had been imagining.
This is actually a very helpful video for introverts, since I am one and is mostly already done doing all these.
James , you are awesome man!
It's crazy the way you sum up my situation, which neither I know what is going on... Thank you for everything!
Just wanted to say thank you for these advices
I think they gonna help me in the futur
I was literally thinking abt what a sad being I am bc I lost my confidence and the next day u just happen to make a video I'm gonna follow step by step. Also ISTJ here
Thank you! I love you're videos. I appreciate the way you convey the tips and information. It's helpful
Golden advices in this video♥️
Frank, you are just so f....ng exakt in everything you describe about introverts, I feel like you talk about me all the time.
Most of the things you said in this video, i figured out myself somehow during my lifetime (43 now), finally i can embrace that kind of quiet confidence al little. I just wish i had something like this channel 20 years ago 😅. It is helping anyway and fun, so thank you for that👍👍. And as a bonus you‘re eyecandy too 😉
I'm an introvert and I have used SquareSpace successfully since 2007. I highly recommend them. 👍👍
I love the bit about feelings aren't facts! I often tell myself to not believe everything I think.
As an introvert, I somehow developed the skill of getting other people to talk about themselves. This makes others think that I am more extroverted than I am, but I don't have to talk about myself! Yay! Unfortunately, it can attract narcissists, so be vigilant. And I can direct the conversation a little bit more versus talking about shallow BS. Curiosity is a great way to build up your courage.
Thanks FJ! ❤️
You make phycology stuff seem so easy to understand.. on the contrary not all phycology books are easily understood
Frank, you hit the nail on the head about perfectionism. My dad struggled so much with this that he became agoraphobic. It took him months to do simple things, never went shopping, eventually needed massive amounts of medication just to function. All through his life he had to tell everyone exactly how to do something. For example, every time I took out his garbage, he had to tell me each step he wanted me to take. He really suffered. Thanks for putting this in your video. Perfectionism is a horrible trap! When I tried to talk to him about it he would respond with, "I like things neat and tidy."
The apologizing part is golden.
INFJ here. I am more often than not found myself shut down right whenever I get to speak in front of many people be it an in-person meeting or a Zoom one. So, I am grateful to come across this encouraging and educating stuff from some fellow INFJ. Thank you, Frank!
"Just do what you want to do without letting doubt hold you back." 💜
I wanted to start a Web page. .. thanks for recommending squarespace
Excellent advice! Thank you. I think my issue with interviews in particular is that Im confident I will be able to perform the job but lack confidence in my ability to express why I think Im capable. Dreadful.
Done is better than perfect.
Love your channel and your content, just sending some love your way! 💕
I feel that many people continue to shut down because they feel that this can be a social tool that benefits them. Good vídeo!
'Feelings aren't facts' is the best thing I heard today
yep! same here. hearing that was the biggest piece of advice i've ever received. but wording it as "feelings aren't facts" kinda sounded like "ignore your feelings", and i didn't really like the idea of that because that's not what it means. feelings are real and you do need to let yourself feel them and listen to them closely so you can learn from them.
but the key is not to allow them to define you. you've gotta separate your being from your feelings, because your emotions are not the source of who you are :)
Something that rlly helped me: Not everyone has to like you.
I used to worry about what others think about me all the time. It was very frustrating, trying to please other people all the time. Now I don't care and I'm free.
This may have possibly been the most useful video you have made thus far. Thank you. 🙏🏼
Oh dang. What FJ says about perfectionism is spot on. I realized not that long ago that the biggest thing holding me back in life is my fear of being a failure, coupled with my total lack of self-praise when I do “kind of” succeed (because it is never enough)
I needed to hear something like this during this week. Thanks, James! 👋
A message specifically tailored. Hey! Yes. . .thank you Frank J.!
This is one of the best videos.
This video made me feel so much better ! The way you put your powerful words in a simple way is just amazing ! I loved every part of it and i'm sure all your tips will help me tremendously ! thank you so much Frank
Thanks Frank James 😊
I needed this information right now.
I'm getting my diploma in 2 to 3 months time and then I'm going to look for job offers. I needed some confidence boost. Now I know I will get trough these next few months 😊
Thanks for this 💖
I have a lot of confidence in things I do, but it doesn't happen in social situations. 3 is a crowd for me. But when I have 3 extroverts for dinner, I let them carry the ball. I found that by the time I was ready to add to the conversation, they had gone on to something else already. I don't worry about entertaining them. They entertain me and I just sit back and enjoy.
That´s like the meme with Hommer Simpson playing cards
Thank you, Frank!
thank you so much for this video!!! in this quarentene my confidence gets worse than ever and i totally hate it hahahahahha
This video is everything ❤️🌍
I think as an introvert, I have more self-confidence. I know myself the best, and I'm my own best friend.
Thank you so much. i really needed this💛
Awesome as usual. The Zoom-phone ad was good too! Can’t say that I watch every ad for ya, but I do support.
the moment that we acknowledge all our fears and weaknesses, is the moment that we know it's ok to not be perfect
ISTJ's favorite line from this video "feelings aren't facts" I say this quote a million times..in so many situations...
yes! but... saying "feelings aren't facts" doesn't mean to ignore your feelings. they're real and you do need to:
1) let yourself feel them.
2) listen to them closely and learn from them.
but don't allow them to define you. you've gotta separate your being from your feelings, because your emotions are not the source of who you are :)
Honestly Frank this video right now is such a godsend. Thanks!
Thank you so much for your advice. It's just incredible 💕💕
oh my gosh this popped up on my phone an hour before a job interview ! thank you FJ !
Best video with advice for introverts
Wow, I've seen this video one year ago and even commented on it. But didn't remember anything:(
You're nimble, Frank. I'd definitely have my pc fall down
Thanks Frank for those pointers 😎 I can relate!
Hi! Needed this today. Thanks!
FJ: Don't be quick to apologize for your actions
Me: * denies in INFP *
Haha this is so me (also INFP)
@@jaredespinosa1567 I know, right :D